Start the new year with purpose! Experience personalized courses on avoidants, live webinars & Q&As, and more for FREE for 7 days! attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?Ux_OR5RYcOA&el=youtube Start Here: ua-cam.com/video/Qa11KTYzDdw/v-deo.html
They also need to do the work in order to appreciate all these things they want. Otherwise it will feel unfamiliar and foreign and they may throw everything out of the window. It doesn’t really matter what they want if they don’t know how to receive it
Fearful Avoidants are the hardest attachment style to deal with out of everyone. They unconsciously use intermittent reinforcement to make you addicted to them like a narcissist does, except they don't do it on purpose. The best tip on dealing with an FA is for you yourself to be strong and not care about outcome and detach. The more they see you're not affected at all by their withdrawal the more they feel like you're strong enough to handle them but the caveat is if you're too consistent they get bored too.
I agree with everything except the last part. As an FA, consistency is the key for me to stay in a relationship and it lasting for years. If I find any bit of inconsistency in what you say and what you do, I run because I can't predict what you will do or how you will feel. Also, to expand on the 'detach' comment to better understand our thinking. I can only speak for myself, but I feel like I am drawn more to a DA more than an AA because a DA puts me into my anxious side a little. But if it is too much anxiety it would actually detach me and I would shut down completely so the right level is important. It's difficult to deal with us, i know 😢. As an FA, I sincerely apologize
As an FA, consistency is necessary! It provides safety. However, FA’s tend to be used to chaos and volatility so they may seek that subconsciously and that is where boredom comes from. Not saying it’d be your responsibility, but if you notice an FA you’re involved with seeking chaos, remind them what safety looks like. Sometimes, safety feels like what we’re used to.
How do you bring awerness to a person so they may hold them self accountible for their own actions, I feel like it's an impossible game to play to constantly put out someone elses fires because they constantly go into self-destruct mode. It exausting and leaves no ground for stability to ever enter the relationsship because the moment things start feeling safe they find a new way to self-destruct and the loop keeps on going like a selfforfilling prophetsy and in the end they feel betrayed without understanding that their own action created the circumstance of their downfall. I love you Thais keep spreading your wisdom :)
This is a good reminder. When my FA friend wanted to change our friendship to FWBs with the condition that we were exclusive, I now understand it was primarily about depth and trust. I'm glad I turned her down and said that it was best we remain platonic, because I'll always have other women in my life during a FWB relationship. I think this may have hurt our friendship in the long-run as I would have been resentful for not sticking to my boundary. Solid video!
@@skyWalk02470 Ah, I see... Well I declined the offer because I don't like to commit unless I'm in a serious relationship. It's likely for the best as our friendship is great.
one night i was scrolling through my phone, feeling like i’d never figure out why some people just seem so magnetic. then i came across this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and something about it caught my attention. reading it was like turning on a light in a dark room. it’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not; it’s about unlocking the energy you already have. trust me, this book is worth every page
@@GGGG_3333 the only way for it to work with an FA is if they have some level of awareness. You must set boundaries with an FA, you must tell them how you feel because a very traumatized FA struggled with empathy as a primary reaction. Communication is absolutely key. Don’t be afraid to recommend therapy. If an FA is layered with trauma and in entitlement mode, they are also in fantasy mindset. You must disrupt this by talking about real life, just try to do it gently. If no empathy or progress, this person isn’t ready for a partner. My two cents as an FA.
i remember this one time i felt like no matter what i did, people just didn’t notice me. i tried everything-confidence boosters, social tips, you name it-but nothing seemed to work. then i found this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it completely shifted how i saw myself. it’s not just about being noticed; it’s about understanding the energy you project. honestly, this book made all the difference for me. if you’ve ever felt invisible, you need to read it.
recently noticed that maybe my ex-wife was FA not anxious, and it was just that the anxious bits were more obvious to me as a DA. Any tips on telling the difference, especially for a DA? I love routine & quiet, so I felt I was actually good at the consistency, safety, and reassurance aspects. But we were constantly blowing up over some of those growth, novelty, and evolving points. Maybe an anxious partner would have been more comfortable settling down with me, and it was her FA nature that kept things volatile and inconsistent?
I can’t provide all the answers, but one insight is that FAs can lean one way or another. I definitely present more avoidant but that anxious part of me will come roaring out if I start feeling I’m going to be abandoned.
@@InspiringMen85 but honestly I felt like the anxious, accommodating parts would pull me in, then just as I got comfortable she would switch it up with complaints and criticism. So I would pull away, and then she would return to the anxious behaviors and reel me back in. By the end, I worried she was training me to be a bad person, because pulling away was the most effective way to get what I wanted. I left rather than become a person who did that manipulatively.
@@MilesIncognitothat doesn't exactly sound like inherent FA traits, cause even my partner would indirectly criticize sometimes but avoid pulling away and realizing they're projecting their lack of satisfaction on me over just telling me what's up which they're slowly getting better at. Sure I get they can get frustrated at how hard it is for them to express themselves but your ex just sounds like a bad person or at the very least very immature.
@ I’m glad you got out of there, I’ve been on the receiving end of hot and cold behavior myself and at a point I realized it was time to stop riding the roller coaster. Since then I realized I was 100% responsible for 50% of the relationship but not for 100% of it. Glad you got away from a relationship that was draining you.
I am a DA leaning secure and by partner FA. It is not your fault. They have deep trust issue/ betrayal wound and can't love their partner genuinely as they would not down their guard. They would not love fully as they think they will die if they love someone and got abandoned. Quite childish, right? They are very childish, ofcurse for their trauma.
So sad, they want to be treated nice and be there whenever they want you but when u ask a little of what they ask of you, they turn to shut down and start to come with all sorts
To add to these points this is why I think trust is important cause like I used to have issues with this but it was because neither of us truly trusted each other (somewhat we did) and it didn't help I was rarely vulnerable. Wasn't until a few months of no contact and me trying again to be vulnerable and of course my partner figuring out she didn't want to end things and decided it's worth trusting over just shutting down and being left alone again is where the turning point lied. It's uncomfortable but a necessary step for both parties to be honest with how they feel but it can also be just the other person not being emotionally mature yet.
@@harry-james-books i'm not the one telling people "drink bleach" 😬 just encouraging you to take your own advice & "stop wasting your time" leaving negative comments here as they help no one, including you 🤷
So many people gave given so many great topics regarding attachment styles and scenarios. It is literally a hapster wheel of recycled content. Each video has like 5 of the same every 1-2 years. There is too much muscle behind this company for this laziness.
Are you expecting some shocking new discovery about attachment styles? Having consistent information on what they are and how to work with them is what psychology is about. The information stays the same, but it's presented in a fresh ("recycled") manner. Some things are never going to change, like you should never mix bleach and ammonia, but presenting that information in different ways is important. What are you expecting?
there was a time when i kept wondering why some people seemed to naturally draw others in while i was just…there. no matter what i tried, i couldn’t figure out how they did it. then someone mentioned the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and i decided to check it out. the way it explains how your aura affects everything around you? it blew me away. it’s like having a secret code to unlock your magnetic energy. this book is a game-changer.
i used to think being magnetic was just about looks or confidence, but i couldn’t have been more wrong. i read this book called Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it totally changed my perspective. it breaks down the energy and mindset behind true attraction in a way that just makes sense. once i started applying what it taught, i noticed people reacting to me differently almost instantly. it’s seriously worth a read.
Start the new year with purpose! Experience personalized courses on avoidants, live webinars & Q&As, and more for FREE for 7 days!
attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?Ux_OR5RYcOA&el=youtube
Start Here: ua-cam.com/video/Qa11KTYzDdw/v-deo.html
Would like to see more content concerning FA and FA relationships, just learned i am a FA dating an FA, and would appreciate more content like this
They also need to do the work in order to appreciate all these things they want. Otherwise it will feel unfamiliar and foreign and they may throw everything out of the window. It doesn’t really matter what they want if they don’t know how to receive it
Very true!!!
Fearful Avoidants are the hardest attachment style to deal with out of everyone. They unconsciously use intermittent reinforcement to make you addicted to them like a narcissist does, except they don't do it on purpose. The best tip on dealing with an FA is for you yourself to be strong and not care about outcome and detach. The more they see you're not affected at all by their withdrawal the more they feel like you're strong enough to handle them but the caveat is if you're too consistent they get bored too.
I agree with everything except the last part. As an FA, consistency is the key for me to stay in a relationship and it lasting for years. If I find any bit of inconsistency in what you say and what you do, I run because I can't predict what you will do or how you will feel. Also, to expand on the 'detach' comment to better understand our thinking. I can only speak for myself, but I feel like I am drawn more to a DA more than an AA because a DA puts me into my anxious side a little. But if it is too much anxiety it would actually detach me and I would shut down completely so the right level is important. It's difficult to deal with us, i know 😢. As an FA, I sincerely apologize
@@viperb4148 Thank you for that apology. I needed to hear from someone. I have been going through some sh*t. I felt my emotion valiaded by you.
As an FA, consistency is necessary! It provides safety. However, FA’s tend to be used to chaos and volatility so they may seek that subconsciously and that is where boredom comes from. Not saying it’d be your responsibility, but if you notice an FA you’re involved with seeking chaos, remind them what safety looks like. Sometimes, safety feels like what we’re used to.
Wow the opening remarks in the introduction were very well stated. Thanks.
How do you bring awerness to a person so they may hold them self accountible for their own actions, I feel like it's an impossible game to play to constantly put out someone elses fires because they constantly go into self-destruct mode. It exausting and leaves no ground for stability to ever enter the relationsship because the moment things start feeling safe they find a new way to self-destruct and the loop keeps on going like a selfforfilling prophetsy and in the end they feel betrayed without understanding that their own action created the circumstance of their downfall. I love you Thais keep spreading your wisdom :)
This is a good reminder. When my FA friend wanted to change our friendship to FWBs with the condition that we were exclusive, I now understand it was primarily about depth and trust. I'm glad I turned her down and said that it was best we remain platonic, because I'll always have other women in my life during a FWB relationship. I think this may have hurt our friendship in the long-run as I would have been resentful for not sticking to my boundary. Solid video!
It's a word/mind game. Exclusive FWB is dating. My former FA wanted to play these delusional games as well.
@@skyWalk02470 Ah, I see... Well I declined the offer because I don't like to commit unless I'm in a serious relationship. It's likely for the best as our friendship is great.
Does anyone else hardly see their FA in person, that it’s mostly a texting relationship ?
Me to a T...
thais you have so much to offer, would love some content outside of attachment styles
Curious what other content? Have you tried the free trial to the school?
one night i was scrolling through my phone, feeling like i’d never figure out why some people just seem so magnetic. then i came across this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and something about it caught my attention. reading it was like turning on a light in a dark room. it’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not; it’s about unlocking the energy you already have. trust me, this book is worth every page
Where can this book be found? I can't find it anywhere... I'm very much interested in reading it
Why do I keep attracting Anxious Preoccupieds? 😟
Why do they make time for other people but when it comes to their partners, they want you to be prioritising them or you visiting them all the time?
Because when others invest it makes an FA feel safe.
@@katenicholson4152 because we are just fundamentally broken 🤦. Just run, nothing good will come out of it 🤦.
@@GGGG_3333 the only way for it to work with an FA is if they have some level of awareness. You must set boundaries with an FA, you must tell them how you feel because a very traumatized FA struggled with empathy as a primary reaction. Communication is absolutely key. Don’t be afraid to recommend therapy. If an FA is layered with trauma and in entitlement mode, they are also in fantasy mindset. You must disrupt this by talking about real life, just try to do it gently. If no empathy or progress, this person isn’t ready for a partner. My two cents as an FA.
i remember this one time i felt like no matter what i did, people just didn’t notice me. i tried everything-confidence boosters, social tips, you name it-but nothing seemed to work. then i found this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it completely shifted how i saw myself. it’s not just about being noticed; it’s about understanding the energy you project. honestly, this book made all the difference for me. if you’ve ever felt invisible, you need to read it.
Deli mani puddi
Can you do a version of this for anxious attachment please!?
recently noticed that maybe my ex-wife was FA not anxious, and it was just that the anxious bits were more obvious to me as a DA. Any tips on telling the difference, especially for a DA?
I love routine & quiet, so I felt I was actually good at the consistency, safety, and reassurance aspects. But we were constantly blowing up over some of those growth, novelty, and evolving points. Maybe an anxious partner would have been more comfortable settling down with me, and it was her FA nature that kept things volatile and inconsistent?
I can’t provide all the answers, but one insight is that FAs can lean one way or another. I definitely present more avoidant but that anxious part of me will come roaring out if I start feeling I’m going to be abandoned.
@@InspiringMen85 but honestly I felt like the anxious, accommodating parts would pull me in, then just as I got comfortable she would switch it up with complaints and criticism. So I would pull away, and then she would return to the anxious behaviors and reel me back in.
By the end, I worried she was training me to be a bad person, because pulling away was the most effective way to get what I wanted. I left rather than become a person who did that manipulatively.
@@MilesIncognitothat doesn't exactly sound like inherent FA traits, cause even my partner would indirectly criticize sometimes but avoid pulling away and realizing they're projecting their lack of satisfaction on me over just telling me what's up which they're slowly getting better at. Sure I get they can get frustrated at how hard it is for them to express themselves but your ex just sounds like a bad person or at the very least very immature.
@ I’m glad you got out of there, I’ve been on the receiving end of hot and cold behavior myself and at a point I realized it was time to stop riding the roller coaster. Since then I realized I was 100% responsible for 50% of the relationship but not for 100% of it. Glad you got away from a relationship that was draining you.
I am a DA leaning secure and by partner FA. It is not your fault. They have deep trust issue/ betrayal wound and can't love their partner genuinely as they would not down their guard. They would not love fully as they think they will die if they love someone and got abandoned. Quite childish, right? They are very childish, ofcurse for their trauma.
The thing is, 😅
We are the biggest hypocrites ever. Yup, we want all these things but we just won't provide them 🤦
So sad, they want to be treated nice and be there whenever they want you but when u ask a little of what they ask of you, they turn to shut down and start to come with all sorts
To add to these points this is why I think trust is important cause like I used to have issues with this but it was because neither of us truly trusted each other (somewhat we did) and it didn't help I was rarely vulnerable. Wasn't until a few months of no contact and me trying again to be vulnerable and of course my partner figuring out she didn't want to end things and decided it's worth trusting over just shutting down and being left alone again is where the turning point lied. It's uncomfortable but a necessary step for both parties to be honest with how they feel but it can also be just the other person not being emotionally mature yet.
"What A Fearful Avoidant NEEDS" ... is for you to dump them and stop wasting your time
definitely "stop wasting your time" leaving negative comments here 👋
@@r_and_a Bless. Feel better now?
@@harry-james-books i'm not the one telling people "drink bleach" 😬 just encouraging you to take your own advice & "stop wasting your time" leaving negative comments here as they help no one, including you 🤷
@@r_and_a Hush up and stick to sabotaging your relationships 😉
@@harry-james-booksfeel better now?
So many people gave given so many great topics regarding attachment styles and scenarios. It is literally a hapster wheel of recycled content. Each video has like 5 of the same every 1-2 years.
There is too much muscle behind this company for this laziness.
😂😂
Are you expecting some shocking new discovery about attachment styles? Having consistent information on what they are and how to work with them is what psychology is about. The information stays the same, but it's presented in a fresh ("recycled") manner. Some things are never going to change, like you should never mix bleach and ammonia, but presenting that information in different ways is important.
What are you expecting?
there was a time when i kept wondering why some people seemed to naturally draw others in while i was just…there. no matter what i tried, i couldn’t figure out how they did it. then someone mentioned the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and i decided to check it out. the way it explains how your aura affects everything around you? it blew me away. it’s like having a secret code to unlock your magnetic energy. this book is a game-changer.
Deli mani puddi
i used to think being magnetic was just about looks or confidence, but i couldn’t have been more wrong. i read this book called Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it totally changed my perspective. it breaks down the energy and mindset behind true attraction in a way that just makes sense. once i started applying what it taught, i noticed people reacting to me differently almost instantly. it’s seriously worth a read.
Deli mani puddi