You can now read my Facebook post publicly for free on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/my-diagnosis-61191959 The SPD playlist I talk about: ua-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxB8Xbi0qd7_vFYeATw2Juig.html Wikipedia's very comprehensive article on SPD: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder Important note: I realise I present differently to other schizoids. I talk about that in the video, but basically I've developed a "covert" presentation which hides my true condition, much like how girls with autism mask. Even if we forget the terrible psychologist who dismissed me, being covert probably contributed to the ridiculously long delay in diagnosing me. Interestingly, the moment I stopped filming, the whole on-camera persona dropped, and I was actually surprised how fast that happened now that I'm paying attention to it. ALSO! In the video, I occasionally misspeak, because my brain moves faster than my mouth lol. The worst of these moments occurs at 40:17 when I meant to say "I guess when you DON'T have emotions you default to this cold logic" - I didn't catch this before uploading, it's such a long video that I couldn't be bothered to edit it (and it's taken a whole day to publish it as it is!)
@@tudormiller887 one of the key points that'll help you work it out is WHY you're not inclined to be social - whether you fear it in some way (Avoidant), vs just don't care (Schizoid). I'm not sure if this is helpful but I recently made a video comparing Schizoid to a few other thing: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html
Glad you liked it! And yeah, even without SPD there's a lot of people masking how they really feel. People who seem happy but are actually depressed etc. Good to know some people realise this! :)
@@DestroyerMariko - I haven’t even had a diagnosis. I KNOW I’m a type A personality with sensory issues. I KNOW I’m high functioning ASD, as well as schizo-type features (fantasy about the Roman Empire accompanied with paranoia etc). Very rigid in my personality with high OCD. When you ‘throw in’ childhood trauma, I don’t know where to f***g start! But yes, I’ve been overlooked by so many therapists. I call those therapists ‘textbook therapists’, one who does a few courses and devoted a few years with an erect posture and BANG, they’re in their own practice. I feel I know more than them 🤣
Oh wow, I'm surprised you can't get a diagnosis for all that! This probably doesn't help if you're not in Australia, but here I know there's places that specialise in ASD diagnosis and can also do differentials and assess comorbidities etc. It's pricey, like $2000 last I checked, but it looks to be a lot more thorough than just seeing a standard therapist. I think most therapists and psychologists really only deal with standard depression, anxiety, and relationship angst type mainstream problems so they're not really equipped to diagnose or deal with anything actually complicated. I think I mentioned in this video how my SPD was dismissed simply because I didn't fit the single case study she had on hand. She would have never seen SPD in her life probably, and maybe not even remembered it from her studies if she had to go fishing for that lol. So yeah, those types are not much good beyond basic stuff. But the ASD specialists do seem to have at least some clue if you can find them. I was almost going to do that myself just for the differential, so they can say "you don't have autism but you do have..." coz I was starting to feel like that would have been the only way to get any answers until my GP figured it out. So if you have access to something like that, it might be worth doing, especially if it opens doors for you to get more than the same old garbage. But I also know sometimes diagnosis can be counterproductive if you're surrounded by a lot of stigma etc. Anyway, I dunno if this was at all helpful haha, maybe you've already tried. But just thought I'd mention it anyway. If it doesn't help you, maybe it'll help someone browsing the comments for ideas :)
Its not surprising to me that youve been misdiagnosed. Same for me. Went to psych in young adulthood and was diagnosed with anxiety and an adjustment disorder. I tried to explain that my problem was not just "situational" stress from college,moving and changing houses. But it was my whole life that ive been suffering but she didn't see the bigger picture
Did you suggest SPD at the time? If not, I can understand the confusion given it's so rarely seen in practice. Not easy to diagnose. But lol I literally asked my psych point-blank about SPD and she didn't even explore it with me... But yeah you're right about the bigger picture thing, especially when they get convinced you have something else and that they're right and you must be wrong, as if we don't know enough about our own lives despite being the ones living them! :|
@@brianmeen2158 Yeah the anhedonia I reckon, and not feeling connected to the world. That and the resulting depression have really messed my life up and I don't think I'll ever be able to function properly.
@@DestroyerMariko ditto, those are my problem areas. It’s like we were wired wrong for this type of society. It’s strange in that even when I can alleviate the depression(hard daily exercise) I still feel an overall lack of interest in life. Not a good way to live
@@DestroyerMariko If you wana go ahead and spend all your money to give to shrinks go head.. Hope you end up bankrupt from that.. lol... Schitzoid is a mental disorder and not a genetic desease and it is not a good thing. It is based of standard deviation from normal distribution of healthy and people with disorder... and it is like Schitzophrenia and Factor 1 and 2 psychopathy a "mental disorder" .. you more like lazy person that doednot have good communication skills and doesnot want to learn.. but if you want us to call you crazy.. then u got that.. you are crazy with a cherry on top..lol.. go trust your shrink.. pretty sure next shrink will give you a different diagnostic.
So sad hearing again and again how these psychologists who are supposed to help us aren't qualified to do their job properly. I am a psych student, I'm studying right now actually and I wanted some real-life experience or examples to complement the info on my textbook, im glad you got ur diagnosis can imagine how relieved you felt like suddenly everything made sense,,,, any howww gotta go back to studying
Yeah it's tough, but I'm glad you're interested enough to have found my video, we need more psychologists to care about niche disorders like this. My GP really tried hard to find me someone in Sydney who might have experience with SPD but there's no one, and I even approached research institutions but there's just nothing here for it. So yeah, thanks for dropping by! I've also posted a few updates since my diagnosis if that ever interests you. Best of luck with your studies!
Well, a textbook is simply one way of looking at a subject or subjects from a single point of view. The fact that "professionals" use this flawed way of looking at things is part of the problem. College in America revolves around this limited way of thinking, unless you're taking a philosophy class. People generally seek out what they don't have and a college offers the illusion of intelligence. What's even more illogical, is that I have to see a so called "professional" and then diagnosed by a "professional" in order to be viewed differently. When the reality is that most "professionals" are just repeating someone else's ideas.
@@RealityUntold I dunno about America but here in Australia there's also practical work done with actual clients as well as research beyond textbooks that students have to do to get qualified as a clinical psychologist. The real problems are more that 1) most clients seen during the practical component of a degree will be easier, more standard cases of things like depression and anxiety, and 2) even if they do see more complicated clients, their chances of seeing people with SPD are incredibly low compared to other issues. Psychology is not a useless field of study, it's just not one that caters well to niche disorders like SPD and that's why it's good to see students getting interested and researching it further out of their own volition. So I think you're being unfair, forming a view based on your own hang-ups rather than the reality that psychologists actually do help people, just perhaps not you or me. There are still many areas where going to university/college is very valuable, and it's also worth noting that the vast majority of human knowledge builds upon the ideas and findings of those who came before us, _including_ when it comes to philosophy classes where you are literally studying other people's ideas. Maybe it's Nietzsche or Camus, maybe it's particular topics, maybe it's methods of analysis and other ways of thinking, but either way, you _are_ studying other people's ideas whether you like it or not, and that'll include those of your teacher and your classmates etc, there is no escape. You may think you've come out of it with some unique way of thinking, but be unaware that you are actually "just repeating someone else's ideas" although hopefully in a less obvious, more remixed form. I'm actually surprised you list philosophy as one of the better classes. I see it more as useless fluff, whereas studying medicine, for example, actually teaches you useful objective skills that most people would be hard pressed to master to an acceptable standard in any other way. Philosophy, on the other hand, is something you could study on your own or in groups not reliant on university/college/classes and still come out doing pretty well without the oppressive student debts we hear you guys rack up over in the US. Psychology may be on the softer end of the sciences given its heavy reliance on statistics, and it certainly has its flaws, but I think you're dismissing it too quickly just because you've had bad experiences for your own issues, and not because you're looking at the field as a whole from outside your subjective experience. It's possible to recognise that it's failed most of us with SPD while simultaneously seeing the value it has for many others in the society we collectively inhabit. No field is perfect. Your anecdotal frustration doesn't mean the whole thing is a sham. Even with all the garbage I've been through, I still get that. I do recognise, however, that America in particular seems to be pumping out more questionable degrees these days. I'd still argue that psychology isn't one of them, provided it hasn't yet been corrupted by nonsense leaking in from elsewhere in your education system. Side note: if you have SPD, chances are you don't need a philosophy class to teach you to think differently to the average population... XD
Different clinicians have different opinions -look at differential diagnosis of ASD it’s so interesting . Various personality disorders get confused with it and vice versa
I'm a social worker, and I feel like I've had more bad therapists than good. I had an LGBTQ therapist tell me that Bisexuality didn't exist. I had a psychologist tell me I wasn't attracted to women, I just admired them, and I had a therapist laugh and tell me her gay client told her that bisexual people are just closeted gay people.
Same for me, my Schizoid diagnosis has been liberating in terms of guilt, though I’m a bit regretful I didn’t get it sooner. I’m also feeling hopeful. Even if the prognosis is poor, at least I don’t feel so lost, I’m starting to identify how I function, what are my wants and needs, and I will be able to better communicate them.
Gosh yeah if we got diagnosed sooner, it would have saved so much stress x_x was talking to mum yesterday about an incident when I was in primary school and I can't help but wonder, what if my school had noticed those early warning signs? how might my life have been different? But at least now yeah, less guilt, and I can give myself permission to do things that might have felt frivolous or wasteful before now that I realise I'll never fit what society sees as functioning. Like in my latest video, getting myself an art studio.
@@DestroyerMariko Even if people notice signs, they generally don't know what to make of them. I was jokingly called a weirdo, the extraterrestrial, autistic... "You're in your world", "you don't talk about yourself"... But we're not as eccentric as Schizotypal, don't seem in a lot of distress, rarely cause trouble, it's hard to realise this is a full blown Personality Disorder. It's the "hidden disorder". And I read that about half of us are Covert Schizoids on top of that. In high school I was so aloof my teachers wondered if I was on drugs. But I was top of the class, so eventually it was dismissed as me being an aloof intellectual. It took me going into hard isolation for several months, then my mother begging me to go to a psychiatric clinic, to finally be diagnosed. As the psychologist there told me, at first they didn't know what to make of me. I was a social butterfly with other patients, quickly got integrated in a group, they loved talking with me as I'm such a "good listener". Hard to believe this guy had just spent months in self-imposed solitary confinement. She told me, you look normal, but that's actually proof you're not normal. A normal person would be devastated. As a fellow, now self-aware Schizoid, I did notice you are quite upset with your misdiagnosis and how long it took to get the correct one. I saw you dissociating and masking, losing your train of thought as you were struggling with emotion, and eventually some of it reached the surface. I do the same thing lol. Many of us are actually hypersensitive, in the inner self. But to the untrained eye, it might look like "Oh, she's taking it surprisingly well, what a strong, mature woman". Anyway, that feeling of knowing you can't fit society, stop struggling and let go, it's so liberating, isn't it? When we finally accept ourselves.
Well to be fair, mental health awareness wasn't as much of a thing back in the 90's. The conservative Catholic school I was at certainly wouldn't have had a clue. But it's just a little frustrating to wonder what might have been. I was also a high achiever at school, so they just assumed I was fine, and put me in utterly useless gifted and talented programs and that's about it. What a waste of time. But wow, sounds like you got diagnosed a lot faster than me after engaging the mental health system? I just started off dropping out of uni and being referred to useless psychologist #1 who tried to tell me "happy people live longer" as if that would fix me lol, and then she kicked her dog out of our sessions because I was more interested in him than her hahaha. And she was also not thrilled when after a while, I turned up in my first real attempt at goth style fashion! XD I'd say probably only my second psychiatrist had any idea there was something more going on, he just couldn't figure it out. Interestingly, when I turned up telling him I was depressed, that first session was similar to what you describe where he was puzzled that I seemed fine despite the symptoms I was describing and he couldn't figure me out. It was only the second session when I turned up a lot worse and kinda slumped that he could see I actually was depressed and had just been good at hiding it. He never picked SPD though. Just every now and then asked me the screening questions for things like bipolar and OCD and then looked puzzled that I didn't fit anything. Was I dissociating and masking so obviously? I'm still trying to learn when I do that lol. My old idea of what dissociation is was a lot more extreme stuff so I assumed I didn't do any of it, but it's only now with this diagnosis that I'm starting to recognise some of the more subtle ways I do it. I'm not sure that losing my train of thought is necessarily a sign of it though, sometimes I'm just thinking about so many things that I'll go on one tangent and get carried away and then forget what my original point was meant to be haha. It's quite common in my livestreams, especially when viewers in the chat ask me questions that completely throw me off! XD But yeah there are a lot of times where I don't really show what I'm thinking or feeling, and the weirdest is when my brain suppresses things in such a way that I'm not entirely conscious of whatever it is until later maybe. My brain makes me play the character I need to be at the time and it's so convincing that I believe most of it in the moment, only to find later that it was just more bullshit, and I might then end up feeling drained. And I often don't have control over this process. Like on the weekend I was helping teach bonsai, and I just went into super Japanese-style mode, doing my awkward little bows and saying うん even though I don't normally act like that anywhere else, and it was just a thing I fell into without any real intention to. I barely even speak any Japanese and rarely interact with the culture so how does my brain know to do this? Things I picked up subconsciously over time from mum and relatives? I wonder if my boss noticed... 😅 I talk full Aussie with him when it's just us doing normal work, we're both half-Jap but it's only the occasional words that pop up without customers around. Anyway yeah it's a relief to have a justification to stop trying so hard. I know a lot of new age people are all about accepting yourself, but I still felt something like a duty(?) to recover enough to fix my life, and was frustrated that nothing ever seemed to work. But now I know why, and that it's not my fault, and it's not that I didn't try hard enough. This is just how it is, so finally I can relax. Without that explanation, I wouldn't be able to stop pressuring myself like I was. It's just a shame I didn't get to this point earlier, because I've already damaged a lot of what was my natural self and I'm not sure I'll be able to get it back. And I think that might be why I feel a lot emptier than I used to.
@@DestroyerMariko Well I wasn't diagnosed that fast, though it's partly my fault I guess. In my early 20s I had a Borderline girlfriend who I loved passionately, but as you might expect it didn't go well. I was really distressed and started consulting therapists. One of them, a psychoanalyst if I remember correctly, listened patiently to me complaining about my gf. Then one day he started the session by saying "Tell me about your father". I didn't know what to say and got so uncomfortable. I cut it off with him, not even understanding why, but it left me with a hunch there was something wrong about my father and me. Now I understand. My father was neglectful and sometimes abusive. He had a schizophrenic brother, likely is schizoid himself, my brother went schizophrenic, and I'm schizoid in the end. It runs in the family, from genes to environmental triggers. It took around my 30s when I started decompensating really bad (hardcore self-isolation), and got engaged with the French psychiatric system proper. But yeah, even though they told me they had a hard time figuring me out at first, as I was the first schizoid they'd actually ever seen in that clinic, they did figure me out relatively quickly (a few months) once I was in their care. Them French psychiatrists are pretty Big Brain lol. A strong interest in dogs or other animals, over humans, is actually a sign of schizoidy. I love dogs too. I guess it's because a dog's love is pure and absolute, unlike fickle human love. I don't think your dissociation and masking are obvious, rather that I can perceive them because I'm schizoid too and aware of how we work. I think we're always dissociating, more or less. The extreme example is depersonalisation/derealisation. But there are more subtle ways. Like talking about something that really upsets us, but we're dissociating so we talk about it in a calm and detached way. Or we may even "mask", and talk about it like it's funny, find irony and dark humour in it. I guess the term "masking" is somewhat misleading, it's not necessarily like we do it on purpose to hide our feelings. It might be automatic, and in the moment we might actually appreciate the irony. Laughing at our own misery, and that of humanity in general. For example, with my Borderline gf, once she was so mean to me, I broke up in tears. Then another time she was so mean again, even flirting with another guy in front of me, and I think she wanted me to break down again, as a proof of love. But I dissociated and "masked". I suddenly became all happy and festive, went to drink with her friends. She looked so lost and frustrated, which made me feel triumphant inside. I did not let her, and the bad feelings, control me. Since then, I tend to react like that to "love games" that involve trying to make me feel bad. I guess it's unhealthy, but the eventual confusion and frustration from those who tried to manipulate me feels like a reward in of itself. Dissociation and "masking" are defense mechanisms, and are hyper-developed in schizoids. Even when we don't want to do it, it's become second nature.
Ahaha yeah people getting what they deserve is always fun. My ex used to talk about how he manipulated others in social situations while assuming that none of them ever caught on, but when I left him he was so unhappy that most of our mutual friends stuck with me rather than him and he couldn't understand why 😂 maybe it's because I didn't play dumb games with people to make them like me? XD
I am so glad I found your channel ❤️ I’ve never related to a person as much as I do you. I haven’t got an official diagnosis but I definitely fit the schizoid description . & it’s nice to know there are other ppl like me.
17:30 From my understanding, Schizoids think about "suicide", but it's not actually suicide. We don't want to die, we want to never have been born in the first place. We want to disappear *completely*, to have never existed. Like in the Radiohead song, "How To Disappear Completely".
I don't think that's unique to schizoids though. A lot of suicidal people don't actually want to die, dying is painful and scary etc. But since it's not possible to just disappear, some people get to the point of desperation where they make an attempt anyway.
@@DestroyerMariko Good point. I’ve been through this ideation, and apparently it’s quite typical of schizoids, but that doesn’t mean it’s exclusive to us.
I am 25 and I've never felt so understood since I've started researching Schizoid personality. Been going to therapy and such my entire life for ADHD and abysmal academic performance and I just never told anyone anything ever. Just didn't care too and I felt as though no one would even understand, hell I didn't even understand what was different about me. I always thought I just wanted to be left alone. I played videogames and slept through school. It's painfully obvious to me now what my deal was along side my other diagnosis's. Two of three I diagnosed myself and later had a psychiatrist agree. Luckily I get appointments for free so I don't feel cheated doing a mental health professionals job for them.
@@DestroyerMariko I'm unemployed so luckily in my area there was a program for me to get some sort of help. Thanks! It was very informative thank you for uploading.
I haven't been actually diagnosed yet, but I've been told that Schizoid is the most likely thing I've had. So, I looked into it a bit and it would explain my apathy for everything. I feel no love for my family, it makes me uncomfortable being around them, though they aren't bad people. I've never understood why people act so emotionally to things, either. I was originally under the impression that Schizoids feel no emotion, so that threw me off a bit, I feel emotion, I just generally don't care. I've had no childhood trauma or anything, either. But, if I had to guess why I'm like this, it's just because I've been a loner my entire life. I never felt any close relationships with friends, though I've tried. I moved around a lot as a kid too, so that must've also contributed to it. I'm not underweight, I don't like being hungry. Though, I prefer something that's quick to make rather than something flavourful that takes a while. I can enjoy taste, I suppose. Bland is boring. I find sexual arousal to just be an annoyance, like an itch that needs scratching. I wouldn't say I'm asexual, though. I find the "covert" part strange though. Isn't that tiring? I find it incredibly exhausting just being around people. Why are you willing to put in so much effort to be around something that makes you uncomfortable?
You probably don't need to get diagnosed unless there's some way it might benefit you, eg. the relief of having an answer, or government/medical support. Not everyone wants a diagnosis, sometimes stigma can be a concern. Do what's best for you. Lol all the people getting overly emotional about the British Queen. That's the most recent one to weird me out! Especially people crying!? :O I feel emotion, but mostly it's just sadness. Else I'm usually flat. You don't need childhood trauma. There also appears to be some genetic link to schizophrenia. A while after making this video, I realised I actually did have a type of trauma though, just not the usual dramatic sort that people think of. Have made some update vlogs. But my mum is also a bit odd to a lesser extreme than me, so there could still be some genetic or environmental link from her. Hard to say. Can be hard to know with less obvious factors like these. Re: covert - you may have misunderstood? I don't intentionally go hang around people if I don't have to. But when I do, I know how to behave in a way that doesn't seem classic schizoid. I used to withdraw, not say much, speak in a dull tone, etc. But out of necessity, I eventually had to learn to act more expressive and pretend to be interested. Now it's easier for me to do that, and that's why I'm considered covert. Hope that answers the question.
@@DestroyerMariko Thanks for the reply. I think it's interesting seeing both how different and similar people who have a condition are. And my question, I didn't phrase it correctly, but I got the answer. Thanks.
No worries ^_^ and yeah, having the same condition still allows for so much variation. I wish wider society could understand that, not just for schizoid either.
Hi, I haven't seen any of your other videos, but I am interested in Schizoid PD, since I have it myself, so I do a search for it every once in a while. I liked your video a lot, I appreciate how in-depth you got, and how you let us come along as you develop your thoughts. Your sociable "youtube persona" is very engaging. I tried masking earlier in my life, but I think I wasn't fooling anyone. In some ways maybe it's good that I'm not able to fake who I am, that tension probably led me to asking for mental health help, which I think was a good thing overall. I've also been diagnosed recently, but that's mostly because I turned down a lot of suggestions for mental health help in the past. I thought my diagnosis would be a sort of end to something, but it's really been just the beginning. "My brain turned down the hope" I liked that line a lot, lol :D I don't think you should worry about being an advocate, just try to be yourself. I agree with you about New Year's, it's the holiday I understand the least. If you're interested, the reddit community r/schizoid is pretty decent. Sometimes there's a few too many wannabe nihilists posting, but there's also some really intelligent and kind people with SPD there.
Thanks for your comments! As much as I'm apprehensive about community, having other Schizoids enjoy my video does make me feel better that I'm not just talking out my butt! 😊 SPD makes so much sense for me but I guess I still have a bit of that "what if" doubt lingering after that psychologist invalidated me, and knowing how my covert presentation might not be believed. I probably won't join any groups though. Like I've had a browse of some, but I think I'm too far gone 😅 too many experiences that put me off community. And yeah I can imagine the whole wannabe nihilist thing lol. But if you think my video might be interesting to them, I don't mind if you share it there. I do have an account (I think my username is DestroyerMariko there too) but I've never really done anything with it lol, didn't even know I had an account until not that long ago! Anyway, I think yeah, just being myself, that's how I'm trying to restructure my life. Have been trying to rejig my thinking now that I better understand myself. Trying to worry less about being "sensible" and trying to do more with less thinking, less waiting around to feel things like motivation which I might never feel again. So far it's helping me get more stuff done, but I'm not sure how long it'll last, wouldn't be the first time I've had a burst of activity that quickly fizzles out. Will probably be a while before I do another SPD-related vlog but I guess by then I might have a clearer picture on whether or not it's working. Cross fingers coz I'm tired of just floating in this meaningless life.
Thank you so much for making this video. I'm also Schizoid Personality and I can relate to everything you say. I live inside my head and have an overactive imagination. Always have since I've been a child. I don't really have many friends or acquaintances and enjoy spending time alone reading, painting, or watching films. I also love cats too! I know it's weird for a guy but it is what it is. Thanks again for this video. It was very helpful. By the way I like your hair it's cool. Reminds me of Kate Winslet from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Thanks! Glad it helped! Unfortunately I actually shaved my head not long after making this video haha. It's growing back but I haven't coloured it in ages. Honestly the whole journey since this first video has been a lot.
Hi, I think your video is very informative and when you describe yourself, I am amazed at how much I am also like that and I have also been in therapy for 10 years and it did absolutely no good. Apparently I had a therapist who was similar to the one you had except mine was a man who told me I had Asperger syndrome, so I got into a small group of people with Asperger’s and I totally did not fit in not one bid at all! I’ve always been a loner since as far back as I can remember. I’ve never liked being around people, and I found that even people that you work with are not to be trusted, because they’ll use whatever weakness they can find against you. Of course I was in the military, and that was the mentality of the people I worked with. I’ve also been diagnosed with Bipolar II, but I’m gonna try to get the Asperger’s syndrome, changed to schizoid personality disorder because that fits me like a glove! I never heard of schizoid before until about two months ago when I found out that my sister had been diagnosed many years back and she kept it a secret as schizophrenia. We’ve always been a family that would go off and do our own thing so nobody really knew what was happening to other members of the family until now. I could go years and I have, not seen any member of my family and not think nothing of it. I’ve never had any close friends at all through most my life with the exception of one and she became my wife for 38 years and 9 months until she died in 2016. My wife was deaf, and had her own friends, so I never had to really associate much with them. So I would always play Chess on my computer, and never really have to bother with anybody, cause I would never see anybody that I worked with, and I avoided military gatherings as much as possible, and I was lucky to have a job where I could pretty much be on my own. Long story short I hope to get my doctor to change my diagnosis of Asperger syndrome, to schizoid personality disorder. It’s because of my therapist who is now retired, is the reason that I never questioned it when I guess I should’ve. I guess a misdiagnosis is just part of the game when most the time it feels like they’re shooting in the dark on how they diagnose you!
Best of luck with it! Unfortunately yeah autism spectrum is what's in fashion and personality disorders are so overlooked. I'm not sure if this is helpful but I recently posted some more videos on my thoughts about schizoid vs autism ua-cam.com/video/MjrBmZmSPng/v-deo.html and other things that look like schizoid ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html - speaking of, make sure you also check out things like Avoidant Personality Disorder just in case. But if your sister has schizophrenia, schizoid is probably more likely. I've come to have a theory that there's two forms of schizoid, one based on trauma (which I have) and one more closely related to schizophrenia since that's what schizoid sometimes turns into.
26:10 You described it so well 😊 schizoid personality disorder relate's to me, especially the feeling of wanting to do so many artistic things but later on feeling very numb. Also im curious if you had a moment in your life where you got light headed and numb out of know were like how i did
Possibly yeah, light headed for sure. I'm told that some of my weird experiences like that are dissociation. Whether that's part of schizoid or a comorbid dissociative disorder, we're not sure yet.
I had the same experience as you in my abnormal psychology class learning about schizoid personality disorder- my whole life suddenly made sense! I'm also creative (visual art), asexual, I have a covert persona to socially adapt, and I find the fact about weight and schizoid interesting (I'm 5' 6" and I just hit 105 pounds at 30 years old because my metabolism is insane). I just had to mention because I've never heard of anyone so much like me before. Thanks for sharing your experience!
I was very lightweight when I was a kid also. Now I've got a huge belly. Homeoffice + cooking + age. At first I thought it's funny but don't underestimate the weight that comes with age.
Awesome video, I can relate a lot because I had this friend who was different on so many levels and I was always curios to know why until I found about SPD on wikipedia and other sources and it was an Aha! moment. All came toghether to the tiniest detail.
I know hey! I wish society and the psych community weren't so in denial about personality disorders because for those of us who have them, it explains so much!!
Yeah, that's also myn experience......I'm 72 years old and I just discovered that I check all the boxes to qualify as Schizoid Personality Disorder. And, I have since i was a child..... Now that I understand the situation somewhat better, I am not seeing it as a disorder..... It's just who I am......At his point in my life, personal relationships have no point anyway. Wife, kids, family.....Don't need it.....I'm ok.
Thanks for the vid, DM. Certainly seems to be too many folk still falling through the psychologist floorboards.. esp when folk are looking for help but fall through the cracks all the same..
Schizoid, avoidant attachment, and emotional neglect all seem to have overlapping commonalities. I know this is a video posted 2 years ago, but as someone who deeply relates to what you've discussed, figured I'd share some thoughts. Especially the bit about emotional neglect. Anecdotally, what you've described as "I don't have any trauma" and (summarizing/paraphrasing) "at 3 years old my world was shaken... a sibling had a serious medical condition... I was overlooked at times," seems to line up with that concept to a T. But, regardless: Good job for obtaining that diagnosis after 15 years. Getting effective psychological services can be hell.
I'm no doctor, I'm a fellow schizoid. I've seen growing interest in long term supplementation with the dietary supplement N Acetyl L Cysteine in treating negative schizophrenia symptoms. You can find dozens of high quality studies on pubmed i won't cite any. Long term supplementation depletes glycine and so one might consider co-supplementing trimethylglycine when deficiency symptoms arise. There's also been anectodal evidence of histamine intolerance manifesting, that's something to keep in mind. I'll start supplementing NAC this week and see how it goes, really hope it helps. NACET is a more bioavailable but harder to come across form of it. Wish you the best
I have no idea what that is but I'll look it up. What do you mean by histamine intolerance though? I have bad hay fever problems and only just found antihistamines I can use, other ones had such bad side effects that I had to stop before I could get past the side effect stage. Are you saying my hay fever could get worse if I took such a product?
To be completely honest, one can't know for sure what the exact effect would be, but I came across a few studies on NAC actually having the opposite effect, that is, actually excerting therapeutic action on allergic rhinitis symptoms, but the studies were on rats, so one can't be too sure, worth a shot I think. NACET is a much more effective form of it with less side effects, if you can find some.
Hmm okay. Well good luck with it! I think I'll pass for now, I tend to react badly to a lot of substances so I've become a bit nervous to try things I don't know enough about. Perhaps once it's been studied better and goes more mainstream I'll have another look :) in the meantime I'm doing okay enough that I'm not desperate to start trying things for now. Hope it works for you though!
Fair enough, that's probably the more responsible option. NAC is mainstream actually since it's a dietary supplement (FDA might soon change that) it can be found at any common local pharmacy. I'm desperate enough to start trying things so I pray this works, wish you the best
Ah I'm in Australia, I'm not sure the status here, but I mean mainstream in terms of its use for things like schizoid. I think you can get it here for other things, but I'd want to check with my doctor before trying anything not specifically approved for this use if that makes sense.
I know you’re working on it, but I don’t mind the tangents, really. It kinda fits the Cluster A personality disorders, like indifference to criticism & praise. So many things in common in our mental health histories. I was also not abused, but also have a special-needs sister who required the attention from parents at an early age.
Didn't occur to me that tangents might fit but I guess the whole odd/eccentric thing maybe? XD Yeah wow, have you seen my latest video? ua-cam.com/video/PluvD2fbHxA/v-deo.html Found out we're called "glass children" because our parents were so focused on the special needs kids that they saw right through us while we tried to seem stronger than we really were. Got some links in the description of that video. Feels weird because I'm so used to the situation that I stopped being able to see it as a big deal for ages but now I'm finally getting a better picture of just how much it probably affected me.
My psychologist suggested that I had this and I had no idea what it was. The only thing I had ever found and related to was DPDR. But after I checked out on all the symptoms I looked it up, and not only did I relate to the symptoms but I could relate to all these specific things I’ve felt that schizoid people were describing. And I felt just as you described, that everything in my life made sense and that is such a weird experience. And honestly I didn’t expect to find anything more than what I had already found but this video made me realize even more things and find even more stuff to relate to. And I feel like we have very similar experiences in a way. I also think I developed this at an early age and I also think it’s due to a feeling of abandonment from my parents and those I loved. I think this led me to learn to act very normal, I can socialize without much issues, I can express emotions outwards in a natural way even though I don’t feel them, and I can make myself seem very normal. But I have also realized that if I do this too much I slowly start going down an unstoppable spiral of exhaustion and eventually I can’t even get out of bed until I regain energy and can keep going a few weeks or months later. It’s just so crazy how everything I hear about this is literally me, it’s like someone gathered everything I’ve ever thought and experienced and made up a disorder based on it. I have also had a lot of suicidal thoughts and I had no idea about the things you said about it, but that is what I feel as well. Life and Death really is 50/50 for me, it genuinely doesn’t matter. If I die I die if I live I live. I could end it but I see no point in it. I could keep on living but I don’t see a point in that either. So I’m probably never gonna do anything about either of those options but neither of them matter to me. And I do not see anything wrong with this either. My psychologist said it is a depressive and sad way of thinking but I really do not think that. Life and death is plain and insignificant to me. You said that you may answer questions, so do you have any suggestions on how to feel more motivated to exist? I will turn 18 next year and motivation to continue is a big struggle for me especially since I know I will soon have a lot of responsibilities. Thank you for the video it was very insightful and made me realize a lot
I also relate to being underweight and I have never had an eating disorder. My theory is the same as yours, we don’t eat for satisfaction we just eat to not starve. And I think that may sometimes make me eat a bit to little without noticing.
Hey, rants are fine here, I mean my video is almost an hour so... 😅 I'm glad this helped you. It's not the most optimistic diagnosis but for me, knowing I've got it helps take some of the pressure off? Like now that I know I can't be normal, I'm being kinder to myself and trying not to push myself beyond my limits. The bit you said: _"I can make myself seem very normal. But I have also realized that if I do this too much I slowly start going down an unstoppable spiral of exhaustion and eventually I can’t even get out of bed until I regain energy and can keep going a few weeks or months later."_ OMG so much this!! And I think maybe the longer I overdo it, the longer I need to recover. Might explain why my 2015-2018 depression was so bad and drawn out. Lol I'm still piecing together all the things that finally make sense now that I have this diagnosis. Hmm, how to be motivated, I'm still working on that. It probably depends what kind of person you are though - we might have the same disorder, but that doesn't mean we're the same. I've already interacted with some schizoids online who I really can't relate to outside the basic symptoms of the disorder. Like, one who seemed to assume I'd be into anime when I'm really not. Anyway, what I'm trying at the moment is to use my creative impulse. It's been harder and harder for me to do this as I've gotten older, but it used to be very important to me, and I still feel something pulling me to it even though I've gotten so numb. So like, I finally got an art studio (ua-cam.com/video/pndBUcA-hfo/v-deo.html) which I'm paying money for, and that makes me feel like I have to go there at least once a week to make it worthwhile. I get there, and even though I feel flat, I end up making _something_ and that's better than sitting at home drowning in internet I guess. I'm not sure where it's going to lead, but it gets me out of the house and actually doing more than just melting into a blob if that makes sense. So I dunno, if you can find something like that, give it a go? If you have other personality quirks you can exploit, use them. Like for me, I'm financially anxious, so the fact that I'm paying for this studio makes me feel like "OMG I CAN'T WASTE THAT MONEY" so it forces me to go. Although one caveat is that I did try this with the gym many years ago and that was a flop, so it doesn't work for everything for me. I guess the art studio thing feels less gross than trying to work out lol. But yeah so figure out stuff like that if you can, and how to balance the right amount of pressure to help you do whatever you have the best chance at actually doing. Worth a shot? So far I'm sticking to the plan okay, but it's early days. Also, since you actually have a psychologist who knows what SPD is, see if they have any ideas. You're kinda lucky to have found that, and especially at an early age! I'm 33 only just now having this diagnosis. I've spent my life struggling against problems I didn't know I had, no thanks to that terrible psych who dismissed everything about me. I know it still sucks, but at least you won't make as many mistakes as me. I tried so hard to find somewhere to fit in, only to keep falling on my face into depression. But with this disorder, we kinda don't fit anywhere. On the one hand, that makes life hard, navigating this society. But in another way, it's freeing...? Like I'm not even really trying to fit anymore. I'm trying to find my own way to tolerate existence. And if anyone has an issue with that, I can now point to a diagnosis that says sorry asshole, you're wrong, this is what I have and this is how I need to manage it. The only other thing I can think of is finding ways to reduce life stress and getting my life more stable. I'm lucky to live with my parents so I don't have to worry so much about basic survival things. But I used to think I'd have to move out eventually, and so I was pushing myself too hard with employment and what should I study etc. When my family and I finally realised how bad my depression problems were though, things got better. Realising they were happy and able to support me helped a lot. It was hard for me to accept that I needed that much help. Now I just need the welfare system to stop harassing me so I can smooth out other areas of my life. Obviously this is all very specific to my situation and I know not everyone is so fortunate, but I guess take whatever you can get without feeling guilt. Trying to be self-sufficient is very SPD, but sometimes it is actually better to take the help on offer. That's all I can think of for now. I hope it gives you some ideas. I'm still learning about what it means for me, every now and then some new insight will pop up and a new part of my life will make sense. With so little research to help, I guess we just have to find out for ourselves what works.
@@DestroyerMariko Thank you so much for the advice. I will make sure to keep it in mind and take things slow to not push myself too hard. I really appreciate the reply!
Super long post 3: You probably stopped experiencing loneliness as you banished your true/authentic self :( . The true/authentic self is where that comes from (desire to go see others). When its banished/exiled you lose the loneliness and all the other stuff (passions big feelings etc.). I hear you on the awareness raising, I also take that approach. You and I are so covert that others aren't threatened or put off by us so we can raise awareness in peace so to speak. I've been meaning to start streaming and all but I'm snowed under at work, may have to quit like you did the finance job :( . Sux to hear ya don't want to hang out in community much at all lol, but all good. I'd add you did alot of thinking very fast in getting this vid made by Friday after diagnosis! In any event, great intro vid and great initial thoughts by you. Just wonderful to see a zoid start off about right.
No I'm pretty sure I stopped feeling lonely from having my low social needs satisfied by the internet and my pets. As for the "community" ua-cam.com/users/shortskEgoe8-ftOM
the bit about losing interest in hobbies is so accurate, the amount of things i found interesting then focused on just that for a couple months only to completely drop it and never touch it again is crazy. now i have basically given up finding hobbies and just spend my life living off disability pensions at home playing games and watching youtube until i finally end up killing myself.
At the risk of making an unfortunate pun... hang in there...! 😅 But yeah totally. Although since this video, I went and got me an art studio and make myself go once a week just to fartdoodle around. That's probably the main successful change in my life so far. Have tried to add a once-a-week music goal but yeah nah it's not happening. It's so hard to stay motivated, and it's really just passing the time between now and death.
crazy how there are only THREE schizoids in internet history as of 2023 that have made UA-cam videos about their experiences... i have it and your video is the most relatable of the three. unlike those two schizoid guys that made videos, you're a bit different in that i would never be able to tell that you're schizoid just by listening to you speak. you are "remote" (as related to us through your experiences) but not "affectless" or depressive in your speech/disposition like San Leaf and that guy from your playlist. i could easily imagine you leading a big group project or being a therapist or something. i get the sense that (like me) you're more effective at dissociating away what's right in front of you 24/7 so that you can contently function in situations where schizoids would normally disintegrate. idk tho, just my impression
I've since come across a few more schizoid UA-camrs, but yeah there's not many of us (understandably) and a lot also disappear after only one or two videos. I do seem to be one of the most expressive, but it took me a long time to get here, I used to be much more withdrawn and stereotypically schizoid when I was younger. I think a combination of my pre-schizoid disposition and my post-high school experiences are what helped me gradually seem more open, and yeah probably with some dissociation too. Made it hard to get diagnosed though, because so many people think affect is the only feature of importance despite all the other criteria! And I definitely wouldn't have gotten diagnosed if I didn't have all the comorbid depression. Regarding big group projects and so on though, ahhhhhhh noooo probably not haha. Closest I've gotten is trying to start metal bands, and maybe the few times I've helped teach some relatively chill bonsai classes at work. I think I'd struggle with anything bigger or more interpersonally intimate than that. I do well in front of a camera when I'm alone, but IRL is a lot harder and as my mental health has worsened, I've done a lot less out in the world. It's honestly become a much worse problem for my life functioning at this point. But I guess I can see why you'd imagine it, and yeah the times in my adult life where I did do better and get out there more, dissociation was a much bigger thing I experienced, compared to my current life staying home and isolated most of the time. It may not be coincidence that my dissociation has lessened as I've sunk further into the hermit life this year. Haven't even been able to work, but now that you mention it, my moments of dissociation are a lot less frequent and intense, hmm interesting! I've actually talked a bit about dissociation since this video, and also realised I probably got this way thanks to childhood trauma. Not sure which are the best videos to watch, but this one goes over the trauma stuff at the start, may be of interest: ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html
I don't know if I fully have Schizoid, but I feel like I can relate to some of it. When you talked about your brother, I could totally relate. I have a twin sister with a cognitive disability and mental illness. I think I have some stunted emotional development because of that. She just needed a lot more care. I remember as a kid being upset about something and telling myself, I had to suck it up because my parents have too much to worry about. I don't think we talk enough about the siblings of special needs kids. I love my sister. She has taught me so much, but it is hard in ways that many people who don't live it will never understand. I am now a social worker working with kids with special needs and I'm always checking in on the siblings. They're usually so well-behaved and mature beyond their years, but I worry about them.
Yeah I later realised I have glass child trauma. I'm not sure which is the best video, but I definitely talked about it at the start of this one: ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html Having high needs siblings does affect kids, and it's so good that you're trying to help them! They do get ignored. I have another sibling who's doing better, although he does have confidence issues. But I think I had it worse because my parents weren't emotionally sensitive enough to raise a female child, didn't share my interests (they and my other brother shared an interest in sport), and I was also good academically and well behaved and the oldest so they didn't think I needed anything and often left me to do stuff myself. Since my diagnosis almost 2 years ago, I've seen so many more ways all of this has affected me now that I'm not in denial anymore. It's quite sad and frustrating to think I never really stood a chance in the circumstances. I really needed some adults to pay attention and realise I wasn't doing as well as I pretended to, and to tell me it was okay to feel the way I did before my brain started suppressing everything. Now it's too late, my life is already a huge mess and I'll probably never function properly in the society we live in.
I'm.so sorry to hear that. I can relate a lot to what you're saying and thank you for sharing that video. I can't wait to watch it. I hope this helps me because I have been trying to figure myself out for years. I don't think I have schizoid because I care way too much about what other people think lol. But maybe this will give me some clarity. Have you gotten any relief since this video was made?
Also, are you familiar with Dr. Kirk Honda and his show psychology in seattle? He did a huge deep dive probably 10 hours or more on Schizoid if you're interested.
Yeah not everyone who experiences glass child trauma becomes schizoid, I think it depends on a lot of factors. Maybe it'll be more helpful to look up stories of glass child trauma rather than schizoid specifically? Since I made this video, I've had a rough time, I think I actually got worse because: 1) I thought if I figured myself out, it'd fix things, but instead it uncovered a whole can of worms, 2) being in denial protected me from the can of worms but now that I've opened it, I can't put it back, 3) my life situation hasn't improved enough for me to process it all in a safe and supported way. That said, at least I stopped wondering why I feel so crap and how my life ended up this way. Not knowing still sucked, it was just different. I'm still trying to work through everything, but 2023 has been a particularly bad year for me. I do think I might be starting to turn a corner, but it's always hard to know. I'm not familiar with that person, but I honestly don't have the energy. I don't actually find schizoid that interesting, it helped explain a bit about me, but I don't feel a need to watch more analysis. I'm also not the usual stereotype since I have a covert presentation, and I also have other issues, so I don't feel like it'd be that helpful for me to obsess over this diagnosis. I kinda just wanna get on with working on myself.
@@DestroyerMariko I'm sorry you've been struggling especially since you sounded so hopeful in this video. I hope you're able to finally heal as well. I appreciate your help and I will look into the glass child syndrome. I have been trying to understand my own shit for a while and am trying to get answers so hopefully this helps me. I watched the other video you shared with me and describing having a sibling with special needs as a form of trauma was very helpful. I always felt like I have feelings and behaviors similar to PTSD but felt weird saying that since my parents were never abusive or necessarily bad. However, I think I was somewhat neglected due to the stress of having a sibling with stronger needs than me.
Thank you so much for this video! Also as someone who was studying professionally to become a therapist I can tell you that the field has some very I feel backwards ideas and also the paternalistic attitude towards the authority of the person diagnosing is what in my opinion causes so many issues especially for rare or stigmatized disorders like these we have. I mean it‘s not that shocking to hear your therapist basically letting her opinions influence her practice as well as being pretty bigoted towards you being ace. It‘s ofc not ok even in professional circles. We get taught to not let your opinions influence our work or practice but when someone is in such a powerful position they can become influenced over time because you don‘t really get checked as much especially if you‘re liscened and you own the clinic for example. This is why i usually seek out younger therapists starting out usually because the experiences I had with older councelers were really toxic and I only managed to get out so soon cause i had experience myself from school. The truth is that therapy is great when it works but it is also dangerous to a certain degree because it‘s mostly based in theories about the mind not like physical health is. So opinions can be far more influential and since diagnosis is so wishy washy it can be the case that we could wake up tomorrow and realize that adhd and autism is the same thing but just different types of manifesting the same neurological difference in brain structure and processing. And that is not to discredit the field because i do believe in it. It has helped me a lot myself and I agree that mental health is a big part of human health too. But this general attitude of „we know everything. We are the authority. Only we can know what you are.“ to me is really toxic and borderline anti scientific because science is about theories and theories aren‘t immovable realities. In fact a lot of the attitude towards disorders being so set in stone is totally unproductive. It‘s how you can end up having women‘s brains being surgically destroyed because hormonal mood swings in combination of mentally going insane of being a glorified domestic se* slave caused a disorder to be born called hysteria that today we know isn‘t real and is in fact a sexist idea about women acting out when opressed and abused making the abusers uncompfortable hence for why they‘d label what was a pretty rational response as an illness. Same can be said for queerness in general and how that used to be patologized. Who knows if neurodivergence will be that of the future. Because living in a straight world that hates queerness comes with suffering if you aren‘t straight. This is why we were taught in school that a mental illness is only that if it is actually harmful to the one having it or ppl around them, and social stigma or other external things aren‘t the cause. But one could easily argue then that a world being hostile to adhd ppl or autism having ppl could also classify as not an illness since one could argue that a more inclusive environment might have made ppl with these conditions more easily able to function. But that‘s the tricky thing really. Cause social stigma and unfair aspects of our reality play a huge part in what causes mental illness and also makes it worse. But if you‘re a councelor, you aren‘t encuraged to ever mention it. You are rarely allowed to critisize the system because that‘d warrant systemic changes that‘d disempower the wealthy and they don‘t want that. And so what mental health counseling is a lot of the time is essentially a bandaid put on a gaping fle*sh wound socially speaking. It makes it more bareable, but it‘s not a real cure. Because the cure would be to make a fair system wich is far more difficult to fix when the world is run by those that are greedy and just want to stay rich and powerful. Essentially it comes down to: „we‘ll help you. But only so far as it‘ll lead to you still benefitting the system. That is why we are told that our role in therapy is to make people function again at work and in their daily lives. We aren‘t told to cure ppl because it‘s impossible. But we are asked to make you work again for the system. That is the sad reality of it. And that isn‘t to say councelors don‘t care. A lot of them do really care. Many of us try to be that because we know what it‘s like and we just want others to be able to live a better life and realize their true potential. But if you‘re a therapist, at the end of the day you‘re still an agent of the system. And that can be really depressing and lead to some dark implications that hurt the client and the therapist equally.
Oh and also I do wanna add to this a pretty good example I saw in a videogame called Eliza about the future of therapy that really strongly impacted my view on this too. At the first chapter of the game you join a therapy center as a therapist but the new way the therapy is done there is for you to basically get put in a vr headset and you are asked to read out things a AI says to the client because they only want you there to make it look like a human is talking to the person coming to their appointment. And basically your first day starts with a man coming in. He beging venting about a lot of stuff, and after you give him some generic answers (you aren‘r allowed to go off script basically) he starts telling you that he feels like he‘s not even able to talk to a real person and how he feels so dismissed and he basically has a breakdown begging you to go off script and just talk to him like a person and then what happens is, you talk to him like you are going off script, but in your display you see that the „off script“ dialogue is still the AI script. The AI is essentially making you swear about not lying to him as you ACTIVELY HAVE TO LIE TO HIS FACE. And I can‘t lie man. That hit home so hard for me having been in both situations before. This inhuman pathologization of humans and this categorization and move towards such inhuman ways of helping people in need only ends up hurting ppl because sometimes you really just need someone to listen to you. And that is part of being a therapist. Actually listening. Not judging. Not trying to fix someone‘s issues with advice. Not talking over them. It‘s being human and being there for the person to vent and reflecting that back to them so they can view it in a better light. Without judging it or speaking over them. But i feel like we are moving away from that sadly especially now with AI becoming more and more advanced. Jacob geller actually has a fantastic video on automated therapy if that interests you. I‘d highly check that out. Cause I feel like it can be very eye opening. But that‘s it. We‘re inching ever closer to this scary world. Today it‘s still just a videogame called eliza. But it could become our reality tomorrow. And hey, if i was still going for this career path, i wouldn‘t ever want to be that person who has to sit there, watching someone having a mental breakdown while I got metaphorical tape over my mouth while i repeat the automated reply feeling a single tear stream down my face only stopped by the technological headset on me to obscure my true emotions as I lie to someone in need while denying them true human connection. The feeling that we‘d some day be in that situation makes me sick. And I do wish that we‘ll never get there in our current reality.
Glad you liked the video! Yeah calling Lifeline always felt like talking to a script rather than a person. "I can hear that you're feeling [everything I just said to them]" 😐 The autism case is interesting. As the sibling of a severely disabled person, I grew up meeting a lot of profoundly autistic kids and they are nothing like today's very vocal mildly autistic people. Unfortunately, those kids and their parents are now being ignored, while activists argue autism isn't a disorder, in part because they've never seen how extreme it can get. If autism and ADHD end up merging, it'll be because people went so far with the idea of a "spectrum" that it lost all meaning. It frustrates me. And it happens a lot in the disability community, although it's usually physically disabled people who think they speak for or understand even a hint of what severely intellectually disabled people and their families go through. Similarly, many autistic people _can't_ speak for themselves and so they get talked over by well-meaning uninformed people who mistakenly glorify autism as some kind of superpower just because a handful become hugely successful in a specific field. And as a side note, the popularity of autism in the mainstream consciousness appears to be one reason schizoid doesn't get any attention, on top of people being squeamish about the idea of "personality disorders" as if recognising someone's struggles means criticising who they are. The ICD-11 pretty much erases schizoid by replacing all but borderline with faceless generic labels. But schizoids tend to be quiet, and no one asked us what we think of it, they talked over us instead. In other news, it's interesting you popped up with this criticism of therapy coz I'm currently contemplating quitting it again haha... 😅 (I've made other videos on schizoid where I talk about the struggle to find worthwhile treatment.)
Hmm. A lot of what you are saying sounds familiar to me. I was quite overt in High School too. I joined the army and became more covert. Because forced to be around people helped me learn what is normal. I was little different though. I tried a couple times to see a therapist, (Like twice and I am 40 now.) They kept trying to treat me for depression and I kept saying I was not depressed. The medications did absolutely nothing to me. I am a-sexual too, but I just learned I am. There was no word for it in my younger years. I married. I am married with 4 kids, but I just do not have interest in intimacy and socializing much. Even with my husband. Most people just do not understand. It's hard to explain to them. I had to figure out I had Schizoid by myself too lol. Good thing I read a lot. 🙃 I still can't bring myself to bother with therapy. I actually became a medic in the army so I could take care of myself and could avoid doctors lol.
I too have dismissive avoidant attachment style. My parents were young and overwhelmed. Me and sibs were left alone a lot and fended for ourselves. Some people think this is good thing. It's not. It's just as bad for kids and the opposite attachment traumas. It probably played a huge role in my personality disorder.
I've ended up giving therapy another go, finally found someone who's actually trying, though it's still very slow going. I guess since I do have depression, it's more worthwhile for me. Otherwise my GP wants me to try TMS lol... Also since this video, I realised my trauma comes from growing up with my disabled brother. Same thing you say about parents being overwhelmed I think, I also felt I had to do a lot for myself, and yeah it's not good. Took me such a long time to figure out, I was so in denial.
@@DestroyerMariko Now that I understand myself (from reading a lot about it) and from some really good Psychologist talking about stuff to the public, it's easier for me to be more open with people. Before my relationships never lasted because I did not know what were my issues. Now I have been married almost 10 years and I am able to communicate exactly who I am and I have a open minded understanding husband now. He definitely gives me my space when and how I want it. And he helps me co-parent to make sure I do not create dismissive avoidant kids. My husband is a secure attached person it seems like. And culturally things can be a little differently because I come from a tribal like system mentality. We can step in for each other, in the culture I come from. Like eventually my great grandmother came to live with us and she was there for us every day. Now my mom lives with me (this sort of thing). Have you seen Dr. Kirk Honda's podcast/YT channel? It's called Psychology in Seattle. He plans on doing a deep dive on schizoid personality disorder. He has not done it yet, but I am waiting for it. His other non-related deep dives I found interesting too. You might like his channel. He does other stuff related to TV shows, but he does a lot of educational type videos too. Also, I actually started different art hobbies. Because I lose interest quite fast. So I always jump around. Like sometimes I start drawing then I lose interest and start playing music and then I lose interest and start writing and then I lose interest and start gaming. MMORPG's have become fun games for me- but I prefer to play solo a lot more than most people do ha ha. But occasionally I 'join the group.' I kind of cycle through these hobbies. I find switching it up helps me. Never got into exercising or sport activities though. In fact, that was the part I hated most about the army. lol After I left the army I stopped exercising. Sometimes I do archery and mild exercise like swim, but I am not putting it in my busy schedule of floating around my day. No way in hell. 😂
That's really cool you found someone who gets it. Nah I don't watch a lot of psychology content, not unless there's something specific I'm looking for. Now that I know I'm schizoid, I've mostly lost interest. Speaking of, yeah I notice I lose interest in things real fast too, and yeah I think jumping between things is the best way to manage it.
I always knew there was something different about me. I don't care about people, I'm always lonely, and I'm selfish, it's not a bad thing for me, but I know everyone thinks I'm weird.
Oh? Have you been diagnosed? On their own, the traits you list aren't really enough to say it's SPD, could be worth exploring differential diagnoses if you haven't already.
@@DestroyerMariko Well I have never been diagnosed but I have many of the symptoms : Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family. Almost always chooses solitary activities. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity. There's also the fact that, like many Schizoïds, I have a rich fantasy world. I have been writing stories and doing RolePlay nearly all my life.
Gotcha yeah 4+ criteria is considered enough. Guess it's up to you whether getting the official diagnosis is worthwhile or not. I used to write role play stuff too way back, was so sad when my main one ended :(
@@brianmeen2158 loneliness is actually a characteristic included under the Guntrip criteria so it's not a hard and fast rule. Also keep in mind variations between people and that you only need 4 criteria from DSM5 or ICD-10 to be SPD which leaves a lot of room for differences. SPD is also to some degree a defence against social pain, so a schizoid might not admit even to themselves about being lonely, but actually experience it underneath those layers. Being lonely doesn't mean you want to be around people though. I went through a period of loneliness when I was younger and found myself pining for something more like a Digimon or robot as a companion. I also prefer to be around animals, particularly my pets. Schizoids are known to do better with animals rather than humans, which adds to the idea that they can be lonely, just not in the same way the rest of humanity expects. Animals don't have the same demands as humans, so many schizoids feel less of a need to withdraw from them, and perhaps see them as "safer" to be close to. Btw sorry I'm only just seeing this comment now, UA-cam's comment system isn't very well done, a lot of notifications just never come through lol.
I hope the video was helpful! You don't need to label yourself or get officially diagnosed unless it helps you to have that, else just keep doing your thing :)
loved your video! i've previously been dx with schizotypal personality disorder, and currently my therapist (I started therapy again about 5 months ago) thinks that I have dysthymia instead. I sort of disagree but I think I fit that diagnosis well enough, anyway i've been trying to tackle the depression and anhedonia , lack of social connections or close relationships and what I understand to be the cause of that this year its only been recently, earlier this month, that I finnaly managed to break my depressive symptoms - and it was in part due to a hospitalization. Also was doing spravato therapy for 4 months. Anyway, i'm slowly piecing together how damaging the years and years (at least 9 years I think, though I can trace back many of these symptoms to memories when I was 8 years old... I honestly do not remember feeling otherwise) of depression and anhedonia have been. Even though I have shed passive suicidal ideation and am feeling happier lately, I still have a lot of damage to acknowledge and try to repair. This last round of spravato therapy, afterwards I saw a flavor of kombucha at a place I hang out at - written on a piece of tape on the tap - and I remembered I prefer that flavor over all the others. Then I realized - its actually my favorite. This was a big shock to me because , for I don't know how many years, I didn't like anything enough to say its my favorite. I didn't think I had favorites... because I didn't recall the feeling of liking things. Then I realized I had my favorite thing to eat for breakfast that day, and that too was my favorite. So I have rediscovered that I do actually have favorite things, and I like them. I have just two rediscovered so far ... I hope I can rediscover more, but depression and anhedonia have managed to sever my ability to not just feel enjoyment , or to like things - but also the memory of liking them as well. Here I have been, drinking my favorite kombucha off and on for years , eating my favorite breakfast off and on for years, but not able to recognize its my favorite, or that I like it. Anyways, if anyone is reading this and you identify with having depressed mood for years, having anhedonia, not liking anything enough to call it your favorite : please, try and beat your depression and break your anhedonia, because it will hollow you out, rewrite your memories, and its so incredibly destructive. I'm only just starting to realize it, and scratch the surface of recovery, and its just awesome in the most terrible of ways the kind of damage this does to you when it goes on and on for years at a time. I've set a personal goal of 30 days of not having dysthymia to consider myself as entering recovery, then 60 days of recovery before I start really working on relationships. According to the literature, I need 5 years in recovery to enter remission.... i'll be 46. If I make it. Statistically its unlikely i'll make it that far without relapse, if not several... but I am going to try. I hope you do too, reader.
I gave up looking for help. Idk if there is anything that can change me at this point. I just try to get by everyday. Luckily i have one person my bf of 8 years that is really the only person that knows me besides my parents and sister
Well it's good you have someone at least! Yeah I think I'm done with trying to get help, I'll just keep up my GP appointments and that's it. Getting the diagnosis has helped me be kinder to myself though. That's something. But instead of "fixing" me, it's just giving me permission to do more of my own thing without feeling like I should be doing something else if that makes sense. Embracing my quirks more I guess? Accepting I'll never fit mainstream life and just doing more of what I actually want...
Tbh I’m baffled at schizoids that have steady boyfriends or girlfriends . How?! I have never had a relationship last longer than a few weeks to a month- I just feel no desire to be around someone nor share feelings with them
@@brianmeen2158 only just seeing this comment now. Schizoids can actually be close to people, but usually it's only maybe one person and that's it. Also keep in mind that having the same label doesn't mean having the exact same experiences or severity of symptoms. You might not feel it, but others can. And then there's some who don't feel it but are pressured by society to feel like they should at least try. That's probably what I went through back when I was dating, although I also split off a piece of my mind to be able to handle it because it was so against my nature.
My sister has schizoid disorder. Doesn't give a shit if we live or die. Her face is the same no matter what. It is pretty sad. It is as if there is no one inside. She is a "robot"
@@MC-nw2td This actually sounds like an ex of mine. She actually described herself proudly as a robots- now I think she might have had schizoid disorder (I originally thought she was autistic). She admitted to also having no empathy and not wanting to develop it.
Dang, it sucks no one talks about this so we can figure it out sooner. Hope this video helped. I've done updates since then (it's all over the place but so am I lol)
I've always known there was something different about me but I never knew what it was. Then I read through the schizoid wikipedia page and it was very strange how they seemed to have written a wikipedia page about my life! I would go and get a formal diagnosis but then again I don't really see the point. The only real problems I have is lack of motivation to pursue my interests and failing to live up to the social norms such as having friends and having a partner. And I don't think talking to a therapist would fix these problems unless they could prescibe me some drug. I sometimes feel like an alien who just observes humanity without participating.
Diagnosis and treatment really depend on your situation. I've made a few videos discussing the topic somewhere on my channel. I'm not sure about mobile but on desktop you can search my channel to find them. For me it was worth doing primarily because I have comorbid depression, and standard treatments weren't working and schizoid finally explains why. That said, I'm still in therapy and we haven't yet turned my life trajectory around.
thanks for this video. really, so relatable. wow. the more i learn about spd, more anxious i get because... idk, self-knowledge is scaring sometimes. lol
Yeah I think I get what you mean. I've just been through another round of realising more things that probably made me this way lol. For me, finally getting the diagnosis was actually a relief, but now it's forced me to actually _see_ what my life has been and... honestly it's a bit upsetting. Also not sure if it's all that helpful, because you can't change the past, and I don't know what it means for my future! x_x
I understand you, I have like an overt and covert presentation in highschool, i was the most silent in class but I was the most loudest and skilled in public speaking....
Hey there. Thanks for the great video. I’m autistic and definitely have sensory issues, but I’m beginning to suspect I have schizoid as well. I’m very good at masking and I don’t think it would benefit me personally to be professionally diagnosed with schizoid, though. Do you find you have to “act” or “mask” to navigate society?
Glad you enjoyed the video :) With regards to your questions, keep in mind that masking is not something that only schizoids can do. It's actually quite well known and observed in autism, particularly in females, and is thought to be one of the reasons that autism in females has traditionally been underdiagnosed and understudied. The fact that you mask isn't part of the criteria to suspect that you might have SPD. In fact, masking in SPD isn't nearly as well recognised, that's why it's called "covert" SPD when it happens, and is part of the reason it took me so long to be diagnosed. People actually thought I might have autism instead, because they'd heard of autistic masking, and the underdiagnosis of females was getting so much publicity for a while there, whereas SPD is almost completely unknown in the general public. Anyway, I'm not qualified to give any kind of diagnosis, but I'd say the question of whether you have autism on its own or comorbid with SPD probably depends a bit on your psychological reasons for how you react to social situations, what you were like in childhood, how you fit the SPD criteria, and whether you have any schizophrenia spectrum symptoms. Another thing to consider is how intense your autism diagnostic process was - where I live I've heard it's very thorough especially for adult autism diagnosis, and they actually do look into whether or not you might have a comorbidity or completely different diagnosis such as SPD. If you went through something like that, they may have already answered the question and ruled it out. As for me, I don't think I'm intentionally trying to "act" or "mask", it kinda just happens and I have little control over it. This may be part of the dissociation I seem to experience, I'm not sure. I'm still early in my diagnosis, it's only been a few months, so I'm still observing the things I do that might actually be schizoid behaviour. In my mind, I can think a lot of things about how I want to respond to a situation etc, but when things actually happen, I have a tendency to default into compliance and politeness, sometimes to the point of self-sabotage, which can be really frustrating. It might be some subconscious attempt to avoid conflict, I'm not sure. I find it very hard to show anger IRL. It's honestly been kinda interesting to watch myself doing these sorts of things now that I have a framework to understand it by. And that's just looking at how I am now. When I was younger, I think I masked a lot less, and I'm now able to see a lot of schizoid warning signs when the memories pop up. But I wouldn't really go so far as to claim I'm now able to "navigate society" with any degree of success... 😅 Like I can make it through social interactions fine, but my life is a mess. I am not a functional person lol, society was 100% not built for me, and SPD doesn't get the attention that autism does so there's really no support. I'm super lucky my parents are willing and able to look after me. Coz that's another thing I'm noticing since my diagnosis... just how damn useless I am at real world stuff. Like I knew it before this, but wow turns out it's probably worse than I thought?? XD
Hi! I am 18 years old and am about to graduate from high school in a few months. Have been dealing with feelings of depression and apathy for about a year and a half and the more I think about it the more I feel like my conditions fits this explanation. Thing is that I used to really care and feel a strong sense of love and care for my friends and family. Now I feel indifferent to everything and feel pretty lost in general. I guess I just wanted to ask if you felt like this too were you kinda lose your old self and your emotions or if it always felt like this. Also thanks for making this video since there arent very much information about the condition.
Hey there. Sorry to hear you're struggling too. I think I've always been a bit cold towards others. Maybe less so in earlier childhood but once I hit puberty I think my brain really settled into all this. That doesn't mean you don't have SPD though, we're all different and might settle into these patterns at different times, depending on things like genetics, environment, and random chance. But what you've mentioned isn't enough to say you definitely do have SPD either. Depression can cause you to lose interest in things and withdraw from others, so what you're experiencing could also actually be a progression of that. If you haven't already seen a psych, it might be worth talking to them about what could be going on. The sooner you can get some help, the better. I know that can be hard though, so try checking out the wikipedia article on SPD and/or the playlist I linked in the description. Another question you might ask yourself about your depression is do you feel like you're worthless, or do you feel like it's the world that's not up to scratch? It's not a proper diagnostic, but most people with depression tend to be down on themselves, whereas it seems a lot of schizoids instead lament the state of the world they're stuck in. One of the reasons schizoids tend not to come forward for treatment or diagnosis is because they tend to see nothing wrong in how they are. There are always exceptions of course, but the nature of your depression might shed some light on things. Finally, I don't know if this will help you, but here's a video I made about dealing with anhedonia in the short term: ua-cam.com/video/WL7iViyHD2M/v-deo.html
@@DestroyerMariko Alright thanks for the answer! I have been seing a psychologist for a couple months and I will definately bring up schizoid personality in our next appointment. I feel like I more so feel totally apathetic to the situation like it doesnt cause any stress even though I think it should. Just rough to think that bad luck can screw people over so hard in life, it is really cruel. Will definately watch the anhedonia vid!
Good luck with it! Even if they don't think it's SPD, you should still explore the reasons you're thinking about it with them. Don't let them be like my old psychologist who just said no and moved on. The issues that made you consider it are still important either way. Hope you get some answers! :)
I could never talk on utube. Or even zoom. I have never heard about that disassociation issue before and yet i told a therapist my problems with my memory. I told her that god damnit!!!! .... I said i could not understand how people write autobiographies as i feel i dont have a linear sense of self I think I must be covert as well, as long as im talking to one person i can be quite anamated and have a sense of humour and quick wit. I think because of the DSM criteria and the broad strokes in which it "paints" , i really think we're more prevalent than might be suggested by the stats, for nuance is all, and that singularly fails to draw on any, if at all. I also feel as I've missed out, but sort of dont care but at the same time.. kinda do? ..... ambivalent might be the word lol. I also love music, its the one thing that really does tap my emotions and move me to tears or joy and while i am a reasonably compatent musician and would have loved to be in a band its just ...... well you know. Also love animals particularly dogs but even that relationship could be qualified ... my dog slept down stairs lol . Though that might have been because he got the couch to him self .... or it might have been because he was just socialised that way, but to be fair my parents were partly responable for his training.... while being completely resonsible for mine🤔😁. Anyway all my first degree relitives have ether died or moved away now and i really do have nothing in my future now and yeah i can probably see myself over the next ten years at most, choose to, have and be done with things, as i just take sleeping tablets now when i can offerd them and sleep most of the day as it is. Its just becoming so much harder to be here anymore and my health is not great as it is. Your channel is my new find so I'll probably be back .... its okay i wont be bothering you personally so no pressure lol. By the way love your choice of decor that whole esthetic you got going on there kinda reminds me of my room lol
I avoid zoom as much as possible lol, but mostly for the dodgy China connections. I don't understand why zoom is so popular when Google etc have perfectly good alternatives, at least for the kinds of video calls I've had to be involved with. I don't have a problem with my memory (as far as I remember lol), I just feel disconnected from past versions of me. The prevalence of SPD is hard to gauge not just because of covert presentations and DSM limitations, but also because schizoids tend not to come forward for treatment or diagnosis, which makes it hard to research. As far as I'm aware, the statistics are educated guesses, but different sources seem to come up with some rather different numbers, so long story short, no one really knows. I wish music still moved me like it used to. But I'm getting back on stage at least, so that's a thing... It's not unusual for people to train or restrict their dogs to sleeping in a particular area. Our dogs are not allowed upstairs (at least, not while dad's looking lol). But I keep my door ajar at night so my little one can come in or go out as he pleases... otherwise he tends to scratch the door and wake me up. Anyway, where a dog sleeps doesn't really say anything about SPD. The fact that I find them easier to be around than people though, does. Take care of yourself, the sleeping tablet thing sounds concerning to me, I hope you've at least tried to speak to someone about that. Remember SPD can be comorbid with other conditions that can be treated even if the personality disorder can't. Might be worth trying if you haven't already. My channel is chaos, fair warning lol, for example: ua-cam.com/video/Fl1hZXTbvK8/v-deo.html Haha my room is also chaos XD
Hi, I have strong schizoid personality traits also. If you want treatment in the sense of experiencing connection with people, I recommend to find a therapist who is trained in Lacanian psychoanalysis. I stumbled across one after years of searching and it is really helpful.
That's great if it helps you. For me though, I think I'll pass. I don't have time to read in depth about it, but the lack of evidence supporting it seems immediately obvious. On top of that, it seems like it's only practiced in certain circles. My goal is also not connection with people, instead I'd hope that therapy would help me function more generally. I've given up on treatment, as I mentioned in this video ua-cam.com/video/Qsn46Fbk99A/v-deo.html there's no one in my area who has any experience with SPD. No point spending my time and money with people who don't understand and can't help me.
Super long post 1: You mentioned the potential autistic diagnosis, just as an fyi, I'm a zoid with "autistic thinking" (one or both of the autistic thinking characteristics). Roughly one quarter of zoids are estimated to have that. And I would strongly suggest that you may have it as well, we're not autistic outright tho. It should be no wonder, since we have our emotional/zoid shields/adaptations up the emotions don't cloud our thinking as much (edit: you mention this late in the vid so you've already figured it out that we default to the cold logical thinking, it's very close to autistic thinking), but they also don't "color" our thinking as much. In any event, you've responded to two of my posts so far and both responses basically seemed like tistic thinking just to my mind. Just from my perception, and perhaps worth a thought. Further, you're the only person out of many zoids I know that takes nearly the exact same position on zoidism as I do, and I suspect it is our specific brand of autistic/covert thinking that is behind our thoughts being aligned this way. And yeah you're super covert like I am. Oh, and don't let the prediction of low life success get ya down, keep smashin at life till we're done with it :) Also reminder: the "disorder" is not a disorder of your mind, or your thoughts necessarily. The word is literally describing the disorder of your own lived life experience and the lived life experience of those around you (thought we have small impact usually as zoids on other people's lived life experience due to our condition). So don't feel "trapped" with the "disorder". If you can order up your life some, get room cleaned up, house cleaned up, get a routine, get jerb on lock down that you can handle, get someone you actually fall in lurve with (probably very rare for a zoid) and have good relationship then you've out of the "disorder" part of it quite a bit. The part we're trapped with, is the trauma, exile of the true self, and arguably a bunch of other developmental things (like being overly oriented towards the abstract as we never fully developed into appreciating "the real" as a baby, or so the theory goes).
The more I've learned about the difference between autism and schizoid, the more I'm sure I'm not actually on the spectrum. I talked about that more here: ua-cam.com/video/MjrBmZmSPng/v-deo.html I do not share your optimism about life either. The overall trajectory of my mental health over my life has been getting worse. I have a few videos of me doing poorly here and there, they're just less common because I'm less able to make them when I'm in that state.
@@DestroyerMariko I feel for you on that front, even with zoid adaptations up. And certainly understand the downward trajectory. I'm also on the way down myself most likely, though not in the same way(s). The struggle is real, and any little victories are just that, victories. On a more optimistic note about zoidism, hot off the presses from just this week, Angst reports that he has somewhat successfully made contact with his scared/tramatized inner child and worked through some of that pain and other emotions. It doesn't make him not a zoid but he does report very considerable improvement in his having good feelings about things and having feelings when he used to would have been numb to them. So zoid defenses seem to be down a bit. Might be a world first, I'm not sure. And I can confirm that he does seem to have a considerably different demeanor. So there is a tiny taste of optimism :) All love for ya.
Hello! Videos on the schizoid spectrum are very helpful, and if you have any new thoughts on this topic, I'd be very interested to hear them. Thank you!
Hey there! If you search my channel for "Schizoid" and/or "SPD" you should be able to find my other videos on the topic. I also sometimes talk about it in other videos. Hope this helps! I'm a bit too busy to make a new video on the topic at the moment but I'll get there eventually.
I would assume the energy is from anxiety and being forced to talk. For instance, I tend to over explain things because of how critical my parents were. I wasn't talkative in highschool but after my social anxiety decreased that started to come out under certain circumstances. Tho mine is more of a covert mask than a solid persona.
It's been a while since I made the video so I don't remember exactly what I said etc lol, but overcompensation as a strategy is definitely a thing! I can't be sure if it's necessarily anxiety that does it for me but after being on UA-cam so long, I'm aware I can just keep rambling to avoid long awkward pauses like when I first started out. More generally, I think I've also learned to smile and laugh a little when uncomfortable or unsure. Usually people don't think much of it and it helps me blend in, but I once had a kid ask me why I'd laughed at something and I couldn't answer 🙈
@@DestroyerMariko 🤔 have you heard that some Schizoid's can be extroverts? In this sense they don't crave ppl but an energetic environment. Maybe you're an extrovert that pursues extroverted activities but for non-social reasons. But I can't find much on it. Some insist it's impossible. Personally I identify with Ambivert because I don't get overwhelmed (comfortably) socializing. Others say this is just an extrovert. 🤷
@@halfofakitty I kinda think "covert" schizoid covers it well enough. And I'm not sure how much I'd call myself an extrovert since I mostly stay home. It's more of an illusion than a reality.
i am not diagnosed yet but i have a symtoms of schizoid disorder, ive searching for a long time of whats wrong with me, i started with i am introvert, and then personality test oh i am intj, but then im asking myself, do i have disorder ? because i have other behaviour thats is not normal, so maybe i have depression? but then, i am not suicidal person, maybe autism? i dont have repetitive behaviour, , narcissicm? oh i dont want attention so it doesnt fit too, psychopat? i dont manipulate people, bipolar? i dont have moodswings, ADHD? im not overly active, anxiety disorder? i dont have heart palpitaions... i dont know how i get to schizoid, but mostly i have the symtoms..you know the feeling when you see the symtoms and you said to your self without hesitations thats perfectly me...
Yeah I mean it's good to confirm things with a professional opinion, but sometimes you have to be the one to figure it out because they can't actually see in your head. That's especially true for schizoid I think, because a lot has to do with internal experiences that they might not pick up on.
Seems to me that there's nothing wrong with your view of the world. You're very rational and logical and therefore you're objectively right on how you see things. The problem is not about objectivity, it's about your subjectivity. It's like you completely lost touch with your emotional self (your needs, your emotion and therefore the meaning of life). In other words, being smart is not the same thing as being wise. Being smart is about facts, being wise is about meanings
I'm not sure about "wise" coz a lot of that is life experience, not necessarily emotions. But yes, since making this video I realised I've got a lot of emotional trauma (have made videos on that too now) and that's most likely the cause of me becoming so detached. And while subjectively I don't feel my schizoid attitude to be a problem, objectively I can see how detrimental it is to my functioning in the world and contributing to my comorbid depression.
I just looked at the wiki SPD page yesterday after suspecting what it was a year or so ago, and I've known I was different for at least 40 years. I just thought I was an emotionally withdrawn psychopath who managed to grow out of the psychopath part but couldn't overcome the emotional shyness. In all reality I'm a covert SPD who have compensated and adapted for so many years. I don't think of it as a disorder but a disability that allows me to be gifted in ways most people are not. Still I work on the ability to verbalise emotion.
A "disorder" just means "an illness or condition that disrupts normal physical or mental functions" A "disability" means "a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities" They're basically the same thing, I guess "disability" just takes things further by specifying limitations, whereas "disorder" says something's unusual but not necessarily disabling. I get that there's some stigma around the idea of a "disorder" but IMO it's better to just destigmatise it than try to dance around things with other words. But that might just be my schizoid insensitivity talking haha! I'm not good at understanding the often emotional fuss around words people consider to be bad. Context and intention mean more to me than the words themselves when it comes to passing a good/bad judgement on them. But I'm also Aussie and we swear a lot so I have to have that attitude lol... we tend to drop the c-bomb in both good and bad ways... XD On the other hand, if you're saying that you don't believe you're impacted enough for it to be considered a disorder in your case, perhaps schizoid "traits" would be a better way to describe it? In some definitions, a condition is only considered a disorder if it causes distress to you and/or the people around you. Have definitely heard some schizoids argue that things are fine for them. Sadly not the case for me but might be a helpful way to think of it for you :)
@@DestroyerMariko While they are both ugly words, they imply two different things. A disorder implies there is a treatment headed for a cure and a disability implies permanence and must be compensated for which can and often does give rise to unique traits and abilities. This is why someone who is blind can see more than someone who is not. It is the limits that give rise to emergent traits. I am simply not interested in a cure because I value the abilities that neuro-normies don't have or have trouble accessing. That doesn't mean I am not interested in working on my emotional deficits and other issues that this condition gives rise to. I am under the impression that the mental health community has little ability to 'treat' it and if anyone can do self help it would be the SPD.
That's an interesting perspective. I disagree though. Autism Spectrum Disorder is also a thing that tends to be managed rather than cured. Early intervention can help some autistic people but often they may still need accommodations to be made throughout life. It's also not always considered a disability, and still can give rise to very useful abilities that others lack. When you talk about things being "implied" about either word, that's still the whole stigma thing coming into play IMO. And yeah there's no known treatment for SPD itself, but what can be treated are comorbidities such as depression, although it can still be a lot harder than treating the average population. I'm currently seeing a psychologist for that very reason, will keep making updates as time goes on. What's certain though, is that treatment isn't going to take away my uniqueness, abilities, etc. Tbh I'm confused why you have that anxiety. There's no undoing the essence of who we are, treatments is more about being able to function better than changing those fundamental things you value. Hell knows if I can get through the demotivation and detachment, I'll probably be able to do a lot more with the talents and ideas I have.
@@DestroyerMariko I think most SPDs don't want to lose themselves through treatment. What I am essentially saying is that there is a philosophical difference between the two. You may want the cure while I want to compensate. I certainly get why people want to belong and be somewhat normal, but it is not for me. It all depends on what our goal is. My goal is to be more emotionally available and avoid the associated guilt without giving up the freedom to compartmentalize emotion.
@@DestroyerMariko I just want to add regarding your depression. Are you seeking treatment for the depression only and is this what the psychologist is looking to treat, or do they think the depression is a symptom and SPD is the disease? You may be someone who is depressed who happens to be SPD.
Lol so first up I gotta point out that MBTI is outdated and generally considered pseudoscience so I don't put much stock in it. It's been superseded by the Big Five model though even that has its own issues. But thanks for actually asking! I've seen people making all kinds of assumptions about me in forums etc and it's hilarious none of them thought to come to me first. I've only ever done free online tests, a long time ago, but I always got INTJ. Probably did those tests in high school and a few years after, until I found out it's not scientifically valid. I have no idea if I'd test differently today, or on a different version of the test. But there you have it. All the people talking about me have been wrong, because validity aside, your instincts are right - a video isn't enough.
Yes, schizoids prefer to do their own thing alone. It's rare for me to socialise just for the sake of socialising. That said, I've been in treatment a long time and I'm tired of being depressed, so sometimes I do try to challenge the schizoid way of being in the hopes it might change how I feel, however I've found that often ends in burnout and disappointment and wanting to withdraw again. As for love, I think I have something like that for my pets? But in terms of actually _feeling_ it, I'm not really sure lol. I don't tend to experience positive emotions in general, at least not consciously. Some of my behaviours suggest I do actually care, but without being able to properly feel it, I can't be sure if it's legit or just out of a sense of duty, obligation, fear, or whatever. Hope that makes sense.
Glad you enjoyed it! I've made a lot of videos on the topic since this one if you're interested in more (but I also make a lot of chaos content too lol, like everything else I apparently don't care enough to do UA-cam "properly" hahahaha)
I think I have this as well. I was googling "why don't I care about having friends" Which led me to the Wikipedia article for schizoid and I started tearing up from reading it. I don't want to self diagnose, but it took them 15 years to diagnose you? I have had bad experiences with medical professionals as well and have a hard time trusting them. My fiancé has schizophrenia, so perhaps they can help me reach out to the right people... I often go on tangents and lose my train of thought too, as well as been underweight for years. Not so much asexual tho, but that doesn't seem to be a requirement. I've attempted suicide though it was a pretty weak attempt, and if anything used it as a way of proving my depression to anyone who doubted me.. And its a shitty feeling to think about it so much but also know that you just won't, and it can downward spiral. There was stuff about idiosyncratic moral and political beliefs though... That really sounds like me lol
Yeah I haven't had a great time with the mental health system, I think I'm too good at covering things up. Even with my last psychiatrist who actually took things I said seriously, at our first session my defences were automatically up, I guess from meeting someone new, so he couldn't actually tell I was depressed and he told me so. It wasn't until the second session when I came in doing super badly that he could see it in my body language. He's one of the better ones I saw, but even he didn't pick SPD, he just knew there was something else and couldn't figure it out. When it comes to getting yourself diagnosed, remember you don't have to. You can just take what you relate to and whatever you find that's helpful if that's all you need. But for me, the official diagnosis was worth it. It's helping me figure out a lot, and helping people around me understand better. There's still a few things it doesn't explain for me, but the bulk of it yeah. And in my case, I've messed up my life enough already that idgaf about any stigma haha. Most people haven't heard of SPD to have preconceptions anyway. Anyway, I hope this video was helpful! Take care of yourself, whatever you end up doing.
In some ways yeah, but when I look at my life, I am clearly not functioning well in this world. I've made a lot of updates since this first video, not sure which is most relevant but these might be of interest? Talking about functioning (with comparisons to autism): ua-cam.com/video/MjrBmZmSPng/v-deo.html Dealing with avolition: ua-cam.com/video/fHnYqxnPthA/v-deo.html A day I was struggling a lot: ua-cam.com/video/Nircxy8fc0g/v-deo.html
I agree that a certificate doesn't necessarily mean someone can help me, but the extent to which I can actually solve my own problems... I'm not too confident on that either! Been trying for way too many years. I've never done an "official" MBTI and personally consider it to be outdated, but when I did those internet quizzes way back I got INTJ.
@@DestroyerMariko Interesting! I meet all 7 of the criteria for schizoid pd, and I also test as INTJ. My struggles are existential dread, and guilt over not having any relationships with my family members.
Yeah existential dread sucks. And anhedonia. I don't really experience that sorta guilt you mention but then I guess I've gotten better at talking to family over time. Things were a lot rockier when I was younger though, and I can now understand a lot more of it with the context of SPD in mind.
What do you mean by MIC? I'm guessing it's not about microphones 😅 and what do you mean by "You, plus the entire MIC"? I don't understand. I'm not sure where you got that idea about Schizoid PD either. Perhaps you're thinking of Borderline PD or maybe autism? Borderline people do "splitting" which is where they tend to see things as either perfect or evil, nothing in between. Many autistic people also have black and white thinking which produces similar results but for different reasons. That's not to say schizoids don't experience it, but from what I understand it's not usually as extreme and focuses more on labelling people as either safe or unsafe, and it's also not a defining feature of the disorder in the way it is with borderline.
You don't seem to have a flat affect, at least on camera. Are you a lot more flat affect irl? Or maybe not everyone with Schizoid has that symptom? Thank you. ❤️
Hey so it's a bit of both with me. In certain situations, I am a lot more flat, maybe depending on stress or something. I was also a lot more flat when I was younger and had a more overt presentation. I've since learned to behave more expressively and have developed a covert presentation instead ("covert" meaning I can hide how schizoid I am). It took a long time for me, but yeah I can now mask reasonably well. But yes, it's also true that not all schizoids will present exactly the same. Both the DSM and ICD-10 state that you only need 4 of the criteria for the diagnosis to fit, and it's also important to note that the criteria you refer to says "Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity" - note the word "or" which means that you don't necessarily have to appear flat if you show coldness or detachment instead. These days I'd say my emotional detachment is more evident than my flatness. Hope that helps make sense of the issue! It's a common one people seem confused about. In summary: - I tend to be more flat in certain situations IRL - I've learned to seem less flat over time - Not all schizoids are the same - Only 4 criteria are needed for diagnosis - To fit this specific criteria, you can show coldness or detachment instead of flatness. For more clarification, this post might help: ua-cam.com/users/postUgkxDJkdcLHLkNep2Asgm4fhNZRAu1BrSSax I wrote it specifically for people who think I can't be schizoid, but it explains the same basic thing :) Another point I'm only just learning that might turn out to be relevant is that schizoid doesn't seem to be the only disorder I have. I'm already diagnosed with depression, but I may also have a dissociative disorder so it's possible that also changes how I present vs someone who only has schizoid.
Super long post 2: You sound extremely introspective on your true self, as I have been, but you don't tell us about your true self. I'm basically a beach bum (what would have been a humble fisherman in ages past), plus what would be called a bandit lord back in the day (or in modern times close to what we'd call a gang leader) as my authentic/passionate/true self thing. So far I have heard from other zoids that they're all about going fast (like in cars etc) and another beach bum. Obviously I can never be this true self as it would harm others and probably land me in jail. Interested to hear about you though if you can share. All that performance stuff that might be part of your true self might also just be Schizoid Exhibitionism (Schizoid Vision touched on this some in her vids awhile back, basically we can be exhibitionists and not "put anything of ourselves" into the act, exhibitionist style). Perhaps both tho. As to how we got this way, there's another way to get the schizoid, and that's if your true self/authentic self (whatever) is a "bad object" (in the object relations school of thought, the "objects" are usually people, or internal representations of people). Basically, as I understand it, its if your true self is telling you that you're not good enough internally, or on and on similar to that. For instance, I suspect I'm a zoid in this fashion, as my true self is part bandit lord/gang leader and it will tell me basically that isn't good enough for my current life circumstance (I'll hurt others and go to jail). So I have to banish that true self (not act as it) and thus, I'm a zoid and disordering of your lived life experience follows as you are not doing what comes authentically/natty. Just some thinkins for you as you and I seem very much alike and both of us can report practically 0 of the normal "trauma"/"abuse" which is what normally does it. Such zoid might should have their own sub-type name.
What even is "true self" though? Consciousness is probably just an illusion, and personalities aren't quite as set as society tends to believe. Also, you may have noticed this video is nearly 3 years old now. I since realised I actually have experienced trauma, specifically glass child trauma. I think I give a summary at the start of this video ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html and I can't remember what I said in this one but the video description has some links to more information ua-cam.com/video/PluvD2fbHxA/v-deo.html
Is anyone feeling like you have no desire in owning much (e.g. a house etc.) or marry, I laugh about someone who says "my wife"/"my husband"...how can you own a person...and are some of you fascinated by hermits? I've always liked the apartments of Mr. Bean...1 Room is enough or the mansard apartment of Harry Haller in Hesses' Steppenwolf. Thank you for your video!
There was a point where I lost interest in collecting knickknacks but if I could afford it, I would like more space. Living with my family is chaotic, and I have a lot of hobbies. I'd like a house with a room for sleeping, a decent sized room for art, a solid room for music, and a backyard for my bonsai and my dog. As for "my wife/husband", I think you're overthinking that, it's not about ownership, eg. when I talk about "my country" I'm not claiming that I own Australia! And no, I'm not fascinated by hermits, probably because I'm disinterested by people in general haha.
I guess I tend to overthink a lot in my life in the last years. It was more of an overstatement with the marriage example... Glad for your many hobbies! I wish you all the best for your life journey. Greetings from Germany!
Hello. I'm pretty sure my best friend growing up and as an adult had SPD. We got along well. But that was a long time ago now. No one understood me like him, though. I think that's important in life, to have someone who understands you. Me and my friend shared a long history, so it was easy for each of us to trust and understand each other. I miss that now. Have you ever had anyone in your life who you felt understood you on a deep level? It's human connections that make life meaningful and enjoyable, so I totally get the suicidality, hopelessness, and anhedonia if you have never enjoyed any close relationships in life. I understand that people can seem very dangerous and actually be hostile toward people with SPD, at least that is what I read. Do you experience people as dangerous or hostile? It seems that some of the comments on here are bordering on being hostile toward you. I'm sorry that's the case.
Nah I don't think anyone's really understood. I've been close-ish to a few people in my life but not in that way, not even back when I tried dating. I struggle with your idea that human connections are what gives life meaning too, I've had hobbies in the past I was able to enjoy on my own, the trouble is that I get bored easily - if that didn't happen, I'd probably be fine just doing my hobbies on my own. But I'm also aware that most people do find meaning in connecting with each other and I can see how it evolved and how I'm outside that and may somehow be affected by the lack of deeper connection without actually being able to feel it as a loss if that makes sense. As for your second question, I actually don't think people are more likely to be dangerous or hostile towards people with SPD, especially since most people don't even know it exists. Offline, people just see me as a bit odd, eccentric, or interesting, and depending on context, kinda quiet. They also seem to like me even though I don't feel like I've done anything to elicit that response lol, and I seem to gain acquaintance-level friends by accident. The comments attacking me here are mostly just narrow-minded SPD purists who can't understand how I'm able to present so well. They deny that covert presentations exist and think I'm faking for attention even though this is probably the least exciting disorder one could choose for that purpose hahaha. I've now developed some generic responses to them so I won't have to waste my time being repetitive anymore, see: ua-cam.com/users/postUgkxDJkdcLHLkNep2Asgm4fhNZRAu1BrSSax and ua-cam.com/video/heYPEhT7wc0/v-deo.html If you're more interested in whether I personally see people as dangerous though, no not really. I did have a lot more social anxiety when I was younger, and that'll flare up on occasion IRL, but it's not from a fear of rejection or harm, I think it's just an irrational instinctive response or perhaps something more based on self-pressure to perform well and not forget whatever it is I needed to say. This is most evident when dealing with government welfare services who are known to be crap at handling mental illness and who've screwed me around before, so my wariness towards them is justified. Otherwise, most people in real life are fine. Perhaps helps that I live in a safe area. Online, given the number of people with internet access around the world, it's just inevitable that the grumpy trolls will pop up. Pretty much anyone with at least a low-level presence online will eventually come across garbage throwers. If I wasn't able to handle them, I'd not be a UA-camr, and I've been here on and off since 2008 getting all kinds of dumb comments from people who don't matter. It would of course be better if they kept their crap to themselves, but meh, I can always just block them if I get really fed up. All this said, it's possible that other schizoids do find others dangerous, I'm not gonna pretend to speak for everyone. But generally what keeps people with SPD asocial is just that they don't care. Where there's a fear of judgement, rejection, etc, that's usually part of Avoidant Personality Disorder, but there can be some overlap so schizoids who also have an actual fear of social interactions may turn out to have both disorders comorbidly.
@@DestroyerMariko You seemed to have understood yourself when you spoke about how events in your childhood (i.e. regarding feeling abandoned because of your disabled sibling needing attention) could have been what triggered SPD. That's the kind of understanding I'm talking about, except between two people rather than between one person's past and present, but both are possible, self-understanding and understanding between two or more people.
Haha there's plenty about myself that I still don't understand 😉 and so far working out the role of my brother hasn't actually helped me feel any better
@@DestroyerMariko Join the club, insight doesn't lead to behavior change for anyone. Your not so different there. Your just human like the rest of us. You're getting better at understanding yourself, though, right? Your finally being diagnosed with SPD, in essence, is being understood both by yourself and by the group of people that came up with that diagnosis. That's another form of being understood. Haha! :)
Your original question was about being understood on a _deep_ level. I don't really see this as being very deep. It's just a list of symptoms and a childhood history. It's little more than a starting point. Side note: I'm reeeally not into clubs of any kind lol. I hate that phrase, "join the club", "welcome to the club", all that sorta thing also comes across as condescending as if I haven't lived here for ages lol and it's not behaviour change I'm seeking either, I specifically lamented not feeling better. Yes, behaviour change can correlate with that, but the actual goal is the feeling not the actions. Feeling suuuper misunderstood right now! XD
26:27 I thought it only happened to me, I guess it's also a schizoid feature.I thought it only happened to me, I guess it's also a schizoid feature. 27:02 Many times it is gentetic, in my case it was like that, and having been alone in my childhood enlarged it more. I read on a page that the creation of this disorder was by wars, veterans after having lived a war could not fit into society, they isolated themselves and that is the origin of the schizoid disorder of the personality
Yeah I'm getting the impression that a lot of schizoids jump hobby to hobby. And I think yeah it's probably the anhedonia. Why stick to a hobby etc if you don't feel a decent payoff for the effort you put in? x_x
@@DestroyerMariko Do you think your life would have changed radically if you had been diagnosed with the disorder at an early age? I was also diagnosed with that when i was 15.
Quite possibly! I've spent a long time struggling to understand myself and I think it would have helped to know this earlier. Perhaps the biggest impact could've been on the attitude of adults around me. It took a long enough time for my parents to realise my depression was a real and serious thing and not just me being lazy. Gosh, if I'd had SPD diagnosed at 15, I might have felt a lot less pressure both from them and from myself. I might have been able to get some meaningful and helpful interventions to help me better manage life, instead of trying to push through the way I did only to crash and burn and end up super stuck like I am now. Also I notice you've edited your original comment again lol. When it comes to the origin of SPD, they don't really know exactly what causes it. These days they usually think it's either some kind of childhood trauma, a biological predisposition, or, most likely, some mix of both. I'm not sure where you got the war veteran idea, because as a personality disorder, it's meant to be a more lifelong thing. Withdrawal from society is a symptom of more disorders than just SPD. PTSD is a more common condition that might cause war veterans to themselves. It may be schizoid-like behaviour, but it's not the same as having SPD.
31:25 ENTP's Ne function serves to emulate different personas for different settings. Check Date a Live AMV - Kurumi - Sweet but Psycho clip on youtube. Does she remind you of your dark side?
Everyone acts differently in different situations. I'm just more aware of it than most people seem to be, in a way that might be called dissociation. This has nothing to do with MBTI and as I've mentioned elsewhere, your guess of my type is incorrect. You might as well judge me on my horoscope and cherry pick whatever you like from that too. And no, not really. I watched the video but the character is far too sexual. I have a strong bias towards duality but when you bring that in, I tend to tune out. It also seems that she's only pretending to be sweet as a manipulation, and is oddly social despite her violence 😕
🙄 You mistake me for one of the kids who think mental illness labels are trendy ua-cam.com/users/shortsfll0pU7jyFA tl;dr, I need to know what my problem is to be able to do something about it, duh. A few months after posting this video, the diagnosis finally snapped me out of denial about my childhood trauma issues, and I was able to work out how I got so screwed up, and why past treatment had done nothing. That's actually incredibly important, unlike what the kids on TikTok are doing faking shit like Tourette's. I sought a diagnosis to help me get better treatment, not to look "cool" or whatever, I actually grew up back when the trend was YOU CAN'T LABEL ME (see link above) lol, today's kids are super weird to me. Thing is, you can't avoid all labels, because some are objective facts, like me being part of the human species, me being an Australian citizen, my age, my sex, my level of education, etc. Sensible labels reflect reality and aid communication, and in the case of legitimate mental disorders, they help inform treatment. *You can't treat something if you don't know what the problem is.* Also, I hate being put into a box, and despite having the schizoid diagnosis, I've avoided joining their groups and ignored their invitations to do so. Speaking of boxes, was it the coloured hair that prompted your comment? You wouldn't be the first to make assumptions coz of that lol. If you're genuinely interested and not just trolling or mindlessly whining about modern culture, I've made a lot of updates over the past 18 months since this video, including ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html - I think the start has a good summary of the trauma stuff ua-cam.com/video/tnh4JZvajbY/v-deo.html - a very looooong rambly discussion about the purpose and pitfalls of diagnostic labels
It wasn't the colored hair that made me ask the question but my own experiences in life and general realization about what was going on. I'm actually in the medical field though not specializing in the field of mental health. I've noticed an explosion of mental health disorders some of which I believe are real and some of which I believe are due to over medicalization or over-diagnosis. This then leads to unnecessary stigma, treatments and medications which then cause further problems. I actually wrote another comment explaining some more what I think is behind this and many other mental health issues. I myself fit the criteria for schizoid personality now as an adult but I was not this way as a child. Looking back, I can see the hidden forces (military) that deliberately and maliciously worked to make me this way. In any case, I hope receiving this diagnosis did help you to find peace and feel more comfortable in your own skin.
Yeah nah I'm out. If you legit believe the paranoid nonsense in your other comment, nothing I write to you is going to make a difference. If you don't believe it, then you're just a troll. Either way, I don't have time for it.
@@DestroyerMarikoReally I don't know. It was like when I ask her "Mmmm mb am i shizoid? Answer was something like 100% yes. ( Bcz my avoidness, alexitimia, i can't build close relationship, fear, a little depression, i mostly spend my time alone , working as QA, divorced). P.s English is not my native language.
Ah okay, she probably meant the disorder then. Sometimes in English people say there's a difference between personality "type" and personality "disorder", where "disorder" means it's a bigger problem, whereas "type" is not severe and maybe not a problem at all. Other times, they say personality "type" because they think you might get upset or be discriminated against if they use the word "disorder", even if "disorder" is the truth. It gets a bit confusing even for native English speakers to be honest XD
Could Schizoids be sexual every once in a while? Because I’ve been suspecting I have schizoid pd, and check off on everything except the not wanting to have sex part. I do get in the mood every once in a while , other than that I don’t care about having serious relationships with anyone, I have a small family I care about and that’s it. I don’t have any actual friends and don’t care and I don’t care about societal standards. No one’s ever really liked me growing up because I didn’t care about connecting to people but it never really bothered me.
You only need 4 items from the DSM or ICD criteria to have SPD fit as a diagnosis. If you tick off everything else, then yup, it might very well fit you. Also keep in mind that asexuality is not the same as lacking sexual drive, it's just about not feeling attracted to anyone, and similarly the schizoid criteria states having "little interest" (not necessarily zero) and "with another person" which allows for solo sexual activity. You may get in the mood sometimes, but as you say, you're not particularly interested in getting overly involved with anyone. Nothing about that rules out SPD on its own. Also remember, for every category of people, there can be exceptions.
i find that the 'no sex' part of the criteria is often a bit too literal. i have spd and i have a very normal sex drive, i just don't derive any meaning or joy from the act of sex. i think of it as like getting a massage or something, not as an interpersonal experience which is how most people understand it. i also HATE hearing about other peoples sex lives and don't like talking about my own with friends - for people with spd, sex seems to be tied with vulnerability, and thats something we struggle with a lot
Haha yeah I can't stand sex culture, like even in movies I don't want to see or hear about that shit. What's ironic though is that talking about not being interested inevitably keeps bringing the topic up. Same problem in the asexual community itself. I wrote a whole EP with that in mind destroyermariko.bandcamp.com/album/asexuality the only direct reference is in the title itself, "Asexuality", otherwise the lyrics don't mention it. Anyway, vulnerability might be one reason for a lot of schizoids, but a different one could be that if you can't connect with the general excitement surrounding sex, the cultural obsession with it ends up being super boring. For me it's a bit like every time the latest sporting news is on TV, I have zero interest in sport but there it is being shoved in my face again, my god move on to the weather already!! I'd rather change the channel or go off and make some tea than sit through a sport report, same as I'd rather tune out and leave when people are going on and on about sex and relationships. Lol I'm starting to yawn just thinking about it... 😅
Can you recreate your emotions from more than six months ago in the past? Can you, in other words, "re feel" those emotions? In other words, do you have alexithymia?
Just looked it up, it seems you have a different definition of alexithymia to what's accepted. Re-feeling emotions is an exercise certain types of actors do to try to make their performances more authentic/realistic. If it was easy for everyone, that wouldn't be such a craft to master. From what I could find, alexithymia is actually an inability to identify emotions, distinguish between them, express them, recognise them in others, that sort of thing. I don't have trouble with most of this as far as I'm aware, my problem is instead that I don't feel many emotions in the first place. People with alexithymia apparently can feel emotions, they just can't describe them etc.
1. You just did............. 2. If you've actually been diagnosed, someone already knows... 🤷♀️ 3. Why not, most people don't even know what it is, and what's the worst they'll do otherwise? Judge you? I suppose a "true schizoid" like you won't admit you might be sensitive to the potential criticism, or that you've fallen for the good ol' mainstream stigma idea hey. In any case, fuck em. 4. Fuck off ua-cam.com/users/postUgkxDJkdcLHLkNep2Asgm4fhNZRAu1BrSSax 5. Fuck off even more ua-cam.com/video/heYPEhT7wc0/v-deo.html
A few reasons, including: - hidden suffering, especially for those with comorbid depression - impaired functioning in society - distress to loved ones who want a connection the schizoid rejects. The depression comorbidity is the worst though, because schizoids don't think the way regular depressed people do, so the usual methods therapists are trained in don't seem to work. And honestly, the fact that schizoids don't bother anyone is a bit of a curse, because it means society ignores it, there's not enough research into the condition including on how to treat it, and they often aren't given enough support. Some schizoids are also misdiagnosed as autistic etc and may then end up in treatment that just makes things worse.
No worries, glad it helped! If you're still not sure, I recently made a video talking about the difference between schizoid and introversion (etc): ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html Of course, take it with a grain of salt since I'm not a professional and it's all off the top of my head. I've made other related videos from time to time, you can find them by searching my channel for keywords like "schizoid", "SPD", and "mental".
I am not sure, if we really should call it a "disorder", but more a neurotypical variant. People today classify everybody as "not normal" or "disturbed", who is not overtly extrovertet and loud on social media with tons of friends, big family stuff and so on. Does this really makes sense? In my opinion no, because, everybody plays his role within a society, there are people in the center of the attention like narcissists for example, and then there are people, who don't give a damn on what others may think and they will feel more secure as outsiders (which has his advantages, cause nobody can affect or disturb you in what you are doing. It is only a problem, when the so called schizoids are beginning to suffer, and even then you can`t be sure, if they suffer because our "society" is constantly trying to classify them as "disturbed" or if they really miss something because of their mental condition. I think, their pain is more "theoretical", because first in most cases they aren't very interested in other people´s opinions as well as in close relationhips (at least not at any cost like "normal" people, who would make many sacrifices for building or staying in a relationship especially regarding romantic partners), second there aren't as emotionally responsive as "normal" people and third, they aren't really made for social interactions and get easily stressed and burned out when exposed to group situation for too long. So, why should they suffer when doing their own thing? It is more so, that they suffer because of societal disadvantages like in the work environment. From the perspective of a schizoid, the work environment (and maybe this is common with autistic people), doesn't behave always fair, because what really counts today is more "emotional expression", "self exposure" and emotional manipulation by others than hard work, loyalty and working skills. So, a schizoid, when they don't learn to hide their condition behind a "societal mask", could become the victim of bullying and exclution by others at a certain point. Ironically even this doesn't bother a schizoid on an emotional or personal level, but what does bother him is the idea of unfairness and getting disadvantages. So, in reality it isn't about emotions, but more about internal ideas. This is the core. As we know today, mental conditions, are hereditable at a high level. The brain isn't so unique as we may think, but a product of our parents and ancestors. For example, my father, who suffered from a lack of empathy (much more than me) and felt more secure on the intellectual world (but fore a male being less emotional back then was more more "normal", nobody would have seen him as "strange", couse he as professionally hyper active and tried to participate on group activities when this activites and clubs supported his carrier interests. But his personal relationships were always superficial. Even towards me as well as towards my mother he didn't show emotions, never. And he had no friends, just acquaintants and was quite arrogant towards inferior people. He was more a schizoid narcissist (and this side made him suffer from depression and anger, not the schizoid side - having both conditions can be quite challing, cause they are opposites). Me as a daughter inherited the schizoid condition, and it shows in being more intellectual, a thinker, wanting to be left alone when doing my own thing. And because I have many things to do (organizing, planning), mostly intellectual things, I feel estranged from "normal" people, cause there is so much difference between my inner world and the outer very loud and chaotic world. I have also no interest in small talk, but I know that I have to do this at times. Could also be Asperger, but I was disgnosed with schizoid disorder, maybe more on a moderate or functional level. But for example, I prefer to write here, than really to explain people the situation within a emotional presentation. I would bet, that many scientists and philosophers and writers are schizoids. So, they add their own values, ideas and gifts to the society. Many schizoids are also ambitious and loyal workers - and would you describe such as person as disturbed, just because they aren`t as emotional or emotionally expressive as most people? Probably no, we all want to survive (also as a species), and therefore we need different variants of genes and lifestyles to enable evolution.
If you're schizoid, I'm not surprised you can't see why it's a disorder. Sure, the world isn't set up for us, but the fact is, this _is_ the world we live in, it's not going to change, and we don't function well in it. Therefore, we have a disorder. You can't escape that just by stating that it's the _world_ that has the problems. That sort of denial is what keeps us stuck in the same unhelpful patterns. We don't want to accept that we're disordered because it's part of the psychological defence mechanism of schizoid to have that pride, to reject the world, to settle into the comfortable familiarity of unchanging flatness. It's easier to wallow in emptiness and depression than to do the difficult work to try to overcome it. There's also a big difference between just being introverted or having schizoid-like traits, and having the full on schizoid personality _disorder._ I think I talked about some of it here: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html Honestly I find the rejection of the word "disorder" to be kinda funny as it shows that schizoids can indeed be affected by the stigma of the word despite not consciously feeling it. Personally, I _do_ have a disorder. My mental illness keeps getting worse despite treatment. I am not happy. I am not functioning. Taking a step back to look at the realities of my life, there is no sense in trying to tell me that what I have is not a disorder. Some of what you write about also does sound more like autism spectrum to me, although keep in mind I'm an internet random just scraping what I can from what you've given me. It's the mildly autistic people who are the ones who are more likely to find an interest and delve more deeply into it than most of us can fathom, and thus come up with new ideas and discoveries that the rest of humanity might not otherwise have reached. Schizoids can have hobbies of course, but the anhedonia makes it a lot harder to stay interested to that degree. That is, unless they also have autism, or have been misdiagnosed schizoid when autism would fit better. Also autism is the one that's more directly inheritable, being a neurodevelopmental condition starting from childhood, whereas schizoid tends to start in adolescence or early adulthood and is often trauma based, unless a relative has schizophrenia in which case the genetic risk is higher. I also find it weird that you say schizoids are ambitious and loyal given you know how little we generally care about anything or anyone. When it comes to autistic special interests, I'd say they have vastly more ambition, at least to reach the top of their field. I thought _I_ was a nerd, until I went to my first Pokémon event and realised I've got nothing on these people who'll micromanage the heck outta their EVs and other such boring minutiae lol. I didn't stand a chance! Nor did I ever think it'd be worth putting in that much effort to try to be the best. Hoo boy! IMO schizoids are a lot more likely to just disappear into the hermit life, never to be seen again, than autistics who might be withdrawn but still dedicate their lives to something and actually produce useful output from it. There'll always be exceptions, but stereotypes exist for a reason.
Interesting that each edition of the DSM keeps getting bigger. Pretty soon, EVERYTHING is going to be a “personality disorder”. So, eventually, do ya think the people WRITING this manual are themselves going to be “personality disordered”? Hmmmmm…
Funny how science keeps making progress and discovering new things and the documentation of it also gets bigger...? But actually from a quick look at the history of the DSM, the category of personality disorder hasn't really expanded at all, it's just had name/category changes, and a few personality disorders actually got deleted. You realise that most of the DSM has nothing to do with personality disorders right? Also most psychs are too squeamish to actually diagnose personality disorders coz they're worried about stigma and that people will be offended by the idea that their personalities are "broken". Probably schizoids are the only ones who don't care because we dgaf what anyone thinks lol.
@@DestroyerMarikointeresting take. What makes this a personality “disorder” as opposed to just being extremely introverted? Introverted people are greatly outnumbered, so I wonder…why do extroverts tell the introverts we need to be more gregarious and more people oriented? Personally, I think the extroverts need to shut up more often. I’m suspicious about any “diagnosis” that leads to Big Pharma getting richer. And about the first comment about science progressing and getting bigger: science doesn’t seek to stick labels on people.
I actually made a video about schizoid vs introversion and a few other conditions if you're interested: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html Good luck getting the extroverts to be quiet though, they are, by nature, LOUD lol. I don't think schizoid is making anyone rich. Schizoids tend not to come forward for treatment, and no one even knows how to treat it. After making this first video about my diagnosis, I tried to find a psych to treat me, and actually got knocked back more than once by people saying they didn't have the expertise to feel comfortable even trying. They lost money by being that honest and telling me no. Schizoid also isn't something that can be helped by medication so no money there either (although for some schizoids, comorbid depression might be treated that way, but that's treating depression not schizoid itself). It also doesn't attract research dollars because it's not exciting like conditions that cause more obvious dramatic trouble, such as Borderline PD. So yeah, schizoid doesn't make anyone rich. As for your final comment, I'm not sure how that's... relevant? When we make discoveries, we need to create names for them so we know what we're talking about. If you actually look at a lot of the criteria, you'll also see these labels aren't rigid, there's room to recognise variations between people. Room for nuance. That doesn't mean science gets everything right - that's why it needs to be revised now and then, as they figure out where they made mistakes and how to improve. But given the human mind is so complex and difficult to work out, they're doing the best they can with what they know right now. Personally, the real problems for me are: 1) psychs with way too much of a special interest in whatever their pet disorder is, such that they only see the conditions they want to see, like the dissociation specialist who told my doctor I have a "possible diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder" when I don't even experience memory loss so there's no freaking way! or the psychiatrist who decided before I ever walked in that I had autism, wouldn't listen to any evidence to the contrary, but also didn't want me to get properly tested?? and 2) kids on TikTok glorifying mental illnesses and labelling themselves as if it's a badge of pride. I'm sure you heard about the ones who "caught" Tourette's for a while there. That's not "Big Pharma" doing it, it's manipulative and irresponsible tech companies trying to profit off their attention.
You are definite very adept at researching and assimilating huge mounds of info. I could actually be “diagnosed” with schizoid thing. But my concern is: why are all the “experts” deeming this to be a “disorder”? As of it’s “wrong” to not want or seek out close personal relationships, as of it’s “wrong” to not want to engage in social activities, as if it’s “wrong” to spend a lot of time being introspective…these things I just don’t get. Is this “disorder” a matter of choice or is it just a nature/nurture thing that has to be “fixed”…to be like everybody else…conform, conform, conform…A lot of these “experts”…I just don’t get it.
I get what you mean, to us it doesn't _feel_ wrong, however we live in an inherently social world, having evolved as a social species. There are two main reasons it can qualify as a disorder (which I covered a bit in the video I linked): 1) When we struggle to live in that inherently social world (ie. experience distress and/or reduced ability to function). Some schizoids do better at this than others, especially if allowed to live in a schizoid-friendly way, eg. those who get night jobs that don't involve too much social pressure. However not all of us are able to escape like that, and we suffer as a result. A lot of schizoids also develop comorbid conditions like depression, which could be due to being forced to operate in a social world, and/or underlying factors such as whatever trauma might have made us this way, and/or just the constant anhedonia and pointlessness of everything. That said, not all schizoids consciously experience a struggle, and not all schizoids fail to find a way to function in this society. That brings us to... 2) When we cause distress to others. This one is probably harder for us to see and accept or even care about. But when we withdraw and refuse to socialise, or exhibit certain other schizoid quirks, it can cause distress to our family and those who think we're friends. We're not doing it on purpose, but it's a thing. People who aren't schizoid have a lot of emotions, often very strong, and again, our evolution is part of that. So while _we_ aren't upset by our way of being, we can be hurting people with it more than we realise. Depending on the context, it can also affect strangers. Whether we personally care doesn't matter - the effect on others is the important element here. Granted, the way schizoids affect others is a lot less dramatic than other disorders, and thus much easier to miss. To give my own example: 1) I've never had a full time job, got close once in a part time position, but only lasted a year before burning out into possibly my worst depression ever. I'm now unemployed even though my old bonsai nursery would love to have me back, and I've reached a point where I'm not sure I'll ever be able to work again. I've also had decades of depression on and off, with an overall trend of gradually getting worse over time, because I can't take meds, and standard therapy doesn't work for schizoid depression since we don't care about the same stuff as other people. I'm clearly struggling to live in this world, experience distress, and have seriously impaired functioning for the reality we live in. 2) Somehow, people mostly seem to like me, and they'd love to hang out but I rarely do it. I've also sometimes been told that something I said was heartless, cold, offensive, etc, when to me it just seemed either logical or insignificant. I didn't set out to upset anyone, but that's what happened. Of course, ideally the world should help us out, understand our quirks, leave us alone, etc. If we lived in a world of schizoids, things would be fine and it wouldn't be a disorder at all. But that's not reality. The fact is, this is the world we live in. We don't function well in it, so by this world's standards, we have a disorder. And that's before we even begin to look at how trauma factors in to making some of us this way, or the variant of schizoid that turns out to be early schizophrenia. My explanation is probably simplistic, but hopefully it gives you an idea. Also, I don't think it's so much that society wants us to conform. A lot of people quite like my eccentricities and I was often praised at school for not being afraid to be different. The issue really is our suffering, inability to function, and to a lesser extent, our effect on others. I can't actually tell from your writing whether you'd fit schizoid. There's a bit more paranoia than what I'd expect. But on the other hand, that you haven't taken offence to my pushback is unusual as far as UA-cam comments go lol, and seems to happen more often with schizoids, I think because we aren't easily hurt by criticism the way the average person is.
Actually ı dont think you are suffered from SPD. You can express your emotion well and have a motivation to explain your thought spontaneously. You are not a schizoid. Self-diagnosed is not good method to understand ourselves
You are wrong and narrow minded on the issue, and it sounds like you either didn't watch enough of the video or weren't paying attention when I explained that: 1) I have a "covert" presentation which means I'm able to mask my schizoid traits, 2) I was diagnosed by my doctor who's known me for over a decade, I am _not_ self diagnosed, and 3) This is now on my official government record - it wouldn't be if I was just diagnosing myself. I'm now also seeing a new psychologist who accepts this diagnosis for me. I have SPD. You also need to realise that trying to tell people on the internet that they don't have a disorder is not a good thing to do. You don't actually know me beyond what I've shown you on a video, which is not actually showing you my real life. You're also focusing on only small parts of being schizoid and ignoring the full criteria: According to DSM5 1. Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family. 2. Almost always chooses solitary activities. 3. Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person. 4. Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities. 5. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives. 6. Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others. 7. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity. Importantly, you only need 4 out of these 7 for it to be SPD. You may disagree about some aspects with me, but you won't be able to cross off enough to take the SPD diagnosis away. If you use the old ICD-10 criteria, that has 9 points and again you only need 4 so with that you'll have an even harder time invalidating my diagnosis. I actually fit all of them to some degree, but missing one or two criteria from your mistaken perspective does not mean this diagnosis is incorrect. It means you have no idea what you're talking about and have fixated on only certain criteria instead of looking at the diagnosis as a whole. For some more discussion on the topic, check out my reply to Kate Dollen: ua-cam.com/video/WdzbaNRao30/v-deo.html&lc=UgxQJYNRtTGdzwFW32Z4AaABAg.9YIcz7VJoKo9YIqpv8rINo The rest of you seem to get embarrassed and delete your comments when you realise you're wrong. Thankfully Kate was genuinely interested and left hers up so more people can understand.
Man, how often do I hear the argument "you can't be autistic because you talk/understand sarcasm/smile". Autism isn't a single punchline. I think it's the same with SPD.
It's literally in the DSM and ICD. It _is_ a disorder. Some people do argue that if no distress is caused to the person or those around them, then certain conditions shouldn't be considered a disorder, buuuuut I am definitely distressed and tired af of the anhedonia and apathy and all that jazz, so either way, in my case it's still a disorder. Now, it's possible for people to have traits that are similar to a disorder, in much the same way that I experience anxiety without having Generalised Anxiety Disorder, but that doesn't mean that the disorder does not exist. Both can exist at once: schizoid personality traits, and Schizoid Personality Disorder. This might be especially true of those who only meet 3 or less of the criteria for SPD, since you need at least 4 for a diagnosis.
I'm not convinced there's anything "wrong" with you and to be clear I mean in terms of having a mental "handicap" or "disability". It sounds like you've had a fairly normal upbringing and fairly normal life experiences (imperfect / difficult such as having a disabled brother but nothing that makes me think you need a disability classification). The video mostly makes me question whether the term 'Schizoid' is a 'real' condition and even if it hypothetically exists whether you have it
Honestly I was a bit too optimistic in this video, I thought figuring it out would fix me but it hasn't, I'm actually doing worse again since then. I've made a lot more videos as I've gone through that journey, not sure what to recommend but maybe these will give you a better picture? Covert schizoid: ua-cam.com/video/cak6J2C_VDU/v-deo.html Trauma: ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html Me having an actual breakdown: ua-cam.com/video/cjEd4eFD840/v-deo.html Schizoid vs introversion etc: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html Problems with trying to fix myself: ua-cam.com/video/Nircxy8fc0g/v-deo.html I dunno, I've made so many videos and can't remember what's in them all lol. But if you search my channel for keywords like "schizoid", "SPD", and "mental" you'll find them. But keep in mind, UA-cam videos don't ever really tell the whole story. Social media never does. Also at the time of filming this video, I didn't realise how badly my upbringing affected me, nor the ongoing implications for my current situation. So I'm not really surprised you don't see it either. Doesn't help that I have a covert presentation these days (like masking in autism). It takes a lot for me to show how badly I'm really doing. I'm a bit confused about why you use the words "handicap" or "disability" though since I don't recall saying anything like that. Schizoid is a mental illness, it's not automatically a disability, and actually some more overt schizoids function a lot better than I do, getting solitary jobs and all that. Maybe things are different where you are, but here disability is generally assessed more on functioning than diagnosis alone. Also important - I have more issues than just schizoid. I therefore am not a good representation of how schizoids generally are. You shouldn't judge a whole condition based on one person either. Especially a condition so poorly researched, and that society generally ignores because it's not interesting or exciting or in-fashion. It exists, it's just that no one cares. Hope this helps.
@@DestroyerMariko Cool, just be careful to not have the 'diagnoses' become a self fulfilling prophecy (things get worse because you think you have a condition that's highly subjective to diagnose and maybe doesn't exist and/or maybe you don't have)
Don't worry I'm well ahead of you on that haha. The fact that I do try to get out there instead of just withdrawing tells you so. Lol I actually had no idea this video would blow up, and for a while became kinda hesitant to keep talking about it once people started putting pressure on me to make schizoid my "thing" 😵 but if you check out my channel, you'll see I'm still just as chaotic, making whatever the heck I like, annoying the people who made the mistake to subscribe not realising what they were getting into lol. I've accepted that I can't avoid talking about schizoid since it's part of my life, but yeah I'm not letting it dictate anything to me. I get why you're concerned though. That whole thing about kids catching "Tourette's" off TikTok was wild lol. But I'm actually in my mid-30's, that's not my generation. I grew up back when "you can't label me!!!" was the cool thing. I find it weird that it's gone the total opposite nowadays. But hey here's something even worse? Lmao long story short, I eventually got sent to a dissociation/DID specialist who wrote back to my treating professionals saying I had "a possible diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder" 🤦♀️ what the heck?? Now _that_ is one I don't believe. I agreed to go hoping to understand other things I experience, but instead omfg I can't even
According to Google Translate: "God, what a mess you have" So fucking what? As I said to another useless commenter, "maybe focus on the substance of the video instead of being judgemental about things that don't matter?" Might as well copy paste this one as well: 1. Mind your own business 2. I clean it every Sunday but I have dogs who bring their toys in and throw them around 3. Some of the stuff in this video I had nowhere else to put until I finally got myself an art studio ua-cam.com/video/pndBUcA-hfo/v-deo.html 4. If you hate this, you should have seen how I used to live hahahahaha 5. Don't judge based on such little information as a UA-cam video, you have no idea my situation 6. Who are you, Jordan Peterson??? ua-cam.com/video/PESYQ6TGwhQ/v-deo.html Srsly 🙄 Although ngl I can't imagine what hilarious mistranslated captions UA-cam might come up with for my videos seeing as it gets a lot of shit wrong even in English... XD Maybe just don't bother coming around here? Have a nice day or whatever.
Schizoids, according to my definition, are loners who are never lonely. That is, because they never feel loneliness, they never have the need to form strong intimate relationships with others.
_Your_ definition? Who are you? That's not a scientific or reliable way to go about things you know! None of the recognised criteria actually prohibit loneliness. It's also fairly common for schizoids to form strong bonds with animals instead of humans. Your view is very narrow and I think you need to reconsider your apparent habit of making up your own definitions for things.
The trouble is proving it, Centrelink are notoriously difficult to deal with regarding disability. From what I understand, I'd also have to see a psychologist or psychiatrist and get a report from them about my SPD, which is such a waste of time. Like, I have to get one of these people, spend enough time with them to convince them of my diagnosis and my struggles, and then hope that Centrelink take it seriously. They won't just take a report from my GP even though she knows me and my issues the best. It won't matter to Centrelink that no psych can treat this and none in Sydney seem to have any experience with it. And on top of that, I have to satisfy some very rigid criteria of impairment, and even if most of my criteria are in the highest category, if I have only one point in a lower category, my entire impairment score is reduced to that lower level. I've researched it since making this video, and it's just too much to deal with. Which is pretty frustrating lol, something that theoretically exists to help people with this level of mental illness being too difficult to navigate for something with this level of mental illness... but they really don't seem to understand how mental illness can get in the way of accessing support that's so rigidly controlled, and the boxes I have to fit seem designed for more common conditions, whoever designed the criteria assumed one size fits all and had no clue that SPD might not make sense within those constraints. At this point my best bet seems to be just staying on regular welfare and having them reduce my assessed work capacity. At the moment they reckon I can do 20+ hours a week, but even just trying to keep 15h/week lead to me collapsing into another stressed out ball of depression, and if we hadn't had lockdowns cancelling shifts, I probably would have collapsed sooner! And at the moment with my 3 month medical exemption, I'm only managing that one bonsai shift a week (7.5h) and my boss knows I'm struggling so he doesn't mind if I need to take some weeks completely off. What's stressful is when my medical exemption ends, there's no way I'm gonna be able to get back to 15h, which is the minimum I need to do on a 20+h capacity to keep Centrelink from harassing me, and if they hadn't given me the exemption, I was going to quit welfare altogether, better to be poor than harassed. But if my assessed capacity level is revised below 15h/week, then I won't have to meet any work requirements and just need to do quarterly interviews with them, which wold be much easier to handle. It's still not ideal and DSP would be better, but it feels like it's as close as I'm going to get in the near future. Argh, I've even approached local research institutions to see if anyone knows about SPD and it's absolutely hopeless :|
@@DestroyerMariko Wow this is fucked up. Actually I’m French, went to a private clinic, then started receiving bills of thousands of euros, but they told me no worries it’s all covered. Once they diagnosed me with SPD my psychologist was like "Stop thinking about work, why don’t you lay back and try enjoying life?" My psychiatrist was like "Hey how about a Disability Pension?" No paperwork and headaches. But I ran away because even though I agreed the diagnosis made sense, I guess I wasn’t yet ready to accept being disabled. Then the whole pandemic thing happened. But they sent me a message like "If you ever want to come back, the door is always opened". And now that I’ve had ample time to think about the long term implications of my disorder, I’m seriously thinking about going back to that securing and nurturing environment. Plus I guess they’re quite curious to study me as consulting SPDs are quite rare. So compared to what you’re going through, it’s like you’re in some kind of "passive-aggressive" environment or something. I don’t even understand half of the complexities they’re throwing at you. Sorry for saying "Just accept it and you have a right to it", I guess I have been spoiled by the French system and I’m naive. Still I think this is fucked up. If someone is struggling with social detachment and all the issues that come with SPD, or other severe mental issues, the last thing you need is such a perversely complex system.
Wow that's amazing. Yeah sadly it doesn't work that way here. Our welfare system is quite punitive. If I can't get my assessed capacity lowered, they'll send job agencies to harass me to look for more work and to come in for pointless interviews etc. If I refuse to do that, they'll cut me off welfare. They only seem to take my struggles seriously when I threaten to quit the system or mention suicide. Despite our governments' talk about mental health, they don't realise that this sort of financial pressure is unreasonable and only exacerbates the issue. They want to catch a handful of "dole bludgers" by assuming everyone is just lazy and trying to exploit the system. Even people who've been in hospital or palliative care have found themselves punished by a system that doesn't give a shit. It's very difficult to navigate.
You have a good point- going on disability could definitely worsen a schizoids life. We do need some way of producing and serving some function. I know a schizoid that went on disability 7-8 years ago and he is in a much worse place now
@@brianmeen2158 I don't think anyone here was saying going on disability is bad for us? Hodoss was telling me to go for it, I was explaining how Australia's system makes it difficult. Again though, as I said to you in a different comment, these things probably depend on the person, although even in the situation you describe, if he was really badly suffering in trying to work, maybe withdrawing actually was his only option to survive. I personally would still try to work my one shift a week at bonsai, because I think that job's good for me despite how draining it is, but being _pressured_ to work beyond what I decide for myself just makes me depressed and suicidal. I'm not enjoying life, I don't experience meaning or purpose or whatever that keeps healthy people going and motivates them to work more. The expectation that we should all be "producing" and "serving some function" is a bit unfair given none of us chose to be like this, or even be born at all. If that's what the world wants from me, then it should also give me access to a peaceful, medically supervised, painless death if I choose to opt out.
What I don’t understand is if you have Schizoid, it means you don’t want to engage with people. Yet you have a You Tube channel and are wanting to engage with people. ….I would have thought this would be the last thing a person with schizoid would do. They also don’t present much in therapy …if at all. Yet you got diagnosed by a therapist. Just curious as it doesn’t match up. Could the therapist maybe have the wrong diagnosis?
Oh my gosh, this would take a long time for me to answer properly. I guess I'll go for disjointed dot points rather than attempt to structure it. - please check out the Wiki, especially the bits about "covert" and "secret" schizoid presentations: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder - schizoids tend to do better online... if you could see my real life, you'd not be so sceptical haha - I still get tired by online interactions though, so in most cases, if you try to get closer to me than UA-cam comments, I'm gonna shut you down and flee. - I'm not the first schizoid to get on UA-cam and talk about my life, I'm just perhaps the most animated? - I started my UA-cam more as a personal diary rather than an attempt to connect with anyone, it's just coincidence that people turned out to care. Back then in 2008, I was super anonymous, no one knew me, so it was easier to talk, and there does seem to be evidence that schizoids do better when anonymous (although I think that looked at them in text-based forums, but it's an interesting point nonetheless, probably has to do with feelings of safety). - I actually credit UA-cam with being one of the factors that helped me become covert. Talking to a camera rather than a person was really good practice. Cameras don't talk back or interrupt, and what comments you do get, you can take your time to respond, or just not respond at all. - When I was younger, I definitely had a more overt, stereotypical presentation, but mental health awareness was less of a thing so no one picked it up. I was super quiet in high school. I struggled at big family gatherings a LOT. And let's not get started about friendship issues or that'll go on forever lol. - I originally presented in therapy for depression, not SPD. This tends to be how schizoids end up in the mental health system in the first place. Otherwise how do you think anyone ever gets diagnosed? It's probably true that a lot of schizoids never find out they have this condition, but that's not the case for everyone, especially those with comorbidities. - I got diagnosed by my GP, not a therapist or psychologist. This is a GP who's known me for more than a decade, so she's seen how my life has played out, and all my mental health struggles, and received all my reports from psychologists and psychiatrists who failed to treat me for depression. This isn't some therapist who I only see for a handful of 1h sessions, this is a doctor who actually knows my life. - I have maybe one IRL friend I can hang out with more than once a year - I tried dating and it was horrible, I don't need that - Let's not get started on issues I've had at home with my family over the years, I'll just say it's gotten better as we've come to understand my mental health issues and as I've learned how to socialise better etc - Most of my hobbies over the years, including UA-cam, are very solitary. I don't have a team of people like polished UA-camrs do. - One of the few ways I can socialise is if I need to in order to achieve some goal, eg. band. Then I can just put on my band persona and make the music. But once the band folds, I don't tend to hang out with them as friends. Outside band stuff, most people who see me as a friend know to have some other activity planned if they want to hang out with me, because I can't just "hang", there has to be something else, eg. going to see a movie. And even then, it happens rarely. One of the nice things about the pandemic is not having that social expectation anymore hahaha - I have anhedonia real bad, and it's getting worse as I get older. I'm having to pretend to care more and more. I mentioned a bit about that in my recent update: ua-cam.com/video/Qsn46Fbk99A/v-deo.html - blah blah blah this is getting long, I could go on about my life and the things that finally make sense with this diagnosis, but I have other things to do lol. I know my life, I know my struggles, there is no disorder that fits better. Hopefully though that gives you enough of an idea that there's more to my diagnosis than some shallow features of how I act on UA-cam. I'm sure you mean well enough, but what you've described is a very narrow understanding of schizoid, and is pretty much how I went undiagnosed in the 15 years since I first showed up in the system thinking all I had was depression. I think I mentioned in the video, the one time I asked a psychologist about SPD and she shot me down because I didn't match the single case study she had on hand, and she didn't have the sense to explore why I'd brought it up. Had she done her job and seen past my defensive façade and her own biases, SPD should have been very obvious, especially back then when I was a lot less skilled at acting how I do now. Had she looked deeper than just the surface, I could have been diagnosed more than a decade ago, and not wasted my time with all these depression therapies that don't work for schizoids. Alas, not only does it not show up much in therapy, but views like yours seem to be the most common in anyone who's even heard of the disorder. That's not your fault of course, I'm just frustrated with it lol. All this time being made to feel like I just wasn't trying hard enough to fight my depression when all along there was more to it than that, and not knowing until now because of this exact attitude... :| It's been a really, _really_ long journey. Trust me and my doctor, this diagnosis fits.
Schizoids are human, lol. Humans as a baseline condition still want to form social relationships, to some extent, however that extent shows up. So sorry we're all not the emotionless robots you think we are lmao.
@@DestroyerMariko Thankyou for writing all that you wrote and explaining it a little better for me. I’m sorry for your mental health struggles and late diagnosis. The same happened to me, I did not get my diagnosis of BPD until I was in my early 40s. I have always suspected my son of having Schizoid personality disorder. He has a lot of the same symptoms. I hope you didn’t take offence at my asking, as I said, I was just curious. Stay strong and keep well x
No worries, glad to help. Lol I hope I didn't come across as too harsh either! There's probably a lot of people with this same question who might be too scared to ask, so now they can have the answers too :)
You dont have a schitzoid personality disorder.. You are making this vedio hoping that a person will understand you.. you are introverted most likely becuase you are shy .. not schitzoid.. also you might want hear this but reason you dont have alot of friends is lack of communications skills(skills you can earn) not because of being schitzoid.
Oh fuck off, are you my doctor? Do you know anything about me or my real life beyond a snippet of what I've posted online? No and no. I'll trust my doctor's diagnosis rather than some internet random thanks. You probably didn't even watch most of the video. And I don't need any more friends, that's not the problem 🙄 gosh you're like my very first psychologist, next you'll be telling me "happy people live longer" 🤦♀️ and kicking the dog out of our sessions 😭
@@DestroyerMariko why would a schizoid person and attempt to communicate with an internet community. Your also lacking alot of negative affect in your body language and voice. If anything you seem more schizotypal. Schizoid people are generally not as eccentric as you are no offense.
Maybe you could check the DSM 5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there you can find a proper description of your diagnosis, better than Wikipedia. And maybe try some of Transcendental therapists are best than the psychology that put a label to people. Transcendental therapy is a form of therapy that is spiritually oriented and intended to help people achieve inner peace by first understanding their role in the larger picture of life and then using that understanding to overcome disappointments, difficulties, and other hardships. Transpersonal therapists use meditation, guided visualization, hypnotherapy, dream work, art, music, journaling, mindfulness practices, and other techniques that can help you explore your spiritual self and create meaning in your life.
Wikipedia includes BOTH the DSM 5 information AND the ICD criteria and more. Don't believe the lies your teachers told you about Wikipedia, it actually is a better source than it tends to be given credit for, with a strong editorial process, and you can always check the references they list at the bottom of the articles if you want to check their validity. I _have_ read the DSM 5 section on Schizoid Personality Disorder and Wikipedia covers it all, along with way more additional information from sources that have attempted to study and treat it. Furthermore, the DSM 5 has _no information_ on covert SPD, so it fails to explain why I'm able to hide my condition - whereas Wikipedia _does_ explain this! I get that you think you're helping me find reputable sources, but you're doing that with very narrow assumptions about me and what information I've already looked into. I may be newly diagnosed, but I'm not an idiot. Also, having a label DOES help me because now I can understand why past treatments didn't help me and get a better idea of my challenges. It also helps me communicate that to people who would otherwise keep trying to treat me with the same useless garbage they've tried to feed me for 15 years. I tried seeing a chick who was against "labels" and not only did she also miss my diagnosis, she was utterly useless in helping me too. Labels exist for a reason. What everyone gets confused with is that labels shouldn't be used to discriminate against people, nor should having a label make you feel like you have to conform. THOSE are the biggest potential missteps for labelling. There is nothing wrong with an accurate label otherwise, and so long as you haven't been misdiagnosed, they can be incredibly helpful. Blindly disparaging labels helps no one, and can hinder our progress if we aren't allowed to understand the scientifically studied factors contributing to our struggles. As for your therapy suggestions, no thank you. You may find spiritual nonsense useful and helpful and that's great for you. But that is absolutely not for me. Meditation and mindfulness don't work for me, I have tried them, and I've likely tried a lot more things than you realise. I'm also a university trained musician and artist, and I've released my own poetry books, documented my dreams, journaled in both written and vlog form, etc etc, and yet here I am still struggling despite all my creative expression. Gee, maybe it's not because of spiritual inner peace blah blah, maybe I have an actual nameable condition after all! 🙄 And maybe, _just maybe_ understanding the peculiarities of _my condition_ will help me overcome disappointments, difficulties, and other hardships. Pretending there's a higher purpose for my existence certainly won't - that's magical thinking and grandiosity, which in large doses is a symptom of other psychological disorders, and I think I've got enough as it is with my SPD and depression, so I'll pass. Side note: Buddhism and similar belief systems preach that the way to achieve "enlightenment" is through detachment from the world, desires, cravings, etc. Jokes on them, I already AM detached and it turns out IT'S A PERSONALITY DISORDER!! 😂 Achieving anhedonia is _not_ enlightenment, and more attempts to "clear my mind" or whatever are probably the exact opposite of what I should be doing. I need to find ways to get re-involved with life, not further separate myself on some spiritual goose chase. SPD is very different to things like the anxiety and depression experienced by normal people where they probably do need to stop, take a look at their thoughts, and see through any cognitive distortions they're experiencing. But instead of spirituality woo, I'd recommend them evidence-backed therapies like CBT. Anyway, please don't treat me like a child. I've done more work than you know, and I don't need any more bullshit therapy. I don't need advice from internet randoms. Only a qualified expert is likely to give me anything worth looking at, and there's not many of them going around for SPD. Why Wikipedia is more trustworthy and useful than you think: www.news.com.au/technology/online/internet/students-are-told-not-to-use-wikipedia-for-research-but-its-a-trustworthy-source/news-story/8d2db297291e07a0eaf6fb04981c074e
@@DestroyerMariko actually DSM 5 only give a surface level understanding based on in depth studies and books, i would say the biggest source of information come from object relation theory. also psychforums is good place to ask question.
"I Have Schizoid Personality Disorder! I also have vaguely prominent breasts, which I like to show off by needlessly raising my arms above my head every so often."
Lol wow wtf 😅 afaik you're the only person to watch this video and think about my boobs so it actually says more about you that you're so focused on that. That's hysterical, thanks for giving me something hilarious to screenshot. Has it occurred to you that maybe I'm just so oblivious to that shit that it never occurred to me that raising my arms would be your fetish?? 🤣
1. Mind your own business 2. I clean it every Sunday but I have dogs who bring their toys in and throw them around 3. Some of the stuff in this video I had nowhere else to put until I finally got myself an art studio ua-cam.com/video/pndBUcA-hfo/v-deo.html 4. If you hate this, you should have seen how I used to live hahahahaha 5. Don't judge based on such little information as a UA-cam video, you have no idea my situation 6. Who are you, Jordan Peterson??? ua-cam.com/video/PESYQ6TGwhQ/v-deo.html
Hahahaha do better with your lame internet comments, maybe focus on the substance of the video instead of being judgemental about things that don't matter? Not my fault you think I'm angry either. I'm a wordy person, and this is my digital room you've walked into and just started telling me what to do... what did you expect? Did you think I was just gonna passively do what you say? If you can't handle someone replying to your nonsense, maybe don't comment? Save us both the trouble 😘
Oh FFS another one of you faceless cowards who think it's "cool" to go around pestering people who open up about their struggles with mental illness. Probably not even worth answering you but hey: When did I say it's cool? Schizoid is about the least cool diagnosis there is because it's not dramatic or in vogue like DID, BPD, autism, or ADHD - society does not care about schizoid. The only thing cool about this is finally getting a diagnosis that makes sense, and finding better treatment that doesn't completely suck. I didn't put this label on myself either, I have a legit diagnosis recognised on my medical files that's now been fully validated by two clinical psychologists and reviewed by an additional government psychologist. You're just making assumptions because of the TikTok generation and all the kids giving themselves Tourette's. You don't even realise you're a sheep of the opposite trend, the one that sees blue hair and assumes the worst. I've talked in later videos about trauma already anyway, so you're not even saying anything new, nor are you making any kind of actual point because nothing about being traumatised means I don't have the diagnosis. Go get yourself a better hobby.
Ah yes, that boring, narrow idea that because I'm wordy and sometimes have the patience to explain reality to NPCs, I must be upset or whatever. 😂 You all say that hoping it'll stop me from slapping you down but really you just don't have the capacity to engage me properly because you've got nothing of substance to say. Thanks for proving me right that you weren't worth answering, although it did provide a brief amount of low level entertainment. Cheers.
I have schizoid pd with traits of all subtypes especially the lethargic type and I probably have some other PD‘s like anxious avoidant personality disorder (1-1 translated from German don’t know if correct) The biggest hurdle in life is my low energy level, if I could manage that I could become king of the world in no time or at least reach my hopes and dreams but I guess routine also brings a kind of happiness although this routine has to change every few months because I get bored of it sooner or later
Omg I know what you mean. There was a time when I had more energy because I was on antidepressants and (combined with being in my early 20's at the time) I did actually achieve a lot more. It just destroyed my already low appetite so I couldn't stay on them without wasting away, and they didn't actually fix my depression. Still, having the energy was probably better than struggling to push through.
You can now read my Facebook post publicly for free on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/my-diagnosis-61191959
The SPD playlist I talk about: ua-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxB8Xbi0qd7_vFYeATw2Juig.html
Wikipedia's very comprehensive article on SPD: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder
Important note: I realise I present differently to other schizoids. I talk about that in the video, but basically I've developed a "covert" presentation which hides my true condition, much like how girls with autism mask. Even if we forget the terrible psychologist who dismissed me, being covert probably contributed to the ridiculously long delay in diagnosing me. Interestingly, the moment I stopped filming, the whole on-camera persona dropped, and I was actually surprised how fast that happened now that I'm paying attention to it.
ALSO! In the video, I occasionally misspeak, because my brain moves faster than my mouth lol. The worst of these moments occurs at 40:17 when I meant to say "I guess when you DON'T have emotions you default to this cold logic" - I didn't catch this before uploading, it's such a long video that I couldn't be bothered to edit it (and it's taken a whole day to publish it as it is!)
@@DestroyerMariko I always thought I had Avoidant PD but after watching your video I'm pretty sure I have Schizoid PD.
@@tudormiller887 one of the key points that'll help you work it out is WHY you're not inclined to be social - whether you fear it in some way (Avoidant), vs just don't care (Schizoid). I'm not sure if this is helpful but I recently made a video comparing Schizoid to a few other thing: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html
And THAT’S how easy it is to mistake a ‘happy’, ‘energetic’ person from a person who feels nothing. It’s crazy! Thanks for your video. :)
Glad you liked it! And yeah, even without SPD there's a lot of people masking how they really feel. People who seem happy but are actually depressed etc. Good to know some people realise this! :)
@@DestroyerMariko - I haven’t even had a diagnosis. I KNOW I’m a type A personality with sensory issues. I KNOW I’m high functioning ASD, as well as schizo-type features (fantasy about the Roman Empire accompanied with paranoia etc). Very rigid in my personality with high OCD. When you ‘throw in’ childhood trauma, I don’t know where to f***g start! But yes, I’ve been overlooked by so many therapists. I call those therapists ‘textbook therapists’, one who does a few courses and devoted a few years with an erect posture and BANG, they’re in their own practice. I feel I know more than them 🤣
Oh wow, I'm surprised you can't get a diagnosis for all that! This probably doesn't help if you're not in Australia, but here I know there's places that specialise in ASD diagnosis and can also do differentials and assess comorbidities etc. It's pricey, like $2000 last I checked, but it looks to be a lot more thorough than just seeing a standard therapist. I think most therapists and psychologists really only deal with standard depression, anxiety, and relationship angst type mainstream problems so they're not really equipped to diagnose or deal with anything actually complicated. I think I mentioned in this video how my SPD was dismissed simply because I didn't fit the single case study she had on hand. She would have never seen SPD in her life probably, and maybe not even remembered it from her studies if she had to go fishing for that lol. So yeah, those types are not much good beyond basic stuff. But the ASD specialists do seem to have at least some clue if you can find them. I was almost going to do that myself just for the differential, so they can say "you don't have autism but you do have..." coz I was starting to feel like that would have been the only way to get any answers until my GP figured it out. So if you have access to something like that, it might be worth doing, especially if it opens doors for you to get more than the same old garbage. But I also know sometimes diagnosis can be counterproductive if you're surrounded by a lot of stigma etc.
Anyway, I dunno if this was at all helpful haha, maybe you've already tried. But just thought I'd mention it anyway. If it doesn't help you, maybe it'll help someone browsing the comments for ideas :)
Its not surprising to me that youve been misdiagnosed. Same for me. Went to psych in young adulthood and was diagnosed with anxiety and an adjustment disorder. I tried to explain that my problem was not just "situational" stress from college,moving and changing houses. But it was my whole life that ive been suffering but she didn't see the bigger picture
Did you suggest SPD at the time? If not, I can understand the confusion given it's so rarely seen in practice. Not easy to diagnose. But lol I literally asked my psych point-blank about SPD and she didn't even explore it with me... But yeah you're right about the bigger picture thing, especially when they get convinced you have something else and that they're right and you must be wrong, as if we don't know enough about our own lives despite being the ones living them! :|
Which schizoid traits caused you the most suffering? With me it’s the general confusion and lingering Anhedonia
@@brianmeen2158 Yeah the anhedonia I reckon, and not feeling connected to the world. That and the resulting depression have really messed my life up and I don't think I'll ever be able to function properly.
@@DestroyerMariko ditto, those are my problem areas. It’s like we were wired wrong for this type of society. It’s strange in that even when I can alleviate the depression(hard daily exercise) I still feel an overall lack of interest in life. Not a good way to live
@@DestroyerMariko If you wana go ahead and spend all your money to give to shrinks go head.. Hope you end up bankrupt from that.. lol... Schitzoid is a mental disorder and not a genetic desease and it is not a good thing. It is based of standard deviation from normal distribution of healthy and people with disorder... and it is like Schitzophrenia and Factor 1 and 2 psychopathy a "mental disorder" .. you more like lazy person that doednot have good communication skills and doesnot want to learn.. but if you want us to call you crazy.. then u got that.. you are crazy with a cherry on top..lol.. go trust your shrink.. pretty sure next shrink will give you a different diagnostic.
So sad hearing again and again how these psychologists who are supposed to help us aren't qualified to do their job properly. I am a psych student, I'm studying right now actually and I wanted some real-life experience or examples to complement the info on my textbook, im glad you got ur diagnosis can imagine how relieved you felt like suddenly everything made sense,,,, any howww gotta go back to studying
Yeah it's tough, but I'm glad you're interested enough to have found my video, we need more psychologists to care about niche disorders like this. My GP really tried hard to find me someone in Sydney who might have experience with SPD but there's no one, and I even approached research institutions but there's just nothing here for it. So yeah, thanks for dropping by! I've also posted a few updates since my diagnosis if that ever interests you. Best of luck with your studies!
Well, a textbook is simply one way of looking at a subject or subjects from a single point of view. The fact that "professionals" use this flawed way of looking at things is part of the problem. College in America revolves around this limited way of thinking, unless you're taking a philosophy class. People generally seek out what they don't have and a college offers the illusion of intelligence. What's even more illogical, is that I have to see a so called "professional" and then diagnosed by a "professional" in order to be viewed differently. When the reality is that most "professionals" are just repeating someone else's ideas.
@@RealityUntold I dunno about America but here in Australia there's also practical work done with actual clients as well as research beyond textbooks that students have to do to get qualified as a clinical psychologist. The real problems are more that 1) most clients seen during the practical component of a degree will be easier, more standard cases of things like depression and anxiety, and 2) even if they do see more complicated clients, their chances of seeing people with SPD are incredibly low compared to other issues. Psychology is not a useless field of study, it's just not one that caters well to niche disorders like SPD and that's why it's good to see students getting interested and researching it further out of their own volition. So I think you're being unfair, forming a view based on your own hang-ups rather than the reality that psychologists actually do help people, just perhaps not you or me.
There are still many areas where going to university/college is very valuable, and it's also worth noting that the vast majority of human knowledge builds upon the ideas and findings of those who came before us, _including_ when it comes to philosophy classes where you are literally studying other people's ideas. Maybe it's Nietzsche or Camus, maybe it's particular topics, maybe it's methods of analysis and other ways of thinking, but either way, you _are_ studying other people's ideas whether you like it or not, and that'll include those of your teacher and your classmates etc, there is no escape. You may think you've come out of it with some unique way of thinking, but be unaware that you are actually "just repeating someone else's ideas" although hopefully in a less obvious, more remixed form. I'm actually surprised you list philosophy as one of the better classes. I see it more as useless fluff, whereas studying medicine, for example, actually teaches you useful objective skills that most people would be hard pressed to master to an acceptable standard in any other way. Philosophy, on the other hand, is something you could study on your own or in groups not reliant on university/college/classes and still come out doing pretty well without the oppressive student debts we hear you guys rack up over in the US.
Psychology may be on the softer end of the sciences given its heavy reliance on statistics, and it certainly has its flaws, but I think you're dismissing it too quickly just because you've had bad experiences for your own issues, and not because you're looking at the field as a whole from outside your subjective experience. It's possible to recognise that it's failed most of us with SPD while simultaneously seeing the value it has for many others in the society we collectively inhabit. No field is perfect. Your anecdotal frustration doesn't mean the whole thing is a sham. Even with all the garbage I've been through, I still get that.
I do recognise, however, that America in particular seems to be pumping out more questionable degrees these days. I'd still argue that psychology isn't one of them, provided it hasn't yet been corrupted by nonsense leaking in from elsewhere in your education system.
Side note: if you have SPD, chances are you don't need a philosophy class to teach you to think differently to the average population... XD
Different clinicians have different opinions -look at differential diagnosis of ASD it’s so interesting . Various personality disorders get confused with it and vice versa
I'm a social worker, and I feel like I've had more bad therapists than good. I had an LGBTQ therapist tell me that Bisexuality didn't exist. I had a psychologist tell me I wasn't attracted to women, I just admired them, and I had a therapist laugh and tell me her gay client told her that bisexual people are just closeted gay people.
Same for me, my Schizoid diagnosis has been liberating in terms of guilt, though I’m a bit regretful I didn’t get it sooner.
I’m also feeling hopeful. Even if the prognosis is poor, at least I don’t feel so lost, I’m starting to identify how I function, what are my wants and needs, and I will be able to better communicate them.
Gosh yeah if we got diagnosed sooner, it would have saved so much stress x_x was talking to mum yesterday about an incident when I was in primary school and I can't help but wonder, what if my school had noticed those early warning signs? how might my life have been different? But at least now yeah, less guilt, and I can give myself permission to do things that might have felt frivolous or wasteful before now that I realise I'll never fit what society sees as functioning. Like in my latest video, getting myself an art studio.
@@DestroyerMariko Even if people notice signs, they generally don't know what to make of them. I was jokingly called a weirdo, the extraterrestrial, autistic... "You're in your world", "you don't talk about yourself"... But we're not as eccentric as Schizotypal, don't seem in a lot of distress, rarely cause trouble, it's hard to realise this is a full blown Personality Disorder.
It's the "hidden disorder". And I read that about half of us are Covert Schizoids on top of that.
In high school I was so aloof my teachers wondered if I was on drugs. But I was top of the class, so eventually it was dismissed as me being an aloof intellectual.
It took me going into hard isolation for several months, then my mother begging me to go to a psychiatric clinic, to finally be diagnosed.
As the psychologist there told me, at first they didn't know what to make of me. I was a social butterfly with other patients, quickly got integrated in a group, they loved talking with me as I'm such a "good listener". Hard to believe this guy had just spent months in self-imposed solitary confinement.
She told me, you look normal, but that's actually proof you're not normal. A normal person would be devastated.
As a fellow, now self-aware Schizoid, I did notice you are quite upset with your misdiagnosis and how long it took to get the correct one. I saw you dissociating and masking, losing your train of thought as you were struggling with emotion, and eventually some of it reached the surface.
I do the same thing lol. Many of us are actually hypersensitive, in the inner self.
But to the untrained eye, it might look like "Oh, she's taking it surprisingly well, what a strong, mature woman".
Anyway, that feeling of knowing you can't fit society, stop struggling and let go, it's so liberating, isn't it?
When we finally accept ourselves.
Well to be fair, mental health awareness wasn't as much of a thing back in the 90's. The conservative Catholic school I was at certainly wouldn't have had a clue. But it's just a little frustrating to wonder what might have been. I was also a high achiever at school, so they just assumed I was fine, and put me in utterly useless gifted and talented programs and that's about it. What a waste of time.
But wow, sounds like you got diagnosed a lot faster than me after engaging the mental health system? I just started off dropping out of uni and being referred to useless psychologist #1 who tried to tell me "happy people live longer" as if that would fix me lol, and then she kicked her dog out of our sessions because I was more interested in him than her hahaha. And she was also not thrilled when after a while, I turned up in my first real attempt at goth style fashion! XD
I'd say probably only my second psychiatrist had any idea there was something more going on, he just couldn't figure it out. Interestingly, when I turned up telling him I was depressed, that first session was similar to what you describe where he was puzzled that I seemed fine despite the symptoms I was describing and he couldn't figure me out. It was only the second session when I turned up a lot worse and kinda slumped that he could see I actually was depressed and had just been good at hiding it. He never picked SPD though. Just every now and then asked me the screening questions for things like bipolar and OCD and then looked puzzled that I didn't fit anything.
Was I dissociating and masking so obviously? I'm still trying to learn when I do that lol. My old idea of what dissociation is was a lot more extreme stuff so I assumed I didn't do any of it, but it's only now with this diagnosis that I'm starting to recognise some of the more subtle ways I do it. I'm not sure that losing my train of thought is necessarily a sign of it though, sometimes I'm just thinking about so many things that I'll go on one tangent and get carried away and then forget what my original point was meant to be haha. It's quite common in my livestreams, especially when viewers in the chat ask me questions that completely throw me off! XD
But yeah there are a lot of times where I don't really show what I'm thinking or feeling, and the weirdest is when my brain suppresses things in such a way that I'm not entirely conscious of whatever it is until later maybe. My brain makes me play the character I need to be at the time and it's so convincing that I believe most of it in the moment, only to find later that it was just more bullshit, and I might then end up feeling drained. And I often don't have control over this process. Like on the weekend I was helping teach bonsai, and I just went into super Japanese-style mode, doing my awkward little bows and saying うん even though I don't normally act like that anywhere else, and it was just a thing I fell into without any real intention to. I barely even speak any Japanese and rarely interact with the culture so how does my brain know to do this? Things I picked up subconsciously over time from mum and relatives? I wonder if my boss noticed... 😅 I talk full Aussie with him when it's just us doing normal work, we're both half-Jap but it's only the occasional words that pop up without customers around.
Anyway yeah it's a relief to have a justification to stop trying so hard. I know a lot of new age people are all about accepting yourself, but I still felt something like a duty(?) to recover enough to fix my life, and was frustrated that nothing ever seemed to work. But now I know why, and that it's not my fault, and it's not that I didn't try hard enough. This is just how it is, so finally I can relax. Without that explanation, I wouldn't be able to stop pressuring myself like I was. It's just a shame I didn't get to this point earlier, because I've already damaged a lot of what was my natural self and I'm not sure I'll be able to get it back. And I think that might be why I feel a lot emptier than I used to.
@@DestroyerMariko Well I wasn't diagnosed that fast, though it's partly my fault I guess. In my early 20s I had a Borderline girlfriend who I loved passionately, but as you might expect it didn't go well. I was really distressed and started consulting therapists.
One of them, a psychoanalyst if I remember correctly, listened patiently to me complaining about my gf. Then one day he started the session by saying "Tell me about your father".
I didn't know what to say and got so uncomfortable. I cut it off with him, not even understanding why, but it left me with a hunch there was something wrong about my father and me.
Now I understand. My father was neglectful and sometimes abusive. He had a schizophrenic brother, likely is schizoid himself, my brother went schizophrenic, and I'm schizoid in the end. It runs in the family, from genes to environmental triggers.
It took around my 30s when I started decompensating really bad (hardcore self-isolation), and got engaged with the French psychiatric system proper. But yeah, even though they told me they had a hard time figuring me out at first, as I was the first schizoid they'd actually ever seen in that clinic, they did figure me out relatively quickly (a few months) once I was in their care.
Them French psychiatrists are pretty Big Brain lol.
A strong interest in dogs or other animals, over humans, is actually a sign of schizoidy. I love dogs too.
I guess it's because a dog's love is pure and absolute, unlike fickle human love.
I don't think your dissociation and masking are obvious, rather that I can perceive them because I'm schizoid too and aware of how we work.
I think we're always dissociating, more or less. The extreme example is depersonalisation/derealisation. But there are more subtle ways.
Like talking about something that really upsets us, but we're dissociating so we talk about it in a calm and detached way.
Or we may even "mask", and talk about it like it's funny, find irony and dark humour in it.
I guess the term "masking" is somewhat misleading, it's not necessarily like we do it on purpose to hide our feelings. It might be automatic, and in the moment we might actually appreciate the irony. Laughing at our own misery, and that of humanity in general.
For example, with my Borderline gf, once she was so mean to me, I broke up in tears. Then another time she was so mean again, even flirting with another guy in front of me, and I think she wanted me to break down again, as a proof of love.
But I dissociated and "masked". I suddenly became all happy and festive, went to drink with her friends. She looked so lost and frustrated, which made me feel triumphant inside.
I did not let her, and the bad feelings, control me.
Since then, I tend to react like that to "love games" that involve trying to make me feel bad. I guess it's unhealthy, but the eventual confusion and frustration from those who tried to manipulate me feels like a reward in of itself.
Dissociation and "masking" are defense mechanisms, and are hyper-developed in schizoids. Even when we don't want to do it, it's become second nature.
Ahaha yeah people getting what they deserve is always fun. My ex used to talk about how he manipulated others in social situations while assuming that none of them ever caught on, but when I left him he was so unhappy that most of our mutual friends stuck with me rather than him and he couldn't understand why 😂 maybe it's because I didn't play dumb games with people to make them like me? XD
I am so glad I found your channel ❤️ I’ve never related to a person as much as I do you. I haven’t got an official diagnosis but I definitely fit the schizoid description . & it’s nice to know there are other ppl like me.
Thanks :) yeah turns out there's heaps of us, we just don't tend to form clubs etc so it's hard to find us lol XD
17:30 From my understanding, Schizoids think about "suicide", but it's not actually suicide. We don't want to die, we want to never have been born in the first place. We want to disappear *completely*, to have never existed.
Like in the Radiohead song, "How To Disappear Completely".
I don't think that's unique to schizoids though. A lot of suicidal people don't actually want to die, dying is painful and scary etc. But since it's not possible to just disappear, some people get to the point of desperation where they make an attempt anyway.
@@DestroyerMariko Good point. I’ve been through this ideation, and apparently it’s quite typical of schizoids, but that doesn’t mean it’s exclusive to us.
I am 25 and I've never felt so understood since I've started researching Schizoid personality. Been going to therapy and such my entire life for ADHD and abysmal academic performance and I just never told anyone anything ever. Just didn't care too and I felt as though no one would even understand, hell I didn't even understand what was different about me. I always thought I just wanted to be left alone. I played videogames and slept through school. It's painfully obvious to me now what my deal was along side my other diagnosis's. Two of three I diagnosed myself and later had a psychiatrist agree. Luckily I get appointments for free so I don't feel cheated doing a mental health professionals job for them.
Wow free appointments, I could really use that right about now lol x_x
Hope the video was helpful though, and good luck with things!
@@DestroyerMariko I'm unemployed so luckily in my area there was a program for me to get some sort of help. Thanks! It was very informative thank you for uploading.
I haven't been actually diagnosed yet, but I've been told that Schizoid is the most likely thing I've had. So, I looked into it a bit and it would explain my apathy for everything. I feel no love for my family, it makes me uncomfortable being around them, though they aren't bad people. I've never understood why people act so emotionally to things, either.
I was originally under the impression that Schizoids feel no emotion, so that threw me off a bit, I feel emotion, I just generally don't care.
I've had no childhood trauma or anything, either. But, if I had to guess why I'm like this, it's just because I've been a loner my entire life. I never felt any close relationships with friends, though I've tried. I moved around a lot as a kid too, so that must've also contributed to it.
I'm not underweight, I don't like being hungry. Though, I prefer something that's quick to make rather than something flavourful that takes a while. I can enjoy taste, I suppose. Bland is boring.
I find sexual arousal to just be an annoyance, like an itch that needs scratching. I wouldn't say I'm asexual, though.
I find the "covert" part strange though. Isn't that tiring? I find it incredibly exhausting just being around people. Why are you willing to put in so much effort to be around something that makes you uncomfortable?
You probably don't need to get diagnosed unless there's some way it might benefit you, eg. the relief of having an answer, or government/medical support. Not everyone wants a diagnosis, sometimes stigma can be a concern. Do what's best for you.
Lol all the people getting overly emotional about the British Queen. That's the most recent one to weird me out! Especially people crying!? :O
I feel emotion, but mostly it's just sadness. Else I'm usually flat.
You don't need childhood trauma. There also appears to be some genetic link to schizophrenia. A while after making this video, I realised I actually did have a type of trauma though, just not the usual dramatic sort that people think of. Have made some update vlogs. But my mum is also a bit odd to a lesser extreme than me, so there could still be some genetic or environmental link from her. Hard to say. Can be hard to know with less obvious factors like these.
Re: covert - you may have misunderstood? I don't intentionally go hang around people if I don't have to. But when I do, I know how to behave in a way that doesn't seem classic schizoid. I used to withdraw, not say much, speak in a dull tone, etc. But out of necessity, I eventually had to learn to act more expressive and pretend to be interested. Now it's easier for me to do that, and that's why I'm considered covert. Hope that answers the question.
@@DestroyerMariko Thanks for the reply. I think it's interesting seeing both how different and similar people who have a condition are.
And my question, I didn't phrase it correctly, but I got the answer. Thanks.
No worries ^_^ and yeah, having the same condition still allows for so much variation. I wish wider society could understand that, not just for schizoid either.
Hi, I haven't seen any of your other videos, but I am interested in Schizoid PD, since I have it myself, so I do a search for it every once in a while. I liked your video a lot, I appreciate how in-depth you got, and how you let us come along as you develop your thoughts.
Your sociable "youtube persona" is very engaging. I tried masking earlier in my life, but I think I wasn't fooling anyone. In some ways maybe it's good that I'm not able to fake who I am, that tension probably led me to asking for mental health help, which I think was a good thing overall. I've also been diagnosed recently, but that's mostly because I turned down a lot of suggestions for mental health help in the past. I thought my diagnosis would be a sort of end to something, but it's really been just the beginning.
"My brain turned down the hope" I liked that line a lot, lol :D
I don't think you should worry about being an advocate, just try to be yourself. I agree with you about New Year's, it's the holiday I understand the least.
If you're interested, the reddit community r/schizoid is pretty decent. Sometimes there's a few too many wannabe nihilists posting, but there's also some really intelligent and kind people with SPD there.
Thanks for your comments! As much as I'm apprehensive about community, having other Schizoids enjoy my video does make me feel better that I'm not just talking out my butt! 😊 SPD makes so much sense for me but I guess I still have a bit of that "what if" doubt lingering after that psychologist invalidated me, and knowing how my covert presentation might not be believed.
I probably won't join any groups though. Like I've had a browse of some, but I think I'm too far gone 😅 too many experiences that put me off community. And yeah I can imagine the whole wannabe nihilist thing lol. But if you think my video might be interesting to them, I don't mind if you share it there. I do have an account (I think my username is DestroyerMariko there too) but I've never really done anything with it lol, didn't even know I had an account until not that long ago!
Anyway, I think yeah, just being myself, that's how I'm trying to restructure my life. Have been trying to rejig my thinking now that I better understand myself. Trying to worry less about being "sensible" and trying to do more with less thinking, less waiting around to feel things like motivation which I might never feel again. So far it's helping me get more stuff done, but I'm not sure how long it'll last, wouldn't be the first time I've had a burst of activity that quickly fizzles out. Will probably be a while before I do another SPD-related vlog but I guess by then I might have a clearer picture on whether or not it's working. Cross fingers coz I'm tired of just floating in this meaningless life.
Thank you so much for making this video. I'm also Schizoid Personality and I can relate to everything you say. I live inside my head and have an overactive imagination. Always have since I've been a child. I don't really have many friends or acquaintances and enjoy spending time alone reading, painting, or watching films. I also love cats too! I know it's weird for a guy but it is what it is. Thanks again for this video. It was very helpful. By the way I like your hair it's cool. Reminds me of Kate Winslet from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Thanks! Glad it helped! Unfortunately I actually shaved my head not long after making this video haha. It's growing back but I haven't coloured it in ages. Honestly the whole journey since this first video has been a lot.
Hi, I think your video is very informative and when you describe yourself, I am amazed at how much I am also like that and I have also been in therapy for 10 years and it did absolutely no good. Apparently I had a therapist who was similar to the one you had except mine was a man who told me I had Asperger syndrome, so I got into a small group of people with Asperger’s and I totally did not fit in not one bid at all! I’ve always been a loner since as far back as I can remember. I’ve never liked being around people, and I found that even people that you work with are not to be trusted, because they’ll use whatever weakness they can find against you. Of course I was in the military, and that was the mentality of the people I worked with. I’ve also been diagnosed with Bipolar II, but I’m gonna try to get the Asperger’s syndrome, changed to schizoid personality disorder because that fits me like a glove! I never heard of schizoid before until about two months ago when I found out that my sister had been diagnosed many years back and she kept it a secret as schizophrenia. We’ve always been a family that would go off and do our own thing so nobody really knew what was happening to other members of the family until now. I could go years and I have, not seen any member of my family and not think nothing of it.
I’ve never had any close friends at all through most my life with the exception of one and she became my wife for 38 years and 9 months until she died in 2016.
My wife was deaf, and had her own friends, so I never had to really associate much with them.
So I would always play Chess on my computer, and never really have to bother with anybody, cause I would never see anybody that I worked with, and I avoided military gatherings as much as possible, and I was lucky to have a job where I could pretty much be on my own.
Long story short I hope to get my doctor to change my diagnosis of Asperger syndrome, to schizoid personality disorder.
It’s because of my therapist who is now retired, is the reason that I never questioned it when I guess I should’ve.
I guess a misdiagnosis is just part of the game when most the time it feels like they’re shooting in the dark on how they diagnose you!
Best of luck with it! Unfortunately yeah autism spectrum is what's in fashion and personality disorders are so overlooked. I'm not sure if this is helpful but I recently posted some more videos on my thoughts about schizoid vs autism ua-cam.com/video/MjrBmZmSPng/v-deo.html and other things that look like schizoid ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html - speaking of, make sure you also check out things like Avoidant Personality Disorder just in case. But if your sister has schizophrenia, schizoid is probably more likely. I've come to have a theory that there's two forms of schizoid, one based on trauma (which I have) and one more closely related to schizophrenia since that's what schizoid sometimes turns into.
26:10 You described it so well 😊 schizoid personality disorder relate's to me, especially the feeling of wanting to do so many artistic things but later on feeling very numb.
Also im curious if you had a moment in your life where you got light headed and numb out of know were like how i did
Possibly yeah, light headed for sure. I'm told that some of my weird experiences like that are dissociation. Whether that's part of schizoid or a comorbid dissociative disorder, we're not sure yet.
I had the same experience as you in my abnormal psychology class learning about schizoid personality disorder- my whole life suddenly made sense! I'm also creative (visual art), asexual, I have a covert persona to socially adapt, and I find the fact about weight and schizoid interesting (I'm 5' 6" and I just hit 105 pounds at 30 years old because my metabolism is insane). I just had to mention because I've never heard of anyone so much like me before. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Wow yeah that's a lot of similarities! 😮
I was very lightweight when I was a kid also. Now I've got a huge belly. Homeoffice + cooking + age. At first I thought it's funny but don't underestimate the weight that comes with age.
Awesome video, I can relate a lot because I had this friend who was different on so many levels and I was always curios to know why until I found about SPD on wikipedia and other sources and it was an Aha! moment. All came toghether to the tiniest detail.
Wow yeah crazy experience hey
I just recently discovered schizoid personality disorder is a thing.
It all makes so much fucking sense now
I know hey! I wish society and the psych community weren't so in denial about personality disorders because for those of us who have them, it explains so much!!
Yeah, that's also myn experience......I'm 72 years old and I just discovered that I check all the boxes to qualify as Schizoid Personality Disorder. And, I have since i was a child.....
Now that I understand the situation somewhat better, I am not seeing it as a disorder..... It's just who I am......At his point in my life, personal relationships have no point anyway. Wife, kids, family.....Don't need it.....I'm ok.
Thanks for the vid, DM. Certainly seems to be too many folk still falling through the psychologist floorboards.. esp when folk are looking for help but fall through the cracks all the same..
Schizoid, avoidant attachment, and emotional neglect all seem to have overlapping commonalities. I know this is a video posted 2 years ago, but as someone who deeply relates to what you've discussed, figured I'd share some thoughts. Especially the bit about emotional neglect. Anecdotally, what you've described as "I don't have any trauma" and (summarizing/paraphrasing) "at 3 years old my world was shaken... a sibling had a serious medical condition... I was overlooked at times," seems to line up with that concept to a T. But, regardless: Good job for obtaining that diagnosis after 15 years. Getting effective psychological services can be hell.
Hey, yeah, I did eventually realise I have glass child trauma. I go over it a bit at the start of this video: ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html
@@DestroyerMariko Whoa, I didn't realize there was a name for it. Thanks for the video(s)!
Yeah I only figured it out because of a long time viewer who knew what it was!
I'm no doctor, I'm a fellow schizoid. I've seen growing interest in long term supplementation with the dietary supplement N Acetyl L Cysteine in treating negative schizophrenia symptoms. You can find dozens of high quality studies on pubmed i won't cite any. Long term supplementation depletes glycine and so one might consider co-supplementing trimethylglycine when deficiency symptoms arise. There's also been anectodal evidence of histamine intolerance manifesting, that's something to keep in mind. I'll start supplementing NAC this week and see how it goes, really hope it helps. NACET is a more bioavailable but harder to come across form of it. Wish you the best
I have no idea what that is but I'll look it up. What do you mean by histamine intolerance though? I have bad hay fever problems and only just found antihistamines I can use, other ones had such bad side effects that I had to stop before I could get past the side effect stage. Are you saying my hay fever could get worse if I took such a product?
To be completely honest, one can't know for sure what the exact effect would be, but I came across a few studies on NAC actually having the opposite effect, that is, actually excerting therapeutic action on allergic rhinitis symptoms, but the studies were on rats, so one can't be too sure, worth a shot I think. NACET is a much more effective form of it with less side effects, if you can find some.
Hmm okay. Well good luck with it! I think I'll pass for now, I tend to react badly to a lot of substances so I've become a bit nervous to try things I don't know enough about. Perhaps once it's been studied better and goes more mainstream I'll have another look :) in the meantime I'm doing okay enough that I'm not desperate to start trying things for now. Hope it works for you though!
Fair enough, that's probably the more responsible option. NAC is mainstream actually since it's a dietary supplement (FDA might soon change that) it can be found at any common local pharmacy. I'm desperate enough to start trying things so I pray this works, wish you the best
Ah I'm in Australia, I'm not sure the status here, but I mean mainstream in terms of its use for things like schizoid. I think you can get it here for other things, but I'd want to check with my doctor before trying anything not specifically approved for this use if that makes sense.
Never seen ur vids before, was just diagnosed with this yesterday. Typed it into UA-cam and here I am
Hope it's been helpful to get some answers. Ended up opening a huge can of worms for me lol.
I know you’re working on it, but I don’t mind the tangents, really. It kinda fits the Cluster A personality disorders, like indifference to criticism & praise.
So many things in common in our mental health histories. I was also not abused, but also have a special-needs sister who required the attention from parents at an early age.
Didn't occur to me that tangents might fit but I guess the whole odd/eccentric thing maybe? XD
Yeah wow, have you seen my latest video? ua-cam.com/video/PluvD2fbHxA/v-deo.html Found out we're called "glass children" because our parents were so focused on the special needs kids that they saw right through us while we tried to seem stronger than we really were. Got some links in the description of that video. Feels weird because I'm so used to the situation that I stopped being able to see it as a big deal for ages but now I'm finally getting a better picture of just how much it probably affected me.
My psychologist suggested that I had this and I had no idea what it was. The only thing I had ever found and related to was DPDR.
But after I checked out on all the symptoms I looked it up, and not only did I relate to the symptoms but I could relate to all these specific things I’ve felt that schizoid people were describing.
And I felt just as you described, that everything in my life made sense and that is such a weird experience.
And honestly I didn’t expect to find anything more than what I had already found but this video made me realize even more things and find even more stuff to relate to.
And I feel like we have very similar experiences in a way.
I also think I developed this at an early age and I also think it’s due to a feeling of abandonment from my parents and those I loved.
I think this led me to learn to act very normal, I can socialize without much issues, I can express emotions outwards in a natural way even though I don’t feel them, and I can make myself seem very normal.
But I have also realized that if I do this too much I slowly start going down an unstoppable spiral of exhaustion and eventually I can’t even get out of bed until I regain energy and can keep going a few weeks or months later.
It’s just so crazy how everything I hear about this is literally me, it’s like someone gathered everything I’ve ever thought and experienced and made up a disorder based on it.
I have also had a lot of suicidal thoughts and I had no idea about the things you said about it, but that is what I feel as well.
Life and Death really is 50/50 for me, it genuinely doesn’t matter. If I die I die if I live I live. I could end it but I see no point in it. I could keep on living but I don’t see a point in that either.
So I’m probably never gonna do anything about either of those options but neither of them matter to me.
And I do not see anything wrong with this either. My psychologist said it is a depressive and sad way of thinking but I really do not think that.
Life and death is plain and insignificant to me.
You said that you may answer questions, so do you have any suggestions on how to feel more motivated to exist?
I will turn 18 next year and motivation to continue is a big struggle for me especially since I know I will soon have a lot of responsibilities.
Thank you for the video it was very insightful and made me realize a lot
sorry for ranting by the way.
I also relate to being underweight and I have never had an eating disorder. My theory is the same as yours, we don’t eat for satisfaction we just eat to not starve. And I think that may sometimes make me eat a bit to little without noticing.
Hey, rants are fine here, I mean my video is almost an hour so... 😅
I'm glad this helped you. It's not the most optimistic diagnosis but for me, knowing I've got it helps take some of the pressure off? Like now that I know I can't be normal, I'm being kinder to myself and trying not to push myself beyond my limits.
The bit you said: _"I can make myself seem very normal. But I have also realized that if I do this too much I slowly start going down an unstoppable spiral of exhaustion and eventually I can’t even get out of bed until I regain energy and can keep going a few weeks or months later."_ OMG so much this!! And I think maybe the longer I overdo it, the longer I need to recover. Might explain why my 2015-2018 depression was so bad and drawn out. Lol I'm still piecing together all the things that finally make sense now that I have this diagnosis.
Hmm, how to be motivated, I'm still working on that. It probably depends what kind of person you are though - we might have the same disorder, but that doesn't mean we're the same. I've already interacted with some schizoids online who I really can't relate to outside the basic symptoms of the disorder. Like, one who seemed to assume I'd be into anime when I'm really not.
Anyway, what I'm trying at the moment is to use my creative impulse. It's been harder and harder for me to do this as I've gotten older, but it used to be very important to me, and I still feel something pulling me to it even though I've gotten so numb. So like, I finally got an art studio (ua-cam.com/video/pndBUcA-hfo/v-deo.html) which I'm paying money for, and that makes me feel like I have to go there at least once a week to make it worthwhile. I get there, and even though I feel flat, I end up making _something_ and that's better than sitting at home drowning in internet I guess. I'm not sure where it's going to lead, but it gets me out of the house and actually doing more than just melting into a blob if that makes sense.
So I dunno, if you can find something like that, give it a go? If you have other personality quirks you can exploit, use them. Like for me, I'm financially anxious, so the fact that I'm paying for this studio makes me feel like "OMG I CAN'T WASTE THAT MONEY" so it forces me to go. Although one caveat is that I did try this with the gym many years ago and that was a flop, so it doesn't work for everything for me. I guess the art studio thing feels less gross than trying to work out lol. But yeah so figure out stuff like that if you can, and how to balance the right amount of pressure to help you do whatever you have the best chance at actually doing. Worth a shot? So far I'm sticking to the plan okay, but it's early days.
Also, since you actually have a psychologist who knows what SPD is, see if they have any ideas. You're kinda lucky to have found that, and especially at an early age! I'm 33 only just now having this diagnosis. I've spent my life struggling against problems I didn't know I had, no thanks to that terrible psych who dismissed everything about me. I know it still sucks, but at least you won't make as many mistakes as me. I tried so hard to find somewhere to fit in, only to keep falling on my face into depression. But with this disorder, we kinda don't fit anywhere. On the one hand, that makes life hard, navigating this society. But in another way, it's freeing...? Like I'm not even really trying to fit anymore. I'm trying to find my own way to tolerate existence. And if anyone has an issue with that, I can now point to a diagnosis that says sorry asshole, you're wrong, this is what I have and this is how I need to manage it.
The only other thing I can think of is finding ways to reduce life stress and getting my life more stable. I'm lucky to live with my parents so I don't have to worry so much about basic survival things. But I used to think I'd have to move out eventually, and so I was pushing myself too hard with employment and what should I study etc. When my family and I finally realised how bad my depression problems were though, things got better. Realising they were happy and able to support me helped a lot. It was hard for me to accept that I needed that much help. Now I just need the welfare system to stop harassing me so I can smooth out other areas of my life. Obviously this is all very specific to my situation and I know not everyone is so fortunate, but I guess take whatever you can get without feeling guilt. Trying to be self-sufficient is very SPD, but sometimes it is actually better to take the help on offer.
That's all I can think of for now. I hope it gives you some ideas. I'm still learning about what it means for me, every now and then some new insight will pop up and a new part of my life will make sense. With so little research to help, I guess we just have to find out for ourselves what works.
@@DestroyerMariko Thank you so much for the advice. I will make sure to keep it in mind and take things slow to not push myself too hard. I really appreciate the reply!
No worries, best of luck on your journey :)
Thank you for making this video. You don't know how much you are helping.
I've also struggled with eating enough just like you
You're 100% right lol, it still surprises me to get comments about my videos being helpful. Thanks :)
Super long post 3: You probably stopped experiencing loneliness as you banished your true/authentic self :( . The true/authentic self is where that comes from (desire to go see others). When its banished/exiled you lose the loneliness and all the other stuff (passions big feelings etc.).
I hear you on the awareness raising, I also take that approach. You and I are so covert that others aren't threatened or put off by us so we can raise awareness in peace so to speak. I've been meaning to start streaming and all but I'm snowed under at work, may have to quit like you did the finance job :( . Sux to hear ya don't want to hang out in community much at all lol, but all good. I'd add you did alot of thinking very fast in getting this vid made by Friday after diagnosis!
In any event, great intro vid and great initial thoughts by you. Just wonderful to see a zoid start off about right.
No I'm pretty sure I stopped feeling lonely from having my low social needs satisfied by the internet and my pets.
As for the "community" ua-cam.com/users/shortskEgoe8-ftOM
the bit about losing interest in hobbies is so accurate, the amount of things i found interesting then focused on just that for a couple months only to completely drop it and never touch it again is crazy. now i have basically given up finding hobbies and just spend my life living off disability pensions at home playing games and watching youtube until i finally end up killing myself.
At the risk of making an unfortunate pun... hang in there...! 😅 But yeah totally. Although since this video, I went and got me an art studio and make myself go once a week just to fartdoodle around. That's probably the main successful change in my life so far. Have tried to add a once-a-week music goal but yeah nah it's not happening. It's so hard to stay motivated, and it's really just passing the time between now and death.
crazy how there are only THREE schizoids in internet history as of 2023 that have made UA-cam videos about their experiences... i have it and your video is the most relatable of the three. unlike those two schizoid guys that made videos, you're a bit different in that i would never be able to tell that you're schizoid just by listening to you speak. you are "remote" (as related to us through your experiences) but not "affectless" or depressive in your speech/disposition like San Leaf and that guy from your playlist. i could easily imagine you leading a big group project or being a therapist or something. i get the sense that (like me) you're more effective at dissociating away what's right in front of you 24/7 so that you can contently function in situations where schizoids would normally disintegrate. idk tho, just my impression
I've since come across a few more schizoid UA-camrs, but yeah there's not many of us (understandably) and a lot also disappear after only one or two videos. I do seem to be one of the most expressive, but it took me a long time to get here, I used to be much more withdrawn and stereotypically schizoid when I was younger. I think a combination of my pre-schizoid disposition and my post-high school experiences are what helped me gradually seem more open, and yeah probably with some dissociation too. Made it hard to get diagnosed though, because so many people think affect is the only feature of importance despite all the other criteria! And I definitely wouldn't have gotten diagnosed if I didn't have all the comorbid depression.
Regarding big group projects and so on though, ahhhhhhh noooo probably not haha. Closest I've gotten is trying to start metal bands, and maybe the few times I've helped teach some relatively chill bonsai classes at work. I think I'd struggle with anything bigger or more interpersonally intimate than that. I do well in front of a camera when I'm alone, but IRL is a lot harder and as my mental health has worsened, I've done a lot less out in the world. It's honestly become a much worse problem for my life functioning at this point. But I guess I can see why you'd imagine it, and yeah the times in my adult life where I did do better and get out there more, dissociation was a much bigger thing I experienced, compared to my current life staying home and isolated most of the time. It may not be coincidence that my dissociation has lessened as I've sunk further into the hermit life this year. Haven't even been able to work, but now that you mention it, my moments of dissociation are a lot less frequent and intense, hmm interesting!
I've actually talked a bit about dissociation since this video, and also realised I probably got this way thanks to childhood trauma. Not sure which are the best videos to watch, but this one goes over the trauma stuff at the start, may be of interest: ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html
I don't know if I fully have Schizoid, but I feel like I can relate to some of it. When you talked about your brother, I could totally relate. I have a twin sister with a cognitive disability and mental illness. I think I have some stunted emotional development because of that. She just needed a lot more care. I remember as a kid being upset about something and telling myself, I had to suck it up because my parents have too much to worry about. I don't think we talk enough about the siblings of special needs kids. I love my sister. She has taught me so much, but it is hard in ways that many people who don't live it will never understand. I am now a social worker working with kids with special needs and I'm always checking in on the siblings. They're usually so well-behaved and mature beyond their years, but I worry about them.
Yeah I later realised I have glass child trauma. I'm not sure which is the best video, but I definitely talked about it at the start of this one: ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html
Having high needs siblings does affect kids, and it's so good that you're trying to help them! They do get ignored. I have another sibling who's doing better, although he does have confidence issues. But I think I had it worse because my parents weren't emotionally sensitive enough to raise a female child, didn't share my interests (they and my other brother shared an interest in sport), and I was also good academically and well behaved and the oldest so they didn't think I needed anything and often left me to do stuff myself. Since my diagnosis almost 2 years ago, I've seen so many more ways all of this has affected me now that I'm not in denial anymore. It's quite sad and frustrating to think I never really stood a chance in the circumstances. I really needed some adults to pay attention and realise I wasn't doing as well as I pretended to, and to tell me it was okay to feel the way I did before my brain started suppressing everything. Now it's too late, my life is already a huge mess and I'll probably never function properly in the society we live in.
I'm.so sorry to hear that. I can relate a lot to what you're saying and thank you for sharing that video. I can't wait to watch it. I hope this helps me because I have been trying to figure myself out for years. I don't think I have schizoid because I care way too much about what other people think lol. But maybe this will give me some clarity. Have you gotten any relief since this video was made?
Also, are you familiar with Dr. Kirk Honda and his show psychology in seattle? He did a huge deep dive probably 10 hours or more on Schizoid if you're interested.
Yeah not everyone who experiences glass child trauma becomes schizoid, I think it depends on a lot of factors. Maybe it'll be more helpful to look up stories of glass child trauma rather than schizoid specifically?
Since I made this video, I've had a rough time, I think I actually got worse because:
1) I thought if I figured myself out, it'd fix things, but instead it uncovered a whole can of worms,
2) being in denial protected me from the can of worms but now that I've opened it, I can't put it back,
3) my life situation hasn't improved enough for me to process it all in a safe and supported way.
That said, at least I stopped wondering why I feel so crap and how my life ended up this way. Not knowing still sucked, it was just different. I'm still trying to work through everything, but 2023 has been a particularly bad year for me. I do think I might be starting to turn a corner, but it's always hard to know.
I'm not familiar with that person, but I honestly don't have the energy. I don't actually find schizoid that interesting, it helped explain a bit about me, but I don't feel a need to watch more analysis. I'm also not the usual stereotype since I have a covert presentation, and I also have other issues, so I don't feel like it'd be that helpful for me to obsess over this diagnosis. I kinda just wanna get on with working on myself.
@@DestroyerMariko I'm sorry you've been struggling especially since you sounded so hopeful in this video. I hope you're able to finally heal as well. I appreciate your help and I will look into the glass child syndrome. I have been trying to understand my own shit for a while and am trying to get answers so hopefully this helps me. I watched the other video you shared with me and describing having a sibling with special needs as a form of trauma was very helpful. I always felt like I have feelings and behaviors similar to PTSD but felt weird saying that since my parents were never abusive or necessarily bad. However, I think I was somewhat neglected due to the stress of having a sibling with stronger needs than me.
Thank you so much for this video!
Also as someone who was studying professionally to become a therapist I can tell you that the field has some very I feel backwards ideas and also the paternalistic attitude towards the authority of the person diagnosing is what in my opinion causes so many issues especially for rare or stigmatized disorders like these we have.
I mean it‘s not that shocking to hear your therapist basically letting her opinions influence her practice as well as being pretty bigoted towards you being ace. It‘s ofc not ok even in professional circles. We get taught to not let your opinions influence our work or practice but when someone is in such a powerful position they can become influenced over time because you don‘t really get checked as much especially if you‘re liscened and you own the clinic for example. This is why i usually seek out younger therapists starting out usually because the experiences I had with older councelers were really toxic and I only managed to get out so soon cause i had experience myself from school.
The truth is that therapy is great when it works but it is also dangerous to a certain degree because it‘s mostly based in theories about the mind not like physical health is. So opinions can be far more influential and since diagnosis is so wishy washy it can be the case that we could wake up tomorrow and realize that adhd and autism is the same thing but just different types of manifesting the same neurological difference in brain structure and processing.
And that is not to discredit the field because i do believe in it. It has helped me a lot myself and I agree that mental health is a big part of human health too.
But this general attitude of „we know everything. We are the authority. Only we can know what you are.“ to me is really toxic and borderline anti scientific because science is about theories and theories aren‘t immovable realities. In fact a lot of the attitude towards disorders being so set in stone is totally unproductive. It‘s how you can end up having women‘s brains being surgically destroyed because hormonal mood swings in combination of mentally going insane of being a glorified domestic se* slave caused a disorder to be born called hysteria that today we know isn‘t real and is in fact a sexist idea about women acting out when opressed and abused making the abusers uncompfortable hence for why they‘d label what was a pretty rational response as an illness.
Same can be said for queerness in general and how that used to be patologized. Who knows if neurodivergence will be that of the future. Because living in a straight world that hates queerness comes with suffering if you aren‘t straight. This is why we were taught in school that a mental illness is only that if it is actually harmful to the one having it or ppl around them, and social stigma or other external things aren‘t the cause. But one could easily argue then that a world being hostile to adhd ppl or autism having ppl could also classify as not an illness since one could argue that a more inclusive environment might have made ppl with these conditions more easily able to function. But that‘s the tricky thing really. Cause social stigma and unfair aspects of our reality play a huge part in what causes mental illness and also makes it worse. But if you‘re a councelor, you aren‘t encuraged to ever mention it. You are rarely allowed to critisize the system because that‘d warrant systemic changes that‘d disempower the wealthy and they don‘t want that. And so what mental health counseling is a lot of the time is essentially a bandaid put on a gaping fle*sh wound socially speaking. It makes it more bareable, but it‘s not a real cure. Because the cure would be to make a fair system wich is far more difficult to fix when the world is run by those that are greedy and just want to stay rich and powerful.
Essentially it comes down to: „we‘ll help you. But only so far as it‘ll lead to you still benefitting the system. That is why we are told that our role in therapy is to make people function again at work and in their daily lives. We aren‘t told to cure ppl because it‘s impossible. But we are asked to make you work again for the system. That is the sad reality of it.
And that isn‘t to say councelors don‘t care. A lot of them do really care. Many of us try to be that because we know what it‘s like and we just want others to be able to live a better life and realize their true potential. But if you‘re a therapist, at the end of the day you‘re still an agent of the system. And that can be really depressing and lead to some dark implications that hurt the client and the therapist equally.
Oh and also I do wanna add to this a pretty good example I saw in a videogame called Eliza about the future of therapy that really strongly impacted my view on this too.
At the first chapter of the game you join a therapy center as a therapist but the new way the therapy is done there is for you to basically get put in a vr headset and you are asked to read out things a AI says to the client because they only want you there to make it look like a human is talking to the person coming to their appointment.
And basically your first day starts with a man coming in. He beging venting about a lot of stuff, and after you give him some generic answers (you aren‘r allowed to go off script basically) he starts telling you that he feels like he‘s not even able to talk to a real person and how he feels so dismissed and he basically has a breakdown begging you to go off script and just talk to him like a person and then what happens is, you talk to him like you are going off script, but in your display you see that the „off script“ dialogue is still the AI script. The AI is essentially making you swear about not lying to him as you ACTIVELY HAVE TO LIE TO HIS FACE. And I can‘t lie man. That hit home so hard for me having been in both situations before. This inhuman pathologization of humans and this categorization and move towards such inhuman ways of helping people in need only ends up hurting ppl because sometimes you really just need someone to listen to you. And that is part of being a therapist. Actually listening. Not judging. Not trying to fix someone‘s issues with advice. Not talking over them. It‘s being human and being there for the person to vent and reflecting that back to them so they can view it in a better light. Without judging it or speaking over them. But i feel like we are moving away from that sadly especially now with AI becoming more and more advanced.
Jacob geller actually has a fantastic video on automated therapy if that interests you. I‘d highly check that out. Cause I feel like it can be very eye opening.
But that‘s it. We‘re inching ever closer to this scary world. Today it‘s still just a videogame called eliza. But it could become our reality tomorrow. And hey, if i was still going for this career path, i wouldn‘t ever want to be that person who has to sit there, watching someone having a mental breakdown while I got metaphorical tape over my mouth while i repeat the automated reply feeling a single tear stream down my face only stopped by the technological headset on me to obscure my true emotions as I lie to someone in need while denying them true human connection. The feeling that we‘d some day be in that situation makes me sick. And I do wish that we‘ll never get there in our current reality.
Glad you liked the video!
Yeah calling Lifeline always felt like talking to a script rather than a person. "I can hear that you're feeling [everything I just said to them]" 😐
The autism case is interesting. As the sibling of a severely disabled person, I grew up meeting a lot of profoundly autistic kids and they are nothing like today's very vocal mildly autistic people. Unfortunately, those kids and their parents are now being ignored, while activists argue autism isn't a disorder, in part because they've never seen how extreme it can get. If autism and ADHD end up merging, it'll be because people went so far with the idea of a "spectrum" that it lost all meaning. It frustrates me. And it happens a lot in the disability community, although it's usually physically disabled people who think they speak for or understand even a hint of what severely intellectually disabled people and their families go through. Similarly, many autistic people _can't_ speak for themselves and so they get talked over by well-meaning uninformed people who mistakenly glorify autism as some kind of superpower just because a handful become hugely successful in a specific field. And as a side note, the popularity of autism in the mainstream consciousness appears to be one reason schizoid doesn't get any attention, on top of people being squeamish about the idea of "personality disorders" as if recognising someone's struggles means criticising who they are. The ICD-11 pretty much erases schizoid by replacing all but borderline with faceless generic labels. But schizoids tend to be quiet, and no one asked us what we think of it, they talked over us instead.
In other news, it's interesting you popped up with this criticism of therapy coz I'm currently contemplating quitting it again haha... 😅 (I've made other videos on schizoid where I talk about the struggle to find worthwhile treatment.)
Hmm. A lot of what you are saying sounds familiar to me. I was quite overt in High School too. I joined the army and became more covert. Because forced to be around people helped me learn what is normal. I was little different though. I tried a couple times to see a therapist, (Like twice and I am 40 now.) They kept trying to treat me for depression and I kept saying I was not depressed. The medications did absolutely nothing to me. I am a-sexual too, but I just learned I am. There was no word for it in my younger years. I married. I am married with 4 kids, but I just do not have interest in intimacy and socializing much. Even with my husband. Most people just do not understand. It's hard to explain to them. I had to figure out I had Schizoid by myself too lol. Good thing I read a lot. 🙃 I still can't bring myself to bother with therapy. I actually became a medic in the army so I could take care of myself and could avoid doctors lol.
I too have dismissive avoidant attachment style. My parents were young and overwhelmed. Me and sibs were left alone a lot and fended for ourselves. Some people think this is good thing. It's not. It's just as bad for kids and the opposite attachment traumas. It probably played a huge role in my personality disorder.
I've ended up giving therapy another go, finally found someone who's actually trying, though it's still very slow going. I guess since I do have depression, it's more worthwhile for me. Otherwise my GP wants me to try TMS lol... Also since this video, I realised my trauma comes from growing up with my disabled brother. Same thing you say about parents being overwhelmed I think, I also felt I had to do a lot for myself, and yeah it's not good. Took me such a long time to figure out, I was so in denial.
@@DestroyerMariko Now that I understand myself (from reading a lot about it) and from some really good Psychologist talking about stuff to the public, it's easier for me to be more open with people. Before my relationships never lasted because I did not know what were my issues. Now I have been married almost 10 years and I am able to communicate exactly who I am and I have a open minded understanding husband now. He definitely gives me my space when and how I want it. And he helps me co-parent to make sure I do not create dismissive avoidant kids. My husband is a secure attached person it seems like. And culturally things can be a little differently because I come from a tribal like system mentality. We can step in for each other, in the culture I come from. Like eventually my great grandmother came to live with us and she was there for us every day. Now my mom lives with me (this sort of thing).
Have you seen Dr. Kirk Honda's podcast/YT channel? It's called Psychology in Seattle. He plans on doing a deep dive on schizoid personality disorder. He has not done it yet, but I am waiting for it. His other non-related deep dives I found interesting too. You might like his channel. He does other stuff related to TV shows, but he does a lot of educational type videos too.
Also, I actually started different art hobbies. Because I lose interest quite fast. So I always jump around. Like sometimes I start drawing then I lose interest and start playing music and then I lose interest and start writing and then I lose interest and start gaming. MMORPG's have become fun games for me- but I prefer to play solo a lot more than most people do ha ha. But occasionally I 'join the group.' I kind of cycle through these hobbies. I find switching it up helps me. Never got into exercising or sport activities though. In fact, that was the part I hated most about the army. lol After I left the army I stopped exercising. Sometimes I do archery and mild exercise like swim, but I am not putting it in my busy schedule of floating around my day. No way in hell. 😂
That's really cool you found someone who gets it. Nah I don't watch a lot of psychology content, not unless there's something specific I'm looking for. Now that I know I'm schizoid, I've mostly lost interest. Speaking of, yeah I notice I lose interest in things real fast too, and yeah I think jumping between things is the best way to manage it.
I always knew there was something different about me. I don't care about people, I'm always lonely, and I'm selfish, it's not a bad thing for me, but I know everyone thinks I'm weird.
Oh? Have you been diagnosed? On their own, the traits you list aren't really enough to say it's SPD, could be worth exploring differential diagnoses if you haven't already.
@@DestroyerMariko Well I have never been diagnosed but I have many of the symptoms :
Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.
Almost always chooses solitary activities.
Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives.
Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.
There's also the fact that, like many Schizoïds, I have a rich fantasy world. I have been writing stories and doing RolePlay nearly all my life.
Gotcha yeah 4+ criteria is considered enough. Guess it's up to you whether getting the official diagnosis is worthwhile or not. I used to write role play stuff too way back, was so sad when my main one ended :(
Schizoids tend to not be lonely . If anything they seek out solitude
@@brianmeen2158 loneliness is actually a characteristic included under the Guntrip criteria so it's not a hard and fast rule. Also keep in mind variations between people and that you only need 4 criteria from DSM5 or ICD-10 to be SPD which leaves a lot of room for differences. SPD is also to some degree a defence against social pain, so a schizoid might not admit even to themselves about being lonely, but actually experience it underneath those layers. Being lonely doesn't mean you want to be around people though. I went through a period of loneliness when I was younger and found myself pining for something more like a Digimon or robot as a companion. I also prefer to be around animals, particularly my pets. Schizoids are known to do better with animals rather than humans, which adds to the idea that they can be lonely, just not in the same way the rest of humanity expects. Animals don't have the same demands as humans, so many schizoids feel less of a need to withdraw from them, and perhaps see them as "safer" to be close to.
Btw sorry I'm only just seeing this comment now, UA-cam's comment system isn't very well done, a lot of notifications just never come through lol.
Turned 20 last month and since a year i suspect that i have SPD. I check a few boxes. Oh. P.S. You are great and i can relate.
I hope the video was helpful! You don't need to label yourself or get officially diagnosed unless it helps you to have that, else just keep doing your thing :)
loved your video!
i've previously been dx with schizotypal personality disorder, and currently my therapist (I started therapy again about 5 months ago) thinks that I have dysthymia instead. I sort of disagree but I think I fit that diagnosis well enough, anyway
i've been trying to tackle the depression and anhedonia , lack of social connections or close relationships and what I understand to be the cause of that this year
its only been recently, earlier this month, that I finnaly managed to break my depressive symptoms - and it was in part due to a hospitalization. Also was doing spravato therapy for 4 months. Anyway, i'm slowly piecing together how damaging the years and years (at least 9 years I think, though I can trace back many of these symptoms to memories when I was 8 years old... I honestly do not remember feeling otherwise) of depression and anhedonia have been. Even though I have shed passive suicidal ideation and am feeling happier lately, I still have a lot of damage to acknowledge and try to repair.
This last round of spravato therapy, afterwards I saw a flavor of kombucha at a place I hang out at - written on a piece of tape on the tap - and I remembered I prefer that flavor over all the others. Then I realized - its actually my favorite. This was a big shock to me because , for I don't know how many years, I didn't like anything enough to say its my favorite. I didn't think I had favorites... because I didn't recall the feeling of liking things. Then I realized I had my favorite thing to eat for breakfast that day, and that too was my favorite.
So I have rediscovered that I do actually have favorite things, and I like them. I have just two rediscovered so far ... I hope I can rediscover more, but depression and anhedonia have managed to sever my ability to not just feel enjoyment , or to like things - but also the memory of liking them as well. Here I have been, drinking my favorite kombucha off and on for years , eating my favorite breakfast off and on for years, but not able to recognize its my favorite, or that I like it.
Anyways, if anyone is reading this and you identify with having depressed mood for years, having anhedonia, not liking anything enough to call it your favorite : please, try and beat your depression and break your anhedonia, because it will hollow you out, rewrite your memories, and its so incredibly destructive. I'm only just starting to realize it, and scratch the surface of recovery, and its just awesome in the most terrible of ways the kind of damage this does to you when it goes on and on for years at a time.
I've set a personal goal of 30 days of not having dysthymia to consider myself as entering recovery, then 60 days of recovery before I start really working on relationships. According to the literature, I need 5 years in recovery to enter remission.... i'll be 46. If I make it. Statistically its unlikely i'll make it that far without relapse, if not several... but I am going to try. I hope you do too, reader.
Best of luck with it :)
I gave up looking for help. Idk if there is anything that can change me at this point. I just try to get by everyday. Luckily i have one person my bf of 8 years that is really the only person that knows me besides my parents and sister
Well it's good you have someone at least! Yeah I think I'm done with trying to get help, I'll just keep up my GP appointments and that's it. Getting the diagnosis has helped me be kinder to myself though. That's something. But instead of "fixing" me, it's just giving me permission to do more of my own thing without feeling like I should be doing something else if that makes sense. Embracing my quirks more I guess? Accepting I'll never fit mainstream life and just doing more of what I actually want...
Tbh I’m baffled at schizoids that have steady boyfriends or girlfriends . How?! I have never had a relationship last longer than a few weeks to a month- I just feel no desire to be around someone nor share feelings with them
@@brianmeen2158 only just seeing this comment now. Schizoids can actually be close to people, but usually it's only maybe one person and that's it. Also keep in mind that having the same label doesn't mean having the exact same experiences or severity of symptoms. You might not feel it, but others can. And then there's some who don't feel it but are pressured by society to feel like they should at least try. That's probably what I went through back when I was dating, although I also split off a piece of my mind to be able to handle it because it was so against my nature.
My sister has schizoid disorder. Doesn't give a shit if we live or die. Her face is the same no matter what. It is pretty sad. It is as if there is no one inside. She is a "robot"
Yeah sounds a very overt presentation. I used to act a lot more like that too.
@@MC-nw2td This actually sounds like an ex of mine. She actually described herself proudly as a robots- now I think she might have had schizoid disorder (I originally thought she was autistic). She admitted to also having no empathy and not wanting to develop it.
I have been thinking I have a Schizotypal Personality and I’m researching it, schizoid is interesting
:) hope my video was helpful
I'm a 43 year old woman, in treatment for depression for like the 5th time and finally starting to understand I probably have this as well.
Dang, it sucks no one talks about this so we can figure it out sooner. Hope this video helped. I've done updates since then (it's all over the place but so am I lol)
I've always known there was something different about me but I never knew what it was. Then I read through the schizoid wikipedia page and it was very strange how they seemed to have written a wikipedia page about my life! I would go and get a formal diagnosis but then again I don't really see the point. The only real problems I have is lack of motivation to pursue my interests and failing to live up to the social norms such as having friends and having a partner. And I don't think talking to a therapist would fix these problems unless they could prescibe me some drug. I sometimes feel like an alien who just observes humanity without participating.
Diagnosis and treatment really depend on your situation. I've made a few videos discussing the topic somewhere on my channel. I'm not sure about mobile but on desktop you can search my channel to find them. For me it was worth doing primarily because I have comorbid depression, and standard treatments weren't working and schizoid finally explains why. That said, I'm still in therapy and we haven't yet turned my life trajectory around.
thanks for this video. really, so relatable. wow.
the more i learn about spd, more anxious i get because... idk, self-knowledge is scaring sometimes. lol
Yeah I think I get what you mean. I've just been through another round of realising more things that probably made me this way lol. For me, finally getting the diagnosis was actually a relief, but now it's forced me to actually _see_ what my life has been and... honestly it's a bit upsetting. Also not sure if it's all that helpful, because you can't change the past, and I don't know what it means for my future! x_x
I understand you, I have like an overt and covert presentation in highschool, i was the most silent in class but I was the most loudest and skilled in public speaking....
Wow, I hated the public speaking 😅 I had a bit more social anxiety back then and kinda just went on autopilot to get through it.
This is wayyyy too close to home for me. I’m bringing this up to my psychiatrist
Hope it goes well! It's really helped me understand myself better :)
Hey there. Thanks for the great video. I’m autistic and definitely have sensory issues, but I’m beginning to suspect I have schizoid as well. I’m very good at masking and I don’t think it would benefit me personally to be professionally diagnosed with schizoid, though. Do you find you have to “act” or “mask” to navigate society?
Glad you enjoyed the video :)
With regards to your questions, keep in mind that masking is not something that only schizoids can do. It's actually quite well known and observed in autism, particularly in females, and is thought to be one of the reasons that autism in females has traditionally been underdiagnosed and understudied. The fact that you mask isn't part of the criteria to suspect that you might have SPD. In fact, masking in SPD isn't nearly as well recognised, that's why it's called "covert" SPD when it happens, and is part of the reason it took me so long to be diagnosed. People actually thought I might have autism instead, because they'd heard of autistic masking, and the underdiagnosis of females was getting so much publicity for a while there, whereas SPD is almost completely unknown in the general public.
Anyway, I'm not qualified to give any kind of diagnosis, but I'd say the question of whether you have autism on its own or comorbid with SPD probably depends a bit on your psychological reasons for how you react to social situations, what you were like in childhood, how you fit the SPD criteria, and whether you have any schizophrenia spectrum symptoms. Another thing to consider is how intense your autism diagnostic process was - where I live I've heard it's very thorough especially for adult autism diagnosis, and they actually do look into whether or not you might have a comorbidity or completely different diagnosis such as SPD. If you went through something like that, they may have already answered the question and ruled it out.
As for me, I don't think I'm intentionally trying to "act" or "mask", it kinda just happens and I have little control over it. This may be part of the dissociation I seem to experience, I'm not sure. I'm still early in my diagnosis, it's only been a few months, so I'm still observing the things I do that might actually be schizoid behaviour. In my mind, I can think a lot of things about how I want to respond to a situation etc, but when things actually happen, I have a tendency to default into compliance and politeness, sometimes to the point of self-sabotage, which can be really frustrating. It might be some subconscious attempt to avoid conflict, I'm not sure. I find it very hard to show anger IRL. It's honestly been kinda interesting to watch myself doing these sorts of things now that I have a framework to understand it by. And that's just looking at how I am now. When I was younger, I think I masked a lot less, and I'm now able to see a lot of schizoid warning signs when the memories pop up.
But I wouldn't really go so far as to claim I'm now able to "navigate society" with any degree of success... 😅 Like I can make it through social interactions fine, but my life is a mess. I am not a functional person lol, society was 100% not built for me, and SPD doesn't get the attention that autism does so there's really no support. I'm super lucky my parents are willing and able to look after me. Coz that's another thing I'm noticing since my diagnosis... just how damn useless I am at real world stuff. Like I knew it before this, but wow turns out it's probably worse than I thought?? XD
Hi! I am 18 years old and am about to graduate from high school in a few months. Have been dealing with feelings of depression and apathy for about a year and a half and the more I think about it the more I feel like my conditions fits this explanation. Thing is that I used to really care and feel a strong sense of love and care for my friends and family. Now I feel indifferent to everything and feel pretty lost in general. I guess I just wanted to ask if you felt like this too were you kinda lose your old self and your emotions or if it always felt like this. Also thanks for making this video since there arent very much information about the condition.
Hey there. Sorry to hear you're struggling too. I think I've always been a bit cold towards others. Maybe less so in earlier childhood but once I hit puberty I think my brain really settled into all this. That doesn't mean you don't have SPD though, we're all different and might settle into these patterns at different times, depending on things like genetics, environment, and random chance. But what you've mentioned isn't enough to say you definitely do have SPD either. Depression can cause you to lose interest in things and withdraw from others, so what you're experiencing could also actually be a progression of that.
If you haven't already seen a psych, it might be worth talking to them about what could be going on. The sooner you can get some help, the better. I know that can be hard though, so try checking out the wikipedia article on SPD and/or the playlist I linked in the description.
Another question you might ask yourself about your depression is do you feel like you're worthless, or do you feel like it's the world that's not up to scratch? It's not a proper diagnostic, but most people with depression tend to be down on themselves, whereas it seems a lot of schizoids instead lament the state of the world they're stuck in. One of the reasons schizoids tend not to come forward for treatment or diagnosis is because they tend to see nothing wrong in how they are. There are always exceptions of course, but the nature of your depression might shed some light on things.
Finally, I don't know if this will help you, but here's a video I made about dealing with anhedonia in the short term: ua-cam.com/video/WL7iViyHD2M/v-deo.html
@@DestroyerMariko Alright thanks for the answer! I have been seing a psychologist for a couple months and I will definately bring up schizoid personality in our next appointment. I feel like I more so feel totally apathetic to the situation like it doesnt cause any stress even though I think it should. Just rough to think that bad luck can screw people over so hard in life, it is really cruel. Will definately watch the anhedonia vid!
Good luck with it! Even if they don't think it's SPD, you should still explore the reasons you're thinking about it with them. Don't let them be like my old psychologist who just said no and moved on. The issues that made you consider it are still important either way. Hope you get some answers! :)
I could never talk on utube. Or even zoom.
I have never heard about that disassociation issue before and yet i told a therapist my problems with my memory. I told her that god damnit!!!! .... I said i could not understand how people write autobiographies as i feel i dont have a linear sense of self
I think I must be covert as well, as long as im talking to one person i can be quite anamated and have a sense of humour and quick wit. I think because of the DSM criteria and the broad strokes in which it "paints" , i really think we're more prevalent than might be suggested by the stats, for nuance is all, and that singularly fails to draw on any, if at all.
I also feel as I've missed out, but sort of dont care but at the same time.. kinda do? ..... ambivalent might be the word lol. I also love music, its the one thing that really does tap my emotions and move me to tears or joy and while i am a reasonably compatent musician and would have loved to be in a band its just ...... well you know.
Also love animals particularly dogs but even that relationship could be qualified ... my dog slept down stairs lol . Though that might have been because he got the couch to him self .... or it might have been because he was just socialised that way, but to be fair my parents were partly responable for his training.... while being completely resonsible for mine🤔😁.
Anyway all my first degree relitives have ether died or moved away now and i really do have nothing in my future now and yeah i can probably see myself over the next ten years at most, choose to, have and be done with things, as i just take sleeping tablets now when i can offerd them and sleep most of the day as it is. Its just becoming so much harder to be here anymore and my health is not great as it is.
Your channel is my new find so I'll probably be back .... its okay i wont be bothering you personally so no pressure lol.
By the way love your choice of decor that whole esthetic you got going on there kinda reminds me of my room lol
I avoid zoom as much as possible lol, but mostly for the dodgy China connections. I don't understand why zoom is so popular when Google etc have perfectly good alternatives, at least for the kinds of video calls I've had to be involved with.
I don't have a problem with my memory (as far as I remember lol), I just feel disconnected from past versions of me.
The prevalence of SPD is hard to gauge not just because of covert presentations and DSM limitations, but also because schizoids tend not to come forward for treatment or diagnosis, which makes it hard to research. As far as I'm aware, the statistics are educated guesses, but different sources seem to come up with some rather different numbers, so long story short, no one really knows.
I wish music still moved me like it used to. But I'm getting back on stage at least, so that's a thing...
It's not unusual for people to train or restrict their dogs to sleeping in a particular area. Our dogs are not allowed upstairs (at least, not while dad's looking lol). But I keep my door ajar at night so my little one can come in or go out as he pleases... otherwise he tends to scratch the door and wake me up. Anyway, where a dog sleeps doesn't really say anything about SPD. The fact that I find them easier to be around than people though, does.
Take care of yourself, the sleeping tablet thing sounds concerning to me, I hope you've at least tried to speak to someone about that. Remember SPD can be comorbid with other conditions that can be treated even if the personality disorder can't. Might be worth trying if you haven't already.
My channel is chaos, fair warning lol, for example: ua-cam.com/video/Fl1hZXTbvK8/v-deo.html
Haha my room is also chaos XD
I'm starting to think that I might have this too. It's either Schizoid personality disorder, or avoidant personality disorder.
Easiest way to work it out is to think about why you don't socialise. Are you anxious? Or do you just not care?
Hi, I have strong schizoid personality traits also. If you want treatment in the sense of experiencing connection with people, I recommend to find a therapist who is trained in Lacanian psychoanalysis. I stumbled across one after years of searching and it is really helpful.
That's great if it helps you.
For me though, I think I'll pass. I don't have time to read in depth about it, but the lack of evidence supporting it seems immediately obvious. On top of that, it seems like it's only practiced in certain circles. My goal is also not connection with people, instead I'd hope that therapy would help me function more generally.
I've given up on treatment, as I mentioned in this video ua-cam.com/video/Qsn46Fbk99A/v-deo.html there's no one in my area who has any experience with SPD. No point spending my time and money with people who don't understand and can't help me.
Super long post 1: You mentioned the potential autistic diagnosis, just as an fyi, I'm a zoid with "autistic thinking" (one or both of the autistic thinking characteristics). Roughly one quarter of zoids are estimated to have that. And I would strongly suggest that you may have it as well, we're not autistic outright tho. It should be no wonder, since we have our emotional/zoid shields/adaptations up the emotions don't cloud our thinking as much (edit: you mention this late in the vid so you've already figured it out that we default to the cold logical thinking, it's very close to autistic thinking), but they also don't "color" our thinking as much. In any event, you've responded to two of my posts so far and both responses basically seemed like tistic thinking just to my mind. Just from my perception, and perhaps worth a thought. Further, you're the only person out of many zoids I know that takes nearly the exact same position on zoidism as I do, and I suspect it is our specific brand of autistic/covert thinking that is behind our thoughts being aligned this way. And yeah you're super covert like I am. Oh, and don't let the prediction of low life success get ya down, keep smashin at life till we're done with it :)
Also reminder: the "disorder" is not a disorder of your mind, or your thoughts necessarily. The word is literally describing the disorder of your own lived life experience and the lived life experience of those around you (thought we have small impact usually as zoids on other people's lived life experience due to our condition). So don't feel "trapped" with the "disorder". If you can order up your life some, get room cleaned up, house cleaned up, get a routine, get jerb on lock down that you can handle, get someone you actually fall in lurve with (probably very rare for a zoid) and have good relationship then you've out of the "disorder" part of it quite a bit. The part we're trapped with, is the trauma, exile of the true self, and arguably a bunch of other developmental things (like being overly oriented towards the abstract as we never fully developed into appreciating "the real" as a baby, or so the theory goes).
The more I've learned about the difference between autism and schizoid, the more I'm sure I'm not actually on the spectrum. I talked about that more here: ua-cam.com/video/MjrBmZmSPng/v-deo.html
I do not share your optimism about life either. The overall trajectory of my mental health over my life has been getting worse. I have a few videos of me doing poorly here and there, they're just less common because I'm less able to make them when I'm in that state.
@@DestroyerMariko I feel for you on that front, even with zoid adaptations up. And certainly understand the downward trajectory. I'm also on the way down myself most likely, though not in the same way(s). The struggle is real, and any little victories are just that, victories. On a more optimistic note about zoidism, hot off the presses from just this week, Angst reports that he has somewhat successfully made contact with his scared/tramatized inner child and worked through some of that pain and other emotions. It doesn't make him not a zoid but he does report very considerable improvement in his having good feelings about things and having feelings when he used to would have been numb to them. So zoid defenses seem to be down a bit. Might be a world first, I'm not sure. And I can confirm that he does seem to have a considerably different demeanor. So there is a tiny taste of optimism :) All love for ya.
Would love to hear your thoughts on folk self-diagnosing?
Here we go, I made a whole video for you: ua-cam.com/video/DR8OE2RYTwQ/v-deo.html
Note - I cannot vouch for the on-topicness hahaha... 😅
Hello! Videos on the schizoid spectrum are very helpful, and if you have any new thoughts on this topic, I'd be very interested to hear them. Thank you!
Hey there! If you search my channel for "Schizoid" and/or "SPD" you should be able to find my other videos on the topic. I also sometimes talk about it in other videos. Hope this helps! I'm a bit too busy to make a new video on the topic at the moment but I'll get there eventually.
I would assume the energy is from anxiety and being forced to talk. For instance, I tend to over explain things because of how critical my parents were. I wasn't talkative in highschool but after my social anxiety decreased that started to come out under certain circumstances. Tho mine is more of a covert mask than a solid persona.
It's been a while since I made the video so I don't remember exactly what I said etc lol, but overcompensation as a strategy is definitely a thing! I can't be sure if it's necessarily anxiety that does it for me but after being on UA-cam so long, I'm aware I can just keep rambling to avoid long awkward pauses like when I first started out. More generally, I think I've also learned to smile and laugh a little when uncomfortable or unsure. Usually people don't think much of it and it helps me blend in, but I once had a kid ask me why I'd laughed at something and I couldn't answer 🙈
interpersonal defence mechanisms
@@DestroyerMariko 🤔 have you heard that some Schizoid's can be extroverts? In this sense they don't crave ppl but an energetic environment. Maybe you're an extrovert that pursues extroverted activities but for non-social reasons. But I can't find much on it. Some insist it's impossible. Personally I identify with Ambivert because I don't get overwhelmed (comfortably) socializing. Others say this is just an extrovert. 🤷
@@halfofakitty I kinda think "covert" schizoid covers it well enough. And I'm not sure how much I'd call myself an extrovert since I mostly stay home. It's more of an illusion than a reality.
i am not diagnosed yet but i have a symtoms of schizoid disorder, ive searching for a long time of whats wrong with me, i started with i am introvert, and then personality test oh i am intj, but then im asking myself, do i have disorder ? because i have other behaviour thats is not normal, so maybe i have depression? but then, i am not suicidal person, maybe autism? i dont have repetitive behaviour, , narcissicm? oh i dont want attention so it doesnt fit too, psychopat? i dont manipulate people, bipolar? i dont have moodswings, ADHD? im not overly active, anxiety disorder? i dont have heart palpitaions... i dont know how i get to schizoid, but mostly i have the symtoms..you know the feeling when you see the symtoms and you said to your self without hesitations thats perfectly me...
Yeah I mean it's good to confirm things with a professional opinion, but sometimes you have to be the one to figure it out because they can't actually see in your head. That's especially true for schizoid I think, because a lot has to do with internal experiences that they might not pick up on.
I relate so fkin much.
Thank you for sharing! I appreciate your content
Thank you :)
Thank you for sharing I definitely suffer through these similar things
Glad you enjoyed my video! Best of luck with your own journey :)
Seems to me that there's nothing wrong with your view of the world. You're very rational and logical and therefore you're objectively right on how you see things. The problem is not about objectivity, it's about your subjectivity. It's like you completely lost touch with your emotional self (your needs, your emotion and therefore the meaning of life). In other words, being smart is not the same thing as being wise. Being smart is about facts, being wise is about meanings
I'm not sure about "wise" coz a lot of that is life experience, not necessarily emotions. But yes, since making this video I realised I've got a lot of emotional trauma (have made videos on that too now) and that's most likely the cause of me becoming so detached. And while subjectively I don't feel my schizoid attitude to be a problem, objectively I can see how detrimental it is to my functioning in the world and contributing to my comorbid depression.
I just looked at the wiki SPD page yesterday after suspecting what it was a year or so ago, and I've known I was different for at least 40 years. I just thought I was an emotionally withdrawn psychopath who managed to grow out of the psychopath part but couldn't overcome the emotional shyness. In all reality I'm a covert SPD who have compensated and adapted for so many years. I don't think of it as a disorder but a disability that allows me to be gifted in ways most people are not. Still I work on the ability to verbalise emotion.
A "disorder" just means "an illness or condition that disrupts normal physical or mental functions"
A "disability" means "a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities"
They're basically the same thing, I guess "disability" just takes things further by specifying limitations, whereas "disorder" says something's unusual but not necessarily disabling. I get that there's some stigma around the idea of a "disorder" but IMO it's better to just destigmatise it than try to dance around things with other words. But that might just be my schizoid insensitivity talking haha! I'm not good at understanding the often emotional fuss around words people consider to be bad. Context and intention mean more to me than the words themselves when it comes to passing a good/bad judgement on them. But I'm also Aussie and we swear a lot so I have to have that attitude lol... we tend to drop the c-bomb in both good and bad ways... XD
On the other hand, if you're saying that you don't believe you're impacted enough for it to be considered a disorder in your case, perhaps schizoid "traits" would be a better way to describe it? In some definitions, a condition is only considered a disorder if it causes distress to you and/or the people around you. Have definitely heard some schizoids argue that things are fine for them. Sadly not the case for me but might be a helpful way to think of it for you :)
@@DestroyerMariko While they are both ugly words, they imply two different things. A disorder implies there is a treatment headed for a cure and a disability implies permanence and must be compensated for which can and often does give rise to unique traits and abilities. This is why someone who is blind can see more than someone who is not. It is the limits that give rise to emergent traits.
I am simply not interested in a cure because I value the abilities that neuro-normies don't have or have trouble accessing. That doesn't mean I am not interested in working on my emotional deficits and other issues that this condition gives rise to. I am under the impression that the mental health community has little ability to 'treat' it and if anyone can do self help it would be the SPD.
That's an interesting perspective. I disagree though. Autism Spectrum Disorder is also a thing that tends to be managed rather than cured. Early intervention can help some autistic people but often they may still need accommodations to be made throughout life. It's also not always considered a disability, and still can give rise to very useful abilities that others lack. When you talk about things being "implied" about either word, that's still the whole stigma thing coming into play IMO. And yeah there's no known treatment for SPD itself, but what can be treated are comorbidities such as depression, although it can still be a lot harder than treating the average population. I'm currently seeing a psychologist for that very reason, will keep making updates as time goes on. What's certain though, is that treatment isn't going to take away my uniqueness, abilities, etc. Tbh I'm confused why you have that anxiety. There's no undoing the essence of who we are, treatments is more about being able to function better than changing those fundamental things you value. Hell knows if I can get through the demotivation and detachment, I'll probably be able to do a lot more with the talents and ideas I have.
@@DestroyerMariko I think most SPDs don't want to lose themselves through treatment. What I am essentially saying is that there is a philosophical difference between the two. You may want the cure while I want to compensate. I certainly get why people want to belong and be somewhat normal, but it is not for me. It all depends on what our goal is. My goal is to be more emotionally available and avoid the associated guilt without giving up the freedom to compartmentalize emotion.
@@DestroyerMariko I just want to add regarding your depression. Are you seeking treatment for the depression only and is this what the psychologist is looking to treat, or do they think the depression is a symptom and SPD is the disease? You may be someone who is depressed who happens to be SPD.
What is your MBTI/Socionics type? You could pass for INTp (my type) but I'm not very good at discerning someone's type, even from a video
Lol so first up I gotta point out that MBTI is outdated and generally considered pseudoscience so I don't put much stock in it. It's been superseded by the Big Five model though even that has its own issues. But thanks for actually asking! I've seen people making all kinds of assumptions about me in forums etc and it's hilarious none of them thought to come to me first. I've only ever done free online tests, a long time ago, but I always got INTJ. Probably did those tests in high school and a few years after, until I found out it's not scientifically valid. I have no idea if I'd test differently today, or on a different version of the test. But there you have it. All the people talking about me have been wrong, because validity aside, your instincts are right - a video isn't enough.
So they just prefer to do their own thing alone? Do you still feel a semblence of love for your family/friends?
Yes, schizoids prefer to do their own thing alone. It's rare for me to socialise just for the sake of socialising. That said, I've been in treatment a long time and I'm tired of being depressed, so sometimes I do try to challenge the schizoid way of being in the hopes it might change how I feel, however I've found that often ends in burnout and disappointment and wanting to withdraw again. As for love, I think I have something like that for my pets? But in terms of actually _feeling_ it, I'm not really sure lol. I don't tend to experience positive emotions in general, at least not consciously. Some of my behaviours suggest I do actually care, but without being able to properly feel it, I can't be sure if it's legit or just out of a sense of duty, obligation, fear, or whatever. Hope that makes sense.
@@DestroyerMariko Of course, thank you for sharing and for creating these videos!
Glad you enjoyed it! I've made a lot of videos on the topic since this one if you're interested in more (but I also make a lot of chaos content too lol, like everything else I apparently don't care enough to do UA-cam "properly" hahahaha)
I think I have this as well.
I was googling "why don't I care about having friends"
Which led me to the Wikipedia article for schizoid and I started tearing up from reading it.
I don't want to self diagnose, but it took them 15 years to diagnose you? I have had bad experiences with medical professionals as well and have a hard time trusting them.
My fiancé has schizophrenia, so perhaps they can help me reach out to the right people...
I often go on tangents and lose my train of thought too, as well as been underweight for years.
Not so much asexual tho, but that doesn't seem to be a requirement. I've attempted suicide though it was a pretty weak attempt, and if anything used it as a way of proving my depression to anyone who doubted me..
And its a shitty feeling to think about it so much but also know that you just won't, and it can downward spiral.
There was stuff about idiosyncratic moral and political beliefs though... That really sounds like me lol
Yeah I haven't had a great time with the mental health system, I think I'm too good at covering things up. Even with my last psychiatrist who actually took things I said seriously, at our first session my defences were automatically up, I guess from meeting someone new, so he couldn't actually tell I was depressed and he told me so. It wasn't until the second session when I came in doing super badly that he could see it in my body language. He's one of the better ones I saw, but even he didn't pick SPD, he just knew there was something else and couldn't figure it out.
When it comes to getting yourself diagnosed, remember you don't have to. You can just take what you relate to and whatever you find that's helpful if that's all you need. But for me, the official diagnosis was worth it. It's helping me figure out a lot, and helping people around me understand better. There's still a few things it doesn't explain for me, but the bulk of it yeah. And in my case, I've messed up my life enough already that idgaf about any stigma haha. Most people haven't heard of SPD to have preconceptions anyway.
Anyway, I hope this video was helpful! Take care of yourself, whatever you end up doing.
me too
I consider my SPD as a super power. It's nice not caring what anyone thinks.
In some ways yeah, but when I look at my life, I am clearly not functioning well in this world. I've made a lot of updates since this first video, not sure which is most relevant but these might be of interest?
Talking about functioning (with comparisons to autism): ua-cam.com/video/MjrBmZmSPng/v-deo.html
Dealing with avolition: ua-cam.com/video/fHnYqxnPthA/v-deo.html
A day I was struggling a lot: ua-cam.com/video/Nircxy8fc0g/v-deo.html
@DestroyerMariko
Good looking out homie.
You are more equipped to solve your own problems than anybody with a certificate on their wall.
If you don't mind me asking, what is your MBTI?
I agree that a certificate doesn't necessarily mean someone can help me, but the extent to which I can actually solve my own problems... I'm not too confident on that either! Been trying for way too many years.
I've never done an "official" MBTI and personally consider it to be outdated, but when I did those internet quizzes way back I got INTJ.
@@DestroyerMariko Interesting! I meet all 7 of the criteria for schizoid pd, and I also test as INTJ.
My struggles are existential dread, and guilt over not having any relationships with my family members.
I realize that my family members DO have feelings and emotions, and I have not done anything to improve their "condition".
Yeah existential dread sucks. And anhedonia. I don't really experience that sorta guilt you mention but then I guess I've gotten better at talking to family over time. Things were a lot rockier when I was younger though, and I can now understand a lot more of it with the context of SPD in mind.
You, plus the entire MIC. I thought SCHIZOID was not being able to see shades of grey, all things between good and evil, black and white.
What do you mean by MIC? I'm guessing it's not about microphones 😅 and what do you mean by "You, plus the entire MIC"? I don't understand.
I'm not sure where you got that idea about Schizoid PD either. Perhaps you're thinking of Borderline PD or maybe autism? Borderline people do "splitting" which is where they tend to see things as either perfect or evil, nothing in between. Many autistic people also have black and white thinking which produces similar results but for different reasons. That's not to say schizoids don't experience it, but from what I understand it's not usually as extreme and focuses more on labelling people as either safe or unsafe, and it's also not a defining feature of the disorder in the way it is with borderline.
You don't seem to have a flat affect, at least on camera. Are you a lot more flat affect irl? Or maybe not everyone with Schizoid has that symptom?
Thank you. ❤️
Hey so it's a bit of both with me. In certain situations, I am a lot more flat, maybe depending on stress or something. I was also a lot more flat when I was younger and had a more overt presentation. I've since learned to behave more expressively and have developed a covert presentation instead ("covert" meaning I can hide how schizoid I am). It took a long time for me, but yeah I can now mask reasonably well. But yes, it's also true that not all schizoids will present exactly the same. Both the DSM and ICD-10 state that you only need 4 of the criteria for the diagnosis to fit, and it's also important to note that the criteria you refer to says "Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity" - note the word "or" which means that you don't necessarily have to appear flat if you show coldness or detachment instead. These days I'd say my emotional detachment is more evident than my flatness. Hope that helps make sense of the issue! It's a common one people seem confused about.
In summary:
- I tend to be more flat in certain situations IRL
- I've learned to seem less flat over time
- Not all schizoids are the same
- Only 4 criteria are needed for diagnosis
- To fit this specific criteria, you can show coldness or detachment instead of flatness.
For more clarification, this post might help: ua-cam.com/users/postUgkxDJkdcLHLkNep2Asgm4fhNZRAu1BrSSax
I wrote it specifically for people who think I can't be schizoid, but it explains the same basic thing :)
Another point I'm only just learning that might turn out to be relevant is that schizoid doesn't seem to be the only disorder I have. I'm already diagnosed with depression, but I may also have a dissociative disorder so it's possible that also changes how I present vs someone who only has schizoid.
Super long post 2: You sound extremely introspective on your true self, as I have been, but you don't tell us about your true self. I'm basically a beach bum (what would have been a humble fisherman in ages past), plus what would be called a bandit lord back in the day (or in modern times close to what we'd call a gang leader) as my authentic/passionate/true self thing. So far I have heard from other zoids that they're all about going fast (like in cars etc) and another beach bum. Obviously I can never be this true self as it would harm others and probably land me in jail. Interested to hear about you though if you can share.
All that performance stuff that might be part of your true self might also just be Schizoid Exhibitionism (Schizoid Vision touched on this some in her vids awhile back, basically we can be exhibitionists and not "put anything of ourselves" into the act, exhibitionist style). Perhaps both tho.
As to how we got this way, there's another way to get the schizoid, and that's if your true self/authentic self (whatever) is a "bad object" (in the object relations school of thought, the "objects" are usually people, or internal representations of people). Basically, as I understand it, its if your true self is telling you that you're not good enough internally, or on and on similar to that. For instance, I suspect I'm a zoid in this fashion, as my true self is part bandit lord/gang leader and it will tell me basically that isn't good enough for my current life circumstance (I'll hurt others and go to jail). So I have to banish that true self (not act as it) and thus, I'm a zoid and disordering of your lived life experience follows as you are not doing what comes authentically/natty. Just some thinkins for you as you and I seem very much alike and both of us can report practically 0 of the normal "trauma"/"abuse" which is what normally does it. Such zoid might should have their own sub-type name.
What even is "true self" though? Consciousness is probably just an illusion, and personalities aren't quite as set as society tends to believe.
Also, you may have noticed this video is nearly 3 years old now. I since realised I actually have experienced trauma, specifically glass child trauma. I think I give a summary at the start of this video ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html and I can't remember what I said in this one but the video description has some links to more information ua-cam.com/video/PluvD2fbHxA/v-deo.html
Is anyone feeling like you have no desire in owning much (e.g. a house etc.) or marry, I laugh about someone who says "my wife"/"my husband"...how can you own a person...and are some of you fascinated by hermits?
I've always liked the apartments of Mr. Bean...1 Room is enough or the mansard apartment of Harry Haller in Hesses' Steppenwolf. Thank you for your video!
There was a point where I lost interest in collecting knickknacks but if I could afford it, I would like more space. Living with my family is chaotic, and I have a lot of hobbies. I'd like a house with a room for sleeping, a decent sized room for art, a solid room for music, and a backyard for my bonsai and my dog. As for "my wife/husband", I think you're overthinking that, it's not about ownership, eg. when I talk about "my country" I'm not claiming that I own Australia! And no, I'm not fascinated by hermits, probably because I'm disinterested by people in general haha.
I guess I tend to overthink a lot in my life in the last years. It was more of an overstatement with the marriage example...
Glad for your many hobbies!
I wish you all the best for your life journey. Greetings from Germany!
Thank you ^_^
Hello. I'm pretty sure my best friend growing up and as an adult had SPD. We got along well. But that was a long time ago now. No one understood me like him, though. I think that's important in life, to have someone who understands you. Me and my friend shared a long history, so it was easy for each of us to trust and understand each other. I miss that now. Have you ever had anyone in your life who you felt understood you on a deep level? It's human connections that make life meaningful and enjoyable, so I totally get the suicidality, hopelessness, and anhedonia if you have never enjoyed any close relationships in life. I understand that people can seem very dangerous and actually be hostile toward people with SPD, at least that is what I read. Do you experience people as dangerous or hostile? It seems that some of the comments on here are bordering on being hostile toward you. I'm sorry that's the case.
Nah I don't think anyone's really understood. I've been close-ish to a few people in my life but not in that way, not even back when I tried dating. I struggle with your idea that human connections are what gives life meaning too, I've had hobbies in the past I was able to enjoy on my own, the trouble is that I get bored easily - if that didn't happen, I'd probably be fine just doing my hobbies on my own. But I'm also aware that most people do find meaning in connecting with each other and I can see how it evolved and how I'm outside that and may somehow be affected by the lack of deeper connection without actually being able to feel it as a loss if that makes sense.
As for your second question, I actually don't think people are more likely to be dangerous or hostile towards people with SPD, especially since most people don't even know it exists. Offline, people just see me as a bit odd, eccentric, or interesting, and depending on context, kinda quiet. They also seem to like me even though I don't feel like I've done anything to elicit that response lol, and I seem to gain acquaintance-level friends by accident. The comments attacking me here are mostly just narrow-minded SPD purists who can't understand how I'm able to present so well. They deny that covert presentations exist and think I'm faking for attention even though this is probably the least exciting disorder one could choose for that purpose hahaha. I've now developed some generic responses to them so I won't have to waste my time being repetitive anymore, see: ua-cam.com/users/postUgkxDJkdcLHLkNep2Asgm4fhNZRAu1BrSSax and ua-cam.com/video/heYPEhT7wc0/v-deo.html
If you're more interested in whether I personally see people as dangerous though, no not really. I did have a lot more social anxiety when I was younger, and that'll flare up on occasion IRL, but it's not from a fear of rejection or harm, I think it's just an irrational instinctive response or perhaps something more based on self-pressure to perform well and not forget whatever it is I needed to say. This is most evident when dealing with government welfare services who are known to be crap at handling mental illness and who've screwed me around before, so my wariness towards them is justified. Otherwise, most people in real life are fine. Perhaps helps that I live in a safe area. Online, given the number of people with internet access around the world, it's just inevitable that the grumpy trolls will pop up. Pretty much anyone with at least a low-level presence online will eventually come across garbage throwers. If I wasn't able to handle them, I'd not be a UA-camr, and I've been here on and off since 2008 getting all kinds of dumb comments from people who don't matter. It would of course be better if they kept their crap to themselves, but meh, I can always just block them if I get really fed up.
All this said, it's possible that other schizoids do find others dangerous, I'm not gonna pretend to speak for everyone. But generally what keeps people with SPD asocial is just that they don't care. Where there's a fear of judgement, rejection, etc, that's usually part of Avoidant Personality Disorder, but there can be some overlap so schizoids who also have an actual fear of social interactions may turn out to have both disorders comorbidly.
@@DestroyerMariko You seemed to have understood yourself when you spoke about how events in your childhood (i.e. regarding feeling abandoned because of your disabled sibling needing attention) could have been what triggered SPD. That's the kind of understanding I'm talking about, except between two people rather than between one person's past and present, but both are possible, self-understanding and understanding between two or more people.
Haha there's plenty about myself that I still don't understand 😉 and so far working out the role of my brother hasn't actually helped me feel any better
@@DestroyerMariko Join the club, insight doesn't lead to behavior change for anyone. Your not so different there. Your just human like the rest of us. You're getting better at understanding yourself, though, right? Your finally being diagnosed with SPD, in essence, is being understood both by yourself and by the group of people that came up with that diagnosis. That's another form of being understood. Haha! :)
Your original question was about being understood on a _deep_ level. I don't really see this as being very deep. It's just a list of symptoms and a childhood history. It's little more than a starting point.
Side note: I'm reeeally not into clubs of any kind lol. I hate that phrase, "join the club", "welcome to the club", all that sorta thing also comes across as condescending as if I haven't lived here for ages lol and it's not behaviour change I'm seeking either, I specifically lamented not feeling better. Yes, behaviour change can correlate with that, but the actual goal is the feeling not the actions.
Feeling suuuper misunderstood right now! XD
26:27 I thought it only happened to me, I guess it's also a schizoid feature.I thought it only happened to me, I guess it's also a schizoid feature.
27:02
Many times it is gentetic, in my case it was like that, and having been alone in my childhood enlarged it more. I read on a page that the creation of this disorder was by wars, veterans after having lived a war could not fit into society, they isolated themselves and that is the origin of the schizoid disorder of the personality
Yeah I'm getting the impression that a lot of schizoids jump hobby to hobby. And I think yeah it's probably the anhedonia. Why stick to a hobby etc if you don't feel a decent payoff for the effort you put in? x_x
@@DestroyerMariko
¿The future of a schizoid is to sit in front of a computer for the rest of his life?
@@DestroyerMariko Do you think your life would have changed radically if you had been diagnosed with the disorder at an early age? I was also diagnosed with that when i was 15.
Quite possibly! I've spent a long time struggling to understand myself and I think it would have helped to know this earlier. Perhaps the biggest impact could've been on the attitude of adults around me. It took a long enough time for my parents to realise my depression was a real and serious thing and not just me being lazy. Gosh, if I'd had SPD diagnosed at 15, I might have felt a lot less pressure both from them and from myself. I might have been able to get some meaningful and helpful interventions to help me better manage life, instead of trying to push through the way I did only to crash and burn and end up super stuck like I am now.
Also I notice you've edited your original comment again lol. When it comes to the origin of SPD, they don't really know exactly what causes it. These days they usually think it's either some kind of childhood trauma, a biological predisposition, or, most likely, some mix of both. I'm not sure where you got the war veteran idea, because as a personality disorder, it's meant to be a more lifelong thing. Withdrawal from society is a symptom of more disorders than just SPD. PTSD is a more common condition that might cause war veterans to themselves. It may be schizoid-like behaviour, but it's not the same as having SPD.
31:25 ENTP's Ne function serves to emulate different personas for different settings.
Check Date a Live AMV - Kurumi - Sweet but Psycho clip on youtube. Does she remind you of your dark side?
Everyone acts differently in different situations. I'm just more aware of it than most people seem to be, in a way that might be called dissociation. This has nothing to do with MBTI and as I've mentioned elsewhere, your guess of my type is incorrect. You might as well judge me on my horoscope and cherry pick whatever you like from that too.
And no, not really. I watched the video but the character is far too sexual. I have a strong bias towards duality but when you bring that in, I tend to tune out. It also seems that she's only pretending to be sweet as a manipulation, and is oddly social despite her violence 😕
Why do you feel you have to be labeled or placed into a category or box of some sort?
🙄 You mistake me for one of the kids who think mental illness labels are trendy ua-cam.com/users/shortsfll0pU7jyFA
tl;dr, I need to know what my problem is to be able to do something about it, duh.
A few months after posting this video, the diagnosis finally snapped me out of denial about my childhood trauma issues, and I was able to work out how I got so screwed up, and why past treatment had done nothing. That's actually incredibly important, unlike what the kids on TikTok are doing faking shit like Tourette's. I sought a diagnosis to help me get better treatment, not to look "cool" or whatever, I actually grew up back when the trend was YOU CAN'T LABEL ME (see link above) lol, today's kids are super weird to me.
Thing is, you can't avoid all labels, because some are objective facts, like me being part of the human species, me being an Australian citizen, my age, my sex, my level of education, etc. Sensible labels reflect reality and aid communication, and in the case of legitimate mental disorders, they help inform treatment. *You can't treat something if you don't know what the problem is.*
Also, I hate being put into a box, and despite having the schizoid diagnosis, I've avoided joining their groups and ignored their invitations to do so. Speaking of boxes, was it the coloured hair that prompted your comment? You wouldn't be the first to make assumptions coz of that lol.
If you're genuinely interested and not just trolling or mindlessly whining about modern culture, I've made a lot of updates over the past 18 months since this video, including
ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html - I think the start has a good summary of the trauma stuff
ua-cam.com/video/tnh4JZvajbY/v-deo.html - a very looooong rambly discussion about the purpose and pitfalls of diagnostic labels
It wasn't the colored hair that made me ask the question but my own experiences in life and general realization about what was going on. I'm actually in the medical field though not specializing in the field of mental health. I've noticed an explosion of mental health disorders some of which I believe are real and some of which I believe are due to over medicalization or over-diagnosis. This then leads to unnecessary stigma, treatments and medications which then cause further problems. I actually wrote another comment explaining some more what I think is behind this and many other mental health issues. I myself fit the criteria for schizoid personality now as an adult but I was not this way as a child. Looking back, I can see the hidden forces (military) that deliberately and maliciously worked to make me this way. In any case, I hope receiving this diagnosis did help you to find peace and feel more comfortable in your own skin.
Yeah nah I'm out. If you legit believe the paranoid nonsense in your other comment, nothing I write to you is going to make a difference. If you don't believe it, then you're just a troll. Either way, I don't have time for it.
Today my psychoanalytic said than i have shizoid type personality. 🐸🐸🐸
Personality type or personality disorder?
@@DestroyerMarikoReally I don't know. It was like when I ask her "Mmmm mb am i shizoid? Answer was something like 100% yes. ( Bcz my avoidness, alexitimia, i can't build close relationship, fear, a little depression, i mostly spend my time alone , working as QA, divorced). P.s English is not my native language.
@@DestroyerMariko ua-cam.com/video/J_nL-cMi2vI/v-deo.html
Ah okay, she probably meant the disorder then.
Sometimes in English people say there's a difference between personality "type" and personality "disorder", where "disorder" means it's a bigger problem, whereas "type" is not severe and maybe not a problem at all. Other times, they say personality "type" because they think you might get upset or be discriminated against if they use the word "disorder", even if "disorder" is the truth. It gets a bit confusing even for native English speakers to be honest XD
Another fun fact (nobody cares)-- my closest and best friend -- wizardking. More powerful shizoid than me.
Could Schizoids be sexual every once in a while? Because I’ve been suspecting I have schizoid pd, and check off on everything except the not wanting to have sex part. I do get in the mood every once in a while , other than that I don’t care about having serious relationships with anyone, I have a small family I care about and that’s it. I don’t have any actual friends and don’t care and I don’t care about societal standards. No one’s ever really liked me growing up because I didn’t care about connecting to people but it never really bothered me.
You only need 4 items from the DSM or ICD criteria to have SPD fit as a diagnosis. If you tick off everything else, then yup, it might very well fit you. Also keep in mind that asexuality is not the same as lacking sexual drive, it's just about not feeling attracted to anyone, and similarly the schizoid criteria states having "little interest" (not necessarily zero) and "with another person" which allows for solo sexual activity. You may get in the mood sometimes, but as you say, you're not particularly interested in getting overly involved with anyone. Nothing about that rules out SPD on its own. Also remember, for every category of people, there can be exceptions.
i find that the 'no sex' part of the criteria is often a bit too literal. i have spd and i have a very normal sex drive, i just don't derive any meaning or joy from the act of sex. i think of it as like getting a massage or something, not as an interpersonal experience which is how most people understand it. i also HATE hearing about other peoples sex lives and don't like talking about my own with friends - for people with spd, sex seems to be tied with vulnerability, and thats something we struggle with a lot
Haha yeah I can't stand sex culture, like even in movies I don't want to see or hear about that shit. What's ironic though is that talking about not being interested inevitably keeps bringing the topic up. Same problem in the asexual community itself. I wrote a whole EP with that in mind destroyermariko.bandcamp.com/album/asexuality the only direct reference is in the title itself, "Asexuality", otherwise the lyrics don't mention it. Anyway, vulnerability might be one reason for a lot of schizoids, but a different one could be that if you can't connect with the general excitement surrounding sex, the cultural obsession with it ends up being super boring. For me it's a bit like every time the latest sporting news is on TV, I have zero interest in sport but there it is being shoved in my face again, my god move on to the weather already!! I'd rather change the channel or go off and make some tea than sit through a sport report, same as I'd rather tune out and leave when people are going on and on about sex and relationships. Lol I'm starting to yawn just thinking about it... 😅
You're so interesting.
Thanks.
Also i diagnosed with alyhytimia
Do you mean alexithymia?
@@DestroyerMariko yep
Can you recreate your emotions from more than six months ago in the past? Can you, in other words, "re feel" those emotions? In other words, do you have alexithymia?
Just looked it up, it seems you have a different definition of alexithymia to what's accepted. Re-feeling emotions is an exercise certain types of actors do to try to make their performances more authentic/realistic. If it was easy for everyone, that wouldn't be such a craft to master. From what I could find, alexithymia is actually an inability to identify emotions, distinguish between them, express them, recognise them in others, that sort of thing. I don't have trouble with most of this as far as I'm aware, my problem is instead that I don't feel many emotions in the first place. People with alexithymia apparently can feel emotions, they just can't describe them etc.
You and me both
Yayy
As a true Schizoid I'd never let anyone else know about it
1. You just did.............
2. If you've actually been diagnosed, someone already knows... 🤷♀️
3. Why not, most people don't even know what it is, and what's the worst they'll do otherwise? Judge you? I suppose a "true schizoid" like you won't admit you might be sensitive to the potential criticism, or that you've fallen for the good ol' mainstream stigma idea hey. In any case, fuck em.
4. Fuck off ua-cam.com/users/postUgkxDJkdcLHLkNep2Asgm4fhNZRAu1BrSSax
5. Fuck off even more ua-cam.com/video/heYPEhT7wc0/v-deo.html
Why is this considered a disorder? These people mind their own business and don't bother anyone.
A few reasons, including:
- hidden suffering, especially for those with comorbid depression
- impaired functioning in society
- distress to loved ones who want a connection the schizoid rejects.
The depression comorbidity is the worst though, because schizoids don't think the way regular depressed people do, so the usual methods therapists are trained in don't seem to work.
And honestly, the fact that schizoids don't bother anyone is a bit of a curse, because it means society ignores it, there's not enough research into the condition including on how to treat it, and they often aren't given enough support. Some schizoids are also misdiagnosed as autistic etc and may then end up in treatment that just makes things worse.
@@DestroyerMariko Thanks for the explanation. I think I might have this.
No worries, glad it helped! If you're still not sure, I recently made a video talking about the difference between schizoid and introversion (etc): ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html Of course, take it with a grain of salt since I'm not a professional and it's all off the top of my head. I've made other related videos from time to time, you can find them by searching my channel for keywords like "schizoid", "SPD", and "mental".
I am not sure, if we really should call it a "disorder", but more a neurotypical variant. People today classify everybody as "not normal" or "disturbed", who is not overtly extrovertet and loud on social media with tons of friends, big family stuff and so on. Does this really makes sense? In my opinion no, because, everybody plays his role within a society, there are people in the center of the attention like narcissists for example, and then there are people, who don't give a damn on what others may think and they will feel more secure as outsiders (which has his advantages, cause nobody can affect or disturb you in what you are doing. It is only a problem, when the so called schizoids are beginning to suffer, and even then you can`t be sure, if they suffer because our "society" is constantly trying to classify them as "disturbed" or if they really miss something because of their mental condition. I think, their pain is more "theoretical", because first in most cases they aren't very interested in other people´s opinions as well as in close relationhips (at least not at any cost like "normal" people, who would make many sacrifices for building or staying in a relationship especially regarding romantic partners), second there aren't as emotionally responsive as "normal" people and third, they aren't really made for social interactions and get easily stressed and burned out when exposed to group situation for too long. So, why should they suffer when doing their own thing? It is more so, that they suffer because of societal disadvantages like in the work environment. From the perspective of a schizoid, the work environment (and maybe this is common with autistic people), doesn't behave always fair, because what really counts today is more "emotional expression", "self exposure" and emotional manipulation by others than hard work, loyalty and working skills. So, a schizoid, when they don't learn to hide their condition behind a "societal mask", could become the victim of bullying and exclution by others at a certain point. Ironically even this doesn't bother a schizoid on an emotional or personal level, but what does bother him is the idea of unfairness and getting disadvantages. So, in reality it isn't about emotions, but more about internal ideas. This is the core.
As we know today, mental conditions, are hereditable at a high level. The brain isn't so unique as we may think, but a product of our parents and ancestors. For example, my father, who suffered from a lack of empathy (much more than me) and felt more secure on the intellectual world (but fore a male being less emotional back then was more more "normal", nobody would have seen him as "strange", couse he as professionally hyper active and tried to participate on group activities when this activites and clubs supported his carrier interests. But his personal relationships were always superficial. Even towards me as well as towards my mother he didn't show emotions, never. And he had no friends, just acquaintants and was quite arrogant towards inferior people. He was more a schizoid narcissist (and this side made him suffer from depression and anger, not the schizoid side - having both conditions can be quite challing, cause they are opposites). Me as a daughter inherited the schizoid condition, and it shows in being more intellectual, a thinker, wanting to be left alone when doing my own thing. And because I have many things to do (organizing, planning), mostly intellectual things, I feel estranged from "normal" people, cause there is so much difference between my inner world and the outer very loud and chaotic world. I have also no interest in small talk, but I know that I have to do this at times. Could also be Asperger, but I was disgnosed with schizoid disorder, maybe more on a moderate or functional level. But for example, I prefer to write here, than really to explain people the situation within a emotional presentation.
I would bet, that many scientists and philosophers and writers are schizoids. So, they add their own values, ideas and gifts to the society. Many schizoids are also ambitious and loyal workers - and would you describe such as person as disturbed, just because they aren`t as emotional or emotionally expressive as most people? Probably no, we all want to survive (also as a species), and therefore we need different variants of genes and lifestyles to enable evolution.
If you're schizoid, I'm not surprised you can't see why it's a disorder. Sure, the world isn't set up for us, but the fact is, this _is_ the world we live in, it's not going to change, and we don't function well in it. Therefore, we have a disorder. You can't escape that just by stating that it's the _world_ that has the problems. That sort of denial is what keeps us stuck in the same unhelpful patterns. We don't want to accept that we're disordered because it's part of the psychological defence mechanism of schizoid to have that pride, to reject the world, to settle into the comfortable familiarity of unchanging flatness. It's easier to wallow in emptiness and depression than to do the difficult work to try to overcome it.
There's also a big difference between just being introverted or having schizoid-like traits, and having the full on schizoid personality _disorder._ I think I talked about some of it here: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html
Honestly I find the rejection of the word "disorder" to be kinda funny as it shows that schizoids can indeed be affected by the stigma of the word despite not consciously feeling it. Personally, I _do_ have a disorder. My mental illness keeps getting worse despite treatment. I am not happy. I am not functioning. Taking a step back to look at the realities of my life, there is no sense in trying to tell me that what I have is not a disorder.
Some of what you write about also does sound more like autism spectrum to me, although keep in mind I'm an internet random just scraping what I can from what you've given me. It's the mildly autistic people who are the ones who are more likely to find an interest and delve more deeply into it than most of us can fathom, and thus come up with new ideas and discoveries that the rest of humanity might not otherwise have reached. Schizoids can have hobbies of course, but the anhedonia makes it a lot harder to stay interested to that degree. That is, unless they also have autism, or have been misdiagnosed schizoid when autism would fit better. Also autism is the one that's more directly inheritable, being a neurodevelopmental condition starting from childhood, whereas schizoid tends to start in adolescence or early adulthood and is often trauma based, unless a relative has schizophrenia in which case the genetic risk is higher. I also find it weird that you say schizoids are ambitious and loyal given you know how little we generally care about anything or anyone. When it comes to autistic special interests, I'd say they have vastly more ambition, at least to reach the top of their field. I thought _I_ was a nerd, until I went to my first Pokémon event and realised I've got nothing on these people who'll micromanage the heck outta their EVs and other such boring minutiae lol. I didn't stand a chance! Nor did I ever think it'd be worth putting in that much effort to try to be the best. Hoo boy! IMO schizoids are a lot more likely to just disappear into the hermit life, never to be seen again, than autistics who might be withdrawn but still dedicate their lives to something and actually produce useful output from it. There'll always be exceptions, but stereotypes exist for a reason.
Interesting that each edition of the DSM keeps getting bigger. Pretty soon, EVERYTHING is going to be a “personality disorder”. So, eventually, do ya think the people WRITING this manual are themselves going to be “personality disordered”?
Hmmmmm…
Funny how science keeps making progress and discovering new things and the documentation of it also gets bigger...?
But actually from a quick look at the history of the DSM, the category of personality disorder hasn't really expanded at all, it's just had name/category changes, and a few personality disorders actually got deleted. You realise that most of the DSM has nothing to do with personality disorders right?
Also most psychs are too squeamish to actually diagnose personality disorders coz they're worried about stigma and that people will be offended by the idea that their personalities are "broken". Probably schizoids are the only ones who don't care because we dgaf what anyone thinks lol.
@@DestroyerMarikointeresting take. What makes this a personality “disorder” as opposed to just being extremely introverted? Introverted people are greatly outnumbered, so I wonder…why do extroverts tell the introverts we need to be more gregarious and more people oriented? Personally, I think the extroverts need to shut up more often.
I’m suspicious about any “diagnosis” that leads to Big Pharma getting richer.
And about the first comment about science progressing and getting bigger: science doesn’t seek to stick labels on people.
I actually made a video about schizoid vs introversion and a few other conditions if you're interested: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html Good luck getting the extroverts to be quiet though, they are, by nature, LOUD lol.
I don't think schizoid is making anyone rich. Schizoids tend not to come forward for treatment, and no one even knows how to treat it. After making this first video about my diagnosis, I tried to find a psych to treat me, and actually got knocked back more than once by people saying they didn't have the expertise to feel comfortable even trying. They lost money by being that honest and telling me no. Schizoid also isn't something that can be helped by medication so no money there either (although for some schizoids, comorbid depression might be treated that way, but that's treating depression not schizoid itself). It also doesn't attract research dollars because it's not exciting like conditions that cause more obvious dramatic trouble, such as Borderline PD. So yeah, schizoid doesn't make anyone rich.
As for your final comment, I'm not sure how that's... relevant? When we make discoveries, we need to create names for them so we know what we're talking about. If you actually look at a lot of the criteria, you'll also see these labels aren't rigid, there's room to recognise variations between people. Room for nuance. That doesn't mean science gets everything right - that's why it needs to be revised now and then, as they figure out where they made mistakes and how to improve. But given the human mind is so complex and difficult to work out, they're doing the best they can with what they know right now.
Personally, the real problems for me are:
1) psychs with way too much of a special interest in whatever their pet disorder is, such that they only see the conditions they want to see, like the dissociation specialist who told my doctor I have a "possible diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder" when I don't even experience memory loss so there's no freaking way! or the psychiatrist who decided before I ever walked in that I had autism, wouldn't listen to any evidence to the contrary, but also didn't want me to get properly tested?? and
2) kids on TikTok glorifying mental illnesses and labelling themselves as if it's a badge of pride. I'm sure you heard about the ones who "caught" Tourette's for a while there. That's not "Big Pharma" doing it, it's manipulative and irresponsible tech companies trying to profit off their attention.
You are definite very adept at researching and assimilating huge mounds of info. I could actually be “diagnosed” with schizoid thing. But my concern is: why are all the “experts” deeming this to be a “disorder”? As of it’s “wrong” to not want or seek out close personal relationships, as of it’s “wrong” to not want to engage in social activities, as if it’s “wrong” to spend a lot of time being introspective…these things I just don’t get. Is this “disorder” a matter of choice or is it just a nature/nurture thing that has to be “fixed”…to be like everybody else…conform, conform, conform…A lot of these “experts”…I just don’t get it.
I get what you mean, to us it doesn't _feel_ wrong, however we live in an inherently social world, having evolved as a social species. There are two main reasons it can qualify as a disorder (which I covered a bit in the video I linked):
1) When we struggle to live in that inherently social world (ie. experience distress and/or reduced ability to function). Some schizoids do better at this than others, especially if allowed to live in a schizoid-friendly way, eg. those who get night jobs that don't involve too much social pressure. However not all of us are able to escape like that, and we suffer as a result. A lot of schizoids also develop comorbid conditions like depression, which could be due to being forced to operate in a social world, and/or underlying factors such as whatever trauma might have made us this way, and/or just the constant anhedonia and pointlessness of everything. That said, not all schizoids consciously experience a struggle, and not all schizoids fail to find a way to function in this society. That brings us to...
2) When we cause distress to others. This one is probably harder for us to see and accept or even care about. But when we withdraw and refuse to socialise, or exhibit certain other schizoid quirks, it can cause distress to our family and those who think we're friends. We're not doing it on purpose, but it's a thing. People who aren't schizoid have a lot of emotions, often very strong, and again, our evolution is part of that. So while _we_ aren't upset by our way of being, we can be hurting people with it more than we realise. Depending on the context, it can also affect strangers. Whether we personally care doesn't matter - the effect on others is the important element here. Granted, the way schizoids affect others is a lot less dramatic than other disorders, and thus much easier to miss.
To give my own example:
1) I've never had a full time job, got close once in a part time position, but only lasted a year before burning out into possibly my worst depression ever. I'm now unemployed even though my old bonsai nursery would love to have me back, and I've reached a point where I'm not sure I'll ever be able to work again. I've also had decades of depression on and off, with an overall trend of gradually getting worse over time, because I can't take meds, and standard therapy doesn't work for schizoid depression since we don't care about the same stuff as other people. I'm clearly struggling to live in this world, experience distress, and have seriously impaired functioning for the reality we live in.
2) Somehow, people mostly seem to like me, and they'd love to hang out but I rarely do it. I've also sometimes been told that something I said was heartless, cold, offensive, etc, when to me it just seemed either logical or insignificant. I didn't set out to upset anyone, but that's what happened.
Of course, ideally the world should help us out, understand our quirks, leave us alone, etc. If we lived in a world of schizoids, things would be fine and it wouldn't be a disorder at all. But that's not reality. The fact is, this is the world we live in. We don't function well in it, so by this world's standards, we have a disorder. And that's before we even begin to look at how trauma factors in to making some of us this way, or the variant of schizoid that turns out to be early schizophrenia. My explanation is probably simplistic, but hopefully it gives you an idea.
Also, I don't think it's so much that society wants us to conform. A lot of people quite like my eccentricities and I was often praised at school for not being afraid to be different. The issue really is our suffering, inability to function, and to a lesser extent, our effect on others.
I can't actually tell from your writing whether you'd fit schizoid. There's a bit more paranoia than what I'd expect. But on the other hand, that you haven't taken offence to my pushback is unusual as far as UA-cam comments go lol, and seems to happen more often with schizoids, I think because we aren't easily hurt by criticism the way the average person is.
Actually ı dont think you are suffered from SPD. You can express your emotion well and have a motivation to explain your thought spontaneously. You are not a schizoid. Self-diagnosed is not good method to understand ourselves
You are wrong and narrow minded on the issue, and it sounds like you either didn't watch enough of the video or weren't paying attention when I explained that:
1) I have a "covert" presentation which means I'm able to mask my schizoid traits,
2) I was diagnosed by my doctor who's known me for over a decade, I am _not_ self diagnosed, and
3) This is now on my official government record - it wouldn't be if I was just diagnosing myself.
I'm now also seeing a new psychologist who accepts this diagnosis for me. I have SPD.
You also need to realise that trying to tell people on the internet that they don't have a disorder is not a good thing to do. You don't actually know me beyond what I've shown you on a video, which is not actually showing you my real life. You're also focusing on only small parts of being schizoid and ignoring the full criteria:
According to DSM5
1. Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.
2. Almost always chooses solitary activities.
3. Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person.
4. Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities.
5. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives.
6. Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others.
7. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.
Importantly, you only need 4 out of these 7 for it to be SPD. You may disagree about some aspects with me, but you won't be able to cross off enough to take the SPD diagnosis away. If you use the old ICD-10 criteria, that has 9 points and again you only need 4 so with that you'll have an even harder time invalidating my diagnosis. I actually fit all of them to some degree, but missing one or two criteria from your mistaken perspective does not mean this diagnosis is incorrect. It means you have no idea what you're talking about and have fixated on only certain criteria instead of looking at the diagnosis as a whole.
For some more discussion on the topic, check out my reply to Kate Dollen: ua-cam.com/video/WdzbaNRao30/v-deo.html&lc=UgxQJYNRtTGdzwFW32Z4AaABAg.9YIcz7VJoKo9YIqpv8rINo
The rest of you seem to get embarrassed and delete your comments when you realise you're wrong. Thankfully Kate was genuinely interested and left hers up so more people can understand.
Man, how often do I hear the argument "you can't be autistic because you talk/understand sarcasm/smile".
Autism isn't a single punchline.
I think it's the same with SPD.
Not all schizoids are affectless.
I don’t think Schizoid is a personality disorder? It’s just a personality type.
It's literally in the DSM and ICD. It _is_ a disorder. Some people do argue that if no distress is caused to the person or those around them, then certain conditions shouldn't be considered a disorder, buuuuut I am definitely distressed and tired af of the anhedonia and apathy and all that jazz, so either way, in my case it's still a disorder. Now, it's possible for people to have traits that are similar to a disorder, in much the same way that I experience anxiety without having Generalised Anxiety Disorder, but that doesn't mean that the disorder does not exist. Both can exist at once: schizoid personality traits, and Schizoid Personality Disorder. This might be especially true of those who only meet 3 or less of the criteria for SPD, since you need at least 4 for a diagnosis.
No, it is schizoid personality structure.
It isn't a disorder. You can function perfectly well with it.
feeding a troll :) part 3
You don't seem schizoid
That's probably why it took so long to get diagnosed.
A bit like how a lot of autistic people used to go undiagnosed.
I'm not convinced there's anything "wrong" with you and to be clear I mean in terms of having a mental "handicap" or "disability". It sounds like you've had a fairly normal upbringing and fairly normal life experiences (imperfect / difficult such as having a disabled brother but nothing that makes me think you need a disability classification). The video mostly makes me question whether the term 'Schizoid' is a 'real' condition and even if it hypothetically exists whether you have it
Honestly I was a bit too optimistic in this video, I thought figuring it out would fix me but it hasn't, I'm actually doing worse again since then. I've made a lot more videos as I've gone through that journey, not sure what to recommend but maybe these will give you a better picture?
Covert schizoid: ua-cam.com/video/cak6J2C_VDU/v-deo.html
Trauma: ua-cam.com/video/4iUz1k1N2qs/v-deo.html
Me having an actual breakdown: ua-cam.com/video/cjEd4eFD840/v-deo.html
Schizoid vs introversion etc: ua-cam.com/video/JdY9fwPwzVU/v-deo.html
Problems with trying to fix myself: ua-cam.com/video/Nircxy8fc0g/v-deo.html
I dunno, I've made so many videos and can't remember what's in them all lol. But if you search my channel for keywords like "schizoid", "SPD", and "mental" you'll find them. But keep in mind, UA-cam videos don't ever really tell the whole story. Social media never does.
Also at the time of filming this video, I didn't realise how badly my upbringing affected me, nor the ongoing implications for my current situation. So I'm not really surprised you don't see it either. Doesn't help that I have a covert presentation these days (like masking in autism). It takes a lot for me to show how badly I'm really doing.
I'm a bit confused about why you use the words "handicap" or "disability" though since I don't recall saying anything like that. Schizoid is a mental illness, it's not automatically a disability, and actually some more overt schizoids function a lot better than I do, getting solitary jobs and all that. Maybe things are different where you are, but here disability is generally assessed more on functioning than diagnosis alone.
Also important - I have more issues than just schizoid. I therefore am not a good representation of how schizoids generally are. You shouldn't judge a whole condition based on one person either. Especially a condition so poorly researched, and that society generally ignores because it's not interesting or exciting or in-fashion. It exists, it's just that no one cares.
Hope this helps.
@@DestroyerMariko Cool, just be careful to not have the 'diagnoses' become a self fulfilling prophecy (things get worse because you think you have a condition that's highly subjective to diagnose and maybe doesn't exist and/or maybe you don't have)
Don't worry I'm well ahead of you on that haha. The fact that I do try to get out there instead of just withdrawing tells you so. Lol I actually had no idea this video would blow up, and for a while became kinda hesitant to keep talking about it once people started putting pressure on me to make schizoid my "thing" 😵 but if you check out my channel, you'll see I'm still just as chaotic, making whatever the heck I like, annoying the people who made the mistake to subscribe not realising what they were getting into lol. I've accepted that I can't avoid talking about schizoid since it's part of my life, but yeah I'm not letting it dictate anything to me.
I get why you're concerned though. That whole thing about kids catching "Tourette's" off TikTok was wild lol. But I'm actually in my mid-30's, that's not my generation. I grew up back when "you can't label me!!!" was the cool thing. I find it weird that it's gone the total opposite nowadays.
But hey here's something even worse? Lmao long story short, I eventually got sent to a dissociation/DID specialist who wrote back to my treating professionals saying I had "a possible diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder" 🤦♀️ what the heck?? Now _that_ is one I don't believe. I agreed to go hoping to understand other things I experience, but instead omfg I can't even
Doamne ce dezordine e la tine 🤣🤣🤣
According to Google Translate: "God, what a mess you have"
So fucking what? As I said to another useless commenter, "maybe focus on the substance of the video instead of being judgemental about things that don't matter?"
Might as well copy paste this one as well:
1. Mind your own business
2. I clean it every Sunday but I have dogs who bring their toys in and throw them around
3. Some of the stuff in this video I had nowhere else to put until I finally got myself an art studio ua-cam.com/video/pndBUcA-hfo/v-deo.html
4. If you hate this, you should have seen how I used to live hahahahaha
5. Don't judge based on such little information as a UA-cam video, you have no idea my situation
6. Who are you, Jordan Peterson??? ua-cam.com/video/PESYQ6TGwhQ/v-deo.html
Srsly 🙄
Although ngl I can't imagine what hilarious mistranslated captions UA-cam might come up with for my videos seeing as it gets a lot of shit wrong even in English... XD
Maybe just don't bother coming around here?
Have a nice day or whatever.
@@DestroyerMariko why do you care what i say you have schizoid
Schizoids, according to my definition, are loners who are never lonely. That is, because they never feel loneliness, they never have the need to form strong intimate relationships with others.
_Your_ definition? Who are you? That's not a scientific or reliable way to go about things you know!
None of the recognised criteria actually prohibit loneliness. It's also fairly common for schizoids to form strong bonds with animals instead of humans. Your view is very narrow and I think you need to reconsider your apparent habit of making up your own definitions for things.
18:30 You actually have a right to the Disability Pension. Not if you get emptier, and hopefully you won't. You have a right to it right now.
The trouble is proving it, Centrelink are notoriously difficult to deal with regarding disability. From what I understand, I'd also have to see a psychologist or psychiatrist and get a report from them about my SPD, which is such a waste of time. Like, I have to get one of these people, spend enough time with them to convince them of my diagnosis and my struggles, and then hope that Centrelink take it seriously. They won't just take a report from my GP even though she knows me and my issues the best. It won't matter to Centrelink that no psych can treat this and none in Sydney seem to have any experience with it.
And on top of that, I have to satisfy some very rigid criteria of impairment, and even if most of my criteria are in the highest category, if I have only one point in a lower category, my entire impairment score is reduced to that lower level. I've researched it since making this video, and it's just too much to deal with. Which is pretty frustrating lol, something that theoretically exists to help people with this level of mental illness being too difficult to navigate for something with this level of mental illness... but they really don't seem to understand how mental illness can get in the way of accessing support that's so rigidly controlled, and the boxes I have to fit seem designed for more common conditions, whoever designed the criteria assumed one size fits all and had no clue that SPD might not make sense within those constraints.
At this point my best bet seems to be just staying on regular welfare and having them reduce my assessed work capacity. At the moment they reckon I can do 20+ hours a week, but even just trying to keep 15h/week lead to me collapsing into another stressed out ball of depression, and if we hadn't had lockdowns cancelling shifts, I probably would have collapsed sooner! And at the moment with my 3 month medical exemption, I'm only managing that one bonsai shift a week (7.5h) and my boss knows I'm struggling so he doesn't mind if I need to take some weeks completely off. What's stressful is when my medical exemption ends, there's no way I'm gonna be able to get back to 15h, which is the minimum I need to do on a 20+h capacity to keep Centrelink from harassing me, and if they hadn't given me the exemption, I was going to quit welfare altogether, better to be poor than harassed. But if my assessed capacity level is revised below 15h/week, then I won't have to meet any work requirements and just need to do quarterly interviews with them, which wold be much easier to handle. It's still not ideal and DSP would be better, but it feels like it's as close as I'm going to get in the near future.
Argh, I've even approached local research institutions to see if anyone knows about SPD and it's absolutely hopeless :|
@@DestroyerMariko Wow this is fucked up. Actually I’m French, went to a private clinic, then started receiving bills of thousands of euros, but they told me no worries it’s all covered.
Once they diagnosed me with SPD my psychologist was like "Stop thinking about work, why don’t you lay back and try enjoying life?"
My psychiatrist was like "Hey how about a Disability Pension?"
No paperwork and headaches. But I ran away because even though I agreed the diagnosis made sense, I guess I wasn’t yet ready to accept being disabled.
Then the whole pandemic thing happened. But they sent me a message like "If you ever want to come back, the door is always opened".
And now that I’ve had ample time to think about the long term implications of my disorder, I’m seriously thinking about going back to that securing and nurturing environment.
Plus I guess they’re quite curious to study me as consulting SPDs are quite rare.
So compared to what you’re going through, it’s like you’re in some kind of "passive-aggressive" environment or something.
I don’t even understand half of the complexities they’re throwing at you.
Sorry for saying "Just accept it and you have a right to it", I guess I have been spoiled by the French system and I’m naive.
Still I think this is fucked up. If someone is struggling with social detachment and all the issues that come with SPD, or other severe mental issues, the last thing you need is such a perversely complex system.
Wow that's amazing. Yeah sadly it doesn't work that way here. Our welfare system is quite punitive. If I can't get my assessed capacity lowered, they'll send job agencies to harass me to look for more work and to come in for pointless interviews etc. If I refuse to do that, they'll cut me off welfare. They only seem to take my struggles seriously when I threaten to quit the system or mention suicide. Despite our governments' talk about mental health, they don't realise that this sort of financial pressure is unreasonable and only exacerbates the issue. They want to catch a handful of "dole bludgers" by assuming everyone is just lazy and trying to exploit the system. Even people who've been in hospital or palliative care have found themselves punished by a system that doesn't give a shit. It's very difficult to navigate.
You have a good point- going on disability could definitely worsen a schizoids life. We do need some way of producing and serving some function. I know a schizoid that went on disability 7-8 years ago and he is in a much worse place now
@@brianmeen2158 I don't think anyone here was saying going on disability is bad for us? Hodoss was telling me to go for it, I was explaining how Australia's system makes it difficult.
Again though, as I said to you in a different comment, these things probably depend on the person, although even in the situation you describe, if he was really badly suffering in trying to work, maybe withdrawing actually was his only option to survive. I personally would still try to work my one shift a week at bonsai, because I think that job's good for me despite how draining it is, but being _pressured_ to work beyond what I decide for myself just makes me depressed and suicidal. I'm not enjoying life, I don't experience meaning or purpose or whatever that keeps healthy people going and motivates them to work more. The expectation that we should all be "producing" and "serving some function" is a bit unfair given none of us chose to be like this, or even be born at all. If that's what the world wants from me, then it should also give me access to a peaceful, medically supervised, painless death if I choose to opt out.
What I don’t understand is if you have Schizoid, it means you don’t want to engage with people. Yet you have a You Tube channel and are wanting to engage with people. ….I would have thought this would be the last thing a person with schizoid would do. They also don’t present much in therapy …if at all. Yet you got diagnosed by a therapist. Just curious as it doesn’t match up. Could the therapist maybe have the wrong diagnosis?
Oh my gosh, this would take a long time for me to answer properly. I guess I'll go for disjointed dot points rather than attempt to structure it.
- please check out the Wiki, especially the bits about "covert" and "secret" schizoid presentations: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder
- schizoids tend to do better online... if you could see my real life, you'd not be so sceptical haha
- I still get tired by online interactions though, so in most cases, if you try to get closer to me than UA-cam comments, I'm gonna shut you down and flee.
- I'm not the first schizoid to get on UA-cam and talk about my life, I'm just perhaps the most animated?
- I started my UA-cam more as a personal diary rather than an attempt to connect with anyone, it's just coincidence that people turned out to care. Back then in 2008, I was super anonymous, no one knew me, so it was easier to talk, and there does seem to be evidence that schizoids do better when anonymous (although I think that looked at them in text-based forums, but it's an interesting point nonetheless, probably has to do with feelings of safety).
- I actually credit UA-cam with being one of the factors that helped me become covert. Talking to a camera rather than a person was really good practice. Cameras don't talk back or interrupt, and what comments you do get, you can take your time to respond, or just not respond at all.
- When I was younger, I definitely had a more overt, stereotypical presentation, but mental health awareness was less of a thing so no one picked it up. I was super quiet in high school. I struggled at big family gatherings a LOT. And let's not get started about friendship issues or that'll go on forever lol.
- I originally presented in therapy for depression, not SPD. This tends to be how schizoids end up in the mental health system in the first place. Otherwise how do you think anyone ever gets diagnosed? It's probably true that a lot of schizoids never find out they have this condition, but that's not the case for everyone, especially those with comorbidities.
- I got diagnosed by my GP, not a therapist or psychologist. This is a GP who's known me for more than a decade, so she's seen how my life has played out, and all my mental health struggles, and received all my reports from psychologists and psychiatrists who failed to treat me for depression. This isn't some therapist who I only see for a handful of 1h sessions, this is a doctor who actually knows my life.
- I have maybe one IRL friend I can hang out with more than once a year
- I tried dating and it was horrible, I don't need that
- Let's not get started on issues I've had at home with my family over the years, I'll just say it's gotten better as we've come to understand my mental health issues and as I've learned how to socialise better etc
- Most of my hobbies over the years, including UA-cam, are very solitary. I don't have a team of people like polished UA-camrs do.
- One of the few ways I can socialise is if I need to in order to achieve some goal, eg. band. Then I can just put on my band persona and make the music. But once the band folds, I don't tend to hang out with them as friends. Outside band stuff, most people who see me as a friend know to have some other activity planned if they want to hang out with me, because I can't just "hang", there has to be something else, eg. going to see a movie. And even then, it happens rarely. One of the nice things about the pandemic is not having that social expectation anymore hahaha
- I have anhedonia real bad, and it's getting worse as I get older. I'm having to pretend to care more and more. I mentioned a bit about that in my recent update: ua-cam.com/video/Qsn46Fbk99A/v-deo.html
- blah blah blah this is getting long, I could go on about my life and the things that finally make sense with this diagnosis, but I have other things to do lol. I know my life, I know my struggles, there is no disorder that fits better. Hopefully though that gives you enough of an idea that there's more to my diagnosis than some shallow features of how I act on UA-cam.
I'm sure you mean well enough, but what you've described is a very narrow understanding of schizoid, and is pretty much how I went undiagnosed in the 15 years since I first showed up in the system thinking all I had was depression. I think I mentioned in the video, the one time I asked a psychologist about SPD and she shot me down because I didn't match the single case study she had on hand, and she didn't have the sense to explore why I'd brought it up. Had she done her job and seen past my defensive façade and her own biases, SPD should have been very obvious, especially back then when I was a lot less skilled at acting how I do now. Had she looked deeper than just the surface, I could have been diagnosed more than a decade ago, and not wasted my time with all these depression therapies that don't work for schizoids. Alas, not only does it not show up much in therapy, but views like yours seem to be the most common in anyone who's even heard of the disorder. That's not your fault of course, I'm just frustrated with it lol. All this time being made to feel like I just wasn't trying hard enough to fight my depression when all along there was more to it than that, and not knowing until now because of this exact attitude... :|
It's been a really, _really_ long journey. Trust me and my doctor, this diagnosis fits.
Schizoids are human, lol. Humans as a baseline condition still want to form social relationships, to some extent, however that extent shows up. So sorry we're all not the emotionless robots you think we are lmao.
@@DestroyerMariko Thankyou for writing all that you wrote and explaining it a little better for me. I’m sorry for your mental health struggles and late diagnosis. The same happened to me, I did not get my diagnosis of BPD until I was in my early 40s. I have always suspected my son of having Schizoid personality disorder. He has a lot of the same symptoms. I hope you didn’t take offence at my asking, as I said, I was just curious. Stay strong and keep well x
@@jinwoo78 I didn’t say that you were. I was trying to find out more by asking …I don’t think being curious is a crime.
No worries, glad to help. Lol I hope I didn't come across as too harsh either! There's probably a lot of people with this same question who might be too scared to ask, so now they can have the answers too :)
You dont have a schitzoid personality disorder.. You are making this vedio hoping that a person will understand you.. you are introverted most likely becuase you are shy .. not schitzoid.. also you might want hear this but reason you dont have alot of friends is lack of communications skills(skills you can earn) not because of being schitzoid.
Oh fuck off, are you my doctor? Do you know anything about me or my real life beyond a snippet of what I've posted online? No and no. I'll trust my doctor's diagnosis rather than some internet random thanks. You probably didn't even watch most of the video. And I don't need any more friends, that's not the problem 🙄 gosh you're like my very first psychologist, next you'll be telling me "happy people live longer" 🤦♀️ and kicking the dog out of our sessions 😭
@@DestroyerMariko why would a schizoid person and attempt to communicate with an internet community. Your also lacking alot of negative affect in your body language and voice. If anything you seem more schizotypal. Schizoid people are generally not as eccentric as you are no offense.
bro cant even spell it right💀
What am I supposed to get out of this? (Note for me)
Whatever you want to get out of it...?
Maybe you could check the DSM 5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there you can find a proper description of your diagnosis, better than Wikipedia. And maybe try some of Transcendental therapists are best than the psychology that put a label to people.
Transcendental therapy is a form of therapy that is spiritually oriented and intended to help people achieve inner peace by first understanding their role in the larger picture of life and then using that understanding to overcome disappointments, difficulties, and other hardships.
Transpersonal therapists use meditation, guided visualization, hypnotherapy, dream work, art, music, journaling, mindfulness practices, and other techniques that can help you explore your spiritual self and create meaning in your life.
Wikipedia includes BOTH the DSM 5 information AND the ICD criteria and more. Don't believe the lies your teachers told you about Wikipedia, it actually is a better source than it tends to be given credit for, with a strong editorial process, and you can always check the references they list at the bottom of the articles if you want to check their validity. I _have_ read the DSM 5 section on Schizoid Personality Disorder and Wikipedia covers it all, along with way more additional information from sources that have attempted to study and treat it. Furthermore, the DSM 5 has _no information_ on covert SPD, so it fails to explain why I'm able to hide my condition - whereas Wikipedia _does_ explain this! I get that you think you're helping me find reputable sources, but you're doing that with very narrow assumptions about me and what information I've already looked into. I may be newly diagnosed, but I'm not an idiot.
Also, having a label DOES help me because now I can understand why past treatments didn't help me and get a better idea of my challenges. It also helps me communicate that to people who would otherwise keep trying to treat me with the same useless garbage they've tried to feed me for 15 years. I tried seeing a chick who was against "labels" and not only did she also miss my diagnosis, she was utterly useless in helping me too. Labels exist for a reason. What everyone gets confused with is that labels shouldn't be used to discriminate against people, nor should having a label make you feel like you have to conform. THOSE are the biggest potential missteps for labelling. There is nothing wrong with an accurate label otherwise, and so long as you haven't been misdiagnosed, they can be incredibly helpful. Blindly disparaging labels helps no one, and can hinder our progress if we aren't allowed to understand the scientifically studied factors contributing to our struggles.
As for your therapy suggestions, no thank you. You may find spiritual nonsense useful and helpful and that's great for you. But that is absolutely not for me. Meditation and mindfulness don't work for me, I have tried them, and I've likely tried a lot more things than you realise. I'm also a university trained musician and artist, and I've released my own poetry books, documented my dreams, journaled in both written and vlog form, etc etc, and yet here I am still struggling despite all my creative expression. Gee, maybe it's not because of spiritual inner peace blah blah, maybe I have an actual nameable condition after all! 🙄 And maybe, _just maybe_ understanding the peculiarities of _my condition_ will help me overcome disappointments, difficulties, and other hardships. Pretending there's a higher purpose for my existence certainly won't - that's magical thinking and grandiosity, which in large doses is a symptom of other psychological disorders, and I think I've got enough as it is with my SPD and depression, so I'll pass.
Side note: Buddhism and similar belief systems preach that the way to achieve "enlightenment" is through detachment from the world, desires, cravings, etc. Jokes on them, I already AM detached and it turns out IT'S A PERSONALITY DISORDER!! 😂 Achieving anhedonia is _not_ enlightenment, and more attempts to "clear my mind" or whatever are probably the exact opposite of what I should be doing. I need to find ways to get re-involved with life, not further separate myself on some spiritual goose chase. SPD is very different to things like the anxiety and depression experienced by normal people where they probably do need to stop, take a look at their thoughts, and see through any cognitive distortions they're experiencing. But instead of spirituality woo, I'd recommend them evidence-backed therapies like CBT.
Anyway, please don't treat me like a child. I've done more work than you know, and I don't need any more bullshit therapy. I don't need advice from internet randoms. Only a qualified expert is likely to give me anything worth looking at, and there's not many of them going around for SPD.
Why Wikipedia is more trustworthy and useful than you think: www.news.com.au/technology/online/internet/students-are-told-not-to-use-wikipedia-for-research-but-its-a-trustworthy-source/news-story/8d2db297291e07a0eaf6fb04981c074e
@@DestroyerMariko actually DSM 5 only give a surface level understanding based on in depth studies and books, i would say the biggest source of information come from object relation theory.
also psychforums is good place to ask question.
Did you mean to reply to me or to Ted?
@@DestroyerMariko both u use to be able to do that in the past @ anyone u want in YT.
Okay well I already addressed the issues with the DSM in my first reply
"I Have Schizoid Personality Disorder! I also have vaguely prominent breasts, which I like to show off by needlessly raising my arms above my head every so often."
Lol wow wtf 😅 afaik you're the only person to watch this video and think about my boobs so it actually says more about you that you're so focused on that. That's hysterical, thanks for giving me something hilarious to screenshot. Has it occurred to you that maybe I'm just so oblivious to that shit that it never occurred to me that raising my arms would be your fetish?? 🤣
Njoroge you definitely have a personality disorder but yours is cluster B instead of cluster A lol, you should feel embarrassed by this comment
Clean your room!!! 😓😓😓
1. Mind your own business
2. I clean it every Sunday but I have dogs who bring their toys in and throw them around
3. Some of the stuff in this video I had nowhere else to put until I finally got myself an art studio ua-cam.com/video/pndBUcA-hfo/v-deo.html
4. If you hate this, you should have seen how I used to live hahahahaha
5. Don't judge based on such little information as a UA-cam video, you have no idea my situation
6. Who are you, Jordan Peterson??? ua-cam.com/video/PESYQ6TGwhQ/v-deo.html
@@DestroyerMariko do better with your anger issues 😓
Hahahaha do better with your lame internet comments, maybe focus on the substance of the video instead of being judgemental about things that don't matter? Not my fault you think I'm angry either. I'm a wordy person, and this is my digital room you've walked into and just started telling me what to do... what did you expect? Did you think I was just gonna passively do what you say? If you can't handle someone replying to your nonsense, maybe don't comment? Save us both the trouble 😘
OCD strikes back!
@@DestroyerMariko Your room clearly shows the signs that a very intelligent and creative person occupies it. 😊
I need to not talk to rosalie
you what now???
its all because of childhood trauma, you are traumatised, stop putting 'cool' labels on your mental health
Oh FFS another one of you faceless cowards who think it's "cool" to go around pestering people who open up about their struggles with mental illness.
Probably not even worth answering you but hey:
When did I say it's cool? Schizoid is about the least cool diagnosis there is because it's not dramatic or in vogue like DID, BPD, autism, or ADHD - society does not care about schizoid. The only thing cool about this is finally getting a diagnosis that makes sense, and finding better treatment that doesn't completely suck. I didn't put this label on myself either, I have a legit diagnosis recognised on my medical files that's now been fully validated by two clinical psychologists and reviewed by an additional government psychologist. You're just making assumptions because of the TikTok generation and all the kids giving themselves Tourette's. You don't even realise you're a sheep of the opposite trend, the one that sees blue hair and assumes the worst. I've talked in later videos about trauma already anyway, so you're not even saying anything new, nor are you making any kind of actual point because nothing about being traumatised means I don't have the diagnosis.
Go get yourself a better hobby.
@@DestroyerMariko its weird that i am able to get under your skin so easily, since you are so not caring about stuff
Ah yes, that boring, narrow idea that because I'm wordy and sometimes have the patience to explain reality to NPCs, I must be upset or whatever. 😂 You all say that hoping it'll stop me from slapping you down but really you just don't have the capacity to engage me properly because you've got nothing of substance to say. Thanks for proving me right that you weren't worth answering, although it did provide a brief amount of low level entertainment. Cheers.
@@DestroyerMariko this can go forever, cant it?
Nah I generally get bored around this point
I have schizoid pd with traits of all subtypes especially the lethargic type and I probably have some other PD‘s like anxious avoidant personality disorder (1-1 translated from German don’t know if correct)
The biggest hurdle in life is my low energy level, if I could manage that I could become king of the world in no time or at least reach my hopes and dreams but I guess routine also brings a kind of happiness although this routine has to change every few months because I get bored of it sooner or later
Omg I know what you mean. There was a time when I had more energy because I was on antidepressants and (combined with being in my early 20's at the time) I did actually achieve a lot more. It just destroyed my already low appetite so I couldn't stay on them without wasting away, and they didn't actually fix my depression. Still, having the energy was probably better than struggling to push through.