How triggers affect rape survivors
Вставка
- Опубліковано 23 лип 2024
- “It was a trauma, and it’s a trauma that will have permanent impact on my life,” says Winnie M Li, a film producer and novelist, who was raped in 2007 in Northern Ireland.
Winnie is just one of the seven people who feature in Life After Sexual Violence, a seven part series which throws a spotlight on the reality of life after a sex attack.
In this episode, the group of seven survivors describe how triggers of their experiences of rape can resurface in the small, mundane details of everyday life, months and years after it has happened.
Follow The Independent on Facebook: / theindependentonline
Watch more from The Independent: www.independent.co.uk/video
It has affected me so much to the point where I can't even like a guy and I feel uncomfortable when a guy likes me. Some of my family think I am lesbian, but I am not.
Hi Myka, I know how you feel, I literally am not able to think about having romantic relations with anyone
You’re not alone💜 sending love
@@niasings2033 Thank you sister! You're not alone either!
Myka Eve M. Castro thank you! 💜
damn, i've never related more to a comment in my life. It feels so great to not feel alone.
Whenever someone tells me “you’re so beautiful”, I just want to curl in on myself or scream at the top of my lungs.
Adia Aguilar why
Blvd Santana that’s what i got told after a particularly vicious assault. so I’m very sensitive to compliments
Adia Aguilar that’s exactly what my attacker said when he was about to rape me ,so I get how you feel ❤️
Adia Aguilar my attacker said something like that too now when my bf compliments me I have this feeling of dread in my chest
I’m so sorry, Adia. I understand far too much unfortunately
I still remember every detail of that room 21y later and still can't be hugged by everyone without having a panic attack.
Ines Balić 💔🥊I still remember too. My heart goes out to you.♡ Never goes away just stays there. Lingers.🤗A hug 4u. Non violent one*.
So sorry 😞
Lol
@Zero Naut my vagina is allergic to rapists. Too much work. All those trouser snakes flying at you. Not worth the hazard.
I still can’t be touched either, all my love goes out to you. We are strong ❤️
My triggers are seeing someone who looks similar to my attacker or anyone who's the same gender, race,or facial structure as them.
Me too there is accually a wee superstar who looks alot like my stepfather who physically and severly mentally abused me for years and I hate him for what he did to me but I like this WWE superstar but since that he looks like my stepfather who abused me for years I often can't even look at the wrestler he reminds me to much of my stupid stepfather the wrestlers name is Bill Goldberg and may I point out it has nothing to do with him it's just my stepfather looks alot like Goldberg so I just can't stand looking at him
me too :(
Same here
Same here.
Same. Makes me seem like a racist because I get very nervous around heavyset black men. Makes me very uncomfortable.
I miss being how I was before rape. I miss that person so much
Same, I was ok and happy now life as a horrible nightmare l even tried suicide 7 times and didn't work. brain is so tortured 💔💔😭😭😭😭 l don't think i will be able to forget.
It was not your fault.💞love urself as no one can understand u the way u can💕 u know wht u want the most at this point.
Same
OMG. Me too. I'm 30 now and I was 19 then. I'm stuck there. 😔
I miss That person I used to be coz she was so much more hopeful and optimistic for her future and wasn't always looking to push away any and all chances at love or genuine romantic affection. I miss being able to trust a man again and open up not just about the SA but day to day life and that any sort of seemingly betrayal large or small wouldn't make me run away. I miss being able to trust and feel safe with others.
It happened a few months ago and I’m having a hard time focusing on school and getting out of bed. Sending love and strength to everyone 💗💗
Julian Salgado I was able to tell my closest friends but I had to drop out of university. I’m also Going back to therapy soon. 💕💕
Report the rape or it'll happen to someone else like a little girl. And it'll be your fault If ya don't.
@ordinary subscriber report him or read my other comment!
You are so strong. Be gentle with youself
@@lastinglife4357 actually rapists tend to not deviate from age patterns. If she was in university then its highly unlikely her attacker will hurt a child. Also youre blaming the victim. It wouldnt be her fault if he raped someone else. Even if she told her story theres no garentee anything will happen. If she can tell her story that's wonderful and im glad shes strong enough but to tell someone that its their fault if thier attacker hurts someone else is just horrible. I hope you never have to experience what she did and i hope you reevaluate your method of thinking on this.
Thankyou so much, I found this video because I needed to hear how other survivors cope. I’m having trouble coping, especially today. So anyways Thankyou so much for sharing.
Camie Grace 💗💞🤗🧠My brain was having a hard time coping today too. Few understand it's basically a murder to the Soul. Sorry if that sounds overly dramatic.♡ to you.
@Zero Naut Try to stop being a prick maybe some won't chop yours off, smelling up the place. And cover your arse. Get violated there too. My guess might smell worse on your end. Thank you for your input. Point proven.
@Zero Naut I'm all for euthanasia. If you want to meet away from the screen say this openly. Easy to be cocky protected by anonymity.
Less people like that on the planet the better, less violations. You are already dead after being violated. But, we each hold a perspective. One is from experience the other a commentor who is emboldened by anonymity.
You try to move on with your life, pills, therapy everything at great expense down to lost jobs and friendships. The insensitivity of one commentor on a rape survivor video points out why so many stay quiet. Few comments here or help yet, how many on an empty R. Kelly video? Or one about a vapid celebrity royal couple?
Yet, here you have very limited help or support after someone forced themselves inside of you. A clear NO. Some repeatedly putting your entire health at risk with a human life or STDs or both. That is attempted murder. It kills you. Even after you dodge all of that you are left with psychological issues that do effect your health down to your immune system. Your nervous system is also effected. Whole body problem we are left financially to deal with then left with no real emotional support when you need it the most to heal. I love companies like thistlefarms.org but, we have few of them and no real networks. Had the one commentor who came here to say "move on" been raped repeatedly held against their will and trafficked I doubt they would end up as callous as the remark I read.
We stay quiet til we get sick after assault, the violator understands the police have a whole handbook with a chapter in the Rape Investigation Handbook about disbelieving reports they bank on the silence to stay in business.
Anyhow, doesn't matter what gender you are all are at risk of rape or sexual abuse to general abuse- human reactions and the nature of our culture hiding behind screens feeling emboldened enough to say ignorant remarks with zero compassion. That's a narcissist for ya. Internet is great supply. There are still people who care. Those moronic "Don't be a feminist"remarks it's a human rights problem. I'm for euthanasia like Belgium has. Less humans, including myself the better. Longer you live less you may find yourself tolerating. We are all good at one thing, dying. We will all be dead soon enough including those that violate you. Nature will sort that out and somehow as twisted as that may sound I take comfort in that.
Can only control your reaction to it all. Takes practice I've found. Muting someone helps so you never have to see them on your screen. That's a nice feature as well.
I was assaulted a week ago and I'm trying to find help. watching this so I don't feel alone. IM NOT ALONE but sure feels that way.
Hope u r doing doing better now
I hope you’re doing better now.
Wow 7 months later. And I still have triggers.
@@julie_martinez2289 i’m sorry about that.
@@averyjudgementalsoldier8303 aren’t we all expect the people who commit it lmao
The mother of my child was abused and I feel like tracking someone down and making them disappear.
She’s going through so much and I try to help her the best I can. She says she will never heal, never speak of her abuse and never forget. It’s hard to reassure her and not get upset for her thinking.
You are doing great honey. I see how you are mentally very strong because of you listening to her and trying to understand her. It's very important to not try to fix her though, because you can't change what happened to her. The only one who can do something is herself by the way she deals with it and learns to move on (with the support and encouragement from people like you, of course!) But if it's too much for you to take, please seek professional help to support you with all of that.
You can do that, I believe in you
Please make them disappear. Punish them or Change them as a person. That person who did that shouldn't exist
I always wish I could get revenge or karma will kick in never does....
Thank you for trying to help her ❤
Just let her know you are there for her. That alone will mean a lot for her
My triggers, alcohol, bar atmosphere, feeling pressured into sex, rape depicted on TV, victim blaming. I will say it has helped to tell someone I'm close with. Even though its uncomfortable. But keeping pain and emotions bottled up inside is never good.
it seems like there’s a r*pe scene in every tv program now…
there was a super intense scene on the sopranos and i freaked tf out
@@kphoria1009Look in the mirror then at your white boyfriend. The kodiaks have arrived. Time to display speed, but you’ve already made the switch. You’re incredibly eager, but your willingness to predict so quickly may cost you in the future. Next time, think longer before making decisions
The having the exact hair cut or skin color as the person who did it is very traumatizing and it made me feel so much better to know it wasnt just me
or the very same perfume.. or very similar skin tone.. I hate to say it but this triggers me.
me too. it’s his facial hair and the type of shirts he wore, the way he styled them. it was something i really noticed about him when we were together and something that’s stuck with me a lot since.
I work with someone who looks just like the person who did it to me except slightly taller, and I can’t look at him for too long, otherwise I’ll start to panic.
I dyed my hair bright pink. I cutt my hair really short. Changed my clothing style.
As a 29yr old recovering heroin addict & multiple rape survivor (among other trauma), who suffers from PTSD, depression, anxiety, & night terrors, *thank you so much* for covering such an important topic about something as taboo as, PTSD _and_ rape. I feel these 2 topics aren’t talked about nearly as much as they should be or need to be, especially since so many individuals suffer from it. So, thank you again for bringing such an important issue, that’s not talked about nearly as much as it should be, to light. 👏🏻
I commend you on your ongoing recovery. I'm 41 and don't think I've even started yet. Hurts too much to open that all up with no one to help me through it. I hope you're continuing to recover and getting the support and love you need and deserve.
It's not taboo. There's millions of researches and UA-camrs speaking of it.
WOW
@UCDonIxJjjz0tJainhlwhsaQ Speaking freely I have to ask anyone willing to give a point of view on a big subject. With abortion laws changing and my state signing the worst abortion laws ever is anyone else kept up at night thinking about how this will look in a few years time . I was raped at 8 by my own brother and am still looked at like a liar by my " dna family unit". But if had he waited a few more years and I had gotten pregnant what would I have doneI have no clue. There will be billions more in a few years . We just hit 8 billion on the planet. I am just 1. I know to much I can not unknow but its all real .
@@heatherwright3953 How in the world did your family not believe you, and to protect your brother. Wow....
It was when I was 8. I’m still traumatized and I’m always really scared. Sometimes when I am pushed against a wall I get triggered because that’s really how it happened... I don’t wanna say anymore
I'm sorry that happened to you
I feel so ashamed... I'll never see a backseat the same way again...
Trauma from rape is a fear that will probably never go away rape is a serious thing that can happen to anyone, be safe & stay blessed 😉
It’s been ten years since I was raped on my first overseas trip to the Bahamas. I waited three years to tell my own husband, and I’m still suffering from major PTSD.
I just need a way to get better, and to explain it to family members who think I should be over it by now.
Was your husband with you on the trip?
It's your own healing journey there's no time limit, your doing great xxx
😂😂😂
It takes time Hun. Sometimes I want a quick way to get rid of it but I've learnt there isn't and sometimes it hurts, I'm learning to try to not to be ashamed even if it's not what people want to hear or because it happened a long while ago.
But you deserve that time hun. Keeping that kind of pain inside you have so much strength ok, especially when you are scared or worried about expressing it to your loved ones. Don't ever feel ashamed ok. It takes so much time.
If you have a person or people you trust, you don't have to do it on your own. But It's your story and whenever you are ready. Bless 💓
If you ever have the power to stop this from happening
Do so
I did, I risked my life I lost the fight I ended up on hospital
She got away from him
I ended up with PTSD
His DNA came up on record from his blood on my clothes
He's still doing time
I only met the girl one time afterwards when I was in hospital
She thanked me
I would do it all again if I ever had to
Real men never harm or harass women
Real men dominate their own lives
Not others
Real men may always fight to protect women and children
My sister was brutally beaten and raped at 15 years old I'm interested in helping victims.
I love how you have such a big heart and want to help other people cope
So sorry for your sister😢
2/10/01; The memory is less intense but the pain of not being believed and have the community turn their back on what happened has caused a lot of damage.
it's sometimes I wish that I wasn't alive anymore. because It has affected me on many levels like going to school, work, friendships, family trust and etc.. I have a brother that always bullys me constantly, mentally, and physically. and now it's something that I have to live with every day as a teenage boy.
I really hope u can get through this. Just remember it’s not ur fault and ur not alone. You have so much more life to live. Don’t let someone ruin your life. ❤️
I was triggered very badly tonight by this old coworker who keeps showing up to my work confessing his supposed love to me. He is 16 yrs older than me and I have not encouraged his feelings or behavior. He keeps writing me poetry..giving me gifts..begging to be alone with me after work..etc..and then i found out he tried to follow me driving home the other night. I finally told the owner of the grill how unsafe I have been feeling, and he showed up for me in a big way. I burst into tears bc my own mother's response was to say i had "spread my legs", that i was a "whre"..then kicked me out to be homeless. i was so shaken up, but am doing things to calm myself now that i am home.
wtf. obviously that was so uncalled for, especially when you've been through rape already???? i'm so sorry you had to hear something like that. i wouldn't want to make assumptions but maybe some distance away from your "mother" (she's truly not being a mother to you rn) would actually help!
i noticed this was 4 months ago. i hope you're doing ok now, and that you've found a place to stay. i wish i could do something more; we're all in this together
@@chaoticweeb229 aww so kind of you thank you. this was when i was 22, saving myself for marriage. i am now 40, and definitely taking space from her. my family is coming to HER aid, however, and have cordoned off my beloved nieces and nephews until i agree to be around her, my abuser. They also are forcing me into counseling, and she has lied so many ways to the counselor, including the lie that i "brandished a butcher knife and said i was going to kill her", that my brother beating me up was "roughhousing", andd it came out that my high school told them I could walk the stage, but they secretly told the school that no..I, one out of 9 people in my graduating class, would sit in the audience and watch them walk. Also that stalker guy? Showed old vent texts from a single day to the manager ABOUT the manager..and I got fired.
Years of prolonged abuse..
Certain smells or phrases set me off along with being touched certain ways, back rubs, and water bottles.
Its so frustrating cuz at almost all times of the day some trace of those events linger in my mind. Its never *gone* . Its always always there.
Same, things that used to calm me down sometimes cause me to spiral now. Nothing is the same anymore.
Sometimes I can faintly smell his cologne. Or he would always wear a Santa hat in the winter. I made the mistake of going to a Christmas store this weekend and kid you not- EVERYONE had one on. I couldn't sleep on my back for the longest time. If someone comes up behind me I flip out. My mom can't even kiss my head. Anything military or camo freaks me out.
Emilee Grace Was raped 2 times 2nd was a coworker ex military. I still shake at the sounds of officers marching or camo too. Hurts. The smells are a trigger.♡ Won't let anyone really touch me or close. It's a prison.
fuck I know it’s either everyone using the same cologne or I’m smelling things
I could NEVER imagine the pain you go through with this shit going through your head. I wish I could help, but that would be almost impossible, so i hope you find a way to cope with this💕💕💕
Hey just saw all these replies.. it’s been over 2 years now and I’m doing a lot better, triggers can still be a thing out of nowhere but it doesn’t feel like a looming threat anymore. I see him around quite a bit and he doesn’t scare me the way he used to, and I’m really thankful for that.
DS I tried. They pretended to care then saw me out. It caused more trauma for me and I wish I didn’t bother.
Thank you to those who told their stories and to those who made this series. I'm really hoping it will help my Mom understand why I'm not the same--never will be the same--and blaming a million other things but the one she can't speak about doesn't help either of us heal. For me, her refusal to understand how the impacts a person over time, is more than I can bear right now.
I still can't even be touched by any of my family members without having a flashback or a near panic attack
@Zero Naut noo its not like that, it just triggers some people. im the same way. if anyone touches me i panic a lot. (sorry if i sound rude just wanted to clear things up). and @hit mewithatruck stay strong(:
@Aux Faux
What is wrong with you fucktard
I have a similar effect.
I was rape when I was young and now am feeling still scared am 35 years old now and I cry myself to sleep
I hope your doing fine, pls seek psychologists if you need too.
I’m sorry :( I hope things get better 💛
Please seek help/support , if you are still suffering severe symptoms of fear such as crying yourself to sleep it be a good idea to have professional support , time helps but it's always good to have professional insight to help you live a normal life. Nobody should be left to suffer ptsd triggers for the rest of their life, remember there is help and hope for you.
Hope your OK ..
My triggers are being touched certain ways , a certain smell and the shower I can’t do it , I have a massive panic attack and have flashbacks and memories
I'm sorry that happened to you
I was raped in my early twenties by my last boyfriend at the time. He wanted a baby and I wasn't ready to be a mother and he decided to do what he did. He is in jail now for murdering our old roommate and I did give birth to a boy as a result. I haven't dated anyone in 11 years now. When people sneak up behind me, strange people calling my phone, hard time talking to opposite sex especially if I like him, a Gap hat that he had on the day of the incident(God Answers Prayers) and that affected my prayer life to God..I am getting back on track with that.
i am so sorry this happened. you are so strong. stay positive:)
I'm sorry that happened to you
Oh sorry 😢
Get it. I'm now 37 yrs old I stayed with my attacker pretending I could love him. Still feel 18 yrs old in HS a Senior only to get raped again by a coworker then sucked back into a vortex of abuse.
I get triggers & you feel helpless. Derailed. It effects everything. Spent years denying it thinking back to the extremes I went to avoiding my reality so I wasn't "a victim" is probably the worst part. The first attacker is my only ex as an adult. Few understand why I would have made the choice to leave with a then 32 yr old guy & stay. My Mom told me I couldn't do better than him. Later to tell me I deserved to get raped.
16 yrs of my life spent throwing money at the problem staying silent & covering it all up took its toll. Now, I can only hope my work helps others. There is no quick fix to the triggers that happen. None. One bad situation after another piled on to an already toxic relationship that I never thought would end. It still doesn't feel like it has. Like to say I'm over it all...I'm not. One lost job after another. Luckily, no kids & I don't think I'll ever have any. That probably hurts the most seeing families together or friends with lives my is a fucking mess. That probably hurts the most. Few care.
The damage is very real I'm now seeing how severe it was stay being out for 4 yrs. He still has my dog however, I can't seem to have a relationship with anyone else. Even just friends. Damage runs deep. Now, I see the full damage. It's hell.
if you landed here you may be hurting this video helped put what happened into perspective
ua-cam.com/video/lGbI7zn2UV0/v-deo.html
You had a "death". You are alive however, you were violated which causes a death of your identity before. Who you were (at least it did me). Had to write a eulogy for that person. Your body, your home was violated now it feels like you are carrying your own prison. Found it a struggle getting raped more doesn't actually make it easier. Often wished those people had killed my body. Would have been easier a fast death then done. Didn't worry about being born before I was born (as she states in one of her videos) I'm not going to worry about death. Found it helpful to confront the one thing all humans are good at, dying. we all will do it. Then the pain goes. All that memory of the violation goes, it's life we haven't mastered no matter how many bullshit positive affirmations you read or videos doesn't unrape you, just mind fucks you to believe somehow your ill for grieving after something traumatic happens. Part of you now, like death. Whatever life you have left doesn't have to be shit, it will feel that way. Right the eulogy. Get mad. Then burn the fucker. Because you aren't the sick one here. The one who believed violating you was ok, is the sick one.
Not you.
WOW
I still don’t trust anyone named Jackie, I try to avoid people named or called Jackie or Frankie or Frank. I can’t watch or hear about any of the Ocean movies, so this year was really hard. I’m paranoid about people at night but I’m especially paranoid about my friends and if I feel myself getting close to someone I shut myself off. I totally ghost them, or I start a fight with them, pick some stupid thing they do to turn around on them and end the relationship- and it’s hard. Now I just hold everyone at a distance and I kind of joke about things but no one knows how much I cry and remember this horrible thing that happened to me.
Erin Fischer same here, with the name Thomas, Tommy, Tom and that name is literally everywhere....
Tragically I fell in love with someone who is named just like one of my rapists (the organizer actually, my 33 y.o ex "boyfriend" - I was sixteen - which said to me before the rape that they were making me normal, since I was with a girl so a "lesbian slut" ). It could happen and it has been hard.
Your a crazy bitch
Healing is possible but you have to be determined everyday to recover and become better.
I hear you. I just wonder how you do this when you're alone. I can't really leave my house now for years. That's coming to an end though, as I'm facing homelessness in a couple months. I just don't know how to do this alone. I've called 3 rape crisis lines today, just to try to talk to somebody. Those didn't go well. I'm afraid I'm too far gone after working for years to get better and just not happening. I also suffered a tbi during my attack and that changed things in my cognition forever. I can't seem to figure out how to live with that either.
C W
What is tbi ?
Traumatic brain injury.
I can agree on that.
You are a lot stronger than you would think at first.
Thank u. I’m from a conservative country in Asia. People here think you are dirty and slutty if u are a victim. So I never really talk with anyone.
And when that happened. We really don’t have much help. Even the therapist it just ... not really working. everytime I talk about it with the therapist I feel like I go through it again. Thank u for letting me know there’s survivors and support.
I'm sorry that happened to you
I’ve never told anyone about my experience and triggers. Seeing how brave all of you were coming forward to share, I can’t thank you enough. It’s been 4 yrs but the memory will always be there of what happened. I always feel alone when one of my triggers goes off and I end up hiding in the shower. To see you all step forward warms my heart and makes cry. I wish to be like you all!
I did a lot of research before I went to therapy. Like you are doing, it helps
I was so innocent and happy before being raped I miss that person the most.
I started having major intimacy issues after my rape. I have not dated or don't even think about it since that incident
This brought back a lot of memories and anxiety...been 13 years and av never opened up about my experience its hard very hard with anxiety and trauma
Me too. It's been 4 years for me. No-one in my family knows.
I am so sorry Lydia. It’s so difficult and whatever you choose, I sure hope you have the strength
@@isabellephillips3564 you better tell your family to fight this together, it wasn’t you fault this happened
Praying for abundant healing, justice and closure for all these brave people in the video that shared with us. Praying for abundant healing, justice and closure for all victims of abuse. 🙏🏽
it get worse when the family member did that, and that thing happened when you are a child who don't know anything. I hate man, and I try to heal that trauma. we all survivor, never give up
Loved this video! Thanks, I needed this. I can't be around people because just being in loud places triggers me... I can't even be around family I'm so terrified all the time and when people yell I freeze... Just things like that and it's hard to go through alone. So this video makes me feel less like I'm a mistake or that I'm alone so I appreciate it... So thanks
it never goes away it destroys everything ...everyday every relationship .. everything 😢
How long ago did it happen to you? I'm a male that was raped in front of six of the rapist's friend. It was over 10 years ago. Every single day it returns into my thoughts. I see him driving around occasionally, totally carefree, in a beautiful car, enjoying life.
i was four. i still see the both of my cousins every month or so. i. am having a really rough time, but this is helping me, knowing i’m not alone. thank you
I don’t know you but I’m so very sorry that it’s happened to you. Please talk to someone who you know and trust. You shouldn’t be going through this alone. And your cousins should be in jail for what they did to you.
@@Aleksandra.DaGreat thank you so much
I was raped by a family member back in middle school , last year we had to do a sophomore end of year project in groups and my group blindly chose sexual assult and the such , not knowing what happened to me. A few days before the presentation i had flashbacks of it all and i broke down. I hid in the bathroom until it was time for me to go home because i texted my dad and he knew something was up so he came and got me and took me home back to his house. The teacher found out why i was crying eventually and when it came time to do our end of year personal presentations i decided to share my story. There was one other girl in the class who was raped too and a boy chuckled during mine and the teacher looked at him and said dont you dare laugh at her like that , keep your mouth shut or your going to the office (note i wasnt out as transgender (i go by he/him) yet) and i loved that teacher. If it wasnt for him helping me i wouldnt have been able to present. He was so chill and anytime i felt uncomfortable or didnt know how to explain or talk about it all he helped me. I know you probably wont see this mr. Halcombe but thanks for helping me through sophomore year , i sure do miss you handing us water bottles during shooter drills😂 .
I dropped out of school due to my abuse
I know this is 4 years later that you're getting a reply, but I'm transgender non-binary(AMAB). I know this about r*pe, but I was sxually assaulted one time in high school. At the time, I was in the closet, but it was Halloween, so I was dressed as a witch. I had a bra on with a bundle of socks in each cup. Everyone just seen it as crossdressing. It was in the middle of choir as the teacher was talking that a male classmate leaned over and had the audacity to ask to touch my breasts. I was so overwhelmed by the situation, but I kept things quiet and under control and I firmly told him no. I thought he would at least respect my answer, but I was mistaken. I told him no twice after he asked twice more. But, I wasn't able to focus on my teacher speaking, and mind you, I'm autistic and have sensory issues with hearing, so noise was overwhelming me, so instead of loudly telling my classmate that, no, he couldn't touch my breasts no matter how many times he begged me in an effort to embarrass him and get him in trouble, I regretfully stayed quiet and told him to get it over with, to which he instantly groped my breast. I felt so violated, but I couldn't tell anyone. The school councilor was one of those, "Are you sure you're gonna not regret changing your gender in a few years" transphobes, so I couldn't tell him, and if I did, he'd probably respond, "Now that you've got a taste of what it's like to be a woman, are you sure you still wanna go through the change?". I just, didn't want to go through that. This was back in 2020, the year I graduated. Unfortunately, I can't do anything about it. I know his first and last name. I know who's friends with him. I mean, what's the point? I live in a red state, the police would probably get a kick out of a tr*nny like me getting molested. I've lost hope in the law, and getting justice. Some part of me still wants to try and press charges all these years later. He probably doesn't even remember me. To him, it was as simple as breathing oxygen when he harrassed and assaulted me. Right in plain view of the students, yet nobody saw, and if anybody did, they didn't speak up. At the time, I wasn't on hrt. Now, I have a full C cup. Part of me fantasizes about a man playing with them while I'm being submissive, but I'm afraid that it might be a possible trigger I have yet to experience. I have no idea what I should do. If I should speak to him and tell him what he did to me. Or say it in front of his parents as well as mine so he has no way of backing out like a coward. I don't care if his parents turn out to be transphobic, I just want justice for myself, but it's hard to have hope when people want to commit genocide against trans people. I'm just lost. From one transgender person to another... What do I do? :(
Yes, hyperawareness is crazy. I have taken self defence lessons. Love to all survivors ❤️🙏
In the mental state that I am in currently... I honestly thought that maybe my sanity was completely gone, but I'm glad that I'm not alone in this. Sad to say that I was sexually assaulted for 8 years by my stepdad but I eventually told of March this year.. and I do want to say that I rather struggle by myself and not have family believe me than deal with the pain and hurt that I was holding in for that period of time. Because everything is still fresh and me having a lot of family issues.. a lot of things do trigger me and terrify me and I do at times get night terrors. But at least I know I'm not alone. At least I know I can go on here and watch and listen to people's stories and know that if they can do it then I can do it. That I'm going to be okay. Mahalo for the video :))) my blessings and support go out to everyone xoxo.
I have a niece that has come out and told us she has been raped by her step dad are there but we dont kno if she is being completely honest I just want to kno how to be sure but we dont want it to seem like we dont believe her I just need help if u can thank u
Wow the unknown phone calls is so specific to my situation, it made me cry but not in a bad way, at least we’re not alone
Same here :( very specific to my situation as well
Thank you for this.
This makes me feel less alone thank you for sharing.
I “lost my virginity” because of it at the end of July. Then it happened 20 days later with a guy that I was trying to get over the first assault with. So like... I guess I had a ptsd attack 2 days ago? And it was very random and I think I triggered it myself. Like idk.. I haven’t even cried about it since I told one of my best friends in mid October. So now I’m just extremely extremely fucking anxious because of the trigger and i find some comfort in this video. I’m like “oh I also feel like that”. So yeah
my assault happened on december 7th, 2019, and i totally understand how you feel. i rebounded with a boy who was much much older than me in an illegal way, and i felt so disgusting afterwards. i’m a lot happier and healed now, though, and you will get there too.
Do you hang around guys still?
To me it was actually somebody close to me, I was very young at the time and at first I could remember the feeling of being rocked and a wet stickiness. As I grew older I knew what had actually happened, thankfully that person is out of my life for good.
I still can't cope I was raped from 10 to 14 until I got pregnant by my abuser I am 16 now I still have lucid dreams of my abuse
I'm sorry that happened to you
I have a girl friend who is a rape victim. She has been through very hard time since then, cutting herself, severe sleep disorder, etc. She is going through the process of accusing right now and the result looks pretty promising. The problem is sex. I can wait and wait and wait and it does not matter howlong it would take to build a healthy sex life with her. But She is too tired, scared, having too hard time, depressed, feels guilty when she gets triggered, thinks it would never get okay. She still loves sex, still wants to have a sex with me but the thing that she cannot fully enjoy it drives her crazy. Now she wants to give up our whole relationship. I feel guilt for that I might be doing frighten her and cannot get out of this thought that what I do is do harm her. I want to encourage her, take her hand and go through everything but also worrying it might be another hard time for her. There's no sex therapy for same sex couples in my country. What should I do? I really do not know...
Is everything good now? Do you still need help?
I'm not ok!!!! 3 yrs out and I'm still not ok. He robbed me of my security and left me what feels like dead inside. Depression doesnt really describe it. I'm under the care of a doctor but even they dont seem to be able to TRULY help me. WILL I EVER REALLY BE OK?? HOW LONG UNTIL THE PAIN EASES?
I'm sorry that happened to you
Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men (aged 16 - 59) experience rape, attempted rape or sexual assault by penetration in England and Wales alone every year; that's roughly 11 of the most serious sexual offences (of adults alone) every hour. Approximately 90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence
People might find this really silly but i cannot. Wear tampons because. It triggers. Me. Somehow. And. I get flustered when i have my periods monthly . Just. So many things. That are a constant reminder. .
It’s alright. It’s definitely not silly, a trigger is never a silly thing.
Same thing happens to me i hate getting my period and its been 4 years. It’s not silly your feelings are valid
Yeah, me too honestly, I remember I tried to use one but I didn't manage to get it to fit in, so it started to hurt. Like a lot. It just made me feel terrible. That is why I will always stay loyal to pads and would love to burn every tampon I see. But sometimes I have to use them, because I need to go swimming (because of school,you know) but I hate it so much.
i found tampons a massive trigger for a long time. eventually i was able to overcome it, but it was really stressful, so i feel ya.
This very popular song was playing when the rape happened and every time that song plays I get in a bad mood and rush to turn it off I hope to one day not get triggered by it anymore
it has changed me in such little time since it happened and i cant see myself the way i did before. all my self confidence is gone and i cant see anything the same anymore and i cant like a boy anymore and dont feel comfortable hanging out with a boy
I'm sorry that happened to you
Im happy for they put a boy in this, 2 years ago when i was 15 i was raped and i thought that a boy couldnt be raped, so i just couldnt accept the fact that it happend to me and i felt weak and was so ashamed of myself and just to Think about it made me Wanting to throw up. Now im accepting the fact that it happend and i cant Change it and to hide what happend doesnt help at all.
Everybody Can be a victim of sexual assault No matter the gender, race, age,
And remember that you Can get thought it and your strong and a survivor
I have many triggers related to my trauma. Certain songs that reminded me of their tone. I dunno why, but if the singer has a similar tone to my attacker, I click out. I also avoid the mall near me, one grocery store, certain roads, anyone with a similar hairstyle, oilynees, and anything remotely similar with clothing or how their glasses are shaped. It’s haunting as fuck
it's still very recent to me, i only remembered it a month ago (it has been 3 years since it happened) so i'm not sure how many triggers i have or what they are exactly, i just know for a fact that i'd feel sick/uneasy seeing anything related to him in some way or going to the cinema (which kinda sucks bc it's the biggest one in town and it's the main one to go to if you want to see blockbusters..)
2. How can I love him through space/time~ when a part of my soul BROKE in a pressure to love him? A part of my spirit WHICH IS a broken child's spirit does not forgive him yet? 14 year old me couldn't run. Was trying to eventually get to his necessary KNOWING how I felt- never got to tell him how I REALLY felt. What was being done to me by his "friends". So many of them taking turns KNOWING I was here JUST for him... knowing I was married... KNOWING I AM Love. :'( The child is forever changed. To learn to COPE is the key. Because the opportunity to be a fuller potential of UNTOUCHED 19 year old me is gone forever. And these monsters were GIVEN the opportunity to TOUCH me every parallel. EVERY parallel THEY were allowed to abuse me. And the triggers ARE EVERYWHERE!!! And I'm always rediscovering a new photo where the prince of England is smiling in a photo with me and my husband... one of MANY who raped me. Who abused me... And these photos that are ME, yet, the public thinks is someone else. How can my broken spirit heal with so many new infections????? How can adult me honor this attempt to love through time/space... when I honor my broken spirit who vacuumed ALL pain that followed hers? If not for my 14 year old spirit, I would NOT have been able to continue the work. My broken spirit allowed me to disassociate from the abuse. Like the end of the song Raspberry beret... The words in the song are MY words... how my mind drifted whenever abused... especially raped. I was raped MANY times! MORE than the people in this video. And THEY ALWAYS rewinded to the SAME me over and over and on the SAME day raped many different ways by different losers. Like 15 year old me on a Tuesday in May, got penetrated at the same time rewinded again and again. THESE LOSERS thought a rewind would make me forget each time. But I don't forget. And the pain multiplied. Like being killed twice on the same day. How much can the female body take..& I was a child... And scratched and scraped and beauty of a child stolen. They would rape me and steal from me. How do I cope when part of my spirit has never gotten my due from the one I came here for... And THEY keep him from me on purpose... The space in between is on purpose.
trinity. How can I love him through space/time~ when a part of my soul BROKE in a pressure to love him? A part of my spirit WHICH IS a broken child's spirit does not forgive him yet? 14 year old me couldn't run. Was trying to eventually get to his necessary KNOWING how I felt- never got to tell him how I REALLY felt. What was being done to me by his "friends". So many of them taking turns KNOWING I was here JUST for him... knowing I was married... KNOWING I AM Love. :'( The child is forever changed. To learn to COPE is the key. Because the opportunity to be a fuller potential of UNTOUCHED 19 year old me is gone forever. And these monsters were GIVEN the opportunity to TOUCH me every parallel. EVERY parallel THEY were allowed to abuse me. And the triggers ARE EVERYWHERE!!! And I'm always rediscovering a new photo where the prince of England is smiling in a photo with me and my husband... one of MANY who raped me. Who abused me... And these photos that are ME, yet, the public thinks is someone else. How can my broken spirit heal with so many new infections????? How can adult me honor this attempt to love through time/space... when I honor my broken spirit who vacuumed ALL pain that followed hers? If not for my 14 year old spirit, I would NOT have been able to continue the work. My broken spirit allowed me to disassociate from the abuse. Like the end of the song Raspberry beret... The words in the song are MY words... how my mind drifted whenever abused... especially raped. I was raped MANY times! MORE than the people in this video. And THEY ALWAYS rewinded to the SAME me over and over and on the SAME day raped many different ways by different losers. Like 15 year old me on a Tuesday in May, got penetrated at the same time rewinded again and again. THESE LOSERS thought a rewind would make me forget each time. But I don't forget. And the pain multiplied. Like being killed twice on the same day. How much can the female body take..& I was a child... And scratched and scraped and beauty of a child stolen. They would rape me and steal from me. How do I cope when part of my spirit has never gotten my due from the one I came here for... And THEY keep him from me on purpose... The space in between is on purpose.
I'm so sorry 😔
I used drugs to cope with childhood trauma and that led to me be drugged and molested twice, it was really hard explaining that to my family and my bf. As I type this I'm crying because as I'm healing from the combined effects of the trauma and the drugs I'm so paranoid I keep psycho analyzing people and hurt my bf's feelings today. I have so many trust issues and it's hurting my relationships that I had already worked so hard to build and heal.
You people are very strong. I hope one day it can just become a faint memory.
For a year post assault, my triggers were clothes that looked similar to what he would wear: black Nike shoes and maroon/grey hoodies... I've overcomed that with time (five years), but men with red hair still trigger me because that's the color of the hair of the abuser.
I was raped when I was 7 and I completely removed it from my brain for 12 years. I only recently started remembering everything and now it’s like I’m experiencing it all over again. I watched a show called the vampire diaries and most of Damon’s scenes especially in the first three seasons were a trigger. Especially when his girlfriend came into town and dehumanized women. It’s also the smallest thing like one time I looked at the color yellow and it sent me spiraling.
Hello is there any way we can talk. I'm going through the same thing I'm feeling like I'm the only one who goes through it
@@aliciababwahyou’re not alone me too
@@alt6877 I was raped by 3 of brothers from 3 years old to 13. I blocked it out for a long time but was triggered after all the stress they were putting on me. When I remembered I cried in work
My girlfriend has been raped when she was 14 years old and it is the most painful discovery I've ever made. I dont know what to do and I am doing what I can to comfort her but I know I cant heal this. I dont have anybody to talk to about this please please if anybody reads this reply and talk about it with me.
Is it that you seek someone to vent to about your emotions while dealing with this or someone who've also experienced rape specifically?
Everything was ruined for me when I was in elementary school, never been the same since, not only that but i've had a run of really bad luck putting me lower and lower
I'm a straight male, at 29, my first "kiss" and sexual experience was the night I was raped by a male coworker.
I'm having a really hard time right now.
Sorry that happened to you ❤️ Hope you're getting the help you need. If you aren't please do, it might be hard but you don't have to and shouldn't deal with this alone.
I completely understand and feel the way these survivors feel.
I am always hyper aware of everything and everyone. My family calls it paranoid and I it being prepared. I carry at least 2-3 knives, 1 cuff key, an Apple Watch, mace, etc
I’m so heightened that I can hear almost everything, my ears rings and feel full of pressure.
I constantly check doors, locks, windows, rooms. It gets tiring but I still don’t sleep until 3 or 4. Then my body normally gets so sleepy it starts glitching and just shuts down. I hate sleeping. I sit on my balcony all night just to feel like I’m going “outside”. Maybe it’s so I don’t have to worry about checking every lock or room a million times.
I always prepare myself in case it happens again. But when I have been put in situations my anxiety, fear, mind, and body all betray me and I’m a sitting duck, not capable of fighting back. So I stay at home.
It’s amazing how much your own mind imprisons you. It’s amazing how your own body doesn’t feel like you.
It’s actually not amazing at all.
Just lonely and left behind.
Thanks, I learned a lot
I can’t be alone anywhere, men’s voices, the word itself or things related to it, and being in the dark, I was completely blindfolded and it was pitch black so anything like that terrifies me, I was only 8
I hope you're doing better
We get this, but how do we stop thinking about it as if it never happened? You know I had forgotten what happened to me when I was a child, and now since I got rapped that's came back again, and my triggers are more intense.
It hurted so bad it was 6 years ago but the people I’ve told don’t believe me I was 9 now I’m 15
You should still talk to the police, whoever it was that did it may still be doing it to others.
You could repay the disgusting thing he did to you by helping get him caught.
How do I find out what trigger soemone so I don’t do it, I don’t want my patented uncomfortable but I feel it’s rude to ssj
My sister raped and abused me for two years of my childhood. It’s been 10 years since it happened and it’s now affecting my relationships. I wish I had just gotten a chance to be normal.
I'm sorry that happened to you
Mine has been a year and a half ago. I'm starting to have doubts about not reporting it. Am I too late?
For me it was a really bad experience and for it had been 6 months ago.The police blamed me for not protecting myself.I wouldn't report it again if i had the choice.
I was three or four and I remember his hands on my back, his smell, the tape on my mouth and his voice telling me this is normal this is ok trust me... so I never told anyone and I get when she says she goes through scenarios in her when she’s walking or the strange call I always feel like he’s coming back to continue... worst part is I have no clue who it is
Not knowing is torture bc they can literally be anyone and you wouldnt know if they still remember you
Anisa B Martinez yeah it’s scary I would rather know who it was so then at least I could stay away from them because there is no proof just memories and flashbacks.
I_Slayyy_demons-through_GOD 444 just the once... thank god... my hearts goes out to everyone who has gone through it and has had it continue for multiple or hundreds of times
My triggers are, getting touched while I'm under the blanket. I mean by, their hand isnt under the blanket but above the blanket and touching my body. When I'm getting touched like that, it just makes me so uncomfortable and reminds me of that one night.
I'm sorry that happened to you
I need this...my girlfriend is a rape victim and...things like ones here trigger her...im so worried that ill set her off...but now, because of this, I've been able to for the most part prevent it...but...the rape was recent and i don't know how to help her...she hasn't fully processed it...any advice you can give me to help her?
When someone says my name, especially, when my attackers say my name. They say it forcefully, aggressively, to make sure they basically try to force me to respond/reply to them, by saying my name like that. During my drugging & gangrape, when I'd fade out (it was suggested by authorities that I possibly need hypnotherapy, to remember all of my rapists, because I was drugged) each rapist I remembered would say my name, aggressively, trying to force me to pay attention to them & repeat things back to them, that they'd force me to repeat back to them. I have yet to report it to the police; I've reported it to a couple other agencies, along with the names of the rapists I remember. I realized, too late, that the elder, whose couch I sleep on, may be behind it all. Also, when someone says certain vulgar words & phrases: during my rape, and during some other sexual assaults & abuse I suffered from this group, afterward, they'd say these things to me, about certain body parts. Whereas these may be offensive to many others, they're not only offensive to me, but they trigger me to the point of tears, panic/anxiety. Also, when I've started to tell my story to a couple others, they get incredulous, and ask, "Oh REALLY!" As if they don't believe me. My attackers knocked me out for 2 days, during this drugging & gangrape; by the time I woke up, they had spread rumors & lies about me, including, saying that I was a prostitute, a whore, a slut. So, when I needed a shoulder to lean on, nobody believed me; instead, they believed my attackers, my rapists.
My mother raped me when I was 9, me and my sister she was 10. She and her many boyfriends did many things. We have gotten out of the house now but it scares me. I still have to see her for court and stuff I'm 14 now. But it's really hard to be around girls even though I am one.
I'm sorry that happened to you
Hope you and your sis are doing ok now, and hope your mom and her boyfriends are in jail for what they did.
@@bensmith8957 it’s a long story but we ended up losing. We now still live with our father but she is still walking free. Her one boyfriend killed himself for what he has done and the others still walk.
@@TheSmallLamp oh wow I'm really sorry about that, its sad that life isn't always fair. You were still very brave to stand up and face all that because for a lot of victims its too hard for them to face. I hope life is somewhat better that you are out of that situation and hope you and your sis and real dad can have a good relationship from here on out. Hope life starts getting a little better from here on out and wish you and your sis blessings with your lives.
@@bensmith8957 thank you so much. You are very kind like seriously
💖Thank you all for sharing.... i weep... for my adult children... for myself... for the far reaching effects it has had on us all... for the way we've coped, being fragile, yet so strong,... to have endured the pain and the residue... for so long... yet we remain, to ultimately proclaim victory over a wicked scheme to rob us of our identity... for whom the Son sets free is free indeed💖🕊🙏
For 12 years, I was assaulted by a man. During these years, I kept saying to myself that I am a man. It cannot be considered assault. Now, I am 21 years old, and it has been hurting my soul for several years.
Does anybody know about any online groups or something similar for victims of sexual assault? I need to talk about this
After Silence is an online forum for survivors. Check it out. I find it helpful.
@@kellylester8583 I was hopeful for this suggestion. Then I see it directs you to RAINN who I called today and a woman placated me while she did a google search for resources in my area. As if I hadn't done that years ago and nearly every day since?! But I went ahead and tried calling the agency here they recommend, the one that I've already received assistance from. The one that is not set up to handle the long term impact of sexual assault. I appreciate what they do, but when you're ten years out and still a fucked up mess, no one wants to help anymore. They just refer you until you give up.
@@kellylester8583 Try facebook groups for survivors of SA, just type in sexual assault survivors/victims
We should make a group. a safe space to talk about our experiences.
There's really no escaping it for me. Because I've been sexually assaulted 4 times. But I use my anger to drive my workouts.
I can’t stand any physical contact, a poke, hand on my shoulder, a hug, anything.
Triggers seem to be everywhere. I have ctsd, I suffered in childhood, then was raped at the age of 48, almost 5 years ago. I'm struggling but determined to free myself from mind control. I hate going out in the dark outside
I get triggered by sudden touch my attacker also keeps trying to contact me and it triggers me everytime
I cant eat tator tods or anything that smells or looks like it bc it reminds me of details. How dumb is that? To feel like a slave to food.. A couple days ago i was at a restaurant and my friend order it as a side for us and I didn’t eat anything but a quarter of my burger and some sips of soda. I gave her the rest of my food. I felt physically ill after that. Its been 3 days and I still feel sick.
It’s not dumb that certain foods are triggers. Try not to feel guilty about stuff like that, just remember it’s not your fault. I hope you’re doing good.
Im watching this on new years day 2022 like thats a good start to a life im imprisoned in. Just give me amnesia, even then my body and spirit will know the truth
My boyfriend grabs and hugs me from behind when I dont know hes there. It honestly terrifies me for a second. I mean I'm in our house and hes the only one that would do that but after what happened to me it scares me for a second and.. idk.. makes me relive the fear I had then? It sucks.. idk how to explain it to him though without making him feel like he has to worry about me like that.
Just tell him what happened and why you don’t like it. If he’s a good man, he will understand.
@@averyjudgementalsoldier8303 I have. Hes stopped for the most part but hes a bit of a dummy lol so he forgets from time to time. Hes a great guy, and always comforting me on a bad night. I guess he just needs an adjustment period.
@@Des_Cutie3.14 okay. I hope you are doing good!!!
@@averyjudgementalsoldier8303 I am. Thank you!
I'm starting to think I may have some blocked memories. I was watching a show with a, not very graphic, but highly disturbing rape scene, at least to me. Just haven't been myself past couple of days. It feels like something is squeezing my heart
Safety is an absolute lie and what's so terrifying is we need the very people that terrify and harm us to protect us, to build a family. Its pure evil and twisted
These are how the triggers make you feel-
photos.app.goo.gl/5mZinoxX9BkNiPAJA
Art & writing did help my triggers. To visualize what happens to you inside then show it through the expression of art really does help me. Privately recording my own voice that helps get it out without my face in front of the camera. Disabling comments when you share like on TikTok you are just trying to get it out. People's input during the process often doesn't help. Often times it makes it worse.
vm.tiktok.com/R7KgsT/
Listening to this guy put more into perspective too
ua-cam.com/video/c6IL8WVyMMs/v-deo.html
Your immune system everything gets affected. Hard to know the self care you need to cope. I wanted to share what I did after experiencing rape, domestic violence and a really bizarre inappropriate attack by someone when I first attempted to open up. When forming my business after being determined to break the abuse cycle realized the small idea became way bigger than me. In 2015 I emailed the White House. Not understanding fully the storm to come. That was on me. Our government was being abusive too just all over. I assumed no one would read my emails. If they did maybe some help. We are drowning down in America. What happened next I never expected. Thistlefarms.org is part of my inspiration for starting a supportive network the one I couldn't find.
Can understand most folks would see my attempt to get help & backing by emailing my own government as crazy brought on what happened. Well, it was on my part. In order to fully address these problems the government has to be involved too. Better policies, funding for care etc. In America we have become wage slaves & barcodes. You make low wages and the cost of living is so high you end up especially women in toxic situations. It's all connected even if this video is about triggers. You'll stay with someone who harms you if you don't wish to be homeless.
Long story short Art & design did help. Writing. Getting it out. Reminding myself how many pieces I had to put back together after being shattered. No one should ever be life shamed into living if they don't want to. It's your body and your choice people who push their beliefs of euthanasia are violating your rights to call the shots over your own body. To me it's a spiritual rape. Never be ashamed about feeling you want to die to end your body it's not crazy to think that after being violated. Remember the one who raped you is sad and pathetic you didn't cause it. They have no heart, you do. Even if they never feel bad for attacking you, you are the better person this world needs. We can use less predators and more folks who care and are self aware. What they did was selfish it was cruel. You don't just have to survive you can thrive. No matter what that asshole PTSD says to you.
I noticed few views on these types of videos few truly open discussions that needs to change. Predators have their marketplace we should have our own coherent networks. Those in society who harm others serve as a reminder you don't have to become them. You have a choice even if they took yours away. Just how I see it now through my perspective. Hopefully this inspires someone else who is struggling. Use the pain. Own it. Helps to remember the moments you were feeling joy and happy too. I personally made myself an emotional support squirrel named Zip to make me laugh put him in my pictures (squirrel photoboom) so I can laugh it's goofy helps me think about Bob Ross (Joy of Painting). I remember I'll make soap in my marketplace to wash off the shame. I'll make cozy quilts to hug others with you can wrap yourself up in have that market benefit those violated rather than the violators. Highlight we can thrive not just survive.
photos.app.goo.gl/QhqcHuW4XYbTcW4c6
No matter what they do to you. Your soul is yours forever the body is temporary. You can channel what happened 💩 into something meaningful and positive.
I have someone who I work for harassing me constantly about I need to give him relief.
I have handled the triggers with self harm
He’s so hateful and nasty
I just want to move over a thousand miles away to get away from this trigger
He claims to “ love” me. It’s lust. Not love
If you see this please pray for me to come up with a way to get out of here before I end up in psych again.
Twice in one week, three different men, the second one was an ex who I thought I could trust…. I stepped on some leaves and broke down crying because they crunched in the same exact way as the leaves one of the guys in the first incident stepped on. I didn’t even know that it was in there. I’ve been having some flashbacks and emotional outbursts and idk what to do. I don’t trust the cops in my area so idk what to do
Please find help. Do you have anyone you could trust?
The unknown number thing hits me hard too.
Zero Naut what?
I'm crying I relate to the lady 38 yrs old having no kids no partner, delayed by the whole process but im 46 and was rpd at age 42. I started to date recently and now I finally met someone who is not focussed on sex but.we already had a misunderstanding bc I got scared when he held me. Even if affection feels so good I alert what if he decides he wants sex and I can not free myself (rapist grabbed my wrists with full weight on top of me , it happened in my own bedroom).
I am sensitive and triggered to not.get trappen. I don't dare to go in elevators so it seems like the rpe resulted in claustrofobia. Tge rapist also locked my from door when I tried tp escape.
I also feel pain of abandonment and fear for dissapointment in love. Which is a universal emotion too but in my case if I react scared to a man ("what are you doing") he may feel rejected and walk away from me. I tell myself that a genuine mam who likes me for.me won't use my behavior against me but will try to understand and talk it over but that's rational. Emotionally you will feel hurt and not comforted but having to defend yourself.
After the rpe I wanted to experience healthy love and making love more than ever before.not right after the incident but after 2 yesrs I decided I'm not going to let the sadist stop my ( love l life. There are good ppl / men too and most are decent.
Last but not least, after reporting the incident my car was stolen and I got a very scary intimidating anonymous call from a woman (I think he sent her to call me based on what she said)so since then, even after moving twice , each time my doorbell rings on unexpected times or anonymous calls appear I am alerter or even in flight panic mode.
Also along the process feeling framed by healthcare system aa if I am instable and ai feared for being forced to seek help. My medicine was my autonomy, gym, beach , work. To be normal. I sought help in my own way but there are standard expectations towards sexual v victims.
That's just my personal experience. Even at qork I felt manipulated to go in therapy while I was still busy with admin things related to the legal procedure.
It happened in 2018.
He was convicted in februari 2022 by 3 judges 3 years in jail.but he appealed. This.can take 18 months. So I'm still not 100 % free from uncertainty.
He was convicted before in 2007 and in jail for 2 years according to my lawyer.
When typing this im a but worried that he finds my comments. It's weird bc I have the right to share and express myself but I still feel as if im doing something wrong.
I was ' lucky' to have evidence due to bruises from defending myself physically, which obviously failed.
Despite.the evidence and former conviction he was sent home as suspect to await investig in freedom.
I didn't dare to shower and sleep alone in my house so the first weeks after the incident I lived in my car during the day and in the evening my friend slept on my couch.i didn't sleep in my bedroom for 6 months.
After two years I moved away. I still feel an urge to tell, probably bc the legal system is still gentle with criminals and their rights are still valued more.than their prey's wellbeing and safety.
In my core I felt and feel strong but the mental fights from external things are a lot of work and time.
The self hate after the date is worse than the actual rape
I sometimes het so angry at myself for not being who i was before the rape i was so fearless and now i get scared just a sound its like i am always On guard i hate it
I was raped by many different people as a kid during different years and I need help I’m becoming a evil person there’s two sides to me now I don’t wanna become the evil person when he takes over I’m scared what he might do please give me so suggestions