I watched my step mom roam in and out of delusion when describing her abusive marriage to my Father for years. The same story of any experience was spun in one of two different ways, depending on if she felt she needed to reaffirm the facade to make people jealous which then validated her choice to stay with him. When she finally acknowledged the truth, she was able to *take action* and change her life dramatically for the positive. No matter how much you "bright side" your life, perspective may change the way you feel about things, but it won't "manifest" a new life, and it won't change the facts.
This works for non abusive relationships. This is dangerous for people in domestic abuse situations. Don't kid yourself, if it's not safe, get out. You can't 'story' your way through abuse, it's very harmful
I love this. Been married for 2 years and we haven't been getting along so long lately. Its those 2 year blues. I will take your advice and retell my story.
We are actually in process of divorcing. We were married for 4 y years and he had been cheating and lying the entire time. I finally listened to my intuition. Now I do agree that sometimes the story we tell ourselves will get you through those very very mundane or irritable moments. I do not feel that you can't give yourself a pep talk when there is abuse. Always put you and your safety first.
Great talk. Just wanted to clarify that according to John Gottman having five positive interactions for every negative interaction applies when we are in conflict. When we are not in conflict we want to have an even greater ratio of positive interactions for each negative interaction.
Honey you got married to a football star. That’s easy. Try being trapped in a forced arranged marriage and then tell me the secret to marriage success and happiness
11:43 is why you should never marry someone until you've come back down from the infamous 'honeymoon phase'... Save yourself a lot of potencial trouble... But for the rest I completely agree, and very engaging talker. :)
@13.50 even if we feel better about our marriage because we keep saying good things about it. Isn't what we feel and what we actually going through are two different things?
Or maybe we're just lying to ourselves if we present our story in a different way for the sake of "making it work." If a marriage isn't happy, there's more work that needs to be done than just telling the story from a different perspective. I'm all about positive thinking, but there's a fine line between that and faking it.
I love your comment. The whole time I was thinking that too, and concerned that people who are in abusive or unhappy relationships might feel supported in doing what they already do and question their judgement. This is great advice for people who can feel certain about their station in life. I wish she'd warned listeners about trying to not give into the limerence as much.
@@AmbiPanby Warning definitely should have been mentioned that this advice is not a blanket rule for most relationships. The ones that are already pretty good it would work for that's about it.
This Ted Talk saved my marriage
Really?
I watched my step mom roam in and out of delusion when describing her abusive marriage to my Father for years. The same story of any experience was spun in one of two different ways, depending on if she felt she needed to reaffirm the facade to make people jealous which then validated her choice to stay with him. When she finally acknowledged the truth, she was able to *take action* and change her life dramatically for the positive. No matter how much you "bright side" your life, perspective may change the way you feel about things, but it won't "manifest" a new life, and it won't change the facts.
This is general ..if more complex, you have to choose accordingly
Exactly but unfortunately reframing feels essential when you feel like it's more dangerous to leave than to stay.
Great! We are married over 45 years and now we have hope for more to come!!
I love your story. God bless you both
Beautiful
This works for non abusive relationships. This is dangerous for people in domestic abuse situations. Don't kid yourself, if it's not safe, get out. You can't 'story' your way through abuse, it's very harmful
I love this. Been married for 2 years and we haven't been getting along so long lately. Its those 2 year blues. I will take your advice and retell my story.
How’d it go?
@@Hunter-ox6kh we are worse now than ever.
Patricia nelson Go to individual and couples counseling
You can't fairytale talk your way through abuse. Mine started off great but then abuse started. Can't pretend your way through it, would end up dead.
We are actually in process of divorcing. We were married for 4 y years and he had been cheating and lying the entire time. I finally listened to my intuition.
Now I do agree that sometimes the story we tell ourselves will get you through those very very mundane or irritable moments. I do not feel that you can't give yourself a pep talk when there is abuse. Always put you and your safety first.
Wonderful talk Terrill! Thank you for your hopeful, inspiring positive framing of your story and inspiring us to do the same.
So much truth in this presentation. Just try it!! Thank you Rachel!
I like everything about her. Her Superman stance is cool. This presentation made my day better. I think I can have a proper romantic relationship now.
Great talk. Just wanted to clarify that according to John Gottman having five positive interactions for every negative interaction applies when we are in conflict. When we are not in conflict we want to have an even greater ratio of positive interactions for each negative interaction.
That's not my understanding. I thought it was just to balance out the ecosystem of the relationship. Is there something I'm missing?
Thank you for helping. I have a way to move forward now.
couples should save up their happy moments than focusing on the bad stuff in order to have a happy marriage.
This is great, I really enjoyed ur presentation.
My ex wife said she kept a journal of every negative interaction we had over the last 1-2 years of our marriage. What hope did that leave us?
Beautiful. Thank you 💙
Honey you got married to a football star. That’s easy. Try being trapped in a forced arranged marriage and then tell me the secret to marriage success and happiness
I hope you find your freedom. ❤
Great advices! Thank you 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
that is great. Thanks for sharing this video.
How to Save My Marriage n
11:43 is why you should never marry someone until you've come back down from the infamous 'honeymoon phase'... Save yourself a lot of potencial trouble... But for the rest I completely agree, and very engaging talker. :)
@13.50 even if we feel better about our marriage because we keep saying good things about it. Isn't what we feel and what we actually going through are two different things?
Or maybe we're just lying to ourselves if we present our story in a different way for the sake of "making it work." If a marriage isn't happy, there's more work that needs to be done than just telling the story from a different perspective. I'm all about positive thinking, but there's a fine line between that and faking it.
I love your comment. The whole time I was thinking that too, and concerned that people who are in abusive or unhappy relationships might feel supported in doing what they already do and question their judgement. This is great advice for people who can feel certain about their station in life. I wish she'd warned listeners about trying to not give into the limerence as much.
@@AmbiPanby Warning definitely should have been mentioned that this advice is not a blanket rule for most relationships. The ones that are already pretty good it would work for that's about it.
amazing!
Thanku
why is she standing in a funny way?
Yes it was distracting. Esp the superman widespread stance that then becomes pigeon toed. But great speech, very positive and helpful.
Cute shoes so they probably hurt and she’s probably been dressed since very early practicing and her feet may hurt
Why is she reading and talking
I like her talk. The content was good and her voice had a good tone. But please, stop looking at your tablet. Other than that, good job.
5-1 Seems like too much work
B
You should know your material.