How do I forgive someone who refuses to say sorry?

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  • Опубліковано 23 тра 2017
  • "How do I forgive someone who refuses to say sorry?"
    Dr. Jeremy Pierre answers in Honest Answers | Episode 21
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 187

  • @MaiAngelTv
    @MaiAngelTv 7 років тому +32

    Thank you very much for this video. It has given me clarity.

    • @SouthernSeminary
      @SouthernSeminary  7 років тому +3

      +MaiAngelTv You're welcome! Thanks for following Honest Answers. We're glad that you found it helpful.

  • @Kelly-sl6vz
    @Kelly-sl6vz 2 роки тому +72

    I don’t have a hard time forgiving people, so much as I have a hard time with them not seeing how they’ve hurt me and not caring. It’s never their fault.

    • @GloriousLuke
      @GloriousLuke Рік тому +4

      exactly bro, shit hurts bad

    • @emilymejia7180
      @emilymejia7180 Рік тому +6

      going through this now

    • @robertbuck7186
      @robertbuck7186 Рік тому +7

      Forgiveness for those close to you (family members) who repeatively abuse.. , take advantage, cause damage and deny it or the impact. Can be a habitual routine of abuse..
      It's like continue to forgive and they think they didn't do anything wrong and it's O.k. for them to act and react the way they do... Especially When things don't go their way.
      It's a ketch22 you forgive to not become consumed with your own anger... Which is also part of their control game to get or threaten to upset you... So they can carry on without question, account.
      Meanwhile they keep you so busy fixing the damage which is a clear reminder of the offenses they commit... I am talking actual material damage and displacement of your person, belongings, shared items (which they use and wreck)
      It's all dangerous toxic reminders and repairs....
      You pray that they go away and you survive them.. and not give into self harm or becoming addicted to anything for self medication.
      Those who are insensitive and can do no wrong and have all the answers or excuses.
      Don't need good people to use up and burn out.. and leave caught in a wreck they make them a slave to..
      And their slave for their emotional, mental, physical and finacial abuse..
      They even have enough to live on their own but can't resist arguments, abuse, displays of bad temper, tenacity, all over feeling in control...
      Or for their own gratification and motivation.
      I am still fixing the damage...
      They finally moved (after wrecking the place and situation)
      Moved on just short of me getting a lawyer...
      Left me sick of my living situation and sick of them... And what they do and did..
      God we all fall short..
      We all have our sins..
      Help those who at least acknowledge you and give us peace and forgiveness.. deliver us from selfish, sneaky, silent oppressors, who take advantage and abuse us in our living situations.

    • @breezygirlbre
      @breezygirlbre 7 місяців тому

      @kelly-sl6vz I relate to your statement

    • @yacobshelelshaddai4543
      @yacobshelelshaddai4543 3 місяці тому

      ​@@emilymejia7180me too

  • @angelique2653
    @angelique2653 2 роки тому +27

    Yes. Im in that situation for 20 years. My bullying sister has remained in denial. Thrown my forgiveness in my face. Refused to apologise. Pretends it never happened. I stopped all contact. She is toxic to me. Yet. I forgive her.

    • @andreanoguerahenao4844
      @andreanoguerahenao4844 Рік тому +4

      Same here. I asked her for forgiveness recognizing my part, and now she acts as a childish victim, when she has bullying and gaslighting me always. And my family members say, "but is you who bla bla bla, she has done nothing". I restored her in a bad moment she had by assuming ng all faults, and she never recognized hers, instead, she keeps being passive agressive... and I, knowing that I have to forguve 7*70, I am constantly dealing with anger and repentance and she keeps living her life oblivious of this. And I say to God: Really?!!

    • @margaretpeelen3968
      @margaretpeelen3968 7 місяців тому +1

      Tough thing a toxic sister And they wont ever admit what they did is / was wrong And yet going through childhood With someone who has hurt you physically, mentally it forms you even later on in life. Kind regards and love from me xxx

  • @kthoskins6757
    @kthoskins6757 7 років тому +40

    Yep, forgiveness v. reconciliation. Different things entirely.

  • @zandeosaddles208
    @zandeosaddles208 3 роки тому +8

    The inability to say sorry is directly proportional to the inability to take responsibility for your actions. I can forgive someone bit may be unable to live with them if they cannot take responsibility.

  • @TASconfidential
    @TASconfidential 4 роки тому +34

    Give yourself the freedom to let it go and move on...
    Then leave the person who wronged you in the past where they belong.
    Keep it moving.
    People are selfish and when they don’t atone for they’re wrong doings, they don’t deserve the blessing of your presence, loyalty, friendship, or love.
    Don’t hold any animosity, but release that person with the animosity too.

    • @questionsonchristianity8204
      @questionsonchristianity8204 4 роки тому +4

      This attitude is a disgrace!
      We all sometimes wrong other people and offend them. We need to forgive the offender fully from our hearts and releasing all grudges and any superior attitudes. The problem is the victim seldom forgives and then Carrie's a spirit of resentment and hostility to that person. It is this pharisee attitude that leads to their destruction.

    • @desireeww1011
      @desireeww1011 3 роки тому +1

      @@questionsonchristianity8204 Amen. 🙏🏽

    • @dreamtripp
      @dreamtripp 2 роки тому +3

      I agree. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. There are people who feel they have justification for hurting you. You can forgive them, but you can't let them back in your life because they will just do it again, over and over. If a person can't recognize and admit wrongdoing, they'll see no reason to stop their action. Biblical forgiveness requires repentance before God, even for ourselves. You can forgive someone to heal your own pain and with understanding that the other person has a malady of the soul, but if they will not repent, they neither want your forgiveness or will respect it, so that forgiveness must come with boundaries.

    • @leonardburroughs177
      @leonardburroughs177 2 роки тому +1

      I love this quote. Thank you

    • @yacobshelelshaddai4543
      @yacobshelelshaddai4543 3 місяці тому

      And how do I do that when the person is a family member that I will see again who has unjustly wounded me deeply?

  • @DRamos-vq5tb
    @DRamos-vq5tb Рік тому +4

    Forgiveness is the act of letting go of
    resentment, anger, or negative feelings towards someone who has wronged or hurt you. It is a decision to release the desire for revenge and to move on from the pain caused by the offending party.
    Forgiveness does not mean that you forget what has happened or that you condone the actions of the person who hurt you. Rather, it is a choice to free yourself from the burden of anger and bitterness, and to find peace and healing.
    Forgiveness can be a difficult and long process, but it can lead to a sense of closure and emotional well-being. It can also help to restore relationships understanding and empathy between people so your wrong forgiveness is for you not for them

    • @francisf4366
      @francisf4366 Рік тому

      I completely disagree with the notion that forgiveness doesn't mean we forget the wrong. That's human nature still speaking and operating within us. Let me ask. When you confess your sin and ask for forgiveness, does God still keep that record.its says your sins are plotted out. What does that mean.
      We must try to get rid and forget the wrongs done to us.

  • @702flower
    @702flower 5 років тому +57

    Forgiveness needs to be given w/ full consent of the victim of any kind w/o expecting anything from the one who wrong them. Otherwise your going to put yourself through a vicious cycle. If the person who wrongs you never apologizes to you of course it hurts but at that point that’s between them and God. It’s hard. The person wrongs you, we get no sorry, and then Jesus asks us to pray for them. It’s tough, but that’s what it is to carry your cross.

    • @justinsandolph4861
      @justinsandolph4861 4 роки тому +4

      ?????? No it's just brings more anger and pain and vengeance

    • @BadEconomyOfficial
      @BadEconomyOfficial 2 роки тому +3

      As a longtime Christian I had someone who verbally told me “I don’t need to apologize!” After I asked him to, this is when you shouldn’t forgive someone like that. When someone verbally yells hurtful insults at you and says “I don’t need to apologize” with a gloat on their face. Then YOU have EVERY right to say, “I’m not going to forgive you, not until you apologize.” When I did that to this guy, he was in SHOCK and offended and hurt and he said, “But, it’s the rules, it’s the law! You HAVE to forgive me!” But I told him “No I don’t have to forgive you, you need to apologize for what you did to me and admit it was wrong.” He started crying and after that, he said, “I can’t apologize!” Then I said, “I can’t forgive you then”

    • @jasonregan2064
      @jasonregan2064 2 роки тому +5

      @@BadEconomyOfficial This is unbiblical advice. Jesus taught us to forgive with or without a response including remorse or an apology from the offender. Beware what you teach as scripture says in Galatians 1:8.

    • @BadEconomyOfficial
      @BadEconomyOfficial 2 роки тому +2

      @@jasonregan2064 No you missed my point entirely, he had several chances to apologize after I told him to, he never did on 5-6 chances.

    • @BadEconomyOfficial
      @BadEconomyOfficial 2 роки тому +1

      @@jasonregan2064 Also what advice is unbiblical? Jesus said to forgive IF he repents.

  • @truthseekerlana9871
    @truthseekerlana9871 3 роки тому +3

    With people who can’t look inside themselves and accept an apology from someone who is truly sorry is committing the sin of unforgiveness

  • @curtistinemiller1560
    @curtistinemiller1560 6 років тому +23

    Some people parents dont believe they have to ever apologize it makes you see them. As they really are full of disdain and pride.forgive them for yourself and watch.out later not to get that involved in Personal matters ...people that wont apologize aint worth the Intimacy of being close to you and most of the time they could. Care less.......

  • @OldDominionEDC
    @OldDominionEDC Місяць тому

    Very helpful. Thank you from someone who's listening 7 years after this was posted

  • @jewishbride5010
    @jewishbride5010 2 роки тому +5

    In accordance with this word and mark 11:25, 2 corinthians 6:14-18 I loosen myself of every unequal yoke and common share of reconciliation with those who are not sorry of their deeds while being forgiven by me, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah!

  • @zularose5628
    @zularose5628 4 роки тому +4

    My question just answered! Thank you for this short and concrete explanation.

  • @questionsonchristianity8204
    @questionsonchristianity8204 4 роки тому +2

    Wow this information was amazing. There is so much information about forgiving our enemies but absolutely NOTHING about any insight to when the person you want to forgive will NOT accept your forgiveness. Thank you so much for your insights. God bless you.

  • @EPWORTHPRODUCTIONS
    @EPWORTHPRODUCTIONS 5 років тому +8

    That is an amazing way to see God in your life, when you feel sadness for someone who has sinned against you but doesn't want forgiveness.

  • @stevecoley8365
    @stevecoley8365 5 років тому +4

    I have friends that find it difficult to ask for forgiveness with words, so they over compensate with beautiful actions.

  • @achilles1500BC
    @achilles1500BC 2 роки тому +2

    thank u. It clears my head. I am a victim of toxic, abusive relationship. I was abused, raped and being cheated on. I just want an apology from my abuser. Never received one. But the abuser till this day constantly send me text saying how their lives are better now, what they are doing now etc. I made me gone crazy and I haven't slept in days due to recent episode. Thank u for this video :). I am not a Christian but may god bless everyone

    • @dreamtripp
      @dreamtripp 2 роки тому +2

      I'm so sorry for your suffering. However, I would like to say that no healthy person would reach back into the past and tell someone their life is better without them. That is a toxic trait right there, because any healthy person would be too focused on their blessings to even give the past a second thought. Obviously you rent space in their head because they feel the need to give you a certain impression of where their life is at the moment. You will likely never get an apology from this person, because you can see they are still acting in spite. Instead of hoping for an apology, thank God that he showed you this person's true colors, and pray for that person to heal themselves of their spite and anger. May God bless you too.

    • @kristenfuller9168
      @kristenfuller9168 2 роки тому

      @@dreamtripp I got abused too in a way. I went through a breakup recently. My ex went cold he called me a b****. He's seeing someone online now well I was still in pain my heart sunk I was in even more pain. Why is he being silent to me now he's not being a man and apologizing to me instead he blocks me after I confronted him of how how he treated me horribly after break up. He tells me he's a pedo and that he can't be with me anymore if I planned have kids like a daughter son . I want to be a mom in the future but I can't he would of just lefted me. I'm tired of being treated like a nobody 😡😞 he doesn't care how I feel. and yet his bio on social media says he's loving 100% caring I feel he would of apologize to me by now if he was loving caring 💯 😞 and wouldn't yell at me and called me a b****

  • @BB.halo_heir
    @BB.halo_heir 3 роки тому +4

    How can you tell the difference between unforgiveness and setting boundaries?

  • @wk1810
    @wk1810 5 років тому +6

    It isn't just that they refuse to say sorry, or ask forgiveness in return, it is also a matter of ownership of the offence and working on not reoffending. If that person repeatedly refuses to acknowledge what they did, puts the blame on you/others for their sin or outright denies/justifies/minimizes their sin, you still forgive them but must also sever contact with them. I stayed in an abusive relationship for 20+ years because of the faulty/dangerous advice of my pastor "you can't have true forgiveness w/out reconciliation" according to Matt. 5:21-24. I forgave, I reconciled, and I continually suffered abuse because my abuser didn't believe she was ever in the wrong!
    I just recently (4 weeks ago)completely severed ties with her and feel such a strong peace and joy in my life! God is good. I saw her once since then but that old guilt and fear didn't rise up in me. God is so very good!!
    I don't know if she is genuinely saved, that is not my call to make, but I do pray for her to humble herself before God and confess and repent of her sins.
    So, yes, forgive, but sometimes you have to end the relationship too.

  • @arch.l.a.deleon445
    @arch.l.a.deleon445 4 роки тому +2

    Denied sorry and instead ignore, that's a definite double pain!....all you can do is say your words to heavens to heal your hearts

  • @Stratman389
    @Stratman389 3 роки тому +2

    Forgiveness is certainly a gift. It true that it takes a second person to receive that gift. However, forgiveness is primarily a gift that you give to yourself. It's helpful to the person being forgiven if they accept the gift but is not conditional on them accepting it.

  • @ericrosales-od3gm
    @ericrosales-od3gm 11 місяців тому +1

    Forgiveness is for you, not the abuser. You first give before your receive.

  • @shakhinabanath2121
    @shakhinabanath2121 6 років тому +13

    I was thinking about this as you spoke. But I have learned that forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. We forgive them for ourselves, edifying God and our Lord Jesus Christ. God’s grace will take care of the rest! This is particularly hard for people with a spirit of rejection. God has dealt with me on this and has taken away many hurts by me being obedient. Amen.

  • @jennamicheleable
    @jennamicheleable 5 років тому +2

    extremely helpful - God has to inject that compassion which cuts away the bitterness. I've been trying to get rid of my bitterness more on my own than depending on God through prayer to give me compassion for the person who hurt me.

  • @mariagibbons8437
    @mariagibbons8437 Рік тому +2

    What if you keep being oppressed by that person, you try to move away but they don’t let you. Either you expose them or keep ‘out of their reach’ whenever possible. God knows… I want to trust that there will be ‘all for good’ at the end, but I long for that to happen…

  • @susi9242
    @susi9242 4 роки тому +3

    So when someone has done you very wrong and treated you horrible, Im the one with the faulty heart because I struggle with forgiving them (in the sense that I want a verbal "Im sorry for the pain I caused you"), and I am supposed to crawl in remorse for the sins that I have done?! Nah-a mister. The only person I sinned against is myself because I was too weak to stans up and leave and provide better for myself. And I forgive myself for that and I am making it up to me right now and in the future relationships I will have.
    But you are not answering the question. I want to be able to forgive and let go of that last resentment, so that I am free from this person. My HEART does NOT need to or understand that "I am" the one at fault here. There is a difference between knowing your own sweet heart and great it with love, to this guilting of oneself you so purpose.

  • @jtrose6995
    @jtrose6995 3 роки тому +2

    its not just them refusing to say sorry! its they dont care if they were wrong or hurt you.

  • @Justadudeman22
    @Justadudeman22 3 роки тому +2

    Wow thank you so much. I think this saved my life .

  • @user-gy4zu1rk2u
    @user-gy4zu1rk2u Місяць тому

    I had to find a video to watch. Was trying to study for school but I have so much rage within me. Not to hurt anyone, but I am simply not over many things that has happened. My family have done me wrong in so many ways, and no one understands why I am so distant.

  • @deborahadoul9315
    @deborahadoul9315 Рік тому +1

    Best explanation I’ve heard on the two parts of forgiveness. Thank you

  • @alyssawaltman
    @alyssawaltman 2 роки тому +1

    This is brilliant. Could relate to sooooo much of this!

  • @Frank020
    @Frank020 3 роки тому +4

    No one ever asks me to forgive them , because I am a small person. They make fun, abuse, smile, laugh at me, enjoy and repeat. What do I do?

    • @Nancystove
      @Nancystove 2 роки тому +4

      Nowdays being that good is not enough you have to stand for yourself shout on them show them your attitude show them how much self respect you have when they look and laugh at you in place of moving your eyes down look at them with anger . For surving sometimes we have to be rude ❣️

    • @Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr
      @Volleyball_Chess_and_Geoguessr Рік тому +2

      Be around other people?

    • @Frank020
      @Frank020 2 місяці тому

      ​​​@@NancystoveThanks. Mainly it's tough in the workplace, because there is a forced grouping of people, and you can't go 10/10, and say that is not the proper way to treat someone. Each person has their own issues, and walking out is not an option.
      I think many times they lack respect of others, who don't look and think like them: It is a form of insecurity, a lack of perspective and understanding, that every person has a different world view, and that not everyone wants to be a part of their group. But sadly, we are forced to work together in the same blasted offic e. 😂

  • @Monado6
    @Monado6 4 роки тому +5

    They dont see it because they are not saved. The person I'm talking about that has abused me.

  • @bantehhonourine6103
    @bantehhonourine6103 7 років тому +11

    I'm really touched by this video of forgiveness and other videos too. I bear to much grudges against people and at times I'm like trying to tell them I'm sorry but I really can't because of my foolish pride even if I have forgiven them of what they did in my heart,I still like feeling guilty of not being forgiven by them and by God!

    • @masashing4892
      @masashing4892 6 років тому +2

      If someone doesn't apologize for their mistake, then you shouldn't cling nor stick with that person and maybe you should control your environment by walking away from them, so that it'll become quite incapable for them to hurt you more, and you'll be safer.

    • @masashing4892
      @masashing4892 6 років тому +1

      If someone is trying to be mean to you and doesn't apologize, I guess you shouldn't cling nor stick with that person, and maybe you should try to control your environment by walking away or doing things that will make the person be quite incapable for trying to hurt you even more, and you'll be safer.

    • @masashing4892
      @masashing4892 6 років тому +1

      Walking away is one good strategy, since the person can only hurt you if you're very nearby them, and they can't easily hurt you if you're quite far away from them.

    • @masashing4892
      @masashing4892 6 років тому +2

      It can be hard to walk away if your peers are trying to hurt you, or technically if you're experiencing some peer pressure. However, you can try to ask others for help with the peer pressure issue.

  • @GLesbihonest
    @GLesbihonest 4 роки тому +18

    It's funny the "Christians" are the ones I'm dealing with who refuses to apologize on how evil they've been, hurtful, and malicious. It's a shame.

    • @questionsonchristianity8204
      @questionsonchristianity8204 4 роки тому +7

      Are you sure they are Christians?
      Just because they go to church and go to bible study does not make them authentic Christians.

    • @justinsandolph4861
      @justinsandolph4861 4 роки тому

      @@questionsonchristianity8204 he's saying they probably call them selfless Christian's knowing they not

    • @jerseygirl4801
      @jerseygirl4801 4 роки тому +2

      They just go to church. They are not real Christians

    • @gusjeazer
      @gusjeazer 4 роки тому +2

      The Pharisees were also extremely religious. They saw themselves as purer and better than others because of all the effort they put into following the law to a T.
      They were in fact evil and proud. There are still people like that in the church, sadly. They are religious outwardly, but inwardly they only care for themselves.

    • @nadinegomez8858
      @nadinegomez8858 2 роки тому +1

      Same. You’d be surprised how many evil ppl there r in the church

  • @taylorjohnson4943
    @taylorjohnson4943 3 роки тому +1

    Thank you for your video, bring strength and understanding in my life

  • @carolroberts8930
    @carolroberts8930 Рік тому +1

    I have experienced this very thing with a close relative who abused me when I was a teenager.
    As an adult I put many miles between us but I felt as a Christian I needed to forgive. So, I wrote him a letter offering forgiveness, but over many years he never responded or attempted to contact me. In the months before his death I visited him several times at his home and then Hospice. His mind was clear, but he never mentioned the topic, never said he was sorry. I think he felt he had done nothing wrong. I could not overcome the sense of repulsion I felt toward him and could not even hug him as he was dying. He died without ever acknowledging the barrier between us and his wrongdoing.

    • @andreanoguerahenao4844
      @andreanoguerahenao4844 Рік тому +1

      Wow! That's hard!

    • @greenbrickbox3392
      @greenbrickbox3392 11 місяців тому

      Ultimately we cannot forgive those who have not apologized and should not attempt reconciliation with those who have done us harm and have no desire to atone or make things right.

  • @mu8911
    @mu8911 2 роки тому +1

    Really helpful - thank you!

  • @conartist267
    @conartist267 6 років тому +14

    I’m not sure he answers the question?

    • @larrytruelove7112
      @larrytruelove7112 5 років тому +6

      Con Artist
      I somewhat agree. Forgiveness does not depend upon the response of the offender, but reconciliation does.

    • @questionsonchristianity8204
      @questionsonchristianity8204 4 роки тому +6

      I thought he was quite articulate. If the person you want to forgive is not accepting your apology then there is no forgiveness or reconciliation. You can still look upon that person who doesn't forgive with compassion without accepting their hatred.
      At the end of the day we dont need any bodies forgiveness except God's.

  • @janedoe2074
    @janedoe2074 3 роки тому +2

    I don’t have trouble anymore forgiving people. My Lord has shown me so many crappy things I’ve done, that He’s forgiven me for, that I have zero hesitancy in forgiving others. Even if they don’t say they are sorry, it’s cool. I had no clue that my words and behaviors had been perceived as they had. I give others the same benefit. I’m not saying that relationships stay the same... but just like I have had to accept consequences, I ALSO received Godly examples of love and forgiveness, which helped me to grow in Christ. I’m happy to emulate those examples and help someone else to grow, to be put in reserve and taken out later for them. Because I don’t have remembrance of those who acted spitefully in my blindness, I only remember those who were merciful. They are the ones who stand out, to whom I am grateful to.

  • @Standing_on_the_word
    @Standing_on_the_word 2 роки тому +4

    I'm struggling so very much with this its killing me almost to be able to release forgiveness to the ones who have abused me , because they aren't repentant. It's been simmering for about 12years now & I want to forgive I determined to do so 12yrs ago but my pain hasn't gone & I don't understand what God wants me to say or do here, other than he wants me to forgive which I've made up mind to do but my emotions won't settle all the sick inner feelings have ruined my life for many years & I'm tired of carrying bitter feelings & painful feelings.. Lord help 🙏🏽 😞 🙏🏽

    • @margaretpeelen3968
      @margaretpeelen3968 7 місяців тому

      Sending you light and love . We must forgive others for our selves. I have been abused all my childhood and adulthood. People have also stolen everything from me. My money , my valuable papers , jewelry, clothes and household stuff. I am also suffering the loss of so much stuff but also of people .... yet we have to forgive also the ones that are your stealing siblings too

  • @truthbknwn
    @truthbknwn Рік тому +3

    You described me perfectly "wearing myself out" trying to seek reconciliation from someone who frankly could CARE LESS. You speak of the "double dose of pain" that awaits us, and is so true. In modern terms, its called Stockholm Syndrome. That's where the abuse victim winds up becoming an accomplice to the abuse for their efforts to forgive. What happens next is that THEY then begin to dish out the same abuse that they received. You asserted that what happens next is that the Christian settles with the comfort of thinking that this person is basically going to hell. THAT IS NOT FORGIVENESS. That is REVENGE. I have a better idea. How about we obey our God-given instincts, and AVOID that person? How about we NEVER FORGET what they did to us, so that WE don't BECOME LIKE THEM, and we don't allow them to DESTROY us any further??? I know this goes just a bit against the Christian theological thinking, but at some point ya got come to the realization that offering your cheek for more abuse just after the other cheek has been SMASHED, might not be such a good idea.

  • @vanessacatuzzi8102
    @vanessacatuzzi8102 6 років тому +1

    Thank You For your video!

  • @mandy-stevedubberley9365
    @mandy-stevedubberley9365 Рік тому +1

    My husband still won't apologize to me after i said i have church today but he walked out and just got home and got no apology from him

  • @emilymejia7180
    @emilymejia7180 Рік тому +1

    thank you for this, Im in this situation right now

  • @jonroth9656
    @jonroth9656 3 роки тому +1

    Like they say, you can forgive someone for what they said to you; you can forgive someone for what they did to you (murdering you aside, obviously); but the hardest thing to forgive someone for is how they made you feel, and that directly deals with the heart - the seat of emotions. And, yet, isn't it ironic that the heart is directly where the forgiveness must come from? What a dilemma......

  • @markbechtel4744
    @markbechtel4744 7 років тому +1

    Very good... Thank you !

  • @danielmudido7411
    @danielmudido7411 5 років тому +1

    Very insightful and balanced.

  • @brightlife8432
    @brightlife8432 Рік тому +1

    This was good!

  • @switjasmin70
    @switjasmin70 5 років тому +6

    To me forgiveness means to move on and not wanting to see the abuser get "punished" - esp in cases where abuse is in the past. BUT forgiveness does not mean forgetting - bc some victims will continue to remain in the abusive relationship since they keep "forgetting" the past abuse. Just mho

    • @francisf4366
      @francisf4366 Рік тому

      It also means forgetting pls. When we confess our sins, they are plotted out and no such records again. In as much as we are human, we must get rid of the old man in us.

  • @bigmac3006
    @bigmac3006 4 роки тому +7

    Are we to forgive someone who does not ask to be forgiven? Does God forgive my sins if I do not ask to be forgiven? In other words, am I held to a different standard? I'm not sure you answered that.

    • @questionsonchristianity8204
      @questionsonchristianity8204 4 роки тому +3

      If we do not forgive those who sin against us then God will not forgives us our sins. Therefore there can be no relationship between us and God.

    • @thereisnopandemic
      @thereisnopandemic 4 роки тому +1

      questions on Christianity God does not forgive those who refuse to repent. Are we ought not to be as our father? Yes or no? You are quoting Ephesians 4:32 with an assumption that those who sinned against someone did not ask for forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 does not elude to an unrepentant sinner.
      Ephesians 4:32 New International Version (NIV)
      32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
      Scripture is clear when it says “Just as in Christ God forgave you”
      What you are misunderstanding , is that Christ forgave us, when we repented not before we were unrepentant.

    • @questionsonchristianity8204
      @questionsonchristianity8204 4 роки тому +3

      @@thereisnopandemic I think you are misunderstanding me.
      If I sinned against you and you did not forgive me my sin then neither would God forgive you for your sins.
      You may not forgive me but I can forgive you for not forgiving me and God will forgive me for my sin against you.
      I hope this makes it clear.

    • @danpentimone9413
      @danpentimone9413 2 роки тому +1

      When we are sinned against we are instructed to go to that person and rebuke them. If they repent, forgive them (Luke 17). We are not instructed to forgive them if they do not repent. However, we are not to hold bitterness in our hearts against them, nor are we to have any animosity toward them. We are still to be kind and loving toward them. We also are to be "ready to forgive" as God is (Psalm 86:5) when they repent. Finally, we are to be praying for them and doing good as we have an opportunity.

    • @dreamtripp
      @dreamtripp 2 роки тому

      @@questionsonchristianity8204 God does not hold back his forgiveness if we do not have the strength to forgive as he does. He forgives us and asks us to embrace his ways and show others his example the best we can. We are asked to be an example of God's love, but God's love is not withheld if we fail in our own tasks. God does not ask us to be perfect, he asks us to do better. His love is constant.

  • @LVGirl4
    @LVGirl4 5 років тому +4

    He started out really good & said some helpful things but I still get a real answer to the question.

  • @EatSomeAcorns
    @EatSomeAcorns Місяць тому

    It is most difficult to forgive someone who chronically sins against me, I get forgiveness fatigue. And most of the time I can't even forgive because there is no apology.

  • @jennifers8230
    @jennifers8230 5 років тому +1

    Exactly my issue! Thank you.

  • @verakasparova8025
    @verakasparova8025 2 місяці тому

    Thank you. Just realised I need to forgive my narc. father and my husband with similar traits I'm getting thru divorce with.
    Praying to God to leave the hatred behind and forgive without reconciliation.

  • @sweetblessings8849
    @sweetblessings8849 4 роки тому

    Thank you. God Bless you

  • @lorio8187
    @lorio8187 5 років тому +1

    thanks for this

  • @vanaessasmith9158
    @vanaessasmith9158 3 роки тому

    Thank you .

  • @ItIsAllgood1219
    @ItIsAllgood1219 Рік тому

    The book "Total Forgiveness" is the best resource.

  • @user-xq1gd8xl8n
    @user-xq1gd8xl8n 4 місяці тому +1

    My husband is extremely verbally abusive to me and never says hes sorry. How do i keep forgiving him? Please hive me some advice

  • @xifangyangren9997
    @xifangyangren9997 2 роки тому

    Very clear

  • @mchristr
    @mchristr Рік тому +1

    The inability to acknowledge sin in a human relationship is a direct result of the inability to acknowledge and confess sin before God. That is always the core issue.

  • @laurabonin5874
    @laurabonin5874 5 років тому +2

    Thank YOU! I am experiencing that grief now. This helps.

    • @questionsonchristianity8204
      @questionsonchristianity8204 4 роки тому +1

      Laura sometimes incidents like this happen. All you need is Gods approval not other peoples.

  • @nonawolf7495
    @nonawolf7495 3 місяці тому

    Thank you for this video. Forgiveness has been a struggle for me, as the person who hurt me (my aging mother) continues to do so. Every time I reach out to her, it's like sticking my hand in a badgers cage. She is old and feeble, and truly needs my help - but every conversation with her is punishing. Can a person forgive in such a way as to protect their hearts from further abuse?

  • @GloriousLuke
    @GloriousLuke Рік тому +1

    i just want to drop this burden i’ve been carrying for three months

  • @gilbertoaviles4586
    @gilbertoaviles4586 4 роки тому +1

    But does it mean to associate with the person??

  • @cyncoach
    @cyncoach 7 місяців тому

    Help! What do you do when you forgive and the person keeps doing the harmful things after they apologized?

  • @pinky9440
    @pinky9440 10 місяців тому

    Can I forgive someone and still not want them back in my life? Is that even forgiveness? They never apologised, and I have no interest in having them being a part of my life going forward, but for my own peace of mind, I feel I need to forgive them. I don't mind apologising for the hurt I caused, but I don't want them to feel I am inviting them back into my life by apologising and also saying I forgive them.

  • @robertroberts9178
    @robertroberts9178 2 роки тому +2

    You can not forgive those who are not sorry. God doesn't, reality doesn't, faking it or pretending is just delusional. Forbear them or forget them, if the refuse to repent

  • @cardonaedgardo
    @cardonaedgardo 5 років тому +4

    A secular way to teach about forgiveness is...in the beginning of the movie Karate Kid II when Mr. Miyagi taught the blond karate instructor a lesson. Daniel tells Mr. Miyagi: You could have killed him, why didn't you? Mr. Miyagi responded: Because, Daniel son, for person with no forgiveness in heart, living worse punishment than death. Oh wow, I don't know what Mr. Miyagi meant by that but it does sound powerful even if it's not a christian teaching. Worse punishments than death.

  • @jcp5890
    @jcp5890 2 роки тому +1

    I DON'T. I can not even forgive now if they do say sorry. Years!!

  • @Philippe.C.A-R
    @Philippe.C.A-R 7 місяців тому

    How when you forgive and the person is not repentent. You can forgive from your heart … but the magic of attraction is gone.

  • @robertronning7016
    @robertronning7016 2 роки тому

    To forgive someone has nothing to do with sorry

  • @breezygirlbre
    @breezygirlbre 7 місяців тому

    This is hard oh my gawd it’s so hard 😩…. To forgive with no apology or sincere apology at that and repentance…..

  • @jeremiahmorris1852
    @jeremiahmorris1852 3 місяці тому

    What if it was your literal brother that tried killing you? Not only that, but they justified the act. How do you forgive them?

  • @NYkat222
    @NYkat222 2 роки тому +1

    i need this book😢Thank you. But how do you know you've truly forgiven someone if the memories keep coming back and making you sick inside? How do you let go mentally and in your heart? This person has destroyed me. Can you pls do a video on this?

    • @NYkat222
      @NYkat222 2 роки тому +1

      I'm so happy! I found your suggested book, Chris Brauns's, 'Unpacking Forgiveness': Biblical answers for complex questions and deep wounds, in my library. Thank you Dr. Pierre for your help. Father God continue to Bless you🦋

  • @rogerringold616
    @rogerringold616 3 роки тому

    Wife admits 20 yrs of a grude, covering lies, You say I forgive, and realize they have never stopped the behavior....1 year after the admissions. Now what...realizing the marriage has been sabotaged, like a double agent spy.
    Or if a spouse says I have poisoned our water in the past, continuously.......you check the water and see she is still doing it.

  • @simonbelmont1986
    @simonbelmont1986 2 роки тому +1

    I can't forgive emotional manipulators

  • @kristenfuller9168
    @kristenfuller9168 2 роки тому

    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me on Easter 17th which is a couple weeks ago now. He's put me through pain this passed weeks. he's treating me like a nobody since after the breakup he went cold and abusive to me yelled at me called me a b**** I confronted him to tell him how I felt and he just blocks me. I feel he's not being a man and apologizing to me. He's betrayed my trust he dated someone else right after the breakup. He's dating some online girl he met well I was still in pain. He's told me during the relationship last year saying he can't be with me anymore if I plan on having kids he told me he's a pedohile 😞💔 he said these hurtful things to me and I don't know what to believe.

    • @greenbrickbox3392
      @greenbrickbox3392 11 місяців тому

      It might not seem like it now, but you are extremely lucky since you have been given an opportunity to be with someone much better than a hateful pedophile.

  • @psallen5099
    @psallen5099 4 роки тому

    Baltimore Catechism of the Catholic Church, Question 816. Why are we advised to bear wrongs patiently and to forgive all injuries?
    Answer. We are advised to bear wrongs patiently and to forgive all injuries, because, being Christians, we should imitate the example of Our Divine Lord, who endured wrongs patiently and who not only pardoned but prayed for those who injured Him.

  • @nileaugustine5882
    @nileaugustine5882 4 місяці тому

    Book Called to Forgive by Reverend Anthony B. Thompson.

  • @kkamaakshi
    @kkamaakshi 3 роки тому +2

    Is it okay to watch your videos if you're not christian

    • @dreamtripp
      @dreamtripp 2 роки тому

      Of course. There is something valuable to be learned from every faith, if it resonates with your primary faith. :)

  • @FarionHorn
    @FarionHorn 2 роки тому

    I never received such gift. Why I should to give it? To give something. They didn't give me anything. Why I shiuld?

  • @tedmalley7636
    @tedmalley7636 4 роки тому +2

    It doesn't matter if the person or people who hurt you do not apologize..we are to forgive them anyway. Forgiveness relieves us of the pain and poisons that are toxic to our soul and allows us to ask for forgiveness.

  • @brahmabkitty03
    @brahmabkitty03 6 років тому

    Matthew 10:14

  • @imaginativebicentipede2936
    @imaginativebicentipede2936 4 роки тому

    Forgiveness doesn't require reconsilliation. In fact, the other party doesn't need to be remorseful or even present. So weird.

  • @lorrinekaai7489
    @lorrinekaai7489 2 роки тому

    I forgave my sister and her husband for what they have done in the past but they don't have no guilty conscience and keep stealing till I had nothing left that was worth stealing from them they just had no shame they knew they did me wrong and didn't care)

  • @celebrity_rooster7488
    @celebrity_rooster7488 3 роки тому

    Just don’t. Don’t go around causing a scene to get revenge. Just make sure they will never succeed ever again.

  • @lukejones5272
    @lukejones5272 4 роки тому +5

    Well said. I think the words for the incomplete forgiveness, biblically, is forbearance. God forbears sinners, but doesn’t forgive them until they repent, until they want it.

    • @dreamtripp
      @dreamtripp 2 роки тому +1

      thank you for this. the concept of forbearance is very illuminating in this discussion

  • @stevenrusch6341
    @stevenrusch6341 2 роки тому

    I completely agree, and I have something to say; but before I begin, I should point out that the following does not by any means advocate for politics. I'm using the following as an allegory for why we should find ways to forgive.
    When the Devil swept the third of the stars of heaven with his tail, God and Saint Michael and the other elect angels drove the Devil and his angels out from heaven. (Revelation 12:4-9)
    When America comes under attack, we respond through declaration of war.
    If when someone commits to home invasion and threatens our lives, we have every right to defend ourselves.
    For someone to foolishly attack us and dominate our lives for no reason whatsoever, this should be dealt with most harshly.
    I have this American mindset for fighting back, which for any American this shouldn't be denied.
    The reality is, we would rather stomp out the threat and make sure the enemy doesn't get back up than let them attack us again. It's exactly how we feel about the offender because they fired the first shot at us, yet at some point in life, whether you're elderly or you're on your deathbed, old hatreds must one day die hard.
    It's why I came here searching for ways to forgive others who had wronged me. I find it very inappropriate for someone to tell me, as a Christian, to simply forgive the other person, just because the Bible tells us we should. For me, this goes against my own humanity because I must now suck it up, because it builds moral character, so drop it and move forward. It's all old news, so nobody cares about how you feel. This approach makes others feel that this kind of forgiveness is unjustified, because now you're blaming the victim simply because he feels he wants the other person to pay for what they've done unless he forgives the offender, like it's okay and it's all in the past. After all, their actions should not go unpunished and they must stand and answer, whether they like it or not.
    For me to truly see the offender's true character for me to forgive them, they must acknowledge their wrongdoing, which most offenders will never do. It's their stubborn pride that makes them toxic, short-fused, edgy, and so damned pissed-off from the beginning.
    Don't get me wrong; I've said and done things I wished I hadn't, yet my heart always presses me to reveal all the bad because it's how I "keep the slate clean." I feel that I could not hold back such secrets, which is why I continually spill the beans.
    The point I'm making is, I wish the common offender does just that, yet stubborn pride tells the latter to remain hostile to you. On the other hand, it's better if that person is an open enemy, than a false friend," (Greek Proverb) yet even that does not excuse the offender. We want to see the person repent and acknowledge their wrongdoings and shed their pride. Human fear drives us into wanting something to be done right on the spot before we die.
    Ghost-Hunters say that a spirit still carries its emotions after death. I pray that one day, God will help me diffuse all this negative build-up. All I would ask of him is to tear out all of these roots of corruption and cast those into the fire, so I may watch all that burn. This way, at least I know that I have finally forgiven my offenders, so that my soul may rest in peace. For said offenders who still see your apology and forgiveness as some kind of joke, that's their problem. like Florecita Gonzalez says, it's between them and God. He will be the not-so-human judge who preaches turn-or-burn sermons towards them and talk more about hellfire than the heavens above. After all, the Lord opposes the proud but exalts the brokenhearted. (James 4:6)
    God bless America, and Peace of Earth.
    Amen.

  • @mattymobbs5125
    @mattymobbs5125 2 роки тому

    Why do most women never see what they say when they are wrong

  • @goodone5590
    @goodone5590 Рік тому

    Most of the time its not feasable.

  • @dontouchmystuf
    @dontouchmystuf 2 роки тому

    I’m confused, and would love any thoughts anyone has.
    I understand that we as believers should extend grace and work to not hold things over people. But, does God forgive people who don’t ask for it? If I’m not mistaken, he doesn’t. People aren’t really saved and don’t get his grace/mercy/forgiveness until people ask for it. So I don’t understand why we would do something that God doesn’t even do?
    Now I’d someone asked for it, we need to be ready to forgive (like God would). And we need to not be holding bitterness before they ask. But, by definition, can’t forgiveness literally not be given unless someone is asking for it? Maybe it’s just terminology I’m confused about.

    • @mariagibbons8437
      @mariagibbons8437 Рік тому +1

      The way I ‘understand’ it is, God is patiently waiting till the last minute to forgive the sinner. He wants to forgive all men (2 Peter 3:9). But HE will condemn all unrepentant of their disobedience. However, we are not God, but as followers of Jesus, who as a Man on earth forgave those who hurt him, we are required to pray for them, even to love them, not with our human feelings but as in His Spirit of forgiveness. That is the theory, ‘the commandment’ if we want to call it, but also the opportunity to ask and receive that Spirit. I’m also struggling to accept this with joy, (specially as it continues the abuse) but as for Him, and trusting He will transform my heart…

  • @JamesBond-df5jd
    @JamesBond-df5jd 11 місяців тому +1

    The answer is who cares!

  • @kamleshdhruv5217
    @kamleshdhruv5217 Рік тому

    Forgiveness is not a compulsion from God.
    Not forgive is not a sin either.
    But calling God for judgement is not a sin either.
    The benchmark of God is, if someone did wrong against you, bear patience, but if cannot you can what was done to you (Nothing evil).
    If anything evil call upon God for judgement between you and the one who did evil.
    And wait for His justice.

  • @setapartsanctuary2657
    @setapartsanctuary2657 2 роки тому

    I have a sincere question, I hope you'll answer me.... Jesus doesn't forgive what isn't Confessed or at least A heart if repentance that says please forgive me of all known and unknown transgression... he won't forgive unless we ask, yet we have to forgive when they do not ask???. The word says to forgive when Asked for forgiveness but where does it say to forgive when it isn't asked?.

    • @dreamtripp
      @dreamtripp 2 роки тому

      "Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do."

  • @chris-solmon4017
    @chris-solmon4017 4 роки тому +1

    You don’t.

  • @SavedbyGraceAlone1962
    @SavedbyGraceAlone1962 Рік тому +1

    Does God forgive unrepentant people? No, and so I don't think he would expect us to either. But God WOULD expect that we love them even if we can't forgive them.

  • @lizettramos2783
    @lizettramos2783 5 років тому +2

    You know something happen to me in the pass in the us custom of calexico in year 1995 I can be live they haven't gave me a apology for doing harm to me in the pass year 1995 I just haven't forgotten becouse i lost my mom in all this I'm going crazy becouse this person was incharge of the border and he stole my incidents in the pass you know for me I just wanted to hear a sorry but not even that I had but it in the news and I. Haven't recieven a sorry from the men incharge of calexico border in year 1995 he was a black person and a white men they acktuly distort my life I don't know if for them was like nothing happen I don't know how could they live ok like nothing happen well I lost my mom couse of there fault and I haven't received a sorry out of them how sad my mom name was juanita ramos cosio and when I was in Dublin camp I heard my mom saying no se por que me tengo Que ller pero nunca mi bus to. Verte aque. She was in San Diego hospital in the moment but her soul showed up were I was after that court they have given I lost my mom I just wanted to hear and apolige but nothing if they new I'm going crazy course of that but that's ok I see that there are people that don't care what they do to others but I past for a lot. You know it is sad when people do harm and don't care for the feelings of others if they new how much I cry for my mom it wasn't her time yet I just want them to tell me why did they do that to me in year 1995 and haven't received a sorry from no were I also told Congress and no sorry yet why is are goverment like that I just want to know why did they do harm to me in the pass who send them or I was there laugh in the moment you know that it's not fair I know that I'm being help from goverment becouse I'm going crazy becouse of that and I am thankful but why haven't they told me in sorry for doing harm to you but I see the black guy has done movies in the moment I thought he look like him but no I but the dependent and he came out so it is him it is so sad he don't have feelings I ant asking for much I just wanted to know why they did that to me and to let them know I lost my mom in all this but goverment don't care about what I thing they ignored me and that's not fair it's not right but Abraham Lincoln said that these dead shall not died in vain that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom and goverment of the people by the people for the people shall not perish from the earth you know I have something in comen with abraham Lincoln becouse his talking about justice he was killed in year 1865 and my address is 865. And this president we have don't care about me he don't care about me at all if he would be a good president he would say let's go and see the dependents to see what's going on with her but nothing is this how goverment should treat me like nothing or I'm I wrong in my head in saying all this becouse i don't want people thinking I'm a bad person I am the victim if they new what have I done to stay a life all this year's but how cares but if I'm not hear some day I don't want them talking about me becouse all they talk is bad but they are not doing there jobs right becouse they should at lest spoken to me but nothing it semce they don't care about me but yes I want them to know that I lost my lovely mom juanita ramos cosio in all this would you do me a favor and let them know that wasn't fair. I hope God gives me strength and hopefully. There is justice for my mom juanita ramos cosio i want my family to know what happen to my mother and at lest them telling my family and me a sorry thank you

    • @lizettramos2783
      @lizettramos2783 5 років тому +1

      Please let me know what you think

    • @oopssugar
      @oopssugar 5 років тому

      I am praying with you and for you and yours in this situation. I guess the way I just heard it and I am so mad right now because I am angry and hurt over a situation of my own here. Anyway God said to do good to those who hurt us it is in the Bible somewhere uuuggg I've been out of the Bible for too long and not being diligent so I can't recall it all. Anyway I am not sure how to let go of the anger and forgive. I am going to look for that scripture .... It's about doing good to those who hurt us and wrong us and loving our enemies uuuuggg ggggrrrr I am mad though Father PKEASE HELP US WHO HAVENT BEEN APPOLIGISED TO YET OR EVER. PLEASE HELP US TO LEARN HOW TO sorry had to stop yelling.... My anger is too much for me to bear it is so frustrating please help us lead us to your Word Holy Spirit you are the councler and our teacher and friend and guide and would remind us of everything the Lord said so lead us. Teach us not to hate . Help us to lean on the cross of Christ and not our own cross how do we CAST OUR CARES ON YOU WHEN THE PROBLEM STILL EXISTS...... AAAAAA. PLEASE WE NEED OTHERS TO PRAY TOO... Father help in Jesus Name. Amen

    • @incognitomode5909
      @incognitomode5909 3 роки тому

      That is so sad to hear 😔

  • @jcp5890
    @jcp5890 2 роки тому

    You don't....you fORGET their existence.