Best Comebacks | House M.D..

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  • Опубліковано 25 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 3 тис.

  • @lukeritchie8080
    @lukeritchie8080 4 роки тому +5509

    When Taub and chase are talking about fighting and Taub says “I took on 3 guys in college once,” House, walking in, says “ I hope they bought you dinner first”

    • @poutsamouni5483
      @poutsamouni5483 3 роки тому +18

      Dotn get it help

    • @geoffos42
      @geoffos42 2 роки тому +199

      @@poutsamouni5483 When Taub says "Took on three guys ...", House assumes it was a sexual encounter, hence the "I hope they bought you dinner first” remark.
      Hope that helps? :)

    • @house8895
      @house8895 2 роки тому +13

      LOLOL

    • @cnzhk5925
      @cnzhk5925 Рік тому +56

      Oh, how I missed that show. Hugh Laurie was the perfect actor for this character. Smart, witty and straight to the point. "Merry Christmas"
      "And a happy go to hell" 🤣

    • @kulled
      @kulled Рік тому +3

      geightamine heighted

  • @ramerboi
    @ramerboi 4 роки тому +10506

    They forgot to add:
    Cuddy: "The two of you have a combined IQ of 300"
    House: "So do five morons"

  • @Speedy_Cockroach
    @Speedy_Cockroach 3 роки тому +9672

    Imagine if Hugh Laurie didn't apply for this part, and imagine if the producers didn't choose him. People say perfection doesn't exist, but the casting of house literally is lol

    • @neilpemberton5523
      @neilpemberton5523 3 роки тому +352

      I just can't imagine anyone else playing House. It would be interesting to know else was considered for the role.

    • @RuefulCenturion
      @RuefulCenturion 3 роки тому +158

      @@neilpemberton5523 RDJ, but he'd cost too much.

    • @RobinKyber
      @RobinKyber 3 роки тому +118

      @@RuefulCenturion Not before Iron Man

    • @tardissixteen8178
      @tardissixteen8178 3 роки тому +47

      It could’ve been Patrick Dempsey, which would’ve changed this show and Grey’s

    • @cautiousmilk1789
      @cautiousmilk1789 3 роки тому +20

      Neil Harris

  • @marcelo2169
    @marcelo2169 3 роки тому +9201

    I love the dwarf episode:
    "Are you high?"
    "Higher than you"
    I died

    • @jsteel89
      @jsteel89 3 роки тому +111

      Me too. Care to go for a spin?

    • @andrasziegenham6766
      @andrasziegenham6766 3 роки тому +154

      A short girl once asked me "What's up?".
      I replied with "Well, not you..." :D

    • @Harmthuria
      @Harmthuria 2 роки тому +24

      Love that one. I used it on a short girl friend of mine after seeing it, she laughed.

    • @orppranator5230
      @orppranator5230 2 роки тому +12

      You managed to write a comment while dead? Dang.

    • @tuttiman55
      @tuttiman55 2 роки тому +41

      “Are you intentionally being dense?”
      “Huh?”

  • @gavinrivera9929
    @gavinrivera9929 2 роки тому +4797

    "Are you being intentionally dense?"
    "Huh?"
    Had me rolling🤣

    • @falc0nkn1ght
      @falc0nkn1ght Рік тому +24

      Frr 😭😭

    • @falc0nkn1ght
      @falc0nkn1ght Рік тому +51

      7:05

    • @swirlingabyss
      @swirlingabyss Рік тому +13

      By far the best one.

    • @g80gzt
      @g80gzt Рік тому +20

      it's my favorite gag of all time, and I do not say that lightly or in jest, I say it in genuine perpetuity

    • @thatdamnwoman
      @thatdamnwoman Рік тому +9

      RIGHT? Kills me every friggin' time

  • @muhammedhatem9690
    @muhammedhatem9690 2 роки тому +904

    The fact that every scene Wilson talks to House while walking, he's always slowing his pace like he's following him rather than the other way around which I find really considerate of him

    • @dietotaku
      @dietotaku Рік тому +60

      probably because this whole show is basically sherlock holmes (house = holmes, wilson = watson)

  • @carygibson9979
    @carygibson9979 7 років тому +3903

    0:00 - 1x04 Maternity
    0:23 - 3x06 Que Sera Sera
    0:38 - 1x01 Pilot
    0:52 - 3x02 Cane and Able
    1:04 - 1x03 Occam's Razor
    1:12 - 3x04 Lines in the Sand
    1:28 - 3x05 Fools for Love
    1:40 - 3x05 Fools for Love
    1:46 - 3x05 Fools for Love
    1:54 - 3x06 Que Sera Sera
    2:11 - 3x12 One Day, One Room
    2:32 - 3x14 Insensitive
    2:49 - 3x15 Half-Wit
    2:59 - 3x22 Resignation
    3:08 - 3x23 The Jerk
    3:25 - 2x02 Autopsy
    3:34 - 2x08 The Mistake
    3:50 - 1x03 Occam's Razor
    4:25 - 2x09 Deception
    4:44 - 2x09 Deception
    4:55 - 3x12 One Day, One Room
    5:04 - 1x03 Occam's Razor
    5:11 - 2x02 Autopsy
    5:22 - 2x03 Humpty Dumpty
    5:28 - 2x02 Autopsy
    5:35 - 2x14 Sex Kills
    5:51 - 2x18 Sleeping Dogs Lie
    6:01 - 3x10 Merry Little Christmas
    6:05 - 2x03 Humpty Dumpty
    6:15 - 3x10 Merry Little Christmas
    6:24 - 4x14 Living the Dream
    6:45 - 4x13 No More Mr Nice Guy
    6:53 - 3x15 Half-Wit
    7:01 - 2x18 Sleeping Dogs Lie
    7:04 - 2x03 Humpty Dumpty
    7:07 - 4x14 Living the Dream
    7:15 - 2x21 Euphoria Part 2
    7:20 - 3x09 Finding Judas
    7:28 - 1x03 Occam's Razor

    • @TheV-Man
      @TheV-Man 7 років тому +326

      Give this man a cookie

    • @revenantrising7190
      @revenantrising7190 7 років тому +28

      Thanks

    • @djstatyk1540
      @djstatyk1540 7 років тому +54

      MVP

    • @lucyk8935
      @lucyk8935 7 років тому +101

      I️ see you in every house md comment section with a list of episodes and I’m so grateful thank you

    • @elgalang3183
      @elgalang3183 7 років тому +37

      Someone is really doing their homework. Good job on this! Thanks!

  • @Exploit1086
    @Exploit1086 4 роки тому +5121

    "If her DNA was off by one percent she'd be a dolphin" lmfao

    • @raven4k998
      @raven4k998 4 роки тому +15

      is that true or would she be something else I am pretty sure 1% DNA change does not a dolphin make out of you

    • @jellyjamese3134
      @jellyjamese3134 4 роки тому +111

      @@raven4k998 Kinda. It said that we share 50% of our genes with bananas and other plants. But it’s pretty complicated. House was making a joke. DNA and genes are two different things.

    • @raven4k998
      @raven4k998 4 роки тому +59

      @@jellyjamese3134 well you know you share 97% the same DNA as an earth worm those 3% do a whole lot to make you and I different from that earth worm it's amazing what all that 3% does

    • @Ignasimp
      @Ignasimp 3 роки тому +12

      @@raven4k998 No. You do not share 97% of the same DNA with a worm.

    • @raven4k998
      @raven4k998 3 роки тому +68

      @@Ignasimp yes you do worm boy

  • @itkojecockot
    @itkojecockot 3 роки тому +1611

    Foreman: "we plug one hole and end up poking another"
    House: "are we talking about the patient or how to get a raise from Cuddy ?"

  • @geniehossain3738
    @geniehossain3738 6 років тому +3997

    Cuddly: I was being sarcastic!
    House: Won’t look that way in the court transcript.
    LOL

  • @thatissomebadhatharry4801
    @thatissomebadhatharry4801 6 років тому +7607

    Everybody is giving credit to the house but we gotta appreciate the writers of this show. Seriously they are the real house behind this show.

    • @sarizonana
      @sarizonana 6 років тому +274

      Benching 500 ibs for 3 reps everyone did their part, the writers for an Incredible witty script, Hugh Laurie for portraying House to perfection and The supporting cast for their great performances and living those characters.
      All were normal human beings with a lot of qualities and flaws. There were no heroes or villains here : one moments you could love Cameron and the next one hate her and that was so refreshing.

    • @92brunod
      @92brunod 6 років тому +80

      House is a fictional character, of course no one is giving credit to a fictional charcter...Are you being intentionally dense??

    • @marsalien4
      @marsalien4 6 років тому +94

      Huh?

    • @masters.1000
      @masters.1000 5 років тому +17

      @Leandro Aude House became an stereotype of himself in the later seasons.

    • @masters.1000
      @masters.1000 5 років тому +7

      Just see a comment above, all of these clips came from Season 1-4.
      After that, the series goes downhill.

  • @keithdean9149
    @keithdean9149 3 роки тому +1557

    House introducing himself at the clinic
    "I am a BORED...certified....."
    Love that line

    • @dietotaku
      @dietotaku Рік тому +39

      i'd be raising my hand and following him to exam room 1 after that line. gotta appreciate doctors who are real with you

    • @BobbytheBongoPlaya
      @BobbytheBongoPlaya Рік тому +10

      YES!!!! So glad someone else noticed this!!! 😁😁😁

    • @falc0nkn1ght
      @falc0nkn1ght Рік тому +6

      *board

    • @keithdean9149
      @keithdean9149 Рік тому +29

      @@falc0nkn1ght going by the way he is using it, either spelling is accurate.

    • @falc0nkn1ght
      @falc0nkn1ght Рік тому +3

      @@keithdean9149 true lmfaoo

  • @pridepotterz6564
    @pridepotterz6564 4 роки тому +9532

    “We got rectal bleeding”
    house: “what, all of you?”
    Me: in tears 😭

    • @GiordanDiodato
      @GiordanDiodato 3 роки тому +77

      guess you could say they're BUTThurt

    • @omairsh8
      @omairsh8 3 роки тому +21

      @@GiordanDiodato get out

    • @dogestranding5047
      @dogestranding5047 3 роки тому +6

      @@GiordanDiodato owned

    • @evanhdez
      @evanhdez 3 роки тому +9

      @@GiordanDiodato get out now

    • @slendyluke9639
      @slendyluke9639 3 роки тому +3

      i died laughing at that part XD p.s.: yeay, i'm the 777th like! :D

  • @seymourbuttz6419
    @seymourbuttz6419 4 роки тому +575

    "Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again"
    I think that's the one thing house said that 100% of doctors can agree with

    • @szahmad2416
      @szahmad2416 Рік тому +19

      Funny enough, it also occurred at the asylum whenever they celebrated someone leaving.

    • @TheGDiaX
      @TheGDiaX Рік тому +2

      Or any other job you have to deal with people on a constant basis, I guess.

    • @PokeMageTech
      @PokeMageTech 10 місяців тому +1

      @@TheGDiaX
      I mean… the people at the food place in the adjacent dorm were probably like “oh, him. He’s easy. He’ll either get a cheese quesadilla or a cheeseburger.”
      I was even asked “the usual?” To which I answered “yep!”

    • @mrobligatory.5234
      @mrobligatory.5234 7 місяців тому +1

      fun fact: he does see her again. in the end of the episode he agrees to deliver her baby so that he has an excuse to use the obgyn lounge.

  • @BrocktonLazarus3397
    @BrocktonLazarus3397 3 роки тому +218

    1:23-
    Cuddy- She's called you fifteen times! Your mother's not that interested in you!
    House- Well. Maybe I'd be better adjusted if she was.

    • @0biwan7
      @0biwan7 2 місяці тому +1

      you havent returned my calls
      i was going to.... in ten years

  • @HighwayDrive717
    @HighwayDrive717 5 років тому +5271

    "What are you hiding?"
    "I'm gay.....oh that's not what you meant, does explain a lot though...no girlfriends, always with Wilson"" LMAO Love this dude.

    • @ThomasJ502
      @ThomasJ502 4 роки тому +291

      Obsession with sneakers....

    • @maxamedxasan4366
      @maxamedxasan4366 4 роки тому +40

      ``Love" is understatement don't you think

    • @ImperativeGames
      @ImperativeGames 4 роки тому +67

      What's even funnier, it's his ex-wife)
      They got divorced after he decided to try to save his leg and got that chronic pain...

    • @Parktheparklebarkle
      @Parktheparklebarkle 4 роки тому +36

      @@ImperativeGames ex-girlfriend not ex-wife.

    • @wolfgodakira592
      @wolfgodakira592 3 роки тому +11

      @@Parktheparklebarkle no its ex-wife, before you try to correct someone try actually being correct.

  • @jleoncito6
    @jleoncito6 7 років тому +3524

    kinda surprised they didnt put that bit when house and that girl who can't feel anything get into a pissing match to see who's life sucks worse. favorite line from that: "I can't be hugged for too long because I might overheat" "I can't be hugged for too long because i only pay for an hour"

    • @piequals314
      @piequals314 6 років тому +30

      What episode was that?! 😂

    • @jakewhite3132
      @jakewhite3132 6 років тому +68

      Insensitive, third season.

    • @Spameggssausage
      @Spameggssausage 5 років тому +16

      that wasn't funny it was just to show that that girl was even more obnoxious than House

    • @lizardfishbird
      @lizardfishbird 5 років тому +26

      That was honestly the best scene ever

    • @JohnSmith-wx9wj
      @JohnSmith-wx9wj 4 роки тому +4

      She's female House! Proof someone just like you would be obnoxious.

  • @XaviRonaldo0
    @XaviRonaldo0 3 роки тому +186

    "if her DNA were out by 1% she'd be a dolphin" I laughed way too hard for way too long at that

  • @KINGofkings49er
    @KINGofkings49er 7 років тому +4865

    "we got rectal bleeding"
    "All of you?" hahahaa

    • @franciscojose4556
      @franciscojose4556 5 років тому +6

      BFASHAHA

    • @chrisdirker8715
      @chrisdirker8715 5 років тому +113

      Cudi: are you being intentionally dense?
      House: huh
      that has me dead every time same with the rectal bleeding and the im a BORED certified diagnostician

    • @QQ-og3ui
      @QQ-og3ui 4 роки тому +4

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @duntzwitch
      @duntzwitch 4 роки тому +1

      I fucking died, bruh

    • @Gadzinisko
      @Gadzinisko 3 роки тому +1

      Kills me every time.

  • @elliotdoesnotcare5006
    @elliotdoesnotcare5006 7 років тому +7117

    Dwarf: "Are you high?"
    House: "Higher than you"

    • @filimongalogavros5301
      @filimongalogavros5301 6 років тому +32

      J D ha ha ha that was a good one . . .

    • @MG-ok2bn
      @MG-ok2bn 5 років тому +30

      how was this not included in the video?

    • @MoneymakerBruce
      @MoneymakerBruce 5 років тому +10

      They are called little people

    • @MoneymakerBruce
      @MoneymakerBruce 5 років тому +7

      @AnonymouslySalty Do you also wanna kick a midget to see how far he goes ?

    • @AzguardMike
      @AzguardMike 5 років тому +5

      @@MoneymakerBruce i think the dwarf's mum was Grumpy in drag. She was a proper bitch.

  • @classiccj2569
    @classiccj2569 2 роки тому +224

    7:05 absolutely killed me after the "we've got rectal bleeding" scene.

  • @master_ace
    @master_ace 7 років тому +5128

    "He is not a 'what', he is a 'who'. They even have the right to vote now."' Got me laughing historically!

    • @yersiniapestis5894
      @yersiniapestis5894 7 років тому +295

      "Got me laughing historically"
      Intention or Freudian slip (or autocorrect)? :D

    • @master_ace
      @master_ace 7 років тому +96

      Yersinia Pestis historically hysterically

    • @PerfectAlibi1
      @PerfectAlibi1 7 років тому +23

      Who is merely the form following the function of what.
      And what she is, is a hospital administrator ^^

    • @nombreespablo
      @nombreespablo 7 років тому +25

      Historyiacally*

    • @ctrlaltdestroy91
      @ctrlaltdestroy91 6 років тому +61

      _[Laughing Historically]_

  • @gutz1981
    @gutz1981 5 років тому +5848

    "You stash your drugs in a Lupus text book."
    "It's never Lupus." LOL

  • @seoulseokjin
    @seoulseokjin 4 роки тому +143

    “No, I’ll keep going even if I kill him” 🤣🤣🤣

  • @lebbo88
    @lebbo88 7 років тому +5884

    "ARE YOU BEING INTENTIONALLY DENSE!?!"
    "Huh??"
    Perfect!!! One of the absolute best.

    • @zanetasmith9954
      @zanetasmith9954 7 років тому +48

      Kevin Lebby THAT IS THE BEST ONE, I CRY EVERYTIME 😂😂😩😩😩😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @TheVanillaChapstick
      @TheVanillaChapstick 7 років тому +25

      I don't get it though........does that mean I'm dense?

    • @alanwolf3178
      @alanwolf3178 7 років тому +14

      Every. Freaking. Time!

    • @notfloppyshoes7762
      @notfloppyshoes7762 6 років тому +19

      Kevin Lebby when people ask me something like that, that is my go to response

    • @gaimz1855
      @gaimz1855 6 років тому +7

      I honestly believe only dense people found that one funny.

  • @grayScaLe918
    @grayScaLe918 4 роки тому +1042

    "ive heard your name"
    "most people have, its also a noun"
    had me dying

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 3 роки тому +17

      Still one of my favourite jokes in the show

  • @JackBlack-qn7us
    @JackBlack-qn7us 2 роки тому +27

    "Sometimes, the best gift is never seeing you again."
    Is such a heartwarming line coming from a doctor, I can't. My heart melted!

  • @GrandWagJeep
    @GrandWagJeep 7 років тому +2939

    "I am a BORED... certified diagnostician..." LMAO

    • @smill1985
      @smill1985 6 років тому +38

      I LOVED that part. Awesome!

    • @eryuu4016
      @eryuu4016 6 років тому +14

      GrandWagJeep At least he's not shooting at the wall, ne?

    • @CommonCent
      @CommonCent 6 років тому +5

      E Ryuu or shooting hookers with arrows 😏

    • @theriverstigs
      @theriverstigs 5 років тому +19

      BOARD or BORED, it's still a golden line

    • @saniasinghania1183
      @saniasinghania1183 5 років тому +1

      LOVE It!!!!

  • @louieberg2942
    @louieberg2942 7 років тому +617

    "We got rectal bleeding"
    "What? All of you??"
    Gets me every time.

  • @jofsky9066
    @jofsky9066 3 роки тому +240

    The four clips starting at 7:00 had me uncontrolably laughing for way to long

  • @kian723
    @kian723 4 роки тому +4117

    7:05
    “aRe YoU bEinG iNteNtiOnALLy dEnSe?!”
    “hUH”

  • @dada78641
    @dada78641 4 роки тому +4982

    7:07 "I'm dr. House. I don't think we've met."
    "Dr. Jamie Conway. I've...heard your name."
    "Most people have. It's also a noun."

    • @jaekeyz1768
      @jaekeyz1768 4 роки тому +21

      What episode is that

    • @pdaddy1121
      @pdaddy1121 4 роки тому +57

      It’s a noun in both instances.

    • @Robi2009
      @Robi2009 4 роки тому +12

      @@jaekeyz1768 S4E14 - "Living the dream", the one with the actor from 6:25

    • @FanGirlMania
      @FanGirlMania 4 роки тому +25

      I love his smug smile after he said it

    • @lunarialoonatic
      @lunarialoonatic 4 роки тому +7

      Clever comments like that are why i love him

  • @artaahmadi6696
    @artaahmadi6696 3 роки тому +73

    Honestly one of the greatest shows of all time. Ending was glorious

  • @johnnyfreeman1018
    @johnnyfreeman1018 7 років тому +8156

    Netflix....put this show back on the menu.....

    • @joanamarques6184
      @joanamarques6184 7 років тому +34

      Johnny Freeman I still watch it on netflix

    • @johnnyfreeman1018
      @johnnyfreeman1018 7 років тому +50

      Joana Marques .......How?..... I can't find it on Netflix.....

    • @joanamarques6184
      @joanamarques6184 7 років тому +68

      Johnny Freeman yeah ok, my Netflix is kind of different. I don't have a lot of the shows you have, but at least I have house! I've got Netflix Portugal

    • @johnnyfreeman1018
      @johnnyfreeman1018 7 років тому +62

      Joana Marques ....ok.... didn't know that Netflix was different like that.Hello from America......

    • @pablodavidclavijo4609
      @pablodavidclavijo4609 7 років тому +26

      Johnny Freeman you can use a VPN.

  • @Peacepuppy5
    @Peacepuppy5 7 років тому +5226

    "Darwin says let him die" cracked me up

    • @scp--297
      @scp--297 7 років тому +8

      Sarah Gayda
      XD

    • @sobek
      @sobek 7 років тому +58

      sounds like the sort of thing I would say

    • @Celestial_Wing
      @Celestial_Wing 7 років тому +2

      That's fucked up.

    • @drakashrakenburgproduction5369
      @drakashrakenburgproduction5369 6 років тому +25

      One Winged Ice Angel What your lack of sense of humor

    • @nachochips8090
      @nachochips8090 6 років тому +45

      One Winged Ice Angel well, eating something attached to a fridge is retarded

  • @thecuriousrabbit9980
    @thecuriousrabbit9980 3 роки тому +51

    The writers on this show must have had a good time coming up with Dr. House's lines... So many witty and cleaver comebacks as well as snappy one liners.

  • @medakame91
    @medakame91 7 років тому +4466

    *House sneakily taking Vicodin from inside a book ...*
    Foreman : you stock your drugs in a Lupus textbook !?
    House: it's never Lupus.
    He's just too epic

    • @medakame91
      @medakame91 7 років тому +18

      Seth Smelser Hahahaha well, infortunately i don't remember if it actually came as a case but what I'm sure of is that Lupus is always on their board and yet "it's never Lupus "

    • @zhawn14
      @zhawn14 7 років тому +29

      I was thinking about that. Literally every episode, the say at one point it's lupus or they are testing for lupus, but I honestly can't remember one instance of it being lupus.

    • @isen2619
      @isen2619 7 років тому +27

      it was in season four and the patient of the week was a magician

    • @pierredodeler5331
      @pierredodeler5331 7 років тому +2

      *stash your drugs

    • @ursaminor9780
      @ursaminor9780 7 років тому

      meda kame can someone please explain it?

  • @EvdB
    @EvdB 7 років тому +3528

    "Most people have, it's also a noun." xD
    It gets me every single time =p.

    • @dnlsrl
      @dnlsrl 7 років тому +56

      Well, the word "house" is a noun.

    • @Rodhizzzle
      @Rodhizzzle 7 років тому +22

      I love his smirk when he says it.

    • @luthoratemybaby
      @luthoratemybaby 7 років тому +3

      I can't believe he said that to god

    • @erizo.senpai
      @erizo.senpai 7 років тому +7

      I was destroyed when i heard for the first time

    • @chonkybirb7799
      @chonkybirb7799 6 років тому +1

      Eric van den Bersselaar I read this as it played
      Perfect timing

  • @paulallensdemise2533
    @paulallensdemise2533 3 роки тому +84

    3:39
    "What are you hiding?
    House: im gay.
    Oh that's not what you meant. Would explain a lot though no girlfriend, always with Wilson🤣, obsession with sneakers."AHAHAH

  • @CJ-my5xb
    @CJ-my5xb 4 роки тому +1157

    “Patrick, I want you to pretend that your leg is a piano.” “My leg isn’t a piano.” “I know, that’s why I said PRETEND.”

  • @travishayes6037
    @travishayes6037 7 років тому +5410

    "If her DNA was off by 1% she'd be a dolphin." Ha

    • @tuberose4601
      @tuberose4601 6 років тому +2

      Travis Hayes lmfao

    • @williamaftondavemiller346
      @williamaftondavemiller346 6 років тому +6

      What does that even mean?

    • @jaaronhart
      @jaaronhart 6 років тому +79

      @@williamaftondavemiller346 Dolphins share 99% of their dna with humans.

    • @KARTOONOG
      @KARTOONOG 6 років тому +1

      @@jaaronhart really?

    • @jaaronhart
      @jaaronhart 6 років тому +67

      @@KARTOONOG Yes. A lot of organisms share large amounts of dna. The dna that codes for red blood cells, organelles, organs, fingers, eyes, etc are found in other animals. A very small part of the genome differentiates species. Its pretty amazing how small changes to DNA can make for large differences in organisms.

  • @elektrawinchesterbarnes
    @elektrawinchesterbarnes 7 місяців тому +6

    Forgot:
    "What are you looking at?"
    House: "Apparently, a Moron."

  • @kp-yi6ku
    @kp-yi6ku 7 років тому +2085

    "Good news is ...he's running out of organs to fail"
    Cameron :We've got a rectal bleeding !
    House :What, all of you ?!
    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @scp--297
      @scp--297 7 років тому +2

      Kevin Peniku
      XD

    • @KojinMacJorn
      @KojinMacJorn 6 років тому +9

      The organs one was... god damn amazing. I have not laughed that hard in so long.

  • @mrpreacherman8262
    @mrpreacherman8262 5 років тому +292

    "House your mothers not that interested in you"
    "Maybe I'll be better adjusted if she was. "

  • @Phantom.Gaming64
    @Phantom.Gaming64 2 роки тому +72

    Cuddy: Are you being intentionally dense?! 😠
    House: Huh?? 😮
    I just love the way House responds to Cuddy's question, so perfect 👌

  • @colemanchapman8725
    @colemanchapman8725 6 років тому +435

    “There’s no ‘I’ in team”
    “ but there is a ‘me’ if you rearrange the letters”

    • @StarlasAiko
      @StarlasAiko 3 роки тому +8

      My response would have been different
      "There is 'I' in 'team'"
      "Keep up that attitude, and there won't be a 'U' either"

    • @ParasiteEvel
      @ParasiteEvel 3 роки тому +11

      @@StarlasAiko ...That doesnt make sense, thats why they went with a quip that was actually good.

    • @uvafresca
      @uvafresca 3 роки тому +6

      *Taylor Swift writing aggressively*

  • @korrinmichealson5344
    @korrinmichealson5344 6 років тому +508

    House: That's a bear.
    Kid: Bob has four legs and a tail. He's a dog.
    House: If you try to play fetch with Bob in the woods, he's going to eat you.

    • @johnking4948
      @johnking4948 5 років тому +5

      Bill*

    • @Robi2009
      @Robi2009 4 роки тому +5

      I loved that girl actress, she was good

    • @mrshikari2
      @mrshikari2 Рік тому +1

      that scene was so cute XD.

  • @ThyAnarchist87
    @ThyAnarchist87 Рік тому +21

    @2:48 "No I'll keep going even if I kill him" lol show how house cares more about the puzzle than the patient.

  • @georgeweasley54
    @georgeweasley54 7 років тому +643

    *House:* It's never Lupus
    *Sherlock*: It's never twins

    • @joemiller947
      @joemiller947 6 років тому +6

      George Weasley Exactly!

    • @danielchmiel7787
      @danielchmiel7787 6 років тому +8

      I can't find literally any quote from Harry Potter series saying "It's never..."
      Surrender

    • @sealkadoompokemonphd3770
      @sealkadoompokemonphd3770 5 років тому

      Tmw the person you're talking to deletes their comments so it looks like you're talking to yourself

    • @danielchmiel7787
      @danielchmiel7787 5 років тому +2

      @@sealkadoompokemonphd3770 I have no idea what are you talking about 😏

    • @sealkadoompokemonphd3770
      @sealkadoompokemonphd3770 5 років тому +1

      You sly fox

  • @cherryhoppip
    @cherryhoppip 7 років тому +800

    "Merry Christmas"
    "....And a happy Go To Hell"
    Ah, short and sweet, so tame yet flooded with spite. It's elegant and disgusting, I love it.

    • @maximmilby2016
      @maximmilby2016 6 років тому +3

      The Winged Cherry Pie I think it would have been a bit more funny if he just said, bahumbug. or however you spell that.

    • @GamerGrovyle
      @GamerGrovyle 6 років тому +3

      The Winged Cherry Pie Just like.
      “Are you being intentionally dense?!”
      “Huh?”

    • @nk4225
      @nk4225 5 років тому

      I watched this last night

    • @glitterrave453
      @glitterrave453 5 років тому +1

      Me to my teachers (my school fucking hates me)

  • @TheMattswindows135
    @TheMattswindows135 3 роки тому +31

    "I've heard your name..."
    **nods** "Most people have, it's also a noun."
    The sarcasm is unbeatable with House.

  • @bsparks
    @bsparks 7 років тому +297

    I'm Dr. House
    I've heard your name.
    Most people have, it's also a noun.

    • @raven4k998
      @raven4k998 4 роки тому

      we could spend all day arguing give me the 100 bucks

  • @oceansdaughter9885
    @oceansdaughter9885 7 років тому +519

    "... show me how your inhaler works."
    Funniest clinic scene ever! Thanks for bringing House back! ❤️

    • @rickylyon3846
      @rickylyon3846 7 років тому +6

      By far, my favorite clinic moment! I'm laughing just remembering it.

    • @howardtreesong4860
      @howardtreesong4860 6 років тому +6

      I'll tell you that I totally believe that somebody actually did that. Users are incomprehensible in their rationales of how things should work.

    • @kyfra5257
      @kyfra5257 6 років тому +10

      I can tell you I had to tell someone that the antibiotic she was putting in her child's ear was meant to be taken by mouth. She was telling me it didn't go in very well and it seemed very sticky and that there might be something wrong with it. I felt like replying "didn't you notice it smells like fruits too and the flavour is written on the bottle?" but I guess we can't do that in real life... -_- So, yes, I do believe that someone is actually capable of using an inhaler this way.

    • @tomhannah3825
      @tomhannah3825 6 років тому

      I know!! Best scene ever! It had me on the floor!!! :)

  • @TheHannahcast
    @TheHannahcast 3 роки тому +124

    2:12 This made me laugh WAAAAY harder than it should have. 🤣

  • @09214384270
    @09214384270 7 років тому +336

    "Hello sick people and their loved ones!"

  • @joshuaharris2245
    @joshuaharris2245 7 років тому +220

    If a doctor had the confidence and wit to pull off a speech like that in front of me I'd take him.
    At least I'd know it'll be quick and to the point.

    • @kenjett2434
      @kenjett2434 4 роки тому +6

      I agree I'd be the first to volunteer just because of the honesty and intelligence shown by the wit in how he expressed himself

  • @galenmarek4117
    @galenmarek4117 Рік тому +12

    "It wouldn't look that way in the court transcript" always gets me

  • @RueAM1281
    @RueAM1281 5 років тому +329

    Cuddy: "Are you being intentionally dense?!?"
    House: "HUH???"

  • @CherryBomb_Games
    @CherryBomb_Games 4 роки тому +361

    "Are you being intentionally dense?!"
    "Huh? "
    I fell out of my chair omg

    • @moriah93ohio
      @moriah93ohio 3 роки тому +3

      Omg I had to rewind it and watch it again 😂

  • @Linosek279
    @Linosek279 2 роки тому +43

    0:35
    Me, as a fat black christian: “True”

  • @lisannastrauss4487
    @lisannastrauss4487 7 років тому +214

    "Are you being intentionally dense?"
    "HUH?"

  • @bethanyleigh9691
    @bethanyleigh9691 6 років тому +716

    "You store your drugs In a lupus textbook"
    "It's never lupus "
    Oh my god House fans will appreciate this line , I laughed more than I should

    • @Great_Olaf5
      @Great_Olaf5 3 роки тому +21

      And then a season later was the first lupus case. (I think)

    • @StarlasAiko
      @StarlasAiko 3 роки тому +15

      Yes, and it was the only case in which they not only didn't suspect lupus, but categorically ruled out lupus without testing for it first.

    • @olliephelan
      @olliephelan 3 роки тому +3

      @@StarlasAiko
      At least it was never lupus until then.

    • @olliephelan
      @olliephelan 3 роки тому

      @Caleb Mayfield
      No idea. Ive only watched clips.
      The one where she tells denzel washington that shes preglant ?
      OKayyyyyy ALLLLLLRITE !

  • @PhilomathWizard
    @PhilomathWizard Рік тому +27

    6:01 No one else would deliver this line without sounding cringe, amazing job Hugh Laurie

  • @thomasw4506
    @thomasw4506 7 років тому +2837

    "why didn't you fire chase?"
    House: cuz he's got great hair.
    "Seriously....What are you hiding??"
    House: I'm gay.
    Hilarious.

    • @davidtejada9675
      @davidtejada9675 6 років тому +98

      It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend. Always with Wilson.

    • @TheFlash-dr1kr
      @TheFlash-dr1kr 6 років тому +6

      @@davidtejada9675 In one of the episodes he kisses a girl though.

    • @coralMITOCHONDRIA
      @coralMITOCHONDRIA 6 років тому +3

      The Flash Just hiding his true feelings

    • @FANOFWAR34
      @FANOFWAR34 6 років тому +18

      The Flash it’s a joke he’s not gay lol

    • @sams517
      @sams517 5 років тому +15

      David Tejada obsession with sneakers

  • @WhiteBloggerBlackSpecs
    @WhiteBloggerBlackSpecs 5 років тому +438

    "We've got rectal bleeding." "What? All of you?" Omfg 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @jjk1172
    @jjk1172 3 роки тому +16

    “It’s off by 1 percentage points.”
    “It’s within range!”
    “If her DNA was off by 1 percentage point, she’d be a dolphin.”

  • @caesar4857
    @caesar4857 7 років тому +281

    House: How old are you?
    Boy: 8
    House: And he swallowed something stuck to a fridge, Darwin says let him die.
    xD

  • @chinwe71
    @chinwe71 7 років тому +458

    Cameron: How would you describe my leadership skills?
    House: Non-existent... otherwise excellent.
    🤣 I love Dr. House!

  • @swapnilnagare1490
    @swapnilnagare1490 4 місяці тому +3

    Cameron: He was shot?
    House: No, someone threw the bullet at him.

  • @nonjudgmentalteenmom159
    @nonjudgmentalteenmom159 7 років тому +2341

    Other doctor: he swallowed a magnet and he needs it cut out
    House: How old are you?
    Kid: 8
    House: Darwin says let him die
    Me:natural selection at its best

    • @_Cr4zy_
      @_Cr4zy_ 6 років тому +33

      dragon mandy well if someone is stupid and decides to get children they will also be stupid , that‘s why nature lets dumbasses die.

    • @mierrasanders9012
      @mierrasanders9012 6 років тому +39

      @dragon mandy Survival of the fittest if one is unfit than nature will kill them off

    • @SFnader
      @SFnader 6 років тому +9

      Me: this comment is cringy and retarded.

    • @coolguy02536
      @coolguy02536 6 років тому +3

      Yeah that’s the joke.

    • @Hauyen1
      @Hauyen1 5 років тому +1

      Tupac Shakur What

  • @rodolfoquispe7433
    @rodolfoquispe7433 7 років тому +295

    Cuddy: And, what is this?
    House: He's not a what, he's a who.
    Cmon! That's genius!!
    I miss this show.

    • @master_ace
      @master_ace 7 років тому +25

      Rodolfo Quispe they even have the right to vote now was a better part of that in my opinion

  • @ElliottsCreations
    @ElliottsCreations 3 роки тому +19

    7:34 When someone at school finds out you have gum.

  • @EPrimeify
    @EPrimeify 6 років тому +265

    "Two guys go into a bar, and one has significant losses in the upper-right quadrant of his visual field, and the other one says -'We're gonna need to do an MRI to confirm the type and location of the tumour.'"
    Ah, yes, my favourite joke. Such a classic.

  • @Geotpf
    @Geotpf 4 роки тому +99

    At 7:46, I would definitely want him. Anybody that rude who still has a job is obviously an extremely good doctor.

    • @nassahrakim8136
      @nassahrakim8136 Рік тому +10

      Even so, man is charismatic af who wouldn't want to be treated by him 🤣

    • @paigeturner4425
      @paigeturner4425 10 місяців тому +1

      ​@@nassahrakim8136 I'd be like "Oh I want you, but let me see one of those other doctors first!"

  • @dylancoats5113
    @dylancoats5113 2 роки тому +9

    “Either your really bad at math or your about to die in 2 seconds”
    Waits 2 seconds
    “Your just really bad at math”😂😂😂

  • @iroden5335
    @iroden5335 7 років тому +158

    "have you thought about,hmmmmm not doing that?" Could stop a lot of things if people did that

  • @MrFinster53
    @MrFinster53 5 років тому +274

    They missed the one with the little girl calling her stuffed bear a dog.
    LG: "His name is Bill, he's a dog"
    H: Words have set meanings for a reason. You see an animal like Bill and you try to play fetch, Bill's going to eat you, because Bill's a bear." 😂

  • @AnikaJarlsdottr
    @AnikaJarlsdottr 2 роки тому +12

    "Who knows, maybe I'm wrong? Maybe I'm too stoned to tell?" *O.O*
    always makes me laugh xD

  • @josephstalin5305
    @josephstalin5305 6 років тому +383

    Stacy: what are you hiding
    House:I’m gay
    Me:*dies

    • @lordmute9643
      @lordmute9643 4 роки тому +10

      House: Oh that's not what you meant. Does explain a lot though.

    • @tigerheaddude
      @tigerheaddude 4 роки тому +1

      RIP in peace :'(

    • @franklindelanoroosevelt6760
      @franklindelanoroosevelt6760 3 роки тому

      Stalin, my nemesis. Hope you know, even though we both won WWII, the Soviet Union will be non existent by 1991 😉🤣

  • @klephenthurry3284
    @klephenthurry3284 5 років тому +110

    I swear this medical drama doctor show had better roasts then 90% of "Drop the Mic" combined

  • @DJ-fn3jm
    @DJ-fn3jm 3 роки тому +19

    7:10 So House does actually get to meet God. And he never even realized.

  • @afriendlypoltergeist4073
    @afriendlypoltergeist4073 5 років тому +203

    "Why didn't you fire him?"
    "He has great hair"
    "... What are you hiding??? "
    "Gay"

  • @mohamedalsudani5693
    @mohamedalsudani5693 6 років тому +66

    "he is 8 years old and he swallowed something stuck to the fridge. darwin says let him die."
    I cried laughing

  • @gem_bob95
    @gem_bob95 Рік тому +10

    “Merry Christmas”
    “And a happy go to hell”
    Hahah I like that 😂

  • @VladKov36
    @VladKov36 7 років тому +127

    "We've got rectal bleeding"
    "What all of you? "
    THIS WAS HILARIOUS!!!!

  • @rejinashrestha397
    @rejinashrestha397 4 роки тому +112

    5:02" Darwin says let him die"

  • @soft.nd.golden
    @soft.nd.golden 2 роки тому +21

    This is really a fantastic show I wish there was another series like this to watch

  • @sarahdickens9738
    @sarahdickens9738 5 років тому +69

    The combination of great writers and an actor with perfect comic timing!

  • @matthewcurlee6661
    @matthewcurlee6661 5 років тому +49

    "I've heard your name."
    "Most people have, it's also a noun."

  • @vahidz.n.s6401
    @vahidz.n.s6401 2 роки тому +15

    7:06 never cease to amaze me 😂😂 that’s an hall of fame for house moments 😂😂

  • @H2SamTV
    @H2SamTV 4 роки тому +451

    Cuddy: "How advanced is the pneumonia?"
    House:"its taking college courses."
    Lmao

    • @NathanCAY1010
      @NathanCAY1010 4 роки тому +1

      🤣🤣

    • @elizebeatrise3055
      @elizebeatrise3055 3 роки тому +6

      wilson!! im gonna go cut some cripple's eye out. wanna come watch?

    • @suwaidajalal
      @suwaidajalal 4 місяці тому +1

      Blackadder level sarcasm

    • @benwu7980
      @benwu7980 3 місяці тому +1

      @@suwaidajalal I'm gonna have to go and watch that show again. It was a really good time for UK comedy when was growing up.

  • @moldybread5733
    @moldybread5733 2 роки тому +7

    The most intriguing part to me is at 1:55. That same patient later became a doctor himself with a similar attitude in the city of pawnee

  • @stelioskotsifos2227
    @stelioskotsifos2227 7 років тому +162

    - Are you being intentionaly dense????
    - Huh?
    hahahahaha

  • @arianazuniga611
    @arianazuniga611 7 років тому +2561

    All of houses comebacks are 👌 by the emoji i meant that his comebacks are exquisite lol

    • @chitraarora7758
      @chitraarora7758 7 років тому +8

      Ariana Zuniga trueeee house is just amazing

    • @marcodrazic5391
      @marcodrazic5391 7 років тому +1

      What cancerous?

    • @tempj
      @tempj 7 років тому +1

      Evolution is a fictional concept?!

    • @kelvink5810
      @kelvink5810 7 років тому

      got me ondering too

    • @andrelavandero3041
      @andrelavandero3041 7 років тому

      Some of the people here CLEARLY didn't get your comment.

  • @dryb3301
    @dryb3301 2 роки тому +16

    This show is never gonna get old, love it

  • @axonIvorist
    @axonIvorist 4 роки тому +466

    You forgot
    Kid: "What's extension pastoring?"
    House: "It's when you get molested by a priest's cousin."

    • @basketanand
      @basketanand 4 роки тому +6

      Oh that's a good one

    • @pia-ld2bj
      @pia-ld2bj 4 роки тому +8

      I havent watched this show in a while and i forgot just how goddamn funny it was

    • @dryb3301
      @dryb3301 4 роки тому +5

      I can't remember this scene.
      I miss house,

  • @Ronin3run
    @Ronin3run 7 років тому +183

    Darwin says 'let him die' haha

  • @Cloudyroses2
    @Cloudyroses2 11 місяців тому +2

    "Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?"
    The best thing I've ever heard.

  • @stephen42007
    @stephen42007 5 років тому +55

    "The good news is, he won't be bitching about losing his hand if be cant breathe"
    House is my idol

  • @MindOfGenius
    @MindOfGenius 6 років тому +44

    3:08 is still my favorite moment.
    "Wouldn't look that way in the court transcript..."