I’m totally for guy and gal friendships but I just need my partner to be open about it and be respectful of my boundaries. If they hide it, that sends off red flags in my head
Ladies, if he keeps texting a woman friend after you voice your displeasure. . .let him go. I respect my significant other enough to keep all my female friendships on the surface/superficial. With the exception of female colleagues about business,I find no need to text other females.
So true! My boyfriend of 5 years messaged/talked to a few girls throughout our relationship who he claimed were just “friends”. (But these girls had only recently come into the picture and I always feel insecure about them) When I brought up I wasn’t happy about this he would say that I “wouldn’t let him have friends who were girls” and that I was “crazy” and “psycho.” We ended up compromising and came to an agreement that if he was talking to these “friends” he would let me know so I could feel more secure. But, in the end, he left me for another girl out of the blue, lied about it and hid this relationship from me. I only found out as she was my co-worker and everyone at work knew he’d been having an emotional affair with her for months behind my back. Bottom line is people don’t change. Talking to other girls in that way is never harmless and signals that he is looking for other options. If you feel insecure, there is probably a good reason you feel this way, so don’t doubt yourself and listen to your gut.
I am going through exactly what you're going through, except those girls, my bf is talking to, are girls he knew online. He wanted to meet them and all, it caused a lot of rifts in our relationship of 10 years. I am in a lost place where idk if I am really too insecure or it is somewhat normal that it bothers me. He told me I am too jealous, insecure, controlling ect and in order for this relationship to work, I need to trust him and improve on myself in being okay with the things he wanna do like talk and meet girls from online. I haven't had proof he "cheated" but sometimes cheating is such a grey line like he does not see flirting or emotional affair as cheating. I wish, wish wish to have the courage as you do, Ellen.
JaceJacelyn S JaceJacelyn S I am so, so sorry you are going through this as well! 😞 Never let anyone make you doubt yourself. If you feel insecure, it’s probably because you have good reason to be. If your partner was 100% committed to you and very loyal you probably wouldn’t feel like this. When guys turn it around on you/blame it on you, it’s normally because they are doing something wrong/have something to hide and are gaslighting you. (Which is emotionally abusive behaviour.) I’d recommend asking your bf for you to meet these girls via video chat. If he says yes, that might help to make you feel more secure. If he says no, really question him about why he won’t let you see them and why he wants these relationships with other girls. If he has nothing to hide he should be fine with you meeting them too. An affair is an affair whether it is emotional or physical and never let him tell you “he didn’t mean for it to happen/he couldn’t help getting feelings for her”, as my ex said that and it’s simply not true. It’s always a choice to message someone behind your girlfriends back and they could step away at any point. It’s an excuse they tell themselves so they don’t feel so guilty. There are “grey areas” but I would class an affair as getting intimate with another person other than your partner. That intimacy can be physical or emotional! I have gone to a lot of therapy and counselling to help get through this as it is very traumatic. And I wish you all the strength and love in the world. ❤️ You deserve the best and 100% commitment and I really hope you and your bf can work through this. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am here ☺️ xxx
@@ellenscrace4481 Thank you so much, I really needed this right now T.T He wanted to break up again last night and... I begged again. I told him I will be okay with everything he wants to do, even if I'm not, I will be. I am not sure why I said that knowing how much it will kill me. I got desperate I guess. It's just hard and my thoughts are really killing me. I should look into therapy perhaps.
JaceJacelyn S I begged my bf to stay too...when you love someone that much it seems impossible to live without them! I can tell you love him very much and apart from this issue, seem to have a good relationship. You seem like a lovely and thoughtful girl and so never blame yourself or feel like you are not enough. You are more than enough and deserve the world. The only thing I will say is, if your bf is prioritising his relationships with girls he hasn’t even met over you, something seems very wrong there! He seems very selfish, not committed to you and immature. A real man who loved and valued you in the ways you deserve would never put your relationship at risk and would do anything he could to make you happy, including not talking to these girls. Whether you stay together or not I would recommend therapy, as emotional infidelity really knocks all your self confidence and talking things through with a counsellor can help you to build up your self esteem and process everything. Look after yourself and give yourself lots of love and cuddles. Put your own happiness and mental health first at moment! I’d also recommend looking up a website called “Surviving Infidelity”. There are forums where you can write about your situation and people who have been through similar things can offer you support and advice. The website has really helped for me and hopefully it might help you too ☺️ xxx
Its never just a friend...I learned this recently. He was texting a new girl who he claimed was just a friend, oh but wait...they met on tinder. Thats funny. Said she was just a pen pal, then he started seeing her on Fridays. Yup, I had to leave after he started saving his weekends for this so called friend. Still in pain over this but ultimately I knew I couldnt trust him. Listen to your gut. Dont date a guy who's always on his phone anyway or has a million unread text messages. They are attention seekers.
@August Always trust your gut. My exboyfriend always texted with a girl saying she's just a friend. One he slept with once. And then he told me he'd love to go on vacation with her one day. I'm glad I broke up. My friends told me he was recently in a long distance relationship and still cuddled other girls at parties etc. My mistrust was on point, no matter what he said to make me feel like I was crazy or overreacting/jealous. He will always seek attention elsewhere. It wasn't me, it's him. I felt instantly relieved when we broke up.
My soon to be EX , of 25 years had a so called friend” of the opposite sex, a coworker (not surprising). I communicated to him about how it made me feel. Especially when there are rumors at his place of employment that they are having an affair. He swears there was nothing physical between them. But the way I see it, an affair is an affair, wether it’s physical or emotional. But he doesn’t believe in emotional affairs, or emotional abuse. I can’t change the thoughts or views points of others. I can only stand my ground. And that friendship was a dealbreaker. He lost his wife, lover and best friend over a simple coworker friendship. And then later, she kicked him to the curb! Lol karma’s a bitch.
@Noob master tell her that what she is doing is making you uncomfortable and unhappy. If she really cares about you and your happiness she will listen to her. Tell her that you would like to meet her friends and if she says no that's is a giant humongous red flag. I went through it a year ago. He was cheating on me. I don't want you or anyone else to go through what I did. If she refuses to stop or introduce you to her friends then leave. Trust me when I tell you no relationship is worth your mental health. Hugs ❤
@@noobmaster5476 you can't control her reaction, you can only reveal to her what's on your heart. If she doesn't respect that then you really need to reassess her place in your life
@@noobmaster5476 It is hard to trust a partner who keeps secrets about the people they communicate with unless they are some sort of secret agent. For all I have experienced and seen people go through ... this is red flag. ... I myself am quite communicative and I talk to many people. But I never ever have kept it a secret with whom I was texting and for what purpose. Whenever he wanted, he could ask and I would provide him with the information he wanted to know and offered him to read the messages if he cared to. If a perso wants to be with someone they love and stay with them, they need to be honest and transparent. It is when my ex-husband started having secrets and I got the impression that he didn't provide accurate information when I asked him, I knew. Ex for a reason, as it turned out he had started an affair with an 18 y. old. Good riddance. Greetings from Germany, Mike.
Despite the things he has done, I am glad that you are staying strong. It will serve you making the cut, I am sure. I once read a quote which said: "To realize that something isn't working (anymore) and/or cannot be fixed and to have the courage to let go of the weight that drags you down and move on, that's true dignity." From what I gather you made the right move and despite the heartbreak, I have the impression that it'll make your life a happier one. I myself have been divorced from my ex-husband in December of 2019 and though things aren't quite there where I would like them to be, I am content. And so far the future looks bright. And btw: These were the same words I left my husband with: You lost your husband, lover, and probably your only and best friend today. You have done yourself a great disfavor with your actions. And it was him who stood there with tears in his eyes, not me. That's what happens if you take the one who loves you dearly for granted.
Matthew went through a bloody time!!! Me and you, Matthew...... Every word he said came from my heart. He is not a dating coach. He is self-respect expert
Very similar thing happened that led to us breaking up. I was so emotionally exhausted that I had to tell him that I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I kept giving giving giving, I kept hoping that he will change, and in turn made me even more anxious as I was holding on to the relationship so desperately I just couldn’t anymore in the end. I feel guilty for being so controlling and anxious but then again, I have to for once listen to my emotions. It was telling me something that I kept suppressing because I was so preoccupied with my love for him. For once, I choose my happiness and well being over my love for him. That’s the hardest truths to accept. That I couldn’t have both in this relationship. Thank you Matthew again for this video. Really grounded me.
Matthew Hussey..u r a real person in this fake world.. U make this world a better place just by being in it.. Every good girl deserves a good man like you.. U deserve all the love..u deserve all the respect..u deserve all the happiness in the world.. I like ur good character.. I love ur kindness... I respect ur good intentions.. I value u..nd I value ur valuable advice.. U r a blessing to the world..
If they are in constant contact they are NEVER "just a friend". They may not have crossed over into a physical relationship but they have crossed into an emotional relationship. One of them always has more than a "friendship" interest and the other knows it and likes the attention they are getting. It is a slippery slope to go down.
True. My boyfriend don't have that deep interest in me like getting into commitment or serious. He wana keep a open relationship but enjoys my constant attention and care. I don't know where I'm heading to and where I will end.
Matthew gave great advice on this subject in a video a few years ago. If you have a new opposite sex friend that your partner worries about, it's YOUR responsibility to make them as comfortable as possible. That could mean being transparent about when/how often they talk, when they hang out, open communication, giving their partner the opportunity to also develop a relationship with this person, etc.
Nicole Kellidis Are you married or dating someone else? And are you good friends with the wife? Because that matters. I don’t think anyone should be friends with the opposite sex when they are in a relationship or married themselves. You’re putting effort to that friendship and giving attention to another man when you should be putting effort in your relationship. But whatever that’s what most of these younger kids don’t think of lol.
If you aren't okay with him constantly messaging with the opposite sex, whereas he thinks it's okay to do so, then this is where you need to calmly sit down and have a talk with one another. How you communicate with him about your feeling is also very important. If he values your happiness and your sense of security in the relationship more than his friendship with that opposite sex, he then will be willing to stop doing the thing that bothers you. However, if he is more willing to maintain his friendship than he is willing to do what you would want him to, then it really indicates that you and your partner are incompatible with one another. It doesn't mean he is a bad boyfriend for not thinking about your feelings, or you are a bad girlfriend for not thinking about his friendship. You guys value things differently. Sometimes we love our partners so much that we stay in a relationship because of that person rather than doing things (taking the "risk") for our true happiness. Ladies, you are strong. Do things and be with someone who truly cares for your emotional well-being ❤
Matthew, I really like the direction your great work is taking. I feel it gets more and more important to learn to protect our own mental health and inner peace without any man/woman dragging us down by treating us in a way none of us deserves. Know your boundaries, love yourself and get THE RIGHT guy! ❤️
Exactly this happened to me before, this advise would have saved me a lot of headache back then. I got into that type of discussions or fights that never got anywhere because we had such different points of view on how we saw relationships should be.. I tried to make him see his view was wrong and relationships wouldn't work like that in the long term but he thought I was just trying to take away his freedom. I had no problems like this ever in my previous relationships so I was very sure of what I needed but he didn't want to make it work.. our fights were so ridiculous and tiring, I just needed to think about what was important to me and if that was making me happy. It's so important to not lose perspective and focus on what's really important for us, that way the answers are very clear and straightforward and would save us a lot of pain. I eventually broke up but not after a long period of time and leaving me with a tremendous amount of pain, but I learnt my lesson and became stronger after that :)
My ex boyfriend was a smoker and he said he would quit. I hate when people smoke around me and I waited for him to quit. Of course he didn't. I broke up with him because of this and everybody said I was crazy, they thought this is something so little and i should have just keep calm. No! Smoking is not something small, it is the only thing that I truly hate in this life and that was it. Later I gave him a chance again but it didn't work out because of smoking and some other things. I don't regret my choice of giving him a second change or dating him at the first place but I am very happy that I broke up with him to make myself happy. My job is to make me happy, not others. Yeah this story is not about another woman or an affair but it is still about a deal breaker.
I would do the same as you. I hate the smell of cigarettes. Plus he shouldn't quit for you, he should quit for himself because it's bad for his own health.
Absolutely 100% agree. Was with someone who told me many lies including that he wasn't a smoker. You have to only be with someone whose values line up to yours in all relationships.
My last partner had lots of health issues, but wouldn't stop smoking or drinking. But justified by saying his diet was good. Insane logic, I did the same as you. (But there were other deal breaker issues as well.) Well done for being true to yourself.
Same here, I rejected few guys on a very early stage (1st, 1nd date) when they turned out to be smokers. The very thought of kissing someone who is a smoker makes me wanna vomit. A lot of people told me that I was to picky and its normal that people have flaws. Well, there are flaws that I can accept and live with but smoking is definetely not one of them (seriously, I wouldnt be able to do it, even physically, the smell, yellow teeth, stained fingers just ugh...)
Ah I've been in a relationship with a smoker before and even though he was trying to quit it was a massive annoyance to me. Now, I always investigate whether someone smokes or not as I know this is not part of my standards.
Matthew, I have been following you since 2015, after one of my most heart breaking break ups. Your videos have been so encouraging and insightful and they continue to get better and better every year. Love your positivity and open minded content. That non-judgey, but “I’ll call you out on your shit gracefully” attitude works miracles. Thank you for sharing and doing what you do.
Matt, I got to tell you bro... as a man, I really appreciate all you share, bacause 99% of the insight you provide is not really linked to a gender, we can all benefit from your advise. Honestly.. Thank you
This is not necessarily about your partner texting other people. This advice is soooooo universal! It works for friendships, work space, family! Love it
So so true 💜Everyone got different rules and we can create the kind of relationship we want to have. But finding that happy middle while staying truthful to yourself is usually what makes a thriving relationship. I'm still learning this 😊 Like this if you're learning to set healthy boundaries 🧚🏻♀️
I confronted my ex about this girl he said he was "just friends" with. Turns out, he was cheating on me with her during our relationship and the girl got pregnant. Damage is an understatement to what I felt and I'm definitely traumatized by this experience. But its a blessing in disguise. Actions speak louder than words. Communicating boundaries in a relationship is important, but ultimately its not in your control and it's the other persons' choice to respect those boundaries. If they don't respect it, respect and love yourself to leave. It's not worth it being with someone who can't value and treat you the way you should be.
How are you dealing with this now? My ex of 6 years cheated on me with his friend, we tried giving it another shot but he still lied and was so close to her. He dumped me a month back. It's a double wound and it just sucks.
@@shauryasharma326 I'm sorry you are going through this as well. Tbh I am still recovering from this. Some days are ok, but others, I feel empty inside. I've known my ex for 6 years as well and it's been hard to let go of someone you thought had the best intentions for you and saw forever with, but turns out they weren't the person you thought they were. There are days I miss him (he was my best friend) but then I remember the disrespect and the betrayals. I get that people make mistakes, but there's a fine line to it. He def broke that line. But I try to make myself busy and surround myself with people who I know love and respect me. Everyone's timeline to recover from heart break is different. But I hope you know that you deserve to be someone's only choice, not an option.
If a woman is in a relationship, she should personally know all her man's close friends. If she knows the woman personally that he's texting and she knows their relationship is strictly platonic, then it shouldn't be anything to worry about. On the flip side, a woman has every right to be upset if her boyfriend or husband is texting another woman the girlfriend or wife never even met before. Thats a problem. Their shouldn't be any secrets in a healthy relationship. And trust is VERY important. If you need to hide the fact that youre texting a "friend" then something is up.
My Boyfriend know all my friend even my family but, no one knows me on his sides and i Was so Naiv and dummed to not ask him why i just waste 6yrs with him without knowing anyone from his side
Naima de la feunte He was probably ashamed of you or hiding something. Which is horrific. You deserve somebody that is proud to show you off. Glad you moved on from him 👍❤️
that unfortunately is you super-imposing your morals as a guideline to all. Not everyone reasons in terms of "if it's platonic, that's ok". I don't need there to be any hint of sex to find a relationship outside the couple to be disrespectful.
Jessica Borgogni Oh please! Relax! Youre saying men and women shouldn't have friends outside their relationship? I've known men that have friends that are women that they wouldn't even think twice about romantically. Just because a man is married or is in a committed relationship doesn't mean he's gonna cheat on his wife or girlfriend with his female friends. What if his female friend is lesbian? Sounds like you have some jealousy issues you need to work on little girl 👍 This is "YOU super-imposing" your insecurities.
@@SamanthaN92 I am entirely relaxed, thank you for your concern! Let me check you right there, because I get the feeling you don't know what "super-imposed" means. Might wanna google that. Im saying people have different standards, different boundaries therefore, and will make different choices based on this - hopefully in full awareness, clarity and joy. Which is EXACTLY Matt's point on this ;) aka sure, check with reality if your standard is valid, but at the end of the day, YOU get to decide what your deal breakers are, no matter what they sound like to others, and obviously accept the consequences of that. He's not the only one saying this and I fully, wholeheartedly, 100% support this message. You have every right not to accept my boundary for YOU (but we're not discussing having a relationship, so that would be moot), besides that, you still have to respect it. Be well!
Always been a huge fan of your work! So much so that I started my own channel to talk about relationships and finance. I use a lot of the things I learned in your channel to advice my friends and clients. So thank you Matthew!
I clicked on one of Matthew’s links 3 months ago to get some information. Today I noticed that I have 3 months of charges on my credit card regarding some membership with this organization while I never used any services!
Literally last night, after almost 2 years of my partner not liking my behaviour and continuously trying to change me by finding problems in what I believe to be my strengths and what make me ‘me’, I told her I need space. I don’t know what I want. I love the girl, but I love myself and the trivial issues she has with my personality, actions and decisions all stemming from her insecurities are really getting me down. One cannot be arsed with it anymore. This video appeared at a really good time man! Much love!
The instant that there is any level of secrecy involved with this “friend”, then it’s a deal-breaker (and that goes for both genders). Sure, know yourself and communicate what your boundaries are and if there’s any room for compromise without sacrificing on your end, but if there’s really “nothing going on and we’re just friends”, then there should be nothing to hide. Do you really need SnapChat with your coworkers???
Thank you. I dealt with the stress and anxiety of her regularly talking to and hanging out with her ex, thought I could get used to it but I didn’t it just drove me insane. I wouldn’t make her cut ties with friends because I’d still suspect them of just hiding the contact, so I broke up with her last night and I really really love her but I couldn’t do that to myself anymore
This is actually so helpful for my situation right now... except it’s my work relationship with my employer. That decision to stay or go when the behaviour of a boss won’t change is taking such a toll... thank you Matthew for laying it down!
See this was a major problem in my parents' relationship. Besides knowing yourself which of course is very important, in this case what's really important for me is understanding and respecting the person you're with. We're not alone in this world. When you genuinely care about someone you care about their feelings. That doesn't mean sacrificing your own. It's finding a new path where both can co-exist. Its harder to do, yes, but it's the most rewarding. Less pain...for everyone.
Learning about myself over the years (I'm 47) and from following Matthews videos since 2015, I have learned to accept where men are in their lives in all aspects & then deciding whether they are the right person for me. My decision on how long I continue to date them is determined by whether their values, boundaries, morals etc align with mine. I no longer try to change someone because it's not my place to change them.
The only female friends I have, I NEVER hang out with them outside of a group context, and I'm a single guy. I'm not saying it's impossible to have only an opposite sex friend but damn near it. I had a female best friend in high school and we hung out alone all the time. Other than that, literally every other single female that's been in my life that I hung out with exclusively there was more interest there than just friends.
I don`t really have guy friends, though I`d love to. But I guess it simply never really happened for me to meet a guy friend with whom I am compatible enough to stay friends for long and at the same time with whom there is no partnership potential. But it is definitely possible.
Omg I just found you on TikTok and moved to UA-cam for more content and this is literally exactly what I needed to hear! You are AMAZING! Thank you thank you thank you ❤️
If your partner does not understand that something is not okay with you or makes you uncomfortable. Then it's time to move on unfortunately. It also doesn't matter what age they are. I dealt with a man that's 50 years old, and he thought it was perfectly fine to have all kinds of different friends"friends". Not. I feel your partner should always want to make you feel comfortable and loved. Some people just don't know how to have relationships.
Agree!! Do not justify anyone's behavior... is his/her behavior hurting you? Make you feel insecure ? Call it how it is! Is he/ she hiding things, deleting messages, calls, emails, he is not honest. If he/she changing facts about a situation that is call manipulation. Do not take shit from people.
When I was with my ex I was constantly jealous of this friend he had, he said it was only his friend, but 3 weeks after we broke up, she was on his bed. So... how could I not follow my instinct before? I was right... she was not just a friend.
It is one thing to have some personal experience where it was indeed not a friend, and another to generalize to "never". Projecting hurts you, as well as others, by reinforcing their insecurities.
Yes it is but "always" is a problem. Dont assume that friend wants him too. I had guy friends go thru crap and ask me for advice. When it got too much I told them they need to get a therapist. Im done.
This guy I dated had such deep bond with his ex, when I asked him to introduce me to her, he said no. One month after we became physical he still went online on the dating app where we met. Even after he promised to delete his profile and he did, I found out he became a member of a single group on meetup.com ("by mistake" according to him) These things made me suspicious of him in the early stage. We dated for 7 months and he called me his girlfriend but he never introduced me to any of his long time best friends (plus they were making a new dating app together) and his mom didn't even know my existence. There are so many other things about this immature 44 year old guy, I'm happy that I dumped him.
My partner did cheat and then tried to reconcile with me and keep the friendship going with the guy she cheated with . After 6 years and two kids I wanted things to work so badly that I went with it. The experience turned me bitter and led to an epically bad breakup after 2 miserable months. Folks, ups and downs are part of every relationship, but this dude is right. Choose your own happiness.
We can get lost in the dream and the potential and excuse bad behavior one day at a time. Days turn into years and years turn into decades. It’s imperative to ask: Is this how I want to spend my day? And hopefully you will decide you’re worth more and deserve better.
My ex was texting a girl while we were in a relationship. She was "just a friend, nothing serious". But right after we broke up, they started dating and then got married🤦🏼♀️and he began texting me...
Hey hugs from Portugal! I hope you are better now that you are without that ashole. I just want to say that same thing happened to me 2 years ago. My ex bf had this girl from HR of his company (his female coworker) that he was always texting, when I confronted him he said that she was just a friend. Then after sometime he broke up with me and 4 months later I discovered that they were together all the time. They now are married with a Kid! The lesson i learnt is to only trust my instints! Right now I found someone that loves me and respects me, you will find out someone like that too in future! Have hope :)
I’m a bit torn about this topic... almost every comment is in agreement that if a guy is texting another girl, the intent is never just friendship. My queries on this are more about male/female friendships in general. I can honestly say I have several very good friends who are guys, who I have zero romantic interest in, and I’m sure many girls here do as well. I have a partner, so do they, all get on etc. I text them the same as I’d text any other friend. I feel no vibes off them that they have any other intention, no inappropriate behaviour etc. So I struggle to accept the possible (disappointing) notion that guys aren’t capable of being only friends with a girl, and their intent in contacting them would never be innocent. Being an old/long term female friend doesn’t really provide a get out clause and make them ‘safe’ by this logic, it would just make them failed previous attempts who are still on the back burner! Are we really saying men are incapable of having female friendships? I.e. no guy in the world has an innocent female friendship? Does that mean all our own male friends have a different perspective on what’s really happening in the friendship? And if not - and that all sounds a bit extreme - they should be able to text them... right? Or is it based on what is personally perceived to be a threat, i.e not a problem if it’s 70 yr old Doris who lives down the road, or someone you feel is unattractive and not his type? When the coin is flipped and your male friend drops you because his partner can’t handle you talking... is that fair enough, or him having to placate his partners own insecurities and you lose out as a result? I’m not saying whats right or wrong on the subject, just curious what people think about this in general. As an aside, inappropriate behaviour from either side e.g. flirting, excessive messaging, late night texts, intimate photos etc between anyone outside of the relationship are major red flags that shouldn’t be tolerated. Matthew, would love to hear your personal stance on this. Can men and women ever ‘just’ be friends?
I think women are capable of male friendships, but most men aren’t interested in spending time with women that they’re not attracted to. And when you stop to think about it, as sad as it is that they’re so limited in that capacity, why would they want to be platonic with someone they can sleep with (assuming they’re straight and she’s willing), when they have male friends for that? To be fair to them, I kind of feel the same way about male friendships. The only guys I’d want to be friends with are the ones I’m not attracted to. I’d be a bit offended if the ones I was attracted to weren’t attracted back. No one likes being friend zoned by someone they’re attracted to-which is probably why men get so upset about rejection. The immature ones try to turn it around as if you’re arrogant for thinking that they’re interested. But if that were true, they wouldn’t be mad-which brings my comment full circle, haha.
I completely agree as a guy. I think 30% of my friends are girls, some are in relationships, some aren't. These rules seem to be more American than European, maybe that's the difference. Example: a very good female friend of mine I met two years ago during training. We text quite a bit and go out for drinks etc. Mind you: she has had a bf since before I met her. I've seen the guy once, briefly, after training. At some point she invited me for dinner and I asked how her bf felt about it, considering he doesn't know me. No biggie, he knows and she'd go crazy being so isolated. We discuss a lot of things: her relationship (easy to vent as idk the bf, plus guy perspective), my dating life, our studies. We also exchange pie recipes.
agreed. justification sometimes says our being as a compassionate partner. now I'd say from another view to it. let's assume that particular person will change. when it happens somewhere in the future, will you still have the same passion with that person? I believe by the day it's happening, you already lose your cool to that person. it's damaging. I see, change is happening to everybody, yes, but don't expect change from others to emotionally benefit you. claim your peace. real relationship won't steal it.
This is a great video ❤️ I’ve been a fan since 2016 and I have learned a lot of great things here 🌺 thank you for being so generous and sharing these with us Matthew
I love how he mentions attachments style! human psychology is really complex and I personally think that finding out these characteristics about yourself is really useful for your social/personal relationships and you can find those traits during some therapy ^^ (not a sponsor XD). For instance, in therapy, you would try to understand the reason why you feel so hurt/bothered by your boyfriend texting other girls. Once you know what and why it triggers your insecurities, you can sit down with him and explain why his behavior hurts you, and then get to an agreement where you both can be happy! And if he doesn't care enough to fix it and give you the security you might need, then yeah, I agree with Matthew, you might want to reconsider whether or not that person is right for you. Regardless, therapy can be really enlightening, that's what I meant to say!
Tell him how inconfortable it makes you for him to be texting someone else. If he insists on the relationship be it a friendship or whatever... Run for the hills. He is jeopardizing your relationship to keep doing it. Then maybe there is more to that relationship then what meet the eye
Literally just had this conversation with someone, turned out they hadn’t explained correctly but they seemed to be saying that the person was in love with them but unwilling to commit... I was like, “no.”
If you can deal with it, you will. I recently was the woman on the other side of the phone - he'd known me 2 years and asked me out a few times before and while I'd been lukewarm in the past, he's gorgeous and I'm single in a pandemic so I was into it - best still that he'd told me he'd been single a year. I observed shadiness and realized he has a girlfriend (for about a year??), who, when I told her about it, seemed to take it in surprising stride. He's always been clear he's not about open relationships and would be jealous so it was all a bit shocking. While I blocked him, I promise you he probably won't stop doing things like this. So Matthew is right: if this is something you can deal with, more power to you. But know that your happiness and peace of mind should be your priority. If it isn't your priority, how can it be his?
@Eris Firstly, I'm so sorry something like that happened to you, I'm truly indignant at just the thought of it, and I hope you're doing much better since. To be fair, I was a bit terrified, she's 8 years older than I and despite evidence and how private I kept it I was half expecting her to lash out at me. But I figured if I were her I would want to know. I don't regret telling her, but when she was justifying his behavior to me I realize it was to console herself. Maybe if I'd questioned the skewed rationale he gave her... It just wasn't my place. I hope for her sake this was the right decision for her.
At first, when me and my bf started dating, he had a constant communication with the female (who's in a relationship herself). They had a lot of mutual friends, they were often hanging out in a big friends' groups as well as one-o-one . Eventually I got mad and he cut her off and hasn't been in any contact with her for over a year now. It did make me feel better. So yeah, a deal-breaker for me
I'm always feeling better after seeing your videos , I'm seeing my ex since few months as friends with benefits but ur video make me really think about what do I want and is it worthy
I used to have a boyfriend who had many female friends. It was really just friendships, I was never jealous nor did I have a reason to be. There certainly are men and friendships that are suspicious, but it is important not to be paranoid about every person of opposite sex that communicates with your partner. That kills relationships.
I had something like this happen to me and gave him the choice of blocking the 3 girls or he leaves. In the messages, he was flirtatious and these girls (who were his coworkers) did not know about me. He blocked them, but now I have trust issues. At his new job, I worry he's going to do it again. When he's texting, I assume he's texting a girl. I hate to say this, but at the time, I checked his phone just to ensure he wasn't texting another girl after he blocked the 3 (I checked once a week). I now stopped checking his phone, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking he's texting girls even though he's not. I've been working on trusting him again, but it's not easy.
Matt is like the voice of reason that we all need in our heads.... he makes a difficult situation so simple. Love his logic
I’m totally for guy and gal friendships but I just need my partner to be open about it and be respectful of my boundaries. If they hide it, that sends off red flags in my head
Your 💯 right! If ya got to hide who your texting, you know you shouldn’t be doing it!
@@empoweringsmsp3201 YES YES EXACTLY!!
Right!
Yes i feel the same
@@mugdhaghatage7347 yay it seems like there are many people who also have this similar opinion!
Ladies, if he keeps texting a woman friend after you voice your displeasure. . .let him go. I respect my significant other enough to keep all my female friendships on the surface/superficial. With the exception of female colleagues about business,I find no need to text other females.
So true! My boyfriend of 5 years messaged/talked to a few girls throughout our relationship who he claimed were just “friends”. (But these girls had only recently come into the picture and I always feel insecure about them) When I brought up I wasn’t happy about this he would say that I “wouldn’t let him have friends who were girls” and that I was “crazy” and “psycho.” We ended up compromising and came to an agreement that if he was talking to these “friends” he would let me know so I could feel more secure. But, in the end, he left me for another girl out of the blue, lied about it and hid this relationship from me. I only found out as she was my co-worker and everyone at work knew he’d been having an emotional affair with her for months behind my back. Bottom line is people don’t change. Talking to other girls in that way is never harmless and signals that he is looking for other options. If you feel insecure, there is probably a good reason you feel this way, so don’t doubt yourself and listen to your gut.
I am so sorry for that, hopefully you will get a way better relationship ♥️
I am going through exactly what you're going through, except those girls, my bf is talking to, are girls he knew online.
He wanted to meet them and all, it caused a lot of rifts in our relationship of 10 years. I am in a lost place where idk if I am really too insecure or it is somewhat normal that it bothers me.
He told me I am too jealous, insecure, controlling ect and in order for this relationship to work, I need to trust him and improve on myself in being okay with the things he wanna do like talk and meet girls from online.
I haven't had proof he "cheated" but sometimes cheating is such a grey line like he does not see flirting or emotional affair as cheating.
I wish, wish wish to have the courage as you do, Ellen.
JaceJacelyn S JaceJacelyn S I am so, so sorry you are going through this as well! 😞 Never let anyone make you doubt yourself. If you feel insecure, it’s probably because you have good reason to be. If your partner was 100% committed to you and very loyal you probably wouldn’t feel like this. When guys turn it around on you/blame it on you, it’s normally because they are doing something wrong/have something to hide and are gaslighting you. (Which is emotionally abusive behaviour.) I’d recommend asking your bf for you to meet these girls via video chat. If he says yes, that might help to make you feel more secure. If he says no, really question him about why he won’t let you see them and why he wants these relationships with other girls. If he has nothing to hide he should be fine with you meeting them too. An affair is an affair whether it is emotional or physical and never let him tell you “he didn’t mean for it to happen/he couldn’t help getting feelings for her”, as my ex said that and it’s simply not true. It’s always a choice to message someone behind your girlfriends back and they could step away at any point. It’s an excuse they tell themselves so they don’t feel so guilty. There are “grey areas” but I would class an affair as getting intimate with another person other than your partner. That intimacy can be physical or emotional! I have gone to a lot of therapy and counselling to help get through this as it is very traumatic. And I wish you all the strength and love in the world. ❤️ You deserve the best and 100% commitment and I really hope you and your bf can work through this. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am here ☺️ xxx
@@ellenscrace4481 Thank you so much, I really needed this right now T.T
He wanted to break up again last night and... I begged again. I told him I will be okay with everything he wants to do, even if I'm not, I will be.
I am not sure why I said that knowing how much it will kill me. I got desperate I guess.
It's just hard and my thoughts are really killing me.
I should look into therapy perhaps.
JaceJacelyn S I begged my bf to stay too...when you love someone that much it seems impossible to live without them! I can tell you love him very much and apart from this issue, seem to have a good relationship. You seem like a lovely and thoughtful girl and so never blame yourself or feel like you are not enough. You are more than enough and deserve the world. The only thing I will say is, if your bf is prioritising his relationships with girls he hasn’t even met over you, something seems very wrong there! He seems very selfish, not committed to you and immature. A real man who loved and valued you in the ways you deserve would never put your relationship at risk and would do anything he could to make you happy, including not talking to these girls. Whether you stay together or not I would recommend therapy, as emotional infidelity really knocks all your self confidence and talking things through with a counsellor can help you to build up your self esteem and process everything. Look after yourself and give yourself lots of love and cuddles. Put your own happiness and mental health first at moment! I’d also recommend looking up a website called “Surviving Infidelity”. There are forums where you can write about your situation and people who have been through similar things can offer you support and advice. The website has really helped for me and hopefully it might help you too ☺️ xxx
Its never just a friend...I learned this recently. He was texting a new girl who he claimed was just a friend, oh but wait...they met on tinder. Thats funny. Said she was just a pen pal, then he started seeing her on Fridays. Yup, I had to leave after he started saving his weekends for this so called friend. Still in pain over this but ultimately I knew I couldnt trust him. Listen to your gut. Dont date a guy who's always on his phone anyway or has a million unread text messages. They are attention seekers.
Maybe that is what guy called getting to know a New future one 👉(a friend)
That guy was a disrespectful POS
Omg exact same thing happened to me. Open relationship my ass 🙄 it's called fucking cheating if the other person doesn't know and didn't agree to it.
@@noobmaster5476 clearly you don't trust her.
@August Always trust your gut. My exboyfriend always texted with a girl saying she's just a friend. One he slept with once. And then he told me he'd love to go on vacation with her one day.
I'm glad I broke up. My friends told me he was recently in a long distance relationship and still cuddled other girls at parties etc.
My mistrust was on point, no matter what he said to make me feel like I was crazy or overreacting/jealous.
He will always seek attention elsewhere. It wasn't me, it's him.
I felt instantly relieved when we broke up.
My soon to be EX , of 25 years had a so called friend” of the opposite sex, a coworker (not surprising). I communicated to him about how it made me feel. Especially when there are rumors at his place of employment that they are having an affair. He swears there was nothing physical between them. But the way I see it, an affair is an affair, wether it’s physical or emotional. But he doesn’t believe in emotional affairs, or emotional abuse. I can’t change the thoughts or views points of others. I can only stand my ground. And that friendship was a dealbreaker. He lost his wife, lover and best friend over a simple coworker friendship. And then later, she kicked him to the curb! Lol karma’s a bitch.
@Noob master tell her that what she is doing is making you uncomfortable and unhappy. If she really cares about you and your happiness she will listen to her. Tell her that you would like to meet her friends and if she says no that's is a giant humongous red flag. I went through it a year ago. He was cheating on me. I don't want you or anyone else to go through what I did. If she refuses to stop or introduce you to her friends then leave. Trust me when I tell you no relationship is worth your mental health. Hugs ❤
Hahaha nice happy ending for he did to you !
@@noobmaster5476 you can't control her reaction, you can only reveal to her what's on your heart. If she doesn't respect that then you really need to reassess her place in your life
@@noobmaster5476 It is hard to trust a partner who keeps secrets about the people they communicate with unless they are some sort of secret agent. For all I have experienced and seen people go through ... this is red flag. ... I myself am quite communicative and I talk to many people. But I never ever have kept it a secret with whom I was texting and for what purpose. Whenever he wanted, he could ask and I would provide him with the information he wanted to know and offered him to read the messages if he cared to. If a perso wants to be with someone they love and stay with them, they need to be honest and transparent.
It is when my ex-husband started having secrets and I got the impression that he didn't provide accurate information when I asked him, I knew. Ex for a reason, as it turned out he had started an affair with an 18 y. old. Good riddance. Greetings from Germany, Mike.
Despite the things he has done, I am glad that you are staying strong. It will serve you making the cut, I am sure. I once read a quote which said:
"To realize that something isn't working (anymore) and/or cannot be fixed and to have the courage to let go of the weight that drags you down and move on, that's true dignity."
From what I gather you made the right move and despite the heartbreak, I have the impression that it'll make your life a happier one.
I myself have been divorced from my ex-husband in December of 2019 and though things aren't quite there where I would like them to be, I am content. And so far the future looks bright.
And btw: These were the same words I left my husband with:
You lost your husband, lover, and probably your only and best friend today. You have done yourself a great disfavor with your actions.
And it was him who stood there with tears in his eyes, not me. That's what happens if you take the one who loves you dearly for granted.
Matthew went through a bloody time!!! Me and you, Matthew...... Every word he said came from my heart. He is not a dating coach. He is self-respect expert
Very similar thing happened that led to us breaking up. I was so emotionally exhausted that I had to tell him that I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I kept giving giving giving, I kept hoping that he will change, and in turn made me even more anxious as I was holding on to the relationship so desperately I just couldn’t anymore in the end. I feel guilty for being so controlling and anxious but then again, I have to for once listen to my emotions. It was telling me something that I kept suppressing because I was so preoccupied with my love for him. For once, I choose my happiness and well being over my love for him. That’s the hardest truths to accept. That I couldn’t have both in this relationship.
Thank you Matthew again for this video. Really grounded me.
Matthew Hussey..u r a real person in this fake world..
U make this world a better place just by being in it..
Every good girl deserves a good man like you..
U deserve all the love..u deserve all the respect..u deserve all the happiness in the world..
I like ur good character..
I love ur kindness...
I respect ur good intentions..
I value u..nd I value ur valuable advice..
U r a blessing to the world..
Omg... I’m dealing with this right now... Thank you Mathew .. I know exactly what I need to do.... 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Same, thanks Matthew you're an angel, this is just the message I needed right now!
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
Truly wise advice, thsnk you
If they are in constant contact they are NEVER "just a friend". They may not have crossed over into a physical relationship but they have crossed into an emotional relationship. One of them always has more than a "friendship" interest and the other knows it and likes the attention they are getting. It is a slippery slope to go down.
True. My boyfriend don't have that deep interest in me like getting into commitment or serious. He wana keep a open relationship but enjoys my constant attention and care. I don't know where I'm heading to and where I will end.
Matthew gave great advice on this subject in a video a few years ago. If you have a new opposite sex friend that your partner worries about, it's YOUR responsibility to make them as comfortable as possible. That could mean being transparent about when/how often they talk, when they hang out, open communication, giving their partner the opportunity to also develop a relationship with this person, etc.
If this other woman is a NEW person in his life she is definitely NOT a friend, she is a "prospect". It's that simple.
Not always. I am a friend to a married guy and we are simply good friends. I feel him more like a brother then a man i would date.
Nicole Kellidis what is your relationship with his wife? That determines things and plays a role in this....
Nicole Kellidis Are you married or dating someone else? And are you good friends with the wife? Because that matters. I don’t think anyone should be friends with the opposite sex when they are in a relationship or married themselves. You’re putting effort to that friendship and giving attention to another man when you should be putting effort in your relationship. But whatever that’s what most of these younger kids don’t think of lol.
@@mdiaz4106 I don't know her. Never spoken to her. But i am completely platonic with this person.
@@bellaroses91 I am single and not interested in dating in this moment of my life
If you aren't okay with him constantly messaging with the opposite sex, whereas he thinks it's okay to do so, then this is where you need to calmly sit down and have a talk with one another. How you communicate with him about your feeling is also very important. If he values your happiness and your sense of security in the relationship more than his friendship with that opposite sex, he then will be willing to stop doing the thing that bothers you. However, if he is more willing to maintain his friendship than he is willing to do what you would want him to, then it really indicates that you and your partner are incompatible with one another. It doesn't mean he is a bad boyfriend for not thinking about your feelings, or you are a bad girlfriend for not thinking about his friendship. You guys value things differently. Sometimes we love our partners so much that we stay in a relationship because of that person rather than doing things (taking the "risk") for our true happiness. Ladies, you are strong. Do things and be with someone who truly cares for your emotional well-being ❤
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
Very well written and calmy expresssed @EMILY NGO 😊
Matthew, I really like the direction your great work is taking. I feel it gets more and more important to learn to protect our own mental health and inner peace without any man/woman dragging us down by treating us in a way none of us deserves. Know your boundaries, love yourself and get THE RIGHT guy! ❤️
Exactly this happened to me before, this advise would have saved me a lot of headache back then. I got into that type of discussions or fights that never got anywhere because we had such different points of view on how we saw relationships should be.. I tried to make him see his view was wrong and relationships wouldn't work like that in the long term but he thought I was just trying to take away his freedom. I had no problems like this ever in my previous relationships so I was very sure of what I needed but he didn't want to make it work.. our fights were so ridiculous and tiring, I just needed to think about what was important to me and if that was making me happy. It's so important to not lose perspective and focus on what's really important for us, that way the answers are very clear and straightforward and would save us a lot of pain. I eventually broke up but not after a long period of time and leaving me with a tremendous amount of pain, but I learnt my lesson and became stronger after that :)
My ex boyfriend was a smoker and he said he would quit. I hate when people smoke around me and I waited for him to quit. Of course he didn't. I broke up with him because of this and everybody said I was crazy, they thought this is something so little and i should have just keep calm. No! Smoking is not something small, it is the only thing that I truly hate in this life and that was it. Later I gave him a chance again but it didn't work out because of smoking and some other things. I don't regret my choice of giving him a second change or dating him at the first place but I am very happy that I broke up with him to make myself happy. My job is to make me happy, not others. Yeah this story is not about another woman or an affair but it is still about a deal breaker.
I would do the same as you. I hate the smell of cigarettes. Plus he shouldn't quit for you, he should quit for himself because it's bad for his own health.
Absolutely 100% agree. Was with someone who told me many lies including that he wasn't a smoker. You have to only be with someone whose values line up to yours in all relationships.
My last partner had lots of health issues, but wouldn't stop smoking or drinking. But justified by saying his diet was good. Insane logic, I did the same as you. (But there were other deal breaker issues as well.)
Well done for being true to yourself.
Same here, I rejected few guys on a very early stage (1st, 1nd date) when they turned out to be smokers. The very thought of kissing someone who is a smoker makes me wanna vomit. A lot of people told me that I was to picky and its normal that people have flaws. Well, there are flaws that I can accept and live with but smoking is definetely not one of them (seriously, I wouldnt be able to do it, even physically, the smell, yellow teeth, stained fingers just ugh...)
Ah I've been in a relationship with a smoker before and even though he was trying to quit it was a massive annoyance to me. Now, I always investigate whether someone smokes or not as I know this is not part of my standards.
This is exactly what I realised too. If staying means selfbetrayal then it is not worth it.
Matthew, I have been following you since 2015, after one of my most heart breaking break ups. Your videos have been so encouraging and insightful and they continue to get better and better every year. Love your positivity and open minded content. That non-judgey, but “I’ll call you out on your shit gracefully” attitude works miracles. Thank you for sharing and doing what you do.
Yay, thank you for liking! :)
Matt, I got to tell you bro... as a man, I really appreciate all you share, bacause 99% of the insight you provide is not really linked to a gender, we can all benefit from your advise. Honestly.. Thank you
Everything starts in our head. For me... respect is absolutly everything - without it, there is no 'ship..any 'ship.
The timing on this was unreal 😅 thanks! Know thyself should be my mantra more often.
This is not necessarily about your partner texting other people. This advice is soooooo universal! It works for friendships, work space, family! Love it
Hiii dear
So so true 💜Everyone got different rules and we can create the kind of relationship we want to have.
But finding that happy middle while staying truthful to yourself is usually what makes a thriving relationship. I'm still learning this 😊
Like this if you're learning to set healthy boundaries 🧚🏻♀️
Hii
I confronted my ex about this girl he said he was "just friends" with. Turns out, he was cheating on me with her during our relationship and the girl got pregnant. Damage is an understatement to what I felt and I'm definitely traumatized by this experience. But its a blessing in disguise. Actions speak louder than words. Communicating boundaries in a relationship is important, but ultimately its not in your control and it's the other persons' choice to respect those boundaries. If they don't respect it, respect and love yourself to leave. It's not worth it being with someone who can't value and treat you the way you should be.
How are you dealing with this now?
My ex of 6 years cheated on me with his friend, we tried giving it another shot but he still lied and was so close to her. He dumped me a month back. It's a double wound and it just sucks.
@@shauryasharma326 I'm sorry you are going through this as well. Tbh I am still recovering from this. Some days are ok, but others, I feel empty inside. I've known my ex for 6 years as well and it's been hard to let go of someone you thought had the best intentions for you and saw forever with, but turns out they weren't the person you thought they were. There are days I miss him (he was my best friend) but then I remember the disrespect and the betrayals. I get that people make mistakes, but there's a fine line to it. He def broke that line. But I try to make myself busy and surround myself with people who I know love and respect me. Everyone's timeline to recover from heart break is different. But I hope you know that you deserve to be someone's only choice, not an option.
Yes, certain attitudes are a deal breaker
It’s one of my dealbreakers!
This is a excellent discussion. I’m watching several times as I’m caught in this exact problem. Thank you 😊
Amen to Matthew Hussey. My man since day 1. I love him so much👊🏽❤️😌
If a woman is in a relationship, she should personally know all her man's close friends. If she knows the woman personally that he's texting and she knows their relationship is strictly platonic, then it shouldn't be anything to worry about.
On the flip side, a woman has every right to be upset if her boyfriend or husband is texting another woman the girlfriend or wife never even met before. Thats a problem. Their shouldn't be any secrets in a healthy relationship. And trust is VERY important. If you need to hide the fact that youre texting a "friend" then something is up.
My Boyfriend know all my friend even my family but, no one knows me on his sides and i Was so Naiv and dummed to not ask him why i just waste 6yrs with him without knowing anyone from his side
Naima de la feunte He was probably ashamed of you or hiding something. Which is horrific. You deserve somebody that is proud to show you off. Glad you moved on from him 👍❤️
that unfortunately is you super-imposing your morals as a guideline to all. Not everyone reasons in terms of "if it's platonic, that's ok". I don't need there to be any hint of sex to find a relationship outside the couple to be disrespectful.
Jessica Borgogni Oh please! Relax! Youre saying men and women shouldn't have friends outside their relationship? I've known men that have friends that are women that they wouldn't even think twice about romantically. Just because a man is married or is in a committed relationship doesn't mean he's gonna cheat on his wife or girlfriend with his female friends. What if his female friend is lesbian? Sounds like you have some jealousy issues you need to work on little girl 👍 This is "YOU super-imposing" your insecurities.
@@SamanthaN92 I am entirely relaxed, thank you for your concern! Let me check you right there, because I get the feeling you don't know what "super-imposed" means. Might wanna google that.
Im saying people have different standards, different boundaries therefore, and will make different choices based on this - hopefully in full awareness, clarity and joy. Which is EXACTLY Matt's point on this ;) aka sure, check with reality if your standard is valid, but at the end of the day, YOU get to decide what your deal breakers are, no matter what they sound like to others, and obviously accept the consequences of that. He's not the only one saying this and I fully, wholeheartedly, 100% support this message.
You have every right not to accept my boundary for YOU (but we're not discussing having a relationship, so that would be moot), besides that, you still have to respect it. Be well!
Your too good. I'm facing that. God bless you.
Thanks Matt, your reasoning is my rock and lighthouse in my storm.
Poetic, no just my sea of emotion finding its calm
Always been a huge fan of your work! So much so that I started my own channel to talk about relationships and finance. I use a lot of the things I learned in your channel to advice my friends and clients. So thank you Matthew!
Thank you 💗🙏 your clear perspective gives me strength to be more honest with myself. I'm not doing anyone any favors by dancing around facts.
I clicked on one of Matthew’s links 3 months ago to get some information. Today I noticed that I have 3 months of charges on my credit card regarding some membership with this organization while I never used any services!
DR ORDIA was able to bring back my ex wife and it works very fast and I believe he can solve your relationship problems too 💕💕💕💕
Text him on via what's app 💕💕
Oh my heart... this video came at the right time in my life. God bless you Matt! 🙂
Thank you Matthew, I was about 95% there and you added what I needed to hear.
Literally last night, after almost 2 years of my partner not liking my behaviour and continuously trying to change me by finding problems in what I believe to be my strengths and what make me ‘me’, I told her I need space. I don’t know what I want. I love the girl, but I love myself and the trivial issues she has with my personality, actions and decisions all stemming from her insecurities are really getting me down. One cannot be arsed with it anymore. This video appeared at a really good time man! Much love!
This was so helpful! Thank you!
Thanks Matthew. I needed this right now.
There is something about Matthew's face and accent that makes me wanna crave to see him more and more and more
Love all of this and would add at some point, you must value your Peace. Got to have Peace in life to even aspire to Happiness.
Matthew's always spitting the truth.
mathew you are truly blessed with wisdom,you are a master in this.thanks for imparting your blessings to others
The instant that there is any level of secrecy involved with this “friend”, then it’s a deal-breaker (and that goes for both genders). Sure, know yourself and communicate what your boundaries are and if there’s any room for compromise without sacrificing on your end, but if there’s really “nothing going on and we’re just friends”, then there should be nothing to hide. Do you really need SnapChat with your coworkers???
Thank you so much Matt!! So important to “know thyself”
Thank you. I dealt with the stress and anxiety of her regularly talking to and hanging out with her ex, thought I could get used to it but I didn’t it just drove me insane. I wouldn’t make her cut ties with friends because I’d still suspect them of just hiding the contact, so I broke up with her last night and I really really love her but I couldn’t do that to myself anymore
No matter how much I love anyone, I always have to love me more. Thank you for dissecting this to questions to ask yourself...
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸... Lol
This is actually so helpful for my situation right now... except it’s my work relationship with my employer. That decision to stay or go when the behaviour of a boss won’t change is taking such a toll... thank you Matthew for laying it down!
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
See this was a major problem in my parents' relationship. Besides knowing yourself which of course is very important, in this case what's really important for me is understanding and respecting the person you're with. We're not alone in this world. When you genuinely care about someone you care about their feelings. That doesn't mean sacrificing your own. It's finding a new path where both can co-exist. Its harder to do, yes, but it's the most rewarding. Less pain...for everyone.
Man your are Genius and i like the way the talk and you help us alot thx Matthew Hussey Your are the best ever bro 👍🏻 .
Learning about myself over the years (I'm 47) and from following Matthews videos since 2015, I have learned to accept where men are in their lives in all aspects & then deciding whether they are the right person for me. My decision on how long I continue to date them is determined by whether their values, boundaries, morals etc align with mine. I no longer try to change someone because it's not my place to change them.
Matthew, thank you very much for existing !!
I have learned so much from watching your videos!
Thanks for the enlightenment.. 😁😇
Gems of wisdom. Proudly brought to you by...the one and only... Matthew Hussey. I just love this so freaking much!!!!!!!!
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
Excellent! Matt you explained that situation perfectly for women to understand.
The only female friends I have, I NEVER hang out with them outside of a group context, and I'm a single guy. I'm not saying it's impossible to have only an opposite sex friend but damn near it. I had a female best friend in high school and we hung out alone all the time. Other than that, literally every other single female that's been in my life that I hung out with exclusively there was more interest there than just friends.
I don`t really have guy friends, though I`d love to. But I guess it simply never really happened for me to meet a guy friend with whom I am compatible enough to stay friends for long and at the same time with whom there is no partnership potential. But it is definitely possible.
You are good!!! And THAN YOU!!!! You don't understand how much you helped me!! Many blessings to you.
Omg I just found you on TikTok and moved to UA-cam for more content and this is literally exactly what I needed to hear! You are AMAZING! Thank you thank you thank you ❤️
Great one !!! Never stop questioning "why". ..that will often do great good.
(Btw, the shirt suits you well, it translates your....warmth...)
Thank you Matthew. I needed to hear this.
have honest discussions about what you/they need, what you/they can provide, and if you're willing to work towards meeting what the other person needs
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
- thank you Matthew for always enabling us to see the clearer and bigger picture xx
If your partner does not understand that something is not okay with you or makes you uncomfortable. Then it's time to move on unfortunately. It also doesn't matter what age they are. I dealt with a man that's 50 years old, and he thought it was perfectly fine to have all kinds of different friends"friends". Not. I feel your partner should always want to make you feel comfortable and loved. Some people just don't know how to have relationships.
It's called emotional cheating.
Agree!!
Do not justify anyone's behavior... is his/her behavior hurting you? Make you feel insecure ? Call it how it is!
Is he/ she hiding things, deleting messages, calls, emails, he is not honest. If he/she changing facts about a situation that is call manipulation. Do not take shit from people.
Thank you Matthew, just what I needed to hear right now
All around, excellent video. Thank you so much, Matthew! 🙏
Your videos really help me take a moment to check in with myself. I love it. Thank you Matthew!
These steps can work in soooo many situations! I really love it! Is gold content!
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
When I was with my ex I was constantly jealous of this friend he had, he said it was only his friend, but 3 weeks after we broke up, she was on his bed. So... how could I not follow my instinct before? I was right... she was not just a friend.
So INCREDIBLY well put, sir!!!
🙄 you know the answer! Doubt and fear will be your CONSTANT COMPANION if you remain in this relationship! He has NO RESPECT for you!
Really interesting to consider 👌🏻 Will see you at the retreat 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
if he is so " Into texting his friend" let him just be w that friend ( FYI Its never a "friend")
Right!!!
It is one thing to have some personal experience where it was indeed not a friend, and another to generalize to "never". Projecting hurts you, as well as others, by reinforcing their insecurities.
Yes it is but "always" is a problem. Dont assume that friend wants him too. I had guy friends go thru crap and ask me for advice. When it got too much I told them they need to get a therapist. Im done.
This guy I dated had such deep bond with his ex, when I asked him to introduce me to her, he said no. One month after we became physical he still went online on the dating app where we met. Even after he promised to delete his profile and he did, I found out he became a member of a single group on meetup.com ("by mistake" according to him)
These things made me suspicious of him in the early stage.
We dated for 7 months and he called me his girlfriend but he never introduced me to any of his long time best friends (plus they were making a new dating app together) and his mom didn't even know my existence.
There are so many other things about this immature 44 year old guy, I'm happy that I dumped him.
Very insightful!!! Much needed. Thank you
My partner did cheat and then tried to reconcile with me and keep the friendship going with the guy she cheated with . After 6 years and two kids I wanted things to work so badly that I went with it. The experience turned me bitter and led to an epically bad breakup after 2 miserable months. Folks, ups and downs are part of every relationship, but this dude is right. Choose your own happiness.
Do you need help
I can recommend you to a great spell caster who can manifest your ex back as he did mine
WhatsApp him
Really Good one!!!!! Thank you!!!....spot on with the ancient Greek philosophy quote!!!
Wonderful advice. Well said
We can get lost in the dream and the potential and excuse bad behavior one day at a time. Days turn into years and years turn into decades. It’s imperative to ask: Is this how I want to spend my day? And hopefully you will decide you’re worth more and deserve better.
My ex was texting a girl while we were in a relationship. She was "just a friend, nothing serious". But right after we broke up, they started dating and then got married🤦🏼♀️and he began texting me...
Hey hugs from Portugal! I hope you are better now that you are without that ashole. I just want to say that same thing happened to me 2 years ago. My ex bf had this girl from HR of his company (his female coworker) that he was always texting, when I confronted him he said that she was just a friend. Then after sometime he broke up with me and 4 months later I discovered that they were together all the time. They now are married with a Kid! The lesson i learnt is to only trust my instints! Right now I found someone that loves me and respects me, you will find out someone like that too in future! Have hope :)
@@paulasousa9313 yeah I'm much better now (better than I expected), thanks a lot! Wish you happiness with your bf :)
Always topics at the exact time I need it. Love you Matt!
Beautifully said Matthew 🧡
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
I’m a bit torn about this topic... almost every comment is in agreement that if a guy is texting another girl, the intent is never just friendship. My queries on this are more about male/female friendships in general. I can honestly say I have several very good friends who are guys, who I have zero romantic interest in, and I’m sure many girls here do as well. I have a partner, so do they, all get on etc. I text them the same as I’d text any other friend. I feel no vibes off them that they have any other intention, no inappropriate behaviour etc. So I struggle to accept the possible (disappointing) notion that guys aren’t capable of being only friends with a girl, and their intent in contacting them would never be innocent. Being an old/long term female friend doesn’t really provide a get out clause and make them ‘safe’ by this logic, it would just make them failed previous attempts who are still on the back burner! Are we really saying men are incapable of having female friendships? I.e. no guy in the world has an innocent female friendship? Does that mean all our own male friends have a different perspective on what’s really happening in the friendship? And if not - and that all sounds a bit extreme - they should be able to text them... right? Or is it based on what is personally perceived to be a threat, i.e not a problem if it’s 70 yr old Doris who lives down the road, or someone you feel is unattractive and not his type? When the coin is flipped and your male friend drops you because his partner can’t handle you talking... is that fair enough, or him having to placate his partners own insecurities and you lose out as a result?
I’m not saying whats right or wrong on the subject, just curious what people think about this in general. As an aside, inappropriate behaviour from either side e.g. flirting, excessive messaging, late night texts, intimate photos etc between anyone outside of the relationship are major red flags that shouldn’t be tolerated.
Matthew, would love to hear your personal stance on this. Can men and women ever ‘just’ be friends?
I think women are capable of male friendships, but most men aren’t interested in spending time with women that they’re not attracted to. And when you stop to think about it, as sad as it is that they’re so limited in that capacity, why would they want to be platonic with someone they can sleep with (assuming they’re straight and she’s willing), when they have male friends for that? To be fair to them, I kind of feel the same way about male friendships. The only guys I’d want to be friends with are the ones I’m not attracted to. I’d be a bit offended if the ones I was attracted to weren’t attracted back. No one likes being friend zoned by someone they’re attracted to-which is probably why men get so upset about rejection. The immature ones try to turn it around as if you’re arrogant for thinking that they’re interested. But if that were true, they wouldn’t be mad-which brings my comment full circle, haha.
I completely agree as a guy.
I think 30% of my friends are girls, some are in relationships, some aren't. These rules seem to be more American than European, maybe that's the difference. Example: a very good female friend of mine I met two years ago during training. We text quite a bit and go out for drinks etc. Mind you: she has had a bf since before I met her. I've seen the guy once, briefly, after training. At some point she invited me for dinner and I asked how her bf felt about it, considering he doesn't know me. No biggie, he knows and she'd go crazy being so isolated.
We discuss a lot of things: her relationship (easy to vent as idk the bf, plus guy perspective), my dating life, our studies. We also exchange pie recipes.
agreed. justification sometimes says our being as a compassionate partner. now I'd say from another view to it. let's assume that particular person will change. when it happens somewhere in the future, will you still have the same passion with that person? I believe by the day it's happening, you already lose your cool to that person. it's damaging. I see, change is happening to everybody, yes, but don't expect change from others to emotionally benefit you. claim your peace. real relationship won't steal it.
Hah I broke up with my ex and he use to do this with his friend and she was married! Such a big mess... I’m so much happier without them.
This is really good work Matt!!! I praise you, very well thought-out
Another Genius Video by Matt!!! ( Wish your videos were around 20 years ago)!!!! 👏👏👏👏⚓
This is a great video ❤️ I’ve been a fan since 2016 and I have learned a lot of great things here 🌺 thank you for being so generous and sharing these with us Matthew
I love how he mentions attachments style! human psychology is really complex and I personally think that finding out these characteristics about yourself is really useful for your social/personal relationships and you can find those traits during some therapy ^^ (not a sponsor XD). For instance, in therapy, you would try to understand the reason why you feel so hurt/bothered by your boyfriend texting other girls. Once you know what and why it triggers your insecurities, you can sit down with him and explain why his behavior hurts you, and then get to an agreement where you both can be happy! And if he doesn't care enough to fix it and give you the security you might need, then yeah, I agree with Matthew, you might want to reconsider whether or not that person is right for you.
Regardless, therapy can be really enlightening, that's what I meant to say!
My ex boyfriend hated the fact that I ‘regularly texted a guy’. It was my gay male cousin. Sometimes it’s just innocent. Communication is everything.
Especially drinking.
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
Thanks Matthew!
Tell him how inconfortable it makes you for him to be texting someone else. If he insists on the relationship be it a friendship or whatever... Run for the hills. He is jeopardizing your relationship to keep doing it. Then maybe there is more to that relationship then what meet the eye
Literally just had this conversation with someone, turned out they hadn’t explained correctly but they seemed to be saying that the person was in love with them but unwilling to commit... I was like, “no.”
Thax,I think am the only person who follows u in Uganda (Africa)
This is genius!!
If you can deal with it, you will. I recently was the woman on the other side of the phone - he'd known me 2 years and asked me out a few times before and while I'd been lukewarm in the past, he's gorgeous and I'm single in a pandemic so I was into it - best still that he'd told me he'd been single a year. I observed shadiness and realized he has a girlfriend (for about a year??), who, when I told her about it, seemed to take it in surprising stride. He's always been clear he's not about open relationships and would be jealous so it was all a bit shocking. While I blocked him, I promise you he probably won't stop doing things like this. So Matthew is right: if this is something you can deal with, more power to you. But know that your happiness and peace of mind should be your priority. If it isn't your priority, how can it be his?
@Eris Firstly, I'm so sorry something like that happened to you, I'm truly indignant at just the thought of it, and I hope you're doing much better since. To be fair, I was a bit terrified, she's 8 years older than I and despite evidence and how private I kept it I was half expecting her to lash out at me. But I figured if I were her I would want to know. I don't regret telling her, but when she was justifying his behavior to me I realize it was to console herself. Maybe if I'd questioned the skewed rationale he gave her... It just wasn't my place. I hope for her sake this was the right decision for her.
At first, when me and my bf started dating, he had a constant communication with the female (who's in a relationship herself). They had a lot of mutual friends, they were often hanging out in a big friends' groups as well as one-o-one . Eventually I got mad and he cut her off and hasn't been in any contact with her for over a year now. It did make me feel better. So yeah, a deal-breaker for me
I'm always feeling better after seeing your videos , I'm seeing my ex since few months as friends with benefits but ur video make me really think about what do I want and is it worthy
Girl stop wasting your time it will Soon backfire on you
Hey wonderful ❤, how re you doing ? .. Love from 🇺🇸...
I used to have a boyfriend who had many female friends. It was really just friendships, I was never jealous nor did I have a reason to be.
There certainly are men and friendships that are suspicious, but it is important not to be paranoid about every person of opposite sex that communicates with your partner. That kills relationships.
I had something like this happen to me and gave him the choice of blocking the 3 girls or he leaves. In the messages, he was flirtatious and these girls (who were his coworkers) did not know about me. He blocked them, but now I have trust issues. At his new job, I worry he's going to do it again. When he's texting, I assume he's texting a girl. I hate to say this, but at the time, I checked his phone just to ensure he wasn't texting another girl after he blocked the 3 (I checked once a week). I now stopped checking his phone, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking he's texting girls even though he's not. I've been working on trusting him again, but it's not easy.
Send him a text message on Whatsapp 💓
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