Definitely comes as he is the one that love more, which is not a bad thing. Is what it works in their relationship, my first thought was that he is the Hal for his Lois haha (Malcolm in the middle reference... I am old). Even though, she seems more emotional codependent on him, that he on her😋 They are just a great fit for each other❣️
I love how Ben points out that you shouldn't ask people when they are having kids because of infertility issues and other health problems that physically make them unable to have kids. They are both so honest and caring.
@@J.c.brooklyn some people have those problems and wish they could actually have their own kid so if someone asks them if they are gonna have kids it could make them upset (not saying adoption isnt an option but some people just want their own kids)
Beyn: "I was aware of you as the *hot girl* I'd see on Facebook" Cristine: "No, no one believes that!" Cristine... You are GORGEOUS. EVERYONE believes that. 🔥
She really is! Though perhaps she meant it more in the sense that she doesn't present herself in a "hot" way - sure she's very beautiful, but she doesn't wear any revealing clothes and that sort of thing, you know? As we all know she is just a sock after all, albeit a gorgeous sock ;)
I think she meant that she doesn't really dress in hot girl clothes lol We always see her in sweats and a hoodie. But homegirl has it going on and I think she knows it. Not to mention, she's posted pics in videos from her partying days and she was definitely one of the hot girls.
My fur baby makes me feel the same. She's got big green eyes, a teeny salmon coloured nose, long shiny tortoiseshell + tabby locks, a huge fanned out palm tree tail all in a petite frame. If she were human she would get all the boys!
Valentina Rose my cat is my twin. We both have black hair and a tuft of hers always sticks up in the exact same spot I have a cowlick 😂 She is for sure, without one single doubt, the beautiful one though
Cristine, Ben, and Ethan and Hila Klein are the only people I trust on this site. Everyone else ends up being a racist or a child molester at this point.
Changbean Jam yeah! It’s like if I click the comment and go to the little reply section it’s 1.3K. But when I quickly view it in the comment section in general it’s 90...
It feels nice to see him having a creative outlet that he can share with us. Kinda like Jenna and Julien and how I believe they said in the past that the podcast was really Juliens baby-I love both couples so much 😭
I loved when Cristine mentioned she has 2 opinions, her honest one and the one that she tells mothers. I can't stand kids for many reasons and I don't see them in my future, but I'm not gonna tell a mother all the reasons why I hate them and all that. I'll always just be like "they're cute, just not for me" and move along.
funny seeing this comment again, since then I got the news im infertile and will likely need a hysterectomy. I'm honestly just "happy" it's me and not someone who's dream it is to have kids. nice watching this podcast again with a different life experience.
Ik this comment was a year ago, but the way u said how ur happy it’s u and not someone else just made me smile bc a lot of the time ppl don’t think that when their in ur position :) im just trying to say is that ur comment made me smile and I agree with ur point :D
I used to listen to Pretty Basic podcast, but that podcast ended quick, cause cant stand girls squealing voice, and fangirling on fuckboys all the time
This is such a prime example of what a healthy and loving relationship is. These are two people that took fame and figured out how to make sure they were ok beyond anything else. It honestly goes beyond relationship goals. It's inspiring.
They are the most inspirationsl figures I have ever seen, a lot of people trying too hard to be inspirational figures and saying inspirational speeches kinda falls flat with me and not actually that inspirational
A professor of mine told us when people would badger her about not having kids as an "older" woman (she was like 40's or 50's) she would just make a sad face, shrug and say "It just didn't happen." It turns people from judgemental to embarassed and apologetic real quick.
Same here I have a chronic illness its too high risk for me to even try and bring the pregnancy to term and I could come out with other severe health complications
My parents met at a party when they where 18 and 19. My dad woke up and my mums number was on his arm and he had an exam that day (which he had not studied for) he ended up walking out and phoning my mum instead. They’re now 50 and 51 and been married for 20 years :) (I thought it was a nice story so wanted to share)
It is SO refreshing to hear someone with as large of a platform as you say: “This is my belief, my truth, and if you feel differently, THAT’S OKAY! I’m happy for YOU to have your beliefs. This is simply what works for me, and I’m happy you have what works for you.” Especially on the topic of marriage and kids, because so often people have a mentality that you HAVE to agree, HAVE to do the same things they want. Authenticity and respectfulness about these topics are a ray of sunshine. So, thank you for being mature and respectful to people who want different things, I hope you guys receive respect and understanding for your beliefs/ life desires too!
I've noticed lately that the large majority of the youtubers I watch say this kind of thing throughout at least a few videos even if it's not every video. Like even Tati Westbrook the makeup guru? Every couple videos "lemme just remind you this is how I do things and i hate a product you love? USE IT. We might have different skin or different preferences."
Yes. I love her attitude about all of this. I absolutely hate when people just HAVE to make everything black and white- it's either one extreme end or the other and if there are any disagreements or everything is not the same thinking that somehow makes someone a horrible person. Cmon, lets just respect each other, not shit on each other, have freedom to make choices based on out beliefs and understand that in real life most things are not black and white, one extteme or the other. Often, it's just in one big gray area, with a variety of different opinions and such on one topic
*Me: I don’t really listen to podcasts. I already have to many shows, books, UA-cam channels and hobbies to keep up with. *Cristine: We are making a podcast. *Me whose been here since before polish mountain and still very devoted: Damit
I firt thought i also didn't have the time... but i just downloaded the audio and listened to it on the train instead of my normal music... or you could watch it at the gym or listen to it while driving...
I like the engagement ring comment, because I proposed to my boyfriend a couple weeks ago, and he's the one wearing the ring. I've made a deposit on him. So many people have assumed I'm forcing him to get married, or he wasn't ready to get engaged. No, we talked about it, I asked him out, I proposed. We're of the same mindset, like Ben and Cristine, so it doesn't matter who does what, as long as we agree.
@@melbapeach162 not saying this in a mean way or anything I also want a pretty ring but you could also get your own pretty ring. it will probably be way cooler too xD next year i want to get me a sapphire ring! put my own ring on it!
I REALLY wanted to propose to my now-husband, but he didn't feel comfortable with it because he's more traditional than I am. He also didn't wear a ring until we were married. I really wanted him to wear a ring when we were engaged because it felt weird that only I had to wear one. However, now that we're married, he literally never takes his ring off, and I'm always forgetting to wear mine. 😂
@@hellspawn22 I have a grape color change sapphire engagement ring. I cannot recommend sapphire enough! It's so beautiful and comes in sooo many different colors.
I appreciate Ben saying "Just don't ask." on the topic of having kids. I'm on the opposite side of y'all on the kids/no kids issue. I've always wanted to have babies and be a mom but I wasted 10 years in a relationship that went nowhere and now I'm 48 and can't have any children. It's always a sensitive subject for me when people ask me if I have kids or why didn't I have them. And I can understand how that would be frustrating for those that don't want children too.
can we just talk about how much better they’ve both looked as time has gone by? Like yeah, it’s only been 8 years, but you can tell their lives have merged so nicely together that their appearances have somewhat done the same? idk, just an observation :)
as someone who hates when podcast put their last topic in the title, I freaking love the fact that they actually put the topics in the description with timestamps like this is why I love you guys.
Thank you! I never look in the description so I wouldn’t even of thought to look for timestamps of their conversation until I read your comment. You saved me from listening to the parts I was not interested in, instead of blindly skipping through the video.
33:00 thank you, as someone who can’t have kids this question is infuriating to me. I do want to adopt eventually, and the amount of times I’ve heard “don’t you want your OWN kids” as if the child I adopted and raised would never really be my child.. or as if you can’t love a kid unless it literally has your genes.
I think it's the idea of "passing down the bloodline" which I think stems from the old times, and the idea of keeping bloodlines "pure." And the idea that the adoption of a child isn't "legitimate." Which isn't true, in the past its all about family is blood but now it's family is people who care and are there for you and that's what's important.
@@Mocha_x_svt when my mom said something similar I just said, "would you love the kid less if they were adopted?" and that immediately shut her up because no one would want to say/admit something like that
Ben is so inlove with Cristine, he would have married her and had kids with her if that's what she wanted. He is down for whatever she wants though and supports her fully. Such a lovely couple. ❤
“When you guys having kids” is the question I loathe. I am infertile and when they find this out then they tend to offer “advice”. Inappropriate, uneducated and useless “advice”.
Ugh.. my husband is having fertility issues n its been 5 years we're married, everyone asks me why I am not having kids n if I have issues. Its gross what people think is acceptable to ask others.
I loathe it because I'm 18 and absolutely adore small children so people automatically assume but I want them. Even though I've made it so so so clear that I've had enough parenting to last my life because I have a four-year-old brother. Yes I'm young, yes I love children, yes I absolutely loathe the idea of having my own. So I won't. The bullshit about how you might regret that when you're older or you'll change your mind is trash. I don't want something living inside of me, I don't want to have to push it out, I don't want to deal with the medical expenses and aftercare and parenting full-time.
My colleagues found out I was infertile and gave me "advice" I told them, its my body, its none of thier business and my boyfriend doesnt want kids so i dont need thier advice.
Molly O'Hara omg same it is just so awkward and personal and i hate talking about it when people i don’t know will inquire and tell me about their moms sisters step cousins best friend got pregnant who had the medial condition i had and i have to smile and be like cool thanks
completely agree ! that immediately shows to me that they think they are entitled to something from you and when they don’t get what the expected they would, their immediate reaction is to become aggressive and rude. huge red flag in my opinion
The kids thing frustrates me so much!! I never ever ask anyone about their plans for children, it’s such an inappropriate question. My husband and I wanted kids more than anything but we struggled for years to conceive. It was difficult and heartbreaking and I had people asking me constantly when we were going to have kids. I would laugh it off and lie and say “not just yet, we have plenty of time for that later on”. most of the time I would go away and cry because it brought up so many emotions because we were trying and it just wasn’t happening for us. We are so lucky to finally have a little boy and a lot of people have said “oh I guess it was an oops baby because you said you weren’t ready yet”. I am much more open and honest now and will straight out say well no actually, we were trying for years but we didn’t feel like it was anyone’s business. Anyway, point is, don’t ask people about their family plans. It’s inappropriate and rude. You guys do whatever you feel is right!!
This!! I've been trying to get pregnant for 13 months now. Every month when I get my period I become so upset and discouraged. I feel like this huge failure cause I can't even do the one thing I want the most.
Big hugs to you both! I’m sorry people keep constantly reminding you of this. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business and life with/without kids will be awesome either way.
It took more than twenty years before people stopped asking us. People, mind your own business! My husband and I just never felt like something was missing, or that we needed kids/being parents to feel complete. (Also, I don't like kids, and "It's different when it's your own!" is not a risk I'm willing to take.) But we had to go through all sorts of different responses to intrusive questions when "No" wasn't enough. Sometimes we had smart-a$$ answers: "We're still practicing" or "Maybe this weekend, if it's good BBQ weather." Then I actually attempted to explain (not that I owe anyone an explanation, but...). Explaining just meant everyone wanted to argue with me/us about why we HAD to have kids. "Who will take care of you when you're old?!" Um, you don't have kids so that they will take care of you when you're old, you selfish jerks! "Nothing is more rewarding than raising a family!" I dunno, our life of travel and education has been pretty amazing. What finally seemed to work was to point out the obvious. The kids question would come up as people were generally commenting on the nontraditional elements of our relationship, and how we aren't "settled" or are "selfish" without kids, and I'd ask "Really, you REALLY think that WE should be raising a child? As 'selfish' and 'unsettled' as we are? Really?" It did actually click with a few people that telling someone how selfish they are AND insisting they do something like having children is... incongruous at best. That said, SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE, STOP ASKING OTHERS ABOUT THEIR REPRODUCTIVE/RELATIONSHIP CHOICES! It's not cute. It's not funny, or "a joke" (which I see a lot of in the comments on various Simply vids about when Ben and Cristine are having kids, no reeeeeally). There are many other topics of conversation than if a couple is going to get legally married or breed, FFS.
Dawn Sardella-Ayres well stated!! Not anyone’s business. I rarely get asked but when I do, I am honest that I have a genetic disorder I don’t want to pass on. That pretty much shuts it down...
I completely understand, I’ve had several miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy and it’s been really hard because people would ask when we were having more kids but we only had one and it seems to be the extent of or family.
My husband wanted an engagement ring too and his grandmother heard it. She gave him a ring that belonged to his Grampy and he wore until the day of the wedding.
I found this very enlightening. The last two years, one of the difficult aspects to my relationship, has been my expression of emotion and feelings and my partners lack of entirely. I struggle with many things, but I found it difficult being in bed and thinking endlessly and turning to him and asking how he is, what he is thinking - and getting one word answers and 'not thinking at all'. Felt on my own so much.
Rebecca Jane Brown I’m sorry you feel like that, you sound like you need someone more open and expressive but I know it’s not always as easy as just finding someone new.
Being in a relationship with someone who seems emotionally unavailable is a nightmare. Emotional needs have to be met and I feel like the relationship falls flat when a partner doesn’t share their feelings and the other person does.
I hope things are better and you got what you wanted/needed. Also if not and you’re still with him..maybe have that conversation. Men aren’t smart and need it all laid out sometimes.
I can relate to Cristine talking about being a fly on the wall to men’s gross conversations about women. There was a part of my life where my two best friends were straight military guys, and while I love them dearly hearing the way they talked about women when it was “just us guys” made me not want to date men for a really long time because all I could think about was if they had the same conversations with their friends about me
@@lindilotter6042 Oh wow and also oh no...I really have no idea what to say...😩 I guess you just have to wait until you can move out, but it really sucks that you don't get understood...
@@anni9666 I only live with boys, I have no sisters and 5 brothers. It upsets me that they speak like that but luckily earphones were invented and I feel good about myself so it doesn't bother me that much what they say but I see the fact that my younger brothers hear what they say and they are terrible role models. I just hope no guy speaks about me the way they speak about others.
"My Clickbait Holowedding" A Series: Part 1 - Holo Flowers (holo origami paper?) Part 2 - Holo Veil (Holo gems on tulle, FT Menchie the model) Part 3 - Holo Wedding Dress (using that $$$ to order a custom holo dress that can be worn at the HOLO TACO booth!).
As much as they are HILARIOUS and witty, I love how serious and smart they are about sending the right messages and being clear about their intentions and opinions. It’s also very refreshing to see a couple on UA-cam this mature and articulate and who genuinely cares about their audience. This podcast was amazing and I am very grateful for their transparency. Anyway, looking forward to more. Love you guys ❤️
I agree and they're very self aware as well. Like when Ben realized he was being hetetonormative or the fact that this video has actual proper subtitles. Love them. ❤️
Love what you said about having kids. My aunt dated a lot of people when she was younger due to societal pressures but eventually just realized she was happier on her own. I used to ask her all the time why she wouldn’t have kids and why I didn’t have cousins to play with, and she said she wasn’t meant to be a mom, she was meant to be a Tía (Aunt in Spanish). She is truly my role model, she’s so level headed and she is literally the cool aunt I didn’t know I needed. My parents are great, but I can always talk to my Tía about my life openly without her getting overly involved, she is able to give me honest unbiased advice, and she always says she gets to do all the fun parts of being a mom like seeing us smile, taking me to the nail salon ;) and helping us with our schoolwork, without the annoying stuff like taking care of a baby, dealing with my stupid teenage angst ha. Y’all would be an awesome cool Tía and Tío.
I really want to thank Christine for not having kids. My mom got pregnant with me at 21 and was in college at the time, she wasn’t ready to be a mom. Her and my dad divorced when I was 5 and she took off. For the next 3/4 years I saw my mom a couple times a year and my dad basically raised me. My dad was 28 when he had me and he knew he was ready to have children. 10 years later, I’m 15 and my mom is just starting to come into my life. We don’t get along, and she didn’t raise me. I know she loves me and I love her but I don’t love her as a mom. My dad and aunt were the ones that raised me. Don’t have kids unless you are ready to have them Edit: I shared this to show how my parents not wanting kids and wanting kids effected me, not for unsolicited life advice.
this is so important and something that so many people need to understand. if you're not ready to have kids, don't force a human being into the world just so they can have a hard life
That is true, and I am sorry for what you went through, but my lecturer said this, and my mindset forever changed. He said basically, if it's not of financial or 'physical' problem (bc u know raising a kid needs money), let's be real. Nobody is ever ready to have a kid. Even the planning or waiting for kid one. Once you know you're expecting, you can never be 100% ready. So yea, but then again this is just my one sided opinion, as I'm yet to face that situation.
I have had people ask "who will come visit you when you are in a nursing home?" I respnded "there is no guarantee that your children would come visit you..."
I guarantee you that my kids will NOT come see me in a nursing home bc I will not be in a nursing home ever... lol my retirement savings includes a home health aide/nurse when I need one. I suggest you do the same.😌
When Ben said "this is going to sound arrogant... but you know you want smart people to be having kids", I immediately slammed the like button. Made me laugh so hard but also so true. I also respect and enjoyed this entire conversation. I love you both so much!
Giada Marie my life is somewhat like that I have a brother and sister 7 years older than me and my dad kept my brother busy that my mom felt she didn’t have enough time or raise him so she wanted another son and instead I was born so she kind had postpartum depression and never got over it and so never felt close to me and my dad worked away from home so I only seen him every second weekend. So I somewhat feel like that lol my dad was pressured into having me because my mom wanted a son and didn’t get that so she neglected me and my dad felt bad for me because he couldn’t be there for that. 😆
@@sirijaw and you wouldn't be alive. Im glad you are here and i hope you raise above your hardships, they don't define you, what you do in your own life does!:)
I still get weird looks when people realise im single, have a child and have 0 interest in romantic relationships. I think bens right in saying sometimes you just need friend relationships.
I completely agree. I'm 44, i care for my disabled mom full-time. It's really hard to date. I've been caring for her full-time since 2009. I pretty much gave up on kids but truly with my medical situation, I don't think I could anyway. I'd love to have a partner but they'd have to deal with my situation. Thx for coming to my Ted Talk lol
I got my first ”you’ll understand when you have kids” when I was 15yo. That’s kinda creepy to me. Who assumes teenagers life choices like that?? What if I’d been infertile? Or DIED? I also wished world stopped acting like having kids is your patriotic duty to your country to keep the nation going. We can scale down things. It’s not the end of the world.
i got mine at 13 and have never liked children. ever. even when i was a child i preferred to hang out with adults and older kids. almost 20 now and haven't changed my mind. somehow people are asking me more often WHEN i'm having kids, and i'm literally a broke college student who can't even cook an egg.
My boyfriends mom told me she hopes my birth control fails because we don’t want kids (have also been together 7.5 years). It’s so infuriating. You should never wish an unwanted child on someone and she already has like 6+ grandchildren. When you point this out she goes says she wants a grand baby from my boyfriend because he’s the youngest.
@@o0angpunkprincess0o yeah my bfs mom also really wants to be a grandmother (she has two sons but one broke contact so her son is the only one she has) and that puts so much pressure on me.. Im 29 now and still dont want kids.. I really want to be a foster parent but to get there I really need to get better again (real bad anxiety) and even then I dont think I want children of my own.. but my bf is like I dont want "second hand" children etc so if we remain that different I dont even know if I want to be with him anymore (sounds harsh I know but if we cant make up our minds, it's not fair for either of us having different future perspectives)
@@rm-iu4gs Even as a small child, if someone gave me a baby doll as a gift, I cried. Hated kids from the get go. Now, as a 49 year old, twice divorced woman in end stage renal failure, I think one MIGHT have been nice. Then I come to my senses.
You guys have a super healthy relationship. Being someone who is in the middle of ending her marriage, I wish I had access to this convo before I tied the knot.
Welcome too the club, Lisa. I am working at doing a no lawyer (can't afford one) divorce where I have no clue where he went and we have been separated 3 years. Basically, it's the legal stuff like I need to sell the house as the only shared asset that has prompted me to finish the process. So I know what you mean. As I am 10 years older than Cristine and Ben, it would have been rather ackward to get advice when they would have only been... 14? I love thier observations and feel thier views are quite valid and really hope that the people out there who need to hear that marriage isn't the "end all, be all" get that message. Good luck, Lisa! Keep your head up 👍
I wish you the best of luck! Im a child of divorce and even though I don't know if you have any children, if you do, you should try to talk to them about it while staying as calm as possible My mother used to go on hateful rants about my father, who wouldnt talk to me at all about it, and that really damaged my relationship with both of them
@@carter3774 This!!! Exactly this!!! And make sure you can be in the same room. It will seriously fuck up kids lives if the parents can't be in the same room without the feeling of tension....
But on a more serious note, hearing this as a young person is very helpful. I've only ever heard biased opinions about these things, this is what I need to hear.
Yes. Even though they said they don't want to get married. I feel like they're defining it as a thesis. Lol. Just propose, Cristine will be happy regardless.
Ben: you want smart people......you want good people to be the one having kids. It’s not a popular opinion but I appreciate you being brave enough to say it.
Rather surprising that someone of their specific academic background should say that, because surely they must be aware of the discourses such statements feed into...
SO MANY PEOPLE just need to admit they shouldn’t have kids. It’s okay to not be ready, ever, for kids. Some people just need to say, hey, I’m too selfish to focus on a child, I’m not financially able, I don’t work hard enough to make things work, I’m not good with kids, etc. And that’s okay.
I find it astounding that we are required to have a license to drive, but anyone (in any condition, in any circumstance) can have a child. There are currently over 400,000 children in the US foster care system (and the number increases every year). There are currently over 2,000,000! homeless children in the US right now. Both of those figures are completely unacceptable. I decided never to have children, as well. There are clearly already enough children that need homes. So incredibly sad.
christi shanks that’s another thing that shows how regular she is cause we all have those insecurities and don’t see how beautiful we are. She’s gorgeous and doesn’t even know it ....but we all battle things like this seeing this side of a UA-camr is refreshing. I like the real ness
To Cristine and Ben: I just wanted to comment that if you ever make an episode about education, it would be really interesting if you talked about the rising levels school stress as well. I'm a huge supporter of your "stay in school" message, especially as a pre-med student in his second year of university right now who loves learning more than anything. However, I did have a really tough time in high school partially due to a really high pressure environment that caused serious mental health issues for many in our school (NY Times actually covered my school here: www.nytimes.com/2016/01/03/opinion/sunday/is-the-drive-for-success-making-our-children-sick.html ). I would really love if you talked about that perspective as well. Anyway, thank you so much for making the content you make. Love your videos so much, and I'm so happy about SimplyPodLogical! P.S. Cristine, if you read this, I started watching your videos in 2016, and your videos always made me smile when I was quite depressed. I hope you know that you really do make a difference.
As someone who's mental health declined heavily due to educational stress, I would love to see this! I love learning and have a thirst for knowledge, but I just don't fit very well into the education system in my country and it crippled me as a teen. As someone who also studied sociology, watching the trends in education and mental has been super interesting, so defo want to see it spoken about.
100% agreed!! honestly cristine's videos always encourage me to keep going even when it gets rough cuz her work ethic reminds me of my own (multiple side hustles on top of a main hustle) and it kinda shows me that it'll all be ok :)
I love the fact you said about women wearing the engagement ring, when I told my fiancé when I wanted to get married I told him that I wanted him to wear an engagement ring too, I even proposed to him, he was so happy about it and love the idea we are engaged to each other and not me engaged to him. Getting married next year and we’ve been engaged to each other for almost 3 years.
Honestly i love the idea of couple rings in general, sadly my boyfriend has a skin condition so we cant do that but i wanted to express my support. The image i had in my mind is very adorable to me and i'm really really happy for you and wish you the best. So cute!
My boyfriend got me a ring just as a present, and I thought it was weird how he didn’t have one, and people said i don’t need to get him one but I did so now we match :)
Sunny C. I second the silicone ring suggestion (or if his skin condition still won’t allow it maybe a really nice trinket he can keep in a wallet/pocket or just at home, some kind of object of significance like a ring 😊) especially enso rings. The priciest ones are less than $50 USD and come in so many colors and even colors that mimic metals/gems.
Planning on proposing to my boyfriend of 3 years once the coronavirus situation is over! My guy friends are a little wary about a woman proposing a man, but I think it'll be okay! He even told me what ring he wants haha
Fun fact: Here in Sweden both parties wear engagement rings and then only one (traditionally the woman) recieves a second ring at the wedding. The father also doesn't walk the bride down the ailse, the couple walks down it together.
@@rikadreamer me thinks you have an extreme feminism addiction. yikes... that is actually not accurate at all. i say quit your gender studies class and actually look into wedding traditions. there is a lot of history. Also the dowry was given by the brides family to the couple so they can start a life.
Azazura Azura that’s not what a dowry is. I’m Muslim and speaking from Islamic tradition dowry goes to the wife alone. It’s given to her by her husband and family isn’t involved.
@@rikadreamer not reallyyyyy... I married my husband, was given away by my father even tho he hates my husband and I took my husbands name because I am no longer a child of my father's family bc I created a my own family with my husband hence having the same last name. It's not about him owning me, I wanted his name. He said he didnt even care if I took his name. And the father walking you down the aisle is like an official statement of "my baby girl is no longer my baby girl and now is starting her own famiy" and that is the transition from being a child of someone to being in their OWN family instead of being a part of your childhood family. Get educated
I've never wanted to have kids, but the societal pressure is so intense that when I found out I was barren, I was actually RELIEVED that I could tell people that so they'd leave me alone. Sadly people have now moved on to nagging me about adoption. I have a million health issues and shouldn't adopt, so I have something to say to shut people up, but man... Why does anyone have to present "valid reasons" regarding not wanting to have kids? It should be enough to say you just don't want them.
When Ben brought up how cristines parents got a divorce and it wasn’t scarring it reminded me of my parents. They’re still married but in a pretty toxic relationship and that really turns me off of marriage.
Don't let others relationships affect you. My mom married an alcoholic. He was at the bar when she passed away on my 21st birthday from brain cancer. I had already been with my then fiance for 4 years. We're now married and expecting our first baby. If anything, it shows you what not to deal with in a relationship. My husband is a God loving man who doesnt drink or smoke. I found completely opposite of what I grew up around. Keep your head up, I promise it's possible!
Totally understand your point, thought the same thing when i was younger. My parents are still married and super toxic towards each other but at the same time cant seem to work without the other. I hated the concept of marriage looking at them, i even hated the idea of relationships and trusting someone so much but currently i'm dating someone for about 2 1/2 years and we decided that (unless something happens and we break up) we would marry on our 7th anniversary or so, simply because the benefits are pretty darn useful (especially that you count as each others first responder i guess) and i feel comfortable being "tied" to this person symbolically. If you end up deciding marriage isnt for you though, thats fine too. You can have long and happy relationships without a piece of paper saying you belong together.
marriage is meaningless really, just maybe gets some legal stuff out of the way but definitely not a necessity to the relationship - if it needs marriage to survive, it probably wasnt that great in the first place. my parents were also toxic and luckily divorced and now are with people better suited so i know what partner to not choose and what to choose instead lol and also to not be afraid of divorce! that person may have been right for you at that certain time in your life but people change and divorce is perfectly ok when a relationship has run its course, without letting it get to the bad blood stage
shadow 626 my parents divorced when i was 4 years old, the got back together 6 year later because it was “best for the kids”. they absolutely hate eachother and i wish they would split up. they hate sleeping in the same bed and they literally can’t stand eachother.
With regards to the pressure women face with the question “do you want kids/when will you have kids” I was always someone who wanted children. But when I turned 20 these questions kept being brought up (by complete strangers sometimes!) and it really put me off because I just wasn’t ready and didn’t want to answer those questions. To the point where I would say I don’t want kids, to be met with “oh you will one day” and yes maybe I will, but it’s frustrating to think that my current view on this isn’t respected.
exact same thing started happening to me when I turned 20...I HATE it especially since I have never had the desire to have kids. people are always like oh you'll change and I'm like :/ no, I won't. and also it's no one else's business I don't understand why people get so upset abt other people not wanting kids
Daria Dlugosz it could just be me but I have 3 kids (two are twins 4yrs) and to this day my family extended family all family all still ask me when I’m going to have more. Even strangers they spark up a conversation about my twins asking “are they twins” and then ask if I’m going to be having more or when I’m going to have more. I’m a single young mother who has 3 kids and people(family) seem to think since I’m “successful” in my job and since if I wanted to I could afford to have more. Personally though my kids all have the same dad and for ME! I don’t want my kids to have different dads and people get offended by that but that’s just me so if I ever get another boyfriend I’m going to have to tell him I don’t want anymore kids I have kids, I’ve done that already I’m done.
@Eugenie Godin don't worry babe no men of value would want to marry a girl like you because you lack a essential part of being a woman and that's being maternal.
I had a miscarriage when I was 18, and ever since my heart breaks more and more when my friends and (abusive) family pester me about having kids not even taking my feelings into consideration. Marriage isnt as triggering for me, but when I lost my son my views changed on pregnancy and children forever. I still want kids, but at the same time I feel like I failed my son when I lost him, I feel incapable of being a good mom because I couldn't even give my son life. It's been almost two years and I'm still scared to try again...
Just by reading your comment I can already tell you’d be an amazing mother. If your willing to try again, I think you’d do just fine😊 But this negative mindset will really take a toll on you. If a heaven exists, I bet your son will be smiling at you all grown up with open arms saying “I’m proud of you Mom!” cause you should be proud. MAMA BEAR YOU LITERALLY CARRIED A CHILD. YOU’RE ALREADY A SUPERHERO, CARRYING A CHILD IS A BIG TASK. Anywho, if you truly want to try again, get rid of that mentally and physically breaking negative mindset. Such a strong person deserves to smile without a weight on their shoulders😕Take a spa day, meditate, relax for a bit, you deserve a relaxing you-time. You’ll be okay mama bear😊
If that 18 isn't a typo then you're actually still very young and many people still have to figure out who they are and what they want when they are in their (early) 20s. It also takes some time to process such a severely bad experience and to accept the past as it is. When I received sex-education our teacher said that many women especially those who have several children experience miscarriages. I don't know if anyone ever made you feel guilty for it but I think there should be no guilt if there was no intention & if the miscarriage wasn't caused by a genetic defect (something you can't controll at all) then all of your life circumstances played a role in that and maybe it would (mentally & physically) help you to change your material and social environment before having kids. Pregnancy and birth are not a one-(wo)man-show and it takes a village to raise a child.
I had a miscarriage when I was 19 and I lost my daughter. I live with a similar situation as you so I couldn’t go to PP and get the extraction done until two years later. So now it’s very likely I might not even be able to have kids because my uterus is “traumatised”. Every time my mother especially talks about how she doesn’t want me to adopt but have kids biologically because she could never love adopted grandkids as much as bio grandkids.
To be honest: I told my co-workers that I'm infertile, because they kept pestering me about having kids and telling me I'm 'too young to know'. It was the easier way out, not having been bothered since then, quite sad tbh.
I actually took the entirely opposite route, I AM infertile and after hearing WAY too many people say "it will happen when it's meant to" I just started telling people I don't want children. It's far more bearable for me to hear that I can always change my mind than to see the look of pity on their faces as they try to cheer me up.
Ben made an amazing point- do not ask people about the kid stuff. Whether they do or not, it’s no one’s business, plus the very valid point that you never know what some one is going through either. Knock it off. And if people say they Don’t want kids, leave them alone! No one has to explain themselves and their reasons. And the reason “because I/we don’t” is perfectly acceptable.
Toad Day Get Toad I completely agree. Usually if I’m curious with someone I know, I’ll ask if they see children in their future. Either choice if fine, I’m just curious where you see your life going. 🤷🏼♀️
The only person I have ever asked why they did one kids as my sister because growing up she really wanted to have a big family and wanted kids but now that she's older she doesn't and a just asked her why that changed and her answer was just fine. But I agree don't ask anybody about kids.
As someone who wants kids and has been struggling to become pregnant, I agree don't ask. You're question might be painful. But also I kind of wish I could trade body parts with women who can and don't want to. Like okay you don't want kids, I do have my parts that don't seem to want to have kids and I'll take you parts that can.
Crowned Lily i would gladly give you mine if i could. My mother passed from ovarian cancer when I was 16 and I have the gene. I decided i didn’t want kids early on in life.
I’m so glad you talked about unwanted kids. My father didn’t want me, but my mom wanted me - it was very obvious growing up and I suffered a lot of emotional abuse and guilt. I tried so hard to get him to love me, and it still affects me. As an adult, I know I don’t want kids and I would NEVER want them to feel the way I did growing up.
ben and cristine: we dont want kids
the other however many million of us: i thought we were your kids
Bre Rose there’s no million yet...
Cristine has more than one channel?? Idk lol it’s just a joke who cares about the numbers😂
Menchie?
Menchie?
Zyler?
@@nayomers 7.59 million subs on her main channel, SimplyNailogical.
"we don't want kids"
zyler and menchie: what are we to you? a joke?
Valentina Paniagua 😂😂😂
They're pets...
@@_Piers_ same thing.
Piers r/whoosh
Same here, our pets are our children
God Ben is so in love with Cristine. This podcast was him gushing about her and her just smiling ear to ear the whole time.
Cristine*
You can see it by the way cristine is just singing her opening theme song and he's just smiling and looking at her and it's just 😩
Definitely comes as he is the one that love more, which is not a bad thing. Is what it works in their relationship, my first thought was that he is the Hal for his Lois haha (Malcolm in the middle reference... I am old).
Even though, she seems more emotional codependent on him, that he on her😋
They are just a great fit for each other❣️
damn. imagine being in a relationship where you actually love your partner.
WE ALL NEED A BEN IN OUR LIFE UGH!
I love how Ben liked christine during her party phase, and still loves her now as a crazy cat lady with a peely bag!
lloydminster has algebra homework g
Cristine
Talk about growing together!😍😍
Ben: "You own my heart."
Cristine: *Smiles yet continues to try and be serious*
what was the time when he said that !
Always Tired 1:17:40
Ben: you own my heart sweetie
And cristine cud die by smiling..
THAT WAS SO CUTE
Cuteness overload 🥰
Ben is actually a wonderful entertainer and I love that he involves himself in these projects with Christine.
And he has like, the best radio voice.
He’s like Roman Kemp
His voice is so calm and soothing!! Ben should do ASMR!!
I’m sorry I hate when people do this but....iTs cRisTeNe
Rachael Zabel when he makes that commercial voice it reminds me of president mic from bnha
Luna Storm,
iTs cRiStiNe
I love how Ben points out that you shouldn't ask people when they are having kids because of infertility issues and other health problems that physically make them unable to have kids. They are both so honest and caring.
Cough cough* adoption cough cough
@@J.c.brooklyn some people have those problems and wish they could actually have their own kid so if someone asks them if they are gonna have kids it could make them upset (not saying adoption isnt an option but some people just want their own kids)
@@Pineapple-jl1bn sorry I did put it rudely idk why I just looked at my comment and was like that was rude so sorry
@@J.c.brooklyn it's ok lol we all say some random stuff without thinking sometimes
*laughs in Indian*
“do you feel it”
“the peelies”
“no the love”
147 likes first reply but about the comment...
LOL that made me laugh a lot 😂 🤣
Wait you are dead...
I bet u haven't seen the rest 😂
CaN yOu FeEl It? TuRn iT uP, uP, uP!!
Beyn: "I was aware of you as the *hot girl* I'd see on Facebook"
Cristine: "No, no one believes that!"
Cristine... You are GORGEOUS. EVERYONE believes that. 🔥
Under rated comment
She really is! Though perhaps she meant it more in the sense that she doesn't present herself in a "hot" way - sure she's very beautiful, but she doesn't wear any revealing clothes and that sort of thing, you know? As we all know she is just a sock after all, albeit a gorgeous sock ;)
I think she meant that she doesn't really dress in hot girl clothes lol We always see her in sweats and a hoodie. But homegirl has it going on and I think she knows it. Not to mention, she's posted pics in videos from her partying days and she was definitely one of the hot girls.
Cristine hasn't changed a bit she was an still is so hot.
Ben is a different person, his face changed a lot 👏🏻
Zombie EXACTLY like she so beautiful 😍
"Menchie makes me have low selfsteem cause she's so beautiful"
Same.
Maricela Kanter mood hahaha
My fur baby makes me feel the same. She's got big green eyes, a teeny salmon coloured nose, long shiny tortoiseshell + tabby locks, a huge fanned out palm tree tail all in a petite frame. If she were human she would get all the boys!
Valentina Rose my cat is my twin. We both have black hair and a tuft of hers always sticks up in the exact same spot I have a cowlick 😂 She is for sure, without one single doubt, the beautiful one though
@@MyLast2Braincells84 her milkshake would bring all the boys to the yard🤣
Just as i read this comment she said it 😂
“I-I like your crazy “ honestly wish someone would say that to me
Edda Marx meeeeeeee
What time?
Omgg I read this while he said this😱😂
im sorry bro
My husband once got me a card with a trilobite on the front and the inside said "You're strange and wonderful".
It's so rare to see two adults having an actual adult conversation on youtube anymore.
Well, it's not a problem anymore 😂 we have simplypodlogical
this is late but i really appreciate the nuance about the kids conversation
I absolutely agree
Cristine, Ben, and Ethan and Hila Klein are the only people I trust on this site. Everyone else ends up being a racist or a child molester at this point.
@@Amirablhad love this
“do you feel it in the air?”
“what? the peely?”
Changbean Jam can you feel the peely tonight!!!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰
sums up their relationship
The likes keep changing from 90 to 1.3K
Iabtoad huh... thats weird, for me it’s 1,3k (that’s insane btw)
Changbean Jam yeah! It’s like if I click the comment and go to the little reply section it’s 1.3K. But when I quickly view it in the comment section in general it’s 90...
I love how Ben is the one who opens these. I feel like this channel is definitely more HIS baby than hers lol.
rudeminnesotan YES. & we’re here for it!
Yes I totally agree
It feels nice to see him having a creative outlet that he can share with us. Kinda like Jenna and Julien and how I believe they said in the past that the podcast was really Juliens baby-I love both couples so much 😭
Yeah I was thinking how natural he sounds with this
Yeah, I feel the same. It looks like Ben is enjoying making the podcasts.
Ben's anti-bachelor party is just an excuse for another vacation with his UA-cam bff Rob 🤣
so true. well played Ben.
Yes and I would love to see footage of drunk Rob and Ben in Vegas 🤣
And Tayler and Safiya should do mixing all drinks in Vegas.
We totally need this! A partnership celebration! ♥️
Ben’s aging like fine wine and Cristine’s not aging at all.
i saw cristine's old photos and she actually looks so much younger now
Vampires
as soon as i saw the second pic im like holy shit she didn't age AT ALL
I think it’s so admirable that not only she doesn’t age she also has a style that is very signature and she never changes it
This video is cristine blushing for one hour straight.
“You went clubbing and to bars”
“I was young once”
*now she’s older and drinks nail polish in her basement*
Rache Cakes We love a good mom.
Character growth
Love that development
#goals
Drinks nail polish?
Hearing Ben saying he was attracted by Cristine's intelligence makes me happy
Leila M goals
"We don't want kids."
But mom-
There are over 7 million of us...
Underrated comment
Me as a holosexual hearing them say they don’t want kids: 👁👄👁
this made me smile a lot 🥺
Whew 😅
Ouch
can we just take a moment and realize how good of role models they are to their younger audiences? it’s just so nice to see tbh
The good role models is the cat pics
I so agree. And I think they are aware of this and make a conscious choice to make these videos for that purpose, it’s very well done of them.
Cristine:*talking about guys owning women over rings*
Ben:'U owe my heart sweetie'
ADORABLE!!!
1:17:40
he said own btw :)
Holo taco should sponsor the jenna and julien podcast just so julien can segue into a holo taco ad
J M 😆😆😆
YES PLEASE make this comment blow up
I NEED THIS
Yes!!!
YES
I loved when Cristine mentioned she has 2 opinions, her honest one and the one that she tells mothers. I can't stand kids for many reasons and I don't see them in my future, but I'm not gonna tell a mother all the reasons why I hate them and all that. I'll always just be like "they're cute, just not for me" and move along.
funny seeing this comment again, since then I got the news im infertile and will likely need a hysterectomy. I'm honestly just "happy" it's me and not someone who's dream it is to have kids. nice watching this podcast again with a different life experience.
Ik this comment was a year ago, but the way u said how ur happy it’s u and not someone else just made me smile bc a lot of the time ppl don’t think that when their in ur position :) im just trying to say is that ur comment made me smile and I agree with ur point :D
I always had nothing to listen to before this podcast and would always get bored...
*bUt ItS nOt A pRoBlEm AnYmOrE*
couldn't have said it any better XD
You can also try the Jenna Julien podcast :) they also have very interesting and fun podcasts
I was gonna say there are tons of podcasts out there or just youtube channels lol. Expand your horizons!
I used to listen to Pretty Basic podcast, but that podcast ended quick, cause cant stand girls squealing voice, and fangirling on fuckboys all the time
Dude it’s a joke. Ya’ll are way too literal. Lmao
petition to call it “TALK-o tuesday” because double puns. puns squared.
m. Yesss plz
That u for this amazingness
We need ben’s brother on the podcast to figure out the math on that!
m. This comment is......beautiful
🤭🤭😂 yess
I understand they don’t want to make children but are they ADOPTING a 26 year old by any chance...id like to apply.
aneeqa ali same. They need a 28 year old too
I'm the 27 and you have the complete trio!
I'll one up ya. A soon to be 32 year old lady~
I am still 17, do I count :3
any space for a 13 year old? i've been a holosexual since i've been birthed 🥺🖤
1:17:43
Ben: You own my heart, sweetie
Cristine: Right, anyway....
Aww
34:25
LMAOO
This is such a prime example of what a healthy and loving relationship is. These are two people that took fame and figured out how to make sure they were ok beyond anything else. It honestly goes beyond relationship goals. It's inspiring.
They are the most inspirationsl figures I have ever seen, a lot of people trying too hard to be inspirational figures and saying inspirational speeches kinda falls flat with me and not actually that inspirational
If they ever break up, I'm gonna intervene
@@francishill838 copied comment :/
Cristine hasnt aged since she was 24. Girl, just let us know the skincare routine
wait shes not 24? 😭😭
Being a generally happy person, and not bitter and hateful does wonders for the complexion. Just look at how nasty Ann Coulter looks.
Probably because she really doesn’t wear makeup and seems to generally take care of herself
@@xtina-ah I was going to say, not a lot of make up
@@foreverdead1248I know it's just a joke, but it's probably not a good thing to equate good looks with moral goodness
“You don’t know someone’s situation, maybe someone is incapable of having kids.” . THANK YOU! 🙌
Yes. This is me.
A professor of mine told us when people would badger her about not having kids as an "older" woman (she was like 40's or 50's) she would just make a sad face, shrug and say "It just didn't happen."
It turns people from judgemental to embarassed and apologetic real quick.
Same here I have a chronic illness its too high risk for me to even try and bring the pregnancy to term and I could come out with other severe health complications
Ben literally adores Cristine and it’s so cute-
Ben has such a “podcast” voice.
This channel eas more like... a ben thing I think and it's awesome~
Such a fact
OMG yea
That man is straight up NPR
Yes
I've decided that Cristine is a vampire. She literally hasn't aged!!!
TastersChoice I think she looks younger than when she first started youtube
@@complicatednailogical3901 She does!
Not having kids'll do that :)
And Ben aged but he looks prettier than before????!!
Living her best life out here 😂❤️
My parents met at a party when they where 18 and 19. My dad woke up and my mums number was on his arm and he had an exam that day (which he had not studied for) he ended up walking out and phoning my mum instead. They’re now 50 and 51 and been married for 20 years :)
(I thought it was a nice story so wanted to share)
Thank you for sharing! Really nice story. ☺️
Just orange aww that was a cute story!
Introverted Emma no one cares
That's adorable 🥰 I want that love story one day
Introverted Emma my dad should be home any minute with the milk. It’s been 13 years. There must be some insane traffic
The fact that Ben is disappointed that Cristine doesn't spend money on things that she likes just shows how much he cares about her.
Or how much he doesn't want money to go to waste lol. Apart from donating a lot of money at some point when they're older, but yea.
It is SO refreshing to hear someone with as large of a platform as you say: “This is my belief, my truth, and if you feel differently, THAT’S OKAY! I’m happy for YOU to have your beliefs. This is simply what works for me, and I’m happy you have what works for you.” Especially on the topic of marriage and kids, because so often people have a mentality that you HAVE to agree, HAVE to do the same things they want. Authenticity and respectfulness about these topics are a ray of sunshine. So, thank you for being mature and respectful to people who want different things, I hope you guys receive respect and understanding for your beliefs/ life desires too!
It's sometimes a little bit worrying how uncommon that is. Tolerance and communication ✨
I've noticed lately that the large majority of the youtubers I watch say this kind of thing throughout at least a few videos even if it's not every video. Like even Tati Westbrook the makeup guru? Every couple videos "lemme just remind you this is how I do things and i hate a product you love? USE IT. We might have different skin or different preferences."
SO Canadian #polite 😂❤️
Yes. I love her attitude about all of this. I absolutely hate when people just HAVE to make everything black and white- it's either one extreme end or the other and if there are any disagreements or everything is not the same thinking that somehow makes someone a horrible person. Cmon, lets just respect each other, not shit on each other, have freedom to make choices based on out beliefs and understand that in real life most things are not black and white, one extteme or the other. Often, it's just in one big gray area, with a variety of different opinions and such on one topic
*Me: I don’t really listen to podcasts. I already have to many shows, books, UA-cam channels and hobbies to keep up with.
*Cristine: We are making a podcast.
*Me whose been here since before polish mountain and still very devoted: Damit
I firt thought i also didn't have the time... but i just downloaded the audio and listened to it on the train instead of my normal music... or you could watch it at the gym or listen to it while driving...
Ariana Correa SAME but I came waaay before polish mountain :3
Yesss! Granted, I didn't start consistently watching before polish mountain but I do know I watched several videos before it.
Polish mountain gang gang :DDD
"no-one believes you" Cristine are you KIDDING me you're literally so beautiful
She is one of the few beautiful people that I honesty believe doesn’t see it and isn’t just fishing for compliments
100% agreeeeeee.
Hi, I love you profile picture of jimin 😂😂
aRe YoU kIdDiNg? Of CoUrSE i DoNt SlEeP wItH StUfFeD AnImAlS
cristine is so pretty plss also she looks even more youthful now than her old photos
I like the engagement ring comment, because I proposed to my boyfriend a couple weeks ago, and he's the one wearing the ring. I've made a deposit on him. So many people have assumed I'm forcing him to get married, or he wasn't ready to get engaged. No, we talked about it, I asked him out, I proposed. We're of the same mindset, like Ben and Cristine, so it doesn't matter who does what, as long as we agree.
KarimaHorton very progressive. I like it, even though I want to be the one purposed to if it ever happens because I want a pretty ring ngl 😂
@@melbapeach162 not saying this in a mean way or anything I also want a pretty ring but you could also get your own pretty ring. it will probably be way cooler too xD next year i want to get me a sapphire ring! put my own ring on it!
I REALLY wanted to propose to my now-husband, but he didn't feel comfortable with it because he's more traditional than I am. He also didn't wear a ring until we were married. I really wanted him to wear a ring when we were engaged because it felt weird that only I had to wear one. However, now that we're married, he literally never takes his ring off, and I'm always forgetting to wear mine. 😂
@@hellspawn22 I have a grape color change sapphire engagement ring. I cannot recommend sapphire enough! It's so beautiful and comes in sooo many different colors.
@@melbapeach162 You can buy your own ring, girl!!
I truly deeply appreciate the cat cam.
I couldn't spot it! What timestamp is it at?
1:13:53
@@theonewho8241 thank you!!
Highlight of the podcast
I wanted more of Zyler on the table! Absolute King!!
I appreciate Ben saying "Just don't ask." on the topic of having kids. I'm on the opposite side of y'all on the kids/no kids issue. I've always wanted to have babies and be a mom but I wasted 10 years in a relationship that went nowhere and now I'm 48 and can't have any children. It's always a sensitive subject for me when people ask me if I have kids or why didn't I have them. And I can understand how that would be frustrating for those that don't want children too.
Deanna db if you still want a kid adopt. as a kid who’s been adopted it really matters
@@vesta2758 Adoption is really expensive though. Not everyone has that kind of money.
Crowned Lily fair. but so is having a kid. if you save and are careful it is possible. also it’s really meaningful
@@vesta2758 I have actually,recently been considering fostering to adopt. There are just a few things that need to be done first.
Deanna db YES!!! it is one of the most purposeful ways of loving someone
The anti-marriage party sounds like Ben is actually trying to convince you to go on vacation.
True true lol
Basia Padlo shhhh! You’ll have her catch on!!!
can we just talk about how much better they’ve both looked as time has gone by? Like yeah, it’s only been 8 years, but you can tell their lives have merged so nicely together that their appearances have somewhat done the same? idk, just an observation :)
This gives me hope
Others: If your not dating for marriage, your dating for heart break
Me: Tell that to Simply and Bannana boy
Benana
@@prudence8808 like prudence comment or you get arrested
I think you mean BENana boi
BANNANA BOY LMAOOFG
benana ooh nah nah half of my heart is a benana ooh nah nah
as someone who hates when podcast put their last topic in the title, I freaking love the fact that they actually put the topics in the description with timestamps like this is why I love you guys.
Thank you! I never look in the description so I wouldn’t even of thought to look for timestamps of their conversation until I read your comment. You saved me from listening to the parts I was not interested in, instead of blindly skipping through the video.
I love how Cristines idea of romance is having their names joined together on a published paper rather than on a marriage certificate ;)
33:00 thank you, as someone who can’t have kids this question is infuriating to me. I do want to adopt eventually, and the amount of times I’ve heard “don’t you want your OWN kids” as if the child I adopted and raised would never really be my child.. or as if you can’t love a kid unless it literally has your genes.
agree. some people have weird perceptions about their own genes, like dude they’re not superior and a parent’s love comes from care not genes
I think it's the idea of "passing down the bloodline" which I think stems from the old times, and the idea of keeping bloodlines "pure." And the idea that the adoption of a child isn't "legitimate." Which isn't true, in the past its all about family is blood but now it's family is people who care and are there for you and that's what's important.
My parents constantly say "its different when you have your OWN" & i just insist a child i adopt WOULD be "my own"
@@Mocha_x_svt exactly, because otherwise it’d imply superior genetics and that to me is just a weird concept in modern times.
@@Mocha_x_svt when my mom said something similar I just said, "would you love the kid less if they were adopted?"
and that immediately shut her up because no one would want to say/admit something like that
“you own my heart sweetie” sorry brb you’ll find in the bathtub crying
I see that Threadbanger merch under that Canada jacket Cristine.
Them: relationship goals
Me 11pm on a school night single af alone in my bed: 🥺
At least your not single at 1 AM with a wrecked sleeping schedule and nothing but school to look forward to.
Same tho
V atleast your not just over someone cheating on you and haven't slept for days and days and have no will to live (:
@@babyyodaguard4999 lol same same here
Yo do you live in the UK? It's 11:32 rn
Ben is so inlove with Cristine, he would have married her and had kids with her if that's what she wanted. He is down for whatever she wants though and supports her fully. Such a lovely couple. ❤
“When you guys having kids” is the question I loathe. I am infertile and when they find this out then they tend to offer “advice”. Inappropriate, uneducated and useless “advice”.
That's awful. Asking that is such an invasion of privacy and they just don't realize it.
Ugh.. my husband is having fertility issues n its been 5 years we're married, everyone asks me why I am not having kids n if I have issues. Its gross what people think is acceptable to ask others.
I loathe it because I'm 18 and absolutely adore small children so people automatically assume but I want them. Even though I've made it so so so clear that I've had enough parenting to last my life because I have a four-year-old brother. Yes I'm young, yes I love children, yes I absolutely loathe the idea of having my own. So I won't. The bullshit about how you might regret that when you're older or you'll change your mind is trash. I don't want something living inside of me, I don't want to have to push it out, I don't want to deal with the medical expenses and aftercare and parenting full-time.
My colleagues found out I was infertile and gave me "advice" I told them, its my body, its none of thier business and my boyfriend doesnt want kids so i dont need thier advice.
Molly O'Hara omg same it is just so awkward and personal and i hate talking about it when people i don’t know will inquire and tell me about their moms sisters step cousins best friend got pregnant who had the medial condition i had and i have to smile and be like cool thanks
"I'm not maternal unless it's cats"
Caternal?
ahhhh i made it 69 likes. *niceeeee*
Puuurfect!😹 and same. Lol
I am nocturnal lol
This is how I identify now too. Caternal 😂 thank you 😂
YES
I feel like this podcast could be a class in school lol and how to have a healthy relationship.
YES! This needs to be a thing!
YES.
They are such good role models 💙
It's better than my high School health class that did only two lessons for romantic relationships 😄
No❤️
Can we just address this logically?
Any person who calls you a name when you say you don't want to date/ sleep with them is not a friend. Period.
completely agree ! that immediately shows to me that they think they are entitled to something from you and when they don’t get what the expected they would, their immediate reaction is to become aggressive and rude. huge red flag in my opinion
@@lee_yuhhh r/NiceGuys is calling. 😅
@@jsmith1516 And r/nicegirls too
@@lobeliaowl2482 Absolutely true.
Agree
My only thought during this video: damn Zyler is old
im not the only one lol
I know hey! He’s a senior freaking citizen
Wait what? He looks like a baby! 🥺
Ana Clara Barreiros Yeah but he’s been with Cristine since a long time ago
literally how---
The kids thing frustrates me so much!! I never ever ask anyone about their plans for children, it’s such an inappropriate question. My husband and I wanted kids more than anything but we struggled for years to conceive. It was difficult and heartbreaking and I had people asking me constantly when we were going to have kids. I would laugh it off and lie and say “not just yet, we have plenty of time for that later on”. most of the time I would go away and cry because it brought up so many emotions because we were trying and it just wasn’t happening for us. We are so lucky to finally have a little boy and a lot of people have said “oh I guess it was an oops baby because you said you weren’t ready yet”. I am much more open and honest now and will straight out say well no actually, we were trying for years but we didn’t feel like it was anyone’s business.
Anyway, point is, don’t ask people about their family plans. It’s inappropriate and rude. You guys do whatever you feel is right!!
This!! I've been trying to get pregnant for 13 months now. Every month when I get my period I become so upset and discouraged. I feel like this huge failure cause I can't even do the one thing I want the most.
Big hugs to you both! I’m sorry people keep constantly reminding you of this. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business and life with/without kids will be awesome either way.
It took more than twenty years before people stopped asking us. People, mind your own business! My husband and I just never felt like something was missing, or that we needed kids/being parents to feel complete. (Also, I don't like kids, and "It's different when it's your own!" is not a risk I'm willing to take.) But we had to go through all sorts of different responses to intrusive questions when "No" wasn't enough. Sometimes we had smart-a$$ answers: "We're still practicing" or "Maybe this weekend, if it's good BBQ weather." Then I actually attempted to explain (not that I owe anyone an explanation, but...). Explaining just meant everyone wanted to argue with me/us about why we HAD to have kids. "Who will take care of you when you're old?!" Um, you don't have kids so that they will take care of you when you're old, you selfish jerks! "Nothing is more rewarding than raising a family!" I dunno, our life of travel and education has been pretty amazing.
What finally seemed to work was to point out the obvious. The kids question would come up as people were generally commenting on the nontraditional elements of our relationship, and how we aren't "settled" or are "selfish" without kids, and I'd ask "Really, you REALLY think that WE should be raising a child? As 'selfish' and 'unsettled' as we are? Really?" It did actually click with a few people that telling someone how selfish they are AND insisting they do something like having children is... incongruous at best.
That said, SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE, STOP ASKING OTHERS ABOUT THEIR REPRODUCTIVE/RELATIONSHIP CHOICES! It's not cute. It's not funny, or "a joke" (which I see a lot of in the comments on various Simply vids about when Ben and Cristine are having kids, no reeeeeally). There are many other topics of conversation than if a couple is going to get legally married or breed, FFS.
Dawn Sardella-Ayres well stated!! Not anyone’s business. I rarely get asked but when I do, I am honest that I have a genetic disorder I don’t want to pass on. That pretty much shuts it down...
I completely understand, I’ve had several miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy and it’s been really hard because people would ask when we were having more kids but we only had one and it seems to be the extent of or family.
My husband wanted an engagement ring too and his grandmother heard it. She gave him a ring that belonged to his Grampy and he wore until the day of the wedding.
This is sooo cute 🥰
Omg thats such a lovely idea! 😊
aww i got chillss
That is so sweet.
I found this very enlightening.
The last two years, one of the difficult aspects to my relationship, has been my expression of emotion and feelings and my partners lack of entirely.
I struggle with many things, but I found it difficult being in bed and thinking endlessly and turning to him and asking how he is, what he is thinking - and getting one word answers and 'not thinking at all'. Felt on my own so much.
Rebecca Jane Brown I’m sorry you feel like that, you sound like you need someone more open and expressive but I know it’s not always as easy as just finding someone new.
Being in a relationship with someone who seems emotionally unavailable is a nightmare. Emotional needs have to be met and I feel like the relationship falls flat when a partner doesn’t share their feelings and the other person does.
Girl leave him please
How are things going now babe?
I hope things are better and you got what you wanted/needed. Also if not and you’re still with him..maybe have that conversation. Men aren’t smart and need it all laid out sometimes.
I can relate to Cristine talking about being a fly on the wall to men’s gross conversations about women. There was a part of my life where my two best friends were straight military guys, and while I love them dearly hearing the way they talked about women when it was “just us guys” made me not want to date men for a really long time because all I could think about was if they had the same conversations with their friends about me
I completely agree, I live with my 3 brothers that are in their 20s and they speak like that about girls.
@@lindilotter6042 Omg that really sucks... Could you tell them to not do that? Or have a chat with your parents so they could talk to them?
@@anni9666 I've tried. My parents say boys will be boys or respect yourself and they'll respect you and then they give me a hard time.
@@lindilotter6042 Oh wow and also oh no...I really have no idea what to say...😩 I guess you just have to wait until you can move out, but it really sucks that you don't get understood...
@@anni9666 I only live with boys, I have no sisters and 5 brothers.
It upsets me that they speak like that but luckily earphones were invented and I feel good about myself so it doesn't bother me that much what they say but I see the fact that my younger brothers hear what they say and they are terrible role models.
I just hope no guy speaks about me the way they speak about others.
But have you considered...
*Making a Holo wedding dress just for the fun of it.*
Weeble Flufflycakes with holo taco :))
Like a faux holo wedding, just for a video idea... that would be awesome! Holo dress,holo decor n maybe menchie as holo flower girl aa
This has 420 likes i dont wanna mess that up
Now it has 666 oh boy sorry
"My Clickbait Holowedding" A Series:
Part 1 - Holo Flowers (holo origami paper?)
Part 2 - Holo Veil (Holo gems on tulle, FT Menchie the model)
Part 3 - Holo Wedding Dress (using that $$$ to order a custom holo dress that can be worn at the HOLO TACO booth!).
Holo Taco needs to come out with a merch called 'the peely bag'
I'd buy it 😂
Yesssss
Yesss like a zipper cosmetic bag
I'd be tempted to buy that for sure, but it think it'd be a little too boujee because Cristine just uses a zip lock sandwich bag 😄
Yes a cosmetic case, holo of course
It's so refreshing to see a happy couple that is famous, but still grounded, so in love, and just enjoying their success together.
Cristine: We wrote a paper together. Isn’t it that fun?
Me: OMG RELATIONSHIP GOALS TOTALLY
A serious question: Where did the whole “Ben likes bananas” thing come from?
The my boyfriend paints my nails video!
When Ben was small he was obsessed with monkeys, he also painted Andy Warhol bananas
@@zaymaashraf2059 ©Abubu
@@assrash2312 lolololll
Okay but yeah actually like people said here, he painted Andy Warhol bananas on her nails and it turned into a running joke, and then a channel meme.
As much as they are HILARIOUS and witty, I love how serious and smart they are about sending the right messages and being clear about their intentions and opinions. It’s also very refreshing to see a couple on UA-cam this mature and articulate and who genuinely cares about their audience. This podcast was amazing and I am very grateful for their transparency. Anyway, looking forward to more. Love you guys ❤️
I agree and they're very self aware as well. Like when Ben realized he was being hetetonormative or the fact that this video has actual proper subtitles. Love them. ❤️
Yes, to everything you said. I appreciate this so much!
Love what you said about having kids. My aunt dated a lot of people when she was younger due to societal pressures but eventually just realized she was happier on her own. I used to ask her all the time why she wouldn’t have kids and why I didn’t have cousins to play with, and she said she wasn’t meant to be a mom, she was meant to be a Tía (Aunt in Spanish). She is truly my role model, she’s so level headed and she is literally the cool aunt I didn’t know I needed. My parents are great, but I can always talk to my Tía about my life openly without her getting overly involved, she is able to give me honest unbiased advice, and she always says she gets to do all the fun parts of being a mom like seeing us smile, taking me to the nail salon ;) and helping us with our schoolwork, without the annoying stuff like taking care of a baby, dealing with my stupid teenage angst ha. Y’all would be an awesome cool Tía and Tío.
ugh ben is flourishing and so much more comfortable on camera, i love him
nice jenna pfp
I really want to thank Christine for not having kids. My mom got pregnant with me at 21 and was in college at the time, she wasn’t ready to be a mom. Her and my dad divorced when I was 5 and she took off. For the next 3/4 years I saw my mom a couple times a year and my dad basically raised me. My dad was 28 when he had me and he knew he was ready to have children. 10 years later, I’m 15 and my mom is just starting to come into my life. We don’t get along, and she didn’t raise me. I know she loves me and I love her but I don’t love her as a mom. My dad and aunt were the ones that raised me. Don’t have kids unless you are ready to have them
Edit: I shared this to show how my parents not wanting kids and wanting kids effected me, not for unsolicited life advice.
Shoutout to your dad!
and also shoutout to you my dude for keeping your head on your shoulders. best of luck for your future.
this is so important and something that so many people need to understand. if you're not ready to have kids, don't force a human being into the world just so they can have a hard life
That is true, and I am sorry for what you went through, but my lecturer said this, and my mindset forever changed. He said basically, if it's not of financial or 'physical' problem (bc u know raising a kid needs money), let's be real. Nobody is ever ready to have a kid. Even the planning or waiting for kid one. Once you know you're expecting, you can never be 100% ready. So yea, but then again this is just my one sided opinion, as I'm yet to face that situation.
Megan Baldwin
Their username is Obviously Gay, and don’t underestimate the wisdom of Gen Z 😆
Cris is genuinely so pretty, idk why she thinks she’s not, Ben’s a really lucky man
I have had people ask "who will come visit you when you are in a nursing home?" I respnded "there is no guarantee that your children would come visit you..."
I guarantee you that my kids will NOT come see me in a nursing home bc I will not be in a nursing home ever... lol my retirement savings includes a home health aide/nurse when I need one. I suggest you do the same.😌
When Ben said "this is going to sound arrogant... but you know you want smart people to be having kids", I immediately slammed the like button. Made me laugh so hard but also so true. I also respect and enjoyed this entire conversation. I love you both so much!
"There are people who have kids because of pressure"
Hi, I'm that kid. My mother didn't have a maternal instinct. And my life... is pretty crazy. ;)
Giada Marie my life is somewhat like that I have a brother and sister 7 years older than me and my dad kept my brother busy that my mom felt she didn’t have enough time or raise him so she wanted another son and instead I was born so she kind had postpartum depression and never got over it and so never felt close to me and my dad worked away from home so I only seen him every second weekend. So I somewhat feel like that lol my dad was pressured into having me because my mom wanted a son and didn’t get that so she neglected me and my dad felt bad for me because he couldn’t be there for that. 😆
in it all started when my mom met my dad
and they fell in love
and they had me
hi, my name is r y a n
and my life... is pretty crazy
My mom really wanted a girl so she got pregnant by the same useless man 🙄
Hi! I'm an accident, if I didn't came to existence my parents wouldn't be married and they would be happy.
@@sirijaw and you wouldn't be alive. Im glad you are here and i hope you raise above your hardships, they don't define you, what you do in your own life does!:)
I still get weird looks when people realise im single, have a child and have 0 interest in romantic relationships. I think bens right in saying sometimes you just need friend relationships.
I completely agree.
I'm 44, i care for my disabled mom full-time. It's really hard to date. I've been caring for her full-time since 2009. I pretty much gave up on kids but truly with my medical situation, I don't think I could anyway. I'd love to have a partner but they'd have to deal with my situation. Thx for coming to my Ted Talk lol
Pan-Buddhist Chick sending my love for ur mom 💖
Love the yt name.
@@stevieschillens thx 🤗🤗❤️❤️
Pan-Buddhist Chick 💓
Duuuuude. Bens voice is SOOOO smooth on that mic!! He has the most perfect voice for a podcast.
"Do.. do you feel it in the air?"
"What? The peely?"
"The love..."
CRISTINE GODDAMNIT :')
I got my first ”you’ll understand when you have kids” when I was 15yo. That’s kinda creepy to me. Who assumes teenagers life choices like that?? What if I’d been infertile? Or DIED? I also wished world stopped acting like having kids is your patriotic duty to your country to keep the nation going. We can scale down things. It’s not the end of the world.
i got mine at 13 and have never liked children. ever. even when i was a child i preferred to hang out with adults and older kids. almost 20 now and haven't changed my mind. somehow people are asking me more often WHEN i'm having kids, and i'm literally a broke college student who can't even cook an egg.
That is a surprisingly common sayi g to day to like... teenagers also younger teenagers and that's just weird to me. Kinda creepy
My boyfriends mom told me she hopes my birth control fails because we don’t want kids (have also been together 7.5 years). It’s so infuriating. You should never wish an unwanted child on someone and she already has like 6+ grandchildren. When you point this out she goes says she wants a grand baby from my boyfriend because he’s the youngest.
@@o0angpunkprincess0o yeah my bfs mom also really wants to be a grandmother (she has two sons but one broke contact so her son is the only one she has) and that puts so much pressure on me.. Im 29 now and still dont want kids.. I really want to be a foster parent but to get there I really need to get better again (real bad anxiety) and even then I dont think I want children of my own.. but my bf is like I dont want "second hand" children etc so if we remain that different I dont even know if I want to be with him anymore (sounds harsh I know but if we cant make up our minds, it's not fair for either of us having different future perspectives)
@@rm-iu4gs Even as a small child, if someone gave me a baby doll as a gift, I cried. Hated kids from the get go. Now, as a 49 year old, twice divorced woman in end stage renal failure, I think one MIGHT have been nice. Then I come to my senses.
You guys have a super healthy relationship. Being someone who is in the middle of ending her marriage, I wish I had access to this convo before I tied the knot.
Welcome too the club, Lisa. I am working at doing a no lawyer (can't afford one) divorce where I have no clue where he went and we have been separated 3 years. Basically, it's the legal stuff like I need to sell the house as the only shared asset that has prompted me to finish the process. So I know what you mean. As I am 10 years older than Cristine and Ben, it would have been rather ackward to get advice when they would have only been... 14? I love thier observations and feel thier views are quite valid and really hope that the people out there who need to hear that marriage isn't the "end all, be all" get that message.
Good luck, Lisa! Keep your head up 👍
wishing you the best with this new chapter of life!!
I wish you the best of luck! Im a child of divorce and even though I don't know if you have any children, if you do, you should try to talk to them about it while staying as calm as possible
My mother used to go on hateful rants about my father, who wouldnt talk to me at all about it, and that really damaged my relationship with both of them
Best of luck to you!!!💛
@@carter3774 This!!! Exactly this!!! And make sure you can be in the same room. It will seriously fuck up kids lives if the parents can't be in the same room without the feeling of tension....
Long story short; they're perfect for each other.
But on a more serious note, hearing this as a young person is very helpful. I've only ever heard biased opinions about these things, this is what I need to hear.
Yes. Even though they said they don't want to get married. I feel like they're defining it as a thesis. Lol. Just propose, Cristine will be happy regardless.
100 perfect likes
Ben: you want smart people......you want good people to be the one having kids.
It’s not a popular opinion but I appreciate you being brave enough to say it.
As someone who comes from a horrible family situation I agree. I know I'm an outlier in terms of my outcome.
Rather surprising that someone of their specific academic background should say that, because surely they must be aware of the discourses such statements feed into...
ATL Phycologist agree
SO MANY PEOPLE just need to admit they shouldn’t have kids. It’s okay to not be ready, ever, for kids. Some people just need to say, hey, I’m too selfish to focus on a child, I’m not financially able, I don’t work hard enough to make things work, I’m not good with kids, etc. And that’s okay.
I find it astounding that we are required to have a license to drive, but anyone (in any condition, in any circumstance) can have a child. There are currently over 400,000 children in the US foster care system (and the number increases every year). There are currently over 2,000,000! homeless children in the US right now. Both of those figures are completely unacceptable. I decided never to have children, as well. There are clearly already enough children that need homes. So incredibly sad.
most m/f couples: *girl steals dudes shirt*
ben and cristine: *ben steals cristines oversized sleep shirt*
christines litterally the prettiest human omg those throwback pictures i’m dying
Haha I Destroyed the 69 hehehe😳
christi shanks that’s another thing that shows how regular she is cause we all have those insecurities and don’t see how beautiful we are. She’s gorgeous and doesn’t even know it ....but we all battle things like this seeing this side of a UA-camr is refreshing. I like the real ness
Holy shit xyler is like 12 years old! He’s an old boy!
If Ben and cris have been together for 8 years and she had xyler for about 4 years pre Ben...
Zyler
The way you spelt Zyler’s name makes me hurt inside
Well more like middle aged boy lol him and mench are indoor cats and indoor cats can easily live 20 years
To Cristine and Ben: I just wanted to comment that if you ever make an episode about education, it would be really interesting if you talked about the rising levels school stress as well. I'm a huge supporter of your "stay in school" message, especially as a pre-med student in his second year of university right now who loves learning more than anything. However, I did have a really tough time in high school partially due to a really high pressure environment that caused serious mental health issues for many in our school (NY Times actually covered my school here: www.nytimes.com/2016/01/03/opinion/sunday/is-the-drive-for-success-making-our-children-sick.html ). I would really love if you talked about that perspective as well. Anyway, thank you so much for making the content you make. Love your videos so much, and I'm so happy about SimplyPodLogical!
P.S. Cristine, if you read this, I started watching your videos in 2016, and your videos always made me smile when I was quite depressed. I hope you know that you really do make a difference.
As someone who's mental health declined heavily due to educational stress, I would love to see this! I love learning and have a thirst for knowledge, but I just don't fit very well into the education system in my country and it crippled me as a teen. As someone who also studied sociology, watching the trends in education and mental has been super interesting, so defo want to see it spoken about.
100% agreed!! honestly cristine's videos always encourage me to keep going even when it gets rough cuz her work ethic reminds me of my own (multiple side hustles on top of a main hustle) and it kinda shows me that it'll all be ok :)
Yesss they should def cover this
That would be amazing👏👏
I love the fact you said about women wearing the engagement ring, when I told my fiancé when I wanted to get married I told him that I wanted him to wear an engagement ring too, I even proposed to him, he was so happy about it and love the idea we are engaged to each other and not me engaged to him. Getting married next year and we’ve been engaged to each other for almost 3 years.
Honestly i love the idea of couple rings in general, sadly my boyfriend has a skin condition so we cant do that but i wanted to express my support. The image i had in my mind is very adorable to me and i'm really really happy for you and wish you the best. So cute!
My boyfriend got me a ring just as a present, and I thought it was weird how he didn’t have one, and people said i don’t need to get him one but I did so now we match :)
Sunny C You could always try silicone rings?
Sunny C. I second the silicone ring suggestion (or if his skin condition still won’t allow it maybe a really nice trinket he can keep in a wallet/pocket or just at home, some kind of object of significance like a ring 😊) especially enso rings. The priciest ones are less than $50 USD and come in so many colors and even colors that mimic metals/gems.
Planning on proposing to my boyfriend of 3 years once the coronavirus situation is over! My guy friends are a little wary about a woman proposing a man, but I think it'll be okay! He even told me what ring he wants haha
Fun fact: Here in Sweden both parties wear engagement rings and then only one (traditionally the woman) recieves a second ring at the wedding. The father also doesn't walk the bride down the ailse, the couple walks down it together.
Love this fact, thank you for sharing!
@@rikadreamer me thinks you have an extreme feminism addiction. yikes... that is actually not accurate at all.
i say quit your gender studies class and actually look into wedding traditions. there is a lot of history.
Also the dowry was given by the brides family to the couple so they can start a life.
@@azadalamiq There's a thing called symbolism... But okay, keep using buzzwords and being so overdramatic.
Azazura Azura that’s not what a dowry is. I’m Muslim and speaking from Islamic tradition dowry goes to the wife alone. It’s given to her by her husband and family isn’t involved.
@@rikadreamer not reallyyyyy... I married my husband, was given away by my father even tho he hates my husband and I took my husbands name because I am no longer a child of my father's family bc I created a my own family with my husband hence having the same last name. It's not about him owning me, I wanted his name. He said he didnt even care if I took his name. And the father walking you down the aisle is like an official statement of "my baby girl is no longer my baby girl and now is starting her own famiy" and that is the transition from being a child of someone to being in their OWN family instead of being a part of your childhood family. Get educated
I love and believe the idea of "finding each other at the right time". Timing is everything
“Anti-wedding” Ben trying to get Cristine to go on vacation.
:)))
I'm not trying to stress you out with my expectations but this is so my new favorite youtube content
Ben is truly such a natural at podcasting. I love this so much.
I've never wanted to have kids, but the societal pressure is so intense that when I found out I was barren, I was actually RELIEVED that I could tell people that so they'd leave me alone. Sadly people have now moved on to nagging me about adoption. I have a million health issues and shouldn't adopt, so I have something to say to shut people up, but man... Why does anyone have to present "valid reasons" regarding not wanting to have kids? It should be enough to say you just don't want them.
When Ben brought up how cristines parents got a divorce and it wasn’t scarring it reminded me of my parents. They’re still married but in a pretty toxic relationship and that really turns me off of marriage.
Don't let others relationships affect you. My mom married an alcoholic. He was at the bar when she passed away on my 21st birthday from brain cancer. I had already been with my then fiance for 4 years. We're now married and expecting our first baby. If anything, it shows you what not to deal with in a relationship. My husband is a God loving man who doesnt drink or smoke. I found completely opposite of what I grew up around. Keep your head up, I promise it's possible!
Totally understand your point, thought the same thing when i was younger. My parents are still married and super toxic towards each other but at the same time cant seem to work without the other. I hated the concept of marriage looking at them, i even hated the idea of relationships and trusting someone so much but currently i'm dating someone for about 2 1/2 years and we decided that (unless something happens and we break up) we would marry on our 7th anniversary or so, simply because the benefits are pretty darn useful (especially that you count as each others first responder i guess) and i feel comfortable being "tied" to this person symbolically.
If you end up deciding marriage isnt for you though, thats fine too. You can have long and happy relationships without a piece of paper saying you belong together.
i'm in the same situation rn, but i wanna get married tho
marriage is meaningless really, just maybe gets some legal stuff out of the way but definitely not a necessity to the relationship - if it needs marriage to survive, it probably wasnt that great in the first place. my parents were also toxic and luckily divorced and now are with people better suited so i know what partner to not choose and what to choose instead lol and also to not be afraid of divorce! that person may have been right for you at that certain time in your life but people change and divorce is perfectly ok when a relationship has run its course, without letting it get to the bad blood stage
shadow 626 my parents divorced when i was 4 years old, the got back together 6 year later because it was “best for the kids”. they absolutely hate eachother and i wish they would split up. they hate sleeping in the same bed and they literally can’t stand eachother.
Ben is slightly blushing whilst talking about Cristine and it's so cute
With regards to the pressure women face with the question “do you want kids/when will you have kids” I was always someone who wanted children. But when I turned 20 these questions kept being brought up (by complete strangers sometimes!) and it really put me off because I just wasn’t ready and didn’t want to answer those questions. To the point where I would say I don’t want kids, to be met with “oh you will one day” and yes maybe I will, but it’s frustrating to think that my current view on this isn’t respected.
exact same thing started happening to me when I turned 20...I HATE it especially since I have never had the desire to have kids. people are always like oh you'll change and I'm like :/ no, I won't. and also it's no one else's business I don't understand why people get so upset abt other people not wanting kids
20???? wth who would ask a kid to have a kid? By that time no one is stable enough for that not financially or emotionally.
Daria Dlugosz it could just be me but I have 3 kids (two are twins 4yrs) and to this day my family extended family all family all still ask me when I’m going to have more. Even strangers they spark up a conversation about my twins asking “are they twins” and then ask if I’m going to be having more or when I’m going to have more. I’m a single young mother who has 3 kids and people(family) seem to think since I’m “successful” in my job and since if I wanted to I could afford to have more. Personally though my kids all have the same dad and for ME! I don’t want my kids to have different dads and people get offended by that but that’s just me so if I ever get another boyfriend I’m going to have to tell him I don’t want anymore kids I have kids, I’ve done that already I’m done.
If they ask only to say "well one day you'll want it" THEN WHY ARE YOU ASKING MEHHHH (but i'm not part of those people, i want kids someday)
@Eugenie Godin don't worry babe no men of value would want to marry a girl like you because you lack a essential part of being a woman and that's being maternal.
I had a miscarriage when I was 18, and ever since my heart breaks more and more when my friends and (abusive) family pester me about having kids not even taking my feelings into consideration. Marriage isnt as triggering for me, but when I lost my son my views changed on pregnancy and children forever. I still want kids, but at the same time I feel like I failed my son when I lost him, I feel incapable of being a good mom because I couldn't even give my son life. It's been almost two years and I'm still scared to try again...
Consider adoption if you feel some sort of betrayal to you baby boy by having a biological one.
hope you’re feeling better love!
Just by reading your comment I can already tell you’d be an amazing mother. If your willing to try again, I think you’d do just fine😊 But this negative mindset will really take a toll on you. If a heaven exists, I bet your son will be smiling at you all grown up with open arms saying “I’m proud of you Mom!” cause you should be proud. MAMA BEAR YOU LITERALLY CARRIED A CHILD. YOU’RE ALREADY A SUPERHERO, CARRYING A CHILD IS A BIG TASK. Anywho, if you truly want to try again, get rid of that mentally and physically breaking negative mindset. Such a strong person deserves to smile without a weight on their shoulders😕Take a spa day, meditate, relax for a bit, you deserve a relaxing you-time. You’ll be okay mama bear😊
If that 18 isn't a typo then you're actually still very young and many people still have to figure out who they are and what they want when they are in their (early) 20s. It also takes some time to process such a severely bad experience and to accept the past as it is. When I received sex-education our teacher said that many women especially those who have several children experience miscarriages. I don't know if anyone ever made you feel guilty for it but I think there should be no guilt if there was no intention & if the miscarriage wasn't caused by a genetic defect (something you can't controll at all) then all of your life circumstances played a role in that and maybe it would (mentally & physically) help you to change your material and social environment before having kids. Pregnancy and birth are not a one-(wo)man-show and it takes a village to raise a child.
I had a miscarriage when I was 19 and I lost my daughter. I live with a similar situation as you so I couldn’t go to PP and get the extraction done until two years later. So now it’s very likely I might not even be able to have kids because my uterus is “traumatised”. Every time my mother especially talks about how she doesn’t want me to adopt but have kids biologically because she could never love adopted grandkids as much as bio grandkids.
To be honest: I told my co-workers that I'm infertile, because they kept pestering me about having kids and telling me I'm 'too young to know'. It was the easier way out, not having been bothered since then, quite sad tbh.
They didn't start pestering you to adopt? I was literally grilled and then told to adopt. It was obnoxious af.
Vioven that sucks bro
It is unfair how people pressure others and shame them for things like that
I actually took the entirely opposite route, I AM infertile and after hearing WAY too many people say "it will happen when it's meant to" I just started telling people I don't want children. It's far more bearable for me to hear that I can always change my mind than to see the look of pity on their faces as they try to cheer me up.
I got shamed by conservative women because I didn't want kids. F em. Be true to yourself.
Ben made an amazing point- do not ask people about the kid stuff. Whether they do or not, it’s no one’s business, plus the very valid point that you never know what some one is going through either. Knock it off.
And if people say they Don’t want kids, leave them alone! No one has to explain themselves and their reasons. And the reason “because I/we don’t” is perfectly acceptable.
Toad Day Get Toad I completely agree. Usually if I’m curious with someone I know, I’ll ask if they see children in their future. Either choice if fine, I’m just curious where you see your life going. 🤷🏼♀️
The only person I have ever asked why they did one kids as my sister because growing up she really wanted to have a big family and wanted kids but now that she's older she doesn't and a just asked her why that changed and her answer was just fine. But I agree don't ask anybody about kids.
Yeah this world doesn’t need people who had kids because of peer pressure
As someone who wants kids and has been struggling to become pregnant, I agree don't ask. You're question might be painful. But also I kind of wish I could trade body parts with women who can and don't want to. Like okay you don't want kids, I do have my parts that don't seem to want to have kids and I'll take you parts that can.
Crowned Lily i would gladly give you mine if i could. My mother passed from ovarian cancer when I was 16 and I have the gene. I decided i didn’t want kids early on in life.
I feel like their podcasts are one of the only kinds of podcasts that I would actually sit and watch
I’m so glad you talked about unwanted kids. My father didn’t want me, but my mom wanted me - it was very obvious growing up and I suffered a lot of emotional abuse and guilt. I tried so hard to get him to love me, and it still affects me. As an adult, I know I don’t want kids and I would NEVER want them to feel the way I did growing up.