Introvert here, during lock-down it was like having the most pointless superpower ever (well that and the alopecia. No barbers needed either). Basically what everybody else was complaining about - the lack of social contact etc, isolation etc. Was normal to me, generally social stuff just burns me out.
Indeed, for me the lock-down was an unexpected bliss. Not having to fake the mandatory herding instinct that most people seem to be addicted to, and if you don't like it you are a "weirdo", was like an oasis where I could be myself at last. It is really exhausting having to wear "the mask" every single day to cope with social events and situations while, in your head, you can't stop thinking "I don't see the point in all this. I'm not having fun at all. This is not my place."
same here, it was totally all bad, but was good point, but it did weir thin at times, everyone needs a little bit of contact with someone once in awhile
I've often wondered how many people have ended out in IT simply because they were "somewhere on the spectrum", and working with computers just didn't require masking. Thanks so much for being willing to put yourself out there like this!
I love computers too. I hate being around people. I always avoid eye contact at the store, and always check to see if I know someone down an isle before I go down it. If I do know someone, I'll quickly leave the isle and circle back when they aren't there. I really think I love computers because they are understandable. People, nope.
Not at all for me, rather the opposite. I avoided IT for 15 years because I knew I would become "one of the freaks" - because I was one already deep inside, which I wasn't aware at the time. Like Dave, I find myself slightly on the extroverted side, and I knew IT would rather isolate me from people as it would allow me to become comfortable with my freakiness. My fascination with computers had nothing to do with them allowing me to avoid people, the fascination stood on its own.
One way my therapist described it to me is "Introversion doesn't mean you hide in your room all day. You can be perfectly social with the right people and in the right circumstances, but you find it draining and have be alone to recharge your batteries. Extroverts can be insular or shy, but recharge their batteries in a group, even if you are just chilling together and not partying or even talking"
I feel like I need some combination of both. It's like being alone charges the first half of my battery but drains the other half, while being around people charges the other half but drains the first half.
Introverts appreciate deep long meaningful conversations about a subject they are interested in. We detest pointless "filling the silence" conversations with random strangers (like talking about the weather with a stranger while in the checkout line at a store). Introverts appreciate and love silence. Extroverts are the opposite and need to talk because silence bothers them.
@@theoforger The Myers-Briggs personality types break a personality down to four components, with 2 complementary options per component. You will usually have a dominant type for each of the four -- but, you can be anywhere from 0 to 100% of each, not just one or the other. It's not unheard-of to be, for example, 50% introvert, 50% extrovert. When your type is right in the middle, you can probably relate to either type, and may have times where you're more one or the other. It's pretty interesting stuff. I absolutely recommend everyone take the test, and have your partner take it, too. It is enlightening, and can really help you understand each other.
This video describes me scarily accurately. It made me reflect on myself in a way I hadn't before. Dave's preferences are slightly different from mine, but his experiences are identical. Especially the part about how every time you try to be social as a kid you're punished for being weird, so you just get quiet
Love your stuff Dave - please keep up the great work. 👍 Any plans for an audiobook version of your book? It would be really welcome for us dyslexic types. 😊
As a person with ADHD but with either a “social trauma” or some other anxiety. I have been told that everything is too difficult for me or not financially stable. So I gave up everything I loved and I did computer science. I like computer science but it is something that easily frustrates me rather than inspires me. The break throughs are a high, but again the nagging thoughts that I will never be good enough because of my diagnosis followed me mentally. I have finally realized that I was avoiding challenges because of this! I am now learning Japanese and pushing my vocal training for opera. Like your father I picked Japanese because everyone kept telling me it was too hard for me. Well I am going to prove them wrong.
For me, the one aspect that forced me to consider autism was the sensitivities. A dysfunctional early childhood couldn't explain that. Lord knows I tried to make that theory work. Another question that baffled me was - why is this getting worse? Why is it so much harder to 'act' correctly in social situations than it used to be? Why am I becoming more sensitive as I get older instead of adapting to my environment at ALL? What opened my mind to exploring the possibility that I was different was when we found out my son was colorblind. He had perfect 20/10 vision, but literally didn't see the world the way that most other people did. It blew both our minds. This made me wonder if I actually felt the world differently than most others.
Very informative. I'm in my late 60s. Twenty years in the military with no friends. Preferred it that way so didn't try too hard to acquire any. Never been to a party that wasn't mandatory. For five years I was a military instructor. Very difficult time for me but I masked or faked it so well that I outshined most others even though they saw me as weird. Still to this day nobody ever visits my home. Nobody calls me except my wife, salesmen, and doctor appointments and I abhor making calls myself. Now retired, I'm a part-time cashier and people would think I was one of the most outgoing interactive cashiers they've ever seen, but it's learned behavior - what I feel is expected - more of a performance. And it is exhausting. But it's how I cope. I know I have ASD, but testing for adults is hard to find and costs as much as a new refrigerator. I'm so full of quirks and unusual tendencies that it drives my wife crazy. But I'm relatively happy as long as my routines aren't interrupted. Quiet is good. That's my two cents.
The VA will screen for that. They don't want to, but they will. I often say, however, that you don't need a doctor to tell you that your bone is sticking out of your leg. Read or watch self-help materials for autism and consider adopting various coping strategies from others with ASD. If it works, it works, and if it doesn't, you can always try another.
@scrubbybard380I mean, it does effect life, with or without a diag. I know kids with autism. They are great, but they don't like certain things that other people are fine with.
I’m 28 years old, but I can totally agree and see myself in your words. People require way too much time and power, at the end most of interactions are useless and just frustrating with human stupidity or just difference of interests or opinions. I like the way it is, just me, my hobby, my mind and my girlfriend. Yes, when it comes to a party and I can’t find an excuse, I just play as I like to be there, surrounded with people, but as you said, nothing compares to quite time, only you and your mind. And the best thing is, you can learn so many things about yourself, you can reflect on so many thoughts and find “the peace” in your mind. The only good is when you interact with wise people, same as you or even better, so you can be a better version of yourself just by learning from each other. Also, my 2 cents.
The best definition of introversion I ever heard is the Myers Briggs one. Introverts are drained by interactions with others, and need to be alone to recharge their batteries, extroverts are energised by interactions with others and get drained when they are alone too much.
It makes sense to me too as an introvert but all the extroverts I meet tell me that even though they are able to get energized by social interactions, they also regularly need to recharge by being alone
New to this channel; never diagnosed, but probably on the spectrum. I want to thank you for not doing what most You Tubers do on their channels, which is to incessantly move their hands and arms the whole time they're talking. I have Sensory Processing Disorder, and I immediately noticed and appreciated the fact that you kept STILL while talking! I felt calm and could really pay attention to your words -- such a relief!
It always bothered my father to see singers on TV jumping around and waving their arms. He said they should just stand at the microphone and sing, if they're any good.
one of my closest friends is a very, very extroverted autistic person. i love seeing him interact with strangers because the way he sees the world and interacts with people is something i could never imagine in a million years. one of the most creative people i've ever met
Creative and autistic is another combination that seems rare. From what I understand most autistic people are of an analytical mind, with weak creative skills.
@@moonrock41 I'm the No1 jokester at work, always got something smart to say. Its all an act. Its my way of getting the first word in and controlling the conversation because I'm afraid of whatever else it could be. I hate being called on. Its always a bother but i always come out with a smile. I'm not going to be the dick I want to be, I don't like Aholes and refuse to be one.
@@moonrock41What part of any definition excludes autistic people from being very extroverted? What if social skills are an autistic person's special interest in addition to them being extroverted? They would not suddenly become neurotypical.
@@nio804 the answer to your first question is that I suppose it may not exclude, but I don't think it matters. We're not achieving a fundamental understanding simply by labeling someone autistic. Similarly with your second question: the word 'neurotypical' doesn't mean anything. In fact, it means less than any definition of autistic, which at least tries to define. It fails to provide a helpful definition, but it tries.
As a small child I never did anything on purpose to get myself in trouble with my teachers. It was my ultimate fear. But somehow I was always getting in trouble and being put in time out. It was mostly for talking at inappropriate times such as during prayer or interrupting the teacher. Also for saying things that I didn’t know weren’t appropriate. My 1st grade teacher in particular was very reactive and over the top with her shock when I talked that it scared me. And getting yelled at by the teacher is publicly humiliating as well. I started becoming very shy in school. I sometimes wonder if I’d be an extrovert without all the scolding. But as a teacher myself now, I understand you gotta keep the kids in check. But I am not very reactive and emotional about it.
It's so refreshing to have someone on the spectrum with a successful life categorize the struggles and how to overcome it. I always thought I am terribly introverted and awkward until I found out I learned to be cautious, even anxious when I was young and am actually quite extroverted, if I feel good about a situation. I just don't usually. Being neurodiverse does not mean you're awkward all you life. Kids can just be cruel and you learn to be very defensive. I'm living my best life with lots of friends, I just had to find that out and I hope this video reaches some younger folks who yet have to learn this!
You sound just like me. I barely spoke at all as a kid because kids were so mean to me and always made me feel dumb. I’ve found adults to be so much less scary to deal with. As an Engineer I’ve have a lot of experience pitching ideas and concepts to an audience. I still don’t have manny friends though. The ones I do have I tend to want to keep for life.
Ah man I cheered when you said "I had the last laugh". I'm a developer myself at a relatively senior level but my career has been held back by serious introversion and what many suspect to be autism. Fell into addiction in my 20s and I'm only overcoming it now in my late 30s and loving my career now.
Same man. I've been offered a position as junior partner at a consulting company. But that would involve sales and I'm extremely apprehensive about that. I don't have the social skills for that.
And were encouraging to me today. Neurodiversity is great but it's also nice to be reminded that you aren't the only one who sees the subjects in similar light.
Sounds familiar. I love meeting people, talking, and doing things with people. It's just a lot of work, I have a hard time carrying in small talk and generally just wears me out mentally.
Dave, thank you so much for this video and your ongoing content covering your life with ASD. The more you cover and explain, especially going into your personal life and experience (thank you so much for that and your vulnerability), the more I understand myself, and the less I feel like I have internal paradoxes. Particularly with this video, and your coverage of introversion vs. extroversion on the spectrum, it's really made some recent self-realizations click and understandable. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to recover from the social interaction from making a UA-cam comment before my next meeting... and detour through Amazon for a copy of your book. It's been on my wishlist for a while, but clearly, that's not where I need it to be! Cheers!!!
Dave, I'm writing to thank you for making this video. It is important to me personally that I do this. It doesn't matter to me whether or not if you comment on what I say here, other than that you might let me know if you see it. I've been very messed up (especially socially) my entire life. But until I saw this video a couple of weeks ago, it never occurred to me to take any sort of a test to reveal any ASD. Well, I took what you said in this video to heart, and did two online tests, which confirmed what I probably already suspected, but didn't connect the dots. Now, suddenly, the dots have connected in a big way, and things now make sense for me. I guess I could call it closure, if only because I cannot think of a more suitable word at the moment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart; you have helped me more than you may realize! I hope that perhaps some day I'll have the opportunity to shake your hand. Incidentally, after over 40 years of working in the construction industry, with the majority of those as a heavy equipment operator, I am attempting to transition to a new career in programming. To that end, I'm now learning Python. And so far it feels like it will probably be a good fit for me, as long as it will lead to gainful employment. I won't bore you with the reasons why I need to do this. Have a great day!
Ah, Dave, that's a perfect description of myself. While I wouldn't say I'm on the spectrum, I do display some neuro-diversity. I get fixated on subjects and will invest massive amounts of time into them, much to the annoyance of those around me. In my late teenage years, I realised that I would rather be away from people on my own than in groups and saw this as an issue. So, I would do things that forced me to work closely with people I didn't know, which started my love of sailing. The longer the journey, the better. I now work in the electronics design industry, teaching people about FPGAs and VHDL. I fell into it, and once I realised I did know more than the people I was training, I got to like it. But it is indeed tiring. Interestingly, the more engineers I work with, the more I realise that a lot are at some point on the spectrum. Loving your video's please keep it up, and if you ever want a chat about FPGAs and VHDL, drop me a line.
Hey, I wanna learn about those things, where would I go to do that? Just curious if you happen to know any resources more specific than "look at what your local college offers and Google everything." I still need to do that too, but every little thing helps.
@@mage3690 Look up EETImes, EDN, EmbeddedMag etcetera - just look into embedded and chip design in general then look into CPLDs (complex programmable logic devices) which FPGAs are one type and pretty much the only type. they didn't become as popular as SoCs (System-on-a-Chip) like ATmegas or Arduinos as there less general purpose and specific for processing number crunching applications. Programmable complexities have made it a little out-of-reach for general prototyping. Yet even though FPGAs historically were seen as notoriously difficult to program for non-specialists a startup called Mipsology wants to make FPGAs into a plug-and-play solution that is as easy to use as a CPU or GPU. ASICs are set in stone where as FPGAs are reprogrammable ASICs. FPGAs are used in vehicles, Microsofts AI array, in some graphics cards (Nvidia CudA) and I saw one in a form factor supporting cryptographic functions; from human presence detection and counting to camera aggregation capabilities for embedded vision applications. Lattice Semiconductor has introduced its second-generation secure control FPGAs enabling real-time hardware Root-of-Trust (HRoT) to deliver enhanced security in server platforms. The most technologically advanced vehicles can have up to 10-12 FPGAs inside them. FPGAs are replacing ASICs in some stereo vision-based advanced driver-assistance system (ADAS). Altera and there Xilinx series is the major platform today.
I can relate 100 percent to your description of how exhausting it is trying to 'act normal' and not have people think I'm weird or be offended by misreading my reactions. Of course being a couple of standard deviations to the right of average IQ makes a person abnormal by definition.
I appreciate your crisp and detailed delivery. You obviously have a flair for writing. I find myself yearning for more immersion in the topics you present.
I've always thought I had autism but it's so hard to get tested for it as an adult. I've been diagnosed with ADHD which is apparently related to Autism. Well, at least one thing is for sure, I'm an introvert. Thank you for making this video
Self diagnosis is valid. Although if you need the diagnosis for official reasons, then yes… I’m hearing this same thing from many sources, on the difficulty of getting diagnosed as an adult.
I really appreciate that you define the difference between the ability to show up socially and the want. I feel the exact same way about outings. I can do one or the other. But I'm pretty much burnt after a play or a meal. I'm not sure if you do them only for special reasons but I really do like the little skits that you have at the end of some ofyour videos: "Next time on Dave's garage..." 🙂
I love your videos Dave. I'm a male in my 30s about to go for the ASD diagnosis and I relate to everything you say. I find it's really good to see a male older than myself talking about this stuff as this almost never happens with folks from your generation. This is why my diagnosis will come so late because my parents had zero idea. Keep the awareness up and keep doing what you do!
Much of what you covered in this video was like me looking in a mirror. About 23 years ago, I mentioned to my wife (also a polar opposite) that I will not attend every function with her, including family gatherings. Initially she didn't understand, so under duress, I compromised and agreed to more than half of events and gatherings, which gives me the alone time I need and desire. I also dread small talk, and I have learned to nod while keeping my mouth shut. Not so much in agreement but an acknowledgement that I hear them whether I am interested or not.
Senior software engineer here as well, looking into myself and my habits/preferences/diversions over the years have led me to the idea that I am somewhere on the spectrum. Also viewing my family and children has shown me that there are some clear indicators of tendencies that I would describe as similar to mine. Now the question for me has become: how much of this is this learned behavior/coping mechanisms vs outright neurodivergence? Anyway, happy to come across this video and that more people are talking about it. I feel less crazy when I understand there are reasons for things that make me upset or anxious and conversely, things that make me happy ie diving into subjects and spending a lot of time in a particular area of focus.
Thanks for this video, it was very informative for me. I liked his story about his early elementary school years where he made up news stories in front of the class in order to perform for people and was quite unafraid to be himself but then later on in his school years didn’t seem to be advancing socially the way everyone else was and he became less able to perform in front of others the way he used to. That is exactly what I was like as a child as well and describes my experience perfectly. Its hard growing up undiagnosed autistic and wondering what went wrong.
This is interesting. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (which falls on a lighter end of the autism scale), and I always tended to be more of a quiet kid in the back, not really wanting much of the attention drawn towards me. Not sure what and if something changed, not sure when if so, but I guess it's not as easy, because there are some specific cases in which I'd like to be recognised, in which I'd like to draw some attention towards me. But in the others, not so much. Being labeled as introverted or extroverted isn't really meaningful, as it basically forces you to choose between and throw the other. I'm socially awkward, not really a social person. But at the same time I want to show off my ideas and visions. I'm introverted in the sense I don't really socialize. Part of the reason may be I don't really share interests with many people, whenever I was forced to attend some social gathering, I often just ended up sitting there, awkwardly listening to the conversation in front of me, but hardly ever about me or about anything that interests me, didn't have a chance to speak much, and didn't want to rudely interrupt the conversation, waiting for a chance to speak, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, all over, until I even forgot what I wanted to say in the first place. Then when I did have a chance to speak, my speaking abilities aren't quite good enough to fully express myself in the way I would like - I stutter, I speak slowly, I find it hard to think of the right words. That attributes the fact I often get interrupted in the middle of the sentence or I get interrupted in the middle of the thing I wanted to say, only for the conversation to resume whereever it stopped before, or to start a completely new conversation about a completely new topic, seemingly unrelated to the one I suggested. So I often feel unheard and not really wanted. I made a UA-cam channel in the hopes I find people who share the same interests, in the hope I find people who might be interested in my ideas and visions, and in the hope I can finally feel being heard and maybe even admired. Yes, it does sound a little bit selfish, but having very few friends I can talk to, and not really having much of opportunities to show my qualities to others, it comes with no surprise. Having a UA-cam channel might mend my insecurities I had as a child and still carry today. It may also improve my speaking skills to the point I might be able to give lectures even, or simply just having a normal conversation with someone during a small talk. So I guess I'm introverted in the sense of social awkwardness, but extroverted with the desire to be heard, to be understood and to be recognized. It's not a black and white situation, it never was.
I recognise most parts of what you say. I am also a quiet person and I also never interrupt a conversion, when I speak I have to find the words. Especially when I have everything lined up in my head. I am quiet thinker, not a public speaker. Maybe learning to speak properly could also help me.
There is no autism scale. "Asperger's" is just Autism Spectrum Condition. We don't tend to use the name "Asperger's Syndrome" anymore, as Asperger experimented on Autistic kids for the Nazi Party.
Diagnosed autistic, come off as introverted, never really felt it was right either because my outward appearance does not match what is inside. I definitely feel that I learned to act in an introverted manor around those "middle school" years as well. I learned to enjoy my own company and my own amusements, because I struggled to find stimulating company and shared amusements with most of my peers. I gained a lot of anxiety around social interaction because I just didn't feel on the same wavelength as my peers, and I know they felt that way too and it was no secret that I was the "weird kid" to them. I never felt bullied, mostly because those who tried were smaller and weaker than me and I was required to beat a few of them up each year to keep that clear in their minds, but none the less I still ended up distancing myself from everyone. To this day I get anxiety around social interaction, I never feel sure people actually like me, approve of me or that they are honest with me, I always feel that I am being weird and odd without knowing it. I also get anxious about whether I am doing the right things in public, these things cause me to lean towards smaller groups and solo time, but in cases where I can shed that anxiousness, I have no trouble being the center of attention and I enjoy larger groups and such then. This is also why I have no real issues professionally with apparent introversion, I can be extremely outgoing in work and related professional situations because I am sure of my abilities in regards to work and I can let those abilities speak for me instead of relying on those social skills I learned were faulty. Also I have sensory stimuli problems which cause me to avoid certain situations. Sound, light and touch all cause major issues in some ways, so I do struggle hearing people in group discussions, and loud music/sounds and bright lights cause physical pain, and I don't like being touched, basically meaning I naturally avoid large crowds but not due to introversion but rather due to physical pain and discomfort. I have called myself an "extroverted autist" for years as well. In reality this means I come off introverted much of the time but in situations where the autistic problems can be bypassed or avoided I will be extroverted.
I read this and immediately identified with everything you said except the sensory stimuli piece. I treasure my profession where I can do work and communicate in meetings without the extra burden of filtering. I'm exploring the notion that I might be on the spectrum. A firm diagnosis would put a great deal of past social experiences, and the anxieties that flow from them, into context. I'm noting how well everyone here writes and how my style comports. Wow, I have a long road ahead.
I cannot express enough my thanks to you for making these videos. As an engineer on-spectrum, diagnosed as an adult, and with an experience that feels incredibly similar to what you've described, I cannot tell you how much it means to finally hear someone speak so directly and plainly about their life on the spectrum. Your description of social interactions are so extremely recognizable to me - especially about engaging with people on technical topics that you share, and the "learned behaviors" of remaining quiet and spending more time with adults as a teenager. Nearly every single thing that you've mentioned, I see at least some reflection in my own life, and MOST of them feel 100% accurate for me, as well. It is so tremendously important for us -- people who are extroverted, but autistic, and with "atypical" or "weird" social interactions -- to know that there are other people who share similar traits and interests. People who would much rather spend 8 hours talking about our passionate and typically-obscure topics than spend five minutes talking about non-topics such as the weather or gossip. People who WANT to be around other people, but don't want to mask, and don't want to pretend that we particularly care about what a neighbor from 40 years ago and who you don't remember is up to. To know that we are neither alone, nor wrong.
I think my situation is somewhat like yours. I am in my 40s, but have not yet been diagnosed. In recent years, I have become very certain that I am on the spectrum. Many of the things you describe also happen to me. I work in a customer service field at a job where we do not get scheduled breaks. I can interact with people for about three hours, and then I start to get irritated very quickly. I am exhausted when I have to talk to people for long periods. I would rather do manual labor than talk to people. I enjoy being around people that I like, but I will rarely initiate contact with them. If they don't call me, I am perfectly fine by myself. I have my routine, and I generally don't break it unless I am forced to for some reason, and I feel exhausted afterwards. I don't nonverbal communication at all. It almost seems like a puzzle with some of the pieces missing. I have several family members that have been diagnosed, and as I become more familiar with Autism, I am more and more convinced that I am Autistic. Because my symptoms are normal to me, I did not realize how abnormal my reactions to the world around are until I began to really examine my life, and how it has progressed. I have an IQ of at least 145, and so everyone has always considered me to be an introverted and eccentric person, so I think my symptoms have been overlooked much longer than they would have been otherwise.
Im a 47yo late diagnosed autistic extravert. Diagnosed with ADHD at age 5, autism a few weeks ago. I've also been a software engineer for 25 years . I can't thank you enougn for everytjing youve shared including the tech talk stuff . I started my career doing assembly language on a mainframe in the 90s and some of the tech stuff really takes me back to those days . Thia video served as an icebreaker as I started sharing my diagnosis with family and friends. So much of this was spot on for me including the miserable treatment in middle and high school - and getting to some extent the last laugb down the road. Thank you! I am now a huge fan of all your stuff. Looking forward to reading the book !
Dave, firstly thanks for sharing! I'm subscribed mainly because you talk about autism. It takes guts to do that and I appreciate. (I don't like Microsoft at all, but I appreciate your journey as a fellow hacker) Autism is complex. I'm basically a hermit at this point but when I tell people that I'm shy, they laugh at me. My coping mechanism is a very "aggressive" approach to interactions - I tend to overwhelm the space I'm in, and not in a good way :) It's like, "I know I'm at a disadvantage here, so I go in fighting" kind of thing. But, as you say, it's exhausting! So, I avoid social interaction like the plague. Your talking about this, is bringing it out of the shadows for us geeks and I thank you for your efforts. Well done, sir!
This is a really interesting take on introversion. I always considered myself an introvert, because I prefer one on one interaction where I can really learn about the other person, and kept to a rather small interest-based friend group. I enjoy social events, but I also enjoy solitude. Like most things in life, its not all the way one thing or another. Too much solitude makes me feel lonely. Too much time with people makes me feel overwhelmed. Maybe there’s an in-between that’s neither introvert or extrovert? Can you just be a vert?
This was an amazing video. I see so much of myself in what you are saying. I get overwhelmed by social interactions, but I enjoy being with friends. It always felt strange. Unlike you I rarely try to fake it. When I am with a group of friends I mostly stay quite and enjoy myself. It seems to allow me to spend more time in social settings. I've been blessed with amazing friends since High School that push me to meet up and do more social things. You talking about all of this makes me look be and reconsider what I've been doing trough the years. A lot of things I've done without realizing it and perhaps now I can analyze them better and use them better as tools in the future.
Great and insightful video. I wonder if I found acting so easy when I was younger in a drama academy because it was just like putting on another mask? I've found it difficult to accept that I'm simply introverted, considering I did acting, and wanted to join a band (only ever became a bedroom guitarist.) Those are not the sort of things one aspires to if they never want to interact with other people. I do struggle with people, because I don't have a lot in common with most - when I was at my most outgoing, most of my friends were a good 10 - 25 years older than me. I was one of the loudest singing along to my friends play on stage in their bands, even helped sing at one point when the singer forgot her lines. The feeling that gave me, and the recognition I got from people for my singing, really pushed me to try to become good enough to join a band. I may be partly introverted, but part of me wants to be known for music I make, or code I release, or a game I work on, something to leave a mark.
Dave, I came to your channel initially for the Windows topics & history (topics that interest me by your own definitions), but your ASD commentary has been a revelation to me, very enlightening about my own psyche. Having thought for many years I was a textbook introvert, it's now clear I'm not. Thank you for helping ME understand why I feel so perpendicular to the general populace.
I relate to this so much! Your description of your middle school and high school social experiences, and being a “moderate extrovert, but with autism” feels a lot like my experience growing up and my current position in life. I play drums all over Seattle and when I’m in my “zone” at a gig or jam, talking about music or other areas I’m keenly interested in (coding foe example), I can talk the balls of a rhinoceros! However I still feel this lingering social fear that I’m this awkward kid who doesn’t make eye contact usually and doesn’t know how to end the conversation, etc. and if I say the wrong thing, the person I’m speaking to will find a reason not to like me, which is how I felt all throughout middle and high school. Your remarks about “masking” and thinking that you’re speaking with great emotion when in reality your emotions don’t align with how you feel inside are pretty nail-on-the-head for me! Maybe it’s time to go for that diagnosis… Thank you Dave!
Thank you for this enlightening video, Dave. I've been in and out of psychiatrists' offices since I was 13, always diagnosed with and treated for Social Anxiety Disorder, GAD and depression. I was diagnosed with Asperger's in my 20s, and it was a breath of fresh air.
Software engineer my self and I relate to the whole experience he describes to an almost 100%. I have never been diagnosed with ASD but it felt like Dave was describing my entire life. Interesting!
Introvert here - INTJ to be specific. Also ASD Type 1. I loved every minute of COVID ... didn't have to interact with anyone except my wife and daughter. My wife, on the other hand, who is an ambivert, was in tears every day - quite literally.
Your description of your life is basically describing mine as well - and I have autism, although a very "weak" form of it. One difference: I don't try to seem like a "normal" person, although it's not always noticeable that I'm an autist. I just behave as I always do and if somebody asks me why I'm behaving strange, I answer that my mind works in a different fashion from theirs.
This video has helped me immensely. I have always assumed I was an introvert, but your description here caused me to realize that what I am really experiencing is my ASD. Thank You!
I like how you distinguish between preference and ability. I've always considered myself an introvert, but have realized in recent years I do actually like going to social events and look forward to them. However, once I am at one, I basically barely talk at all! I like listening to interesting people. (I don't like listening to not interesting people usually, too much small talk just makes me nervous and uncomfortable). Maybe my form of masking is "shut up and look like you're listening." But I don't know it it's masking because usually in groups I genuinely don't know what to say. Or if I do, I'm so awkward at speaking for more than a sentence or two that I would rather just not say anything.
The way you explained autism and masking is succinct and eye opening! I’m a bit more extroverted but find too much socialization draining. Others have said that I mask, yet I was never aware that I was masking. As I have been working on myself and working with professional therapy, I’m coming closer and closer to the realization that I may be on the spectrum. Your explanation has helped put words to what I’ve been orbiting for some time. Thank you!
Always considered myself an introvert, but Covid hit me similar as you did. For the first 3-4 months it was great, but after that I fell into a deep depression out of loneliness. Only social interaction I had at that point was online, or at work.
I love EDM music festivals... don't mask/mask as much as day to day interacting with people, but still get lots of positive interactions The EDM scene is super accepting as a whole as long as you're not harming someone, and even if someone doesn't like you/accept you they are at least usually tolerant, and don't make an issue of it I also have ADHD and festivals are super stimulating with lots of variety I have trouble remembering the names of everyone I meet at festivals which can be super embarrassing when they remember my name, and not all the interactions are positive, but I definitely love it and feel at home
PS Found festivals/raves after COVID. At the start of covid it was super recharging as I removed stressful interactions from my life, but eventually lack of any interaction got to me. So glad I found festivals when I did
Interesting. While I was bullied at least into my 11th grade in school which affected me immensely and probably permanently, I've become quite gregarious and enjoy being around people (in general). I hope to get my girlfriend to watch this and see herself, particularly since she can and does interact with people very well, but apparently finds it draining and afterwards also wants to just be by herself, whereas being around others seems to energize me. I hope she'll watch this and understand that she's not alone. Thanks for posting.
I love to hear stories about autistic people finding success in relationships, it gives me hope! While I have not been officially diagnosed with ASD, I feel like many social interactions take a lot more effort than it should with only some success.
In middle school I was often scolded by teachers for being too immature. I had grown used to being called weird by that time, but the scolding from the teachers was something new. I learned to deal with it by sitting in the margins of the classroom and just keeping quiet when the rest of the class was rowdy. Middle school was by far the hardest for me to navigate of my school years but by high school I had figured out plenty of coping mechanisms and masking pretty good to fit in. Like you, my social interaction time tolerance is around 3-4 hours, then I need to be by myself for a while.
@@OzzianmanWhat kind of tech support? You probably already know the tools your customers use. Why not go for a position directly at one of those companies? Higher level tech support can be engaging and well paying.
@@The_1ntern3t Ok so I used to be help desk in big corpo. Good pay on contract, very toxic environment, did not get paid for 2 months, burnt out and quit. Never before that job have I sat screaming in frustration in my car to vent out anger I had to surpress all day. My mind was at a very dark place when I quit. Current job is better. Smaller Managed Service Provider for small business aka they can not afford employing full-time IT . Lower pay, but they don't screw with me. I do hardware repairs, do basic admin and provide both remote and hands on tech support. I keep some of my sanity as it ain't as balls to the walls and people not being toxic helps a lot, but I am still exhausted due to the social interactions. I am just not made to interact with people for about 7 hours a day. Yes. I was not the biggest fan of school either. High School was amazing as I could choose what I wanted to focus on. End of elementary and middle school was a massive waste of time. It was mostly brainrot and useless time sinks.
This makes SO much sense. Wow. It makes me question all of my perceptions about myself. You've described my reactions to interactions in large groups to perfection. I've even given presentations to enormous groups, being perfectly happy in doing so, but cringing when I think about the obligatory networking gathering afterwards, and the necessary small talk that ensues. Like you, I do enjoy interactions, but only in limited amounts. Attending trade shows was always like that. I loved working the booth, discussing the technical product with zeal. that part energized me. I loved teaching about it, but hated the evenings when we'd need to take important clients out to dinner. By then, I was tapped out and want to, but couldn't, bow out. 4 or 5 day of that was torturous, even on the evenings when it was just my coworkers . Dinner? Sure. Barhopping afterwards? No thank you. It was like trying to breathe in a vacuum.
I wonder how I would score on an autism test - I have zero diagnosed medical conditions, but I did resonate with a lot of the things you said.. makes me wonder lol
autism and creativity go hand in had, you almost can not have any creatives, with out little bit of autism traits in the mix, and where would we all be with the creatives doctor, engineers, designer, and that not including arts paintings, films, theatre and the even sports, without the would would stop moving or at least be very dull place?
I watch your channel for the awesome computer history. I'm studying for compTIA A+, I share your videos with my class. I've suspected I'm autisic for 5 years. One of the things I can look back on is in middle school when a group of kids approached me to hangout and I said no thanks because I didn't like how kids acted in groups. Its my "aha" moment. It's true to this day, people get together in cliques and gossip and bash each other and I can't stand it. It causes so much anxiety that I prefer to be alone. I started studying computers to fufill the autistic stereotype that I am. I love it! I wish I would have stuck with it in Highschool, mid 90s. Thanks for the always great and relatable content!
A little off-topic, but I really want to applaud you for the way you make your videos, especially this one. I thouroughly enjoy listening to your choice of words and picking exactly the right level of information density. Not only do I learn a lot about the topics of your videos, but also about how to present information effectively and eloquently. Thank you sir!
Thanks for this Dave, it is amazing how almost everything you say also applies to me, especially masking and the difficulty of maintaining it for long periods. I also mask like crazy when making UA-cam videos. Oddly though, despite that challenge, making UA-cam videos seems to be good for my mental health overall.
Depending on the video, of course, might this be because you control what eventually gets published, and you don't control direct interactions with other people? I've thought that the idea of doing a "live" video is terrifying, but pre-recording (and editing, and re-recording as needed) videos doesn't seem like it would be problematic at all.
Introverts are people who get energized by being alone. And extroverts get energized by social interaction. If you get worn out by social interactions like most autistic people do, you are an introvert by definition. Introverts can enjoy social interactions and they may be friendly and outgoing. But they need time alone to recharge. Extroverts are the opposite. They recharge by interacting with other people. It's not so much about social preferences as it is about what energizes you and what drains you. I'm autistic and I am an introvert. I'm friendly and outgoing, and I enjoy social interaction to a point. But it can be draining, and I need to be alone to recharge. I also enjoy spending most of my time alone. Something that isn't always apparent when you see me out and about and interacting with other people. As for masking, I don't mask in the truest sense. I have learned basic social rules and make a reasonable effort not to offend people. But I'm not interested in pretending to be a neurotypical. After I was diagnosed, I realized that I had a choice between being a good autistic person or a crappy neurotypical. I went with the first option. I'm not ashamed of being autistic and am open about it with people I interact with. Do I frequently pass for one anyway? Yes. Especially in casual social situations. Because the social demands are lower than in other settings. An employment situation, etc. In those cases, I'm not able to function adequately. So, for me, it's considered a disability for that reason. And I receive social security benefits because of it. And with that burden off my plate, I function pretty well.
Thank you for this video! I really appreciate your explanations and perspective on the topic. There's definitely a lot of crosstalk between introversion and ASD. I always felt I wasn't even on the Introvert Extrovert line because I moved wildly between them but it turns out my preferences tend towards deep introversion but I learned to mask as an extrovert to the point that I could fool others and feel rewarded for doing so. In my 30s now and the pandemic lockdowns helped me better understand how I function best and what my preferences actually are as well as a better understanding of ASD and where I might be affected or thriving with it. As you mentioned, there's an effort/time limit on masking that was always a bit of a mystery to me until I didn't have to mask for 8-16 hours a day and got essentially a 2.5-3 year break from it. That really opened my eyes and lead me to seek further help and understanding from professionals.
Honestly, a lot of the things you have been talking about have gotten me to wonder if I might be autistic. The food thing and antisocial behavior is big for me. However, I don't want to get tested. Mostly because I have a CDL and drive a paratransit bus; I don't want to have restrictions placed on how I make a living.
I tend to watch all you tube videos at 1.5x speed to safe time but yours is the first I actually put slower so I can properly understand what your are saying (english is not my native language). I have son with diagnosed ASD and all you say is very interesting and helpfull. As a father, it is kind of "comforting" to have the example of someone with autism that has been successful in life and outstading in his field of work. I have also checked out your channel contents and subcribing for that too. Keep on the good work!
Glad to have found you Dave. As the father of an autistic young man, I see that you speak a lot of sense and in a direct and no nonsense way. I like how you think.
I think there is a condition called nautism, the opposite of autism. People with nautism have the abilities to cope in social situations, can multitask and don't have a problem with routine changes and new challenges. Actors and pop stars would have this condition. It's never been recognised because it's never been a problem. I suppose perhaps the only advantage of studying nautism is to understand autism better.
Very relatable video. Used to have a lot of friends but then I kinda just stopped knowing how to be social as a grew older. Then I convinced myself I was and introvert and spent all my time working on hobby projects. It's only quite recently that I've realized I actually love talking to interesting people, going to clubs, partying, and making a career. I hate masking, but not living up to my potential feels significantly worse. So to me masking is just another chore that's sometimes necessary to get stuff done
I recently underwent four hours of exhaustive evaluation. I have always known I am different from others and have always struggled through life. I just turned 66 and am only now starting to get answers I wish I had pretty much from age 10 on. I am awaiting the results of my evaluation now to see where on the Autism Spectrum I am. I am sure I am there somewhere. I just bought your two books and am reading the first now. THANK YOU!!
Very interesting. I have generally conflated introversion with autism and appreciate the nuances you describe here. Thank you for the work required to script and edit the video.
I always found more comfort with talking to adults/older people versus my own age range because the conversations with my age group were boring in my eyes and at the time borderline meaningless to me. I was a builder/maker and wanted to work with my hands and create new things and explore the world of engineering which most of my peers were disinterested or not good at. I had a few friends that could keep up with my thoughts and workflow but most would just break off to talk about less meaningful topics like social circle arguements, interpersonal relationships. Social interactions were and still are for the most part, objective driven to me. This does not mean I talk to people to exploit them, but more in the realms of "I want them to be interested in being a part of what I'm doing or if I can help them problem solve their own issues."
I’m Autistic and an ADHDer, and very introverted though it is limited even more due to anxiety and rejection sensitivity. My husband is introverted, but can fake extrovertism for a limited amount of time. I have heard that there are extroverted Autistics-I’ve known a few of them myself. I’m 39. I received my official diagnosis on Friday after 5 years of a mix of self-identifying as autistic and feeling like an imposter. It is SUCH a relief! I have felt broken since I was little kid and constantly blame myself for things that are really just autistic things. I no longer feel ‘bad’ or that I put in “no effort”. It also confirmed a presumptive ADHD diagnosis (officially combined, moderate.) The accessor said “if it was not for your intelligence and your hard effort, these may have been discovered when you were in school.” Getting that confirmation that yes, I was working HARD and that I was legitimately intelligence (imposter syndrome there too) takes such a weight off my back, and I finally feel HEARD and UNDERSTOOD.
Hey Dave, love the channel. I found you through some lighting videos that were related to Home Automation which I am into big time. After watching a few more of your videos, a lot of how you described your life mirrors my own. I then went and took a test (one of the links in another of your videos) to determine if I was Autistic. I discovered I was (scored a 41 on that test). I have watched several more videos by other UA-camrs which has also helped me out and solidified my belief that I indeed am autistic. But my biggest clue was when I went to tell one of my friends that I have known for 20 years what I had discovered. He has an autistic child and has worked with children with autism in schools when he was a teacher. He told me he knew I had autism since he had met me. I asked why he didn't tell me and he said it wasn't his place to. I really wish he had. Now I am 65 yo and trying to discover as much as I can to help me with the social skills that I sorely lack. Keep up the great content and I look forward to watching many more of your videos based on Autism.
Oh, my gosh! I was floored by your video. I saw myself in pretty much everything you said. Some time ago, years probably, a friend had said that I might have a touch of Asperger's. Oh. OK. That served to change my behavior slightly; articles or videos on ASD, that I would have ignored before that, I sometimes read/watched. That was why I watched this video on October 29, 2023. A week's worth of deep diving into the subject has convinced me that I'm in the same boat. I'm almost 71, and a retired computer geek. Last weekend, I found a mental health professional who is willing to give me an anonymous assessment. That appointment is Saturday, day after tomorrow. I'm so excited, I've had at least a smile on my face since then. What? Wait. You WANT someone to tell you you're mentally ill? That's backwards. (Yes, I know that "mentally ill" really misses the mark, but it IS what the historic assessment of the condition was.) Why anonymously? I've JUST started to learn abour this. What are the ramifications of having on my medical record? What are the ramifications of NOT having it on my medical record? I don't know yet. Until I do know, I won't have enough info to decide, so, better to keep my options open. In short, thank you, thank you, thank you.
1:20 I was also a newsman/performer /read aloud student myself. I actually was blessed and lucky to succeed in modicum of a way in my local theater program. Lot's of fun and friends and acting, but I often wonder how different my life would be if I received negative feedback there - as I received overwhelming amounts of shame at home thus I used school for validation. Wonderful sharing sir, thank you. Just saw you in another programming video. My life broke down and I'm going self taught - so I'll thank you ahead of time for helping as I'm sure I will use your vids as a resource.
Just discovered the channel. I was diagnost with Aspergers late at 47, turning 52 at the end of November. When it comes to social events, I could take it or leave it. The older I get I would rather leave it. LOL. iNTERESTING VIDEO. I would like to learn as much as I can about the topic as I can because of my late diagnosis. Thanks!
Definitely going to purchase your book. I took the ASD screening test and scored moderately high. But listening to you talk sounds like I’m speaking into a mirror. Definitely anxious to read your book. Thanks….
Thankyou for putting it so clearly. The paradox, you are totally right. And "one or the other but not both" example, so many strategies for that. The youtube algorithm for suggesting content could be used as part of the DSM.
WOW! Your candour, Dave, brought a tear to my eye. I am 61 and was diagnosed with Asperger's 15 years ago. I went to a psychologist because I had grown sick of the reactions I got from my behaviour and of generally pi$$ing people off. I was married (to my guardian angel who I lost 10 years ago) and had gained a 2:1 Honours Degree in Mechanical Engineering so I guess I fit the part of being highly technical, disciplined, focussed and a poor social mixer. I, too, discovered "masking" and, just like you, I usually last 2 or 3 hours before I become exhausted. I have used up all my mental energy in acting my part and remembering my lines. You sound very similar to me. I did not achieve your status but I did OK. I worked in the computer graphics industry and CAD/CAM (I even worked for Silicon Graphics UK for 4 years in their glory period in the mid 90s) and have a pretty good life. I was lucky enough to find another guardian angel who loves me for who I am. You're right; high school was the worst but, like you, I got the last laugh because I got very good grades in my final exams and got an apprenticeship at the UK's biggest defence company. They then sponsored me and three others to University, so I guess I did OK. Masking-check, 3 hours duration-check, remember someone's job rather than their name-check, blunt/factual-check. If you're ever in England I would love to meet you 👍
Oh wow! I hate small talk and couldn't care less about this one's kids etc, but if someone is discussing a topic that I find interesting, I'm feeling energized rather than drained.
You are a Legend mate, the parallels with myself are truly amazing, your views and converse are awesome to hear, and it's funny how your wife and mine are so similar it's something to behold. I feel less 'odd' and I truly thank you for that!
I can fully relate to EVERYTHING you said! I'm the same way... I can socialize with masking but it's exhausting. And I'm happy you have a wife who can complement you with her social ability. My ex-wife was the same way, very social and loved parties, having friends over. It was exhausting though, and she got tired of dealing with me and my seeming never ending exhaustion (caused by work and her constant need for attention). Now we're divorced and I'm basically a hermit, trying to reboot my social life. I don't think I'll ever get married again, and even dating, if I decide to do it at all, will be at the most casual level. I'm really enjoying your channel so far.
Looking dapper today! Digging the jacket there. Every Dave video is so great. We can really see the work that you put into these videos. I would love to see an out take from when you feel like you're not "Masking" enough. It would be really interesting. But I totally get if that's not something that you are comfortable with sharing.
I feel ya there, I want to be extroverted, but it seems in social situations I can't perform as well as others and that take advantage of that to clown on me. Especially in groups as you said. It has shaped me into a person who is quick to challenge disrespect (to an extreme degree). Just recently had my father over and I kicked him out of my own house because of disrespect I felt (compounded by my history of being treated that way by others not him).
Dave, Thank you so much for helping to explain to my adult son what it's like, and what his potential might be! I have two adult sons with ASD and I am myself one check mark away according to the DSM 5. I have the ability but not the preference, my son has the preference, but not the ability. Your comments on "Masking" were most helpful! I lead salespeople, and after every national sales meeting, involving hundreds of people, my family jokes about how I have to be alone for 3 days to recover. I am good at what I do, but large people gatherings are not my natural state, and your video helped my family to understand that, and to also see what success looks like for autists further along in their careers. FYI, when my son and I watched this video, I got his attention by telling him that you were responsible for Microsoft Bob. It worked. Keep up the great work!
Introvert here, during lock-down it was like having the most pointless superpower ever (well that and the alopecia. No barbers needed either). Basically what everybody else was complaining about - the lack of social contact etc, isolation etc. Was normal to me, generally social stuff just burns me out.
Same here. I thoroughly enjoyed all my meetings being cancelled and my workplace being entirely free of customers.
I am undiagnosed asd plus introvert. I am having trouble with the world opening up. I did finagle an online job that I like.
Indeed, for me the lock-down was an unexpected bliss. Not having to fake the mandatory herding instinct that most people seem to be addicted to, and if you don't like it you are a "weirdo", was like an oasis where I could be myself at last. It is really exhausting having to wear "the mask" every single day to cope with social events and situations while, in your head, you can't stop thinking "I don't see the point in all this. I'm not having fun at all. This is not my place."
The lockdown drove my wife crazy, but i felt so happy lol.
same here, it was totally all bad, but was good point, but it did weir thin at times, everyone needs a little bit of contact with someone once in awhile
I've often wondered how many people have ended out in IT simply because they were "somewhere on the spectrum", and working with computers just didn't require masking. Thanks so much for being willing to put yourself out there like this!
I chose IT because I love computers, yes, but also because it requires less talking to other people.
It's much easier to take malfunctioning hardware and turn it off and back on. Can only turn a person off, once.
LMAO..*raises hand* and this was only after trying healthcare/medical science first.
I love computers too. I hate being around people. I always avoid eye contact at the store, and always check to see if I know someone down an isle before I go down it. If I do know someone, I'll quickly leave the isle and circle back when they aren't there.
I really think I love computers because they are understandable. People, nope.
Not at all for me, rather the opposite. I avoided IT for 15 years because I knew I would become "one of the freaks" - because I was one already deep inside, which I wasn't aware at the time. Like Dave, I find myself slightly on the extroverted side, and I knew IT would rather isolate me from people as it would allow me to become comfortable with my freakiness. My fascination with computers had nothing to do with them allowing me to avoid people, the fascination stood on its own.
One way my therapist described it to me is "Introversion doesn't mean you hide in your room all day. You can be perfectly social with the right people and in the right circumstances, but you find it draining and have be alone to recharge your batteries. Extroverts can be insular or shy, but recharge their batteries in a group, even if you are just chilling together and not partying or even talking"
That's a very good explanation.
I feel like I need some combination of both. It's like being alone charges the first half of my battery but drains the other half, while being around people charges the other half but drains the first half.
Introverts appreciate deep long meaningful conversations about a subject they are interested in. We detest pointless "filling the silence" conversations with random strangers (like talking about the weather with a stranger while in the checkout line at a store).
Introverts appreciate and love silence. Extroverts are the opposite and need to talk because silence bothers them.
that is introverting, I can talk to and do talk to people all day long but it is vary draining.
@@theoforger The Myers-Briggs personality types break a personality down to four components, with 2 complementary options per component. You will usually have a dominant type for each of the four -- but, you can be anywhere from 0 to 100% of each, not just one or the other. It's not unheard-of to be, for example, 50% introvert, 50% extrovert. When your type is right in the middle, you can probably relate to either type, and may have times where you're more one or the other.
It's pretty interesting stuff. I absolutely recommend everyone take the test, and have your partner take it, too. It is enlightening, and can really help you understand each other.
This video describes me scarily accurately. It made me reflect on myself in a way I hadn't before. Dave's preferences are slightly different from mine, but his experiences are identical. Especially the part about how every time you try to be social as a kid you're punished for being weird, so you just get quiet
😢 all my life same thing I fight till this day.
Hey Yahis, have you diagnosed yourself?
I know that feeling very well about being punished for being weird. These days I keep quiet as I find I avoid a lot of problems that way.
I also remember people by what they do but not names.
I remember people by the car they drive
@@pier11francescoSame 🚗
This
Same
Love your stuff Dave - please keep up the great work. 👍 Any plans for an audiobook version of your book? It would be really welcome for us dyslexic types. 😊
As a person with ADHD but with either a “social trauma” or some other anxiety. I have been told that everything is too difficult for me or not financially stable. So I gave up everything I loved and I did computer science.
I like computer science but it is something that easily frustrates me rather than inspires me. The break throughs are a high, but again the nagging thoughts that I will never be good enough because of my diagnosis followed me mentally.
I have finally realized that I was avoiding challenges because of this! I am now learning Japanese and pushing my vocal training for opera. Like your father I picked Japanese because everyone kept telling me it was too hard for me. Well I am going to prove them wrong.
they said English was so hard for me, now here I am being able to communicate with you! You're going to make it mate
For me, the one aspect that forced me to consider autism was the sensitivities. A dysfunctional early childhood couldn't explain that. Lord knows I tried to make that theory work. Another question that baffled me was - why is this getting worse? Why is it so much harder to 'act' correctly in social situations than it used to be? Why am I becoming more sensitive as I get older instead of adapting to my environment at ALL?
What opened my mind to exploring the possibility that I was different was when we found out my son was colorblind. He had perfect 20/10 vision, but literally didn't see the world the way that most other people did. It blew both our minds. This made me wonder if I actually felt the world differently than most others.
Very informative. I'm in my late 60s. Twenty years in the military with no friends. Preferred it that way so didn't try too hard to acquire any. Never been to a party that wasn't mandatory. For five years I was a military instructor. Very difficult time for me but I masked or faked it so well that I outshined most others even though they saw me as weird. Still to this day nobody ever visits my home. Nobody calls me except my wife, salesmen, and doctor appointments and I abhor making calls myself. Now retired, I'm a part-time cashier and people would think I was one of the most outgoing interactive cashiers they've ever seen, but it's learned behavior - what I feel is expected - more of a performance. And it is exhausting. But it's how I cope. I know I have ASD, but testing for adults is hard to find and costs as much as a new refrigerator. I'm so full of quirks and unusual tendencies that it drives my wife crazy. But I'm relatively happy as long as my routines aren't interrupted. Quiet is good. That's my two cents.
The VA will screen for that. They don't want to, but they will.
I often say, however, that you don't need a doctor to tell you that your bone is sticking out of your leg. Read or watch self-help materials for autism and consider adopting various coping strategies from others with ASD. If it works, it works, and if it doesn't, you can always try another.
God I love quiet. Most people just don’t know how to shut up and appreciate silence.
@scrubbybard380I mean, it does effect life, with or without a diag.
I know kids with autism. They are great, but they don't like certain things that other people are fine with.
I’m 28 years old, but I can totally agree and see myself in your words. People require way too much time and power, at the end most of interactions are useless and just frustrating with human stupidity or just difference of interests or opinions. I like the way it is, just me, my hobby, my mind and my girlfriend. Yes, when it comes to a party and I can’t find an excuse, I just play as I like to be there, surrounded with people, but as you said, nothing compares to quite time, only you and your mind. And the best thing is, you can learn so many things about yourself, you can reflect on so many thoughts and find “the peace” in your mind. The only good is when you interact with wise people, same as you or even better, so you can be a better version of yourself just by learning from each other. Also, my 2 cents.
Wow you just described me
The best definition of introversion I ever heard is the Myers Briggs one. Introverts are drained by interactions with others, and need to be alone to recharge their batteries, extroverts are energised by interactions with others and get drained when they are alone too much.
It makes sense to me too as an introvert but all the extroverts I meet tell me that even though they are able to get energized by social interactions, they also regularly need to recharge by being alone
New to this channel; never diagnosed, but probably on the spectrum. I want to thank you for not doing what most You Tubers do on their channels, which is to incessantly move their hands and arms the whole time they're talking. I have Sensory Processing Disorder, and I immediately noticed and appreciated the fact that you kept STILL while talking! I felt calm and could really pay attention to your words -- such a relief!
It always bothered my father to see singers on TV jumping around and waving their arms. He said they should just stand at the microphone and sing, if they're any good.
one of my closest friends is a very, very extroverted autistic person. i love seeing him interact with strangers because the way he sees the world and interacts with people is something i could never imagine in a million years. one of the most creative people i've ever met
Creative and autistic is another combination that seems rare. From what I understand most autistic people are of an analytical mind, with weak creative skills.
@@moonrock41 I'm the No1 jokester at work, always got something smart to say. Its all an act. Its my way of getting the first word in and controlling the conversation because I'm afraid of whatever else it could be. I hate being called on. Its always a bother but i always come out with a smile. I'm not going to be the dick I want to be, I don't like Aholes and refuse to be one.
@@PyrealRabbit of course, if you're smart and able to mimic others you can appear more extroverted than you actually are.
@@moonrock41What part of any definition excludes autistic people from being very extroverted?
What if social skills are an autistic person's special interest in addition to them being extroverted? They would not suddenly become neurotypical.
@@nio804 the answer to your first question is that I suppose it may not exclude, but I don't think it matters. We're not achieving a fundamental understanding simply by labeling someone autistic. Similarly with your second question: the word 'neurotypical' doesn't mean anything. In fact, it means less than any definition of autistic, which at least tries to define. It fails to provide a helpful definition, but it tries.
As a small child I never did anything on purpose to get myself in trouble with my teachers. It was my ultimate fear. But somehow I was always getting in trouble and being put in time out. It was mostly for talking at inappropriate times such as during prayer or interrupting the teacher. Also for saying things that I didn’t know weren’t appropriate. My 1st grade teacher in particular was very reactive and over the top with her shock when I talked that it scared me. And getting yelled at by the teacher is publicly humiliating as well. I started becoming very shy in school. I sometimes wonder if I’d be an extrovert without all the scolding. But as a teacher myself now, I understand you gotta keep the kids in check. But I am not very reactive and emotional about it.
It's so refreshing to have someone on the spectrum with a successful life categorize the struggles and how to overcome it. I always thought I am terribly introverted and awkward until I found out I learned to be cautious, even anxious when I was young and am actually quite extroverted, if I feel good about a situation. I just don't usually. Being neurodiverse does not mean you're awkward all you life. Kids can just be cruel and you learn to be very defensive. I'm living my best life with lots of friends, I just had to find that out and I hope this video reaches some younger folks who yet have to learn this!
You sound just like me. I barely spoke at all as a kid because kids were so mean to me and always made me feel dumb. I’ve found adults to be so much less scary to deal with. As an Engineer I’ve have a lot of experience pitching ideas and concepts to an audience. I still don’t have manny friends though. The ones I do have I tend to want to keep for life.
26 reading this
Ah man I cheered when you said "I had the last laugh". I'm a developer myself at a relatively senior level but my career has been held back by serious introversion and what many suspect to be autism. Fell into addiction in my 20s and I'm only overcoming it now in my late 30s and loving my career now.
Keep at it bro.
Same man. I've been offered a position as junior partner at a consulting company. But that would involve sales and I'm extremely apprehensive about that. I don't have the social skills for that.
Sounds familiar!
Be strong my friend, on both fronts.
Proud of you:)
Your openness and honest self-assessments are truly inspiring. Love your vids and keep 'em coming!
And were encouraging to me today. Neurodiversity is great but it's also nice to be reminded that you aren't the only one who sees the subjects in similar light.
Sounds familiar. I love meeting people, talking, and doing things with people. It's just a lot of work, I have a hard time carrying in small talk and generally just wears me out mentally.
Dave, thank you so much for this video and your ongoing content covering your life with ASD. The more you cover and explain, especially going into your personal life and experience (thank you so much for that and your vulnerability), the more I understand myself, and the less I feel like I have internal paradoxes. Particularly with this video, and your coverage of introversion vs. extroversion on the spectrum, it's really made some recent self-realizations click and understandable.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to recover from the social interaction from making a UA-cam comment before my next meeting... and detour through Amazon for a copy of your book. It's been on my wishlist for a while, but clearly, that's not where I need it to be! Cheers!!!
Dave, I'm writing to thank you for making this video. It is important to me personally that I do this. It doesn't matter to me whether or not if you comment on what I say here, other than that you might let me know if you see it.
I've been very messed up (especially socially) my entire life. But until I saw this video a couple of weeks ago, it never occurred to me to take any sort of a test to reveal any ASD. Well, I took what you said in this video to heart, and did two online tests, which confirmed what I probably already suspected, but didn't connect the dots. Now, suddenly, the dots have connected in a big way, and things now make sense for me. I guess I could call it closure, if only because I cannot think of a more suitable word at the moment.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart; you have helped me more than you may realize! I hope that perhaps some day I'll have the opportunity to shake your hand.
Incidentally, after over 40 years of working in the construction industry, with the majority of those as a heavy equipment operator, I am attempting to transition to a new career in programming. To that end, I'm now learning Python. And so far it feels like it will probably be a good fit for me, as long as it will lead to gainful employment. I won't bore you with the reasons why I need to do this.
Have a great day!
Ah, Dave, that's a perfect description of myself. While I wouldn't say I'm on the spectrum, I do display some neuro-diversity. I get fixated on subjects and will invest massive amounts of time into them, much to the annoyance of those around me. In my late teenage years, I realised that I would rather be away from people on my own than in groups and saw this as an issue. So, I would do things that forced me to work closely with people I didn't know, which started my love of sailing. The longer the journey, the better.
I now work in the electronics design industry, teaching people about FPGAs and VHDL. I fell into it, and once I realised I did know more than the people I was training, I got to like it. But it is indeed tiring. Interestingly, the more engineers I work with, the more I realise that a lot are at some point on the spectrum.
Loving your video's please keep it up, and if you ever want a chat about FPGAs and VHDL, drop me a line.
Hey, I wanna learn about those things, where would I go to do that? Just curious if you happen to know any resources more specific than "look at what your local college offers and Google everything." I still need to do that too, but every little thing helps.
@@mage3690
Look up EETImes, EDN, EmbeddedMag etcetera
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just look into embedded and chip design in general then look into CPLDs (complex programmable logic devices) which FPGAs are one type and pretty much the only type. they didn't become as popular as SoCs (System-on-a-Chip) like ATmegas or Arduinos as there less general purpose and specific for processing number crunching applications. Programmable complexities have made it a little out-of-reach for general prototyping. Yet even though FPGAs historically were seen as notoriously difficult to program for non-specialists a startup called Mipsology wants to make FPGAs into a plug-and-play solution that is as easy to use as a CPU or GPU.
ASICs are set in stone where as FPGAs are reprogrammable ASICs.
FPGAs are used in vehicles, Microsofts AI array, in some graphics cards (Nvidia CudA) and I saw one in a form factor supporting cryptographic functions; from human presence detection and counting to camera aggregation capabilities for embedded vision applications.
Lattice Semiconductor has introduced its second-generation secure control FPGAs enabling real-time hardware Root-of-Trust (HRoT) to deliver enhanced security in server platforms.
The most technologically advanced vehicles can have up to 10-12 FPGAs inside them. FPGAs are replacing ASICs in some stereo vision-based advanced driver-assistance system (ADAS).
Altera and there Xilinx series is the major platform today.
I can relate 100 percent to your description of how exhausting it is trying to 'act normal' and not have people think I'm weird or be offended by misreading my reactions. Of course being a couple of standard deviations to the right of average IQ makes a person abnormal by definition.
I appreciate your crisp and detailed delivery. You obviously have a flair for writing. I find myself yearning for more immersion in the topics you present.
I've always thought I had autism but it's so hard to get tested for it as an adult. I've been diagnosed with ADHD which is apparently related to Autism. Well, at least one thing is for sure, I'm an introvert. Thank you for making this video
I have bought
Self diagnosis is valid. Although if you need the diagnosis for official reasons, then yes… I’m hearing this same thing from many sources, on the difficulty of getting diagnosed as an adult.
@@SterlingSimmons22It also depends on where you live and your insurance
I really appreciate that you define the difference between the ability to show up socially and the want. I feel the exact same way about outings. I can do one or the other. But I'm pretty much burnt after a play or a meal.
I'm not sure if you do them only for special reasons but I really do like the little skits that you have at the end of some ofyour videos: "Next time on Dave's garage..." 🙂
I love your videos Dave. I'm a male in my 30s about to go for the ASD diagnosis and I relate to everything you say. I find it's really good to see a male older than myself talking about this stuff as this almost never happens with folks from your generation. This is why my diagnosis will come so late because my parents had zero idea.
Keep the awareness up and keep doing what you do!
Much of what you covered in this video was like me looking in a mirror. About 23 years ago, I mentioned to my wife (also a polar opposite) that I will not attend every function with her, including family gatherings. Initially she didn't understand, so under duress, I compromised and agreed to more than half of events and gatherings, which gives me the alone time I need and desire. I also dread small talk, and I have learned to nod while keeping my mouth shut. Not so much in agreement but an acknowledgement that I hear them whether I am interested or not.
Senior software engineer here as well, looking into myself and my habits/preferences/diversions over the years have led me to the idea that I am somewhere on the spectrum. Also viewing my family and children has shown me that there are some clear indicators of tendencies that I would describe as similar to mine. Now the question for me has become: how much of this is this learned behavior/coping mechanisms vs outright neurodivergence? Anyway, happy to come across this video and that more people are talking about it. I feel less crazy when I understand there are reasons for things that make me upset or anxious and conversely, things that make me happy ie diving into subjects and spending a lot of time in a particular area of focus.
Thanks for this video, it was very informative for me. I liked his story about his early elementary school years where he made up news stories in front of the class in order to perform for people and was quite unafraid to be himself but then later on in his school years didn’t seem to be advancing socially the way everyone else was and he became less able to perform in front of others the way he used to. That is exactly what I was like as a child as well and describes my experience perfectly. Its hard growing up undiagnosed autistic and wondering what went wrong.
This is interesting. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (which falls on a lighter end of the autism scale), and I always tended to be more of a quiet kid in the back, not really wanting much of the attention drawn towards me. Not sure what and if something changed, not sure when if so, but I guess it's not as easy, because there are some specific cases in which I'd like to be recognised, in which I'd like to draw some attention towards me. But in the others, not so much. Being labeled as introverted or extroverted isn't really meaningful, as it basically forces you to choose between and throw the other. I'm socially awkward, not really a social person. But at the same time I want to show off my ideas and visions. I'm introverted in the sense I don't really socialize. Part of the reason may be I don't really share interests with many people, whenever I was forced to attend some social gathering, I often just ended up sitting there, awkwardly listening to the conversation in front of me, but hardly ever about me or about anything that interests me, didn't have a chance to speak much, and didn't want to rudely interrupt the conversation, waiting for a chance to speak, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, all over, until I even forgot what I wanted to say in the first place. Then when I did have a chance to speak, my speaking abilities aren't quite good enough to fully express myself in the way I would like - I stutter, I speak slowly, I find it hard to think of the right words. That attributes the fact I often get interrupted in the middle of the sentence or I get interrupted in the middle of the thing I wanted to say, only for the conversation to resume whereever it stopped before, or to start a completely new conversation about a completely new topic, seemingly unrelated to the one I suggested. So I often feel unheard and not really wanted. I made a UA-cam channel in the hopes I find people who share the same interests, in the hope I find people who might be interested in my ideas and visions, and in the hope I can finally feel being heard and maybe even admired. Yes, it does sound a little bit selfish, but having very few friends I can talk to, and not really having much of opportunities to show my qualities to others, it comes with no surprise. Having a UA-cam channel might mend my insecurities I had as a child and still carry today. It may also improve my speaking skills to the point I might be able to give lectures even, or simply just having a normal conversation with someone during a small talk. So I guess I'm introverted in the sense of social awkwardness, but extroverted with the desire to be heard, to be understood and to be recognized. It's not a black and white situation, it never was.
Are we the same person?
I recognise most parts of what you say.
I am also a quiet person and I also never interrupt a conversion, when I speak I have to find the words. Especially when I have everything lined up in my head.
I am quiet thinker, not a public speaker.
Maybe learning to speak properly could also help me.
I think that’s a great idea man, keep practicing speaking and it’ll definitely help with that!
So what are you interested in, then? Music? Science? Math? Genetics? Robotics?
There is no autism scale. "Asperger's" is just Autism Spectrum Condition. We don't tend to use the name "Asperger's Syndrome" anymore, as Asperger experimented on Autistic kids for the Nazi Party.
Diagnosed autistic, come off as introverted, never really felt it was right either because my outward appearance does not match what is inside.
I definitely feel that I learned to act in an introverted manor around those "middle school" years as well. I learned to enjoy my own company and my own amusements, because I struggled to find stimulating company and shared amusements with most of my peers. I gained a lot of anxiety around social interaction because I just didn't feel on the same wavelength as my peers, and I know they felt that way too and it was no secret that I was the "weird kid" to them. I never felt bullied, mostly because those who tried were smaller and weaker than me and I was required to beat a few of them up each year to keep that clear in their minds, but none the less I still ended up distancing myself from everyone.
To this day I get anxiety around social interaction, I never feel sure people actually like me, approve of me or that they are honest with me, I always feel that I am being weird and odd without knowing it. I also get anxious about whether I am doing the right things in public, these things cause me to lean towards smaller groups and solo time, but in cases where I can shed that anxiousness, I have no trouble being the center of attention and I enjoy larger groups and such then. This is also why I have no real issues professionally with apparent introversion, I can be extremely outgoing in work and related professional situations because I am sure of my abilities in regards to work and I can let those abilities speak for me instead of relying on those social skills I learned were faulty.
Also I have sensory stimuli problems which cause me to avoid certain situations. Sound, light and touch all cause major issues in some ways, so I do struggle hearing people in group discussions, and loud music/sounds and bright lights cause physical pain, and I don't like being touched, basically meaning I naturally avoid large crowds but not due to introversion but rather due to physical pain and discomfort.
I have called myself an "extroverted autist" for years as well. In reality this means I come off introverted much of the time but in situations where the autistic problems can be bypassed or avoided I will be extroverted.
I read this and immediately identified with everything you said except the sensory stimuli piece. I treasure my profession where I can do work and communicate in meetings without the extra burden of filtering.
I'm exploring the notion that I might be on the spectrum. A firm diagnosis would put a great deal of past social experiences, and the anxieties that flow from them, into context.
I'm noting how well everyone here writes and how my style comports. Wow, I have a long road ahead.
I cannot express enough my thanks to you for making these videos. As an engineer on-spectrum, diagnosed as an adult, and with an experience that feels incredibly similar to what you've described, I cannot tell you how much it means to finally hear someone speak so directly and plainly about their life on the spectrum. Your description of social interactions are so extremely recognizable to me - especially about engaging with people on technical topics that you share, and the "learned behaviors" of remaining quiet and spending more time with adults as a teenager. Nearly every single thing that you've mentioned, I see at least some reflection in my own life, and MOST of them feel 100% accurate for me, as well.
It is so tremendously important for us -- people who are extroverted, but autistic, and with "atypical" or "weird" social interactions -- to know that there are other people who share similar traits and interests. People who would much rather spend 8 hours talking about our passionate and typically-obscure topics than spend five minutes talking about non-topics such as the weather or gossip. People who WANT to be around other people, but don't want to mask, and don't want to pretend that we particularly care about what a neighbor from 40 years ago and who you don't remember is up to. To know that we are neither alone, nor wrong.
I think my situation is somewhat like yours. I am in my 40s, but have not yet been diagnosed. In recent years, I have become very certain that I am on the spectrum. Many of the things you describe also happen to me. I work in a customer service field at a job where we do not get scheduled breaks. I can interact with people for about three hours, and then I start to get irritated very quickly. I am exhausted when I have to talk to people for long periods. I would rather do manual labor than talk to people. I enjoy being around people that I like, but I will rarely initiate contact with them. If they don't call me, I am perfectly fine by myself. I have my routine, and I generally don't break it unless I am forced to for some reason, and I feel exhausted afterwards. I don't nonverbal communication at all. It almost seems like a puzzle with some of the pieces missing. I have several family members that have been diagnosed, and as I become more familiar with Autism, I am more and more convinced that I am Autistic. Because my symptoms are normal to me, I did not realize how abnormal my reactions to the world around are until I began to really examine my life, and how it has progressed. I have an IQ of at least 145, and so everyone has always considered me to be an introverted and eccentric person, so I think my symptoms have been overlooked much longer than they would have been otherwise.
Im a 47yo late diagnosed autistic extravert. Diagnosed with ADHD at age 5, autism a few weeks ago. I've also been a software engineer for 25 years . I can't thank you enougn for everytjing youve shared including the tech talk stuff . I started my career doing assembly language on a mainframe in the 90s and some of the tech stuff really takes me back to those days . Thia video served as an icebreaker as I started sharing my diagnosis with family and friends. So much of this was spot on for me including the miserable treatment in middle and high school - and getting to some extent the last laugb down the road. Thank you! I am now a huge fan of all your stuff. Looking forward to reading the book !
I'm also on the spectrum. I also depend on my wife A LOT. I certainly identify with most of what you said.
Dave, firstly thanks for sharing!
I'm subscribed mainly because you talk about autism. It takes guts to do that and I appreciate.
(I don't like Microsoft at all, but I appreciate your journey as a fellow hacker)
Autism is complex.
I'm basically a hermit at this point but when I tell people that I'm shy, they laugh at me.
My coping mechanism is a very "aggressive" approach to interactions - I tend to overwhelm the space I'm in, and not in a good way :)
It's like, "I know I'm at a disadvantage here, so I go in fighting" kind of thing.
But, as you say, it's exhausting! So, I avoid social interaction like the plague.
Your talking about this, is bringing it out of the shadows for us geeks and I thank you for your efforts. Well done, sir!
This is a really interesting take on introversion. I always considered myself an introvert, because I prefer one on one interaction where I can really learn about the other person, and kept to a rather small interest-based friend group. I enjoy social events, but I also enjoy solitude. Like most things in life, its not all the way one thing or another. Too much solitude makes me feel lonely. Too much time with people makes me feel overwhelmed. Maybe there’s an in-between that’s neither introvert or extrovert? Can you just be a vert?
Ambivert!
Lol. Vert.
How about "No particular anything vert"? or, "Depends on the day vert"? or, "Misunderstood vert"? my 2 cents
@@theyrekrnations8990Yes!! 😂😂😂
@@Desert-Dweller 👍
Lil Uzi did it !!!
This was an amazing video. I see so much of myself in what you are saying. I get overwhelmed by social interactions, but I enjoy being with friends. It always felt strange. Unlike you I rarely try to fake it. When I am with a group of friends I mostly stay quite and enjoy myself. It seems to allow me to spend more time in social settings. I've been blessed with amazing friends since High School that push me to meet up and do more social things. You talking about all of this makes me look be and reconsider what I've been doing trough the years. A lot of things I've done without realizing it and perhaps now I can analyze them better and use them better as tools in the future.
Great and insightful video. I wonder if I found acting so easy when I was younger in a drama academy because it was just like putting on another mask? I've found it difficult to accept that I'm simply introverted, considering I did acting, and wanted to join a band (only ever became a bedroom guitarist.) Those are not the sort of things one aspires to if they never want to interact with other people. I do struggle with people, because I don't have a lot in common with most - when I was at my most outgoing, most of my friends were a good 10 - 25 years older than me. I was one of the loudest singing along to my friends play on stage in their bands, even helped sing at one point when the singer forgot her lines. The feeling that gave me, and the recognition I got from people for my singing, really pushed me to try to become good enough to join a band. I may be partly introverted, but part of me wants to be known for music I make, or code I release, or a game I work on, something to leave a mark.
Dave, I came to your channel initially for the Windows topics & history (topics that interest me by your own definitions), but your ASD commentary has been a revelation to me, very enlightening about my own psyche. Having thought for many years I was a textbook introvert, it's now clear I'm not. Thank you for helping ME understand why I feel so perpendicular to the general populace.
Thanks for this, Dave!
thanks great to hear a breakdown of the differences of introversion as personality trait and autism. love ur videos
I relate to this so much! Your description of your middle school and high school social experiences, and being a “moderate extrovert, but with autism” feels a lot like my experience growing up and my current position in life. I play drums all over Seattle and when I’m in my “zone” at a gig or jam, talking about music or other areas I’m keenly interested in (coding foe example), I can talk the balls of a rhinoceros! However I still feel this lingering social fear that I’m this awkward kid who doesn’t make eye contact usually and doesn’t know how to end the conversation, etc. and if I say the wrong thing, the person I’m speaking to will find a reason not to like me, which is how I felt all throughout middle and high school. Your remarks about “masking” and thinking that you’re speaking with great emotion when in reality your emotions don’t align with how you feel inside are pretty nail-on-the-head for me! Maybe it’s time to go for that diagnosis… Thank you Dave!
Wow, I thought it was just me. People often see me as an odd or eccentric person. Perhaps I'm on the spectrum and just on another wave length.
Thank you for this enlightening video, Dave. I've been in and out of psychiatrists' offices since I was 13, always diagnosed with and treated for Social Anxiety Disorder, GAD and depression. I was diagnosed with Asperger's in my 20s, and it was a breath of fresh air.
Software engineer my self and I relate to the whole experience he describes to an almost 100%. I have never been diagnosed with ASD but it felt like Dave was describing my entire life. Interesting!
Introvert here - INTJ to be specific. Also ASD Type 1. I loved every minute of COVID ... didn't have to interact with anyone except my wife and daughter. My wife, on the other hand, who is an ambivert, was in tears every day - quite literally.
Your description of your life is basically describing mine as well - and I have autism, although a very "weak" form of it.
One difference: I don't try to seem like a "normal" person, although it's not always noticeable that I'm an autist. I just behave as I always do and if somebody asks me why I'm behaving strange, I answer that my mind works in a different fashion from theirs.
This video has helped me immensely. I have always assumed I was an introvert, but your description here caused me to realize that what I am really experiencing is my ASD. Thank You!
I like how you distinguish between preference and ability. I've always considered myself an introvert, but have realized in recent years I do actually like going to social events and look forward to them. However, once I am at one, I basically barely talk at all! I like listening to interesting people. (I don't like listening to not interesting people usually, too much small talk just makes me nervous and uncomfortable). Maybe my form of masking is "shut up and look like you're listening." But I don't know it it's masking because usually in groups I genuinely don't know what to say. Or if I do, I'm so awkward at speaking for more than a sentence or two that I would rather just not say anything.
Same team.
All how similar
The way you explained autism and masking is succinct and eye opening! I’m a bit more extroverted but find too much socialization draining. Others have said that I mask, yet I was never aware that I was masking. As I have been working on myself and working with professional therapy, I’m coming closer and closer to the realization that I may be on the spectrum. Your explanation has helped put words to what I’ve been orbiting for some time. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your experience. This was an enlightening video.
Always considered myself an introvert, but Covid hit me similar as you did. For the first 3-4 months it was great, but after that I fell into a deep depression out of loneliness. Only social interaction I had at that point was online, or at work.
I love EDM music festivals... don't mask/mask as much as day to day interacting with people, but still get lots of positive interactions
The EDM scene is super accepting as a whole as long as you're not harming someone, and even if someone doesn't like you/accept you they are at least usually tolerant, and don't make an issue of it
I also have ADHD and festivals are super stimulating with lots of variety
I have trouble remembering the names of everyone I meet at festivals which can be super embarrassing when they remember my name, and not all the interactions are positive, but I definitely love it and feel at home
PS
Found festivals/raves after COVID. At the start of covid it was super recharging as I removed stressful interactions from my life, but eventually lack of any interaction got to me. So glad I found festivals when I did
Interesting. While I was bullied at least into my 11th grade in school which affected me immensely and probably permanently, I've become quite gregarious and enjoy being around people (in general). I hope to get my girlfriend to watch this and see herself, particularly since she can and does interact with people very well, but apparently finds it draining and afterwards also wants to just be by herself, whereas being around others seems to energize me. I hope she'll watch this and understand that she's not alone. Thanks for posting.
I love to hear stories about autistic people finding success in relationships, it gives me hope! While I have not been officially diagnosed with ASD, I feel like many social interactions take a lot more effort than it should with only some success.
In middle school I was often scolded by teachers for being too immature. I had grown used to being called weird by that time, but the scolding from the teachers was something new. I learned to deal with it by sitting in the margins of the classroom and just keeping quiet when the rest of the class was rowdy. Middle school was by far the hardest for me to navigate of my school years but by high school I had figured out plenty of coping mechanisms and masking pretty good to fit in. Like you, my social interaction time tolerance is around 3-4 hours, then I need to be by myself for a while.
I am stuck in tech support hell :)
Please send help. I do not have energy for my hobbies anymore and I dread going to work.
@@OzzianmanWhat kind of tech support? You probably already know the tools your customers use. Why not go for a position directly at one of those companies? Higher level tech support can be engaging and well paying.
@@The_1ntern3t Ok so I used to be help desk in big corpo. Good pay on contract, very toxic environment, did not get paid for 2 months, burnt out and quit. Never before that job have I sat screaming in frustration in my car to vent out anger I had to surpress all day. My mind was at a very dark place when I quit.
Current job is better. Smaller Managed Service Provider for small business aka they can not afford employing full-time IT . Lower pay, but they don't screw with me. I do hardware repairs, do basic admin and provide both remote and hands on tech support.
I keep some of my sanity as it ain't as balls to the walls and people not being toxic helps a lot, but I am still exhausted due to the social interactions. I am just not made to interact with people for about 7 hours a day.
Yes. I was not the biggest fan of school either. High School was amazing as I could choose what I wanted to focus on.
End of elementary and middle school was a massive waste of time. It was mostly brainrot and useless time sinks.
This makes SO much sense. Wow. It makes me question all of my perceptions about myself. You've described my reactions to interactions in large groups to perfection. I've even given presentations to enormous groups, being perfectly happy in doing so, but cringing when I think about the obligatory networking gathering afterwards, and the necessary small talk that ensues. Like you, I do enjoy interactions, but only in limited amounts. Attending trade shows was always like that. I loved working the booth, discussing the technical product with zeal. that part energized me. I loved teaching about it, but hated the evenings when we'd need to take important clients out to dinner. By then, I was tapped out and want to, but couldn't, bow out. 4 or 5 day of that was torturous, even on the evenings when it was just my coworkers . Dinner? Sure. Barhopping afterwards? No thank you. It was like trying to breathe in a vacuum.
I wonder how I would score on an autism test - I have zero diagnosed medical conditions, but I did resonate with a lot of the things you said.. makes me wonder lol
autism and creativity go hand in had, you almost can not have any creatives, with out little bit of autism traits in the mix, and where would we all be with the creatives doctor, engineers, designer, and that not including arts paintings, films, theatre and the even sports, without the would would stop moving or at least be very dull place?
Yeah I'm 99% sure I'm on the spectrum but nobody takes it seriously when you're an adult who has become experienced with masking.
Recently found out I have autism and have had a hard time socializing lately since I lost my friend group. This video helped me, thank you.
I watch your channel for the awesome computer history. I'm studying for compTIA A+, I share your videos with my class. I've suspected I'm autisic for 5 years. One of the things I can look back on is in middle school when a group of kids approached me to hangout and I said no thanks because I didn't like how kids acted in groups. Its my "aha" moment. It's true to this day, people get together in cliques and gossip and bash each other and I can't stand it. It causes so much anxiety that I prefer to be alone. I started studying computers to fufill the autistic stereotype that I am. I love it! I wish I would have stuck with it in Highschool, mid 90s. Thanks for the always great and relatable content!
A little off-topic, but I really want to applaud you for the way you make your videos, especially this one. I thouroughly enjoy listening to your choice of words and picking exactly the right level of information density. Not only do I learn a lot about the topics of your videos, but also about how to present information effectively and eloquently. Thank you sir!
Thanks for this Dave, it is amazing how almost everything you say also applies to me, especially masking and the difficulty of maintaining it for long periods.
I also mask like crazy when making UA-cam videos. Oddly though, despite that challenge, making UA-cam videos seems to be good for my mental health overall.
Depending on the video, of course, might this be because you control what eventually gets published, and you don't control direct interactions with other people? I've thought that the idea of doing a "live" video is terrifying, but pre-recording (and editing, and re-recording as needed) videos doesn't seem like it would be problematic at all.
Introverts are people who get energized by being alone. And extroverts get energized by social interaction. If you get worn out by social interactions like most autistic people do, you are an introvert by definition. Introverts can enjoy social interactions and they may be friendly and outgoing. But they need time alone to recharge. Extroverts are the opposite. They recharge by interacting with other people. It's not so much about social preferences as it is about what energizes you and what drains you. I'm autistic and I am an introvert. I'm friendly and outgoing, and I enjoy social interaction to a point. But it can be draining, and I need to be alone to recharge. I also enjoy spending most of my time alone. Something that isn't always apparent when you see me out and about and interacting with other people.
As for masking, I don't mask in the truest sense. I have learned basic social rules and make a reasonable effort not to offend people. But I'm not interested in pretending to be a neurotypical. After I was diagnosed, I realized that I had a choice between being a good autistic person or a crappy neurotypical. I went with the first option. I'm not ashamed of being autistic and am open about it with people I interact with. Do I frequently pass for one anyway? Yes. Especially in casual social situations. Because the social demands are lower than in other settings. An employment situation, etc. In those cases, I'm not able to function adequately. So, for me, it's considered a disability for that reason. And I receive social security benefits because of it. And with that burden off my plate, I function pretty well.
Loving the taskmgr pin
Had a big "phew!" While I identify with most, if not all points I realized I can't be atypical or on the spectrum because I'm dumb as a brick.
You may just have not found your niche, yet....
Thank you for this video! I really appreciate your explanations and perspective on the topic. There's definitely a lot of crosstalk between introversion and ASD. I always felt I wasn't even on the Introvert Extrovert line because I moved wildly between them but it turns out my preferences tend towards deep introversion but I learned to mask as an extrovert to the point that I could fool others and feel rewarded for doing so. In my 30s now and the pandemic lockdowns helped me better understand how I function best and what my preferences actually are as well as a better understanding of ASD and where I might be affected or thriving with it. As you mentioned, there's an effort/time limit on masking that was always a bit of a mystery to me until I didn't have to mask for 8-16 hours a day and got essentially a 2.5-3 year break from it. That really opened my eyes and lead me to seek further help and understanding from professionals.
Honestly, a lot of the things you have been talking about have gotten me to wonder if I might be autistic. The food thing and antisocial behavior is big for me.
However, I don't want to get tested. Mostly because I have a CDL and drive a paratransit bus; I don't want to have restrictions placed on how I make a living.
I tend to watch all you tube videos at 1.5x speed to safe time but yours is the first I actually put slower so I can properly understand what your are saying (english is not my native language). I have son with diagnosed ASD and all you say is very interesting and helpfull. As a father, it is kind of "comforting" to have the example of someone with autism that has been successful in life and outstading in his field of work. I have also checked out your channel contents and subcribing for that too. Keep on the good work!
yes
Indubitably
Glad to have found you Dave. As the father of an autistic young man, I see that you speak a lot of sense and in a direct and no nonsense way. I like how you think.
I think there is a condition called nautism, the opposite of autism. People with nautism have the abilities to cope in social situations, can multitask and don't have a problem with routine changes and new challenges. Actors and pop stars would have this condition. It's never been recognised because it's never been a problem. I suppose perhaps the only advantage of studying nautism is to understand autism better.
look in to these peoples personal lives, it differs greatly from what you see on tv
Very relatable video. Used to have a lot of friends but then I kinda just stopped knowing how to be social as a grew older. Then I convinced myself I was and introvert and spent all my time working on hobby projects. It's only quite recently that I've realized I actually love talking to interesting people, going to clubs, partying, and making a career. I hate masking, but not living up to my potential feels significantly worse. So to me masking is just another chore that's sometimes necessary to get stuff done
Depends how many vaccines you had.
I love the way you speak. Sounds very much like the style I would write in (or do)! You got yourself another follower, I appreciate what you convey!
I recently underwent four hours of exhaustive evaluation. I have always known I am different from others and have always struggled through life. I just turned 66 and am only now starting to get answers I wish I had pretty much from age 10 on. I am awaiting the results of my evaluation now to see where on the Autism Spectrum I am. I am sure I am there somewhere. I just bought your two books and am reading the first now. THANK YOU!!
Very interesting. I have generally conflated introversion with autism and appreciate the nuances you describe here. Thank you for the work required to script and edit the video.
I always found more comfort with talking to adults/older people versus my own age range because the conversations with my age group were boring in my eyes and at the time borderline meaningless to me. I was a builder/maker and wanted to work with my hands and create new things and explore the world of engineering which most of my peers were disinterested or not good at. I had a few friends that could keep up with my thoughts and workflow but most would just break off to talk about less meaningful topics like social circle arguements, interpersonal relationships. Social interactions were and still are for the most part, objective driven to me. This does not mean I talk to people to exploit them, but more in the realms of "I want them to be interested in being a part of what I'm doing or if I can help them problem solve their own issues."
I’m Autistic and an ADHDer, and very introverted though it is limited even more due to anxiety and rejection sensitivity. My husband is introverted, but can fake extrovertism for a limited amount of time. I have heard that there are extroverted Autistics-I’ve known a few of them myself.
I’m 39. I received my official diagnosis on Friday after 5 years of a mix of self-identifying as autistic and feeling like an imposter. It is SUCH a relief! I have felt broken since I was little kid and constantly blame myself for things that are really just autistic things. I no longer feel ‘bad’ or that I put in “no effort”. It also confirmed a presumptive ADHD diagnosis (officially combined, moderate.) The accessor said “if it was not for your intelligence and your hard effort, these may have been discovered when you were in school.” Getting that confirmation that yes, I was working HARD and that I was legitimately intelligence (imposter syndrome there too) takes such a weight off my back, and I finally feel HEARD and UNDERSTOOD.
Hey Dave, love the channel. I found you through some lighting videos that were related to Home Automation which I am into big time. After watching a few more of your videos, a lot of how you described your life mirrors my own. I then went and took a test (one of the links in another of your videos) to determine if I was Autistic. I discovered I was (scored a 41 on that test). I have watched several more videos by other UA-camrs which has also helped me out and solidified my belief that I indeed am autistic. But my biggest clue was when I went to tell one of my friends that I have known for 20 years what I had discovered. He has an autistic child and has worked with children with autism in schools when he was a teacher. He told me he knew I had autism since he had met me. I asked why he didn't tell me and he said it wasn't his place to. I really wish he had. Now I am 65 yo and trying to discover as much as I can to help me with the social skills that I sorely lack. Keep up the great content and I look forward to watching many more of your videos based on Autism.
Oh, my gosh! I was floored by your video. I saw myself in pretty much everything you said. Some time ago, years probably, a friend had said that I might have a touch of Asperger's. Oh. OK. That served to change my behavior slightly; articles or videos on ASD, that I would have ignored before that, I sometimes read/watched. That was why I watched this video on October 29, 2023. A week's worth of deep diving into the subject has convinced me that I'm in the same boat. I'm almost 71, and a retired computer geek. Last weekend, I found a mental health professional who is willing to give me an anonymous assessment. That appointment is Saturday, day after tomorrow. I'm so excited, I've had at least a smile on my face since then. What? Wait. You WANT someone to tell you you're mentally ill? That's backwards. (Yes, I know that "mentally ill" really misses the mark, but it IS what the historic assessment of the condition was.) Why anonymously? I've JUST started to learn abour this. What are the ramifications of having on my medical record? What are the ramifications of NOT having it on my medical record? I don't know yet. Until I do know, I won't have enough info to decide, so, better to keep my options open. In short, thank you, thank you, thank you.
1:20 I was also a newsman/performer /read aloud student myself. I actually was blessed and lucky to succeed in modicum of a way in my local theater program. Lot's of fun and friends and acting, but I often wonder how different my life would be if I received negative feedback there - as I received overwhelming amounts of shame at home thus I used school for validation.
Wonderful sharing sir, thank you. Just saw you in another programming video. My life broke down and I'm going self taught - so I'll thank you ahead of time for helping as I'm sure I will use your vids as a resource.
Your masking is very convincing, I did not expect this video. Pretty much everything you describe matches with my life experiences.
Just discovered the channel. I was diagnost with Aspergers late at 47, turning 52 at the end of November. When it comes to social events, I could take it or leave it. The older I get I would rather leave it. LOL. iNTERESTING VIDEO. I would like to learn as much as I can about the topic as I can because of my late diagnosis. Thanks!
Definitely going to purchase your book. I took the ASD screening test and scored moderately high. But listening to you talk sounds like I’m speaking into a mirror. Definitely anxious to read your book. Thanks….
Thankyou for putting it so clearly. The paradox, you are totally right. And "one or the other but not both" example, so many strategies for that. The youtube algorithm for suggesting content could be used as part of the DSM.
WOW! Your candour, Dave, brought a tear to my eye. I am 61 and was diagnosed with Asperger's 15 years ago. I went to a psychologist because I had grown sick of the reactions I got from my behaviour and of generally pi$$ing people off. I was married (to my guardian angel who I lost 10 years ago) and had gained a 2:1 Honours Degree in Mechanical Engineering so I guess I fit the part of being highly technical, disciplined, focussed and a poor social mixer. I, too, discovered "masking" and, just like you, I usually last 2 or 3 hours before I become exhausted. I have used up all my mental energy in acting my part and remembering my lines. You sound very similar to me. I did not achieve your status but I did OK. I worked in the computer graphics industry and CAD/CAM (I even worked for Silicon Graphics UK for 4 years in their glory period in the mid 90s) and have a pretty good life. I was lucky enough to find another guardian angel who loves me for who I am. You're right; high school was the worst but, like you, I got the last laugh because I got very good grades in my final exams and got an apprenticeship at the UK's biggest defence company. They then sponsored me and three others to University, so I guess I did OK.
Masking-check, 3 hours duration-check, remember someone's job rather than their name-check, blunt/factual-check.
If you're ever in England I would love to meet you 👍
I'm not sure I've nodded my head in agreement more times than watching this video! Thanks Dave
Very courageous opening about your internal workings and techniques when navigating social environments. Thank you.
I approve of this suit. 😊
I was a late diagnosed autistic woman who was (and to some extent) extremely passive, quiet and introverted.
Thank you. You've articulated it much better than I can. All I can describe it as is, that social interactions are fatiguing.
Oh wow! I hate small talk and couldn't care less about this one's kids etc, but if someone is discussing a topic that I find interesting, I'm feeling energized rather than drained.
I've never heard a better description of my own quirks. Thank's Dave!
An unexpected but very welcome topic! I learned a bunch and thanks for being so open about this.
You are a Legend mate, the parallels with myself are truly amazing, your views and converse are awesome to hear, and it's funny how your wife and mine are so similar it's something to behold. I feel less 'odd' and I truly thank you for that!
I can fully relate to EVERYTHING you said! I'm the same way... I can socialize with masking but it's exhausting. And I'm happy you have a wife who can complement you with her social ability. My ex-wife was the same way, very social and loved parties, having friends over. It was exhausting though, and she got tired of dealing with me and my seeming never ending exhaustion (caused by work and her constant need for attention). Now we're divorced and I'm basically a hermit, trying to reboot my social life. I don't think I'll ever get married again, and even dating, if I decide to do it at all, will be at the most casual level.
I'm really enjoying your channel so far.
Im 32 and I am exactly in the same situation. Thank you, buying this book for sure😊
this spoke a lot to me, especially about masking and your 3 hour threshold. thanks for sharing!
Looking dapper today! Digging the jacket there.
Every Dave video is so great. We can really see the work that you put into these videos.
I would love to see an out take from when you feel like you're not "Masking" enough. It would be really interesting.
But I totally get if that's not something that you are comfortable with sharing.
Thank you for this video. First time coming across your channel. Your described my ASD completely. I appreciate it.
I feel ya there, I want to be extroverted, but it seems in social situations I can't perform as well as others and that take advantage of that to clown on me. Especially in groups as you said. It has shaped me into a person who is quick to challenge disrespect (to an extreme degree). Just recently had my father over and I kicked him out of my own house because of disrespect I felt (compounded by my history of being treated that way by others not him).
You've helped me so much. Love from an asperger computer geek from Sweden.
Dave, Thank you so much for helping to explain to my adult son what it's like, and what his potential might be! I have two adult sons with ASD and I am myself one check mark away according to the DSM 5. I have the ability but not the preference, my son has the preference, but not the ability. Your comments on "Masking" were most helpful! I lead salespeople, and after every national sales meeting, involving hundreds of people, my family jokes about how I have to be alone for 3 days to recover. I am good at what I do, but large people gatherings are not my natural state, and your video helped my family to understand that, and to also see what success looks like for autists further along in their careers. FYI, when my son and I watched this video, I got his attention by telling him that you were responsible for Microsoft Bob. It worked. Keep up the great work!