Please Keep Your 50/50 Relationships To Yourself 🙏🏾
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- Опубліковано 25 чер 2024
- Hello! Who would like to continue talking about 50/50 relationships? No one! Which is why in this video I break down why the topic is so triggering, who continues to bring it up, and why ultimately we need to end this discussion forever. Time stamps below!
0:00 Intro
0:52 How Gabby brought us back here (she didn't meant to lol)
2:13 Why Does This Topic Trigger People So Much?
7:52 My Honest Opinion About 50/50 Relationships
11:58 Here's Why No One Needs To Talk About These Relationships Again
13:14 Tiny Disclaimer
Gabby's Original Interview: • Gabrielle Union In-Dep...
Dwayne's Response: • Dwyane Wade on Gabriel...
I just want to add this: women who are planning to have their husbands fully support them should still have their own means of support, so they won't be potential victims of financial abuse. That happens to wives of wealthy men ALL. THE. TIME.
That's not really a thing anymore, we don't live in the 1950's.. We all live in 50/50 households. Broke chicks are the least likely to get married (and wealthy men stay faar away from them).
@@skinnyguy7773 it is ABSOLUTELY still a thing. Not sure where you been at.
@@mammajamma4397 Those are called outliers. Men with money stay far away from broke chicks looking for free stuff.
@@skinnyguy7773
Poor men do. Wealthy men don't care about how much a woman makes. They are usually smart so care that she's smart too. But if she's a lowly paid associate professor or publishing assistant or whatever, he does not care.
Most wealthy men have a wife who stays at home. If she works, she works part-time.
Middle class men obsessed with status or struggling in their career care about women's financial status. But if a woman is willing to live frugally (and she always should be), any man worth his salt can afford to support a stay-at-home wife and children if they both want it. There might not be me many nights eating out or doing take out, Caribbean vacations or salon nails, but a man willing to work hard can afford a stay at home wife.
@@ampa4989 Your logic makes no sense- a vvoman who is smart will not be poor. A vvoman's wealth is what gives away her intelligence level!
Wealthy men stay faar away from low class females, and this has been true since the beginning of time. The prince always married the princess (not the peasants daughter).
Stats show that broke chicks have the lowest rates of marriage (no man wants to marry a brokie female on food stamps- ew).
I have a friend that is married to a man who has MONEY. One day they started to argue about something. That man said the same "it's my house, you can get out". She left that night and went back to her townhouse that she is glad she didn't sell. They did talk it out that week and are better but she has never been fully financially invested and jointed as she was before. She has her own 30 years later because she never wants to be caught out on the street because he got mad. I don't think we need to have the conversations. I think people need to realize not everyone conducts their relationships the same. And what works for one may not work for another.
You can’t be a “boss bitch” with a “high value man”. He put her in check. That’s what productive men are supposed to do, ma’am.
@@nezahuatezso your young underage children will own and run the property too?
@@DjTIMEJD sir. Good for you. Hope you find what your looking for in a woman you can push around and make homeless at the drop of a hat because she doesnt make your toast right one morning. "High value men" are supposed to value others in their life and want the best for them. And also get them to a better place in life because shockingly, you will die one day and leave them with nothing if they don't know how to provide for themselves. Money is not to be use it to be manipulative. But in your case, having money is the goal and finding people to control using it is your main priority, right.... Till one day you realize that the women you want don't value your money like you want them to because they have their own. So good luck with that.
@@DjTIMEJD The point of being high value should not be putting people in place or trying to exert control over them in a relationship. This is why men end up with bitter women who find a way to play them even when they are unaware of it. If you turn your relationship into a war zone because you think you always have to 'win' to be a man you will attract a woman who will resent you and even when you 'win' sooner or later you will lose. Interestingly enough you don't see this dynamic between men and their male friends I think because they know they would end up friend less. If you know how to behave with a friend, you know to behave with a wife.
@@wouldyoulookatthat522 So is that why so many Black women are bitter? They wanted to control and call shots in a relationship so they got with subordinate/Black men. Whoever controls the resources will be head of the household and in control. Can’t have two Captains on a ship, ma’am.
Honestly Gabby’s situation looks like a prime example of why it can be better to be single than in a relationship that makes you feel insecure.
If she wants to be married and enjoys having a life partner, then it is NOT better for her to be single. She admitted herself that she was insecure her whole life, before she met him. People who earn millions and are still don't feel secure need therapy because there is something deeper going on.
I think her issue is not necessarily her 50/50 relationship but more so the people outside of her household she has to take care of
i know right? it's like....is there ever a reasonable context to tell a partner "this is my house" in an argument? and that leads to splitting things like flatmates instead of equitably? *shivers* before his clarification i was like okay that must be what they both wanted going into it but post clarification....it's like is 2023 the year couples feel the need to show us, completely unsolicited, how shit marriage is? i don't get it
@@Zzz-ff1np I agree, but I will say that it’s about the people in the marriage. I’m married and I don’t have these issues. Both people need to be invested in making it work in a healthy way.
Exactly! The best relationship you can work in is the relationship with yourself
The internet isn’t a real place. People who are basing their relationships on internet influencers and not the context of their lives, and the strengths & weaknesses of those involved need to connect to reality. Just do what works for you and your household and stop investing in others’ choices
Exactly. And a lot of the dating coaches giving out advice aren't even LIVING what they're giving advice on. There's a popular level up guru that people somehow found information on and it turns out her husband was NOT a millionaire like she said, he only made $60k a year and though she was a stay at home mother, she had been working off and on to contribute to the bills and kids. It's all smoke and mirrors with these "gurus".
@@adams8830 So he made 60K this year?
Omg yes, "Do what's best for your household." End of discussion.
I agree. Why does it matter what another person does in their personal relationship, if it doesn’t directly involve you? Everyone has their own perception of love and what support looks like to them. This is why I keep details of my relationship to myself. I don’t need to hear anyone’s psychoanalysis or their opinions.
This 💯
Honestly? I'm sick of the 50/50 conversation. If two adults wanna go 50/50 them that's how they choose to operate their relationship.
And there’s nothing wrong with it. If two people are going to live together and coexist, they have to equally contribute. There’s no reason why division of chores and bills should spark this much of a debate.
@@chocolatebunny3221 it’s because these MODERN MEN want 50/50 financially-but they want 0/100 when it comes to chores and childcare!
The issue is that when it comes to "Black Love", most Black men say that they want a traditional woman i.e. cook and clean and have babies and take care of everything in the home. The problem is that they also want us to work outside of the home and contribute to at least 50% of the bills. Statistical data proves that while Black women are upwardly mobile, getting degrees, buying houses, starting their own businesses, Black men are doing the opposite. Black women are bearing the load by themselves while Black men sit around and complain that we're not doing what they want. They call us too masculine while forcing us to be in the masculine role by their lack of income and education. They blame "the system" for their lack of contribution, but Black women are in that very same system, finding a way to feed their household, raise their children, work 2 and sometimes 3 jobs/start a business or side hustle, while going to school, and eventually buy a house. So the 50/50 conversation is not as simple as it seems, because for Black women, there are real life negative consequences. Women are bending over backwards doing free labour in the home, labour outside the home, emotional labour in the relationship, taking care of the kids....the data on Heart disease being the #1 killer of women, and how high Cortisol levels are affecting Black women is very telling.
@@sallyhemings2295 then it needs to be discussed before a relationship can take place. I’ve never subscribed to the whole SAHM thing away and I refuse to be in a situation where I’m doing everything or my SO is doing everything. It’s the quickest way to start arguments and build resentment. We don’t live in fairytales we live in reality
@chocolate chunks Again, if 50/50 is working for those couples then 50/50 is working for them. I'm sick of these long essays and think- pieces about 50/50 relationships. If 50/50 couples like their arrangement then I love it.
People act like it's either 50/50 or the man paying for everything. There is a middle ground!
Everyone forgets there is a grey area!
Everything on social media is always taken to such extremes. It's so exhausting.
@@adams8830 Yeah, but you gotta remember it's just social media. The average, everyday man and woman don't give a care. Most people stay to themselves and don't get too involved in other people's affairs. It's just the internet will make you think more people are extreme than in reality.
@@avaliausd. You are correct.
I agree, my relationship is like 80/20. My husband is the main breadwinner but i still have a part-time job just to get out of the house. And we have young kids
I'm not married but I had a conversation with a guy friend. We both agree on something like 70/30. The husband provides 70% of the bills, and does 30% of the household work. The wife provides 70% of the household work and 30% of the bills. I feel it's more realistic and mutually beneficial than 50/50. Obviously, everyone needs to come up with the percentage that works best for them. And situations change. Someone gets sick, then it becomes 80/20 or 90/10. Also, I like "yours, mine and ours." Each person has something for themselves, but they also have a mutual pot they put into.
In the situation that u described 70/30 work / chores.. and 30/70 chores/ works still is 50/50
I'm glad you talked about housework too. Because unlike Gabrielle and Dwayne who I'm sure have housekeepers and cooks so the 50/50 is really just going towards having a bigger house and nicer vacation (that's what Dwayne said). For most of us the problem isn't so much going 50/50 on bills its having to go 50/50 on bills, but as the woman going 100% on childcare, cooking and housework. That math doesn't math. That to me is the "triggering" part.
Exactly… her math not mathing.
I agree, I suck with finances and huge responsibilities but I'm an amazing cleaner, organizer, and cook so I prefer if my future husband lets me do the house work even I'm doing 90%...call me traditional but I believe a man should pay the bills and provide and protect as long as the women also has something to give to the relationship.
I totally agree with the mutual 70/30 idea. I think of it this way..As a man the BILLS is PRIMARILY my job. This means I will pay the bills but in rare cases when I need your help, I hope you will help..that is where the 30 percent comes in from my wife. In terms of the household work, it is her job PRIMARILY..However, I will help as necessary....
My fiancé is solely financially supporting us while I’m in school. He’s awesome. I’m so grateful for him and wouldn’t be where I am w/o him. But being in this situation has confirmed for me that I don’t want this setup in the future. I look forward to contributing to our finances.
Forget childbearing and home labour always fall on women....
@@catcoffee7958 it depends on the conversation. Some men want exactly what women want and will be willing to do whatever it takes.
@@catcoffee7958 We don’t want any kids and actually my fiancé does more household chores especially when you throw in yard work and house maintenance. It’s partly why I want to financially contribute in the future. But you’re right in some women’s cases just not mine
@@nezahuateznot true, some women get allowances and are very happy.
@@nezahuatez that's your opinion
That’s why my relationship is no one’s business. We do what works for us..
Realistically… most of us will be in some version of a 50/50 relationship. Inflation cannot be ignored and the money earned by average workers is simply not keeping pace. This has caused a change in the dynamics of marriage and adulting for that matter (I’m sure a good portion of those commenting in this thread have a roommate or still at home). There’s nothing wrong with that, it is what it is. We have to lean on each other… and yes fellas that means “domestic” work should be shared. She’s not ya momma she’s your partner.
Well many may end up in a 50/50, BUT not with someone whose net worth is $140M.
@@felicerobinson That $140 Million net worth is not only going to their household. Most black celebs take care of multiple households. Gabby stated this about them both. She doesn’t have to go 50/50 but her mind is in survival mode.
Right....Many people are leaning on someone and those who aint wish they could....hence why... people are flocking to femosphere hypergamy and manosphere content because....A. They like to see Clownery for entertainment B. They're struggling and they're trying to change their life the best way they can. The second piece is the sad part. Because people are really vulnerable and don't know those people promoting that content are just capitalizing off of them while...they try to survive in late stage capitalism. Everything is cyclic
@@kindred42 I agree. I've said it for a while: the "all men" and "all women" essentialization and one-size-fits-all approach to relationships being pedaled by femosphere and manosphere creators is the relationship equivalent of the essentialization and dichotomization of political identities being stoked by liberal and conservative cable channels to build and monetize their audience. At the end of the day, regardless of what these creators started off believing, they have a financial incentive to move to more polarized positions and take their audiences along with them.
@@felicerobinson A wealthy $100M man at the top of his smv peak is the last person to be anyone's sugar daddy. If you are looking for handouts, go find an old rich man (not a star athlete who could get any girl in the world lmao).
I can totally see where Gabrielle is coming from. My mother has told me since I was a child to NEVER let a man take away your opportunity of an education or freedom of leaving. My mothers uncle was the one that started that while she was young which I thought was very interesting because he was a very wealthy man but he seemed to genuinely care. But seriously... My mother has her education and her own money and a man can't tell her ANYTHING. There's no worry about things being held over her head or money being a reason she feels stuck. Us women need to support ourselves and make sure these men know that we don't NEED them to take care of us, we WANT them to.
He has said things that have been repeated that imply he does not view her as an equal. It makes me sad. Even how he says “his kids” and not even “all our kids” it’s like he would be fine if she wasn’t there. Even after her dealing with the child’s outside of the relationship. I don’t like that for her. But if she’s happy 🤷🏾♀️.
@@WatchandLearn16it’s so cringe. 🫤
All this works in theory and if someone doesn’t plan on having, bearing or raising their own children. When you add the minis to the mix, thing can very quickly get murky and grey.
If a man really wants a woman, he won't treat her that way.
Exactly!!!!
I don't understand why we always assume the role of provider is the only role within a marriage. Are other roles that a woman generally contributes to also being split 50/50?!
care labour is taken for granted and unpaid if performed by a spouse or partner. Ideally it would be considered a 50/50 relationship if one provides finances while the other does the domestic labour. But without actual payment for domestic labour, the spouse that has no money is in a vulnerable position that is why white women who had black women doing domestic labour for them and husbands who could provide financially marched for the opportunity to vote, work and divorce. These young people are making money from the delusional content they are making. If they can get it like they claim why are they working online for hours a day?
@@Boahemaaing all the domestic labor and taking care of all financial matters are not even matters. Providing financially is easy. Doing domestic labor is a lot! That arrangement would be more like 20 (finances) 80 (domestic labor). It's still unfair to women.
Well, yes. That's why it's called 50/50 -- in such a relationship, both parties should be contributing fairly in terms of a balance of finances, household management and execution of chores, and emotional involvement & labor. If that's not happening and it's only money that's equal, then it's not a true 50/50, because $$ is only one part of the "giving" equation in a relationship.
@@magicalgirl7903 If providing financially is easy, do you want to be the one providing financially while your romantic partner does the domestic labor? Or would that be unfair to your romantic partner?
@@razmiddle9410that's my point. It's a shitty arrangement. And let's be real, statistically nem would rarely if ever sign up for that deal if they had to do the labor.
People are hung up on the 50/50 thing and I’m just stuck on the fact that she is supporting her parents and sisters 100%. The parents i understand, but the fact that she’s made all of her siblings kept women essentially is crazy, to me.
You seldom to never find other races do this.
@@beewest5704other races definitely do it too, especially child actors. It’s sad
@@beewest5704maybe not white Americans but most other ethnicities world wide support extended family like this when they can regularly.
We have to do it, even when we can’t
It shouldn't be to the point that she's stressed about it though. The younger ones need to this opportunity to pursue education or work they actually enjoy and that will eventually allow them to support themselves.
Gabby was a struggling 33 year old actress who chased a 24 year old married YOUNG man and flaunted him around in public and helped him push the wife out of children’s life. She saw how he did his wife so she needs to keep working because if he leaves she will get nothing. She also has to prove to him she didn’t get with him to use him even tho that’s exactly what she did. She needed a high networth man and she got it. Her lifestyle is much better than it would have been otherwise even with going 50/50. Their history is more complicated than people realize. She still made out on top but he is no prize outside of the money.
Struggling? I don’t know the real timeline but I didn’t know she was a struggling actress
She was 36 and Dwayne was 27/28 when they started dating.
And if she ain’t even properly getting to the bag … then what’s the point. It’s not even like he’s handsome in the face either. Not to mention he dresses like a weirdo and clearly has some wonky genetics.
@@iyanutookoo she wasn't struggling. This person obviously has a gripe with her getting with a married man. He is obviously not a very faithful man but misogyny dictates that the woman be blamed for a married man's infidelity.
@@Boahemaa I don’t have a gripe. Athletes belong to the streets nobody cares about them cheating. I just know what I’m speaking of because I was around the party scene back then. Believe what you want. It doesn’t affect me.
I sympathize for gabby. But I think comments were flooded by women triggered for her because he had a baby with another woman right before their wedding, he’s worth $170M she’s worth $40M and they’re splitting? Not to mention he said something to make her feel unsafe - talkin bout “my house”? Girl. But it’s none of our business tho. 🤐
Yes ! I don't know why Gabrielle has to run her mouth about everything
I agree. I think it’s the simple fact he is rich and a woman still have to do 50/50 with bills is insane
@@michelelashae8713 And loosing sleep over money. Oh I can’t afford to sleep in. So how does that empower women? She looks a fool if at all.
I get why black women felt triggered but the thing that bothers me is it feels like projection. Gabrielle never said the words “unsafe”. She’s a very intentional speaker with her words and that’s not what she said.
This comment!
Something that really troubles me about this specific topic is the level of projection from social media folks onto Gabrielle. It’s gross, because people are removing her agency, and disregarding her lived experience. Gabrielle did not say that being in a 50/50 relationship is traumatic for her, that it’s a struggle, that she feels like she has to hustle to provide for her household. She said TAKING CARE OF MULTIPLE HOUSEHOLDS is the primary cause of that tension. This is system racism issues on full display. The fact that Gabrielle as a wealthy black woman feels obligated to financially shoulder households (“gorilla on my back”) outside her own is the issue here.
As a Black woman raised by a single black mom, I FULLY understand the sensitivity around heterosexual conversations about financial responsibilities. I also think it’s incredibly dehumanizing and unfair to not hold space for THIS black woman’s experience. To tell her that she can’t speak on her life on social media because it goes against what the social media girlies are espousing, to project a narrative of struggle/pain/“unsafe” that disregards the actual words she said, is not the way to go. Gabrielle has always been very open (she wrote an entire book) about her journey through life. Her perspective is REAL, it’s raw and it’s valuable for the rose colored glasses social media girls who don’t understand the negotiations, compromises, dynamics and REAL shit of a partnership/marriage in adulthood.
They are definitely projecting and that they feel like Gabrielle is “embarrassing” black women by talk about her relationship dynamic. It’s funny though that they think no women of other races don’t have this dynamic.
THIS! Thank you. You articulated that way better than I could have.
She literally said she works so many hours to put bread on the table bc she is scared she won’t be able to pay for her lifestyle if she doesn’t work. Her 50/50 was also a consequence of him asking her what she brings to his house so …
@@queenbronx3153 0:53 0:53 How does her feeling the pressures of maintaining her lifestyle and supporting 3 households have to do with her 50/50 relationship dynamic? I genuinely wants us as Black women to listen to what Gabrielle is actually saying about her life. If anything Gabrielle is speaking more to the struggles of being a “Successful wealthy Strong Black Woman” (a play on the Strong Black Woman Trope) way more than she is speaking on the dynamics of a 50/50 relationship.
Say it louder for the folks in the back!
The reality is the riskiest thing a woman can do for her life and well being is marry a man. There are numerous benefits of course (I don't support misandry) however if you were to come to your own demise it will most likely be by your own partner and not a stranger in the night.
I know a woman who was a stay at home mom and her husband was abusing her and their children. She had no money but borrowed from family, applied for state programs and after a year she literally moved her entire household out while he was at work.
She saved herself and her family and luckily she lived to be able to do that. Think about if she had her own means she could have left much sooner and endured a year less abuse. You only have yourself in this world. This is a harsh but needed reminder.
Idk why people can’t just do what works for them SILENTLY. A part of the mystique that came with celebs back in the day is they withheld certain information ESPECIALLY pertaining to their relationships. Between the dating “advice” “coaches” and “gurus” the topic of dating (especially from the black community) has been over kill for a few years now. I wish our online discourse could move forward. Great video nonetheless Steph 🔥
There's an economic downturn....and people are trying to make money....without having to spend years in school to do it( or probably didn't do well at that and had to pivot to finesse people online) when some people see a sucka...they gon lick.
I don’t like 50/50 relationships but there’s people that do and that’s okay! My problem is when people try to make fun of it or when my ex tried to change my perspective after not being 50/50 anymore and being so cheap. DONT TRY TO CHANGE PERSPECTIVES ON PEOPLE ON THIS TOPIC AND DONT MAKE FUN OF IT. WHATEVER YOU PREFER THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT PREFERS IT TOO. STOP WASTING TIME.
Well said!!!
I feel as though her family strains her. I wouldn’t be the family atm. If they are grown and able bodied, they need to be working! I’d rather she teach them how to get it on their own rather than her just giving it to them. It makes them entitled and lazy. Unless it’s her parents, and boundaries will still be needed there, I don’t owe no grown person nothing!
Exactly and that part got lost in the uproar
The flaw with 50/50 is it’s not REALLY 50/50. The woman loses in the relationship.
- It may be 50/50 financially, BUT the woman is frequently doing the housekeeping, cooking and child rearing while the man does hardly any housework. So basically, the woman is working multiple jobs, including a non-paying job.
- When one partner makes less money than the other partner, the partner making less money gets screwed financially. Gabrielle Union is a great example. She has $40M, so after pitching in her half, she has $20M left. Dwayne Wade has $120M, so after pitching in his half, he has $60M left. The partner left with less will begin to resent the other partner.
- To elaborate on the second point, we now have situations where the woman makes more than the man. If the woman is contributing the most financially as well as be the one doing all the housekeeping, the woman ends up resenting the man for not being a proper provider and making her work so hard and “taking the prime years of her life”, and she can’t respect him because for all intents and purposes, she’s “better” than him, so she’ll have NO respect for him.
The only way a partnership works is that the MAN should make enough to provide the essentials for running the household, and HIS money should be going toward food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. The household does NOT depend on her money, but HER money is used to get household staff (maid, nanny) and investments to help build wealth (EXCEPT house payments for the primary house). So if she decides to quit or take a lesser paying but less stressful job because she wants to focus on the home, it’s not catastrophic to the finances because you didn’t need her money, but it would be HER responsibility to keep the house clean, the kids cared for, and the food cooked. Here’s where I’m going to get cold - if a man has to financially depend on a woman to maintain a household, he has no business getting married. He can get a roommate while he works on leveling up his finances.
It’s really this simple lol
Most of you modern day women don’t know how cook sh!t. Stop the cap, ma’am.
I fully agree. I've made similar comments, especially about the maid/nanny and wealth building part. If she works her money can go to other non-essential things that benefit the both of them. It's frequently the case that wives & mothers don't have the time to fully take care of themselves. Having someone else cook, clean, or take care of the kids occasionally allows her to recharge and be her best self, which benefits everyone in the household as well. This all depends of course on having a husband that finances the essentials, which as mentioned, most of us don't have the luxury of having.
👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾
@@nezahuatezoh wow! It’s almost like a lot men don’t actually do a lot of housework when living with women 😮
I hate to burst a lot of women’s bubble, but life is not a fairytale or a Disney movie. It is very risky to rely 100% on a man financially. A woman should always have & make her own money. Money is power in our society and especially in our relationships. I think a more healthy & fair environment includes both people contributing to the finances, household duties, and child rearing. Ofcourse there maybe a time when one person doesn’t work outside the home short term (grad school, being a stay at home mom/dad for a year or so), but long term reliance on someone financially is dangerous.
Right. On one hand they'll say get a man to provide and then on the other hand they'll say make your own money. Even these women know you can't rely on men despite demanding that you do so.
@@adams8830 the harsh reality is women need to do both…find a man who can cover the finances AND they should be making their own money too. That’s the harsh reality in our economy. Relationships are a partnership. There are said and unsaid expectations when one person makes & controls the money, which usually leads to an unfair power dynamic and future resentment. It’s safer when both are making money and contributing to the household. The split % is for the couple to decide and is usually not 50/50 lol.
Exactly. And even if hypergamy relationships is your thing, at least have your own money on the side. Literally anything can happen in a relationship where you are fully dependent on another person.
Well no women understand that part but paying half of the bills with a dude is just not feeling good. If I'm working then I'm paying 100% alone. If a man needs my checks to cover the rent, then we are platonic only.
@@GoddessBlueYozakura7 I get that. A woman shouldn’t be supporting a man financially. But in reality, in our economy, marriage will be a partnership of 2 financially independent, whole people coming together to create & combine their resources to have a life together. In a perfect world, all women will find a generous, wealthy man that will pay all the bills & be generous with money. But in the real world, when a man pays for 100% everything, he will feel a sense of ownership and it will backfire if/when things go wrong. That’s a really bad gamble with your livelihood. Your own money will give you power and a voice. Also most likely the split isn’t 50/50 but more so 70/30 financially.
What saddens me really is being *that* wealthy and still be so stressed over money like what’s the point?
White women do 50/50 too. They just don't broadcast it...
Listen.....👀
This. I know plenty of white women and they are 50/50. I don't where this idea came from that every white woman is at home getting taken care of. Maybe in the 1950s, not so much in 2023.
Hispanic, Asians, all type of ethnicities. Black people just have a low opinion of ourselves and we definitely ain't afraid to show it publicly.
I'm also tired of black people embarrassing themselves publicly about things like this, always have something to say about other people's relationships but are the biggest group of single people. We need to stop and let people live their lives the way they want to!
WW who are married to millionaires arn't paying 50/50. They will even sue their husbands and in tiger woods case she is just a girl friend yet she is suing him.
I have mixed feelings on going 50 50, simply because the woman usually ends up resenting the guy eventually. Especially when she can't depend on him. I feel that for most women, the best marriages are when the men pay a little more. And allows the woman to be able to not work at times if needed be, for eg when it comes to raising children. I feel like a guy should always want to pay more. If we plan a trip, me paying 50% feels a bit masculating.
Absolutely women start to loose respect for the man. Seen it happen with my parents.
@@babycoconut yep
All the marriages I know where the guy is a stay-at-home dad, except for this one couple with a very handsome, educated and underemployed husband and no children, the wife leaves. We women like men to be manly. And the power dynamics is always weird.
@Am Pa it is. And I believe it biological. We just can't see a man as one if he isn't showing it.
Exactly and I agree with everything you stated here ma’am. Whether we believe it or not or refuse to accept it. That it’s just the biology of the male and woman. Whereas one to provide and the other to receive to help it multiply. Because God created us incredibly different. Therefore, anything out of the ordinary would suffer one way or another and discussions will continue to geared towards it because incorrect knowledge would always be explaining itself.
Two videos in a day is crazy. Sleep schedule be DANMED
I don’t mind contributing financially to my relationship, but until the day cis men can carry a baby & assume majority of the domestic duties, I won’t be accepting 50/50. That’s a roommate not a partner.
Although, it is NOT SMART to entirely depend on men for a woman’s finances. SAHMs experience significant financial abuse, women should always have a mean to bring in some sort of steady income. Don’t let another person be responsible for your finances 100%.
"That's a roommate, not a partner." That was good, Imma use that.
I’m married. I keep my wallet in my pocket when we go out or travel. He takes care off the bills and maintenance on the house and car. I pay my mortgage which is in my name only.
As it should be!
I'm really tired of people framing Gabriel as some down bad woman who is so stuck on this man. This is a grown ass woman who has written a WHOLE book on how she's grown in life and in her relationship. And people can't see past their past as they sit single on the internet. Marriages fail. Relationships fail. If anyone understands that it's a woman who has chosen to work through the hardest parts of a relationship rather than walking away. They could have had zero issues, and it would still be smart to make sure she has equal equity in all things. It's financially smart. Too many women have been taught a successful relationship means not having your own. People are flawed. Bill Gates and Melinda are divorced. There is not enough money, success, or love to ensure your life won't change because your partner has changed.
Whether or not black people want to admit it, Gabrielle is another example of black women staying in bad marriages with their black kangs just to prove a point. Yes, she is stuck on him too bad. I don’t give a damn about “growth.” She has to eat Wade’s booty, accept his outside child, and now she has to go 50/50 with a man that makes over half of what she makes. Wade also made it a habit to tell her their house was his because he paid for it. If that wasn’t enough for Gabrielle to leave his sorry ass, I don’t know what is. Their relationship is not a “black love” statement. It’s a struggle love statement.
Also, if my husband made it a point to tell me that the house he purchased is his, that would have been his first strike. A man is supposed to make your life easier. Why is she with him if she is still living with a broke mentality when they are far from broke.
@@elainamcclendon5593 omg thank you, you said it all for me! Also, i don’t pay the mortgage in my marriage but my name is still on the deed. You don’t haven’t to pay for anything to own it. Dwayne making her pay is just more nonsense to make her prove she’s loyal. Which after a break baby im not proving a damn thing else if im her
She literally is tho, he cheated on her and had a baby on her and she’s going half with a man that makes 3x her salary. she’s very down bad
@@lalittl most definitely shouldn’t be proving anything after that break baby 🥴. It’s giving lunacy 💀.
@@queenbronx3153 very much so 🤣🤣. That’s black womens’ problem.
Its 2023 not 1950. Only one person with an average job isnt enough to support a family
Women with that mindset are not looking for average pay niggas tho
Yep, the cost of living keeps rising and rising. So one income homes puts an immense amount of stress on the breadwinner, if I can lift that burden and help make us financially more secure then why not
I just graduated college, and I've been struggling to find work in my new field. Even though I still have a job, I'm working very few hours so I can focus on developing my portfolio and looking for work. My spouse has always made more money than me, and I was okay with him taking on the bulk of our finances while I was in school, but now it feels weird to me. I'm in my mid 30s, and I've always taken care of myself, but I'm not right now, and it feels oddly vulnerable despite the fact that we're well off and my husband isn't remotely concerned about me not making much money right now. What we have is ours and he wants me to hold out for a job that I really enjoy. We've been together for eight years, and I'm accustomed to being loved and supported, but I feel like the situation really challenges my world view. I NEVER thought I'd be in a situation where 1) it was possible for me to not work or 2) where someone would be happy to take care of me. It's just not what I saw for my life, you know? I keep expecting him to get exasperated, but he's actually happy that I'm home so much. He gets to see me more, and appreciates all the little things I do to make life easier. Yet, there's still a small voice telling me I don't deserve this.
You do deserve it my sister, you deserve all the blessings and love. Embrace it. ❤
If this isn’t something you saw in your family growing up, it may be uncomfortable to accept at first, but know that you deserve it.
When you land that job you want, it’ll be even sweeter knowing you have someone by your side who’s celebrating with you and hoping for you to have the best in life, not someone who’s waiting for you to hurry up and bring home any old check.
It’s a beautiful thing, and you absolutely deserve it.
That voice is called misogynoir. There have been an army of voices telling black women we dont deserve anything but pain and struggle since the day we appeared on this earth
That's because you provide value to him in others ways.. unlike some women that are useless so it's good and keep being who you are
LAST TIME I LET A man pay everything he thought he owned me and be careful they will try to unalive u as well They think ur there property these men will talk down on u like u aint nothing NO MA'AM CNT GET ME TO SIGN UP FOR THAT AGAIN 🙅🏾♀️
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It wasn’t your fault, and your didn’t deserve it.
I think behavior depends on the man.
Some men will always try to control you, even if they’re penniless - it’s just easier to do so if they’ve got money. I think people paint all rich men as mean and stingy jerks, but struggling with a man you resent because you’re doing the lions’s share of the work is no joy either.
You can work to have autonomy and a nest egg ready to go, without having to contribute to the household (financially).
You can only speak about the man you dealt with not men in general. Choose better.
@@DemureSpectabilis thanks love I appreciate it ❤️ ppl are so fixed on the trend that they dnt realize alot of D.V shelters are filled up wit wm who allowed Men to pay all the bills and take care of them ..they relied on those men & have nothing to there names starting frm scratch trying to pick up the pieces and idk wat it is but Blk Men get a certain demonic ego when they doing everything for u and they hold it over ur head
@@DemureSpectabilis My ex paid car notes and kept gas in the car and when we were on bad terms or he random felt like it guess what ? He would purposely take the keys leave the gas tank empty I said NEVER AGAIN !!Men like to feel needed in the worst ways 😪
@@nezahuateznot true. Broke men will do the same.
I don’t agree or disagree with 50/50. But I want to ALWAYS work and make my own money.
your phone bill isnt his phone bill, pay your shyt
Be 100% and single with peace of mind. It's invaluable.
@@jamdoll8660 I wrote that I don’t agree or disagree. The 50/50 is thing is a personal decision between the couple. Regardless if my husband pays all the bills, I’m still going to work.
marriage is different for couples. If you don't like it don't like it. Doesn't make it wrong or unacceptable. It's not our marriage. But great analysis
If you didn't have an opinion then why comment?..
Absolutely! because if we didn't learn anything from Tyler Perry movie, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, we learned that ALWAYS HAVE YOUR OWN!
🤣🤣🤣💀 the part where he dragged her out was so hard to watch.
On another note: I'll never forget that ridiculous wig they put on shamar moore😅
@@paintitblack9712 When he drug her out of that house! Phew Lord, I almost jumped through that screen and punched him myself...lol. IKR? That was a horrible braid wig😅😅
Tyler perry is notorious for painting dark skinned people as evil and men with money as evil. Is this your king?
@@paintitblack9712😂😂😂
Not finished watching the video, but I really relate to gabby. I feel so much anxiety about always being able to work and support myself so I’m able to pay bills and live. Once I get a job I’m anxious about keeping it. I’m save a lotttt and deprive myself of experiences because I’d rather see it in my savings. That’s one reason why I don’t think I’d ever want to be in a relationship; I get anxious around the idea of having to support someone else financially too. If I lose my job/am unable to work, worst case scenario that’s me on the streets. But if I’m also supporting someone else, that’s their life I’m also responsible for.
Im aware that that amount of anxiety isn’t normal lol, but just a product of my upbringing and experiences. But I know what I’m like.
I have that kind of anxiety, too.💜 You’re not alone.
@@homebody61 thank you 🙏🏾🧡
Yall say nothing is wrong with 50/50 however I disagree. If you are 50/50 and child free I see no issue.
However when children come along the domestic labor is not split up evenly.
I hear women that also work to pay bills are complaining that their husbands just go to work and come home.
The women are left doing the child rearing and domestic labor so is it really 50/50 or is it more like 80/20?
I'm not saying live off your husband because that can be dangerous too. Time and time again we hear about stay at home moms experiencing financial abuse or starting over post divorce. There is a happy medium to all of this you just have to figure out how much you like your kids, how much you like your husband, how much you like your financial freedom and leisurely activities 💯
Bm in general are not providers they dnt make enough so keep hope alive or contine to pay all ur bills all u want Most bw should have divest already 😅
And a Bw let her man pay all the bills well he thought he owned her and quickly tried to unalive her as well I'm sorry bt I can't let a Man think he owns me cs he payeen for everything
This right here! Yes 50/50 is cute until the kids come into picture. No it’s not ever evenly split then and it’s overwhelming.
Its the same issue when a woman is a stay at home mom, they complain way more than working moms and basically are more miserable it seems at times. I could never give up my freedom and my money, personally 50/50 works perfectly for me.
**A man that will financially abuse you is abusive because he is abusive not because he has money and is the sole provider. Its because he has bad character. Stop making generalizations about people’s character in correlation to their wealth. Either they have good character or they don’t. Going 50/50, 100/0, or 60/40 is not the reason someone will or wont abuse you. They are either abusive or they are not. The percentage you give to the household is not the defining reason why you get abused**
Omg these comments are the worst. Some of y’all have Aladdin syndrome where you think poor men have hearts of gold and men who are the sole providers are just abusers 😂😂 Its none of those reasons.
I grew up in Newark, NJ during the crack epidemic. Please let me known if yall need me to tell you literally countless tales of broke men who physically, emotionally and financially abuse and suck the life out of their partners. Cuz yall sound nuts for real. If your partner was the sole provider and he hurt you its because he is a person who hurts. Stop with all the nonsense yall. We all have stories of broke men who have hurt us and people we know. A mans money and status do not define his character. His character defines his character
I don’t think anybody is saying seek broke guys because they have a heart a gold. What a man has is irrelevant. You should always have your own and bring something to the table just in case your marriage doesn’t last.
@lobinhanovelinhas6709 Well no having your own isn't about bringing anything to ' a table: ".
!!!!!!!!!
Pin it!! You said it, I knew it and still needed to hear it said LIKE THAT! ❤
Real simple
“Teamwork makes the dream work”
“Happy spouse, happy house”.
One sided relationships will not last.
I hate that she got vulnerable and people attacked her.
same, I feel Like we need to realize that's HER life. It takes courage to be that honest and put your stuff out there. She owed none of us that piece of her life. If it's trauma or hyper independence it's hers to work through.
yeah. some people have actually no life it seems to just spread hate onto other people, especially ppl who express that they are struggling in some way. its sad to see :\
@@RespectfullyNikki when things are put out in public, people will have an opinion about it. Simple
You are keeping us fed today!! 🙏
i feel like this could be said about any internet discourse topic, not just 50/50 relationships. but then people online would need critical thinking skills across the board.
choice feminism has caused a lot of harm regarding topics surrounding money and finances. a woman could say that she doesn’t want to work or go to school and instead wants a man to provide for her. then say that it’s her choice without deconstructing the role the patriarchy plays in this. putting that much faith into one person to provide for you is extremely risky because relationships don’t always last. i’ve seen women who depend on men too much then get broken up with and are left struggling.
i understand that Black women deserve to feel cared for in their relationships. i just wish they can have that love and care while knowing that they are self sufficient no matter what.
But isn't being vulnerable the ultimate emotional commitment? I'm not saying you're wrong, but if women want to rear their own children, it's sometimes difficult to be self-sufficient then and even thereafter. I don't think women should ever be dependent on a man before marriage, but once two people marry, a part of good marriage is sacrifice and being vulnerable and deeply intertwined.
This is the angle missing in these discussions. Reality TV has melted the brains of young people. Acting like there were men providing a soft life for women and women rejected it to hustle. They will waste their youth waiting for prince charming and settle in abusive situations because they cannot take care of themselves. There is a genuine discussion to be had about how the labour needed to keep a home running is unpaid and is often burdened by the woman in the relationship working or not but looking for a man rather than a job is not it.
@@ampa4989 That sounds nice ideally but women need to have more of a realistic and pragmatic approach to relationships. Don't fall for the fantasy.
@@qtkeyahWe are not saying women should not work, all we are saying is that, the man should pay majority if the bills especially if he makes more money than his wife.
@@rosejames5172 I never mentioned anything about work. I'm saying to be more realistic when it comes to dating and relationships.
The man paying more or all is contingent on if he makes more which logically makes sense from a financial pov but not necessarily from a gendered pov. What happens when the woman makes more and is the bread winner? Or a woman seeking a partner that makes more but with no luck?
Statistically bw are usually the breadwinner in intraracial relationships and *sometimes* in interracial relationships too. This is probably why we go so hard in education because everyone uses our unpaid and underappreciated labour.
Also, the more money and education a woman makes the more difficult it is to find a partner that matches or makes more. But either way, once you are within a certain class, the difference in money doesn't really make a significant difference because you can live that lifestyle with or without your partner.
So to me, there are these ideas of femininity and masculinity that are simply constructed and don't live up to the realities but for some reason we're trying to hold onto it.
Even the idea of men being protectors is silly considering bw have the highest rates of DV and the #1 way a pregnant bw dies is not even due to negligence in these racist hospitals but rather from homicide usually from their partner. Patriarchy in addition to white supremacy is violent, there's no protection. But yet, we still hold onto these roles
It's important that pple know that celebrities have same struggles as we do. Nothing to idolize or envy. Grass is never greener.
Why does you having your own wealth have anything to do with your partner being with a provider? My husband pays all the bills but I still have my own money i keep. And he gave me ownership of the house by putting my name on the deed not by making me pay half of the mortgage and bills. You dont have to pay for things to have ownership of it. If dwayne wade really cared he would have put her name on the deed instead of making her suffer even more and make her pay
🎉🎉🎉
Yep, I’ve already figured that if I get into a relationship it will be with a very old, very unattractive, and partially blind man who’s one foot in the grave, as long as he financially provides. I’ve spent too many years looking at much older but attractive men and they would never want to have anything to do with me because I was never attractive enough for them. But to an ancient man with cataract, who doesn’t get a lot of attention from hot models, I might just be a good option.
Personally I could never do 50/50 (financially), unless money was temporarily tight. I just feel like I wouldn’t really respect my husband if he expected me to help him to take care of our family. I enjoy traditional gender roles in marriage because at least it’s upfront with expectations. Men who expect 50/50 still seem to expect the woman to take on the traditional role of cooking, cleaning, child rearing etc. which no longer makes it 50/50, but really 70/30. I think western women have been scammed to think 50/50 is fair because “we’re a team,” but unless you can ensure that traditional expectations won’t be imposed on you (which is hard because of the patriarchy and definitions of what it is to be a “good woman” etc.), I think women should really think about the risk of going into a relationship where you will have to carry the financial burden of the home + everything else men will expect from you, whether they say it up front or not. I’m team “50/50 is a scam.”
The best case scenario is to get with a man who feels responsible for providing for the family. That way, if you work, he won’t expect you to pay for half (maybe a few low cost things), and you can keep your money for your own financial independence.
I don’t know how old you are but this is a new day in age. Men view women as equally capable and after all, that is what the feminist movement led with. I have used the “this is my house” line before when my then spouse was trying to son me.
@@CornellG I’m in my 30s lol. It’s not about women not being capable, it’s about the reality of household division. Maybe this point of view is more relevant to those who one day went children. Childbirth is not 50/50. Breastfeeding is not 50/50. Child rearing when both parents are working is definitely not 50/50, especially when cooking and cleaning come into the mix. The reality is, as a woman, you are expected to do more. It’s not just about money and that’s what a lot of men ignore. Taking care of the household doesn’t stop at paying the bills. There are other responsibilities, and 9 times out of 10, it always falls on the woman. That’s why I believe 50/50 isn’t fair. In theory, maybe. But theory and reality are two different things.
@@SS-cu8se Are you married? Life isn’t fair. The reality is most households are 50/50, especially in this economy. Even my household is 70/30 but my wife’s money is still the households money. People who have the expectation that the woman’s money is her mostly hers and the man’s money is for the household is a 1950’s way of thinking. Which is fine for women who are 1950’s type of women. However if a modern woman wants a 1950’s man, that usually doesn’t mesh.
@@SS-cu8se I completely agree. No one talks about other roles that women contribute to within a marriage
@@CornellGI am married and I could not do this. Glad it works for you. But my husband is a sole provider and the money I make I keep for myself. It made all the world of difference when I was put on bed rest during pregnancy. I didn’t have to worry about my share of 50/50. Ladies, there are still men out there who don’t require 50/50. We definitely are not from the 1950’s. Hubby and I are millennials
It’s literally not possible to go 50/50 if you plan on having children.
Nah I need men to know off rip that I ask for money and don’t step to me if you are a 50/50 type man Lolol! So I let it be known that even as a neuroscientist that makes great money, I do not and will not do 50/50 in terms of bills in the home. I also don’t want a man paying everything but I ain’t splitting it down the middle. And I say this because men still get the better end of the stick because they expect you to do everything else in the house ON TOP OF Paying half the bills. If you want a traditional woman, ima need a traditional man. And I let this be known. Been there, done that. If a man is asking you to go 50/50, it’s because he don’t really want you like that lol. Men love to provide for the woman they truly want. He’s gonna want to give you his all. He will do it for the woman of his dreams and these are facts
I wish I could like this 100 times - especially that last part. How many times have we seen men count their pennies and split everything *exactly* down the middle with one woman, only to
spend on the next woman lavishly?
@@DemureSpectabilis Ugh I’ve seen this and it was so heartbreaking. Men will do almost everything in their power for a woman they really want to be with.
Facts. I always say when a man truly loves and values you, he'll pay most, if not all.
Exactemanteeeee 😂😂 I don’t know if that’s a word but man I love your comment ‘three’ much!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t see anything wrong with what Gabby said, but she stole someone’s husband only to hustle in a 50/50 relationship?
Right 😂 that ain't winning honey
BEHAVE!!!!! LMAOOOO 💀💀💀
THANK YOU.🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
50/50 is fair a relationship that includes both adults A relationship is a Partnership Gabby not letting A Man " This My House " her where A man takes everything while he abuses ,manipulate and cheats This is what grandmother's went thru this is why wm fought to work its not the 1950s ...yall act like this a death sentence when 100% by yourself is on top of stressful ...
@@queenbeaute9967 💯
I definitely agree with you! Relationships should be a shared 100% rather than 50/50. I'm glad the younger generation is catching on.
If I can't trust my partner enough to share everything with them, then what is the point? I might as well stay single and have a roommate or a fuck buddy.
Gabby supporting several household is CRAZY!!! Outside of her husband and child, I can see her helping PARENTS ONLY!! Everyone else is NOT your responsibility. Hell parents aren't your responsibility but most do it out of kindness and love.
Love it and I totally agree with you. Keep your relationship (details) to yourself 😊
To me, this all comes down to the "Black tax." Black tax refers to the financial burden borne by Black people who have achieved a level of success and who provide support to less financially secure family members. I believe if this wasn't a responsibility that Gabrielle had to bear, then she wouldn't have this scaracity mindset, and probably wouldn't be going 50/50 with Dwayne. I'm curious if her acting counterparts of other persuasions feel this kind of obligation to their family members? Hopefully Gabby and Dwayne's children will not have to bear this financial burden so they can enjoy their money and not feel obligated or even burdened to support others.🤔
THANK YOU! Everyone is fussing about Dwayne not paying her bills, but NO ONE should have to pay those bills. The only ones you should feel compelled to provide aid to is your mom and dad. Everyone else need to get a job! And yes regarding other cultures. There are many immigrants who send money home on a regular basis.
Everybody who is very successful and rich (millionaires) feel the obligation to and actually do provide for other extended family members in ALL cultures. Some of these extended family members do sometimes take advantage of this and chose to never work, claiming various reasons. And that rich person will come forward and pay. Because they have millions and paying thousands. And every woman should be self sufficient (may be 50/50, maybe 20/80 or 30/70). Because you are not the owner of your partner and they can always change their mind. Their money, their decision.
Plenty of people feel an obligation to others. Dolly Parton supports even great nieces and nephews.
@@yeseniah7373 Rich nonBW def don't go 50/50 like that. They talk all the time about being hypergamous. It's def a scarcity mindset primarily in the black community
edit: typo
my mom did that. I have chosen not to. If I were in trouble no one would help. I know that because I was and no one did. So I am free.
This type of thoughtful commentary caused me to count my blessings today.
I was moaning and in a funk. Just hearing this made me see life a more positively. Thank you, Stephanie 🙏
Loving the uploads and conversations.
Poor Gabby she is with a man who would rather make her pay half than just put her name on the deed of the house. And to say something crazy like “my house” in a marriage where your wife has accepted your break baby. What if she said “this isnt MY kid”. Seems like a marriage built off a power struggle and thats so sad to me hearing her talk of her exhaustion
You are doing an excellent job with commentary. Mos definitely your lane. Beautiful woman who is refreshingly articulate. Thus change looks great on you!
Let’s go consistency!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾😄😄😄
This issue is very nuanced & will differ from couple to couple. Now with all this redpill & tradcon conversation ppl are expecting man to be the sole provider. And some women even if they work refuse to pay any bills. The truth is for majority of couples this is not even worth discussing because both salaries are needed to just keep afloat. For many couples the would makes much more than the man & letting him pay for everything will/can decrease the lifestyle that she & her kids can live. I just think its sad that we are at a point where married ppl do not see both incomes as OUR MONEY. Sucessful traditional marriages are more egalitarian that ppl acknowledge.
I know stay at home moms who were kept women, thought all was good and gravy, nice house with a pool, brand new car, vacations. Turned out the husband had piles of debt which she knew nothing about and was unfaithful. Everything had to be sold and split in half. Alimony and child support paid her mortgage and kids health insurance , but she had no other income after that, no education, nothing to fall back on.
All women need a plan B. You may THINK you’re marrying a good person but there are no guarantees. People change.
A million things could go wrong in the relationship, including divorce, lay offs, disability, death (trust me, million dollar life insurance policy doesn’t go far if you have no income at all).
If working is optional, great! But women should still have that option, still stash your own money away. It’s a bad fall when things don’t go as planned.
I appreciated the way you articulate what I feel. I think it's important to be self sufficient, and be able to contribute but overall when you're in a relationship you should feel solid and secure no matter what. Btw, what lipstick are you using? It's a very lovely color and would love to try it out.
As a woman, my philosophy is: what's mine is mine (financially) and what's yours is mine (financially). However, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc we give as each is in need. Because as a woman I'm most likely going to invest more in the home. And that makes it more like likely leaving me financially strapped if somehow things go sideways
Girl! I lmaooooo @ this title! 😂 I gotta save this one to watch later 🫶🏽
I'm so tird of gender essentialism.
Enough. Let people organize htier lives the way we want to.
I'm a role reversal type. I love it and hope being provided for works for yall but count me out and I'm not remaining silent just because many of tou want to go back to the past.
Same here! Glad I can find someone who thinks the same.
Facts she needs to keep that to herself 😂😂
Hey I love Gab, I read both of her books about why I should stop people pleasing to be accepted, loved, and picked💀😂🤭 free us all from this journey but she gon get there😭
I thought this was a fair and concise take.
It makes me sad that women can't feel safe in their relationship without the fear of financial or any other form of abuse. This is why a man's character has to be his top asset.
Question: Would 50/50 be more palatable to women if 50/50 also included 50% of the housework, and child care?
If it can't include pregnancy and labor too, then no. No matter how you parcel it, it'll never be 50/50 for a birthing woman unless there is an area outside of pregnancy and labor that her partner over indexes on.
@@bklynbutters13 louder please
Great question! For me the answer is YES! my husband and I do 50/50 and he does housework, needs some improvement on cooking more meals but I've been patient because he is the best human being. I'm sure if I wanted him to pay more he would as we revisit this topic to ensure we're still on the same page every couple of years. Every couple operates in the way that works for them. If you find someone like minded the most important advice I would give you is do what works for you both and don't be pressured by outside sources. I have sisters that don't agree and want more traditional roles played out and i love that for them because thats how they feel secure. So like I said to each their own✌️😊
@@bklynbutters13 men cannot go through experiencing pregnancy and labor so your comment makes 0 sense
@@rochester3 No, my comment makes complete sense BECAUSE of the fact that men can't go through pregnancy and labor. They can't split THAT familial responsibility with women, so they SHOULD overcompensate in another area to make up for it, whether it be domestic duties, childcare or finances. There was nothing difficult to comprehend in what I originally said, so I'll assume you intended to misunderstand on purpose and leave you to whatever day you deserve.
Great analysis
This is such a ridiculous conversation when the vast majority of couples are in 50/50 relationships (meaning they both contribute income to the household in some percentage). It does not mean you have a struggle relationship or that your husband doesnt love you, for most of us it simply means as a couple we both need to work to make ends meet, we have goals we want to reach, or a lifestyle we want to live that requires 2 incomes.
I don't and have never.
Right. The majority of households, especially with multiple children, need two incomes to survive, let alone thrive.
my thoughts exactly
My husband and I share accounts and pool our funds together, but we both contribute. We don’t keep track of who is paying for what because it’s all combined. That system has been working for us for years.
I’m my family for past 15 years it has been 65 mom and 35% dad. My dad isn’t lazy he does work but he has neglected his role as a breadwinner of the family basically on autopilot and doesn’t care that my mom has to do the childcare and working to pay the rent, buy food and clothes. My dad has actively racked up credit card and student loan debt just because he can and doesn’t have any concerns about paying it. I do believe he has been cheating on my mom for years , I think she’s aware but she puts up with him because we are from Africa and they have the mindset of staying strong through it and also for her children.
Omg i wish this comment was pinned because the morons in these comments think men with money are the only people who can take advantage of women. So sorry your mon is going through this. Prayers to her
Yess keep it to yourself , everyone doesn't need to know .. ppl can't talk about what they don't know about !!!! Smh I am TIRED of that conversation ugh
A man who is providing 100% financially often does have those control issues. Not to mention entitlement to do as he pleases in other ways. Personally I'm always still going to have my own source of income because I was not raised witnessing men honorably caring for their families.
The bread winner calls shots in the relationship. It’s why many black women get with subordinate men so they can call shots, ma’am.
The brokest dudes are the most controlling and most abusive. Those dudes will lock you down with some bastards quick and the closer you get to delivery, the more violent he becomes.
@@GoddessBlueYozakura7well 100% mean you have the most responsibility..and you can't have responsibility without control..it's literally in the definition of responsibility
@@DjTIMEJD No black women get with a subordinate because a majority of black men are subordinate. It's the black woman out earning the black man. Its the black woman that is more likely to be college educated.
@@Bri-nc8yp According to the data, Black men earn more than Black women and every race of women is more college educated than their male counterpart. Why do you feel the need to lie, ma’am?
My husband has lived in Qatar for 5 years. He told me if I want to live with him with my kids then I would have to teach English there and pay for my children’s education and also pay for household groceries. I he said he will save his money. He used to financially abuse me when we did live together. I never had any more to spend. He took control of my banking and took out lots of credit cards on my name. Right now I’m not living with him and I’m financially ok. I’m scared if I go and live with him he will make me work a lot and provide tuition, cook clean and take care of the kids. He says this is all normal. I’ve been gaslighted so many times that I can’t see what is normal anymore. However, my heart is telling me to leave him.
Notice how it’s mostly Black people having this 50/50 debate. What makes Gabrielle’s situation so pathetic is that she married a man who cheated on her and has a net worth 3x higher than hers, but she’s still worried about if her kids are getting fed….
So she’s paying to be in a marriage & still stressed out? Sounds like she’s better off single
Provided for but also keep building/have my own stash for life. Because why not?
We ultimately want the security to be vulnerable.
Shera never said you should do nothing when provided by a man. She adviced to stash the money and have your own business, have your secret bank account, and also recommend girls to have an options as life could be very turbulent with men. She is also recommending not spending much on luxury goods, but jewellery(as you can sell it), property(as you can be a landlady). Shera says you can NOT rely on men, and the game is never over. She just telling not to be engaged with men that could drain you financially and emotionally alongside women's fertility is a lot shorter than men's therefore we have to be smart with investing our time and GAIN the most in our prime-time. As older you get the less you are attractive to the vast majority of men, she recommends to not waste time on relationship that isn't beneficial to woman. I can approve that as older I am getting the less I am appealing to men. I wish I could find Shera earlier and not waste my prime time.
Wouldn't it be better to just be single, then? What's the point of having a relationship with someone unreliable that you feel like you have to hide your money from? Not investing your time and energy into someone who doesn't care about you is one thing, but entering a relationship with an exit strategy sounds like a lot of unnecessary stress. This mentality might safeguard you against the financial impact of turbulent relationships, but it'll also prevent you from ever finding happiness in one, too.
Thank you!! People who actually listen to her content know this!!!
Thank you for saying this. People only listen to soundbytes from Shera, but they don’t watch her videos where she says that a woman should be building her own bag in the easiest possible way and not wasting time on men who need to depend on your finances and emotional energy.
Yes to all of this, thank you!!! Theres hoards of pickme’s in the comments acting like dwayne wade is in the right. If he wanted to make gabby feel safe all he has to do is put her name on the deed. The fact that he didnt and makes her pay is further proof hes jusy with her because she will take the most BS
I'm glad that you brought up financial abuse bc I experienced that with a boyfriend I had in France when I was studying abroad. He threw my stuff out & I had to call my family for money. While that sucked, it's never a reason to be a 50/50 chick bc you can get financially abused in that situation as well. I think Hypergamy is important but I also think it's starting to become too much bc the reality of it is "Assortive Mating". Rich people marry other rich people. Hypergamy is technically marrying someone on your level or higher. So if you make $40K & your partner makes $50K then Boom! It's hypergamy. Stay at home girlfriendery & boss chick lifestyle are both grooming you to be financially abused if you are not of that world already. So I think the honest thing to do is to become a good steward of your finances, have something that generates an income (that also offers health insurance bc statistically speaking when women become sick their husbands are the 1st to abandon them), & date guys who are GENEROUS. I think Gabby Union is living her truth & that's what works for her, but I think 50/50 ism doesn't protect from financial abuse so it's like an unhealthy coping mechanism
That’s not what made me mad. It was the idea that she was somehow facing financial instability, she even referenced food instability. That was annoying to me.
It’s quite sad how many black women never truly get to sit in their feminine and experience a man providing… you literally never hear about this with other races
Exactly 💯
It's so ironic to me that some woman say they want equally but at the same time will be distraught at the idea of a 50/50 relationship.
Of course most regular women (not wealthy women like Gabrielle Union) are going to have an issue with 50/50 relationships- it's proven that women do most of the domestic labour in the household- if there's children, she will do more of the parenting- so imagine working and providing 50% of the finances, while doing most of the undervalued domestic labour. Also women can want equality while not wanting a 50/50 relationship, because a stay at home wife/mother provides a lot of domestic labour- which is equally as important to money.
There is no 50/50 once kids and babies come into the picture. It’s brutally hard to be pregnant and trying to work at the same time. You also will take the brunt of child raising. 50/50 financially is very hard for the woman then
A 50/50 relationship would also entail that your husband is as involved with kids and domestic work as you are. Yes he might not be able to get pregnant but he can do a lot to make your pregnancy a little easier but taking on more responsibility
@@KhumoitsileMphoin my case wouldn’t work out. My kids love their dad/husband but when it comes down to the nitty gritty they want mommy. Later when they get older I will go back to work but it is such a blessing to know I have the choice of when I work versus being forced to. I basically have a full time job with the kids despite my husband doing his best to help after work.
@@KhumoitsileMpho That is what you would call a " perfect case scenario" lol it's highly unrealistic. Is it getting better? - sure- but most men are not interested in the 50/50 like you describe, women are still doing the majority of the domestic labour- if you happen to find a man that is a true partner then I wish you nothing but happiness, but I do need you to understand he is a rarity and most women don't have that good fortune 😂
I'm not mad at the ongoing conversations, I like hearing different people's perspectives and reasonings behind their perspectives... the same way I clicked on this video to hear yours , but yeah , I agree that some folks can keep their think pieces to themselves when they're not contributing anything new to the conversation , or even something old presented in a different way for different ears
i was on a girls' trip recently and Gab Union came up when we were talking about memoirs , then her recent 50/50 comment came up & no one in the airbnb was a fan... I hadn't looked into it , but now that your video popped up into my suggestions and I've heard more , dare I say I'm not mad at Gab Union ?! [hides face]
shoot.. i think i may go write me a think piece folks are tired of hearing
I agree with you. Marriage is about being in a partnership. It’s about being a “we” and a “us”. There were times when I didn’t work and my husband took the reigns. There were times when he didn’t work and I took the reigns. I hope Gabby’s relationship works for her, it honestly sounds stressful IMO to not truly have someone to have your back (financially).
Side note: I can barely hear you on these most recent videos. Mic/audio issues?
New Subscriber!!!
i love your video without even starting to watch lol
People should do what works for them. Period. As long as neither person is uncomfortably compromising or overcompensating, there’s no wrong answer.
I always say do what’s best for you and your household. It’s really no one’s business what’s going on but she decided to run her mouth about their marriage.
I think any woman wishing to have a lifestyle where a man financially supports her needs to have her own money as well. I’ve heard of situations where the man leaves (divorce, death, etc.) and the woman is left scrambling trying to get her life together because she decided to be nothing more than a housekeeper. The best thing you can do especially when you don’t have kids yet is to educate yourself and make sure you have money on the side.
There is nothing wrong with a 50/50 relationship at all. 50/50 doesnt mean youre completely on your own or your partner wont help when things get hard. It just means the general agreement is that. 50/50 doesnt always mean financial, it could be house work, childcare etc just that both contribute equally. People are spinning this into a false narrative
Excellent video
On a side note, there is a lesson about living above your means here. Gabby was talking about being stressed about not being able to provide for multiple households. Yea, no. At her level if you’re still stressing about finances then something has got to give.
I am sick of this conversation. I don’t feel sorry for either of them. They are too old to not know that what happens in their relationship is no one’s business. They opened themselves up to criticism. Personally, I think their 50/50 relationship is pitiful. Black women are always defending black men when they are not willing to be providers. It even happens when they are completely broke. It’s definitely not something I would flex if i were Gabrielle because Wade has made it apparent that he doesn’t value Gabrielle or their marriage. Married black women really be miserable and their relationship proves it. She might as well be single.
These 50/50 conversations are a psychologically study in the impact of socioeconomic down turns on people's psychological/emotional health, especially those who occupy marginizalized identities. Its kinda hillarious yet sad. You see the impact of trauma.. poverty, insecurity, misogyny, classism all happening in one thread. A conversation that is usually basic partnership dialogue: How would we distribute household chores and the frequency it occurs amongst each other? How will our finances be distributed..now these mundane conversations have become gladitor pits of misery 😂😂😂
People are truly struggling. Alot of people in these comments too, and it shows.
I think it’s a good conversation to have to show women they have other options. Women can also take the time to appreciate their innate feminine qualities.
Unrelated..but your hair is ❤
Why are 50/50 relationships even debatable nowadays? Women had to fight so much for their freedom and independence and now we try to take that back? Why? A grown woman should be totally capable to provide for herself, she’s not a child that needs to be taken care of or provided for. Also, I think women should have higher standards as to not accept to be a servant or a maid for her bf/husband. Back in the days the man was the one that wouldn’t accept a woman who didn’t cook/clean etc. Now why isn’t acceptable for women to not want a man that can’t do basic housework? He’s also not a child.
I promise, a guy that provides everything for you and he doesn’t want you to make your own money is not right! Usually they are looking for a servant that they can control and manipulate as they like. They won’t be afraid of losing you, because they know you have nowhere else to go
I don’t agree with the advice to simply stop talking about things because it may garner negative reactions. That was Gabby’s truth. That entire interview was so vulnerable and honest and surprising relatable.. I believe people became so upset because they are invested in the fantasy of black love rather than the reality of it. And the reality is, most of us will not marry sole providers. You can be as beautiful, wealthy, and talented as Gabriel Union and still end up splitting finance responsibilities with your partner. That is reality.
I will NEVER do a 50/50 relationship until men start adding housework, childcare and the emotional labour into the equation. All they think about is the money part. If i'm paying half the bills then he better be doing the dishes and mopping the floors and taking out the garbage half the week as well. He better be helping with pack the kids lunches and take them to afterschool activities. And he definitely better be planning things in our family with me and helping out with errands and such. Then we can talk about 50/50 financially wise.
That being said, I've never met a man who was willing to do half of those things in our relationship so they end up paying for mostly everything and they're okay with it. And I'm okay with doing more housework if it means he pays most of the bills.
cleaning up after yourself is part of being an adult, what kind of lazy man are you dealing with wtf😂😂
@@rochester3i know you read all of what she said 🙄
@@RedElephant169 and i still stick with what i said.. i don't see your point, she's choosing lazy men that only willing to pay$$ for their lack of physical nurturing which i find funny🤣🤣
@@rochester3 men by and large do not do 50% of everything outside of earning money
@@RedElephant169 if so then these are the men you woman choose to be with, if a woman is living with me in my house I’m paying the mortgage and phone bill internet, car insurance and she’s responsible for what ever expenses she incurs, I don’t expect her to do much besides clean up after herself as an adult, we work together as a couple