Love politeness, because it changes so much between cultures. I'm a Swede and we're often percieved as rude by Brits because our politeness is very based on being straightforward and not talk more than necessary. I've read really interesting articled aimed at English speakers working here explaining these things. Generally in a Swedish workplace, the email "Hello! Read this before the meeting Monday. It starts 10am, please be on time" is polite and adequate - while indirectness is generally read as something that marks sensitivity around a topic or person or like passive aggressiveness. So a phrasing like "Would you mind reading this before the meeting Monday morning? I would be grateful if you'd arrive on time at 10pm. Do let me know if there are any questions" from my boss would make me really worried that I'm in trouble since they're so overly polite and indirect.
In Poland is very similar. IMO british people talk too much and often think something quite different than they say. It's crazy. They ask you "how are you" but they don't want to know xD
@@FrykaS. It's a social convention to ask 'How are you?', I'm a Brit, and have taken a while to learn that the right amount of detail in response to 'How are you?' depends on who is asking.
In Germany, many of these indirect phrases would be regarded as passive aggressive, manipulative, and, depending on the situation, even as very rude. For instance, if I asked my husband if he wouldn't want to bring out the garbage, this might result in a hefty debate about who is usually bringing out the garbage and how often, without me hardly having a chance to explain that I was just trying to be polite, which would, if I tried to do that, even increase his emotions, because this would imply that he needed a "'polite' reminder" … ugh-oh!
Such questions, when translated to my language, might be answered "yeah, I *DO* fu*king mind"... I hope it's just a british thing, but that kind of language indeed would be quite provocative and intimidating in Spain.
@@SwedishNeo Well, it just goes to show there's more to learning a language than just words and grammar. I'm a native speaker from England and questions asked with a negative verb for example sound to me less aggressive and more polite. So reacting in a hostile fashion is inappropriate and basically taking your own culture and applying to a foreign language. Incidentally, I also speak Russian and asking questions in a negative form in Russian is also felt to be less rude.
At least in American English, I recommend you ignore every one of these alternatives except for the “would you mind…” option. I’d also add “would you be able to…” or I would preface a big request with “I’m sorry to ask this, but could you…”. In general, British people are FAR MORE indirect with people, and are very concerned with being perceived as rude. Americans do not generally consider direct requests as being rude, but obviously everything is contextual.
American here, from Minnesota, and I absolutely 100% agree with you JR. These suggestions, while perhaps polite and helpful in the UK, would more often than not be poorly received in the US as manipulative or sucking up or something like that. They will not have the desired effect. Make a sincere request, say please, and accept that the answer might be no. Maybe Brits are more reluctant to say no? That would explain a lot of situations in comedies like Keeping Up Appearances and The Brittas Empire. Trust that we'll say no if we need to, and we won't be offended that you asked.
As a native Italian speaker, I can attest that the exact forms exist in Italian too, and we use the person "one", which normally only the Queen (RIP) was heard using, as common place. All these forms are very well received in polite conversation in Italy. I think some people are forgetting that Gideon here is describing polite alternatives to the word "please". Examples in Italian: 🇮🇹 "Non é che ha del cambio?" 🇬🇧: "You don't happen to have change on you, do you?" - we don't use question tags but the intonation is slightly raising 🇮🇹"Sarebbe perfetto se arrivassi um poco prima cosí che si cominci a mangiare tutti insieme" 🇬🇧"it would be perfect if you arrived a little earlier so that we could begin eating together" 🇮🇹"Ti dispiacerebbe aprire il finestrino?" 🇬🇧"Would you mind opening the (car) window?" 🇮🇹"Verrai in ufficio domani?" 🇬🇧"Will you come to the office tomorrow" 🇮🇹"Saró a sua disposizione per rispondere a qualunque sua domanda" 🇬🇧"Do feel free to get in touch with me should you have any questions"
Thanks for this. I can read French, some Spanish, and even some Romanian, but Italian has been a problem for me. I don't know why - they're all so similar as Romance languages. Examples like yours help me to compare the words to find more similarities. Thank you!
I'm an English teacher from Czechia. Not long ago, I suggested something to a British friend and she wrote back that "she wasn't sure" if what I suggested or an alternative was better. I immediately went for the alternative and she was happy. I was so proud of myself for understanding that "I'm not sure if A or B is better" is British for "A is terrible, use B instead" 🤣
That's not absolute though, often there's ambiguity and a semantic issue when an alternative is suggested that resolves a 'strange phrase'. One language exchange where a woman told me she was "a working girl and tired after seeing many clients", I had to struggle to keep a straight face while checking sensitively what she meant to say.
@@rainerm.8168 no that means, "I'm sorry, I can't go/accept the invitation." but with the sense that it's an absolute impossibility. Of course many find it hard to turn things down or had bad experiences with over persistence so people fib.
@@RobBCactive It happens to the English too. My wife was waiting for me outside a corner shop and was really puzzled when a total stranger asked if she was "a businesswoman". She was flummoxed when I explained he was asking politely if she was a prostitute.
You teach as though you were born to be an English teacher; I just can't emphasize how adept you are at this. I've never seen any teacher even remotely as good as you - and I've seen many.
Absolutely it does. The subtext is "It would be great if you could get here on time (for once!)" Best I can come up with with this form as a native speaker is "We're starting the presentation five. It would be great to see you a few minutes early, to ease my mind." I guess that turns the form into reminder, wish (great if), and reasoning (I am worried about some of the people being late or reassured by on your expertise or presence in particular). The implication is likely overly generous to the listener, but even if they know that, it keeps it from sounding like you're singling them out as the one you assume cn't possibly be on time even with the reminder from you. Must be for the same reason "you always (insert verb)" is such a problematic sentence structure in verbal fights.
This reminds me of something that happened many years ago. When I was working on my Master's, I went to the department head to get some clarification about some requirements. I asked very direct questions. "Is X required?" "Do I have to do Y?" He made some vague suggestions it would be a good idea if I would do them -- which I took to mean, it was up to my preference -- and I chose not to. When he found out that I had chosen not to do the things he had vaguely suggested, he became livid. He then told me that if the department head suggested something (referring to himself in the third person), that I should take that as a directives. I said I took him at his word and that he had made it clear that he was only suggesting a course of action -- his suggestion held no more sway than anyone else's. He did not like that. I said, "Next time, say what you mean." "If those are actual requirements, and now I'm not at all certain they are, then I'll complete them. But if they are merely your suggestions and good ideas, then I'm not going to bother. I have other things to do." He then spoke directly and said that there were, in fact, requirements. I indicated that I'd get them done.
So telling "please" is actually annoying for a not native? Actually this is my perception from an Italian in UK (I live here since September). I found "please" very annoying, but I thought it was because I was not get used to the British superpoliteness.
@@sandromastino8434 I’m American, but to me, saying “please” should never be annoying. But some British people use it passive-aggressively, or it can come off as “uppity.” Like talking down your nose. And I say this as someone who lived in London for 2 years, they can just make the word “please” come off like “fuck you” unlike any other culture.
I am an American, but I love the emphatic DO to invite someone to take some part of your hospitality. Like "DO come in and have a seat." Feels like Southerners in America insisting on you receiving their hospitality. Seems so polite and hospitable.
A note about speaking in American English: the emphatic DO is usually not used. Like many words and phrases, it has fallen out of favor in American English and is usually seen as either British, old-fashioned, extremely formal/fancy, or ironic.
Good luck to you! But you should know that these customs are not the same in all English-speaking countries. In the US (where I live), some of these suggestions might be considered rude. Americans are more direct, and our way of asking for things might be rude in the UK. Study the manners of the country you wish to visit. (That suggestion might sound rude to a Brit, but I mean it to be helpful.) I wish you well!
I would like to point out that its very important to understand to who are you talking to. If you are sure you are talking/writing to a British person or a native english speaker, you might want to use some of the most indirect forms but if you are talking to someone from another Country, you'd better be politely direct else nobody would actually know what you need. If you need something form a Dutch or German, you'd better ask ''could you please send me that document asap? thanks'' instead of ''you wouldn't send me that document, would you?''
Yeah, I wouldn’t normally think too much about how to ask someone to do something if he/she was not British. But if they were, I would love to make a proper e-mail message! British are outstanding! And I do love all these indirect approaches, etc...may be I was British in my previous life?
This is a really good point, people could really get confused if they’re not used to the indirectness or their English skills are not at the highest level yet.
''you wouldn't send me that document, would you?'' could - or would, or might - elicit a "No, but I could (if I wanted to), or might (if I feel like it). Or, worse, "won't"
Haha, if someone asked me "you wouldn't send me that document, would you?" I would be very confused and think "why does this person think that I don't want to send them the document".
I'm American and living in the Midwest, but this came in handy for me today. I was having dangerous maintenance problems and I only managed to get the apartment staff to come by delivering a stern rebuke by saying "I'd be rather grateful if. . ."
@@mariobros7834 Depending on your culture, upbringing and personality, saying no can be difficult and uncomfortable for some. The whole concept of manners is about not making other's uncomfortable, so it can be broadly said yo be good manners yo not make it uncomfortable for the person to have to say no. If it's easy for you, good for you!
Exactly... When I heard it my toes curled :D. Here, ok, the person was late, the blame is on him. But this is a very English way of not being straightforward and asking people do things. You want something from another person, don´t be shy to express that it is YOU who asks for something and say PLS!!!!
Sounding polite while speaking English is a bit hard for me. As I am Polish, and Poles are straight forward when speaking, and rarely use the word "please", let alone trying to be more polite. Usually trying to be more polite can sound sarcastic, disciplinary, critical or even passive-aggresive like "... or else!". When asking for passing some bread while dining I could say: "Would be so kind and pass me some bread?" Or "Would you mind passing me some bread"? In Poland we usually say "Pass me some bread." Without even asking. Of course we can add "please" or turn it into a question "Could you pass me some bread?" But sprinkling politeness on can sound less polite as someone can think we cover our true intentions or even make fun of our interlocutor. And BTW: Great content - as always :)
@@LetThemTalkTV in Polish there's no such thing. (I assume you're thinking about German "Sie" rather than "du", aren't you?) In formal situations we can use Pan/Pani (Sir/Madam), "you" can be capitalized in writing to indicate respect (I read somewhere that it's a common error for Poles to write "You" instead of "you" - correct me, if I'm wrong). But still - there's no indication nor stress, or any kind of accent or pronunciation to express politeness while speaking. I understand that it might be cultural thing - like Finns feel that respect is earned rather than naturally granted, Poles are raised to be straightforward and to-the-point. Which may look or sounds rude when we're not. I have to say, that I admire English language, and love your lessons as I rarely have a chance to speak, I let myself consume content by listening and reading.
When learning another language, it's important to understand how to be polite in that language. Sometimes sentences can translate freely to English, but your mannerisms are quite different to ours. You may be asking politely in Polish, but a direct translation to English may result in the bread being thrown at you, rather than passed to you :D Simply using the word please instead of "Would you be so kind and pass me some bread?" converts to "Could you please pass the bread?" It's shorter and easier for everyone to understand.
@@elescaramujo are they writing short and concise messages? Or don't answer at all when you're writing about something mic or something that you are proud of? Usually silence is an acceptance of what is being said. There is rarely an answer. Sometimes you can get 'congrats', or 'nice', but most of the time is just silent acknowledgement. It's not rude - it's just how we're being brought up. The politeness from Poles comes from gestures during face to face meetings rather than in writing most of the times. Good luck with your pen-pals :)
I have been watching this particular video for more than three times ever since it was uploaded. Even I have jotted down everything in my note pad. The most amazing part I have used it in my daily conversation with friends and relatives. Guess what, it works tremendously and people are strikingly impressive with these powerful and magic words. Thank you so much Gideon. We love you. 💖👍😊
Thank you for this interesting information. We, from Slavic countries, feel often uneasy with this way of politeness.😶 We normally use "You" in plural to be polite ( we use our equivalents to the French "tu" to sound peer, friendly or aggressive ) and we use indirect speech, but not so much as the English people do. And that's why we feel confused what emotion was put into a phase we have been said or told to. 🤗 I guess that's why English native speakers often think that Slavic people are rude.😶😶 In our languages word "please" is enough to sound neutral or friendly. Looks like in English it is not so. I have noted that, thank you a lot!!
In Polish, adding "please" will nearly always make a request more polite. No complex rules there. This is why Polish people will often overuse "please" in English. It is possible to make it sound passive aggressive, using strong intonation, but that is done only very rarely, there are more popular alternatives to ask for something in a rude way if needed :)
@@rreece90 same in Romanian. If you don’t say please, people will say that your mother didn’t gave you a good education, always reffering to the 7 years of being at home.
You are Russian, right? Russians often speak of "Slavic" countries but usually aren't right. Russia is not a Slavic country. It's not even an European country (culturally speaking).
Intonation is also important. Once, at a French university, I told my teacher: "Last week, we were supposed to have a class with you at 2 o'clock... And we were waiting and you... didn't come?" in French. She gave me a stare and said "See, foreign students often get intonations wrong. For example now, I don't understand you. Are you telling me this information, asking why I didn't come, or expressing anger?" I was doing all three.
Politeness is HUGE. Thanks a ton for this brilliant episode, Gideon! Takes a life time to understand all the nuances, I guess. Still, geatly appreciate your help here on YT. You're a legend 💖💖💖👍😊😘
I liked the bit about the emphatic Do. That’s how they speak in The Crown, and I try to use it now too. A colleague of mine sometimes starts her requests with “I would appreciate it if you...”. Sounds super passive aggressive, but I know that she is a super sweet and very polite person, so I know how she means it. She is not a native English speaker and goes for the most polite sounding option without realising how it might come across.
First person, singular "I should like you to do". ..... Might add a.s.a.p. (future willingness inferred) ...... Meaning I want you to do it but no pressure. UK
This is a beautiful example of how different we all are culturally. It is expressed in the way we talk. I have respect for every language- I hear that some people find these structures aggressive or sarcastic. Every language reflects the way we think about our world and the people around us.
What I get from this topic is that English is far more complicated than it seems, and *how* you say things (and not exactly the words you use) can greatly help you, or destroy you 😅
I already spoke decent English when I came to live in the US so the officer in the assistance office spoke to me directly in English. I walked in and stopped in front of her desk. Why don't you sit down? she said, pointing at the chair. Because I'm not tired! I answered!!!
I can speak 5 languages and of course I understand all of them, what I've Iearned is: It doesn't care which word (or sentences) you are going to use but HOW you say it, so, PLEASE it will be always polite if you say it in the right way. Nice alternatives though.
@@DouceVipere Dear Ms Londres, It would be great if you could explain how it works, because what I see, is just your statement and nothing else. Thanks for your attention. I’m looking forward to your reply.
I think you mean 'matter' not care. Anyway it's not really true, for native speakers at least.. 'Please' said after a request as in 'can you type this report please' comes across like a command and can feel quite rude in certain circumstances . Men tend to use this sentence form more often than women. 'Can you please type up this report?' is softer less like a command. Even better would be 'would you mind typing this up?'. There's no please but it's much more polite and to me, much more acceptable. Add 'please' at the end ..'would you mind typing this up please?', and it's back to sounding like a command again. If someone said that to me I'd definitely bristle!
Hard to contemplate that... I hate it when people are indirect with their requests and it almost always feels worse than just saying please with a direct request.
"Just saying" has become a trigger phrase for me though - all too often it's used to try and get away with being a total arse. And it makes no sense so I always want to respond "OF COURSE YOU'RE JUST SAYING! THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING, SAYING THINGS!"
@@iwilitu6591 "It would be great if..." only really sounds sarcastic if the the sentence is a sort of criticism i think, like saying "It would be great if you were on time", I usually instead use "I would appreciate it if you could be on time", sometimes even saying "I would really appreciate it if..." Slight addition: Using contractions is usually less formal and often softens any sort of criticism, so in these cases I would "I'd appreciate" instead
Don’t agree with using ‘appreciate’ over ‘it would be great.’ I utterly hate it when people say I’d appreciate something or other. It can sound selfish and snarky. ‘It would be great’ might seem passive but it’s more polite because it’s indirect and not self-oriented.
would be great if is better used only when the task asked is a bit of a pain. "it would be great if you could turn up on time" is definitely a bit condescending because it implies that arriving on time is impossible for you. while "I know you are rammed at the moment but it would be great if you could manage to get the form filled out" isn't, because you are asking them to do something that conflicts with thier own schedule
English is hella sarcastic though. I mean when Do tell means shut the fuck up... you know that it is hella sarcastic. Well it could mean please speak, but how often are you gonna listen to bags gossiping?
@Hugh Jones it is. The proper version would be "I would really appreciate it". It focuses on my needs and/or wants, while "it'd be great if you" focuses on your capability on doing anything.
@@chingizzhylkybayev8575 "really appreciate" still makes you sound passive aggressive and extremely insecure. People who are confided can sound assertive without coming out like an ass.
I find the "negative statement + question tag" phrasing rather amusing. There is potential for misunderstandings with non-native speakers. For example, we Finns have a "say what you mean and mean what you say" culture. Additionally, a literal translation of an English phrase into Finnish may accidentally turn the polite question into a passive aggressive statement instead. Englishman: "You can't help me, can you?" Finn with Kimi Räikkönen expression: "Oh." I'm familiar with the phrasing, but it would still take me a second to understand that I'm actually being asked for help, rather than having my inability to help rubbed in my face. ;) I guess it's hard to *please* everyone. ;)
Wed never use that phrase when wanting HELP. The decidion as to how to phrse a request is more nuanced. The phrase that you pose would be ONLY used in sarcasm-- ie you're on the verge of dropping a very heavy object and you would then maybe say THAT phrase to jerk your friend into understanding he should lend you a hand without your even needing to ask.
I'm an American and sometimes those negative first phrases come off as passive-aggressive. Yet as I listened to him explain, I heard the difference and see it as better. Perhaps it depends on the tone of voice and the way the person speaking intends it and perhaps on how well the speaker knows the listener.
I've never been to England (apart from being for few hours at London airports) ,but I feel like I live in England listening to you. Greetings from Poland!
03:18 -- Appending "… just sayin‘.", at least in current-era American English, is orders of magnitude ruder than not appending those two words. It essentially communicates that you not only DGaF about the other person, you're pointing it out to their face explicitly. It's used as a pejorative-dismissive, essentially.
I really appreciated that you covered the full spectrum of expressions for needs and way to fullfill a need, to me "please" sounds like way more urgent than "it would be great if...", in other words I'm putting pressure on the listener to fullfill my need... did I get it right?
09:00 -- In current-era American English, this way of phrasing the question implies that the fact dinner would be an invite-affair was previously known, otherwise you leave the asked-party wondering if they'd missed a prior invite request.
AND the award for the best teacher in the whole wide world goes to --- you. For your prize , you get the respect , admiration , and love of hundreds of students , who will thank you for the rest of their lives. You are a real people person , you can think outside the box , you're so down -to- earth and your videos are very reasonable ; you're a go-getter , proactive and resourceful , disciplined and punctual , seasoned professional with versatile expertise ..... and so on..........!!!!! CHEERS TO A TEACHER LIKE NO OTHER !!!!!!
You say that but I also have some good qualities... ...Many thanks once for your kindness. You set the bar very high I'll try and live up to these expectations.
@@LetThemTalkTV The knowledge you comunicated is the foundation of true learning that i will forever live to be grateful for . You're the best !!!!!!!!!!
I’m British and I must say this is quite a delicate subtlety you’re discussing here. “Can I have a glass of water please” is polite, whereas some other usages may not be, such as “Can you stop talking please?” in your opening example (where it’s actually the first four words that make that question impolite, not the “please”). I’d personally advise learners of English to just stick to using please.
It took a few years for my German wife and I to compromise on our ideas of politeness. I would use the more indirect language of, "it would be great if..." She wouldn't realize that I was asking her to do something and not wishing it to happen. At the same time it took me a bit of time to realize her very direct requests weren't her being "crabby."
Thank you for your great teaching and this particular lesson. It would be great if you could make a video about the polite or impolite implications of addressing a stranger with the word “Sir” in spoken language. Best regards 🤗
😂 American here. Texan specifically. I love this channel! Thanks for all you do! I was trying to place what this sounded like to me. I reminds me of Lumbergh, the boss on Office Space. “Yeah… if you could remember the new cover sheet on the TPS reports… that’d be great…” 😂😂 Seems like it’d be really passive aggressive here. But as others have mentioned it depends on context.
Very interesting that you did this topic. I’m continually being annoyed when my wife says “please do…”. It’s jarring because, it seems to me, “please” belongs in certain situations. It supposes that either, (1) we are socially distant, or (2) you expect opposition (we don’t have shared goals). So “please” refutes the closeness that we supposedly enjoy as a married couple.
Agree. I'm American. I might say to my husband, "Could you get me a cup of coffee? The dog is asleep on my lap." No "please," and he would not find this offensive. Don't want to disturb the dog. I would, however, say thank you when he brought it. If I preface a request with please, it's probably because I'm annoyed: "Would you please put your empty bottles in the recycle bin?"
Well done Gideon! I love British English ❤️ Wish I’d been born in England instead of America so I could speak so politely. Thank you for your wonderful tutorials on proper English!☺️
This is all very valuable tips for me. Thank you very much! I really appreciate it! Unfortunately, my hispanic family forcibly raised me to say please and thank you all the bloody time. It will take a while to stop it.
At one time, there was a preponderance of German-speaking immigrants in the area where I live and many had a habit of saying "bitte," in a sense of "come again?" or "I beg your pardon?" when they believed they misheard something. However, "bitte" can also mean "please?" Over time, English language took over, but the phrasing remained. Now, when one of the locals doesn't understand what you or another just said, they will often respond simply "Please?"
This is so interesting. These are the sorts of subtle elements of communication that I feel like I just kind of "know" as a native English speaker. It never occurred to me that we actually need to be taught these things.
I’m getting the feeling that some of this is yet another case of one language separated by an ocean. The “couldn’t…could you” construction is EXTREMELY British to my American ears, as is the future continuous construction. The big difference is in the sarcasm or manipulativeness (is that a word?) I hear in “do you mind/could you mind/it would be great,” which all get my hackles up.
Aha! The more indirect, the more polite. I think I got it! So if I need someone to help me out at a store I might say something like "I really love penguins!" Now seriously, thanks for your videos. They are an amazing source for students and teachers aswell!
@@rodrigombl452 Penguin is the name of family. The species include: Emperor penguin (Aptenodytes forsteri), snares penguin (Eudyptes robustus), little penguin (Eudyptula minor), yellow-eyed penguin (Megadyptes antipodes), gentoo penguin (Pygoscelis papua), African penguin (Spheniscus demersus)
this is the best explanation of the future continuous I have come across on the net. Have you got a similar explanation for another use of the future continuous where, say, a manager is giving instructions such as "You will be reporting to Linda this week, because Sharon is away"?
The "it would be great if" one can be quite polite. However, the example makes it sound quite rude. If the request is obvious (who doesn't know that they need to be on time) then making an overly polite request can sometimes sounds condescending - it's as if you don't think that the other person understands something so simple as the need to be on time. In this case, it's better to try something like "try to make it on time next time". With the right tone, this will come across more like "it's okay just do better next time" of course, this could come off as rude as well. It's all very context-dependent in English
Disagree! As a speaker of American English I prefer the first form of questioning rather than the second form and find it less rude and less dictatorial and I would be more likely to comply
Well, the entire scenario you're describing hs one person in a dictatorial role over another so it's impossible not to be demanding. The point of polite syntax is to make the dictates in a way that makes the one dictated to feel less dominated. It's just a softening effect. But put all of the examples Gideon gives into a setting of two equal people and it is apparent they are much less demanding alternatives.
"It would be great if" is usually regarded as sarcastic and rude in the US when asking for a result. Agreed, there were far too many pleases in your opener, making the speaker sound needy and desperate. For example, the request for a dinner date would be better off starting with "Would you be interested in..." and simply awaiting a response. For other requests, especially work related, "I'd appreciate your help/cooperation" is more appropriate. Frankly, the negative-positive sounds manipulative. The indirect question is slightly less impolite, but still quite odd to us. Of course, in the end, tone and context is everything.
Where I'm from, "will you be joining us for dinner" (unless already offered earlier) is just a different way to say "have you invited yourself for dinner and now I have to cook extra". If we really want the person to come, we say, you must join us for dinner.
Would you mind making another video on idioms? It is interesting, but it would be great if you make several videos on idioms explaining in detail about 20 idioms at a time. Besides, I need more time to read the comments with explanations. Thank you!
I used to come over to your channel a few years ago, and I'm so glad to have been reminded what a fantastic teacher you are. Your channel has grown in the meantime, congratulations!!
I love how this gentleman makes us think about language. This next phrase quickly came to mind as I started watching this flick (simply as an abstract thought, not directed towards the presenter, of course): "Be a love and shut the hell up, would you?" I can picture a blue-haired matron who has heard enough from whoever may be speaking, calmly uttering that statement as she takes a sip of tea. Another facet of language that can be a source of frustration, or worse, even much worse, is when different tribes use the exact same wording but with just the slightest changes in inflection that cause a particular statement to be received as an entirely different message than that which is intended. I imagine that wars have started from such misunderstandings. Certainly, many brawls.
Ahh look at that! "Will you be wanting...". I've just learnt that "want + ing" politeness/indirectness thanks to you :-D I love your videos, a fantastic way of learning. Thank you!
@@nadiafarahat9201 oh I get it! I'm a native speaker, (North American). It's just superfluous, when 'would you like' already exists. Seems messy and awkward to my English-speaking ears! Anyhow it's all available and as long as we understand one another, that's what really counts. But I don't have to like it and I certainly won't suggest it to my students! ;-)
It is very popular for russian and ukrainian speakers, since the crisis in the soviet union, to use the russian word "please" in the passive-aggressive way. It's one of the greatest problems in postsoviet Culture, and it can be seen all-over the postsoviet countries
Even in Dutch, just across the pond you would sound like an absolute asshole if you asked it like this. "Can you take out the rubbish please" would be very polite "Can you take out the rubbish for me?" would also do perfectly fine
I’m here for the epic theatrics. 👏🏻👍🏻 You really have a knack for comedy. Dang, I said ‘really’, again! At least, I started the sentence with a ‘dang’. 😉
I often used to get confused with the use of will in requests, phrases like WILL YOU READ THIS FOR ME... Thanks to this lesson I am sound and clear, cheers..!
Great video. It really made me think. I live in Canada and English is my first language and I found this video challenging. I'm trying to improve my French and videos like this are terrifying to me! I can barely understand the differences described here, and I've been speaking English every damn day for nearly 40 years! I'm trying to keep this in context though. Language, like so many of the most rewarding things in life, is a practice that cannot be completed. No matter your level, you can learn something, you can improve, and you better believe you're going to make some mistakes!
Interestingly, in this particular video there are so many hints about the English way... A true lesson of Psychology! (And, please, don't get me wrong, mate!) :) Thank you very much indeed. You surely are the best English teacher on UA-cam!
Very informative explanations right there! You're truly a teacher, Gideon. Would you like to continue making an advanced course of English language for your students?
hmmm.. "Please don't be late again!!" versus just saying "don't be late again!!"... I think both sound rude, the latter can sound even more threatening, I don't think "please" in this example is what creates the rudeness, the sentence was already rude and the "please" is just not strong enough to make it sound nicer..
Don’t say “it would be great if you could...” this sounds super rude, but in an even worse way than saying please a bit too directly. It sounds like your being condescending, patronising, and passive aggressive. Go and watch the boss from ‘Office Space’ to see how it looks when you make requests in this way. The UA-cam clip titled ‘Did you get the memo’ has a great example of this character using this pattern to be patronising, and immediately afterwards the main character makes an actual polite request to his coworker saying “could you turn the radio down a little bit”. But with an apologetic tone of voice which makes it sound polite.
I love this movie! I have the DVD (it's an old movie LOL)! I've remembered it when I read your first line. I'll watch it again as soon as I find it. Thank you!
@@Andreax250 Oh, yeah. Polite to 99% of people, easy. Polite to that one coworker/friend-of-friend/etc. who I can't stand? Totally hypocritical. But sometimes you can't just let loose on your boss with what you really think...
@@LetThemTalkTV one example: the Italian equivalent of "you could have helped me, couldn't you?" would only be used to accuse someone else of not having helped when they should have - in order to blame them.
Have to agree with baddog on this one. I guess, it highly depends from where you are, because to me it sounds somewhat manipulative too, not necessarily polite :/ (german here)
Love politeness, because it changes so much between cultures. I'm a Swede and we're often percieved as rude by Brits because our politeness is very based on being straightforward and not talk more than necessary. I've read really interesting articled aimed at English speakers working here explaining these things. Generally in a Swedish workplace, the email "Hello! Read this before the meeting Monday. It starts 10am, please be on time" is polite and adequate - while indirectness is generally read as something that marks sensitivity around a topic or person or like passive aggressiveness. So a phrasing like "Would you mind reading this before the meeting Monday morning? I would be grateful if you'd arrive on time at 10pm. Do let me know if there are any questions" from my boss would make me really worried that I'm in trouble since they're so overly polite and indirect.
Fancy that, that's very interesting.
I'm American but I much prefer this way of speaking. As an adult, I've had to train myself to be less direct because people take it badly here.
@@Aelffwynn --- CORRECT. | "Beating around the bush" is characteristic of the culture of dishonesty of "business".
In Poland is very similar. IMO british people talk too much and often think something quite different than they say. It's crazy. They ask you "how are you" but they don't want to know xD
@@FrykaS. It's a social convention to ask 'How are you?', I'm a Brit, and have taken a while to learn that the right amount of detail in response to 'How are you?' depends on who is asking.
In Germany, many of these indirect phrases would be regarded as passive aggressive, manipulative, and, depending on the situation, even as very rude. For instance, if I asked my husband if he wouldn't want to bring out the garbage, this might result in a hefty debate about who is usually bringing out the garbage and how often, without me hardly having a chance to explain that I was just trying to be polite, which would, if I tried to do that, even increase his emotions, because this would imply that he needed a "'polite' reminder" … ugh-oh!
Same in Sweden, and I also reactive hostile towards English speakers using such a manipulative tone.
It is perfectly fine in Belgium
Such questions, when translated to my language, might be answered "yeah, I *DO* fu*king mind"...
I hope it's just a british thing, but that kind of language indeed would be quite provocative and intimidating in Spain.
@@SwedishNeo Well, it just goes to show there's more to learning a language than just words and grammar. I'm a native speaker from England and questions asked with a negative verb for example sound to me less aggressive and more polite. So reacting in a hostile fashion is inappropriate and basically taking your own culture and applying to a foreign language. Incidentally, I also speak Russian and asking questions in a negative form in Russian is also felt to be less rude.
@@jean-lucjourdan7227 no it isn't. Maybe in Wallonia, but not in Flanders. Over here indirect phrases are passive aggressive.
At least in American English, I recommend you ignore every one of these alternatives except for the “would you mind…” option. I’d also add “would you be able to…” or I would preface a big request with “I’m sorry to ask this, but could you…”. In general, British people are FAR MORE indirect with people, and are very concerned with being perceived as rude. Americans do not generally consider direct requests as being rude, but obviously everything is contextual.
I firmly agree with you.
Excellent observation!
I just cannot agree with the "I'm sorry to ask this but..." I cant quite see why a person would apologize for asking a question.
American here, from Minnesota, and I absolutely 100% agree with you JR. These suggestions, while perhaps polite and helpful in the UK, would more often than not be poorly received in the US as manipulative or sucking up or something like that. They will not have the desired effect. Make a sincere request, say please, and accept that the answer might be no. Maybe Brits are more reluctant to say no? That would explain a lot of situations in comedies like Keeping Up Appearances and The Brittas Empire. Trust that we'll say no if we need to, and we won't be offended that you asked.
I agree. This indirect-is-polite thing is very UK. Not US at all.
As a native Italian speaker, I can attest that the exact forms exist in Italian too, and we use the person "one", which normally only the Queen (RIP) was heard using, as common place.
All these forms are very well received in polite conversation in Italy. I think some people are forgetting that Gideon here is describing polite alternatives to the word "please". Examples in Italian:
🇮🇹 "Non é che ha del cambio?" 🇬🇧: "You don't happen to have change on you, do you?" - we don't use question tags but the intonation is slightly raising
🇮🇹"Sarebbe perfetto se arrivassi um poco prima cosí che si cominci a mangiare tutti insieme" 🇬🇧"it would be perfect if you arrived a little earlier so that we could begin eating together"
🇮🇹"Ti dispiacerebbe aprire il finestrino?" 🇬🇧"Would you mind opening the (car) window?"
🇮🇹"Verrai in ufficio domani?" 🇬🇧"Will you come to the office tomorrow"
🇮🇹"Saró a sua disposizione per rispondere a qualunque sua domanda" 🇬🇧"Do feel free to get in touch with me should you have any questions"
Thanks for this. I can read French, some Spanish, and even some Romanian, but Italian has been a problem for me. I don't know why - they're all so similar as Romance languages. Examples like yours help me to compare the words to find more similarities. Thank you!
I'm an English teacher from Czechia. Not long ago, I suggested something to a British friend and she wrote back that "she wasn't sure" if what I suggested or an alternative was better. I immediately went for the alternative and she was happy. I was so proud of myself for understanding that "I'm not sure if A or B is better" is British for "A is terrible, use B instead" 🤣
Beautiful. It's similar to "I'm afraid I won't be able to come" which means "I won't (or can't) come."
That's not absolute though, often there's ambiguity and a semantic issue when an alternative is suggested that resolves a 'strange phrase'.
One language exchange where a woman told me she was "a working girl and tired after seeing many clients", I had to struggle to keep a straight face while checking sensitively what she meant to say.
@@rainerm.8168 no that means, "I'm sorry, I can't go/accept the invitation." but with the sense that it's an absolute impossibility.
Of course many find it hard to turn things down or had bad experiences with over persistence so people fib.
@@RobBCactive It happens to the English too. My wife was waiting for me outside a corner shop and was really puzzled when a total stranger asked if she was "a businesswoman". She was flummoxed when I explained he was asking politely if she was a prostitute.
@@sarumano884 I doubt if she tried to suggest an alternative phrase to clarify the stranger's intentions though 😁
You teach as though you were born to be an English teacher; I just can't emphasize how adept you are at this. I've never seen any teacher even remotely as good as you - and I've seen many.
Thank you that's very kind.
I agree, Gideon is simply outstanding
“It would be great if you could get here on time” sounds really sarcastic to me
Ultima2876 It is. It means “don’t be late again”
sounds condescending
Um, yeah, about that. Did you see the memo about that? We're putting cover sheets on all the TPS reports now.
It is
Absolutely it does. The subtext is "It would be great if you could get here on time (for once!)" Best I can come up with with this form as a native speaker is "We're starting the presentation five. It would be great to see you a few minutes early, to ease my mind." I guess that turns the form into reminder, wish (great if), and reasoning (I am worried about some of the people being late or reassured by on your expertise or presence in particular). The implication is likely overly generous to the listener, but even if they know that, it keeps it from sounding like you're singling them out as the one you assume cn't possibly be on time even with the reminder from you. Must be for the same reason "you always (insert verb)" is such a problematic sentence structure in verbal fights.
Simply the best teacher in the UNIVERSE. We LOVE you! ❤
This reminds me of something that happened many years ago.
When I was working on my Master's, I went to the department head to get some clarification about some requirements. I asked very direct questions. "Is X required?" "Do I have to do Y?" He made some vague suggestions it would be a good idea if I would do them -- which I took to mean, it was up to my preference -- and I chose not to.
When he found out that I had chosen not to do the things he had vaguely suggested, he became livid. He then told me that if the department head suggested something (referring to himself in the third person), that I should take that as a directives. I said I took him at his word and that he had made it clear that he was only suggesting a course of action -- his suggestion held no more sway than anyone else's. He did not like that. I said, "Next time, say what you mean." "If those are actual requirements, and now I'm not at all certain they are, then I'll complete them. But if they are merely your suggestions and good ideas, then I'm not going to bother. I have other things to do."
He then spoke directly and said that there were, in fact, requirements. I indicated that I'd get them done.
Only the British can make “please” a passive aggressive hostile word.
Please let me plunk this British flag on your soil!
I keep out of the political side of things, except when it is humourous ! @@andrew_owens7680
So telling "please" is actually annoying for a not native? Actually this is my perception from an Italian in UK (I live here since September). I found "please" very annoying, but I thought it was because I was not get used to the British superpoliteness.
@@sandromastino8434 I’m American, but to me, saying “please” should never be annoying. But some British people use it passive-aggressively, or it can come off as “uppity.” Like talking down your nose. And I say this as someone who lived in London for 2 years, they can just make the word “please” come off like “fuck you” unlike any other culture.
😂😂😂
I am an American, but I love the emphatic DO to invite someone to take some part of your hospitality. Like "DO come in and have a seat." Feels like Southerners in America insisting on you receiving their hospitality. Seems so polite and hospitable.
Thank you. It' s useful because I would like to sound friendñy when inviting people.
Mom, is that you?
@@Which-Craft LOL!!! That really is such a mom thing to say! And moms can be hospitable :)
@@Which-Craftmum not mom
A note about speaking in American English: the emphatic DO is usually not used. Like many words and phrases, it has fallen out of favor in American English and is usually seen as either British, old-fashioned, extremely formal/fancy, or ironic.
am an english learner from syria and I live in turkey ... i want to get fluent in English and you are helping me too much ,cheers!
Good luck to you! But you should know that these customs are not the same in all English-speaking countries. In the US (where I live), some of these suggestions might be considered rude. Americans are more direct, and our way of asking for things might be rude in the UK. Study the manners of the country you wish to visit. (That suggestion might sound rude to a Brit, but I mean it to be helpful.) I wish you well!
@@beenaplumber8379 how did you even find my comment it's 11 months ago, anyways thank you for the tips
As a non-native, occasionally return to these videos, they are gold. Cheers!
I would like to point out that its very important to understand to who are you talking to. If you are sure you are talking/writing to a British person or a native english speaker, you might want to use some of the most indirect forms but if you are talking to someone from another Country, you'd better be politely direct else nobody would actually know what you need.
If you need something form a Dutch or German, you'd better ask ''could you please send me that document asap? thanks'' instead of ''you wouldn't send me that document, would you?''
Yeah, I wouldn’t normally think too much about how to ask someone to do something if he/she was not British. But if they were, I would love to make a proper e-mail message! British are outstanding! And I do love all these indirect approaches, etc...may be I was British in my previous life?
This is a really good point, people could really get confused if they’re not used to the indirectness or their English skills are not at the highest level yet.
I mean, that's super obvious though? He's an Englishman. He's talking about the English language.
''you wouldn't send me that document, would you?'' could - or would, or might - elicit a "No, but I could (if I wanted to), or might (if I feel like it). Or, worse, "won't"
Haha, if someone asked me "you wouldn't send me that document, would you?" I would be very confused and think "why does this person think that I don't want to send them the document".
I'm American and living in the Midwest, but this came in handy for me today. I was having dangerous maintenance problems and I only managed to get the apartment staff to come by delivering a stern rebuke by saying "I'd be rather grateful if. . ."
Your contents - and creativity - are greatly appreciated! Absolutely brilliant. Thank you !
You are brilliant. Thanks
For each question that has the "You couldn't...", I felt the strong need yo say "No, I couldn't. Bye!"
Yes, definitely it is a manipulation and I don't like it. A direct message with "please" and proper friendly tone is so much better.
I think that's the point. It gives you the option to say no, whereas saying please means the person has to say no to a direct request.
@@jenniferpearce1052 so what? Saying no is very satisfying
@@mariobros7834 Depending on your culture, upbringing and personality, saying no can be difficult and uncomfortable for some. The whole concept of manners is about not making other's uncomfortable, so it can be broadly said yo be good manners yo not make it uncomfortable for the person to have to say no. If it's easy for you, good for you!
@kuripangui: Oh yes !! :)) Me too. "You couldn't...?" -> my answer would be "You're right, I couldn't."
The Japanese say "please be on time" by saying, "you're fired."
Based! 👌😂
"It would be great if you could..." sounds so passive aggressive
Ahahaha that makes reflecting
Exactly... When I heard it my toes curled :D. Here, ok, the person was late, the blame is on him. But this is a very English way of not being straightforward and asking people do things. You want something from another person, don´t be shy to express that it is YOU who asks for something and say PLS!!!!
i love hitting people with the
“would you kindly”
@@StrayGoose haha. Yes. We are a civilised society.. So when somebody says that I have to surpress the urge to punch them... Damn.. :)
KlaraK i usually do it to be passive aggressive.
Sounding polite while speaking English is a bit hard for me.
As I am Polish, and Poles are straight forward when speaking, and rarely use the word "please", let alone trying to be more polite.
Usually trying to be more polite can sound sarcastic, disciplinary, critical or even passive-aggresive like "... or else!".
When asking for passing some bread while dining I could say:
"Would be so kind and pass me some bread?" Or "Would you mind passing me some bread"?
In Poland we usually say "Pass me some bread." Without even asking. Of course we can add "please" or turn it into a question "Could you pass me some bread?" But sprinkling politeness on can sound less polite as someone can think we cover our true intentions or even make fun of our interlocutor.
And BTW:
Great content - as always :)
I don't know Polish but most languages have polite and casual forms of "you" English doesn't so it needs this indirect speech.
@@LetThemTalkTV in Polish there's no such thing. (I assume you're thinking about German "Sie" rather than "du", aren't you?)
In formal situations we can use Pan/Pani (Sir/Madam), "you" can be capitalized in writing to indicate respect (I read somewhere that it's a common error for Poles to write "You" instead of "you" - correct me, if I'm wrong).
But still - there's no indication nor stress, or any kind of accent or pronunciation to express politeness while speaking.
I understand that it might be cultural thing - like Finns feel that respect is earned rather than naturally granted, Poles are raised to be straightforward and to-the-point. Which may look or sounds rude when we're not.
I have to say, that I admire English language, and love your lessons as I rarely have a chance to speak, I let myself consume content by listening and reading.
When learning another language, it's important to understand how to be polite in that language. Sometimes sentences can translate freely to English, but your mannerisms are quite different to ours. You may be asking politely in Polish, but a direct translation to English may result in the bread being thrown at you, rather than passed to you :D Simply using the word please instead of "Would you be so kind and pass me some bread?" converts to "Could you please pass the bread?" It's shorter and easier for everyone to understand.
We have been writing with Polish people since January and we feel they write and answer very rude. Thanks for explaining why. I´m from Argentina.
@@elescaramujo are they writing short and concise messages? Or don't answer at all when you're writing about something mic or something that you are proud of?
Usually silence is an acceptance of what is being said. There is rarely an answer. Sometimes you can get 'congrats', or 'nice', but most of the time is just silent acknowledgement.
It's not rude - it's just how we're being brought up.
The politeness from Poles comes from gestures during face to face meetings rather than in writing most of the times.
Good luck with your pen-pals :)
I have been watching this particular video for more than three times ever since it was uploaded. Even I have jotted down everything in my note pad. The most amazing part I have used it in my daily conversation with friends and relatives. Guess what, it works tremendously and people are strikingly impressive with these powerful and magic words. Thank you so much Gideon. We love you. 💖👍😊
Your comment motivates me to continue. Many thanks.
Thank you for this interesting information.
We, from Slavic countries, feel often uneasy with this way of politeness.😶 We normally use "You" in plural to be polite ( we use our equivalents to the French "tu" to sound peer, friendly or aggressive ) and we use indirect speech, but not so much as the English people do. And that's why we feel confused what emotion was put into a phase we have been said or told to. 🤗
I guess that's why English native speakers often think that Slavic people are rude.😶😶
In our languages word "please" is enough to sound neutral or friendly. Looks like in English it is not so. I have noted that, thank you a lot!!
Qio
In Polish, adding "please" will nearly always make a request more polite. No complex rules there. This is why Polish people will often overuse "please" in English.
It is possible to make it sound passive aggressive, using strong intonation, but that is done only very rarely, there are more popular alternatives to ask for something in a rude way if needed :)
@@rreece90 same in Romanian. If you don’t say please, people will say that your mother didn’t gave you a good education, always reffering to the 7 years of being at home.
You are Russian, right? Russians often speak of "Slavic" countries but usually aren't right. Russia is not a Slavic country. It's not even an European country (culturally speaking).
Intonation is also important. Once, at a French university, I told my teacher: "Last week, we were supposed to have a class with you at 2 o'clock... And we were waiting and you... didn't come?" in French. She gave me a stare and said "See, foreign students often get intonations wrong. For example now, I don't understand you. Are you telling me this information, asking why I didn't come, or expressing anger?" I was doing all three.
Politeness is HUGE. Thanks a ton for this brilliant episode, Gideon! Takes a life time to understand all the nuances, I guess. Still, geatly appreciate your help here on YT. You're a legend 💖💖💖👍😊😘
The pleasure is mine. Thanks
I love England and English etiquette and manners, what a beautiful respect and art to the spoken word hence the social experience is enhanced
I liked the bit about the emphatic Do. That’s how they speak in The Crown, and I try to use it now too.
A colleague of mine sometimes starts her requests with “I would appreciate it if you...”. Sounds super passive aggressive, but I know that she is a super sweet and very polite person, so I know how she means it. She is not a native English speaker and goes for the most polite sounding option without realising how it might come across.
First person, singular "I should like you to do". ..... Might add a.s.a.p.
(future willingness inferred) ...... Meaning I want you to do it but no pressure. UK
This is a beautiful example of how different we all are culturally. It is expressed in the way we talk. I have respect for every language- I hear that some people find these structures aggressive or sarcastic. Every language reflects the way we think about our world and the people around us.
What I get from this topic is that English is far more complicated than it seems, and *how* you say things (and not exactly the words you use) can greatly help you, or destroy you 😅
I already spoke decent English when I came to live in the US so the officer in the assistance office spoke to me directly in English. I walked in and stopped in front of her desk. Why don't you sit down? she said, pointing at the chair. Because I'm not tired! I answered!!!
I can speak 5 languages and of course I understand all of them, what I've Iearned is: It doesn't care which word (or sentences) you are going to use but HOW you say it, so, PLEASE it will be always polite if you say it in the right way. Nice alternatives though.
It doesn’t work like that in the UK.
@@DouceVipere Dear Ms Londres,
It would be great if you could explain how it works, because what I see, is just your statement and nothing else.
Thanks for your attention. I’m looking forward to your reply.
I think you mean 'matter' not care. Anyway it's not really true, for native speakers at least.. 'Please' said after a request as in 'can you type this report please' comes across like a command and can feel quite rude in certain circumstances . Men tend to use this sentence form more often than women. 'Can you please type up this report?' is softer less like a command. Even better would be 'would you mind typing this up?'. There's no please but it's much more polite and to me, much more acceptable. Add 'please' at the end ..'would you mind typing this up please?', and it's back to sounding like a command again. If someone said that to me I'd definitely bristle!
@@littlefrog8389 Don't you bristle, please! haha
You’re 100% right
Hard to contemplate that... I hate it when people are indirect with their requests and it almost always feels worse than just saying please with a direct request.
"Just saying" has become a trigger phrase for me though - all too often it's used to try and get away with being a total arse. And it makes no sense so I always want to respond "OF COURSE YOU'RE JUST SAYING! THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING, SAYING THINGS!"
Maybe we're just divded by a common language but "it would be great if...." sounds sarcastic, catty, passive aggressive and indirect to my ear.
What should be said instead? I'm guilty of this and now I've realized I use it a lot
@@iwilitu6591 Watch the video.
@@iwilitu6591 "It would be great if..." only really sounds sarcastic if the the sentence is a sort of criticism i think, like saying "It would be great if you were on time", I usually instead use "I would appreciate it if you could be on time", sometimes even saying "I would really appreciate it if..."
Slight addition: Using contractions is usually less formal and often softens any sort of criticism, so in these cases I would "I'd appreciate" instead
Immortal Wanderer thanks!!
Don’t agree with using ‘appreciate’ over ‘it would be great.’ I utterly hate it when people say I’d appreciate something or other. It can sound selfish and snarky. ‘It would be great’ might seem passive but it’s more polite because it’s indirect and not self-oriented.
"would be great if" is hella sarcastic though lol.
I agree! It's a little rude to me! 😂
would be great if is better used only when the task asked is a bit of a pain.
"it would be great if you could turn up on time" is definitely a bit condescending because it implies that arriving on time is impossible for you.
while
"I know you are rammed at the moment but it would be great if you could manage to get the form filled out" isn't, because you are asking them to do something that conflicts with thier own schedule
English is hella sarcastic though. I mean when Do tell means shut the fuck up... you know that it is hella sarcastic. Well it could mean please speak, but how often are you gonna listen to bags gossiping?
@Hugh Jones it is. The proper version would be "I would really appreciate it". It focuses on my needs and/or wants, while "it'd be great if you" focuses on your capability on doing anything.
@@chingizzhylkybayev8575 "really appreciate" still makes you sound passive aggressive and extremely insecure. People who are confided can sound assertive without coming out like an ass.
Okay, I’m hooked! LMAO! As soon as he compared ‘please stop talking’ and ‘shut the f**k up’, I knew I had to watch more of these.
I find the "negative statement + question tag" phrasing rather amusing. There is potential for misunderstandings with non-native speakers.
For example, we Finns have a "say what you mean and mean what you say" culture. Additionally, a literal translation of an English phrase into Finnish may accidentally turn the polite question into a passive aggressive statement instead.
Englishman: "You can't help me, can you?"
Finn with Kimi Räikkönen expression: "Oh."
I'm familiar with the phrasing, but it would still take me a second to understand that I'm actually being asked for help, rather than having my inability to help rubbed in my face. ;)
I guess it's hard to *please* everyone. ;)
In SW Finland, though, the "negative question" is the normal (polite) way to ask something. Something that confuses Eastern Finnish people sometimes
Wed never use that phrase when wanting HELP. The decidion as to how to phrse a request is more nuanced. The phrase that you pose would be ONLY used in sarcasm-- ie you're on the verge of dropping a very heavy object and you would then maybe say THAT phrase to jerk your friend into understanding he should lend you a hand without your even needing to ask.
I'm an American and sometimes those negative first phrases come off as passive-aggressive. Yet as I listened to him explain, I heard the difference and see it as better. Perhaps it depends on the tone of voice and the way the person speaking intends it and perhaps on how well the speaker knows the listener.
I've never been to England (apart from being for few hours at London airports) ,but I feel like I live in England listening to you. Greetings from Poland!
03:18 -- Appending "… just sayin‘.", at least in current-era American English, is orders of magnitude ruder than not appending those two words. It essentially communicates that you not only DGaF about the other person, you're pointing it out to their face explicitly.
It's used as a pejorative-dismissive, essentially.
You are brilliant... An inspiration. Thank you for spreading your passion, knowledge and experience... Together with your sense of humor.
I appreciate your perspective; that being said, I prefer directness. Thanks for sharing.
Every person needs a teacher like you. I'd like to meet you someday. Regards.
Our paths my cross one day. It'll be a pleasure.
A "please" would be nice.
come again ?
Among all the people teaching English on UA-cam, you sir are the best!
I really appreciated that you covered the full spectrum of expressions for needs and way to fullfill a need, to me "please" sounds like way more urgent than "it would be great if...", in other words I'm putting pressure on the listener to fullfill my need... did I get it right?
09:00 -- In current-era American English, this way of phrasing the question implies that the fact dinner would be an invite-affair was previously known, otherwise you leave the asked-party wondering if they'd missed a prior invite request.
AND the award for the best teacher in the whole wide world goes to --- you. For your prize , you get the respect , admiration , and love of hundreds of students , who will thank you for the rest of their lives.
You are a real people person , you can think outside the box , you're so down -to- earth and your videos are very reasonable ; you're a
go-getter , proactive and resourceful , disciplined and punctual , seasoned professional with versatile expertise ..... and so on..........!!!!!
CHEERS TO A TEACHER LIKE NO OTHER !!!!!!
You say that but I also have some good qualities...
...Many thanks once for your kindness. You set the bar very high I'll try and live up to these expectations.
@@LetThemTalkTV
The knowledge you comunicated is the foundation of true learning that i will forever live to be grateful for . You're the best !!!!!!!!!!
Wow! I couldn't have said that better myself :) ;)
I’m British and I must say this is quite a delicate subtlety you’re discussing here. “Can I have a glass of water please” is polite, whereas some other usages may not be, such as “Can you stop talking please?” in your opening example (where it’s actually the first four words that make that question impolite, not the “please”). I’d personally advise learners of English to just stick to using please.
I can sit in the classroom long hours listening to this teacher. Fun and learning together. 😃
It took a few years for my German wife and I to compromise on our ideas of politeness. I would use the more indirect language of, "it would be great if..." She wouldn't realize that I was asking her to do something and not wishing it to happen. At the same time it took me a bit of time to realize her very direct requests weren't her being "crabby."
"I believe you couldn't let me go, could you?"
My kidnapper: "NO!"
PPPlease i need to concentrate. Please chuut.
British kidnapper: "I am really sorry to cause any inconvinience but I am affraid that is currently not possible"
😁😁😁😁😁
you would not mind staying here with me until I got my ransom, would you?
I adore the attitude of the teacher here.
Thank you for your great teaching and this particular lesson. It would be great if you could make a video about the polite or impolite implications of addressing a stranger with the word “Sir” in spoken language. Best regards 🤗
😂 American here. Texan specifically. I love this channel! Thanks for all you do! I was trying to place what this sounded like to me. I reminds me of Lumbergh, the boss on Office Space. “Yeah… if you could remember the new cover sheet on the TPS reports… that’d be great…” 😂😂 Seems like it’d be really passive aggressive here. But as others have mentioned it depends on context.
Very interesting that you did this topic. I’m continually being annoyed when my wife says “please do…”. It’s jarring because, it seems to me, “please” belongs in certain situations. It supposes that either, (1) we are socially distant, or (2) you expect opposition (we don’t have shared goals). So “please” refutes the closeness that we supposedly enjoy as a married couple.
Agree. I'm American. I might say to my husband, "Could you get me a cup of coffee? The dog is asleep on my lap." No "please," and he would not find this offensive. Don't want to disturb the dog. I would, however, say thank you when he brought it. If I preface a request with please, it's probably because I'm annoyed: "Would you please put your empty bottles in the recycle bin?"
Well done Gideon! I love British English ❤️ Wish I’d been born in England instead of America so I could speak so politely. Thank you for your wonderful tutorials on proper English!☺️
As a Brit who grew up in France this is something I still get wrong! love your videos . I'm learning English all over again with every video.
This is why I love British English. So many nuances. Amazing, thank you!
This is all very valuable tips for me. Thank you very much! I really appreciate it! Unfortunately, my hispanic family forcibly raised me to say please and thank you all the bloody time. It will take a while to stop it.
The tone... the hidden aggressiveness while being polite in the surface. It happens in German, in French... and of course in English
At one time, there was a preponderance of German-speaking immigrants in the area where I live and many had a habit of saying "bitte," in a sense of "come again?" or "I beg your pardon?" when they believed they misheard something. However, "bitte" can also mean "please?" Over time, English language took over, but the phrasing remained. Now, when one of the locals doesn't understand what you or another just said, they will often respond simply "Please?"
Ah, so they use "Bitte" like "Pardon".
This is so interesting. These are the sorts of subtle elements of communication that I feel like I just kind of "know" as a native English speaker. It never occurred to me that we actually need to be taught these things.
This video is of a great help! I appreciate what you do, thank you!
I’m getting the feeling that some of this is yet another case of one language separated by an ocean.
The “couldn’t…could you” construction is EXTREMELY British to my American ears, as is the future continuous construction.
The big difference is in the sarcasm or manipulativeness (is that a word?) I hear in “do you mind/could you mind/it would be great,” which all get my hackles up.
Aha! The more indirect, the more polite. I think I got it! So if I need someone to help me out at a store I might say something like "I really love penguins!"
Now seriously, thanks for your videos. They are an amazing source for students and teachers aswell!
By coincidence penguins are my favourite animals
@@LetThemTalkTV Which species?
@@PaulinaFriedman1974 penguins
@@rodrigombl452 Penguin is the name of family. The species include:
Emperor penguin (Aptenodytes forsteri),
snares penguin (Eudyptes robustus),
little penguin (Eudyptula minor),
yellow-eyed penguin (Megadyptes antipodes),
gentoo penguin (Pygoscelis papua),
African penguin (Spheniscus demersus)
this is the best explanation of the future continuous I have come across on the net. Have you got a similar explanation for another use of the future continuous where, say, a manager is giving instructions such as "You will be reporting to Linda this week, because Sharon is away"?
The "it would be great if" one can be quite polite. However, the example makes it sound quite rude. If the request is obvious (who doesn't know that they need to be on time) then making an overly polite request can sometimes sounds condescending - it's as if you don't think that the other person understands something so simple as the need to be on time. In this case, it's better to try something like "try to make it on time next time". With the right tone, this will come across more like "it's okay just do better next time" of course, this could come off as rude as well. It's all very context-dependent in English
Disagree! As a speaker of American English I prefer the first form of questioning rather than the second form and find it less rude and less dictatorial and I would be more likely to comply
Well, the entire scenario you're describing hs one person in a dictatorial role over another so it's impossible not to be demanding. The point of polite syntax is to make the dictates in a way that makes the one dictated to feel less dominated. It's just a softening effect. But put all of the examples Gideon gives into a setting of two equal people and it is apparent they are much less demanding alternatives.
"It would be great if" is usually regarded as sarcastic and rude in the US when asking for a result. Agreed, there were far too many pleases in your opener, making the speaker sound needy and desperate. For example, the request for a dinner date would be better off starting with "Would you be interested in..." and simply awaiting a response. For other requests, especially work related, "I'd appreciate your help/cooperation" is more appropriate. Frankly, the negative-positive sounds manipulative. The indirect question is slightly less impolite, but still quite odd to us. Of course, in the end, tone and context is everything.
A former colleague used to roll with 'Could I trouble you to...'
Gideon, you're the best teacher ever!!!
Thank you for the information, very professional and easy to understand. I like the style of videos with jokes
Thanks if you laugh at the jokes then you must be a person of good taste.
@@LetThemTalkTV I'm not sure who's being complimented here...
Where I'm from, "will you be joining us for dinner" (unless already offered earlier) is just a different way to say "have you invited yourself for dinner and now I have to cook extra". If we really want the person to come, we say, you must join us for dinner.
Would you mind making another video on idioms? It is interesting, but it would be great if you make several videos on idioms explaining in detail about 20 idioms at a time. Besides, I need more time to read the comments with explanations. Thank you!
Taz 3lik
Possibly but I've already many several idiom videos on this channel.
Well, you certainly applied the points of this lesson, didn't you?
I used to come over to your channel a few years ago, and I'm so glad to have been reminded what a fantastic teacher you are. Your channel has grown in the meantime, congratulations!!
Great video as usual!!!
Great comment as always
Thank you for your lessons. I love it. It sounds much better and it easier to catch the proper accent when you speak like this.
"Rude, of course it's not as rude as shut the f*** up" *I'm dying* XD
Hahaha
Same, hahaha
but "shut the f*** up" is more polite than "please, shut the f*** up!"
as above ... I see you an I raise yah!
Lol
I love how this gentleman makes us think about language.
This next phrase quickly came to mind as I started watching this flick (simply as an abstract thought, not directed towards the presenter, of course):
"Be a love and shut the hell up, would you?"
I can picture a blue-haired matron who has heard enough from whoever may be speaking, calmly uttering that statement as she takes a sip of tea.
Another facet of language that can be a source of frustration, or worse, even much worse, is when different tribes use the exact same wording but with just the slightest changes in inflection that cause a particular statement to be received as an entirely different message than that which is intended.
I imagine that wars have started from such misunderstandings.
Certainly, many brawls.
Ahh look at that! "Will you be wanting...". I've just learnt that "want + ing" politeness/indirectness thanks to you :-D I love your videos, a fantastic way of learning. Thank you!
My pleasure
As an English instructor I advocate against this use of verb + ing. It is superfluous and vague. 'Would you like' is clear and elegant.
@@YogZab It's basically saying here's what we have...not much...yes or no.
@@nadiafarahat9201 oh I get it! I'm a native speaker, (North American).
It's just superfluous, when 'would you like' already exists. Seems messy and awkward to my English-speaking ears!
Anyhow it's all available and as long as we understand one another, that's what really counts. But I don't have to like it and I certainly won't suggest it to my students! ;-)
It is very popular for russian and ukrainian speakers, since the crisis in the soviet union, to use the russian word "please" in the passive-aggressive way. It's one of the greatest problems in postsoviet Culture, and it can be seen all-over the postsoviet countries
"You couldn't take out the rubbish, could you?" Oh Oh Oh It could never be polite...never!
Yeah..)) to my Russian ear it sounds like an accusation of not being able or willing to take out that f..kn rubbish!!! =))))
In the US, it could be very rude or very polite, depending on how you said it.
Even in Dutch, just across the pond you would sound like an absolute asshole if you asked it like this. "Can you take out the rubbish please" would be very polite "Can you take out the rubbish for me?" would also do perfectly fine
@@gdrop6623 true, I definitely agree with you.
@@tatyanas_simonoff I agree with you !
You have to be the most helpful English teacher I've come across on YouTubr
I’m here for the epic theatrics. 👏🏻👍🏻
You really have a knack for comedy. Dang, I said ‘really’, again! At least, I started the sentence with a ‘dang’. 😉
I’m not a fan of the negative statements please affirmative question tag at all. I just agree. Yes, you are correct. I cannot do that.
You wouldn't mind making more great content for this channel, would you?
👏
The best advice ever.
You're a good actor,
Thanks
He is, he could be a great character or sitcom actor.
He's a man of his word !!!!!
Still waiting for the call from Hollywood. Any day now...
@@LetThemTalkTV This's bloody humorous!! Keep it up!!😂🤣🤣
I often used to get confused with the use of will in requests, phrases like WILL YOU READ THIS FOR ME... Thanks to this lesson I am sound and clear, cheers..!
Should I say "You wouldn't wait for me to finish my sentence, would you" or "Please don't interrupt me" ?
You're getting it.
Great video. It really made me think.
I live in Canada and English is my first language and I found this video challenging. I'm trying to improve my French and videos like this are terrifying to me! I can barely understand the differences described here, and I've been speaking English every damn day for nearly 40 years!
I'm trying to keep this in context though. Language, like so many of the most rewarding things in life, is a practice that cannot be completed. No matter your level, you can learn something, you can improve, and you better believe you're going to make some mistakes!
Great lessons and amazing video as usual, many thanks for that
Great comment. Thanks
Interestingly, in this particular video there are so many hints about the English way... A true lesson of Psychology! (And, please, don't get me wrong, mate!) :)
Thank you very much indeed. You surely are the best English teacher on UA-cam!
Very informative explanations right there! You're truly a teacher, Gideon. Would you like to continue making an advanced course of English language for your students?
Thanks. More advanced lessons coming soon.
@@LetThemTalkTV please🤗
hmmm.. "Please don't be late again!!" versus just saying "don't be late again!!"... I think both sound rude, the latter can sound even more threatening, I don't think "please" in this example is what creates the rudeness, the sentence was already rude and the "please" is just not strong enough to make it sound nicer..
Did you watch the video until the end?
@@LetThemTalkTV Hell yeah I did.
You are hilarious 😆 What a refreshing and delightful content to watch! You wouldn’t mind sharing more brilliant tips, would you? 😊
Don’t say “it would be great if you could...”
this sounds super rude, but in an even worse way than saying please a bit too directly. It sounds like your being condescending, patronising, and passive aggressive.
Go and watch the boss from ‘Office Space’ to see how it looks when you make requests in this way. The UA-cam clip titled ‘Did you get the memo’ has a great example of this character using this pattern to be patronising, and immediately afterwards the main character makes an actual polite request to his coworker saying “could you turn the radio down a little bit”. But with an apologetic tone of voice which makes it sound polite.
Not sure about the UK, but in the US it would be interpreted as very passive aggressive to say “it would be great if you could be on time.”
Nick Talbot have to agree
I think it depends a lot more on tone than word choice.
I love this movie! I have the DVD (it's an old movie LOL)!
I've remembered it when I read your first line.
I'll watch it again as soon as I find it. Thank you!
@@Andreax250 Oh, yeah. Polite to 99% of people, easy. Polite to that one coworker/friend-of-friend/etc. who I can't stand? Totally hypocritical. But sometimes you can't just let loose on your boss with what you really think...
'Please' is actually very effective when you are being disturbed by someone. Usually people just step back and get out of my way immediately :D
Thank u for this video. It s very very helpful for me and my ss.
Glad you found it useful
Everything happen for a reason that I found this channel. What another helpful video, Sir.
I believe that's true. Welcome
Indirect talk sounds a bit manipulative to me though.
Not at all it's all about politeness not manipulation.
@@LetThemTalkTV I know and understand the point. My comment is related to my perception, which is shaped by my culture of origin (I am not British).
@@LetThemTalkTV one example: the Italian equivalent of "you could have helped me, couldn't you?" would only be used to accuse someone else of not having helped when they should have - in order to blame them.
Have to agree with baddog on this one. I guess, it highly depends from where you are, because to me it sounds somewhat manipulative too, not necessarily polite :/ (german here)
Where when come from and to whom we're talking to is not the same as to speaking to a Brit....