5 Common Reasons for Trauma Bonds + Abusive Relationships | Mental Health 101 | Kati Morton
Вставка
- Опубліковано 30 лип 2024
- Everything you need to know about trauma bonding and trauma bonds. What are trauma bonds? Why do trauma bonds exist? Trauma bond signs? Trauma bond relationships? Trauma bond definition? In this video I talk through every layer of trauma bonds, and 5 common reasons trauma bonds exist. If you are struggling with trauma or trauma bonds, I suggest you watch this video to see how you can get support and best know how you may use trauma bonds in your life.
Trauma bonds can be a sign of abusive relationships. And even if you aren't being physically abused, these bonds may lead to mental and emotional abuse. Abusive relationships help and healing is needed. As a therapist, I have worked with abusive relationship therapy and helping people navigate how to leave an abusive relationship.
Mental Health 101 is a series where I talk through the specifics of mental health subject matters, everything from dissociation, social media addiction, social anxiety, depression and more. In each of these episodes, I will clearly break down questions like “What is PTSD?” or “Signs of addiction?” and more. Each video will be set up in a way that allows you to support your loved ones, or help identify subject matter symptoms, and also misconceptions surrounding mental health disorders. Stay tuned for new content so you can be the best version of self, and the best friend and family member to your loved ones.
Link to Mental Health 101 series: • 6 Misconceptions of PT...
Trauma Bonds #SHORTS • New full video! What A...
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy
**KATI'S BOOKS**
Order Yours Today!
TRAUMATIZED - geni.us/Bfak0j
ARE U OK? - bit.ly/2s0mULy
JOURNALING CLUB
Every Tuesday & Friday I post a journal prompt to help keep you motivated and working on yourself. Whether you add the prompts to your own journal at home or use the comment section under the prompt itself, this can be a great way to keep on track with journaling. Join here: ua-cam.com/users/katimortonjoin
ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy. My sponsor BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
ADDICTION TREATMENT & RESIDENTIAL MENTAL HEALTH
If you are looking for an in-person treatment center that provides expert help with addiction recovery and mental health, All Points North Lodge is a great option. All Points North Lodge offers evidence-based and holistic treatment in the Colorado mountains. Chat with a member of their team at www.apnlodge.com/kati or call (218) 306-8214
MY AMAZON RECOMMENDATIONS www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton
PATREON
Are you interested in supporting the creation of mental health videos? If so, please visit: www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
PODCASTS
Opinions That Don't Matter! & Ask Kati Anything!
video: / opinionsthatdontmatter
Audio versions:
opinonsthatdontmatter.buzzspr...
askkatianything.buzzsprout.com/
BUSINESS EMAIL: Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com
MAIL:
1779 Wells Branch Pkwy #110B
Box #353 Austin, TX 78728
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
People also ask about:
Trauma Bonding: What It Is & How to Heal - Choosing Therapy
How To Tell If You're In a Trauma Bonding Relationship
What causes a trauma bond?
What is it called when you bond over trauma?
Trauma Bonding Signs MY BOOKS (in stores now)
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? bit.ly/2s0mULy
ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @katimorton
PATREON www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
YOU CAN SUPPORT THE CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS
Instacart: www.instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB
Amazon: www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton
PARTNERSHIP
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
Despite common belief, people who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult.
Yes.. unfortunately this is true, because abuse and trauma can make it hard for us to trust ourselves so we can find ourselves in other unsafe relationships or situations.. I researched this a lot for my book. xoxo
I'd say it depends, personally... like she said at the beginning of the video, you'd expect that people would hate those who traumatized them, never want to see them again, etc. etc.. That happened with my mother and I. I'd say it's because I learned that what she was doing was fucked up, or that I started to feel horrible enough that it bypassed any feelings of shame I may have had... which, I kind of never had _shame_ for my trauma, so the only thing I had to bypass to hate my mother was my fear of her.
It's different if your abuse or stress-inducing scenario is interrupted and you're educated about it (or you form your own negative opinion of what happened) versus if it ends over time and you never quite escape the mindset/mentality.
I mean, I'm really not a professional here, though, just someone where that all kind of went wrong. I don't disagree with you, tbh, just wanted to say how it went different for me.
But I'm very hopeful that, if more people are educated and more awareness is spread about things like PTSD and CPTSD, then more people will be able to escape their binds and escape the blind hatred that follows, and learn to forgive the world and live healthy and fulfilling lives.
It's just a hope of mine, but I really hope it happens.
Despite common belief? It’s just common sense, nothing new unfortunately
This, it's true, how our childhood abuse still affecting us many years later in adult life....
If you have low self esteem from childhood abuse then you don't believe in yourself enough to get out of bad situations when you are an adult.
😭😭 this just made me realize how broken I am. Every relationship my entire life has been this way. I give and give and it's never enough and I can never understand why.
Same here Randi!! I kind of realised this about 3 years ago, and have been working on myself and the reasons I give so much. It's getting better the more I have looked at my childhood trauma I'd been unconsciously carrying most of my life. It's gradually changing my perspective on myself in a very positive way. I realised my relationship of 5 years is something I must let go of. So many of us have these issues, we should take comfort in the fact we are not alone. We can change out lives by honest introspection and love ourselves enough to not accept this situation. Love and light to all of us who can relate to this video!! 💟💟💟🕊🕊🕊🇬🇧
Same here Randi, its so frustrating 😭
I feel you.
As a teacher of teenagers who had dropped out, or been kicked out, of school (I helped them prepare to take the GED exam for the equivalent of a high school diploma & also to acquire certain life skills), I learned that the majority of these kids had suffered some form of abuse or neglect. Something I found tragic, but fascinating, was how they would often perpetuate, or even recreate, chaos & trauma (through drug & alcohol use, crime, cutting school, self-harm, eating disorders, putting themselves in dangerous situations, & more). Research led me to understanding that when a person has grown up surrounded by torment, turmoil, & confusing mixed messages, & that's all they know, it actually alters the structure & function of the entire nervous system, especially the brain, in very negative ways. Basically, these poor kids kept manifesting tumultuous circumstances because, somewhat paradoxically, a sense of insecurity & overwhelm actually felt NORMAL to them. Insecurity made them feel secure. Being unsafe made them feel safe. Over & over again, I saw how calm & peaceful circumstances gave rise to anxiety, nervous tension, agitation, etc. There wasn't enough going on, not enough stimulation. This blew my mind! My increased nderstanding really helped me in working more effectively with them. Talk about having the deck stacked against you....
I had my first therapy session today, because of you! Thankyou for encouraging me to work on myself I really feel this can help my progression on working through my traumas. I feel positive about the future because of you!
Aww yay!! I am so proud of you for taking that first step!! And so glad that I could be a part of it :) xoxo
Woowwwww Kati…. I did a self diagnosis of Stockholm’s after I I left my husband 5 1/2 years ago and realized how traumatized I was. You’re the first one that’s ever validated that. I thought once I got out I’d be back to what and who I was before but sadly realized that person is gone. Now I’m unrecognizable to others. I’ve been sick with one thing after the other and my life has not moved forward. I’ve become this person that doesn’t take care of themselves or their home. I can’t seem to get anything done no matter how hard I try. The other day I looked down at myself and said ‘I’ve become Rob’. And his abuse has continued through me. I’m abusing myself (unknowingly and unintentionally) by not taking care of myself. I know I need to get help. Every healthcare provider I see has told me. But I’m so overwhelmed with everything I have to do.
I didn't know any of this and was so ashamed my entire life and never told anyone. Until something major and so simular to me that triggered everything 4 years ago. My therapist of 14 yrs started trauma therapy 4 yrs ago. When I received er your new book I brought it in to show my therapist. Shes known about you for years and watched the video when you answered my comment on a question on Ask me anything. We are currently working on the book The body keeps the score, so after I brought it i have not peeked in it at all yet. I asked her to hold it for me a little bit because of so much at the moment. She was happy to and is currently reading it too. Thank you for all you do! Take care, much love and hugs🥰🥰🥰
14 years and she didn’t know? Maybe she’s not a competent therapist?
@@joincoffee9383 shes an extremely competent therapist. What I mean by that is she didn't tell me she knew. I'm sure she knew. I, however, had been traumatized by a previous therapist and refused to let her in. Like Kati often talks about, if she had told me any different i would've bolted so fast. But when something happened to my daughter; it broke me so much that I could no longer hold it all in. It triggered all that I'd held onto and im glad because that's when the healing began.
@@lisasnoozy3749 Been 8 months since this comment, but I'm glad for you, Lisa. Best.
My journey in unpacking the devastation of a trauma bond to a narcissist led me all the way back to my birth. It took 2 yrs of self work. I was adopted. This has never been an issue for me, until I learned that my trauma bond to the narcissist was actually a ‘trauma response’ learned at birth. Fawning!
It is one of 2 options left to a newborn when removed from birth mother.
The other is freeze. A newborn cannot fight nor flee.. so fawning is a survival skill that kicks in, and stayed my whole life until now.
Relearning who I am, how the brain and nervous system works etc is vital in understanding all that made me who I am. Healing 🙏 thanks for all you do. So helpful.
Hi, I came across your comment.... I to am also adopted, had a very bad experience with a narcissist which was a pattern for years, and realised there was the same type person in my life , but different people, for a very long time . Very traumatic at the time, but one of the biggest lessons I've learned so far on my recovery journey ( also an addict and al anon) ... good luck and God bless on your journey , were really worth all the self love we can give 💚
Dave
“Tension building” is such a perfect phrase to describe the situation
I haven’t seen him for three months and I’m still so broken and missing him feeling like he’s the only one who will make me feel better again even though while being with him he was the one who broke me
So beautifully put - thank you for sharing that - my heart goes out to you
100% facts. I had to go no contact with my abusive ex. She destroyed me emotionally on so many levels. Constant roller coaster every few weeks, getting back together, promising to be better, then pulling the rug out from beneath me for 10 months straight. It’s been 4 months and I foolishly miss the great times together so much
This video is such a gift to so many of us. It is so affirming, especially after all of the shame from being neglected and abused. I still struggle with blaming myself for staying in relationships, jobs, etc after I saw red flags, only to go on and experience more and more abuse. I have a therapist I see twice a week but even still videos like this are invaluable. Thank you
People in recovery from addiction patterns, we need to be aware of continuing to bond with enablers who had selfish motives to keep us active in addiction. One thing that helped for me and now those I guide is to start with a daily affirmation to take an inventory of how we are still being influenced enablers. Awareness and effort are key. Best wishes and practises to us all❤
Trauma bonding doesn’t just stop with sexual abuse, it’s manifested in so many dynamics/relationships.
I just wanted to say thank you so much for your channel and this upload you actually really really help me alot and you don't even know it and again i thank you so much for that i think your amazing x
Of course!! I am so glad my videos have been helpful!!! xoxo I think you're pretty amazing too
I didnt realise how much i needed this. I've been so caught up for the past few weeks in understanding trauma bonding that it comes under literally what my social worker described as actively listening. I'd say this all definitely links into my relationship with my mum and not wanting to consciously see what was going on here.
Thank you Kati yesterday was the the mental health global day I wish you had made last night but OK I hope good health to all of those who struggle with mental health issues
Wow this hit home. The knowledge I am receiving since going to therapy is amazing.
Thank you Katie for verbalizing how our body’s react. I needed to hear that and need to speak it to myself frequently because of the shame and hatred felt internally after having experiences with abuse at a very very young age. Thank you so very much.
Kati, you're such a wonderful person ❤ thank you so much for making content like this so that people can get the help they need and heal ! Awareness is the first step towards a better life and this topic definetely needs to be talked about more !
Thank you. This is the clearest explanation I've ever heard of what happened to me. The trauma changed the course of my life forever. I've worked for years to forgive myself for being tricked. Now if I could just stop defining myself by the 4 years of sexual abuse that happened 36 years ago. The shame is so deep and sometimes consumes me. It's been a struggle. Thank you Katie!
God bless you, stay strong
Made me go from questioning one friendship I had to all of my past relationships. Every single one has been 0 to 100. Makes so much sense. Healthy love grows over time.💓
Thank you so much for telling this , it is the first time I heard this is the issue . Because as we learned that you need to be patient , if you love some one you do not have to fight , be patient , tolerate and they are finally yours🤦🏼♀️
This is the best explanation I’ve ever seen of this topic as a mental health professional.
The death of my first abuser was a very wait event to me, when it actually happened I felt very bad because I realize he was already old and had live a great life, he married, he had a daughter, and he died as a loving member of community
I was 25, living with depression, unable to maintain a relationship, or a job, with a long life to live and to remember everything that happened to me. I enjoy don't have to see him in neighborhood all the time, tho, but was devastated at the time to see that the burden was left on me cause by another person who never had to deal with anything
Was a really bad time then
same here my abuser is happily married and me despite being good student ...dropped out of school.. depression started at 19 and now am 29 suffering from bipolar disorder struggling everyday with suicidal thoughts , hopelessness and regrets about past especially childhood trauma that was the root cause of my disorders .and it also led to hypersex uality and body dysmorphia.
@@rachna0367 I'm sorry to hear that, but I understand you
The thing that help me the most was accepted that this happened, was completely unfair and heavy, but life is unfair, bad things happen to good people all the time and we can't let this define us
I want to be the person that people say, you know that x thing happened to her ? And everyone is surprised by it
Therapy and medication help me a lot too
Abuse change people forever, we can grief the person we could have been without everything, but it's despite the person we are today. I don't believe in cure but we have to search tools as life can't ended because stupidity of others
Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are feeling better about it now, and are able to get some therapeutic support as you work through it all. xoxo
@@sahtification thanks, u r right ..we didn't do any bad karma but still suffer maybe past life sins ..but having faith in God and ourselves can lead to better life and of course good therapy and right medication ...hope u get better and better ...I hope some cure comes as meds have strong side effects ...but till then we gotta keep managing .
I'm so sorry. I can emphasize with you some as two of my worst abusers are now out of prison now. They received 75 and 25 years, served consecutively and got out after 26 yrs. When they got out I've not felt safe a day since. Also of course have feelings of love towards them. I've always wondered how others felt after their abusers died. Thank you so much for sharing. Hugs🥰
I do want to say thank you Kati because I never really understood how this gaslighting manipulative process works and enlightenment is key to recognizing that it's being done to a person as well as preventing it from ever happening.
Whoa..wow kati..I never thought about this. Definitely something I will bring up in therapy. I have never thought about this, but makes total sense!
It's crazy how much I can relate to this. Thank you Katie for putting it in to ways I couldn't express.
This is me, so much emotional/verbal abuse in marriage,...he will only "love me' IF i shut up about the wrong he did, and he "forgets" it...Im the crazy one. I realize I stay for our family. Lying, women, hurt to me, blame, ignoring, threatens, affection taken away, snarks, (sometimes he is loving! and humerous as he was before), he's got me so messed up, and I don't even know how it started, we were "the perfect family" I believed. I must be the nutso one due to my pain meds? But look what he's done! 2 bff females I could not meet - lies i was "welcome", I never was, nor to go out just us.....they both dumped him. Everything on the emotional abuse list...even threatens suicide, or call my son. He did even call my doc! Course thats illegal. I live in a horrific situation. I've begged for him to realize he needs help, and he just gets worse, I'm in a living hell but .thank you.
I always thought of this, but didn't think there was a word or phrase to describe it. Thanks for sharing!!!✌🏻 I learned a lot
Wow! You were spot on. I was in an abusive relationship for years. I’m not in a good healthy relationship and have two beautiful girls, but still struggle with PTSD. Thanks for sharing this …
Thank you, i know someone going through this. It helps me understand them.
Kati Morton, warm greetings from Indonesia. Your videos have helped me to deal with grief and trauma.
Excellent video, and a dauntingly large and complex topic, especially to cover in under ten minutes. There is only one thing that I noticed might be misconstrued and that was when in describing the cycle of abuse on step 2 "incident" you said the abuser might blow up. While it can definitely happen like that, some abuse is silent and insidious, covert would be the term I suppose and that's very frequently overlooked and misunderstood by non-specialists.
Thank you so much for the feedback and you are right!!! I will make sure I speak more clearly and include that in my other videos on this topic. xoxo
@@Katimorton Very honored to have a reply from you! Thanks for everything you do, it helped me a lot!
Great video Kati, I learned something new that those that were sexually abused as children might be more susceptible to get into a trauma bond as an adult. I think one should question whether or not they are in love, or just in a trauma bond if they find themselves spending way too much time rationalizing and justifying their partner's on going bad behavior.
oof why does Kati always hit me with the right videos at the right time with my CPTSD
Great advice as always Kati, we love your work
xoxox
Thank you so much for this video. I recognize myself in this. Definitely trauma bonded to my mom and my ex husband. Wow. This is an eye opener for me.
This helped me understand the trauma that I went through as a kid. I was molested by my paternal grandfather for 5 years while I was growing up and it was pure hell. OMG, it was just a freaking nightmare to put it simply. I'm grateful for the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center because that organization has helped me time and again when I've needed them the most in my recovery from what I went through from the age of 10 - 15. I'm so grateful for therapists like you and the one that I currently have because the both of you have definitely helped me get through some rough times lately!!
This was a great video, as everything you said makes so much good sense to me and was so helpful. Katie thank you so much for this important and valuable information as i really learned something here . You made my day .God bless you always .👍🌹💖💖🎉
This video was so important. Thank you so much
thanks for posting this, this was good and helpful
You are doing great work. Have you ever read "Too Scared To Cry" by Lenore Terr? Fantastic longitudinal study of the effects of trauma. You and Dr Tracey Marks are my supplemental therapeutic connections to my current therapy and I truly appreciate the professionalism and research.
I'm 50 year old sexual abuse survivor and I really learnt a lot just in this short video. I'm gobsmacked, thank you so much
Thank you Kati I have a depressive disorder & was the victim of work place bullying & narcissism for 20 years I believed it was normal & healthy when covid happened I got kicked out of my job & lost everything now I know how nasty it was & I realise how sick I've become thx again Kati I've been offered psychological debriefing & I will do it bcuz it will help me heal !!👍🙏
Great Information! I Appreciate this Channel such!!! 💜
Thank you for this video Kati!! It's very helpful 💟💟💟🇬🇧
Confusion. You're right, I never exactly knew it was abuse. I have an intense internal conflict about sexual abuse for years, and you just answered the question. Now it all makes sense, but it's still hard to accept..
Thank you, Kati. Always.
Of course :) So happy to help! xoxo
Great content! i learned a lot
Thank you for your insight 🙏🏼
Thank you ! This helped a lot
I learned something new today
Thank you for this Kati. I will win this
I had no idea that is what fawning was..definitely felt like I’ve done that before
Therapy absolutely works..... as long as your abuser let's you go to it.
With only one vehicle, registered to his name and needed to go to work, I can only go if he allows me to have the vehicle, which he doesn't. (Also, there is no bus service nor taxi's in the town I live in. Also no family members I can ask for help).
I wish I was your friend and lived by you, I'd help you, in some way,no matter how little. I get it, baby steps. I was in your shoes just 4 1/2 years ago. I burned every bridge I had by refusing to leave him, (or kept going back), so in the end I had nobody, too. I left a million times, but the last time stuck. He called the cops, like always, to scare and control me, and this time I told them "I'm ready." Police took me to get a restraining order. He laughed in my face, told me "I'll never leave and nobody can make me!" Don't know where my courage came from. I came back hours later, just in time to watch him get forcibly removed, and I got out of that place. Got in contact with my family, they helped me, even though they were mad. It's been 4 years, and I still have ex friends that still don't want anything to do with me for not leaving when I wasn't ready, that's ok, I understand. Not everything went back to "normal" after I left, whatever "normal" is, and that's ok. I'm still trying to build my life back up. It may be slow progress, but it's ok. My life isn't exactly where I want to be, but it's waaay better than what it used to be. I wish you love, luck and courage.❤️
This was eye opening. Thank you. It would be really nice if someone you would consider going really in depth into the fawn response… not only for victims of child sexual abuse but maybe for children of bi-polar parents. Explaining What that might look like and also how to break that bond.
I have a video about the stress response and dig a bit into fawn and freeze. But happy to talk about it more, since it's often so misunderstood. xoxo
Thank you the video was helpful
Of course and I am so glad :) xox
Yes, with both my parents. Dad and I talked and talked it through for a decade and we are good. My all blame and denial Mom dies 7 years ago today. I'm still working on extracting her harm. And I am relieved she's gone
I am so glad you were able to talk it through with your dad and heal :) And I hope you are able to fully extract your moms harm soon. xoxo
You're a gem Kati!
All your videos on trauma has helped me a lot as a child living in an extremely emotionally abusive household.
aww hun, hope you are ok. Please seek help as soon as you can.
@@jasminesroay2570 😊✨🤝
I have always thought and known that something is "off" with me especially my childhood. In general, I have this hollow feeling and it's hard for me to be empathetic. My close friend told me that I am apathetic and we later found out that I have CEN which basically explains why I was involved in a 5 year abusive relationship. I didn't know until last week that this CEN really did show its side effect in my adulthood. :(
What is CEN if I may ask?
Lol. Thank you, for your videos these people that traumatize are either direct or indirect bullies. I have relationship issues with men because of childhood emotional trauma.
Kati please please make a video about the effects of physical childhood neglect. Isolation in childhood. I need guidance.
That FAWN response woke me up because that’s exactly where I’m at in my separation. 😢
Could you talk about mental health might be cuased by bullying?
This is helpful information for me. Have you made videos about whether the abuser knows what they’re doing is abuse? I’d like to know if it’s intentional. Sometimes I get the idea that abusers are smirking at their victims, really pleased with themselves. It’s sick.
This is Good information. I have a Trauma Bond/Stockholm Syndrome/CPTSD from being beaten to unconsciousness repeatedly and hypnotized as a kid and teenager.
Thank you so much
Thank you. Yes, reach out, speak out. It is difficult though as a man to speak. We are suppose to be the alphas. Suffering domestic abuse or admitting to have suffered it is shameful, degrading and ridiculed. So we suffer in silence. Reaction Formation or “fawning” was my main coping mechanism to deal with manipulative and narcissistic people. Not so anymore. The insults and accusations became to much. I believe in my value and when my abusers mother said to me: “You don’t deserve this Peter”. I knew it’s time to get out. But now I have a constant hollow feeling on the pit of my stomach. I oscillate between feelings of resentment (hate) and compassion (understanding, wanting to deny what happened and give the benefit of the doubt). But I know the relationship was I healthy. But I still miss her, sort of. The good times, not the incessant insults and constant criticism. I don’t miss the abuse, merely regret it.
On the topic of trauma, can you do a video talking about Conversion Disorder? I was recently diagnosed with it, and I don't think enough people know this disorder even exists and how devastating it can be.
Kati, can you make a video about Religion related trauma? Especially childhood trauma associated with Catholicism?
Thanks again for another great video. I have a question Though and posting it here while it’s fresh on my mind LOL. Can there be a trauma bond when the other person doesn’t even realize that they’re being abusive? You know they care about you, but don’t understand you and therefore don’t realize the level of emotional abuse that’s there.
I'd say yes. Just cuz they're oblivious to the damage they're causing doesn't mean it's not happening. Doesn't mean the person they're abusing has to accept or excuse the behaviour either, just cuz "they didn't know any better".
Hey!! Yes you can bond to them even if they don't know they are being abusive, I would even argue that many abusers don't know that what they are doing is abusive. It could be all that they know, or they may just see it as a way of getting their needs met. Their understanding isn't necessary for it to be consider abuse. xoxo
I have experienced this because of my ex who was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder. I watched your other video where you talked if people with BPD are bad people or not and you said they aren't. I think we should recognize that there is a big possibility they CAN BE and they should try their best to avoid being very toxic people to others because this diagnosis is a big deal. I was traumatised with him and it has been years but only now I understand I was the victim.
A good friend of mine has BPD. She seeked therapy for it and often reflects on her behaviour. I have never met anyone as compasionate as her. Not áll people with BPD are bad for us. It's just the way they deal with their issues that can be bad.
Your hair is super cute Kati I really like it like that! Nothing to do with your video but just wanted to say that hahah
the love your parents did or did not show you, and the way they treated you. is what you can find in your partner now. with a trauma bond.
Excellent
Good info!
Can u please talk about having bpd and bipolar? Ive been diagnosed with both. I went to many therapists to make sure that this is right in the past 6 years.
What if I love them & don’t want to be with anybody else? Advice would be very gratefully received
I have a trauma bond with my abuser because I have seen how she had suffered and struggled, partly because of my unexpected existence. I feel really sorry for her, and I find a need to compensate for my existence.
When I am available for her to abuse me, at least I can be of use, which offers me a right to exist.
this is genuine and im just really confused..
so my mom is known to have out bursts and yell at us when she gets really angry , never actually physically hurting us , but she yells and tells us rude things like how " you should either k>ll yourself or get better grades " or " oh i just didnt think youd wanna work there for the rest of your life ... "
and on occasion , threaten to send us (me and my brother) to live with our father
and anytime i bring up the things shes said to me , she denies it and says that it never happened when i 100% know it did
she also often tells use that " thats not what happened " or " yeah ? when did i day that ? " which makes me confused wether i remembered it correctly or not ..
and i cant tell if this is abusive or her just doing her best... cuz sometimes she'll buy us nice things and tell us that she loves us and then all of a sudden , she snaps at us
and if we dont do what she wants , she ignores us or starts screaming , its really scary
is this abuse ? she never physically hurts is so i cant tell
am i overthinking thiz ?
It was # 3 and 4 for me. Trauma bonded with my ex as a young teen, at a time when I was hella lonely. Stayed for 4 years.
Sometimes I still miss these 3 friends who were completely awful to me. I feel as if I love them, and I want them to care for me, tell me that everything's okay, that they didn't mean all the terrible things they would say behind my back. They'd feel bad and welcome me back into their group instead of just leaving me, deciding never to speak to me again. It was like one minute everything was great and next thing you know, it's over. And none of them wanted to hear another word about the past, even though I did everything for that one girl in the group and never recieved any apologies. It's been 4 years. All I want is their acceptance, all I want is for them to love me and take this burden off of me. Make me feel like I am deserving. It wouldn't be the same hearing it from anyone else. I want them to mean it. Make me feel really loved, like a real person that didn't deserve any of the pain I was given and continued to face through these years.
And when you leave this abusive relationship, thats when the hard times begin.
I had years of therapy after a year with a BPD ex GF…
It has been 5 years and I still could not establish another relationship. Cost me years of therapy and thousands of $…
I had a recent revelation in EMDR, in which I realized I do not love my mother in a genuine way, but I love her the way I am conditioned to. Now I am thinking my "love" for my mother is a trauma bond.
This comment is so relatable
I enjoyed with your video and your YT channel also. You guys do good video. When should we await another video?
😍💓💕
Plz make a video on bipolar disorder ...and limits of bipolar meds ...why is bipolar incurable even if it's treatable the meds have plenty of side effects .
I think she has some. Search bipolar kati Morton and it should come up.
I was abused in all aspects since I can remember. I had this distant memory where it was happening and yes I had Stockholm Syndrome. She would thretened me to beat me hatder if I Said something. My deceased mother allowed it and even encouraged it. Then she brought my stepfather into the house and things got worst. He was a pedophile. My father was unaware but could care less about my well-being. I am 53 and still can't heal in spite of everything I've tried. This is no life and honestly I don't think I can deal with this any longer. When somebody says to me " Stay positive" and look at things from the bright side" I want to tell them to fuck off. Glad this video is available for those of us.
hello can u make a video talking about borderpolar? (ppl who have bpd along with bipolar)? i really need to know more about my diagnosis
What is it when you bond over a shared trauma? I've heard of people who survived disasters together all coming together and basically becoming almost like a new family. I had a friend survive a pile up and they all get together regularly. She was in one of their kid's weddings.
I never got sucked into the Stockholm Syndrome mess because nobody apologized to me. No love lost there.
What if this way of bonding goes so far back in your youth, when you didn't have any concepts for it, as to now have informed a full life of relationships you've sought out and maintained. My always tending to depression and dissatisfaction, always getting into draining relationships and fearing the slower process of really getting to know people is something I just perceive as "me being an introverted mopey person". Should I still change if this is so much a part of who I've been so far, and if I've barely known otherwise? I guess a recognizable crisis moment is when change becomes prudent, if otherwise it's just normal workable life?
Hi Katie
I watched a few of your videos and and agree with almost all of your views. Just wanted to find out if being lied to throughout your childhood about who your biological parent is, can also be classified as a traumatic experience? A person who finds out in their 20s about the identity of their biological parent/s.
Let us pray for healing for those who have been abused, and even for the abusers. That the abusers will stop their abuse of people, and sometimes that includes animals, and be healed from any mental illnesses they may have.
Kati, do you have any book or intervention recommendations for therapists working with clients in abusive relationships? I’m an AMFT and often feel stuck working with this population
do trauma bonds prevent the abused from connecting with friends or family members who can help them escape the abuse?
I am devastated at what happened to my grandchild after my son, passed away, throwing her into psychological and physical abuse from her mother and step father (he is now in prison).
i am traumatized by the 12 years of hell she was trapped in, and the fact that even though she is now 18,!she is choosing to live in dysfunction rather than moving in with us to to recover from hell.
I had a trauma bond with MH service providers. After 30 years of poly drugging me into oblivion along with emotional and mental beatings and being gaslighted weekly by them for the last 5 years of being in the system - I removed myself from their ‘care’ and found myself a private therapist of whom I’m so Thankful. 🙏
Anyone else out there with a trauma bond to MH service providers?
Pretty sure I’m not the only one.
Debs. UK
I never knew about FAWNing, but now I know what it is I'm dealing with for years now. Atleast I know I'm not crazy..
Is there a difference between fawning and just general people pleasing to avoid a negative reaction?
Finally something that resonates with me, I thought I'm the only one experiencing all such confusion because 5 of therapists I saw and did work with, were unable to identify this as trauma bonding. They simply told me that maybe I have some sort of personality that is making me feel the victim! Horrible!
Kati, for me last point was what really happened .. I mean not sexual abuse but the unnecessary confusion which always questioned my sanity.... I always thought that whether I was thinking wrong about that person , may be that person is good but may be he is not in a position to express his feelings truly to me ..... Even though iam not at all sexually abused even a little bit but it completely drained my emotional strength... It consequently leaded to Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dementia, Brain fog,Brain zaps while sleeping and a sense of carelessness.. Mainly coordination and planning the things was completely lost and resulted in low self esteem and low self confidence to tackle the things ... Just iam like physically present but mentally and emotionally absent ....... Kati I would like to mention that mentally means the ability to observe, analyse ,think,plan and react .... Poor performance in academics and work whereas emotional means I feel insecured all the time like a little child who was left by mom.... Sometimes even I feel like iam living somewhere else not with my own people .... The worst part is even my family is a very good and supportive one iam not able to take their suggestions due to devastating self hatredness ,awfulness and guilt I have gone through..... I was completely crying for many days with that guilt and felt like I expressed my true and genuine feelings with the other person .... I even hated myself and that person too .... Interesting thing is there is both fear and hatredness at the same time I was like on the flight mode whenever I saw that person Meanwhile I also counter attacked him with my raging and provoking words... I would to acknowledge that I also insulted him as a revenge for his behaviour by behaving like him which created a loop of emotional imbalance to both of us leading to further more damage.. It clearly exposed not only his behaviour but my aggressiveness, lack of emotional control and childish and cheap behaviour ........ So problem is from both sides .... So I realised that apart from his behaviour firstly I have to correct myself by putting an end to all these negative emotions which droved me into the unwanted and damaging emotional quagmire... But now a days I was out of that guilt and loathing ... Now trying to accept myself for what I was gone through and hoping that I could see that person normally without any anger or hatredness or fear or inorder to soothe myself and to control my mind not to overtake my emotional energy with negative emotions whether it may be for self or on other people .... Because now a days I realised that negative emotions whether they may be on ourselves or others , both are absolutely dangerous .... Any negative emotion is horribly bad for our emotional well being like anger, fear, hate , anxiety, extreme guilt and shamefulnes....which drains us and finally leads to emotional exhaustion where we will be thrown into freeze mode whether to express or just to shut ourselves up..... Just like a doll which has no emotions at all........All of this was a mixed emotional turmoil which completely took away the life in my soul........It's like intelligence and emotional death of soul .....But anyways love you sooooo much Kati ... I can't express my gratitude for you .... You are a divine angel for me 😘💝 love you loads 💟 God bless you both dear and your family too
Yeah, this feels like me