My Divorce Story: Chriselle Lim’s Lonely Marriage and Self-Discovery Journey
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- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
- This week, Valeria is joined by the iconic Chriselle Lim, an OG fashion and lifestyle influencer, entrepreneur, and content creator. The shock of Chriselle’s divorce came after years of her sharing her picturesque seeming family & relationship online - her journey is a true testament to the fact that women continue to suffer in silence in toxic relationships. What you see on the outside is so different from what’s happening inside a marriage. Chriselle is blazing the trail for changing that narrative, breaking down the stigma around divorce and failed relationships, and giving hope to those who are struggling on their own. Valeria and her sit down and chat all about Chriselle’s self-discovery journey throughout and after her divorce, the internal shame that comes with learning to love again, and how they are planning to raise resilient children through positive feminine and masculine role models.
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/ chrisellelim
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What We Talked About:
00:00 Intro
00:42 Self-discovery after divorce
03:47 Feeling alone in a marriage
06:45 The reality of young marriage
10:28 Prenups and partnership
13:25 Embracing change in relationships
16:42 Redefining masculinity and femininity
20:25 Rediscovering joy and feminine energy after divorce
25:58 Present parenting
29:34 Building a solid co-parenting relationship
37:18 Why Chriselle shared her divorce journey
40:48 Letting go of past self
44:40 Finding strength in vulnerability
48:35 Celebrating life after divorce
50:41 Setting boundaries in the world of social media
1:00:57 Overcoming relationship trauma and trusting again
1:03:34 “You don’t need marriage…”
1:12:07 Who is Chriselle now?
#valerialipovetsky #notalone #podcast
Something i see in Gary and Valerias relationship that i think makes it successful (from an outside POV) is that they communicate ALL expectations. All of them. There are no set ups for failure, if Valeria needs something from Gary she tells him. Additionally they have similar definitions for what respect is and are so respectful towards eachother. It's inspiring
Started my separation on November 11th. I needed to hear this as a 32 year old woman who is starting from scratch after 10 years! Thanks ladies 🤗
It was for me. I can't look at old pictures of myself now and not pity myself. I was miserable all the time, now I can be a sunshine most days.
keep on glowing ✨❤️
I love this ! I just went through separation and I can relate so much . So happy I choose myself. I am insanely happy now .
Just found this, and I'm so impressed with how articulate Valeria is, especially with conveying emotions. The spoken word can be such a gift and strength.
Also, Valeria's wisdom and maturity is inspiring. Keep shining and leading the path for others! 🌟
Absolutely beautiful podcast. I love how open and authentic Chriselle is ❤
As a semi-recent divorcee I loved this so much. So many things that Chriselle said resonated with me. I was also completely alone in my marriage and in motherhood. I was a married single mom basically. Granted my ex turned out to be pretty much a narcissist (and I am not describing just a regular egoist). But this was so helpful in ways I didn’t even realize I needed to hear
Great podcast - i love the way they were both asking questions and both being thoughtful with their answers.
I watched for the first time this podcast and I was hooked until the end of the episode. I’m married and it was so refreshing to hear two women talking so smoothly about the perspective of marriage and divorce today. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤
🙏🏻❤️ so glad you enjoyed it!!
I found this podcast very beautiful!The insights and the wisdom shared in a calm conversation that makes us feel like being part of a lunch catch up date with them makes it relatable and actually allows to think of so many more perspectives. Loved the acknowledgment of we are thinking ahead but actively stepping one step back and focusing on the present moment. And the emphasis on feminine energy and allowing fun (especially after mentioning to have surpassed the ‚man hating phase‘ of the divorce)
You are doing such a beautiful work with the podcasts Valeria 😍
I'm a big fan of Chriselle, I follow her since the beginning. Now i respect her even more! Big hugs from Mexico!
sending love!
I was so excited to see two women I follow the longest time together! Love the podcast you guys are the best
Aw, thank you so much ❤🥹
You and Gary are a team! What a great example of a couple that is together and helping each other! Love how you share your points!!!!
Thank you 🙏🏻❤️
Can’t wait!! ❤
This talk thankfully made me realize how I was living in the future in my head, no wonder I was feeling sad in the present. I totally got reminded to live in the moment which is something I stand by. Thank you for this insightful episode, loved it from start to finish. Keep going! ✨
So glad this episode helped! Thanks for watching ❤️
Best podcast episode ❤ Love them both ❤
Side note, I’ve been following Valeria on and off. From this interview, it is magical to see her evolution over time.
Loved this so much! :) Thank you
Glad you enjoyed it!
I was really looking forward to this ❤
Hope you enjoy it!!
I really really needed this today. Thank you Valeria and Chriselle!
Glad this one came at the right time for you ❤️
i love this ! thank you ladies ❤
❤️ Thanks for watching!
Exactly one month ago today, I left the man whom I thought was the love of my life. I had been with him for 15 years, on and off. I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 3 years ago, and found out 6 weeks ago, he had been cheating on me as I was going through treatment. It is a death. I left and have not spoken or communicated with him at all. I deleted all the pictures, and feel like my old self was a lie with him. I know I have more important issues in my life (cancer) but this has broken my heart more than cancer.
Wow this is incredibly sad. I’m so sorry and I wish you the best. In such a difficult time, you should have love and support. I hope you have a friend or family. 😢
@@Gurlhmong Thank you. I have amazing friends and family.
very sad indeed but they always do that when we are at our lowest. I almost died with the birth of our third baby just to find out last night that he had been cheating. We have three small kids but i choose myself, I need to show my kids that it aint ok to put it up with that. its hard and I have no idea where to start from but deep down I know choosing myself is the right way forward.
@@ralisimon4848 I am so sorry. Yes, choose yourself! It will be hard but you will feel liberated. Your children will understand. Good luck and stay strong!
That is so true and such great advice about divorce, like you feel it way before you even think of putting pen to paper. It's like a storm coming way before you see it but you know something bad is coming off on the horizon.
I would like to hear the other side as well. Because she makes it sound like he is the only reason they failed and we really don’t know. It’s good she is happy now but divorce is so different for her each and this makes it sound like her divorce is like a good example. I admire her success and her courage but talking about this in such a positive note all the time never mentioning she was happy at some point I mean she had two beautiful girls makes me want to be really careful with what these “deep” conversations really are, just a talk between two people that like any of us are trying to figure it out every day
all her interview always play out that she was not happy and had to choose herself.
@@nantha07 praying mantis comes to mind 😮
I completely agree with you. as someone who followed her from day one with Michelle Phan, I think, as she said here herself, she had an unexpected rise to fame and success as a youtuber, and since it meant something more fun, powerful and better to her than being a wife, mom and a careerwoman, she followed that option. I doubt that she truly loved her husband, actually she hints it here by saying that she was just following the marrying crowd and doing what everybody was doing with the fear of being left with worse options (as they say in some cultures avoiding being 'bad apples at the bottom of the basket' as if there is such a thing🙄) I would have felt terrible hearing that if I was her ex. He was a significantly handsome guy with a great cv so maybe she did not even stop and love him for who he is in a soulful way.
Great convo. ❤
Vulnerable and insightful conversation 🙏🏻
thank you ❤️
This podcast brought me to tears. I felt all the same feelings when I went through my divorce 4 years ago. I hope you find your partner to grow with you. I found mine and I don’t even remember the girl I was back then now that I have my true partner in life
Just started watching, I looove Chriselle. Can’t wait to hear her story.
she's truly inspiring ❤ hope you enjoy this conversation!
such intelligent conversations. love this. thank you for sharing your life experiences and thoughts.
Hello Valeria,
This is such a beautiful conversation and such a great podcast Love you so much Valeria! Love, Janice and Larry Watson Pittsburgh PaA
Loved this episode! ❤
Glad to hear it ❤
Beautiful and clever guest❤
Gorgeous interview. Thank you.
Love this episode
Great guests!! Great job! I'm impressed...
Thank you 🙏🏻
Positive masculinity role models there are several growing up like- Family matters, Full house, Home Improvement, Boy meets world. More masculine action role models- Superman, IronMan, Spider man, Batman, etc. Men and women can not be equals if they are couples in the 21st century. Its hard for men to treat women like a princess and at the same time having to carry many household chores and maintaining a job at the same time. Men now are not like the men our parents and grandparents time. These days it really takes a partnership in order for relationships to succeed.
Very nice points that both wise women make!
Currently going through a separation, this is just what I needed today…❤️
Glad this could help!
Valeria was young but luckily Gary was mature and likely overly ready for marriage. My husband and I were BOTH 20 years old when we married and the first 3 years were terribly, terribly hard and I consider it a miracle we made it through that period. I am in awe of my grandma who was married at 16 but I guess that's how things were done back then.
I agree, first few years of marriage are the hardest. I also have a grandma that got married at 17y old, my grandfather was 32. Through out their marriage my grandmother was not always happy but she always said she could not walk away from her husband. She cared that my mom would have her father and that her grandchildren would have their grandfather. I really admire my grandmother and her choices. Because of my grandma’s example my mom have had successful marriage and so do I, among our families we have no divorce. Because all women in my family mature and level headed we attract very strong, hard working, responsible spouses that end up treating all of us like queens.
she didn't have money when she married her husband and she wanted a prenup for what? for her "future business"? Prenups are for pre-marrital assets which she had none. I'm not sure if her "little side hustle" would go anywhere had it not been her ex's financial support in the beginning. What am I missing here?
You can define in a prenup how what is bought in marriage is split up in case of divorce. E.g. you can mention that everything is split in the same proportion how it was bought. If a partner buys a house in marriage by her/himself, (s)he can keep it after divorce. If it was 70/30, then it is split correspondingly after divorce.
This episode was good and interesting but the many ads really disrupts the flow and listening experience
Thank you Valeria ❤ Being in a marriage or divorce doesn't really matter, except our wellbeing and the kids one🌹 There is so much on our plate from both reality anyway, ultimately being healthy, honourable with our intention and happiness are the fundamental pyramid. I wish the best of luck to both of You ❤ I love you
the point Valeria makes about boys having way less examples on healthy masculinity is extremely important, I always say women's issues are also men's issues, we should not treat the subject by focusing on and fixing one gender's issues. women's issues are men's issues.
Yes emotional support is so big men think
It’s just financial
It’s emotional too !
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Loved this video but I think it should be clarified that getting married young is not unwise in itself. In many situations, it is a very wise thing to do if the two people want to have children and not be old parents or they want to start building a shared vision together - starting earlier in that case is a better idea but only IF those two young people know who they are and what they want out of their lives and are willing to put in the work as partners. So I would say it’s not a good thing to discourage young marriage but it is a good thing to discourage people from marrying when they have not yet grown to a place of knowing themselves deeply and what they want for their lives. The distinction is very important and I say this as a 21 year old who has wanted very seriously to be married for a decade and has spent the last ten years preparing myself for what I want. Getting to know myself deeply was a huge part of that preparation, so it is very invalidating when people say to me that young marriage is unwise across the board. It very much depends on the growth levels of the individuals.
Love this content! Women supporting women.
miscommunication is often caused by unmet expectations that weren't communicated or both ppl aware of in the first place. communication is hard.
this was weird to watch; I find valeria to be very genuine, organic and someone who has nonmaterialistic values - knowing chriselle way longer than her, I find chriselle to be very opposite of that, she always came across selfish and metarialistic to me, after her hiatus she looks even more that way, some of her new boyfriend reels are a bit cringey even, although she was always a woman with a good taste.
one more point, I think she simply is not a motherly woman. It has been quite obvious to me. I wish she was honest about that because there are a lot of women having kids and they are not motherly people. that is a hidden pain no one ever talks about. sharing her experience of that would have been way more helpful, although I recognize that showing courage to admit that takes a special level of self-love and truthfulness. at least she could have just skipped this sharing her 'divorce wisdom'.
Agree 💯💯💯💯
I agree too, with every point you’ve pointed out. Chriselle does come across to me as very a self centred & materialistic person. But yet again, none of us truly know her and what she has gone & is going through. I just hope she is happy & feels content now like she portrays online.
I am 100% with you, you speak my heart 😊
Sound like you're possibly her bitter ex. That or a red-pill dude who can't get it even when you pay for it.. so you resent people
This!
I realised I physically had a partner, but not emotionally very early on in the marriage. 👍🏻
I don’t find the IG account of valeria anymore.. why?
Home vlogs please!
i'm glad she learned from this divorce cause forcing your children to be in your content... ooof. the boundaries of those around you matter too! they most definitely should have a say in whether or not they wanna be posted online.
That’s a good way to explain a prenup…it’s like a seatbelt
Chris Elle is really confident. She praised herself being beautiful, strong etc… I don’t know her inside but she’s not an eye candy for sure
30 years old having first child 😊is a good age , not too young. Right ?
55:16 you've realized that you don't want to open your household to everybody!
Than you should change your channel description "... and gives you an all-access pass into the Lipovetsky household".... ❤
Ugh are we still talking about her divorce? Is SHE really STILL talking about it?? We have enough books, content and shared wisdom about this topic everywhere already!
It’s way too much, she need to stop
@@yvette4933 Yes it is too much. For someone who thinks she "liberated" herself from an unwanted life, she sure is still trapped in the paradigm of that marriage as THE DIVORCEE. Does she really want to be identified through her divorce? She may as well have decided to get final use out of that marriage by blasting her divorce stories as her main come-back PR campaign!! We got the message, okay, you got a divorce, now you're living your best manic life with your new boo and a great sex life, yes, so stop shoving your post-divorce wisdom down everyone's throat and main page! We're all so over it, Chriselle!
which book?
No I needed this! More in depth! Maybe you didn’t need it but people going. Through divorce NEEDED this!
Whether you're in a good or bad place in your relationship, I think it's important to hear other women's experiences so that you can navigate your own trials knowing you're not alone, or be the person to show someone else going through trials that they are not alone. Loneliness is the hardest emotion to move through. My heart breaks for Chriselle and anyone going through a rough time. Her story is helping so many women feel seen and heard and ultimately feel less lonely.
23:11 ❤❤ .. 29/03 fri :)))
I’m confused so if you didn’t have a partner emotionally why did you get married in the first place? You would think that this is a quality that you would want to assure yourself of prior to making such a commitment I’m genuinely asking this not to be hurtful, but because I really don’t understand the situation.
Gosh Why Chriselle is still going with the divorce contents? It’s totally ditching her past image and say “ oh my old motherly businesswoman figure is a scam and shout out to the world I was not at fault, it was situational and look at me I’m happy.
It seems like Chriselle is not understanding the importance of the future and to plan ahead. Clearly her daughter is trying to tell her to be more mature and stop being selfish
I don't think there is any woman that can be a good mum and bring home ALL the bread as well.
Her husband was right she did change she got money and fame and now she thinks she can do better she's selfish
I know her ex-husband wish he didn't give her no kids
Can’t take serious couple of this girl and garry. Ok she had daddy issues and survival mode, she would fall to any old dude who “protects her”. But what garry had common with 20 yo? Def not her “mind”, probably body and “easy to manipulate” option
Her husband proved with time he is investing in her and in their kids and he seems very supportive
They have a lot in common, their faith ( both Jewish, came from the same culture, where a man is a mucho man and girl is a princess) they have good marriage despite age difference. American culture would never get it, it comes within.
@josephinesmith3131
Shes jewish??
*Islamic God's words on divorce*
And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then *she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him* . And if the latter husband divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon the woman and her former husband for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allah. These are the limits of Allah, which He makes clear to a people who know.
Qur'an 2:230
Alhamdulillah
Society in marriage changed. I hate the new modern woman
So fake and superficial 🥵
Feminist mobo jumbo
Sad to hear these stories. Marriage is a commitment, especially if kids are involved. I don’t respect women who gave up on their marriages. Divorce is always a choice not something out of your control.
I respect your opinions but I want to know what you think: So the commitment of each partner is to the marriage and not love or happiness for yourself? What happens if people grow out of love and lose respect for each other…Should they continue to stay together? What is the alternative for those who lose respect for one another and have tried their best to no avail..
If the marriage contract is binding forever, there would be no divorce process. It would be forbidden. Would you still lose your respect to the men who vowed to take care of a woman, but yet either emotionally or even worse physically abuse or control their spouse?
I mean there is a range of what could happen to irrevocably break a marriage and a person down.
To say you lose respect for women who divorce is quite an insensitive thing to say when you’re not in their position..😢
I understand your point. There are circumstances in marriage that are legitimate for divorce ( ex infidelity or physical substance abuse that leads to bodily abuse) . I agree in these circumstances women’s safety comes first, over any commitment. However I do think commitment to marriage trumps your personal happiness, which is very fleeting and poorly understood by any one. I have been married for over 20 years and understand ups and downs of marriage. It is really up to women to have successful marriage. I always treated my marriage as a job. Like in any job there is professionalism and standards ( ex be healthy, be groomed, use manners, communicate, constantly improve yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, don’t be late and don’t take long vacations , you may be replaced 😂).
I appreciate your answer. I see your point about the “job” example. But it really would help if the partner also does the same which in super rare.. for me personally I had a lot of suicidal thoughts because I felt I was trapped. Not trapped in the marriage but trapped in a link to my partner due to having a child.
It’s tough, I honestly think if I’m unhappy I would not be able to raise a happy child. There’s no pretending for me.
If I’m not happy I may as well be dead. That being said, if there are terrible situations women should have the choice to leave. We all have our own journey to go through
Being sad and have suicidal thoughts are not unique to anyone. We all have these moments that is why you always have to wait one more day…❤
When it comes to partners I would advise to lower your expectations or have no expectations at all. That is why you should date them but save intimacy for your husband. You have to be picky to select a right one.
There is always time in marriage that one spouse does not do their duties what ever by choice or other unforeseen circumstances. My parents for example were married for over 40 years. In last 10 years my mom got severely sick. My dad could have walked away with minimal judgment ( everyone would have understood) but he did not walk away. He honored his commitment. I think because God helped him. If you find faith and put your trust in God, you will have ability to overcome many things and be happy in the same time. I wish you well.
@@josephinesmith3131i am very sorry but respectfully i can’t agree on the part that the success in marriage comes down to women. And that saving intimacy helps anyone choose a better partner. Because I did that. Only had one relationship, got married after five years and was married for 4 years. Had a child, worked on the marriage all on my own, tried therapy for myself thinking that maybe if I fix myself to the oblivion my partner would finally pick up the slack. Because we did discuss everything before the marriage. And seemed like we agreed on everything. For then to see how everything changed once I was financially dependent on maternity leave and all the masks fell off. I was emotionally abused and then threatened physically. No one could have seen that coming. Because on paper he seemed perfect. On the outside we looked like a power couple. Until I stopped participating in the illusion and divorced that narcissistic and infantile person he showed himself to be. So no, it shouldn’t come down to only women working on the marriage. Two people agree and take vows. Both of them should be responsible on working on them.