I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THIS AS A MOM | DAY IN THE LIFE WITH 3 KIDS | Tara Henderson
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Hi Tara! Im a school based speech therapist and I honestly think shay just has a bad case of middle child syndrome! she may need more one on one time with you and Adam. Find a hobby that can be just for the two of you! Use a timer for situations such as the one in the car as you described and keep it consistent. Consistency is key in those types of situations. Don’t budge and hold her accountable. During her tantrums at home, I would suggest removing her from the situation and having a certain spot in your home as a “cool down” area. Have a bunch of sensory objects and calming toys available for her to use. Don’t try to reason with her until she has stopped crying and is calm enough to communicate. Deep breaths! You guys will get through this tough phase!
Also, get a three ring binder and sheet protectors in the beginning of each school year. Keep the girls school work in that ☺️
Married@17 so I wouldn’t worry just yet nor would I compare him to your other children! Kids learn at their own rate despite the typical milestones and the fact that he is able to string together 2-3 word phrases is a good sign. It’s typical for kids to get frustrated if someone is not understanding them, think of how you would feel if you weren’t able to fully communicate. Around age 3 is when kids generally start producing 3-4 word sentences. I would continue to expose him to as much language as possible-read books, educational songs, interactive toys, play dates with other children his age. He may have a slight language delay but often children have a sudden explosion of language around age 3. If you’re still concerned, there’s no harm in getting him tested!
Married@17 my son will be 3 end of October and we just ‘graduated’ from speech therapy today actually. He was very behind and we did 6 months of therapy and he is seriously like night and day from when we started. But the sentences you described sound like my son now and our speech therapist was very happy. When he says the sentence incorrectly we just repeat it but correctly and then continue our day. He catches on and we read a lot which I think helps a lot. Hope that helps too.
Hey! I seen that someone asked u a question and was wondering if I could ask you one. My daughter is 15 mo. Old and is silent. She doesnt say mama , dada, baba. She has said dada before but wasnt calling her dad dada or nothing just saying it and has stopped. She was saying cat or what sounded like it, then she stopped it. Sometimes she says hot. But I feel like she may stop saying that as well. Is this normal? Our pediatrican referred us to people called first steps but no call from them , he also recommended day care but the only day care close to me is a early headstart and they wont put her in unless shes labeled with a disability. :(
What great advice you shared. Really nice of you to help. 🙏🏼
@@ashleyv7440 ‘he’ is a ‘she’ in this case 😘
With Shay, I would put her in her car seat first. Let her buckle it while you put Grayson in the car and while Baylee gets in the car. When she gets in the car, tell her “if it’s not buckled after I put Grayson in the car, then momma will have to come do it for you because we don’t have much time.. you know how to do it!”
Motivation and time limits work miracles with the children I work with.
That's a good idea
Definitely no back and forth. She gets a chance to try it and then you go ahead and finish hooking it up. You are wonderfully loving with your children!💖
Tara. I'm a pediatric OT. I've seen many many kids with developmental delays and disabilities... and I have to say saying a child has a "cognitive delay" over what you explained is very very questionable in my opinion. Everything you said is SO normal. Kids have very underdeveloped frontal cortex which is the brain centre used in executive function and emotional regulation. Kids don't play mind games, they're just stuck in a rut and can't decide between wanting to be 100% independent and wanting/needing others to help. you're doing great!! ❤️
I also say this as a mama of two myself 😅. Best of luck whatever you decide to do. Trust your mama instincts.
I’m an OT too and have a 2 year old... I agree, her behavior is typical of her age.
Agree 💯 I have four and this is very normal.
Dima A. I think it’s somewhat normal as well! Typical 2 year old behavior, I was just voicing what the therapist said when we had her evaluated.
I think you just set me up for future questions Dima! Thanks for sharing😂😂
Tara. You’re the mom. The boss.
She just needs to know that!!!!
It’s simple.
Bingo
A lot has happened in your family for a 2 year old to process. Adam going back to school and not being home all day, a baby brother, a new puppy and starting school. I would be surprised if she wasn't anxious and/or acting out. She is a smart, sweet girl and you are doing your best. All you can be is consistent and loving.
Yes!!! Agreed!
yeesss. ...so true!
That's true! It's a lot of change for a little kid!
Im no expert but Shay does not need therapy. Shes being 2. Sounds like a very normal developing 2 year old.
So with the bucking the carseat thing maybe tell her okay Shay gets to do it but you need to finish before Mama’s done singing the ABC’s. If you can’t do it then Mama will do it. Sometimes kids like it if it’s a fun challenge/game. Also with her screaming telling you no I would just tell her you can’t hear her when she screams and explain you will be happy to help her when she can calmly talk to you.
I tell my 2 year old I really don’t like it when you yell at me. Can you try to use your nice voice?
Exactly- that way she has parameters. Also, if they want to choose a cup or outfit, just give them a choice between 2 not What do you want to wear, eat today? If that makes sense. That way they aren’t overwhelmed-this is why your suggestion of letting her buckle up herself but giving her a time frame is so helpful!!!
I completely agree! I was going to say count to 10 or 20 and then give a big "Yay!" When she does it within the count down. Singing a song is a great idea too! Then with the screaming I told my boys "Nope, Mommy doesn't answer yells. You need to use your words and then I can help you" and if they wouldn't listen or let me say that then I would just ignore it or depending on the situation threaten a time out.
I agree with you Tiffany P
Hi Tara, i’m an SLP for over 10 years now. I don’t think that Shay needs therapy for her behavior. I noticed that you keep asking her about what is wrong and she is not expressing the problem . So instead of asking try to explain to her what she is feeling. As if you are talking for her ( e.i. You are angry because I buckled up the seatbelt for you) then reply to that to what ever reasons you have. This way whenever she is in the situation again she would say “I’m angry”. Try this whenever she throws a tantrum, express her feelings and talk on her behalf instead of asking.
The other thing your struggles with her mood all day long. As so many of your follower mentioned she needs to feel love. But we don’t speak the same love language. I learned this the hard way because i struggled with my second son exactly the same way you are struggling with Shay till i read this book “the five love languages” and I realized that he is not feeling loved. So i changed my way with him and suddenly he became the happiest most satisfied and calm child i’ve ever seen. Basically you need to observe her behaviors to find out what makes her happy and satisfied: is it physical touch ( like hugs and kisses), verbal ( like telling her that you love her or how great she is doing), quality time ( spending one-to-one time with her), gifts ( or using a sticker board ), or service ( like helping her with an activity or getting dressed.. etc).
Hope my suggestions will help you
Taghreed Alharbi I completely agree with your comment. I’m an MFT who works with children and practice what you mentioned with my 3 year old. Validation and reflection goes a long way.
Agree 100%! I’ve nannied provided foster care adopted children and also have biological child and finding each child’s love language is my greatest ‘trick’ to relating and understanding the needs of each individual child.
I think this comment is great. I would also suggest using a timer and explaining to her before you get in a situation that you know typically causes a meltdown. You have five minutes to try and buckle up yourself. Mommy will start the timer and if you are not buckled in five minutes then I will help you. When the timer goes off help her whether she wants you to or not and then move on. Use the above as your guide for moving on. You can say I see that you are screaming and crying. I think you feel angry. You could also use a visual (not in the car) with emotions so instead of saying the words she could identity them that way. Let me know if you have questions. I know you will get it worked out. I have little ones too and my oldest, 3 now, was similar in his actions. I am also a Behavior analyst and work with kids everyday. Good luck mama!
❤ Shay is just testing you and being a typical 2 year old. She DOES NOT need therapy. Hang in there mama. Small kids, small problems, someday she will be 16 and you will have to teach her how to parallel park🤪
This is perfectly normal behavior for a two year old. I'll never understand why some people think their child is having problems because one child doesn't act exactly as one of their siblings did. 2,3,4 and sometimes even 5 and 6 year old throw tantrums. The best thing to do is to ignore them when they throw tantrums. As far as the carseat goes, put her in and buckle her and don't give her the option to do it herself. It's a power struggle. She may be a little resentful of Grayson but that is perfectly normal at her age. Don't fret so much, she will grow out of it .
I also think she shouldn’t be learning how to buckle herself in and out of the car seat. That seems really unsafe.
I think so too. "power struggle" was exactly what came to mind as she talked about it
You’re feeding her tantrum. She just needs to be left alone. If you’re on your way in the car, just buckle her and go. Stop asking her anything. If you’re at home, put her somewhere safe and walk away until she calms down. She is smart, like you say. She’s getting something from you that keeps fueling this behavior. You have to be the one to stop it. She will realize she gains nothing if you do this.
Yes, yes, YES!!!
Hands down BEST comment. Legit listen to B H you can’t expect each kid to be the same. And therapy is silly..
Thank you for this comment. My 2 yr old son has meltdowns pretty much daily! And when he has a tantrum he throws himself on the floor! Doesnt matter if he is standing or sitting... he hits his head, screams flails his arms. Its awful. Any suggestions for this??
This comment is exactly what I do to my 2.5 year old
1000000% feeding into her behaviour. Ask her once if she ignores move on with your life and she will learn fast.
I thought I would weigh in as a parent and share something I read over 20 years ago that helped me immensely. Kids that age don't necessarily have the ability to reason so don't frustrate yourself (and her). Ask her once what's wrong and if she's unable to express it at that moment (such as something hurts), take control and tell her what's going to happen ("ok, then we are getting in the car and going to school") and then do it. Kids that age don't need excessive explaining or reasoning, just that mom and dad say "yes" or "no" and they can trust in that. The reasoning and sit- down explanations come later, when they can understand and respond appropriately. Until then, she will learn to trust that what you say.... goes.
Hello Tara. I work with children in Shay's age for nearly 20 years.
I don't think she needs therapy. It's a normal phase at this age. Each child go through this phase on its own way.
Ignore it, is a very good way. The more you try to calm her down, the longer it goes.
She tests you and Adam. It's very important for her and also very normal.
Your way to handle the car seat situation was good. Give her time, but you guys are the parents and have to decide.
Is there enough time to let her things do, let her.
If not, she have to handle your decision.
You are the boss. Kids need this borders to grow healthy.
I hope this helps you a little bit. It's normal. Some children did it more, some less. But all of them need her parents as leaders.
Wish you the best.
Sabrina Never Yes!!!!
I agree with Sabrina 100 %
I noticed that Americans love to go to therapies lol
@@nurynamarini5432 right? its ridiculous,,, it called shes a 2 yr old little girl.. shes isnt 20 and not expressing herself.. giver her a break.. SMH
I totally understand! I’m sure plenty of people will share advice, but just go with your intuition of what feels right to you and your family. We experience this to a certain level with our 20 month old. Props to you for staying calm and as understanding as possible while she’s experiencing such big emotions! I know it’s not easy!!! 💕
2 is so hard!! Janet Lansbury’s blog, books and podcast are amazing. One of her tactics that have helped me immensely is to “sportscast”. As you said, you know why she is mad, she wanted to buckle her car seat herself, so go ahead and acknowledge that. “You’re mad because you wanted to buckle your car seat.” And just leave it. It sounds weird and awkward at first, but practicing just stating things like, “you’re mad” or “you really wanted that snack.” And just leaving it after a statement like that can help her to know that you understand why she’s mad, and you’re just there with her until she’s ready to be calm. One of Janet Lansbury’s biggest concepts is for parents to be okay with all of their kids’ emotions, even if it’s uncomfortable (because it is!). Their brains actually can’t rationalize when they are in the middle of those huge angry emotions. So many hugs, it’s seriously so stinking hard. And you’re doing amazing!
Something that has really helped me (with my 2.5 year old) is the book “No Bad Kids” by Janet Lansbury. At this age, reasoning with them won’t work no matter their language skills. Toddlers just want to know they’re being heard and that you understand what they’re experiencing and being respectful to them about it. So for the car seat issue I would say to my son, “It looks like you’re having trouble putting the car seat buckle in. You want to sit and pull it in and out, but we need to get to school so I’m going to do it for you.” And then calmly do it even if he protests. But it lets them know you “get it” and you understand them. Following her book has tremendously shifted my attitude, helped me remain more calm, and reduced the amount of tantrums...since let’s be honest, there’s no way to fully get rid of them since they’re a healthy part of development! 😉Just my experience ❤️
She is also the middle child, I heard that ‘sandwich children’ need a bit more attention now that she has a baby brother. Also she is young for school, maybe she could go less days? I think she needs a bit more mommy time maybe? And offcoarse it will pass, the therapy in combination with speech therapy can speed it up
Succeshero she doesn’t go to school on fridays so I decided to make those days our one on one days where I take her to go do something just her and I. Hoping that helps. 💗
I couldn't agree more with u!! You took the words right out of my mouth she is the middle child and probably doesnt understand why she is going to school and could be acting out. I love your channel tara but that could be it!
Oh my gosh I am a middle child and i don't get the most attention.
Yes from the behavior you have explained..I feel she needs more love from you ...might be she is feeling all the attention is being given to your son...she is only 2..so obviously she does not like to go to school...she wants more attention from parents and from mother expectation will be more ..everything can be solved only with more love you give her...I don't think any therapy need to be given...
It's just that she need more love so she will open up...she is feeling like she is being ignored..it's very common at her age which is very small.
@@09prathima I totally agree!
“Every day in a hundred small ways, our children ask ‘Do you see me?’, 'Do you hear me?’, 'Do I matter?’. Their behavior often reflects our response.” - L.R. Knost
Negative attention is better than no attention. Children (of ALL ages) seek out negative attention/reactions when they feel certain needs aren’t being met. We have to be empathetic.
We have to see it from their perspective & treating them as if their emotional & mental demands are invalid due to their “age” as an excuse to brush them off completely - as some people in these comments have suggested - will only further your issues.
I’d recommend making an effort to set aside extra time for her like you have with Baylee. Being extra patient constantly like you already have been but more importantly, remembering it’s because at her age she’s still learning HOW to communicate her emotions which is still extremely difficult when she doesn’t know how to express or manage them yet.
✌️Stay positive
There’s is a book called 123 magic and it’s amazing!!! It’s a book for parents and helps deal with the things like tantrums, etc. it’s basically wrapped around the idea that we as adults try to reason with our kids (like we would with adults ) it’s called the little adult theory. But kids don’t need reasoning, they need discipline. I highly recommend it with the things you are going through with shay. I just finished and it really is magic!
Jessica Semko i’ll have to check this book out! thank you
Jessica Semko I just finished this book; so good!!
Tara. Honestly I haven’t see a better and worked together couple/family on UA-cam other than you and Adam and your family. I’ve been watching you since the beginning and now to you guys having a family of five with a puppy, is crazy and amazing. I love watching all of your videos and you inspire me with a lot of different things you say and put in your videos. You have such a beautiful family, and girl you do an amazing job with everything, I know life can be hard and tough sometimes, but when you have the best people in life and you love them so much, nothing else matters weather your in sweatpants and a messy bun feeding your child with little sleep, folding stacked up laundry with three day old socks on, and still managing to get the house together and everything in place is just amazing enough and nothing else matters when it’s the people you love. You are so strong and beautiful. 💛
Grayson talking the entire time you’re talking about Shay 😂😂😂. So cute
Could be that she just wants more of mommys attention and love..she’s still a baby herself. Good luck!
Tara i think it all has to do with having a new baby in the family she is only two i know you give her lots of attention and everything but that is normal she will be fine you are an amazing mom you will be fine and amazing family. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
Eman Ibrahim yes so true!!. My two year old became sooooo naughty as soon as baby was born🤯. Like he changed into a different kid!. He is only just calming down now 6 months later and now he turned 3 he is getting better haha x
نموت عليك وبيتكي وروتيناتكي😘😘😘😘😘😘😘☺😚😍
A 3-ring binder with sheet protectors is a great way to store and look back on the cute artwork
Hi Tara. I have 3 kids. My opinion the middle child is hardest to raise. Lol Definitely she’s testing u to see what she can get away with stay strong girl. Love ur channel
Sarah McClure yessss definitely lol
Gina Queeno I agree
Totally get it girl!... I have a 2 year old son who does similar things & the most helpful way I handle those situations is by giving him choices. He can “choose” to buckle his own seat or he can “choose” for Mommy to do it for him. I do this all the time when he doesn’t want to get into his car seat and it seems to really help him feel independent. Keep up the good work Mama!
It might be that she is doing it for attention because she is realizing she is no longer the baby
I wondered about that, too.
Awe I didn’t even think of that:/ it’s sad when little kids go through that :(
I was thinking the same thing!
Yah I think she wants your attention for sure. Poor momma!
I agree. Take Shay on a one on one-mommy and shay date.
My oldest child does this & I was loosing my mind for awhile bc I thought it was something I was doing wrong. I started to ignore the crazy behavior & REALLY make an exaggerated effort to say how awesome she was when she was behaving great. I haven't had a tantrum (like the crazy ones) for months now. She will come and tell me that she is a good girl & it makes her feel good to know that I appreciate when she listens. Idk if this is what you're "supposed" to do, but it worked for my little family.
Tara, a close mama friend of mine has three children in similar ages of yours. Once she had her daughter(she has two older boys) this same situation arouse. Her younger son, the middle child started “acting out” because he know longer was getting the same attention and wasn’t the “baby.” I have no clue at all if that is what is going on with your sweet girl but what my friend eventually tried was going out of her way to have family time and separate time with each child. It helped A LOT in her situation. Her son knew he was going to get his own time so didn’t try to act out to get it instead. Maybe try and have an activity that is just Baileys time and an activity that’s just for Shay like Shay always helps with laundry folding and Bailey always helps do another activity. Not sure if it would work but worth a try. Hoping for the best, B.
Brooke D
I did this after having my 3rd and can say it does work!
We are struggling with this really bad too with my two year old. He is crazy advanced compared to how my first was. Literally all the same things you just said we struggle with. I think it just may be a second baby, age thing. Just try and make everything a fun/challenge for her. And be patient. Praying it gets better mama
I love how Grayson is voicing his opinion while you were talking about shay. He’s extremely adorable.
Tara, I have 3 kiddos and I keep a folder for each kid every year where I’ll put pictures or papers I want to save. Then I’ll put it in their baby box at the end of the year. I also have a bulletin board in my kitchen where I’ll put their artwork for a while before I move it to the folder or trash lol. Also, with weekly work it helped me so much to have a command center type thing hanging on our wall. I have one with 3 slots each one labeled with their names so every week I put important papers or things I need to get to during that week in these slots. This has been a huge game changer for me and has helped keep things organized. BTW I got my command center on amazon for like $25 or $30 I think. 😊 hope that helps!
That is completely normal. My son is 2 and a half and I also would worry when he would react this way. A handful of my friends are teachers/early childhood educators and they have all assured me that the reason why they throw these fits are because they don’t know how to express themselves verbally. Although she is able to communicate on a normal basis it is different when they are in ra age state of mind. It might seem never ending and at times it might feel like you walk on eggshells to avoid a meltdown but sooner or later they grow out of it. Just keep doing you! You are doing great xo
I can see the struggle you are going through and I hope this phase goes by fast and you get resources to help you deal with the situation in the best way that works for your family. ❤️
My son is almost 3 and his favorite things to say these days are “no!, I don’t want to, and leave me alone” 🤦🏻♀️
After 4 kids here I totally understand what your going through. The thing I can say is be the Parent and show her that she is the child. I think at her age they start to test boundaries. It’s like with what you feed your girls. You give them healthy food and that’s it. There’s no options. Trust that things will get better with her. ❤️ from Colorado
I get addicted to coffee only bcuz of yuh. Seeing yuh making coffee makes me really crave for it.
Love yuh tara and yur family ❤
Oh my gosh him is such a BUTTON!!
Shay is such a smart cookie! Kaia was so much like this and it took so much repetition of exactly what you’re doing. Close to 3 she started coming out of the tantrums and stubborn outbursts. 2 years later and she is the most vocal and sweetest girl. Telling me she appreciates me... UGH 😭 Sending all my love and support 💕
اهلا بكل المتابعين من العالم العربى اود ان اخبركم ان الترجمه ستكون جاهزه ٢ بتوقيت جرينتش و شكرا لانتظاركم 😄
شكرا ههههه
شكرا😘😘
يعني شوكت
شكرا
شكرا😍
for organizing kids artwork, i hung a string in my daughters room with clothes pins to display her favourite and most recent ones. for older artwork and other memories/keepsakes, i made a box for each child with folders for their baby, toddler, jk, sk, 1st grade etc. years. after each year or every couple years you can look through and see what is really worth keeping and then when your kids are grown, you can see if there is anything they'd like to keep and it's all nice and organized!
With shay having those fits let her scream it out. I come from a teacher background and I'm now a nanny. Kids play mind games but sometimes you have to be stern with her. For the car seat give her 2 minutes and set a timer and if she won't do it when the timer goes off say mommy does it shays turn is done. She will understand after a few times it happens. She is having the fit and saying now she's looking for your attention. Just ignore in and then talk to her when she's ready to talk.
That's a very good tip, Shira 👍❤
I agree, I’m a mom of 3 and my youngest is almost 3. He is very independent and went thru a simulate stage and my biggest tip would be the same as Shira Newman posted above.
Explain why, Make it clear that she has a certain amount of time & after that you do it and let her have her fit. Don’t play into the fit game either, hold space for her so when she has calmed down then you can talk with her if needed. After a few times (some kids need a few more times lol) she will understand “Shay can do it” without playing the games or mommy will end up having to, period.
Shira thanks so much... Am struggling with my 2 year old daughter .
shira newman the timer thing always has worked great for my son!
Yes!
when my girl was little and came home w all the work i devoted a wall to them and framed a bunch ...they are the cutest works of art and it shows to them that youre proud of their work and they also feel proud seeing that. ..and it makes great free pieces for the play room!
Some of these behaviors, she might pick up from school, from other kids, is just a thought, I notice some new behaviors when my started school/ daycare.
You should do UA-cam videos
Oh definitely. I agree. Can be as quick as just a few days
I got a file folder box and put folders for each year of school in it and it lives in my linen closet. I just drop things in for the corresponding year. I also, as hard as it is, I don’t save everything, just the ones my daughter or I feel are truly special.
The fits with Shay sound really tough to manage... sometimes it's hard for kids when they're so activated to communicate why they're feeling how they are (adults can get this way too lol). I've heard of trying to address the emotions first and then seeing if they'll communicate. so addressing the one side of the brain that's emotionally activated first to get them to calm a little bit and then they can access the other part of the brain to be a bit more reasonable. for instance saying "i know you're so upset right now/so angry right now/frustrated right now and im sorry you're so upset" or something along those lines and comforting them by empathizing and comforting their feelings. cuz it's hard to reason w/them when they're so upset. it's good that you're explaining things to her, but it's hard to sometimes try to set rules/boundaries/negotiating with them because like u said sometimes they'll just push the boundaries by 'playing games' and stuff. so i would try just focusing on how she's feeling and really acknowledging it by repeating it back to her and empathizing so she feels heard/understood.
Olesya Mussman This sounds really similar to a book I’m reading called No-Drama Discipline. It’s not teaching you discipline in the traditional sense of the word but instead helps you create teachable moments that are tailored to your child’s age, their temperament and the the given situation. It’s been really helpful so far when my toddler is going through a tantrum. Like Olesya says you focus on calmly and lovingly connecting with your child when they are in a reactive mode like a tantrum and then once they are calm teaching them what you want to from that situation if needed once they are receptive.
OMG.. Cognitive therapy? Uh shes a normal 2 year old whose testing the limits!! I cant even with all these parents who are so quick to "diagonse" kids and think they need therapy for EVERYTHING. Shes only been in this world for 2 years and yall are acting like shes seriously delayed. SMH
Harper Gray shame on you! I have never seen her be completely ignored. I would think you’d be encouraging instead of judgmental. Especially given you don’t live there. What happened to supporting other women and mothers?
MJD MJD she’s asking for advice because she wants to be a good mom. If you are a mom you would understand. If you’re not then you probably should taper your opinions.
Hippie Sunshine you probably need to get a life if you feel the need for gossip.
@@Kat-n-Ollie taper my opinion ? uh ok then keyboard warrior ... and FYI actually I am a mom and would never even consider this for a 2 year old. Common sense dictates asking her paediatrician for guidance and doing your own research instead of taking advice from her YT "friends" who clearly are experts In the field , NOT! it called common sense.
I have a similar eye shape and never wore eyeshadow either until I figured out to blend slightly above my crease rather than directly in it!! Game changer 👍🏻 opens your eyes right up
Your doing a great job Tara! Your patience is something I strive for with my little one. I also have a strong willed little girl! For the artwork from school, my mom use to have a filing cabinet that she had different sections for each of my siblings and you could organize by each grade or however you want.
Also, validate how she is feeling.. say, “I see you are upset, I see you are angry. I understand you wanted to do whatever whatever and I gave you the chance. I see you are having a hard time today” etc.
I’m sorry girl! My 3 year old was the same way at Shay’s age. I know it’s trying on your nerves and emotions too. One thing I try to remind myself when she acts that way is; the things that are trying about her little personality now, is something I’ll be grateful for when she’s older. She’s confident and knows what she wants. She just doesn’t fully know how to express it at this age. One thing that really helped us when she would have those meltdown moments, was to ask her, “are you sad?”. If she said yes, then we could ask why are you sad. It made a huge difference. It helped her to understand her feelings more and she eventually just started telling us what was wrong. It’s hard when we want them to have logic and reason and be able to communicate their feelings. That’s something I struggle to remember is that although she is so smart in so many ways...... feelings and emotions are hard to navigate. Even as adults. It gets better Mama...... promise! 💕
I’m honestly quite shocked you’re making such a big deal over Shay’s behavior. They’re exactly what you called them...a “toddler tantrum”. I can’t believe you would actually consider cognitive therapy for a 2 year old who has normal tantrums for their age. Two year olds can’t express their needs 100%, and I wouldn’t expect them to. My daughter is now 4, and my son who is 6 NEVER had tantrums like my daughter did/does. I think it’s also a girl thing, girls are more dramatic lol. You can’t compare your kids to each other, or to other kids her age. It’s a phase and she will grow out of it.
Heather Armstrong I agree. A cognitive developmental delay can be quite the label at 2. That kind of label spoken too loudly to the professionals will forever be marked in her chart.
She’s testing you mama! My oldest did the saaaaame thing!! She’s seeing how far she can push you and test those limits and boundaries. I got so frustrated one time that I burst into tears and the look on her face that she made mommy cry, scared her! And she stopped doing it as often. She still had her moments but it didn’t last nearly as long as before I “cracked”. I showed her that her actions had consequences by literally showing me “break” and showing her my limits.
Whenever your kid change their mood and get you to struggle! the solution is just “CHANGE THE SUBJECT” maybe she just doesn’t like whats going on, so she just tries to not let it happen, like you said she will keep wasting time on purpose to avoid whats happening, so just try to make it more interesting for her, like telling her there’s an amazing fish store that you’re gonna pass by while going to school or after school so she will be interested in being ready in the car as fast as possible to see the fish or whatever she likes just involve it in this situation that your struggling in and hopefully it will change.
Hi Tara, Although I’m sad to hear you’re struggling I really appreciate when you open up about things like this. It makes me feel less alone as a mother. My daughter who is about to turn three sounds a lot like your little one. She is very strong-willed and has always been a bit challenging. She is also tantrum prone and sometimes I feel like I cannot win with her no matter what I do. She also can be challenging in the sense that she does not want me to touch her or hold her a lot of times when she’s upset. But she will continue to scream without letting me help her in anyway. I never really know what to do when she’s like that and I always just feel like it’s a lose lose situation. I also have learned that my daughter is extremely smart and with that intelligence comes the ability to be manipulative. We all have that ability but some children who are very intelligent can master that ability very young. In my opinion this is something that you want to address right away. It’s normal behavior of course at this age to test boundaries and to manipulate but it’s not something we should allow our children to get away with just because it is normal behavior at this age. You definitely don’t want your little one to get your attention by misbehaving or by trying to manipulate you. Even if she is just trying to get a little bit of extra attention right now it is not OK for her to go about it in the way she is especially if she’s trying to play games with you guys with her car seat and things like that. There are times when my daughter has tantrums and I think it’s just her way of expressing her feelings or venting because she doesn’t have the full ability yet to have a full conversation with me to explain exactly what is bothering her. She has very good language for her age but there’s only so much she can explain to me about what she’s feeling because she is so young. Those are the times I am more lenient with her. But when she is being manipulative those are the times that I address it right away and correct her. In my opinion it is good to teach children that they are not in control of the world or the people around them. Essentially they are not God ha ha. My advice to you would be to not second-guess yourself. You are taking care of this child every day and you know her better than anybody. You knew that when she was playing with her car seat buckle or taking it in and out slowly that she was just playing with you and seeing what she could get away with. You’re her mama and you can set a boundary with her to let her know that that is not OK. I always tell myself that my daughter is probably going to be my most challenging child but what amazing and wonderful things she can contribute to this world with her strong-willed personality and her determination. If geared the right way these kids are going to do amazing things in this world! You got this mama! You got this! I always say my daughter is like a little bulldozer at times but I am the brick wall that she needs to try to go through. And a brick wall just doesn’t fall down so easily :)
Almost crying over this comment! This could not be more relatable to my daughter and also great advice! Thank you!!!
Tara- I'm struggling with the same thing with my daughter, she's 4 and it's a battle each day.
My son is 4 too and it’s so hard. I’m 17 weeks pregnant and he is just a handful right now.
My son dealt with sensory development. He was evaluated and I ended up keeping him home from school for a year to help him deal with his feelings better. It was hard because it was an uphill battle with getting him to explain to me when he felt overwhelmed. Hes better at it but still throws tantrums when he feels too restrained. Its a give and take with battles. I got a file folder plastic bin that I labeled with years. I put art from school in the files by year. I used aquaphor ointment for my sons eczema. It worked great. I also bathed him every other day to keep him skin from drying out. Hope that helps. You are doing great girl
My daughter goes through that too. My doctor said it is because they are so advanced in their speech but they are still only two.They know their words but can't really communicate the way an older kid with that level of speech usually can. They watch their older sisters, who are 4, communicate no problem but they just aren't there yet. It's frustrating but in time they will grow out of it. We just need to be patient, as hard as that is lol I always try and say 'is ____ upsetting you?' Try and get to the bottom of it and hopefully in time that will help 💕
I think a great idea for your kids artwork is to save everything in a box until the end of the school year. At the end of the school year have them go through and pick one or two things that were their favorite things that they did throughout the school year and then just keep those two things. In terms of storing them I don’t have any suggestions but that’s a great way to pick and chose what you keep and don’t keep!
Love your honestly regarding your struggles with Shay. I think alot of it is the normal power struggle of a 2 year old and I would stay continue to stand your ground. As I am sure you know everything with kids is a stage and although its hard to remember in the moment, it will soon pass. But I think the therapy cant hurt. Maybe she isnt 100% capable of understanding and expressing her emotions and could use a bit of help. Either way I am confident that you are doing your best to deal with it and those babies are lucky to have such a caring Mama.
- Alana
I don’t have any experience with this per say since my son is 4 months old. However I have friends who have children that age and they do the same thing! It’s normal behaviour for toddlers but I think you’re doing the right thing by explaining what you’re doing with her! You’re doing the best you can and so is Adam and that’s all you can do. You guys are great parents❤️
Seems like the longer she takes to buckle herself in the longer she gets to have your undivided attention.
Karen Atkins never thought of it this way. Interesting take
Blatantly obvious, isn't it?
Sounds completely normal. My son who is a middle child behaves the exact same way. How I organize the tons of papers we inevitably get from school is with a binder. I get a 2 inch binder & plastic page protectors. It’s organized, easy to look through, & not just thrown in a box :). In our house each kid gets 1 binder per grade that way we aren’t keeping too much nor not enough.
I would get one of those plastic bins that holds hanging file folders and put them in there organized by grade.
Michael's and most craft stores have art portfolios in the painting section, it's worked perfect for us because they are thin and come in different sizes they don't take up much space but are made similar to photo albums so the art is protected for the future.. the brand we use is itoya and we saved things from pre-K all through middle school art!
You guys are amazing parents, all children are different and you’ll figure out the best way to work through it ♥️♥️
You are so patient with your kids and are goals!! You’re doing great girl! From my experience with two year olds parameters help. “You can do it yourself but when this timer (set your phone) dings I’ll have to help you. “ also if you listen to podcasts Meg meeker has a great one that cover so many parenting topics!
she is so young. she will grow out of it! kids develop differently but you should consult with her teachers and pediatrician before taking her to therapy.
I had to comment because my two year old is the exact same. I mean, if I didn’t know better I would say you were talking about my child. So I feel for you, mama. It’s COMPLETELY normal.
Also, I have a four year old who just started pre-k this year. We get lots of arts back, and we have a designated wall in their play room to hang all her art work- we swap them out every once in a while with some of the new ones if the wall gets to be too full. She LOVES being able to display her work and it’s always the first thing she shows anyone when they come over!
You could try making a binder and slipping their artwork into sheet protectors and use dividers for the different ages/grades.
I know it sounds obvious but what worked with us is GIVING her words like, Shay you seem mad when you yell like that. Are you mad because you could not clip your car seat? Like giving them examples of why she seems upset. That way she understands the correlation btw her actions and feelings.
Leigha Fields yes!! Communicating effectively/using their words is the most difficult thing a toddler has to do. So to expect them to speak and tell you what’s wrong when they are SO upset, you’re essentially asking them to pull themselves out of the tantrum AND communicate, which is already difficult for them. Someone likened it to a panic attack in an adult, you have to wait until they are calm to talk. Nothing is rational or easy in the middle of the storm.
@@ashleymarieeee asking them to tell you what's wrong while they're worked up is even hard for some adults to do!!!
I’d get a 3 drawer filing cabinet and label it with the three kids names for artwork and such 💙 you can also paint it.
Those different stages kids go through can be rough and each child is so different. I take pictures of the art and school papers and put them in a photo book like on snapfish for each year. My kids love to flip through the photo books and remember their projects. It’s nice because you can fit lots of photos on each page.
I think it’s because she’s the middle child and needs more mommy time
Chanelle Cutler and more discipline
More mommy time is true .
@@harpergray7428 i feel like that's a very strong statement to make for only seeing 20 minutes of her day and only seeing what she chooses to show. Unless you know her personally.
Again @Harper Gray I think you are wrong and not giving constructive criticism just criticism!! Nobody is perfect!! We just do the best we can with what we have! And hopefully not messing our kids up too badly in the process!!
Harper Gray Same here.
Like others have said, a lot of it sounds like typical 2 year old behavior, (wanting to do things independently/be in control etc). I have found setting timers for my daughter really helps. For example, “ok you have 1 minute to buckle your car seat, and when the timer goes off mama does it”. And actually set a timer on your phone for her to hear. It took a few times for my daughter to accept this is how it works, but now she doesn’t even argue. We set timers for EVERYTHING now.
I really think she’s too young to be in school alllll day long. She’s probably exhausted and also just needs more attention from you and Adam both. Baylee and Grayson both take a lot of your attention with him being a newborn and Baylee in all these after school activities. Give that sweet girl some love and one on one attention 🖤
The entire time you were talking about your daughter, your sons noises took overrrr! They are so cute 😻😻😻 I’m due with my first boy in December and can’t WAIT for baby noises and reflexes ❤️
I think she's 2 and that's what 2 year olds do and I think you're surprised because you're older daughter wasn't like that everyone is difference just let her be she will get over it don't waste your money or your time with anything
So great to see you all praying as a family!! Love it! 🥰 So sorry you’re dealing with everything with Shay. It’s hard being little sometimes and processing big emotions. I hope therapy will help you help her. 🤗
I'm Fatimah from Ireland, love your channel one of my favourites 🌹🌹🌹 find your channel when we both was expecting.
Hey there Tara love your fam bam! Just wanted to share with you that I'm a teacher at a daycare for the 2's. Sometimes there's nothing wrong; for us parents we want to know an exact answer because we want to help them. But just like us adults, its okay for them to feel tired, sad, want to go home ect. What you have to do is repeat yourself at least 3 times. While the child is crying use hand motion and say "all done" 3x. "I don't like it, please stop." or "That makes me sad, please stop". Telling them YOUR feelings about the situation gives them a different perspective that they would never come to on their own. At times you have to be stern to get your point across while saying "all done: It helps to have their water sippy cup to give as a console. While baby is crying, "lets go have fun, do you want to hug first" *hand sippy cup. Its best to start this asap. I have a 11month old baby that I treat no differently. It works, but you have to be consistent and eventually they will realize there is no easy answer. They have to follow your lead.
You clip it and go. 👍🏼
Hi Tara! The best way I've found to store all of my kids art papers is to keep separate 3 ring binders for each child and put the papers inside sheet protectors! I love it so much because it really protects the artwork and you can easily flip through the binders ❤❤❤
Going through the same thing with my daughter!
Hi Tara,
I just want to say I completely understand your struggles with dealing with tantrums & testing. I have an almost 4 year old. This sounds so similar to her. At age 2, it seemed to start. Now, yes, the terrible twos and others will tell you to wait it out and try to use different tactics. Some are against therapy. It's best to intervene early. Raise your concerns to her pediatrician. We waited because people told us it was typical behavior. My daughter is very smart and has vocabulary but she is hard to understand so she is in speech therapy. Our pediatrician referred us to a neuropsychologist and she was tested for ASD. She passed and does not have it. However she was diagnosed with a motor planning delay. Her emotions are so strong and she can't contain it (self-regulation). She has been getting better but we have our days as well. Doesn't hurt to get her evaluated and start helping her early. Lots of people told us it's normal and so on and we put it off and regret that. You are doing a great job! ♥️
She sounds normal. 2 year olds are unreasonable. She sounds super smart in my opinion. Jut put your foot down.
Hi Tara! I am a pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist, and mama of 2 girls.... hope this helps .... she is definitely a typical two year old however during situations give an option of TWO. She may not be able to think off of the top of her head what she wants, so giving options really really helps. Also a small communication book or picture options ❤️❤️❤️❤️
My daughter is same age as Shay . And she does exactly the same what you just explained.....ahhh.....its frustrating. Love your videos btw lovely family😍😍😍
Sounds just like my 2 year old. I could cry just listening to your story because I feel your pain! I try to offer him things to distract him, like "do you want to sing a song?" Or "tell mommy what color this is" and he kinda gets distracted for a sec and I'm able to buckle his car seat or get him dressed/ put a pullup on. I have not looked into cognitive therapy because I pray every day that we are going to get passed this stage. He also is my 2nd child- my 1st son was not a tantrum thrower either! Good luck girl, you got this ❤❤❤
I think it’s normal...it sounds like Baylee was an easily compliant child, so by comparison, Shay probably seems more difficult. I think she’s strong-willed and smart and wants her way!
Going through this a little bit with my 23 month old as well. She has just started to buckle herself in as well. Sometimes I will say to her before we even get in the car, "mommy is going to buckle you in today. We are in a hurry, and you can do it later." Kids are very smart and I think they understand a lot more than we think they do sometimes. Sometimes this works for me, sometimes it doesn't. Parenting is so hard, and you just have to take it day by day. But, with all that being said try a couple things out and find what works for you. Every child is different. We are entering the temper tantrum stage as well, and it's frustrating but so normal! Just remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. ♥️
Could be because of having a new brother . . . could be normal thing.
I’m not a mom, but I am a teacher. I’ve taught as little as 3 year olds but currently with Kindergarten! I 10/10 recommend telling her you can’t talk with her until she calms down so you can understand her. I use that as a de-escalation technique with my students and it works!!! I also make sure to get down to their level to let them know I’m listening. She may continue yelling “mommy and no!” because she’s getting a reaction out of you by you asking what’s wrong. Being little can be hard, especially when you’ve got big emotions but don’t know how to control it. Some littles may even need that separation for that tantrum, then you later walk back and ask if they’re ready to talk. You may even have to implement that technique a few times. Once they’re calm and they say they’re ready, it can be easier to explain how they’re feeling.
Tara shes a typical 2 year old she doesn't need therapy. Dont give into her tantrums but u have to remember shes gone through lots of changes lately, shes only 2 and goes to school 4 days a week. Maybe shes craving more mommy time she is the middle child after all.
I couldn't imagine sending my 2 year old to school but that's me. 🤷♀️
Love your family 🧡🧡
Shay’s behavior sounds super normal for her age. Two is a tough age! For the artwork take photos and make a little book so this way you have the memories still. There are companies you can even send off the artwork and they will put together a super cute book for you!
How old is Shay? She may just be a strong willed child, it's tough but hang in there!!
Yes!! There's actually a book called. Raising my strong willed child! I have 4 kids and my youngest is very strong willed and it will literally drive me to tears
My daughter is close to age with your daughter. She was also born in May 2017. My 2 year old is the same way and it's making me crazy! So thank you so much for sharing this because it helps to see I'm not the only one going through this with a child.
Sounds like a typical two year old. We're going through it with our newly 3 year old.
A big thick binder for each child would be good for organizing the art work! Maybe even have Baylee decorate the front of it herself & have Shay do the same with her’s when she starts bringing home art work too.
My son will be 2 in about 3 weeks , his vocabulary is not so great but he does the same thing!!! Literally
I have an almost 6 month old baby boy and the part where you were sitting outside and greyson was cooing, my baby boy got soooo excited and started smiling and cooing back at him! 💙💙