THE TRUTH ABOUT GENDER DISAPPOINTMENT
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- I figured it was time to do an open, honest vlog with y'all. If you are struggling with this, REACH OUT to someone you can trust. Be honest with them and yourself. Closing yourself off will only make it worse. There's a light at the end of this tunnel.
Thank you for video... Just came back from gender U/S today. And although I should be happy that we're having a healthy baby, we're having our fourth girl. And I can't stop crying. Thank you for not making me feel alone today in my emotions.
this was me. Gender disappointment is very real and anyone who hasnt experienced this...well good for you. It doesnt mean you love this baby any less and it doesnt make you a bad person. it means your human and anytime you are let down, it hurts. currently pregnant with my second boy and each day i get more and more excited and cant wait for my boys to be messy and dirty together!!!! it took a couple weeks to come to realization and acceptance i wasnt getting my girl. its normal and its okay. congrats mama!!
My friend sent me your video. I had just recently fully confessed how unhappy I was about finding out the sex of my 2nd child. Your video brought me to tears, you have no idea but this is exactly how i'm feeling. I have different fears then you do, but my feelings about being disappointed and feeling so ashamed/embarrassed and horrible that I have even felt this way are there. Thank you for sharing, not enough people do share their gender disappointment. I still feel like I can't tell everyone because some just don't understand but I'm glad there are some people I can. I've known the gender for 2 weeks now and had a serious melt down this week. I hope and think things are getting better, or maybe i'm still in the denial phase (waiting for my 20 week anatomy scan to confirm one more time) but I have found that talking about it helps. So thank you for sharing and being so openly honest.
I wish I could like this a thousand times! This is so spot on w my feelings, down to the dreaming of a house full of boys! I am pregnant w my second; and 3 weeks after finding out it's a girl, I am still pretty hurt and disappointed. I too, dreamed of nothing but boys in my life. I never wanted a girl, never pictured myself w one, even cringed at the thought of one. And I am ashamed to admit some of these feelings but gender disappointment is so real for some! I too, bawled my eyes out during the ultrasound and many days after were filled w sadness and depression. I am still hurt and not even really excited about being pregnant anymore bc it feels like my heart has been smashed, along w every dream I've ever had! And I think we are pretty rare bc most ppl looked at me like I was mental when I said I would rather have 4 boys than just 1 girl! I prayed and prayed for another boy and I feel let down. I still love God and so grateful for his gift of pregnancy but the hurt and sadness are so real and really have the ability to take over at times. Thank you so much for this vid and your honesty. And what a comfort it is to find a woman who actually wanted her second to be a boy, just like I did. God bless you. I will def be checking out your other vids now. Please tell me these feelings fade.
Did the feelings fade? I just found out I'm having another girl and have gender disappointment pretty bad.
how are you doing now?
I'm going to find out the gender in two weeks. I have always dreamed of having a girl. I get nervous thinking its a boy. I'm glad I watched this
Just found out two days ago that I am having my third boy and have not been able to stop crying. You said EVERY SINGLE thing I have thought and have been afraid to say. Thank you for your vid. I have seen others on the topic but yours really got me the most.
Fabiola Arauz same girl I’m having my third boy... I know your comment old did you have a daughter later?
Anyone who makes a nasty comment or even does so much as give a thumbs down to this video is being insensitive and ignorant. I, myself have been struggling with gender disappointment this pregnancy and echo a lot of the same feelings that Kim expresses here and you can see them in my vlog as well. She is sharing her story to make it okay for other women who are feeling this way to open up about their struggles. Those of us who are going through this feel enough guilt without your comments trying to shame us. I'm seriously shocked at the rudeness displayed here. Kim you are an incredible and strong mama and your daughter will be lucky to have you!
What gives you the right to expect it’s called nature I do understand to a degree I’m not bothered I love girls & boys full stop
Thank you for reminding me that the child needs me to love her. And I am her only home right now. And that love is not about me but about her. I needed this reminder. Thank you for sharing your heart to help heal ours. I really needed to hear this.
As a mother of three boys (at the time) when i was pregnant with our twins i was so worried about having two boys. I LOVE my boys, but i was sure hoping for at least one girl. When the ultrasound showed that Twin B was a boy I seriously had to hold my breath. I was very very relieved that Twin A was a girl. I've been collecting girl clothes ever since my second pregnancy (6 years ago!) so third pregnancy i was also disappointed, but i keep up my little box of girl stuff. So...then twin B was a boy....and i was seriously going to bawl if Twin A hadn't been a girl. I was a bit disappointed that the twins weren't BOTH girls. I had this vision of matching little girl's outfits and everything. It took me a while to be excited to be adding a fourth boy to our family. They are here and are now 7 months old and i couldn't imagine my life without either of them. Being disappointed is okay, it happens. You'll love your daughter as much as you would if she were a boy. You are a great mother.
I really needed to see this video. I am currently going through this right now and feel absolutely terrible about it. This video really helped me. Thank you so so much for sharing your story and for posting this because this is real and affects so many women whether they want to admit it or not. Thanks again ❤
You're right, not a lot of people talk about this but I am very sure you're not alone
I'm experiencing the same feelings but this is my first child, most things I read are with ppl who have multiple children. How do I cope with the dissatisfaction with my first child? It makes me scared for more because I DON'T WANT GIRLS. I'm high risk so I have to be grateful for a baby at all, but I never thought I would feel like this. Please help
what did you have lola
I'm soo thinking the same way you were!!!! Gender disappointment is real!!! Thank you for your vlog!!
I love it Kim! It's so amazing that we have been able to find and support each other through this. We both have been given what the other was dreaming of and so it would have been easy and understandable for things to become tense or awkward. But instead I feel like we have been able to be there for each other, knowing how hard this can be not only to deal with but also to talk about. So proud of you for doing this vlog and I can't wait to continue learning and growing through this pregnancy with you!
Thank you so much for this video. I thought I was alone. This is my first. I'm scared too of raising a girl in this society. I hoped so much for a boy. As you said, I know once I have her in my arms nothing will matter but her.
I feel this 100 percent. Recently had an ultrasound and left extremely disappointed cried about it literally the whole day felt so bad
Hii from India any one tell me gender ultrasound how much wrong because doctor said I have a girl bt my all symptoms said it's a boy
Thank you so much for sharing this! Found out we're having a second boy and I'm in the thick of sadness right now. I know it's not logical and I'm fully grateful to be growing a healthy baby, but that doesn't mean these feelings aren't real or painful. I'm kind of mourning the girl I'll probably never have. I never thought about having 3 kiddos until recently, but there's no guarantee the next time around and maybe I'm just supposed to be a boy mom. I hope for the day when I can look back at this and think "wow, you were crazy back then and everything worked out exactly as it should have!" 😊
I just found out Im having my 3rd girl 😢 I feel just like this .. Your words bought me to tears .. Ugh I feel horrible Im trying not to but I do 😢
I just find out am having my third girl, hubby always wanted a guy is really killing me inside😅
I found out im having my 3rd girl too Im crying and been really sad
It's really great you're talking about this. This is kind of a taboo subject. It's completely natural for people to have this image in their head what they want their life to be like and to feel genuine disappointment when it turns out you're not going to get what you expected.
Best advice: never get married to what's in your head, life really goes according to plan anyway.
That was really honest. Good for you obviously we all know you will love the little girl but its nice that you are being honest. xoxox
I’m still not able to get over my disappointment yet and I found out at 11 weeks currently 27 weeks. I’m currently pregnant with my third boy and all I dream of a girl.
Ik this was 6 years ago but I understand! .. one day when I have a child I really want a boy . I just don’t see myself with a daughter , Ik it’s sad to say but it’s the truth
Completely understand. Im opposite. I wanted a girl. I have 3 boys and im pregnant with 4th which i think its a boy. As soon as i saw the baby on the ultrasound at 11week 5days i thought i saw the nub and sed yep thats a boy. She didnt give me that picture. I havent found out gender this time. But it makes me sad thinking its a boy and makes me sad thinking and feeling this in general. This is why i didnt find out. When the babys born il be so in love that them feelings will go. Its more due to how many children i can cope with. If i could cope with more i wouldnt be as disappointed as i still have a chance for a girl. But i cant have anymore mentally. Im glad im not the only one feeling like this.
I found out today through Panorama genetic testing that I'm having a boy and I'm so angry. I have a girl named Sadie that will be 5 in Sept. and I wanted another girl so badly and her name was gonna be Sophie. I don't think I'll get over this. I have always asked for girls and I only want two kids. I'm devastated.
Awe this breaks my heart to even imagine not being wanted by my mother. Wow how brave of you to admit it though. At least your honest about it. Some people never do admit it and just mistreat their child. But never the less, I started watching your videos initially because i was searching for my daughter who is 7 weeks pregnant and who was worried that she wasn't having morning sickness. We came across your 7 week update and you were stating how you weren't experiencing any morning sickness, just hot flashes and that is what my daughter is experiencing also. We both went through your videos because we immediately made a connection and enjoyed seeing your excitement with your weekly updates. We almost cried with you during your video about not having a gender reveal party, we were saddened for your disappointment. I know how important it is to support my daughter & husband with the pregnancy and we're so thankful and excited to welcome a healthy baby! I guess we were totally throne off by the this video because when we watched your live pregnancy test video, I thought to myself, "Now that's a genuine thankful reaction to a miracle of (LIFE) a blessing from (God)." I guess its hard for me a mother of three, each one unique and special, I had several miscarriages and when I finally was able to deliver healthy babies, I never once questioned the gender, just always had a thankful heart of be blessed and honored to be the mother of three beautiful children, 2 girls and 1 boy. I truly pray no resentment settle in your heart when you finally give birth, and pray your daughter never sees the video when she is old enough to know her mom wanted her brother, but not her at 1st. I don't think your a bad person, I actually think your a good honest person. I just pray your bond with your beautiful blessing baby girl. God bless
Blessedone Jackson thanks for this! If you watch some of my more recent videos, I talk a little bit about how any initial disappointment over not getting my "desired gender" is 100% gone, and I couldn't be more excited to meet our princess. When I made this video, I was in a much better place about it and wanted to talk about my initial feelings, but at the time I filmed it, I was still only a tad bit disappointed. She is so very loved and anticipated, and I'm so glad I was able to work through that bit of prenatal depression and come out on top. It's a tough thing to go through, because you don't WANT to feel that way, it just kind of happens. But she IS my little miracle, and I know she will be the absolute perfect fit for our family. :) We can't wait to meet her, only a few more weeks now!
Thank you so so much for sharing! This has helped me tremendously. Thank you!
I could have made this video! I have my son and find out the sex of my second next month. Why am I so terrified it will be a girl? I can only see boys..... Scary. We can't help how we feel 😔
What was the 2nd one?
What did u have
@@mckaylacurney4166 I had a boy!! I actually screamed for joy when they told me :)
@@Sherry78 so happy for you lol
@@mckaylacurney4166 thank you x
I have been feeling terrified through this whole pregnancy! The thought of raising a child sometimes overwhelms me. I think "People do this all the time and they never talk about *blah*!" I have no idea what I am having, but I think it's a boy, and I think I will be disappointed if I find out its a girl. I don't know how I will take it, and I imagine the moment over and over again. We will find out tomorrow. Sending lots of good energy your way!
what did u have amanda
I feel kinda bad for your little girl, I know I would be crushed if my mum said to me she never wanted me. Anyway, just try to remember the blessing that you have been given. Mother-daughter relationships are something special.
You basically missed the entire point of this video. It's not that I don't love or want my daughter. I do. If you had any idea what we went through to conceive her, you wouldn't have said that. The point is that everyone has a "picture" in their head of the "perfect" family. Most women have an "instinct" about what the baby is. When you are so sure, and you have that picture in your head, and it turns out you were wrong, it can be a lot to wrap your head around. Some people handle it better than others. It doesn't mean we love our kids less or want them any less. It just means we struggle with the unexpected. Don't judge someone for admitting they struggle/ have struggled with something. And as I said, I've moved past any disappointment. Now it's just fear of the unknown: baby girl land. Which is a normal thing for anyone to experience (especially if you pay attention to the way girls/ women are treated in today's society).
CreatingTheReynolds
I have been watching you for a while now, long before your name change maybe a bit before your miscarriage, I'm pretty sure that's why I started watching you. I guess not everyone takes note of their subbies, which is okay I suppose. I said that because you said "I never wanted a daughter" and she is your daughter, I just put myself in the shoes of my mother having said that 25 years ago and admittedly it would have stung. I never once said anything judgemental about you, there is no need to get so defensive if there is nothing to it. As a woman myself, and you being a woman as-well it's unwise to assume I don't know the way woman are treated in today's society, or I have never been treated in a demeaning way because I am a woman, besides my own personal experiences, being a psychologist I see it everyday and I know what it does to young woman later on in life, and I realise raising a girl to a woman is hard work, raising a boy to a man is in my opinion even harder work. It wasn't an attack on you in the least bit. Anyway I understand the gender preference, 3 sisters and a combined 9 boys and not a single girl-yeah you would get the gist of that. Perhaps it was your choice of words in this video that I misinterpreted in that case the owness is on me.
I never changed my name on here, so you may be confusing me with someone else? I've had this same channel/ name since 2012. and for all my miscarriages. But yeah, I never pictured myself as the mom to a girl. It's just something that never really occurred to me. I always saw myself as having all boys. But as I ALSO say in the video, this is a new, different journey, one that I am embracing with open arms. It just took a bit to wrap my head around it.
@sabbie wabbie: I agree with you. I think you said it well, I don't think you tried to place judgement I simply saw your opinion. You said it way better than I was going to but then I decided it would be a waste of time to let it all out. But I do feel sorry for this little girl and I sure hope she never finds or sees this footage my God how that would make me feel. And I think that saying " perfect family" and so on is just making it all worse. This little girl does make it a perfect family. And too see something like this from someone who was trying to get pregnant bothers me since there are tons of women out here trying to get pregnant or who have had still births and miscarriages in the trying to conceive world wishing they had the opportunity of being in your position having a healthy pregnancy. It seems selfish and ignorant the amount of disappointment you expressed about her being a little girl. " soon as the camera went off at the gender reveal your smile went away" ??? are you kidding me! I'm done. Because it's just too much wrong with this one.
Can't handle the raw honesty about something that surprisingly, a LOT of women go through? Don't subscribe. It's really that simple. Did you not watch the entire thing? I go over how I KNOW it's bad to have felt those things, but sometimes, you can't help your emotions. People aren't always rational. You can't always help what you feel, that's why you reach out and get help. But clearly you are too "high and mighty" to have ever experienced disappointment while also dealing with depression. Because it can skew your mindset on things for a while until you can get your head back on straight. But thanks for your opinion.