Are You Monogamous, Non-Monogamous or Something in Between?
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
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• Video
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Today I give short definitions for 10 styles of commitment
casual dating
serial non-committed dating
traditional monogamy
modern monogamy
monogam-ish
open relationship
free relationship
moonlighting aka swinging
asexuality
polyamory
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Shan "Boody" Boodram is an intimacy and relationship educator who promotes sexual empowerment through information and conversation. She creates content for young adults to make better choices in their intimate lives and romantic relationships.
WELCOME TO THE COMMENT SECTION. I encourage you to talk about yourself here and avoid the temptation to tear others' perspectives down. There's a poll if you click the "i" in the right hand corner of the video and if you haven't done the quiz, here's the link thegameofdesire.com/commitment
I took the poll and it was spot on. Modern Monogamist!
Great video Shan! I encourage you to not refer to monogamy as having a “starvation model” view on love. I’m a huge fan of you, and I think that you using that phrase puts a negative in e bias on a healthy lifestyle that some choose for themselves. All forms of relationships that you described in this video is healthy,
Are* healthy
I never said the words monogamy and starvation style of love together.
I don't think anybody deliberately tries to be a serial monogamous but is rather a side effect of the social pressures and or choices and or ability to be a partner.
Who starts a relationship predetermined to not succeed?
I love the idea of modern monogamy, cause I’m not going to hold on to something that’s not working for me. I want to be able to move on to someone else of it’s truly not working.
@lifeastherapy expressed it so beautifully
I like it too because if it's not working & you tried everything to make it work; then both people should be able to move to whats better for them 👍
GEORGIO ASMR 100% I feel like ppl hold on to things that aren’t working and then waste years or whatever time when they could’ve possibly met someone else.
@@boricua584 yep that's straight facts. I learned as i got older that it's ok to let go & not put up with the bs just cuz i really care about the person
@@GEORGIOARCADE Amen. People get caught up with longevity and what's familiar they take abuse.
Monogamous Asexual sounds like a dream come true. I basically just need an emotional support human 🤷🏾♀️
Lol meeee. Definitely jus looking for another emotional support human out here
I found out I am a DTF (Down To Figure it out) Relationship. Meaning that my relationship style can change and I am adaptable as long as that's what is best for me and my partner or partners
Saaaame,DTF. I loved the quiz it was very insiteful and totally made sense when I read the description on the Free Relationship
Same, I was excited to find this out abt myself, and want to learn more
I've taken the quiz several times and kept getting free relationship, but throughout the video, I was like "oh that could work for me" and "hmm that sounds nice" for every style. Then I realized that wanting a free relationship is just that--- wanting to have that flexibility to assess what's working and what's not as my partner(s) and I grow and change and fitting our style to our current needs. Thanks for helping me realize that Shan!
This is random, but I appreciate square space...they always sponsor my favorite content creators. Oh and I believe in monogamy.
I appreciate them too. They don't try to tell me what kind of content to create either, they trust the people they work with which is RARE
Shan BOODY that’s awesome!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾
I believe in monogamy. Even though I've always tried to be open to the idea of polygamy I don't think it is for me. Being exclusive to someone is what really make a relationship truly meaningful.
Yeah I agree
Same
Polyamory and Polygamy are two different things. Hope you mean Polyamory not polygamy.
why are u saying that being exclusive is what really makes a relationship truly meaningful? that’s very disrespectful to different relationship structures.
You should say "for me" at the end of yout sentence
I am a Christian that believes in biblical principles and my results came out to Free Relationship. I believe it came out to free relationships because I believe that communication is important in a relationship. I also understand that one person is not made to fulfill all our needs, so demanding that from a person is unrealistic. Communication is key. I believe commitment is important but in order for commitment to work, free communication is important.
SAME! 👌🏾
I love this! I fantasize about the idea of maintaining a free individualism inside a monogamous relationship. Basically the honeymoon period on repeat. Talk about pupe dreams!
My phone: new UA-cam notification from Shan Boody
Me: drops everything I’m doing.
Watch out to not conflate asexual and aromatic there is some overlap but not all asexuals are disinclined to relationships. I’m asexual and free relationship prone.
I really appreciate you laying out this information Shan. 💕
I’m from the American south, so here the societal narrative is really that of “if you love someone, you commit to them fully, and if not you’re a cheater.” So when I took your quiz a few months ago I realized that having an open relationship is something that is a valid form of relationship.
I was in a strictly monogamous relationship with a traditional monogamist for over 3 years, and I felt so trapped and almost suffocated but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. When I was single, I became so depressed because of the lack of human connection, but regardless of how much I liked the person I was hesitant to catch feelings because I didn’t want to feel trapped again and hurt them.
Now I’m in a relationship with a person I’ve been friends with since 6th grade. We’ve since discovered that we both are pansexual and prefer open relationships. Knowing that what I want is okay and that I don’t have to limit my feelings to just one person is so freeing. I feel like I have more time to focus on loving my partner because I don’t spend any mental energy feeling trapped or like I’m holding in a big secret about what I actually want. I could cry I’m so happy with my life right now, and it never occurred to me before that open relationships were okay and valid.
THANK YOU SHAN!! I’m sending you a big hug through the computer screen. 😆💕
I love how you articulated this!
That's dopethat you're both pansexual. Haven't found another one that's drawn me in, yet, but that's pretty cool
Love this!!!
So cool that you found something that works fornl you. ❤️
I'm a polyamorous woman, currently in a non-commitment situation. I Love the fact that when we're together, it's like seeing your long-distance partner, but I'm not ready, right now, to do anything more than just enjoy time and space with them. I was in a poly marriage for 6 years, up until 2 years ago, and I just need company and fun on occasion: no responsibilities, no sex, no romantic investments. I love everything about relationships and would love to engage in one, again, but I've got repair work to do before inviting anyone into my space, in that way. I just want to smile again
Modern monogamy, I believe in choosing one person to love and grow with while experiencing “everything” together. But if the relationship develops into a toxic situation. I’ll say my peace and wish them the best.
this is super interesting. I feel like I’m somewhere in the monogamous boat leaning more toward modern. I’d love to hear more from your parents about how your work and studies have changed their relationship/love-life. It sounds like they are open to more possibilities.
I feel like they always were like this but maybe are more comfortable now putting it into words
I Love her parents... So "real" and down to Earth
My current relationship style is open. My partner and I have been in a free relationship since we got together, starting out as monogamish, but we have recently opened up to outside experiences. At first we had the boundary of no sex to ease ourselves into it and learn to communicate better, but we have recently taken that restriction off. I personally resonate most with a polyamorous relationship structure, because as I have started to see a new partner, I truly believe that I have the capacity to love them both fully. I don't think that they are equal, since their roles in my life as soulmates fit in my life differently. For example, one of my partners and I have a really beautiful history of friendship and business together, so our relationship is definitely different than my other relationship, but that doesn't mean I value it any less. And I haven't had many casual experiences that I have enjoyed, so I'd like to experiment more with that and see if that is something that I can incorporate into my life. In the past I have always needed romantic, emotional connection to open up sexually with someone, but I think as I grow into my sexuality more that might change. The best part about the relationships that I have is that everything is on the table, from monogamy, to open relationships, to polyamory, and even times of complete celibacy. I feel like I will personally go through stages of all kinds of relationships (except traditional monogamy lol). I really want to learn more about polyamory in practice though, because I don't feel like I want a triad, or any relationship where we are all seeing each other since I really value one on one intimacy, but I want to be able to develop multiple, deep relationships, maybe even multiple long term relationships.
I'd love to chat to you more about this. Do you have an @?
Beautifully said, thanks for sharing.
Crazy how relationships have changed in 2019-2020. I find it so hard to date around. A lot of men I find think it's okay to be casual. I am open minded but I find so many people don't close previous relationships and therefore it gets complicated when they try to come onto me. And I'm just left. A lot of people need to learn balance and committment.
@@chantelforrester8325 yes you said this so so perfectly!
Sunethra how is it hard to stay committed? Lol. If a girl said yes when I asked her out then yeah I’d do everything to stay with her
C K Amen 🙏🏽 u nailed it!!!
@Peanut Butter Jelly Betch Everyone isn’t as woke as you PB&J.
USMCLP I’m not woke I just value relationships
Shan love this. Next time can you add the relationship type in the topcorner of the interviews as they speak? Helps grasping the conversation even though the clips are entered at the relevant moments
this makes sense, there's a LOT of different words so I totally get how that would have helped
I got serial non-committed dating. But I feel that I could fall into a lot of those categories, depending on how I feel in the moment. However, I am married, but I do enjoy a lifestyle of freedom with commitment and accountability, which I do have with my spouse. And I thoroughly enjoy our relationship and it’s monogamy.
I'm a Modern Monogamist (single right now though), I believe in being with one person at a time but I don't believe in staying with that same one person forever and ever.
I'd call the relationship I'm in right now open.. Open to see where our current connection is taking us or rather, where we take it. As well as both having freedom to meet with others with honest communication. I can honestly say that I haven't desired to be with anyone else since meeting him tho. 💕
Love & Appreciate your content Shannon 🙌🏾🌷
That's cool! Honestly even tho I'm the monogamist type feel like an open or free type of relationship could help me in my growth as a person. However i know it wont work in the long term cuz i get so attached easily lol 😄. I'm glad you found what works for you tho 👍
I know this video is old but please please please make the commitment style quiz available again 🥺 it says on the website that "this quiz is currently unavailable". I really hope you will see my message and make the quiz available again ❤
Howdy Shan, i always been a monogamous type of guy. I always had this idea of just being with one girl whose nurturing, strong minded & assertive as in knowing what she wants & can communicate it. Even tho i always been a one woman kinda guy; i usually have met women who were the opposite. They are more airy or free in their views on love. Like it's never been normal. It's been difficult to find that person whose like me. Maybe I'm meant to learn from women who are different from me right? I appreciate your channel for making it safe to talk about our preferences for romance, how to express my needs & how you teach us healthy proper ways to express those feelings to the person we in a relationship with or we really like with no judgment. Blessings to you & your viewers ♥️🌟
Traditional monogamy 😪🤦🏾♀️
Same
Hi shan....loving these vids watching from South America ...Guyana
As an asexual, I got polyamorus. I haven't been in many relationships to know if this is accurate for me or not. But I don't want to have sex and I don't want to limit a partner if they have that desire. So, I can see why I got that result.
I do wonder what answers you'd have to give on that quiz to end up with asexuality.
Loving the content around your book Shan!
Same! I’m asexual and I also prefer polyamory which was reflected in the quiz. However, asexuality isn’t an attachment style exclusively but a sexuality. I’m not even sure asexuality is a result on her quiz but i could be wrong.
TheRangerGreen wtf. Asexual is for bacteria. You crazies make no snese
The desperate need to label literally everything and every aspect of your life is just ridiculous. Live your life and be open and honest with people. It's that simple. You're not super edgy and unique for having labels to show off to the world. Come back in 30 years and let us all know how miserable and lonely you are for the lifestyle you chose today.
Traditionally monogamous...though some of the questions/answers felt limiting about monogamy like we see our partners as possessions (we don't just as I don't assume poly people see partners as disposable) or if they couldn't fulfill a need there was no option to compromise or modify that need with that partner without going outside the relationship. It also insinuated that monogamous people expect their partner to fulfill every need they have in life....which is obviously unrealistic. The best relationships are honest ones. Polyamory isn't for me AT ALL but I am glad people are able to state what they want up front so nobody wastes time in situations they don't want.
I get that Brittney but in a quiz that’s under 10 mins and has 10 results it’s hard not to use extremes. The goal is to get people to their best suited result and if you have suggestions on how things could be worded without coming across as true for all styles, I’m down to make those changes 💯
@@shanboody Thanks for the reply. I get you, makes sense. It is a lot to unpack in 10 questions Sorry if it came off overly critical. I certainly didn't mean it that way. The result page explanation was really good though and it seems most people do agree with that.
Took the test: I am a “Free relationship” kind of gal. I think that is a fair assessment for how I feel and what I want from a relationship at this time in my life
I'd love to hear you talk about "grey asexual" relationships or bring in perspectives from people who are in romantic relationships where sex isn't a priority but still happens sometimes. I just ended a relationship with a man who had a super high sex drive and I didn't enjoy how sex was a necessary compartment of keeping the relationship healthy. It put a lot of pressure on me to try to do it more often than I liked and sex became a burden and a chore. I'd like to hear from asexual and grey-asexual people how they've managed their relatively sex-free romantic relationships!
I need to talk with my "boyfriend" both libras but im the one who communicates on a extreme level to him it seems like a task. We need to talk about this video asap
Hi Shan! I do have a serious question that I’ve been trying to figure out when it comes to women being in relationships/sex with multiple men. Why is it that whenever the topic of threesomes for an example only pertains to FMF and not MFM? It seems to me that women don’t really have the freedom to be in threesomes with 2 men or being in a relationship with 2 men and the association of “being gay” or “running trains” gets brought up constantly and it’s honestly really getting to me because it’s very disrespectful and inconsiderate to women’s desires & pleasure. Women are very considerate to men’s desires but when it’s the other way around, “it’s a problem.” I’m wondering what your opinion would be?
I understand all of the couples point of views on relationship styles so I appreciate they’re prospective. I just wish there was an added couple that had a man and women actively looking to be in a relationship with another man for an example. Just so it’s normalized. Regardless, loved the video and I still go back and forth with the Game of Desire book to improve on my dating so thank you!
I have a thought on this topic. I think it all comes down to what society is telling us: two women = sexy, but two men = gross. And it doesn't matter if those men don't even kiss during the threesome... Plus, many men tend to be selfish and the thought of two women appeals to them more then sharing a their girlfriend/wife with someone else.
Free Relationship ✨ very accurate result for the relationship I have with my husband. Great video Shan!
Serial non-committed 🙃😂
I need better communication skills tho
I feel so included because a national of Trinidad and Tobago was on the video and with my style. I am a Modern Monogamist.
Same! Hey girl heyyy. I'm in Maraval 😅
Thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only one. Thanks, Shan Boody for being very global and open - minded. I'm in San Juan
Felt the same way seeing a trini.. I'm from arima.. I'm in a moonlighting relationship
I felt that too, since I have Trinidadian family and friends, and was just there.
I really enjoy your channel. This episode was very good because you get to hear people perspective on their relationship "choice." I put that is quotations becuase I am a modern monogamous person and ive met people who look at me sideways because i am not into polygynous types of relationships. I found that offensive because i believe people should be able to choose what works for them without being judged for it. I am very open minded to people's choices. And i respect them but dont try to convince me of why i should be something other than what i am. Thanks lady this was a good one.
YES I HATE TO SEE THAT!! Non-monogamous people who try to pressure others to conform when it's like wait, didn't you hate when people tried to pressure you?!? There is no correct way to love across the board and I know when you found something that works for you it's hard to imagine it won't work for others. But it's just like anything else, just bc you love accounting doesn't mean everyone else will and if they don't, doesn't mean they're missing out on life
@@shanboody just like that!
Hey Shan, love your work and I think this video is super helpful! That said, I am on the asexual spectrum myself and am not sure that it quite fits with the definitions you laid out. Asexual is a queer identity, and not really a relationship style. Something that may be a better fit is aromantic, but there are still some nuances there, as this is also a particular queer identity. Asexuals and aromatics can have any relationship style, although there may be some that we lean twords. Basically, the aro and ace communities are close allies, but we don't always overlap; you did a good job acknowledging that when you noted that we may desire romance without sex. However, aromatics may experience the opposite: sexual attraction without romance. And of coarse someone may be both aromantic and asexual at the same time. The reason I bring this up is in these communities, the distinction between sexual and romantic attraction is very important, and may influence their relationships in specific ways. I know some asexuals that are in traditional monogamous relationships, that engage in sex sometimes because it is important to a partner and therefore is important to that relationship, where as another asexual freind of mine left their relationship sexually open to their partner because they did not want to engage in sex but wanted their partner to feel fufilled. Because of this, I thought "aromantic" style would fit better there, as aromatics may avoid romantic relationships and "fly solo"(although not always, and there is a spectrum here as well). For example, I have a freind who is aromantic, but heterosexual, and may do hookups or a fwb type thing, but avoids romantic relationships entirely. I also know an aro-ace who has neither sexual or romantic relationships. Both of these are fairly common. In fact, aromatics sometimes form their own unique relationship type, the queer platonic relationship- in short, platonic life partners without romance. And otherwise, the Aromantic comunity often advocates for stronger non-romantic relationships, like stronger friendship bonds or chosen families. Anywho, that is a lot and I know u didn't have time to get into it but In short I'd look into the Aromantic community for that final spot!
In my personal life, I find myself as a modern monogamous, but with room for my partner to be more sexually open. For example, I know for a fact I am attracted to many genders romantically (biromantic) but rarely experience sexual attraction (gray-ace), so I was very confident in my identity. However my former partner was a bit bicurious, so I wanted him to be able explore that if he felt he needed to. And I acknowledge that although I am not sexually attracted to multiple people, my partners often are.I find being asexual and navigating your boundaries around sex often leads to more closely examining my relationship dynamics and adjusting for what fits my partner and I best.And I think asexuals in general tend to lean away from traditional monogamy sometimes, because many people see sex as an obligation in that sort of relationship, which many aces may not be ok with.
A human on the internet perfect definition 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I just want to note that asexuality is not reflected by actions. You've mixed both asexuality and aromantic in your definition.
Asexuality means someone doesn't experience sexual attraction OR experiences a low amount of sexual attraction. This isn't the absence of libido, so in many cases asexual people still want to have sex and/or do sexual things. They can still be kinky, etc.
Asexuality has nothing to do with romantic attraction. There IS a population called "aromantic" people, and those are the people who do not experience romantic attraction (or who do not experience it often, usually under certain circumstances). Aromantic people can still experience sexual attraction... You might often [but not always, of course] see these people in relationships solely for sexual reasons and not caring for romantic aspects of relationships. (And if you ask me, I honestly think a lot of people identify with that HAHA. 🐸☕)
That said, there are definitely people who are both asexual and aromantic!
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As always, loved the video, Shan!
My quiz results say traditional monogamy. I must say though I think I fit more under the modern monogamy bill. Even when I was a little girl I knew I didn't wanna get married. Bump that! 🤣🤣🤣 I wouldn't say I'm a ride or die but I'mma leave guy enough time to get his mess together and when time's up I'm leaving lol.
Thank you for this
@@shanboody Thank YOU for uploading content that I can enjoy over the years. I'm so happy I discovered you through Maya. Both two amazing women whose projects I can get behind! 💖
ok I’m glad she found one of our posts and favorited it. you explained it perfectly!
so I took the quiz and got 'free relationship", is there any place I can find more resources about this. like advice from people who practice this and are like me?
There are lots of open relationship or non manogamy forums on fb and reddit! I'm in a non monogamous relationship that started as a free relationship so if you have any questions I'm down to answer! Don't worry about the closed minded internet trolls! What you think is best for you is your choice and non of this guys buisness to judge.
@Black Knight Fool shed an educated sex experience and to be sexologist who is in fact a real woman. Maybe you're a monogamist but that doesn't mean everyone is or has to be because it's what you like. There is not one relationship style that is good or right above all others and Shan is very expressive of her support for whatever makes you feel loved best, not what she does or others do. There is no reason to attack someone because of their relationship preferences. Go Harper on pesos and abusers not consenting lovers with other consenting lovers.
@Black Knight Fool don't state your opinions as if they were facts.
1. Children can never consent since they cannot understand. That's why they are protected by law the same way they are not allowed to sign legally binding contracts or make medical decisions without their legal guardian. You are just trying to equate something value neutral to something bad because you don't like it and want it to look bad for others. Those tactics only work on idiots.
2. There have been stable non monogamous societies in different cultures and times, but how would you know? Someone told you otherwise and that made YOU feel safe, so they have to be right.
3. Your wording doesn't even sound like you yourself are monogamous. You just live a monogamous lifestyle probably. I am monogamous and I don't need to have the emphasis on being faithful. I just really love my partner and have no desire to be with someone else ever.
@Black Knight Fool children and drunk people cannot consent because they do not have the mental capacity to do so fully especially not with someone who is sober or an adult. That is the law.
@Black Knight Fool I dont think you understand? If people are non monogamous the only reason someone would have 0 partners is if they didn't want any or nobody wanted them. Non-monogamous societies have been very stablethey just dont have the same opportunity to shine because monogamy is the norm in most cultures and that is because of the laws of abrahamic religions and how those religions were spread by empires.
I got free relationship on the quiz, and that makes sense to me. Everything I do is very fluid and always changing. I can't imagine always wanting the same relationship style for the rest of my life. 1. I don't think I see myself being with one person forever and 2. I think relationships with different people can't always be the same style.
I’m shocked that my commitment style is Modern Monogamy because sometimes by desires can veer into a more ‘open’ realm but I know that I’ve done poorly in the past at handling those situations. Interesting how our desires aren’t always congruent with our skills/capabilities.
This is great content! I learn so much from it! I've ditched TV for UA-cam. I enjoy seeing your growth as you live out your passion, say it like you mean it and expand your platform to increase representation on all levels. I don't know you, but I am SO proud of you and rooting for you!
By the way, I took your quiz and it says that I have a "Free Relationship" commitment style. Wow!
Xavier I feel this in my soul!!!!!
So I'm Asexual and got Polyamory. I was in a relationship where I let my GF at the time date others since I didn't and don't care for intimacy much. Guess I'm still like that.
Probably shouldn't say let, we agreed to see others well her seeing others to fill that void
Omg!!! I made it into the video!!! Thank you for this informative conversation ❤️❤️🥰🥰
you are amazing!!! Mya should be following up with next step instructions
Hey I’m in this! Thanks so much for letting Alex and I be a part of this ❤️ (I’m @priscillasunflower)
The quiz says I’m Traditionally monogamous. I kinda thought this already.
Hello Brittany
@The Fool Your username definitely checks out because you make no sense. How is she manipulating anything? She thoroughly and carefully explained the differences between modern and traditional monogamy. Shit has nothing to do with feminism either.
@Black Knight Fool The other fool said “It’s just monogamous. Don’t let feminists manipulate the language.” He’s clearly referring to Shannon, and brings up her being feminist as that somehow has anything to do with what she was saying; She never specifically implied anything about feminism, or let alone anything specific to men or women in this video.
So basically, you’re clearly projecting and talking out your ass crack because you’re the one who actually lacks reading comprehension.
Modern monogamist and honestly I’m not even kinda shocked
I got modern monogamous. I value the commitment of marriage (i believe its a life long vow) howeverrrr i consider myself to be someone with agency in my dating life. I know what i want & don’t want. & i will walk away from a relationship faster than you can blink if i’m not interested in what you’re offering... i really thought i would get monogomish though because im not a jealous person & dont mind flirting😋
I did the quiz and got ‘free relationship’ and when I was watching and you were talking about the serial non-committed dater, and I was like no I think that’s me, and I was convinced- but when you starting more deeply explains the free relationship it was 10000% like I’ve never been able to explain it myself
I have never believed in God, so I have always looked for the comfort of eternity elsewhere. I have found that in the love of my life, and only him. If you truly love someone, with as much as your heart is able to, I cannot believe you would desire anything or anyone else, let alone look for it. There is nothing more beautiful than forging a bond that is one of a kind and that will last forever. Call me traditional, but I most certainly believe in "the one and only'' and I'd have it no other way. Of course anybody can do as they please, whatever makes you happy, but this is it for me.
I am single so I transform in 85% of these categories . It's easier for me to identify w/ these because Im single . I do not need discuss protocols, outcomes, or ramifications with anyone at this time. When my relationship status changes, then status quo will modify
I feel tired after this video and life. Everyone leave me alone, lol.
😂 🤣 😂 I understand the feeling
I took the quiz twice but several months apart in between so it's not like I remember my answers. I got Free Relationship both times but I also see myself as Monogamish and I identify as asexual. Great video, Shan!
Hi Shan, the quiz link isn’t working for me. Might you be able to help me access it please? Thank you so much❤️
I got traditional monogamist and it didn't surprise me. :) I truely believe in monogamy for myself. But I am also able to see how different types of relationships work for different people. I don't think any is superior. As long as everyone involved knows exactly what's up. The only question I have is how people navigate open relationships once they have kids. Are the kids aware of it or is it only for the parents?
Was he kidding when he said he'd have no respect for his girl if she dont run off with a billionaire? Wow
Yes he was
Thought I was the only one that took offense to that 😂glad he was joking tho
I took the quiz and got traditional monogamy and I agree because marriage is important to me and I want to be married to one person. I'm not married yet so I think I I'm a modern monogamy while dating because I don't just want to make it work with someone just because I'm dating them. Once we decide to be married then that's it, you're stuck with me buddy. But I'm open to divorce too, so maybe I'm all over the place. lol this was so helpful Shan!
Refreshing video! I feel like I'm many of these things, really depends on the day. I took the quiz and got "Moonlighting," but after hearing the definitions in the video, I feel like I'm more monogamish. My partner is definitely a modern monogamy guy. I'm going to make him take the quiz just to make sure :)
@The Fool WOW you're name is "The Fool" and your comment couldn't be more foolish and racist.
The Fool we can tell how ignorant you are just based on that racist assumption. Anyone can be unfaithful it has nothing to do with their race you ignorant pig. Stop being a troll for the fun of it. It doesn’t make you big. Go start shit with some people to their faces so you can get your ass beat instead of hiding behind a UA-cam profile pussy
Before i was a traditional monogamist! I valued being with the same person forever, no matter what. So I took the test and I’m a modern monogamist... but I’m interested in pursuing a more open relationship/polyamorous dating set up... but maybe that just sounds good 🤔
I got Free Relationship. But to be honest i've never been on a relationship, so my lack of experinced might made me have an unrealistic view of myself as a potential partner. Anyhow, I loved how this relationship style was defined as Down To Figure It Out! cause i really identify with that.
This is interesting. I’m modern monogamist and I met this girl I I’m falling for daily. I been getting attracted to her mentally and emotionally to the point of being genuinely vulnerable. We haven’t been physical yet and I learn so much from her. we make each other feel comfortable, loved and amazing. The vibes be crazy 🤙🏾😉We both want growth and she brought this up after me asking her to be my lady because she thinks she won’t be able to give me what I want. after hearing and understanding that I ran across this video and this video has given me a positive attitude about getting into a free/open relationship with her.
Kind of in a similar situation as you. Would like to talk with you on this topic a bit more. Could we exchange emails? I know its rather straight forward I just don't feel comfortable talking about this over a comment section I guess.
@@mtikasoga3474 Kc.handlebizz@gmail.com
Just took the quiz and I'm traditionally monogamous.
This was SO interesting! I was put off by the title but I learned so much about sexual freedom! I live in an society/environment where monogamy is the norm, and never thought I had the freedom to be anything else! I believe so many people would find a great partner if they would only allow themselves to be sexually free and ever evolving. Deep down I desire sexual freedom but emotional monogamy, I truly hope and can find it someday without confusing the two and hurting myself in the process.
Sexual freedom but emotional monogamy. Wow…that resonated with me. But I’ve also been celibate for 3 years and feeling a bit asexual for the past year.
I tested as a modern monogamist but I feel like I’m probably more monogamish because I do value emotional intimacy-monogamy a bit more than sexual monogamy.
Thanks so much for sharing! I was featured on here with @FaShonVega under polygamy or polyamory & it was actually a lot of fun to do this interview. I appreciate the different perspectives as well
My results informed me that I am monogamish but I am currently in an open-relationship. It’s still new and I am having issues with jealousy as a result of comparison. The idea of being in an open-relationship doesn’t deter me but I really want to get to a point where I don’t feel compelled to check-in and compare myself or my relationship. Mainly for my own security; whether me and this person make it long-term or not, this is something that I don’t want to struggle with even in my life outside of my relationship.
If anyone has thoughts about how to talk to your current partner about all of this, that would be awesome! I’m somewhere in the modern monogamy/monogamish area, and I’m pretty sure my partner is traditional. Not sure how to approach this topic so that he doesn’t become uncomfortable or defensive (or at least can minimize that). It would be awesome to share my thoughts with him and see what he thinks
Shan- Are those your parents in the video?!?! 😍😍😍
Couples do what feels right for the both of you. My man got a side chick and I got a side dude but we come home to each other!!
modern monogamous after the quiz! explains a lot lol thank you
I got modern monogamist. And it’s super true to its word because I changed the style of my relationship to open dater but that didn’t work for me lmao I’m truly a modern monogamist :)
Modern Monogamist here 🙋🏽♀️ and looking for the same or a Traditional Monogamist! I love learning about different styles of relationships as well though. It’s fascinating. I think talking about it early in dating is key though bc you don’t waste time. I’d probably introduce the topic with a question, “hey, have you ever heard of...? And go from there. If they are not receptive that’s a signal to me that they may not be the kind of person I would want to be with ultimately.
Love the “hey have you ever heard of” approach
What the second man said was so wrong to me. Then you’re not loyal to your partner at all, if you leave as soon as you get bored or something better comes along. Then why even be in a relationship??
It was a joke 1 and 2, the point of a relationship is to share in love, friendship, community and responsibilities. For many people, staying with someone forever just bc you met them first is not apart of the appeal.
Shan BOODY I get that but leaving someone just because you want someone richer f.e makes no sense to me. But if he was joking then okay lol. I definitely don’t feel like a traditional monogamist btw but I’m not polyamorous either.
The quiz says I'm Modern Monogomist . I thought I'll get traditional Monogomist 😅
I’m Down To Figure It Out! I feel this is accurate in that when I think about a relationship, the idea of committing myself completely to one person makes me wonder about all of the “What if...?” scenarios, including the same questions my potential partner might be having. Comfort is key in a healthy relationship, in my opinion, and the best way to achieve this seems to be through communication, honesty, and a level of understanding. At the same time, I also heavily enjoy being cherished by my primary partner!
I think im monogamous or asexual. But im a sucker for romance. Im married but I feel insecure because my husband doesn't want to talk about anything other than monogamy. Im trying to see what he is. Its so annoying.
I would definitely consider myself modern monogamous, maybe with some traditional mixed in there lol because if i was to only be with one person in my life and it ended up working out to the point where they became my life partner (wife) then i would be completely fine with that, otherwise i would walk away if i wasn't working out, simple as that, also its kinda hard for me to rap my head around on what open-monogamous is tho, like does that mean even tho you may not desire anyone else, if you're free to get with someone else and and actually do it, then is that suppose to be ok in that sense?
also do traditional monogamous still choose to be in a relationship even if its may not be working out, since they believe ONE for life?
The quiz said “modern monogamist” I agree
Hey Shan. Loved the vid as always. You might want to update the description box. You labeled the quiz as “love bombing” instead of “commitment”
My results is Free Relationship. I was in the worst "situation ever". Now with new partners we would all work on getting to know each collectively and the communication would be powerful.
This is such a healthy discourse you’re bringing to the table Shan! I feel like it’s also important to discuss the negative labels and connotations sometimes assigned to people who don’t necessarily subscribe to the more traditional type of relationships (with terms like “hoe” sidechick” “mistress” “homewrecker” etc often being thrown around) and how we can move pass those misconceptions and judgements.
When I first took this quiz a while back I got open relationship and I was single, now I am in a committed relationship but I got moonlighting this time and makes sense. As a Gemini I feel that I can identify with any of these depending on my current mood/personality at that current phase in my life so idk lol
there's always jabs at Christianity no matter what video, topic, etc. There's always some form of a jab at Christians, Jesus Christ, and Christianity in general, it's very tiring and corny.
I feel so informed, i loved the video & then Jared's music comes on at the very end and I'm just groovin💃🥳🧚♀️🌈🎶
Thank you so much for this! I’ve really struggled to understand and clarify my own thoughts and feelings towards relationships and the traditional monogamy model, which has led very recently to hurting two people I care very much about. I took the quiz and immediately identified the description as being of me so I can now start to understand my circumstances more clearly and learn the language of how best to describe this to potential future partners. Thank you x
I'm taking notes, cause when I'm ready to get back on the dating field, this will be useful information.❤️
Polyamorous. I knew it before. The quiz confirmed it.
I think monogamy puts women at a disadvantage in relationships. MEN benefit from monogamy greatly, however.
Shannon thank you for mentioning asexuality on your channel, the representation of our community is very needed and appreciated.
I absolutely adore you and your content, so please don‘t take what I have to say in a negative way 🌹
I just wanna let you know that asexuality is *not* a relationship structure/style, it is a sexual orientation (therefore not a choice or something that you can negotiate in relationships). You‘re probably confusing an „asexual relationship“ with a sexless relationship, which sometimes (or even often times) is not the experience when dating an asexual person. The lack/the frequency/the way/the enjoyment/the reason(s) of engagement in sexual activity depend on the relationship and on the people involved and it still doesn‘t change the fact that a person is asexual.
Also, people who do not experience romantic attraction are aromantic, which are not to be confused with asexuals. People with any sexual orientation can be aromantic, so if they are not on the asexual spectrum, they still experience sexual attraction to others.
Sure, some people are both asexual and aromantic, but that doesn‘t represent all asexuals. It leads to the toxic misconception that all asexual people are automaticly not interested in/not available for a romantic relationship.
If you are interested in getting more information from someone who is asexual, you reach out to me anytime, I would be happy to help.
I‘d be thrilled if you would reply to this comment 😊
Take care gorgeous 💋
DaniiiiMNE commenting to boost 👏🏾
just a heads up (after scrolling forever lol) she did favorite a comment that breaks it down similarly to you.
LeeLee Braceletz Thank you for your comments 😊
I read all the other comments about asexuality below this video but I still wanted to get my point across just in case someone else didn‘t read them or didn‘t quite get on which points in the video I (and maybe the others as well) exactly disagree with.
I have no idea how you could get asexual as a result on this quiz, because none of us asexuals did (so far) according to the comments.
She probably expected us to give completely aromantic answers, I don’t know..
My result was modern monogamy, which I agree with as an relationship structure, but it doesn’t „impact“ my asexuality because it clearly doesn‘t belong in that category since it is a sexual orientation.
I still chose asexual in the poll (i) because I hoped that it would help us figure out how big the procentage of her viewers identifies that way.
I would love to see Shannon do many more well informed videos on this topic, preferably interviews with people from the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum. It could help many people to get a better understanding as an ally or to even discover that this is the label that they‘ve been looking for all their lifes, who knows 🤗
I changed the quiz to say aromantic vs asexual as that seems more in line with what I wanted to convey: not everyone has an interest in romantic connections in the traditional way. I’ll def try to bring on an expert voice to discuss this topic in future
Shan BOODY Hey queen 👸🏽
Thank you so much to replying to my comment and for taking my info and my video idea into consideration.
I really hope that none of my comments came across in a negative way; my only intention is to spread awareness and to educate people on a topic which is unfortunately not even known at all and/or very missunderstood by the general public.
By the way, contrary to popular belief, some aromantic people engage in non-romantic relationships which are called queer plationic relationship (QPR) aka. queer platonic partnership (QPP). Some prefer to call it differently if they don‘t feel comfortable/connected to the word „queer“, eighter way it is all the same thing. Simply put, the level of commitment is much higher than in most typical friendships and is comparable to a (life) partner, but without the romantic aspect (some examples are living together, raising children together, buying a house together etc.). Those are just some of the examples with the most commitment, but of course that is not always the case in all QPR‘s.
Since I‘m not an aromantic person, I can‘t talk from personal experience or give you an insane amount of detail on this, but this is the information that I‘ve come across since finding the asexual community, which I am gladly a part of since I discovered this hudge part about my identity.
It makes me very happy that a person from your field is even taking asexual and aromantic people seriously and wants to learn more about our experiences, it feels very validating and comforting 😊
I am looking forward to your future videos, they are very inspiring 🌹
Also, do you ever plan on creating new content on anchor.fm? If so, please let us know, so that we don’t miss it! 😜
I wish you a nice start into the new month and happy holidays to you and your hubby Jared 💑
I have learned so much in this video! 😊 food for thought! I'm scared of everything that's not monogamous to be honest. Open relationships scare the hell out of me haha
I’m a traditional monogamist, I knew it before I took the test and after, I would not have gotten married if I wasnt, but it is interesting learning about other lifestyles, I do my best not to be judgey
so beautiful seeing all of these people with other people that perfectly match their commitment style😍😍 also loved seeing your parents! i got modern monogamist from the quiz
I think I’m monogamish and would be open to a free relationship with the right person.
I recognize myself in modern monogamy and in monogamish
For my bday 2 weeks I asked my partner to buy me your book.cant wait to start reading it!
I got monogamish, which after some time of being in a current long term relationship makes all the sense now lol thanks Shan again ✨
Shan, I just realized that you use the addiction formula to us, the viewers!!! RESPECT GIRL! It works...
You always post in bursts- non expected nor announced 😂
And it results into us not getting bored, I always open your videos when they come because i guess my brain doesn't know when the next time will be when you post another one 👍👍👍👍
Omg I wish I was strategic with my posting habits it’s usually “shit this brand deal is due ahhh I don’t wanna put up back to back sponsored videos what can I post in between?’” And repeat. My scope of work is so diverse now I don’t have the time I’d like to really get into a UA-cam groove
Your quiz is interesting, but *extremely* presumptive.
First of all what does "commitment" *mean*?
Next the questions presume partnership or not.
As a relationship anarchist, all of my connections involve commitment.
Intimacy is not a foregone conclusion. Intimacy is an ongoing process of nurturing and cultivating connection.
I couldn't get through the quiz without commenting because the questions presume a very specific area of connection, even while it accounts for non-monogamy, it filters the viewpoint of non-monogamy through a monogamous philosophical grounding. It is presumptive AND assumptive.
For example, this is the option that was a bit "triggering" for me:
Sure, I wouldn't mind being intimate with 2(+) people I'm casual with
Um, what does "casual" mean and why is the assumption that being emotionally and sexually intimate within this parameter is casual?
See the assumption is that the relating process defines the commitment, and that's palpably WRONG.
Commitment is about agreements and in non-monogamy we work at removing the default conditioning of expectations.
Relationships are living breathing entities that are bigger than the parts.
Relationships are born from the art, act and behavior of relating.
Commitments is declared in this paradigm as a doctrine and rule. Doctrine and rules are the reason people are eventually unhappy in relationship.
The art of relating is a spontaneous, evolving process and requires nourishment to thrive.
I think the better frame of this questionnaire is "What has you feel nourished in your sexual relationships(s)?" or something along those lines. Otherwise your frame is very narrow and excludes a wide range of permutations of what relating and commitment look like.
Coming from a small country town & marrying young definitely made it difficult to understand and embrace who I truly am & what I truly wanted. I married someone whom I thought was free and open to communication, but really they were pretending to communicate & accept me. This was a recipe for disaster that went on for 7 years & was totally unfair to both of us. The biggest lessons I’ve learned: never assume that you’re on the same page with someone, and only honor consent. The absence of ‘no’ really does not mean ‘yes’. My excuses of “I thought you knew” definitely felt dumb when I realized this. Excited to never make these mistakes again.
What if you are married but have an opened relationship and you start seeing someone in which you begin to have feelings for and of course at the same time you start drifting away from your primary partner...We are after all human and sometimes we just can't control who we fall in love with..I feel that these types of relationships can get so complicated and like people cheating on each other can cause so much damage.[Not trying to judge just trying to understand.] PLEASE EXPLAIN.
Welp..in Islam, God allows men to have you to 4 wives. Even in Christianity is states it in the old Testament (b4 humans rewrote it.) A lot of men aren't monogamous whether women choose to be blind or not. Women are their biggest weaknesses, God clearly states it. If done correctly it's very possible, I know many co wives that partake in polygamy and it works 4 them.
I took the quiz and got Modern Monogamous. I am asexual but I don’t want any romantic relationship (Me being raped by my father at a young age helped with that decision). I’m okay with just having someone who got my back which is hard in today’s society.