I'd be lying if I said the whole situation didn't confuse me a little while it was happening. But as your online follower, and your real life friend, it was clear to me that you needed time. And truthfully, none of it was my business, and I never thought about it again. You honestly owe explanation about this to NO ONE. But it was big of you to do this. You've done so much self reflection! I think you did what you needed to to grow, and I'm so proud of you. I love you my actual sis.
I felt similarly (bar being a real life friend). I was confused and concerned but could see you needed time to work through things in whatever way you needed to at the time. I don't know how you felt about it but I really appreciated a lot of your introspective videos, they encouraged me to have a look at my own life and to question who I am and what I value, and how social media and other people influence my thoughts, feelings and priorities.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You’re allowed to share or keep from us whatever you want because this is YOUR channel. But thanks for being authentic and real and choosing to share. You’re amazing mama quack!
Completely agree. Your life is yours, share as much or as little as you're comfortable sharing. People will always question and haters gonna hate. You keep being you.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, Amanda. It’s important to remind yourself that it’s okay to not share everything or wait until it has passed to talk about it. 😌
I just wanted to let you know that you DO have subscribers that knew something intense was going on and we did sit quietly and let you go through life. I feel like most people forget that YOU ARE HUMAN, you are not just an influencer on UA-cam. Life comes at people with a lot of heaviness and happiness. I, personally, will always be supportive to you for self-improvement and “scrubbing” your channel clean. I am here to support you working on your humanness! I really appreciate you coming forward and speaking on things that you are sincere and truthful about. I know, as a follower of yours for a few years now, hearing you be human and come forward to step up to your mistakes is wonderful. Continue to keep learning and keep growing! I am so proud of you, Qcknd. I am SO PROUD OF YOU!
Tbh I don’t care if you share personal details like relationships with us, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with. I like your content either way :) Hang in there girl! We love you 😘
I remember thinking "Did i miss a video... or five" A LOT this past year. I thought I was a bad subscriber who just couldn't keep up because I was so confused with all the changes and back an forth. I understand why you didn't feel comfortable sharing all of those things, but I'm glad you filled the holes.
I was really confused while all of this was happening, but I knew that you were grieving and I wanted to respect that. You don’t need to apologize, we’re all going through something. Love you always
I know everyone’s saying you don’t owe us anything, and I 1000% agree, but I found this video really helpful. I’m in _such_ a similar situation with my ex right now and it’s exhausting and confusing, but I feel like this gave me some clarity. So thank you for posting it
I’d like to start this comment by saying I really appreciate you trusting your audience and sharing such vulnerable details about your life with us, it’s extremely brave of you. I can’t imagine going through even one of those emotionally rolling situations let alone all of them at the same crucial time in your life. As a long time viewer of your channel (roughly since your 666 tattoo video came up on my recommended years ago), it’s really been a privilege to watch your growth as a person and a creator as you’ve been working through a lot of those issues you had been evading all those years and i’m really happy to see that you’ve grown stronger because of all that. Just wanted to say I love your content and I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us in the future ❤️As long as you continue to create things you're passionate about your loyal viewers will continue to support you and imo those ones are the ones who really count in the end :)
all my love ❤️ I thought vlogoween was beautiful. even though it wasn’t the full story, it was you trying to make something creative out of a tragedy. please don’t apologize for “putting us through” that. I actually think you handled the situation very gracefully
I haven't finished watching the video yet, but mama quack, as long as you're happy you don't owe anyone anything. We as your subscribers aren't entitled to knowing about every piece of your life. Your content is wonderful and we love you very much, no matter what!
I 100% empathize I am like way older than you but my husband died suddenly 30 months ago we have 3 kids together...we were friends for 26 years and together 13years.....I’m 44 and trying to start over and have no idea how to. I was with him from age 29-42 I’m sorry for your loss.
I really never thought much about you and John. I remember that moving out video and I assumed you guys were on the rocks or broken up. But it really didn't matter to me much, because it is your relationship. I have no idea what kind of people you are to each other so who am I to say "don't get back together!"? Best advice coming from me, as happily married person, would be communicate and be kind to eachother (and this goes out to everyone!). All the best of luck, Amanda.
Honestly I thought the same thing. I remember not knowing but then not caring because I know neither of them personally, and I dont know their situation beside what was shown on camera. I refuse to judge youtuber or celebrity relationships for this reason, people love to judge them but like, I'd hate if someone who's never met me to told me my boyfriend is no good for me because you dont know! Just like how I don't know if john is good or bad for her because I've never met them and it's her choice!!
Thank you for addressing the tone of your channel lately because I have noticed that. I haven’t been watching a lotta your videos because of it but I understand now what all was going on and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that shit and deal with ppl’s online opinions and commentary. I’m glad to see you’re doing better. I wish you the best!
Ok now that I’ve watched the whole video let me write out a long comment... I’m so glad you decided to explain everything. I can’t always get to your live streams nor do I always have time to watch hours of content to know what’s going on despite loving you and your content for 3-4 plus years. You don’t owe us anything but honestly I was curious about stuff because as a subscriber and someone who cares about your health I was worried about all the stuff that was happening to you. Learning about all the heath stuff was surprising. It’s scary and I can’t imagine going through that with no support. Amanda you’re so strong, stronger than I even knew! Obviously you don’t always have to be strong. Whether you’re getting support from an online community or your friend/family I hope you always reach out and get help when you need it. I’m so sorry for all you went through in one year. Ryan was there when you needed him it was confusing but I’m so glad he was there for you through everything but I’m so sorry he left this world. Everyone mourns in their own way, you vlogging it was your way of coming to terms with everything. We were all scared for you during that time though and concerned but you didn’t own us an explanation. At all. I’m sorry people gave you crap because no one deserves that when they’re mourning. I’m sorry you put yourself out there and people still gave you crap and made you feel bad You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be with John(Jon? I forget how he spells it sorry I’m on a roll). Now that I know everything I’m just so glad you’re ok and healing ❤️🖤
Hey QCKND, I have been with you for a few years and don't normally comment. I relate so much to your content. I think that it's your business how you spend your off camera time. I think that you are brave to make this video and explain everything. You don't owe people an explanation for everything. Please be gentle with yourself. It's so hard to have your whole life displayed before people on the internet. I hope that you have gotten the medical stuff taken care of. I have PCOS and Endo and struggle with the constant pain from those. I wish you and John the best in this reincarnation of your relationship. It seems that you guys are going in the right direction being open with each other. I'm sorry about your friend Ryan he seemed like a cool guy. Just keep being you, girl. I will keep watching your content and be here for you.
I am always baffled by your content. I don't think I could ever be the focus of my own art/ content. I'm always astounded by your openness, authenticity and strive to keep doing it. We can't always know what the "right" thing to do is, espeically during hard times but we see you're doing your best. you'll always have support here ❤
Man, my Dad just killed himself almost a month ago. It's been so hard for me to know how to feel. I'm sad, but I don't want to be so I push it out of my head. Then I feel guilty for not being more sad. And of course, I feel like I could have done something to stop all this from happening. Going through it all has brought me and my family so close. Also, me and my boyfriend are closer than ever. I can't shake overthinking life and death. I'm terrified that everyone I love is going to be taken from me, because we all die. But I need to love, it's hard. All of this has made me want to try harder to live my life.
In my opinion, this is the best video you've made in a while. I've watched your videos for a long time, but I fell off during the beginning of your apartment series. I couldn't really tell why until this video...It was like watching myself in the mirror going through the motions and doing what was expected vs what I needed. This video feels like you're reclaiming yourself. Thank you for sharing it and giving me the courage to do the same.
I think so many people under value the power of open and honest communication in relationships, any relationship. talking about things as they come instead of letting everything pile up can really save a relationship and help you understand where the other person is coming from. it's not easy, but once you're able to push yourself to do it so many beautiful things can come of it.
You have sailor moon bangs 💖 Honestly I disliked the negative comments you got when you guys broke up and when he was in the videos. I wish I just commented back like "Hey chill! You don't have to be rude and she doesn't owe you an explanation!" Kinda the reason why I don't share my relationship online even though i have a really small following. I was confused but I felt like since I don't know what you do and feel daily, I have no place to write anything about your situation other than "I hope you feel okay". I like and appreciate this video because it's like a self reflection. We can work on self doubt together! I'm proud of your growth too Quack! 💕
this really resonates with me because i’m back with a boyfriend that i was dating for 4 years before we broke up. we broke up around the same time you and jon did so i would always watch your live streams about what you were going through and it really hit home for me. with me and him, i cut him off for 5 months straight and we didn’t speak once during that time, i still think it was the best thing to do because it gave me a lot of perspective. but i was absolutely miserable and it never got better once over those months even though i was seeing friends more and what not. but your videos about you going through the same thing really helped me even if neither of us really knew what we were doing. i ended up seeing him again in pretty much secret to everyone around me after that 5 month mark so i completely understand how you felt not wanting us to know and being afraid of judgement and everything else. thanks for opening up about all of this because sometimes i still feel guilty about how i went about things but it’s good to me to know we both felt similar in that way too. love you quack you didn’t owe us this but i really appreciate it. 💕
Hey Q, I really respect your ambition to be authentic with us but still trying to keep some things private. It makes total sense. I subscribed when you lived at John's parents' house, and I've been a dedicated subscriber since. I watched through all of the things you talked about in this video, and personally, I don't think you need to apologize for the content that was created during that time. I think clarifying things will help moving forward, and I respect you so much for doing so. Despite some things suddenly being concealed/revealed during that time, it never bothered me, maybe made me curious, but I figured your intentions were good. Watching you grieve, was kinda hard because I just wanted to hug you! But I saw the videos you created as you trying your best to keep some sense of normalcy on your channel. But seeing you grieve actually helped me a lot. It sounds weird, but around that same time was the 1 year anniversary of my brother's untimely passing. I was close with him and his death left so many things shattered, reaching that anniversary was very difficult. Seeing someone on a public platform going through a very similar thing was actually really comforting. A lot of people hide the reality of grief on public platforms. But grief isn't something you can turn on and off and sometimes it can feel really isolating because of that. I'm sure it's not easy to go back and see yourself that way but please don't regret it too much. You helped me feel less isolated during that time and I am grateful. It's been a privilege to see you grow and know things can get better. I'm excited for what is to come here on your channel. Sending you all the love
Haven’t finished this yet, but was so struck by what you said about not nitpicking the things that aren’t perfect. I’m in a relationship where I feel everything you’re talking about (spookily the exact words to come out of your mouth are thoughts that I have had) and that was very affirming for me, so thank you. I also want to say that while I understand what you mean about sharing the grief, I think that from an artistic and human connectedness standpoint of using a largely universal video medium to communicate something very human is still a valuable thing, so please don’t shy away from the hard stuff altogether if you need a place to go through it. I also cried a bit when you were talking about Ryan because it was genuinely touching. Grief is an insane human thing, but I believe that simply talking about it helps to break the weird stigma existing around the grieving process, and that is important. I have never felt once that you were being inauthentic, just that maybe at times you haven’t had the energy to spare to be 100% in it, and that is okay. It’s okay to have off periods. Anyway, sorry if this is rambly or makes no sense or is offensive, it’s 4am and I need to sleep. I just felt really compelled to say something. You’re great. Thank you for being you. 💖
I feel like I’m currently in this funk that you’re describing. Having these traumatizing life moments all so close together can REALLY shake a person. I did the opposite of you and cut ties with making content when things got hard. I often regret these big gaps in my videos because I feel a huge pressure to not lose such a great group of people. However, they will always be there when you return with open arms. I feel like I learned so much about grieving from you last year, so please don’t feel like it was all a burden.
this video made me cry because i've also been working on my 5 year relationship for a while now, and it's really scary because i constantly compare us to others, especially other couples on youtube. thinking 'THEY never yell at each other THEY never argue' and questioning whether i'm with the right person. seeing the phrase 'dump him' online over and over really does take its toll. but it's bullshit because he is my best friend and he brings me joy, and we support each other every day. we've grown so much. we both have depression and anxiety, and i have to accept that our relationship won't always be the same as a couple with no mental illness. i need to treasure what i have instead of worrying what other people might think of it from the outside. thank you for opening up. you're the best
I am a certified peer counselor working in crisis mental health. I lost my husband to a rare cancer in 2009. My 18 year marriage was not a good one, my late husband was emotionally abusive. I have been through a nightmare, including the murder/suicide of my nice and sister-in-law (she killed her daughter and then herself). I have my favorite quote tattooed on my right calf: "It takes the darkness to see the stars ". We are human, we make mistakes and fail. The only wrong thing is not to learn from those mistakes and failures. Personally I do not think there is anything wrong with reconnecting with someone you broke up with. If John is right for you, time will tell. Good for you for asking for what you need! John is not a mind reader. You are awesome lady, keep on growing, changing and learning. Also grieve in your own way for as long as you need to grieve, everyone is different. It is my opinion that because you have a UA-cam channel does not mean that you have to tell your followers everything about your personal life. Love your cats! And your home, it is beautiful.
There were times when I would watch your videos and I would notice things were changing and some things were being left unsaid, and I was okay with that. You don't owe us an explanation for anything happening with your personal life. But I am glad you're doing better, because even though I didn't know what was happening, I knew you were going through a lot. I'm happy that I've seen you grow, and I'm so happy that you're finding your voice again. Thank you for being you mama Quack. 💖
I dont know why I'm watching this now,, but I needed it. You talking about your anxieties about your relationship, self-reflection, and self-doubt hit me. These are things I have been struggling with myself, but could never articulate those feelings in a way that made sense. It made me feel alone and weird because nobody spoke about it and it made me feel alienated. I know you probably wont see this, but thanks for sharing.
I’ve watched you for years and never said anything but mama quack, we love you. You do you. I know everyone has said this but you don’t owe us anything. For those of us that really care I think we all knew you were grieving and needed time. You are so wonderful and I just wanna give you a huge hug and tell you everything is ok 💕💕💕 Honestly everything you said about Jon and relationships needing work really resonated with me. I get stuck in the trap of “this person should get me” and “ is this relationship right if it’s not 100%perfect”. So you are the best. You are so wonderful and keep doing youuu 💕💕
I see people saying you don't owe us anything and I'd like to offer a different perspective. While it's true you don't owe anyone anything a lot of people related to you and even saw you as a real life friend. You yourself had said that you liked when people commented that they felt they were just chatting with a friend. On the one hand it's cool and it feels authentic, but on the other people kind of lost a grasp of reality I think. Because you're not ~really~ our friend. We know about your day but you don't know about ours. We know how you feel and we empathize with you and like when you succeed but it's not reciprocated. It's not on you, you're one person, it's impossible to be close with 20k+ people. But yeah those people being nasty were probably feeling like their friend was sneaking around like she knew she was doing something wrong etc. Or like when a friend constantly ditches you to hang out with someone else, it sucks and people can be nasty about it. This is on the audience as well you know, we have to mentally and consciously separate and recognize that you're not actually our friend. But I do understand why this video had to be made.
I think I’ve definitely “fallen off” watching your channel like I used to. I definitely noticed the tone change, and it paired with my own traumas really turned me away. I’m finally at a better point, and it seems like you are too💕 Excited for whats to come, love you Quack
Mama Quack!!! Honestly you vlogging through grief is not as damaging as you might think. I lost my mum super young (16) and because nobody talks about grief or shows it and I didn’t know anyone that had experienced the loss of someone close I was blindsided. It took me YEARS to recover. Nobody helped me through it or showed me it was okay to grieve and i spiralled HARD. I wish I could have had access to vlogs like the ones you did way back then so I could not feel so bloody alone. You have no idea how helpful seeing someone else go through it would have been ❤️ maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 4 years to get back on track if i had had a dope ass role model like you to help me. Grief makes you do strange things please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve done AMAZINGLY well and you are loved ❤️
Literally the perfect moment for this... Thank you so much girl. My boyfriend of 7 years and love of my life just broke up with me last week. We are living together, and we are discussing things, but both of our lives are really stressful in the work field and the added stress of a relationship that need work seems too much for him. I had a lot I need to work on. He still loves me, but he is also exhausted. While he is still living here, I am doing everything I can to get in gear and make the changes he wants and I need for myself. Hopefully he stays, or we get together again in the future. Until then I am doing my best to do better.
going through something similar as the dumpee... we're gonna be ok, mamas. let's keep the focus on us almost to the extreme, but within reason if that makes any sense at all. more simply, focus on ourselves without forgetting the existence of others and their feelings buhhht try not to internalize as well sigh lol hard to do when your ex lives with you and hard for me because my ex wants to be 'best friends' while we do All this focusing that's needed All of the sudden(after 4+ years). my thoughts are now that i have to come to terms with the fact that we wont get back together which is not at all what i want (so hurtful) so that goal of us focusing on bettering ourselves is genuinely for us individually and not each other. another reason being, suppose he isnt being honest and is really just done period and suppose you're all 'fixed...' and he's/has been forging another relationship elsewhere without your knowledge. maybe this was the intention all along and so now it may not sting as much. just know that yes you're making changes n all that which is great, but you really are a catch right f'ing now as you are. i can tell just by your lil avatar and comment. ha so yea... we're going to be alright. and dont have relations because he wants to, but because you want to... and are accepting of the possibility that more than likely not a damn thing will change once over.
revisiting this video almost 6 years later, as i'm deep diving in nostalgic qcknd content that was so pivitol in my early 20s. but still wanted to say i remember this era, the brutal year of 2017, and i just remember how much watching you be vulnerable through that was actually so helpful to me. i had a terrible breakup in the end of 2016, i moved out on my own for the first time in early 2017, i had the most lonely, miserable summer of coping, and went through a dark process of rebuilding myself through the fall. and through all of that, i had you. i had you going through so many similar things, i had you feeling like hey its not just me feeling this way. not that i ever wished my bad year on anyone else, but it made me feel so much less alone. i did grievewith you, but i was already grieving for myself, and it helped. it was like a friend beside me, dealing with the same things, being vulnerable, all of that. so idk if you'll ever see this, but i felt compelled to still share in case you do. i remember watching the disintegration livestream multiple times that summer because it just felt SO REAL to me. it kept me company alone in my apartment, filled empty space while i had no one to see most days. and it felt how i felt. from 20 year old me in 2017, and 27 year old me in 2024, thank you for that
as a subscriber for years now, i did stop watching content in that period. i had no idea what you were really going through.. i don't think you owe anyone anything but i know that i loved this video. people who love you videos are glad you're okay and open with us. you always put your self out there and when i first started watching you it gave me courage to be myself. you've helped me so much, i wish i was there for you when you needed it, by maybe sending you a positive comment. this is good, i could see you're mood change at the end of this video and it seemed like a side of you i wanna see more of.
It’s really cool to see this level of introspection and self awareness from you. I have really enjoyed watching you grow in the past few years. You feel very real and relatable. Don’t feel like you need to justify your choices about your relationship to anyone, what is for you will find you and your truth is yours to know alone.
I was confused when it was going on, but I understood it was personal and that you were going through something at that time. I was fine with it NOT being my business, because it wasn't. You didn't owe anyone any explanation and you never will. as a viewer, I completely understand that I will not know aspects of your personal life and that's okay! but also as a viewer, I respect a lot that you've shared this with your audience; it's a very brave thing to do to make yourself so vulnerable. I've watched you for YEARS at this point (found you by your "666 tattoo" video!!) I've watched you grow throughout that time and I find myself happier when I see that you're happy (emotional empath hello). What I'm trying to say, is that you owed this to no one, but it's nice to see you do some self reflection and share this part of you with your audience. Love you, Quack
Been subbed to you for around a year after searching for tattoo advice videos and quickly fell in love with all the videos you do and your personality and story. Like others in the comments have said don’t be too hard on yourself. You were going through a hard time. I always enjoyed your tattoo videos and just you talking about things or showing things you do in your life. Not once did I feel like you were fake or concealing anything (it’s not us as viewers to know everything about you. Your the story teller we just sit and listen/watch what you show us) look forward to seeing what you put out next! I hope the near future/future is better for you now! Stay strong Qcknd :)
Hi Qcknd, this is an old video, and I am 90% sure I've already watched it, but this video makes me feel things and while that whole situation was confusing as a viewer- you don't need to apologize for a thing. Trauma of any kind sucks. You lost your best friend and were grieving while also going through a really complex part of your life you were trying to navigate. Self reflection is a great thing and sharing that can be really helpful and impactful on other people going through their own issues as well. I just really felt this on a personal level and I want you to know that you sharing these personal reflections can still be impactful years later. Love your content and you as a person and wish you all the happiness in the world!
I'm a hair stylist and when I heard you talk about an apprenticeship, I felt so bad. I did that for 7 months and it was absolute misery. I'm so glad you got out of your job, I got out of mine too and I love my current salon. And you don't have to ever apologize for protecting yourself and your personal life. You're totally entitled to that.
I've been long distance with my bf 7 years and I also looked for things that were 'wrong' so to speak :p he called me out for it too, telling me that just because we didn't fight didnt mean we should be! I dont feel like you had to tell us all of this, but I do appreciate it. I like getting to know the people I'm subscribed to, since they often feel a bit like a friend 🤷🏻♀️💙 hope you liked the patch I sent you
Amazing self reflection Q! I think you are living authentically, keeping everything in balance is difficult for everyone. You're doing a great job. We all make tough decisions and over time we can see which were solid and which could have used more time to germinate. Please don't stress too much over how things have played out for you and your loved ones on social media; real life happens to us all. Sometimes you need that protective bubble around yourself while you process & heal. You are allowed to have a separation between your private & public life, if and when, you choose to / need to have it. You needed a break but didn't actually take it and for that you are strong. We're here for you no matter what. For a majority of your fans we do not believe you have done us wrong. Keep doing what you do.
wow. a lot of what you said here resonated with me SO MUCH, it felt like it was me talking. i see comments on twitter from literal strangers and i instantly apply them to myself and start overanalyzing everything. this just leads to endless anxiety and it is seriously so nice to know that i'm not alone. thank you so much. it is so easy to take on others' opinions and convince yourself that they are your own. i wanted to send you a message but ironically enough i am taking a break from instagram and twitter right now. so i just wanted to let you know, if you see this, that you are not alone in that either. here's to moving forward.
29:45 is me lmao. I think Amanda has every right to keep her personal life personal. However now that I know where the other two cats came from my heart is truly at peace.
I've never commented on really any videos on youtube ever because I generally think comment sections are like cesspools, but I've watched your videos for YEARS and this video made me cry?? It really struck a chord with me and I wanted you to know that it is okay!!!! and you do have a right to your privacy even though you live your life on a stage. Thank you for taking the time and chatting with us, as your situation is super relatable and it reassured me about some insecurities I've been having. Thank you for being a friend to us all and I only hope that you feel the same way about us. I know I'm kind of just shouting into a void here, but this was fantastic and it was really inspiring to hear you talk about whats been happening in the dark.
I have been following your channel for 2-3 years or so and did feel a bit confused about what was going on in your personal life but also felt like it wasn’t my business to ask and that you shouldn’t have to explain anything if you didn’t want to - and it didn’t really matter because your were still making interesting content in the meantime anyway! This video is really brave. 💕
I have been a fan for a long time, and I kind of got it. There was a lot happening and you wanted to give something to explain why you were crumbling but I also got that you didn’t want to share the deets. I’ve been in a long-term relationship for years so I get how complicated they are, and I got so resentful of the people talking shit and shoving their opinion down everyone’s throat about John and your relationship when they have no idea what the context, feelings and actual situation is. They don’t know and shouldn’t know that shit. Why you fight for this relationship or fight for each other is valid and you don’t owe anyone that explanation. But I had to leave for a bit too. As a viewer getting confused and you struggling with private stuff I think we both needed space. I have your back, and if we met in real life I would hope we would be friends. You’re golden, man. ✌🏻❤️
you're such an extraordinary human. you didn't have to do this, but thank you for trusting us. you can always talk to us about anything, even though we've never truly met. we're friends, ok? we love you.
I broke my arm as a kid when my family was between insurance plans, it cost 18,000 USD. Even if you have an insurance plan in the U.S. it's a fight to actually get them to pay for anything.
It's clear you're so much happier now and in a place where you are able to work on yourself and your relationship. But you owe no one an apology or explanation but I'm so proud that you feel able now to be more open. So cheesey, but you do you and do whatever makes you happy ❤️
Qck, I've been following you for a couple/three years now and love your content, love that you're real and funny and honest about dealing with life. I'm catching up on your videos now after dealing with some stuff myself, and just wanted to say that I'm so so glad you're feeling better about yourself and your journey and so glad that you and John are in a good place. *hugs* You never owed anyone an explanation or view into your private life, but making this video just shows even more how strong and trustworthy and empathetic you are. Grief and coping are unique to everyone - you make the best decisions you can at the time with the information you have, and that's all you can do. I found it incredibly brave that you vlogged and shared your experience with us during everything, and would have also supported you if you'd chosen not to - your grief is yours, and how you deal with it is yours. You've always been a refreshing, grounded voice on the internet and your channel a place I've trusted for sound perspective since I found it. Keep kicking ass, you are amazing and we all love you!
Thank you for being vulnerable and honest. I can relate to a lot of that. My husband and I had a nesty breakup that was super public and known to everyone. When we got back together years later I got the worst feedback but truly following my heart was the best decision ever. :)
I admire you so much with being so raw. And that doesn’t necessarily mean sharing every aspect of your life, you are always entitled to your privacy, whatever that means for you. BUT whatever you do choose to share is clearly important for you and it’s something you communicate in such an honest and true way. So thank you. For trusting us and for trusting yourself. And we’re here for you, always.
I feels this on so many levels... I was going threw a similar situation last year and it’s tough rebounding from that. For me it was almost hard to trust anyone with my raw, un-edited self and that took a toll on not only my romantic relationship but my friendships as well. I’m happy to say that I’m way better off now and my relationship with my boyfriend is stronger than ever. But that took a long time but we’ve leaned so much from each other going threw that situation. I started to tear up when you said that you had to realize that John wasn’t only your boyfriend but also your best friend because I had to see that too in my own relationship. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it’s refreshing to know that I wasn’t alone in such a though place in my life.
My living situation was really strange last summer/autumn too, and at the time I was leaving my job to go on long-term sickness due to my mental health. My Granddad had died in May/June (i honestly can't remember- that entire time was a blur) too so I felt like this floating cloud who couldn't get a full night's-sleep or eat her meals or leave the house. I found solace seeing someone I looked up to go through this massive period of change and mourning along with me. I really looked forward to your videos during this time. You're such a wonderful human being, and I just waned to thank you for being so open and real with us all. You're one of my favourite youtubers, and I can't wait to see what the next chapter in your life will bring you. Much love and happiness to you, John and your furry children.
Your story matters. I find solace and comfort in this video. After my grandfather died when my boyfriend and I were over two and a half years into our relationship, I shut down, he wasn't supporting me emotionally and we broke up. It was a messy, dangerous breakup for both of us. We realized in our time apart that we both had a lot of flaws to work on an tried working on them apart. We began talking again in the fall of 2017 and my soccer coach committed suidice. I could see how much he changed when I called him after I was told about my coach and I couldn't speak I was sobbing so hard. He left a soccer practice and actually ran across our college campus to drive me home so I could be with family that same night. A few months later we got back together and just celebrated our first year back together in September. We are always working on ourselves and are at the point in our lives where we can call one another out on our bullshit without being scared of the other being too hurt or offended. We have such a healthy relationship now because we communicate with one another very well. A lot of our friends didn't want us to get back together and were actually upset when we got together, but they see how well we work together as a team, which is what a couple is supposed to be. Ironically my boyfriend's name is John, too. I wish you happiness and good health.
I totally understand that you need privacy, youtubers expose so much of their lives. It must be hard to feel so open to the whole internet. I felt confused about your relationship with John but also that’s real life. People have complicated relationships in real life. People break up and get back together, nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend 💕 Glad you can feel a sense of relief by explaining your situation and I’m happy you now feel comfortable enough to talk about it!
As shitty as you felt about putting those vlogs out it helped me finally grieve and face the loss of my brother. Relationships can be fucked and you don’t have to share all those nitty gritty details unless you feel like it. As a married lady I have to pull myself back sometimes cause I get so frustrated with my husband sometimes and feeling like we need to fit into this mold for people in our age group when we don’t. I found myself complaining to my family about shit we were going through and then having to back track when him and I worked through stuff. And sometimes you just don’t want to have to explain yourself. So much love for you girl. You, Jon and you’re little fur family are the dopest ppl on all of social media 👌🏼 thank you for being authentic and sharing the hard shit with us 💛
It honestly breaks my heart hearing everything you've been through and hear you apologize about them. No matter where life takes you, you've grown so much from everything that happened to you and in my eyes, you will always be a big person. Sending love from the other side of the world, watching and feeling happy for you and all of your achievements. Hold on and don't let the fact that you live such a public life get the best of you. People tend to forget you are a person and only focus on your personal narrative that you put out - try to keep that in mind. Best to you!
Love you quack! Don’t be too hard on yourself you have been through a lot and i have to judgment for any choice you’ve made. how you deal with pain and personal turmoil is never going to be judged by people who truly care for you (as long as you’re safe)! Blogging and being real when you were going through this trauma was real and personally i appreciated how you were real, whether you outright said things or not you had a job and you do it so well and we love you! Please stay safe and never forget your true values! Give yourself some grace you deserve it!
So I know everyone is saying you don't HAVE to put this kind of video out but I'd like you to know that I like to hear about this stuff because it's real and raw and I feel like I'm talking closely with my sister and that's why I watch UA-cam, besides work sometimes I feel like I don't have any real deep conversations with other people and it's healthy to talk about stuff like this, it can take a weight off. Good luck
I can't say I haven't been curious about this stuff but I hope you never feel like you have to share anything you don't want to with your fans. It's your life, your a wonderful creator and if you feel good about sharing your personal life then do it. If you don't them you'll create other great content. And if you need to take a break at some point go for it. Do what's best for you
You are a spectacularly thoughtful person! Thank you for always aspiring to be your most authentic self! Grief and growth are hard enough without the internet. I’ve been a subscriber for quite a while and it’s been a privilege. Love you Quacks!!
I just stumbled your channel this year and haven't watched every single video (that'd be a lot!). I love what you are putting up and whether you share about your personal life or not doesn't really matter to me. You do you! :) I think "personal life" is called "personal" for a reason. I totally understand the importance of keeping private things private. I've got a super small UA-cam channel and even for me it's sometimes a little tricky, especially when harsh comments are being thrown my way. I don't share a lot of private information, especially when it involves other people. I don't plan to ever do that and don't think I'd be able to handle it. I am glad that you came out on the other end and feel a little weird watching this video as you didn't need to share any of this. Do whatever you feel comfortable! :)
I cried :’) You’ve been my favorite UA-camr since I started watching your videos a while back. I relate so much to the feelings you describe. You’re one of the realist out there. I went through the whole moving out of my boyfriends place and is this the end thing last year as well. I was constantly scared that we were going to break up for good, but I knew moving out was something I needed to do. So I did. And we slowly started working on things. Now a year later and I think we’re the happiest we’ve ever been, and of course still working to be better. We’re moving back in together next year and I’m terrified, that self doubt is creeping back in like you described. But he is my best friend and I can’t just throw the whole man away. We know in our hearts what makes us happy in the present moment. All we can do is hold onto that and do our best to let it continue. I’m so glad to hear that things have turned around for you. Keep on doing your thing, finding things that help you grow and cultivate happiness. Discover more about yourself. Most of all keep being kind to yourself. Thank you for putting your heart into your work.
I really like how self reflective this video was, in the way that you really focused on the REAL issues YOU felt you were having, not JUST what people think your issues are. I remember when Ryan died and even before that in the weird period And I remember knowing that you and John were ok, so I don’t remember being confused about him coming back into your life. That being said growth is what keeps us alive. If we stop growing then what are we? In the end no one owes anyone anything but kindness to each other and our selves.
I went through the hardest part of my life so far last September-December and watching your vlogs made me feel like someone understood me and that I wasn’t alone. I remember commenting that on those videos when you posted them, how grateful I was for those vlogs. I don’t think it was wrong at all for vlogging that process, I think it was one of the realest things I had seen a UA-camr do. That was part of your grieving process and I wouldn’t be where I am without your vlogtober last year I can say that %100. Thank you Amanda qcknd.
I've lost many friends in my life and the most comforting thing I can tell you is that your friend isn't gone, their spirit stays with you forever and they are always walking by your side. You'll remember them in the small things, like a flower or a road you drove down together and eventually you'll smile about those memories. It hurts now but you'll heal
some parts of your relationship w jon and your feelings remind me of myself sooo much omg. sometimes i feel guilty/worried what other ppl will think or if they'll judge my relationship since we broke up but it really just comes down to if im happy and if its healthy. im very happy for you guys and wish u the best of luck
Qcknd- Thank you so much for sharing. It's brave to do what you want and or need while others believe otherwise. You may be a youtuber but don't owe anything- I watched your greiving videos and thought they were so moving and inspiring to get through hard times. I hope you find great happiness in your life. All the best!
Love isn't easy. But easy isn't good. I read somewhere that it's good to have arguments, as long as you argue to work out the problem together and not be one against the other. Everyone need time to get through things that we may not always want to admit to. As long as we actually work through it and not just let it stew. You went through this and still are and that is fine. Nothing is wrong with that at all. Thank you for the fantastic content! I still love watching your videos
We as viewers are NOT entitled to know everything about your life. You don't have to feel bad about hiding things from us. It's YOUR life, not ours. Being a UA-camr doesn't mean you have to tell us everything if you don't want to, hun. I'm glad that you're at a point where you're finally working through everything though. I wish you all the best going forward.
Hey Quack. I remember last year when you came out with your vlogtober series so well. I was going through a family issue as well and I just remember that I had to unfollow you on everything because it was just so triggering to me and my mental state. This comment is not to make you feel bad but to let you know that I came back again last year around christmas. Once I got through my shit and I was starting to work on myself and I saw you doing the same thing. Even though you never said it flat out that you are struggling but I felt like I understood you so well in those few months and I could relate. It helped me so much to watch you on youtube and just listen to you speak about things you love so much. While you say it may have been a front like you said, but you were coping and that is all we can ask for. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you and I know I don't know you personally but I feel like we are the same. You helped me so much this past year on working on myself. I have a long way to go and honestly, I am having such a hard time but there is some kind of light that you are a part of. So, thank you so much for just being online and showing us your life. Thank you.
Hey Qcknd, I just want to say that you never owe us this. Although you're on a public platform, you shouldn't feel obligated to share every bit of your life with us and that's okay. I think most of your subscribers understand that is was a tumultuous time for you. But I am glad that you've come so far, to a point where you could share your pain and your grief with this community. A lot of what you shared in this video it's home for me right now. And listening to how you approached your difficulties in your relationship and your mindset is helping me reconsider how I approach mine. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
I’ve always loved you and your videos but I did stop watching around the time you mentioned - not because you were sad, but because I was super confused about what was happening in your life and I thought there was something I was missing at the time. While i absolutely don’t think you owe us anything in regards to your personal life and relationships, you’ve always been so honest and open - like a best friend, so it was hard to have that change but 100% necessary to preserve your mental health. I’m so so glad you’ve come out the other side of what you were going through and am excited to see where you’ll be taking us next. Also, so happy to hear about Jon - I’ve loved all the videos you’ve done together when you’re just chatting. Xxx
I can honestly say I understood and kinda of could tell what was going on at the time. I was never confused but I can't say I wasn't concerned for you. cuz I felt for you. I have been with my partner for over 9 years and that's no easy feat. lots of fights, lots of talks, lots of compromise and forgiveness on both sides and its always gonna be that way. a relationship is only over if one person decides it's not worth working on anymore. no relationship goes without a hitch, no friend or family relationship either. Some ppl believe that at the first sign of an issue you should bounce, but ppl go through things, and stages in their lives. sometimes you can want to be with someone and need to take distance, for us at times it was just distance (seeing each other less and working on ourselves more) but sometimes ppl need a break, to break up and reevaluate who they are, what they want etc. distance lets you know sometimes. Every relationship I had before this one ended after the first fight, and that to me shows a clear difference. when your a kid, and not in love (despite u maybe thinking you were) it doesn't matter, it's not worth fighting for, its not worth understanding someone else's issues, making compromises and working together. but when your older and find someone you love, someone who you see yourself spending the rest of your life with. you will go through those ups and downs with them. you can't possibly be with someone for multiple years and years like that and not grow and change as ppl and not go through life shit, like friends and parents pacing (we lost a friend at the very start of our relationship and my partners mother 2 years ago) and so much more. and sometimes its really hard to grow up right beside another person. but that's what happens, and I think that's what happens no matter how old you get or how long you're together. Anyway, love you Quack love your spirt and your content. keep being your authentic self and we will all be here checking our notifications xxxxx
i really understand the grief you’ve been dealing with, and i really respect you for making this video and baring your soul. even though i agree with other comments saying you don’t owe your viewers anything, i can tell you want to open up and that it helps you process such a difficult time. i’m dealing with intense grief at the moment myself, my dad passed away a few months ago (i’m 18 for context). i feel lucky that i don’t have any public audience to my life, i know i wouldn’t be able to handle it. i hide my struggles and grief from most people in my life, and a lot of people i used to spend time with don’t even know. in a lot of ways i don’t feel authentic, but i am going through the hardest time in my life and i know i have to do the best i can to survive this and for me, that doesn’t involve bringing other people into my more personal life and issues. i’ve always loved your channel, i’ve been a subscriber for a long time and i’m so proud of you for all you’ve achieved, especially while living with such difficulties. love ya amanda, keep being your beautiful self, and thank you for letting us be a part of it all!
I relate to your story with my job/career search that is making me depressed. I don't feel like the same person anymore and it makes me sad. My boyfriend sees the changes and sometimes he thinks it's his fault. We have talked about it & it's pretty obvious it's the limbo and struggle of my work. I wanted to say I just found your channel through your winter bedding tutorial & i'm a fan now! Stay positive- I know things will get better :)
Like anyone else, I was curious as to what was going on, but also felt like what you were telling us along the way was personal enough that I felt like "ok, she's sharing what she's okay sharing, what's healthy for her". I'm just happy you're better now, and that's all I ever want for you. I've just always related to you personally so much, how you act about things, also being a sensitive person.
I'd be lying if I said the whole situation didn't confuse me a little while it was happening. But as your online follower, and your real life friend, it was clear to me that you needed time. And truthfully, none of it was my business, and I never thought about it again. You honestly owe explanation about this to NO ONE. But it was big of you to do this. You've done so much self reflection! I think you did what you needed to to grow, and I'm so proud of you. I love you my actual sis.
Hey, Morgan! Great to see you here. And you took the words right out of my mouth. Well said! 💖
I felt similarly (bar being a real life friend). I was confused and concerned but could see you needed time to work through things in whatever way you needed to at the time. I don't know how you felt about it but I really appreciated a lot of your introspective videos, they encouraged me to have a look at my own life and to question who I am and what I value, and how social media and other people influence my thoughts, feelings and priorities.
Yo, what she said
wow we love legends supporting legends
Totally agree with Morgan 100%
You don’t owe anyone anything. You’re allowed to share or keep from us whatever you want because this is YOUR channel. But thanks for being authentic and real and choosing to share. You’re amazing mama quack!
+
Omg is I famous?
Completely agree. Your life is yours, share as much or as little as you're comfortable sharing. People will always question and haters gonna hate. You keep being you.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, Amanda. It’s important to remind yourself that it’s okay to not share everything or wait until it has passed to talk about it. 😌
I just wanted to let you know that you DO have subscribers that knew something intense was going on and we did sit quietly and let you go through life. I feel like most people forget that YOU ARE HUMAN, you are not just an influencer on UA-cam. Life comes at people with a lot of heaviness and happiness. I, personally, will always be supportive to you for self-improvement and “scrubbing” your channel clean. I am here to support you working on your humanness! I really appreciate you coming forward and speaking on things that you are sincere and truthful about. I know, as a follower of yours for a few years now, hearing you be human and come forward to step up to your mistakes is wonderful. Continue to keep learning and keep growing! I am so proud of you, Qcknd. I am SO PROUD OF YOU!
This this this this this 💕
I don't think you owe us this. The explaination is nice, but you haven't done anything wrong by keeping your life private.
Agreed. 💯
Do not judge yourself for vlogging last October. Please. That was part of the way you coped. I wasn't judging you.
yes.
100% yes
Tbh I don’t care if you share personal details like relationships with us, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with. I like your content either way :) Hang in there girl! We love you 😘
I remember thinking "Did i miss a video... or five" A LOT this past year. I thought I was a bad subscriber who just couldn't keep up because I was so confused with all the changes and back an forth. I understand why you didn't feel comfortable sharing all of those things, but I'm glad you filled the holes.
Jamie Uno same here
I was really confused while all of this was happening, but I knew that you were grieving and I wanted to respect that. You don’t need to apologize, we’re all going through something. Love you always
I know everyone’s saying you don’t owe us anything, and I 1000% agree, but I found this video really helpful. I’m in _such_ a similar situation with my ex right now and it’s exhausting and confusing, but I feel like this gave me some clarity. So thank you for posting it
I’d like to start this comment by saying I really appreciate you trusting your audience and sharing such vulnerable details about your life with us, it’s extremely brave of you. I can’t imagine going through even one of those emotionally rolling situations let alone all of them at the same crucial time in your life. As a long time viewer of your channel (roughly since your 666 tattoo video came up on my recommended years ago), it’s really been a privilege to watch your growth as a person and a creator as you’ve been working through a lot of those issues you had been evading all those years and i’m really happy to see that you’ve grown stronger because of all that.
Just wanted to say I love your content and I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us in the future ❤️As long as you continue to create things you're passionate about your loyal viewers will continue to support you and imo those ones are the ones who really count in the end :)
all my love ❤️ I thought vlogoween was beautiful. even though it wasn’t the full story, it was you trying to make something creative out of a tragedy. please don’t apologize for “putting us through” that. I actually think you handled the situation very gracefully
I haven't finished watching the video yet, but mama quack, as long as you're happy you don't owe anyone anything. We as your subscribers aren't entitled to knowing about every piece of your life. Your content is wonderful and we love you very much, no matter what!
You dont have to share all apsects of your personal life. Anyone who demands that is immature. You are a person with a real life!
I 100% empathize I am like way older than you but my husband died suddenly 30 months ago we have 3 kids together...we were friends for 26 years and together 13years.....I’m 44 and trying to start over and have no idea how to. I was with him from age 29-42 I’m sorry for your loss.
Sending love and hugs if you are the huggy sort x
Nikki Dreads I'm so very sorry. Love to you and your children. ♥️
I'm so sorry. You are so strong. ❤
Nikki Dreads I’m so sorry ❤️
I really never thought much about you and John. I remember that moving out video and I assumed you guys were on the rocks or broken up. But it really didn't matter to me much, because it is your relationship. I have no idea what kind of people you are to each other so who am I to say "don't get back together!"? Best advice coming from me, as happily married person, would be communicate and be kind to eachother (and this goes out to everyone!). All the best of luck, Amanda.
People being nosy and gossip are such an alien concept to me as well
Honestly I thought the same thing. I remember not knowing but then not caring because I know neither of them personally, and I dont know their situation beside what was shown on camera. I refuse to judge youtuber or celebrity relationships for this reason, people love to judge them but like, I'd hate if someone who's never met me to told me my boyfriend is no good for me because you dont know! Just like how I don't know if john is good or bad for her because I've never met them and it's her choice!!
Thank you for addressing the tone of your channel lately because I have noticed that. I haven’t been watching a lotta your videos because of it but I understand now what all was going on and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that shit and deal with ppl’s online opinions and commentary. I’m glad to see you’re doing better. I wish you the best!
Ok now that I’ve watched the whole video let me write out a long comment...
I’m so glad you decided to explain everything. I can’t always get to your live streams nor do I always have time to watch hours of content to know what’s going on despite loving you and your content for 3-4 plus years. You don’t owe us anything but honestly I was curious about stuff because as a subscriber and someone who cares about your health I was worried about all the stuff that was happening to you. Learning about all the heath stuff was surprising. It’s scary and I can’t imagine going through that with no support. Amanda you’re so strong, stronger than I even knew! Obviously you don’t always have to be strong. Whether you’re getting support from an online community or your friend/family I hope you always reach out and get help when you need it. I’m so sorry for all you went through in one year. Ryan was there when you needed him it was confusing but I’m so glad he was there for you through everything but I’m so sorry he left this world. Everyone mourns in their own way, you vlogging it was your way of coming to terms with everything. We were all scared for you during that time though and concerned but you didn’t own us an explanation. At all. I’m sorry people gave you crap because no one deserves that when they’re mourning. I’m sorry you put yourself out there and people still gave you crap and made you feel bad You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be with John(Jon? I forget how he spells it sorry I’m on a roll). Now that I know everything I’m just so glad you’re ok and healing ❤️🖤
Hey QCKND, I have been with you for a few years and don't normally comment. I relate so much to your content. I think that it's your business how you spend your off camera time. I think that you are brave to make this video and explain everything. You don't owe people an explanation for everything. Please be gentle with yourself. It's so hard to have your whole life displayed before people on the internet. I hope that you have gotten the medical stuff taken care of. I have PCOS and Endo and struggle with the constant pain from those. I wish you and John the best in this reincarnation of your relationship. It seems that you guys are going in the right direction being open with each other. I'm sorry about your friend Ryan he seemed like a cool guy. Just keep being you, girl. I will keep watching your content and be here for you.
I am always baffled by your content. I don't think I could ever be the focus of my own art/ content. I'm always astounded by your openness, authenticity and strive to keep doing it. We can't always know what the "right" thing to do is, espeically during hard times but we see you're doing your best. you'll always have support here ❤
DirtySoy yesyesyes!
Literally anything YOU DECIDE to put out is a joy to me :) Thank you for sharing your life and creativity with us!
Man, my Dad just killed himself almost a month ago. It's been so hard for me to know how to feel. I'm sad, but I don't want to be so I push it out of my head. Then I feel guilty for not being more sad. And of course, I feel like I could have done something to stop all this from happening. Going through it all has brought me and my family so close. Also, me and my boyfriend are closer than ever. I can't shake overthinking life and death. I'm terrified that everyone I love is going to be taken from me, because we all die. But I need to love, it's hard. All of this has made me want to try harder to live my life.
In my opinion, this is the best video you've made in a while. I've watched your videos for a long time, but I fell off during the beginning of your apartment series. I couldn't really tell why until this video...It was like watching myself in the mirror going through the motions and doing what was expected vs what I needed. This video feels like you're reclaiming yourself. Thank you for sharing it and giving me the courage to do the same.
I think so many people under value the power of open and honest communication in relationships, any relationship. talking about things as they come instead of letting everything pile up can really save a relationship and help you understand where the other person is coming from. it's not easy, but once you're able to push yourself to do it so many beautiful things can come of it.
Just live your life girl. As long as youre happy ✨
You have sailor moon bangs 💖
Honestly I disliked the negative comments you got when you guys broke up and when he was in the videos. I wish I just commented back like "Hey chill! You don't have to be rude and she doesn't owe you an explanation!" Kinda the reason why I don't share my relationship online even though i have a really small following. I was confused but I felt like since I don't know what you do and feel daily, I have no place to write anything about your situation other than "I hope you feel okay". I like and appreciate this video because it's like a self reflection.
We can work on self doubt together!
I'm proud of your growth too Quack! 💕
this really resonates with me because i’m back with a boyfriend that i was dating for 4 years before we broke up. we broke up around the same time you and jon did so i would always watch your live streams about what you were going through and it really hit home for me. with me and him, i cut him off for 5 months straight and we didn’t speak once during that time, i still think it was the best thing to do because it gave me a lot of perspective. but i was absolutely miserable and it never got better once over those months even though i was seeing friends more and what not. but your videos about you going through the same thing really helped me even if neither of us really knew what we were doing. i ended up seeing him again in pretty much secret to everyone around me after that 5 month mark so i completely understand how you felt not wanting us to know and being afraid of judgement and everything else. thanks for opening up about all of this because sometimes i still feel guilty about how i went about things but it’s good to me to know we both felt similar in that way too. love you quack you didn’t owe us this but i really appreciate it. 💕
Hey Q,
I really respect your ambition to be authentic with us but still trying to keep some things private. It makes total sense. I subscribed when you lived at John's parents' house, and I've been a dedicated subscriber since. I watched through all of the things you talked about in this video, and personally, I don't think you need to apologize for the content that was created during that time. I think clarifying things will help moving forward, and I respect you so much for doing so. Despite some things suddenly being concealed/revealed during that time, it never bothered me, maybe made me curious, but I figured your intentions were good. Watching you grieve, was kinda hard because I just wanted to hug you! But I saw the videos you created as you trying your best to keep some sense of normalcy on your channel. But seeing you grieve actually helped me a lot. It sounds weird, but around that same time was the 1 year anniversary of my brother's untimely passing. I was close with him and his death left so many things shattered, reaching that anniversary was very difficult. Seeing someone on a public platform going through a very similar thing was actually really comforting. A lot of people hide the reality of grief on public platforms. But grief isn't something you can turn on and off and sometimes it can feel really isolating because of that. I'm sure it's not easy to go back and see yourself that way but please don't regret it too much. You helped me feel less isolated during that time and I am grateful. It's been a privilege to see you grow and know things can get better. I'm excited for what is to come here on your channel.
Sending you all the love
Haven’t finished this yet, but was so struck by what you said about not nitpicking the things that aren’t perfect. I’m in a relationship where I feel everything you’re talking about (spookily the exact words to come out of your mouth are thoughts that I have had) and that was very affirming for me, so thank you. I also want to say that while I understand what you mean about sharing the grief, I think that from an artistic and human connectedness standpoint of using a largely universal video medium to communicate something very human is still a valuable thing, so please don’t shy away from the hard stuff altogether if you need a place to go through it. I also cried a bit when you were talking about Ryan because it was genuinely touching. Grief is an insane human thing, but I believe that simply talking about it helps to break the weird stigma existing around the grieving process, and that is important. I have never felt once that you were being inauthentic, just that maybe at times you haven’t had the energy to spare to be 100% in it, and that is okay. It’s okay to have off periods. Anyway, sorry if this is rambly or makes no sense or is offensive, it’s 4am and I need to sleep. I just felt really compelled to say something. You’re great. Thank you for being you. 💖
I feel like I’m currently in this funk that you’re describing. Having these traumatizing life moments all so close together can REALLY shake a person. I did the opposite of you and cut ties with making content when things got hard. I often regret these big gaps in my videos because I feel a huge pressure to not lose such a great group of people. However, they will always be there when you return with open arms. I feel like I learned so much about grieving from you last year, so please don’t feel like it was all a burden.
this video made me cry because i've also been working on my 5 year relationship for a while now, and it's really scary because i constantly compare us to others, especially other couples on youtube. thinking 'THEY never yell at each other THEY never argue' and questioning whether i'm with the right person. seeing the phrase 'dump him' online over and over really does take its toll. but it's bullshit because he is my best friend and he brings me joy, and we support each other every day. we've grown so much. we both have depression and anxiety, and i have to accept that our relationship won't always be the same as a couple with no mental illness. i need to treasure what i have instead of worrying what other people might think of it from the outside. thank you for opening up. you're the best
Keep in mind you never see the bad stuff because they edit it to make things look good! You never know what goes on
I am a certified peer counselor working in crisis mental health. I lost my husband to a rare cancer in 2009. My 18 year marriage was not a good one, my late husband was emotionally abusive. I have been through a nightmare, including the murder/suicide of my nice and sister-in-law (she killed her daughter and then herself). I have my favorite quote tattooed on my right calf: "It takes the darkness to see the stars ". We are human, we make mistakes and fail. The only wrong thing is not to learn from those mistakes and failures. Personally I do not think there is anything wrong with reconnecting with someone you broke up with. If John is right for you, time will tell. Good for you for asking for what you need! John is not a mind reader. You are awesome lady, keep on growing, changing and learning. Also grieve in your own way for as long as you need to grieve, everyone is different. It is my opinion that because you have a UA-cam channel does not mean that you have to tell your followers everything about your personal life. Love your cats! And your home, it is beautiful.
There were times when I would watch your videos and I would notice things were changing and some things were being left unsaid, and I was okay with that. You don't owe us an explanation for anything happening with your personal life. But I am glad you're doing better, because even though I didn't know what was happening, I knew you were going through a lot. I'm happy that I've seen you grow, and I'm so happy that you're finding your voice again. Thank you for being you mama Quack. 💖
I dont know why I'm watching this now,, but I needed it. You talking about your anxieties about your relationship, self-reflection, and self-doubt hit me. These are things I have been struggling with myself, but could never articulate those feelings in a way that made sense. It made me feel alone and weird because nobody spoke about it and it made me feel alienated. I know you probably wont see this, but thanks for sharing.
my grandma always says "you fix what's broken if you can, you don't just throw it away"
I’ve watched you for years and never said anything but mama quack, we love you. You do you. I know everyone has said this but you don’t owe us anything. For those of us that really care I think we all knew you were grieving and needed time. You are so wonderful and I just wanna give you a huge hug and tell you everything is ok 💕💕💕 Honestly everything you said about Jon and relationships needing work really resonated with me. I get stuck in the trap of “this person should get me” and “ is this relationship right if it’s not 100%perfect”. So you are the best. You are so wonderful and keep doing youuu 💕💕
I see people saying you don't owe us anything and I'd like to offer a different perspective. While it's true you don't owe anyone anything a lot of people related to you and even saw you as a real life friend. You yourself had said that you liked when people commented that they felt they were just chatting with a friend. On the one hand it's cool and it feels authentic, but on the other people kind of lost a grasp of reality I think. Because you're not ~really~ our friend. We know about your day but you don't know about ours. We know how you feel and we empathize with you and like when you succeed but it's not reciprocated. It's not on you, you're one person, it's impossible to be close with 20k+ people. But yeah those people being nasty were probably feeling like their friend was sneaking around like she knew she was doing something wrong etc. Or like when a friend constantly ditches you to hang out with someone else, it sucks and people can be nasty about it. This is on the audience as well you know, we have to mentally and consciously separate and recognize that you're not actually our friend. But I do understand why this video had to be made.
I think I’ve definitely “fallen off” watching your channel like I used to. I definitely noticed the tone change, and it paired with my own traumas really turned me away. I’m finally at a better point, and it seems like you are too💕 Excited for whats to come, love you Quack
Mama Quack!!! Honestly you vlogging through grief is not as damaging as you might think. I lost my mum super young (16) and because nobody talks about grief or shows it and I didn’t know anyone that had experienced the loss of someone close I was blindsided. It took me YEARS to recover. Nobody helped me through it or showed me it was okay to grieve and i spiralled HARD. I wish I could have had access to vlogs like the ones you did way back then so I could not feel so bloody alone. You have no idea how helpful seeing someone else go through it would have been ❤️ maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 4 years to get back on track if i had had a dope ass role model like you to help me.
Grief makes you do strange things please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve done AMAZINGLY well and you are loved ❤️
Watching this 2 years later and it makes me so happy to see you n jon still together, kicking ass and being so wholesome as a couple ♡
Literally the perfect moment for this... Thank you so much girl.
My boyfriend of 7 years and love of my life just broke up with me last week. We are living together, and we are discussing things, but both of our lives are really stressful in the work field and the added stress of a relationship that need work seems too much for him. I had a lot I need to work on. He still loves me, but he is also exhausted. While he is still living here, I am doing everything I can to get in gear and make the changes he wants and I need for myself. Hopefully he stays, or we get together again in the future. Until then I am doing my best to do better.
DustyWings I feel you girl
Wish you the best of lucks!
I feel you, I just ended a five year relationship a week ago.
going through something similar as the dumpee... we're gonna be ok, mamas. let's keep the focus on us almost to the extreme, but within reason if that makes any sense at all. more simply, focus on ourselves without forgetting the existence of others and their feelings buhhht try not to internalize as well sigh lol hard to do when your ex lives with you and hard for me because my ex wants to be 'best friends' while we do All this focusing that's needed All of the sudden(after 4+ years). my thoughts are now that i have to come to terms with the fact that we wont get back together which is not at all what i want (so hurtful) so that goal of us focusing on bettering ourselves is genuinely for us individually and not each other. another reason being, suppose he isnt being honest and is really just done period and suppose you're all 'fixed...' and he's/has been forging another relationship elsewhere without your knowledge. maybe this was the intention all along and so now it may not sting as much. just know that yes you're making changes n all that which is great, but you really are a catch right f'ing now as you are. i can tell just by your lil avatar and comment. ha so yea... we're going to be alright. and dont have relations because he wants to, but because you want to... and are accepting of the possibility that more than likely not a damn thing will change once over.
revisiting this video almost 6 years later, as i'm deep diving in nostalgic qcknd content that was so pivitol in my early 20s. but still wanted to say i remember this era, the brutal year of 2017, and i just remember how much watching you be vulnerable through that was actually so helpful to me. i had a terrible breakup in the end of 2016, i moved out on my own for the first time in early 2017, i had the most lonely, miserable summer of coping, and went through a dark process of rebuilding myself through the fall. and through all of that, i had you. i had you going through so many similar things, i had you feeling like hey its not just me feeling this way. not that i ever wished my bad year on anyone else, but it made me feel so much less alone. i did grievewith you, but i was already grieving for myself, and it helped. it was like a friend beside me, dealing with the same things, being vulnerable, all of that. so idk if you'll ever see this, but i felt compelled to still share in case you do. i remember watching the disintegration livestream multiple times that summer because it just felt SO REAL to me. it kept me company alone in my apartment, filled empty space while i had no one to see most days. and it felt how i felt. from 20 year old me in 2017, and 27 year old me in 2024, thank you for that
You vlogging your grieving process last October has helped me tremendously (in ways I won't get into publicly). But really, thank you.
as a subscriber for years now, i did stop watching content in that period. i had no idea what you were really going through.. i don't think you owe anyone anything but i know that i loved this video. people who love you videos are glad you're okay and open with us. you always put your self out there and when i first started watching you it gave me courage to be myself. you've helped me so much, i wish i was there for you when you needed it, by maybe sending you a positive comment. this is good, i could see you're mood change at the end of this video and it seemed like a side of you i wanna see more of.
It’s really cool to see this level of introspection and self awareness from you. I have really enjoyed watching you grow in the past few years. You feel very real and relatable. Don’t feel like you need to justify your choices about your relationship to anyone, what is for you will find you and your truth is yours to know alone.
I was confused when it was going on, but I understood it was personal and that you were going through something at that time. I was fine with it NOT being my business, because it wasn't. You didn't owe anyone any explanation and you never will. as a viewer, I completely understand that I will not know aspects of your personal life and that's okay! but also as a viewer, I respect a lot that you've shared this with your audience; it's a very brave thing to do to make yourself so vulnerable. I've watched you for YEARS at this point (found you by your "666 tattoo" video!!) I've watched you grow throughout that time and I find myself happier when I see that you're happy (emotional empath hello). What I'm trying to say, is that you owed this to no one, but it's nice to see you do some self reflection and share this part of you with your audience. Love you, Quack
so much love for u bb
Your happiness is the top priority ❤️ Hope you’re okay now we love you quack xx
Been subbed to you for around a year after searching for tattoo advice videos and quickly fell in love with all the videos you do and your personality and story. Like others in the comments have said don’t be too hard on yourself. You were going through a hard time. I always enjoyed your tattoo videos and just you talking about things or showing things you do in your life. Not once did I feel like you were fake or concealing anything (it’s not us as viewers to know everything about you. Your the story teller we just sit and listen/watch what you show us) look forward to seeing what you put out next! I hope the near future/future is better for you now! Stay strong Qcknd :)
Quack we love you!!
Only if we all got an instruction manual with life. We are all just doing our best.
Hi Qcknd, this is an old video, and I am 90% sure I've already watched it, but this video makes me feel things and while that whole situation was confusing as a viewer- you don't need to apologize for a thing.
Trauma of any kind sucks. You lost your best friend and were grieving while also going through a really complex part of your life you were trying to navigate. Self reflection is a great thing and sharing that can be really helpful and impactful on other people going through their own issues as well. I just really felt this on a personal level and I want you to know that you sharing these personal reflections can still be impactful years later. Love your content and you as a person and wish you all the happiness in the world!
I'm a hair stylist and when I heard you talk about an apprenticeship, I felt so bad. I did that for 7 months and it was absolute misery. I'm so glad you got out of your job, I got out of mine too and I love my current salon. And you don't have to ever apologize for protecting yourself and your personal life. You're totally entitled to that.
I love how raw and real this is.
I've been long distance with my bf 7 years and I also looked for things that were 'wrong' so to speak :p he called me out for it too, telling me that just because we didn't fight didnt mean we should be! I dont feel like you had to tell us all of this, but I do appreciate it. I like getting to know the people I'm subscribed to, since they often feel a bit like a friend 🤷🏻♀️💙 hope you liked the patch I sent you
Amazing self reflection Q! I think you are living authentically, keeping everything in balance is difficult for everyone. You're doing a great job. We all make tough decisions and over time we can see which were solid and which could have used more time to germinate. Please don't stress too much over how things have played out for you and your loved ones on social media; real life happens to us all. Sometimes you need that protective bubble around yourself while you process & heal. You are allowed to have a separation between your private & public life, if and when, you choose to / need to have it. You needed a break but didn't actually take it and for that you are strong. We're here for you no matter what. For a majority of your fans we do not believe you have done us wrong. Keep doing what you do.
wow. a lot of what you said here resonated with me SO MUCH, it felt like it was me talking. i see comments on twitter from literal strangers and i instantly apply them to myself and start overanalyzing everything. this just leads to endless anxiety and it is seriously so nice to know that i'm not alone. thank you so much. it is so easy to take on others' opinions and convince yourself that they are your own. i wanted to send you a message but ironically enough i am taking a break from instagram and twitter right now. so i just wanted to let you know, if you see this, that you are not alone in that either. here's to moving forward.
29:45 is me lmao. I think Amanda has every right to keep her personal life personal. However now that I know where the other two cats came from my heart is truly at peace.
I missed you Quack. I'm glad you're back in your own skin.
I've never commented on really any videos on youtube ever because I generally think comment sections are like cesspools, but I've watched your videos for YEARS and this video made me cry?? It really struck a chord with me and I wanted you to know that it is okay!!!! and you do have a right to your privacy even though you live your life on a stage. Thank you for taking the time and chatting with us, as your situation is super relatable and it reassured me about some insecurities I've been having. Thank you for being a friend to us all and I only hope that you feel the same way about us. I know I'm kind of just shouting into a void here, but this was fantastic and it was really inspiring to hear you talk about whats been happening in the dark.
I have been following your channel for 2-3 years or so and did feel a bit confused about what was going on in your personal life but also felt like it wasn’t my business to ask and that you shouldn’t have to explain anything if you didn’t want to - and it didn’t really matter because your were still making interesting content in the meantime anyway! This video is really brave. 💕
I have been a fan for a long time, and I kind of got it. There was a lot happening and you wanted to give something to explain why you were crumbling but I also got that you didn’t want to share the deets. I’ve been in a long-term relationship for years so I get how complicated they are, and I got so resentful of the people talking shit and shoving their opinion down everyone’s throat about John and your relationship when they have no idea what the context, feelings and actual situation is. They don’t know and shouldn’t know that shit. Why you fight for this relationship or fight for each other is valid and you don’t owe anyone that explanation. But I had to leave for a bit too. As a viewer getting confused and you struggling with private stuff I think we both needed space. I have your back, and if we met in real life I would hope we would be friends. You’re golden, man. ✌🏻❤️
I LIVE for your mysterious nature! I kinda don't wanna watch (but i will) to maintain the magic eheh 🔮
I'm only half way thru and I feel i understood what you went thru last year without this video. Sending you love and halloween blessings 🎃
you're such an extraordinary human. you didn't have to do this, but thank you for trusting us. you can always talk to us about anything, even though we've never truly met. we're friends, ok? we love you.
We love you Q!
No obligation but much appreciation
I cant comprehend the fact that people dont have health insurance.. I'm from Europe and thats so far from my reality that its crazy
From Europe too and feel the same, like damn, that must be so stressfull
God bless the NHS
*cries in un-insured*
I broke my arm as a kid when my family was between insurance plans, it cost 18,000 USD. Even if you have an insurance plan in the U.S. it's a fight to actually get them to pay for anything.
It's clear you're so much happier now and in a place where you are able to work on yourself and your relationship. But you owe no one an apology or explanation but I'm so proud that you feel able now to be more open.
So cheesey, but you do you and do whatever makes you happy ❤️
Qck, I've been following you for a couple/three years now and love your content, love that you're real and funny and honest about dealing with life. I'm catching up on your videos now after dealing with some stuff myself, and just wanted to say that I'm so so glad you're feeling better about yourself and your journey and so glad that you and John are in a good place. *hugs* You never owed anyone an explanation or view into your private life, but making this video just shows even more how strong and trustworthy and empathetic you are. Grief and coping are unique to everyone - you make the best decisions you can at the time with the information you have, and that's all you can do. I found it incredibly brave that you vlogged and shared your experience with us during everything, and would have also supported you if you'd chosen not to - your grief is yours, and how you deal with it is yours. You've always been a refreshing, grounded voice on the internet and your channel a place I've trusted for sound perspective since I found it. Keep kicking ass, you are amazing and we all love you!
Thank you for being vulnerable and honest. I can relate to a lot of that. My husband and I had a nesty breakup that was super public and known to everyone. When we got back together years later I got the worst feedback but truly following my heart was the best decision ever. :)
I admire you so much with being so raw. And that doesn’t necessarily mean sharing every aspect of your life, you are always entitled to your privacy, whatever that means for you. BUT whatever you do choose to share is clearly important for you and it’s something you communicate in such an honest and true way. So thank you. For trusting us and for trusting yourself. And we’re here for you, always.
I feels this on so many levels... I was going threw a similar situation last year and it’s tough rebounding from that. For me it was almost hard to trust anyone with my raw, un-edited self and that took a toll on not only my romantic relationship but my friendships as well. I’m happy to say that I’m way better off now and my relationship with my boyfriend is stronger than ever. But that took a long time but we’ve leaned so much from each other going threw that situation. I started to tear up when you said that you had to realize that John wasn’t only your boyfriend but also your best friend because I had to see that too in my own relationship. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it’s refreshing to know that I wasn’t alone in such a though place in my life.
My living situation was really strange last summer/autumn too, and at the time I was leaving my job to go on long-term sickness due to my mental health. My Granddad had died in May/June (i honestly can't remember- that entire time was a blur) too so I felt like this floating cloud who couldn't get a full night's-sleep or eat her meals or leave the house. I found solace seeing someone I looked up to go through this massive period of change and mourning along with me. I really looked forward to your videos during this time. You're such a wonderful human being, and I just waned to thank you for being so open and real with us all. You're one of my favourite youtubers, and I can't wait to see what the next chapter in your life will bring you. Much love and happiness to you, John and your furry children.
I’ve honestly been waiting for this video but you did not owe us this video but thank you for explaining
Your story matters. I find solace and comfort in this video. After my grandfather died when my boyfriend and I were over two and a half years into our relationship, I shut down, he wasn't supporting me emotionally and we broke up. It was a messy, dangerous breakup for both of us. We realized in our time apart that we both had a lot of flaws to work on an tried working on them apart. We began talking again in the fall of 2017 and my soccer coach committed suidice. I could see how much he changed when I called him after I was told about my coach and I couldn't speak I was sobbing so hard. He left a soccer practice and actually ran across our college campus to drive me home so I could be with family that same night. A few months later we got back together and just celebrated our first year back together in September. We are always working on ourselves and are at the point in our lives where we can call one another out on our bullshit without being scared of the other being too hurt or offended. We have such a healthy relationship now because we communicate with one another very well. A lot of our friends didn't want us to get back together and were actually upset when we got together, but they see how well we work together as a team, which is what a couple is supposed to be. Ironically my boyfriend's name is John, too. I wish you happiness and good health.
I totally understand that you need privacy, youtubers expose so much of their lives. It must be hard to feel so open to the whole internet. I felt confused about your relationship with John but also that’s real life. People have complicated relationships in real life. People break up and get back together, nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend 💕
Glad you can feel a sense of relief by explaining your situation and I’m happy you now feel comfortable enough to talk about it!
As shitty as you felt about putting those vlogs out it helped me finally grieve and face the loss of my brother. Relationships can be fucked and you don’t have to share all those nitty gritty details unless you feel like it. As a married lady I have to pull myself back sometimes cause I get so frustrated with my husband sometimes and feeling like we need to fit into this mold for people in our age group when we don’t. I found myself complaining to my family about shit we were going through and then having to back track when him and I worked through stuff. And sometimes you just don’t want to have to explain yourself. So much love for you girl. You, Jon and you’re little fur family are the dopest ppl on all of social media 👌🏼 thank you for being authentic and sharing the hard shit with us 💛
It honestly breaks my heart hearing everything you've been through and hear you apologize about them. No matter where life takes you, you've grown so much from everything that happened to you and in my eyes, you will always be a big person. Sending love from the other side of the world, watching and feeling happy for you and all of your achievements. Hold on and don't let the fact that you live such a public life get the best of you. People tend to forget you are a person and only focus on your personal narrative that you put out - try to keep that in mind. Best to you!
So excited for the halloween content, spooky mom🎃🧡🖤🧡🖤 You don't owe us anything you don't want to share about your personal life ❤
Love you quack! Don’t be too hard on yourself you have been through a lot and i have to judgment for any choice you’ve made. how you deal with pain and personal turmoil is never going to be judged by people who truly care for you (as long as you’re safe)! Blogging and being real when you were going through this trauma was real and personally i appreciated how you were real, whether you outright said things or not you had a job and you do it so well and we love you! Please stay safe and never forget your true values! Give yourself some grace you deserve it!
So I know everyone is saying you don't HAVE to put this kind of video out but I'd like you to know that I like to hear about this stuff because it's real and raw and I feel like I'm talking closely with my sister and that's why I watch UA-cam, besides work sometimes I feel like I don't have any real deep conversations with other people and it's healthy to talk about stuff like this, it can take a weight off. Good luck
I can't say I haven't been curious about this stuff but I hope you never feel like you have to share anything you don't want to with your fans. It's your life, your a wonderful creator and if you feel good about sharing your personal life then do it. If you don't them you'll create other great content. And if you need to take a break at some point go for it. Do what's best for you
You are a spectacularly thoughtful person! Thank you for always aspiring to be your most authentic self! Grief and growth are hard enough without the internet. I’ve been a subscriber for quite a while and it’s been a privilege. Love you Quacks!!
I just stumbled your channel this year and haven't watched every single video (that'd be a lot!). I love what you are putting up and whether you share about your personal life or not doesn't really matter to me. You do you! :) I think "personal life" is called "personal" for a reason. I totally understand the importance of keeping private things private. I've got a super small UA-cam channel and even for me it's sometimes a little tricky, especially when harsh comments are being thrown my way. I don't share a lot of private information, especially when it involves other people. I don't plan to ever do that and don't think I'd be able to handle it. I am glad that you came out on the other end and feel a little weird watching this video as you didn't need to share any of this. Do whatever you feel comfortable! :)
I cried :’) You’ve been my favorite UA-camr since I started watching your videos a while back. I relate so much to the feelings you describe. You’re one of the realist out there. I went through the whole moving out of my boyfriends place and is this the end thing last year as well. I was constantly scared that we were going to break up for good, but I knew moving out was something I needed to do. So I did. And we slowly started working on things. Now a year later and I think we’re the happiest we’ve ever been, and of course still working to be better. We’re moving back in together next year and I’m terrified, that self doubt is creeping back in like you described. But he is my best friend and I can’t just throw the whole man away. We know in our hearts what makes us happy in the present moment. All we can do is hold onto that and do our best to let it continue. I’m so glad to hear that things have turned around for you. Keep on doing your thing, finding things that help you grow and cultivate happiness. Discover more about yourself. Most of all keep being kind to yourself. Thank you for putting your heart into your work.
I really like how self reflective this video was, in the way that you really focused on the REAL issues YOU felt you were having, not JUST what people think your issues are. I remember when Ryan died and even before that in the weird period And I remember knowing that you and John were ok, so I don’t remember being confused about him coming back into your life. That being said growth is what keeps us alive. If we stop growing then what are we? In the end no one owes anyone anything but kindness to each other and our selves.
I went through the hardest part of my life so far last September-December and watching your vlogs made me feel like someone understood me and that I wasn’t alone. I remember commenting that on those videos when you posted them, how grateful I was for those vlogs. I don’t think it was wrong at all for vlogging that process, I think it was one of the realest things I had seen a UA-camr do. That was part of your grieving process and I wouldn’t be where I am without your vlogtober last year I can say that %100. Thank you Amanda qcknd.
I've lost many friends in my life and the most comforting thing I can tell you is that your friend isn't gone, their spirit stays with you forever and they are always walking by your side. You'll remember them in the small things, like a flower or a road you drove down together and eventually you'll smile about those memories. It hurts now but you'll heal
some parts of your relationship w jon and your feelings remind me of myself sooo much omg. sometimes i feel guilty/worried what other ppl will think or if they'll judge my relationship since we broke up but it really just comes down to if im happy and if its healthy. im very happy for you guys and wish u the best of luck
Qcknd- Thank you so much for sharing. It's brave to do what you want and or need while others believe otherwise. You may be a youtuber but don't owe anything- I watched your greiving videos and thought they were so moving and inspiring to get through hard times. I hope you find great happiness in your life. All the best!
Btw, I need a Bronco pin in my life!!!
Love isn't easy. But easy isn't good. I read somewhere that it's good to have arguments, as long as you argue to work out the problem together and not be one against the other.
Everyone need time to get through things that we may not always want to admit to. As long as we actually work through it and not just let it stew. You went through this and still are and that is fine. Nothing is wrong with that at all.
Thank you for the fantastic content! I still love watching your videos
We as viewers are NOT entitled to know everything about your life. You don't have to feel bad about hiding things from us. It's YOUR life, not ours. Being a UA-camr doesn't mean you have to tell us everything if you don't want to, hun. I'm glad that you're at a point where you're finally working through everything though. I wish you all the best going forward.
Hey Quack. I remember last year when you came out with your vlogtober series so well. I was going through a family issue as well and I just remember that I had to unfollow you on everything because it was just so triggering to me and my mental state. This comment is not to make you feel bad but to let you know that I came back again last year around christmas. Once I got through my shit and I was starting to work on myself and I saw you doing the same thing. Even though you never said it flat out that you are struggling but I felt like I understood you so well in those few months and I could relate. It helped me so much to watch you on youtube and just listen to you speak about things you love so much. While you say it may have been a front like you said, but you were coping and that is all we can ask for. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you and I know I don't know you personally but I feel like we are the same. You helped me so much this past year on working on myself. I have a long way to go and honestly, I am having such a hard time but there is some kind of light that you are a part of. So, thank you so much for just being online and showing us your life. Thank you.
UR THE BEST QUACKS! Life’s a fucking ride, man. In the end we’re all just trying to figure shit out and survive every day. One day at a time❤️
Hey Qcknd, I just want to say that you never owe us this. Although you're on a public platform, you shouldn't feel obligated to share every bit of your life with us and that's okay. I think most of your subscribers understand that is was a tumultuous time for you. But I am glad that you've come so far, to a point where you could share your pain and your grief with this community. A lot of what you shared in this video it's home for me right now. And listening to how you approached your difficulties in your relationship and your mindset is helping me reconsider how I approach mine. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
I’ve always loved you and your videos but I did stop watching around the time you mentioned - not because you were sad, but because I was super confused about what was happening in your life and I thought there was something I was missing at the time. While i absolutely don’t think you owe us anything in regards to your personal life and relationships, you’ve always been so honest and open - like a best friend, so it was hard to have that change but 100% necessary to preserve your mental health. I’m so so glad you’ve come out the other side of what you were going through and am excited to see where you’ll be taking us next. Also, so happy to hear about Jon - I’ve loved all the videos you’ve done together when you’re just chatting. Xxx
I can honestly say I understood and kinda of could tell what was going on at the time. I was never confused but I can't say I wasn't concerned for you. cuz I felt for you. I have been with my partner for over 9 years and that's no easy feat. lots of fights, lots of talks, lots of compromise and forgiveness on both sides and its always gonna be that way. a relationship is only over if one person decides it's not worth working on anymore. no relationship goes without a hitch, no friend or family relationship either. Some ppl believe that at the first sign of an issue you should bounce, but ppl go through things, and stages in their lives. sometimes you can want to be with someone and need to take distance, for us at times it was just distance (seeing each other less and working on ourselves more) but sometimes ppl need a break, to break up and reevaluate who they are, what they want etc. distance lets you know sometimes. Every relationship I had before this one ended after the first fight, and that to me shows a clear difference. when your a kid, and not in love (despite u maybe thinking you were) it doesn't matter, it's not worth fighting for, its not worth understanding someone else's issues, making compromises and working together. but when your older and find someone you love, someone who you see yourself spending the rest of your life with. you will go through those ups and downs with them. you can't possibly be with someone for multiple years and years like that and not grow and change as ppl and not go through life shit, like friends and parents pacing (we lost a friend at the very start of our relationship and my partners mother 2 years ago) and so much more. and sometimes its really hard to grow up right beside another person. but that's what happens, and I think that's what happens no matter how old you get or how long you're together. Anyway, love you Quack love your spirt and your content. keep being your authentic self and we will all be here checking our notifications xxxxx
i really understand the grief you’ve been dealing with, and i really respect you for making this video and baring your soul. even though i agree with other comments saying you don’t owe your viewers anything, i can tell you want to open up and that it helps you process such a difficult time. i’m dealing with intense grief at the moment myself, my dad passed away a few months ago (i’m 18 for context). i feel lucky that i don’t have any public audience to my life, i know i wouldn’t be able to handle it. i hide my struggles and grief from most people in my life, and a lot of people i used to spend time with don’t even know. in a lot of ways i don’t feel authentic, but i am going through the hardest time in my life and i know i have to do the best i can to survive this and for me, that doesn’t involve bringing other people into my more personal life and issues. i’ve always loved your channel, i’ve been a subscriber for a long time and i’m so proud of you for all you’ve achieved, especially while living with such difficulties. love ya amanda, keep being your beautiful self, and thank you for letting us be a part of it all!
I relate to your story with my job/career search that is making me depressed. I don't feel like the same person anymore and it makes me sad. My boyfriend sees the changes and sometimes he thinks it's his fault. We have talked about it & it's pretty obvious it's the limbo and struggle of my work. I wanted to say I just found your channel through your winter bedding tutorial & i'm a fan now! Stay positive- I know things will get better :)
Like anyone else, I was curious as to what was going on, but also felt like what you were telling us along the way was personal enough that I felt like "ok, she's sharing what she's okay sharing, what's healthy for her". I'm just happy you're better now, and that's all I ever want for you. I've just always related to you personally so much, how you act about things, also being a sensitive person.