What do you attribute your sec life too? For my wife and I, we have so much open communication of likes, dislikes and things we would like to explore. We are very open to one another ans focus on each other during the time.
I am watching after the live, but as I was watching, I was also reading some of the comments which was interesting. We are in our 60's and are blessed with our intimate time together. In unity and a commitment to each other, this area in our marriage is important, yet neither of us stress out if a day goes by and either of us desire to simply snuggle. One thing, other than kids, surgery, etc., is stress. When either party is under a great deal of stress at work, a death in the family, etc., to force sex could actually create a disfunction in the relationship, as it would be the result of having no compassion. We all come to this earth to serve each other, but also in serving, we must care and have compassion for each other's needs.
This was a great video. Lack of sex isn’t a cause but a symptom of something else going wrong in the marriage. Men are physical and women or emotional and there must be a middle ground. Rooted in God must be #1. So many pastors are afraid to touch this but I’m glad you did!
The 6 Pillars of Intimacy is a great read about this subject. Does a great job connecting how our sex life is a barometer of the health of our marriage/relationship. Not the only important piece but one of the 6 pillars (as the title indicates) of a healthy and mutually satisfying marriage/relationship. Unfortunately, my ex-wife didn't even care to try to fix our marital issues once she decided she wanted a divorce. But that book will be a must read for my next girlfriend/wife before we get married.
My wife has 2 ways of deprivation; one is sickness, shoulder injury, stomach issues or back pain. Most symptoms are ignored for unknown reason during guest or visitor in the house. Second reason for deprivation is to blame me and falsely accuse me of something and demand apology. Soon after wants to plan vacation with just us. But impossible if she so injured.......
God created our bodies to release a binding hormone during any kind, it’s called the love hormone, oxytocin. It’s not meant to be for anyone, it’s meant to be released with your spouse. Yes, it should be healthy and “normal” and if it’s not that might be because the person needs to renounce and repent of past sins related to this. There are deliverance videos that deal with spiritual spouses that typically came in through past sinful behavior both physically and online. Many people need to spiritually divorce from the things they lead into their life, God is very symbolic in scripture, I have told people to take off rings from past exes as if they are real and throw them away in the name of Jesus renouncing the relationship or even pretending to rip up marriage papers in a spiritual divorce. People have said it’s worked. All glory to God! 🙌
My wonderful wife, and I are in our 60's. We are each other's 2nd marriage. We've been married for 32 years. She had 2 kids when we met and we had 2 of our own together. Our youngest is 28 y/o. Let me start by saying that we met at a singles group in church in 1990. We married in 91. We knew we both screwed it up in our first marriages so we decided to do it God's way. We did not consummate our marriage relationship till our wedding night. We dated for a year! We believe that God has blessed our marriage because of our commitment to Him and ourselves. Now don't get grossed out because of sex at 60, but our sex life is amazing! And like most guys, I'd certainly like sex more than once a week, but that's where we are right now. She has a hectic schedule and is exhausted during the week, so our intimate times are on the weekends. We've worked it out. It's just like anything in a marriage, it's compromise. It might be better as retirement is getting close but for right now... I'm a happy and blessed man for God bringing an amazing woman into my life as a life partner.
Wow, I'm over 60 and asking for intimacy is 100% failure for me. I never know when we'll do it again, total mystery. Lately it's 8 days or 2 weeks. And low quality time as her walls are everywhere.
This was well answered. I’d also like to say my wife is amazing she never deprives me if I want intimacy but also I understand that she works nights and has a high stress job so I will always keep that in mind and plus it’s always way more enjoyable if both of you want to be intimate rather than just one of you . Anyway God Bless anyone who reads this comment
Age, illness, injuries, stress are all factors that effect sex in a marriage. Young couples don't think of it until it happens, then one of them gets frustrated.
Exactly, everything’s perfect until a loved one dies unexpectedly, or you get cancer or whatever trauma enters and I am not sure but I believe there are some traumas ppl never heal from and thus can change the dynamics of the marriage forever. A 10 yr marriage from 20-30 may seem like you have it all figured out and it will last forever but forever is a lot longer than just the first 10 yrs of marriage.
2:06: 🔥 Insights on the frequency of intimacy in marriage based on biblical guidance. 6:00: 💑 Importance of sexual intimacy in marriage for a healthy relationship. 10:20: 🔥 Navigating differences in sex drives in marriages and addressing selfishness in relationships. 14:12: 💑 Addressing issues outside the bedroom is crucial for a healthy physical connection in relationships. 17:47: 💔 Impact of unhealthy sexual relationship on marriage and ways Satan enters. Timestamps by Tammy AI
Interesting video. Bottom line: emotional intimacy should precede physical intimacy. Working on your emotional intimacy through caring and thoughtful communication should resolve a lot of the problems mentioned in the video. If you are emotionally intimate with your spouse, you are more likely to know and understand what they need. You are more empathetic and willing to make sacrifices if necessary to ensure their needs are met. In addition, women especially need that emotional connection before they are interested in a physical connection. So, I'd say it all starts with being emotionally in tune as a couple.
Lately a lot my husband and I are trying for our first baby! 😊He’s excited every time he’s like maybe this will be the time and we have a baby. We have been trying for 4 months. Been married almost 3 years!
Hectic work schedules, opposite times of working, one works day and the other night, to get bills paid Exhaustion all plays a factor. Then there are kids and sicknesses. Marriage is work and compromise. Have to be in it all the way ❤Also if one person gains weight they may feel more self conscious
Wrong. Nothing turns off a partner more than their partner never instigating intimacy. It has ruined more marriages than anything because many will cheat and the others will have a divide grow between them. It is all about compromise.
lol this is funny... as a young married couple my wife and I thought it should be every day. Of course as life (and children) wear you down, that isn't always realistic. We now have two young kids 4-5 years old who like to crawl into our bed almost every night. Makes it difficult to have "alone time".
I think that couples should be very open going into marriage about issues such as trauma or ED and the like as apposed to dropping the bomb on your wedding night.
Exactly. Had I gotten married to my boyfriend and not discussed sex and everything~ it would’ve definitely caused an issue. We aren’t married, we’re still dating but I’m glad my boyfriend and I discussed it because I was at a big decision on if I wanted to throw this man away or keep him. Obviously, I’ve decided to keep him but still. I would’ve been pissed tbh if I waited til marriage to see everything and know things.
It is talking about effects of trauma being brought into a new relationship. As with childhood or teenage trauma caused outside of a relationship. But it really doesn't matter where that trauma originated a person should always be open and honest before getting into a marital relationship with another person. If they are sexually active and not married or not living for God then there's already a problem that needs to be fixed. In that situation the couple is already blind and deceived because sexual activity is a gift from God to a married couple brought together by God of one man and one woman only. That is the only type of marriage blessed by God. If indeed the two decide to live for God during that relationship God can bless that marriage through their obedience to Him.
I want to know if Pastor Mark is taking TRT? Come on Pastor Mark, give it up. Us 50 plus year olds need to know your thoughts on hormone optimization, especially since we are at epidemic low levels.
I believe the marriage bed is a GIFT from GOD! I pray over ours and it is blessed and frequent! If one has lost desire, pray for God to restore it. HE WILL! If there is cheating, there needs to be major repentance and recognition that the injured party will have trust issues affecting intimacy that the adulterer has caused.
Deprivation has its own self defined meaning. One has high sex drive,(80%of men) the other low (women 20%) or mid line. Those in lower sex drive mode cannot believe that the other spouse needs it so much. Therefore the longer you're married, the better the refusal excuses (minus sickness, truthful fatigue) Conclusion; men go to the dessert and stay there, days, weeks etc and the bitterness grows as does her (80% of the time) anger/excuses. Don't forget the 4 differet "seasons" she has monthly. Then after all is said...wow last interlude was 3 or more weeks ago. Hmm. The refusing spouse is gatekeeper and is also perfectly happy w/o sex. Man gets worse. Bitterness grows. He decreases, stops going to church, etc in the end she happy w/o sex, he is a mess.
Except she isn't happy. He is grumpy and distant because his needs aren't being met and he therefore feels unloved. She is hurt because he is distant and behaves unlovingly. Neither can understand why the other doesn't give the love they need, and both spiral into resentment and misery. From time to time one or the other may even commit to give without expecting anything in return, but it is a very unusual person for whom that commitment outlasts the delay in reciprocation, if it was ever going to come at all.
Could be the wife with the higher drive. That’s the story in my marriage🤷♀️ nobody wants to talk about the female unicorns 🦄 in the world. 🤷♀️ I’ve basically given up bc I’m so tired of begging for more. 😞 I feel stuck since we share children together. 😢
Wife and I haven’t had intimacy in over 6years. I have tried to ask the question but I still don’t know why as when I ask I am met with hostility and anger and has never communicated this.
The scripture on not denying your spouse unless you both agree makes this pretty simple. If your getting married your having sex when either you or the other or both want it at the same time otherwise don’t get married. This stuff about meeting emotional needs is really just women wanting to be in control because they want to have everything based on wait for it….how they feel. Marriage is commitment if you want you can come up with a million different excuses as to why your not “feeling” it. When I was married when I did have sex with my wife at the end she would say “why don’t we do this more”……well she never “felt” like it. If you try to based your relationship on your feelings your in for a lot of problems.
I'm 40 and am a single Christian man, 6"2, bald but ok looking still, well travelled, level headed, sociable. Despite all this, it's been more than 8 years since I was properly with someone and that only lasted a few months. Time before that I was the victim of gaslighting and quite an abusive relationship going back 12 years now. For several years now I've gone on dates and it goes nowhere because I'm generally not meeting women I find physically attractive because the ones I see on these apps aren't into me. I sometimes match with them but then no response. I guess as an attractive woman, they will always have so much more choice and get snapped up quick. What's more, I am still a virgin technically speaking, despite having had multiple opportunities over the years with the few relationships I've had and then one off flings and "one night stands" which I really regret even going that far because it was wrong. But never had full intercourse. I wanted to save myself for marriage and do what's right before God but I guess the wife and the marriage never happened. I hope it's not too late but it's certainly getting to a point where I'm worried whether anything will change. I understand that confidence and being content on your own is key, however I can't seem to shake off the feeling of failure and being unable to find and attract a woman that I want. Being on my own for so long, I can't see how it can be beneficial for anyone to be this way for this long and not have companionship. I don't mind being on my own, as I said I've travelled a ton, I've been to almost 70 countries now and the vast majority of that on my own.
Just wanted to say not having a spouse yet does not make you a failure and while looks factor in to some extent for who women chose, much more weight is carried by character, security, selflessness, love, affection, maturity If I was giving pointers, leave the apps alone and start serving in a local church alongside men and women there and serve self-lessly you might be surprised the connection you spark up as you serve alongside others
I honestly wish pastors would teach on how to love your spouse as God directs us to, instead of the number of times you should have sex. This really isn’t helpful. Everyone is different and as long as you are loving each other as we are told to by God, the number of times you have sex will be just fine, whether that’s every day or once a week. Stop putting pressure on a number.
Pleasure is a sin..... some believe. I never thought it would be over at age 50. Another 30 yrs living without it is a very depressing thought, but here I am....wife is perfectly ok with it tho.😢
for the first half of our marriage i was the high sex drive and he was the low sex drive. on our honeymoon he wouldn't have sex with me the whole 2 weeks. i felt rejected! now that i have excepted this and have little interest myself, maybe because of bitterness, he wants sex all the time and shames me if I'm not feeling well. we have been married 20 years, just for a perspective.
Definitely 3 or more times a week. If not you can not blame your spouce if he or she starts looking over the fence. Open communication is key. If the one spouce keeps asking for example 3 times a week and after months of begging and asking and pleading and still it happens once a month. Again you can not blame your spouce if they look over the wall. I am not talking it good but if it happens go and check the root. Do not just blame the cheating partner.
Genuine question here. My husband and I are both Christians. We both want sex equally but we're early 30s and have 3 kids already. We cant afford more kids so we've mutually agreed to stop having sex despite both of us wanting it in the marriage. We are against abortive birth control (abortifacients) and physically altering our bodies from gods design(vasectomy/tubal). I find condoms painful no matter how we try to use them. What are our options? We have had great success staying not pregnant using charting (to make sure im not in fertile phase) and pull out method but we both know those are more unreliable than, say, birth control pills or vasectomy. Would love to hear what other Christians do to prevent pregnancy because we do want sex in our marriage.
@katiekuchar6014 thanks but I said in my post we already do natural family planning and would like something a bit more reliable. Appreciate it though! :)
My husband and I are both on disability. Our first marriage was with each other in our mid 40's. Neither of us had ever been pregnant/had kids. We did not plan on having kids because of our disabilities, so we used condoms. We are now around age 50. We did end up getting pregnant due to using the same condom twice, which I'm glad we did because my baby Link is in heaven, since I had a miscarriage and Jesus gave me visions of my baby in heaven. My husband and I will not have sex, or plan sex, or make sex into routine, rather we will only have sex if we cannot help ourselves, which is rare. We can and do, hug, kiss and be playfully goofy like school kids without the sex. We are very comical and know how to entertain each other in other ways. We hold dear to our inner child. I helped raise 5 of my nieces and I babysat for 5 years for the same kids when I was 13- 18 years old. Our goal is to love God first as His children with His chastening, which is more important for us.
1 Cor 7:5 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Putting this verse on the refrigerator door.
It actually does as Paul said don’t deprive one another except for devotion to God it says so we don’t fall into temptation which for a healthy man is about every third day or less with sacrificial time periods. Now a lazy nan or woman may not want it as much cause it’s a byproduct of labor of love in doing our part daily so the healthy marriage will be as he said and the need don’t get mess with age at least not as I have seen
My wife told me years ago that the women at her work overwhelmingly said if they never had sex again they wouldn’t miss it and she agreed. I lost my desire for her then and there. As a result, we became roommates. I’ve prayed for years that my sex drive would go away and leave me alone but it never does. I really thought it would stop at my age but it hasn’t.
Of course it doesn’t go away, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Just curious, is there a possibility her hormones are out of whack? I honestly felt the same way for years, although I love my husband, I couldn’t tolerate the idea of sex most days. Then I went off the birth control I had been on for the entirety of our marriage, and my libido that had been unknowingly put to sleep for years woke up. It’s been wonderful. I suggest you encourage her to explore that route. It could be a game changer for both of you.
@@texasdazzlers No hope. She’s gained a lot of weight and that’s just not attractive to me. Call me what you want but it’s the way I feel. I’m 5’10” and 175 pounds. I’m in the gym 3-4 days a week and in decent shape. My prayer life is good but I need to do better and doing all I can at my church. An affair is and always will be out of the question because I realize now more than anytime in my life that sex is a spiritual act as much as a physical one. It is what it is.
@@dosstodd8014 I’m so sorry to hear. I went through something similar, including weight gain, and what can I say…when you feel unsexy, you don’t want to have sex. I could kick myself now knowing it was being on hormonal birth control all this time that affected everything. If she’s ever favorable to it, getting her hormones checked by a functional gynecologist who can guide her in balancing them naturally could make all the difference. I promise you, she hates this too. For years I didn’t know what on earth was wrong with me, why was I all of a sudden not sexual? I hate that I put my husband through that, but I’m thankful he is also a spiritually minded man who stood by me. Now we’re able to reconnect and explore this side of our relationship that was left dormant for so long. She has to be ready though. Don’t give up hope!
I was about to say. Migranes hit differently. I will say that health still isn't an excuse. We must be physically and mentally fit as much as we are spiritually fit. Be healthy for your spouse.
No loving husband would ever want to even slightly pressure their beloved for sex when she has a headache (or not feeling well for any other reason)..... but, as the comedian said, "A headache that lasts for 9 months IS A PROBLEM!!!"
This is a strange comment. I would say a harmful and uninformed comment. Not all mental and physical health issues that impact on sex is within our control. @steveniedowicz8335
Many modern women in this female first primary social order EXPECT a sense of worship from their husbands and if they get love but not worship then they feel like their husband doesn't really care for them and their emotional readiness for sex dries up. If they do get the worship from their husband then they tend to not have true respect for him as a masculine leader of the home. This dynamic is very common today.
@user-xo7mi8ye1x I would say it to a woman I'm dating and considering taking her seriously. She will then vet herself for me and her mindset will show thru potentially saving me years of anguish. When dating and the first parts of a marriage people are on their best behavior so you have to make comments that don't giveaway your position on things but her genuine, un-influemced, mindset will shine thru.
What about when we both get home from work at like 5:30 and really don’t feel like doing anything when we get home…my wife and I just sit on the couch until like 10:30…
I'm commenting for the women who feel confused and rejected. I expected lots of sex because we were so young but was disappointed from the honeymoon on by my husband's incredibly low drive. Twenty years of marriage now and it's still the same. It seems to me that often high-drive spouses compromise the most. I sometimes wrestle with wondering why God didn't put high-drive folks together and low-drive people together. The trite answer that it's so we learn to love our opposite feels cruel when there is a lifetime of deprivation.
I just hope the men also remember this although is good for a marriage , women can do without for the most part. It is not our need. So are you also meeting her needs. Time, helping around the house when shes tired, giving compliments, etc. Remember that God calls you to love her like christ loves the church. He served it....not in a bowing down way. But doing for her sacrificially.
Agree in also meeting her needs but as the man that must not be unfair looking for it 3 times a day the woman must also not expect to much from the man. Currently in my situation I have sex average once a month. I would prefer 3 or more times a week. I do cleaning and washing and cooking (some evenings / all weekends) Never has any one had to clean after me. I do not even leave the seat / always change the toilet roll and the list goes on but still once a month if I am lucky plus my wife work half day. Just trying to make my point it goes both ways. Compromise both ways not just one sided.
I confess . . . I lost my abilities . . . Because of health and diabetes . . . And my wife loves me so much . . . We pray together, laugh together, I am so grateful to God for her in my life.
How many of yall that wind up with a marriage with no intimacy, sat down and brought up your concerns? Did you ever establish what you expect of your partner? Just curious.
Tried, at least 15 times over the last 20 years, she refused to discuss the topic. (That says a lot about where and what the problem is) When I finally gave up and decided to leave, she is finally talking and making changes, but the jury is still out.
I give my husband what he wants, but I get no intimacy outside of the bedroom, but get disregarded until the next time he wants his type of intamcy. Therefore I am not excited nor am I able to initiate because I don't feel any connection toward him. I have brought it up many times, but I get blamed for not being excited. I do it for him and because God called me to love my husband, but I am left very discouraged and lonely in my home and marriage.
I can't remember the young lady's name but I heard a Muslim woman ask a question that every woman should ask themselves - when did you become so comfortable with taking your husband's desire for you for granted? Things sag, weight is gained but your husband still desires you. And yet, many women dismiss their husband's desire for them. I think there really can't be intimacy consistently until both parties acknowledge the need for me to have sex.
One thing I don't see in these comments is how can I serve my spouse through sex. If it's always based on "I want", it won't bring us together, but will drive us apart. Men, are over obsessed with sex. Period. We are not animals and can function fine without it. We have bought into the lie that we can't live without it. In summary, the greatest sex is the outcome of lives lived together, serving one another in love and desire.
In college, as I've observed during leadership trainings and some personal interactions... Women really have pitiable sexual baggages... Like teary-eyed-after-you-listen type of pity... These leads to shyness to relating... I tried to type one encounter in Cebu. My boardmate, who was also a member of the same campus ministry, just suddenly shared... While we were eating dinner... Sad... While typing this, I just thought not to give details...
Mark, I listened very carefully to you and your wife. Not a word about God in the bedroom. I sincerely pray you both totally surrender your personal intimacy to the Lord and allow Holy Spirit to direct every single aspect of your intimacy. It is an act of worship and when you both in unity follow Holy Spirit's leading and direction you will have an experience you never thought possible or could have imagined! You can then share and teach other married couples far and above where you and your wife are at in your walk with the Lord right now. This area of life is the last one the flesh wants to surrender to God.🤔
I think my spouse and i do it alot but he doesnt. Listening to your video according to you all we have a healthy sex life we usually do it 4-6 times a week. My husband thinks we should do it everyday sometimes 2 or more times and i cant do that so we fight. This has been going on for 10+ years. Am i wrong? I feel like we do it more than enough
I beg my husband for 2-3x a week and barely get that. Usually it’s 1xweek or every week & 1/2. I’d love to be in your shoes. 😞 I feel like every spouse ought to attempt to be reasonable with the desires of their spouse as long as it’s biblical and moral.
@@katkat3977 me too!!! I don't feel like I'm asking for much when I'm yielding myself over 4 or more times a week but it doesn't seem to be enough. I pray for him and that's really all I can so biblically
Ima dude in a marriage with with what I consider to be “normal” or healthy about the sex. If the numbers you’re giving are accurate, I have to say it seems pretty reasonable and healthy. If you want sex once a week, and he wants it twice a day… and you meet in the middle with 4-6 times a week, then that seems like a good compromise. All I know to do is explain to him you’re already putting forth an effort to be generous towards him, and you hope he can make an effort to be generous with you by using some self control. Neither of you can let bitterness creep in but continue to love and serve one another
What if youre just tired from a demanding job and two little kids lol. Just finding a time we aren't exhausted is challenging. Edit: nvm they address that
The Bible also teaches not use birth control. So not sure how you can have that much sex. It's called discipline. My wife and I use natural family planning.
It depends on how often a man climaxes. If a man withheld climaxing but the woman did not, men can have sex everyday. With climaxing, a healthy frequency is 2-3/week
Actually, not everyone agrees. Most say either 12 or less, or less than 12 times per year, but some go down to less than 10 or even 6 per year. There is no official definition.
@davidjones8942 We have been married since we were 18, now 70 years old and still make love at least twice a week. These couples in sexless marriages are forfeiting the gift of God for marriage and allowing the enemy to rob them. PRAY OVER YOUR MARRIAGE BED! Quit listening to all the lies of the enemy that you use to justify depriving your spouse! Give of yourself to your beloved. Stop listing your "reasons" for avoiding sexual intimacy. You are snared by the words of your mouth Proverbs 6:2, you giving the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:27 NAS
That is in direct violation of God's word, the marriage vows, and simple decency. It is literally emotional abuse. If a man did that to a woman, all of society would scream from the rafters for her to leave him, but when the woman abuses her husband, crickets??? Assuming there is no physical problem and she refuses to discuss the situation, you need to tell her you are leaving her to find someone who will love you. If that doesn't get her to open up and change, then leave!
I don’t think a sexless marriage is that big of a deal as you are making it out to be . If a couple isn’t fighting and do it when they want 😏 then that’s between them. Cheating is wrong though
I’m very lonely.. have a divorce type sleep situation- I sleep alone and I hate it… it’s because he snores so loud. I won’t sleep just to lay next to him . But then I am miserable. But we’ve been married a year. I want sex every day. I’m 44 he’s 53 . I’m just dying for his intimacy. So idk what to do. I’m tempted so much and just so I can leave him alone. He gets so uncomfortable if I even mention sex. I love him so much .. I’ve left a wedding book in the bathroom- About not depriving one another in intimacy. I told him hey his testosterone checked- he said he did and it’s above average. I’m very fit, very sexual, and attractive.. he is too… Blessed in that situation. But I’m bitter.. and tempted . I have a very high sex drive. He just seems to have nothing and I feel neglected. Big time. Because when it does happen, it’s like honey to my soul.. at least 3-4 times a week.. that’s my low number. I want him. But it’s just not what he wants so I suffer. It does creat resentment and bitterness. I feel it. And the devil puts people in your life to satisfy that craving for attention and affection. Take care of your wife- if not, someone else will.
For women who started getting raped at very young ages I just don't know what to say... Then being very beautiful and an athlete the men I've been with natural female aging wasn't allowed. From my childhood incest issues I have NEVER been comfortable w being nude. Wearing a shirt or bathrobe to bed has always been a suit of armor fir me. So I'm not marriage material. I would love to have what I call an 'intellectual relationship' with handholding, kissing, enjoying shared activities. (That's not realistic is it?)
It’s not complicated. We can presuppose most husbands need sex more than their wife in most occasions. It’s not acceptable for a husband to neglect his wife and deny her specific needs in any capacity. We are expected to always be reliable always be on time always be accessible to fix every problem immediately with all diligence to be steadfast in all things never failing. Then a wife will tell her husband that sex once a month is all she has for him and no one blinks an eye. The double standard is absurd and I know this is a straw man and I don’t care. The wife took an oath before God just as the husband did.
The answer is as often as the most sexual driven person in the relationship wants without it Interfering with moral and physical obligations. If the most sexually driven person wants sex once a day there is nothing wrong hat says you cannot offer that. Now some people travel or get sick etc. but under normal times once a day if desired should not impact obligations. Again. Sex is a tool on marriage to alleviate temptation fkr sexual sin. If you’re the lower sex drive partner and your withholding sex from your partner out of pride or what have you then you’re allowing Satan to enter into your relationship because now your partner has to get sex elsewhere in ungodly ways. Now if you’re a low sex drive person you shouldn’t marry a high sex drive person because now you’re no where close to being on the same page on one of the most important components of marriage. If you’re in a marriage, where one person is being severely underserved sexually, that should be considered a colossal blunder in the pre-marriage process, because if anything people should be in the same ballpark in terms of sex. If you’re not, then something went terribly wrong in the beginning that you ignored.
Agreed, but as virgins (with no sex ed) as teenagers, how in the world are you supposed to know what you need, what your future spouse needs and can supply, etc? Answer: you will have no clue. My pastor said he could not count the number of destroyed marriages he has seen over the years due to this problem of entering marriage sexually incompatible and not knowing it.
So, what do you say to the couple that wants sex but can't. Medication for prostate cancer has made it impossible for several years. Not only *can't* I but the whole desiring is gone. It sucks. Big time. I am thankful that my wife is wonderful and patient, hoping that someday, i will be able to. No guarantees, though. Did i say this sucks?
Pastor marc Driscoll teaches you cannot lose your salvation. I would strongly recommend listening to a message by ( Moonshiner Tyler wood, Its time to seek higher ground. ) God bless you. ( JESUS CHRIST WARNS IN REVELATION, LET NO ONE STEAL YOUR CROWN?)
@@charliedontsurf334 Agreed, but God's word is perfect so if a pastor preaches what is contrary to the very words of God they are to be marked and avoided. Example: John mcarthur said anyone who takes the mark of beast can repent and still go to heaven when revelation says if you take the mark of the beast you are doomed eternally.
@@John_1.6_D35 And your point being? What's that got to do with marc Driscoll preaching you cannot lose your salvation when revelation says that you clearly can? Have you even listened to the message from Moonshiner Tyler wood that i recommended.
As a Pastor and my father in the spirit taught me, everything that is consensual and doesnt break Gods law. So no zoophilia and the likes, but yes, if you like to play in the mud, you're allowed...if its consensual.
A sexless marriage is where the couple has sex less than 10 times a year, which comes out to less than once a month. A large portion of today's marriages unfortunately.
Because of responses like yours! Just bc it’s “private” doesn’t mean that people don’t need advice. And for a lot of people, the church has done a terrible disservice about not educating young people before they get married on sex and intimacy.
Quality, not quantity, is best. But if there is pushback on quantity, then there is a problem which needs to be quickly fixed. Remember God’s commandment in Genesis that the marital vow is for man to become one flesh with woman for life to multiply and replenish the earth, and for the woman to follow the leadership of the husband. Having sex IS the physical marriage. Denying sex IS infidelity.
Yes, there is a number! You have sex so many times that you just can't handle life anymore because you now have too many children and all notion of personal time has all but disappeared and there's nothing left to do but ask to pray to God for help! Praise be Jesus Christ!
So long as your actual RELATIONSHIP (marriage) is going well- your sex life should be too. And I disagree wholeheartedly- no men don’t need more sex. That’s a lie. Women who are in a secure environment and feel safe with their “provider/husband” will long for that time. So fellas if you criticize manipulate and control - yea . Nobody wants that. Period.
Certain words can't be said correctly because the AI voice screen will just flag the video. They can't really say God, Satan, Gay, Lesbian, LGBTQ, Trans, etc. So, they have to bull the system to still get the message out.
This is such a gross topic. Why are we Like the world? This is private. Every comment has us all imagining the worst things that I don't want think about you all doin... 😅
Pastor... I usually like your content. But the marriage bed is to be kept undefiled, meaning its all only the business of the married couple. Everything else is titillation and voyeurism. Just tell people to discuss all their bedroom issues with their spouse and leave it at that. That the only ones who need to have any conversation about ot and that is exactly what couples need to do. Not talk to anyone else or go to so called sex therapy. Thats absolute voyeurism.
Not everyone knows how to bring up the subject with their spouse. There's nothing wrong with discussing reality amongst mature Christian adults. Good chance some marriages can be saved by bringing this up.
@andyjohnson5484 not to mention, wives denying intimacy usually refuse to talk about it because they know they are being destructive and they have no justification for what they are doing, they just refuse to change.
Not to be rude, but this is going to be rude.... That has to be the dumbest comment I have read on the internet in the last 2-3 years. There is almost a 50% divorce rate in the US alone.... Many many of those are from issues revolving around sex alone..... The church has to be more open about talking about this subject and helping couples tackle these issues. If you continue to have this opinion that anything sex related has to be behind closed doors, then please keep it to yourself. Because, holding that opinion and sharing it, does nothing but harm yourself and other married couples who need help in tackling this problem.
I clicked on this because I wanted to know how often I should eat spicy foods
You made my day !!!!! 😂❤
😂😂😂
I was hoping that someone in the comment section would tell me how often I should eat spicy food, so wouldn't have to watch the whole video.
That’s why I was here
Me too
I like spicy food
Been married 40 yrs. The answer is “a lot”. For us, 3-4x/wk. Not having sex in marriage is a major problem.
What do you attribute your sec life too? For my wife and I, we have so much open communication of likes, dislikes and things we would like to explore.
We are very open to one another ans focus on each other during the time.
I'm used to not having it. Same Ole same ole
She thinks sex is for procreation
@@vernmiller3959lol that's a sad view
@@phil6122that’s not a healthy stance…it will bring you closer. Try a 30 day challenge and make it a duty! The relationship will be stronger.
I am watching after the live, but as I was watching, I was also reading some of the comments which was interesting. We are in our 60's and are blessed with our intimate time together. In unity and a commitment to each other, this area in our marriage is important, yet neither of us stress out if a day goes by and either of us desire to simply snuggle. One thing, other than kids, surgery, etc., is stress. When either party is under a great deal of stress at work, a death in the family, etc., to force sex could actually create a disfunction in the relationship, as it would be the result of having no compassion.
We all come to this earth to serve each other, but also in serving, we must care and have compassion for each other's needs.
This was a great video. Lack of sex isn’t a cause but a symptom of something else going wrong in the marriage. Men are physical and women or emotional and there must be a middle ground. Rooted in God must be #1. So many pastors are afraid to touch this but I’m glad you did!
It’s one of those icky things we aren’t culturally allowed to talk about in the Church. Song of Songs has been functionally decanonized because of it.
The 6 Pillars of Intimacy is a great read about this subject. Does a great job connecting how our sex life is a barometer of the health of our marriage/relationship. Not the only important piece but one of the 6 pillars (as the title indicates) of a healthy and mutually satisfying marriage/relationship.
Unfortunately, my ex-wife didn't even care to try to fix our marital issues once she decided she wanted a divorce. But that book will be a must read for my next girlfriend/wife before we get married.
@@jdemille79 Have you read "The Great Sex Rescue" by Sheilia Greigore?
My wife is very physical. I would disagree with the generalized statement.
My wife has 2 ways of deprivation; one is sickness, shoulder injury, stomach issues or back pain. Most symptoms are ignored for unknown reason during guest or visitor in the house. Second reason for deprivation is to blame me and falsely accuse me of something and demand apology. Soon after wants to plan vacation with just us. But impossible if she so injured.......
Loosen up Grace! ❤ I love listening to you two. ❤
The more you do I feel the closer you become. Not just physically but emotionally as well
That's if it is done in Love and normal. If not, no one is obligated to the other. It's supposed to mirror God's Love. Sadly, it doesn't always.
God created our bodies to release a binding hormone during any kind, it’s called the love hormone, oxytocin. It’s not meant to be for anyone, it’s meant to be released with your spouse. Yes, it should be healthy and “normal” and if it’s not that might be because the person needs to renounce and repent of past sins related to this. There are deliverance videos that deal with spiritual spouses that typically came in through past sinful behavior both physically and online. Many people need to spiritually divorce from the things they lead into their life, God is very symbolic in scripture, I have told people to take off rings from past exes as if they are real and throw them away in the name of Jesus renouncing the relationship or even pretending to rip up marriage papers in a spiritual divorce. People have said it’s worked. All glory to God! 🙌
not if your married to the wrong person or shall i say a narcissist. they use you for their need of sex and neglect to love and guide you .
My wonderful wife, and I are in our 60's. We are each other's 2nd marriage. We've been married for 32 years. She had 2 kids when we met and we had 2 of our own together. Our youngest is 28 y/o. Let me start by saying that we met at a singles group in church in 1990. We married in 91. We knew we both screwed it up in our first marriages so we decided to do it God's way. We did not consummate our marriage relationship till our wedding night. We dated for a year! We believe that God has blessed our marriage because of our commitment to Him and ourselves.
Now don't get grossed out because of sex at 60, but our sex life is amazing! And like most guys, I'd certainly like sex more than once a week, but that's where we are right now. She has a hectic schedule and is exhausted during the week, so our intimate times are on the weekends. We've worked it out. It's just like anything in a marriage, it's compromise. It might be better as retirement is getting close but for right now... I'm a happy and blessed man for God bringing an amazing woman into my life as a life partner.
2nd marriage? What do you mean? If you don't mind, can you please briefly explain?
@@rashidbinzaiyed7149, my wife's first husband cheated on her. My first wife cheated on me. As per the scriptures, we were released to pursue others.
I think he means that they were married to different people before so this is both their second time marrying (first time to each other).
Wow, I'm over 60 and asking for intimacy is 100% failure for me. I never know when we'll do it again, total mystery. Lately it's 8 days or 2 weeks. And low quality time as her walls are everywhere.
His wife is lovely. What a bright and pleasant woman. They seem to be a great team.
This was well answered. I’d also like to say my wife is amazing she never deprives me if I want intimacy but also I understand that she works nights and has a high stress job so I will always keep that in mind and plus it’s always way more enjoyable if both of you want to be intimate rather than just one of you . Anyway God Bless anyone who reads this comment
Age, illness, injuries, stress are all factors that effect sex in a marriage. Young couples don't think of it until it happens, then one of them gets frustrated.
Exactly, everything’s perfect until a loved one dies unexpectedly, or you get cancer or whatever trauma enters and I am not sure but I believe there are some traumas ppl never heal from and thus can change the dynamics of the marriage forever. A 10 yr marriage from 20-30 may seem like you have it all figured out and it will last forever but forever is a lot longer than just the first 10 yrs of marriage.
We’ll said
2:06: 🔥 Insights on the frequency of intimacy in marriage based on biblical guidance.
6:00: 💑 Importance of sexual intimacy in marriage for a healthy relationship.
10:20: 🔥 Navigating differences in sex drives in marriages and addressing selfishness in relationships.
14:12: 💑 Addressing issues outside the bedroom is crucial for a healthy physical connection in relationships.
17:47: 💔 Impact of unhealthy sexual relationship on marriage and ways Satan enters.
Timestamps by Tammy AI
Interesting video. Bottom line: emotional intimacy should precede physical intimacy. Working on your emotional intimacy through caring and thoughtful communication should resolve a lot of the problems mentioned in the video. If you are emotionally intimate with your spouse, you are more likely to know and understand what they need. You are more empathetic and willing to make sacrifices if necessary to ensure their needs are met. In addition, women especially need that emotional connection before they are interested in a physical connection. So, I'd say it all starts with being emotionally in tune as a couple.
Exactly!
Exceptional statement. Not one that is spoken enough.
I hear it spoken by many, but it's just disregarded.
Can you show me the scriptures explaining emotional intimacy?
Lately a lot my husband and I are trying for our first baby! 😊He’s excited every time he’s like maybe this will be the time and we have a baby. We have been trying for 4 months. Been married almost 3 years!
We tried 2 yrs. Adopted 12 over 30yrs period.
Relax, keep trying, take good supplements. It'll b ok.
Keep enjoying the trying!
Bang on Emily! Bang on!
3 years. And then two with 1.5 Age difference. Fill unstoppable now😂. But probably just one more and done.
Good on you guys for addressing this subject that many Christians are very interested in but don't offer talk about 🙏🏾😇
They did a horrible job. They laughed at people
Hectic work schedules, opposite times of working, one works day and the other night, to get bills paid Exhaustion all plays a factor. Then there are kids and sicknesses. Marriage is work and compromise. Have to be in it all the way ❤Also if one person gains weight they may feel more self conscious
I appreciate Driscoll’s subliminal number-giving in the thumbnail 😂
Lol I forgot it is “LOVE MONTH” for churches.
Do the adults listening actually look to the church for things bed related??
Nothing turns off a partner more than when its demanding and ridiculed because you are tired or warn out.
Wrong. Nothing turns off a partner more than their partner never instigating intimacy. It has ruined more marriages than anything because many will cheat and the others will have a divide grow between them. It is all about compromise.
lol this is funny... as a young married couple my wife and I thought it should be every day. Of course as life (and children) wear you down, that isn't always realistic. We now have two young kids 4-5 years old who like to crawl into our bed almost every night. Makes it difficult to have "alone time".
Go in the living room. Don't let kids slow down intimacy. It'll start to wear on your marriage.
Put your kids in their beds not yours
I think that couples should be very open going into marriage about issues such as trauma or ED and the like as apposed to dropping the bomb on your wedding night.
Exactly. Had I gotten married to my boyfriend and not discussed sex and everything~ it would’ve definitely caused an issue. We aren’t married, we’re still dating but I’m glad my boyfriend and I discussed it because I was at a big decision on if I wanted to throw this man away or keep him. Obviously, I’ve decided to keep him but still. I would’ve been pissed tbh if I waited til marriage to see everything and know things.
The trauma is coming from the spouse.
Emotional psychological mental abuse
It is talking about effects of trauma being brought into a new relationship. As with childhood or teenage trauma caused outside of a relationship. But it really doesn't matter where that trauma originated a person should always be open and honest before getting into a marital relationship with another person. If they are sexually active and not married or not living for God then there's already a problem that needs to be fixed. In that situation the couple is already blind and deceived because sexual activity is a gift from God to a married couple brought together by God of one man and one woman only. That is the only type of marriage blessed by God. If indeed the two decide to live for God during that relationship God can bless that marriage through their obedience to Him.
Excellent advice
Thank you for posting this.
As often as you can
I want to hear PD say it’s demonic for a wife to expect -0- and then scold their man for looking at p*rn.
I want to know if Pastor Mark is taking TRT? Come on Pastor Mark, give it up. Us 50 plus year olds need to know your thoughts on hormone optimization, especially since we are at epidemic low levels.
Eat more meat.
I believe the marriage bed is a GIFT from GOD! I pray over ours and it is blessed and frequent! If one has lost desire, pray for God to restore it. HE WILL! If there is cheating, there needs to be major repentance and recognition that the injured party will have trust issues affecting intimacy that the adulterer has caused.
What kind of question is that? AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
Deprivation has its own self defined meaning.
One has high sex drive,(80%of men) the other low (women 20%) or mid line.
Those in lower sex drive mode cannot believe that the other spouse needs it so much. Therefore the longer you're married, the better the refusal excuses (minus sickness, truthful fatigue)
Conclusion; men go to the dessert and stay there, days, weeks etc and the bitterness grows as does her (80% of the time) anger/excuses.
Don't forget the 4 differet "seasons" she has monthly. Then after all is said...wow last interlude was 3 or more weeks ago. Hmm.
The refusing spouse is gatekeeper and is also perfectly happy w/o sex. Man gets worse. Bitterness grows. He decreases, stops going to church, etc in the end she happy w/o sex, he is a mess.
Except she isn't happy. He is grumpy and distant because his needs aren't being met and he therefore feels unloved. She is hurt because he is distant and behaves unlovingly. Neither can understand why the other doesn't give the love they need, and both spiral into resentment and misery. From time to time one or the other may even commit to give without expecting anything in return, but it is a very unusual person for whom that commitment outlasts the delay in reciprocation, if it was ever going to come at all.
Could be the wife with the higher drive. That’s the story in my marriage🤷♀️ nobody wants to talk about the female unicorns 🦄 in the world. 🤷♀️ I’ve basically given up bc I’m so tired of begging for more. 😞 I feel stuck since we share children together. 😢
Wife and I haven’t had intimacy in over 6years. I have tried to ask the question but I still don’t know why as when I ask I am met with hostility and anger and has never communicated this.
There’s a backwards idea that sex is a consequence of connection. Every happily married couple of I’ve known say that sex creates connection.
Goes back and forth
The scripture on not denying your spouse unless you both agree makes this pretty simple. If your getting married your having sex when either you or the other or both want it at the same time otherwise don’t get married. This stuff about meeting emotional needs is really just women wanting to be in control because they want to have everything based on wait for it….how they feel. Marriage is commitment if you want you can come up with a million different excuses as to why your not “feeling” it. When I was married when I did have sex with my wife at the end she would say “why don’t we do this more”……well she never “felt” like it. If you try to based your relationship on your feelings your in for a lot of problems.
How often should we eat hot peppers? As much as possible.
😂
The key is for BOTH to enjoy. And I would say 3 to 7 days a week is optimal 😊
Agree 3 is minimum
Usually they just want to blame the husband, rather then understand that they have a problem
What?
@@crcb4 in that if a husband wants to have sex with his wife. It is viewed always as the husband being unreasonable, typically
It’s the husbands job
@@Amanda.Marie40 what is?
@@dominiclapinta8537 men don’t love their wives this why they don’t have sex. Women want sex but we won’t tolerated being belittled
I'm 40 and am a single Christian man, 6"2, bald but ok looking still, well travelled, level headed, sociable. Despite all this, it's been more than 8 years since I was properly with someone and that only lasted a few months. Time before that I was the victim of gaslighting and quite an abusive relationship going back 12 years now.
For several years now I've gone on dates and it goes nowhere because I'm generally not meeting women I find physically attractive because the ones I see on these apps aren't into me. I sometimes match with them but then no response. I guess as an attractive woman, they will always have so much more choice and get snapped up quick.
What's more, I am still a virgin technically speaking, despite having had multiple opportunities over the years with the few relationships I've had and then one off flings and "one night stands" which I really regret even going that far because it was wrong. But never had full intercourse. I wanted to save myself for marriage and do what's right before God but I guess the wife and the marriage never happened. I hope it's not too late but it's certainly getting to a point where I'm worried whether anything will change.
I understand that confidence and being content on your own is key, however I can't seem to shake off the feeling of failure and being unable to find and attract a woman that I want. Being on my own for so long, I can't see how it can be beneficial for anyone to be this way for this long and not have companionship. I don't mind being on my own, as I said I've travelled a ton, I've been to almost 70 countries now and the vast majority of that on my own.
Just wanted to say not having a spouse yet does not make you a failure and while looks factor in to some extent for who women chose, much more weight is carried by character, security, selflessness, love, affection, maturity
If I was giving pointers, leave the apps alone and start serving in a local church alongside men and women there and serve self-lessly you might be surprised the connection you spark up as you serve alongside others
I honestly wish pastors would teach on how to love your spouse as God directs us to, instead of the number of times you should have sex. This really isn’t helpful. Everyone is different and as long as you are loving each other as we are told to by God, the number of times you have sex will be just fine, whether that’s every day or once a week. Stop putting pressure on a number.
To some extent, yes.
Pleasure is a sin..... some believe. I never thought it would be over at age 50. Another 30 yrs living without it is a very depressing thought, but here I am....wife is perfectly ok with it tho.😢
Lack of sex in marriage is one of the root causes of infidelity and the emasculated of modern men
for the first half of our marriage i was the high sex drive and he was the low sex drive. on our honeymoon he wouldn't have sex with me the whole 2 weeks. i felt rejected! now that i have excepted this and have little interest myself, maybe because of bitterness, he wants sex all the time and shames me if I'm not feeling well. we have been married 20 years, just for a perspective.
Definitely 3 or more times a week. If not you can not blame your spouce if he or she starts looking over the fence. Open communication is key. If the one spouce keeps asking for example 3 times a week and after months of begging and asking and pleading and still it happens once a month. Again you can not blame your spouce if they look over the wall. I am not talking it good but if it happens go and check the root. Do not just blame the cheating partner.
Genuine question here. My husband and I are both Christians. We both want sex equally but we're early 30s and have 3 kids already. We cant afford more kids so we've mutually agreed to stop having sex despite both of us wanting it in the marriage.
We are against abortive birth control (abortifacients) and physically altering our bodies from gods design(vasectomy/tubal). I find condoms painful no matter how we try to use them.
What are our options? We have had great success staying not pregnant using charting (to make sure im not in fertile phase) and pull out method but we both know those are more unreliable than, say, birth control pills or vasectomy.
Would love to hear what other Christians do to prevent pregnancy because we do want sex in our marriage.
Look up natural family planning. There are several different methods.
@katiekuchar6014 thanks but I said in my post we already do natural family planning and would like something a bit more reliable. Appreciate it though! :)
All the time, it should be
Serious question, what about exhaustion from having 2 small kids? We are absolutely exhausted at the end of the day
You still have to make time somehow. Take the kids to the grandparents or friends or put them to bed early. You have to make time.
My husband and I are both on disability. Our first marriage was with each other in our mid 40's. Neither of us had ever been pregnant/had kids. We did not plan on having kids because of our disabilities, so we used condoms. We are now around age 50. We did end up getting pregnant due to using the same condom twice, which I'm glad we did because my baby Link is in heaven, since I had a miscarriage and Jesus gave me visions of my baby in heaven. My husband and I will not have sex, or plan sex, or make sex into routine, rather we will only have sex if we cannot help ourselves, which is rare. We can and do, hug, kiss and be playfully goofy like school kids without the sex. We are very comical and know how to entertain each other in other ways. We hold dear to our inner child. I helped raise 5 of my nieces and I babysat for 5 years for the same kids when I was 13- 18 years old.
Our goal is to love God first as His children with His chastening, which is more important for us.
I’m sorry, you reused a condom? WTH?!
Why on earth would you use the same condom twice?!
1 Cor 7:5
5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Putting this verse on the refrigerator door.
Yeah I remember reading this to my wife, she just got mad
It actually does as Paul said don’t deprive one another except for devotion to God it says so we don’t fall into temptation which for a healthy man is about every third day or less with sacrificial time periods. Now a lazy nan or woman may not want it as much cause it’s a byproduct of labor of love in doing our part daily so the healthy marriage will be as he said and the need don’t get mess with age at least not as I have seen
well if you walk in the SPIRIT! this is NOT a issue
Scripture is Scripture!! Anything else is just your own opinion!!
Divorced. Permanently deprived and tempted.
Same here - the last four years have been awful even though God saved me a year after my wife divorced me
My heart truly goes out to you my sister in Christ. I am so sorry for your circumstances.
My wife told me years ago that the women at her work overwhelmingly said if they never had sex again they wouldn’t miss it and she agreed. I lost my desire for her then and there. As a result, we became roommates. I’ve prayed for years that my sex drive would go away and leave me alone but it never does. I really thought it would stop at my age but it hasn’t.
Of course it doesn’t go away, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Just curious, is there a possibility her hormones are out of whack? I honestly felt the same way for years, although I love my husband, I couldn’t tolerate the idea of sex most days. Then I went off the birth control I had been on for the entirety of our marriage, and my libido that had been unknowingly put to sleep for years woke up. It’s been wonderful. I suggest you encourage her to explore that route. It could be a game changer for both of you.
@@texasdazzlers No hope. She’s gained a lot of weight and that’s just not attractive to me. Call me what you want but it’s the way I feel. I’m 5’10” and 175 pounds. I’m in the gym 3-4 days a week and in decent shape. My prayer life is good but I need to do better and doing all I can at my church. An affair is and always will be out of the question because I realize now more than anytime in my life that sex is a spiritual act as much as a physical one. It is what it is.
@@dosstodd8014 I’m so sorry to hear. I went through something similar, including weight gain, and what can I say…when you feel unsexy, you don’t want to have sex. I could kick myself now knowing it was being on hormonal birth control all this time that affected everything. If she’s ever favorable to it, getting her hormones checked by a functional gynecologist who can guide her in balancing them naturally could make all the difference. I promise you, she hates this too. For years I didn’t know what on earth was wrong with me, why was I all of a sudden not sexual? I hate that I put my husband through that, but I’m thankful he is also a spiritually minded man who stood by me. Now we’re able to reconnect and explore this side of our relationship that was left dormant for so long. She has to be ready though. Don’t give up hope!
@@dosstodd8014ew. How you treat your wife reflects your spiritual life . There are biblical reasons to leave and you don’t seem like one to stay with
Same here - I got 44 1/2 years of forced celibacy. Nothing in my life has sucked more.
Headaches are not an excuse. It's a diversion.
I was about to say. Migranes hit differently. I will say that health still isn't an excuse. We must be physically and mentally fit as much as we are spiritually fit. Be healthy for your spouse.
No loving husband would ever want to even slightly pressure their beloved for sex when she has a headache (or not feeling well for any other reason)..... but, as the comedian said, "A headache that lasts for 9 months IS A PROBLEM!!!"
This is a strange comment. I would say a harmful and uninformed comment. Not all mental and physical health issues that impact on sex is within our control. @steveniedowicz8335
@Benjamin-to2zq not really. I could go into it further if you like
Typical guy comment🙄
Many modern women in this female first primary social order EXPECT a sense of worship from their husbands and if they get love but not worship then they feel like their husband doesn't really care for them and their emotional readiness for sex dries up. If they do get the worship from their husband then they tend to not have true respect for him as a masculine leader of the home. This dynamic is very common today.
Very well said. Very true. It is a massive problem in today's society. If you dear tell this to 99% of woman then all hell break loose
@user-xo7mi8ye1x I would say it to a woman I'm dating and considering taking her seriously. She will then vet herself for me and her mindset will show thru potentially saving me years of anguish. When dating and the first parts of a marriage people are on their best behavior so you have to make comments that don't giveaway your position on things but her genuine, un-influemced, mindset will shine thru.
What about when we both get home from work at like 5:30 and really don’t feel like doing anything when we get home…my wife and I just sit on the couch until like 10:30…
You sit on the couch for 5 hours??...
Do Chores together. That sometimes gets it going.
5 hrs?????
@@northwoodsdiscovery6962 your comment has me laughing out loud.."5 hours??" 😂😂
I simply wanted to know how often I should chill…
I'm commenting for the women who feel confused and rejected. I expected lots of sex because we were so young but was disappointed from the honeymoon on by my husband's incredibly low drive. Twenty years of marriage now and it's still the same. It seems to me that often high-drive spouses compromise the most. I sometimes wrestle with wondering why God didn't put high-drive folks together and low-drive people together. The trite answer that it's so we learn to love our opposite feels cruel when there is a lifetime of deprivation.
Is he just manipulating u ?
I just hope the men also remember this although is good for a marriage , women can do without for the most part. It is not our need. So are you also meeting her needs. Time, helping around the house when shes tired, giving compliments, etc. Remember that God calls you to love her like christ loves the church. He served it....not in a bowing down way. But doing for her sacrificially.
Nonsense. What about you sacrificially meeting your husband's needs as well. It goes both ways, dear
Agree in also meeting her needs but as the man that must not be unfair looking for it 3 times a day the woman must also not expect to much from the man. Currently in my situation I have sex average once a month. I would prefer 3 or more times a week. I do cleaning and washing and cooking (some evenings / all weekends) Never has any one had to clean after me. I do not even leave the seat / always change the toilet roll and the list goes on but still once a month if I am lucky plus my wife work half day. Just trying to make my point it goes both ways. Compromise both ways not just one sided.
What? I’m a woman and definitely desire sex. Your husband must be doing it wrong.
Choreplay?
I confess . . . I lost my abilities . . . Because of health and diabetes . . . And my wife loves me so much . . . We pray together, laugh together, I am so grateful to God for her in my life.
That’s really beautiful
Also, if cleared by your doc, cialis is a heck of a drug if you haven’t tried it.
How many of yall that wind up with a marriage with no intimacy, sat down and brought up your concerns? Did you ever establish what you expect of your partner? Just curious.
Tried, at least 15 times over the last 20 years, she refused to discuss the topic. (That says a lot about where and what the problem is) When I finally gave up and decided to leave, she is finally talking and making changes, but the jury is still out.
Like others, mine will not discuss the subject. Its the only thing in the world we cannot discuss.
Makes me wonder if there are past issues involved.
I give my husband what he wants, but I get no intimacy outside of the bedroom, but get disregarded until the next time he wants his type of intamcy. Therefore I am not excited nor am I able to initiate because I don't feel any connection toward him. I have brought it up many times, but I get blamed for not being excited. I do it for him and because God called me to love my husband, but I am left very discouraged and lonely in my home and marriage.
As often as they are both in the mood at the same time.
That's a recipe for disaster
So that's like never lmao.
@@KevinNordstrom Depends on how hot you and your honey make each other.
Quality over quantity. ANY TIME. And mutual pleasure. If the wifey isn’t begging you - you’re doing it wrong.
I can't remember the young lady's name but I heard a Muslim woman ask a question that every woman should ask themselves - when did you become so comfortable with taking your husband's desire for you for granted? Things sag, weight is gained but your husband still desires you. And yet, many women dismiss their husband's desire for them. I think there really can't be intimacy consistently until both parties acknowledge the need for me to have sex.
Um as often as it takes…
As often as you can
NeXT
Between 27 and 34? I'm down with any of those numbers 😊
A month? A week? A year?
@@davidjones8942 oh, my mistake, per month...
One thing I don't see in these comments is how can I serve my spouse through sex.
If it's always based on "I want", it won't bring us together, but will drive us apart.
Men, are over obsessed with sex. Period. We are not animals and can function fine without it. We have bought into the lie that we can't live without it.
In summary, the greatest sex is the outcome of lives lived together, serving one another in love and desire.
There is no set number .
In college, as I've observed during leadership trainings and some personal interactions... Women really have pitiable sexual baggages... Like teary-eyed-after-you-listen type of pity... These leads to shyness to relating...
I tried to type one encounter in Cebu. My boardmate, who was also a member of the same campus ministry, just suddenly shared... While we were eating dinner...
Sad...
While typing this, I just thought not to give details...
Mark, I listened very carefully to you and your wife. Not a word about God in the bedroom. I sincerely pray you both totally surrender your personal intimacy to the Lord and allow Holy Spirit to direct every single aspect of your intimacy. It is an act of worship and when you both in unity follow Holy Spirit's leading and direction you will have an experience you never thought possible or could have imagined! You can then share and teach other married couples far and above where you and your wife are at in your walk with the Lord right now. This area of life is the last one the flesh wants to surrender to God.🤔
I think my spouse and i do it alot but he doesnt. Listening to your video according to you all we have a healthy sex life we usually do it 4-6 times a week. My husband thinks we should do it everyday sometimes 2 or more times and i cant do that so we fight. This has been going on for 10+ years. Am i wrong? I feel like we do it more than enough
Wow, your husband sounds like a jerk. 4-6 times is more than plenty. I encourage you to pray for him so that he repents of his selfish ways. God bless
I beg my husband for 2-3x a week and barely get that. Usually it’s 1xweek or every week & 1/2. I’d love to be in your shoes. 😞 I feel like every spouse ought to attempt to be reasonable with the desires of their spouse as long as it’s biblical and moral.
@@katkat3977 me too!!! I don't feel like I'm asking for much when I'm yielding myself over 4 or more times a week but it doesn't seem to be enough. I pray for him and that's really all I can so biblically
Ima dude in a marriage with with what I consider to be “normal” or healthy about the sex.
If the numbers you’re giving are accurate, I have to say it seems pretty reasonable and healthy.
If you want sex once a week, and he wants it twice a day… and you meet in the middle with 4-6 times a week, then that seems like a good compromise. All I know to do is explain to him you’re already putting forth an effort to be generous towards him, and you hope he can make an effort to be generous with you by using some self control. Neither of you can let bitterness creep in but continue to love and serve one another
What if youre just tired from a demanding job and two little kids lol. Just finding a time we aren't exhausted is challenging. Edit: nvm they address that
Been married almost 15. Sex is in the past for us unfortunately
This is NOT ok or normal!
@@yaddi3434 ok. Thanks.
The Bible also teaches not use birth control. So not sure how you can have that much sex. It's called discipline. My wife and I use natural family planning.
It depends on how often a man climaxes. If a man withheld climaxing but the woman did not, men can have sex everyday. With climaxing, a healthy frequency is 2-3/week
...what??
Actually a sexless marriage definition is less that 12 times a year.
Actually, not everyone agrees. Most say either 12 or less, or less than 12 times per year, but some go down to less than 10 or even 6 per year. There is no official definition.
@davidjones8942 We have been married since we were 18, now 70 years old and still make love at least twice a week. These couples in sexless marriages are forfeiting the gift of God for marriage and allowing the enemy to rob them. PRAY OVER YOUR MARRIAGE BED! Quit listening to all the lies of the enemy that you use to justify depriving your spouse! Give of yourself to your beloved. Stop listing your "reasons" for avoiding sexual intimacy. You are snared by the words of your mouth Proverbs 6:2, you giving the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:27 NAS
@@davidjones8942 12 or 6 times a year... not acceptable. No marriage can survive that frequency unless you are 80yo.
@@thecrimsonraven707 i completely agree! I was just pointing out what the "professionals" say....
I say once a week is absolute minimum.
Shes right. If the Bible does not say specifically, no one can say a certain number.
We have not had any intimacy in 13 months
Well one of you needs to try.
It’s not just one, and way too often the Church lets the woman off the hook.
That is in direct violation of God's word, the marriage vows, and simple decency. It is literally emotional abuse. If a man did that to a woman, all of society would scream from the rafters for her to leave him, but when the woman abuses her husband, crickets??? Assuming there is no physical problem and she refuses to discuss the situation, you need to tell her you are leaving her to find someone who will love you. If that doesn't get her to open up and change, then leave!
👍True...
I know this is about sex but what about a marriage with no children? Or not wanting children?
5 times a day is the number
I don’t think a sexless marriage is that big of a deal as you are making it out to be . If a couple isn’t fighting and do it when they want 😏 then that’s between them. Cheating is wrong though
How, may I ask, then would the high-drive partner meet their sexual needs?
@@keithlamb5398they could both be low drive.
I’m very lonely.. have a divorce type sleep situation- I sleep alone and I hate it… it’s because he snores so loud. I won’t sleep just to lay next to him .
But then I am miserable. But we’ve been married a year.
I want sex every day. I’m 44 he’s 53 .
I’m just dying for his intimacy.
So idk what to do.
I’m tempted so much and just so I can leave him alone.
He gets so uncomfortable if I even mention sex. I love him so much .. I’ve left a wedding book in the bathroom-
About not depriving one another in intimacy.
I told him hey his testosterone checked- he said he did and it’s above average.
I’m very fit, very sexual, and attractive.. he is too… Blessed in that situation.
But I’m bitter.. and tempted . I have a very high sex drive. He just seems to have nothing and I feel neglected. Big time. Because when it does happen, it’s like honey to my soul.. at least 3-4 times a week.. that’s my low number. I want him. But it’s just not what he wants so I suffer. It does creat resentment and bitterness. I feel it.
And the devil puts people in your life to satisfy that craving for attention and affection.
Take care of your wife- if not, someone else will.
For women who started getting raped at very young ages I just don't know what to say...
Then being very beautiful and an athlete the men I've been with natural female aging wasn't allowed.
From my childhood incest issues I have NEVER been comfortable w being nude. Wearing a shirt or bathrobe to bed has always been a suit of armor fir me.
So I'm not marriage material. I would love to have what I call an 'intellectual relationship' with handholding, kissing, enjoying shared activities. (That's not realistic is it?)
For those “strong independent woman out there” if you make your bed better lie in it
We are to submit unto our husband
Correct. Men are commanded to love, however women are commanded to submit.
It’s not complicated. We can presuppose most husbands need sex more than their wife in most occasions. It’s not acceptable for a husband to neglect his wife and deny her specific needs in any capacity. We are expected to always be reliable always be on time always be accessible to fix every problem immediately with all diligence to be steadfast in all things never failing. Then a wife will tell her husband that sex once a month is all she has for him and no one blinks an eye. The double standard is absurd and I know this is a straw man and I don’t care. The wife took an oath before God just as the husband did.
Not to mention the Word of God she read in the video.... reconcile that to the wife telling the husband "No" 353 days every year!?!?
Agreed spot on!
The answer is as often as the most sexual driven person in the relationship wants without it Interfering with moral and physical obligations.
If the most sexually driven person wants sex once a day there is nothing wrong hat says you cannot offer that.
Now some people travel or get sick etc. but under normal times once a day if desired should not impact obligations. Again. Sex is a tool on marriage to alleviate temptation fkr sexual sin. If you’re the lower sex drive partner and your withholding sex from your partner out of pride or what have you then you’re allowing Satan to enter into your relationship because now your partner has to get sex elsewhere in ungodly ways.
Now if you’re a low sex drive person you shouldn’t marry a high sex drive person because now you’re no where close to being on the same page on one of the most important components of marriage.
If you’re in a marriage, where one person is being severely underserved sexually, that should be considered a colossal blunder in the pre-marriage process, because if anything people should be in the same ballpark in terms of sex. If you’re not, then something went terribly wrong in the beginning that you ignored.
Agreed, but as virgins (with no sex ed) as teenagers, how in the world are you supposed to know what you need, what your future spouse needs and can supply, etc? Answer: you will have no clue. My pastor said he could not count the number of destroyed marriages he has seen over the years due to this problem of entering marriage sexually incompatible and not knowing it.
So, what do you say to the couple that wants sex but can't. Medication for prostate cancer has made it impossible for several years. Not only *can't* I but the whole desiring is gone. It sucks. Big time. I am thankful that my wife is wonderful and patient, hoping that someday, i will be able to. No guarantees, though. Did i say this sucks?
Pastor marc Driscoll teaches you cannot lose your salvation. I would strongly recommend listening to a message by ( Moonshiner Tyler wood, Its time to seek higher ground. )
God bless you.
( JESUS CHRIST WARNS IN REVELATION, LET NO ONE STEAL YOUR CROWN?)
No pastor is perfect. Take the good from a lot of different pastors.
@@charliedontsurf334 Agreed, but God's word is perfect so if a pastor preaches what is contrary to the very words of God they are to be marked and avoided. Example: John mcarthur said anyone who takes the mark of beast can repent and still go to heaven when revelation says if you take the mark of the beast you are doomed eternally.
Jesus says “I desire mercy over sacrifice…’
@@John_1.6_D35 And your point being? What's that got to do with marc Driscoll preaching you cannot lose your salvation when revelation says that you clearly can? Have you even listened to the message from Moonshiner Tyler wood that i recommended.
Every night
That's not always gonna be possible for sooo many reasons...life!!!
This is the only appropriate answer
What kind of sex is permissible? I know God doesn’t specify for a man and a woman but curious if anything is off limits? Oral? Anal? Etc?
All the above!
As a Pastor and my father in the spirit taught me, everything that is consensual and doesnt break Gods law.
So no zoophilia and the likes, but yes, if you like to play in the mud, you're allowed...if its consensual.
God made it good. Its not bad to have some fun with it!
Anal is Sodomy. A penis in the Anus is Sodom no matter whether it is of the opposite sex.
@@terry4137I pity your wife.
A sexless marriage is where the couple has sex less than 10 times a year, which comes out to less than once a month. A large portion of today's marriages unfortunately.
got major problem --no sex in 2years
Good greif..its a personal thing..why would anyone need " advice" on that. Sheesh.
Because of responses like yours! Just bc it’s “private” doesn’t mean that people don’t need advice. And for a lot of people, the church has done a terrible disservice about not educating young people before they get married on sex and intimacy.
Quality, not quantity, is best. But if there is pushback on quantity, then there is a problem which needs to be quickly fixed.
Remember God’s commandment in Genesis that the marital vow is for man to become one flesh with woman for life to multiply and replenish the earth, and for the woman to follow the leadership of the husband.
Having sex IS the physical marriage.
Denying sex IS infidelity.
Quantity is just as important as quality.
Yes, there is a number! You have sex so many times that you just can't handle life anymore because you now have too many children and all notion of personal time has all but disappeared and there's nothing left to do but ask to pray to God for help! Praise be Jesus Christ!
👏👏👏👏👍
Is Mark gonna start preaching about bjs again?
So long as your actual RELATIONSHIP (marriage) is going well- your sex life should be too.
And I disagree wholeheartedly- no men don’t need more sex. That’s a lie. Women who are in a secure environment and feel safe with their “provider/husband” will long for that time. So fellas if you criticize manipulate and control - yea . Nobody wants that. Period.
Amen!
Satan with a t in the middle. Not "saden"
Certain words can't be said correctly because the AI voice screen will just flag the video. They can't really say God, Satan, Gay, Lesbian, LGBTQ, Trans, etc. So, they have to bull the system to still get the message out.
Pastor Mark you look like you've been going heavy on the botox
This is such a gross topic. Why are we Like the world? This is private. Every comment has us all imagining the worst things that I don't want think about you all doin... 😅
Pastor... I usually like your content. But the marriage bed is to be kept undefiled, meaning its all only the business of the married couple. Everything else is titillation and voyeurism. Just tell people to discuss all their bedroom issues with their spouse and leave it at that. That the only ones who need to have any conversation about ot and that is exactly what couples need to do. Not talk to anyone else or go to so called sex therapy. Thats absolute voyeurism.
The Bible speaks about this
Not everyone knows how to bring up the subject with their spouse.
There's nothing wrong with discussing reality amongst mature Christian adults. Good chance some marriages can be saved by bringing this up.
@andyjohnson5484 not to mention, wives denying intimacy usually refuse to talk about it because they know they are being destructive and they have no justification for what they are doing, they just refuse to change.
Not to be rude, but this is going to be rude.... That has to be the dumbest comment I have read on the internet in the last 2-3 years.
There is almost a 50% divorce rate in the US alone.... Many many of those are from issues revolving around sex alone..... The church has to be more open about talking about this subject and helping couples tackle these issues.
If you continue to have this opinion that anything sex related has to be behind closed doors, then please keep it to yourself. Because, holding that opinion and sharing it, does nothing but harm yourself and other married couples who need help in tackling this problem.