Is Your Kid Heading To College? You Need To Watch This | Mel Robbins
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
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Sending a kid off to college? I have some tips for you.
Your kids are going to have a completely different experience than you did when they get to campus for the first time.
Why? Social media. Becoming a confident adult in the era of FOMO isn’t an easy task, so you’ll have to do a few things that may go against your natural parental instincts.
After sending our first off to college last year I learned a handful of ways to be there as a mom, but also help improve skills that will come in handy as the years pass.
I share those tips here in this new video, and they may not be what you think.
I've also made a video of my top advice for incoming college students so they can make the most of their experience. You can watch that video here: • What every college stu...
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I would also add that parents need to trust themselves. You did a fine job getting your young person to this point.
🧢 af
@@spectralmuffin6487why?
Thank you Mel I needed to hear this. It’s been hard to let go of my kid. I think many of us want to be there to support, protect and “help” our kids but they have to go through the pains of growing up.
So I will be watching this video EVERY time I have the urge to call my son in these early days after drop off. The comments section has been truly helpful as well. I am super close to my son, he is my only child and we have a ton in common. I know I set the best foundation I could and it’s his time to figure the rest out. He has luckily made friends easy and joined some clubs. I miss him and my heart hurts but that’s my problem not his and I will figure stuff out.
Thanks for such a great video!
-Kelly🇨🇦
Omg I feel you
Update after a year?
@@JW-fh1enthings have gone well for my son in year 2. He had many things that forced more responsibility on him in the first year. He got really sick and had to figure out where the school clinic was and go himself and get his own medicine. He had to deal with failing a class and retaking it. He had to take the bus to get where he wanted to go. This year he’s living off campus with friends and has a job at school for his pocket money and 1/2 rent. He is so much more confident and deals with things on his own. I am still sad that he’s away and I feel like the house is empty without him but it’s easier knowing he’s thriving. So now I just spoil the dog and my husband gets more baked treats in his lunch:)
Thank you Mel. My son started at university (college) in February. He's usually a very driven and independent young man, but recently started having panic attacks and suffering debilitating anxiety. He's doing everything he can to be busy, and is doing exceptionally well academically. He's always been the child I had to tell to put the homework down and go and be a kid... to balance his study and social life. Have never told him what he should do, but encouraged him to follow his heart, do what he feels drawn to, and that he is smart enough to work things out, but I'll be here if he needs me. After a few weeks, I started receiving texts and phone calls from a very distressed and hysterical "boy"! This is not the same intelligent, together and easy going young man I dropped off a few weeks earlier. He's a mess in ways I've never seen with him before.
Not knowing what else to do, I called my boss (old school friend whose son is the same age as mine) and told her what was happening, and that I would not be at work for a few days. She was very supportive, and told me to take the time I needed to help him over his new hurdles. I drove the 5 hours to where he was and took him out for dinner (The issues at the time, were in the dorm rooms) and it was what he needed at that time. We spoke, he told me how he would approach his new obstacles and he started smiling again. All seemed ok for a couple of weeks after my return home, he just needed to know he could call and be supported. But recently has been reaching out and telling me he's really "down". He's told me that he can't sleep, is having panic attacks and is saying that he is very anxious most of the time. He's not the type of person to wallow and is usually proactive in trying to solve his own problems... his mantra is "it'll bother me until I do it, so I'll just get it done".
He's sort out help, took himself to counselling and has been referred to a health service for youth. After a conversation in which he mentioned he wasn't sure what else he could do,
I sent him a "gift"... your audible book "The 5 second rule". He responded to the gift by texting "I've come across the 5 second rule before, but haven't read the book. Guess I forgot to make it a habit. Thanks mum". I also sent him a link to sign up for "Mindset reset" to which I had signed up for moments before he texted (I also sent it to my husband and my mother and have printed the guide out to work on with my younger son who is 12 years old). Waiting to hear from him to see if he's listening to the book and signed up for the mindset reset. I might need to reach out and let him know I'm still in his corner at some point in the near future, but I've never been a helicopter parent, letting him make mistakes but making sure I'm there (Not necessarily physically) if he needs me... Fingers crossed.
I'm not at all an anxious person, and trust my son to make good decisions, but this is testing me.
Thank you Mel, for providing hope and a means to support my son as he learns to use new tools to cope with his new, more independent life as an adult, and tools to help me remain my usual calm self, while he does ❤
My son is going through it
He is feeling anxious because he is aimless. You sent him to hell is what you did. Let the man work various types of jobs to figure out what he likes doing, while saving up money at home to get ahead financially
Parents don’t realize how much of a waste of time and money college is these days. I regret going. Could have had my house paid off by now had I not gone to college
@t-irdproductions9112 he chose to go to university. There were countless other options, but that's what he chose. I didn't "send" him. He's not regretted going. He just encountered closed-minded and opinionated people who were biased and gave advice based on their own regrets, much the same as you just did, and that was the problem as it turned out. That was 4 years ago, and he's doing very well now... thanks for asking 😉
Thanks, Mel for this video. Especially on the people not pushing their kids or others into a major. Both my parents had passed on before I graduated High School and my advisors told me to pursue a business degree rather than going after art.
This lead to 5 years and 4 jobs of absolute misery. Now I'm about to be 26 and am just now returning to my original interests.
Your business background might be handy when it comes to making a living in art. I would rack it up as experience.
Pea Stone very true. Use your misery as a strength in your art interest. Create an art business :-)
@@itsnotallrainbowsandunicor1505 I agree, people in art usually don't know much about marketing themselves and get ripped off easily
Through high school, our kids had light part time employment, but their JOB was to do their best in school. They all did very well, and received college scholarships in varying degrees. Our son started last week. He earned a full tuition scholarship. In order to keep it, he must maintain an aggressive GPA. He will not have a paying job right away, as we discussed that his "salary" (scholarship) is more than any job he could have while maintaining his standing. He has a full understanding of that value, and the consequences of not "showing up for work." I fully agree with your other points, and this one if he did not have the scholarship.
I was so scared to look this up and find something not so helpful. This was very helpful! Loved the idea of letting the kid go, make their mistakes, learn, and grow with the privilege (not every kid does) of knowing they have got a back up with us.
Once again, thanks again for your words of wisdom. I am getting ready to send my daughter off to college next week and these are great reminders for my us. I am sure we have rough waters ahead but I agree with all of your points and I will have to exercise control and remind my wife of these as well...
Eric. You will be fine. It all smooths out if you let it and they "own it". Support them getting involved with activities that are part of school and making decisions on their own. Good luck with her AND your transition.
1st daughter moved out this week. Hearing your message helped. Thank you Mel 🎉
My daughter leaves next week. I needed desperately to hear these things. Thanks Mel!
The talking heads on T.V. always say: "When the kids go off to college" as if everyone can afford to send their adult children to expensive daycare centers for their grown children!!!!
Great advice, Mel! Our son is headed to college tomorrow and I really needed to hear this. Thanks for always being so helpful!
The talking heads on T.V. always say: "When the kids go off to college" as if everyone can afford to send their adult children to expensive daycare centers for their grown children!!!!
Ohhhhhhh. Thank you so very much. My son just finished 1st year and we need to start again. Your words are exactly the reassurance I needed to hear to stand firm.
Thank you Mel for helping me alot i can't describe how thankful and greatful i feel towards you. Thank you Mel thank you.
So glad I came across your video because my only child has moved to another city. I’ve moved her into her first apartment and I’m helping her get organized. After this I have to leave her to figure life out. I’ve realized she will continue to lean on me if I continue to stay. This will be so hard but I’m ready to go home.😊
Even with our child in his second year, this was still relevant. We did most of those except the spending money only because our child rarely asks for anything. This was an opportunity for us to teach him that it's ok to ask. Trust me, he doesn't ask often. Thanks, Mel.
Can I add one more; do NOT call the University on your kid behalf. Let them figure things out and deal with administrative procedures.
So true! My daughter changed her major freshman year BEFORE classes began. She knew what she wanted, and she was right. She got involved in so many different clubs until she found her passion. She wound up becoming president of a club, and making the most of her college experience. The ONLY advice we gave her was to try as many new things as possible that she never tried in high school. We never got on her case about it once college started, however. She is out of school now, and she said that she has no regrets. She did everything she wanted to do in college, and made the most of her college experience. We never called her, or texted her first (unless there was a family emergency, of course).
Even as an adult I could relate to those problems when I was in college! On point!!
Number 4 is the truest of all!! Wish you could take the phone away.
Mia Hess never going to happen. Lol crisis
Good to be here, love these parenting learning tips! I have three boys and I am dreading the idea. Thank you for your wisdom and sharing your personal journey.
Good video but I think # 2 should be “Have a discussion with your son/daughter about 10 to 15 different majors” to see if they understand what they are and if they are attending the correct college.
I would also add “c’s get degrees” as some straight A students go to college and freak out about a C which is really no big deal.
My son is looking at colleges now and I’m so nervous about him going. He isn’t the top academically and his study habits vary… I hope he can maintain it, he really wants to go.
I think this is great advice for people with likeminded values and similar experiences.
Really well organized and presented. The social media aspect is crucial to understand. Remember making a collect call home every other Sunday to hear familiar voices? So fortunate my parents prepared me for college on all these points even in the Dark Ages .
Needed to hear this today. All of this rang so true. Going through first week of v disorganised son starting uni and I've been tryng too hard to help him from afar. I will stop and let him make his mistakes so he can learn. Thank you.
Totally agree with making the kids earn their spending money. It definitely teaches discipline and money management before they're suddenly swamped with all their own bills. This is some great advice. Cheers!
Thank so much my just called saying he's having a hard time, this is his freshman year i cried.. Thank you, his dad is going to visit him today to talk to him I needed to hear this. Blessings to you
I need to hear this in the worst way. Thank you!
Omg thank you, I’m going through this with my daughter, she doesn’t answer my text but I will give her space and wait for her to text me.. thank you again.
Amen!! Great advice Mel!! 👍😍
All parents need to hear this!
The talking heads on T.V. always say: "When the kids go off to college" as if everyone can afford to send their adult children to expensive daycare centers for their grown children!!!!
my son has just started his freshman year at college. this is exactly what we are going through! thanks for the advice, I feel much better...
And enjoy your spouse and your relationship! Feeling a bit like teenagers again. Loving life. Treating ourselves.
Simply awesome! Thank you Mel.
Ommmggggg thank you Mel!!!!!!!!!
Great advice! Always on point, Mel!
Omg I’m blown away she literally answered all of my concerns n I was doing all the things she said not to
This is how I raised my kids as well. Their life.
Thank you.
Thank you Mel. This is solid advice which I needed to hear.
You're awesome! Love it
Oh my God, thank you, Mel. My daughter's leaving next month and I'm so worried.
Wow. Fantastic advice. Loved your demeanor and approach to this, haha. With two of my four at college as freshman and sophomore, I'm with you...
Exactly what I needed to hear! ❤
Omg I needed to hear this. My first born is going off to college next Friday and he came to me in tears, with no rational reason. HUGE slap in the face as a single mom. I don't know how to handle this. He picked the because it has everything he'll need to live out his dream, and now he's crying says he doesn't want to go. Please help me. I don't know what to do.
What is he trying to major in and why did he change his mind? Was there another option for him? Was there a financial burden??
Just noticed 2 years ago posted🤦🏻♂️
Hey. Thanks for this. Our only child is just gone to college and this helps a lot on how to deal with it on our end.
Perfect advice! Especially the social media part!
Thank you for your words, very encouraging.
Just took my son to college this week. It's hard not to helicopter, but I'll manage!
Well said Mel 👍
We are in this big test "life " we have everyday new challenges to grow up and become the best version of our selfs .
Thank you mel
Thank you for the reassurance.
Great video.....absolutely hit many of my concerns on the head. Gosh I feel like you should travel the country giving this speech lol. THANK YOU!
I totally agree 100 percent !
My ex (without my knowledge) had huge student loan debt. This turned into a problem in our marriage. I grew up differently than lots of kids today. My parents never went to college/couldn't afford it. So I began to feel like I was covering costs to help him cover his huge debt. I too barely went to college. It was a struggle for me but I came out with very minimal debt. I paid for things and then he'd spend lots of money of stuff/so he couldn't wouldn't pay the debt down. Over time this led to resentment. He's now successful and attempted to cheat on me which led to our divorce. The new girlfriend makes practically no money only works part time, and he makes now a six figure salary. Again, to me his life makes no sense. All I can say is in college, try TRY to keep your debt down as much as possible. You won't make that good paying job at first to pay it all off.
Thank you! I’m on day 1 and I was about to mess up royally.
What if they have no interest in figuring it out?
My daughter is graduating high school early at 16 years old, she will be going to college at 17 in August or September 2024. I’m panicking as the time gets closer.
Awesome as always!!
I so need that you are a lifesaver
It is so hard 😢 just brought my child yesterday. I am trying to let go a bit
My parents cut me off because I didn’t go to the college they picked. My mom stayed home while my dad dropped me off. Didn’t help pay for anything. They eventually took out a ppl that I am paying back. There were a lot of things and said out of spite against me, especially from my mom. College was stressful 😞
Can I get your prospective of a student beginning her 1st year of college suffering from bouts of depression, is on medication. My student wants to leave the school she has worked so hard for. Received a scholarship and has been getting sick with colds more and more then things have begun to spiral, constant trips to the wellness center, wanting to be in a dorm by herself because her roommate is bringing men over and stumbling into the room intoxicated. My daughter is at her breaking point. She has set up appts. With the school psychologists as well. Do we as parents step in to help her or as you said let her figure it out? Worried Mom.
Question what if they are in the band and they have no time to work
Can someone please tell me as single parent (mom), how do i confirm if my 20 year old son still goes to university (different city)? i have some doubts.
I agree with you too track independence and to grow up, however they need to listen to their instinct and guts, and do so we as parents, because it didn't do Meredith Kercher any good, not listening to her instinct... 😢😢😢
Alot of stuff these kids should be learning at a young age. Alot of stuff to help them actually be successful is NOT taught in highschool. I'm almost 30 and didn't know truly what credit was until I was in my mid 20s. I still don't really know how to write a check. There's a ton of stuff I wish I learned about at a younger age, and am still learning and want to teach my kids so they can be more successful and better off than I was when I graduated highschool and went to the Marine corps
Thank you 💛
My kid has felt amazing her freshman year. It's getting real now that the first semester is coming to a close (finals crunch). I'm curious, how did YOU DO with YOUR end of detachment with that first drop off?
The talking heads on T.V. always say: "When the kids go off to college" as if everyone can afford to send their adult children to expensive daycare centers for their grown children!!!!
very pracitcal advises!!!
Love this!
IM READY!
Our only son leaves for college in 8 days he's relaxed about it im a nervous wreck i can't sleep depression starting to show up
1st 3 min you said everything wrong😂 in India it does not work that way. American s visiting India at age 60+ and learning 😂 getting wiser. 🎉🎉
What if your kids intrest is very broad and can't decide what they want to go to school for?????
❤
Am currently in college pursuing an art degree. First of all that degree is not very useful and all the things I'm learning I could look up on UA-cam or it's not very useful.
I kinda of hate of it because my mom forced me after going through rough year from high school then after I congratulations from highschool then she force me sign me up in summer after I graduate and going through stressful year.
Let them gain a new level of independence in school.
I appreciate u ty
Nice
Let go, more importantly let God. Don’t follow our hearts but follow your soul as our hearts are sinful.
My mom picked up the whole family and moved to the city I’m going to college and made me live with them. I HATE IT
This sounds cold.
Parents do not trust themselves ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Okay number two, at least in the United States is literally insane. College loans by the time the student pays them off is nearly 100,000 dollars. I’m not going to literally pick their major for them, but this kind of money over a lifetime is not something that isn’t realistically going to get them a very good job at the end is setting them up for failure. I’m not sure how a child will feel about their “dream major” when they can’t get a job and have to pay back a loan for the experience. This just isn’t something the play around with.
How I wish my parents don't force me to take a major that I don't like! They have never supported me 😔
What’s wrong?
I am not encouraging college on my kids. No way. Unless they get a full ride
I kinda hate her voice but damned if she doesn’t have some pretty great points
My son seems fine. I'm the wreck.
You are quite the know it all
2nd half we Indian make meals for our married son and make him pay everything we need😂😂. Instead they get our houses, business and 😂😂😂
Don't know what you were doing in college that you don't remember your four years of undergrad.
Ur judging me about having kids you work 1once a week and complain how do you send 3 kids to college in the future I want to know❤
Please, add Arabic language!!🤗
We need you so much in Arabic world!
Chouaib Sid where in USA?
The talking heads on T.V. always say: "When the kids go off to college" as if everyone can afford to send their adult children to expensive daycare centers for their grown children!!!!
I'm sorry, but if your waiting to teach your kids how to earn their own money and pay bills at the college level, it's to late. you have already taught them that they live in a world of entitlement .
its never too* late.
Why is a millennial watching this? Well, what happens when you parent yourself? How do you graduate? ;)
Most majors are an absolute waste of time and money. Most people are better off not going to college at all and using that time to make money in the real world
You may wish you have wisdom, but you don't
You are nuts lady ! 🙄🤦🏻♀️