FORGIVENESS WITHOUT RECONCILIATION | How to Forgive Someone Who Won't Apologize
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- Опубліковано 15 лип 2024
- How do we forgive someone who hasn't offered us a sincere apology; who is unwilling to be accountable and to take responsibility for their behavior? How can we let go of the anger and resentment and find peace within?
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"I Leaned My Back Against an Oak After the Water is Wide"
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This video was so healing for me. I have been healing from sexual abuse from my father and had come to a place of deep forgiveness. My father denies the abuse and still I was feeling guilty and confused as to why I could not allow myself to be in contact with him-in fact the thought of talking to him or seeing him triggered me into a state of slight panic. I judged myself feeling as if my inability to reconcile with him meant I had not yet fully forgiven him. I felt as if you were speaking directly to me and I was able to gain deeper self love and healing from your beautiful description of the differences between the two words. I had confused them to be the same thing and this was keeping my soul stuck in shame and guilt. Thank you for being the candle to lead me out of this dark confusion.
I'm sure it has be a very difficult journey for you. I'm glad you've been able to find your inner strength and to begin healing and releasing. May you continue to discover more deeply that place of peace within you.
Beth S congratulations sounds like you’ve come a long way . I was betrayed by my father also , my father took my wife from me and my six year old son .. everyone from my mother on brother sister, was devastated by this sin including myself , because of all the hate and pain I felt for those two , I started drinking really heavy,And became a drunk and homeless person ...in California , this all took place in Tennessee. They also had a child together so I have a half sister from all this mess. Praise be to the most high God , my encounter with God was life-saving, there is no greater moment in a persons life then when he or she is encountered by God, that moment sets motion the rest of one’s life.. I’m now 37 years sober and serving the lord, as soon as God taught me how to forgive someone which I did forgive them all , the hate resentment , fear , and anger, I felt towards them completely disappeared... I now know what a heavenly father looks and acts like 👍 i’m in my late 70s now and still alive , and all of them is dead except my stepsister. Never regret getting older, it’s a privilege denied to many..✅ keep on with ur journey through life it does get better.. especially with God on your side..🙏
I very much understand where you're coming from. Similar circumstances. I came to this conclusion years ago. It DOES help heal. I can now speak to the person as if nothing happened. It DID. just, I now feel sorry for them bc what happened to them to lead them to do that to me, especially with that type of family relationship.. ??
I send you much love, bliss & healing.. hugs if that's ok. 💖
@@howardmanley3388 💌 So glad to hear that you are free. Forgiveness sets us free. We become captives when we refuse to forgive.
Beth,i cannot even imagine the pain and confusion you have been through,the person you look up to for security and who is supposed to protect you and hold space for you does those horrid things to you! And despite the pain you have been through and the fact that your father denies the abuse,forget apologising,you've been able to forgive him. It's extraordinary,what you've done! You are a brave and an incredible person! More power to you ❤️
Wisdom in that statement " forgiveness just means letting go of resentment for our own wellbeing". Yep, that l will remember. Ireland
@@elinope4745 you dont need to completely forgive the other person and pretend they did nothing, it helps to just understand their perspective and realize that hurt people hurt people. this way you can forgive yourself and realize they didnt hurt you because you were inferior, they hurt you because they were hurt.
@@elinope4745 at least thats my take
@@dragz888 Inferior and superior can only exist within context of a goal. The goal itself is mostly an opinion. The idea that someone is inferior or superior to another person is a false idea, people don't have the same goal and cannot be so easily measured against each other.
Lies, forgiveness does not mean letting go resentment for our wellbeing. It means to pardon. Healing is for that, not forgiveness
I forgive myself,I was doing my best ,I was dealing with my demonds,insecurities, limiting beliefs,traumas to the best of my capabilities at the time ,now I am more aware ,more loving to myself ,I will protect myself and people will have to earn my trust, I am worthy of love and respect ,I am loveable and I don't need anyone's approval, I am who I am and I am proud of me ,I am doing a great job and I will never compare my journey to someone else's journey because I am unique.
Hope you still believe this 😊
When trust is broken, boundaries set n violated, unwillingness to reconcile with sincerity, not acknowledging their action is wrong n taking no accountability, giving silent treatment to people, n could not be truthful n communicate, the best is walk away n breathe in the sunshine..
These people are insecure, clouded with arrongance, feeling entitled, manipulative n controlling. Unable to communicate as an adult with u n want u to go their low n childish level..
They deflect the faults n blame on you, they will / could not change, learn from the criticism, hurting inside n not able to accept the truth of about themselves. Full of shame n weaknesses. Say goodbye n minimal contact is best .. live life n blossoms in front of them..
THANK YOU SO MUCH for the clarity.
Your voice is so healing.
I was so upset earlier and I saw one of yur vids and halfway into it, my heart slowed to a steady calmer beat, I felt so much calmer within moments. Felt an inner peace.
U have a very special gift. Thank u for sharing all your insights! They resonate within the same frequency I've been living in. Peace and Protection!
So soothing a voice❤❤❤
Similar experience(s)
My ex was very inconsiderate and disrespectful, would apologize but repeat the same things that caused the pain, as if he forgot what he did soon after.
Eventually I gave up trying and left. Couldn't take it anymore. I felt more lonely with him than I do when I am alone.
Sometimes it's good to be aware of how we define words. "Forgiveness" often implies "condone" or "forebear". I've found "make peace" to be a better term.
I'm amazed at how the Universe gives us what we need when we need it, such as this video. I can't believe how this is my exact scenario with a "soulmate" I knew for years. I did the exact same thing and never received a sincere apology and ignored superficial text messages that came after months of silence. The whole fallout led to a dark night of the soul for me and my present spiritual awakening journey going on two years now. Everything happens for a reason.
You said exactly what I was thinking. I also broke off a "forever friend" of many years several months ago. I do not believe there will ever be an apology, and that's okay. I also felt a dark sense of self doubt for quite some time until I really felt the liberation, freedom and inner satisfaction of just being with myself.
This is so important to me. I struggle hard with resentment and hearing your perspective helped me understand some aspects that were darkened in my mind. I'll come back to this video a few more times, your emotional intelligence is soothing! Thank you again.
I'm glad I could be of some assistance. These things can often take a bit of time, so be kind and patient with yourself. Wishing you well, always and in all ways!
If they were Manipulative, they wont care if you let go of them. They simply dont care. they’ll think you are the toxic party.
Thank you. The way you explained it, makes more sense. Never looked at it completely that way.
I have same situation with my mother and couldn't resolve the resentment issues, it was becoming worse and worse, when at the same time she is 90 now talking about it is futile, i've realized that all my life and all my relationships i was with people that behave same as her, the denial, the gaslight, the lying without being aware of the lies, the betray of trust, the zero taking responsibility for her actions, just because still seeking for her love and appreciation that will never come- thanks a lot! it is a great relief.
@Divona, I was scrolling down the comments before watching the video and saw your comment. It is exactly describing me. I needed to read this to become aware of it. Especially the last part, still seeking for their love & appreciation that will never come. Guess that's why I keep attracting the same kind of people into my life, (unknowingly) allowing them to do the exact same thing to me. Thank you for writing this down and opening my eyes. Love to you. ❤
Forgiveness devoid of reconciliation is such a tremendous epiphany... most often forgiveness, it seems, comes as part of a packaged Agenda by the one seeking it... going no contact has been my go-to solution... I ain’t got time for games and/or agendas... and life is soooo much better... also, maintaining really healthy boundaries and emotional distance... works for me, I’ve found.
Immunity to manipulation!!! Yaaaassss!!! Isn’t that a great spot to finally arrive at?!!!!! Whew........ what a ride it has been
I wish I had heard this a year ago. Amazing video! Thank you for bringing some light into this!
You're welcome!
I heard it quite a while ago when someone was asked how he found the strength to forgive others for the terrible pain other people caused him and he simply replied that it was all due to his laziness! Puzzled by his answer, people asked him to explain it in more details to which he simply said: "To hate - you have to do it every single day. To forgive - you only need to do it once". That short story alone changed my perspective on forgiveness for the rest of my life. Great video - thanks!
I love it! So simple, yet so profound. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.
I love this quote, this really sums it up: " we forgive, not so that the other can be absolved, but so that we can find peace".
From this story, I can see how the lotus needs the mud to grow. Thank you 🙏🏾🌺
"Just take what you can from that experience and move on your life". 👍👍👏
I was waiting for an apology about something done years ago. Then, I began to see patterns of the same behaviors again. Caused me to distrust and feel uneasy. It's manipulative. It's difficult to forgive this. I'm deeply angry. Recognizing all of this is soul-shattering. This teaching is helping me to reframe my thinking and even consider forgiveness. 🙏🏾
Forgiving may not be easy but it sure is easier than living in a prison of bitterness and anger. Max Lucado said "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner"
Let me start by saying forgiveness is NOT a free pass, it doesn't wipe the slate clean and it NEVER says what you did is ok. Neither is it an opportunity for you to hurt me again. Forgiveness is about me and nothing to do with the abuser.
I don't need the people who deliberately hurt me to acknowledge their wrong-doing or even to be remorseful for their behaviour for me to be able to forgive. Forgiveness is an act of love towards ourselves, sometimes in spite of those who hurt us.
People who deliberately hurt us (even in the most despicable ways eg. sexual abuse) can lie to other people and maybe others will even believe the perpetrator but they can't lie to themselves (they know they are guilty) and they can't deny what their victim knows to be true. This may be the only validation you get but it is enough for you to forgive, and not carry the shame of someone else's sins on your shoulders, and open your heart to receiving the love and respect you are entitled to.
6 months ago, I broke off a long-term friendship. I started feeling resentful after a series of things happened over the course of a couple of years, leading up to this year, when I just let go. I've avoided confrontation all of my life, considered myself "easy going", when in fact, I've too easy going. Walking away, however, was the best thing for me to do so I could step back, re-gain my bearings, learn to love myself again. I can have that conversation today, although I do not have any hope or expectation. Great video. thank you
Mantra “I am sorry, please forgive me, I thank you, I love you”.
Where there is compassion resentment dissolves... This is such an incredibly profound statement... For whatever truama, injustice and hurt, to feel less or no resentment IS healing US, NOT excusing or condoning the hurt.... Thank u for this
Good point👏. I heard a phrase once, dont know who said it.. “forgiveness is a decision to stop hurting yourself, due to the bad behaving of others”. I like that too😊
As a parent living with adult child estrangement, I found this video enormously helpful and healing, thank you. Peace and love.❤️
You have surely also been into an abusive relationship . Thank you so much for letting us know what to do
This came up on my feed today!
Lefts toxic relationship where hurts were connected to the deep seated soul, there is nothing we can do about unfinished business in their soul. We can reconcile our own hurts and offense but we as Empaths should be very careful of who we bond with. I’ve learned this major lesson just for the fact of this video, I’m amazed at what is said here is my strong belief! Collective like mindedness is golden!
I’m still healing from the stain of what happened. But now I’m encouraged by my compassion for healing and those who hurts. I respect and love my self , I’m giving lots of Love to my life! Have you ever heard of heart healing? I’m so happy for my teachers of pain, I would of not known love with out it!
Forgiveness is always for Us!
What I know is forgiveness releases your anger and hatred which create a great deal of suffering in yourself and you community. The worst and hardest things to forgive, are the bankest things to forgive.
This is one of the better videos on this topic, thank you! I constantly gave to someone who just took advantage of me for years, draining me emotionally and taking a lot of my money despite not actually needing it, or ever giving in return. They were incredibly manipulative, and see nothing wrong with it. It’s just their world view.
You’re right about compassion, having such a cheap understanding of life and friendship only brings a person pain and hardship in the long run. I don’t need them to see me or what I went through because of opening myself up to them. If they don’t want to change, they will be their own punishment.
I do hope they change, but I’ll certainly never trust them again. I respect myself enough now not to let just anyone close to my heart, for everyone’s sake
This really spoke to me. I’m going through the same type of scenario with a friend. Coming to the realization that this person is not capable of empathy and may never recognize their lack of consideration was hard to accept. I wanted so much for them to understand and acknowledge how poorly they treated me. I’m working on accepting their limited ability to be conscious of their behavior and at the same time forgiving myself for letting them use me for years. I’m going to stop beating myself up for that.
Thank you so much!
Thank you Nada. Your words on forgiving lifted a weight from my shoulders. Thank you, and be blessed.
Very eloquent. You indicated the person who does the hurting may be unaware or unconscious about what they did. That would make an adequate apology impossible. My only comment regarding your situation is that you might have considered, or still consider, letting the person who hurt you know how they hurt you. Many people assume others should or could read their minds, or it should be so obvious they don’t need to be told. Everyone deserves the right to hear what’s going on in your mind. Whether or not they agree, understand, want to apologize, or want to explain is up to them but I always feel it’s my responsibility to edify another. Beyond that fact, I truly enjoyed listening and being edified by, everything you said.
The first stage of healing was me letting go of the past. After that, I let go of the resentment. Now the final steps are removing all of this ideas I had for him and me. I can still feel his energies and his daughters' energies around me. I completely opened my heart to him and he shut me down. It still hurts so bad. It's like I was an enemy. He had no emotion. I'm still in pain because I don't understand how someone can hurt you so bad. I know that I am overcoming the situation and one day I can look back on it and be thankful for all that occurred.
I used to have so much resentment for him but now God has called me to pray for his healing. I continue to pray to God for my deliverance as well. I have so much love to give and I can feel God's blessings of marriage and children coming upon me. I am not sure if it will be with this particular person but I have accepted that in God's divine timing, I will know the answer.
Being grateful for an abusive parent is very hard. The trauma contaminates your every day life. I'm struggling to find the positive, but I want to accept how I am now and forgive them for trying their best.
Right there with you miss, you’re not alone.
This is higher Wisdom you don’t get in school! This comes with a price!! Life experience!!!
I know! I appreciate your Wisdom!!!! Deeply thankful for your blessings!!!
Please keep making videos!!!
Anyone who interferes w my peace, my mental health or my happiness is shown the door and it is locked forever. Not resenting them I'm just believing them the first time they show me they don't care. Wish them well and just like Pete the Cat keep walking along singing your song💗
“Take what you can from that experience and move on.” Thank you for that sentence and thank you for the video ❤
Love this vid, thank you. My issue is I know what the other person has been thru and have a deep understanding of their unconscious behaviour that I feel so bad when I reject them; even though I know deep down I reject their behaviour not them. I know they are so hurt by my choice not to want anything to do with them as they are now and that hurts me in return. Thank you 🙏🌻
You are a beautiful soul my friend.
Bravo!!! Glad there’s another that understands this...
I am going through the stages of anger towards someone... I've taken so much over the years that it has come to a head and I am just done with that persons behaviour... the problem is i just can't seem to shift the anger and hatred and blame so I can move on and look at it differently. I'm meditating, reading, listening to these types of videos.... but I don't feel I am done being angry yet.. the truth is I am enjoying feeling this anger because I've had to walk on eggshells for years... I am not done being angry but my god it actually feels good
Currently going through this process. Thank you brother 🙏
What a great video, the way you explane it really makes so much sense, thank you! Also I like how calming you are, I hope you continue to make video’s.
Thank you for articulating this in such an easy processed way! Going through a similar phase where I was always coming upon their needs, whenever they would have a breakdown, I would be there and then suddenly be ignored and pushed.
As someone who struggles with apologies in my own experience, I had experiences where people did not accept my apology and it was very hurtful. I also think it's hard for me to express "this behavior will never happen again" because the truth is I can't predict the future and I have made efforts to change and have not always been successful. So I don't want to lie. I think expressing some degree of remorse makes sense to me, with the idea that you and the other person try to work through the conflict and both assess what you could have done better. I think we all have different triggers and if forgiveness means having compassion for another, we have to see where we can better accommodate others. Conflict always in my eyes takes two to tango, and the first person to apologize is expressing a greater vulnerability. Remember that conflict is not easy for anyone, and we have to find people we feel safe navigating it with. It's the only way we can grow and change. Without that element of safety, we get nowhere and often we can feel unnecessary amounts of shame or guilt and other emotions.
Listening on my lunch break. Such a peaceful, calming, deeply resonating channel. Thank you! 🙏🏼
Wow, talk about Divine timing. This popped up on my UA-cam feed. I have been through a similar with a lifelong friend of 40 years. You could have just interviewed me and then told everyone about it. Thanks for this, I was in such turmoil thinking maybe I should just accept that they are who they are. It’s helped me enormously
Yes Forgiveness is for the health of the Forgiver. My favourite sister has a constant war going with my other sister. She is always angry, but thinks nothing of that. I worry about her. She thinks I'm crazy for suggesting she forgive the other sister. I totally agree with you
“We forgive, not that the other is absolved but that we can be at peace.” I needed to hear this again. Thank you.
That has helped - thank you. You have given me some clarity here.
This man is magnificent / theres a selflessness in his teaching - hes helping me - on my “human” levels -
So so true! And expected from someone who has hurt you and also being kind to yourself to give forgineness for the happiness of yourself!
The wisdom you have blows my mind! Your voice is soothing to my ears,I’ve been telling my children about your channel so they can too hear your calm and peaceful voice.Namaste!
Ditto, this happened to me! Exactly how it does that you experienced! I suffered so much but I had to feel free!
I’m a better person because of it!!! It’s so beautiful that I found someone who has felt and experienced the same!
I’m so appreciate your willingness to share this!!!
Karma will always get it’s way!!
Let’s all go with the flow of Insights that helps us grow!!!
Forgiveness is for me!!
So glad I’m free and at Peace ✌️
I wish I heard this 8 years ago. Thank you for your service. Truly priceless 🙏
What an amazing insight. This is a topic I have been trying to work upon for many years. Your words and understanding of forgiveness are so on point. Thank you for expressing it in a way that is so accessable and easy to understand. I always thought there needed to be reconciliation. But actually never seeing the person again doesn't mean you have not forgiven them. Fab.
We dont need validation, but this validated for me something i did yesterday. An apology. Your videos and your wisdom are priceless. Thank you for sharing so much 💗
OMG! Yes,the resentment that i feel is directed more towards me than at the other person because I have allowed that person to take advantage of me! Thankyou for the realisation. It was so spot on! Loved your video.
I needed to hear this… I’m ready to forgive and be at peace.
This was so helpful. So profound. Exactly what I'm going through! Thank you for this!
Thank you
I could use a hug right about now.
This is soooo good. Your words, perspectives and insights really resonate with me, and with a lot of what has occurred within my life these last few years.
I am so grateful for these videos 🙏🏼
The best explanation of forgiveness I have ever heard, thank you so much
I'm sure the details of the experience you speak about differ than mine, but I can totally relate. It's tough when you think somebody is a friend, but then you come to the realization that it was all based on lies, emotional manipulation, and that the person even at times found pleasure and power in it all.
There are lessons to be learned in it all and while I would never be grateful for this person coming into my life, I am now finding value and gratitude in the lessons learned from it and how it is ripening me into who I really am and into a beautiful place in life.
Thank you for your insightful and thoughtful videos.
Working on forgiving my parents as well as myself. Thank you for your video today, and allowing a safe space for me to cry lol. I’m working on forgiving my mother for how she has treated me, my father and my brother, for divorcing my father/breaking my heart when my family was broken up. I’m working on forgiving my father for how he has treated me, and my family. It’s easier said than done, but I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in regards to abusive parents.
When you allow an elephant into your house, he will soon damage a lot of your stuff and he actually can’t help it, so you probably will forgive him for that. But you sure as hell are going to get him out of there ‼️
This was the most resonant video I've watched all year. Thank you for sharing brother.
Great message... feeling gratitude towards the ones who opened my heart and helped me to heal my own insecurities. Those who have done that for me are my angels incognito. I thank and bless them in my heart and thereby release the external situations... Awesome! ❤ Thank you for this wonderfully healing video! 🤗
I am trying very hard to have patience with the duration of your great blogs due to pstd i think you are higher on the astral plane. I love your voice and the way you look so serene even when talking about your own problems. so many bloggers bring their own anger to their podcasts Love from Ireland
Wow...
I can`t explain you Brother the size of the synchronicity with this today.
I`m certain that you understand what I mean.
But Wow...
You are Pure Pure Pure Consciousness Incarnated.
What an amazing work you have done with your existence... Extraordinary...!
Beautiful blessed and touched soul.
Understanding others and their is nothing to forgive. This also applies to yourself .when people know better they do better.
This does not mean you put up with bad behaviour sometimes you have to move away from them for your own safety
Perfect. Thanks for making this video. Very helpful because I’ve been dealing with a situation similar to the one you were talking about in this video.
I have so much gratitude for your efforts to help.
You have helped me.
Thank you so much for sharing. This was so valuable for me.
I love this kind of approach. Thank you.
This video has been extremely healing of me. I greatly appreciate your wisdom and kindness. I have been struggling with forgiveness for quite some time now, and I think I can now reach that point after watching this video. Namaste 🙏
thank you so much! Your videos are just so wonderful and the way you deliver your messages is so authentic and rich and not so often found on youtube in the spiritual community. It`s great your channel is growing so fast right now and more and more peaople find you :-) . All the best to you from the other side of the world.
ThankU this is nice, confirms I'm on the right track. Someone recently pointed out that remaining angry is a way to hold on. Heavens! I don't want that. I learned to forgive blindly, independent of if they might still be unsafe for me.
Ahem. Sigh, if only i could forgive myself. I don't. I do become hypervigilant to not repeat injurious behavior. I do feel intrinsically defective. If not evil. I'm glad I'm old
Thank you for these very safe words...you really touch my heart
Thank you Nada. Just came across this video now. The right time and place. Thank you so much
How very true are your words. I have experienced this deep wounding and was devastated. I had to remove myself from the whole situation and moved to another state.
I have finally realized that it is true:
“You can run, but you cannot hide.”
However, I simply needed to spend time alone and communicate my feelings with the One who understands.
Sometimes forgiveness takes more time, depending how deep the wound is. I now find it easier to forgive others since I have learned not to judge, but to observe. Nobody is perfect in this world and we often get hurt by someone unknowingly.
Gratitude!! Yes!! Wow!! 💗💗💗
Thank you so much, I really needed this.
I have learned so much from this. Thank you.
Thank you! Needed This!
Great explanation. Healing and awakening to me. Thank you.
I have gone through similar situations and completely resonate with your words...but listening your calm voice is real pleasure😇You are trully gifted. Thank you🙏🙏🙏
I feel such a sense of gratitude for this video.
yeah its beautiful.
All your content comes from deep understanding and wisdom . thankyou for making these videos .
Listening to all what you’re saying feels like I’m the one talking. I forgave such people coz I didn’t like to be carrying the burden anymore. Negative and painful emotions were not helping me and the moment I understood everything, it was simply liberating!
A sincere apology is not in their vocabulary. And that’s it. Accept and let go. Live life even in solitude.
I have been in this journey for more than 2 years now and I’m glad I’m not alone. Namaste.
I love love love all of your videos. So many powerful insights and wisdoms.
Unfortunately, sometimes others just hurt you period. And though I can be grateful for what I learned, I’m still profoundly sad.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your journey
Beautiful and timely. 🙏🏼
Men, you are amazing, your words heals my heart. Be blessed! Thank you!
Very well spoken. Thank you for sharing.
I’m definitely working on this because you said exactly what I think and feel in these situations...
Just want to say your videos are amazing brother keep up the good work your helping to make the world a better place.
Nada thank you for sharing 🙏 that's exactly what I've been going through 💗 so much appreciate your imput
This video is what i had been wanting to hear for over a year now. Forgiveness/ Reconciliation. People told me if you don't reconcile and talk to the people who hurt you again, means you have not genuinely forgiven the person. It's easy for me to forgive and just walk away without having to talk to the person again. because i feel insecure with the person. The bible says affliction shall not rise the second time. Thank you so much for this message.