In any family with a golden child, there will also be a scapegoat. It sounds like this girl is the scapegoat, and if so, it's more than just jealousy and pettiness. It's about standing up for herself. I'm so glad she held her ground and kept her venue ❤
Yeah, why should she give up on her dream venue when she got engaged first and have been talking about that venue for years? Sister seem to be an attention grabber that will do anything to stop her sister from having the spotlight for once in her life. It's her weeding, she deserves her perfect day.
I can understand her frustraation cuz she only did 1 petty thing and everyone is furious. But the fact that her sister can get away w a lot of things... her whole family except grandparents r gaslighting her. Makes no sense to me why ppl favor one sibling and not both
It’s always a wonderful thing when grandparents exert their authority and let the parents know the cold hard truth. Some parents can be so blind towards their children it’s absurd. I’m a middle child so I’ve always been big on equality and self awareness.
The grandparents backing her up shows a pretty solid support for her relaying of events. Sounds like her immediate family was a really toxic bunch throughout her life, so glad her in-laws and grandparents are supporting her. The description of the one-upping sister just reminds me of how some people will unnecessarily try to make everything competitive and about themselves, even for things that were never about them (like another sibling’s wedding or career prospects). They’ll often interpret any of your successes as a threat or personal sleight against them, which they then need to challenge in some way. If you can manage it, distancing from people like that can make your life so much happier and less needlessly complicated
Well why would he care? He chose to have an affair (even if OP said it wasn't physical, emotional cheating was clearly going on) without thinking of how it would affect his daughter, or her feelings. Then is forcing her to a wedding she's clearly against, and on her mother's birthday. Honestly the bride and groom were made for each other.
That last one though: OP clearly doesn't realize the negative effect of getting married on Lea's mom's birthday. It probably feels like twisting the knife in the back of her parents' relationship. They may only be getting married once, but their anniversary will always be the day of her mom's birthday. Probably feels like a slap in the face to her. They're clearly making no effort to respect Lea's mom or even Lea for that matter. Absolutely the AH.
@@Mama_Bear524 yeah and something’s off about the Fiancé buying the new woman an apartment while still married but apparently “nothing happened until after”??? They were totally involved with each other and that apartment was to set up the new nest to come to when he left his wife. Deciding to get married to him ON the ex-wife’s birthday is so that day wouldn’t be about the ex-wife anymore, it’d be about her in someway and how she I guess won some piece of trash who can’t even stick up for his daughter. I’m team Lea. The wife bringing up her race was uncalled for cuz it added NOTHING to the story. Just wanted us to know she was black so it’d be easier to agree that she is aggressive and a “problem child”…just ew.
That's what I was thinking, of all the days they could of chosen to get married, they settle on the teens moms birthday?!?!?!? That lady is trying to act all innocent when she is not. In the teens eyes, her stepmom will always be the homewrecker
There are literally 365 days in a year. To pick the exes birthdate doesn't sound like a coincidence to me. I don't know what Dad is doing here, but if he is just doing this for good s** he is in for a rude awakening.
@@Mama_Bear524 Agreed. No reasonable person would want to get married on their partner's ex-spouse's birthday. Or your own ex-spouse's birthday. Plus, it's unlikely the guy would have bought her an apartment before the divorced if something wasn't going on. Poor kid.
Also-the fact that the “golden child” daughter ditched the venue so easily after being bought out of it proved the OP right and the neglectful parents as gaslighters. ✌🏻
When she said that her sister is prettier and she's never let her forget it completely baffles me, my twin sister who has a slightly more angelic looking than me has always been insecure that she's uglier than me because she believes I got more attention than her, incompletely disagree, she's beautiful and iv always shut down any comments of people saying im better looking, we always dressed in a simular style but now hers is alot prettier where as mine is more " boyish" if ever an occasion comes up where she's feels prettier than Me I let her have it because I don't want her to feel insecure, I feel she's got over it now and I couldn't be happier for her
The grandparents in the venue story are heroes! Lea isn't a "problem child", she's a kid who is hurting deeply, and OP is being a complete AH, in every way possible. I feel so badly for Lea.
Not only that, but apparently something happened with Lea's step uncle?? I need way more context for that part, because the stepmom needs to take that accusation seriously if it's so bad she can't even type it out.
People are also forgetting that OP got engaged first. What wrong with her wedding happening before the sister's? Sister absolutely KNEW what she was doing and did it on purpose to take the thunder away from OP, and then tried to project it onto her. She would have had the same tantrum if OP had booked the venue on a date after sister's wedding, because it was never about the venue, but about putting herself over OP.
I think a lot of people believe that blood is thicker than water which means forgive all abuse from family. They can't comprehend how evil people can be behind the scenes. I've had countless people tell me I deserved abuse and/or need to forgive family members for the abuse because...well...they are family. It's like people don't want to believe that parents can unlive/assault/neglect/etc. their kids and others in the family including siblings can do the same. It feels very much like toxic positivity.
The full phrase is: The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Meaning that chosen relationships can be stronger than family relationships.
Yes! I thought the same thing! OP got engaged first and then the sister got engaged and immediately booked that venue! If OP has been talking about it as much as she has said she has and was raised mostly by her grandparents, the sister had to know it was going to be the OPs venue. Also, what is going on in that sister's head? OP said that her sister is much prettier than her and that's something she never let OP forget. The sister also has always been the golden child and the parents have favored her EXTENSIVELY over OP. Why is this sister so hateful to OP? If she's prettier and has basically most of the parent's attention, what the heck else does she want? Why be so horrid and petty? I bet there's something about the OP that she's jealous over. People don't act like that unless they are jealous or have something else mentally bad going on with them. I feel for the OP. I hope she has a wonderful and blessed wedding with her grandparents. And, that the rest of her family attends even though OPs parents and sister won't be there. Man....can you imagine if the sister books somewhere else on the SAME day as OPs wedding? I can see that totally happening. Or earlier so she can be FIRST!
Oh Charlotte. The 'Sibling Rivalry' story shows off how sweet and innocent you are. You couldn't imagine how toxic the Golden Child VS Scapegoat dynamic gets, but if you wanted to understand I'll try to explain it. There are parents out there who not only have a favourite they have no impulse control around that favourite. Their favourite, the Golden Child, is treated like the heir to the kingdom, the parents almost always believe that child can do no wrong and will make excuses for their poor behavior and leverage their own weight into getting the child whatever they want especially at the expense of the Scapegoat. The Scapegoat meanwhile is raised strictly, to be obedient and passive usually. This child is the one responsible for all, chores, accidents, pretty much every conflict is treated as their fault and can't they just give the Golden Child what they want? After a lifetime of this the resentment built up towards both parents and sibling for the Scapegoat is super intense, and the Golden Child has been raised with this sort of 'All the nice things are for me sibling deserves nothing' brand of entitlement. In fact their self worth is often tied to the fact that everything they get is better than Scapegoat. So much so sometimes that when the Scapegoat gets something nice or that makes them happy it immediately becomes a challenge, an object of envy, or something to be taken because that's all they know. The traumas from this sort of relationship for both children is typically devastating to their relationship and self worth on both sides. Siblings raised this way very rarely form a bond at all let alone manage to salvage a relationship as adults. If they do, it's because the Golden Child realizes the imbalance and rejects and corrects it. The usual healthy thing is in fact for the Scapegoat to go low or no contact, since breaking the pattern of entitlement in your parents can be impossible, and rarely does the Golden Child see past how enjoyable their position is to want to fix it. What the Scapegoat goes through is horrible and I feel really bad more than one person told her she was the asshole for putting her foot down about the one thing that should be for her and her alone. Which was to have the wedding she's been talking about since she was young, years in the planning.
Yeah. When she said "the opinions are divided" I though they were probably gonna be divided into " has a toxic family" and "doesn't have a toxic family". The situation was so clear and obvious to me from literally the first self aware sentence. Looking for external validation to make sure you are not insane is a very telling trait of people who are getting regularly gaslit and it took me YEARS to figure out normal people don't do this. This isn't sibling rivalry, this is manipulation and psychological abuse.
yeah me too. I dont blame the healthy people though. Im genuinely happy for them that this sort of thing is unthinkable. I hope they hug their parents bc they got good ones.
The fact that the grandparents came to the rescue shows that this poor girl went through a lot! I hope she will be happy with her new family! Also Lea sounds to be so mature for her age! Not being bought in! She will be an amazing person growing up.
Are we just going to ignore how NO ONE believed the stepdaughter about something horrible happening to her at the hands of her stepmother's brother??? I'd cut contact completely, omg💔
Considering the step mom expects us to believe nothing was going on when Lea's dad just bought her an apartment just tells me she's going to do whatever it takes to not jeopardize her meal ticket.
Same, though I'm afraid sometimes they'll feel that way even if it's not. My oldest sometimes feels like we prefer her little sister (they're 4&9), because you know, sister / older vs younger sibling classic rivalry, but I make sure to always reassure her we love them both equally. I take time alone with her, I try to make sure I'm fair with both of them, as much as I can. Of course, sometimes the youngest needs more assistance on some things, and being an older sibling can sometimes be frustrating (I have 3 younger brothers, I understand where she comes from). But I hope that having discussions and quality time together will make a difference and she will grow up knowing she's so loved. I could never favor one child over the other.
@@misscrackwood There were four of us, and my parents made sure to schedule individual times with each of us. We each had "dates" with each parent, the same number of times per month. In fact, with the scheduling system they used (pre-made cards stuck into numbered slots) it was impossible to have uneven numbers of dates, because there was one for each of us with Mom and one for each of us with Dad. They were placed somewhere in the 1-28 (or 30 or 31) days of the month, and that was that. Fair and square and even. As for two events happening at the same time, they would split. One would attend one event, and the other would attend another. It wouldn't even have OCCURRED to them to BOTH go to one event and leave the other event unattended by anyone parental. Now, if there were THREE conflicting events, things would get dicey, but they would have DISCUSSED it with us, and ASKED us about who would be OK with not having them there. I remember, when my mother was first diagnosed with diabetes, and she was SO distraught about the new diet, and my event was an awards banquet, and she could NOT face the food there, and Dad was on assignment on another continent. She told me her predicament and ASKED ME if I would be OK attending without a parent there. She asked if I'd like someone else to go, in her stead. She CRIED about how she was so ashamed of being so weak that she couldn't face a banquet of food that she couldn't eat. I felt loved and valued. Was I a bit disappointed? Yeah, but I lived through it, and learned from it. The important thing is that I KNEW I was loved and valued. The OP knew that she was NOT loved and NOT valued. I'm just glad she cut them off BEFORE the wedding, rather than after, because "Well, they'll have to attend the wedding, or other people will ask uncomfortable questions." Let them ask the questions. ANSWER THEM. Then, the other people will ask the rotten parents, "Wow, did you REALLY neglect your own daughter to the point that she cut you off from her life AND her wedding? You must be rotten parents!" And then, though they won't miss YOU, at least they'll feel some sadness at being named and shamed, which is what they deserve.
I never get it, until I met my husband. His mom has 3 kids and the younger is the Golden child, its insane tbh. Most times I think MIL needs psychological help.
That happens usually when one or both parents are narcissistic, you can't compare a healthy family dynamic to that.. you don't have an antagonistic personality style, so you can't understand those who do.. unfortunately in narcissistic family dynamics there's usually a golden child and a skapegoat.. i think this is what's happening here to this girl..
That is how the golden child - scapegoat child dynamic works. It is a dynamic common in families where one or both parents are narcissists or sociopaths. An important factor to note is that this type of parent doesn't have 'uneven love' for their children. This type of person is incapable of having actual love for anyone (including themselves); they lack the brain wiring for it. The unequal treatment is part of the game that this type of parent plays in order to overcome boredom, keep control of the family, and maintain sources of narcissistic supply. @Caroly Choate it says very good things about you that you are mystified by this dynamic and that you do not understand it is never really about love for any of the children. You are a good parent and your kids are lucky to have you.
No, going no contact isn't extreme when she has suffered a lifetime of trauma at the hands of her own parents. It breaks a person down, sometimes to the point of no return. I fully support her decision, and I really wish her well and that she is able to heal. It's absolutely heartbreaking and devastating when those who are supposed to love you unconditionally just really don't.
You're 100% right, dude. There are a LOT of people that don't seem empathetic to what she's going through. This isn't a jealous bride, this is a woman raised by narcissists. Was she petty? Sure. Not the asshole tho. Going NC and ignoring them is exactly what you're supposed to do with narcissists. I cut mine out too, uninvited them from my wedding and took my partner's last name to help sever the tie. "Just talk to them" doesn't work, and I don't have the energy to explain why narcissists are the way they are--but y'all who know, know.
I am so glad she got to have her wedding at her dream venue. And the fact that the sister gave up her deposit just goes to show that it wasn't about the venue for her, it was about taking away something that she KNEW meant the world to the OP. I mean the sister literally said that the OP's wedding was a waste of the venue cuz her wedding would never be as beautiful as hers. And don't get me started on the parents, offering to pay for OP's entire wedding just so their Golden Child could have the venue, that she only wanted cuz she knew it would hurt OP's feelings. Thank goodness she cut ties with all that toxicity! And the grandparents are the real MVPs for not only taking care of OP and making sure that she knew she was loved, but also for sticking up for OP when it was most needed. Grandfather walking her down the aisle is literally the chef's kiss of this story.
It's sad to say but I think that favorite sister had already recognized the toxic family dynamic that had been going on since she was old enough to do so and knew that she was the golden child with their parents, and absolutely LOVED it! She just wanted to continue basking in the glory of how she would always get her way, and maybe even enjoyed causing her sister pain as a result. Why else would she choose that particular venue?? It is so f'd up but yeah, the grandparents were awesome and the bride is so lucky to have them at her back.
@@shadelings don't be sad to say it, her sister definitely knew the dynamics of the family AND she really did only want to have her wedding at the venue to hurt the OP. I'm over the moon that she said f**k all of them and got married where she wanted to.
Poor Lea. I feel bad she had to deal with that. Divorce is tough, and having been through similar stuff with my father and stepmonster, I hope she figured it out 😢
That golden child one was wild if you read all the updates. The sisters fiancé broke up with her coz of how petty she was being to OP and sister turned up to the venue on the day of her wedding and blame OP for everything, the police were called
I knew that sister was trying to cause trouble on purpose. She probably forced her bf to propose once she found out OP was getting married to book the venue on purpose and upstage OP. I knew a divorce would definitely happen, didn't think it happen sooner as a break up!
Seems thou protest too much. Or however the saying goes. If dude bought her an apartment, I promise you it was more than just an emotional affair. This woman was trying to downplay her own behavior and instead acted like the daughter is being unreasonable. People like that really need to step back and look at the situation from someone else’s shoes.
@@Web19814 Not taking their sides, but it said in the beginning of the clip his ex cheated. So neither are in the right there, but everything they did afterwards is absolutely wrong.
For the last one, I also haven't seen too many people bringing up the point that was brought up about how the stepdaughter has accused OP's brother of something "unspeakable". If she is as blind to her own part in this whole chaotic event as she seems, then I'm GENUINELY scared for that poor girl! She is obviously not being heard and I can only hope that OP's brother isn't actually doing anything. But even if he isn't, ITS STILL A CRY FOR HELP THATS NOT BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY
I was looking for this comment. How did we skip over that. It's a huge deal. More of a reason to hate the step mom after she didn't believe her and probably got the bio dad to dismiss it as well.
That’s what I was wondering?? And like I don’t want to assume but based on how delusional the brides being to begin with, I’m scared that the accusations are true.
Yeah my alarm bells immediately went off when I heard that sentence. I really, really hope the dad takes his daughter seriously but with how he’s going along with everything that Karen is saying, I doubt it 😢
This, in the post OP kept stopping to put in () that she didn’t do anything with the stepdaughters dad until after he was separated. I’m calling BS, what man is buying you an apartment and getting nothing in return? So when she mentioned the accusation toward her brother and stopped to add (not SA) I immediately thought “yeah it’s probably SA or something similar” since her other () all come across as lies to me to make herself look better.
For OP whose sister booked at the same venue- NTA. Sending you hugs and best wishes for a great wedding and marriage. Going NC is the only way for you to heal. Bravo for taking care of yourself! Your inlaws and grandparents will be your loving support. ♥️
For the stepmom…the part where you said that Lea “believes I ruined her parents’ marriage” says it all. That should make it crystal clear why she does not want to attend your wedding. The fact that it’s on her mother’s birthday is forcing her to make a decision she probably doesn’t want to have to make. The fact that you and your fiancé already have a 6 year old child together means you’ve had plenty of time to work/talk this out with her , but haven’t. If she’s 16 now, that means she was about 9 or 10 when everything went down and as far as she’s concerned, you ruined her life. Get over yourself and try to make amends with her. And oh, BTW, if you think that we believe that he bought you an apartment before “anything happened”… yeah, right. 🙄
And who plans their wedding around the same time as the ex’s birthday. That’s an asshole move that puts the daughter in a position to choose. She chose.
Am I the only one that thought the wording "my fiance is black and is ex is completely black" was just weird as f*ck because, why? Especially when describing the ex, like it seems like they might be racist and trying to cover it up
Dad and stepmom are toxic AF. She's 16, not a child, terrible that they are bribing her when they knew they were forcing her to make such a decision. That relationship is past broken. Hope she goes to the birthday.
Too many questions not answered, as well. Buying apartment sounds funny, but was it B4 or after the ex cheated? Does the stepdaughter not know this? Sure, it happened when she was way younger, but I feel now she might be mature enough to know why her parents marriage actually failed. & Lord only knows what the ex has been telling her daughter for the last 7-8 years. Idk, chances are stepmom is in the wrong, but I still feel like to many unanswered questions to this story.
@@KawaiiandDark i feel like she said it because later on the step daughter calls her "white trash" so she probably sees not being black as part of the problem, but it was still odd to just... start off with the race like that... i'm sure Lea would still dislike her regardless of race considering everything too
To the two sisters that booked the same venue. If you have a toxic family like that the only way is to cut them out of your life, I actually love she booked the venue a month before her sister, they deserve it. I know families like this and there is no point talking to them over and over again it's always going to end the same way. The way she portrayed the situation sounds pretty honest and self aware.
OMG seriously? Are you really this person? This isn’t why the bride is doing this-she just feels “a responsibility to prevent underage drinking” as the most sanctimonious act of grandstanding ever. She just turned 21, and now she’s playing hall monitor-and I don’t buy for a minute the story is this simple; I think she has other issues with Mel and this is a whopping act of passive-aggression. I’m not sure why Mel would even want to go at this point, or why she’s friends with this snob in the first place-but either way, you don’t even know what the venue is, and who’s going to know? If it’s a private party then there is no drinking age; if it’s a public one, even then it’s up to the venue to police checking IDs, not the bride. She’s just being a total bridezilla-get real! 😂
@@arianebolt1575 Do you get the impression from the way Mel and OP talk to one another that Mel would actually not drink, no matter the consequences to OP? Neither one of them come off as particularly respectful of one another.
The fact that the bride's grandparents are supporting her says a lot about the way she grew up and was treated. The fact that her grandparents made a post on Facebook standing up for her as well making it clear they are happy she is getting married at their venue says a lot. Her parents and sister seem toxic. I'm proud of her for standing her ground.
As soon as she said they are shallow, the parents, I knew the toxic sibling was going to make OPs wedding about herself somehow. Then she booked the venue!!! I KNEW IT!! That poor girl I hope she gets all the love and support from those around her that truly matter.
Yup I still think that she was petty for planning it literally a month before, but I also understand that that might’ve been the only way to make her point
My sisters got married at the same venue within 4 months of each other. They had very different weddings in different seasons and they were both lovely events. The story with the sisters was never about sharing a venue. It was the long-lived rivalry.
We had two sisters get married at the same damn wedding! They were trying to base on a Charles Dickens story where that happened because everyone was dirt poor, but it's one of the most charming weddings I've ever been to. Everyone is right who says that one sister has definitely been favored and it's sad.
Especially since it's grandma and grandpa's venue, it's already a spot with familial sentimentality and no one person can claim it as theirs. Personally, if my sister got married at the same venue a month before me, I'd try to take notes on everything that went well or poorly so as to optimize my own.
I'd have been excited to share a venue with my sister...any of the four I have, and it would have been special to each of us in our own way. Agreed. This was made just to fluff the feathers of the scorned sister.
I appreciate that she's honest about having a team that helps her create this content. Most UA-camrs At this Level act like they just do it all themselves and never credit those people.
@@CharlotteDobre Please, tell them all (if they don't read the comments) that I am continually amazed by the little details they add in on each video. Awesome job, everyone!
I am so proud of the grandparents . I wish we could read what the grandparents said, but I am so happy the grandparents still up for her. I thought they were dead, but that shows that she did the right thing because the system never care. It was always about showing her up. It was all over like ha ha I got your venue because I’m better than you
The whole Leah story bothers me so much. “Why does my fiancés 16 year old daughter not love me? The women who her dad cheated on her mom with. The women who split up her parents marriage. The women who got an apartment from her dad when he was still with her mom. The women who chose to have my wedding at her moms birthday. The women who chose to bribe her to come to the wedding instead of trying to get a better relationship. The women who changed her Christmas present to a birthday present so I could take that “gift” away if she didn’t “behave”. Like seriously - why doesn’t she love me?” Major AH vibes. EDIT: I’m aware it was only one womAn. Sorry - English is not my native language 😅 Also - the dad might be the one who cheated - but the woman clearly knew about the wife and still went along with it. The 16 year old daughter would blame the woman for this mostly. It’s not easy to blame your own dad. I couldn’t be with somebody knowing that they were cheating on their partner 🤷♂️ so again - she is the major AH in my book.
@@homeofwaxing I say it's equal blame... the Side 'Ho who was looking for a sugar daddy in the hopes he'd put a ring on it.. and the Down Low Daddy who was willing to put his dipstick in that Basic Buick Biotch thinking it's a Benz. And they BOTH wonder why the daughter is like "y'all are nasty and I want nothing to do with you".
@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy Yeah.. but Lea's father bought miss side slide piece an apartment WHILE still married to her mother. So let's call that out. She clearly said the side piece broke up her parent's marriage.. so we don't know how long it was going on before Momma said "Oh hell no.. what's good for the goose is gonna be good for the gander".
I can so relate to the sister one! My mom favored my sister who is a year younger than me. She didn't try to hide it either. It was so obvious she resented me for some reason but doted and loved on my sister so much! When I was a senior in high school I was nominated for FFA Queen which meant a week of activities such as a tractor race, a cake auction etc to see who wins the title of Queen out of the 6 nominees. When I told my mom she just rolled her eyes and said "Really, YOU were nominated? You mean we gotta do all that cake baking and bullshit?" I said "No mom, WE don't, I DO!" She never mentioned it again. I went shopping for a dress on my own, (with my friends) paid for it myself, made my own cake and everything else with no help from her. Just ONE freaking month later little sis was nominated Junior Prom queen and holy shit my mom was so proud! Took her dress shopping, bought her a diamond necklace and had a professional photographer take her picture! Yep, that was my life growing up.
I relate to this so much. I have two NPD parents who favored by brother and targeted me. I’m fairly certain it’s because I wasn’t born as a male since I was constantly told how if only I’d been born a male I’d be perfect and how my gender was wrong because I’m not dainty and ladylike and too aggressive. I just wanted to say that I sympathize with you and hope you are doing better now! I am currently homeless because I escaped. I hope you’re doing well!!
That bride and her sister are the irl embodiment of the "Brides War"/"27 dresses" plot 😂 I'm glad she stood up for herself though, hope she has a better life with her husband and his family
Funny you said that because the other day I was watching 27 dresses back to back and it’s funny everything was fine until her sister came back home and basically “stole” her man and was being like a bridezilla cutting up their moms wedding dress and stuff I didn’t blame her for showing the power point exposing her sister who was lieing showing “her man” who he was getting married to her sister shouldn’t be mad at her she should be mad at herself for coming in and taking over everything like I said I don’t blame the sister one bit same goes for liv Emma basically started it which ended up ruining her engagement and ended up marrying liv’s brother what I’m saying is liv ended up like the girl in the story marrying her fiancé I don’t if the sister ended up like Emma though her engagement being ruined
I thought about that too. Except in Bride Wars the girls were besties since the were little kids, and in 27 Dresses while the sisters might have had issues, the dad loved both equally. In that OPs situation, her and her sister weren't close at all and her parents showed a lot of favoritism towards the sister.
@@lesilemccravy5172 I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the sister in this story got divorced after a while. She seems like a pretty brat who only wants things to go her way, don't think the groom will last long with a woman like that. She needs a wake up call and needs to work on her self, especially her entitlement and selfishness
Some venues in NYS won't serve alcohol if any of the guests are under the legal drinking age of 21, because the venue doesn't want to be responsible for checking IDs, and they'll boot the entire party if they find out. However, my niece-in-law-to-be demanded a child-free wedding which excluded her husband's cousins [my young adult children (20, 19, 17)]. But when we got there, HER 3yo, 8yo, 10yo, 13yo, 16yo cousins were all there. I'm glad I insisted my middle son, who really wanted to witness his cousin's marriage, show anyway!! (He felt guilty about drinking Sprite on the wedding tab, but my sister (Mother-of-the groom) said she and her husband were paying the beverages tab.) Oh, and the bride also refused to invite my Mom (Grandmother of the groom) because she didn't want her family to see my Mom, who is mixed race and has learning issues. Priceless
The reason I think the girl who booked her wedding at the same venue as her sister isn't the AH is because of what she said at the end. The fact that she feels so strongly about how she's been treated her entire life, to decide to no longer have her parents or sister in her life, speaks volumes, imo. If she's got to this point, it's not a petty thing and she's clearly gone through it. Sad situation all around, for sure, but I'm glad she finally set boundaries. If someone makes your life miserable, you don't have to keep them in it. You deserve to be happy.
Clearly not the AH. Take it from someone who is in a similar dynamic as the OP. And there are plenty of us...just read the other comments. The first reply who said she was the AH must have not been paying attention, or is a Golden Child herself. She's the AH, along with the OP's mother and sister.
On that last one, the hubby/father isn’t off the hook either. You schedule your wedding on your ex’s birthday? The ex you share a minor child with? No way that wasn’t on purpose.
I’ll bet it was the new wife that scheduled it. That way the date will always be taken away from the ex forever because it’ll be their anniversary. All about her!
Are we also going to ignore the "she accused my brother of doing something so vile that I don't believe her" sounds to me like that brother hurt the girl in a horrific way and she doesn't believe her. If that's the case the evil step mom is absolutely no better than the brother
Right? And the argument that the stepdaughter should come because the wedding will only happen once but the mother’s birthday comes every year is BS, now that day will also be her dad and stepmom’s anniversary EVERY year.
@Westrose557 I hope anyone else who comes into a situation like that will have a mind speedy enough to reply "are you sure,your his second don't forget"
I had already heard the venue story and knew the update already, so Charlotte's take was a typical show of how good a heart she has. Talking doesn't always work, because sometimes the other party isn't reasonable 😅
Considering OP’s grandparents publicly support her and agree that they had to raise her cuz her parents couldn’t be bothered, it’s weird that she got any YTA votes. Like clearly she was the punching bag in their family to the point the sister and parents were knowingly trying to upstage her wedding and bully her about it. She doesn’t owe them an explanation at that point for going NC.
@@mrs.h2725 it was also very obvious that the sister only got engaged shortly after OP because she wanted to upstage OP and get married at OP's dream venue. Sister probably thought that OP would get married somewhere else because of that. OP "stealing back" the venue by booking it on an earlier date was not petty at all imo, it was reacting to the sister's horrible and petty behaviour.
As far as the underage drinking, I had a friend who had the wedding coordinator and a few family members put a stamp on the hands of all of the minors (both hands) and if there was any doubt, the bartenders were required to card people who may have tried to remove the stamp.
That’s a decent work around. However, depending on the size of the wedding, a guest could easily buy a drink for her and anyone witnessing after the fact would easily assume it was virgin/a “mocktail,” until they got close to her, when it wasn’t. What “harm” would the other guests in the friend group really see in doing something like that? I don’t agree with the ageism, but I could see where eliminating the “worry” (for lack of a better term) all together would seem like the most attractive option.
@@TydomelYeah I thought it was a bit of an ass move but I also understand there are legal ramifications for the bride/groom, the venue or the bartender if they assume everyone is 21 and miss one. If that friend left the wedding drunk, drove and crashed then they’d be liable
Americans are ridiculous for having a problem with drinking at 20. At that age I had a bachelor's degree and lived outside my parents house for years. I'm definitely old enough to decide if I want a drink. Linke, legally I'm an adult in any other way.
Dang I feel so bad for that girl - I’m so glad the grandpa walked her down the isle. That’s awesome. Sometimes “family” doesn’t matter as much as mental health ❤
Okay, I have an interesting perspective on the "Lea" story. My parents divorced when I was 8. My parents likely would have divorced anyway, but my father's affair with his secretary ( while my mom was pregnant with my younger sister) was the precipitating event. My older brother was 10 and my sister about 2 when my dad moved out. Neither parent told us about the affair at the time; they thought it would just confuse us more. My mom told me when I was 11. I found it hard to believe that my father was enough of a"player" to have an affair! He was ab#$sive to all of us, so the relationship was complicated. I did not have a good relationship with my stepmother, but it wasn't because of the affair. It was due to HOW SHE TREATED ME. She enabled and piled on the ab* se. How their relationship began gave me trust issues in relationships for a while, but it was their verbal and psychological ab*se that did the most damage and took the longest time to heal from. Please, lady, take a look in the mirror and consider how you are treating this vulnerable teen.
@@XCHADHIGGINSX Sometimes UA-cam will give you a warning before you post comments about it potentially going against community guidelines and that putting your account at risk - sometimes I censor swearing in my comments for those reasons. It’s stupid, but YT is stupid, so sometimes you gotta do what you can to work around things.
Speaking of abuse, OP also mentioned Lea having accused OPs brother of “Doing something so vile I don’t even want to think about it.” So sounds like Lea probably got abused by the family of her dad’s likely mistress, and OP is dismissing it and treating it like her just trying to cause trouble. It’s honestly really disgusting what this poor girl is having to deal with.
@@ms.annthropic6341 In a comment thread above, someone said they checked the Reddit post and I guess he said some really racist stuff to Lea. Which, of course, OP just couldn't possible believe to have happened...🙄
The story about the venue really got to me.. my parents acted this way with me and my sister too, because she got triggered real fast and they always wanted to soothe her. If I got something nice, she must have it too. If I wanted some alone time with my mother, she insisted on coming with us or spending time with her. If I needed my dad for repairs, it always took way too long, but not for my sister. They did not love me less, just wanting to avoid trouble.. but in the end I also felt deprived of a lot of love. So I totally feel the same as op, that if you talk about something for ages and it gets taken from under your nose, I would also react as petty as hell. I totally agree with op for booking the venue and to not budge. Op has had enough bullying in her life and I hope that she had the loveliest wedding, with her now husband and grandparents ❤
5:17 hi Charlotte, depending on which state this wedding is taking place in the person who is supplying the alcohol meaning the bride or groom can be held accountable if someone under 21 gets in an accident while intoxicated. It has happened here many times when alcohol is served at like graduation parties, and the worst happens on their way home. Just my two. Cents. Love you girl.
On the last one, if they force a teenager to go to that wedding she will create as much drama and chaos as she possibly can. That woman has obviously never dealt with teenagers who don’t like you. I’d love to be a fly on the wall.
That entire cake would be knocked to the floor and a little red wine on that dress. This woman is so stupid for even trying to force anything with a teenager lol
This got glossed over in the story but OP mentioned “Lea accused my brother of doing something so vile I don’t even want to think about it.” So sounds like she got abused by the brother of her dad’s GF, and the GF is completly dismissing this and treating Lea like she’s just trying to cause problems. And then she’s taking away Lea’s Christmas present unless she agrees to miss her mom’s birthday trip to go to an event all about celebrating the affair/mistress, and hang out in a room with her abuser!
Planning the wedding on her mother's birthday was a deliberate move on their part. This was about hurting the ex wife. Of course the daughter will take her mother's side.
And dad bought fiancé an apartment while he was still married but they didn't do anything until after they were separated? Sure, I believe that. And I am the new owner of the Brooklyn Bridge. I bought it for a song from this guy I met at the pub. So you can tell I'm not gullible.
@@MsJubjubbird if it was the only date they had available and had to choose it because they had no other option, normally people would be reasonable to understand that the teen wouldn't want to attend. This woman is giving the step daughter absolutely no slack and acting like the girl is the problem over something that would make anyone in her position upset.
@@MsJubjubbird Telling your soon-to-be STEP/CHILD y'all are giving them a car but if they want to spend time with their fucking PARENT on their parent's fucking BIRTHDAY instead of attending your wedding/ "oN tHEiR dAD's HaPpiEsT dAy" which just HApPenS tO bE her mom's fucking?? BIRTHDAY they won't be getting ANYTHING. The question is not if you're slow? But how slow ARE you.
For the last bride that has a golden sister, there's nothing you can do to say it. They only care what makes princess happy. Forget what everyone else says. They haven't walked in your shoes. Coming from a family where they only care about the sister that talks down to them, attacks them, and makes them raise her two kids. I had to cut my family off to and now I don't go threw as much stress. Yes it sucks but I can't make them care about me. I'm 37yrs so don't think they'll randomly start caring. Plus I have fought for years telling them how I felt so they know. I'm sorry for you but at least you have a new family. I have my kids so that's all I need
I was shocked that the parents missed OP's engagement party because they were helping set up the sister's party the next day. How toxic is that? The fact that the parties were planned like that is puzzling. I am guessing that was down to the sister.
It wasn't about wanting the daughter to not miss out on the memories of "the best day of dad's life", it was about how it would look to outsiders if the groom's daughter missed the wedding. Appearances are everything to people like that, the car was bribery for them to save face.
I honestly think it was more vindictive than that. I think she’s scheduled the wedding on the exes birthday on purpose. Wanting the daughter at the wedding was just another way to hurt the ex
I was surprised at the response to the story with with the two sisters having their wedding at the same venue. I absolutely do NOT thing OP was being the a-hole. Her sisters comment about her "stealing her thunder" only proves that that's exactly why the sister decided to book her wedding at the same venue. She wanted to steal OPs thunder and was upset that she wouldn't be able to do that because OP was smart and moved the date up. The golden child deserves a kick in the teeth.
That last 1. I think it all begins with the d*** move of scheduling their wedding on the mom's birthday. They knew what day they were picking. They didn't have to pick that day but they did. That automatically caused a conflict
no matter your relationship with Lea’s mom, she’s always going to be your daughters parent. booking your wedding on her birthday and forcing Lea to choose makes you the AH imo
Right? That was so petty of her to do that.. there are 365 days in the year but she had to choose the exs wife to make the child choose? Wtf? I’d choose my mom…
I though of that too. Why would you try and make her choose between her father and mother? The dad should have known when the mom's bday is and should have planned accordingly. The stepmother sounds like not a good person imo. Pretty messed up.
Sorry, but you ARE the AH. You are going about this relationship with your stepdaughter in ALL the wrong way. I’ve been a step-parent and none of that will be effective. Especially in the beginning it’s all about GENTLE, GENTLE, she is a teenager with some naturally raw feelings about what has happened to her family and you were obviously involved with her father before his separation. You claim nothing happened but I admit to some skepticism on that score, men don’t generally buy homes for someone and are, what? Just chatting together? In any case, threats and bribery won’t work especially when the choice you are giving her is the two of you or her mother. A mother who she likely sees as the one who has been wronged. And all that leaves out the whole race issue which you seem to find significant but you have not explained why?
Yes. Exactly. They could have picked any other time to have the wedding. Why is it on Leah's mother's birthday. Probably knowing she takes a vacation for her birthday too. That already made her and the father bad. Then threaten to withhold a planned gift. Still wondering what horrible thing the brother was accused of that supposedly wasn't s/a also. Girl needs to just go with her mother.
YAY for those grandparents, I love that people like you exist!!!😍🥰🤩🥰 Anyone who’s been through family trauma knows how hard that is to break away, what a brave and courageous girl! You’re no longer their punching bag! 🙌❤🙌
12:47 I had to deal with a sister & brother like this! They were both favoured over me! I got physically & mentally abused & they didn't! No contact is the best thing definitely or your gonna have to deal with the same trauma over & over again!
Exactly! When Charlotte was saying OP was the AH, I was baffled. Was she reading the same story I was? Every thing OP related made it clear that she'd been neglected and treated as lesser her whole life. Anyone calling her an AH for disengaging must have had some kind of ideal childhood. Why should she talk to someone who has spent years showing that she didn't matter to them?
@@C.L.Hinton Yeah that baffled me too I was really surprised and I had that same opinion in another video where Charlotte thought they were the AH. It makes me wonder if she’s just not able to empathise or sympathise because she hasn’t been through it maybe? Idk I just thought she’d be more levelheaded and logical about it. When your family is toxic and narcissistic there’s nothing you can say to make them listen and you’re damned either way. She’s obviously at her wits end and I know exactly how she’s feeling. I feel like most of us didn’t even really need clarification because it was so obvious what was happening X
@@C.L.Hinton Yeah I was honestly happy to hear she was able to book her wedding to be before her sister's. I find it really annoying when in a lot of these situations the argument used is "Yeah but it's your family, you should talk it out", yet it's conveniently only for the person who's mistreated. "Actions have consequences" apply to family members as well.
The reason why the bride probably didn’t want underage drinking at her wedding is because most venues insist on insurance, and according to most insurance clauses the bride and groom are legally responsible for ANYONE and EVERYONE, this includes underage drinking. They could be fined a lot of money if something happened to an underage person who was drinking.
Right; I used to work in a museum where a lot of private events were held, and people had to hire one of only two caterers to come in and serve alcohol because of licensing/liability. Even if they were hiring someone else for food.
IF that's the case, then the bride should communicate it with her friend. Sign an agreement that if the 20-yo friend is caught drinking, she pays the hefty insurance fine.
Why could the bride just ask the underage friend to abstain from drinking and then have a good time at your wedding knowing you did your due diligence and whatever the individual does is on them? Bride was the AH absolutely
The stepmom story....forcing that girl is only going to give her more trauma. I feel so bad for that poor girl. Divorce for kids is literally their world imploding. My dad's second wedding was so traumatic for me (over 20 years later and it still stings). Background: Parents separated when I was 7 (dad had an affair), divorced when I was 10, married stepmom (who he had affair with) when I was 11. Was only told about the wedding the night before, after talking to my mom for the night. I was devastated and hid in the bathroom after the ceremony, only to have one of my dad's sisters tell me to "grow up" and to not "ruin your dad's day". I understand why he wanted me there, but for me it was such a traumatic moment.
Think the OP brought up their race since stepdaughter called her white trash...lol. Guess it was suppose to make the stepdaughter look bad. But this woman did everything wrong.
My father at least had a courthouse wedding the 2nd time around so I didnt' have to endure it. I was also 11 and thought their divorce was all my fault.
These stories always remind me how blessed I am for my family, my best friend and my husband. Of course I’ve had drama and people who were terrible to me. But those that matter are there for me and love me unconditionally.❤
@@Angelfermaint agree. She can exclude anyone she wants from her wedding. I don't blame her for not wanting to have to worry about unnecessary things.
she shouldn’t have said she was “an adult” (even tho legally yes she is). however like someone else said, because it is THEIR wedding, they can be found liable if there is underage drinking
The last girl ‘accused’ her step moms brother and the step mom doesn’t seem to believe her and calls her a problem child I wonder if that’s why she hates her step mom so much
And PROBABLY telling your soon-to-be STEP/CHILD y'all are giving them a car but if they want to spend time with their fucking PARENT on their parent's BIRTHDAY instead of attending your wedding/ "oN tHEiR dAD's HaPpiEsT dAy" which just HApPenS tO bE her mom's fucking?? BIRTHDAY?? That they won't be getting ANYTHING.
In a comment thread above, someone said they checked the Reddit post and I guess he said some really racist stuff to Lea. Which, of course, OP just couldn't possible believe to have happened...🙄
@@gr33ngirlsea and the fact she went out of her way to point out she was "fully black" makes me believe the woman's brother really _is_ racist. Worst of all, I'm sure her daughter faces this racism too but she won't acknowledge it. Her child will have the "black daughter of a white mom syndrome" to get therapy for soon though 🤷 so maybe her half sister will help.
As per the wedding venue...this feels familiar to me. When you see favoritism from a young age and experiencing mental abuse I don't blame her for going no contact. She is NTA. Thank God she had her grandparents to give her the love and attention she needed. The sister just wanted to one up her..period. Much ❤️ from Lethbridge AB
Anyone who has a toxic family knows that you can’t reason with their dysfunctional reasoning. I finally cut my mother out of my life 32 years ago. My husband and his family didn’t understand how I could be so “heartless” to my own mother. That’s because they had a much more normal family dynamic. Over the years they have heard many stories about growing up with an alcoholic, bi-polar, narcissistic mother and the absolute hell she put my sisters and I through. The sister in your story who I is cutting of relations with her parents and sister should be proud of herself for standing up to them and continuing to be their doormat. I hope she has an amazing life with her new husband and finds the family she always deserved with her new in-laws.
My wife went through a similar situation. She finally went no-contact with her toxic family. Thankfully my family I have been fully supportive of her decision (and many of us actually encouraged her to do so), sorry you didn't get that.
oh same! I have a check all the boxes abusive BD( birth dad) and when I tell people that I went full no contact with him they always say" Oh what a shame or oh that's awful." But like some people can't be talked too because they're so divulged in themselves and even when faced with their wrong doings they refuse to take responsibility or change. I am the only one of his kids to go full no contact and he's still trying to contact me through my siblings. I can't see that side of the family because of him. I'm proud of OP because it takes so much courage to cut someone off cause you deal with " maybe i'm being too much" guilt and pressure from other family members that are yes men. It's alot. I wish her the absolute best in life.
The unmedicated bipolar parent was my dad, and there was a lot of physical and emotional abuse going on too. And it still took till I was 46 before I had the guts to cut him out. The rough part happened when he died (of Covid) and I was the only one of four kids to be involved with helping my stepmom with the funeral (she's a lovely woman, so I didn't want to hurt her). I had to write a eulogy, which was excruciating. I was Dutiful Oldest Child, but still- how do you eulogize a monster? Sometimes the choices we make, even to protect ourselves, can have even more painful consequences down the line.
@@Zundfolge Actually, my in laws are fantastic, they just didn’t understand at first because their family is so incredibly close. After the first couple of years of them asking, ‘well,what if she stopped drinking and got help?’ types of scenarios. After explaining that it would never happen and sharing some of the more traumatic experiences, they finally got it. After I had my own children and said I would never expose them to her trauma, they really got it. The fact that neither of my sisters would have anything to do with her either…. Heck, my own father didn’t believe us at first ( she had changed our last names so he couldn’t find us) and thought we were exaggerating. Until she showed up a couple of years after we moved in with him and slept on his couch for a couple of weeks and saw it first hand. He got her on good behavior too.
The story about the Narcissistic Family over the venue...."Extreme" is being gaslit, demeaned, and ignored for your entire life by the people who are supposed to love you the most. I'd call her final, ultimate response an equivalent to the years of abuse.
My parents were never together, but my dad getting re-married was still a really horrible time for me. I was 7 years old, didn't know he was dating anyone, had met her ONCE, and then all of a sudden they were married (I didn't get invited to the wedding, or even told about it) and her kid had moved into my bedroom and all my things had been packed away to my grandparent's house. (Their house was just on the other side of the property, within walking distance, but it still hurt.) I feel so bad for that poor girl. Sometimes, step parents are just the absolute worst, and what makes it even more horrible is when your parent puts their new partner before their kid.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this situation. There are MANY of us "out here" whose parents did the same and worse. Theybhad NO qualms about how their actions would hurt their children....AND didn't CARE. My mother left our father, (4 kids) and left the state, found another man, and then dumped us, on family members. Neither our mother OR father wanted us Then both parents got remarried, and our family mrmbers adopted us. So, we ended up with 3 "sets" of parents, biological, step, and adoptive ones. And, NONE of them actually wanted us, which we were even TOLD about from all if them. It was a wretched upbringing as a child, and parents whonrefuse to GROW UP and only care about their "own" happiness are the worst. They literally have NO EMPATHY for their childrens welfare or feelings. Sorry again....take care.
I always a l l w a y s recommend Having the attitude when you're first date approaching whatever I have the attitude that all you want from this three or four is up It's true on your stick a juicy fruit and get you through You just want to give her a few rainbows of fruit flavor your fruit flavor is It's the only thing in this world that you want to give this story I've ever. And I think if a lot of dudes would have to the attitude
When you put the When you put women on a pedestal and kiss. But you're just like taking a gun and shoot in your Yeah, can you own gun and shoot in your own self in the foot? Why you still got award of age that's like a It's like pretty dumb thing to do alright let's keep it going
I saw you the best thing to do is get that 30 four, i'm dragging down now I get a few, give her a few rainbows the fruit flavor and lay that dough on the corner, leave it dough on the corner, don't even never think about taking them to the house, good lord
If all the dogs would quit burning, a nice dog's to the house. We could find a dog on the corner. We can have a soft, just go to the corner and find a corner
"William is purple and I'm white, so while Kiley is mixed, Lea is FULLY PURPLE (...?)" That opening line kinda tells you everything you need to know about the stepmother honestly.
FINALLY! Someone who noticed that. What does their races have to do with anything except you wanting you and your daughter to feel superior to her and her wealthy BLACK family. So weird
You guys took the thoughts right out of my head. That entire story could have been told without being up race and the answer would have still been that OP is the Ahole!
Last story reminds me so much of my stepmom. My dad and stepmom got married 2-3 months after my mom got remarried. I was 10, and didn’t know that they were getting married or even engaged until the day of the wedding (also surprise, my sister and I were in the wedding party). They got married in the same month my mom and sister both had birthdays, so that was fun. Basically, my sister and I literally had no say if we wanted to go or not. Also sprinkle on top, my stepmom was the mistress, and she said the same thing to me “nothing happened when they were still married, we waited until after” just another reason of why I cut her out of my life 😂
Sometimes people with healthy family dynamics can be so thoughtless - as if everyone else had the same happy-clappy childhood as them but some of us are just jerks who choose not to appreciate/spend time with our families 🙄 How clueless do you have to fcking be to think that way? Not saying that’s the case with your husband, but it’s definitely been with some people I’ve known. There’s an idiot in my building who wanted to be my friend but the more time I spent with him the more I realized how much there was about him to dislike. But his mom and dad are functional, he never experienced abuse or neglect and his mom spends a lot of time with him and praises him, etc. Well a friend of mine who had a MONSTROUS childhood was getting married and he paid for his mom’s ticket to fly over and attend the wedding, but she told him last second that she wasn’t coming unless he also paid for a ticket of the guy she’s currently dating so he could come too, and he said no because he doesn’t know the guy, they haven’t been dating long, and that’s not his responsibility - but he said the guy can come if he buys his own ticket and asked his mom yo please come either way, but she wound up not showing up. 😥💔 And I was telling my neighbour about this and his immediate response was “Wow, his own mom didn’t show up? That says a lot about him!” 🤬 As if it never even crosses his mind that some people’s parents just fucking SUCK and not every mother is a selfless, nurturing, loving angel who always protects and cares for their children. 🙄😡
I hope I’m wrong though that while they were still friends(ish) she knew her friend was getting cheated on (with the wedding planner)…and…didn’t say anything? And kept quiet while petty thinking “serves you right”? Hope I’m wrong in the assumption but she did say “fucked your husband” not “fucked your ex”
@@Pyranuttrue. It is red flag when pettiness overcome her sense of humanity. Even after all those petty stuff her friends did, if I were her, I will still tell my ex friend what her then husband did
Interesting how in the last story OP mentioned how the ex-wife cheated and it ruined that marriage but the emotional cheating never crossed her mind as an issue ( she even got a new apartment while the marriage lasted ). The 16-year-old had every right to refuse to go to that wedding.
It says they were still married, doesnt say anything about them being together, divorce takes time, you ddont just get the papers the same day you break up
@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy idk it really sounds like op is intentionally leaving out info here to try and hide her part in all this. Plus how she mentioned that the teenage daughter accused her brother of something horrible and then quickly making her out to be a liar .... a lot of that story rubbed me the wrong way. To me it just sounds like op wants to play the victim
The 21 Year Old Bridezilla is giving me “I’m a Year Older Than You and Therefore Know More About How the World Works”, a dynamic that seems to exist only in kids shows, when the age difference would be more noticeable (being in a higher grade or different sports and whatnot). And it’s giving me Older Sibling vibes, where you have to keep tabs on your younger siblings and are deemed more responsible (trust me, I’m an Oldest Sibling 😅) Makes sense when you’re 7 or 10 years old…not so much if you’re over 18…
I'm an " Adult" now. Puhleazze.... I have told my kids. You're not an adult until your start paying for everything on your own. I don't feel like officially became an adult until my late 20s. Me at 21 was no where near being an adult. Yes I worked and lived on my own, but I was not a responsible human being. Then again a lot of adults are not responsible human beings 😂
I'm 61, and my older sisters are 76 and 78. I love them so much and I still ask their advice because I'm still an idiot about a lot of things. Nowadays they teach me about senior discounts and how to deal with menopause. 👵💖
7:18 I had a similar issue with an ex-friend of mine. It wasn't about a wedding or anything. We lived together in an apartment, our first apartment that wasn't a dorm room for college. I was 19 and she was 21 so naturally I'd pay her to buy drinks for me or pay for part of a bottle if we split it. This one time while we were out buying groceries and talking about what mixers we would get this time for Sunmer break, she backhanded a comment about how she is WAY more responsible than me because she is 21 and can buy drinks and that I will never understand her level or responsibility because of rhe age and her being the oldest of her siblings. Meanwhile my mother got fired from her job and was diagnosed with UPS cancer in her left thigh, my father quit his job to be her caretaker, my older brother got back into his bad habits and quit his job for a while and my younger brother was still struggling in HS... sure I will never understand 🙃 Let's just say that shortly after her comment and my family's lack of income, I moved out and back in to financially take care of my family as best as I could. And I still paid for 2 months extra rent after moving out on top of breaching my contract and not seeing my deposits. Oh! Andddd- when we moved in she had no job, so guess who paid for her rent and my own rent the first 3 months. Yep... I can't possibly understand.
*My little sister was the “golden child” too.* She got married before me, and they spent a lot of time and money on her wedding. They also did a lot of things, like dance, talk to her new in-laws, and *enjoy themselves.* But for mine, they yelled at me the whole time, even during the few days before. They made me late to my own wedding, so my in-laws were not happy (and they already had something against me 😕). And during the reception, my parents yelled even more, they didn’t wanna talk to anyone, and my dad yelled at me during the father-daughter dance, and stormed off in the middle of it. I ended up going into another room and crying, and the only person who noticed that I left was my hubby. He tried making me feel better, by telling me we were gonna be leaving soon, and reminded me that it was just gonna be the two of us, not them anymore. *I don’t know what I’d do without my hubby!* 🥰😘❤️❤️❤️
Aww he sounds like a keeper, I’m glad as I’ve heard other stories like yours where’s the husbands not supportive nor that caring towards the wife, glad you got a good one though. Can I ask, you don’t need to answer of course but are you still in contact with your parents after your wedding? I mean I can’t believe they would treat you like his, like your their daughter. Honestly you deserve so much better.
@@LucyBex27 honestly, I’m actually still in contact with them. But, after I moved out of the state, they did a 180 and started acting totally different with me. When I was in SoCal, I had to live with my parents because of epilepsy. I couldn’t have a job or drivers license, so I was an online student. But, my whole family took that to their advantage. They would make me do the dishes, laundry, etc. And if anything was dirty when my parents got home, _I_ was the one that got yelled at, even if it was someone else’s mess. Things like, my married sister didn’t live with us, but she worked close by. And when it was time for lunch, she’d make herself mac’n cheese. _But,_ she’d leave the trash on the counter and the leftovers on the stove. (When he would visit, my hubby was not happy with the way things were, and he said he’d take me away from there the first chance he could.) When I moved, things started piling up at my parents house, and everyone was going off on each other, because there wasn’t any clean dishes or clothes. So, I think something clicked in there head how much they relied on me, and they never badmouthed me again. They actually pay for the trips to see them. And when they visit us, they always offer to buy us things. They actually spoil my hubby and I now.
As someone planning a wedding, who is also getting ready to go NC with a family member, you are not only NTA, but you are an incredibly strong, lucky person. I wish you all the best!!
The second story reminds me so much of my parents. They both were pretty much bullied by the rest of the family - having their younger siblings prioritized over them - so I really sympathize with her. I think feeling a bit petty and jealous is a totally valid response. Sometimes morals just don't work in cases where emotional trauma is involved. Totally applauds her for choosing NC, won't do you any good to have trauma ghosts in your life.
If she's your sister she might have the same sentimental feelings because it's her grandma too. But the fact that she got mad that OP got the venue 1st, shows she wasn't doing it for sentimental purposes
OP with the vile sister and parents is a BOSS! Epic move on the venue. You get marred where YOU want too. Besides, it’s the sister’s first wedding so doesn’t count 😂. Been there, done that OP. Been NC for ages and it’s so freeing and life is so much easier. I adore that your grandfather is walking you down the aisle. Congratulations and wishing you much love and laughter in your marriage. ❤
For the child free wedding, I actually agree with OP. If the 20 yr old friend runs to fb to complain, she is still a child. You handle that like an adult, and people will see you as an adult.
I would do the same, but an issue would be that the parents could take the woman to court claiming she lied to them and stole the money. Parents and siblings like that will do anything to spy on whoever they are jealous of just to find any information they could attack with.
that's not how people with a conscience work lol i feel like that's just going to create even more drama and be something hanging over your head preventing you to move on. even if i need the money i'd feel bad to lie and take it and make everything worse
@@LadyLilyfee they wouldn't see it like that tho and youd know they wouldn't, youd very well know it will just create drama. either way i didn't mean youd literally have no conscience at all if you do something like this, don't take it the wrong way
I just don't understand why these women choose to make their wedding days into complete chaos!?! Edit: I completely understand the sister standing her ground, she is NTA (been there too)!
My dad's sisters both had their weddings at the same venue as my parents. And my parents took it as a compliment of their good taste - as it should be.
The bride who didn't want anyone under 21 at her wedding: I understand. It doesn't matter how close they are to 21, if they drink at your party and get caught, it's your fault. When I was 21 my best friend, who was 20 and turning 21 within a week, was drinking at my 21st birthday party. She went outside to smoke because smoking was not allowed in my house, a cop saw her out there. Seen she was drunk, checked her ID. I went to jail for 2 weeks because my friend was drinking at my birthday party. So yeah. I understand the bride's reason. It's not about hypocrisy it's about staying out of trouble.
Yes! Usually when it's a child free wedding it's kids under 18. Not just that it's just usually a couple or a +1. No kids. Not someone 1 year younger than you.
@@ellispades then let her promise that she won't illegally drink. Thinking drinking in front of a 20 year old is bad influence is absolutely ridiculously.
@@tf3655 Sometimes promises can go completely ignored. It's not a bad influence to drink in front of a 20 year old, but the decision is theirs to make. Plus, if the bride doesn't want anyone under 21 in her wedding, then she has every right to deny it, even if it is stupid. 🤷♂
Ughhh, the Golden child one made me almost cry. I’m getting married in a couple of months and my family has been weird about the whole thing too. I felt that
In any family with a golden child, there will also be a scapegoat. It sounds like this girl is the scapegoat, and if so, it's more than just jealousy and pettiness. It's about standing up for herself. I'm so glad she held her ground and kept her venue ❤
😮😢😮😮😢😢😢😢😢😢😮😢😢🎉😢
I agree
This is what it is to live with narcissists. My mother was a Covert Narcissist and had her Golden Child. 🙄
I agree, wrong call Charlotte. The golden child has had everything their entire life, I'm glad the bride stood up for herself,xx
Yeah, why should she give up on her dream venue when she got engaged first and have been talking about that venue for years? Sister seem to be an attention grabber that will do anything to stop her sister from having the spotlight for once in her life. It's her weeding, she deserves her perfect day.
Having the grandparents call out the parents over the venue situation should tell everyone that OP is not the AH, but the rest of her family is!
Honestly. Like she did that on purpose.
I can understand her frustraation cuz she only did 1 petty thing and everyone is furious. But the fact that her sister can get away w a lot of things... her whole family except grandparents r gaslighting her. Makes no sense to me why ppl favor one sibling and not both
It’s always a wonderful thing when grandparents exert their authority and let the parents know the cold hard truth. Some parents can be so blind towards their children it’s absurd. I’m a middle child so I’ve always been big on equality and self awareness.
Totally. I feel hundred percent not the AH
I would very much like to know why the grandparents raised her and not her sister.
The grandparents backing her up shows a pretty solid support for her relaying of events. Sounds like her immediate family was a really toxic bunch throughout her life, so glad her in-laws and grandparents are supporting her. The description of the one-upping sister just reminds me of how some people will unnecessarily try to make everything competitive and about themselves, even for things that were never about them (like another sibling’s wedding or career prospects). They’ll often interpret any of your successes as a threat or personal sleight against them, which they then need to challenge in some way. If you can manage it, distancing from people like that can make your life so much happier and less needlessly complicated
That last one brushed over what her brother was accused of… sounds like her dad chose to not believe his daughter over the Accusations
Well why would he care? He chose to have an affair (even if OP said it wasn't physical, emotional cheating was clearly going on) without thinking of how it would affect his daughter, or her feelings. Then is forcing her to a wedding she's clearly against, and on her mother's birthday. Honestly the bride and groom were made for each other.
My heart breaks for the daughter...
Yeah, that bothered me a lot. What was it? I want to know.
That last one though: OP clearly doesn't realize the negative effect of getting married on Lea's mom's birthday. It probably feels like twisting the knife in the back of her parents' relationship. They may only be getting married once, but their anniversary will always be the day of her mom's birthday. Probably feels like a slap in the face to her. They're clearly making no effort to respect Lea's mom or even Lea for that matter. Absolutely the AH.
Oh she knows. This is 💯 on purpose. There are 365 days in a year and she just so happens to pick the day of her fiancés ex wife’s bday? Nope
@@Mama_Bear524 yeah and something’s off about the Fiancé buying the new woman an apartment while still married but apparently “nothing happened until after”??? They were totally involved with each other and that apartment was to set up the new nest to come to when he left his wife. Deciding to get married to him ON the ex-wife’s birthday is so that day wouldn’t be about the ex-wife anymore, it’d be about her in someway and how she I guess won some piece of trash who can’t even stick up for his daughter. I’m team Lea. The wife bringing up her race was uncalled for cuz it added NOTHING to the story. Just wanted us to know she was black so it’d be easier to agree that she is aggressive and a “problem child”…just ew.
That's what I was thinking, of all the days they could of chosen to get married, they settle on the teens moms birthday?!?!?!? That lady is trying to act all innocent when she is not. In the teens eyes, her stepmom will always be the homewrecker
There are literally 365 days in a year. To pick the exes birthdate doesn't sound like a coincidence to me.
I don't know what Dad is doing here, but if he is just doing this for good s** he is in for a rude awakening.
@@Mama_Bear524 Agreed. No reasonable person would want to get married on their partner's ex-spouse's birthday. Or your own ex-spouse's birthday. Plus, it's unlikely the guy would have bought her an apartment before the divorced if something wasn't going on. Poor kid.
Also-the fact that the “golden child” daughter ditched the venue so easily after being bought out of it proved the OP right and the neglectful parents as gaslighters. ✌🏻
When she said that her sister is prettier and she's never let her forget it completely baffles me, my twin sister who has a slightly more angelic looking than me has always been insecure that she's uglier than me because she believes I got more attention than her, incompletely disagree, she's beautiful and iv always shut down any comments of people saying im better looking, we always dressed in a simular style but now hers is alot prettier where as mine is more " boyish" if ever an occasion comes up where she's feels prettier than Me I let her have it because I don't want her to feel insecure, I feel she's got over it now and I couldn't be happier for her
@@jeniellewhoknows7129are you serious? Angelic" XD
@@Fiery_Latina_Goatchan_GF_681Oh I see so that makes them the “evil” twin right? I love it!
The grandparents in the venue story are heroes!
Lea isn't a "problem child", she's a kid who is hurting deeply, and OP is being a complete AH, in every way possible. I feel so badly for Lea.
As soon as I hear a parent/step wtv say “problem child” they lose me
@@Mama_Bear524 Right?
The whole skin color part says a lot. I don't believe there was nothing going on.
Not only that, but apparently something happened with Lea's step uncle?? I need way more context for that part, because the stepmom needs to take that accusation seriously if it's so bad she can't even type it out.
@@WaryJester So true!
She probably had a sense that if she wasn’t the first one to get married there, they would bully her out of using that venue by calling her a copycat
People are also forgetting that OP got engaged first. What wrong with her wedding happening before the sister's? Sister absolutely KNEW what she was doing and did it on purpose to take the thunder away from OP, and then tried to project it onto her. She would have had the same tantrum if OP had booked the venue on a date after sister's wedding, because it was never about the venue, but about putting herself over OP.
I think a lot of people believe that blood is thicker than water which means forgive all abuse from family. They can't comprehend how evil people can be behind the scenes. I've had countless people tell me I deserved abuse and/or need to forgive family members for the abuse because...well...they are family. It's like people don't want to believe that parents can unlive/assault/neglect/etc. their kids and others in the family including siblings can do the same. It feels very much like toxic positivity.
The full phrase is: The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Meaning that chosen relationships can be stronger than family relationships.
Yes! I thought the same thing! OP got engaged first and then the sister got engaged and immediately booked that venue! If OP has been talking about it as much as she has said she has and was raised mostly by her grandparents, the sister had to know it was going to be the OPs venue.
Also, what is going on in that sister's head? OP said that her sister is much prettier than her and that's something she never let OP forget. The sister also has always been the golden child and the parents have favored her EXTENSIVELY over OP. Why is this sister so hateful to OP? If she's prettier and has basically most of the parent's attention, what the heck else does she want? Why be so horrid and petty? I bet there's something about the OP that she's jealous over. People don't act like that unless they are jealous or have something else mentally bad going on with them. I feel for the OP. I hope she has a wonderful and blessed wedding with her grandparents. And, that the rest of her family attends even though OPs parents and sister won't be there. Man....can you imagine if the sister books somewhere else on the SAME day as OPs wedding? I can see that totally happening. Or earlier so she can be FIRST!
Also there are 2 sides to every story. I always like to hear both sides before coming down on one or the other
The bridal showers were one day apart? That's weird. How did that happen? There's more to this story.
Oh Charlotte. The 'Sibling Rivalry' story shows off how sweet and innocent you are. You couldn't imagine how toxic the Golden Child VS Scapegoat dynamic gets, but if you wanted to understand I'll try to explain it. There are parents out there who not only have a favourite they have no impulse control around that favourite.
Their favourite, the Golden Child, is treated like the heir to the kingdom, the parents almost always believe that child can do no wrong and will make excuses for their poor behavior and leverage their own weight into getting the child whatever they want especially at the expense of the Scapegoat. The Scapegoat meanwhile is raised strictly, to be obedient and passive usually. This child is the one responsible for all, chores, accidents, pretty much every conflict is treated as their fault and can't they just give the Golden Child what they want?
After a lifetime of this the resentment built up towards both parents and sibling for the Scapegoat is super intense, and the Golden Child has been raised with this sort of 'All the nice things are for me sibling deserves nothing' brand of entitlement. In fact their self worth is often tied to the fact that everything they get is better than Scapegoat. So much so sometimes that when the Scapegoat gets something nice or that makes them happy it immediately becomes a challenge, an object of envy, or something to be taken because that's all they know.
The traumas from this sort of relationship for both children is typically devastating to their relationship and self worth on both sides. Siblings raised this way very rarely form a bond at all let alone manage to salvage a relationship as adults. If they do, it's because the Golden Child realizes the imbalance and rejects and corrects it. The usual healthy thing is in fact for the Scapegoat to go low or no contact, since breaking the pattern of entitlement in your parents can be impossible, and rarely does the Golden Child see past how enjoyable their position is to want to fix it. What the Scapegoat goes through is horrible and I feel really bad more than one person told her she was the asshole for putting her foot down about the one thing that should be for her and her alone. Which was to have the wedding she's been talking about since she was young, years in the planning.
Yeah. When she said "the opinions are divided" I though they were probably gonna be divided into " has a toxic family" and "doesn't have a toxic family".
The situation was so clear and obvious to me from literally the first self aware sentence.
Looking for external validation to make sure you are not insane is a very telling trait of people who are getting regularly gaslit and it took me YEARS to figure out normal people don't do this.
This isn't sibling rivalry, this is manipulation and psychological abuse.
yeah me too. I dont blame the healthy people though. Im genuinely happy for them that this sort of thing is unthinkable. I hope they hug their parents bc they got good ones.
YO SHE CHEATED ON HIM.
@@leshnikmacora what?
@Nikola Vajs who? When? What?
The fact that the grandparents came to the rescue shows that this poor girl went through a lot! I hope she will be happy with her new family! Also Lea sounds to be so mature for her age! Not being bought in! She will be an amazing person growing up.
Are we just going to ignore how NO ONE believed the stepdaughter about something horrible happening to her at the hands of her stepmother's brother??? I'd cut contact completely, omg💔
I was literally looking for this comment!! I feel horrible for this girl!
Considering the step mom expects us to believe nothing was going on when Lea's dad just bought her an apartment just tells me she's going to do whatever it takes to not jeopardize her meal ticket.
Given how much of a bitch her stepmom is she’s probably telling the truth
exactly. she was not in the wrong calling them white trash 💔
Oh my gosh. I just wrote the same comment. The hell?!?!
As a parent of two children I'm just so mystified how those parents could be so one-sided with their love. It's really beyond shocking.
Same, though I'm afraid sometimes they'll feel that way even if it's not. My oldest sometimes feels like we prefer her little sister (they're 4&9), because you know, sister / older vs younger sibling classic rivalry, but I make sure to always reassure her we love them both equally. I take time alone with her, I try to make sure I'm fair with both of them, as much as I can. Of course, sometimes the youngest needs more assistance on some things, and being an older sibling can sometimes be frustrating (I have 3 younger brothers, I understand where she comes from). But I hope that having discussions and quality time together will make a difference and she will grow up knowing she's so loved. I could never favor one child over the other.
@@misscrackwood There were four of us, and my parents made sure to schedule individual times with each of us. We each had "dates" with each parent, the same number of times per month. In fact, with the scheduling system they used (pre-made cards stuck into numbered slots) it was impossible to have uneven numbers of dates, because there was one for each of us with Mom and one for each of us with Dad. They were placed somewhere in the 1-28 (or 30 or 31) days of the month, and that was that. Fair and square and even.
As for two events happening at the same time, they would split. One would attend one event, and the other would attend another. It wouldn't even have OCCURRED to them to BOTH go to one event and leave the other event unattended by anyone parental. Now, if there were THREE conflicting events, things would get dicey, but they would have DISCUSSED it with us, and ASKED us about who would be OK with not having them there.
I remember, when my mother was first diagnosed with diabetes, and she was SO distraught about the new diet, and my event was an awards banquet, and she could NOT face the food there, and Dad was on assignment on another continent. She told me her predicament and ASKED ME if I would be OK attending without a parent there. She asked if I'd like someone else to go, in her stead. She CRIED about how she was so ashamed of being so weak that she couldn't face a banquet of food that she couldn't eat. I felt loved and valued. Was I a bit disappointed? Yeah, but I lived through it, and learned from it. The important thing is that I KNEW I was loved and valued.
The OP knew that she was NOT loved and NOT valued. I'm just glad she cut them off BEFORE the wedding, rather than after, because "Well, they'll have to attend the wedding, or other people will ask uncomfortable questions." Let them ask the questions. ANSWER THEM. Then, the other people will ask the rotten parents, "Wow, did you REALLY neglect your own daughter to the point that she cut you off from her life AND her wedding? You must be rotten parents!"
And then, though they won't miss YOU, at least they'll feel some sadness at being named and shamed, which is what they deserve.
I never get it, until I met my husband. His mom has 3 kids and the younger is the Golden child, its insane tbh. Most times I think MIL needs psychological help.
That happens usually when one or both parents are narcissistic, you can't compare a healthy family dynamic to that.. you don't have an antagonistic personality style, so you can't understand those who do.. unfortunately in narcissistic family dynamics there's usually a golden child and a skapegoat.. i think this is what's happening here to this girl..
That is how the golden child - scapegoat child dynamic works. It is a dynamic common in families where one or both parents are narcissists or sociopaths. An important factor to note is that this type of parent doesn't have 'uneven love' for their children. This type of person is incapable of having actual love for anyone (including themselves); they lack the brain wiring for it. The unequal treatment is part of the game that this type of parent plays in order to overcome boredom, keep control of the family, and maintain sources of narcissistic supply.
@Caroly Choate it says very good things about you that you are mystified by this dynamic and that you do not understand it is never really about love for any of the children. You are a good parent and your kids are lucky to have you.
No, going no contact isn't extreme when she has suffered a lifetime of trauma at the hands of her own parents. It breaks a person down, sometimes to the point of no return. I fully support her decision, and I really wish her well and that she is able to heal. It's absolutely heartbreaking and devastating when those who are supposed to love you unconditionally just really don't.
You're 100% right, dude. There are a LOT of people that don't seem empathetic to what she's going through. This isn't a jealous bride, this is a woman raised by narcissists. Was she petty? Sure. Not the asshole tho. Going NC and ignoring them is exactly what you're supposed to do with narcissists. I cut mine out too, uninvited them from my wedding and took my partner's last name to help sever the tie. "Just talk to them" doesn't work, and I don't have the energy to explain why narcissists are the way they are--but y'all who know, know.
I am so glad she got to have her wedding at her dream venue. And the fact that the sister gave up her deposit just goes to show that it wasn't about the venue for her, it was about taking away something that she KNEW meant the world to the OP. I mean the sister literally said that the OP's wedding was a waste of the venue cuz her wedding would never be as beautiful as hers. And don't get me started on the parents, offering to pay for OP's entire wedding just so their Golden Child could have the venue, that she only wanted cuz she knew it would hurt OP's feelings. Thank goodness she cut ties with all that toxicity! And the grandparents are the real MVPs for not only taking care of OP and making sure that she knew she was loved, but also for sticking up for OP when it was most needed. Grandfather walking her down the aisle is literally the chef's kiss of this story.
YO SHE CHEATED ON HIM.
@@leshnikmacora what?
It's sad to say but I think that favorite sister had already recognized the toxic family dynamic that had been going on since she was old enough to do so and knew that she was the golden child with their parents, and absolutely LOVED it! She just wanted to continue basking in the glory of how she would always get her way, and maybe even enjoyed causing her sister pain as a result. Why else would she choose that particular venue?? It is so f'd up but yeah, the grandparents were awesome and the bride is so lucky to have them at her back.
@@shadelings don't be sad to say it, her sister definitely knew the dynamics of the family AND she really did only want to have her wedding at the venue to hurt the OP. I'm over the moon that she said f**k all of them and got married where she wanted to.
Poor Lea. I feel bad she had to deal with that. Divorce is tough, and having been through similar stuff with my father and stepmonster, I hope she figured it out 😢
That golden child one was wild if you read all the updates. The sisters fiancé broke up with her coz of how petty she was being to OP and sister turned up to the venue on the day of her wedding and blame OP for everything, the police were called
I knew that sister was trying to cause trouble on purpose. She probably forced her bf to propose once she found out OP was getting married to book the venue on purpose and upstage OP. I knew a divorce would definitely happen, didn't think it happen sooner as a break up!
Where do you find the updates? I went to the original post and googled the title with updates but nothing. Can you post a link please?
I love how the last story, the step-ma kept reiterating how "nothing happened while her parents were still together " yea, ok, Pinocchio
But yet he bought her an apartment 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂!!!!!
Right!!!! He was all over that MISTRESS and she probably sped up the divorce!!!
@@JaseekaRawr Right! If I was her fiancé I would watch out if I was going on any businesstrips after marrying her.
Seems thou protest too much. Or however the saying goes. If dude bought her an apartment, I promise you it was more than just an emotional affair. This woman was trying to downplay her own behavior and instead acted like the daughter is being unreasonable. People like that really need to step back and look at the situation from someone else’s shoes.
@@Web19814 Not taking their sides, but it said in the beginning of the clip his ex cheated. So neither are in the right there, but everything they did afterwards is absolutely wrong.
For the last one, I also haven't seen too many people bringing up the point that was brought up about how the stepdaughter has accused OP's brother of something "unspeakable". If she is as blind to her own part in this whole chaotic event as she seems, then I'm GENUINELY scared for that poor girl! She is obviously not being heard and I can only hope that OP's brother isn't actually doing anything.
But even if he isn't, ITS STILL A CRY FOR HELP THATS NOT BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY
Yeah, how is this not a huge deal? 🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑
I was looking for this comment. How did we skip over that. It's a huge deal. More of a reason to hate the step mom after she didn't believe her and probably got the bio dad to dismiss it as well.
That’s what I was wondering?? And like I don’t want to assume but based on how delusional the brides being to begin with, I’m scared that the accusations are true.
Yeah my alarm bells immediately went off when I heard that sentence. I really, really hope the dad takes his daughter seriously but with how he’s going along with everything that Karen is saying, I doubt it 😢
This, in the post OP kept stopping to put in () that she didn’t do anything with the stepdaughters dad until after he was separated. I’m calling BS, what man is buying you an apartment and getting nothing in return? So when she mentioned the accusation toward her brother and stopped to add (not SA) I immediately thought “yeah it’s probably SA or something similar” since her other () all come across as lies to me to make herself look better.
For OP whose sister booked at the same venue- NTA. Sending you hugs and best wishes for a great wedding and marriage. Going NC is the only way for you to heal. Bravo for taking care of yourself! Your inlaws and grandparents will be your loving support. ♥️
I have IMMENSE respect for Lea for holding her ground despite all these disgusting bribes being thrown at her. I hope the best for her.
For the stepmom…the part where you said that Lea “believes I ruined her parents’ marriage” says it all. That should make it crystal clear why she does not want to attend your wedding. The fact that it’s on her mother’s birthday is forcing her to make a decision she probably doesn’t want to have to make. The fact that you and your fiancé already have a 6 year old child together means you’ve had plenty of time to work/talk this out with her , but haven’t. If she’s 16 now, that means she was about 9 or 10 when everything went down and as far as she’s concerned, you ruined her life. Get over yourself and try to make amends with her. And oh, BTW, if you think that we believe that he bought you an apartment before “anything happened”… yeah, right. 🙄
And who plans their wedding around the same time as the ex’s birthday. That’s an asshole move that puts the daughter in a position to choose. She chose.
Am I the only one that thought the wording "my fiance is black and is ex is completely black" was just weird as f*ck because, why?
Especially when describing the ex, like it seems like they might be racist and trying to cover it up
Dad and stepmom are toxic AF. She's 16, not a child, terrible that they are bribing her when they knew they were forcing her to make such a decision. That relationship is past broken. Hope she goes to the birthday.
Too many questions not answered, as well. Buying apartment sounds funny, but was it B4 or after the ex cheated? Does the stepdaughter not know this? Sure, it happened when she was way younger, but I feel now she might be mature enough to know why her parents marriage actually failed. & Lord only knows what the ex has been telling her daughter for the last 7-8 years. Idk, chances are stepmom is in the wrong, but I still feel like to many unanswered questions to this story.
@@KawaiiandDark i feel like she said it because later on the step daughter calls her "white trash" so she probably sees not being black as part of the problem, but it was still odd to just... start off with the race like that... i'm sure Lea would still dislike her regardless of race considering everything too
To the two sisters that booked the same venue. If you have a toxic family like that the only way is to cut them out of your life, I actually love she booked the venue a month before her sister, they deserve it. I know families like this and there is no point talking to them over and over again it's always going to end the same way. The way she portrayed the situation sounds pretty honest and self aware.
YO SHE CHEATED ON HIM.
@@leshnikmacora who cheated?
4:51 the reason it’s a big deal at her wedding is because if someone has caught underage drinking, it may get the wedding shut down
Mel could just... not drink
OMG seriously? Are you really this person? This isn’t why the bride is doing this-she just feels “a responsibility to prevent underage drinking” as the most sanctimonious act of grandstanding ever. She just turned 21, and now she’s playing hall monitor-and I don’t buy for a minute the story is this simple; I think she has other issues with Mel and this is a whopping act of passive-aggression.
I’m not sure why Mel would even want to go at this point, or why she’s friends with this snob in the first place-but either way, you don’t even know what the venue is, and who’s going to know? If it’s a private party then there is no drinking age; if it’s a public one, even then it’s up to the venue to police checking IDs, not the bride. She’s just being a total bridezilla-get real! 😂
@@arianebolt1575 Do you get the impression from the way Mel and OP talk to one another that Mel would actually not drink, no matter the consequences to OP? Neither one of them come off as particularly respectful of one another.
Or worse.
The fact that the bride's grandparents are supporting her says a lot about the way she grew up and was treated. The fact that her grandparents made a post on Facebook standing up for her as well making it clear they are happy she is getting married at their venue says a lot. Her parents and sister seem toxic. I'm proud of her for standing her ground.
As soon as she said they are shallow, the parents, I knew the toxic sibling was going to make OPs wedding about herself somehow. Then she booked the venue!!! I KNEW IT!! That poor girl I hope she gets all the love and support from those around her that truly matter.
Yup
I still think that she was petty for planning it literally a month before, but I also understand that that might’ve been the only way to make her point
My sisters got married at the same venue within 4 months of each other. They had very different weddings in different seasons and they were both lovely events. The story with the sisters was never about sharing a venue. It was the long-lived rivalry.
Yeah the Redditor's sister definitely seems to have narcissistic traits. And the parents too.
I knew of sisters who got married in the same WEEK! Not sure if it was the same venue, but no one seemed to have a problem.
We had two sisters get married at the same damn wedding! They were trying to base on a Charles Dickens story where that happened because everyone was dirt poor, but it's one of the most charming weddings I've ever been to. Everyone is right who says that one sister has definitely been favored and it's sad.
Especially since it's grandma and grandpa's venue, it's already a spot with familial sentimentality and no one person can claim it as theirs.
Personally, if my sister got married at the same venue a month before me, I'd try to take notes on everything that went well or poorly so as to optimize my own.
I'd have been excited to share a venue with my sister...any of the four I have, and it would have been special to each of us in our own way. Agreed. This was made just to fluff the feathers of the scorned sister.
I appreciate that she's honest about having a team that helps her create this content. Most UA-camrs At this Level act like they just do it all themselves and never credit those people.
Love my team, they’ve been with me since the beginning! Always give credit where it’s due!
They were on fire this video. It was fantastic
@@CharlotteDobre Please, tell them all (if they don't read the comments) that I am continually amazed by the little details they add in on each video. Awesome job, everyone!
I am so proud of the grandparents . I wish we could read what the grandparents said, but I am so happy the grandparents still up for her. I thought they were dead, but that shows that she did the right thing because the system never care. It was always about showing her up. It was all over like ha ha I got your venue because I’m better than you
The whole Leah story bothers me so much.
“Why does my fiancés 16 year old daughter not love me? The women who her dad cheated on her mom with. The women who split up her parents marriage. The women who got an apartment from her dad when he was still with her mom. The women who chose to have my wedding at her moms birthday. The women who chose to bribe her to come to the wedding instead of trying to get a better relationship. The women who changed her Christmas present to a birthday present so I could take that “gift” away if she didn’t “behave”. Like seriously - why doesn’t she love me?”
Major AH vibes.
EDIT: I’m aware it was only one womAn. Sorry - English is not my native language 😅
Also - the dad might be the one who cheated - but the woman clearly knew about the wife and still went along with it. The 16 year old daughter would blame the woman for this mostly. It’s not easy to blame your own dad.
I couldn’t be with somebody knowing that they were cheating on their partner 🤷♂️ so again - she is the major AH in my book.
Yeaa it's mystery. Let me put my Sherlock's hat to try to resolve it
Man damaged her home and not the new woman
It literally says the one who cheater was the EX, not OPs future husband
@@homeofwaxing I say it's equal blame... the Side 'Ho who was looking for a sugar daddy in the hopes he'd put a ring on it.. and the Down Low Daddy who was willing to put his dipstick in that Basic Buick Biotch thinking it's a Benz. And they BOTH wonder why the daughter is like "y'all are nasty and I want nothing to do with you".
@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy Yeah.. but Lea's father bought miss side slide piece an apartment WHILE still married to her mother. So let's call that out. She clearly said the side piece broke up her parent's marriage.. so we don't know how long it was going on before Momma said "Oh hell no.. what's good for the goose is gonna be good for the gander".
I can so relate to the sister one! My mom favored my sister who is a year younger than me. She didn't try to hide it either. It was so obvious she resented me for some reason but doted and loved on my sister so much! When I was a senior in high school I was nominated for FFA Queen which meant a week of activities such as a tractor race, a cake auction etc to see who wins the title of Queen out of the 6 nominees. When I told my mom she just rolled her eyes and said "Really, YOU were nominated? You mean we gotta do all that cake baking and bullshit?" I said "No mom, WE don't, I DO!" She never mentioned it again. I went shopping for a dress on my own, (with my friends) paid for it myself, made my own cake and everything else with no help from her. Just ONE freaking month later little sis was nominated Junior Prom queen and holy shit my mom was so proud! Took her dress shopping, bought her a diamond necklace and had a professional photographer take her picture! Yep, that was my life growing up.
Sounds awful. Hope you have found happiness now.
I relate to this so much. I have two NPD parents who favored by brother and targeted me. I’m fairly certain it’s because I wasn’t born as a male since I was constantly told how if only I’d been born a male I’d be perfect and how my gender was wrong because I’m not dainty and ladylike and too aggressive. I just wanted to say that I sympathize with you and hope you are doing better now! I am currently homeless because I escaped. I hope you’re doing well!!
@@ScarletAngleGaaraI hope things have gotten better for you and that you are safe.
@@lyndellrobinson3611 I’m working towards it but I pretty much live jobless on the streets so it’s rough. Thank you for the concern. :)
That bride and her sister are the irl embodiment of the "Brides War"/"27 dresses" plot 😂
I'm glad she stood up for herself though, hope she has a better life with her husband and his family
Exactly what I was thinking! I just got done watching bride wars before this video lol
Funny you said that because the other day I was watching 27 dresses back to back and it’s funny everything was fine until her sister came back home and basically “stole” her man and was being like a bridezilla cutting up their moms wedding dress and stuff I didn’t blame her for showing the power point exposing her sister who was lieing showing “her man” who he was getting married to her sister shouldn’t be mad at her she should be mad at herself for coming in and taking over everything like I said I don’t blame the sister one bit same goes for liv Emma basically started it which ended up ruining her engagement and ended up marrying liv’s brother what I’m saying is liv ended up like the girl in the story marrying her fiancé I don’t if the sister ended up like Emma though her engagement being ruined
27 Dresses was the first thst came to my mind as well 🤣
I thought about that too. Except in Bride Wars the girls were besties since the were little kids, and in 27 Dresses while the sisters might have had issues, the dad loved both equally. In that OPs situation, her and her sister weren't close at all and her parents showed a lot of favoritism towards the sister.
@@lesilemccravy5172 I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the sister in this story got divorced after a while. She seems like a pretty brat who only wants things to go her way, don't think the groom will last long with a woman like that. She needs a wake up call and needs to work on her self, especially her entitlement and selfishness
Some venues in NYS won't serve alcohol if any of the guests are under the legal drinking age of 21, because the venue doesn't want to be responsible for checking IDs, and they'll boot the entire party if they find out. However, my niece-in-law-to-be demanded a child-free wedding which excluded her husband's cousins [my young adult children (20, 19, 17)]. But when we got there, HER 3yo, 8yo, 10yo, 13yo, 16yo cousins were all there. I'm glad I insisted my middle son, who really wanted to witness his cousin's marriage, show anyway!! (He felt guilty about drinking Sprite on the wedding tab, but my sister (Mother-of-the groom) said she and her husband were paying the beverages tab.) Oh, and the bride also refused to invite my Mom (Grandmother of the groom) because she didn't want her family to see my Mom, who is mixed race and has learning issues. Priceless
The reason I think the girl who booked her wedding at the same venue as her sister isn't the AH is because of what she said at the end. The fact that she feels so strongly about how she's been treated her entire life, to decide to no longer have her parents or sister in her life, speaks volumes, imo. If she's got to this point, it's not a petty thing and she's clearly gone through it. Sad situation all around, for sure, but I'm glad she finally set boundaries. If someone makes your life miserable, you don't have to keep them in it. You deserve to be happy.
Clearly not the AH. Take it from someone who is in a similar dynamic as the OP. And there are plenty of us...just read the other comments.
The first reply who said she was the AH must have not been paying attention, or is a Golden Child herself. She's the AH, along with the OP's mother and sister.
On that last one, the hubby/father isn’t off the hook either. You schedule your wedding on your ex’s birthday? The ex you share a minor child with? No way that wasn’t on purpose.
I can imagine that he just forgot it, like he is a shitty person who couldn't care to remember
My money's on depraved indifference is opposed to on purpose. Given his other behavior I wonder if he knows what his daughter's birthday is?
I’ll bet it was the new wife that scheduled it. That way the date will always be taken away from the ex forever because it’ll be their anniversary. All about her!
Are we also going to ignore the "she accused my brother of doing something so vile that I don't believe her" sounds to me like that brother hurt the girl in a horrific way and she doesn't believe her. If that's the case the evil step mom is absolutely no better than the brother
The last story - setting your wedding date on the ex’s birthday tells me everything I need to know.
Exactly. I think that’s the key point as well. She’s making her step daughter choose. Totally unnecessary.
Right? And the argument that the stepdaughter should come because the wedding will only happen once but the mother’s birthday comes every year is BS, now that day will also be her dad and stepmom’s anniversary EVERY year.
True!
@Westrose557 I hope anyone else who comes into a situation like that will have a mind speedy enough to reply "are you sure,your his second don't forget"
same here... the daughter has it right. OP is a homewrecker and completely disrespectful of the daughter.
Charlotte ~ if you ever look back to this video, just know this - your hair is at its most beautiful in these clips. Seriously so.
I had already heard the venue story and knew the update already, so Charlotte's take was a typical show of how good a heart she has. Talking doesn't always work, because sometimes the other party isn't reasonable 😅
Considering OP’s grandparents publicly support her and agree that they had to raise her cuz her parents couldn’t be bothered, it’s weird that she got any YTA votes. Like clearly she was the punching bag in their family to the point the sister and parents were knowingly trying to upstage her wedding and bully her about it. She doesn’t owe them an explanation at that point for going NC.
Yeah, unless it’s mutually agreed upon family therapy…yeah it’s pointless.
Exactly, you can't reason with the unreasonable. The best wedding gift she can give herself is removing her toxic family members from her life.
@@mrs.h2725 it was also very obvious that the sister only got engaged shortly after OP because she wanted to upstage OP and get married at OP's dream venue. Sister probably thought that OP would get married somewhere else because of that. OP "stealing back" the venue by booking it on an earlier date was not petty at all imo, it was reacting to the sister's horrible and petty behaviour.
I agree. OP opted to not get screamed at, put down, and demeaned via phone or text. Time to let go of those people and have a good life.
As far as the underage drinking, I had a friend who had the wedding coordinator and a few family members put a stamp on the hands of all of the minors (both hands) and if there was any doubt, the bartenders were required to card people who may have tried to remove the stamp.
That’s a decent work around. However, depending on the size of the wedding, a guest could easily buy a drink for her and anyone witnessing after the fact would easily assume it was virgin/a “mocktail,” until they got close to her, when it wasn’t. What “harm” would the other guests in the friend group really see in doing something like that?
I don’t agree with the ageism, but I could see where eliminating the “worry” (for lack of a better term) all together would seem like the most attractive option.
@@TydomelYeah I thought it was a bit of an ass move but I also understand there are legal ramifications for the bride/groom, the venue or the bartender if they assume everyone is 21 and miss one. If that friend left the wedding drunk, drove and crashed then they’d be liable
@Rachel Ross It's tough to come up with a fool-proof plan.
@@spklyunicorn Well, a fool proof plan is not allowing anyone underage there
Americans are ridiculous for having a problem with drinking at 20.
At that age I had a bachelor's degree and lived outside my parents house for years. I'm definitely old enough to decide if I want a drink. Linke, legally I'm an adult in any other way.
Dang I feel so bad for that girl - I’m so glad the grandpa walked her down the isle. That’s awesome. Sometimes “family” doesn’t matter as much as mental health ❤
The "she used your shampoo" toss in was great
Okay, I have an interesting perspective on the "Lea" story. My parents divorced when I was 8. My parents likely would have divorced anyway, but my father's affair with his secretary ( while my mom was pregnant with my younger sister) was the precipitating event. My older brother was 10 and my sister about 2 when my dad moved out. Neither parent told us about the affair at the time; they thought it would just confuse us more. My mom told me when I was 11. I found it hard to believe that my father was enough of a"player" to have an affair! He was ab#$sive to all of us, so the relationship was complicated. I did not have a good relationship with my stepmother, but it wasn't because of the affair. It was due to HOW SHE TREATED ME. She enabled and piled on the ab* se. How their relationship began gave me trust issues in relationships for a while, but it was their verbal and psychological ab*se that did the most damage and took the longest time to heal from. Please, lady, take a look in the mirror and consider how you are treating this vulnerable teen.
Is there is a reason why you are sensoring your comment? You know you don't have to do that, right?
@@XCHADHIGGINSX dude I was wondering the same
@@XCHADHIGGINSX Sometimes UA-cam will give you a warning before you post comments about it potentially going against community guidelines and that putting your account at risk - sometimes I censor swearing in my comments for those reasons.
It’s stupid, but YT is stupid, so sometimes you gotta do what you can to work around things.
Speaking of abuse, OP also mentioned Lea having accused OPs brother of
“Doing something so vile I don’t even want to think about it.”
So sounds like Lea probably got abused by the family of her dad’s likely mistress, and OP is dismissing it and treating it like her just trying to cause trouble.
It’s honestly really disgusting what this poor girl is having to deal with.
@@ms.annthropic6341 In a comment thread above, someone said they checked the Reddit post and I guess he said some really racist stuff to Lea. Which, of course, OP just couldn't possible believe to have happened...🙄
The story about the venue really got to me.. my parents acted this way with me and my sister too, because she got triggered real fast and they always wanted to soothe her. If I got something nice, she must have it too. If I wanted some alone time with my mother, she insisted on coming with us or spending time with her. If I needed my dad for repairs, it always took way too long, but not for my sister. They did not love me less, just wanting to avoid trouble.. but in the end I also felt deprived of a lot of love. So I totally feel the same as op, that if you talk about something for ages and it gets taken from under your nose, I would also react as petty as hell. I totally agree with op for booking the venue and to not budge. Op has had enough bullying in her life and I hope that she had the loveliest wedding, with her now husband and grandparents ❤
5:17 hi Charlotte, depending on which state this wedding is taking place in the person who is supplying the alcohol meaning the bride or groom can be held accountable if someone under 21 gets in an accident while intoxicated. It has happened here many times when alcohol is served at like graduation parties, and the worst happens on their way home. Just my two. Cents. Love you girl.
Fully agree
I thought of that too which would be a fair reason. If that “friend” explained it that way then fine but it was the belittling that wasn’t okay
@@bellaelleira exactly, none of this "child free" BS for not inviting someone who's clearly an adult.
In my state I believe its the venue's fault & they can loose their liquor license
Thats what Inwas thinking, liability
The grandparents sticking up for the girl confirms that, for me, she's not the a-hole.
On the last one, if they force a teenager to go to that wedding she will create as much drama and chaos as she possibly can. That woman has obviously never dealt with teenagers who don’t like you. I’d love to be a fly on the wall.
That entire cake would be knocked to the floor and a little red wine on that dress. This woman is so stupid for even trying to force anything with a teenager lol
Yo can I join you as a fly on the wall, I wanna see that drama
Not only was she a problem child she is disrespectful.
This got glossed over in the story but OP mentioned
“Lea accused my brother of doing something so vile I don’t even want to think about it.”
So sounds like she got abused by the brother of her dad’s GF, and the GF is completly dismissing this and treating Lea like she’s just trying to cause problems.
And then she’s taking away Lea’s Christmas present unless she agrees to miss her mom’s birthday trip to go to an event all about celebrating the affair/mistress, and hang out in a room with her abuser!
I hate the gift had conditions. That is just wrong.
Im concerned about the line "She accused my brother of doing something so vile..." from the step daughter story
Yes me too I felt horrible when I heard that. I hope she no longer stays in that house she isn't safe.
It did say it wasn't SA.... but what else could be so disgusting and made her feel sick....
Right?! I was relieved when I saw it wasn't SA, but I hope that wasn't just a cover up.
@@victoriaking6205 I was thinking OP might be homophobic.
@@danielarejgar o yer u could be right didn't even think about that....
Planning the wedding on her mother's birthday was a deliberate move on their part. This was about hurting the ex wife. Of course the daughter will take her mother's side.
And dad bought fiancé an apartment while he was still married but they didn't do anything until after they were separated? Sure, I believe that. And I am the new owner of the Brooklyn Bridge. I bought it for a song from this guy I met at the pub. So you can tell I'm not gullible.
I didn't think about that!
I completely agree with you, they could have picked any day for the wedding but picked the mom’s birthday, a very manipulative move imo
@@MsJubjubbird if it was the only date they had available and had to choose it because they had no other option, normally people would be reasonable to understand that the teen wouldn't want to attend. This woman is giving the step daughter absolutely no slack and acting like the girl is the problem over something that would make anyone in her position upset.
@@MsJubjubbird Telling your soon-to-be STEP/CHILD y'all are giving them a car but if they want to spend time with their fucking PARENT on their parent's fucking BIRTHDAY instead of attending your wedding/ "oN tHEiR dAD's HaPpiEsT dAy" which just HApPenS tO bE her mom's fucking?? BIRTHDAY they won't be getting ANYTHING. The question is not if you're slow? But how slow ARE you.
For the last bride that has a golden sister, there's nothing you can do to say it. They only care what makes princess happy. Forget what everyone else says. They haven't walked in your shoes. Coming from a family where they only care about the sister that talks down to them, attacks them, and makes them raise her two kids. I had to cut my family off to and now I don't go threw as much stress. Yes it sucks but I can't make them care about me. I'm 37yrs so don't think they'll randomly start caring. Plus I have fought for years telling them how I felt so they know. I'm sorry for you but at least you have a new family. I have my kids so that's all I need
I was shocked that the parents missed OP's engagement party because they were helping set up the sister's party the next day. How toxic is that? The fact that the parties were planned like that is puzzling. I am guessing that was down to the sister.
I mean the fact that the grandparents came to the defense of OP with the entire family dog piling them, really shows what it's actually like.
It wasn't about wanting the daughter to not miss out on the memories of "the best day of dad's life", it was about how it would look to outsiders if the groom's daughter missed the wedding. Appearances are everything to people like that, the car was bribery for them to save face.
I honestly think it was more vindictive than that. I think she’s scheduled the wedding on the exes birthday on purpose. Wanting the daughter at the wedding was just another way to hurt the ex
I was surprised at the response to the story with with the two sisters having their wedding at the same venue. I absolutely do NOT thing OP was being the a-hole. Her sisters comment about her "stealing her thunder" only proves that that's exactly why the sister decided to book her wedding at the same venue. She wanted to steal OPs thunder and was upset that she wouldn't be able to do that because OP was smart and moved the date up. The golden child deserves a kick in the teeth.
That last 1. I think it all begins with the d*** move of scheduling their wedding on the mom's birthday. They knew what day they were picking. They didn't have to pick that day but they did. That automatically caused a conflict
That's just what I was thinking! The dad knew when his ex's birthday is and that his daughter would want to spend it with her mom. Why do that?
Yup it was on purpose
This is what I was thinking!! There are literally 51 other weekends it could have been.
Nah it stated before that. Probably even before he bought OP an appartement when he was still married.
Why did you sensor yourself
no matter your relationship with Lea’s mom, she’s always going to be your daughters parent. booking your wedding on her birthday and forcing Lea to choose makes you the AH imo
Right? That was so petty of her to do that.. there are 365 days in the year but she had to choose the exs wife to make the child choose? Wtf? I’d choose my mom…
I though of that too. Why would you try and make her choose between her father and mother? The dad should have known when the mom's bday is and should have planned accordingly. The stepmother sounds like not a good person imo. Pretty messed up.
Right? They should have planned it on another day when it was his visitation with Leah. The groom should run for the hills.
Sorry, but you ARE the AH. You are going about this relationship with your stepdaughter in ALL the wrong way. I’ve been a step-parent and none of that will be effective. Especially in the beginning it’s all about GENTLE, GENTLE, she is a teenager with some naturally raw feelings about what has happened to her family and you were obviously involved with her father before his separation. You claim nothing happened but I admit to some skepticism on that score, men don’t generally buy homes for someone and are, what? Just chatting together? In any case, threats and bribery won’t work especially when the choice you are giving her is the two of you or her mother. A mother who she likely sees as the one who has been wronged. And all that leaves out the whole race issue which you seem to find significant but you have not explained why?
Yes. Exactly. They could have picked any other time to have the wedding. Why is it on Leah's mother's birthday. Probably knowing she takes a vacation for her birthday too. That already made her and the father bad. Then threaten to withhold a planned gift. Still wondering what horrible thing the brother was accused of that supposedly wasn't s/a also. Girl needs to just go with her mother.
YAY for those grandparents, I love that people like you exist!!!😍🥰🤩🥰 Anyone who’s been through family trauma knows how hard that is to break away, what a brave and courageous girl! You’re no longer their punching bag! 🙌❤🙌
Hopefully it's a wake up call for the parents and sister
12:47 I had to deal with a sister & brother like this! They were both favoured over me! I got physically & mentally abused & they didn't! No contact is the best thing definitely or your gonna have to deal with the same trauma over & over again!
0:54 “She f**ked your husband.
She used your shampoo.
I’m friends with her,
So are you!”
💜the rhyme 😂💜🥔
With the wedding venue story: if you've had a toxic family, you know that OP isn't the A hole.
Off RIP!!
Exactly! When Charlotte was saying OP was the AH, I was baffled. Was she reading the same story I was? Every thing OP related made it clear that she'd been neglected and treated as lesser her whole life. Anyone calling her an AH for disengaging must have had some kind of ideal childhood. Why should she talk to someone who has spent years showing that she didn't matter to them?
@@C.L.Hinton Yeah that baffled me too I was really surprised and I had that same opinion in another video where Charlotte thought they were the AH. It makes me wonder if she’s just not able to empathise or sympathise because she hasn’t been through it maybe? Idk I just thought she’d be more levelheaded and logical about it. When your family is toxic and narcissistic there’s nothing you can say to make them listen and you’re damned either way. She’s obviously at her wits end and I know exactly how she’s feeling. I feel like most of us didn’t even really need clarification because it was so obvious what was happening X
@@C.L.Hinton Yeah I was honestly happy to hear she was able to book her wedding to be before her sister's.
I find it really annoying when in a lot of these situations the argument used is "Yeah but it's your family, you should talk it out", yet it's conveniently only for the person who's mistreated. "Actions have consequences" apply to family members as well.
Overstock for a ring. Hope she got that ring checked out to see if they were factory diamonds or diamonds at all.
Kudos to Leila for turning down a car to stand up for herself.
The reason why the bride probably didn’t want underage drinking at her wedding is because most venues insist on insurance, and according to most insurance clauses the bride and groom are legally responsible for ANYONE and EVERYONE, this includes underage drinking. They could be fined a lot of money if something happened to an underage person who was drinking.
Right; I used to work in a museum where a lot of private events were held, and people had to hire one of only two caterers to come in and serve alcohol because of licensing/liability. Even if they were hiring someone else for food.
Makes sense
IF that's the case, then the bride should communicate it with her friend. Sign an agreement that if the 20-yo friend is caught drinking, she pays the hefty insurance fine.
I’m fairly certain this could also come with some jail time for contributing to the delinquency of a minor and providing alcohol to an underage person
Why could the bride just ask the underage friend to abstain from drinking and then have a good time at your wedding knowing you did your due diligence and whatever the individual does is on them? Bride was the AH absolutely
The stepmom story....forcing that girl is only going to give her more trauma. I feel so bad for that poor girl. Divorce for kids is literally their world imploding. My dad's second wedding was so traumatic for me (over 20 years later and it still stings). Background: Parents separated when I was 7 (dad had an affair), divorced when I was 10, married stepmom (who he had affair with) when I was 11. Was only told about the wedding the night before, after talking to my mom for the night. I was devastated and hid in the bathroom after the ceremony, only to have one of my dad's sisters tell me to "grow up" and to not "ruin your dad's day". I understand why he wanted me there, but for me it was such a traumatic moment.
Hugs 🫂
Think the OP brought up their race since stepdaughter called her white trash...lol. Guess it was suppose to make the stepdaughter look bad. But this woman did everything wrong.
My brother and me uninvited to the second wedding of our father
Wow… you were only 11! 😣Some people have no empathy or compassion for kids and what they may be experiencing- they’re not miniature adults
My father at least had a courthouse wedding the 2nd time around so I didnt' have to endure it. I was also 11 and thought their divorce was all my fault.
These stories always remind me how blessed I am for my family, my best friend and my husband. Of course I’ve had drama and people who were terrible to me. But those that matter are there for me and love me unconditionally.❤
The "child free" wedding made some sense until you find out she's literally 21. 😂 100% wanting to feel superior
shes prob prettier than her
@@nothankspleaseomg you're right
Well as the host of the event she will also be liable for any underage drinking in most states. It could be a legal issue
@@Angelfermaint agree. She can exclude anyone she wants from her wedding. I don't blame her for not wanting to have to worry about unnecessary things.
she shouldn’t have said she was “an adult” (even tho legally yes she is). however like someone else said, because it is THEIR wedding, they can be found liable if there is underage drinking
The last girl ‘accused’ her step moms brother and the step mom doesn’t seem to believe her and calls her a problem child I wonder if that’s why she hates her step mom so much
And PROBABLY telling your soon-to-be STEP/CHILD y'all are giving them a car but if they want to spend time with their fucking PARENT on their parent's BIRTHDAY instead of attending your wedding/ "oN tHEiR dAD's HaPpiEsT dAy" which just HApPenS tO bE her mom's fucking?? BIRTHDAY?? That they won't be getting ANYTHING.
YES!!!
That was completely glossed over!
If she wonders why Lea hates her I’d start there! 😡
In a comment thread above, someone said they checked the Reddit post and I guess he said some really racist stuff to Lea. Which, of course, OP just couldn't possible believe to have happened...🙄
That's manipulative talk. She's probably not a problem child in any way. 😒
@@gr33ngirlsea and the fact she went out of her way to point out she was "fully black" makes me believe the woman's brother really _is_ racist. Worst of all, I'm sure her daughter faces this racism too but she won't acknowledge it. Her child will have the "black daughter of a white mom syndrome" to get therapy for soon though 🤷 so maybe her half sister will help.
As per the wedding venue...this feels familiar to me. When you see favoritism from a young age and experiencing mental abuse I don't blame her for going no contact. She is NTA. Thank God she had her grandparents to give her the love and attention she needed. The sister just wanted to one up her..period.
Much ❤️ from Lethbridge AB
The SHADE and PETTINESS of that blondie DAMN 😄
Anyone who has a toxic family knows that you can’t reason with their dysfunctional reasoning. I finally cut my mother out of my life 32 years ago. My husband and his family didn’t understand how I could be so “heartless” to my own mother. That’s because they had a much more normal family dynamic. Over the years they have heard many stories about growing up with an alcoholic, bi-polar, narcissistic mother and the absolute hell she put my sisters and I through. The sister in your story who I is cutting of relations with her parents and sister should be proud of herself for standing up to them and continuing to be their doormat. I hope she has an amazing life with her new husband and finds the family she always deserved with her new in-laws.
My wife went through a similar situation. She finally went no-contact with her toxic family. Thankfully my family I have been fully supportive of her decision (and many of us actually encouraged her to do so), sorry you didn't get that.
oh same! I have a check all the boxes abusive BD( birth dad) and when I tell people that I went full no contact with him they always say" Oh what a shame or oh that's awful." But like some people can't be talked too because they're so divulged in themselves and even when faced with their wrong doings they refuse to take responsibility or change. I am the only one of his kids to go full no contact and he's still trying to contact me through my siblings. I can't see that side of the family because of him. I'm proud of OP because it takes so much courage to cut someone off cause you deal with " maybe i'm being too much" guilt and pressure from other family members that are yes men. It's alot. I wish her the absolute best in life.
The unmedicated bipolar parent was my dad, and there was a lot of physical and emotional abuse going on too. And it still took till I was 46 before I had the guts to cut him out. The rough part happened when he died (of Covid) and I was the only one of four kids to be involved with helping my stepmom with the funeral (she's a lovely woman, so I didn't want to hurt her). I had to write a eulogy, which was excruciating. I was Dutiful Oldest Child, but still- how do you eulogize a monster? Sometimes the choices we make, even to protect ourselves, can have even more painful consequences down the line.
Unfortunately, sometimes it can’t be helped. I hope she has a better life with her grandparents and new husband.
@@Zundfolge Actually, my in laws are fantastic, they just didn’t understand at first because their family is so incredibly close. After the first couple of years of them asking, ‘well,what if she stopped drinking and got help?’ types of scenarios. After explaining that it would never happen and sharing some of the more traumatic experiences, they finally got it. After I had my own children and said I would never expose them to her trauma, they really got it. The fact that neither of my sisters would have anything to do with her either…. Heck, my own father didn’t believe us at first ( she had changed our last names so he couldn’t find us) and thought we were exaggerating. Until she showed up a couple of years after we moved in with him and slept on his couch for a couple of weeks and saw it first hand. He got her on good behavior too.
The story about the Narcissistic Family over the venue...."Extreme" is being gaslit, demeaned, and ignored for your entire life by the people who are supposed to love you the most. I'd call her final, ultimate response an equivalent to the years of abuse.
My parents were never together, but my dad getting re-married was still a really horrible time for me. I was 7 years old, didn't know he was dating anyone, had met her ONCE, and then all of a sudden they were married (I didn't get invited to the wedding, or even told about it) and her kid had moved into my bedroom and all my things had been packed away to my grandparent's house. (Their house was just on the other side of the property, within walking distance, but it still hurt.) I feel so bad for that poor girl. Sometimes, step parents are just the absolute worst, and what makes it even more horrible is when your parent puts their new partner before their kid.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this situation. There are MANY of us "out here" whose parents did the same and worse. Theybhad NO qualms about how their actions would hurt their children....AND didn't CARE.
My mother left our father, (4 kids) and left the state, found another man, and then dumped us, on family members. Neither our mother OR father wanted us Then both parents got remarried, and our family mrmbers adopted us. So, we ended up with 3 "sets" of parents, biological, step, and adoptive ones. And, NONE of them actually wanted us, which we were even TOLD about from all if them. It was a wretched upbringing as a child, and parents whonrefuse to GROW UP and only care about their "own" happiness are the worst. They literally have NO EMPATHY for their childrens welfare or feelings. Sorry again....take care.
Why some men act like dogs following their new partner after getting married ,while tossing their kids a side just to make their new partner happy
Am I the only one who could listen to/watch the first girl tell "dirty laundry" stories all bleeking day! 😂
She's an MVP of a gem!
Wait, I'll tell you what the guys need to do. Guys need to quit thinking that the womanized wife is, miss virgin mary and she fell from a sky
I always a l l w a y s recommend Having the attitude when you're first date approaching whatever I have the attitude that all you want from this three or four is up It's true on your stick a juicy fruit and get you through You just want to give her a few rainbows of fruit flavor your fruit flavor is It's the only thing in this world that you want to give this story I've ever. And I think if a lot of dudes would have to the attitude
When you put the When you put women on a pedestal and kiss. But you're just like taking a gun and shoot in your Yeah, can you own gun and shoot in your own self in the foot? Why you still got award of age that's like a It's like pretty dumb thing to do alright let's keep it going
I saw you the best thing to do is get that 30 four, i'm dragging down now I get a few, give her a few rainbows the fruit flavor and lay that dough on the corner, leave it dough on the corner, don't even never think about taking them to the house, good lord
If all the dogs would quit burning, a nice dog's to the house. We could find a dog on the corner. We can have a soft, just go to the corner and find a corner
Omg when you said," how nice would it be if you could just create problems that were previously not there?" I felt that
"William is purple and I'm white, so while Kiley is mixed, Lea is FULLY PURPLE (...?)" That opening line kinda tells you everything you need to know about the stepmother honestly.
FINALLY! Someone who noticed that. What does their races have to do with anything except you wanting you and your daughter to feel superior to her and her wealthy BLACK family. So weird
Also, what the hell is "completely black"?
You guys took the thoughts right out of my head. That entire story could have been told without being up race and the answer would have still been that OP is the Ahole!
I fully agree, although I also think it was partially brought up as a backdrop for the "white trash" comment. She took it way too far, though.
@ Not mixed race.
Last story reminds me so much of my stepmom. My dad and stepmom got married 2-3 months after my mom got remarried. I was 10, and didn’t know that they were getting married or even engaged until the day of the wedding (also surprise, my sister and I were in the wedding party). They got married in the same month my mom and sister both had birthdays, so that was fun. Basically, my sister and I literally had no say if we wanted to go or not. Also sprinkle on top, my stepmom was the mistress, and she said the same thing to me “nothing happened when they were still married, we waited until after” just another reason of why I cut her out of my life 😂
Sometimes people with healthy family dynamics can be so thoughtless - as if everyone else had the same happy-clappy childhood as them but some of us are just jerks who choose not to appreciate/spend time with our families 🙄
How clueless do you have to fcking be to think that way?
Not saying that’s the case with your husband, but it’s definitely been with some people I’ve known.
There’s an idiot in my building who wanted to be my friend but the more time I spent with him the more I realized how much there was about him to dislike.
But his mom and dad are functional, he never experienced abuse or neglect and his mom spends a lot of time with him and praises him, etc.
Well a friend of mine who had a MONSTROUS childhood was getting married and he paid for his mom’s ticket to fly over and attend the wedding, but she told him last second that she wasn’t coming unless he also paid for a ticket of the guy she’s currently dating so he could come too, and he said no because he doesn’t know the guy, they haven’t been dating long, and that’s not his responsibility - but he said the guy can come if he buys his own ticket and asked his mom yo please come either way, but she wound up not showing up. 😥💔
And I was telling my neighbour about this and
his immediate response was
“Wow, his own mom didn’t show up? That says a lot about him!” 🤬
As if it never even crosses his mind that some people’s parents just fucking SUCK and not every mother is a selfless, nurturing, loving angel who always protects and cares for their children. 🙄😡
She started it😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉 love this triggered me! 😂😂😂😂❤
I loved the pettiness of the 4’10” blonde with huge hands.
The dancing when spills the tea of the guy piping down all her friends got me 😂😂😂
I hope I’m wrong though that while they were still friends(ish) she knew her friend was getting cheated on (with the wedding planner)…and…didn’t say anything? And kept quiet while petty thinking “serves you right”?
Hope I’m wrong in the assumption but she did say “fucked your husband” not “fucked your ex”
@@Pyranuttrue. It is red flag when pettiness overcome her sense of humanity. Even after all those petty stuff her friends did, if I were her, I will still tell my ex friend what her then husband did
Interesting how in the last story OP mentioned how the ex-wife cheated and it ruined that marriage but the emotional cheating never crossed her mind as an issue ( she even got a new apartment while the marriage lasted ). The 16-year-old had every right to refuse to go to that wedding.
YO SHE CHEATED ON HIM.
It says they were still married, doesnt say anything about them being together, divorce takes time, you ddont just get the papers the same day you break up
@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy idk it really sounds like op is intentionally leaving out info here to try and hide her part in all this. Plus how she mentioned that the teenage daughter accused her brother of something horrible and then quickly making her out to be a liar .... a lot of that story rubbed me the wrong way. To me it just sounds like op wants to play the victim
The 21 Year Old Bridezilla is giving me “I’m a Year Older Than You and Therefore Know More About How the World Works”, a dynamic that seems to exist only in kids shows, when the age difference would be more noticeable (being in a higher grade or different sports and whatnot).
And it’s giving me Older Sibling vibes, where you have to keep tabs on your younger siblings and are deemed more responsible (trust me, I’m an Oldest Sibling 😅)
Makes sense when you’re 7 or 10 years old…not so much if you’re over 18…
She turned 6 and stopped playing with toys because it's "childish"
I'm an " Adult" now. Puhleazze....
I have told my kids. You're not an adult until your start paying for everything on your own. I don't feel like officially became an adult until my late 20s. Me at 21 was no where near being an adult. Yes I worked and lived on my own, but I was not a responsible human being.
Then again a lot of adults are not responsible human beings 😂
Ha! I had a 34-year-old coworker pull the "I'm so much older than you" on me once, I was 32 at the time.
I'm 61, and my older sisters are 76 and 78. I love them so much and I still ask their advice because I'm still an idiot about a lot of things. Nowadays they teach me about senior discounts and how to deal with menopause. 👵💖
She could face charges. Why should she have to worry about THAT on her stressful/special day?
I honestly love how this turned out. Yes! Her sister chose to move her wedding venue, no better win.
7:18 I had a similar issue with an ex-friend of mine. It wasn't about a wedding or anything.
We lived together in an apartment, our first apartment that wasn't a dorm room for college. I was 19 and she was 21 so naturally I'd pay her to buy drinks for me or pay for part of a bottle if we split it.
This one time while we were out buying groceries and talking about what mixers we would get this time for Sunmer break, she backhanded a comment about how she is WAY more responsible than me because she is 21 and can buy drinks and that I will never understand her level or responsibility because of rhe age and her being the oldest of her siblings.
Meanwhile my mother got fired from her job and was diagnosed with UPS cancer in her left thigh, my father quit his job to be her caretaker, my older brother got back into his bad habits and quit his job for a while and my younger brother was still struggling in HS... sure I will never understand 🙃
Let's just say that shortly after her comment and my family's lack of income, I moved out and back in to financially take care of my family as best as I could. And I still paid for 2 months extra rent after moving out on top of breaching my contract and not seeing my deposits.
Oh! Andddd- when we moved in she had no job, so guess who paid for her rent and my own rent the first 3 months. Yep... I can't possibly understand.
With that last one, I feel for the kid. If I had a step mom like that I wouldn’t want to be there either.
At. ALL.
*My little sister was the “golden child” too.* She got married before me, and they spent a lot of time and money on her wedding. They also did a lot of things, like dance, talk to her new in-laws, and *enjoy themselves.*
But for mine, they yelled at me the whole time, even during the few days before. They made me late to my own wedding, so my in-laws were not happy (and they already had something against me 😕). And during the reception, my parents yelled even more, they didn’t wanna talk to anyone, and my dad yelled at me during the father-daughter dance, and stormed off in the middle of it.
I ended up going into another room and crying, and the only person who noticed that I left was my hubby. He tried making me feel better, by telling me we were gonna be leaving soon, and reminded me that it was just gonna be the two of us, not them anymore.
*I don’t know what I’d do without my hubby!* 🥰😘❤️❤️❤️
What a great guy, you don't need toxic parents with a guy like that
I’m glad that your husband actually cares about you and made sure you were okay. Kudos to him, you got a great guy w/ you. He’s def a keeper
Aww he sounds like a keeper, I’m glad as I’ve heard other stories like yours where’s the husbands not supportive nor that caring towards the wife, glad you got a good one though. Can I ask, you don’t need to answer of course but are you still in contact with your parents after your wedding? I mean I can’t believe they would treat you like his, like your their daughter. Honestly you deserve so much better.
@@LucyBex27 honestly, I’m actually still in contact with them. But, after I moved out of the state, they did a 180 and started acting totally different with me.
When I was in SoCal, I had to live with my parents because of epilepsy. I couldn’t have a job or drivers license, so I was an online student. But, my whole family took that to their advantage. They would make me do the dishes, laundry, etc. And if anything was dirty when my parents got home, _I_ was the one that got yelled at, even if it was someone else’s mess. Things like, my married sister didn’t live with us, but she worked close by. And when it was time for lunch, she’d make herself mac’n cheese. _But,_ she’d leave the trash on the counter and the leftovers on the stove. (When he would visit, my hubby was not happy with the way things were, and he said he’d take me away from there the first chance he could.)
When I moved, things started piling up at my parents house, and everyone was going off on each other, because there wasn’t any clean dishes or clothes.
So, I think something clicked in there head how much they relied on me, and they never badmouthed me again. They actually pay for the trips to see them. And when they visit us, they always offer to buy us things. They actually spoil my hubby and I now.
The whole rant in the first min with the most amount of tea served in a min is what I live for 😂😂
As someone planning a wedding, who is also getting ready to go NC with a family member, you are not only NTA, but you are an incredibly strong, lucky person. I wish you all the best!!
On the last story, op is not only the AH but can consider herself officially the “evil stepmother”
The second story reminds me so much of my parents. They both were pretty much bullied by the rest of the family - having their younger siblings prioritized over them - so I really sympathize with her. I think feeling a bit petty and jealous is a totally valid response. Sometimes morals just don't work in cases where emotional trauma is involved. Totally applauds her for choosing NC, won't do you any good to have trauma ghosts in your life.
"you can get married at any age" now im looking back on all the kindergarten, 5th and 6th grade weddings
If she's your sister she might have the same sentimental feelings because it's her grandma too.
But the fact that she got mad that OP got the venue 1st, shows she wasn't doing it for sentimental purposes
I agree. If it was a sentimental thing both would have been happy that they were both getting married at the same special place.
Right I'm hearing this story and was confused as to why they couldn't use the same venue
OP with the vile sister and parents is a BOSS! Epic move on the venue. You get marred where YOU want too. Besides, it’s the sister’s first wedding so doesn’t count 😂. Been there, done that OP. Been NC for ages and it’s so freeing and life is so much easier. I adore that your grandfather is walking you down the aisle. Congratulations and wishing you much love and laughter in your marriage. ❤
Wedding planning made me realize I needed to go NC with my narcissistic parent as well. It truly brings out the worst in some people.
For the child free wedding, I actually agree with OP. If the 20 yr old friend runs to fb to complain, she is still a child. You handle that like an adult, and people will see you as an adult.
For the venue story, I would have taken the parents' money, told them I had cancelled the venue and still get married there without them.
I would do the same, but an issue would be that the parents could take the woman to court claiming she lied to them and stole the money. Parents and siblings like that will do anything to spy on whoever they are jealous of just to find any information they could attack with.
that's not how people with a conscience work lol i feel like that's just going to create even more drama and be something hanging over your head preventing you to move on. even if i need the money i'd feel bad to lie and take it and make everything worse
@@edelleaa I do have a conscience, but I'd see the money as either reparations for emotional damage or a wedding gift.
@@LadyLilyfee they wouldn't see it like that tho and youd know they wouldn't, youd very well know it will just create drama. either way i didn't mean youd literally have no conscience at all if you do something like this, don't take it the wrong way
I just don't understand why these women choose to make their wedding days into complete chaos!?! Edit: I completely understand the sister standing her ground, she is NTA (been there too)!
My dad's sisters both had their weddings at the same venue as my parents. And my parents took it as a compliment of their good taste - as it should be.
The bride who didn't want anyone under 21 at her wedding: I understand. It doesn't matter how close they are to 21, if they drink at your party and get caught, it's your fault. When I was 21 my best friend, who was 20 and turning 21 within a week, was drinking at my 21st birthday party. She went outside to smoke because smoking was not allowed in my house, a cop saw her out there. Seen she was drunk, checked her ID. I went to jail for 2 weeks because my friend was drinking at my birthday party. So yeah. I understand the bride's reason. It's not about hypocrisy it's about staying out of trouble.
"We plan to have alcohol at our wedding, we decided to have a childfree wedding"
Clearly she has never seen a southern Italian wedding 😂
I was saying thatttt tooooo
Lol
AOOOO come va'! Qui bevviamo come spugne pero', quindi non so' se è lo stesso.
wait don't leave us hanging!! what happens??
@@--julian_ let's just say that we don't really care about that stuff (unless it's an actual child)
As a mom, I maintain the right of anyone to have a child-free anything. However, cutting off at 21 is really weird
Yes! Usually when it's a child free wedding it's kids under 18. Not just that it's just usually a couple or a +1. No kids. Not someone 1 year younger than you.
I think 21 is okay as far as drinking is going, but referring to a 21+ wedding as "child-free" is where it gets me 🤣
@@ellispades then let her promise that she won't illegally drink.
Thinking drinking in front of a 20 year old is bad influence is absolutely ridiculously.
@@tf3655 Sometimes promises can go completely ignored. It's not a bad influence to drink in front of a 20 year old, but the decision is theirs to make. Plus, if the bride doesn't want anyone under 21 in her wedding, then she has every right to deny it, even if it is stupid. 🤷♂
@@ellispades and her friends have the right to think she's an a-hole.
Ughhh, the Golden child one made me almost cry. I’m getting married in a couple of months and my family has been weird about the whole thing too. I felt that
Love the Grands in that situation. Thank goodness she has them!
Holy moly that child free wedding one literally had me in fits of laughter, what a crazy women 😂