When it comes to children growing up to be angry adults, I think NOT allowing anger is just as harmful as anger being the accepted mode of communication. Tell a child to tamp down all those confusing feelings, and to do so because they are shameful on top of that? whoo boy. I actually had a little of both in my world, which made for an interesting outcome in myself 😕
I see my BPD as Zuko from Avatar, The Last Airbender. He was a good kid who went through severe trauma, leading to extreme rage and loss of identity. He was always trying to please his father (favorite person), and once he discovered the truth (therapy). he chose to change, but it wasn't easy. It was a process.
Wow this video was so moving. The whiplash after an anger episode has been so debilitating sometimes. That feeling of "I am untouchable and right." Followed so closely by "how could I have ever been this way..." Can take you down for so long. Such a moving video.
I’m a mom with a teenage daughter who has BPD, I can’t express how insightful these videos are!! Zannie everything you say in every one of the videos sounds just like my daughter to a T!! When you said you had the cops called and you just felt like no one understood and all you wanted was for them to understand, I went through the same situation with my daughter, on another video you said you don’t feel like you exist, my daughter said that to me at a pretty young age, I remember thinking how odd it was that she said that, children don’t typically say stuff that complex. Since she was a very young child I noticed things that were different with her, not in a way most people would think twice on but instinctively I felt there was something off. I have constantly been looking for ways to help her not knowing what truly was wrong, I’m glad we finally have an answer so that we can finally get on the road to “recovery” there’s so many great qualities she has but the BPD has been controlling her and masking those qualities. She still has a hard time thinking things will get better that she won’t always feel like this, so again thank you for sharing and giving knowledge and hope to so many people who suffer from this as well as their loved one. Just as it’s nowhere near easy for all who have it, it is also so challenging for the loved ones and how we can genuinely help. Thank you again!!!
1:49 “Anger is protective.” I’m at work on break and I’m almost sobbing because I’ve tried to explain this to so many people and this is the first time I’ve heard someone else understand. 😢😢😢
Asking for the accomodations is hard but getting the respect from others is even harder. I try to surround myself with understanding people but at work some people in high management functions are extremely respectless. It is very hard
I found your vlogcast/podcast on Spotify, and came here to see more of the content that is not shared there. I was Diagnosed with BPD in December of 2022. My Previous diagnosis was ADHD with extreme anxiety and Depressive Disorder. I still have the Extreme anxiety and Depression. I have gone through all the episodes on Spotify, up to the Jan 4th episode, and they have already helped me so much I am writing down small insights that I gain from listening. I am also going to do an Art project on internalized loneliness. Thank you to everyone for sharing their process and being so vulnerable in each episode. My journey began with ADHD and healing in some way up till my Diagnosis. You all give me hope that I will at least be able to begin to balance myself.
Great topic. Great insights. Thanks for everything all of you contribute to this program. There is a song lyric that speaks to me on this topic that I’ve turned into an accidental mantra & reminder to keep myself in check… “With a mouth full of teeth, you ate all your friends Then you broke every heart, thinking every heart mends.”
So relatable ❤️ Such sweet hearts under the monstrous protective anger ❤❤❤ Writing (journaling) is a great tool for me. Also voice memos !!! Such a helpful thing, from the speaking it out (safely bc it’s private) to the relistening to it 😅 Thank you for this video 🙏
I've recently departed from a BPD partner, of two years, after she started hitting me. I'm not a Cluster F'ck B personality type and had to learn about the condition. I'm 60 years old, she is 55, to give context. Please you guys, don't start relationships and destroy other peoples lives. I had two years of intense abuse and deserved none of it. From verbal, financial, emotional and finally physical abuse I was given the whole spectrum. You know you can control your emotional responses as studies have shown this when you guys end up in prison or the armed forces, your symptoms magically disappear. Why don't you guys just describe yourselves as self centred bullies, as this is what you are? Stay single, stay alone and keep away from intimate relationships. You tend to leave a trail of destruction and screw up loving, caring people who do not deserve the abuse, chaos and drama you seem to thrive on. The trick is to take responsibility, as most people do. Stop celebrating your horribly negative traits.
So sorry to hear about what happened to you! That sounds like a very difficult relationship. We wish you the very best on your healing journey!! You mention that being in the armed forces or prison makes symptoms disappear. Not sure where you are getting that information, but we have several ex military cast members who got diagnosed in the military and were not able to maintain duty because of symptoms. We also are in contact with a teacher whose job it was to teach those kinds of patients in prison. So you may be misinformed about those things. There's no celebration of negative traits here. We are all in recovery from BPD, so we share our experiences TO take accountability, and what helped us move beyond these destructive behaviors so that our viewers can do the same.
Thanks for the video. Im 36 ,Iv been diagnosed with BPD last year. I also suffer from depression. Unfortunately wen i was 16 i was sexually abused. It doesnt take much to trigger my anger. Police have been called on me pleanty of times and been arrested twice. Ive never been physical thank goodness. I have 2 beautiful children and havent seen them in the past 2 years.😢 There is no in between for me, im either really sad or really happy. Here in ireland the awareness of mental health is pretty bad.
itd be cool to hear yall tackle DBT and those concepts, how they apply to BPD/BP. a lot of stuff you say lines up with those studies and i think thats neat
Those of us who’ve done DBT definitely talk a lot about various skills in different episodes! We given an overview of DBT in our treatment options episode from season two. if you have specific questions, please let us know and we will consider them in future episodes!
anger covers fear? i think at times i stay in places where i needed to leave but i stay and then get angry , end result is always me ending up alone whether i get angry or not i just dont seem to be able to navigate my way thru human interactions, i dont understand how most humans are , i think they are like me inside but they are not. Thanks for this
Hey, Andrea. Sending a virtual hug your way- hope you are doing awesome.. :) Can one of you please share the things you wrote under influence of anger? only if not too personal!
Hi! Virtual hug right back at ya! So when it came down to what I would write it would be something pretty hurtful maybe I was really hurting so I would name call or name out that they didn’t care about me, or maybe even reciprocate the same anger they were giving me so I would mirror the behavior. One thing about me personally is the utter guilt I would feel about my words that I said that I knew I didn’t mean at all, AND couldn’t take back was bc I was just hurting. So writing it and deleting became helpful. I hope this answers your question!
@@7velvet "or maybe even reciprocate the same anger they were giving me, so I would mirror their behavior." Thank you for this. I've never heard of mirroring someones behavior and realize I may have done this often.
Here is how BPD rage effects one non- BPD person. It throws me into emotional flashbacks. It's like my brain was made of glass and shatters, and explosions are going- off in my head. So I am not reacting appropriately to my environment. Not cool when you are driving. I thought that maybe that is how the BPD's mind feels when the raging starts. To my understanding the triggers for BPD can be almost anything, and doesn't have to be anything actually taking place presently. It could be a word, a misinterpreted look, a misinterpreted tone of voice... Does mindfulness training help the BPDs here, and DBT?
Yes! Mindfulness and DBT can be extremely helpful, especially the DBT skill “check the facts” which essentially teaches someone how to systematically go through a situation and check whether they are responding to what is actually happening or to something else like a belief, a memory or a misinterpretation
@@thebpdbunch Thank you. I sent my daughter a link to this. I hope she will take a listen. I'm sure you understand how hard it is. I am so afraid she will end- up completely alone, and broken, or worse. I can get so mad at her ' And' I love her with all my heart...it breaks my heart.
I just get so irritated by ANYTHING, stub my toe? Screaming and crying begging and pleading something to stop, dont even know what im asking to stop i just want it to stop, my boyfriend had to leave me cause i cannot stop myself once it starts, i just hate myself so much for it
😂😂😂 hide in the closet 😢😢 So true, as much as I do not bother to display anger but I learned it can help me get my way and not being disrespected in some situation.
My anger is completely appropriate but the volume is too loud! My mum treated me with contempt when I was angry... obviously this helped immensely (sarcasm)
I'm 65 years old I've been dealing with this issue all my life and never really understood it talk about jugglers I've actually went after my son my brother-in-law and maybe even others I actually physically put my hands on their neck not only do I have this issue but I also have chronic suicide idolization I've been talking about that since about 2002 at least I lost my family I lost my business I lost my self-respect and love for myself and even today I still have issues I don't ever feel that I'm going to get through all this I would just rather be done with life so I don't have to deal with myself
When it comes to children growing up to be angry adults, I think NOT allowing anger is just as harmful as anger being the accepted mode of communication. Tell a child to tamp down all those confusing feelings, and to do so because they are shameful on top of that? whoo boy. I actually had a little of both in my world, which made for an interesting outcome in myself 😕
I see my BPD as Zuko from Avatar, The Last Airbender. He was a good kid who went through severe trauma, leading to extreme rage and loss of identity. He was always trying to please his father (favorite person), and once he discovered the truth (therapy). he chose to change, but it wasn't easy. It was a process.
He’s one of my favorite characters❤
Me too❤
Wow this video was so moving. The whiplash after an anger episode has been so debilitating sometimes. That feeling of "I am untouchable and right." Followed so closely by "how could I have ever been this way..." Can take you down for so long. Such a moving video.
I hate the anger, but once that ball starts rolling I can't stop it.
I’m a mom with a teenage daughter who has BPD, I can’t express how insightful these videos are!! Zannie everything you say in every one of the videos sounds just like my daughter to a T!! When you said you had the cops called and you just felt like no one understood and all you wanted was for them to understand, I went through the same situation with my daughter, on another video you said you don’t feel like you exist, my daughter said that to me at a pretty young age, I remember thinking how odd it was that she said that, children don’t typically say stuff that complex. Since she was a very young child I noticed things that were different with her, not in a way most people would think twice on but instinctively I felt there was something off. I have constantly been looking for ways to help her not knowing what truly was wrong, I’m glad we finally have an answer so that we can finally get on the road to “recovery” there’s so many great qualities she has but the BPD has been controlling her and masking those qualities. She still has a hard time thinking things will get better that she won’t always feel like this, so again thank you for sharing and giving knowledge and hope to so many people who suffer from this as well as their loved one. Just as it’s nowhere near easy for all who have it, it is also so challenging for the loved ones and how we can genuinely help. Thank you again!!!
Recently diagnosed at 37. Appreciate yall.
1:49 “Anger is protective.”
I’m at work on break and I’m almost sobbing because I’ve tried to explain this to so many people and this is the first time I’ve heard someone else understand. 😢😢😢
So glad we can help you feel understood!
Apologize at least!
I love that, replace the word anger with the word fear ❤
Replace anger by fear - love that! Thank ypu all for this ep🖤🙏🏾
Asking for the accomodations is hard but getting the respect from others is even harder. I try to surround myself with understanding people but at work some people in high management functions are extremely respectless. It is very hard
I found your vlogcast/podcast on Spotify, and came here to see more of the content that is not shared there. I was Diagnosed with BPD in December of 2022. My Previous diagnosis was ADHD with extreme anxiety and Depressive Disorder. I still have the Extreme anxiety and Depression.
I have gone through all the episodes on Spotify, up to the Jan 4th episode, and they have already helped me so much I am writing down small insights that I gain from listening. I am also going to do an Art project on internalized loneliness.
Thank you to everyone for sharing their process and being so vulnerable in each episode. My journey began with ADHD and healing in some way up till my Diagnosis. You all give me hope that I will at least be able to begin to balance myself.
The surfing analogy is so good
You're amazing Xannie. I value your show SO much
Wow, thank you! 😍🥹
thank you all so much. i really appreciate hearing more stuff from ppl who actually experience this stuff.
You people are so AWESOME! By talking publicly on this topic, you are going to be helping soon many people .
I’m so glad I found this channel. I’ve never felt more understood. Thank you
Waw ! Relate so much ! ^^
Thank you all for these testimonies.
The BPD Bunch team is so awesome !💗
Great topic. Great insights. Thanks for everything all of you contribute to this program.
There is a song lyric that speaks to me on this topic that I’ve turned into an accidental mantra & reminder to keep myself in check…
“With a mouth full of teeth, you ate all your friends
Then you broke every heart, thinking every heart mends.”
I’m really enjoying your show. Keep up the good work guys!!!
One of the best books that’s helped me more than anything is reading Harriet Lerner’s “The Dance of Anger”
So relatable ❤️ Such sweet hearts under the monstrous protective anger ❤❤❤ Writing (journaling) is a great tool for me. Also voice memos !!! Such a helpful thing, from the speaking it out (safely bc it’s private) to the relistening to it 😅 Thank you for this video 🙏
such a helpful episode AND(!) they all are!
I've recently departed from a BPD partner, of two years, after she started hitting me. I'm not a Cluster F'ck B personality type and had to learn about the condition. I'm 60 years old, she is 55, to give context. Please you guys, don't start relationships and destroy other peoples lives. I had two years of intense abuse and deserved none of it. From verbal, financial, emotional and finally physical abuse I was given the whole spectrum. You know you can control your emotional responses as studies have shown this when you guys end up in prison or the armed forces, your symptoms magically disappear. Why don't you guys just describe yourselves as self centred bullies, as this is what you are? Stay single, stay alone and keep away from intimate relationships. You tend to leave a trail of destruction and screw up loving, caring people who do not deserve the abuse, chaos and drama you seem to thrive on. The trick is to take responsibility, as most people do. Stop celebrating your horribly negative traits.
So sorry to hear about what happened to you! That sounds like a very difficult relationship. We wish you the very best on your healing journey!!
You mention that being in the armed forces or prison makes symptoms disappear. Not sure where you are getting that information, but we have several ex military cast members who got diagnosed in the military and were not able to maintain duty because of symptoms. We also are in contact with a teacher whose job it was to teach those kinds of patients in prison. So you may be misinformed about those things.
There's no celebration of negative traits here. We are all in recovery from BPD, so we share our experiences TO take accountability, and what helped us move beyond these destructive behaviors so that our viewers can do the same.
Thanks for the video. Im 36 ,Iv been diagnosed with BPD last year. I also suffer from depression. Unfortunately wen i was 16 i was sexually abused. It doesnt take much to trigger my anger. Police have been called on me pleanty of times and been arrested twice. Ive never been physical thank goodness. I have 2 beautiful children and havent seen them in the past 2 years.😢
There is no in between for me, im either really sad or really happy. Here in ireland the awareness of mental health is pretty bad.
As a quiet borderline this comes up occasionally but my outbursts can be very extreme and nasty…recently lost new friendships because of this…😢
itd be cool to hear yall tackle DBT and those concepts, how they apply to BPD/BP. a lot of stuff you say lines up with those studies and i think thats neat
Those of us who’ve done DBT definitely talk a lot about various skills in different episodes! We given an overview of DBT in our treatment options episode from season two. if you have specific questions, please let us know and we will consider them in future episodes!
anger covers fear? i think at times i stay in places where i needed to leave but i stay and then get angry , end result is always me ending up alone whether i get angry or not i just dont seem to be able to navigate my way thru human interactions, i dont understand how most humans are , i think they are like me inside but they are not.
Thanks for this
I also feel my feelings in my arms, thank you for sharing❤
I want to hug everyone who is going through this post-anger shame (and who wants to be hugged)… That sounds so terrifying to me.
Hey, Andrea. Sending a virtual hug your way- hope you are doing awesome.. :) Can one of you please share the things you wrote under influence of anger? only if not too personal!
Hi! Virtual hug right back at ya! So when it came down to what I would write it would be something pretty hurtful maybe I was really hurting so I would name call or name out that they didn’t care about me, or maybe even reciprocate the same anger they were giving me so I would mirror the behavior. One thing about me personally is the utter guilt I would feel about my words that I said that I knew I didn’t mean at all, AND couldn’t take back was bc I was just hurting. So writing it and deleting became helpful. I hope this answers your question!
@@7velvet Yep-Thanks!
@@7velvet "or maybe even reciprocate the same anger they were giving me, so I would mirror their behavior." Thank you for this. I've never heard of mirroring someones behavior and realize I may have done this often.
Here is how BPD rage effects one non- BPD person. It throws me into emotional flashbacks. It's like my brain was made of glass and shatters, and explosions are going- off in my head. So I am not reacting appropriately to my environment. Not cool when you are driving. I thought that maybe that is how the BPD's mind feels when the raging starts.
To my understanding the triggers for BPD can be almost anything, and doesn't have to be anything actually taking place presently. It could be a word, a misinterpreted look, a misinterpreted tone of voice... Does mindfulness training help the BPDs here, and DBT?
Yes! Mindfulness and DBT can be extremely helpful, especially the DBT skill “check the facts” which essentially teaches someone how to systematically go through a situation and check whether they are responding to what is actually happening or to something else like a belief, a memory or a misinterpretation
@@thebpdbunch Thank you. I sent my daughter a link to this. I hope she will take a listen. I'm sure you understand how hard it is. I am so afraid she will end- up completely alone, and broken, or worse. I can get so mad at her ' And' I love her with all my heart...it breaks my heart.
Can we all have a Arcane watch/reaction party and talk about it? Many believe the character Jinx would have BPD and it really is relatable.
How can I deal with the anger? Please help
I just get so irritated by ANYTHING, stub my toe? Screaming and crying begging and pleading something to stop, dont even know what im asking to stop i just want it to stop, my boyfriend had to leave me cause i cannot stop myself once it starts, i just hate myself so much for it
You are all speaking from me.
And thank you.
😂😂😂 hide in the closet 😢😢 So true, as much as I do not bother to display anger but I learned it can help me get my way and not being disrespected in some situation.
I really wish my husband would agree to watch this.
🫂
My anger is completely appropriate but the volume is too loud! My mum treated me with contempt when I was angry... obviously this helped immensely (sarcasm)
I'm 65 years old I've been dealing with this issue all my life and never really understood it talk about jugglers I've actually went after my son my brother-in-law and maybe even others I actually physically put my hands on their neck not only do I have this issue but I also have chronic suicide idolization I've been talking about that since about 2002 at least I lost my family I lost my business I lost my self-respect and love for myself and even today I still have issues I don't ever feel that I'm going to get through all this I would just rather be done with life so I don't have to deal with myself
I feel like that a lot too. Keep safe.