8 Things To NOT Say To Foster/Adoptive Parents// Plus 5 Things You SHOULD Say to Foster Parents
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- Even though we know people usually mean well, I want to explore 8 things you should avoid saying to foster and adoptive parents. I didn’t want to leave you all just hanging though, so I also go over 5 things you definitely should say to the foster and adoptive parents in your life.
What are the requirements for becoming a foster parent? I get into 7 requirements for becoming a foster parent! • 7 Requirements for Bec...
Don’t know what a foster parent or foster care is? Check out my video, ‘What is Foster care?’ • What is Foster Care// ...
Interested in adopting or becoming foster parents? Try contacting your local county Department of Social Services, local foster care agencies, or visit adoptuskids.org/
You don’t have to foster parent, to foster care! Want to get involved? Contact your local foster care organizations, foster pantries, or consider becoming a CASA or GAL volunteer! nationalcasaga...
If you want to connect more with me, find me on Facebook at From the Fosters! / fromthefosters
Email: fromthefosters13@gmail.com
![7 Things NOT to say to a [Single] Foster Parent, Part 1 | #FosterCare](/img/n.gif)
I was excitedly telling a family member that we're getting licensed to foster soon and her response was "you know those kids have problems right?" 🤦🏻♀️ It's almost like she forgot that I was in foster care as a child and I'm definitely familiar
Oh my gosh! That’s a terrible thing to say! People just seem to forget their manners pretty frequently huh?
Also, the last comment on healthy attachment and your heartbreak rather than the child’s... 💯 👏🏽. I hope that your channel continues to spread so that more people are educated!
Thanks 🥰🥰🥰😘 I am so glad you enjoyed it!
I love your heart!. I never thought about it as you said it. "attachment is the goal" that was beautiful.
i am thinking about being a foster mom. your video is very helpful
❤️❤️❤️
Just bc you see a child in foster care doesn't mean the parent didn't want them. My mother was on a trach and ventilater aka life support. I was put into care bc she was too sick. Not bc she was on drugs and too high to take care of me. So 8m glad you mentioned that. I was constantly asked by my peers why I was in care. And it was annoying
As a child that was adopted let me tell you from my point of view, my parents were older two when they got me and they too were called and they too were called angels, also told by some but they can't believe they were starting over, my brothers were quite a bit older than me. Here's another thing I was also a baby that had a birth defect. They were asked about that also they don't know how I developed it my birth mother what's not sure herself I have a cleft palate cleft lip or had its corrected now. Just know that my parents loved me part that's what all adopted parents do is love the children that they have adopted.
The other thing with calling foster parents heroes, etc. is that it can imply the children are such a burden that you MUST be super-human to take them! Not great for the kids who hear this.
You are spot on every point. I am a veteran foster/adoptive mum from Ireland with 2 bio sons, allegedly retired. It is the right support and friendships that are needed. We have mother/baby and toddler groups and right up to the age of 66 I was going to them with my children as much for my sake as the child's. However, I did find that as I became more experienced, the challenges the children presented especially in the early days of their placement became much easier to handle and overcome. As did dealing with peoples "well meant" comments and some sly digs about raking in the money!!
I still have contact with many of the children that came my way, some ended up as long term fosters only leaving when they become of independent age, 3 are still here. I also adopted 5 fosters but 3 were specials needs and they have now passed. If I had my time again, I would still foster/adopt but with a much bigger house.
I’m new to this channel, just found from Be the Village. A few of these questions made me literally shudder that someone would blatantly ask that. I guess I can’t judge too much since I’ve educated myself in the care of vulnerable children, the effects of trauma and development, etc. But a few of these things even made me think, such as people trying to praise you by calling you guys saints/angels/etc. That was one perspective I hadn’t heard before... thank you for educating me!
Welcome! My channel is super new but I have tons of content planned for one video a week! I’m so glad to have you!
16:26 I have said that before; that is the main reason why I always thought I could never foster. I had a pair of foster parents tell me after I said that to them, "But we feel just like you do," and I just looked at them and thought, "That can't be possible or else you wouldn't do it." I never meant it to be insulting or derogatory; I just thought that foster parents must have some gift of lovingly caring for children while not getting overly emotionally invested, some self-protective way of holding their hearts apart so they could do what they're doing without being devastated when the children leave or when the children have to spend time with unsafe bio family members, etc. But what you explain in this section is what I'm starting to realize myself, and why I'm considering it.
Kinda surprised you didn't mention how a lot of people will often ask about if the kid has problems, or bad mouth kids who do have problems (I suppose you put that under horror stories, but I grew up with a best friend who was adopted and who's family did foster care, and I'd hear people who knew about their kids complain about the foster kids as if the kid had wronged said gossiping adult). Their was also a lot of indignation about the kids' backgrounds, from what I saw. Lots of adults would ask the kids for any details and then complain about where the kid had come from or why they were in foster care.
Another thing that bothered me was that as a teenager, my family became legal guardians to the teenage son of a close family friend. (We're all adults now so we can talk about it). Basically, this kid was adopted by his grandmother, but then she wound up in a nursing home when he was 16ish. My family became his legal guardians. I consider him my brother, family, and his son is my nephew. He has mental health problems that he has under control, but they were more obvious back then. My parents never told people outside the family the details, but folks still like to gossip. So if he'd act out in front of neighbors or friends, they would often say, (sometimes in front of him), that it was a good thing he wasn't actually my mother's. Anyone who said that about him I still don't talk to. He's my brother, and we're still in a prank war from the across the country from each other (that's true family right there. 1000 miles won't stop his sister from messing with him).
Thank you for this video. I am hoping that someday when my girlfriend and I get married, we can become foster parents. It's something I am seriously considering despite growing up seeing how cruel people could be. Because if you're in a position to help, generally one should. It doesn't make you a Saint. It makes you a good human.
Yesssss thank you for sharing your story with me! And yes we need more GOOD foster parents who get it. But yes unfortunately people who don’t know any better…. Do not understand that behaviors in these children come from PHYSIOLOGICAL differences in the childrens’ brain structures… that occur from abuse and neglect. So not at all the kids’ fault but they get blamed for their own behaviors. That’s why they need strong foster parents to help advocate for them to shut that sh!t down when they hear it.
I've heard #4 and 5 a lot and every time I cringe. Glad you included them.
I had two baby's my oldest went in foster care because I was not able to take care of him and now he has a wonderful family that adoption him and my second son died after I gave birth to him in the woods. I was in foster care as a teenager.
Thank you for sharing your story and being here! (Also I’m incredibly sorry for your loss, no parent should have to bury their child- I’m sending you all my love)
The problem with getting to attached is that you at any moment have to give the child back even if you know that they will be abused, raped or killed. To love a child as your own and be forced to give up to someone who will kill the child is a trauma that you will never heal from and this happens. We had a big case last year in my country. It will also feel as abandonment for the child to be loved and those loved one willingly gives you up to be abused. I know that it’s better to be loved at some point in your childhood but it’s just too hard for some. Maybe you have a different foster system, here (Sweden) the main goal is always to reunite with the biological parent no matter what they have done to the child.
Wow some of these are just so rude! With ‘they’re lucky to have you’ I can see the intent meant but my first thought on that is that no it shouldn’t be luck, it’s what every child deserves. I stumbled onto your video, just want to wish you all the very best!
Respectfully, almost always, parents DO choose for their kids to be in foster care. Their own actions & choices lead to that happening. That doesn't mean a lot of the things people assume it means, but let's be really honest & clear on that.
I also think "The bio partents weren't ready." is a nice blanket statement
No the reason why I wouldn't make a good foster parent (even if I got to the point where I could handle being a parent) is because if a kid came to my home with signs of abuse or neglect...I would try to fight the bio parents and...uhh...I doubt that's allowed 😅 being a foster parent requires not mouthing off your real feelings of even the worst parents...which is not a skill I possess. I have attachment issues myself and I just...I would want to keep them and never give them back lol
Many of these well meaning things you shouldn’t say hit home for me. Children biological or not are a gift and we truly know that.
Amazing video!! I truly appreciate you. You spoke on all/most of the true points in regards to fostering.
Kudos to you!!!
I am not a foster parent or have adopted kids, but I work one on one with children with autism, and you bet I get attached to my kiddos. It is the best way to teach kids, forming a bond that helps them learn and grow.
Love love love this video. Thank you❤️
If someone asked me “you know where they all come from right?” I just go into “yes, you see when a male and a female love each other very much” and just go until they stopped me
Also on the note of attachment, I once heard someone say (I can’t remember it perfectly so it’s a lot better than why I typed) “we’re always going to feel heart break, we don’t get to choose that, but we do get to choose who breaks our heart. Why would I not choose a kid who needs love?”
@@greenbeantm1096 that is AMAZING! I love that!!!
Are people allowed to visit when you have a foster kid in your care?
Like if I want to have a coffee with you, as a friend on a Saturday morning at I allowed to visit?
*hope that made sense
Yes absolutely! We have our friends and family over all the time! ❤️ in fact my kids LOVE my friends and we have play dates with my friends and their kids
@@fromthefosters oh awesome to hear!
Thank you for taking the time to respond!
Number 7 is leaving me dumbfounded…
Like. Yeah. The foster parents WOULD be aware of “where they come from, right”
It doesn’t matter, jeez. Kiddos are kiddos.
So rude.
proud of you.
Tbanks👍
Re: calling foster parents "saints" or "angels" - it also makes it seem like the kid is some kind of demon monster that requires a special "angel" to care for them.
♥️❤️
I get the but you get paid right how much do you make a lot and it literally angers me
Not a lot at all. And MOST foster families spend more money per month on the kids than the state provides. If you are parenting correctly, you cannot MAKE money as a foster parent.
Why would this make you angry even if it were true? Are you angry at daycare workers and babysitters? They make money taking care of children. Foster parents pretty much don't, and the childcare they provide is a lot harder, more emotionally taxing, and much more time-consuming.
Two-thirds in and I feel like I've been scolded for the past 17 minutes :/
tell them that an illegal government scheme to grow super soldiers was stopped and that is why the kid is in foster care.
Alternatively just do the superman backstory
YESSSSSS