Best Comebacks | House M.D.
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- Опубліковано 24 сер 2017
- Some of the best comebacks, replies and insults dealt by Dr. Gregory House!
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#HouseMD #IsItLupus? #Doctors
#HouseMD #HughLaurie #doctors - Розваги
They forgot to add:
Cuddy: "The two of you have a combined IQ of 300"
House: "So do five morons"
Senator hepatitis one
With the new doctor
Season six i think
7:6 I believe
That one is gold!
"Are you being intentionally dense?"
"Huh?"
Had me rolling🤣
Frr 😭😭
7:05
By far the best one.
it's my favorite gag of all time, and I do not say that lightly or in jest, I say it in genuine perpetuity
RIGHT? Kills me every friggin' time
I love the dwarf episode:
"Are you high?"
"Higher than you"
I died
Me too. Care to go for a spin?
A short girl once asked me "What's up?".
I replied with "Well, not you..." :D
Love that one. I used it on a short girl friend of mine after seeing it, she laughed.
You managed to write a comment while dead? Dang.
“Are you intentionally being dense?”
“Huh?”
When Taub and chase are talking about fighting and Taub says “I took on 3 guys in college once,” House, walking in, says “ I hope they bought you dinner first”
Dotn get it help
@@poutsamouni5483 When Taub says "Took on three guys ...", House assumes it was a sexual encounter, hence the "I hope they bought you dinner first” remark.
Hope that helps? :)
LOLOL
Oh, how I missed that show. Hugh Laurie was the perfect actor for this character. Smart, witty and straight to the point. "Merry Christmas"
"And a happy go to hell" 🤣
geightamine heighted
“We got rectal bleeding”
house: “what, all of you?”
Me: in tears 😭
guess you could say they're BUTThurt
@@GiordanDiodato get out
@@GiordanDiodato owned
@@GiordanDiodato get out now
i died laughing at that part XD p.s.: yeay, i'm the 777th like! :D
"If her DNA was off by one percent she'd be a dolphin" lmfao
is that true or would she be something else I am pretty sure 1% DNA change does not a dolphin make out of you
@@raven4k998 Kinda. It said that we share 50% of our genes with bananas and other plants. But it’s pretty complicated. House was making a joke. DNA and genes are two different things.
@@jellyjamese3134 well you know you share 97% the same DNA as an earth worm those 3% do a whole lot to make you and I different from that earth worm it's amazing what all that 3% does
@@raven4k998 No. You do not share 97% of the same DNA with a worm.
@@Ignasimp yes you do worm boy
Imagine if Hugh Laurie didn't apply for this part, and imagine if the producers didn't choose him. People say perfection doesn't exist, but the casting of house literally is lol
I just can't imagine anyone else playing House. It would be interesting to know else was considered for the role.
@@neilpemberton5523 RDJ, but he'd cost too much.
@@RuefulCenturion Not before Iron Man
It could’ve been Patrick Dempsey, which would’ve changed this show and Grey’s
Neil Harris
House introducing himself at the clinic
"I am a BORED...certified....."
Love that line
i'd be raising my hand and following him to exam room 1 after that line. gotta appreciate doctors who are real with you
YES!!!! So glad someone else noticed this!!! 😁😁😁
*board
@@falc0nkn1ght going by the way he is using it, either spelling is accurate.
@@keithdean9149 true lmfaoo
"You stash your drugs in a Lupus text book."
"It's never Lupus." LOL
Except that one time.
And that other time on accident.
@@PerfectAlibi1 And that one time in bandcamp
This conversation made me laugh
@@PerfectAlibi1updated
@@maddyinthemaking updated
7:05
“aRe YoU bEinG iNteNtiOnALLy dEnSe?!”
“hUH”
SKJFHKDSLGJADFLKG I LAUGHED SO BAD AT THAT
My best part of the whole thing. It sent me lmao
Yo, what episode is that lmao
The editing makes it awesome
THIS WAS AMAZING
Foreman: "we plug one hole and end up poking another"
House: "are we talking about the patient or how to get a raise from Cuddy ?"
😂😂😂😂
5:31
The fact that every scene Wilson talks to House while walking, he's always slowing his pace like he's following him rather than the other way around which I find really considerate of him
probably because this whole show is basically sherlock holmes (house = holmes, wilson = watson)
"we got rectal bleeding"
"All of you?" hahahaa
BFASHAHA
Cudi: are you being intentionally dense?
House: huh
that has me dead every time same with the rectal bleeding and the im a BORED certified diagnostician
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I fucking died, bruh
Kills me every time.
Dwarf: "Are you high?"
House: "Higher than you"
J D ha ha ha that was a good one . . .
how was this not included in the video?
They are called little people
@AnonymouslySalty Do you also wanna kick a midget to see how far he goes ?
@@MoneymakerBruce i think the dwarf's mum was Grumpy in drag. She was a proper bitch.
"Are you being intentionally dense?!"
"Huh? "
I fell out of my chair omg
Omg I had to rewind it and watch it again 😂
"if her DNA were out by 1% she'd be a dolphin" I laughed way too hard for way too long at that
"What are you hiding?"
"I'm gay.....oh that's not what you meant, does explain a lot though...no girlfriends, always with Wilson"" LMAO Love this dude.
Obsession with sneakers....
``Love" is understatement don't you think
What's even funnier, it's his ex-wife)
They got divorced after he decided to try to save his leg and got that chronic pain...
@@ImperativeGames ex-girlfriend not ex-wife.
@@Parktheparklebarkle no its ex-wife, before you try to correct someone try actually being correct.
Cuddly: I was being sarcastic!
House: Won’t look that way in the court transcript.
LOL
you must be full of baloney
@@raven4k998 lot of it
That had me in tears 😂
Lmao
1:23-
Cuddy- She's called you fifteen times! Your mother's not that interested in you!
House- Well. Maybe I'd be better adjusted if she was.
7:05 absolutely killed me after the "we've got rectal bleeding" scene.
7:07 "I'm dr. House. I don't think we've met."
"Dr. Jamie Conway. I've...heard your name."
"Most people have. It's also a noun."
What episode is that
It’s a noun in both instances.
@@jaekeyz1768 S4E14 - "Living the dream", the one with the actor from 6:25
I love his smug smile after he said it
Clever comments like that are why i love him
"He is not a 'what', he is a 'who'. They even have the right to vote now."' Got me laughing historically!
"Got me laughing historically"
Intention or Freudian slip (or autocorrect)? :D
Yersinia Pestis historically hysterically
Who is merely the form following the function of what.
And what she is, is a hospital administrator ^^
Historyiacally*
_[Laughing Historically]_
Cuddy: "How advanced is the pneumonia?"
House:"its taking college courses."
Lmao
🤣🤣
wilson!! im gonna go cut some cripple's eye out. wanna come watch?
“No, I’ll keep going even if I kill him” 🤣🤣🤣
"Darwin says let him die" cracked me up
Sarah Gayda
XD
sounds like the sort of thing I would say
That's fucked up.
One Winged Ice Angel What your lack of sense of humor
One Winged Ice Angel well, eating something attached to a fridge is retarded
kinda surprised they didnt put that bit when house and that girl who can't feel anything get into a pissing match to see who's life sucks worse. favorite line from that: "I can't be hugged for too long because I might overheat" "I can't be hugged for too long because i only pay for an hour"
What episode was that?! 😂
Insensitive, third season.
that wasn't funny it was just to show that that girl was even more obnoxious than House
That was honestly the best scene ever
She's female House! Proof someone just like you would be obnoxious.
7:22 "It's never Lupus."
Demn the double Pun. Genius.
The four clips starting at 7:00 had me uncontrolably laughing for way to long
Everybody is giving credit to the house but we gotta appreciate the writers of this show. Seriously they are the real house behind this show.
Benching 500 ibs for 3 reps everyone did their part, the writers for an Incredible witty script, Hugh Laurie for portraying House to perfection and The supporting cast for their great performances and living those characters.
All were normal human beings with a lot of qualities and flaws. There were no heroes or villains here : one moments you could love Cameron and the next one hate her and that was so refreshing.
House is a fictional character, of course no one is giving credit to a fictional charcter...Are you being intentionally dense??
Huh?
@Leandro Aude House became an stereotype of himself in the later seasons.
Just see a comment above, all of these clips came from Season 1-4.
After that, the series goes downhill.
"ARE YOU BEING INTENTIONALLY DENSE!?!"
"Huh??"
Perfect!!! One of the absolute best.
Kevin Lebby THAT IS THE BEST ONE, I CRY EVERYTIME 😂😂😩😩😩😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I don't get it though........does that mean I'm dense?
Every. Freaking. Time!
Kevin Lebby when people ask me something like that, that is my go to response
I honestly believe only dense people found that one funny.
Cuddy: Are you being intentionally dense?! 😠
House: Huh?? 😮
I just love the way House responds to Cuddy's question, so perfect 👌
The writers on this show must have had a good time coming up with Dr. House's lines... So many witty and cleaver comebacks as well as snappy one liners.
"I am a BORED... certified diagnostician..." LMAO
I LOVED that part. Awesome!
GrandWagJeep At least he's not shooting at the wall, ne?
E Ryuu or shooting hookers with arrows 😏
BOARD or BORED, it's still a golden line
LOVE It!!!!
"If her DNA was off by 1% she'd be a dolphin." Ha
Travis Hayes lmfao
What does that even mean?
@@williamaftondavemiller346 Dolphins share 99% of their dna with humans.
@@jaaronhart really?
@@KARTOONOG Yes. A lot of organisms share large amounts of dna. The dna that codes for red blood cells, organelles, organs, fingers, eyes, etc are found in other animals. A very small part of the genome differentiates species. Its pretty amazing how small changes to DNA can make for large differences in organisms.
3:39
"What are you hiding?
House: im gay.
Oh that's not what you meant. Would explain a lot though no girlfriend, always with Wilson🤣, obsession with sneakers."AHAHAH
Honestly one of the greatest shows of all time. Ending was glorious
Netflix....put this show back on the menu.....
Johnny Freeman I still watch it on netflix
Joana Marques .......How?..... I can't find it on Netflix.....
Johnny Freeman yeah ok, my Netflix is kind of different. I don't have a lot of the shows you have, but at least I have house! I've got Netflix Portugal
Joana Marques ....ok.... didn't know that Netflix was different like that.Hello from America......
Johnny Freeman you can use a VPN.
*House sneakily taking Vicodin from inside a book ...*
Foreman : you stock your drugs in a Lupus textbook !?
House: it's never Lupus.
He's just too epic
Seth Smelser Hahahaha well, infortunately i don't remember if it actually came as a case but what I'm sure of is that Lupus is always on their board and yet "it's never Lupus "
I was thinking about that. Literally every episode, the say at one point it's lupus or they are testing for lupus, but I honestly can't remember one instance of it being lupus.
it was in season four and the patient of the week was a magician
*stash your drugs
meda kame can someone please explain it?
2:12 This made me laugh WAAAAY harder than it should have. 🤣
3:14
4:09 "I am a BOARD
certified diagnostician"
Genius writing and acting.
“Bored”
"ive heard your name"
"most people have, its also a noun"
had me dying
Still one of my favourite jokes in the show
"Most people have, it's also a noun." xD
It gets me every single time =p.
Well, the word "house" is a noun.
I love his smirk when he says it.
I can't believe he said that to god
I was destroyed when i heard for the first time
Eric van den Bersselaar I read this as it played
Perfect timing
"Sometimes, the best gift is never seeing you again."
Is such a heartwarming line coming from a doctor, I can't. My heart melted!
6:01 No one else would deliver this line without sounding cringe, amazing job Hugh Laurie
"Good news is ...he's running out of organs to fail"
Cameron :We've got a rectal bleeding !
House :What, all of you ?!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Kevin Peniku
XD
The organs one was... god damn amazing. I have not laughed that hard in so long.
0:00 - 1x04 Maternity
0:23 - 3x06 Que Sera Sera
0:38 - 1x01 Pilot
0:52 - 3x02 Cane and Able
1:04 - 1x03 Occam's Razor
1:12 - 3x04 Lines in the Sand
1:28 - 3x05 Fools for Love
1:40 - 3x05 Fools for Love
1:46 - 3x05 Fools for Love
1:54 - 3x06 Que Sera Sera
2:11 - 3x12 One Day, One Room
2:32 - 3x14 Insensitive
2:49 - 3x15 Half-Wit
2:59 - 3x22 Resignation
3:08 - 3x23 The Jerk
3:25 - 2x02 Autopsy
3:34 - 2x08 The Mistake
3:50 - 1x03 Occam's Razor
4:25 - 2x09 Deception
4:44 - 2x09 Deception
4:55 - 3x12 One Day, One Room
5:04 - 1x03 Occam's Razor
5:11 - 2x02 Autopsy
5:22 - 2x03 Humpty Dumpty
5:28 - 2x02 Autopsy
5:35 - 2x14 Sex Kills
5:51 - 2x18 Sleeping Dogs Lie
6:01 - 3x10 Merry Little Christmas
6:05 - 2x03 Humpty Dumpty
6:15 - 3x10 Merry Little Christmas
6:24 - 4x14 Living the Dream
6:45 - 4x13 No More Mr Nice Guy
6:53 - 3x15 Half-Wit
7:01 - 2x18 Sleeping Dogs Lie
7:04 - 2x03 Humpty Dumpty
7:07 - 4x14 Living the Dream
7:15 - 2x21 Euphoria Part 2
7:20 - 3x09 Finding Judas
7:28 - 1x03 Occam's Razor
Give this man a cookie
Thanks
MVP
I️ see you in every house md comment section with a list of episodes and I’m so grateful thank you
Someone is really doing their homework. Good job on this! Thanks!
0:35
Me, as a fat black christian: “True”
"I've heard your name..."
**nods** "Most people have, it's also a noun."
The sarcasm is unbeatable with House.
"Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again"
I think that's the one thing house said that 100% of doctors can agree with
Funny enough, it also occurred at the asylum whenever they celebrated someone leaving.
Or any other job you have to deal with people on a constant basis, I guess.
@@TheGDiaX
I mean… the people at the food place in the adjacent dorm were probably like “oh, him. He’s easy. He’ll either get a cheese quesadilla or a cheeseburger.”
I was even asked “the usual?” To which I answered “yep!”
fun fact: he does see her again. in the end of the episode he agrees to deliver her baby so that he has an excuse to use the obgyn lounge.
"We got rectal bleeding"
"What? All of you??"
Gets me every time.
"What is this?"
"He's not a what he's a who, they even have the right to vote now" LOL
@2:48 "No I'll keep going even if I kill him" lol show how house cares more about the puzzle than the patient.
“Patrick, I want you to pretend that your leg is a piano.” “My leg isn’t a piano.” “I know, that’s why I said PRETEND.”
Kid's a moron.
Kid's AUTISTIC.
@@danielm.768 think that was Dave Mattews...?
@@stevebrescia3764 yeah
"House your mothers not that interested in you"
"Maybe I'll be better adjusted if she was. "
“It’s off by 1 percentage points.”
“It’s within range!”
“If her DNA was off by 1 percentage point, she’d be a dolphin.”
"Who knows, maybe I'm wrong? Maybe I'm too stoned to tell?" *O.O*
always makes me laugh xD
“There’s no ‘I’ in team”
“ but there is a ‘me’ if you rearrange the letters”
My response would have been different
"There is 'I' in 'team'"
"Keep up that attitude, and there won't be a 'U' either"
@@StarlasAiko ...That doesnt make sense, thats why they went with a quip that was actually good.
*Taylor Swift writing aggressively*
"Merry Christmas"
"....And a happy Go To Hell"
Ah, short and sweet, so tame yet flooded with spite. It's elegant and disgusting, I love it.
The Winged Cherry Pie I think it would have been a bit more funny if he just said, bahumbug. or however you spell that.
The Winged Cherry Pie Just like.
“Are you being intentionally dense?!”
“Huh?”
I watched this last night
Me to my teachers (my school fucking hates me)
7:34 When someone at school finds out you have gum.
"It wouldn't look that way in the court transcript" always gets me
"We've got rectal bleeding." "What? All of you?" Omfg 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bleeding
*House:* It's never Lupus
*Sherlock*: It's never twins
George Weasley Exactly!
I can't find literally any quote from Harry Potter series saying "It's never..."
Surrender
Tmw the person you're talking to deletes their comments so it looks like you're talking to yourself
@@sealkadoompokemonphd3770 I have no idea what are you talking about 😏
You sly fox
7:05 that one kills me every time 🤣
7:02 All three of these ones are funny alone, but the way that they were all rapid, back to back, and perfectly cut had me completely crack upon hearing “It’s also a noun.” 😂
House: That's a bear.
Kid: Bob has four legs and a tail. He's a dog.
House: If you try to play fetch with Bob in the woods, he's going to eat you.
Bill*
I loved that girl actress, she was good
that scene was so cute XD.
Cuddy: "Are you being intentionally dense?!?"
House: "HUH???"
This is really a fantastic show I wish there was another series like this to watch
The most intriguing part to me is at 1:55. That same patient later became a doctor himself with a similar attitude in the city of pawnee
"Hello sick people and their loved ones!"
I'm Dr. House
I've heard your name.
Most people have, it's also a noun.
we could spend all day arguing give me the 100 bucks
This show is never gonna get old, love it
5:11 This cracked me up!!! 😂 If DNA was off by 1% she’d dophin rofl! Cracks me up everytime I read it rolf!!!
"Are you being intentionally dense?"
"HUH?"
If a doctor had the confidence and wit to pull off a speech like that in front of me I'd take him.
At least I'd know it'll be quick and to the point.
I agree I'd be the first to volunteer just because of the honesty and intelligence shown by the wit in how he expressed himself
2:19
I haven’t laughed this much in weeks.
7:06 never cease to amaze me 😂😂 that’s an hall of fame for house moments 😂😂
"... show me how your inhaler works."
Funniest clinic scene ever! Thanks for bringing House back! ❤️
By far, my favorite clinic moment! I'm laughing just remembering it.
I'll tell you that I totally believe that somebody actually did that. Users are incomprehensible in their rationales of how things should work.
I can tell you I had to tell someone that the antibiotic she was putting in her child's ear was meant to be taken by mouth. She was telling me it didn't go in very well and it seemed very sticky and that there might be something wrong with it. I felt like replying "didn't you notice it smells like fruits too and the flavour is written on the bottle?" but I guess we can't do that in real life... -_- So, yes, I do believe that someone is actually capable of using an inhaler this way.
I know!! Best scene ever! It had me on the floor!!! :)
"You store your drugs In a lupus textbook"
"It's never lupus "
Oh my god House fans will appreciate this line , I laughed more than I should
And then a season later was the first lupus case. (I think)
Yes, and it was the only case in which they not only didn't suspect lupus, but categorically ruled out lupus without testing for it first.
@@StarlasAiko
At least it was never lupus until then.
@Caleb Mayfield
No idea. Ive only watched clips.
The one where she tells denzel washington that shes preglant ?
OKayyyyyy ALLLLLLRITE !
"Are you being intentionally dense?"
"HuH?" 👁👄👁
7:10 So House does actually get to meet God. And he never even realized.
I was looking for this comment
"why didn't you fire chase?"
House: cuz he's got great hair.
"Seriously....What are you hiding??"
House: I'm gay.
Hilarious.
It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend. Always with Wilson.
@@davidtejada9675 In one of the episodes he kisses a girl though.
The Flash Just hiding his true feelings
The Flash it’s a joke he’s not gay lol
David Tejada obsession with sneakers
"Two guys go into a bar, and one has significant losses in the upper-right quadrant of his visual field, and the other one says -'We're gonna need to do an MRI to confirm the type and location of the tumour.'"
Ah, yes, my favourite joke. Such a classic.
What does that mean
Tero Rista It means someone is getting an MRI
IT'S NAHT AH TOO-MAH!
The punchline kills me 37% of the time.
“Either your really bad at math or your about to die in 2 seconds”
Waits 2 seconds
“Your just really bad at math”😂😂😂
"Most people have it's also a noun." God I love this show
House: How old are you?
Boy: 8
House: And he swallowed something stuck to a fridge, Darwin says let him die.
xD
Cameron: How would you describe my leadership skills?
House: Non-existent... otherwise excellent.
🤣 I love Dr. House!
chinwe71 😂😂
0:15 kind of sweet
"It's mine you can't have any" the writing in this show is hilarious
Stacy: what are you hiding
House:I’m gay
Me:*dies
House: Oh that's not what you meant. Does explain a lot though.
RIP in peace :'(
Stalin, my nemesis. Hope you know, even though we both won WWII, the Soviet Union will be non existent by 1991 😉🤣
"have you thought about,hmmmmm not doing that?" Could stop a lot of things if people did that
Exactly!
One of the best lines when he casually asks cuddy for permission to give a kid shrooms like he’s asking her to go get gas for his car, then says it won’t look that way in the court transcript. God I miss this show
House might not be the most medically accurate doctor show out there, but it's most definitely my favorite.
5:02" Darwin says let him die"
Other doctor: he swallowed a magnet and he needs it cut out
House: How old are you?
Kid: 8
House: Darwin says let him die
Me:natural selection at its best
dragon mandy well if someone is stupid and decides to get children they will also be stupid , that‘s why nature lets dumbasses die.
@dragon mandy Survival of the fittest if one is unfit than nature will kill them off
Me: this comment is cringy and retarded.
Yeah that’s the joke.
Tupac Shakur What
the triple threat of the rectal bleeding, intentional denseness and noun absolutely kills 😂
You stash your drugs in a lupus textbook?
It's never lupus
I freaking LOVE that running gag in all its variations!
"We've got rectal bleeding"
"What all of you? "
THIS WAS HILARIOUS!!!!
At 7:46, I would definitely want him. Anybody that rude who still has a job is obviously an extremely good doctor.
Even so, man is charismatic af who wouldn't want to be treated by him 🤣
@@nassahrakim8136 I'd be like "Oh I want you, but let me see one of those other doctors first!"
“And a happy go to Hell!” 😂
That part for me laughing.
I hate that cop
0:24 Nikocado Avocado be like.