I wouldn't say we all want to be liked, some of us just be, and if people like us they like us, if people don't, that's okay too, everyone is different, you shouldn't live you're life trying to be something you're not, especially to please others.
@@Bc232klm yeah. But then again and nowadays people thinks, 'Being nice and kind' as a weakness... and then again, 'Never stop being incredible in order to meet incredible person' Hope you all are having a nice day~
we want' to be liked because it helps us live or stay alive... that's the truth, so he's done all that is right in his life and now he has to face the fact that, despite doing it, all right, life is going to be taken from him anyway...and he thinks to himself had i done different would it had saved my life and do i have time to make changes???
It's hard. Saying 'yes' when deep down you wanted to say 'no'. Pretending to be interested in something for someone else and letting them waste your time. Letting people disrespect you out of fear that firing back at them may terminate your relationship with them. Not being able to just tell someone you don't like them and don't want to hang out with them anymore. Doing things for people they would never do for you. Getting taken advantage of. Wanting to be everyone's friend. Being afraid of being alone. Pretending to be ok when you're not ok. Prioritizing everyone else's needs and wants over your own. What's the point of being nice to everyone else, when it is at the cost of not being nice to yourself. Always be nice to yourself first.
You don't have to even be nice to yourself. You just need to be honest with yourself. Being authentic is the most important thing. Forget being nice, forget being happy, forget being positive - they're all fragile things that we mistakenly stand on. It's better to be authentic, even if that means being hated or viewed as a loser - F*** them. If nice or happy arises as a byproduct of that then that's alright, but don't expect it or even wish to have it. Be authentic.
Never thought of that, but you're right. Being courteous goes further and probably is made up more of actions that make a difference, rather than trying to say the "right" thing and being in a state of worry/stress trying not to say the "wrong" things.
Most people assume that "being nice" and "being kind" are the same, but they have different meanings. When you are being nice, you seek the approval of others and avoid conflict at all costs, for fear of rejection. It seems like the "polite" thing to do. It's pleasant and creates a temporary peace, but it eventually falls apart since your words and actions have no real depth or authenticity. When you are being kind, you are genuine with yourself, actually care for the well-being of others, and are willing to take a stand for what you believe in. Kindness involves deeper, sometimes more challenging actions that may cause conflicts, but they benefit both parties in the end and lead to more meaningful, positive impacts on your and other's lives. I've been there before. I've strived for and obsessed myself with being nice. I would say "yes" to impossible demands, wouldn't stand up for myself, changed my opinions to suit others, and became a doormat for others. At the end of it all, people expected me to be someone I wasn't and couldn't possibly be. I was an empty, hollow husk of a man rotting on the inside from all the garbage I kept from the eyes and ears of others around me. Nowadays, I find myself more at peace with kindness than I ever had with niceness. Be kind and compassionate with yourself, not just others.
It's almost never a good thing for people to put other people before themselves, especially in the pursuit of making other people happy. Because people will expect more and more from you until you're wasted away mentally, to nothing, exhausted. Yet they keep pulling more and more from you, until you snap, eventually. This has been my entire life, and when I snap, I do it in private, alone, so no one else is burdened by me. Nobody has ever known me, truly.
That's really sad to hear. I'm sorry! I will leave you with this question, does anyone ever truly get to know us? I've spent the longest time feeling misunderstood; when all I ever needed was my own acceptance.
I did quite the opposite of you, I snapped at my partner, with pure conviction and honesty about what I really thought. That part of myself was so sure I was wronged. I doubted it again afterwards. Their response was extremely confusing for me, I didn't know what way the world was spinning for months. After a long time introspecting and trying to live again after that. I realise that I was wronged, everything about it was wrong and our paths couldn't continue. It was also right that it was the only way I was going to learn what I needed to learn from that relationship. The lesson I learned is, you don't have to tell others your truth to think it will raise your own convictions, you have to know it for yourself. As already mentioned, many people do not know themselves; and yet, self-knowledge is all the knowledge you need. Even though you acted in the complete opposite manner to me, I hope you can hear that it doesn't make you any weaker or stronger than me, only that our actions lead us all to the same inner truth.
People say they want you happy but what they really want is seeing you happy, If you're dyeing inside, doesn't matter. They don't have time to worry about you and you're unmotivated pain
Who do you mean with "people" though. I don't think your loved ones would think that. As a mother i would not want my child to act "happy" towards me when they are not. Friends will support one another up to a healthy point. It's a big difference for example helping someone through roadblocks in life, or having someone who is chronically depressed/ always in trouble. You cannot expect friends to endure endless negativity, that's what professionals are for. They will check in once in a while, and that's fair, everyone has their own life to live. But if you mean "society", yep. We all have to mask up out here and pretend (to a certain extend). It's rough sometimes.
I hate that this is so relatable. I've been called an a-hole, or a monster my entire life. Mostly by genuinely garbage people, and most people seem to just naturally hate me. I have no friends and struggle to make good impressions. Maybe it's because I look like an a-hole, maybe it's my voice, but I'm actually friendly. I've lived a hard enough life that I don't want to see other people upset, since I know how it feels. Robin Williams said it best in his one quote. When I'm friendly, people take advantage of me. When I show the slightest back bone, people freak out and want nothing to do with me. Even something as simple as asking questions causes people to spaz out. The fact I'm anxious to start conversations, because of how many times the other person has gone from 0-100 for nothing, is idiot. I realize this is largely a them problem, but when being nice, even genuinely, is the only way to make people tolerate me, and they still treat me like trash, it makes it hard to do. The solution isn't as easy as avoid them, because sometimes you can't. Nor is it, just be yourself. If it was that easy, I would have to be different. I really think the issue may be that people are so accustomed to fake people, that when they meet a real one, they assume that person is the fake. Idk. I just want to get away from society.
I had the same faking experience.Thats why I learned to be mean to people who don't deserve it. I still keep hearing that I'm a freak or something but I don't give a F at this point. I just do what I have to do everyday and move on. No time to think about other than myself and what I have to do in order to achieve my goals.
With time, I’ve come to the same conclusion as you. People are so accustomed to meeting fake people that they hate seeing the true nature of a person. Fake people meet their expectations. When your life and your mind works like a robot, you’re unable to handle out-of-context situations or persons. I believe the solution is to get out. Not necessarly in a physical way but get out of this loop-hole in your mind. When you are able to find happiness in yourself and in the little things and people that actually love you as you truly are and bring you joy, everything is so easy. Society is not a physical thing, it’s an idea. You don’t have to be a part of this idea if you don’t like it and if it doesn’t respect you. Of course, this is easier said than done. Spend time appreciating yourself and appreciating the things you love about this world (little may they be). I hope you find what you are looking for.
My hearts go out to these people. Please PLEASE DONT EVER CHANGE YOURSELF FOR OTHER PEOPLE. BE YOU. BE WHO YOURE MEANT TO BE. Whatever that means to you, other than having one year to live I know what this is like and for the love of god don’t cover or hide yourself.. until it’s too late. This world needs your most authentic, most giving, most unapologetic self.
The shitty part about this situation is that you can't win. I have never been a people pleaser, I have never put my own wants and needs aside to make others happy at my own expense. Even while raising my children, I made sure to take time for myself, and to not sacrifice everything that I wanted or needed, for them. I have lived my life this way because I think it is the healthiest way to go through life. I have always felt like I was better able to be there for my children and my spouse because I didn't put myself on a back burner and allow myself to become burnt out on supporting those I love. However, in retaining some selfishness I have always faced people who see me as cold, or indifferent, or unworthy of the love I have received from my kids and my spouse...
The world is broken, and I respect you for living like that. I'm taking your point even further. I'm in my young 20's and without children. I'm contemplating whether to even have kids. Because it's a sh*t world that we live in, and if I haven't thought altogether that it's worth it, then why should I have offspring that would experience this broken world, and broken human experience. Would it be more authentic for me, if I truly see fit, to not have children, to not bring another soul to earth so they experience suffering. That seems quite the noble choice to make, in my opinion right now. Or maybe I have to grow up a bit more.
Hey Andrea. One mom to another, you're doing the right thing, and i'm the exact same. As long as your kids are not suffering, receive love, support and stability, there is nothing wrong with you doing things for you too. That's even ridiculous to say out loud actually, it should be the norm. But how often don't we see moms buy their kids the nicest clothes, way too many toys and throw them elaborate parties, but they themselves wear socks/underwear with holes, suffer in bad relationships "for the kids" and lose themself in motherhood, only to end up in existential crisis when they become empty nesters (and maybe divorced at the same time). They don't even know who they are anymore, besides mothers. They usually turn out to be that annoying, entitled "mother in law" who tries to meddle in her adult kids' lives. The people judging you probably suffer and are jealous of you, or they think that every mother needs to live like social media entertainers (who have a lot of support financially or from other people, and are doing their job, selling stuff online by pretending that we also need to buy all that stuff they show, where they get sponsorships/affiliate links from 🤣) Poor sods falling for the martyr lifestyle. One day they will wake up.
@@Lecker_Pizza I didn't want kids until i reached the age of 30/31. I'm of the belief souls choose us be born through us, to learn lessons in that life, and we learn from them in return. Just my own theory though, and it's totally fine to never have kids too. We are all on our own journey, don't feel like there is a right or wrong. You're young, experience life.
@@Lecker_Pizza You're scared you won't be able to raise happy and healthy (both physically and mentally) children, it's becoming more normal as time passes but it's not the world that determines whether you should have a kid, it's you. Your fear is reasonable, here's something I want to ask. Do you think you're mentally prepared to have children? Whether you want them or not isn't the issue, it's whether you're mature/mentally strong enough to actually raise them right.
@gg_ingy well, they are grown now, but thank you. I never ever made my children go without things, but I did make them accept that I had needs too. I just don't think it's healthy to give and give and give until there's nothing left and you are burnt out and don't want to give anymore. Also, you can't make everyone happy no matter how hard you try anyway, so you might as well save some energy for giving to yourself.
The philosopher, David Benatar wrote a book called _Better Never to Have Been_ (2008) about this exact subject. He argues, quite successfully, that there is so much inescapable suffering by such an overwhelmingly vast and unquantifiable amount of people in the world and throughout our entire history and evolution, that’s it’s actually far better to not exist or have existed. He makes unassailable points that do make one wonder, is it really worth existing. In fact, the author, Elinor Burkett argues in her book, _The Baby Boon_ that every possible reason to even consider having children in the first place, is a self-serving one. Coupled with Benatar’s work, the question of bringing on the inevitable suffering that will no doubt occur, why would anyone want to visit that suffering on an innocent child?
@@xanaxityThe things we Act Out as adults that we don't like (i.e. the "bad" things, e.g. breaking promises, self medicating, wasting time, degrading self, RAGING at others ... etc) is because someone did the same to us when we were a kid. But we couldn't tell anyone how MAD or SAD we were, because no one gave a sh*t (too busy or too self-absorbed ( _eye sea ewe MOM!_ ) so in defense we SWALLOWED that poison pill and went on with life. But we can't go on until we let that that Pissed Inner Kid have his/her say, and to grieve thed unfairness we were forced to witness & bear. Things NO CHILD should ever witness or bear. Then we can heal, and become Wonder Kids again. I am 59, and addict since the 80's, a RAGEACHOLIC who detroyed relationships for Sport, who knows a seonse of quiet wholenss. I an both god and child. My Daimon leads me. _For we are becoming as gods ..._
I'm worried people take this the wrong way. Don't use this to justify your own bad behaviour. Being yourself doesn't mean being rude when you feel like it. You still have to do your best to respect others and not hurt them. But do it in a way that is true to you. I have always been completely incapable of ANY form of lying - it hurts. And when I mean any, i even mean I can't lying to myself, I cant hold facts from others in a way that distorts their vision of the truth. And it has worked for me I find. Sometimes it means I am mean to others. I am very dismissive of my brother for example, due to the way our relationship has built up, it feels weird, and false to myself to act differently. But, instead of doing what a lot of people I think would conclude here, and just keep on acting this way, I am trying to push the relationship in a different way. Never faking it, just maybe putting up with a little discomfort so I realize its not so bad. Anyways my point is, I think we shouldn't just do whatever tf we feel like. If people think you are being mean when you are being 'yourself,' think about why. Is there something you actually did wrong? Do they fully understand your perspective and why you did what you did? I feel like most of the time, there is actually a way to do better. I think most of the time if people percieve you poorly, either 1 what you did was actually wrong and you should strive to be a better you, or 2 they don't fully understand why you did what you did. We are creatures who change, so doing the former doesn't mean not being you, it means changing you. That doesn't mean you are bad, it just mean you aren't perfect, but you can try to become a better person. This 'real self' that the video alludes to isn't immutable. But you if you always put up a different version, and just change that, then it will be. And you conlcude that you did do the best thing, and it was you, and they still disklike your action, then they are being unreasonable, and you should try to change or even get rid of that relationship. If people cannot be reasoned with then you shouldn't feel bad about yourself, cuz you did nothing wrong.
This is a masterpiece! It’s incredibly hard to speak one’s mind in a world that demands you to be 'nice' and 'human.' You are always caught in a dilemma, feeling like whatever you do isn’t right, and guilt starts creeping in. The moment you prioritize yourself, they label you as narcissistic or selfish. A thought-provoking reflection!
This feels relatable on so many levels. Thank you for solving our problems. This genuinly touched my heart and brought a tear to my eyes. I can not exptess enough gratitude for your service.
I’m a lot “meaner” than I used to be but people never have to guess about their standing with me. When I was nicer (aka didn’t set proper boundaries, communicate my needs effectively, etc) I felt constantly disingenuous and had so much difficulty socially.
Sometimes I feel like the people that might possibly get you and I, that won't lose it if you show any sort of resilience and don't just comply to everything they want for the sake of making them happy, are always spread so thin across the world that it is a miracle to find just one of these people.
This could not come at a better time for me. As someone who just got out of a toxic relationship in which I gave all of myself hoping that I would get back half of what I put into it and always was let down by the lack of reciprocation I though that I deserved.. it’s time I moved on and rediscovered how to live for myself, how to love myself, and how to forgive myself. Thank you. ❤
The first time I saw the video published 10 months on now, it left a big mark on me. It changed how I think, feel and just deal with others, including myself. Having visuals this time conveying such message deepened the feeling of self validation. The feeling of.. wanting to be free from the world around you, giving up on caring about anything, and just living without taking others thoughts of yoin consideration. Thank you.
It's wonderful to see you exploring a new format. I love it, especially because it's proof that storytelling can pass a message across better/stronger than most communication devices. Thanks Robert ❤
I am impressed by the “Power of Authenticity” mentioned in the video: As the protagonist nears the end of his life, he embraces his true self, flaws and all. He realizes that being genuine and vulnerable is more important than seeking approval.
"The only time you can be yourself is when no one is around and anyone who is with you is the same as you." But when you try to be yourself in front of people, they will not accept you. Also, does it matter to be accepted? Ohhfuck, it’s a paradox.
Most relatable and depressing thing i watched this day . The atmosphere , dialogues and music made my heart ache . I feel like this is definitely made for me . ❤
Sometimes people call me bossy but like when a group of 6 of us are trying to figure out where to eat supper, and everyone says they don’t care…I’m GONNA say where I want to go then if everyone else doesn’t care. That being said- if someone was opposed or wanted to go somewhere else I would give up my preference ❤
High quality video. Very well depicted. Very well expressed. In that moment, displayed was the difference between 'the thinker' the man who thought the best thing he could do was live a life of being nice. He thought if I am nice it's the most positive thing, so he said forget about how I feel, I'll just be someone that is probably viewed as the nicest kind of person. In my opinion, that comes from our parents or people we grow up with, or society as you are growing up, they always make it out that good behaviour is the most important thing, so you develop a compass for just being a good nice person. But this robs us of being an authentic human, and for the fellow 'thinkers' out there, the non-thinkers that we grew up around couldn't even comprehend, they never had the capacity to even be able to view life the way we do. So the most important thing we 'thinkers' can do is to be an authentic person. True to ourselves, despite the fact that some people will hate us or think we are losers. We must be authentic, that way we will lessen the amount of regrets when we're about to die. And for context in this scenario of the video the woman played the typical 'non-thinker' type of person. Thank you pursuit of wonder 🙌
To me 'nice' is the thing we do in public interactions when no depth is necessary. Nice is not the opposite of awful or another synonym. It's a tool of social interaction to get along, being a social species. Nice is superficial. Fears of abandonment, the dependence on others for validation - a whole other matter. One can have a very solid sense of self and still be 'nice', kind even, because they believe in positive interaction with the world, it's part of their Self. No appeasement, no expectation for validation but still giving a positive to others. There's zero problem with being that kind of 'nice'. It's also ok to have your walls go down and still not be callous and hurtful, even when your days are numbered.
00:11 Struggles of authenticity in relationships lead to emotional disconnect. 01:15 Struggling with identity and existence after a life-altering diagnosis. 02:04 The speaker reflects on the overwhelming emotions from recent experiences. 02:49 John reflects on his struggle with others' expectations. 03:58 Prioritizing others' approval can lead to losing one’s true self. 04:50 Struggles with self-perception and the paradox of seeking external validation. 05:43 Striving to please others diminishes personal identity and fulfillment. 06:49 Exploring the pressure to be perfect and the struggle for authenticity.
I have been following your work for a while now and so excited that you started doing this! Stepping in film making myself and this is a reminder of being authentic ❤ thank you!
I’m not being selfish; I’m being honest. Only I matter. Only my perspective matters. No one cares about anything unless there’s an emotional and personal component. No one cares about what’s happening to other kids until their kids are also affected.
The most important sentence here is, "there is still time". The biggest hurdle to jump is accepting the reality that nobody cares for you as you do for them. To expect others to reciprocate on the same level is a dead end street. The key is to turn your passion for others inside and begin there. Be yourself and allow others to be themselves, you only want to invest in others who invest in you. You are truly blessed if you have a handful of close friends, or even just one. Your most important 'friend' should be yourself, and the first person you walk away from forever is your own inner critique.
Its funny how most of your videos I can relate to at that particular moment of time in my life. I used to be in awe about this a few years back, but now I have accepted you as one of my teachers assigned to me by the universe. “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”
to be nice you need to have the strength to put others first, but if you put others first you put yourself last. If you put yourself last, you lose that strength to be nice therefore you can't be the nice guy....
Setting boundaries in what you put out and to whom. Learn about yourself, know/feel what is right for you too as you put something out. Become more and more authentic. Most people in my experience have accepted the new me (I have been practising this for a few years now) infact, I gained more respect, a strong network of friends (its only a handfull of people but they have my back all the way, noone is superficial, I love each and every person I have in my life). I have grown in my self-esteem, self-loveand self-respect. I have found more peace and stability in my life. My health - physically, mentally and emotionally have stabilised. I am happier because I stopped pleasing the wrong people or working on the wrong causes. Totday if it does not bring ME mote joy, satisfaction or anything positive than it does stress, over-exhaustion, or anything other negative feeling. I dont do it again. I dont care if that makes another person mad. Because, someone simply throwing a tantrum and wanting you to do something for them that harms you (yes, even your feelings matter) you you should question, do they have YOUR best interest a heart or are they being selfish? Probably gaslighting you for bring selfing at the same time 😆 You are not selfish for having boundaries and self-esteem, respect and love. You do what is right for you. Its a balancing act. And takes time to master. However living life for yourself is your greatest gift. You will find you will have more than enough energy and can make time to give to others. Simply because you know it fulfills you more than it drains. Learn to be intouch with youself, be authentic, use your emotions as a guid to steer into the direction of what happiness looks like to you. Stop looking at others, your story is uniquely yours.
I would tell him to take heart and not to be so critical of himself, it is impossible to ever be anything other than your genuine self. Whatever it is that you do in a given moment is the thing the best reflects who you are at that moment. You are always yourself, even when you feel driven to act a certain way for someone else.
I'm currently going through a divorce. I wake up and stare at myself in the mirror and feel nothing, yet a sense of sadness grips at me anyway. Not due to the loss of my relationship, although I know it still hurts deep down. Yet, do to me not even knowing who is staring back at me. I ask myself so many times everyday. Who am I, if not a provider and protector? Who am I without someone needing me? Do I even matter? Do I even really exist? I love this video since it captures that state of mind. Yet it also leaves a significant hole in a place where there is no clear answer. How do you find yourself, when you never knew yourself in the first place?
you value certain things and adapt to them. if you know if you do or say something will make someone dislike you, it shows you care about them. if you do something you know someone wont like, you're being selfish. different situations require different actions.
That was briliant. These words have power, not many can create their own. Also as idea of "mine" is, who would he realy be without being influenced? The book Picture of Dorian Grey has great thougts on that.
I had a good neighbor friend who had to move away because she’d been doing favors for so many neighbors. She was exhausted from being pulled in so many directions. And it was hard for her to say no, so the resentment built.
Being nice is a detriment not only to yourself, but to everyone that you are nice to. Being nice is not telling the screaming toddler to stop and just letting him get what he wants. I prefer kindness. I only give the toddler what they want if it's good for them. And then only after they have stopped crying and are on good behavior. Nearly random intermittent rewards.
Ive lately tried to solve this problem for myself too with relflective thoughts. Im a young person so I have plenty of time to think this through, but the hollowness that the guy describes in the video is really relatable.
The struggle between selflessness and self-abandonment is so real. We all want to be liked, but at what cost?
Feels good to make people smile lol 👍
Your comment is filled with facts
I wouldn't say we all want to be liked, some of us just be, and if people like us they like us, if people don't, that's okay too, everyone is different, you shouldn't live you're life trying to be something you're not, especially to please others.
@@Bc232klm yeah. But then again and nowadays people thinks, 'Being nice and kind' as a weakness...
and then again, 'Never stop being incredible in order to meet incredible person'
Hope you all are having a nice day~
we want' to be liked because it helps us live or stay alive... that's the truth, so he's done all that is right in his life and now he has to face the fact that, despite doing it, all right, life is going to be taken from him anyway...and he thinks to himself had i done different would it had saved my life and do i have time to make changes???
It's hard. Saying 'yes' when deep down you wanted to say 'no'. Pretending to be interested in something for someone else and letting them waste your time. Letting people disrespect you out of fear that firing back at them may terminate your relationship with them. Not being able to just tell someone you don't like them and don't want to hang out with them anymore. Doing things for people they would never do for you. Getting taken advantage of. Wanting to be everyone's friend. Being afraid of being alone. Pretending to be ok when you're not ok. Prioritizing everyone else's needs and wants over your own. What's the point of being nice to everyone else, when it is at the cost of not being nice to yourself. Always be nice to yourself first.
If it's hard, why be pretentious? Take the easy way out, and be unliked. Call the shots, be in charge.
You don't have to even be nice to yourself. You just need to be honest with yourself. Being authentic is the most important thing. Forget being nice, forget being happy, forget being positive - they're all fragile things that we mistakenly stand on.
It's better to be authentic, even if that means being hated or viewed as a loser - F*** them.
If nice or happy arises as a byproduct of that then that's alright, but don't expect it or even wish to have it. Be authentic.
100%
Being nice is one thing, being courteous is another. You can never go wrong with courteousness, being nice gets you nothing and nowhere.
Never thought of that, but you're right. Being courteous goes further and probably is made up more of actions that make a difference, rather than trying to say the "right" thing and being in a state of worry/stress trying not to say the "wrong" things.
Being good is dumb. I jest, maybe.
there is nothing wrong being nice but being too nice is a problem.
but how do we qualify being too nice?
@@jaughnekowwhen you bring a change to yourself out of courtesy to please others
Word 👊🏾
Most people assume that "being nice" and "being kind" are the same, but they have different meanings. When you are being nice, you seek the approval of others and avoid conflict at all costs, for fear of rejection. It seems like the "polite" thing to do. It's pleasant and creates a temporary peace, but it eventually falls apart since your words and actions have no real depth or authenticity. When you are being kind, you are genuine with yourself, actually care for the well-being of others, and are willing to take a stand for what you believe in. Kindness involves deeper, sometimes more challenging actions that may cause conflicts, but they benefit both parties in the end and lead to more meaningful, positive impacts on your and other's lives.
I've been there before. I've strived for and obsessed myself with being nice. I would say "yes" to impossible demands, wouldn't stand up for myself, changed my opinions to suit others, and became a doormat for others. At the end of it all, people expected me to be someone I wasn't and couldn't possibly be. I was an empty, hollow husk of a man rotting on the inside from all the garbage I kept from the eyes and ears of others around me. Nowadays, I find myself more at peace with kindness than I ever had with niceness.
Be kind and compassionate with yourself, not just others.
How?
Thanks man
@@oblivion4816 As in, how to switch from being nice to being kind? Or smth else?
It's almost never a good thing for people to put other people before themselves, especially in the pursuit of making other people happy. Because people will expect more and more from you until you're wasted away mentally, to nothing, exhausted. Yet they keep pulling more and more from you, until you snap, eventually. This has been my entire life, and when I snap, I do it in private, alone, so no one else is burdened by me. Nobody has ever known me, truly.
That's really sad to hear. I'm sorry! I will leave you with this question, does anyone ever truly get to know us? I've spent the longest time feeling misunderstood; when all I ever needed was my own acceptance.
You have to be careful about who you invest in.
I did quite the opposite of you, I snapped at my partner, with pure conviction and honesty about what I really thought. That part of myself was so sure I was wronged. I doubted it again afterwards. Their response was extremely confusing for me, I didn't know what way the world was spinning for months. After a long time introspecting and trying to live again after that. I realise that I was wronged, everything about it was wrong and our paths couldn't continue. It was also right that it was the only way I was going to learn what I needed to learn from that relationship. The lesson I learned is, you don't have to tell others your truth to think it will raise your own convictions, you have to know it for yourself. As already mentioned, many people do not know themselves; and yet, self-knowledge is all the knowledge you need. Even though you acted in the complete opposite manner to me, I hope you can hear that it doesn't make you any weaker or stronger than me, only that our actions lead us all to the same inner truth.
Time to change things up. Let the world get to know you. Peace
Kindness is always exploited, never reciprocated.
People say they want you happy but what they really want is seeing you happy, If you're dyeing inside, doesn't matter. They don't have time to worry about you and you're unmotivated pain
I wish I could like this more than once!
Wonderful insight. Thank you!
@captainprincess5943 wow thank you! Actually I'm not a native English speaker so I was worried I wrote something wrong lol
Who do you mean with "people" though. I don't think your loved ones would think that. As a mother i would not want my child to act "happy" towards me when they are not. Friends will support one another up to a healthy point. It's a big difference for example helping someone through roadblocks in life, or having someone who is chronically depressed/ always in trouble. You cannot expect friends to endure endless negativity, that's what professionals are for. They will check in once in a while, and that's fair, everyone has their own life to live.
But if you mean "society", yep. We all have to mask up out here and pretend (to a certain extend). It's rough sometimes.
I hate that this is so relatable.
I've been called an a-hole, or a monster my entire life. Mostly by genuinely garbage people, and most people seem to just naturally hate me. I have no friends and struggle to make good impressions.
Maybe it's because I look like an a-hole, maybe it's my voice, but I'm actually friendly. I've lived a hard enough life that I don't want to see other people upset, since I know how it feels. Robin Williams said it best in his one quote.
When I'm friendly, people take advantage of me. When I show the slightest back bone, people freak out and want nothing to do with me.
Even something as simple as asking questions causes people to spaz out. The fact I'm anxious to start conversations, because of how many times the other person has gone from 0-100 for nothing, is idiot.
I realize this is largely a them problem, but when being nice, even genuinely, is the only way to make people tolerate me, and they still treat me like trash, it makes it hard to do.
The solution isn't as easy as avoid them, because sometimes you can't. Nor is it, just be yourself. If it was that easy, I would have to be different.
I really think the issue may be that people are so accustomed to fake people, that when they meet a real one, they assume that person is the fake. Idk.
I just want to get away from society.
Might get tested for autism
I had the same faking experience.Thats why I learned to be mean to people who don't deserve it. I still keep hearing that I'm a freak or something but I don't give a F at this point. I just do what I have to do everyday and move on. No time to think about other than myself and what I have to do in order to achieve my goals.
With time, I’ve come to the same conclusion as you. People are so accustomed to meeting fake people that they hate seeing the true nature of a person. Fake people meet their expectations. When your life and your mind works like a robot, you’re unable to handle out-of-context situations or persons.
I believe the solution is to get out. Not necessarly in a physical way but get out of this loop-hole in your mind. When you are able to find happiness in yourself and in the little things and people that actually love you as you truly are and bring you joy, everything is so easy. Society is not a physical thing, it’s an idea. You don’t have to be a part of this idea if you don’t like it and if it doesn’t respect you.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Spend time appreciating yourself and appreciating the things you love about this world (little may they be). I hope you find what you are looking for.
@@jakem8280 Might get tested for autism
@@jakem8280 Might get tested for the tism.
I hope you continue making similar videos like this. People pleasing and inordinate niceness has ruined me. I have lost myself in this quagmire.
From sketches to short film, keep up the good work!
Be who you truly are, there is still time...use it.
My hearts go out to these people. Please PLEASE DONT EVER CHANGE YOURSELF FOR OTHER PEOPLE. BE YOU. BE WHO YOURE MEANT TO BE. Whatever that means to you, other than having one year to live I know what this is like and for the love of god don’t cover or hide yourself.. until it’s too late. This world needs your most authentic, most giving, most unapologetic self.
This is why I used to read literature, at the heart of all people is the need to be witnessed.
The shitty part about this situation is that you can't win. I have never been a people pleaser, I have never put my own wants and needs aside to make others happy at my own expense. Even while raising my children, I made sure to take time for myself, and to not sacrifice everything that I wanted or needed, for them. I have lived my life this way because I think it is the healthiest way to go through life. I have always felt like I was better able to be there for my children and my spouse because I didn't put myself on a back burner and allow myself to become burnt out on supporting those I love. However, in retaining some selfishness I have always faced people who see me as cold, or indifferent, or unworthy of the love I have received from my kids and my spouse...
The world is broken, and I respect you for living like that.
I'm taking your point even further. I'm in my young 20's and without children.
I'm contemplating whether to even have kids. Because it's a sh*t world that we live in, and if I haven't thought altogether that it's worth it, then why should I have offspring that would experience this broken world, and broken human experience.
Would it be more authentic for me, if I truly see fit, to not have children, to not bring another soul to earth so they experience suffering. That seems quite the noble choice to make, in my opinion right now. Or maybe I have to grow up a bit more.
Hey Andrea. One mom to another, you're doing the right thing, and i'm the exact same. As long as your kids are not suffering, receive love, support and stability, there is nothing wrong with you doing things for you too. That's even ridiculous to say out loud actually, it should be the norm. But how often don't we see moms buy their kids the nicest clothes, way too many toys and throw them elaborate parties, but they themselves wear socks/underwear with holes, suffer in bad relationships "for the kids" and lose themself in motherhood, only to end up in existential crisis when they become empty nesters (and maybe divorced at the same time). They don't even know who they are anymore, besides mothers. They usually turn out to be that annoying, entitled "mother in law" who tries to meddle in her adult kids' lives.
The people judging you probably suffer and are jealous of you, or they think that every mother needs to live like social media entertainers (who have a lot of support financially or from other people, and are doing their job, selling stuff online by pretending that we also need to buy all that stuff they show, where they get sponsorships/affiliate links from 🤣) Poor sods falling for the martyr lifestyle. One day they will wake up.
@@Lecker_Pizza I didn't want kids until i reached the age of 30/31. I'm of the belief souls choose us be born through us, to learn lessons in that life, and we learn from them in return. Just my own theory though, and it's totally fine to never have kids too. We are all on our own journey, don't feel like there is a right or wrong. You're young, experience life.
@@Lecker_Pizza You're scared you won't be able to raise happy and healthy (both physically and mentally) children, it's becoming more normal as time passes but it's not the world that determines whether you should have a kid, it's you.
Your fear is reasonable, here's something I want to ask.
Do you think you're mentally prepared to have children? Whether you want them or not isn't the issue, it's whether you're mature/mentally strong enough to actually raise them right.
@gg_ingy well, they are grown now, but thank you. I never ever made my children go without things, but I did make them accept that I had needs too. I just don't think it's healthy to give and give and give until there's nothing left and you are burnt out and don't want to give anymore. Also, you can't make everyone happy no matter how hard you try anyway, so you might as well save some energy for giving to yourself.
Life is short. Never care what anyone thinks. Live ur life the way you want 💯
do not care too much*
“Nonexistence never hurt anyone. Existence hurts everyone.”
- Thomas Ligotti
To be human is to suffer, and suffering is universal.
Trouble with being born - emil cioran
@PneumothoraxBlueneck hi there
The philosopher, David Benatar wrote a book called _Better Never to Have Been_ (2008) about this exact subject. He argues, quite successfully, that there is so much inescapable suffering by such an overwhelmingly vast and unquantifiable amount of people in the world and throughout our entire history and evolution, that’s it’s actually far better to not exist or have existed. He makes unassailable points that do make one wonder, is it really worth existing.
In fact, the author, Elinor Burkett argues in her book, _The Baby Boon_ that every possible reason to even consider having children in the first place, is a self-serving one. Coupled with Benatar’s work, the question of bringing on the inevitable suffering that will no doubt occur, why would anyone want to visit that suffering on an innocent child?
Existence is the cause of all Happiness.
You know that you've tried too hard when you can't even remember your true self anymore.
As an older guy, I look back at times in my life when I’ve been mean and I feel regret
@ Too much tolerance… of meanness? I agree.
@@gregbors8364 What is "meaness." Is that kicking a dog? Or grabbing someone by the throat? Or?
@@youbetyourwrasse I believe he is talking about Assertiveness.
Hii. I may be the same track and gonna regret later. Life's Just unjust. I'm 20 btw.
@@xanaxityThe things we Act Out as adults that we don't like (i.e. the "bad" things, e.g. breaking promises, self medicating, wasting time, degrading self, RAGING at others ... etc) is because someone did the same to us when we were a kid. But we couldn't tell anyone how MAD or SAD we were, because no one gave a sh*t (too busy or too self-absorbed ( _eye sea ewe MOM!_ ) so in defense we SWALLOWED that poison pill and went on with life. But we can't go on until we let that that Pissed Inner Kid have his/her say, and to grieve thed unfairness we were forced to witness & bear. Things NO CHILD should ever witness or bear. Then we can heal, and become Wonder Kids again. I am 59, and addict since the 80's, a RAGEACHOLIC who detroyed relationships for Sport, who knows a seonse of quiet wholenss. I an both god and child. My Daimon leads me. _For we are becoming as gods ..._
The writing of how John still understands what Kate feels is so accurate and adds depth to the short film . This is so relatable..
I'm worried people take this the wrong way. Don't use this to justify your own bad behaviour. Being yourself doesn't mean being rude when you feel like it. You still have to do your best to respect others and not hurt them. But do it in a way that is true to you. I have always been completely incapable of ANY form of lying - it hurts. And when I mean any, i even mean I can't lying to myself, I cant hold facts from others in a way that distorts their vision of the truth. And it has worked for me I find. Sometimes it means I am mean to others. I am very dismissive of my brother for example, due to the way our relationship has built up, it feels weird, and false to myself to act differently. But, instead of doing what a lot of people I think would conclude here, and just keep on acting this way, I am trying to push the relationship in a different way. Never faking it, just maybe putting up with a little discomfort so I realize its not so bad.
Anyways my point is, I think we shouldn't just do whatever tf we feel like. If people think you are being mean when you are being 'yourself,' think about why. Is there something you actually did wrong? Do they fully understand your perspective and why you did what you did? I feel like most of the time, there is actually a way to do better. I think most of the time if people percieve you poorly, either 1 what you did was actually wrong and you should strive to be a better you, or 2 they don't fully understand why you did what you did. We are creatures who change, so doing the former doesn't mean not being you, it means changing you. That doesn't mean you are bad, it just mean you aren't perfect, but you can try to become a better person. This 'real self' that the video alludes to isn't immutable. But you if you always put up a different version, and just change that, then it will be. And you conlcude that you did do the best thing, and it was you, and they still disklike your action, then they are being unreasonable, and you should try to change or even get rid of that relationship. If people cannot be reasoned with then you shouldn't feel bad about yourself, cuz you did nothing wrong.
This is a masterpiece! It’s incredibly hard to speak one’s mind in a world that demands you to be 'nice' and 'human.' You are always caught in a dilemma, feeling like whatever you do isn’t right, and guilt starts creeping in. The moment you prioritize yourself, they label you as narcissistic or selfish. A thought-provoking reflection!
"When people are so accustomed to fake people, when they meet a real one, they assume that person is fake also."
This feels relatable on so many levels. Thank you for solving our problems. This genuinly touched my heart and brought a tear to my eyes. I can not exptess enough gratitude for your service.
This hit when I watched the original video, but in live action form this blew me away. Kudos to everyone that made this happen
I’m a lot “meaner” than I used to be but people never have to guess about their standing with me. When I was nicer (aka didn’t set proper boundaries, communicate my needs effectively, etc) I felt constantly disingenuous and had so much difficulty socially.
Loved this new format! Keep up the great work, and as always really appreciate this channel!
Sometimes I feel like the people that might possibly get you and I, that won't lose it if you show any sort of resilience and don't just comply to everything they want for the sake of making them happy, are always spread so thin across the world that it is a miracle to find just one of these people.
Wow I've never heard it put into words before. I've been struggling with that exact thing for my entire life
This could not come at a better time for me. As someone who just got out of a toxic relationship in which I gave all of myself hoping that I would get back half of what I put into it and always was let down by the lack of reciprocation I though that I deserved.. it’s time I moved on and rediscovered how to live for myself, how to love myself, and how to forgive myself. Thank you. ❤
Aint no way a person so lost would hear "then be who you are" and get up and act like "themselves"
Don't please others unless it truly pleases you.
What if you like making others happy? What if you feel happy seeing others' happiness? And in doing so, you lose focus of yourself.
The first time I saw the video published 10 months on now, it left a big mark on me. It changed how I think, feel and just deal with others, including myself.
Having visuals this time conveying such message deepened the feeling of self validation. The feeling of.. wanting to be free from the world around you, giving up on caring about anything, and just living without taking others thoughts of yoin consideration. Thank you.
He said I cared so much about how I was experiencing the minds of others that I never truly experienced me and my own
It's wonderful to see you exploring a new format. I love it, especially because it's proof that storytelling can pass a message across better/stronger than most communication devices. Thanks Robert ❤
I am impressed by the “Power of Authenticity” mentioned in the video: As the protagonist nears the end of his life, he embraces his true self, flaws and all. He realizes that being genuine and vulnerable is more important than seeking approval.
Oh my god. I am John. I was John. Sans terminal illness and my ex didn't take me back. I am in tears. Truly, thank you
"The only time you can be yourself is when no one is around and anyone who is with you is the same as you." But when you try to be yourself in front of people, they will not accept you. Also, does it matter to be accepted? Ohhfuck, it’s a paradox.
Most relatable and depressing thing i watched this day . The atmosphere , dialogues and music made my heart ache . I feel like this is definitely made for me . ❤
5:08. That composition is sublime. ❤
we need more videos like this, with actors, you are such a good writer man!
I think the video is AI
No it's not . Check the description and check @andreas_thegreek
@@diehardcynic who cares its about valuable content
the problem is we don't know how to live. Never will.
Practice selective kindness.
If only I could select myself.
No ,practice standing up for oneself.
Selective kindness pretty much sums up the way I am with people.
Sometimes people call me bossy but like when a group of 6 of us are trying to figure out where to eat supper, and everyone says they don’t care…I’m GONNA say where I want to go then if everyone else doesn’t care. That being said- if someone was opposed or wanted to go somewhere else I would give up my preference ❤
I LOVE THIS CHANNEL THE CONSISTENCY IS COMING BACK
Damn this is underrated
High quality video. Very well depicted. Very well expressed. In that moment, displayed was the difference between 'the thinker' the man who thought the best thing he could do was live a life of being nice. He thought if I am nice it's the most positive thing, so he said forget about how I feel, I'll just be someone that is probably viewed as the nicest kind of person. In my opinion, that comes from our parents or people we grow up with, or society as you are growing up, they always make it out that good behaviour is the most important thing, so you develop a compass for just being a good nice person. But this robs us of being an authentic human, and for the fellow 'thinkers' out there, the non-thinkers that we grew up around couldn't even comprehend, they never had the capacity to even be able to view life the way we do.
So the most important thing we 'thinkers' can do is to be an authentic person. True to ourselves, despite the fact that some people will hate us or think we are losers. We must be authentic, that way we will lessen the amount of regrets when we're about to die.
And for context in this scenario of the video the woman played the typical 'non-thinker' type of person.
Thank you pursuit of wonder 🙌
beautiful production, brings the message across in a peaceful powerful way
this is so well made, congrats to everyone who had any part in making this video for creating a masterpiece
To me 'nice' is the thing we do in public interactions when no depth is necessary. Nice is not the opposite of awful or another synonym. It's a tool of social interaction to get along, being a social species.
Nice is superficial. Fears of abandonment, the dependence on others for validation - a whole other matter. One can have a very solid sense of self and still be 'nice', kind even, because they believe in positive interaction with the world, it's part of their Self.
No appeasement, no expectation for validation but still giving a positive to others. There's zero problem with being that kind of 'nice'.
It's also ok to have your walls go down and still not be callous and hurtful, even when your days are numbered.
you did a really good job with this! very unique short film, I've never seen a film that was narrated like that before
Absolutely love this video format and can't wait to see more. The writing like always was beautiful.
Got me crying on my way home from work! 😭 Great work as always my friend
00:11 Struggles of authenticity in relationships lead to emotional disconnect.
01:15 Struggling with identity and existence after a life-altering diagnosis.
02:04 The speaker reflects on the overwhelming emotions from recent experiences.
02:49 John reflects on his struggle with others' expectations.
03:58 Prioritizing others' approval can lead to losing one’s true self.
04:50 Struggles with self-perception and the paradox of seeking external validation.
05:43 Striving to please others diminishes personal identity and fulfillment.
06:49 Exploring the pressure to be perfect and the struggle for authenticity.
I have been following your work for a while now and so excited that you started doing this! Stepping in film making myself and this is a reminder of being authentic ❤ thank you!
Being nice to yourself is far better than being nice for others
The first story got me. I didn't know there were other stories. That was a little jolting to start the second.
It's easy to be nice, if you've been treated nicely....
So good, so very well done. That brought up numerous other associated questions and curiosities, like any good piece of art should do.❤ thank you
I’m not being selfish; I’m being honest. Only I matter. Only my perspective matters. No one cares about anything unless there’s an emotional and personal component. No one cares about what’s happening to other kids until their kids are also affected.
I am so grateful for the content that you post. Thank you ❤️
The most important sentence here is, "there is still time". The biggest hurdle to jump is accepting the reality that nobody cares for you as you do for them. To expect others to reciprocate on the same level is a dead end street. The key is to turn your passion for others inside and begin there. Be yourself and allow others to be themselves, you only want to invest in others who invest in you. You are truly blessed if you have a handful of close friends, or even just one. Your most important 'friend' should be yourself, and the first person you walk away from forever is your own inner critique.
Absolutely vital societal commentary.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this powerful short film.
Any time I drop my mask for a second, I catch hell so I wear the “nice mask” like it’s a rebreather when diving 😅
Very relatable….
After several years, a non-clickbait title
Thanks
Bravo love that new format, please do more
Its funny how most of your videos I can relate to at that particular moment of time in my life. I used to be in awe about this a few years back, but now I have accepted you as one of my teachers assigned to me by the universe.
“When the student is ready, the teacher appears”
This so true that it hurts...
this is incredible
-And after all this time, the only few honest words that came out of his mouth were:
"Ligma balls."
Nice? No!
Kind? Yes!
to be nice you need to have the strength to put others first, but if you put others first you put yourself last. If you put yourself last, you lose that strength to be nice therefore you can't be the nice guy....
This is amazing. Thank you for making this.
I have one word. Yes.
best one yet
"life is not a gift,
having kids is not a noble deed"
David Benatar
Setting boundaries in what you put out and to whom. Learn about yourself, know/feel what is right for you too as you put something out. Become more and more authentic.
Most people in my experience have accepted the new me (I have been practising this for a few years now) infact, I gained more respect, a strong network of friends (its only a handfull of people but they have my back all the way, noone is superficial, I love each and every person I have in my life). I have grown in my self-esteem, self-loveand self-respect. I have found more peace and stability in my life. My health - physically, mentally and emotionally have stabilised. I am happier because I stopped pleasing the wrong people or working on the wrong causes.
Totday if it does not bring ME mote joy, satisfaction or anything positive than it does stress, over-exhaustion, or anything other negative feeling. I dont do it again. I dont care if that makes another person mad.
Because, someone simply throwing a tantrum and wanting you to do something for them that harms you (yes, even your feelings matter) you you should question, do they have YOUR best interest a heart or are they being selfish? Probably gaslighting you for bring selfing at the same time 😆
You are not selfish for having boundaries and self-esteem, respect and love. You do what is right for you. Its a balancing act. And takes time to master. However living life for yourself is your greatest gift. You will find you will have more than enough energy and can make time to give to others. Simply because you know it fulfills you more than it drains.
Learn to be intouch with youself, be authentic, use your emotions as a guid to steer into the direction of what happiness looks like to you. Stop looking at others, your story is uniquely yours.
At the speed I clicked I know this is gonna get viral
“Hell is other people!” Jean Paul Satre
I would tell him to take heart and not to be so critical of himself, it is impossible to ever be anything other than your genuine self. Whatever it is that you do in a given moment is the thing the best reflects who you are at that moment. You are always yourself, even when you feel driven to act a certain way for someone else.
Well done. Thank you
That was excellent. Thank you
I love this ❤
I'm currently going through a divorce. I wake up and stare at myself in the mirror and feel nothing, yet a sense of sadness grips at me anyway. Not due to the loss of my relationship, although I know it still hurts deep down. Yet, do to me not even knowing who is staring back at me. I ask myself so many times everyday. Who am I, if not a provider and protector? Who am I without someone needing me? Do I even matter? Do I even really exist?
I love this video since it captures that state of mind. Yet it also leaves a significant hole in a place where there is no clear answer. How do you find yourself, when you never knew yourself in the first place?
Selflessness and Selfishness are the 2 ends of the extreme.
It's all about balance, and there's no specific right answer to how to achieve it.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤️
Wow❤
you value certain things and adapt to them. if you know if you do or say something will make someone dislike you, it shows you care about them. if you do something you know someone wont like, you're being selfish. different situations require different actions.
That was briliant.
These words have power, not many can create their own.
Also as idea of "mine" is, who would he realy be without being influenced? The book Picture of Dorian Grey has great thougts on that.
If anyone has ever sat you down and told you , you’re a good person, just sit in that and fall apart. 😊
👏🖤
Very relatable minus someone listening and actually hearing
I had a good neighbor friend who had to move away because she’d been doing favors for so many neighbors. She was exhausted from being pulled in so many directions. And it was hard for her to say no, so the resentment built.
If she's a people pleaser, others will take advantage of her in the new place too.
Being nice is a detriment not only to yourself, but to everyone that you are nice to. Being nice is not telling the screaming toddler to stop and just letting him get what he wants.
I prefer kindness. I only give the toddler what they want if it's good for them. And then only after they have stopped crying and are on good behavior. Nearly random intermittent rewards.
First step say NO !
Good short film
Second!!! Yayyy
Why oh why did I have to see this now.
When she cried, then you cried. I cried.
Now i open my eyes
Ive lately tried to solve this problem for myself too with relflective thoughts. Im a young person so I have plenty of time to think this through, but the hollowness that the guy describes in the video is really relatable.