This is heart based communication!! It’s less of a mental load to tell them because they would know what to do. I kept saying, “ I’d love to run in the morning” like a lot. And he was like that’d be great.. I was like um help! I learned to sit down and say hey I need your help with Lincoln in the morning so I can go for a run. He said ok what time 😅
I am not a mother currently but I have a lot of friends who are. One thing I have noticed is that when the mom/wife is a fantastic delegater/manager she feels much less stressed over all and can actually function and make the to do list for there husband without it being stressful or taxing because they are taking care of themselves first but putting those systems in place to not get burned out to the place where it is to mentally taxing to give there husband a job. Obviously different stages in life make this much harder but it is something I've noticed pretty consistently.
Really appreciate the caveat about having a healthy relationship before any tips/ tricks. As someone who came from a “broken home” and now in the marriage of my dreams, it’s know it’s possible to get there with the right person who also puts in their part!
I love this. We did a premarital counseling course in love languages before we got married but I found that my love languages changed after we had kids. I used to be a words of affirmation and physical touch person, and now acts of service are everything because motherhood is overwhelming. Quality time has also become more meaningful because it's such a scarcity these days. Part of growing together as parents has been relearning how to love each other
I and my friend have coined a theory that the love languages partly change based on what you crave the most while getting little of. We also apply love languages to all relationships including friends and family. So for example her mom is a physical touch person so while she herself rarely initiates, her physical touch cup is saturated fully and the love language that will win on the test is something like acts of service or quality time since those are more rare or special. But as soon as she moves out for a couple of months, het physical touch cup empties and she still gets to call them, hear words of affirmation etc, so a good hug or shoulder squeeze would go a long way.
This change happens mainly bc the tasks grow as the # of people grow. This doesn't really mean you needs acts of service, it mainly means that the amount of tasks have grown and usually only one partner can 'see' those tasks
This is great! The complaining is such a real thing. Even in my last job, the job felt so much worse because everyone in the office was constantly negative. The words you speak definitely become your reality!
Can say I definitely needed to make lists for the fridge for my husband too, he didn’t see the same things I do. He needed the direction. We also cloth diaper and i wrote out the wash routine and put it by the washer so I knew it was done correctly. This mind shift of “he should just know” to how can I help him understand what I need, is huge!
On a separate note 😅 could you share your wash routine with cloth diapers? We have some and I'm nervous to jump back into it with baby #2 (we used them w/ baby #1, but I'm not confident I washed them correctly
@@elliejohnson8146 I have a water softener so we have extremely soft water which plays a huge role in how little detergent I use. If you have harder water adjust the amounts. Line 1 powdered tide normal cycle on my machine. Line 1 powdered tide allergen cycle on my machine (just use your longest cycle) Then I throw everything into the dryer on the lowest heat setting for the longest timed cycle. I make sure they are completely cool before messing with my pul/elastic items. I do not put any additives in, no softeners or dryer sheets. I do use wool dryer balls tho
This is so real ! My girl gives negative impressions about me when she’s upset and it gives them a negative persona about me when in reality our relationship is actually good
This is such a great video. I loved your suggestions and tips. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and hearing your perspective is very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing and giving great examples of each tip. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I love this! The list on the fridge? Awesome! I realized I was o-ver-whelmed by the laundry. The laundry room is downstairs and all the bedrooms are upstairs and it's for some reason so hard to get myself and the kids and a laundry basket down the stairs. For him, it was no problem, but he didn't know how I wanted the loads done. So we came up with a system where I tell him at night what load needs to be done and he will take it down and start it before he goes to work. Then I can switch it to the dryer, which is not as big a deal as getting it downstairs. He also has a list of how to do each load. It relieves so much for me and feels like such a little task for him. ❤
Omg the complaining with friends! So awful, hard habit to drop sometimes when others are doing it. Definitely agree that seeing it from their perspective helps a lot. Another great video, thank you so much!
We have a little whiteboard hanging in our hallway ( have to pass it to get to thw bathroom, toilet, laundry and bedrooms) every morning I write down a list of daily to-dos on there, and then there is a side list of bigger projects we want to get done and and another list of things we want to purchase (not groceries but larger purchases or things needed for projects list above). Since doing this he will just glance at it and do the things he can do to help! So easy because I make a list for myself anyway so its not any more mentally taxing for me. If he doesnt know how to do something he leaves it for me or asks me, or if he knows it's something I do in a specific way (toy rotation, putting away kids clothes or my clothes etc.) then he will leave that be and do the other stuff ❤
Such a great tip! My husband actually asked me to write a To Do list for him a couple days ago, and I haven’t even gotten around to it, while k have a mental lair for myself. This will solve the problem of not having time to write out a list for him!
I love this! Really great tips but I also really love how you explained at the beginning they are just tips and depending where you’re at you may need more help. Very good way to put it xx
I used to be so guilty of all of these. I've been working on them and it's definitely made things better in our marriage. Also, I know you'll remember me because I'm the woman who found out she was pregnant with baby #2 the day of your Lululemon flower event and was crying because I didn't feel ready. Well, I just had baby #2 on Friday (Jan 5/due date) in a beautiful home water birth (vbac) and it's another girl! My sweet Iris and miss Mabel are going to be the best of friends!! And the adjustment is going much smoother than I thought it would. Thanks for all your relatable and encouraging content!
I don't have any kids, but I am getting married in 3 months and these tips seem super practical to set ourselves up for a healthy marriage! Thanks for sharing!
I know you mentioned in a previous video you’re going to focus on simplifying your stuff this year, can you share that with us! Love your UA-cam as well as minimalism videos and I’d love to see a cross between the two!!
the co-sleeping is a big fight subject home he does not want it and i feel our baby needs it so I sleep with him feeling I need to chose between what my partner and what my baby need, this is hard
Shayla, I LOVED this video!! Thank you for sharing these tips in such a compassionate way ❤ your content for the past year has been A+. I can relate sooo much to some of this I literally laughed out loud at the "brain mush" part!! I might try journaling in 2024 🎉💞 Have an awesome year!!!!!!¡!!!
TIP: Go to Lowes or Home Depot and ask where their white boards are at - they are a lot cheaper than the ones you find online! My husband and I got a decent sized one for $8 and hung it in the living room. I made separate columns (one for each of us, kiddo, home, car, to do's, and miscellaneous) definitely helps hanging it where you are constantly hanging out :)
Wow I’ve been using a different brand of that spray and it tastes so nasty my husband refuses but it works! Now that I know it’s possible for it to tastes good I’m buying this! My husband is the same way, he will do anything I ask but I hate asking because I assume if he hasn’t offered then he’s tired or overwhelmed so I don’t want to bother him but it’s just like you said, not on his radar. I put chores for every day of the week on the fridge now so he knows what I am thinking and I don’t have to ask anymore.
Just the other week I started the list on the frig. If anything he appreciates it because he knows personal life stuff is not his strong suit. He will play for hours with our son or take him out to the wood shop or whatever the hell. But he physically can’t schedule the oil change. Or the dr appointment. So, since it is all shoved into MY brain whether I like it or not, then it is almost more of a help for ME to just have it on paper on the frig and say “have you checked the list today?” I had to frame it as it helping me, and not me being his mother. Because he is fantastic in all ways, but this. So I had to come to Jesus and be like mmmm this is something that clearly won’t change. So what can I do.
Does anybody else find themselves unconsciously bobbing side to side with the same rhythm that Shayla does when she does the intro even if they're not looking at the video when she's saying it? 😅❤️
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This is heart based communication!! It’s less of a mental load to tell them because they would know what to do. I kept saying, “ I’d love to run in the morning” like a lot. And he was like that’d be great.. I was like um help! I learned to sit down and say hey I need your help with Lincoln in the morning so I can go for a run. He said ok what time 😅
RIGHT?! Lol
yup! This is gold. Then you’re like “wait, you mean it could have this easy the whole time… like, just ‘yes’… AMAZING!” lol!
I am not a mother currently but I have a lot of friends who are. One thing I have noticed is that when the mom/wife is a fantastic delegater/manager she feels much less stressed over all and can actually function and make the to do list for there husband without it being stressful or taxing because they are taking care of themselves first but putting those systems in place to not get burned out to the place where it is to mentally taxing to give there husband a job. Obviously different stages in life make this much harder but it is something I've noticed pretty consistently.
Really appreciate the caveat about having a healthy relationship before any tips/ tricks. As someone who came from a “broken home” and now in the marriage of my dreams, it’s know it’s possible to get there with the right person who also puts in their part!
I love this. We did a premarital counseling course in love languages before we got married but I found that my love languages changed after we had kids. I used to be a words of affirmation and physical touch person, and now acts of service are everything because motherhood is overwhelming. Quality time has also become more meaningful because it's such a scarcity these days. Part of growing together as parents has been relearning how to love each other
I and my friend have coined a theory that the love languages partly change based on what you crave the most while getting little of.
We also apply love languages to all relationships including friends and family.
So for example her mom is a physical touch person so while she herself rarely initiates, her physical touch cup is saturated fully and the love language that will win on the test is something like acts of service or quality time since those are more rare or special. But as soon as she moves out for a couple of months, het physical touch cup empties and she still gets to call them, hear words of affirmation etc, so a good hug or shoulder squeeze would go a long way.
This change happens mainly bc the tasks grow as the # of people grow. This doesn't really mean you needs acts of service, it mainly means that the amount of tasks have grown and usually only one partner can 'see' those tasks
This is great! The complaining is such a real thing. Even in my last job, the job felt so much worse because everyone in the office was constantly negative. The words you speak definitely become your reality!
Can say I definitely needed to make lists for the fridge for my husband too, he didn’t see the same things I do. He needed the direction. We also cloth diaper and i wrote out the wash routine and put it by the washer so I knew it was done correctly. This mind shift of “he should just know” to how can I help him understand what I need, is huge!
On a separate note 😅 could you share your wash routine with cloth diapers? We have some and I'm nervous to jump back into it with baby #2 (we used them w/ baby #1, but I'm not confident I washed them correctly
@@elliejohnson8146 I have a water softener so we have extremely soft water which plays a huge role in how little detergent I use. If you have harder water adjust the amounts.
Line 1 powdered tide normal cycle on my machine.
Line 1 powdered tide allergen cycle on my machine (just use your longest cycle)
Then I throw everything into the dryer on the lowest heat setting for the longest timed cycle. I make sure they are completely cool before messing with my pul/elastic items.
I do not put any additives in, no softeners or dryer sheets. I do use wool dryer balls tho
I’ve watched this 3 times and also sent it to my husband. We found it so helpful! love your videos!
Yaaay!!
This is so real ! My girl gives negative impressions about me when she’s upset and it gives them a negative persona about me when in reality our relationship is actually good
I love your videos they have really shifted my perspective on motherhood and marriage ❤
This is such a great video. I loved your suggestions and tips. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and hearing your perspective is very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing and giving great examples of each tip. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I love this! The list on the fridge? Awesome! I realized I was o-ver-whelmed by the laundry. The laundry room is downstairs and all the bedrooms are upstairs and it's for some reason so hard to get myself and the kids and a laundry basket down the stairs. For him, it was no problem, but he didn't know how I wanted the loads done. So we came up with a system where I tell him at night what load needs to be done and he will take it down and start it before he goes to work. Then I can switch it to the dryer, which is not as big a deal as getting it downstairs. He also has a list of how to do each load. It relieves so much for me and feels like such a little task for him. ❤
👏👏👏👏👏
You made me laugh so hard😂 and i love the prarie joke😂😂😂 So true
Omg the complaining with friends! So awful, hard habit to drop sometimes when others are doing it. Definitely agree that seeing it from their perspective helps a lot. Another great video, thank you so much!
We have a little whiteboard hanging in our hallway ( have to pass it to get to thw bathroom, toilet, laundry and bedrooms) every morning I write down a list of daily to-dos on there, and then there is a side list of bigger projects we want to get done and and another list of things we want to purchase (not groceries but larger purchases or things needed for projects list above). Since doing this he will just glance at it and do the things he can do to help! So easy because I make a list for myself anyway so its not any more mentally taxing for me. If he doesnt know how to do something he leaves it for me or asks me, or if he knows it's something I do in a specific way (toy rotation, putting away kids clothes or my clothes etc.) then he will leave that be and do the other stuff ❤
Such a great tip! My husband actually asked me to write a To Do list for him a couple days ago, and I haven’t even gotten around to it, while k have a mental lair for myself. This will solve the problem of not having time to write out a list for him!
I love this! Really great tips but I also really love how you explained at the beginning they are just tips and depending where you’re at you may need more help. Very good way to put it xx
This video came at a perfect time. Thanks for the tips and reminders!!
I used to be so guilty of all of these. I've been working on them and it's definitely made things better in our marriage.
Also, I know you'll remember me because I'm the woman who found out she was pregnant with baby #2 the day of your Lululemon flower event and was crying because I didn't feel ready. Well, I just had baby #2 on Friday (Jan 5/due date) in a beautiful home water birth (vbac) and it's another girl! My sweet Iris and miss Mabel are going to be the best of friends!! And the adjustment is going much smoother than I thought it would. Thanks for all your relatable and encouraging content!
😭😭😭 omg congratulations!!!!!!!!!! I’m genuinely tearing up and so excited for you😍😍😍😍
I don't have any kids, but I am getting married in 3 months and these tips seem super practical to set ourselves up for a healthy marriage! Thanks for sharing!
10000%
#4 is so true!! 100%! Just do what works! :)
I know you mentioned in a previous video you’re going to focus on simplifying your stuff this year, can you share that with us! Love your UA-cam as well as minimalism videos and I’d love to see a cross between the two!!
Coming in 2 weeks ;)
Good to know this is something you’d like to see! I may have to watch a few though to figure out how to make it interesting 😂😂
the co-sleeping is a big fight subject home he does not want it and i feel our baby needs it so I sleep with him feeling I need to chose between what my partner and what my baby need, this is hard
Love the list idea, not sure if it would actually help my husband but I’m definitely a list person 😆
This video was much needed! Thank you Shayla!! 😊
Your content is always relatable! Every single bullet point. 👏🏻
Love it ! Needed this
Shayla, I LOVED this video!! Thank you for sharing these tips in such a compassionate way ❤ your content for the past year has been A+.
I can relate sooo much to some of this I literally laughed out loud at the "brain mush" part!! I might try journaling in 2024 🎉💞
Have an awesome year!!!!!!¡!!!
Hahaha living in a prairie! haha, it is true that women and men notice different things around the home!! Great video!!!
I’m telling you, get rid of your dishwasher. Game changer. Your prolonging the chore of dishes and wasting time and water with one.
I don’t have a microwave and I love that. I need the dishwasher lol
Awesome tips. You look great. Noticed the name change again 😏
Solid tips. Thank you for these!
Haha my husband likes having a list then he knows what his got to do and doesn’t have to ask 😂
Love this!! Such great tip's and i could relate a lot😂
TIP: Go to Lowes or Home Depot and ask where their white boards are at - they are a lot cheaper than the ones you find online! My husband and I got a decent sized one for $8 and hung it in the living room. I made separate columns (one for each of us, kiddo, home, car, to do's, and miscellaneous) definitely helps hanging it where you are constantly hanging out :)
Thanks Shayla! I needed these tips today :)
Wow I’ve been using a different brand of that spray and it tastes so nasty my husband refuses but it works! Now that I know it’s possible for it to tastes good I’m buying this!
My husband is the same way, he will do anything I ask but I hate asking because I assume if he hasn’t offered then he’s tired or overwhelmed so I don’t want to bother him but it’s just like you said, not on his radar. I put chores for every day of the week on the fridge now so he knows what I am thinking and I don’t have to ask anymore.
I really needed this today. Thank you.
So helpful and so relatable!
This is great insight!
Love this❤
Hi Shayla!!
Just the other week I started the list on the frig.
If anything he appreciates it because he knows personal life stuff is not his strong suit. He will play for hours with our son or take him out to the wood shop or whatever the hell. But he physically can’t schedule the oil change. Or the dr appointment.
So, since it is all shoved into MY brain whether I like it or not, then it is almost more of a help for ME to just have it on paper on the frig and say “have you checked the list today?”
I had to frame it as it helping me, and not me being his mother. Because he is fantastic in all ways, but this. So I had to come to Jesus and be like mmmm this is something that clearly won’t change. So what can I do.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
Does anybody else find themselves unconsciously bobbing side to side with the same rhythm that Shayla does when she does the intro even if they're not looking at the video when she's saying it? 😅❤️
Lmao yess!
Hahahahahahahap
Or should I say Hey Shayla!!
I honestly hate the whole ‘adding to my mental load’ like.. sometimes you just have to talk about these things.
4:23 haha “thank god you’re home here are the children.”
I didn't realize how much I needed this today. Thanks Shayla 🤍