Giving Up Everything To Win Love (vs Those Who Want More) | SATC, Euphoria, Barbie & Beyond
Вставка
- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
- Love has long been seen as a prize to win on screen. How important that prize was to a character’s motivations as a whole was generally split: for men, it was just a nice cherry on top but for women it was often the animating drive in their life. But, for as long as it’s been a trope, there have also been examples pushing back against that conception of romantic love. So, let’s take a deeper look at the Love as a Prize trope, how it shaped our views of relationships, why it fell apart, and how modern updates haven’t gotten rid of love, but just changed what it means to win.
Join our Patreon to unlock the members-only series “Total Take," vote on what we cover next, and more: / thetake
Read articles on film, TV and culture: www.the-take.com
Follow our socials: linktr.ee/thisisthetake
CHAPTERS
00:00 Intro
00:48 Getting the guy at all costs
02:59 Completely changing herself for her dream guy
04:21 Thankfully some characters escape this "love" trap
05:58 Getting the girl is just a nice little bonus
07:13 ...except for this type of guy
08:01 Characters that avoided this trope (& were happier for it)
09:49 Changing what it means to "win" love
The Take was created by Debra Minoff & Susannah McCullough
This video was narrated by Charly Bivona, written/produced by Jessica Babineaux, and edited by Travis Martin - Фільми й анімація
Thanks so much for watching! Up next, check out our video on how, unfortunately, Mean Girls' Regina George was kind of right about everything ( ua-cam.com/video/1kL6_uq8F2w/v-deo.html ) or our video analyzing the "Hot One" trope on screen ( ua-cam.com/video/J8gM0Zz5zZM/v-deo.html )
Conservatives- "@TheTake Don't Support this channel they're trying to destroy the nuclear family.
Male protagonists . There's a female love interest 90% of time female protagonist male love interest 10% of time
Never guys taking role to impress a girl
that is why "The Mummy" shaped a whole generation of girls who saw Evelyn being intelligent, capable, and loved for who she was. She got love, respect, and fullfillment with her career. Never forget about her.
My favorite thing is that getting married and having a kid didn't change her or slow her life down at all. Her husband and son supported her curiosity and went on adventures with her.
Yes, it’s still a favourite movie! After all those years ❤
THE MUMMY IS A MASTERPIECE OKAY?????
Evie is a feminist icon. She's always the smartest person in the room, she's brave, she's funny and sweet and kind and while yes, she IS a damsel in distress for a hot second and in need of saving, but she's ultimately the one to save the Entire World TWICE because of her brain!!
Rick is also a Perfect Example of non-toxic masculinity. Sure, he's tall and buff and tends to punch first, think later, but he's also happy to be vulnerable and emotional and isn't afraid to show affection to his male friends, family and colleagues!
Jonathan is a great addition too, he's perfect as comic relief without being offensive! He's a big baby and often very cowardly, but this doesn't stop him from trying to do the brave thing when his family is in danger. He values his time with his nephew too!
The Mummy is one of the greatest movies of all time ❤❤❤❤❤
@@SS-mk2yp I'd say Rick would rather settle down than let Evie read another damn book 😂
A woman giving up everything for love is an abusive misogynist's ideal woman
I wish there were more stories that talk about genuinely loving someone but not staying together because no live story is worth sacrificing your entire life, and you simply cannot be happy with someone when you have to do this kind of compromises
I know, it's disgusting.
Girls have their own version of guys doing this, too. Although the most toxic is when women want a rich guy AND want him to spend a LOT of time with them. Rich guys typically work 60+ hours a week, especially if they're on the younger side.
@@salwammilizayoussoufali2170 princess mononoke
Friends season finale
I loved that Barbie ultimately chose herself, and that she encouraged Ken to find out who he was outside of her, which is an inspiring message.
Yes, so much more progressive than giving up everything to please a man. Media and society often glorify codependency especially if you’re a woman.
@@emilymatthews2990Also other way around for the men. That its important that the are also worth without their dream women and Not force sth.
Didn’t Barbie apologize for making Ken feel inferior by just existing ?
@@Isabelle-hv6ny when are men ever told they can't do anything without a woman? what are you talking about??
@@theredqveen Its also an issue. Like portrayed in Media and in Reallife that any successful man has a Family and a Loving wife.
That Its important to them to be successful in the Job and providing for their Family and Show No weakness
If you aren't happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. Real love will improve both of your lives and the lives of people around you.
That's extremely rare.
That’s like saying if you’re not warm without a jacket you won’t be warm with one. People have needs.
I don't know, when I'm in a relationship I find everything to have more purpose and have a best friend to love on all the time. When I'm alone I feel lost.
It’s nice having someone I say that as a single girl
I agree that showing women happy without being in romantic relationships is transgressive in media. And real life too. I was a widow at 26 and I had people telling me that I was over it and needed to move on with after six months.
You know what’s another trope? Love is a disease that we cannot control nor direct. “But I love this hot garbage human being” “I couldn’t help myself, I was in love” As though people are not sentient being capable of choosing to love what is good for us.
@melissaseltun9388 -- Regarding the first part, that is simply awful and I'm sorry that you had to endure such insensitivity. As if there's a deadline for mourning or a time limit on emotional processing! Nevermind that a partner is not a must-have or life's not worth living, you shouldn't have been what you were feeling or "over" by anyone.
.
I experienced something similar when I got divorced. People were telling me to go out and live it up, time to get a new man even if it wasn't serious, live a little. And I was like, uh no? Just got out of a nearly decade-long abusive relationship, last thing I wanna do is feel vulnerable and compromise my physical (and/or sexual health) safety with some rando just because society thinks single people are an unfortunate and contagious disease.
.
Regarding the second, hard agree. No one can control how they feel but I hate it that people use that as an excuse not to control what they *do.* Especially in a toxic relationship, regardless of whether they're the user/abuser or on the other end as the victim.
Oh wow! I didn’t realize how much this trope has affected me. There is nothing wrong with my adult life when I stop comparing it to unrealistic nonsense that I learned from tv and film.
The ending of The Graduate is a great example of what happens when all you have is love. The characters run from the woman's wedding, alienating her family, and realize they have no idea what to do now.
Exactly! Ben escaped from the pressures of his family, to pursue a career, and from a torrid affair, with Mrs. Robinson, and Elaine escaped from having to marry "The Make Out King," so the two of them hoping on that bus was quite spontaneous, but without any romantic interludes. It wasn't so much about falling in love, but more about entering adulthood, without preparation for it.
Fury Road is also a great example of a powerful friendship of mutual respect that's never turned romantic. I love the way Furiosa and Max look at each other in the last scene.
I just want more Aroace Spectrum Rep in media where no one is judged for feeling and more importantly, not feeling things.
Yess❤❤❤
Me too. Preferably NOT an alien if possible. I tire of these, to be Aro/Ace you must be non human somehow because humans feel love, its the one thing that seperates us from animals nonsense. *cough* Animals feel love too, or are you gonna tell me that those two tigers curled up snuggling in the sanctuary, aren't feeling things for each other and not just because the female wants cubs?
Elsa kinda is, but then again, having the rep being a literal ice queen is rather stereotypical. We need warm, friendly, aroace, or ace who do like romance.
@@MissMoontree As an Aro/Ace, I am warm and friendly with my friends and animals. This I believe is called a platonic connection and it is VERY real. We need normalise characters having friends, maybe Ace characters having crushes or romance stories and everyone going on adventures in big happy groups without the need to pair off them into couples by end or killing off the *alt* characters.
@@MissMoontree That was also because she literally has ICE powers. I dunno, that could be useful. Never have to bring ice to a party when Elsa is there, she can cool all your drinks down in an instance :)
YES! Love how "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" got a shoutout alongside "Legally Blonde." Wish they added mentions to some other classics, such as "Bring It On", "Josie and the Pussycats", and "Heathers"!
In "Romy & Michele" romantic love was just a bonus. The ultimate prize was staying friends and loving yourself. ❤
To be honest, I was the pick me in college. All I cared about was finding “ the one “. I even tried to change myself to get a man. I was desperate for a man and I had really low self esteem back then. I had to learn the hard way after my ex cheated on me and I found out he was using me for money. I went to therapy after that and started setting boundaries. I eventually met my current boyfriend and now we are planning to get married. I believe that women shouldn’t give up everything and try to change who we are for love. Focus on yourself, your friends, and family. The right one will eventually come along.
80's movies aimed at boys nearly always a similar trope: Young guy has a goal (often sports-related) which is the main drive of the story. At some point The Girl enters the picture. She's usually either popular, or dating the school bully, or rich (our hero is poor, but not "too" poor), or something else that makes her "out of his league". Until he gains the confidence, through Sport, to pursue her. At first she's annoyed, but slowly softens to his (dubious) charm. Usually around the middle or end of act 3 she succumbs (either through a kiss or a sex scene where she's topless and he's covered), and then she all but disappears, only to reappear at the end, cheering him on from the stands or, perhaps, from the field, as she's often a cheerleader.
We end in a freeze frame in which our hero is hefted up by his teammates, pumping a fist in the air, having proven himself to his tough father, his wimpy mother, and his coach/mentor, who's finally shown him respect. Or maybe died.
Meanwhile, The Girlfriend stands in the back of the frame, smiling and possibly even crying tears of joy for Her Man.
Could you give an example? Have never seen a movie with such a trope. I am not from the US and have seen only some of the 80’s movies.
@@proudcatowner2461 The Karate Kid (1984).
Can’t buy me love was sort of like that not completely but kinda
This is such a good video! I am glad the Take assigned it to this narrator; I really enjoy the way she delivers the copy. I feel like I'm having a conversation with a smart friend. It doesn't feel like she's reading, it feels like she's just telling us stuff.
I love her sarcastic tone at the beginning. It's a wake up call we all need lol
Im glad your talking about this. Love is not everything but media makes it a life or death situation and that always bothered me. Especially if its a woman that didn't want to have love and wanted something else
i used to be like this chasing what i thought was the ‘ideal man’ for me and changing myself to fit what they wanted. it wasn’t until i took a step back, realized how beautiful i was and how much i’ve accomplished on my own that i realized i don’t need love to complete my life and instead focus on how i can be a better person and fulfill my own dreams.
Derry Girls made me INCREDIBLY happy! There was romance yes, but the ultimate prize was the end of conflict and a brighter future. ❤
I feel like this trope for male characters has appeared in superhero media where the hero seems motivated entirely by his girlfriend rather than a drive to save the world or care for all people, or frames retiring with his girlfriend as the prize at the end of the journey. I dislike that a lot since it tends to position it as women's job to inspire men to do good, that men cannot be motivated by altruism, and that romance is some utopic prize happy ending worth sacrificing other forms of fulfillment to obtain.
Definition of unhappiness: chasing after something you can't have.
I never realized how much watching 2000s romcoms and their depiction of love actually f’ed with my brain😭 Ive become this girl so slowly and gradually and I needed to see this video
A shame this video didnt mention crazy ex girlfriend, which is the purest embodiment of this trope. The mc, Rebecca, views love as the prize that will fix her and is willing to do anything, to herself and anyone else, to get it, but after four season she decides instead to focus on nurturing herself and doesn't "get" any of the guys at all
This is such an underrated show but I love it so much!!! More people should be talking about it
Really good video. I just disagree when it Die Hard was pointed out for having a damsel in distress as the prize for the hero at the end. Holly was a smart and brave woman who asumed leadership to look after her coworkers in the worst possible scenario. And John, who started the film underestimating her work, overcame his misogyny to be able to admit Holly's capabilities. He didn't "got her" for defeating the bad guys, he saved his marriage for respecting her as a person and not just seeing her as a wife.
I also didn’t agree with this example and True Lies, though I don’t remember it well. Great video though otherwise.
Choose what fulfills you, not what they tell you will
I see two trends very clearly: One is the increasing aesthetic of violence and the other is moralising ‘wholesome relationships’ as a counter to ‘bad’ ways of being
huh?
??
That last sentence- that there's no singular thing in life that you can win to make you feel whole, but instead you win by forming a wholesome life, filled with people you love and who love you. It took me almost 30 years to realize that lesson, and it changed my whole life!
I really like the ending of Crazy ex-girlfriend because of this, because during the series you see her unlearning this toxic ideas about love and she finds happiness by herself
i was that girl before. now I'm a woman. i still want love & relationship, but now my main focuses are my study, my job and my dream. + my healing journey
I've been going through a lot of depression lately and questioning what I want. This video was exactly what I needed.
Media and now the internet has us all delulu. We're messy, but we're not above nature in any way. Loneliness is terrible. Women, who accept they will one day choose a mate, figure out what they want from that union, which is intelligent. Whilst these types of videos are directed largely towards female viewership, males are bombarded with content from the manosphere, creating a divide irl, as the patriarchy crumbles 😂 and a painful transition period is felt. I think exposure to media such as films and video games at an impressionable age gives people this sense of being owed something (why am I not the protagonist in this world which is mine?) or needing to win things as a prize to prove worth. Big Business want us to buy their products and don't care about our wellbeing, or how we impact the world as long as their wealth grows. Some individuals want humans to stop breeding so much, hence content like this, that tries to foster a sense of loftiness...we're stronger/smarter than our predecessors & all this outdated wanting romantic companionship stuff. Which is not true- we need friendship, a sense of community and love, like most mammals. We just need to unravel the unearthly mess that's been created. We are part of this earth and privileged to be here rn. There are no superpowers they don't exist. Nobody is super or subhuman. We are nature, we are our baser needs, and you can't meditate, consume or internet your way out of loneliness.
Thank you 🙏 for another insightful video. Loving yourself instead of searching for love is something I need to learn.
The healing work is worth it!
Good luck! 🍀🐞
Male protagonists female love interest 90% of the time female protagonist male love interest 10% of the time.
And the take never heard of guy trying to impress a girl
I never understood women like Carrie from SATC. Why she would prefer Big over Aiden is INSANE to me. I don’t have the energy for drama. I’m happily married and I’m glad that it’s SIMPLE. Also, Aiden is way more attractive than Big.
Yeah, she is portrayed as someone who likes that though, and seems like she has a different outlook on life now
I think this is the video I needed a to watch for a better life. Thank you. I’m saving it to come back to when I forget and get a little too in my head.
It feel cursed to be here so early
I needed to watch this today!! Thank you The Take for creating this videos
Love regardless of how you interpret it is not a price to be won or something to chase after cause it cannot be forced nor handed to you on a silver platter or bought/sold. You have to work for it (do the nessecary work, not overwork yourself in the pursuit of something unrealistic) and cultivate it on your own starting with self-love so that when you extend it to the outside-world it might very well be returned back you like a boomerang (NOT meant as a Jojo Siwa reference).
Nice principle. This is a very good topic. Sharing it with someone could strike a nerve.
Beautiful message and so well explained!!
It’s so weird how on film/TV that women often either focus on finding the one or have some huge priority that makes them apathetic to finding the right man to settle down
It’s so weird because irl women are capable grown adults who are able to prioritize college/career, romance/love, friends/social circles and often a hobby/passion all at the same time.
another reason I love Legally Blonde so much. Elle is such a real person. Focused on her trial but also her schooling, friendships, and her love with emmet
I believe that some people WILL encourage you, or any girl, to take ANY GUY WHO WANTS YOU! I did this once and I was crazy for the guy, but NO ONE ELSE COULD STAND HIM! My family told me to ditch him and it did break up eventually, but he treated me LIKE A QUEEN and everyone else like dirt!
In fairy tales, the men are always the ones that need love. The women are simply passing their days and love in a pleasant surprise and addition to their life or sometimes help, such as Cinderella and Repunzel.
Very good video essay!
3:43 Decentering men centers yourself and grounds you in your identity and values. It's so nuanced too... The conditioning. You don't operate from a disrupted nervous system but rather from authenticity.
We can have other goals, besides wanting a relationship. But if we want to be involved in a relationship, we need to work on ourselves first. When Elle in Legally Blonde realized that being a successful lawyer mattered more to her than being with Warner, it made her more desirable to Emmett. He actually did believe in her, unlike Warner. Emmett didn't just love her for her beauty, but also for her intelligence and motivation. Warner only saw her as beautiful: "If I'm going to be a lawyer, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn." Elle's final words to Warner are the icing on the cake: "If I'm going to be a lawyer, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead." She finally realized that he was no longer her goal. When we believe in ourselves, then others will, too.
I hate that theme in movies & tv shows. I gave up watching 'The Goldbergs' after Erica stayed to settle down with Jeff instead of going on tour with Cyndi Lauper! An opportunity like that is once in a lifetime and it would have been for a year max! In real life, I think someone may seriously regret that. Also I didn't like how Penny on TBBT settled for such a conventional life 😢
such an important conversation
I was expecting you'd say something more about Barbie since, unlike other heroines of previous movies, she doesn't seem interested in finding love at all. Bit disappointed.
any recommendations that encourage the perspective presented in the video?
Little something I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out, basically where is the logic that within narratives why has it been the norm, that's it's important, that if somebody can't even achieve friends, than that's all the more the reason that they should spend their efforts into finding a romantic partner, like that is more obtainable? Or is it just as likely because romantic relationships/marriages seem harder to maintain than platonic friendships? &Well that's actually quite saddening when you think about, that the people probably in charge of writing romantic narratives, that they belonged to groups of people that were emotional starved/repressed, and that they were also a part of the groups that basically kept marriage alliances around?
This is one of your better videos!
damn, this is crazy, kinda like makes sense.
Well within narratives why is it that, it's portrayed that the friends might be toxic people that are the reason for preventing a couple from being together(basically when the friends give the ultimatum that the protagonist has to choose between their romantic partner or their friends, which in actuality can be a real red flag) is it basically an metaphor for the couple representing the minority going up against the majority represented by the group of friends?
"cant live without each other love" sounds horrible. cos...one of you is gonna die one day. even if nothing splits you sooner, one of you will die first, barring some horrible situation. so you should be able to live without the person no matter how deeply you love them.
Lol literally happened in the sequel, she found Aidan again 😂
That's Carrie for you!
I feel a first act curtain number from Chorus Line coming on....
Looking @ you, Grease!
The only male character I can think of who falls into this trope (besides Ken) is Niles Crane from Frasier
That performance was hilarious though, DHP made Niles ridiculously entertaining. I was also able to feel like he LUUUUHVED Daphne, like she is some kind of "goddess".
The show really dragged out that love story because the "will they won't they" subplot was something that helped them write a lot of Niles 's dialogue 😜
It really was entertaining to watch.
You cant spell Take without Ate!!!
I have the love and the job, but a horrible boss. Am I being impossible for hoping to find a workplace with a non-deranged/unhinged boss? Is that TOO MUCH to ask?
Sorry my friend, hang in there 🤗
I loved Charlie's Angels 2000s movies coz it was all action and the romance was a side plot ❤ you can be a badass woman AND get the guy too
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I don't think that finding a partner will make me whole!
i didnt expect this to be so depressing 😅
It's liberating!
Limp Bizkit
Thank you Hink
To be fair there is love as a prieze did doom the family on Holes and Stanley grandfather was a dude. Peter love for Mj did make him more motivated to be Spider man which led to the bad choice if it’s not my problem with Uncle Ben
I think sometimes we’re over compensating in media to much by not having love stories anymore and I miss it.
I still want to see love stories it doesn’t have to be love as a prieze
Hey that first Spiderman movie was gold 🥇
@@samf.s.7731 I love it too I am just saying it also used dating as a prieze
In gossip girl Serena wanted more to move to Los Angeles but dan stopped her
I Want To Find Love A Perfect Match For Me
I wish I cared about anything other than love (I’m trying to work on it in therapy)
9:24 LOVE THIS MOVIE
I JUST got over such mad level love - one advice - don’t wish it on yourself! It can ruin you completely. Love people in general, love your kids, love God and then a one particular man. Otherwise - you ll drown
Anthony Bridgerton is similar to Andrew Tate. Kate sharma is similar to Emma Watson.
The video felt like an attack
,,,why?
We were all groomed from the beginning
I absolutely hate this in media. As a fully developed adult this is never something super important to me. I have always wanted children & motherhood. I think we need to work on consciously separating these two things.
I 🩷 Barbie!
Maybe some men ARE considered to be "the best catches" or just "worth more" than others are!
Okay... but shouldn't you still want more in your life outside of just having a good catch?
I know it's not exactly what the video is about, but taking the opportunity I just wanted to say somewhere how tired I am of the whole "this person doesn't deserve that person" trend we have been living. Like, what does that even mean? You can never "deserve" a person anyway, love isn't owned, earned or deserved it's a giving. Like I don't know about everyone else, of course, but I don't love the people I love because of x,y and z nor do I stop loving them if they wrong me once or twice. I love them just because and I want them in my life just because. There is no logical resoning and what kind of relationship people don't commit mistakes?
Also, nobody believes in forgiveness or change anymore, everything is suddenly "toxic" and no room it's given for growth.
I've had really big fights with all kinds of people in my life from friends to family and the reason why I still have them with me is that dispyte the fights we still loved and forgave each other after our bad calls. Everyone has lows, so every relationship has them too.
I never dated, never was interested in a romantic relationship.
I was to busy to do my rhing.
I watched my friends from the outside and sll I saw was unnecessary Drama and Stress.
I think being Single is so much more peacefull and rewardind and the more I talk with women about their relationships the more I think the Bar is wayyyy to low for men.
Decenter men and live a happy fullfilled life
Want children?
Buy at a Spermien Bank.
The quality of semen Drops drastically after 25 and you deserve a healthy child.
Mommy groups are better than the nuclear fsmily, which is a fsiled Experiment.
Good take but you're gonna get so much hate for this 😂
I guess it's my parents that started it all, but as I grew up I noticed that this is a ton of hard work and I just don't have the energy or desire to do it.
I love watching love stories but writing them must be tougher than it looks.
Nah.
They come across as very naive and not-so-smart
I think the fact a majority of these trope examples were written by men is.... Interesting....
How when a male protagonist there's a female love interest 90% of time but when there's a female protagonist there's a male love interest 10% of time &3 % of those are those it as bad thing
Friends is totally toxic.
Don't use them as examples for anything good and healthy.
.why did carrie marry big are you kidding me
Sex and the City had the worst protagonist ever. I liked Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte so much better. And their storylines were so much more moving. Meanwhile Carrie's career, the whole section that started the show, became an after-thought after a while. She was always flip-flopping between Big and Aiden. No self-respecting woman does that.
I mean... I wouldn't say that for men it's a cherry on top. Just think Romeo & Juliet, Cyrano de Bergerac, Nothing Hill, There's Something About Merry.
Damn, even the whole reason for "How I met your mother" existence it's because there's such a heavy burden in our side but with different expectations.
The only diferente it's that now on top of fulfill the expectations there's the constant fear or danger to being pointed out as toxic, abusive, get canceled or whatever.
While usually the real toxic guys are the ones who doesn't really care to take advantage and are depicted as "Cool and easy" like precisely that football player from Euphoria.
Is that some sort if "take me i an the nice guy"?
@@MarieJohanna760 you see? I can't even make an argument because there's an obvious assumption.
Thank you for your comment.
You can understand it as you like.
Wait till you hear about South Asian marriage culture.
We actually need to keep this trope though, because it’s real.
It's always the same shows and movies you take as an example.
It's getting very repetetive.
Can you find something else?
This drive for love 🥰 is what causes a society to reproduce. It’s been disparaged in The West, and low birth rates are the result 😮😅😢
Maybe it's videos like discouraging relationships
Charlotte is a bad example. She changed her religion for some random guy.😑
He wasn't random and he had a compromise (if I'm remembering right). If she remained Christian, then they can stay together but not get married. They were BOTH divorcees, so Harry was okay with love not being the prize before her. AND she kept practicing Judaism when the broke up for a while, so she was legit.
"Anyone but you" was a bad example because she said "I broke up with him because we never argued. It was too easy".. like huh? What message does that send lol
Cassie sucks. That is all
I promise I'm not one to make everything about race. But using black slang like "blocking the bag" when you know your thumbnail looks like this 👱♀️👱🏻♀️👱🏼♀️ is annoying.
Thank you 🙏 for another insightful video. Loving yourself instead of searching for love is something I need to learn.
I think this is the video I needed a to watch for a better life. Thank you. I’m saving it to come back to when I forget and get a little too in my head.
How come when there's a male protagonist there's a female love interest 90% of time but there's a female protagonist there's Male love interest 10 of the time &4 % of those times it's portrayed as negative