INTJ here. I love you INFJs because of how special, unique, and truly alive you are. It's an honor hearing about your passions, discussing theories and ideas with you, your mad plans, getting to share mine in turn, and cheering you on as you conquer the world in your own way. That box is for squares and you ain't it, babes.
So, is it that INFJ's have both emotion and logic in spades b/c even tho T is their inferior function, we can't help but to spend many hours analyzing and processing in the privacy of our own minds that this amounts to great Thinking ? Honest question. I adore having quiet space to think about people, motives, changing energies in recent conversations (both me and them), possible and likely outcomes if that is indeed what i am doing.... thinking. Also, is dreaming thinking ? Happy Yule all ✨✨
This is all so true. And the older that you get, the less you are willing to tolerate. It is exhausting. I am tired of surface conversations and holding back everything I want to say. Once you speak up to truth, everyone disappears. I have come to understand that there are fewer of us than I once thought. I still have not found anyone who gets it. Still believe that God has a special purpose for each and every one of us. God bless
Yep. I see a lot that could help others and situations, but I know they are not ready to hear it. When I do my best, I usually get shunned by jealous and/or lazy people. I am getting older and more tired of it. Just had to quit a job because of this even though I showed so much love and worked so hard. Taking some alone time to heal from it.
@@rachelwest842 I think it's important very much for us to realize to whom we can talk and what, to not put ourselfes ever again in situations like that. I mean, why talk to someone who wouldn't understand a thing You say? Seems logical isn't it?
To others, it only matters that the INFJ does what they want us to do. Get used, get ghosted. Get used to it. Most of the population is satisfied with superficiality. Be prepared to feel alone.
@Lunakitz I'm just not letting others suck the life out of me anymore. I've "earned" my place in the world at this point in life. Even though I should never have felt I had to, I finally know it now.
I'm 50 year old INFJ and can confirm... Please be happy with yourself and master yourself. If someone truly cool and authentic comes along to vibe with-- that's a super rare, bonus. Otherwise, just do your thing, never compromise yourself, forgive yourself for being kind and then duped... ❤❤ Been used and discarded by everyone after doing my very best and truly giving. I do have my wonderful children, very lucky to know them ❤❤❤ Be careful out there... ✌️
I needed this video today. Thank you. This has been the theme of my life. People are attracted to my INFJ characteristics, but "always" leave once they really get to know me. This week I have had the two primary people in my life announce their departure. Definitely feeling lost and alone. I don't do superficial relationships, but I can't seem to find the people able to make that jump to depth and actually want to stick around. 😔💜
Very sorry to hear this, but glad the video helped you. Hang in there and stay strong, there are many in the circle who have some idea anyway of what you’re talking about.
Sorry to hear that. Baffles me why women who treat their man like shit always stay married for 40 years while women who don’t get abandoned. And no so-called ‘relationship expert’ has been able to explain it either. Keep your chin up, make a new life for yourself and love will find you again. Good luck.
Strangely, same. But I'm infp. It might be my fear of vulnerability though. 😂 😅🥲 Or just not having the energy to always take care of others, which is part of friendship. I take care of them they do the same back. I unfortunately can't do that very well right now, so it seems no one wishes to stay my friend. Can't say I blame them. But I just let myself enjoy the beauty in people and enjoy who they are and share myself with them, even if they aren't around forever.
it can give you health problems though, we have to find a balance. I live in a MAGA town and they want to burn people like me at the stake so I show myself but it's not relaxing. Def. not my tribe, I love Jesus but not the one they walk with.
@domjay I've busted out of my shell in the last 18 months and stopped hiding myself and being a people pleaser... can't say I'm fully "healed," but it feels good to finally be able to show myself to the world.
@@missmedieval yes, boundaries are difficult at first but once you see the sky isn't falling when you actually say NO to someone who keeps using your kindness in a twisted manner, it feels like we suddenly grow a backbone!!
INFP here, my Dad is an INFJ and this is bassically true for him. He does not have many friends and people usually find him "offbeat and eccentric" I love my Dad so much ❤🎉
I'm having a very hard time with this, it's caused a deep depression that I have had my whole life as I'm getting older and simply nothing changes it's hard not to want to just leave a world that you feel doesn't want you. My heart is broken.
Hey bud am a 23 old infj...and already feeling an existential crisis it feels like no one in the world will ever get me.... no one tried to stay or understand.... its very very hard sometimes to feel this alone and lonely in this huge world where everyone seems to get along with everyone so well.... don't we deserve a little bit of happiness too....i dk....hope someday we will get what we are r looking for....
I'm an INFJ and this is 100% accurate. Not 99%... 100%. Thank you for this video. It's truly exhausting living with my mind and feeling like an alien. It's videos like this that remind me I'm not alone.
Yaaaassss! I love learning and growing as a person. I try sharing my passion for deep conversations about many subjects and no one around me in my day to day life seems to match those thoughts. It's so dissapointing. I try to match most people's small talk and it makes me feel empty. Thank you for making this youtube channel. It has made me feel understood. 😊
I get ghosted constantly and never really know why. I share truths and expect respect, but not in a high maintenance way. People usually can’t keep up with me and my insights. I get left behind a lot. My Dad gets irritated that I can predict how things will go….and then I do the I told you so. He hates that about me….but I can’t help it. ☹️ I can’t do superficial relationships and people walk away from me because I’m too intense, so they say. I’m alone a lot. I know not to settle now. I’d rather be alone than live on the surface.
Do. Not. Water. Down .Your. Abilities. Because. It. Upsets. The. Mundane. I've learned to go after your passions whether it makes people uncomfortable or not. I'm happiest when I'm pursuing my gifts. I'm not going to abscond what makes me happy to please people. Yes, the people pleaser in you might initially hold back but it's too stifling, so just develop your skills.🤷💯
You are cluster b, too. This whole video is grandiosity, compensation and projection It flatters your ego and validate your fake self. You are wildly delusional. Good luck !
One of the biggest wake-up calls of my life came in high school choir. I scored well in a solo competition. I was actually happy and proud for a moment. But then a heard a fellow student snarl “I guess some people are good at everything.” And it was the look of utter digust and hatred on her face that crushed me. I carry that memory as a constant reminder of how I am perceived by others.
That’s how you were perceived by that one person, who was jealous. She or he was the one sinning. Send her or him love bc they need it! Hurt people hurt people. Normal, healthy people are blessed to be around talented smart people like you. Look for those people.
Nailed it again, man. Was just thinking about this exact topic the other day. We are also able to put ourselves into the shoes of others better than most, not only by applying our own experiences to someone else's situation, but also using our imagination to fill in the areas we haven't experienced with uncanny accuracy. This makes us empathetic to others around us in ways others can't see. We can also help those people without getting too attached to them and without being effected by their emotional states as we are essentially logical beings with the end goal of helping them get to a better place always in mind as we help them.
There are so many good things here. I'm a 64-year-INFJ and have so many life experiences that confirm the main points of this video. I am often misunderstood to the point that frequently people think I'm weird, aloof or arrogant. I absolutely understand what you're saying about burnout. I retired early from a distinguished 40-year tech career as a result of burnout on all levels. I'm unable to achieve the depth of intimacy I crave, even with the people closest who mostly "get me". However, after several failed relationships, and lots of pain, did find a wonderful life partner. We've been together for going on 30 years. I can't imagine anyone in the world better for me than her even though she is from a country and culture very different than what I grew up with.
Reflecting on this topic, I think I've done more abandoning of others. Typically, I categorize someone as a close friend, and then energy isn't matched at some point, so I downgrade level by level until they are just cordial acquaintances. In a way, I feel abandoned, but it's not a conscious leaving of the other person but rather an unmet expectation on my part that causes me to distance myself.
Same. Sometimes, people cling or try to continue reconnecting- they aren’t picking up queues. It’s not possible to have the right level of conversation so eventually the bandaid has to come off.
Story of my life! I cried and laughed while watching this. So crazy accurate! 😭😂👍🏼 Since I discovered my personality type,I will never go back to "the box" 😂 Thank you for your time with these videos! 🙏
Well, now I begin to understand why people just keep vanishing around me, except for one single friend with whom I have miraculously kept communicating for more than 2 years, a real world record by my own standards. There is no intention here to lower standards, for that can't be done, such fakeness simply cannot be carried out, at least by an INFJ.
It's been a growing pain as an INFJ woman. Men especially in relationships dont like how aware and independent we are. But I'm so glad I've FINALLY met a man who is also emotionally intelligent enough and secure enough to be ok with the fact that many times (i e. Socially ans emotionally) I may know more than him. He is smart in his own way and grounds me a lot. Men need to realize its not a competition and they can provide value in their own way.
I realised this even before I knew as an INFJ. People including family & friends comes in & out from life, then either they poof or I'm gone 😅. What a colourful journey as INFJ.
Sigh...so true! Thank God I am very comfortable being alone and doing my own thing. Never compromise, never settle. We are just fine with our standards, thank you very much.
Being an INFJ has been one heck of a ride! I've had to learn to accept that everything is temporary, and that people are highly unpredictable. Boundaries have been a real lesson for me and also learning to love my own company.
These videos are always a refreshing reminder of why these things happen to us INFJ's. I met an INFJ a few years ago. Someone that is young and it is so nice to have another one as a friend. Funny how this person being younger and doesn't watch videos like this to help understand herself shows me the things I used to do when I was younger. Sort of like looking in a mirror. Understanding them so well because they are the same as me. If you find one and lucky enought be friends then I think that is a big plus in life and someone that will probably be around for quite sometime, unlike the people who abandoned you for no good reason. Thanks Jay. Hope your doing well and Happy Holidays to everyone this has reached. Ken
So true about the others never being able to understand our need to recharge alone. I was involved in a cooperative where shared space was always being enlarged. I tried to hold off them removing some small private areas that people could hang out in. But no one could appreciate that some would like an intimate space rather than a large open common area. The dinner table was 10 feet long and seen as a good design. And this by spiritual sensitive types that really felt like they were being inclusive. About the abandonment , so true as well. For me not so much in friendships but in loyalty. I was befriended but not trusted or valued
I’m an INFJ and I’m worn out from being abandoned, used, abused and neglected. I recently left a group because I was treated like I was just there. Nobody asked if I wanted to get coffee or if I wanted to go to the roller rink or even if I was okay when I hadn’t said anything for a few days. I hoped someone, anyone, would reach out to me. Only one person did. One. Once their curiosity was satisfied, they told me that they’d always be there for me…and then ghosted me. I’m tired. I’m tired of living like this.
It's just the way it is, different people had different ways, and their own trip. I learned to let go, and accept things. Until things play out, we have no way of knowing if it's good, bad, or indifferent.
I am deeply sorry you experienced this. 😢 I hope you meet new wonderful people who would be consistent in reaching out to you and expressing their care and love for you. I hope you find deep, enriching, meaningful friendships.
Great list! And so true.I think INFJ's would just love to be truly accepted for the long haul. About need for long periods of down time:On one hand its probably off putting for a person to experience a brush with a very tailored and perceptive expression of love and care and connection ... that care from an INFJ though genuine: is limited. It can be very draining. If someone cant respect that need for solitude it will cause friction for sure. The world in 2024 is very superficial. From the economy to the way social media has conditioned people to behave, its riddled with fakery. It can truly be a struggle to navigate for those that seek the real and genuine. We seem to find ourselves as opposing forces without purposely trying to be. Few can just accept us for who we are without giving way to feeling intimidated or overwhelmed- we can be intense about those things we research and care about. May we all find contentment in who we are, while walking humbly enough to change those things that God inspires to.
We are too emotionally intense, too energetic, we want open communication, we want to continue to explore your mind; people can't handle us. So people leave us and ghost us; it's too much for them especially people with avoidant attachment.
I would argue that we aren't "too" anything. We feel deeply and are emotionally intense, but we aren't "too" emotionally intense. We just aren't for everyone. And, yes, avoidant attachment styles run, even if they're also INFJs.
@ my fault I should have put "too" it's the impression they get but you're right we just feel things deeply. And that would be a great study to conduct about Infj's with avoidant attachment since many of us already are lone wolves or enjoy being on our own.
@@thepheniox91 I just wanted to make sure that we all know we're not the problem. ❤️ Yes, that would be such a great study! I have an anxious attachment style, but my INFJ ex-boyfriend has an anxious-avoidant attachment style. I feel like enneagram plays a part, too. And neurodivergence. Let's just create our own damn study! 😁 (Too much? 🤣)
As an Introverted type I suspect that your need for solitude might be higher on the list of why others ghost you. It's as if the whole world is afraid of being alone, the unknown, the dark, ad infinitum. The world only loves you when you are always available to hold It's hand! Great video.
Working to be content with the core relationships in my life. I tend to want a deep connection with all my co-workers, for instance. But I do feel ghosted and unappreciated in this circle often. It's caused a lot of grief, but it is so good to know I'm not alone and that my personality isn't "wrong".
This is refreshing to hear that I wasn’t the only one who experienced the admiration and then abandonment. It’s astounding how often it happens. I always wondered what I did wrong, could I have done something better in my friendships, were my insights not kind, did it seem like I was bragging about my dreams and visions even though I am just excited? Then I took the test and saw I was an INFJ. It explained so much. I will say that my one best friend though that I’ve had since middle school, I’m grateful for who she is and how we have advocated for each others personalities and how WE get each other but others often don’t.
This video and its ideal motives came at such a good time, especially for someone who has been struggling with loss of many good people in their lives. Thanks a lot Jay, really appreciate your work
They get scared. I just learned that past trauma makes us more intuitive for safety. I have floated between j and p I’m lucky to have most friends in that personality type. I am now awakening from the sleep state we all are in and the deep diving really repels and zero 0️⃣ interest to see the world they live in. I’m a massage therapist now and am trying to develop and focus to help people and keep my insights to myself. Mostly working for me.
Has anyone figured out the solution for INFJ men to find not only friends but a lifelong committed mutual romantic relationship with a woman during our youth? how do we find someone who understands our need for solitude most of the time and that does not mean lack of interest in our partner or that we would go out somewhere else with anyone else? Yes, we don't lower our standards for friendships nor romantic partners to keep our authenticity but the result of that is...crickets sounds... we remain being alone and no one reaching out, just that cycle of admiration followed by ghosting from many random individuals who we saw potential for deep connection. I'm honestly sad of our situation as I can not figure out a solution to it as it does not completely depends on us and our own efforts
I am currently in this situation now, the last 5 years or so my patience has been running thinner and thinner and now I'm at university those problems have become even more apparent than they were before. At the end of last year I realised that since I got to university I have not made any real friends since I left college (that is English College, not the American equivalent) outside of in class which is definitely not real friends in my opinion, I never get invited anywhere and people only contact me when they need help with something and I am getting sick and tired of it but like you said, I know that the only way for me to fix this is to change but that just isn't right for me and I really don't know what to do
As a 61 mother, please go out and find an INFJ or introvert of some sort. Libraries, museums, book stores, art stores, yoga classes. Just look for the quiet ones and go talk to them. We are out there! Unfortunately, we get taken by the evil narcissists, as did I for 40 years. Narcissistic women are out there, and they seek men like you, SO BE FULLY AWARE!! God bless you, young man! You will find a young LADY and you will be a great husband and father.....just like my father is!! ❤🎉
It's a struggle for both sexes. I refused to settle and am 40+ single, my beauty not the same as before and let's not pretend, attraction matters. Of course we search for something more meaningful and deeper, but even finding someone we are physically attracted to isn't common, at least in my experience. Maybe because we have very high standards, we are perfectionists and our worst harsh critic. I long for a soul-level connection type, have never dated for looks or status in reality but have never found someone whom I could truly be myself with. And yet it's always been my no. 1 dream alongside my family's wellbeing (and everyone's elses, when I dream big)
For one thing, find a woman who also needs solitude most of the time. Otherwise she will be lonely, which isn't healthy mentally and emotionally, and she will have to find someone who wants to spend time with her.
You have a great gift for being able to explain things so well ❤ I appreciate each and every of your videos and also your great use of humor 🙏 In the world that has so much superficiality built into it, challenging the status quo is a true act of courage. Still, I draw a lot of inspiration from the people from history who had the courage to form new thesis (e.g. Copernicus) or who defied injustice and discrimination (e.g. Rosa Parks). These people lived their values and spoke their truth despite the harsh consequences. If a society is undeveloped (despite claiming the opposite), or if there cannot be a social dialogue, it is very difficult to solve social problems. Because how can people reach consesus with the group of people who either benefit from the status quo, or deny others their rights? Also, people often claim they understand something but it is only on the surface. Until the tragedy happens to them, in most cases they are unable to accept, understand or simply are in the state of denial. Blaming the victim who lives in the area with water contaminated by chemicals or those who are sick for their misery is an example of gross indiference. I think that people in power have a moral obligation to correct the wrongs and help create a better world for all of us. To me that is a sign of progress and Humanity
Thanks so much, that means a lot to me! I agree that we need more people who are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in. It is hard to have deep conversations about these things because others don't want to be bothered. Thank you for your insight!
@INFJcircle thank you so much for responding 😊 it has been my observation that, when people have honest and brave conversations, they slowly open up and admit that they also see what is wrong with the world. When people see others standing up for what is right, they can become inspired and join the movement. At the end of the day, we all want a better world for our children and it takes good will and a group effort to make it happen.
@INFJcircle also, I am not concerned with being ghosted. I am concerned about joining the wrong crowd if it's behavior doesn't ultimately lead to social advancement and betterment of the Humanity. It takes all of us to create a better world 🌍 ❤️
I've only just discovered why I've been quite isolated most of my 67 years - for all the reasons you've explained. Its only been quite recently through UA-cam I've heard the concept INFJ. Its reassuring to know I'm not some weirdo here on my own and there are other people like me there in the world. I just haven't met any here in little old Perth Australia.
Thank you for the reminder that it’s not just something I’ve done. It’s so hard wanting and trying to make a new connection and then not even getting anywhere. Countless times I’ve done this or that and it’s never reciprocated. Just need to do it for me, because the real reality is that I won’t find another like this.
This was true when I was in my 20's. Now, I usually leave first. Wasting my precious energy on those who don't deserve it is the last thing I would do as this juncture of my life.
I've always been an outcast my whole life. I'm not that funny, entertaining person with humor that people would like to hang out with. I'm quiet, serious, and do not seek relationships for entertainment purposes. When I entered uni last year, all of a sudden, I got a huge amount of attention. From being a total outcast to being the spot of attention, it was all new to me and overwhelming. I knew the attention I got was intended for malicious purposes. My peers saw my capabilities and talents and how smart I was, and they tried to take everything they could from me to succeed in their studies. I know all of them internally do not like me, but I'm really successful in my studies, and that's why. Everything u said is true except one point, ppl never really admired me and the firts impression my friends had of me was a bad one. They only admired me later when they got to know me. Those who dug deeper into me and seeked to understand me loves me and adore me a lot.
I think that point depends on how shy you are. I have had your experience as well, people thought I was “stuck up” but later found out I was fun and different - just a bit shy. But still, these often end in abandonment. There will be an initial admiration after they find out you aren’t stuck up, but then a discard as you are “too much” for them. But you’d be surprised how many people secretly admire you. Basic thought: Most people are very selfish and out to get what they can from people. if they don’t think they can get much, they discard, It’s sad, but true.
I wish I had known when I was young that people seek relationships for entertainment purposes. I’ve never done that either. What’s crazy is that not only did my “friends” (when I had “friends”) only want anything to do with me when I was making them laugh, but my family of origin was the same way towards me. When I finally put my foot down about their abuse, and stopped being their jester, they abandoned me entirely. They even ignored me when I had a heart attack last March.
Hi, I am an infj-t. I am experiencing that all the time. First, boom, they admire me to the fullest and then something fades. I believe that when you see the light for the very first time, it's pretty impressive so you show how much you admire this light but in case you are everyday with this light, it will blind you, so you want to run away from that. When you are a walking guru with emotional and intellectual independence and you read people and you are wise and you always analyze problems and situations like a pro, this is annoying. And what's even more annoying is to be wise and not to be a slave of your ego, like most people. So, how will they want to continue to be next to you and your light? I don't think this way of thinking is narcissistic, I feel it's probably the truth. For a long time I was wondering if we have many disorders and we invented the label injf to feel special, but I don't think so.
Thank you. from a child i was different, it's sad because I'm ghosted by so many people, people that i cared.about.so i just don't try too hard. any more. but we are on this planet to be loved. and love. who goes around telling people who they are? the average person will look at you like you are.from another planet. i am trying to make myself happy.alone,
Should we lower our standards? i might not have the answer to many of our challenges, but this one i learnt the hard way. Dont do it. Whatever short term "progress" you think you'll make by doing that will be seriously outweighed by the long term damage and lost time. Poor quality relationships of any type just aren't were your energy needs to go to build something, even if you dont have any high quality external relationships to invest in. You always have yourself, if you cant find someone worthy put time into yourself. Dont make my mistakes :|
Boy am I. Medical medium, regular medium, see through the layers. People want to treat you like a party game or show off their "woo" friend. Nope. I was blessed with a brilliant son who goes deep and is a truth teller. It's profoundly wonderful.
Wow, wow, wow, dead on. For me add to that I'm Scorpio. Pisces moon. This and more I've since researched about infjs finally answers SO many questions...
38 yr old single female INFJ here. Sometimes wonder why I’m single and very selective about my friendships, but in understanding myself better through videos like this I kind of recognise that its because of my own choices. Time to find a better balance between what is right for me as an INFJ and what society constantly tells me I meant to be. Thanks, this is a relatable video.
I actually been alone for a long time but it felt good that you were able to filter people who will stick around to you. Our pain taught us enough how to deal with this because of our intuition and deep feelings. That's why im proud to all of us INFJ's that we are strong because we are able to live everyday even if we seek companion. I believe that one day you will meet that person who will choose to stay with you even if we have our overwhelming personality.
As an INFJ I have to say that I very much agree with what you are saying! I wish I had known about being an INFJ and what it meant when I was a child. It would have made a huge difference! I am an old man now and I have the benefit of historical perspective, and I think you might consider adding one more reason why INFJs get left behind. We tend go thru multiple iterations of evolution through our lives. As we learn and grow, we evolve. As an analogy we start out as caterpillars, then we go into a chrysalis and emerge as a butterfly. However, as a butterfly we don't really get along with our caterpillar friends anymore, and separation develops. You touched upon this and used it as supporting info, but as I reflect back on my life, I would argue that it is a reason all its own, just my humble opinion...
💯 true, thanks for your videos, I’ve had many people do this to me and it’s very confusing and painful…connecting with INFJs and watching videos like this has helped immensely
Yip! Another thing I have to be cognizant of is that many that have ghosted me will contact a while later to get another dose of what they liked only to disappear like a fart in the wind once again. I've learned to be cordial but will not jump through ANY hoops to meet their needs. I will make myself very hard to get and unavailable.
In regards to the being alone to recharge part....I do that but I notice that I have that 1 or 2 people that I'm extremely close with & match with really well and I don't need to be away from them.What I've noticed is that these particular interpersonal relationships are extremely healthy though so they actually REJUVENATE me being around them & I'm drawn to them especially when I feel drained.Finding people that'll gladly fill up your emotional reservoir for you when needed are extremely healthy and as rare as 💎s though & I 💭 this is exactly why it's common for many of us to have to withdraw from others temporarily in order to recharge.🤔
So many great comments! This was another great video!!! It all resonated deeply! Glad I found your channel in perfect timing. Sometimes I want a break and wish I wasn't so complex and deep. I see other women who are nonchalant. Ignorance is bliss my gosh. But then....I can't give up on myself. Yuck why would I want to be anything less. The MJ part was spot on. But can I have my pitty party moment lol, especially with the rest of the INFJ's. It's harddddd. Anyway's thanks so much for putting this together! Honestly your videos are perfect!
What about the poor communication and social skills of the introverted intuitive feeler? Who can't express his ideas fluently in short and clear sentences?
It's interesting really, how we come in energetically and intensely, trying to connect deeply, but then our battery dies and we need to recharge a bit, and the other person feels ghosted, not appreciating how we gave them our all and are fully intending to come back when we can!
I don’t think we should lower our standards for friendships, but in our careers and pursuits, trying to get out of our comfort zones and “fake it to make it” with acquaintances, may help us out tremendously.
Always thinking ahead.. Yep that's me, too. Sometimes I think I've gone into the future and came back with new ideas to solve problems or do things. Yes I hide what I know figured that out as a kid, but I wouldn't trade my empathy for anything.
The old saying: "Jack of all trades, master of none, better than a master of one." In my case, I say Jill when I say it offline without the full context.
My M.O. is to be what people expect, literally, I dumb down. It’s kind of lonely though. I desperately want and need a friend who appreciates me for who I really am, but at 65, I don’t see it coming. Now that I’m older (although I’m blessed with a very young personality and look more like 45), I’ve learned not to care about what others think, I just try to be myself more often than not. Blessings to all my fellow INFJ’s🫶🏼love you guys ❤️❤️❤️💕❣️
Everything you say about an INFJ is true. I love the MBTI and use it with a lot of the people I work with. I get ghosted a lot of the time and limit my time with others due to the abandonment thing, but I am always mindful of not wanting others to feel this unless I feel smothered
I go thru cycles of embracing INFJ and thinking, “This is a load of cr@p and I can change and I am NOT an INFJ!” But… yeah, this is me. I have never had a friend who meets me both intellectually and emotionally, not even my husband. And I am exhausting. And, it is also true that I ghost people because I reach a point where I can’t have time to re-charge in a relationship without hearing, “You know, the phone works both ways…” or… I get told, “You know, we’re not really friends.” Now that I don’t have young children, it is easier and less stressful to just stay home or go out with only my husband. Being a young mom surrounded by other young moms was like being back in middle school - trying so hard to fit in and never getting there.
I have unintentionally frightened people. And I mean people literally stumbling and stuttering around and acting like I had literally read their mind when I didn’t. It took me a long time to understand that the majority are emotionally blind. And I hate to say this because it comes off so condescending and obnoxious, and also because I’m no genius myself, but the majority are very simple and not very intelligent. And that’s coming from someone who struggled somewhat in school.
Misty morning, clouds in the sky. Without warning, a Wizard walks by. Casting his shadow, weaving his spell. Funny clothes, tinkling bell. ~ Black Sabbath (1970)
INTJ here. I love you INFJs because of how special, unique, and truly alive you are. It's an honor hearing about your passions, discussing theories and ideas with you, your mad plans, getting to share mine in turn, and cheering you on as you conquer the world in your own way. That box is for squares and you ain't it, babes.
Thank you for saying that :) Where could an INFJ look out for the likes of you?
Thanks. 😊
@@themothmistress thank you so much for your kind words and your support. INTJ have a lot in common with INFJs 😊 Also quite rare
So, is it that INFJ's have both emotion and logic in spades b/c even tho T is their inferior function, we can't help but to spend many hours analyzing and processing in the privacy of our own minds that this amounts to great Thinking ? Honest question.
I adore having quiet space to think about people, motives, changing energies in recent conversations (both me and them), possible and likely outcomes if that is indeed what i am doing.... thinking. Also, is dreaming thinking ? Happy Yule all ✨✨
My tests go from INFJ to INTJ. Depends on the test.
The problem is I dont want to be admired. I just want real affection. But I always get misunderstood.
Me too.
This is all so true. And the older that you get, the less you are willing to tolerate. It is exhausting. I am tired of surface conversations and holding back everything I want to say. Once you speak up to truth, everyone disappears. I have come to understand that there are fewer of us than I once thought. I still have not found anyone who gets it. Still believe that God has a special purpose for each and every one of us. God bless
Yes, I’m starting to notice that I tolerate less and less as well as I get older. Totally agree.
Yep. I see a lot that could help others and situations, but I know they are not ready to hear it. When I do my best, I usually get shunned by jealous and/or lazy people. I am getting older and more tired of it. Just had to quit a job because of this even though I showed so much love and worked so hard. Taking some alone time to heal from it.
@@rachelwest842 I think it's important very much for us to realize to whom we can talk and what, to not put ourselfes ever again in situations like that. I mean, why talk to someone who wouldn't understand a thing You say? Seems logical isn't it?
youre the victim definitely
Yep same experience for me! I'm sick of it. Just tired.
To others, it only matters that the INFJ does what they want us to do. Get used, get ghosted. Get used to it. Most of the population is satisfied with superficiality. Be prepared to feel alone.
Oof, gut punch... But yeah, with most people, that's kinda, sadly, the way it is....
@Lunakitz I'm just not letting others suck the life out of me anymore. I've "earned" my place in the world at this point in life. Even though I should never have felt I had to, I finally know it now.
😂 *ikr* 😂
I just thought it was a morality problem....
Boy did I ever feel this in my soul 🥹
I'm 50 year old INFJ and can confirm... Please be happy with yourself and master yourself. If someone truly cool and authentic comes along to vibe with-- that's a super rare, bonus. Otherwise, just do your thing, never compromise yourself, forgive yourself for being kind and then duped... ❤❤ Been used and discarded by everyone after doing my very best and truly giving. I do have my wonderful children, very lucky to know them ❤❤❤ Be careful out there... ✌️
Really true. Initially I thought I am the only one who experience the aforementioned issue.
😢
Fall in love with yourself first, then every other love you enjoy is gravy!
I have learned to just be quiet. Not wasting my self any more. I know who I am and my place in the world and who cares if others don’t.
👍🙏
Me, too.
I'm too tired to explain myself anymore.
I needed this video today. Thank you. This has been the theme of my life. People are attracted to my INFJ characteristics, but "always" leave once they really get to know me. This week I have had the two primary people in my life announce their departure. Definitely feeling lost and alone. I don't do superficial relationships, but I can't seem to find the people able to make that jump to depth and actually want to stick around. 😔💜
Very sorry to hear this, but glad the video helped you. Hang in there and stay strong, there are many in the circle who have some idea anyway of what you’re talking about.
Same❤
Sorry to hear that. Baffles me why women who treat their man like shit always stay married for 40 years while women who don’t get abandoned. And no so-called ‘relationship expert’ has been able to explain it either. Keep your chin up, make a new life for yourself and love will find you again. Good luck.
Strangely, same. But I'm infp. It might be my fear of vulnerability though. 😂 😅🥲 Or just not having the energy to always take care of others, which is part of friendship. I take care of them they do the same back. I unfortunately can't do that very well right now, so it seems no one wishes to stay my friend. Can't say I blame them. But I just let myself enjoy the beauty in people and enjoy who they are and share myself with them, even if they aren't around forever.
Same here. Even the few family members I have left don't really want to know me.
Very true, I tend to hide my light and keep a low profile -
it can give you health problems though, we have to find a balance. I live in a MAGA town and they want to burn people like me at the stake so I show myself but it's not relaxing. Def. not my tribe, I love Jesus but not the one they walk with.
Same here.
@domjay I've busted out of my shell in the last 18 months and stopped hiding myself and being a people pleaser... can't say I'm fully "healed," but it feels good to finally be able to show myself to the world.
@@missmedieval It's feel somewhat unfare that ut actually can physically hurt to not mask yourself. It's the right choice
@@missmedieval yes, boundaries are difficult at first but once you see the sky isn't falling when you actually say NO to someone who keeps using your kindness in a twisted manner, it feels like we suddenly grow a backbone!!
INFP here, my Dad is an INFJ and this is bassically true for him. He does not have many friends and people usually find him "offbeat and eccentric" I love my Dad so much ❤🎉
I'm having a very hard time with this, it's caused a deep depression that I have had my whole life as I'm getting older and simply nothing changes it's hard not to want to just leave a world that you feel doesn't want you. My heart is broken.
I’m feeling the same way. Just had the only person with whom I truly connected walk away from me. I’m alone yet again and it’s tiresome.
Hey...also alone, i got some collegues who are oke, thats it.
I think we should start an INFJ club and support each other as we are:)
Hey bud am a 23 old infj...and already feeling an existential crisis it feels like no one in the world will ever get me.... no one tried to stay or understand.... its very very hard sometimes to feel this alone and lonely in this huge world where everyone seems to get along with everyone so well.... don't we deserve a little bit of happiness too....i dk....hope someday we will get what we are r looking for....
I'm an 83 year old INFJ.. my life has always been and still is rather lonely. I feel like a misfit everywhere.
INFJ WOMAN HERE. So true. We’re independent thinkers and hate small talk. We don’t care or care less than most about what others think.
Yes...people are changing their stance like clothes as they are constantly trying to stay with the herd!
100%
I'm an INFJ and this is 100% accurate. Not 99%... 100%. Thank you for this video. It's truly exhausting living with my mind and feeling like an alien. It's videos like this that remind me I'm not alone.
I feel the same! Infj female also
Yaaaassss! I love learning and growing as a person. I try sharing my passion for deep conversations about many subjects and no one around me in my day to day life seems to match those thoughts. It's so dissapointing. I try to match most people's small talk and it makes me feel empty. Thank you for making this youtube channel. It has made me feel understood. 😊
Love that! So glad it’s helping you.
You are not strange. They are
Yes! I thought joining a book club would meet my need for intellectual conversation… 😂
I get ghosted constantly and never really know why. I share truths and expect respect, but not in a high maintenance way. People usually can’t keep up with me and my insights. I get left behind a lot. My Dad gets irritated that I can predict how things will go….and then I do the I told you so. He hates that about me….but I can’t help it. ☹️
I can’t do superficial relationships and people walk away from me because I’m too intense, so they say. I’m alone a lot. I know not to settle now. I’d rather be alone than live on the surface.
You are not alone. Your online community is here for you. Sending love. 🥰
I am like you to a great degree so don't feel like you are alone. We are indeed a rare type though.
only insecure people are the runners, knowing they would sit on a burning chair at confession.
I feel you, brother. Stay strong!
Yes, I feel safer alone, but I keep sticking my toe back in the water to see how it feels
3:49 people feeling deceived when they find out your talents…this is so true. I always struggled with this
Do. Not. Water. Down .Your. Abilities. Because. It. Upsets. The. Mundane.
I've learned to go after your passions whether it makes people uncomfortable or not. I'm happiest when I'm pursuing my gifts. I'm not going to abscond what makes me happy to please people. Yes, the people pleaser in you might initially hold back but it's too stifling, so just develop your skills.🤷💯
Be careful we attract psychopaths and they can be deep and needy.
You are cluster b, too. This whole video is grandiosity, compensation and projection It flatters your ego and validate your fake self. You are wildly delusional. Good luck !
Always important to have healthy self-esteem and boundaries so you don't get sucked in by the "love-bombing."
I think we attract all kinds of people who others avoid, we are the only empathetic enough to give the untolarbles a chance
Any good protection ideas?
Zombies looking for brains
One of the biggest wake-up calls of my life came in high school choir. I scored well in a solo competition. I was actually happy and proud for a moment. But then a heard a fellow student snarl “I guess some people are good at everything.” And it was the look of utter digust and hatred on her face that crushed me. I carry that memory as a constant reminder of how I am perceived by others.
That’s how you were perceived by that one person, who was jealous. She or he was the one sinning. Send her or him love bc they need it! Hurt people hurt people. Normal, healthy people are blessed to be around talented smart people like you. Look for those people.
Nailed it again, man. Was just thinking about this exact topic the other day. We are also able to put ourselves into the shoes of others better than most, not only by applying our own experiences to someone else's situation, but also using our imagination to fill in the areas we haven't experienced with uncanny accuracy. This makes us empathetic to others around us in ways others can't see. We can also help those people without getting too attached to them and without being effected by their emotional states as we are essentially logical beings with the end goal of helping them get to a better place always in mind as we help them.
There are so many good things here. I'm a 64-year-INFJ and have so many life experiences that confirm the main points of this video. I am often misunderstood to the point that frequently people think I'm weird, aloof or arrogant.
I absolutely understand what you're saying about burnout. I retired early from a distinguished 40-year tech career as a result of burnout on all levels.
I'm unable to achieve the depth of intimacy I crave, even with the people closest who mostly "get me". However, after several failed relationships, and lots of pain, did find a wonderful life partner. We've been together for going on 30 years. I can't imagine anyone in the world better for me than her even though she is from a country and culture very different than what I grew up with.
I am an INFJ and this video rings true to my life.
🙏
Reflecting on this topic, I think I've done more abandoning of others. Typically, I categorize someone as a close friend, and then energy isn't matched at some point, so I downgrade level by level until they are just cordial acquaintances. In a way, I feel abandoned, but it's not a conscious leaving of the other person but rather an unmet expectation on my part that causes me to distance myself.
Oh!! Me too!! So true!!
Same. Sometimes, people cling or try to continue reconnecting- they aren’t picking up queues. It’s not possible to have the right level of conversation so eventually the bandaid has to come off.
I can SO relate!
Yup, its the INFJ Door Slam. Another thing we're famous for (and I've done many myself times)
Story of my life! I cried and laughed while watching this. So crazy accurate! 😭😂👍🏼 Since I discovered my personality type,I will never go back to "the box" 😂 Thank you for your time with these videos! 🙏
Well, now I begin to understand why people just keep vanishing around me, except for one single friend with whom I have miraculously kept communicating for more than 2 years, a real world record by my own standards. There is no intention here to lower standards, for that can't be done, such fakeness simply cannot be carried out, at least by an INFJ.
It's been a growing pain as an INFJ woman. Men especially in relationships dont like how aware and independent we are. But I'm so glad I've FINALLY met a man who is also emotionally intelligent enough and secure enough to be ok with the fact that many times (i e. Socially ans emotionally) I may know more than him. He is smart in his own way and grounds me a lot. Men need to realize its not a competition and they can provide value in their own way.
I realised this even before I knew as an INFJ. People including family & friends comes in & out from life, then either they poof or I'm gone 😅. What a colourful journey as INFJ.
Yes, we can do quite a bit of ghosting ourselves.
@@INFJcircle Ghosting is part of INFJ & its OK right?
Sigh...so true! Thank God I am very comfortable being alone and doing my own thing.
Never compromise, never settle. We are just fine with our standards, thank you very much.
I used to get excited about new beginnings and people, and now im just like thinking "just wait, youll learn to hate me for some reason" Kinda sad
@@JoDo777 I just farted
Being an INFJ has been one heck of a ride! I've had to learn to accept that everything is temporary, and that people are highly unpredictable. Boundaries have been a real lesson for me and also learning to love my own company.
These videos are always a refreshing reminder of why these things happen to us INFJ's. I met an INFJ a few years ago. Someone that is young and it is so nice to have another one as a friend. Funny how this person being younger and doesn't watch videos like this to help understand herself shows me the things I used to do when I was younger. Sort of like looking in a mirror. Understanding them so well because they are the same as me. If you find one and lucky enought be friends then I think that is a big plus in life and someone that will probably be around for quite sometime, unlike the people who abandoned you for no good reason. Thanks Jay. Hope your doing well and Happy Holidays to everyone this has reached. Ken
So funny. I was just thinking about this pattern - how new people come on really hot and strongly at first and then ghost really quickly.
So true about the others never being able to understand our need to recharge alone. I was involved in a cooperative where shared space was always being enlarged. I tried to hold off them removing some small private areas that people could hang out in. But no one could appreciate that some would like an intimate space rather than a large open common area. The dinner table was 10 feet long and seen as a good design. And this by spiritual sensitive types that really felt like they were being inclusive.
About the abandonment , so true as well. For me not so much in friendships but in loyalty. I was befriended but not trusted or valued
I’m an INFJ and I’m worn out from being abandoned, used, abused and neglected.
I recently left a group because I was treated like I was just there. Nobody asked if I wanted to get coffee or if I wanted to go to the roller rink or even if I was okay when I hadn’t said anything for a few days.
I hoped someone, anyone, would reach out to me.
Only one person did. One. Once their curiosity was satisfied, they told me that they’d always be there for me…and then ghosted me.
I’m tired. I’m tired of living like this.
It's just the way it is, different people had different ways, and their own trip. I learned to let go, and accept things. Until things play out, we have no way of knowing if it's good, bad, or indifferent.
I am deeply sorry you experienced this. 😢 I hope you meet new wonderful people who would be consistent in reaching out to you and expressing their care and love for you. I hope you find deep, enriching, meaningful friendships.
Great list!
And so true.I think INFJ's would just love to be truly accepted for the long haul.
About need for long periods of down time:On one hand its probably off putting for a person to experience a brush with a very tailored and perceptive expression of love and care and connection
... that care from an INFJ though genuine: is limited. It can be very draining.
If someone cant respect that need for solitude it will cause friction for sure.
The world in 2024 is very superficial.
From the economy to the way social media has conditioned people to behave, its riddled with fakery. It can truly be a struggle to navigate for those that seek the real and genuine.
We seem to find ourselves as opposing forces without purposely trying to be. Few can just accept us for who we are without giving way to feeling intimidated or overwhelmed- we can be intense about those things we research and care about.
May we all find contentment in who we are, while walking humbly enough to change those things that God inspires to.
My life changed when I found your channel these recent weeks
We are too emotionally intense, too energetic, we want open communication, we want to continue to explore your mind; people can't handle us. So people leave us and ghost us; it's too much for them especially people with avoidant attachment.
100%
Yep so true!
I would argue that we aren't "too" anything. We feel deeply and are emotionally intense, but we aren't "too" emotionally intense. We just aren't for everyone. And, yes, avoidant attachment styles run, even if they're also INFJs.
@ my fault I should have put "too" it's the impression they get but you're right we just feel things deeply. And that would be a great study to conduct about Infj's with avoidant attachment since many of us already are lone wolves or enjoy being on our own.
@@thepheniox91 I just wanted to make sure that we all know we're not the problem. ❤️ Yes, that would be such a great study! I have an anxious attachment style, but my INFJ ex-boyfriend has an anxious-avoidant attachment style. I feel like enneagram plays a part, too. And neurodivergence. Let's just create our own damn study! 😁 (Too much? 🤣)
As an Introverted type I suspect that your need for solitude might be higher on the list of why others ghost you. It's as if the whole world is afraid of being alone, the unknown, the dark, ad infinitum. The world only loves you when you are always available to hold It's hand! Great video.
It certainly makes one question the authenticity of every relationship one has had, and to wonder, will I ever be loved by another human.
Working to be content with the core relationships in my life. I tend to want a deep connection with all my co-workers, for instance. But I do feel ghosted and unappreciated in this circle often. It's caused a lot of grief, but it is so good to know I'm not alone and that my personality isn't "wrong".
The biggest setback of being INFJ is that my mindset and relating is not "main stream commercial". nobody wants that
Playing dumb in order not to hurt others/being accepted was one of my biggest mistakes
@JoDo777 Thank you, but it took me 40+ years to understand and start addressing the issue
I'm soo glad you're on this planet.
You have no idea!
But, I know you will feel me when you read this.
Thank you💜
Absolutely 💯
This is refreshing to hear that I wasn’t the only one who experienced the admiration and then abandonment. It’s astounding how often it happens. I always wondered what I did wrong, could I have done something better in my friendships, were my insights not kind, did it seem like I was bragging about my dreams and visions even though I am just excited? Then I took the test and saw I was an INFJ. It explained so much. I will say that my one best friend though that I’ve had since middle school, I’m grateful for who she is and how we have advocated for each others personalities and how WE get each other but others often don’t.
This video and its ideal motives came at such a good time, especially for someone who has been struggling with loss of many good people in their lives. Thanks a lot Jay, really appreciate your work
You are very welcome and I’m so glad the video helped you.
Every thing I have watched in the last hour is blowing my mind. Hang on to your hat!
Awesome!
Have you ever scheduled an INFJ meetup somewhere/anywhere in the US? 😊 It would be nice to meet others. :)
A social gathering of of introverts that don't know each other, thats funny 😂
If it means meeting other INFJs count me in.
@@rjfpac It would be awkward and fun at the same time. 🤩 Why not? 🤣
They get scared.
I just learned that past trauma makes us more intuitive for safety.
I have floated between j and p
I’m lucky to have most friends in that personality type.
I am now awakening from the sleep state we all are in and the deep diving really repels and zero 0️⃣ interest to see the world they live in.
I’m a massage therapist now and am trying to develop and focus to help people and keep my insights to myself. Mostly working for me.
Has anyone figured out the solution for INFJ men to find not only friends but a lifelong committed mutual romantic relationship with a woman during our youth? how do we find someone who understands our need for solitude most of the time and that does not mean lack of interest in our partner or that we would go out somewhere else with anyone else?
Yes, we don't lower our standards for friendships nor romantic partners to keep our authenticity but the result of that is...crickets sounds... we remain being alone and no one reaching out, just that cycle of admiration followed by ghosting from many random individuals who we saw potential for deep connection.
I'm honestly sad of our situation as I can not figure out a solution to it as it does not completely depends on us and our own efforts
I am currently in this situation now, the last 5 years or so my patience has been running thinner and thinner and now I'm at university those problems have become even more apparent than they were before. At the end of last year I realised that since I got to university I have not made any real friends since I left college (that is English College, not the American equivalent) outside of in class which is definitely not real friends in my opinion, I never get invited anywhere and people only contact me when they need help with something and I am getting sick and tired of it but like you said, I know that the only way for me to fix this is to change but that just isn't right for me and I really don't know what to do
mountaineers, meet up groups designed around quiet things. schedules are good.
As a 61 mother, please go out and find an INFJ or introvert of some sort.
Libraries, museums, book stores, art stores, yoga classes.
Just look for the quiet ones and go talk to them.
We are out there!
Unfortunately, we get taken by the evil narcissists, as did I for 40 years.
Narcissistic women are out there, and they seek men like you, SO BE FULLY AWARE!!
God bless you, young man!
You will find a young LADY and you will be a great husband and father.....just like my father is!! ❤🎉
It's a struggle for both sexes. I refused to settle and am 40+ single, my beauty not the same as before and let's not pretend, attraction matters. Of course we search for something more meaningful and deeper, but even finding someone we are physically attracted to isn't common, at least in my experience. Maybe because we have very high standards, we are perfectionists and our worst harsh critic. I long for a soul-level connection type, have never dated for looks or status in reality but have never found someone whom I could truly be myself with. And yet it's always been my no. 1 dream alongside my family's wellbeing (and everyone's elses, when I dream big)
For one thing, find a woman who also needs solitude most of the time. Otherwise she will be lonely, which isn't healthy mentally and emotionally, and she will have to find someone who wants to spend time with her.
You have a great gift for being able to explain things so well ❤ I appreciate each and every of your videos and also your great use of humor 🙏 In the world that has so much superficiality built into it, challenging the status quo is a true act of courage. Still, I draw a lot of inspiration from the people from history who had the courage to form new thesis (e.g. Copernicus) or who defied injustice and discrimination (e.g. Rosa Parks). These people lived their values and spoke their truth despite the harsh consequences. If a society is undeveloped (despite claiming the opposite), or if there cannot be a social dialogue, it is very difficult to solve social problems. Because how can people reach consesus with the group of people who either benefit from the status quo, or deny others their rights? Also, people often claim they understand something but it is only on the surface. Until the tragedy happens to them, in most cases they are unable to accept, understand or simply are in the state of denial. Blaming the victim who lives in the area with water contaminated by chemicals or those who are sick for their misery is an example of gross indiference. I think that people in power have a moral obligation to correct the wrongs and help create a better world for all of us. To me that is a sign of progress and Humanity
Thanks so much, that means a lot to me! I agree that we need more people who are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in. It is hard to have deep conversations about these things because others don't want to be bothered. Thank you for your insight!
@INFJcircle thank you so much for responding 😊 it has been my observation that, when people have honest and brave conversations, they slowly open up and admit that they also see what is wrong with the world. When people see others standing up for what is right, they can become inspired and join the movement. At the end of the day, we all want a better world for our children and it takes good will and a group effort to make it happen.
@INFJcircle also, I am not concerned with being ghosted. I am concerned about joining the wrong crowd if it's behavior doesn't ultimately lead to social advancement and betterment of the Humanity. It takes all of us to create a better world 🌍 ❤️
Every video is like a layer of truth revealed
I've only just discovered why I've been quite isolated most of my 67 years - for all the reasons you've explained. Its only been quite recently through UA-cam I've heard the concept INFJ. Its reassuring to know I'm not some weirdo here on my own and there are other people like me there in the world. I just haven't met any here in little old Perth Australia.
It explains so much when you find out. I found out at 37, I’d liked to have known younger as well. thank you for watching!
Thank you for the reminder that it’s not just something I’ve done. It’s so hard wanting and trying to make a new connection and then not even getting anywhere. Countless times I’ve done this or that and it’s never reciprocated. Just need to do it for me, because the real reality is that I won’t find another like this.
💯for me. INFJ and ASD-1. Very nice hearing the much needed validation. Thank you.
This was true when I was in my 20's. Now, I usually leave first. Wasting my precious energy on those who don't deserve it is the last thing I would do as this juncture of my life.
100% truth in my experience! So grateful for this channel. 🙏 It's been life-changing for me.
Awesome! Thank you, so glad it’s helped you!
I have always profiled as INFP, but this description is spot on for me.
I've always been an outcast my whole life. I'm not that funny, entertaining person with humor that people would like to hang out with. I'm quiet, serious, and do not seek relationships for entertainment purposes. When I entered uni last year, all of a sudden, I got a huge amount of attention. From being a total outcast to being the spot of attention, it was all new to me and overwhelming. I knew the attention I got was intended for malicious purposes. My peers saw my capabilities and talents and how smart I was, and they tried to take everything they could from me to succeed in their studies.
I know all of them internally do not like me, but I'm really successful in my studies, and that's why. Everything u said is true except one point, ppl never really admired me and the firts impression my friends had of me was a bad one. They only admired me later when they got to know me. Those who dug deeper into me and seeked to understand me loves me and adore me a lot.
I think that point depends on how shy you are. I have had your experience as well, people thought I was “stuck up” but later found out I was fun and different - just a bit shy. But still, these often end in abandonment. There will be an initial admiration after they find out you aren’t stuck up, but then a discard as you are “too much” for them. But you’d be surprised how many people secretly admire you. Basic thought: Most people are very selfish and out to get what they can from people. if they don’t think they can get much, they discard, It’s sad, but true.
I wish I had known when I was young that people seek relationships for entertainment purposes. I’ve never done that either. What’s crazy is that not only did my “friends” (when I had “friends”) only want anything to do with me when I was making them laugh, but my family of origin was the same way towards me. When I finally put my foot down about their abuse, and stopped being their jester, they abandoned me entirely. They even ignored me when I had a heart attack last March.
Hi, I am an infj-t. I am experiencing that all the time. First, boom, they admire me to the fullest and then something fades. I believe that when you see the light for the very first time, it's pretty impressive so you show how much you admire this light but in case you are everyday with this light, it will blind you, so you want to run away from that. When you are a walking guru with emotional and intellectual independence and you read people and you are wise and you always analyze problems and situations like a pro, this is annoying. And what's even more annoying is to be wise and not to be a slave of your ego, like most people. So, how will they want to continue to be next to you and your light?
I don't think this way of thinking is narcissistic, I feel it's probably the truth. For a long time I was wondering if we have many disorders and we invented the label injf to feel special, but I don't think so.
Nothing to add, just lots of nodding in agreement. 🩵⚡️
We meet all here, only INFJs bc no one cares about us.
Hi everyone... i feel like i know you already
@@JoDo777 i'm totally in to inhabit another planet 🚀
Hi 👋 we should all go live on another planet together 😂
@@theliterarytarot yeah let's do it but on this planet. Maybe an INFJ country
It is so comforting to finally see how everything makes sense, since starting finding out about INFJ personality. Thank you.🌷🦋🌷
Spot on! Hard to find the right friends. Felt like an alien my whole life. But super proud of the infj gift.
Thank you. from a child i was different, it's sad because I'm ghosted by so many people, people that i cared.about.so i just don't try too hard. any more. but we are on this planet to be loved. and love. who goes around telling people who they are? the average person will look at you like you are.from another planet. i am trying to make myself happy.alone,
Should we lower our standards? i might not have the answer to many of our challenges, but this one i learnt the hard way. Dont do it. Whatever short term "progress" you think you'll make by doing that will be seriously outweighed by the long term damage and lost time. Poor quality relationships of any type just aren't were your energy needs to go to build something, even if you dont have any high quality external relationships to invest in. You always have yourself, if you cant find someone worthy put time into yourself. Dont make my mistakes :|
Agree.
Same mistake
Boy am I. Medical medium, regular medium, see through the layers. People want to treat you like a party game or show off their "woo" friend. Nope.
I was blessed with a brilliant son who goes deep and is a truth teller. It's profoundly wonderful.
Very true with everything mentioned right now.. That's me ..
this man read my mind. i turned from entp to infj when getting into high school and i love myself sm!
True, we are simply connecting the dots that's why we could predict something in the future..
Wow, wow, wow, dead on. For me add to that I'm Scorpio. Pisces moon. This and more I've since researched about infjs finally answers SO many questions...
38 yr old single female INFJ here. Sometimes wonder why I’m single and very selective about my friendships, but in understanding myself better through videos like this I kind of recognise that its because of my own choices. Time to find a better balance between what is right for me as an INFJ and what society constantly tells me I meant to be. Thanks, this is a relatable video.
I actually been alone for a long time but it felt good that you were able to filter people who will stick around to you. Our pain taught us enough how to deal with this because of our intuition and deep feelings. That's why im proud to all of us INFJ's that we are strong because we are able to live everyday even if we seek companion. I believe that one day you will meet that person who will choose to stay with you even if we have our overwhelming personality.
Needed to be said, thank you. This is the most disappointing to me. It feels rejecting for no good reason.
As an INFJ I have to say that I very much agree with what you are saying! I wish I had known about being an INFJ and what it meant when I was a child. It would have made a huge difference! I am an old man now and I have the benefit of historical perspective, and I think you might consider adding one more reason why INFJs get left behind. We tend go thru multiple iterations of evolution through our lives. As we learn and grow, we evolve. As an analogy we start out as caterpillars, then we go into a chrysalis and emerge as a butterfly. However, as a butterfly we don't really get along with our caterpillar friends anymore, and separation develops. You touched upon this and used it as supporting info, but as I reflect back on my life, I would argue that it is a reason all its own, just my humble opinion...
Thank you. Needed today 💓
Hi. Thank you for this video. I just hope everyone is having a good day/night wherever you are ❤
💯 true, thanks for your videos, I’ve had many people do this to me and it’s very confusing and painful…connecting with INFJs and watching videos like this has helped immensely
Yip! Another thing I have to be cognizant of is that many that have ghosted me will contact a while later to get another dose of what they liked only to disappear like a fart in the wind once again. I've learned to be cordial but will not jump through ANY hoops to meet their needs. I will make myself very hard to get and unavailable.
No cordial...instead no contact.
@@tnt01 I would agree in most cases for certain. Unfortunately some are work or family related. Gray Rocking works well also.
@@DIYPrecisionTool Yes, sometimes difficult to completely avoid.
In regards to the being alone to recharge part....I do that but I notice that I have that 1 or 2 people that I'm extremely close with & match with really well and I don't need to be away from them.What I've noticed is that these particular interpersonal relationships are extremely healthy though so they actually REJUVENATE me being around them & I'm drawn to them especially when I feel drained.Finding people that'll gladly fill up your emotional reservoir for you when needed are extremely healthy and as rare as 💎s though & I 💭 this is exactly why it's common for many of us to have to withdraw from others temporarily in order to recharge.🤔
As always- your message was super timely and very helpful. Yep - first admired, then abandoned. :(
So many great comments! This was another great video!!! It all resonated deeply! Glad I found your channel in perfect timing. Sometimes I want a break and wish I wasn't so complex and deep. I see other women who are nonchalant. Ignorance is bliss my gosh. But then....I can't give up on myself. Yuck why would I want to be anything less. The MJ part was spot on. But can I have my pitty party moment lol, especially with the rest of the INFJ's. It's harddddd. Anyway's thanks so much for putting this together! Honestly your videos are perfect!
Concise and affirming. It is always a breath of fresh air to feel understood. Thank you!
You make me feel less alone and okay with myself
What about the poor communication and social skills of the introverted intuitive feeler? Who can't express his ideas fluently in short and clear sentences?
So spot on, thank-you so much for your honest podcasts.
Thank you so much! I needed this today, right now. Thank you.
Everytime i watch the videos here it feels like coming home~
The accuracy...Mann Talk HEAVY 💪🏿👁️
Thankful for this video
Very familiar with the patterns - thank you for articulating
It's interesting really, how we come in energetically and intensely, trying to connect deeply, but then our battery dies and we need to recharge a bit, and the other person feels ghosted, not appreciating how we gave them our all and are fully intending to come back when we can!
Wow, I finally get it. Thank you so much! I truly appreciate it 💜
Story of my life... 😞
🌹
I hear you. Stay 💪
Same!
Omg how did you know, such a nuance, thank you
Welcome!
I don’t think we should lower our standards for friendships, but in our careers and pursuits, trying to get out of our comfort zones and “fake it to make it” with acquaintances, may help us out tremendously.
😃Having my experience relayed on screen feels amazing!
.....ah ok- yup- ok. pains back! lol great video!
Always thinking ahead.. Yep that's me, too. Sometimes I think I've gone into the future and came back with new ideas to solve problems or do things. Yes I hide what I know figured that out as a kid, but I wouldn't trade my empathy for anything.
Every point made and example given is 100% accurate. It felt like he was describing me
The old saying:
"Jack of all trades, master of none, better than a master of one."
In my case, I say Jill when I say it offline without the full context.
My M.O. is to be what people expect, literally, I dumb down. It’s kind of lonely though. I desperately want and need a friend who appreciates me for who I really am, but at 65, I don’t see it coming. Now that I’m older (although I’m blessed with a very young personality and look more like 45), I’ve learned not to care about what others think, I just try to be myself more often than not. Blessings to all my fellow INFJ’s🫶🏼love you guys ❤️❤️❤️💕❣️
Everything you say about an INFJ is true. I love the MBTI and use it with a lot of the people I work with. I get ghosted a lot of the time and limit my time with others due to the abandonment thing, but I am always mindful of not wanting others to feel this unless I feel smothered
I go thru cycles of embracing INFJ and thinking, “This is a load of cr@p and I can change and I am NOT an INFJ!” But… yeah, this is me. I have never had a friend who meets me both intellectually and emotionally, not even my husband. And I am exhausting. And, it is also true that I ghost people because I reach a point where I can’t have time to re-charge in a relationship without hearing, “You know, the phone works both ways…” or… I get told, “You know, we’re not really friends.” Now that I don’t have young children, it is easier and less stressful to just stay home or go out with only my husband. Being a young mom surrounded by other young moms was like being back in middle school - trying so hard to fit in and never getting there.
I have unintentionally frightened people. And I mean people literally stumbling and stuttering around and acting like I had literally read their mind when I didn’t. It took me a long time to understand that the majority are emotionally blind. And I hate to say this because it comes off so condescending and obnoxious, and also because I’m no genius myself, but the majority are very simple and not very intelligent. And that’s coming from someone who struggled somewhat in school.
Misty morning, clouds in the sky. Without warning, a Wizard walks by. Casting his shadow, weaving his spell. Funny clothes, tinkling bell. ~ Black Sabbath (1970)
This is all so true and great advice.