Midweek with Dr. C- Narcissists Can’t Stop Their Victimizing Behaviors

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  • Опубліковано 2 чер 2024
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 252

  • @michelepascoe6068
    @michelepascoe6068 Місяць тому +16

    I was beginning to suspect that my expectations of intimacy were unrealistically high, but Dr C just made it very clear that healthy sexuality is about trustworthiness, true vulnerability and ongoing commitment, and an emotional and spiritual connection. It's not too high an ideal - it's the real thing!

  • @LinYouToo
    @LinYouToo Місяць тому +58

    Thank you to the person who asked the question about pulling away from a narcissist without explanation. They really cannot handle that even after you’ve tried to talk with them. And then they blame shift. I had a situation where a friend turned on me and basically said “ after all I did for you!” This friend really believed that they were responsible for my career success when I had been working for 25 years before I met them.

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 Місяць тому +7

      Abandonment anxiety seems to be @ the root of their fear since they were never antlers able to completely separate from their original source, usually mother

    • @theyellowshoe
      @theyellowshoe Місяць тому +9

      I would have laughed so hard at that statement! Then I would've said REALLY!, you are trying to take credit for what I achieved before we met!!! Then I would walk away laughing.

    • @lynnschaeferle-zh4go
      @lynnschaeferle-zh4go Місяць тому +1

      @@caroleminke6116not always. My narc came from abuse so he picked me for payback. I found out later that the only thing he likes about women is pornography, and having children. Once they were grown he formed a cult with the grandkids and without me.

    • @Snezanah
      @Snezanah Місяць тому +3

      ​@@theyellowshoeor to respond with a simple: 'That's your opinion'. In a tone as you leave it with that person and that his/her opinion doesn't bother you at all/don't care at all.

    • @peggyerickson2549
      @peggyerickson2549 Місяць тому +2

      Well done as always Dr. C!!!! Thx

  • @anacardinale5769
    @anacardinale5769 Місяць тому +54

    Narcissists are hypocrites, when one of their victims is dying or there's a funeral they need to show up to prove how victimized they've been by the deceased. They are always abusing others and then they need to prove how right they are through fake behavior. There is no authenticity to these people, no empathy, no desire to change, no remorse for their actions. Being true to yourself and getting away from them is the only way to find healing and self acceptance. Life is short, close the door to dysfunction.
    Happy Birthday Gus🎉🐕🥳

    • @bethgotts8031
      @bethgotts8031 Місяць тому +6

      Happy Birthday Gus!! 🎉🐶🎈
      My covert mom whom I’m living with to help care for, gives me the silent treatment daily, among other tactics I deal with daily.
      When my flying monkey sister shows up…
      She jumps out of here Lazy Boy chair and puts her mask on. My sister caters to her like nobody’s business. Of course til his gives her her supply. Mt sister says she’s so sweet???
      Hard for me not to rile my eyes.

    • @anacardinale5769
      @anacardinale5769 Місяць тому +4

      @@bethgotts8031 I have the exact same problem except my sister is the new family narcissist that gets to tell the "official family history": they are saints and I am bad... I woke up and no longer believe the lies. Truth sets us free!

    • @michelepascoe6068
      @michelepascoe6068 Місяць тому +1

      They are just as happy to slander the dead as they are the living.

    • @bereal6590
      @bereal6590 Місяць тому +2

      Ah yes the funerals. My father's sister died last year (he has never been close to her and disliked her, not seen her for decades). Both my mother and father went to the funeral and he now thinks he did his duty. My mother despised his sister (who frankly wasn't a nice peraon)but took it to the extreme, refusing to go into the church and when she got back she slated the grandchildren for what they were wearing! I said nothing but was thinking how ****** petty can you get, the woman is dead! Because of the rift I never saw my aunt and uncle nor my cousins.

  • @Tahoejt
    @Tahoejt Місяць тому +9

    Thank you Dr C for your knowledge and advice. While I was listening, my narcissist was banging on my door (having not called to say he was coming). I didn’t answer and later when he demanded to know where I was. I said, like a grey rock, “I was out”. When he asked “doing what?” I totally stole your line and said “things”.

  • @rorrim5627
    @rorrim5627 Місяць тому +36

    🎉Happy Birthday Gus!!!🎉

    • @wendychavez5348
      @wendychavez5348 9 днів тому

      Indeed! I know it's a month later, but Gus always gets best wishes!

  • @BaraSchmidt
    @BaraSchmidt Місяць тому +33

    This was one of the best LIVES EVER!!! Chock full 'o narc nuggets and huge helpings of knowledge and healing wisdom!! Thanks Dr C!!
    Wow!! One thing that can be said about a Narc, there's no limit to the depths of their narc-doms!!

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Місяць тому +9

      Thanks, Bara!!

    • @Jxb56581
      @Jxb56581 Місяць тому +5

      Haha "narc nuggets." 🤣 That's great. Dr. C truly is the best ❤

    • @Jxb56581
      @Jxb56581 Місяць тому +4

      Haha "narc nuggets" 🤣 That's great. Dr. C truly is amazing. Happy Birthday Gus- Hope you are feeling better buddy! 🐾💗

    • @BaraSchmidt
      @BaraSchmidt Місяць тому

      @@Jxb56581 They are the only things that need "hoovering!" 😉

  • @kellyjones5133
    @kellyjones5133 Місяць тому +21

    This was a deep level discussion today. Touched on feelings of betrayal for me. Now I have to just accept it and work through the healing. Family trauma, interpersonal betrayal and institutional betrayal. Going through the stages of grief without blaming myself now. Trying to accept my feelings and know my triggers. It is going to take time. Trust will take time. Building trust again with others will be a gradual sharing as I feel safe. I don't want to get into new trauma bonding with others as a new habit. I can see how that would happen too. I feel safer for now working alone with my healing. I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to heal. Daily self care is most important right now. Sleeping is my highest priority. I got 2 extra hours of sleep and feel a bit better. Two more hours and I think I can think clearly. I have set goals to complete task with help for next few weeks. Thanks Doctor Carter.

    • @kellyjones5133
      @kellyjones5133 Місяць тому +1

      Your word, "Poser" is a ideal word. It really describes the scene.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Місяць тому +2

      Glad it resonated, Kelly!

    • @lyne4570
      @lyne4570 Місяць тому +1

      It is such an unbelievably lonely road. You keep it all inside, and when you finally tell someone, they appear to believe you, but then make little statements here and there showing that they don't believe that the covert narc could be that cruel.

  • @trumpeterswan4177
    @trumpeterswan4177 Місяць тому +5

    I used to watch TV crime shows that features murder stories and often it included a criminal who lived a double life. One day I realized I was married to someone like this, left and never looked back.

  • @lindalarson5468
    @lindalarson5468 Місяць тому +9

    Narcissists see compromise and negotiation as losing. It's all about winning, being on top and making sure you know you are beneath them. You are the loser and they are the winner.

  • @lenisealvin7146
    @lenisealvin7146 Місяць тому +21

    Happy Birthday Gus...woof woof🎁 🐶🐕

  • @jennywager6228
    @jennywager6228 Місяць тому +9

    The narcissist thrives in the darkness until the victim becomes aware what narcissism actually is.
    Pay attention people they thrive by engaging in every sin known to man.
    Their act is impeccable while gaining your trust theyre soooo good at the con.

  • @BaraSchmidt
    @BaraSchmidt Місяць тому +23

    Happy Birthday Gus! 🎉🎈 🎂 🦴 🥓

  • @elainesmith5313
    @elainesmith5313 Місяць тому +10

    Poser is a good description for my X Mother in law. When her son, my husband was dieing in the hospital, not once did she call to see about him. But lapped up the attention when I buried him. A True Test for exposing narcissism, totally selfish actions. He was bad but she was the extreme!!! Very Sad!

  • @AdamKraft-hq8pn
    @AdamKraft-hq8pn Місяць тому +9

    Narcissists dont give or take closure. Pointless to try.

  • @BH-pv9ql
    @BH-pv9ql Місяць тому +19

    Wow😃HappyBirthday Gus🥳🥳🥳🥳

  • @ankaskakanka7132
    @ankaskakanka7132 Місяць тому +1

    I was so traumatized by people who don't realize the weight of PTSD. Yesterday I was bullied and ostrasized at a buchter shop by a couple of ladies who didn't like me obviuosly for no reason. Time and time again they showed how ugly and untolerable I am just because I am a disabled, helpless human being. They shouted, they bullied, they threw offensive words in my direction, accompanied by a male who dissed me again and again. I was in such a traumatic state I could barely breathe and think. I barely made it home. Just because I wanted to help my depressed neighbour with her shopping. I will never ever visit this shop again.

  • @user-pi2kn7ww3t
    @user-pi2kn7ww3t Місяць тому +2

    Dr Carter, after I started listening to you, life has more conscientious moments and decisions as before.😊
    I been married for over 40 years, I knew something was not right all along, but could to give it a name. After learning new behaviors, I feel better and in control, plus my expectations are less.
    Here is a BD card from my husband
    Here’s to the woman who’s not afraid of anything…
    Not the world and its unknowns.
    Not the hard work it takes to make dreams come true.
    Here’s to the woman who makes her own way, living every moment to its fullest.
    And then he wrote nice things.
    Thanks to you I am learning to be happy with myself. 😊

  • @SallyKlee
    @SallyKlee Місяць тому +15

    Happy Birthday Dr. Gus!! Wishing you the very best and many healthy years more 🐾💕
    Dear Dr. C, congratulations to you, too for having Gus in your life. My dog passed away two weeks ago (at almost 16 years old) and I am still grieving but I am so thankful for having shared so many years together with her. The love of a dog is one of the most beautiful gifts in life 💜

    • @PennyIronwood
      @PennyIronwood Місяць тому +2

      @SallyKlee. I'm so sorry for your loss😢 Our fur babies mean so much! Prayers for your comfort and peace. 🙏

    • @SallyKlee
      @SallyKlee Місяць тому +1

      @@PennyIronwood thank you 🙏

    • @amandagish5976
      @amandagish5976 Місяць тому +1

      My Hobbes died a year and a half ago. I still miss him and mourn him, he was the best dog on planet Earth. I had him fourteen years.

    • @amandagish5976
      @amandagish5976 Місяць тому +1

      I'm sorry for your loss. 😞

    • @SallyKlee
      @SallyKlee Місяць тому +1

      @@amandagish5976 thank you! They still live in our hearts 💕🐾 sending you a virtual hug

  • @heythere7
    @heythere7 Місяць тому +1

    Birthday blessings to Gus-sy, and blessings to all your family -- and to all of us who tune in.
    God bless us all on our journeys to healing and health, to wholeness in body, mind, and spirit.
    Faith, hope and love, joy and peace to all. 🙏🏼

  • @openbuddhistforuminternational
    @openbuddhistforuminternational Місяць тому +2

    dr. Carter, you are definitely No1 in giving worldwide audiences best practical advice .
    Your wisdom is very much appreciated. 🥰

  • @warriormom5843
    @warriormom5843 Місяць тому +11

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GUSMEISTER!!!!! 💙💙💙💙💙🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😍😍😍😍😍

  • @WarriorQueenb
    @WarriorQueenb Місяць тому +18

    Happy Birthday Gus!🎉

  • @patricksicard2023
    @patricksicard2023 Місяць тому +12

    Watching from Edmonton Canada 🇨🇦
    Best in health and happiness to the birthday boy GUS. HAPPY 10th 🎈🎉🦴🐾

  • @7jtda
    @7jtda Місяць тому +11

    Happy Birthday Gus!🐾🦴🌭🎂 This reminded me to hold on to my self respect and that boundaries are not something I need to change to please someone else.
    If anyone here would notind praying for my heartache, well it would be veryuch appreciated. Thanks for your kindness and gentility with these videos!❤

  • @joyhoman6889
    @joyhoman6889 Місяць тому +19

    I really like your use of the word "POSER". This word hasn't been part of my vocabulary, but I'm going to start using it because it describes my covert narcissist PERFECTLY! Thank you for all that you do Dr. C!

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 Місяць тому +7

      Part of their act is just an age old confidence maneuver & forgiving ourselves for taking the bait can be so difficult

    • @juliie007
      @juliie007 Місяць тому

      Narcissists also can’t help but act as victims themselves when they get caught just look at Trump.

    • @joyhoman6889
      @joyhoman6889 Місяць тому +1

      @@caroleminke6116 Yes I had to work really hard on forgiving myself (for taking the bait AND for what I didn't know at the time).

  • @griff791
    @griff791 Місяць тому +11

    Happy Birthday Gus! 🎉🐶🎂🐕🦮❤️. Go chase some squirrels! 🐿️🐿️🐿️🐿️

  • @majestic.feminine
    @majestic.feminine Місяць тому +2

    Narcissists are so simple minded that its amazing. It really is arrested, arrested & arrested development. These people are miserable all their lives and they just don't know why. Amazingly they are so caught up with appearances that they rarely will do something criminal. They would look bad. Gosh.. and I took them so seriously.. that it was affecting my health. What a mistake that was. 🙄

  • @MartyHope
    @MartyHope Місяць тому +13

    Here we Are again watching all the way in Devon England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

    • @psalm1197
      @psalm1197 Місяць тому +2

      Watching from Aberfeldy!

    • @snowbear1877
      @snowbear1877 Місяць тому

      Watching from Australia.

  • @Angela-ul9si
    @Angela-ul9si Місяць тому +8

    Happy 10th birthday Mr. Gus🎊🎂🎁🎈🎉

  • @davinxi5926
    @davinxi5926 Місяць тому +19

    There’s a pervasive nature with boundaries overstepping with narcisstic people. Usually people of higher age, status or power….

    • @PantaRhei-wz5zn
      @PantaRhei-wz5zn Місяць тому +2

      So true ! I have a neighbour that tries to decide what i have to do with my property - shes 10-20 years older than me, and somehow she manages to feel that this gives her the right to commandeer me around....
      The way i see it: She is a full owner of her property, i am an equally full owner of my own property. Her age does not come into it.
      PS: i never did commandeer her what she has to do with her property, maybe i should try it sometimes, just to see what her reaction to that would be 😄

  • @user-rj2id7zu8l
    @user-rj2id7zu8l Місяць тому +9

    Happy birthday Gus ❤️

  • @timothynorling5056
    @timothynorling5056 Місяць тому +8

    Happy Birthday Gus!

  • @amandagish5976
    @amandagish5976 Місяць тому +1

    Dr. C, when I began to recover from narcissists (with my counselor), I felt like I was coming out of a fog. Suddenly I could make decisions for myself, understood the lyrics to songs, I could remember things clearly, etc., do all people have this clearing of the mind as if a fog is parting? That clarity is one of the biggest joys of my life.

  • @patricksicard2023
    @patricksicard2023 Місяць тому +13

    Hi DrC. My husband and ex first presented as a covert narc. That presentation quickly changed to the malignant personality style. Extremely cruel and sadistic (Machiavellian, ASPD). Eight years together and it wasn't easy. His true goal was to get me to marry him so that he could remain in Canada. His work permit was expiring and he was going to be deported back to his country.
    I was quite vulnerable at the time having lost both my mother and my sister within 3 days of each other. I was in my 50s. There was an age gap. He rushed me into marriage. First red flag. Unfortunately, I knew very little about the spectrum of narcissism at that time. The first sign of discard was emotional, and then physical. He had been lying and cheating. I had the suspicion. A feeling in my gut. I stopped playing by his playbook and kicked him out of the apartment. He grabbed more than his fair share of matrimonial property and ran. A constable was on scene. I was later informed that this constable was guilty of misconduct. Only a family court judge could have ruled on the division of property. He had run around the apartment like a cyclone packing things. He actually had a crazed look on his face. If this isn't the epitomy of a ruthless, cunning and evil nature, then I don't know what is.
    I've had no contact. No doubt he's repeating the cycle of idealization, devaluation and discard. He always has and always will repeat this cycle. His constant running must be exhausting. Running from his reality when the mask slips because he's been exposed. Onto the next victim. No guilt, no remorse. Entitlement. Grandiosity. Disgusting.

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 Місяць тому +4

      Rejection is always the outcome with NPD but some will keep you in the loop as they seek supply elsewhere & the only way to win is to do the rejecting first then go no contact because revenge is next on the menu

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Місяць тому +4

      They are the consummate exploiters. I know it was all quite painful, but take stock of the lessons learned and know you can recover.

    • @cherylnathanodette
      @cherylnathanodette Місяць тому

      I'm so sorry what a disgusting excuse for a human being never mind a man, he will I'm certain get his come uppance. Keep strong and sorry for your losses.

    • @cherylnathanodette
      @cherylnathanodette Місяць тому

      Happy decade on this earth Gus. 🎉

    • @angelablaney4575
      @angelablaney4575 Місяць тому

      Yes narc thought he'd get engaged to me so I would care 100 per cent care for his very disabled daughter ( he was still married!!) and I discovered his wife had left him and was in terrible pain! Clair's mum died very young from a heart attack! I took had a heart attack and then shingles! I left him after seeing 100 per cent demonic entity! It wasn't till 3 months after leaving that I realised what a fog id been in!! Like I'd been on hard drugs, because I read a couple of cards he'd given me and realised just how nonsensical they were! For anyone with narc, make arrangements to get away because things never improve!!🙏🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  • @theyellowshoe
    @theyellowshoe Місяць тому +10

    The narcissist "forbids" me!!! Oh now I'm laughing, nope! I talk to who I want, when I want! You (narcissist) do NOT "forbid" me anything! BYE!
    The "poser", she wants the inheritance! Beware!

    • @michelepascoe6068
      @michelepascoe6068 Місяць тому +1

      I didn't know I could leave my mother's presence without her unspoken permission, into my fifties. It was a revelation to me when a counsellor told me, "You can leave when the drama starts. You can say, 'I have to go now. Goodbye.' " I thought it was loyalty thst kept me, but it was fear, poor boundaries and trauma bonding.

    • @amandagish5976
      @amandagish5976 Місяць тому

      Many of us understand what you've experienced. I'm so glad you can leave the room now!

  • @janaleelee6535
    @janaleelee6535 Місяць тому +3

    Thank you for a fantastic session. I am going through a smear campaign since I gray rock and don't associate with a covert narcissist. I am staying calm and collected through it all. I am enjoying friends and family, life in general. However, sometimes I wonder if I am handling things in the best way as the narcissist cries and plays the victim while I stay calm. This episode indicated I am handling these events in the best possible manner so I can live independently and be happy. I figure not everyone around the narcissist will figure out the truth, but as long as I know the truth - I will stand in it. Thank you, Team Healthy Coach! That's what you are, Dr. C. And we have gratitude in our hearts for all you do to help us.

  • @aaronkwolfe
    @aaronkwolfe Місяць тому +10

    Per chat - I found “Narcissist Survivor” t-shirts on Etsy. Jus’ sayin’.

    • @aaronkwolfe
      @aaronkwolfe Місяць тому +5

      Decided not to. I’m really not there anymore, and don’t wanna advertise a past woundedness.

    • @samanthamariah7625
      @samanthamariah7625 Місяць тому +1

      Yes that would give them attention and validation for how much they’ve affected us. No shirts! Just move on.
      Not to mention, many narcissist are finding these channels and are convinced that the people they abuse are actually the abusers and are narcissists.

    • @Rachel-mz8ko
      @Rachel-mz8ko Місяць тому +1

      @@aaronkwolfe I agree. No reason to advertise or continually remind yourself of the trauma. (Sending you good wishes.)

    • @aaronkwolfe
      @aaronkwolfe Місяць тому +1

      @@Rachel-mz8ko I also would feel self-conscious wearing it. I prefer to wear wry or funny t-shirts, as it suits my personality better. Sending good wishes, in return.

  • @BL-sd2qw
    @BL-sd2qw 8 днів тому +1

    My family gave me psych drugs for years for complaining about their abuse, telling me and everyone else that I was crazy.
    Psych drugs ruined my life and gave me diagnosed cortico-subcortical brain atrophy. Even the neurologist admitted that the brain atrophy was due to the drugs, but they take any accountability or tried to help me with it.
    The neurologist told me "well, yeah, but we gotta treat these illnesses, you know?" and sent me home saying "eat healthy, exercise and study". My gaslighty family was happy with the doctor.
    My diagnosis was based on the idea that I was lying when I said that I was being abused by my family, but I was being abused by my family for real. My family and the doctors convinced each other that I was just crazy, so they gave me those drugs to make me stop complaining about the abuse.
    When my two brothers accompanied me to the psych appointment and basically testified for me, saying that no, I wasn't crazy and they were both going to therapy due to the horrible abuse from our parents, the psych replied "well, I don't have to write any of this, you know?".
    I was a kid when they started giving me those drugs and they made me lose my consciousness for 8 years. My dog died, my grandparents died, they gave me life-threatening and disabling physical symptoms and refused to treat them for years, gaslighting me about it.
    They denied, downplayed and victim-blamed everything. They still act like they are the victims because I dared complain about the abuse, making them look bad.

  • @wendychavez5348
    @wendychavez5348 9 днів тому +1

    The dying man's narcissistic wife/ex-wife may have her eye on some sort of inheritance. So scary.

  • @gusia1234
    @gusia1234 Місяць тому +9

    Happy Birthday to Gus!🐶🐾🦴❤

  • @lynnschaeferle-zh4go
    @lynnschaeferle-zh4go Місяць тому +5

    He did it to me because his stepmother did it to him. Both my parents were narcissists. I went in the opposite direction but was prey. While the kids were growing I was an unaware tool. Then I was dispensable so he ramped up, proving that he was deliberate. If you have a narc and kids make sure you get rid of narc before they form a cult.

  • @snowbear1877
    @snowbear1877 Місяць тому +6

    Happy birthday 🎉❤Gus!

  • @evelynwells-rk1ed
    @evelynwells-rk1ed Місяць тому +4

    Happy Birthday Gus and Family!! 😊😊😊😊😊!

  • @AlexLouiseWest
    @AlexLouiseWest Місяць тому +5

    Happy birthday to Gus with greetings from Bluebell The Cat from the Isle of Wight, England.

  • @MT-tx7bu
    @MT-tx7bu Місяць тому +2

    Dr C, I refer to some of what you mentioned as, negative attention. That's how I see it. I have someone who is in this constant state of victimization. They do not show up when they know we're on a time limit. They become aggressive and angry when you state your boundaries and move on with your life. They want the negative attenton on them, rather than being responsible, reliable, honest and respectful. Conditioning them to believe you'll always be there to enable that behavior continues the cycle.

  • @wendychavez5348
    @wendychavez5348 9 днів тому +1

    AG introduced me to his younger sister, then told me it's fine if I like her, but I could never give her a ride anywhere, & advised me not to talk to her if he wasn't around. Once while he was incarcerated, his sister came to my house, and asked if I could give her a ride because their mom wasn't around. I saw no harm in that--until we were in another town driving a couple of miles at a time so she could spend a few minutes at a time at a dozen different places. Of course I was used to driving him around like that, and I realized that he didn't want me doing it for her because then he'd be in competition with her.
    When another ex girlfriend of his contacted me last September, she told me some of the lies he had been telling about me. None of it surprised me, because I know how he talks about every single other person he knows when they're not around. I was able to set the record straight with Judy, and when I got her into a group chat with a lady he dated in high school, and we all had stories that were very similar. I did my best to keep the conversation polite, though all three of us had some vitriol against him. Still, it felt good to talk to each other, and support each other, and know that there are otehrs who went through exactly the same thing with exactly the same person. And it wasn't always possible to keep the conversation polite. Still, I love those ladies, and hopefully we'll find all thre of us in the same town at some point and able to have lunch or something. Fun times!

  • @joangick6803
    @joangick6803 Місяць тому +5

    Happy 10th birthday, sweet Gus!😍

  • @RJ-zu7zj
    @RJ-zu7zj Місяць тому +4

    I set them up to expose themselves in meetings. I’ve outsmarted and exposed them on every front and they know it. I’ve stopped the gaslighters in their tracks and now they’re terrified of me. This includes management.

  • @lindalarson5468
    @lindalarson5468 Місяць тому +3

    Dr. C: My grandmother was, I believe, a classic covert narcissist. She was also a hypochondriac all her life and used her feigned sickness to get others to do her bidding and avoid the responsibilities of parenting, supporting the family and contributing to the family farm. It was all very calculating and manipulative. I once heard a relative say, "She was on the verge of death right up until she passed at age 96." Is hypochondria something that is associated with narcissism? In her case, it proved to be a very effective tool to manipulate everyone around her as well as draw attention to herself. Thank you, Dr. Carter.

    • @jeans.4802
      @jeans.4802 Місяць тому +1

      I have wasted more time running to hospitals, Dr offices, etc for a Narc parent that it was ruining my life! Almost every time nothing was actually wrong with her! Trauma bond kept me feeling obligated. I finally freed myself and now most of the family has turned against me. It’s hard but it’s worth. I’m discovering who I am at a mature age.

    • @lindalarson5468
      @lindalarson5468 Місяць тому

      @@jeans.4802 Yes. Perhaps if she has to pay someone to take her to her appointments, her behavior will not be rewarded and she'll have to think of a different way to get the attention she seeks.

    • @bereal6590
      @bereal6590 Місяць тому

      They can also go the other way and 'power through' illness to prove the point of how strong the are. I'm ill, my mother has illness going back decades. She managed hers, mine is different but I cannot power through it and I've been told I should rest. This in her mind is weakness. Yet my father has an ache or a pain and she and ts like he is going to drop dead!

  • @ellentichich246
    @ellentichich246 Місяць тому +2

    My covert narc spouse does not talk to me when we're driving. We can drive for hours without one word. It's so bothersome to me. He recently asked me to go to an event (that I'm not interested in). I asked him if we could converse during at least some of the way. He looked at me like I asked him to cut out his liver or something. I found myself explaining that it's not unusual for spouses to talk about whatever, and he just couldn't grasp the idea. Mind you, we've been married for 20 years and this is how it's been. I asked if he just wanted me to go for the company. He couldn't answer. I am not going. Oh, and thank you for having Terri Cole on your podcast. I really needed to hear what she said about setting boundaries.

    • @jchula
      @jchula Місяць тому

      You're late with setting boundaries. If you let that person in your life 20 years and feeling not good- then your boundaries will maybe break the cycle. The narcissist or whatever that person has will react dramatic- by creating fights or leaving you/ignoring you.

  • @MartyHope
    @MartyHope Місяць тому +11

    Happy birthday gus🎉

  • @espiritu_
    @espiritu_ Місяць тому +6

    I had someone spread hurtful untruths about me and I fell into the trap of wanting to know why. They wanted to have access to my life but I said it wouldn’t happen without an explanation. This person then started labeling me as “abusive” when I wouldn’t budge because they didn’t owe me an explanation.

    • @samanthamariah7625
      @samanthamariah7625 Місяць тому +1

      Most all of them label people who won’t obey them as abusive. In fact, many people in these comment section of these videos are actually narcissists who are learning more about how to blame and point fingers. I’m sorry this has happened to you. They try to keep us focused on them and it’s best to move on.

    • @espiritu_
      @espiritu_ Місяць тому

      @@samanthamariah7625 thank you for your kind words. 🤍 I feel so much better when I think about moving on. It’s difficult because deep down, I really cared for this person. One step at a time!

  • @amiblueful
    @amiblueful Місяць тому +5

    You hit home with another one. My ex once said "People admire me because...." I can't remember the rest of the sentence, but it's the first and only time I ever heard someone say that they were admired.

    • @karenkaye9549
      @karenkaye9549 Місяць тому +1

      My ex was so full of himself...he told me I just didn't understand and everyone at his job just wanted to stop him and touch him...like he was some kind of celebrity 😂

  • @christinemcrawford
    @christinemcrawford Місяць тому +3

    Yes. The thing about setting boundaries with a narcissist is that it enrages them. If they are abusive (and most of them are,) the abuse will often escalate when you stop tolerating the behavior. If you're experiencing that kind of fear/escalation, you might just gray rock until you have a safety plan in place so that you can get safe - safely.

    • @An-mei
      @An-mei Місяць тому +3

      It's a game, a trap that you are going through privately. You are on the brink of realization and telling your story or not.

  • @judimunro9279
    @judimunro9279 16 днів тому +2

    Flying monkeys can become ANYONE!

  • @heatherheather7107
    @heatherheather7107 Місяць тому +3

    We need to practice setting boundaries, like flexing a muscle, so that it becomes natural. Easier then to manage pushback from toxic people because they’re very skilled.

  • @user-rn6bk6hq4g
    @user-rn6bk6hq4g Місяць тому +6

    Happy birthday, Gus!

  • @Snezanah
    @Snezanah Місяць тому +3

    Happy birthday Gus😘❤. Beautiful you share his birthday with us Dr.Les😃👍😘🐾🐾.

  • @sadderandwiser
    @sadderandwiser Місяць тому +2

    I just really appreciate hearing a rational, kind and loving person, (Dr. C), who is soothing to my soul.

  • @janetgallagher618
    @janetgallagher618 Місяць тому +4

    Happy Birthday to Gorgeous Gus. Hope you got spoiled. 🎉🎂🌟❤xxxxx

  • @kat-75
    @kat-75 Місяць тому +7

    They better stop victimizing people. WTH

  • @garrimic3
    @garrimic3 Місяць тому +8

    36:25 I told my ex wife to never show up wherever I am. Whether it’s in town, in the hospital, deathbed or funeral.
    If she always compared me to other men and divorced me to be with other men then she should continue to be with other men and not with this man.
    Not to mention that conflict resolution was never a possibility with her because she would always walk away when I would try to get to the bottom of anything. Whether it be wants, needs, desires, failures, abusive behavior, etc.

  • @amandagish5976
    @amandagish5976 Місяць тому +1

    Happy birthday Mr. Gus! We love you. ❤️

  • @mcash4063
    @mcash4063 Місяць тому +3

    my narcissistic tells me I’m being selfish when I want to vacation with my son to a place where the narcissist doesn’t want to go.
    He’s worried to death I’m gonna look/talk to another man.
    BTW Happy Birthday Gus🎉

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Місяць тому

      That's his issue. I hope you and your son find a great vacation spot!

  • @ritascuderi6185
    @ritascuderi6185 Місяць тому +6

    ❤❤ Gus!

  • @sandraharrill4876
    @sandraharrill4876 Місяць тому +1

    Happiest birthday ever, Gus! 💕

  • @sherrymurphy855
    @sherrymurphy855 Місяць тому +2

    "The gift that keeps on giving" - amazing - I wrote those very words recently... as it relates to the difficulties survivors of the same narcissist have with trusting each other as a result of the malignant narcissist's emotional abuse. They truly enjoy driving wedges between loved ones. The predator wins when we cannot trust each other. Trust - a little word with big significance. This is hoping that families who's lives have been touched by a destructive narcissist find the courage and wisdom to seek and find your own personal healing.💜
    Happy 10th birthday Gus... wishing you many more happy healthy years.🐾🐾

  • @Bcjsjhfurhs
    @Bcjsjhfurhs Місяць тому +1

    What's not working?
    Things
    😂😂😂😂
    Just love this response.

  • @sonyac5653
    @sonyac5653 Місяць тому +1

    Beautiful Birthday Blings & Bones - Dear Gus. 💓💟💓

  • @a.b.2850
    @a.b.2850 Місяць тому +3

    Dr Carter please, how to explain to others a mother, narcissist(++), lost it and strangled us, and then turned it around to make her the victim? Think honour crime being told as ‘self defense’.
    It’s so mental, how can I possibly explain it to a police officer or lawyer without sounding completely mental myself?

  • @yanetrodriguezcruz3609
    @yanetrodriguezcruz3609 Місяць тому +1

    I recently complete a full research and a new procedure and i am very happy because i survived. Can you imagine. Its my day off and i have a lot of things to do.❤😃

  • @everett552
    @everett552 Місяць тому +3

    Happy Birthday Gus🎉🥰🥰

  • @claireadams6214
    @claireadams6214 Місяць тому +2

    Re the story at 38. 04. The wife visiting the hospital. I am the scapegoat child, the unwanted twin. Brother is the golden child. In fact, on mothers day, she sent a text to my old phone number saying she only has one child. What a wonderful mother (Heavy sarcasm!!)

    • @claireadams6214
      @claireadams6214 Місяць тому +1

      My mistake, 34 mins

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Місяць тому

      She is in pain and her coping strategy is displacement. Such a sad way to live.

    • @claireadams6214
      @claireadams6214 Місяць тому

      @@SurvivingNarcissism she is not in pain at all, she enjoys inflicting it too much. I can't even cry because of her mental and emotional abuse. Not to mention the physical "chastisement"

  • @michelepascoe6068
    @michelepascoe6068 Місяць тому +2

    Thank you, Dr C, for reading all our comments. Thank you for caring, and for your great coaching. And thanks to your wife for her patience while you give us your attention and time. ❤

  • @yanetrodriguezcruz3609
    @yanetrodriguezcruz3609 Місяць тому +1

    Dr. Carter. After all this time i came back to see you.❤

  • @bereal6590
    @bereal6590 Місяць тому +1

    Here's to a happy birthday and many many more years to come for gus 🐕🐕🐕😊

  • @mday3821
    @mday3821 Місяць тому +3

    Happy Birthday Gus.❤🐶🎂
    And can I say, I like your shirt Dr. C. It reminds me of something my dad would have wore.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Місяць тому +1

      I'm assuming your dad had good taste!

    • @mday3821
      @mday3821 Місяць тому

      @@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, he did:)

  • @luvyatubers
    @luvyatubers Місяць тому +4

    Young women like the feeling of getting the stud. But later they are sorry. And at that time they have to admit that they are not the prize they think they are. They are just another conquer on studs list

  • @camarorules1
    @camarorules1 Місяць тому +5

    Hi Dr Carter,
    I just love you 🎉

  • @taboovsknowledge1603
    @taboovsknowledge1603 20 днів тому +1

    The abused could record a elevated moment as evidence that they are unreasonable and irrational and takes your words and straight out lies, telling others you said X. Then you prove they are lying. This is bad?

  • @MeCynthiaAnn
    @MeCynthiaAnn Місяць тому +1

    AWWW….HAAAAAAPY BIRTHDAY DEAR GUS.
    10 years…..Love you Gus.
    From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WI

  • @DevorahTafus
    @DevorahTafus Місяць тому +1

    Aw, happy birthday to Gus! You know, in your last video, I think from today, the Thursday after this video, I was thinking that Gus looks pretty happy and content. He really did look happier, and all the attention and fun from his birthday is probably why! Bless his little heart.

  • @taboovsknowledge1603
    @taboovsknowledge1603 20 днів тому +1

    Dr. c, you are spot on about all of it. I have a relationship with a narcissist and last night was an episode.
    I don't even know what it was about. I have figured that her being an equestrian "Horse person". has something to do with it. I won't go out to her 70 count horse ranch because a big part of her transforming into a nazi, feminist that loves hate and spins everything is the whole reason.
    Your right, she doesn't care about anything except what she is doing. Everything else is a negative to her.

  • @jacquelinelenarz3267
    @jacquelinelenarz3267 Місяць тому +2

    Happy birthday Precious Gus!!

  • @callalilly1988
    @callalilly1988 Місяць тому +1

    Aww, happy birthday Gus🎉!

  • @nantompkins140
    @nantompkins140 Місяць тому +1

    Happy 10th Birthday to Gus!!!

  • @deedles2
    @deedles2 Місяць тому +1

    *Happy decade, Gus* (My senior kitty turned 13 a few months back. She is now older than me!)

  • @andreacook6000
    @andreacook6000 Місяць тому +1

    Happy birthday wonderful Gus! 🐾🐾🐾love and snuggles and pats! 🎈🎈🎁🎁🎉
    I got my cup with the photo of you both in the mail yesterday! Makes me so happy to have in my space💕💕🪻🐾🪻

  • @ibdonsie
    @ibdonsie Місяць тому +6

    How did you decide to specialize in Narcissism?

  • @cheryleary4016
    @cheryleary4016 Місяць тому +7

    Love your art

  • @EarthMntnMama
    @EarthMntnMama Місяць тому +1

    Happy Birthday, Gus! 🐾🤍

  • @WarriorQueenb
    @WarriorQueenb Місяць тому +4

    How do I get through to the school, teachers ect. He's lying to all of them and I think he's got them believing him and whatever he's telling them

  • @caroleminke6116
    @caroleminke6116 Місяць тому +5

    What we mistake as love for a person we think that we truly know is simply our trauma bond to the shared delusion until we separate from them completely, then heal the cognitive dissonance that was deliberately implanted in our psyche. Until we accept that the false mask hid an empty black hole sucking in victims indiscriminately we will be stuck in our rumination with what ifs though there are no ifs, ands & buts… just nothing at all was ever there. I like to remember the Wizard of Oz when the curtain got pulled back & the surprise when he finally got exposed

  • @IamOriTeal
    @IamOriTeal Місяць тому +4

    Not getting notifications appreciate your videos.

    • @SurvivingNarcissism
      @SurvivingNarcissism  Місяць тому +3

      Not sure why that is...maybe you need to re-subscribe. But thanks for your persistence!

    • @IamOriTeal
      @IamOriTeal Місяць тому

      Thank you , For giving free professional counseling. We all appreciate it so much. Who, could no afford it otherwise at the moment.

    • @IamOriTeal
      @IamOriTeal Місяць тому

      I have listened to Dr. Ramani for 5 years. People like ypu guys are a gift to those of us seeking healing.

  • @DKilgallen
    @DKilgallen Місяць тому +1

    I record the narcissist. I have to. Otherwise he denies saying things and accuses me of things and threatens to call the police. I do it to protect myself.

  • @karenlester2556
    @karenlester2556 Місяць тому +1

    ❤ happy birthday gus sleep well

  • @vagabondv1250
    @vagabondv1250 Місяць тому +1

    Love the explanation about pulling away. Thanks Dr C.

  • @user-qv9nw1dq2f
    @user-qv9nw1dq2f Місяць тому +1

    Thank you for your help and support dr Carter 😊 God bless you ❤

  • @wendychavez5348
    @wendychavez5348 9 днів тому +1

    Technically, New Zealand is an archipelago rather than a continent, though it's a sovereign country so it works. I love you, Kiwis, can't wait to visit again!

  • @CaliDreaming98
    @CaliDreaming98 Місяць тому +2

    Happy Birthday Gus❤❤❤🎉🎂