Congratulations! I'm Demisexual too, but I didn't really have the opportunity to discover that for myself. Its always food to see someone discover themselves freely!
i started crying when i randomly got this ad because everytime i tell someone i’m demi they look at me like i’m nuts, i’m so glad people are talking about this.
For most of my childhood and teen days, I've jumped between so many orientations and finally figured out that I am actually demisexual (well... demi-lesbian to be more specific). I thought I was bi, then I thought I was a lesbian, after that I thought I was asexual. When finally. I learned that I'm actually just demisexual. (I learned this only when I started to have sexual thoughts about my best friend, but never even bothered to look at attractive people.)
@@s40404___ I never really bothered asking her out since she has a boyfriend already and I strictly wanted us to only be friends. The sexual thoughts are still there though, but I try my best to ignore them. (Also I'd rather be patient when it comes to romantic relationships and when I gain a little more experience in the real world.)
same! my demisexuallity goes for celeb crushes though, when i feel a bond through their music and personality. my friends don’t question it, cause i have tons of friends who are in the ace spectrum
*guys, don’t mistake aesthetic attraction for something else. Aesthetic attraction is when you think someone is good-looking, but that doesn’t mean you’d want to do anything with them. For example, i’m a lesbian, but on rare occasions, i do find dudes aesthetically pleasing to the eye, but i’d NEVER want to kiss them or do anything of the sort. Like i literally gag at the thought of it* *edit: thanks for all the likes guys!!* 🙏 🙏
OMG THATS ME!!!! i always see guys i think are "cute" but i never want to... be with them or kiss them or anything. but i think i feel that with girls, idk im 10
@@unsubscribenow9052 *theres no rush in figuring out your sexuality. you can decide on what you wanna identify as or what label you like best. you dont even have to label yourself if you dont want to, and you have your whole life to figure yourself out 🤗🤗
Demisexuals can have celebrity and fictional crushes. Once you’ve gotten to know the character or celeb and made that emotional connection, its possible for those feelings. You can acknowledge the aesthetic beauty of a celeb or someone who you don’t know you just don’t sexually feel anything for them.
I mean I know when someone's attractive. You may not want to have sex with them but you can tell their pretty. And let's not forget there's that asexuality where fanfiction or their fantasies are more arousing then anything that reality could bring them. I forget what it's called but there is an entire branch of the a sexuality tree that has to do with that. Celebrity crushes wouldn't be a No-No when them. I think it comes down to a personal thing.
My friends would always show me a pic of this guy and be like “he’s so hot I wanna kiss him” and I’m here like “uh- yeah ig idk I would wanna meet him first” 👁👄👁
You are still better than me. I'm 26 and just found out this year :D I've been feeling sg is not normal at age of 10 but i wasn't sure. I can feel romantically for girls and boys too i was so confused :)
I know what you mean. Like as a straight and demi guy, I can find other girls or even guys physically attractive, but that's literally it. Like if I'd say to someone that she is cute or she has great smile or beautiful eyes, for me it's just a compliment about their looks and nothing more. Nothing even close to "hitting on them". Well obviously I don't say those things out loud because most of the times they would thing I'm hitting on them..
RQ5-Hunter I actually found out I was Demisexual because my friends were pressuring me to have a crush (accidentally) and I found the term Demisexual then forgot about it then, I said that I found the person they thought I like was cute and they went “Oooh! So you do like him!” As if they just found out something revolutionary. Now any time I think about that I go “my friends are idiots” but in a joking way, but then again I’m not out to them so... Also there’s another friend who also has never had a crush but they don’t care, they only want to annoy me Edit: also the other girl who has never had a crush sets off either my gaydar or my acedar I have trouble knowing the difference between someone who sets off my gaydar vs my acedar
@@65EKS65 ok so, im curious as someone who just learned what demi means. What if i like can find people attractive looking but never really form like a crush or see them romantically untill ive made a good enough connection with them. Is that like make it count as demi?
Like I have celbrity crushes and I lobe them but NEVER sexual. I love them because of their personality and what they do and I find them attractive but not in a sexual way. Like when somebody says ooo I wanna get railed by my celebrity crush so hard. Then I‘m like wtf how hahaha. I love them really from the bottom of my heart but just not sexual:)
When Jesse said something about feeling like a switch had been flicked one day when talking to someone and suddenly realising how attractive their face is, I have never related to something that much in my entire life
@@wuestion9473 wait bc one time I was getting to know this guy and he was so sweet and we both liked each other, but one day in class he randomly put his hand up to me to see our hand size comparison I assumed. When I tell you the second I touched his hand, it felt like sparks were flying and my heart started beating like crazy. I was freaking out a bit, but since we were in class I kept it cool and went back to what I was doing and we both proceeded to go back to normal. I can’t really remember but I think that was also one of the first times I touched him as well.
God, my whole life, I thought my lack of sexual attraction was weird, and I never understood what everyone was talking about when it came to how sexy people were, when all I could think about is whether someone is a good person or not. I never knew romantic attraction and sexual attraction did not always directly correspond to each other. THIS is what schools need to teach their students and educate them on in health class, instead of just reading from a book about hetero sex and how teenagers are all hormonal and straight. Maybe then I wouldn't have thought something was wrong with me for so long.
I've always said, I can appreciate someone's beauty male or female (I'm straight), but that doesn't mean I'm ATTRACTED to them. For me, attraction is a totally different thing, I take it in the sense like a magnet where I'm drawn to that person and only that person. People think I'm a prude or that I'm lying to make my partner feel better. No, I'm just demisexual lol.
But we don't need a new damn name for it. It's just called a freaking preference. And what get your rocks off is intelligence or money or strength or big butts.
@@ineedhoez you obviously don't understand what Demi's are then. It's not a "Prefrence", it's litteraly *No Attraction* at all for someone until you've made an emotional connection.
@@lovelyunknown Right! I'm a heterosexual man that finds plenty of women to be psychically attractive and that are my type but I have no sexual attraction towards them. Someone can be your type, you find then attractive, but that doesn't mean you want to have sex with them. You want to get to know them first to see if y'all are a great match.
Same here ! I can appreciate someone ‘ I can say to my partner look how beautiful is that girl! Or when see Tom Ellis he is so attractive but that doesn’t mean I fell a sexual attraction to them . I’m straight too
For the people who are confused, demi means you don't experience sexual attraction until you have an emotional connection to that person. So like the one guy said, you don't experience a celebrity crush because you don't know that person. There is a difference between demi and choosing to wait to have sex!
It may seem normal, but its a little different (that's why it's hard to explain) if you see a boy/girl on street you would consider going on a date with them. A demi Person would not do that, its like skipping two steps and if you hang out with a person and feel comfy you'll spontaniously say: Yeah, that's the one I'll spend the rest of my life with. That's why a demi person can get really confused about friendships, because if we just spend too much time with someone then it can also happen that we catch feelings what a "normal" person won't do because they say: Yeah it's just a friend, not hot from the beginning and won't be in any time. We don't really fall in love with a person, more or less we fall in love with the personality. Speaking for myself I was in love with a girl I never met or new her name, just because of her writting style that I found cute... Hope it explains a little.
So you say that you wouldn't have a crush on a celebrity, but would a crush on character - for example, a crush not so much on Robert Downey Junior but on Tony Stark - would that fall into Demi-sexual territory?
Katrina G I’m demisexual and I still have romantic feelings about people I don’t know. I can have crushes based off of someone’s aesthetic attraction, but I wouldn’t have sexual feelings towards them.
It was the same for me, and I even thought that there was something wrong or that I was just being picky. Turns out I just want sex when I feel love, and I think that an advantage of that is that whatever sexual interaction I choose to have will be deeply meaningful.
That's because this is a normal thing👀 nowadays people are just hoe'n around. Most of our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents have done it this way the right way. Unless someone parents are just living the fast lane.
Finally they thought i was crazy about this and its like “isnt this normal?” But when some of my boyfriend that i just knew for 2 months wants to do sexual things to me i was like “noope” and it ruins all my relationship, but when i was with someone i trust and love for 8 years i was like YEAH LETS DO THIS EVERYDAY.
@@MusicSetAdrift What's wild is the fact that most people that you date, male and female, who you are mutually interested in find you sexually attractive and want to have sex with you after getting to a decent level of trust. You can trust people, doesn't mean you've emotionally bonded on a level that could take a very long time to allow your sexual desires to occur. That's the difference, we don't experience sexual desire the same way a large majority of people do.
@@alivc2458 What people call "Demisexual" sound exactly like a little the called "True Love Waits" aka Waiting till Marriage, which because its not 1990, we can assume you did it for actual love. Dont have to sleep with them before hand. Dont have to have a special label to recognize you position except to hoes who think you have to bang for a living to be happy. Hoes come in all genders and hoes have skewed peoples view of sexuality so much you now have to explain why you don't bang randoms from the club and have to get to know someone intimately....
@@MusicSetAdrift No demisexual is not the same as waiting for love or marriage that's a standard. You can have a standard where you say I don't want to do this until thus type of commitment is made or until we are really serious aka in love but that's not what demisexual is. The difference is someone can say they are holding off having sex and still want to have sex as in sexual desire with that person but just waiting. Demisexual is I don't even feel sexually attracted to you to want to have sex by may feel romantically and a esthetically attracted to explore the relationship through dating. So they don't look at the person and automatically desire sex with them and each demisexual person is different not everyone needs years to get to that stage.
I learned I was demisexual after hearing about it in a sex and sexuality course. I always felt so confused and uncomfortable being intimate with “boyfriends” I had at the time (I say it loosely cause most were barely 3 months and I didn’t feel the emotional connections) found they often didn’t respect it, and ended up pressuring me even more or breaking up... Learning more about it also helped me realize the kind of relationships I want in the future. Thank you for sharing this video and making more people aware of it. Your sexuality and personal identity are valid! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise :)
I identify as demisexual and actually found my boyfriend on tinder 😋 I thought his pictures were cute and we had shared interests. We chatted for about 2 months before we met in person, got together a few weeks later but it was a good while after that we had sex for the first time. That side of my attraction to him came after months of talking, hanging out and developing the love that forms the basis of our relationship
I’m actually really glad to find out that I’m a demisexual. My boyfriend found the term demisexual and he was the one who pointed out that i am one. I used to feel like a loser every time people talk about how they go on tons of casual dates and had kissed people who they barely knew. Sex was seriously something that I found it gross until I met my boyfriend. Even with my boyfriend, kissing and having sex took awhile for me. I remember he used to be frustrated bc I wouldn’t even kiss him when we first started dating and he even thought I might actually be an asexual. Lol I used to feel ashamed of myself that I don’t feel any sexual attraction and always hid that side of me from people. Now that I found out that I’m a demisexual, I feel way more comfortable with how I am
@@cindykimberly7317 demisexal has to do with the amount of sexual attraction you feel towards another person. Therefore, anyone whether they are straight, bi, gay, etc. can be demisexal as well. For me, I'm a woman, straight and I'm demisexual which means I don't have any sexual attraction to men until I have created a deep emotional connection with them and then I will be sexually attracted to them. This would be the exact same if I was gay just swap out the man for a woman or if I was bi just swap out men for men and women.
@Franco Cavalli It's considered LGBT because it falls under the spectrum of Asexuality and that is a minority sexual identity thats not well understood by common society. That leads to many of the same kind of insecurities and self shame that many gay people experience. LGBT is meant to spread awareness and create a safe community to have open discussions about different types of sexuality and romantic identity. NOT to get a sticker for being a special snowflake.
Sorry. I see no need to identify at all with whatever sexuality you have. This is an absurd definition. So it exists? And what is the big deal. Some people's default is anger to situation. Some people's depression. Some people's indifference. Should we start defining these types. Should we start defining people's degrees of racial profiling and identify with those. Should we start defining people by their food preferences? Whilst massive social injustice and inequality continue, the world witnesses continued and increasing racism, environmental destruction, the media is obsessed with definitions and PC correctness to sexual definitions. To me it's all rather purile. Yet Gaza is bombed at will and has been for 70 years. And much of wildlife is on the brink of extinction etc. Sorry again. I'm not dismissive of anyone's sexual preferences or orientation. It's just what it is. As long as you don't hurt anyone and you are not hurt by others for your orientation then it's entirely unimportant. Just get on with your life. It's no big deal. You are not your sexuality.
@@colinellesmere Exactly! All these people making a big deal about 'not wanting do have sex without a deep bond' as if they're in a minority and finally get to 'live' their lives, as if people don#t have anything better to do than to shame them, when in most areas it's perfectly acceptable not to have casual sex. These people and their 'worries'........ and their need for attention.
I identify as a demisexual. I told my close friend who’s bi...she told me that Demisexual is not real and that I should just identify as bi. I felt shot down when I came out the first time especially to her. I was shocked.
Oh my goodness.. I'm sorry to hear that.. I'm lucky to have friends who were very supportive and willing to learn about demisexuality. I hope you find people that is willing to hear you out in the future
Don't feel bad because they don't have enough information on demisexual. They need to learn more about it before judging anyone's sexual. I think I might be a demisexual but I am not sure. I Am more into woman that are the same sex as me. There's another thing that is been on my mind for some time now and I am thinking that I could be demisexual or bisexual. You are a great person and don't let no one bring you down because you like people differently than they do. Which I think is a smart way for anyone to be nowadays.
Forgive me for saying this but in all fairness, I think it is a crying shame that your friend who is bisexual and whom some people might dismiss or judge because of her orientation nevertheless considers herself entitled to judge you for yours.
@Franco Cavalli Bullshit. If "most people like to make an emotional connection first", then casual sex would not be anywhere nearly as widespread as it is because most people are aware that a true emotional connection usually can't be established in just a few days. If "most people want an emotional connection first", most heterosexual men would not try so very hard to get a woman into bed right away because they would "want an emotional connection first" and they would know that their efforts are futile and a waste of time...but they don't, and they aren't. Lots of people throughout history have said that this or that kind of sexuality wasn't real or wasn't normal or wasn't healthy. Welk, guess what? It turned out that they were wrong. Who the hell do you think you are anyway to dismiss and judge anyone for what their life and their experiences are?? In my experience, far too many people are actually terrified of emotions and use sex to create emotional *distance* rather than closeness while making it look as if they're not -- they're as close to each other physically as it's humanly possible to be but they might as well be standing on opposite sides of the Pacific Ocean. emotionally.
I think that a lot of people invalidate demisexuality with this saying that “well everyone’s like that everyone wants to know someone well first,” but they miss that that is not always true and this is not what this is. When Someone who is not demisexual sees an attractive person or an attractive celebrity they may feel that sexual attraction, their bodies natural response is to feel attracted to them. someone demisexual might not find someone attractive or even close to sexually appealing until an emotional connection is established. So it’s not like a choice of oh i wanna know them first, u genuinely feel nothing at all until that connection is there. Someone who is not demisexual could speak to someone at a club they find cute and they click and then hookup, but for some demisexual people this small experience of conversation would still not create that level of appeal. pls dont invalidate things u dont get
It's an old comment but I was going to say I agree asexuality people have a hard time understanding but at least there's a hard-line there. Dmisexuality or even greysexuality a lot harder to explain. I like to say it's kind of like a Harlequin romance novel important things you feel people for a certain things you don't feel people for and people that have the true love and connection thing. Like Goldilocks and Three Bears sometimes works sometimes it don't work. Bad analogy when it comes to romance and sex but I suppose the best way to put it because I don't think people get it.
As a Demi myself, I had celeb crush’s on ppl like David Tennant, Tom Hiddleston, and Hugh Jackmon, but that’s because after really liking the characters they portrayed in their films/tv shows, I would look up movie interviews and behind the scenes footage of them and how they interacted with staff. I fell in love with who they were as ppl and what being an actor meant to them. And of course the lore of their characters they brought to life.
Duuuuuuude. I've never thought of it that way, but I have become hyper-interested in characters which has led to following the performer more. I hadn't viewed it through the lens of sexual attraction before, but yes, I guess it was 'crushing on a character' because they feel known and then transposing that emotional desire/interest to the performer.
I completely relate to people thinking I'm weird for not having a celebrity crush. One thing I hate is when I try to explain what demisexual is people say "oh but everyone wants that". No, you dont understand, I cant even fantasize about my perfect made up dream person. It's just disembodied sensations and emotions I want to feel...
Ok wow you phrased that perfectly, you can’t even imagine someone who you would like to have sex with. Like you can imagine someone who is the most beautiful person in the world but it still means nothing.
For me, I do celebrity crushes (I'm Demisexual) but it's completely not insane like most people think of it as. I find bands like Queen cute because I've seen a majority of their cute moments and a huge portion of who they were, so now I have a few crushes on different people because I know stuff about them like the real person they are and can be. But let's say I saw a celebrity crush who I liked the most, and they tried to kiss me, I would most likely back away and be like, "I know some stuff about you but I don't know you that personally..."
I felt like I was alone with my celebrity crushes while also identifying as demi! Like, I have had the biggest crush on Tom Hiddleston for years because he's been so open about himself in interviews and fan interactions. I just know he's too much of a gentleman to not at least take a lady to dinner before trying to make a move lol
THANK YOU FOR THISSS, i feel demisexual, but i hear people say that if you're demi you CAN'T have crushes on celebs, but fr thank for commenting this now i dont feel so alone
Itz Yu Boye- Yeah it's completely normal! Don't let people who aren't Demisexual or people who are say you can't have crushes cuz your Demisexual! Everyone is different and it isn't right for people to say you can't have crushes!
@@DeusVult87 lmao celeb crushes are really common, what's the big deal? its like when second graders have crushes on their teachers, it'll never happen, but its a cute and normal thing! :3
I discovered this term like a half hour ago, and right now I have so many feelings. My first happy cry. I'm very put off by hook up culture. Never understood it. I feel like I'm understanding myself now.
This video clarifies so much. I’m 22 and I’ve recently wanted to start dating more, but everyone wants sex and it makes me feel weird. Knowing I’m demisexual helps me take my power back and feel comfortable with myself.
For a while I thought that I was asexual until I realized that I did experience sexual attraction, but it was always towards friends. I researched it to see if there was a name for it, and it is! The problem with being demisexual though is that modern dating is not conducive to that. Most people expect you to know within 3 dates if you want a relationship and they certainly expect you to want to kiss them. When you don't, they assume that the chemistry isn't there and they move on. I don't blame them. I can't very well say to somebody, "let's be friends first and once I feel close to you, then I'd like to make out, OK?" It also makes friendships awkward because I usually fall for a guy friend long after he's assumed that I have friendzoned him. Sigh.
Oh my god same. I can't stand online dating and I always fall in love with my male best friends after 6 months. But they tell me they're not into me. They tell me if they were into me they would have asked me out by now. As a demisexual, I feel like I'll be single forever.
Same here! Still wondering how to navigate this. I think I will indeed tell them upfront this time. "it takes time for me to feel physical attraction to you. I need an emotional connection first. If you aren't willing to wait, let's date other people."
I experience sexual attraction towards my best friend even though she's a girl and I am usually only attracted to men romantically. So I found out that to me it doesn't matter whether the connection is romantic or platonic, but it must be very strong. We started making out every now and then and it's always fun.
Yeah I don’t think I’m demisexual but there’s a lot of times where I don’t think of someone as attractive right when I see them but I do later. But then there are other times when I think someone is attractive right away so it’s confusing lol
When i didn't know i was demisexual/romantic, id go on a bunch of casual dates from dating apps and i didnt like any of them. Everyone i knew said its just because i was being too picky but i truly felt nothing. Its nice to know theres a whole community out here, but it still doesnt make dating any easier lol.
A little late, but I know exactly what you're talking about. I met someone on Bumble earlier this year and we went on a "date," but really it was a hang out. And I didn't feel any sort of attraction, which took me by surprise a little bit, but confirmed that I'm demi. We're still hanging out as friends.
Same. I'd have to become friends with the person to develop any romantic or sexual interest and it isn't easy finding someone who is accepting of this. What's worse is that for those who don't understand this it sounds like leading on. Which isn't entirely wrong since I can't promise I will develop the attraction. Honestly being demi is very tiring lmao
Took the words right from my head. I made out with this guy just cause I felt I was suppose to, and I was just counting the time and trying to give back the same energy, but I just wanted to go home and watch a movie.
I'm very self conscious about this. I'll be turning 29 in about ten weeks, and I'm a virgin. I always assumed I was merely too prudent to accept that sexuality is a normal thing that people connect with, since I never had that desire personally - at least not with someone I didn't know well enough. All of my strongest feelings of attraction sparked from friendships that had already been developing as such for months or even years before. It's hard for me to comprehend that for most people, sexual activity tends to be one of the most important foundations of a relationship from relatively early on, and I _think_ it's very difficult not to confuse your need for an initially strictly emotional connection for a complete lack of romantic interest. I hope someone else can relate to this.
I always felt like me never being immediately attracted to anyone was a problem and that I was the only one with it. It still feels like I live a surreal and "muffled" existence because of it
I can.... Sometimes it is so hard to live with this.... This is what I went trough. There is this emotional connection to a person you know and "the spark" happened after a half year and the person don't want you because "the spark" wasn't there from the first day. No one understands you, your feelings or why you "don't want to have dates, don't want to got to the Disco to find a guy,..."
Yesterday I cried so hard at my therapy session talking about this. I can 100% relate to your comment. I'm 29 too. And havent had sex in my entire life. I feel like I'm a freak, like something is fundamentally wring with me, like I'm broken and cursed to be alone for the rest of my life. I hope someday I will be able to say that this is just who I am - a demisexual, who needs a little bit more time with another person before I can feel something. But now it's so hard to live with this. To accept this. To tell people this. This is all I can think about while I see my friends dating, getting married, growing families. It helps A LOT to see that I'm not alone though so thank you ❤🩹
@@ЮлияГалунова-з8г Hey now. I hope you realise sexual experience or lack thereof aren't defining who you are. It's only as big of a deal as we make it. 🙏
I‘m really struggling over here, peeps. And I‘m so glad I found you. Let’s talk in the comments :) „Superficial attraction“ as I call it, does not work on me or with me at all. Never did. Although I WANTED it to work so bad when I was a teenager. Y‘all know that feeling? I have the feeling that demisexuals aren’t perceived as sexy, sexual or seductive people at all because we don’t function over the conventional type of „sexy“ body language. And that gives me a really hard time. Sometimes it feels like my sexuality is seen as a handicap in the eyes of others, although it shouldn’t be...:(
I look like a typical cheerleader basically.. People oversexualize me a lot and expect me to be you know.. Easy.. Sometimes i get advice from people, telling me to cut my hair or something because it isnt fair(?). Im not complaining, i try to take comments as compliments
This is what I got trough a lot in my early life and I was always just the "sad love interest, because I didn't know how to win the heart of someone. The 2 men I wanted didn't want me because" They don't have feelings for me" what just mean that they didn't find me sexy... And they said this ....just behind my back. For me it was the worst of all because I don't feel l ike this and still finding it superficial. Today I wear vintage clothes and in the world of jeans and t-shirts , I'm like the woman in red dress from Matrix... Everyone looking at me and there a lot of men who asked me for a date.... And I hate this so much, because I know it's just because of my appearance and I don't want to be love because of this, because I cannot love someone because of this. I often asked them and they confirmed, that this was the reason. 😔
I'm demisexual. I've tried to disconnect sex from emotion but just can't. I can have attraction to someone without knowing the but it's because I feel a connection with them. One night stands leave me physically sick and leaves me feeling guilty.
@@cindykimberly7317 demisexuality isn't akin to what gender you like, but rather your attraction to someone. I'm panromantic demisexual, meaning I can be attracted to all genders (hence pan) but I'm demisexual so it takes getting to know a person before being attracted to them. My friend is bisexual so she feels attraction to male and females, but she's not demisexual and she can feel attraction immediately. But someone can be biromantic demisexual. I hope that made sense!
I feel the same. Feeling so sick about one night stands, open relationships, three ways and all that stuff. Even porn I find disgusting. I'm not trying to be judgemental, it's just how I feel. Sex for me can only be with someone you love and have a connection with.
I kind of hate being demisexual or demiromantic (idk what sexual attraction is like) because I start to get crushes on my close friends and I would really rather not, because I just want to be their friend
hi there i could not resinate more, ive been desperate for some sort of demi community that i can relate to (aka, something that is not only ace) and youve put it into words. ive actually never heard someone else say that. ty
"Your beings somehow gravitate towards each other," I couldn't relate to this more omfg. When I actually do form a connection with someone and feel attracted to them (not very often) it's so strong, and it's not just physical, I just want to be near them and get to know them...the feeling hits me out of nowhere lmao. It's such a nice experience until it happens with one of your close friends that doesn't feel the same way...I admitted my feelings to him, which subsequently ruined that friendship...
I know the feeling. I'm exactly the same. I just find it kinda hard to find new people to connect deeply enough for me to feel some sort of attraction. Like it usually ends up something casual like hanging out in a group without having time to get to know one more. Also I feel you with the downside.. It just happened to me with my friend's girlfriend. Obviously I didn't want to get in their way, but every time I was even in a same group or alone with her I just couldn't help the feeling after I got known with her better. I'm not sure at all what even really happened, but I feel like she started to feel attraction towards me too, but my friend might have caught up on her in some point while she was "defending me" verbally in some situations or something. I still do hang out with him sometimes, but she is never around those times. After that they kinda broke up but soon got back together or are in some sort of "on and off -relationship" which I can't understand. However I feel kinda quilty for even having these feelings even when I can't help it and I feel I'm obligated not to pursue her even if they end up breaking up, because I'm quite strong supporter of the "bro code" that one does not date someone else's ex... No matter what, I would still love to even be friends with her, because I feel the connection with her is something special even if it never would end up us dating or anything.
I feel like no one talks about the danger of not knowing your asexuallity. I only discovered this past year that I’m Demi sexual and because of that I just thought I was broken because no one I would date understood why I didn’t want to have sex right away because I also didn’t know the word for it. I’ve been manipulated into doing these sexual things with guys for a long time and I feel like if I had just known more and was more aware of the asexual spectrum I could have been saved from the horrible feelings and experiences I’ve had. Thank you for giving a voice to these people on the ace spectrum. I think we as a society need more of it.
I feel very much affirmed. Being demi can be incredibly difficult on so many levels. Videos like this are very important, not just for demis & greysexual people but for people who have been brainwashed into thinking there is only one way of experiencing love and or attraction.
difficult? how so? What is difficult about living your life the way you choose. Your sexual identity is not a public record. It’s a personal aspect of your life
@@effie9140 do you only get a crush with someone after knowing them for about 3 years. Or not thinking people are hot from straight off. Or not thinking they are hot or attractive based off of their looks at all for awhile until you get to know them.
@@effie9140 ill share my case, i never found men sexually attractive but in relationships or when i develop a bond, i start finding them attractive, sexually.
I ABSOLUTELY RELATE TO THAT SWITCH FEELING ! OH MY GOD ! that’s the best explanation I’ve found for what I feel. I don’t experience sexual attraction at first sight. The more I see the way you interact with the world, the more we talk, the more I hear and see the way you think, the more my admiration and respect for you grows. Then there’s a moment where this switch kinda flicks on and there it is. I’m sexually attracted to you. Omg.
At the end it is a very rare mixture of tousand things a person is or even is not... This!! sometimes make it so difficult, more than attraction based on primary things.
i watched this and i felt a weight fall off of my chest. i didn't realize i wasn't the only person who felt this way. crazy that it took me so many years to find it
I've always felt that my body just can't feel the pleasure of intimacy without having a deep connection and now I know what it was about. I am demisexual.
I'm literally liking almost all the comments haha I’ve never felt more at home. So many years thinking I was just afraid of love, that I was worthless or broken because I’ve never liked someone enough to make me want them physically and do something about it, it just felt uncomfortable and not right. I loved what the first guy said about celebrity crushes, I personally have to watch interviews and see how is someone’s personality, before I could even fantasises and describes it as a platonic love. I do find people attractive most of the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested enough to just make out with them, and now I know that’s perfectly fine. There’s so many possibilities trough the acceptance of this spectrum, we are not alone people!! Lovee ❤❤
I feel like after you find out what demisexuality is and relate to it, life only gets easier and easier like one of them said. To me, personally, it fits really well with my personality and personal ideas. I feel like my chances of getting used for my body and thrown away after sex are like really low, cause it takes a lot of love for me to feel attraction and it takes a loooot and I mean a freaking lot for me to even fall in love in the first place. While everyone seems to have at least one new crush every week, I can count on my fingers how many times I had crushes in a whole lifetime.
Agreed! It's easier but also harder at the same time for me, though. Because finding people attractive/checking them out isn't a priority, I often miss signals. I'm still trying to navigate dating. :/
@@DeusVult87 It is so cool that you think i am talking bout something not real. I never gave my oc's powers like "oh she is the queen of angels and king of demons nobody can beat her and she is gay and transgendered and heterosexual at the same time. Demisexual means to like somebody when you know what they really are like. I tried to make it as understandable as I can. Plus, why the actual fuck did you start talking about furries and oc's? I am not trying to copy any of my oc's personalities. I am sorry if i offended you by any way. And yup i am not a pyschologist. Neither you are and you cant know if i know this or not. Now let us finish this pointless argument. I dont want to waste my limited time.
Friends: "Oh she's HOT, man! DUDE!" Me: "Huh? Yeah, she's cute." [And should I talk with her because it's that kind of social situation.] Friends: "OMG! You were playing it so cool. Long game, am I right?" Me: "Uhhh no, she said she was a painter and needed some photos done of her work so..." Friends: "ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!" Me: *rolling my eyes so god damned hard*
@@DeusVult87 Nah not everyone is just immediately thirsty for other people they meet. It's not about being cautious. It's about needing more for sexual attraction/connection than just good looks.
Finally there is a term that describe how I have been feeling my whole life. I always thought something was wrong with me. I'd not have sex yet I would be in an ideal romantic situation with a man. I had not yet reached that level of emotional depth for me to proceed with sex. If I did it anyway, i would be so emotionally damaged that whole day beating myself up for doing it before I was ready. I thought that something was wrong with me for wanting deep emotional feelings for one another while being in a relationship first. I've never had a one night stand or friends with benefits relationship. I would never ever do that. So now I see others are out there that feel the same as me. It feels great to know this and after all these years I know I'm not alone. There is a term for it. Thank goodness.
I don't identify as demisexual but I have found that people can become either MORE attractive or LESS attractive based on their attitudes, behaviors and actions.
For me, I still have celeb crushes, but I don’t want to do anything with them. I only want to do stuff with them (not celebs, even one) if I have a good emotional connection with them.
I'm nowhere near demisexuality. I feel sexual attraction even without an emotional one. Some of my best sexual encounters was with people whom with i had no emotional attraction. Having an emotional attraction with someone does not make me want to be with that person if I don't have the sexual attraction as well. So, I'm really the opposite. But it's really important that all of these sexualities are showcased because we're all so different from one another and we all matter.
True - same here; I can be attracted to a nice piece of ass without any emotional connection whatsoever (heterosexual)... However, I'm also 'traditionalsexual', lol; I have to get to know them first before getting sexual.
I feel seen! So many close friends have seen me as “weird” or asexual because I don’t view sex the same way they do. The guys first story about someone wanting to kiss him he barely knew and him being turned off. I have had this happen so much!!!
Yeah... Even when I found someone I didn't know attractive, it made goosebumps rise at the thought of doing anything with them. I never found flirting fun, either. That's how I knew.
I’ve always had this feeling of ‘yeah they’re really nice, hot, cute but it’s more of a this is nice moment and I’m enjoying their company rather than I wanna sleep with them right now’ a lot of the time until the bond increases
The opening about not having celebrity crushes spoke to my soul! I feel like modern dating is all about going on one or two dates and jumping into bed so I just gave up on dating completely.
Aweeee so true. I love getting to know someone . Physically , emotionally, mentally before doing anything else. I thought there was something wrong with. I just love connection and I value it so deeply.
So to summarize... instead of just “ hooking up”” with someone. You are now open to a more mature approach to getting to know someone before becoming sexually involved. Sounds logical and safer to me.
No need to put other sexualities down, just because it’s not your thing. Their way of doing things can be just as mature and safe (to them). Besides, most rape victims get assaulted by someone they know, not random hook ups.
@@IamaDanish What people call "Demisexual" sound exactly like a little the called "True Love Waits" aka Waiting till Marriage, which because its not 1990, we can assume you did it for actual love. Dont have to sleep with them before hand. Dont have to have a special label to recognize you position except to hoes who think you have to bang for a living to be happy. Hoes come in all genders and hoes have skewed peoples view of sexuality so much you now have to explain why you don't bang randoms from the club and have to get to know someone intimately. do u want to specified any feeling in this damn planet
@@user-rc6xh2ln3r Nope. Sleeping with people you know doesn't equate to love or knowing some intimately. Like I said no need to put others down just because you don't subscribe to the way they chose to do life but you go on with your condescending remarks.
OH. MY. Thank you so much for this video - I have finally found the answer after 23 years on earth 😂 I've always thought there's something wrong with me and always felt so alienated because I don't want to have sex with half-strangers. When I see someone who's attractive I always imagine going out on dates with them, holding hands, hugging them while watching sunset ect and NEVER having sex. My friends thought I was asexual but I knew I'm not...
this is exactly me! I can look at a person and say oh they are cute but I never feel any sexual attraction to them until I get to know their personality and them really well.
Omg same. I once had the hugest crush on a guy throughout teens. And I thought about everything but sex. And when we finally had sex years later when we were starting to date a bit. He told me after 'was it as good as you imagined?' And I felt really embarrassed and insulted coz sex was never apart of my crushing, but also I realized that I NEVER thought about it. I always just imagined the hand holding and stuff. So it made me feel weird that I never thought about that where most would. Lol. Especially as teens! Haha
I'm 37 years old now. After many years of learning from my love life, I know that I am a demisexual. It isn't something identify as. It is just the case. I've been with beautiful women, but couldn't get it up. I've been with nerdy, plain looking women and had some of the best sexual experiences of my life. It all had to do with my emotional state towards them. The more I love them for who they are, how connected and safe I feel emotionally with them, the more aroused I become.
Yes! Yes! Yes! This is so important because nobody seems to understand asexuality - and it's even harder for others to understand demisexuality because it isn't talked about. Thank you so much, Tindr! Now I could send someone this video if I feel tired explaining my sexual orientation/identity over & over again. Representation matters!
What are you talking about? Everybody understands what asexuality is. Why does everybody think they need attention for their sexuality choices or preferences or just being who they are. Why does everybody require a label? Because everybody seeking approval and attention from everybody. Just keep the information to yourself and your partner
Demisexuality is a solid ground for a deeper emotional connection. There is zero chance of cheating. If a demi is having romantic feelings for you，that is a huge thing，and if they are sexually attracted to you above that，it means that you are someone very special to them.
Yeah like for me everybody cute, I like guys, but I wouldn't dare think of having sex without unless I've bonded with them. Just sex on the first date or the first time knowing them boggles my mind. Like I just can't have sex with a stranger. You gotta make me laugh first😂😂
I discovered myself 6 months back and stumbled upon this video. While I keenly wondered for 24 years why had I always ended up having intimate relations with my friends and never a random dude I'd meet at a bar, I always imagined it being something to do with shyness. But apparently it wasn't that. It was just that with people whom I knew and became friends with first; the barrier had fallen down opening up a possibility of me thinking about them in a sexual way which was impossible to fathom for strangers. Like I'd be awkward and repulsed by a handsome guy trying to dance with me at a club but would end up making out with a classmate with whom I spent the week working on a project! Just one word and it all makes sense! 😌
this video,,,, this comment section,,,, I finally found my people !! Ngl, I always thought I was broken as a child. I didn't have crushes in school nor had celebrity crushes. I just wasn't a sexual person, I didn't get the hype, plus I was an introverted and shy kid, so I never knew anyone well enough to form a connection. Didn't help that in fifth grade I asked my guidance counselor during an open forum if it was normal to not have any crushes and he said it wasn't and that I needed help (in front of 200 or so people) Only tonight did I finally discover this term and it fits me perfectly!! Super happy and relieved that I'm not alone.
I’ll never forget when my sister told me she was demisexual. I thought it didn’t mean much until she told me how isolated and weird she felt growing up and finding that she wasn’t really attracted to anyone. Luckily that changed when she met and formed a real connection with her husband.
When I was around 13 or 14 I noticed that looks don't really matter to me and that I don't have "a type". All my ex-partners look pretty different. I always embraced it, because I'm an idealistic person and thought that's the way it should be - all about the character. I never had a problem with that other than people not believing me, but I didn't really care. Sometimes I have mild celebrity crushes and I remember it was Eminem when I was fifteen. Once I dreamt about meeting him and shily asking him if he wanted to grab a snack - we went to a bar and talked about how people see him vs how he really is in private. :D Best dream of my life haha
Whenever asked about my celebrity crush- it's not the actor that I'm attracted to- it's the character that they played that draws me to them... So this video def provided more insight and answers and I feel there needs to be more representation for these hidden sexualities.
I can't even count the number of times other guys ask for my opinion on the attractiveness of someone or made remarks in regards to their sexual attraction to a celebrity or someone they knew. It always made me feel so uncomfortable for a lot of the reasons stated from the people in the video. Def going to explore this avenue more thanks for the video!
I always felt like I was weird growing up because I didn't think the same celebrities were attractive as my friends did. I didn't "crush" on "hot" celebs, it was more the nerdy, awkward ones that played more emotional roles. I never dated and pretended to have crushes on guys in high school because my friends were dating and talking about how hot certain guys were. I also didn't really think about sex with the guys I did crush on. I always fantasized more about spending time with them and getting to know them better. It wasn't until I met my husband and had that emotional connection that sex was even a real thought for me. I'm so glad I discovered the term demisexual because now I don't feel so weird.
I’m demisexual and I’ve only ever had one “celebrity crush” but it wasn’t on the celebrity it was on the character. Young Harry from Mamma Mia 2 is a amazing cute cinnamon bun and I love anyone who starts singing Waterloo in the middle of a French restaurant.
Before I knew I was Demi-sexual my friend tried to figure out “my type” so she showed be lots of photos of people (some were celebrity’s) and asked the question “do you find this person attractive” and every time I would say no or dodge the question and explain that I wouldn’t know them enough to decide, she also gave me some things to look into after that one being demisexuality thank you R (Ima leave out her name)
I'm the same way, yes I can know a person is attractive by society's standards but what I think about when a person shows me a celebrity is what would a relationship with them be like, then I think about it and then depending on how it goes do I find them sexually attractive.
Any time anyone has ever approached me or has been flirty with me without even knowing who I am, I I mediately run. It’s a huge turn off. I hardly dated before I found my fiancé and I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 23 because I never wanted to. It actually gave me a lot of anxiety. But now I’m in a committed relationship where I feel safe won’t who I am as well as my body.
I see myself in this but I don't feel the need to identify as demisexual because I don't think it even needs to be addressed. Like I don't think this makes you any different.
May04bwu It does when you are a beautiful woman dating and men don’t understand and assume you’re rejecting them or playing hard to get. Or people assume you’re practicing celibacy.
It does because people (mostly friends) will ask you who you find cute or sexual questions. If you give unusual answers they think you’re sad or there’s something wrong with you.
@@booboobunny5655 Then you have bad friends. You can like someone for their personality (emotional attraction) and that person who attracts you that way is your crush. It's really not that complicated.
Thank you! People are so drawn to the attention and public support that we offer to diverse sexual identities that they feel desperate to be part of the movement. I've never felt attracted to anybody without first feeling deeply connected to them, guess what! That's almost every straight woman I know. We are not a movement. Grow up.
Brenda H Trauma and abuse can make demisexuality much more pronounced adding a layer of not only needing to develop an emotional connection but possibly overcome trust barriers as well. Additionally, as we age, change, and gain experience in life - it is not unheard of to move along the Asexuality spectrum.
Deus Vult you know you don’t have to have been molested to be gay right...also homophobic doesn’t mean that you’re afraid of gay people, it means “having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against homosexual people” taken directly from the dictionary...
I am so glad to finally see a proper explanation/definition for demisexuality from actual demisexuals. Every time I've asked or researched before, I always got the stereotypical jerky "oh it's just a fancy way of saying you have standards LAWL" response from people, who clearly didn't really know what they were talking about, and it never sat right with me. Nice to finally hear some people's experiences.
I discovered I was Demisexual 2 years ago and I felt this great moment of just rightness when I found out. Realising my sexuality made me alot more comfortable accepting other parts of who I am. It helped me accept how and who I am attracted too. I am so proud a Demisexual!!!!
This is really cool. As someone who identifies as graysexual (or, as I like to say, "heteroromantic????") dating apps create so much anxiety for me. To see Tinder put an option like this on their app makes me think that there may be a way that I can make it work.
I cannot agree more with this...I m so happy to see this bcoz all my life i was struggling to understand myself why i m like this till today when i watched this video ....now i can explain myself more clearly to others My name is Srishty and I identify as Demisexual❤️❤️
Once, I joked about being an ace, then I dug more into it recently… Turns out I (at least kind of) am, I never understood hookups, one night stands, having crushes on random celebrities or fictional characters. I’ve only had a few crushes in my life and they’re all on friends I knew at least somewhat
I really thought I was the only one who felt this way. I'm so glad now I know what I am and at the same time, there are other people like me. I literally don't know anyone else irl who feels like this and I have always believed there's something wrong with me. This is liberating.
You’re not the only one who feels this way that’s exactly why it’s not a big deal. You’re all being bamboozled into thinking all of this is important to life. What’s important to life is earning a productive life, taking care of your own life and getting an education and enjoying yourself. Nobody cares or needs to know about your personal sexuality.
You can’t be Demisexual and Asexual at the same time. Asexual is no sexual attraction and Demisexual is the experience of sexual attraction only after an emotional bond is formed.
@@haramber3962 there is a whole spectrum between sexual-demisexual-asexual (demi literally means half) so you can be anywhere on this line and don't have to be this or that.
Nearly 20 years on this planet and I only just learned that there was a word for this. Sometimes when I'd hang out with my friends they would talk about girls, and even though I'm straight, I never really got it. I just thought I was weird and messed up.
This makes me think of my experience of finding someone physically/sexually attractive -- that is until I discover I cannot stand their personality and/or character!! THEN the attraction instantly evaporates and they actually start to look ugly. On the other hand, I might meet someone who doesn't make me feel that initial physical attraction but when I get to know their character/persona, they really impress me and they begin to look more attractive. I used to reconcile that by saying attractiveness is more of a dynamic phenomenon. It's more than just a visual snapshot but I'm fully capable of finding someone attractive sexually just by visuals. I'm not immune to PORN to put it another way -- albeit crudely.
Wow I was just so scared because I felt invalid when I identified with this but knowing that there is a community who understands just makes me want to cry. I don’t even need a label for my “orientation” just knowing that it is not all in my head is amazing
I'm crying cause I just discovered something about myself. It's an answer I was never looking for but just happened to discover it.
Congratulations! I'm Demisexual too, but I didn't really have the opportunity to discover that for myself. Its always food to see someone discover themselves freely!
Same
@Gabe Kowalski Congratulations!
Same xxx
same
i started crying when i randomly got this ad because everytime i tell someone i’m demi they look at me like i’m nuts, i’m so glad people are talking about this.
Hi fellow demisexual!! The same thing happens to me when I tell people about my sexuality. I am beyond emotional as well :')
❤️❤️❤️❤️
For most of my childhood and teen days, I've jumped between so many orientations and finally figured out that I am actually demisexual (well... demi-lesbian to be more specific). I thought I was bi, then I thought I was a lesbian, after that I thought I was asexual. When finally. I learned that I'm actually just demisexual. (I learned this only when I started to have sexual thoughts about my best friend, but never even bothered to look at attractive people.)
@@s40404___ I never really bothered asking her out since she has a boyfriend already and I strictly wanted us to only be friends. The sexual thoughts are still there though, but I try my best to ignore them. (Also I'd rather be patient when it comes to romantic relationships and when I gain a little more experience in the real world.)
same! my demisexuallity goes for celeb crushes though, when i feel a bond through their music and personality. my friends don’t question it, cause i have tons of friends who are in the ace spectrum
*guys, don’t mistake aesthetic attraction for something else. Aesthetic attraction is when you think someone is good-looking, but that doesn’t mean you’d want to do anything with them. For example, i’m a lesbian, but on rare occasions, i do find dudes aesthetically pleasing to the eye, but i’d NEVER want to kiss them or do anything of the sort. Like i literally gag at the thought of it*
*edit: thanks for all the likes guys!!* 🙏 🙏
Holy crap, that makes perfect sense!
I find women to be more stunning than men, but have no sexual interests. I just admire the beauty.
i've heard it being described as a painting, as a painting can look good, but that doesn't mean that you want to have sex with the painting
me with anderson cooper
OMG THATS ME!!!! i always see guys i think are "cute" but i never want to... be with them or kiss them or anything. but i think i feel that with girls, idk im 10
@@unsubscribenow9052 *theres no rush in figuring out your sexuality. you can decide on what you wanna identify as or what label you like best. you dont even have to label yourself if you dont want to, and you have your whole life to figure yourself out 🤗🤗
Demisexuals can have celebrity and fictional crushes. Once you’ve gotten to know the character or celeb and made that emotional connection, its possible for those feelings. You can acknowledge the aesthetic beauty of a celeb or someone who you don’t know you just don’t sexually feel anything for them.
Yes I 100% agree!
Oh yes. I like to watch and read interviews with them.
That makes sense for me. I have a fictional crush. Hardly real celebrities though lol that sounds so bad.
I mean I know when someone's attractive. You may not want to have sex with them but you can tell their pretty. And let's not forget there's that asexuality where fanfiction or their fantasies are more arousing then anything that reality could bring them. I forget what it's called but there is an entire branch of the a sexuality tree that has to do with that. Celebrity crushes wouldn't be a No-No when them. I think it comes down to a personal thing.
Absolutely! After watching and reading a ton of their interviews and trying to get a grasp of how and what they think and feel. 💜
My friends would always show me a pic of this guy and be like “he’s so hot I wanna kiss him” and I’m here like “uh- yeah ig idk I would wanna meet him first” 👁👄👁
Lol when me or my friends say that its usually a joke or sumn xD
@@moonskies yess🥲👌
Yesss, I was confused on why I never had a celebrity crush or something like that
Edit: (before I discovered demisexual/demiromantic)
@@melovx3928 Or… i wanna but not EVERYDAY xddd noooo
@@melovx3928 Ohh noo i was writening a LOT AND DELETET😭🤚🏼
I found my sexuality. Took me 18 years.
You are still better than me. I'm 26 and just found out this year :D I've been feeling sg is not normal at age of 10 but i wasn't sure. I can feel romantically for girls and boys too i was so confused :)
Took me 15
17
took me 27 years.
Same. Cus i met my significant other. For the longest time i thought i was asexual
I am demisexual but I still think people are cute but It's always just a compliment and nothing else
I know what you mean. Like as a straight and demi guy, I can find other girls or even guys physically attractive, but that's literally it.
Like if I'd say to someone that she is cute or she has great smile or beautiful eyes, for me it's just a compliment about their looks and nothing more. Nothing even close to "hitting on them". Well obviously I don't say those things out loud because most of the times they would thing I'm hitting on them..
RQ5-Hunter
I actually found out I was Demisexual because my friends were pressuring me to have a crush (accidentally) and I found the term Demisexual then forgot about it then, I said that I found the person they thought I like was cute and they went “Oooh! So you do like him!” As if they just found out something revolutionary. Now any time I think about that I go “my friends are idiots” but in a joking way, but then again I’m not out to them so...
Also there’s another friend who also has never had a crush but they don’t care, they only want to annoy me
Edit: also the other girl who has never had a crush sets off either my gaydar or my acedar
I have trouble knowing the difference between someone who sets off my gaydar vs my acedar
Not all straight and gay people are sexually attractive to people they admire... stop making your stuffs up...
@@65EKS65 ok so, im curious as someone who just learned what demi means. What if i like can find people attractive looking but never really form like a crush or see them romantically untill ive made a good enough connection with them. Is that like make it count as demi?
*that moment you realize that you didn't have a celebrity crush, but you were only staning them.*
AHHH YESS THISS
I always just picked one i thought was pretty, lol
@@sintara8442 ditto 😂😂😂
Damnn 100%
Like I have celbrity crushes and I lobe them but NEVER sexual. I love them because of their personality and what they do and I find them attractive but not in a sexual way. Like when somebody says ooo I wanna get railed by my celebrity crush so hard. Then I‘m like wtf how hahaha. I love them really from the bottom of my heart but just not sexual:)
When Jesse said something about feeling like a switch had been flicked one day when talking to someone and suddenly realising how attractive their face is, I have never related to something that much in my entire life
Right? Right? 😃
Exactly. Once a guy put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me and suddenly he went from being invisible to me to my only intense attraction.
@@wuestion9473 wait bc one time I was getting to know this guy and he was so sweet and we both liked each other, but one day in class he randomly put his hand up to me to see our hand size comparison I assumed. When I tell you the second I touched his hand, it felt like sparks were flying and my heart started beating like crazy. I was freaking out a bit, but since we were in class I kept it cool and went back to what I was doing and we both proceeded to go back to normal. I can’t really remember but I think that was also one of the first times I touched him as well.
Literally. That is how it all started when I met the current love of my life❤
God, my whole life, I thought my lack of sexual attraction was weird, and I never understood what everyone was talking about when it came to how sexy people were, when all I could think about is whether someone is a good person or not. I never knew romantic attraction and sexual attraction did not always directly correspond to each other. THIS is what schools need to teach their students and educate them on in health class, instead of just reading from a book about hetero sex and how teenagers are all hormonal and straight. Maybe then I wouldn't have thought something was wrong with me for so long.
Same
I've always said, I can appreciate someone's beauty male or female (I'm straight), but that doesn't mean I'm ATTRACTED to them. For me, attraction is a totally different thing, I take it in the sense like a magnet where I'm drawn to that person and only that person. People think I'm a prude or that I'm lying to make my partner feel better. No, I'm just demisexual lol.
But we don't need a new damn name for it. It's just called a freaking preference. And what get your rocks off is intelligence or money or strength or big butts.
@@ineedhoez you obviously don't understand what Demi's are then. It's not a "Prefrence", it's litteraly *No Attraction* at all for someone until you've made an emotional connection.
@@lovelyunknown Right! I'm a heterosexual man that finds plenty of women to be psychically attractive and that are my type but I have no sexual attraction towards them. Someone can be your type, you find then attractive, but that doesn't mean you want to have sex with them. You want to get to know them first to see if y'all are a great match.
100x yes!!
Same here ! I can appreciate someone ‘ I can say to my partner look how beautiful is that girl! Or when see Tom Ellis he is so attractive but that doesn’t mean I fell a sexual attraction to them . I’m straight too
For the people who are confused, demi means you don't experience sexual attraction until you have an emotional connection to that person. So like the one guy said, you don't experience a celebrity crush because you don't know that person. There is a difference between demi and choosing to wait to have sex!
But isn't this just.....like ....what most people feel? Im confused. This is a sexual orientation? How?
It may seem normal, but its a little different (that's why it's hard to explain) if you see a boy/girl on street you would consider going on a date with them. A demi Person would not do that, its like skipping two steps and if you hang out with a person and feel comfy you'll spontaniously say: Yeah, that's the one I'll spend the rest of my life with. That's why a demi person can get really confused about friendships, because if we just spend too much time with someone then it can also happen that we catch feelings what a "normal" person won't do because they say: Yeah it's just a friend, not hot from the beginning and won't be in any time. We don't really fall in love with a person, more or less we fall in love with the personality. Speaking for myself I was in love with a girl I never met or new her name, just because of her writting style that I found cute... Hope it explains a little.
So you say that you wouldn't have a crush on a celebrity, but would a crush on character - for example, a crush not so much on Robert Downey Junior but on Tony Stark - would that fall into Demi-sexual territory?
@@ElizIndRhythm That's something i experience, except I like Captain America lol. As far as I understand it yes, that is an aspect of it
Katrina G I’m demisexual and I still have romantic feelings about people I don’t know. I can have crushes based off of someone’s aesthetic attraction, but I wouldn’t have sexual feelings towards them.
Never knew this was a thing. I thought i was the only one who felt this way. Wow this is great 😭
Hi
Sofia Flores exactly! I thought I was the only one (especially as a man)
It was the same for me, and I even thought that there was something wrong or that I was just being picky. Turns out I just want sex when I feel love, and I think that an advantage of that is that whatever sexual interaction I choose to have will be deeply meaningful.
I thought it was just normal
That's because this is a normal thing👀 nowadays people are just hoe'n around. Most of our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents have done it this way the right way. Unless someone parents are just living the fast lane.
Finally they thought i was crazy about this and its like “isnt this normal?” But when some of my boyfriend that i just knew for 2 months wants to do sexual things to me i was like “noope” and it ruins all my relationship, but when i was with someone i trust and love for 8 years i was like YEAH LETS DO THIS EVERYDAY.
So you found it wild that you'd actually want to give it up to someone you like....not a random....
@@MusicSetAdrift What's wild is the fact that most people that you date, male and female, who you are mutually interested in find you sexually attractive and want to have sex with you after getting to a decent level of trust. You can trust people, doesn't mean you've emotionally bonded on a level that could take a very long time to allow your sexual desires to occur. That's the difference, we don't experience sexual desire the same way a large majority of people do.
@@alivc2458 What people call "Demisexual" sound exactly like a little the called "True Love Waits" aka Waiting till Marriage, which because its not 1990, we can assume you did it for actual love. Dont have to sleep with them before hand.
Dont have to have a special label to recognize you position except to hoes who think you have to bang for a living to be happy.
Hoes come in all genders and hoes have skewed peoples view of sexuality so much you now have to explain why you don't bang randoms from the club and have to get to know someone intimately....
Aww
@@MusicSetAdrift No demisexual is not the same as waiting for love or marriage that's a standard. You can have a standard where you say I don't want to do this until thus type of commitment is made or until we are really serious aka in love but that's not what demisexual is. The difference is someone can say they are holding off having sex and still want to have sex as in sexual desire with that person but just waiting. Demisexual is I don't even feel sexually attracted to you to want to have sex by may feel romantically and a esthetically attracted to explore the relationship through dating. So they don't look at the person and automatically desire sex with them and each demisexual person is different not everyone needs years to get to that stage.
I learned I was demisexual after hearing about it in a sex and sexuality course. I always felt so confused and uncomfortable being intimate with “boyfriends” I had at the time (I say it loosely cause most were barely 3 months and I didn’t feel the emotional connections) found they often didn’t respect it, and ended up pressuring me even more or breaking up... Learning more about it also helped me realize the kind of relationships I want in the future. Thank you for sharing this video and making more people aware of it. Your sexuality and personal identity are valid! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise :)
the irony of a demisexual video on the tinder channel! I don't have an emotional connection to a strangers face so the app is useless to me
😂 😂 😂
thats damn true but tinder made a great job with this video
You can still chat with other demis on the app or go for a walk with one.
I identify as demisexual and actually found my boyfriend on tinder 😋 I thought his pictures were cute and we had shared interests. We chatted for about 2 months before we met in person, got together a few weeks later but it was a good while after that we had sex for the first time. That side of my attraction to him came after months of talking, hanging out and developing the love that forms the basis of our relationship
I appreciate that tinder actually made this video for us
I’m actually really glad to find out that I’m a demisexual. My boyfriend found the term demisexual and he was the one who pointed out that i am one.
I used to feel like a loser every time people talk about how they go on tons of casual dates and had kissed people who they barely knew. Sex was seriously something that I found it gross until I met my boyfriend. Even with my boyfriend, kissing and having sex took awhile for me. I remember he used to be frustrated bc I wouldn’t even kiss him when we first started dating and he even thought I might actually be an asexual. Lol
I used to feel ashamed of myself that I don’t feel any sexual attraction and always hid that side of me from people. Now that I found out that I’m a demisexual, I feel way more comfortable with how I am
I have a question, is it the same as bisexual or can you only be attracted to one sex
Me too girl
@@cindykimberly7317 demisexal has to do with the amount of sexual attraction you feel towards another person. Therefore, anyone whether they are straight, bi, gay, etc. can be demisexal as well. For me, I'm a woman, straight and I'm demisexual which means I don't have any sexual attraction to men until I have created a deep emotional connection with them and then I will be sexually attracted to them. This would be the exact same if I was gay just swap out the man for a woman or if I was bi just swap out men for men and women.
@@cindykimberly7317 im demisexual when it comes to guys and gay when it comes to girls so i can kind of identify as bi
I've never related to anyone more! So happy to have found this video
the amount of people in the comments telling about how they discovered themselves just now makes me so happy! so proud of us :)
For real! It’s so inspiring :’)
Thank you. I'm so proud of us, too.
@Franco Cavalli It's considered LGBT because it falls under the spectrum of Asexuality and that is a minority sexual identity thats not well understood by common society. That leads to many of the same kind of insecurities and self shame that many gay people experience. LGBT is meant to spread awareness and create a safe community to have open discussions about different types of sexuality and romantic identity. NOT to get a sticker for being a special snowflake.
Sorry. I see no need to identify at all with whatever sexuality you have. This is an absurd definition. So it exists? And what is the big deal. Some people's default is anger to situation. Some people's depression. Some people's indifference. Should we start defining these types. Should we start defining people's degrees of racial profiling and identify with those. Should we start defining people by their food preferences? Whilst massive social injustice and inequality continue, the world witnesses continued and increasing racism, environmental destruction, the media is obsessed with definitions and PC correctness to sexual definitions. To me it's all rather purile. Yet Gaza is bombed at will and has been for 70 years. And much of wildlife is on the brink of extinction etc. Sorry again. I'm not dismissive of anyone's sexual preferences or orientation. It's just what it is. As long as you don't hurt anyone and you are not hurt by others for your orientation then it's entirely unimportant. Just get on with your life. It's no big deal. You are not your sexuality.
@@colinellesmere Exactly! All these people making a big deal about 'not wanting do have sex without a deep bond' as if they're in a minority and finally get to 'live' their lives, as if people don#t have anything better to do than to shame them, when in most areas it's perfectly acceptable not to have casual sex. These people and their 'worries'........ and their need for attention.
I identify as a demisexual. I told my close friend who’s bi...she told me that Demisexual is not real and that I should just identify as bi. I felt shot down when I came out the first time especially to her. I was shocked.
Oh my goodness.. I'm sorry to hear that.. I'm lucky to have friends who were very supportive and willing to learn about demisexuality. I hope you find people that is willing to hear you out in the future
Don't feel bad because they don't have enough information on demisexual. They need to learn more about it before judging anyone's sexual. I think I might be a demisexual but I am not sure. I Am more into woman that are the same sex as me. There's another thing that is been on my mind for some time now and I am thinking that I could be demisexual or bisexual. You are a great person and don't let no one bring you down because you like people differently than they do. Which I think is a smart way for anyone to be nowadays.
Forgive me for saying this but in all fairness, I think it is a crying shame that your friend who is bisexual and whom some people might dismiss or judge because of her orientation nevertheless considers herself entitled to judge you for yours.
@Franco Cavalli Bullshit. If "most people like to make an emotional connection first", then casual sex would not be anywhere nearly as widespread as it is because most people are aware that a true emotional connection usually can't be established in just a few days. If "most people want an emotional connection first", most heterosexual men would not try so very hard to get a woman into bed right away because they would "want an emotional connection first" and they would know that their efforts are futile and a waste of time...but they don't, and they aren't.
Lots of people throughout history have said that this or that kind of sexuality wasn't real or wasn't normal or wasn't healthy. Welk, guess what? It turned out that they were wrong. Who the hell do you think you are anyway to dismiss and judge anyone for what their life and their experiences are?? In my experience, far too many people are actually terrified of emotions and use sex to create emotional *distance* rather than closeness while making it look as if they're not -- they're as close to each other physically as it's humanly possible to be but they might as well be standing on opposite sides of the Pacific Ocean. emotionally.
Demi lives peridot.
I think that a lot of people invalidate demisexuality with this saying that “well everyone’s like that everyone wants to know someone well first,” but they miss that that is not always true and this is not what this is. When Someone who is not demisexual sees an attractive person or an attractive celebrity they may feel that sexual attraction, their bodies natural response is to feel attracted to them. someone demisexual might not find someone attractive or even close to sexually appealing until an emotional connection is established. So it’s not like a choice of oh i wanna know them first, u genuinely feel nothing at all until that connection is there. Someone who is not demisexual could speak to someone at a club they find cute and they click and then hookup, but for some demisexual people this small experience of conversation would still not create that level of appeal. pls dont invalidate things u dont get
It's an old comment but I was going to say I agree asexuality people have a hard time understanding but at least there's a hard-line there. Dmisexuality or even greysexuality a lot harder to explain. I like to say it's kind of like a Harlequin romance novel important things you feel people for a certain things you don't feel people for and people that have the true love and connection thing. Like Goldilocks and Three Bears sometimes works sometimes it don't work. Bad analogy when it comes to romance and sex but I suppose the best way to put it because I don't think people get it.
As a Demi myself, I had celeb crush’s on ppl like David Tennant, Tom Hiddleston, and Hugh Jackmon, but that’s because after really liking the characters they portrayed in their films/tv shows, I would look up movie interviews and behind the scenes footage of them and how they interacted with staff. I fell in love with who they were as ppl and what being an actor meant to them. And of course the lore of their characters they brought to life.
I have a crush on Tom Hiddleston too and I even imagine myself doing things with him.lol I'm confused if I'm demisexual
@@jajasatorashi136 I think you should look up lithosexual or maybe even fraysexual? Just maybe for a wider view on the asexual spectrum
@@lemmymemmy I look up to fraysexual meaning and it seems closer to my sexuality than Demisexual idk haha
@@jajasatorashi136 I mean it’s whatever you feel, and it’s completely acceptable if your not sure at the moment
Duuuuuuude. I've never thought of it that way, but I have become hyper-interested in characters which has led to following the performer more. I hadn't viewed it through the lens of sexual attraction before, but yes, I guess it was 'crushing on a character' because they feel known and then transposing that emotional desire/interest to the performer.
I completely relate to people thinking I'm weird for not having a celebrity crush. One thing I hate is when I try to explain what demisexual is people say "oh but everyone wants that". No, you dont understand, I cant even fantasize about my perfect made up dream person. It's just disembodied sensations and emotions I want to feel...
Ok wow you phrased that perfectly, you can’t even imagine someone who you would like to have sex with. Like you can imagine someone who is the most beautiful person in the world but it still means nothing.
THISSS OMG
This right here how I feel 🥺
Exactly!!! You described it perfectly.
If my friends could understand that omfg 😭🙄
For me, I do celebrity crushes (I'm Demisexual) but it's completely not insane like most people think of it as. I find bands like Queen cute because I've seen a majority of their cute moments and a huge portion of who they were, so now I have a few crushes on different people because I know stuff about them like the real person they are and can be. But let's say I saw a celebrity crush who I liked the most, and they tried to kiss me, I would most likely back away and be like, "I know some stuff about you but I don't know you that personally..."
I felt like I was alone with my celebrity crushes while also identifying as demi!
Like, I have had the biggest crush on Tom Hiddleston for years because he's been so open about himself in interviews and fan interactions.
I just know he's too much of a gentleman to not at least take a lady to dinner before trying to make a move lol
THANK YOU FOR THISSS,
i feel demisexual, but i hear people say that if you're demi you CAN'T have crushes on celebs, but fr thank for commenting this now i dont feel so alone
Itz Yu Boye- Yeah it's completely normal! Don't let people who aren't Demisexual or people who are say you can't have crushes cuz your Demisexual! Everyone is different and it isn't right for people to say you can't have crushes!
@@alex_chacoon8959 so truuue, tysm m8 :3
@@DeusVult87 lmao celeb crushes are really common, what's the big deal? its like when second graders have crushes on their teachers, it'll never happen, but its a cute and normal thing! :3
I discovered this term like a half hour ago, and right now I have so many feelings. My first happy cry. I'm very put off by hook up culture. Never understood it. I feel like I'm understanding myself now.
Me too! Im so glad❤
This video clarifies so much. I’m 22 and I’ve recently wanted to start dating more, but everyone wants sex and it makes me feel weird. Knowing I’m demisexual helps me take my power back and feel comfortable with myself.
For a while I thought that I was asexual until I realized that I did experience sexual attraction, but it was always towards friends. I researched it to see if there was a name for it, and it is! The problem with being demisexual though is that modern dating is not conducive to that. Most people expect you to know within 3 dates if you want a relationship and they certainly expect you to want to kiss them. When you don't, they assume that the chemistry isn't there and they move on. I don't blame them. I can't very well say to somebody, "let's be friends first and once I feel close to you, then I'd like to make out, OK?" It also makes friendships awkward because I usually fall for a guy friend long after he's assumed that I have friendzoned him. Sigh.
Oh my god same. I can't stand online dating and I always fall in love with my male best friends after 6 months. But they tell me they're not into me. They tell me if they were into me they would have asked me out by now. As a demisexual, I feel like I'll be single forever.
Same here! Still wondering how to navigate this. I think I will indeed tell them upfront this time. "it takes time for me to feel physical attraction to you. I need an emotional connection first. If you aren't willing to wait, let's date other people."
omg thiss!! 😩😩😩😩😩
have just experienced it again withmeeting someone really attractive and having the exact same thoughts😢❤️
I experience sexual attraction towards my best friend even though she's a girl and I am usually only attracted to men romantically. So I found out that to me it doesn't matter whether the connection is romantic or platonic, but it must be very strong. We started making out every now and then and it's always fun.
I understand EVERYTHING you just said!
“theres like a switch moment” its in words! its so great to hear this coming from someone other than me
Yeah I don’t think I’m demisexual but there’s a lot of times where I don’t think of someone as attractive right when I see them but I do later. But then there are other times when I think someone is attractive right away so it’s confusing lol
Lauren Mansey I related to that moment so hard as well❤️❤️❤️
YES!! I actually laughed with relief when he verbalised that moment!
When i didn't know i was demisexual/romantic, id go on a bunch of casual dates from dating apps and i didnt like any of them. Everyone i knew said its just because i was being too picky but i truly felt nothing. Its nice to know theres a whole community out here, but it still doesnt make dating any easier lol.
A little late, but I know exactly what you're talking about. I met someone on Bumble earlier this year and we went on a "date," but really it was a hang out. And I didn't feel any sort of attraction, which took me by surprise a little bit, but confirmed that I'm demi. We're still hanging out as friends.
Same. I'd have to become friends with the person to develop any romantic or sexual interest and it isn't easy finding someone who is accepting of this. What's worse is that for those who don't understand this it sounds like leading on. Which isn't entirely wrong since I can't promise I will develop the attraction. Honestly being demi is very tiring lmao
Same! Today is the day I found I am demiromantic which makes everything make so much more sense. Especially why online dating has been so hard.
Omfg I know! I don't do dating apps anymore because I can't feel anything that way.
Took the words right from my head. I made out with this guy just cause I felt I was suppose to, and I was just counting the time and trying to give back the same energy, but I just wanted to go home and watch a movie.
I'm very self conscious about this. I'll be turning 29 in about ten weeks, and I'm a virgin. I always assumed I was merely too prudent to accept that sexuality is a normal thing that people connect with, since I never had that desire personally - at least not with someone I didn't know well enough. All of my strongest feelings of attraction sparked from friendships that had already been developing as such for months or even years before. It's hard for me to comprehend that for most people, sexual activity tends to be one of the most important foundations of a relationship from relatively early on, and I _think_ it's very difficult not to confuse your need for an initially strictly emotional connection for a complete lack of romantic interest.
I hope someone else can relate to this.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I always felt like me never being immediately attracted to anyone was a problem and that I was the only one with it. It still feels like I live a surreal and "muffled" existence because of it
I can.... Sometimes it is so hard to live with this.... This is what I went trough. There is this emotional connection to a person you know and "the spark" happened after a half year and the person don't want you because "the spark" wasn't there from the first day. No one understands you, your feelings or why you "don't want to have dates, don't want to got to the Disco to find a guy,..."
Yesterday I cried so hard at my therapy session talking about this. I can 100% relate to your comment. I'm 29 too. And havent had sex in my entire life. I feel like I'm a freak, like something is fundamentally wring with me, like I'm broken and cursed to be alone for the rest of my life.
I hope someday I will be able to say that this is just who I am - a demisexual, who needs a little bit more time with another person before I can feel something.
But now it's so hard to live with this. To accept this. To tell people this.
This is all I can think about while I see my friends dating, getting married, growing families.
It helps A LOT to see that I'm not alone though so thank you ❤🩹
@@ЮлияГалунова-з8г Hey now. I hope you realise sexual experience or lack thereof aren't defining who you are. It's only as big of a deal as we make it. 🙏
I‘m really struggling over here, peeps. And I‘m so glad I found you. Let’s talk in the comments :)
„Superficial attraction“ as I call it, does not work on me or with me at all. Never did. Although I WANTED it to work so bad when I was a teenager. Y‘all know that feeling?
I have the feeling that demisexuals aren’t perceived as sexy, sexual or seductive people at all because we don’t function over the conventional type of „sexy“ body language. And that gives me a really hard time. Sometimes it feels like my sexuality is seen as a handicap in the eyes of others, although it shouldn’t be...:(
I look like a typical cheerleader basically.. People oversexualize me a lot and expect me to be you know.. Easy..
Sometimes i get advice from people, telling me to cut my hair or something because it isnt fair(?).
Im not complaining, i try to take comments as compliments
This is what I got trough a lot in my early life and I was always just the "sad love interest, because I didn't know how to win the heart of someone. The 2 men I wanted didn't want me because" They don't have feelings for me" what just mean that they didn't find me sexy... And they said this ....just behind my back.
For me it was the worst of all because I don't feel l ike this and still finding it superficial.
Today I wear vintage clothes and in the world of jeans and t-shirts , I'm like the woman in red dress from Matrix... Everyone looking at me and there a lot of men who asked me for a date.... And I hate this so much, because I know it's just because of my appearance and I don't want to be love because of this, because I cannot love someone because of this. I often asked them and they confirmed, that this was the reason. 😔
Proud of them all for being so open and informative about this!
I'm demisexual. I've tried to disconnect sex from emotion but just can't. I can have attraction to someone without knowing the but it's because I feel a connection with them. One night stands leave me physically sick and leaves me feeling guilty.
Is it the same as bisexual or can you only like one sex?
@@cindykimberly7317 demisexuality isn't akin to what gender you like, but rather your attraction to someone. I'm panromantic demisexual, meaning I can be attracted to all genders (hence pan) but I'm demisexual so it takes getting to know a person before being attracted to them. My friend is bisexual so she feels attraction to male and females, but she's not demisexual and she can feel attraction immediately. But someone can be biromantic demisexual. I hope that made sense!
I feel the same. Feeling so sick about one night stands, open relationships, three ways and all that stuff. Even porn I find disgusting. I'm not trying to be judgemental, it's just how I feel. Sex for me can only be with someone you love and have a connection with.
My god, same. I just feel used 😞
@@alyxer_ Wait why is the prefix something-romantic demisexual rather than something-sexual demisexual. Stupid question lol but no harm in asking.
I kind of hate being demisexual or demiromantic (idk what sexual attraction is like) because I start to get crushes on my close friends and I would really rather not, because I just want to be their friend
hi there i could not resinate more, ive been desperate for some sort of demi community that i can relate to (aka, something that is not only ace) and youve put it into words. ive actually never heard someone else say that. ty
Honestly ._.
Tooo truueee
hi there that hit way too close to home
@@KaFu9904 oath couldnt relate more
"Your beings somehow gravitate towards each other," I couldn't relate to this more omfg. When I actually do form a connection with someone and feel attracted to them (not very often) it's so strong, and it's not just physical, I just want to be near them and get to know them...the feeling hits me out of nowhere lmao.
It's such a nice experience until it happens with one of your close friends that doesn't feel the same way...I admitted my feelings to him, which subsequently ruined that friendship...
I know the feeling. I'm exactly the same. I just find it kinda hard to find new people to connect deeply enough for me to feel some sort of attraction. Like it usually ends up something casual like hanging out in a group without having time to get to know one more.
Also I feel you with the downside.. It just happened to me with my friend's girlfriend. Obviously I didn't want to get in their way, but every time I was even in a same group or alone with her I just couldn't help the feeling after I got known with her better. I'm not sure at all what even really happened, but I feel like she started to feel attraction towards me too, but my friend might have caught up on her in some point while she was "defending me" verbally in some situations or something. I still do hang out with him sometimes, but she is never around those times.
After that they kinda broke up but soon got back together or are in some sort of "on and off -relationship" which I can't understand. However I feel kinda quilty for even having these feelings even when I can't help it and I feel I'm obligated not to pursue her even if they end up breaking up, because I'm quite strong supporter of the "bro code" that one does not date someone else's ex... No matter what, I would still love to even be friends with her, because I feel the connection with her is something special even if it never would end up us dating or anything.
I feel like no one talks about the danger of not knowing your asexuallity. I only discovered this past year that I’m Demi sexual and because of that I just thought I was broken because no one I would date understood why I didn’t want to have sex right away because I also didn’t know the word for it. I’ve been manipulated into doing these sexual things with guys for a long time and I feel like if I had just known more and was more aware of the asexual spectrum I could have been saved from the horrible feelings and experiences I’ve had. Thank you for giving a voice to these people on the ace spectrum. I think we as a society need more of it.
I feel very much affirmed. Being demi can be incredibly difficult on so many levels. Videos like this are very important, not just for demis & greysexual people but for people who have been brainwashed into thinking there is only one way of experiencing love and or attraction.
difficult? how so? What is difficult about living your life the way you choose. Your sexual identity is not a public record. It’s a personal aspect of your life
Oh my God, I am demisexual...I didn't know this ever existed.
Dr SHOHINI DAS it doesn’t exist because it’s not real. it’s called being a normal person
@@effie9140 if that was true there wouldnt be a demisexual day during pride month
@@effie9140 do you only get a crush with someone after knowing them for about 3 years.
Or not thinking people are hot from straight off. Or not thinking they are hot or attractive based off of their looks at all for awhile until you get to know them.
@@effie9140 it exists stop jumping into conclusions without learning about it
@@effie9140 ill share my case, i never found men sexually attractive but in relationships or when i develop a bond, i start finding them attractive, sexually.
Thank you! This is so awesome! I love that a larger company is talking about demisexuality!
Im 40... and I've just discovered this about myself. I'm just... I'm so grateful to the younger people out here educating. Thank you 🙏
I ABSOLUTELY RELATE TO THAT SWITCH FEELING ! OH MY GOD ! that’s the best explanation I’ve found for what I feel. I don’t experience sexual attraction at first sight. The more I see the way you interact with the world, the more we talk, the more I hear and see the way you think, the more my admiration and respect for you grows. Then there’s a moment where this switch kinda flicks on and there it is. I’m sexually attracted to you. Omg.
At the end it is a very rare mixture of tousand things a person is or even is not... This!! sometimes make it so difficult, more than attraction based on primary things.
Me too ! I could never really explain it
i watched this and i felt a weight fall off of my chest. i didn't realize i wasn't the only person who felt this way. crazy that it took me so many years to find it
My boyfriend is demi and I love him with my whole heart 💜
I've always felt that my body just can't feel the pleasure of intimacy without having a deep connection and now I know what it was about. I am demisexual.
I'm literally liking almost all the comments haha I’ve never felt more at home. So many years thinking I was just afraid of love, that I was worthless or broken because I’ve never liked someone enough to make me want them physically and do something about it, it just felt uncomfortable and not right. I loved what the first guy said about celebrity crushes, I personally have to watch interviews and see how is someone’s personality, before I could even fantasises and describes it as a platonic love. I do find people attractive most of the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested enough to just make out with them, and now I know that’s perfectly fine. There’s so many possibilities trough the acceptance of this spectrum, we are not alone people!! Lovee ❤❤
With a society that is so obsessed with outer appearance I think that this is one of the most beautiful things ever❤️❤️
I feel like after you find out what demisexuality is and relate to it, life only gets easier and easier like one of them said.
To me, personally, it fits really well with my personality and personal ideas. I feel like my chances of getting used for my body and thrown away after sex are like really low, cause it takes a lot of love for me to feel attraction and it takes a loooot and I mean a freaking lot for me to even fall in love in the first place.
While everyone seems to have at least one new crush every week, I can count on my fingers how many times I had crushes in a whole lifetime.
I can count on one hand. I’ve had two. One wasn’t even intense enough, in my opinion, to qualify as a crush
@@alexiguess6018 exactly, even the times we rarely have a crush, it can happen to be shallow and go away like so easily.
@@petuxinhamaria470 damn i had crushes on anime charas bc theyre more interesting than real ppl😂
@@alexiguess6018 that's half a hand hahhahahaha
Agreed! It's easier but also harder at the same time for me, though. Because finding people attractive/checking them out isn't a priority, I often miss signals. I'm still trying to navigate dating. :/
My friend: OOOOH MY GOOOD! LOOK AT THAT BOY PASSING BY! HE IS ULTRA CUTE!
Me: what? And how?
@@DeusVult87 do u even know what demisexual means? I just described what demisexuals go trough.
@@DeusVult87 It is so cool that you think i am talking bout something not real. I never gave my oc's powers like "oh she is the queen of angels and king of demons nobody can beat her and she is gay and transgendered and heterosexual at the same time. Demisexual means to like somebody when you know what they really are like. I tried to make it as understandable as I can. Plus, why the actual fuck did you start talking about furries and oc's? I am not trying to copy any of my oc's personalities. I am sorry if i offended you by any way. And yup i am not a pyschologist. Neither you are and you cant know if i know this or not. Now let us finish this pointless argument. I dont want to waste my limited time.
Friends: "Oh she's HOT, man! DUDE!"
Me: "Huh? Yeah, she's cute."
[And should I talk with her because it's that kind of social situation.]
Friends: "OMG! You were playing it so cool. Long game, am I right?"
Me: "Uhhh no, she said she was a painter and needed some photos done of her work so..."
Friends: "ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!"
Me: *rolling my eyes so god damned hard*
@@DeusVult87 Nah not everyone is just immediately thirsty for other people they meet. It's not about being cautious. It's about needing more for sexual attraction/connection than just good looks.
10.000 Subscribers Without Any Subscribers Lol same
Finally there is a term that describe how I have been feeling my whole life. I always thought something was wrong with me. I'd not have sex yet I would be in an ideal romantic situation with a man. I had not yet reached that level of emotional depth for me to proceed with sex. If I did it anyway, i would be so emotionally damaged that whole day beating myself up for doing it before I was ready. I thought that something was wrong with me for wanting deep emotional feelings for one another while being in a relationship first. I've never had a one night stand or friends with benefits relationship. I would never ever do that. So now I see others are out there that feel the same as me. It feels great to know this and after all these years I know I'm not alone. There is a term for it. Thank goodness.
Cutie Critty thank you for sharing this it really helped me understand myself
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I don't identify as demisexual but I have found that people can become either MORE attractive or LESS attractive based on their attitudes, behaviors and actions.
For me, I still have celeb crushes, but I don’t want to do anything with them. I only want to do stuff with them (not celebs, even one) if I have a good emotional connection with them.
I’m 30 and I just found the name to call myself. Felt this this since I was born
I'm 33.Same here
Another 30 year old here ♥️
34
I'll be 30 in a few days. I thought I was weird for not sleeping around like everyone else my age 😆
I'm 30 and I just found out today. I just thought I'm a little bit weird. But it was like this for my whole life.
I'm nowhere near demisexuality. I feel sexual attraction even without an emotional one. Some of my best sexual encounters was with people whom with i had no emotional attraction.
Having an emotional attraction with someone does not make me want to be with that person if I don't have the sexual attraction as well. So, I'm really the opposite. But it's really important that all of these sexualities are showcased because we're all so different from one another and we all matter.
i guess that means you may be demiromantic!
@@mariaconti1762 why?
True - same here; I can be attracted to a nice piece of ass without any emotional connection whatsoever (heterosexual)... However, I'm also 'traditionalsexual', lol; I have to get to know them first before getting sexual.
It sounds like you may be aromantic (Aro).
So like how sexuality is on a spectrum so is romantic attraction.
I recommend looking up the aromantic spectrum, you may be demiromantic or aromantic.
I identify as demisexual. My relationships have been so secure and fulfilling.
I feel seen! So many close friends have seen me as “weird” or asexual because I don’t view sex the same way they do. The guys first story about someone wanting to kiss him he barely knew and him being turned off. I have had this happen so much!!!
Yeah... Even when I found someone I didn't know attractive, it made goosebumps rise at the thought of doing anything with them. I never found flirting fun, either. That's how I knew.
I’ve always had this feeling of ‘yeah they’re really nice, hot, cute but it’s more of a this is nice moment and I’m enjoying their company rather than I wanna sleep with them right now’ a lot of the time until the bond increases
The opening about not having celebrity crushes spoke to my soul! I feel like modern dating is all about going on one or two dates and jumping into bed so I just gave up on dating completely.
Aweeee so true. I love getting to know someone . Physically , emotionally, mentally before doing anything else. I thought there was something wrong with. I just love connection and I value it so deeply.
This video validated my feelings 🥺
Till now, I was never able relate to other people
I feel so liberated❤❤❤
So to summarize... instead of just “ hooking up”” with someone. You are now open to a more mature approach to getting to know someone before becoming sexually involved. Sounds logical and safer to me.
And some people are stupid enough to say that everyone wants to know each other before sex.
Yeah I also do think that’s more logical and safer like you said 👍🏼
No need to put other sexualities down, just because it’s not your thing. Their way of doing things can be just as mature and safe (to them). Besides, most rape victims get assaulted by someone they know, not random hook ups.
@@IamaDanish What people call "Demisexual" sound exactly like a little the called "True Love Waits" aka Waiting till Marriage, which because its not 1990, we can assume you did it for actual love. Dont have to sleep with them before hand. Dont have to have a special label to recognize you position except to hoes who think you have to bang for a living to be happy.
Hoes come in all genders and hoes have skewed peoples view of sexuality so much you now have to explain why you don't bang randoms from the club and have to get to know someone intimately.
do u want to specified any feeling in this damn planet
@@user-rc6xh2ln3r Nope. Sleeping with people you know doesn't equate to love or knowing some intimately. Like I said no need to put others down just because you don't subscribe to the way they chose to do life but you go on with your condescending remarks.
I found my sexuality after 26 years.
✌️❤️
THANK YOU. I almost cried. It’s so hard to explain this to people.
Kathleen Guevara yep. I felt so misunderstood (especially as a man growing up in the 90’s)
OH. MY. Thank you so much for this video - I have finally found the answer after 23 years on earth 😂 I've always thought there's something wrong with me and always felt so alienated because I don't want to have sex with half-strangers. When I see someone who's attractive I always imagine going out on dates with them, holding hands, hugging them while watching sunset ect and NEVER having sex. My friends thought I was asexual but I knew I'm not...
Same here!
this is exactly me! I can look at a person and say oh they are cute but I never feel any sexual attraction to them until I get to know their personality and them really well.
Omg same. I once had the hugest crush on a guy throughout teens. And I thought about everything but sex. And when we finally had sex years later when we were starting to date a bit. He told me after 'was it as good as you imagined?' And I felt really embarrassed and insulted coz sex was never apart of my crushing, but also I realized that I NEVER thought about it. I always just imagined the hand holding and stuff. So it made me feel weird that I never thought about that where most would. Lol. Especially as teens! Haha
I feel the same!! I think of SENSUAL things (cuddling, kissing, handholding, etc.) with people I’m attracted to, but usually not sex ever!!
I'm 37 years old now. After many years of learning from my love life, I know that I am a demisexual. It isn't something identify as. It is just the case. I've been with beautiful women, but couldn't get it up. I've been with nerdy, plain looking women and had some of the best sexual experiences of my life. It all had to do with my emotional state towards them. The more I love them for who they are, how connected and safe I feel emotionally with them, the more aroused I become.
Us bonding over feeling like we belong/normal. This is amazing
Yes! Yes! Yes! This is so important because nobody seems to understand asexuality - and it's even harder for others to understand demisexuality because it isn't talked about. Thank you so much, Tindr! Now I could send someone this video if I feel tired explaining my sexual orientation/identity over & over again. Representation matters!
What are you talking about? Everybody understands what asexuality is. Why does everybody think they need attention for their sexuality choices or preferences or just being who they are. Why does everybody require a label? Because everybody seeking approval and attention from everybody. Just keep the information to yourself and your partner
Demisexuality is a solid ground for a deeper emotional connection. There is zero chance of cheating. If a demi is having romantic feelings for you，that is a huge thing，and if they are sexually attracted to you above that，it means that you are someone very special to them.
I relate so much to this ugh I finally feel seen.
I’m starting to understand it more. Like, you can’t find somebody sexually or romantically attractive until you know them well.
Yes/no. Sexually attractive for demisexuality, romatically attractive for demiromanticism.
The Viewer Yep, I know!
Yeah like for me everybody cute, I like guys, but I wouldn't dare think of having sex without unless I've bonded with them. Just sex on the first date or the first time knowing them boggles my mind. Like I just can't have sex with a stranger. You gotta make me laugh first😂😂
I discovered myself 6 months back and stumbled upon this video. While I keenly wondered for 24 years why had I always ended up having intimate relations with my friends and never a random dude I'd meet at a bar, I always imagined it being something to do with shyness. But apparently it wasn't that. It was just that with people whom I knew and became friends with first; the barrier had fallen down opening up a possibility of me thinking about them in a sexual way which was impossible to fathom for strangers. Like I'd be awkward and repulsed by a handsome guy trying to dance with me at a club but would end up making out with a classmate with whom I spent the week working on a project! Just one word and it all makes sense! 😌
this video,,,, this comment section,,,, I finally found my people !!
Ngl, I always thought I was broken as a child. I didn't have crushes in school nor had celebrity crushes. I just wasn't a sexual person, I didn't get the hype, plus I was an introverted and shy kid, so I never knew anyone well enough to form a connection. Didn't help that in fifth grade I asked my guidance counselor during an open forum if it was normal to not have any crushes and he said it wasn't and that I needed help (in front of 200 or so people)
Only tonight did I finally discover this term and it fits me perfectly!! Super happy and relieved that I'm not alone.
I’ll never forget when my sister told me she was demisexual. I thought it didn’t mean much until she told me how isolated and weird she felt growing up and finding that she wasn’t really attracted to anyone. Luckily that changed when she met and formed a real connection with her husband.
Lucky woman!
I want the same!
When I was around 13 or 14 I noticed that looks don't really matter to me and that I don't have "a type". All my ex-partners look pretty different. I always embraced it, because I'm an idealistic person and thought that's the way it should be - all about the character. I never had a problem with that other than people not believing me, but I didn't really care.
Sometimes I have mild celebrity crushes and I remember it was Eminem when I was fifteen. Once I dreamt about meeting him and shily asking him if he wanted to grab a snack - we went to a bar and talked about how people see him vs how he really is in private. :D Best dream of my life haha
Damnnn Tinder never taught u would get it right❤️
Whenever asked about my celebrity crush- it's not the actor that I'm attracted to- it's the character that they played that draws me to them... So this video def provided more insight and answers and I feel there needs to be more representation for these hidden sexualities.
I can't even count the number of times other guys ask for my opinion on the attractiveness of someone or made remarks in regards to their sexual attraction to a celebrity or someone they knew. It always made me feel so uncomfortable for a lot of the reasons stated from the people in the video.
Def going to explore this avenue more thanks for the video!
I always felt like I was weird growing up because I didn't think the same celebrities were attractive as my friends did. I didn't "crush" on "hot" celebs, it was more the nerdy, awkward ones that played more emotional roles. I never dated and pretended to have crushes on guys in high school because my friends were dating and talking about how hot certain guys were. I also didn't really think about sex with the guys I did crush on. I always fantasized more about spending time with them and getting to know them better. It wasn't until I met my husband and had that emotional connection that sex was even a real thought for me. I'm so glad I discovered the term demisexual because now I don't feel so weird.
I’m demisexual and I’ve only ever had one “celebrity crush” but it wasn’t on the celebrity it was on the character. Young Harry from Mamma Mia 2 is a amazing cute cinnamon bun and I love anyone who starts singing Waterloo in the middle of a French restaurant.
Before I knew I was Demi-sexual my friend tried to figure out “my type” so she showed be lots of photos of people (some were celebrity’s) and asked the question “do you find this person attractive” and every time I would say no or dodge the question and explain that I wouldn’t know them enough to decide, she also gave me some things to look into after that one being demisexuality thank you R (Ima leave out her name)
I'm the same way, yes I can know a person is attractive by society's standards but what I think about when a person shows me a celebrity is what would a relationship with them be like, then I think about it and then depending on how it goes do I find them sexually attractive.
lking1540 I know if a person should be attractive if their body makes me jealous lol
@@sehall5031 well that's one way to look at it.
Any time anyone has ever approached me or has been flirty with me without even knowing who I am, I I mediately run. It’s a huge turn off. I hardly dated before I found my fiancé and I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 23 because I never wanted to. It actually gave me a lot of anxiety. But now I’m in a committed relationship where I feel safe won’t who I am as well as my body.
When people talk about hooking up or kissing random people at bars I feel like throwing up. then I can’t see those people the same anymore.
I see myself in this but I don't feel the need to identify as demisexual because I don't think it even needs to be addressed. Like I don't think this makes you any different.
May04bwu
It does when you are a beautiful woman dating and men don’t understand and assume you’re rejecting them or playing hard to get.
Or people assume you’re practicing celibacy.
It does because people (mostly friends) will ask you who you find cute or sexual questions. If you give unusual answers they think you’re sad or there’s something wrong with you.
@@booboobunny5655 Then you have bad friends. You can like someone for their personality (emotional attraction) and that person who attracts you that way is your crush. It's really not that complicated.
@@user-gu6vf3je1d Why do you care what people think? The ones who think this way will never accept you for who you are anyway. Demisexual or not.
Thank you! People are so drawn to the attention and public support that we offer to diverse sexual identities that they feel desperate to be part of the movement. I've never felt attracted to anybody without first feeling deeply connected to them, guess what! That's almost every straight woman I know. We are not a movement. Grow up.
I'm demisexual due to assault trauma and though I'm working through it I'm proud to be one.
Then you're not.
Brenda H Trauma and abuse can make demisexuality much more pronounced adding a layer of not only needing to develop an emotional connection but possibly overcome trust barriers as well. Additionally, as we age, change, and gain experience in life - it is not unheard of to move along the Asexuality spectrum.
Same
Deus Vult you know you don’t have to have been molested to be gay right...also homophobic doesn’t mean that you’re afraid of gay people, it means “having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against homosexual people” taken directly from the dictionary...
Kara Burns does this mean when you suffered abuse you identify as asexual
flashbacking to when my mother asked me which boy i thought was the most handsome and my answer being "i dont know, i dont know them."
Lolll😂 relatable
I am so glad to finally see a proper explanation/definition for demisexuality from actual demisexuals. Every time I've asked or researched before, I always got the stereotypical jerky "oh it's just a fancy way of saying you have standards LAWL" response from people, who clearly didn't really know what they were talking about, and it never sat right with me. Nice to finally hear some people's experiences.
I discovered I was Demisexual 2 years ago and I felt this great moment of just rightness when I found out. Realising my sexuality made me alot more comfortable accepting other parts of who I am. It helped me accept how and who I am attracted too. I am so proud a Demisexual!!!!
I’m demisexual and I’m so proud of it. I love being this way! My girlfriend also loves it for obvious reasons :)
This is really cool. As someone who identifies as graysexual (or, as I like to say, "heteroromantic????") dating apps create so much anxiety for me. To see Tinder put an option like this on their app makes me think that there may be a way that I can make it work.
I cannot agree more with this...I m so happy to see this bcoz all my life i was struggling to understand myself why i m like this till today when i watched this video ....now i can explain myself more clearly to others
My name is Srishty and I identify as Demisexual❤️❤️
Once, I joked about being an ace, then I dug more into it recently…
Turns out I (at least kind of) am, I never understood hookups, one night stands, having crushes on random celebrities or fictional characters. I’ve only had a few crushes in my life and they’re all on friends I knew at least somewhat
I'm the same about celebrities !!! Ha ha I never understood when my friends had crushes on celebrities I totally didn't understand .
I really thought I was the only one who felt this way. I'm so glad now I know what I am and at the same time, there are other people like me. I literally don't know anyone else irl who feels like this and I have always believed there's something wrong with me. This is liberating.
You’re not the only one who feels this way that’s exactly why it’s not a big deal. You’re all being bamboozled into thinking all of this is important to life. What’s important to life is earning a productive life, taking care of your own life and getting an education and enjoying yourself. Nobody cares or needs to know about your personal sexuality.
i identify as demi biromantic asexual. i can’t find anyone exactly like me but im so thankful for this video. thank you.
You can’t be Demisexual and Asexual at the same time. Asexual is no sexual attraction and Demisexual is the experience of sexual attraction only after an emotional bond is formed.
@@haramber3962 there is a whole spectrum between sexual-demisexual-asexual
(demi literally means half) so you can be anywhere on this line and don't have to be this or that.
Janna W
Well thanks for telling me
It took me 40 years to realise that there was a name for my kind of sexuality.
@Franco Cavalli watch the video again.
@Franco Cavallithat is not true. Most people what they first see is sexual attraction. Read more.
This is such a breath of fresh air. I just made the connection today and I finally feel like I'm not broken.
Nearly 20 years on this planet and I only just learned that there was a word for this. Sometimes when I'd hang out with my friends they would talk about girls, and even though I'm straight, I never really got it. I just thought I was weird and messed up.
This makes me think of my experience of finding someone physically/sexually attractive -- that is until I discover I cannot stand their personality and/or character!! THEN the attraction instantly evaporates and they actually start to look ugly. On the other hand, I might meet someone who doesn't make me feel that initial physical attraction but when I get to know their character/persona, they really impress me and they begin to look more attractive. I used to reconcile that by saying attractiveness is more of a dynamic phenomenon. It's more than just a visual snapshot but I'm fully capable of finding someone attractive sexually just by visuals. I'm not immune to PORN to put it another way -- albeit crudely.
Gosh, I’m trying so hard to hold my tears right now ;;. It just feels so good to finally discover my sexuality, I feel so confident to be myself now.
Found out I'm demisexual after 18 years
Omg... I'm 38 yrs old and just discovered something about myself! I normally just tell ppl "I'm different". Now I don't feel so alone 💜
Wow I was just so scared because I felt invalid when I identified with this but knowing that there is a community who understands just makes me want to cry. I don’t even need a label for my “orientation” just knowing that it is not all in my head is amazing