The Only Three Things a Woman Can Expect from a Man - Trevor Noah Presents: Josh Johnson #(Hashtag)

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  • Опубліковано 11 лют 2025
  • Josh Johnson breaks down the three attributes a woman can expect to find in a man.
    Watch Trevor Noah Presents: Josh Johnson #(Hashtag) June 18 on Comedy Central.
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    UA-cam: / joshjohnsoncomedy
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    Watch full Comedy Central stand-up specials: www.cc.com/top...
    #StandUp #JoshJohnson .
    Comedy Central Stand-Up: Anti-Bias Statement: www.cc.com/inf...

КОМЕНТАРІ • 996

  • @mis7289
    @mis7289 3 роки тому +6522

    I am obsessed with how Josh Johnson looks different every time. Some days we get hobo, other days we get gentleman, today he is the 6th member of the Jackson 5

  • @RyynerWicked
    @RyynerWicked 3 роки тому +5039

    This ain't even a joke its just highly accurate

  • @Djwunmoshen
    @Djwunmoshen 3 роки тому +5024

    Josh looks like a forgotten Jackson........ like he was the one who choreographed all the dance moves but sat in the back ground.

    • @ghbvc
      @ghbvc 3 роки тому +112

      Damn bro why did you have to do him like that 😂😂😂

    • @chelleholmes1012
      @chelleholmes1012 3 роки тому +24

      I agree 😂😍

    • @specialwhenlit8435
      @specialwhenlit8435 3 роки тому +63

      The colloquial term for that is, "the blackground"

    • @spych0367
      @spych0367 3 роки тому +23

      @@ghbvc his fault for wearing that sgt peppers bullshit

    • @vanessamillwood9710
      @vanessamillwood9710 3 роки тому +2

      😂😂😂😂

  • @Vintage_geek
    @Vintage_geek 3 роки тому +4054

    His delivery keeps improving... he'll be doing perfect deadpan soon. Really one of the best young comedians we are seeing evolve right now.

    • @jessm9520
      @jessm9520 3 роки тому +1

      💯

    • @anastasiavasilyeva5116
      @anastasiavasilyeva5116 3 роки тому +2

      who are some of the other ones?

    • @Vintage_geek
      @Vintage_geek 3 роки тому +31

      @@anastasiavasilyeva5116 The one on top at this moment, for me, is Bo Burnham, but he's not really a stand up comedian. Sam Morrill and Mark Normand come to mind.

    • @ungoyone
      @ungoyone 3 роки тому +1

      This is deadpan?

    • @Vintage_geek
      @Vintage_geek 3 роки тому +6

      @@ungoyone He's getting there, i think.

  • @AMactor
    @AMactor 3 роки тому +4611

    Give
    Josh
    Johnson
    A
    Netflix
    Stand up
    Special

    • @MissJade777
      @MissJade777 3 роки тому +30

      Already!

    • @sobegurl18
      @sobegurl18 3 роки тому +26

      Yes! Would 100% watch!

    • @leobustos740
      @leobustos740 3 роки тому +12

      jesus PUHLEASE

    • @Ceares
      @Ceares 3 роки тому +8

      yes! have watch two clips and hell, yes!

    • @zyloe2585
      @zyloe2585 3 роки тому +2

      Ya plz

  • @javierluna5235
    @javierluna5235 3 роки тому +2825

    This dude gets funnier every time

  • @TheGuniverse2k
    @TheGuniverse2k 3 роки тому +898

    This was actually a college lecture.

  • @DanGolag
    @DanGolag 3 роки тому +499

    The way he delivers "I hate that for you", my god.

  • @LeesaDeAndrea
    @LeesaDeAndrea 3 роки тому +1805

    Worse than ending up with a one, is ending up with a zero.

    • @elliecee8114
      @elliecee8114 3 роки тому +40

      This is completely untrue.

    • @juicychips
      @juicychips 3 роки тому +141

      you could get a negative

    • @bebopman5
      @bebopman5 3 роки тому +76

      Seemingly, ending up with all 3 is a death sentence, so it's really diminishing returns.

    • @beatrizdelaportilla988
      @beatrizdelaportilla988 3 роки тому +116

      Sometimes you can even get with a two, and after a couple of years, they've diminished to a zero

    • @coachtouden
      @coachtouden 3 роки тому +86

      Yes but this is why so many folk end up miserable in a relationship because they would rather have someone than no one. That's a recipe for disaster.

  • @co0ki3M0NstAr
    @co0ki3M0NstAr 3 роки тому +901

    When he said make a mold and leave I screamed laughing 🤣🤣 "no one ever says my dildo forgot my birthday" 🤣🤣🤣 FACTs

    • @navi3430
      @navi3430 3 роки тому +19

      I WHEEZED WHEN HE SAID THAT 😂😂😂

    • @cockeyedoptimista
      @cockeyedoptimista Рік тому +2

      Yeah, that part really broke me up, the dildo and the birthday.

  • @vawkie
    @vawkie 3 роки тому +425

    "you have a great job?" had me BURSTING with laughter good lord

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops 3 роки тому +21

      Best part about this that it still leaves uncertainty about which of the three he lacks.

  • @shannonwilliams2777
    @shannonwilliams2777 3 роки тому +134

    I screamed at the part when he said "Nobody puts their vibrator back in the drawer and says, "He forgot my birthday" "

  • @jbmp1390
    @jbmp1390 3 роки тому +432

    My boy Josh not even telling jokes in this one. He's just speaking FACTS.

    • @MissJoy16
      @MissJoy16 Рік тому +3

      This is a secular sermon if I've ever heard one

  • @NicoleKada
    @NicoleKada 3 роки тому +1226

    It’s only a little scary how accurate this is. Also, I can’t decide on my 2 lmao

    • @carmagurl317
      @carmagurl317 3 роки тому +25

      Same girl !

    • @100kOsiel91
      @100kOsiel91 3 роки тому +5

      😂

    • @carmagurl317
      @carmagurl317 3 роки тому +7

      @Mass Debater Your user name suggests not ! KIDDING KIDDING ! 😜

    • @taraloker6045
      @taraloker6045 3 роки тому +31

      It's a tough choice no matter how you spin it, but I believe he's right. 😂

    • @LisaEverette
      @LisaEverette 3 роки тому +2

      Same

  • @alex_dragon
    @alex_dragon 3 роки тому +97

    He has grown so much in his confidence. He never really struggled with it, but you can really see him coming into his own here and truly savoring those moments.

  • @auspicioustoot
    @auspicioustoot 3 роки тому +948

    He’s dressed like he’s ready for African Mortal Kombat.

  • @sarahfoley2746
    @sarahfoley2746 3 роки тому +660

    This dude is hilarious 🤣 I will forever use the 1, 2 or 3 system now 👏👏👏

    • @humanity9158
      @humanity9158 3 роки тому +10

      Hahahhaah....me too...I really have learnt this...Ooh My God!!!

    • @Sarachouska
      @Sarachouska 3 роки тому +1

      I guess you can also pick one and lower your standard in the 2 others

    • @emilyraley9410
      @emilyraley9410 Рік тому +2

      Never choose just 1 , 3 is near impossible, you have to choose 2

  • @missclayman5180
    @missclayman5180 3 роки тому +66

    My friend, who is happily engaged, is listening in and when he said the three things she went “…true.” LOL

  • @samuelyoung1236
    @samuelyoung1236 3 роки тому +782

    I would pay money for a stand up special I hope he writes more great jokes. He’s going places!

    • @aisherwasher6959
      @aisherwasher6959 3 роки тому +9

      He performed a great set in my college town. Hilarious and worth every penny!

    • @christihester7234
      @christihester7234 3 роки тому +11

      He just posted a list of upcoming live shows on his Instagram! Very affordable tickets.

    • @19581958bostonguy
      @19581958bostonguy 3 роки тому +5

      He is currently a writer on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

  • @alianofann
    @alianofann 3 роки тому +368

    Thank you. Finally, after many years of frustration having to talk to all of my girl-friends about this, now I know exactly how to explain to them.

    • @youtubename7819
      @youtubename7819 3 роки тому +28

      I’m one of the upset ones. Noooooo...it’s not fair women have to be all three....noooooo.

    • @kaddiloc1
      @kaddiloc1 3 роки тому +11

      @@youtubename7819 except women aren't all 3 either lol

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops 3 роки тому +31

      @@youtubename7819 I think you underestimate how demanding women are. A lot of women want some idealized guy that is goldilocks just right for her. Basically it goes both ways. People just idealize romantic relationship and put unrealistic expectations on their partner (and themselves) until they learn from experience that nobody's perfect and if someone has to completely adapt to their partners desires it would obliterate the personality they had that attracted them in the first place.
      One of my exes literally wanted me to be polar opposite things at the same time. She wanted a sensitive tough guy, who was independent but listened to her, had ambitions but also wanted to spend lots of time together. I'm like are you sure you want a monogamous relationship, cause it sounds like you want 3 different guys intermitently and I'm stuck every time trying to guess which I'm supposed to be at any given moment. A big part of learning how to have a healthy relationship is learning the boundaries of adaptation. It's great to try and make eachother happy, and there will always have to be some compromises. But if you don't draw the line somewhere, then one day you're gonna wake up staring in the mirror like you just came off a rollercoaster, thinking "What was I like again, before all this started?"
      So in the end you gotta love yourself enough to say "Of course I'll sincerely try my best, but if that's not good enough for you then that's just as far as we can go."

    • @youtubename7819
      @youtubename7819 3 роки тому +6

      @@NLTops ahhahahahahah the ten pounds of salt you have provided me will last me months, thank you so much!

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops 3 роки тому +3

      ​@@youtubename7819 Lol nah just making a point. What's with this overreaction? :P

  • @karikasumi888
    @karikasumi888 3 роки тому +17

    'I hate it for you. I really do. Sincerely.' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @nikkievans5285
    @nikkievans5285 3 роки тому +211

    my god! where was he 6 years ago...he summed up my ex so well. would have saved me a lot of time. Friend box checked!

    • @BadCookWhoJudgesChefs
      @BadCookWhoJudgesChefs 3 роки тому +10

      6 years ago? I believe he was working on a farm and having mental breakdowns.

  • @flamingsword7341
    @flamingsword7341 3 роки тому +94

    Bruh when he said he didn’t know which two he was I was relieved cuz the whole time I was watching I was tryna figure out which two I was

    • @tomdavies9662
      @tomdavies9662 4 місяці тому

      I'm not sure i have even one. I like to think i maybe have 1 but the evidence is against me.
      Regards from a Tom :)

  • @gabsnarwhal4687
    @gabsnarwhal4687 3 роки тому +212

    his pacing is always SO good. love his stand up. fantastic

  • @bluebutterfly5684
    @bluebutterfly5684 3 роки тому +118

    The accuracy. Having this perfectly summed up advice would have saved me a lot of time.

  • @Latino_Hunk
    @Latino_Hunk 3 роки тому +200

    Every time I see this dude his outfit gets more and more eccentric

  • @Kbigwayne
    @Kbigwayne 3 роки тому +398

    He’s Honestly the goat 🐐…can’t wait for his special, movies, etc

    • @BadCookWhoJudgesChefs
      @BadCookWhoJudgesChefs 3 роки тому +8

      GOAT is losing his meaning.

    • @BadCookWhoJudgesChefs
      @BadCookWhoJudgesChefs 3 роки тому +2

      its*

    • @clumsiii
      @clumsiii 3 роки тому +1

      His delivery has always been there and now? Now he's sitting on a stool w one leg (*foot goddammit i meant foot ** just looks like he has more attitude now.. like that's some Ali Siddiq stance idk) on the floor? He's gonna be lifer and we will remember these early years

    • @malcolmexxx2109
      @malcolmexxx2109 3 роки тому +2

      yea definitely not the “goat” but an incredibly poised comic.

    • @nickpagano7134
      @nickpagano7134 3 роки тому +1

      Lol @ the goat

  • @miapdx503
    @miapdx503 3 роки тому +100

    I just need to take a minute and say...his natural and his outfit are straight fire.😏
    At 4:35...that smile was everything...🌺

  • @PlanetMint
    @PlanetMint 3 роки тому +87

    The Set? Killed! The Outfit? Dripped!

  • @Jesse__H
    @Jesse__H 3 роки тому +84

    This is oldschool Josh Johnson. That hair is 🔥

  • @Iamrightyouarewrong
    @Iamrightyouarewrong 3 роки тому +142

    He's F-ing Hilarious.

  • @Starrynight-X-d7k
    @Starrynight-X-d7k 2 роки тому +6

    He is natural and deep , i re-watched this sequence like more than six times and still discover new subtle details

  • @preciousbrown7962
    @preciousbrown7962 3 роки тому +35

    Brilliant! I’ve never heard him do a bad set tbh. This man has me in tears 😭

  • @Sofia-xy4me
    @Sofia-xy4me 3 роки тому +9

    He's unlike any comedian I've ever seen, he's an actor, the way he narrates the story, the pauses, his delivery is incredible, I'm speechless

  • @sechabatheletsane9784
    @sechabatheletsane9784 3 роки тому +45

    I'm not kidding when I say he's one of only 2 comedians that got me hollering at my phone😂😂😂

    • @ThatRedhedd
      @ThatRedhedd 8 місяців тому

      Who was the other one?

  • @SCSilk
    @SCSilk 3 роки тому +79

    I love this man. I set an alarm for this special.

  • @laerica3362
    @laerica3362 2 роки тому +6

    I think about this joke once everyday. Genius!

  • @sewilotrio
    @sewilotrio 3 роки тому +27

    Who wouldn't appreciate an hour an a half stand up special? i am waiting patiently, but just so you know, put it out on your website on your youtube or whereever you want, i am going to watch the hell out of it

  • @Mikeyc2k6
    @Mikeyc2k6 3 роки тому +51

    This guy smashes it EVERY TIME! Looking forward to his future moves, man. I wish him luck

  • @Chuckknotts2000
    @Chuckknotts2000 3 роки тому +134

    Man, teenage Michael Jackson's pretty funny.

    • @kguerr197
      @kguerr197 3 роки тому +6

      Except he's 29 yrs. old. Proceed to be shocked.

  • @landenwest8114
    @landenwest8114 3 роки тому +95

    I love Josh johnson wish he had more comedy posted need more childhood craigslist stories

    • @bennief2038
      @bennief2038 3 роки тому

      Check out his podcast. It's a great JJ fix

  • @gamagoori
    @gamagoori 3 роки тому +29

    the "noooo" pout was so fucking funny and kind of cute

  • @danyellerobinson5940
    @danyellerobinson5940 3 роки тому +46

    This kid is always hilarious and right on point.

  • @senayrogers
    @senayrogers Рік тому +2

    This man just opened my eyes.
    Glad he popped up in my suggestions. What a gem!

  • @xpogosam9690
    @xpogosam9690 3 роки тому +30

    This is one of the best bits I’ve seen all year

  • @AK-jt7kh
    @AK-jt7kh 3 роки тому +16

    I wish I heard this in my early 20s. This is some spot on life advice.

  • @xaviermccreary4670
    @xaviermccreary4670 3 роки тому +62

    He needs to do more stand up💯💯💯💯💯💯

  • @THMILLER
    @THMILLER 3 роки тому +23

    🤣 yep! Let the 1's go ladies.

  • @nemesisbreakz
    @nemesisbreakz 3 роки тому +121

    Ted Bundy reference got me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @Angel-pg7nm
    @Angel-pg7nm 2 місяці тому

    Im so glad there's a good comedian from Louisiana. Lafayette parish person here, and half the stuff he says is basically statewide accurate

  • @sharebeartay
    @sharebeartay 3 роки тому +7

    This made me reevaluate my past relationships...most of these guys didn't even have one!

  • @evylange2888
    @evylange2888 3 роки тому +2

    2:55 had me ON THE FLOOR I got noise complaints from my neighbors

  • @elizabethsampson2794
    @elizabethsampson2794 3 роки тому +10

    The structure of the jokes and the delivery is just so so good.

  • @tessfromtheu.s256
    @tessfromtheu.s256 3 роки тому +45

    Best advice I ever heard in my life I can't breath 🤣🤣🤣 and send to all my friends. Good D, good person. I got the rest! Yes preach!!!!

  • @carlofine3037
    @carlofine3037 3 роки тому +11

    I think Josh is easily the best of the newer generation. His story telling is amazing, his punchlines always hit, his delivery is flawless, I feel like I know him and he is incredibly likable/relatable. Someone like marc normand is likable and has good punchlines but his stories aren’t as personal and I feel disconnected from. Sculz doesn’t have as good punchlines, sam moril isn’t as likable or relatable and so on. Josh doesn’t abuse the one liner and has the perfect balance in how long his jokes go. Super talented guy that I think is hugely underrated.

  • @d.t.6072
    @d.t.6072 Рік тому +2

    I thought he was going for original Michael Jackson when I saw the thumbnail picture.
    Wish we had specials with him that were longer, because he definitely has a lot of talent.
    Even Trevor Noah saw it in him. 😁

  • @glendawells6778
    @glendawells6778 3 роки тому +31

    I fell in love with him when he said I don't know which two I am

  • @galaxylucia1898
    @galaxylucia1898 3 роки тому +7

    I could listen to him talk all day! 😂😂😂He really is becoming better with each year. Wish him all the best in life and I will support him at a live show if he’s ever local.

  • @goregoyles
    @goregoyles 3 роки тому +74

    he has friends

  • @archibaldthejester42069
    @archibaldthejester42069 3 роки тому +16

    YES! MORE JOSH JOHNSON

  • @ninajavier2534
    @ninajavier2534 2 роки тому +11

    A good person with good equipment sounds like a himbo and I'd be okay with that

  • @Victorias_legacy
    @Victorias_legacy 3 роки тому +12

    Bruh I been waiting for another video of this guy to drop. Love him💘💘💘

  • @Peppermon22
    @Peppermon22 3 роки тому +6

    Been thinking about this all week. It’s actually so true.

  • @ladykatnip7698
    @ladykatnip7698 2 роки тому +2

    This is one of my favorite comedy specials.

  • @thestormlscoming
    @thestormlscoming 3 роки тому +7

    He really just gets better and better. This is so true

  • @Werewolf_Eyebrows
    @Werewolf_Eyebrows 4 місяці тому

    Wait…that hairrrrrr. That’s epic. I’m going back to the start of this playlist after watching all your current videos. Whoa! You look great no matter what! Carry on -big fan in Oklahoma

  • @fulltruth
    @fulltruth 3 роки тому +16

    You're the best, Josh! Keep it weird!

  • @ChinaDoll305
    @ChinaDoll305 3 роки тому +2

    His delivery is Everything!

  • @growingindividuals
    @growingindividuals 3 роки тому +9

    I have been waiting an entire year for another one of his specials

  • @lexic.7942
    @lexic.7942 2 роки тому +3

    I effing love Josh ❤️ 😍 💖

  • @laurenl3474
    @laurenl3474 3 роки тому +27

    I love him!

    • @champ1159
      @champ1159 3 роки тому +2

      Me too!

    • @laurenl3474
      @laurenl3474 3 роки тому

      @@champ1159 sir, get off of your own videos 😂

  • @rinrocha9342
    @rinrocha9342 3 роки тому +14

    As an asexual I think the choice between the two things in a guy should be easy 😂😂

  • @gabycaramanli
    @gabycaramanli 3 роки тому +4

    This guy is going places, he's got it all. Looking forward the Netflix Special. x

  • @matthewwilson3305
    @matthewwilson3305 2 роки тому +2

    Epic. Insightful and brilliant

  • @2Thessalonians1_7
    @2Thessalonians1_7 3 роки тому +18

    That Ted Bundy stuff is gold

  • @44RisingSun44
    @44RisingSun44 3 роки тому +4

    The whole time I was thinking "idk which 2 I am" & then he said that lmao

  • @Glotisverdiamerdorifkelmzvur
    @Glotisverdiamerdorifkelmzvur 2 роки тому +6

    As a psychopath, I gotta say the part about all 3 is pretty damn spot on.

  • @cupcakesimulation
    @cupcakesimulation 3 роки тому +10

    As an Ace, all I need are the last two and I'm good.

  • @losso6418
    @losso6418 3 роки тому +40

    Now that’s how you tell a good joke 😂

  • @laurakibben4147
    @laurakibben4147 18 днів тому

    Having discovered more recent stuff first as opposed to this I can say he has absolutely gotten much better add more relaxed. Comedy is all about the delivery and this guy's got it down over time.

  • @TimpossibleOne
    @TimpossibleOne Рік тому +3

    Josh has all of these "friends", that means he's a good person.

  • @JustMeJH
    @JustMeJH 3 роки тому +7

    He is so freakin funny! Witty and well paced jokes.

  • @joshdarren8554
    @joshdarren8554 3 роки тому +34

    "and if he has one, leave" *me with nothing*

  • @LaineeDeats
    @LaineeDeats 4 місяці тому

    I am obsessed! One of my fav “new” comedians!

  • @lonitoyosi8006
    @lonitoyosi8006 3 роки тому +58

    He adopted a Chappelle storytelling stance in this

    • @thelostcosmonaut5555
      @thelostcosmonaut5555 3 роки тому +8

      Seems like he took some pointers on delivery from Dave as well.

  • @lakehurley3066
    @lakehurley3066 2 роки тому +2

    Good comedy is truth in disguise, and Josh Johnson has a different disguise everytime.

  • @siberiaswan4060
    @siberiaswan4060 3 роки тому +15

    This rule is about to save me a ton of headache and heart break because it's all making WAY too much sense rn...

  • @lolitas_lullabyes
    @lolitas_lullabyes 7 місяців тому

    I love this man.... it's knowledge and humour all in one and I love it.

  • @brianacherry776
    @brianacherry776 3 роки тому +4

    This guy is pure gold man 😂

  • @javierelizalde4653
    @javierelizalde4653 2 роки тому +1

    I really just had fun listening to this one.

  • @bagjuicemami
    @bagjuicemami 3 роки тому +6

    He’s funnier each time I see him, love it ❤️

  • @champ1159
    @champ1159 3 роки тому +8

    I love this guy!

  • @extinctparadise363
    @extinctparadise363 3 роки тому +3

    This guy has got to be one of my favorite random finds on this channel. What a great comedian! 👏🏽👏🏽

  • @bennui42
    @bennui42 3 роки тому +3

    Best advice ever. Wish I knew this sooner... I'm telling both my nieces this valuable information!

  • @nicola-5551
    @nicola-5551 3 роки тому +3

    I didn't know I needed this...So funny🤣🤣 Thank you YT algorithm.

  • @ChristopherPausz
    @ChristopherPausz 3 роки тому +3

    This guy has improved so much. Great set!

  • @Miss-Ann-Thrope
    @Miss-Ann-Thrope 3 роки тому +2

    😂😂😂😂😂 I love his comedy. This set should be part of a movie so the world can hear it. On another note, his shirt is A-MAZ-ING!!!

  • @1feloniouspunk
    @1feloniouspunk 3 роки тому +4

    Dude!!! THIS ROCKED!!!!!

  • @loverofallthingsgoodandpure
    @loverofallthingsgoodandpure 3 роки тому +2

    This bit was so good I didn't want it to end

  • @MHO999999
    @MHO999999 3 роки тому +95

    This sounds like a mixture of Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle, probably influenced by both.

    • @ungoyone
      @ungoyone 3 роки тому +11

      If you're a comedian that hasn't been influenced by both of those guys... I don't know if I wanna hear what you got to say haha.

    • @MHO999999
      @MHO999999 3 роки тому +2

      @@ungoyone Of course artists influence one another. I just wish I couldn't see the influence in his voice, delivery and attitude. Every artist needs to find their own voice, eventually.

    • @beonka84
      @beonka84 3 роки тому +5

      I was getting Donald Glover vibes, but I see what you mean 😂

    • @fatherofizynzay248
      @fatherofizynzay248 3 роки тому +1

      I want him to do a skit called young Paul Mooney