how to deal with coworkers who think they are your boss: 3 power tactics + Danger phrases
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
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In this effective communication skills training course video, communication coach Dan O'Connor teaches you how to deal with coworkers who think they are your boss with 3 power tactics, plus you'll learn 3 bonus Danger phrases to purge from your verbal repertoire at work. So if you're dealing with rude coworkers who like to give you orders, you'll learn to do handle them like a boss. All this from the world's number one tactical communication skills trainer, author, and keynote speaker Dan O'Connor. #bossycoworkers #howtodealwithbossycoworkers #professionalcommunicationtrainingonline #communicationcoach
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Can’t stand when you are the new person in the block and dealing with these toxic situations
If you’re the new person, I hope you discern between coworkers trying to help you learn versus acting like your boss.
Thats literally every job I have ever had.
@@kittygrowl839 If you feel disrespected, chances are you are. It's possible to teach new things without being patronizing at all.
@@adrianmargean3402 You are scaring me. Is working in the US like in Japan then?
@@Bellasie1 I don't live in the US, I live in the UK. But I think it's not a national problem, its just London. We are a melting pot of different cultures so naturally there are different opinions, views, lifestyles and ways of working that have to converge and cooperate. I think the idea of multiculturalism works better in theory than in reality. The reality is that there are pokets of people that only relate to people that share their backgound or culture, for example muslims will only befriend other muslims and black people will be band together, so will the polish and so will the indians and so on, so it becomes an us vs them. For me, because I don't have a group, i'm an outsider, so its open season for everyone to try to box me in or make me their bitch. Its prison rules unfortunately.
Not that I'm a victim by any means but i do have to watch my back because no one else is.
“When you speak to me like I’m your employee” is GENIUS and is honestly a phrase I never would have thought about using. Also, it’s 100% HR proof as long as you say is calmly and in a respectful tone.
Happy to help, Patrice.
Hmmm....thats true.
It gives room for the BOSS to think if he/she actually can. Definitely there will be some sort of solutions someday.
But that almost implies that a manager can legitimately speak to their employee in a rude way bcs its role-dependent. Rudeness in general is just a no-no.
Mimi, I don't believe when you respond in this manner that you're implying that you believe it's OK for a boss to be RUDE. You are stating that your boss is in a position to GIVE INSTRUCTIONS/ORDERS, whereas a coworker is not. Of course those orders shouldn't be delivered rudely. That's a given.
I find it hard to visualize how a narcissist, arrogant co-worker would react positively to one's kind request.😐
Me too, I just can't wrap my head around it
Only if it benefits them.
Exactly what I am dealing with and they just play victim and try to make you think you're crazy.
@@sumrdaize9 I'm sorry to hear that.
@@monsijimenez6980 That's why I wanted to watch this video. I want to make sure I can better handle this situation in the future.
I was a newbie at work and when I first joined I was trained by an overbearing person that would order me around. Over time, as I learned more and was able to complete the task on hand, her overbearing attitude does not change. She would find fault in every single thing, would take pictures and point out your mistakes in the group chat...(mind you I work in retail, and when I mean little mistakes, I mean little), creating a tense attitude in the team where the atmosphere is cold and icy most of the time. It's been years, nobody has called her out as she is close to the higher-ups, very close. She is hardworking, yes, and I don't mind somebody who takes the lead, in fact, I welcome it. But, the way she orders you around is just rude (calls you names, belittles you, even the boss does not order people around like that)...and after years of working like this I have developed stress on levels I do not understand. I have tried to mediate the situation many times, I have also tried my best to accommodate and adapt to her, but I think it's high time I leave as I am sick of being put down so many times by the very same person. You cannot reason with her, it is impossible.
You can't stop people from trying to bully you. Just be pleasant until you can leave.
@@MsBizzyGurl this is a fact
Go to h.r ... but before then
Record her ...make sure to write ✍ down everything that happens ... the date the time... I've dealt with similar situations at the work place ...and now I'm trying to learn not to react due to trauma... pple don't understand that you spend alot of your time at the work place ...
The e.e.o.c is also the next step ... there are places that can help you ...
I'm sorry to hear this has been happening. You 100% need to report this person and/or stand up to her. If you have a union rep (I doubt in retail), or even an HR person, please consider going to them. This woman does not get to be a bully just because she's buddy buddy with management. Good luck!
Sounds like she’s a bully
I have been a property manager and community manager my whole life. I never stop learning and this is very helpful. Thank you.
No doubt you piss off your employees.
No one asked /care what u do,what u r.
ever since you were born? thats amazing. Most other people spend a few years of their life at school
@humble bumble. Why so nasty??
@@humblebumble1328 Apparently the UA-camr cared since my comment had a heart by it. Are you jealous or something lol, I didn’t even notice you.
Some people boss around intentionally to feel important. So it becomes really hard to give them a benefit of the doubt. BUT I really like the concept of boundary you mentioned. I recently started doing it when a new employee started talking to me as if he's my boss.
Haha! When someone says something like that to me, I normally just pretend I didn't hear them. If I cannot do that, I say, "Nah. I'm really busy and in a hurry. Maybe another time?", and calmly walk away. Most of the time, that sends the message. If someone is too dense to get that, then I simply continue to ignore them. Pretty simple and professional. Hasn't failed me yet.
I like your style!
Literally the same for me!
Sounds like a plan and must be a good one if it's working for you Crimson.
American Viking; I like your solution. Quick, clean, and uncomplicated.
I had a manager ask me to check my coworkers paperwork for spelling, grammer, and content because the girl/woman didn't know what she was doing. Basically she wanted me to do the girl/woman's work for her.
I happily said I would be glad to help. Then I asked the manager which of her things she would remove from MY busy workload so that I could assist the girl/woman. The manager was floored and I never had to change my workload.
@American Viking...That's a great skill, but I was always just the opposite, not that I'm a 'yes' person or trying to impress, it was just me. Many times I would say yes and then regret it. I wish I'd had Dan's advice before I retired!
I had steam coming out of my ears today. This video gave me a way to take the high road. I am so grateful, Dan. This is a life-lesson I really need to learn.
Most rude people are unconscious
I disagree. I think it's a deliberate tactic.
@Zelda pinwheel. I agree. Deliberate tactics.
Yes. And they are ignorant in every sense of the word. How do some of these old people continue to grow old without Growth?
@@1Wendy_Woo I don't think ignorance and being rude are the same thing, but I know what you are saying. There are people who carefully cultivate their ignorance, like it was a garden.
@@zeldapinwheel7043 agreed, its always deliberate and they take enjoyment from it, i just shut them down by being blunt and addressing the situation as it happens
This is so good. I love this channel. To all those under the tyranny of working close to a very toxic worker. I salute you for trying to better yourself and lifting up the workplace. Even the toxic co worker
Damn, you’re my favorite. This is how I strive to communicate, and own my space while respecting others. Great advice!
So that’s where I messed up, I involved my boss in the confrontation, when I didn’t need to. I really suck at confrontation and standing up for myself and I am trying to change for the better.
Thank you for getting in touch, Snow, but you don't suck; you're just working through it as we all are. If you're thinking about it you're guaranteed waaaaay ahead of the pack, so don't sweat it, and keep on learning. I appreciate you involving me at all. I hope to hear back from you soon.
Same lol. These parasites are sooooo annoying.
Agreed! Really having a hard time standing up for myself! With annoying coworkers!
Depends on your boss though. With my former boss I knew I had to do my own dirty work. With my new boss he has the knack of sorting things out and still making all parties concerned feel listened to and valued. Don’t ask me how he does it, he just does
Thanks so much for making these videos. I’ve been feeling so stressed at work because of a shift leader that we have, now I know how to be mindful when she talks AT me instead of with me
Hows it going?
Thank you for this! I am currently working on a project that has a woman just like this - even barking at me. She has been trying to be the boss and tries to be rude to me because I have favor with the Supervisor and get things done. I have been ignoring her and following the Supervisor, and saying sarcastic comments when she tries me. However, today, I am going to assertively do this professionally and believe it is going to work.
I have tried a new technique with my passive aggressive co-worker. When she walked up to my desk, I just yelled kumquat. She became so confused, she stopped coming to my desk 😅
Well, it seems you squashed her aggression. :)
Lmfaaaaaaaoooooooo
This old man I work with literally gets so mad when you don’t do things his way. Maybe it’s because I’m only 21??? He’s not even the boss!
Is he above you at all? Also, does he have seniority over you?
Sean No he does not have seniority over me I’ve been there longer than him.
I'm 23 and a 71 year old volunteer subordinate under me (I'm a Campaign Manager) has done nothing but critize me, demean me, speak down to me, and undermine the candidate (older white male like the volunteer Treasurer) and myself by buying things we didn't need, ask for, or already had because he "had buyers remorse about the business cards so I completely redesigned them with X person and bought the ones I liked". He did this again by buying t-shirts that the candidate didn't like and didn't know he had bought.
Marley Honea I hope and pray it gets better for you God knows we need it!
@@-Sean_ señority means jack shit. Every job I have ever taken I been there for at least 3 months and somehow I outshine all of them. It is skill that matter, only the peasants and weak would seek a ranking in being in a organization for a long time. Poor souls who waste their time on a job that would drop them in a heart beat.
Thanks for the videos, I have a coworker who is rude, bossy, and talking down to us. We had a conflict between the two of us and I am not talking to her at all, just about job-related, nothing more and I am feeling so much better.
This is so helpful, I work with the rudest person and never know how to navigate the situation without sounding rude myself
I’m a huge fan of you, Dan! Your videos have helped improve my communication skills and made them more effective! This video was especially relevant in light of some experiences I’ve had in the past few weeks.
Great to hear! Thank you for letting me know all of that, Lauren. I appreciate you taking the time to comment and to watch.🌹
Something inside of me HATES that you're right, but I know you are. Props!
I know the feeling. Every time my mother and I have a disagreement.
I love the grace you share for others... while educating others about how they should communicate, we should graceful!
Dan your communication guidance is the most important tool you can have.
It's better than having money in your pocket.
Thank you!
Avey, I totally agree.
I’m so glad you exist!! This is a clear and practical message that I am confident I can implement. It rings true because I would feel respected if someone spoke to me this way. It seems like, with practice, i can use this to give language to teach others how I would like to be treated rather than allowing anger and resentment to fester as I tend to do when pressed. It will definitely take a few more listens to let this sink in. I’m looking forward to learning more from you! Much appreciated!
Why wasn’t this video out last 2014 when I really needed it!? Thank you! I really needed to know how to handle people like that. 😘😘😘😘😘
Thank you so much for these videos! They have helped me and others tremendously!!
You're more than welcome😊, and I appreciate you taking the time to watch and comment! Let me know if there's something I can do to help, ok? I'm here.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks, man! I'm clueless with social stuff so your videos have been a lifesaver. I'm an INTJ so am very hopeless with social things but wish to pursue psychology and want to learn very badly. Mucho appreciated. 😊
My 2nd time watching this video. I might just watch it everyday till it’s 2nd nature to me
@@ShaniasHappyHomestead THE BEST free effective communication skills channel I've found!
@@ShaniasHappyHomestead Plus, he's so darn cute!😊
The video content & the editing is fabulous. Really like the contrast of the B&W background and the colorization of the video's main subject.
I really appreciate your videos. They are really helping me soo much. Lifting up our language will definitely change the paradigm.. thank you❤
dude, I just came from another content creator full of fluff, and just wanted to tell you that you rock! you followed each one of your own steps: being specific and direct and compassionate.
Many thanks, Zena, and I apologize for the late reply. I try to. keep it real.
Love love love this video!!
Love your work, Dan, thank you so much for sharing your communication skills, and your vision for a world of better communicators xxxxxxxx
These ways of reacting are not only very intelligent, but also very empathic, and that's what I particularly like. As you say, "lifting people up" is a win-win ! Thank you so much !
You're entirely welcome, Fox P2.
thank you!! I have been searching for hours for a solution for a situation at work.. So instead of saying "You are getting distracted and running off and leaving us to cover for you without saying anything and we are all tired of it" INSTEAD ... I could say " I know that you recently got a great opportunity to practice your new management skills, and I want to cheer you on. I can help you if you can please communicate openly when you need someone to cover for you to do this, and for how long, so that I do not get any resentment about it" those statements pretty much cover the whole back story. She recently got her management 'degree' and needs some experience. The boss has given her some pretty hefty duties, and she is getting distracted and neglecting her real job.
Sounds like a great way to handle it Ann.
This is the best communication channel !! 💜💜
I ❤️ how you explain in such a clear, concised and compassionate way. Thank you, Dan!! You rock!! 😊
Many thanks--as I rock--in my easy chair.
I love how you always encourage lifting everyone up.
Learning a lot with you, thank you very much.
Greetings from a Brazilian subscriber working in Germany, having problems to deal with Polish colleagues 😅
Wow, you have your own little United Nations going there! I hope I've helped you to maintain the peace. :)
Dan
FALA UM POUCO DE POLONÊS COM ELES
@Online Communication Skills Training Courses...I had written about 3 paragraphs to you and 'poof', it all disappeared, but I subscribed anyway. I think you're great!
Thanks for the words and the subscription, Linda. And I understand that "poof" when you've just finished writing something.
You've just given me a wonderful tip in relating to my coworkers. Reestablish the rules of engagement. I'm looking forward to trying this one out!
Hey Dan, thanks for this video. Just what I was looking for.
You're welcome and stay tuned for more Sten.
I have an issue with 2 coworkers. One bosses me around while simultaneously not doing their job. The other treats me like I’m a kid or something and treats me like I’m stupid. Both of them are always negative and no one at work likes either of them really.
Keep watching; I have many videos related to this topic.
making absolute sense. help instead of condemn
Love your advices, they are amazing!!. But there are very difficult people as you know that even if you tell Them things in a constructive manners they continue acting even worse,.
“Honesty is the best policy” NEVER worked for me, EVER. Catch them off guard and having a ready comment to throw them off works 100% of the time for me.
Thank you !!!!!!! You are amazing . You present this information so well and very fun ! I’m smiling ! This is better than therapy 🙋🏽♀️🙋🏽♀️🥰🥰
Then please send me $400 an hour, Sasha. You can deposit that into my PP account--sales@powerdiversity.com :) :)
As a teacher I love the way he is giving feedback to the writer. “Its good…, but i was being lazy, i have to add such and such..”
My coworker constantly reminds me what to do, what to send, and asks me about my projects that have nothing to do with her. I can’t stand it because she is not my boss. She also criticizes my work practices and makes me feel like I’m doing my job poorly.
My actual boss has told me I’m doing a great job. My coworker brings down my morale in a way that is affecting my work. I don’t want to complain to my boss but I’m worried it might come to that eventually.
CPZman, you can handle this without your boss. "Suzie, I know you are trying to be helpful. Having said that, I am happy with the job I'm doing and if there is a problem, my boss (use his/her name) will let me know." Use the broken record every single time she criticizes your job performance and eventually she will get the hint that you don't want her help. When she says "I'm just trying to help," repeat the broken record word for word. And then pay no attention to her comments. If you are not doing your job poorly, nothing she says should make you feel bad. It will help to spotlight her behavior and then use the broken record. You could also use the "when you/I feel/because" but I don't think you'll have to do that much explaining. The broken record should suffice.
@@TheWizardOfWords thank you I will try that
@@cpzman5946 How is the situation with your co worker going?
@@andreauribe95 she left for a different job and no longer puts me down in front of my superiors. A happy ending indeed :)
@@cpzman5946 That's great to hear! It's a bit annoying how some employees think that they are the boss. I have a sort similar situation like yours, except my co workers are secretly jealous of me. Lol
About how we label others, ("girl") - Yes, I agree. When we label, it prevents us from seeing possibilities in others. No matter how someone behaves, badly or otherwise, if we approach them as only expecting bad from them, it does not give them help to do good. Everyone is capable of doing good, there's no good or bad people, and when someone is given a chance and shown that other ways are possible, it helps all of us. Seeing possibility in others might help them to see possibility in themselves.
The root of all of this is not acting on our emotions or ego, not being competitive, jealous, etc, but logic, and being confident enough to think of others, as when we are individualistic, we don't truly live life.
LOL I normally say something like "Wow I really appreciate your confidence in me by asking me to take on this task. Unfortunately I am unable to help you at this time."
I love that!!!
I like the tack of: "causing her to shift her location to suit yours". Thanks.
I will need a lot of courage and practice on this one. I've been improving for sure, but I have not done this successfully every time because sometimes I second guess my worth and lose self esteem. Although it is moving in the right direction, it is still my biggest challenge to overcome. Situations like this do bring me down as it makes me feel like I'm not worth anyone's time. But seeing this video is a great reminder to love myself. Thanks for sharing.
It's impossible to love others if you don't first love yourself. Impossible.
Why do you always get this one person at work 😒
Brilliant advice as usual.
Fantastic video made by a naturally really intelligent person who clearly does a lot of introspection, among other very useful practices.
Dan. You really are the man! Thank you for this and every single video you post.
Thanks so much for making this. I've been having issues with a co-worker, and it's really been weighing on me.
I'm writing it out like this so I can get it all straight: I've been an employee at this establishment longer than anyone else, save for the store manager, and a newly returned worker who is known to have a hot temper and poor social skills has been having public meltdowns when I don't follow his instructions. I've always been more passive and don't excite easily (which seems to make him more upset, but there's nothing I can do about that), but I've had to deal with co-workers who don't listen to advice or instructions. What I, personally, had to do was say to myself, "if they choose not to listen to my advice, it is not my fault, and I have nothing to do with the outcome of their work." I intend to share that sentiment with him, telling him, "I was taught to do it this way. If there is an issue with it, I will take responsibility." If this doesn't work, there's nothing more I can do, but having tried clears me in the eyes of my superiors and will assure me, personally, that I have done all I can.
Again, thank you for helping me put things into perspective.
I think what you are saying to the co-worker (who is apparently NOT your superior, but telling you how to do things) is spot-on.
@@TheWizardOfWords Right, he's not my superior. Thank you so much. It's great to get feedback like that
I always wondered why people in the work place have to learn the hard way, it's like they act a certain way until you stand up to them.. I also learned that after 20 years of being a polite and nice fella.. it doesn't get you promoted.. actually can just make you look like a push over..
I don't mean you have to be rude and angry but you have to be stern quite often. The minute you back to being nice and soft people take advantage..
It's no different than kids in school unfortunately..
I agree Iron, that you have to be firm. Being "soft" is never a good idea in the workplace. But you can be both firm and mindful, and that's my recommendation. If you are working for someone who wants you to be rude and strident in your approach to people, you might consider other employment. One of the 9 principles in which I believe is: You either transform your environment or are transformed by it. It would be a shame for a mindful person to be transformed into a rude and arrogant one by virtue of his work environment.
Excellent insight & advice, Dan. Also, love the cool & effective production values in yr video. Yay!
All of these tips would backfire at my job. This doesn't work on insecure and spiteful women. This would backfire tremendously or get completely ignored. You'll be pulled into a meeting about insubordination and not being a team player.
That's happened to you?
Insubordination wow I've ever heard that being used against employees here in the UK the only thing they can get you on is not following instructions and going against guidance and protocol but "insubordination" wow that sounds like some plantation dynamic I couldn't put up with that shite
I think people speak poorly to certain individuals based on dislike, jealousy or revenge etc. but have a wonderful disposition to those they like or are subject to or those who can punish them.
So telling these people what to say doesn't have good results because they bully, stir trouble, retaliate, etc. Been there done that
People at work are weirder and more stubborn now than before.
Are you calling me old? Haha. Thank again for the feedback Red!
@@TheWizardOfWords No I wasn't trying to call you anything. Sorry
Only speaking from my experience. Coworkers, supervisors, etc most often talked behind my back. Now they shout it, say it to my face, etc. Then they claim it's a corporation, it's this, that, whatever re other petty conditions that aren't necessary...and they act like they're innocent when they violate space, privacy and aren't respectful to put it mildly, etc. and label me and garner support from others so they keep their name spotless.
Help - since we have moved to online meetings it has been troublesome communicating. Would love to see a guiding videos about these great tips but applied to the virtual world
So many people think they are bosses , it's hard to find a good kind person to work with
How do you handle someone who “assertively” tells you do something but their tone feels subtly rude. For example, they will simply say “Jessica, grab that for me.” There is nothing inherently wrong with what they ask for, but their tone could be friendly and they could say “please”. This has been brought to their attention but their defense is, “I speak directly and assertively.” How does one handle this?
If "tone" is rude, then the communication is aggressive, not assertive. My response would be "Mathilda, your tone was harsh when you made that request. When you can speak "directly and assertively" to me without an aggressive tone, I'd be happy to help. Until then, no, I won't "grab that" for you. I appreciate direct and assertive; I don't appreciate a demanding aggressive tone. I tell you this because I know you appreciate "direct and assertive."
Online Communication Skills Training Courses Dan, you are an artist! Thank you for your feedback and your content. Happy to have found your channel! You bet I have subscribed and supporting!
"Don, move out of the way, dude"
I love you for standing up for women in that way. Ignore the negative comments from the disrespectful that are inevitably below already.
Most people are looking up when they criticize and try to bring others down--to their level.
Thanks for all of the great tips, Dan. In my case, I tried to make a positive difference in my department by talking to my boss about an ongoing problem of workplace violence/discrimination against men and wound up getting punished for it: I got kicked off my own committee for telling a woman to stop hitting people during meetings, my overtime is gone, my boss apparently has stopped emailing me to tell me whether or not I'm getting the overtime (so I have to find out through the grapevine), and he laughs at me during my annual evaluations. I don't see any possibility of affecting positive changes in my department. My bosses angrily defends violent women saying things such as "violence is open to interpretation" and people hit each other "in locker rooms" so it's okay in our university office. The toxic environment (violence, discrimination, passive aggressive behavior, word salad, gaslighting, etc.) is taking a toll on me. I just need to focus on improving myself and finding another job. Cheers.
Yikes! What country are you in?
Always search for another job when it doesnt favor you any more. When it doesnt serve its purpose.
@@fightintheshade
I think UK.
@@fightintheshade I'm in S. Korea, but the people in my department are all foreigners like me.
@@unknowninfinium4353 Yes, you are right. Thank you.
So I love this channel. Really. FULL STOP.
Also, belief that everyone has good intentions, that everyone wants to be honorable or honest does not reflect the experience of many of us.
My hope: a set of skills which include dealing internally and externally with people who relish hurting others.
Patriot, I'm working on that. Please remember that we can choose how we respond, even in the worst situations. We don't have to be victims. The first rule is to internalize the actual fact that--What people say is about THEM. How we respond is about US. Knowing that aggressive behavior comes from weakness--truly KNOWING that--will help us see it play out more and more, and each time you can view the situation more with understanding than with anger and frustration. Having said that, there are tactics to diminish attacks and we should know about them and use them. Please go through my videos because I have dealt with this topic quite a bit and would truly like to help.
LOVE the background, Dan!
Haha, they are like dogs marking their territory, bringing them over to your territory for a quiet word is gold.
Behavior management! Your captor or your liberator. I love it
I’m at a new work place and this girl had been playing the bossy card up until last week when she crossed the line. I told her I want to talk to her and if I could I send her a text . When I got home I txt her exactly 4 sentences , carefully picked the words , respectfully and professionally .Since that txt she disappeared in the background, I don’t even hear her voice anymore , our interactions are strictly about ongoing work tasks. She is a good technician after all but lacking soft skills .So we’re now where we should be in good work terms , not nice nor mean just professional.
I personally would love to hear about someone who has excellent communication skills but is seriously underhanded and back biting behind the scenes.
I want to just not communicate with this person. Or I want to tell her the truth about herself. But she doesn't care and I am curious if just not communicating is the best case scenario?
Avoid her if possible. Don't "tell her the truth about herself." She knows--and as you said--she doesn't care. Having said that, be prepared with the right words if you do have to communicate with her and she makes snarky comments about others. Have none of it. Check out my videos about office gossips to help you find the words, Smart--in case you need them.
I have experience of dealing with the kind of person you are talking about and the best thing to do is to avoid them as much as is humanly possible. Do not communicate with them or give them your attention.
before I was an RV technician rookie, I was in a HVAC lead installer training guys. i'm a female who is always worked in male dominant trades. I really learned as a lead HVAC installer to acknowledge that sometimes I will have a Male helper Who is not willing to work with a woman and really have a problem with her knowing more and having a higher position. I had to be out on jobs alone with them and that's when they want to try to dominate but many years of this has got me to the point where I take them aside and let them know pretty sternly that I'm not gonna play their game and all they're gonna do is get them self in trouble. some of them are pretty persistent and I've even had one so mad at me for putting him in his place he started stealing from me and playing mind games. I couldn't prove that he was the thief but I know for sure that's who's doing it. I taught this guy how to do his own jobs after putting him in his place and once he got where he needed he got worse.
i'm here to tell you with all the experience I have with this, you have to have thicker skin and you need to put them in their place right away. let them dig their own hole and continue to do your job even if it is teaching them. I'm all about people learning even if they passed me up and say good for you, you deserve it. I am not going to sue people down when they deserve even if it is passing me up the ladder.
don't change your character for a butt hole.
This is an amazing message. I had a situation recently where I could have used this so I hope to implement this in the future. Dan, you gave me the words. I actually kind of did it through my significant other who told the other person for me how I would like to be treated, because I was still too angry to do so, for days and days. I hope that next time I will refer back to this material and be able to gracefully articulate how I would like to be treated. Thank you.
You're very welcome, Shauna.
I currently have a co-lead and it’s his day off. I am always that person who steps up to help others out. I am completely overloaded and have been for this past week. It is my co-lead’s DAY OFF, yet still has the time to message me on teams to look at a critical incident. I already told him that I “don’t have the bandwidth it take it on” and yet he still responds, “that sounds good BUT”
There are no, if, and, buts. If I tell you I am overloaded and why I am overloaded, I cannot do it. If he has the time to message me on his day off, he can look at this critical incident himself.
Thank you Dan for more golden nuggets of wisdom!!!
Thank you so much for watching, and leaving that comment! If I can help you with anything, let me know, OK? I'm here1😍
A coworker ten years my junior is basically ordering me around at the work place. She is trying to make me do everything she doesn’t like to do. I have realized she is just plain lazy. She has been told off by our boss but today she was actually caught in a lie. She cancelled an appointment with a customer she knew would be a challenge and now I have to take that customer on. She had deleted messages, so there would not be any evidence of her cancelling and she lied to us all saying that the customer had cancelled but we know that’s not the case. First she got on my nerves a little. Now I feel like I lost my respect for her for lying and deleting messages. I still want to remain cordial for my own sake though and try to handle her with grace. Great tips
You’re a wise man. Thanks.
Thanks Julie. Please tell my brother that!
I so wish I had these types of tips a few months ago when I was dealing with a difficult coworker. I'm glad I'm learning late rather than never though!
Yes, you just may come across another difficult person one of these days :()
A polished and polite talk comes from a person who knows what result it brings- as you brought up, but those rude people don't understand things easily.
Usually what happens with me:
Her: Hey just do it for me
Me: 'wise words'
Her: You dont want to help me?
......I wonder how would I end up that conversation from going beyond that
I like this advise and also think using "woman" instead of "girl" is professional and conveys mutual respect. In a past job there were a few people that would refer to a team with "children" or "hey kid", or "kids". This was to a group of peers and some were older than the person saying this! I find self appointed bosses oddly humorous. Not that a director or manager, etc., should be excused from this mindless kind of communication. Many times I think it's passive aggressive and sometimes they're just clueless. Really enjoy your channel and content. Thank you!
I enjoyed reading your perspective, Rose, and agree with it. Sometimes people are just plain clueless. They have no idea how offensive their comments are.
Girls are under 12 years old. I share this every time I hear any time one of my employees refer to a woman as a girl. I correct them privately. It has been eliminated from my workplace. :)
Wow, thank you so much for that definition. Telling people that is the most effective way to get them to stop using that term to refer to women. I appreciate it a lot. And way to go purging it from the office!🏆
"It's not about the other person'...Ugh.. that hurt deep. I have some work to do. Thanks! What a reminder and truth. I have power. This is my space... Even though "F" off sounds better, sweet and short, your lesson is so much more fulfilling in the end for myself and my space!!!
I hear you. Instant gratification come come from the f-off scenario. But is only for an instant and does nothing for one's character--or for the situation in the long-term.
Great advice. Bossy coworker thinks she’s being professional, but is immature/inexperienced. She has no business conscripting coworkers to do her bidding. She’s just making herself look important (she thinks). In reality, she looks arrogant. Too bad Dan won’t say, “I know where you parked!” 😇
hahahaha-- well, on any given day I might THINK it. :)
I am genuinely asking because I don’t want to be /that/ person at work. What was wrong with the example he gave?
The: “Hey veronica, would you mind taking this to reception for me? Thank you!”
To me this sounds reasonable and professional. Could someone in detail tell me specifically why it’s not, and how to rephrase that?
I understand the video, or at least, I think I do. Just the specific example above is throwing me for a loop, because that’s how I talk to my coworkers. Granted, I am currently the most experienced person (that isn’t a manager) at our location, and I am training new hires. BUT I still don’t want to talk down to people or inadvertently act as though I’m the boss.
Needed this today. Thanks, Dan.
This is very very nice thank you our first initial response when dealing with rude obnoxious coworkers To be angry and even call them nasty names it’s natural human that also means THEY are in control.Now IM IN CONTROL! Now I have some good healthy tools in my toolbox to deal with this person and mostly like you said deal with this person what kind ness and with love because we ALL can elevate.
Hey! What a thoughtful person you are. I appreciate you letting me be a part of your experience. I hope to hear from you again soon, and hope you're healthy and safe.☮
How do you deal with a man who sprays aftershave in your face (at work) and says it's a Natasha repellent? When I called him out on his behavior he said I couldn't take a joke. I have no words..... speechless...
@ Natasha Caine I would probably say to him.. are you being protective of me? By spraying it on me do you mean you are protecting me from others? No need, I like everyone else in the office.😂
@@Fiiii4567 great answer. I so wish I had thought of that!
@@natashacaine6340 aw, I find that when people behave smart/sarcastic at me they are looking for a reaction I used to freeze up and not know what to say.. if I am not quick enough to turn their own comment back on them I'd probably just say.. uhm I need to think more clearly about what response you deserve in relation to that comment and my mouth is now filled with perfume. I will come back to you with an response and a full fire extinguisher if you ever do that again😂😂😂
@@Fiiii4567 you should have your own channel! That is a brilliant response; and yeah I know just what you mean, hindsight being a wonderful thing and all!
How about "if you EVER joke with me like that again I'm going to see how funny HR thinks you are. Your aggression masked as humor has no place in the workplace."
I am so thankful for these videos. Thank you thank you thank you!!
You are welcome a thousand times :)
I love this dude!!!!
Wonderful, functional advice! Thank you so much.
I recently found your channel and am digging your videos. For this specific example, aren't you giving this office bully a script for how to order you around later? I only ask because I find that manipulative people are often looking for more ways to control you, even as you stand up to them. Sigh.
Thanks for that thoughtful reply, Lisa! First of all, I love that you said digging, and I will re-watch and think about that. I'm so glad you're paying attention, and will take your comment into account. 🍒You rule.
Whenever there's a mistake at work my co worker would accuse me of it in directly ..
i have a colleague who is constantly rude and bossy to everyone and i know for sure its a power play for her, she knows that she is rude, when i call her out on it, she turns defensive and picks a fight with u. she has gotten worse with time, no matter how much u try to correct her, it doesn't work, i limit any time i spent with her.
I love your videos! I agree with most all of your information. After all these years and institutions incorporating how to speak to others “respectfully” and “self accountable”, you still get one tyrant that takes advantage of others that do play by the compassion and consideration rule. Now, in a supervisor position, other supervisors that feel inferior playing the power trip game. Needing to implement what we ask all employees to follow the chain of command and communication, it’s been challenging to stay within those lines since our chain expects management and supervisors to be “all knowing and mature” while playing with bullies and no other people under their rule want to make waves.
This helps, I still have the documentation of what this person has communicated without labeling my perception, yet this person is freely labeling myself as unwilling or refusing to help with her responsibilities when it was communicated that I had my responsibilities to fulfill for an entire hospital. This individual likes to keep people hostage to berate them, will call the over and over interrupting other units from contacting me to ask the same question over and over after giving her an answer. First encounter, argued with me over instructions given to supervisors to pass on to all units, she accused myself and the rest of the house supervisors of giving confusing information. The information she requested was given to her in paper so she could read it herself, still argued with me in her unit, “her turf”. I finally advised her to page the hospital director. She asked me to come into a room do discuss further. Once in this room, she got in my face to tell me how rude I was and “she was a lead in that hospital and would notify all leads of my rude behavior”, once finished talking, I took a breath and replied “I don’t mind you letting them know since I’m aware of how I speak to other, I would be engaging management regarding past and current behavior as well”. This just escalated her tantrums, a few days ago she escalated to name calling and verbalizing my intentions to “not help her”. I was perplexed by her units management that questioned my inability to be mature and resolve the issue with her, along with “why are you not willing to help her”. I didn’t know I had to give her a minute by minute description that only had her respond, “that only takes an hour”. Regardless of my emphasis that “we have to take care of the entire house”(all the units in a hospital), she felt it only took one hour. I thought I had entered Cuckooland, and she was the mayor. My goodness! I needed to let that out.
Whew! I was happy to listen/read.
The bringing them to you is a neat lil tip. Does make me wonder what to do if you ask them to come to you and they refuse in one way or another (I can think of a few ppl who might respond with something like ‘I can hear you from here, just say it’ or ‘no, I’m going this way so just say what you need to’)?
In that case, "just say it." You tried to be discreet and your discretion was refused. :)
Dan I could be wrong but if you got a “I can hear you from here” etc it could be the person wants a public confrontation. If that’s the case would a “oh ok, I don’t want to embarrass you in front of everyone here (pause) when I find the time I’ll speak to you about this later” work? Appreciate your material you’re doing a 1st class job. You deserve a broader audience.
"Be the person you want her to be"💖
Have a great evening, hello from Scotland 🏴
Another Hello from Scotland Glasgow , this channel is a treasure
@@musabkhan130 Thank you to Grant and Musab (two Scottish Celts) from an Irish Celt!
I have over 22 years at my job and have worked my way up the pay scale and vacation time. My vacation time I can never take it all or when I want too because my job is so demanding and I work many hours. I have administrative staff throw how much my salary is in my face. I never know how to respond. You are the highest paid assistant here!! It is so demeaning and all the hard work I put in to hear that comment is very toxic to me. Love to have words to respond.
Tina, I would respond with just eight words, and no more. "Yes, and there is a reason for that." If you are asked "What is the reason?" you might respond with "You'll have to ask ____________ about that." Fill in the blank with your boss or with "upper management" or with whoever determines salaries. Don't apologize or explain or discuss it further--or give it any more thought. Obviously upper management appreciates and sees your work and responds with monetary reward. It isn't necessary for your peers to recognize how much you do, Tina. It really isn't. An alternative answer--that is a little more harsh but certainly not inappropriate would be--"You expect me to discuss my salary with you? I don't think so." And don't answer any questions or make any comment beyond that.
This is really difficult to put into practice for us quiet types.
Elizabeth, you said it--practice. Practice when you are all by yourself. Practice what you will say. And when the time comes, you'll be ready. Communication skills take learning and practice--otherwise they would call them talents. :) Some people come by this posture and phrasing a little more naturally than others, but you would be surprised how many people have to study and then work at it. It may LOOK easy--such as when someone has really prepared and practiced a wonderful speech--but without that preparation and practice it would look awkward and labored. SO TAKE HEART ELIZABETH! You wonderful introverts can do this. You wonderful quiet people can do this. BTW--I am an introvert; did you know that?
@@TheWizardOfWords Im glad you're an Assertive introvert !
How did you get so good at this Dan? Where did you start? I spent most of my young life not talking.
@@E4TA67 maybe start by practicing with someone close to you, someone you trust. You could even 'partner' up with that person, share these wonderful videos with them and they can practice with you too! I think I'll do this with my 12 year old son. We're both introverts. But I really want him to be able to communicate in a healthy manner as he grows.
So happy I’ve found your channel ✨🙏🏼👏
Welcome!!
Your left ear is changing colors...💜
hahah Yes, that happens when I get all excited. I think it means I'm about to explode or pass out. Keep watching to see if it happens. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Maybe I need to simmer down now.
I haven’t dealt with this at work so far, but with the problems I’ve faced so far at work I’d rather be prepared!
Better safe . . . .
I bet he can hear through concrete😂
hahaha you mean because of my ear changing color? Why yes, I can. Hahaha.🏋