A guy ghosted me about 6 yrs ago. We would go to movies, nice dinners or just to the park. Although I wasn't attracted to him,I thought we had a good friendship and I liked hanging out with him. One day he told he'd pick me up from work but he refused to answer or text back so I caught a cab home. About two months later he called and asked if I wanted to go to this nice restaurant overlooking the river and I told him yeah,I'd be dressed in an hour or so. Well an hour later he started calling and texting non-stop and I REFUSED to answer just like he did me. After the 9,10th call,he started texting me calling me "immature childish ass bitch,weak ass hoe,I just wanted to fuck anyway"etc. Needless to say my petty ass was on my balcony, drinking Hennessy, cracking the fuck up 😭😭😭🍹🍹😭😭😭🍹🍹🍹🍹 I wasn't insulted that he ghosted me,I was insulted that he thought he could come back.
When they ghost you and come back, that is a RED EFFIN FLAG run run run, that there is a narcissist who probably stalked you after the ghosting and got pissed that you managed just fine without him. Run Run Run!
Good point but that also means they wasted my time. Men could get a girl pregnant could suddenly ghost, men could steal and lie from you and then ghost. Not always good but you have a good point! I don’t have to beat his ass or embarrass him 😂
That is exactly right. Do not ever let folks do the revolving door thing in and out of your life and bed. Once they get up and go that door should be locked to them.
Deborrah Cooper A guy did that to me back in 2013. A guy led me on and hung out a few times, then gets distant and stands me up 3 different times then tells me I need someone better and ignores me for a while but would randomly come back and hit me up acting like he still wanted me and once I responded back he’d ignore me again and I wouldn’t hear from him for another couple of months. I finally said “fuck it, he doesn’t want me? Someone else will.” I moved on and 2 months later I fall in love and get into a relationship and the “ghost boy” tried like 5 more times to come back and I told him that I wasn’t interested anymore and was with someone else. He tried again back in October to sleep with me and I told him I wasn’t going back to that shit again and how he was 5 years too late. Plus my heart is with someone else now. They always come back for that satisfaction to see if they could still have you.
Golden rule to live by. Always go where your presence is celebrated and not tolerated. Unless you're involved in a serious relationship the person don't owe you anything. Just move on and understand every relationship, friendship, has an expiration date.
if you don't talk to me I won't talk to you. if you're nice to me I'll be nice to you. I will be the biggest mirror there is. I cook fast. bunch of narcissist.
@@nikolatraynor9883 Maybe they mean it permanently. If ghosting happens after 1 or 2 dates, okay. Byyyy...and have a good life, I 🤔 think. When you marry them it's narcissism for sure. IT'S A HUGE PROBLEM THEN.
Ooh, Aunty Deb... I've been ghosted a few times. Every last one of them tried to contact me again afterwards. I pretend like I don't know who they are. I ask,"Who is this?" and then start rattling off several men names, any name no where close to their name! LMAO, whew they get so mad! Some started stuttering. One guy started yelling, I yelled back, "Well I don't know who the fuck this is! Who is this? John? David?Sam? Giovanni? Ren?Leo? Christopher?!!! Who the fuck are you?!" LMAO 🤣🤣😂😂😂 I hung up on him. His name was Paul and he decided that he was going to ghost for about a month and then contact me.... he thought wrong.
Pretending you don’t know who they are is just as if not more silly. Typically I don’t save numbers in my phone so for the most part I really have to try to remember. But pretending is kinda petty which is why y’all are drawn together in the first place.
I once told a guy " I don't drink sour milk" when he asked to come back...then I walked away.... giggling. once milk has gone bad...it will stay bad.he tried to come back and got a taste of how that felt. maybe he'll be better in the future with someone else ....but I was done the first time.
men ghost women because its one of the easiest ways to hurt us. It's a retaliation response a guy typically uses if they feel as though the woman they are ghosting did some type of wrong to them. I really don't understand this method but it's what guys do....
Yes,you are right on point. He ghosted me because I told him that I was not the woman for him. I don't play little boy games. I'M a grown woman. He stopped calling. Who's mad,NOT ME! Life moves on. The river is full. Catch another mature man and enjoy life.
It's not necessarily a retaliation response to something you've done, it's an inability to think of anything but their own emotional discomfort at looking like a bad person. It's a selfish and cowardly way out of a difficult conversation that they'd rather not have, it's sticking their heads in the sand to avoid the hassle of knowing they've done something wrong and hurt someone.
@@valeriemcknight5608 It is not an "inability" to do any such thing. They thiought about you, laughed, and went on their merry way. They don't care how you view them. They give no fucks about you. There is no point in having a difficult conversation or any other kind because they just don't care. There will be no further energy expended in your direction. It's a choice, not a hide the head. You feel entitled to their time and attention and a good-bye in the way YOU WANT IT otherwise you call the person names. You are demanding that someone who is sick of you to give a shit about your feelings. In both cases, you need to get over yourself and put your big girl pants on. Nobody owes you a damn thing in this world.
I ghosted one guy that I can remember and I honestly felt bad about it. We met online on a dating website. His pictures were nice and the conversation through email was great. But when we spoke for the first (and only) time on the phone his voice did not match what I had imagined. He smacked his lips and kept saying “Girrrl” like he was my best friend about to tell me some juicy secret. I could just imagine him flipping his hair and talking with his hands. I knew instantly that he was either gay, down low, or simply too feminine for my taste. The attraction was immediately lost! We finished a pleasant conversation and I never answered his calls or texts again. I wanted to give the poor guy a reason, but I couldn’t find a tactful way to say “Are you gay???” Lol
He definitely sounds gay! Lol Don’t feel bad.. I’ve recently ghosted a couple of guys (after one phone conversation) and I really don’t feel I owe an explanation (these individuals texted me multiple times without a response). It’s not like we went on multiple dates and strung them along. Usually a person can or should be able to tell if they want to pursue anything further after one conversation... and I ALWAYS use my google phone number lol, thanks to @deborrah cooper
I've ghosted and I've been ghosted. I used to feel some type of way but now I don't. It's a part of dating. Doesn't really matter why they do it. I detach emotionally. Next!!!
I was ghosted by a guy. He would call me every day, and indirectly trying to get me to go to his place. After I delayed and asked him what for? He just 👻 disappeared. It took me for surprise as it had never happened to me before, (ego was bruised). I never contacted him, I deleted his number and left with my dignity.
He ghosted you because you didn't do it to him first. He was being a perv creep all along, but you kept entertaining his foolishness and low count booty hound behavior. You were supposed to block him as soon as he came at you like that, not be asking him questions and having conversations about it! See, this is why I say women see the signs but ignore them and wanna get all irate about a guy ghosting them. He showed you who he was at the outset!
I've ghosted friends, family, lovers. It's a great feeling to cut off toxic people. Nobody has time to be telling grown people what they're doing wrong.
Honey BAE Why you calling them “friends ,family,lovers”if they are toxic like wtf that makes no sense plus you should always give an explanation if something is bothering you unless they been jerks then okay i guess but out of the blue just no
@@SR77736 That is your opinion. You keep missing the part about the ghoster person NOT GIVING A FUCK!!!!! So whether you think it is childish or wonderful they don't GIVE A FUCK! Why waste energy trying to communicate with someone YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT???? Your comment indicates your lack of understanding.
@@Debsterism ... im confused about where you stand. In the video you almost demonize the people who ghosts but in the comments, you also support the action of ghosting as well? lol so confused.
I know I’m a guy so please don’t attack me lol but I just wanna say there are still a small handful of men like myself who don’t condone ghosting and doesn’t do it himself. Especially for relationship purposes, communication can solve a lot of issues and setbacks
Wow, I was already feeling this video but when I got to the part about the dude coming back around talking about oh he was just "scared" I damn near cried. Heard that shit before for sure! When I was in my early 20s ok, that sort of made a little sense, but I just turned 26 and I have one dude in particular still sniffing around talking this exact same bullshit. We'd talk on the phone for hours, he'd take me on nice dates, introduced me to new places but of course in between all that, there were periods of just flat out ghosting. He wasn't even pushing for SEX (which was the craziest part to me). He knew how much I liked him and he just kept ghosting. I started wondering if maybe he was married, or gay or...SOMETHING. Now, it was my stupid ass fault for letting him back into my life every time but his behavior was so perplexing I was almost compelled to get to the bottom of this shit. Even when I blocked him everywhere and set his number to auto-reject, he'd call from private/blocked or foreign numbers. He called me last week talking the same bullshit as per usual, only with a twist. He's "really ready" now. He was just "tripping back then" and oh, he just "got freaked out" because we had such an "amazing connection". Thank you so much Ms. Cooper for making this video and stopping me from falling into this bullshit trap *once* *again* after FOUR YEARS.
Contrefaire - a similar thing happened to me with a guy except we only met up 3 times and NO SEX bc I was a virgin and he never even initiated it and he then would ghost me and come back weeks or months later telling me how much he really likes me and misses me and is scared some other guy will take me from him but is just scared and going through alot.. My dumbass believed him everytime and everytime I showed him that i still really liked him he would then ignore me again for another couple of months. 5 months of allowing his shit and I had enough and moved on and fell in love and got into a relationship about a month and a half later after being done with that prick and the prick tried a few more times again with the same bullshit but I always made it clear that I was done with his shit. He finally got the message and hasn't bothered me for over 3 years. ☺
Ghosting someone you been seeing for months, or even years, and there's obviously been a lot of time invested towards one another, and a lot of emotional investment, is totally unacceptable. And the people who do this are very selfish and probably have bpd or npd. You shouldn't hope to traumatized a person you cared for in such degree that will impact there future. You just gotta remember it says more about them then you. There fear of conflict, fear of confrontation, and there disregard for other people's feelings
There are circumstances where even after that much time with someone, ghosting them is warranted and probably the best decision to make for your own mental and physical health/safety. In general you are correct, but even then, like I said, there is no absolute RIGHT way to do it that will please everyone. Some folks are just gonna get ghosted and that's the way it is.
@@Debsterism you right, some people will get ghosted, and if the relationship was toxic then I can some what agree ghosting is warranted. But if you put it the way you said it, where your doing it for your own feelings and disregard the other person, again a selfish move. You can do it over text at the very least so that person knows what's going on and not blind sided. ANYTHING would be better than just ghosting
I used to see this in old movies, and in Bollywood type movies, where the husband would disappear for years and suddenly return. In these movies, the women eventually took the man back, because he "changed" and she loved and forgave him. His reasoning was always, "I made a mistake". MEN push this! This is how they want women to be, i.e. let men have their fun, and return when they want to (or after the children are grown). At least that's what I concluded. I never agreed with that, but can see how it would work the way you use it. I can also see how your method works with anybody. NOT JUST WITH MEN. Deciding to part abruptly with certain people, can bring a large amount of peace and tranquility to one's life.
Yes, I had a friend who said her father would tell his family he was going to the corner store for a newspaper and come back two years later, sit down and read a newspaper like it literally was fifteen minutes later. He did this several times in her childhood. Now, image how this messed her up.
Says more about the person who would stoop to do the ghosting than it does about the person that got ghosted. Ghosting is a selfish, cowardly thing to do. Grow up and face the necessary confrontation to end a relationship like a proper adult.
That's your position, but if the other person doesn't hold it, or doesn't care what you think about them, they are going to do what works for THEM. My role here is not to demand that people stop ghosting because that would be a waste of my time. The purpose of this video is to explain to women why men do it, and why they should not get in their feelings over it or feel that it means something is wrong with THEM. It's just a style, just like breaking up by letter, with a fake fight, by text, over the phone, etc. People are always and forever gonna do what works for THEM without regard for what you think or feel about it, especially when they are done with you. They owe you nothing, not even the opinion that they "end a relationship like a proper adult" according to your standards.
Deborrah Cooper Ghosting is not a “style” of breakup. It’s called avoidance by not facing an issue head on. It’s cowardly and selfish. I’m not talking about ghosting someone you dated for a week. I’m talking about the lasting psychological damage you can actually do to the other party when significant time has been mutually invested in one another. What is sad in this day in age is people who take zero responsibility for the pain they could potentially inflict or may cause others long term by doing this. I suppose it’s easier to ghost for people like you than to actually resolve/end a situation, yes, like an adult. Avoidance is easier because it takes the burden off you and shifts the weight to the other person who is left to heal from the abandonment with absolutely no closure. A simple statement or goodbye could save the other person a severe emotional trauma. Perhaps you should look into psychology and have a little bit more compassion toward your fellow human being. ✌🏽
What does "significant time mutually invested' mean tho? See, a lot of women read into things that aren't there. Just cause a dude is coming around fucking you doesn't mean you have a relationship of any weight. And therein lies the confusion. Booty calls, FWBs, casual dating even for months on end do not mean anything and ghosting is often what happens. The only way one should not ghost? If you are engaged or married. Anything else is just spending time. You don't need closure from the other person anyway, that is a fallacy that women have been telling each other. You give yourself closure. DATING TIPS #16 - STOP LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO GIVE YOU CLOSURE ua-cam.com/video/p6oowtO9EGM/v-deo.html
@@Debsterism I feel like you haven't met many healthy people in your life. You can and do deserve respect and yes there are some assholes, but some people care. And actually according to psychology promoting healthy behaviour and unpromising unhealthy behaviour (ghosting) does help in general so......
I was ghosted remember what goes around comes around sooner or later the person called me back wanted me to call I didn't return the call I said bye have a nice life
Deb, are you sure men and women are really meant to have relationships? LOL...It seems like we don't speak the same language, aren't on the same page and are always playing cat and mouse games with each other. This ish is exhausting!
+Amaunet It's only exhausting when you put your feelings into every exchange you have with men...when you get your hopes up...dream of happily ever after and all that fairy tale shit. When you accept that dealing with niggas is exactly the same as dealing with racist corporate employees at the job, your mind will be right and you'll feel empowered vs defeated. Life is a game in all aspects. I've been trying my best to show you ladies how to win.
Deborrah Cooper somebody send her the Anita Baker fairytale song. that'll get her right REAL quick. Disney got us fooled out here. Ain't no fairytales with these Niggas!
Yeah. I stopped putting my feelings into dating a few years back, so much that I just stopped dating all together. I don't know when I'm gonna try and meet guys again, but this peace and quiet feels really good.
Deborrah Cooper My brother recently told me that these men that im dating aint shit until they are. Meaning, when i go on these dates and i have a good time, let that moment be that moment and dont never get your hopes high with these dudes. That way when and if they do dissapoint you are protecting yourself.
I have to admit that I recently got ghosted. Met him online, went on 3 dates, talked on the phone for hours then poof! lol He sent a text after 2 days of no contact saying "Call me when u can"..Then after not responding to him he sent a video msg "Oh..you must be busy at work...I looked at that msg like 😒😒😒 #BoyBye I never responded..so back at ya! fuckboy 😂😂😂 Two can play that game 🎲
This the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. The guy might have been busy with work, friends or family. 2 days is not ghosting. Every man has had a woman blow him off for over pursuing. He probably was just giving you some space and not having you feel smothered. Sounds like you blew off a good guy
I don't think "ghosting" is wrong, i don't owe an explanation to someone I barely know. Now... if there has been sex had and months have gone by it's a bit cruel to do this to someone. Deb you are so right if women pay attention they'll know why the guy went ghost, pay attention to what he says when you meet and talk, if you're not what he truly wants (it could be just sex, wife material, certain manners) he'll go ghost, don't be angry, be glad he's showing you upfront who he is. This is why it's important to NOT have sex too soon.
God is doing you a favor. Let that little boy be on his way to the little grown girls that like playing hide and seek. He can go to HELL. And if he put gasoline boxers on his ASS will get there FASTER!!! Oh,put a lock on the Cookie Jar!!! GHOST THAT!!!!
Hahahahaha yasssss. That’s why I make a guy wait for the cookie for 3 months. If he’s ghosts during that time frame I know his true intentions! Boi bye!
Hahaha yass that's how I think if it too! Guy just ghosted me the other night. Oh well..thanks for that bomb ass mexican food and that delicious chocolate cake!!! Next!
There are levels to "ghosting." Its one thing if you're not in a serious relationship or courtship. If you've only been out a few times, its usually pretty clear when the chemistry isn't there and the fade out is a possibility. But I've seen friends who've been in real relationships and had that happen to them. That shit is just unacceptable. One of my friends dated a guy for two years, went on vacations, met one another's friends and family, the whole thing -- and he ghosted her. I've done the fade out on a few that I've just casually dated. I'll stop answering their calls or responding to their texts. But if they reach out to me and ask me what's up, I have no problem letting them know its just not going to work out. Now once I do that, if he wants to keep calling that's on him. But I'm not going to let a man keep reaching out to me and not give him a very basic explanation if he asks.
It obviously IS acceptable because you have no choice but to accept it. lololol. I'm sorry, but unless you are married, you are still single and ghosting can happen to you at any time for any reason. Women need to remember that and stop putting so much faith in "meeting families" and "going on trips" and other shit you can do with platonic friends. It means ZILCH, ZERO, NADA unless you have said "I DO!" It's nice you offer closure for those who want it. I don't believe in getting closure from outside myself, so I don't expect any and I don't give any. Except in very rare occasions where I wish to continue some sort of relationship with the fella cause he is hella cool.
I think you should at the least tell a person its over when in a serious relationship, married or not. Example, a friend's sister was living with her child's father. She came home one day and all his stuff gone -- he had been living with her to save up to buy a house, and closed on the house and moved out without telling her anything. Also there are plenty of married folks who have basically been ghosted in some form or another. So, marriage doesn't necessarily carry anymore weight when it comes to that. I just try to give out what I want to get back. It doesn't always work out that way, but I can only control me.
+hoya girl living with her is single. She has no business investing money into anything under such circumstances. No, marriage wont prevent ghosting, but what it DOES do is give you rights to half of everything. Whether they talk to you or a judge, they gonna be speaking up at some point. There is a big difference.
I understand the difference. I still think that grown people in serious relationships should communicate and verbally end things. Especially if you're living with and/or have a child with that person. Which if you have a child with a person, you still might end up in front of a judge over child support. You don't have to give a long drawn-out explanation on the reason why, but at the very least just simply say its over. But that's just my opinion and how I like to handle my relationships. Thankfully I've never had to experience that in a serious situation, because I'm certainly not the one for it, lolol.
hoya girl that's nice. But Deb was trying to give you the real. It really doesn't matter what you prefer. Ghosting is a way of life so don't be surprised if/when it happens to you.
But I notice when I have told men that I feel we don't have any thing in common after one date they continue to stalk for years. The men I have encountered seem to be possessive.
I am 63, been with my partner 5 years all good. Was ghosted for 2 weeks the other month because I upset him with something I said over him not taking his dog to the vet. I was distraught and tried to make contact, he just kept ignoring me. We got over that and carried on with the relationship then 5 weeks later he snapped at me literally over nothing and said "I've got the hump now" and walked out (we have our own homes) that was 10 days ago and no contact from me this time and he hasn't bothered. I am hurt, upset, confused and tearful but his stuff is now in the shed....whatever his problem or reason I am NOT going there again. As far as I am concerned you don't do that to someone you supposedly love so he is gone.I will survive......
@@Fet820 Hiya, no he hasn't, neither have i. Its now going into 6 weeks so it's definitely over. He came to my house after 3 weeks to get his stuff whilst I was at work (the nerve of him!) luckily I had changed the locks and he got his stuff from the shed. I saw him once over the park walking his dog, he ran and hid lol. I think he wanted out and used the silliest of Tiff's to walk away. He is now drinking a lot in the local, he can get on with it! How immature and childlike! Thank you for asking..
I have never been ghosted but I cant imagine anyone taking somebody back when and if they come back. Why on earth would you be bothered with them? Unless you have a child with him but even then, I would be extremely cautious.
I have taken someone back, but that was due to inexperience and I was totally unaware of the level of narcissistic abuse I was under from them. 5 years wasted I think what Deb needs to do is cover the different levels of ghosting, because ghosting from someone you barely know is quite different to ghosting from a narc who's been with you for years and ghosted you on say moving into a new house, and they get all their friends and family to help them hide (group narcissistic action). There are levels to it so taking a person back is very much possible, especially when it was long term. Had to force my sister to allow my niece start holding hands early so she can get the experience she needs, because we went through hell being overly sheltered - but then narc females enjoy doing that to girls. Husbands ghost too so really it needs categorising per level.
+ckzckw There is no difference at all. I'm a bottom line person. In the end you are left behind exactly the same. The length of time you were involved is irrelevant. The behavior is exactly the same as well.
Well I will agree to disagree with you there. Because the motivation and meaning is very, very different. Sociopaths use ghosting to trauma bond their targets, but healthy people like you or I might use it to terminate a relationship that is incompatible and usually it's a result of the other person not respecting our boundaries or simply growing apart and the other person not respecting your change in lifestyle. The difference in motivation is huge, between someone you're dating and someone you're married to or engaged with, and for narcs the opportunity to repeat ghost is motivated by their need to control you for as long as possible. Sure they all don't want to deal with you but their motivations/reasoning is very different. Although since my experience I have taken people back just to study if they'll try it again, men can be hilarious. i think women in general are graceful ghosts and do walk into the light, but it seems men like to come back to haunt. I swear they need to go hiking or get some kind of real hobby.
ckzckw Same here. I took a lot of shit from boys in the past thinking that was normal behavior or that it was my fault why they were being ignorant to me due to being inexperienced and very sheltered and unaware of the abuse I was actually getting. We girls take them back thinking “oh, he’s changed” or “he really does care or he wouldn’t be saying this”.. 6 years of experience now hahah NOPE. He’s just milking it for all it’s worth. If the guy wants you, he will make you his before another guy can, that simple.. if he doesn’t then you are just somebody he only comes to when he’s bored.
Yes This Ghosting I'd shallow cowardly behaviour. I respect other people's feelings and tell them straight, so they can stop wasting time on someone who isn't matched.
Come on people we all have ghosted atleast 1 person in our lives whether it was a friend or a lover bc it didn't work out. Not saying it's the best way to handle it but it's better then trying to convince the person whos in denial why you're walking out. I use to hate when people went ghost on me, until I realized I've done it too so who am I to act any better. I do agree though once someone ghosts you that they better keep it that way. If you wanna leave you can but don't think you can come back and I'll accept you with open arms. They left for a reason for the 1st time so no need to waste eachothers time anymore. If it's toxic then walk away and move on.
Maybe, "I AM" GOD, when it comes to dealing with MALE-GENDERS and MEN in this respect. It has NEVER crossed my HEART and BRAIN that I should ever reconsider being with a male or man if they "GHOST" me. I am not that kind of girl who ask a male-gender, "Why did you do this or why did you do that? ( some women gets away with that question with me) NOT a male or man. If that question is even in my sub-conscious, right away I know there is DANGER up ahead! So, if a male-gender or a man (there is a difference between these two) as left me or not speak to me (out of the blue corn moon), I could NEVER allow that ONE to be back in my life even with PARDON, EXCUSES and REASONS. I cannot imagine retuning to eat a vomit .... that as already left a bitter taste in my mouth! ....Once again , Deborah, you are BEYOND REPROACH in knowing how to HANDLE our MALE counterparts!
Iam a New Subcriber and I absolutely love this video! This is Me to a "T"!!!!!!!!! ..I just figured it just part of me! I swear to goodness I do this with no absolute remorse!. Period! Thank you for this Vid!!!
This is happening to me right now and it really hurts....I'm older haven't dated in ten years - back in the day men didn't go to this extreme - we just broke up - no games or manipulation - seems they need to entertain themselves more these days than act like a man I'm angry but mainly heartbroken
Awww. I'm so sorry to hear that you're upset. You're in the right place though. Listening to my videos on how to deal with these modern men and control your emotions will be helpful since you've been out of the scene for awhile.
Hi Deb, I had someone who ghosted me almost 2 years ago. He called and left a voicemail mail at noon this past Saturday. I have not returned the call. Not sure if he's worth my time and space to return the call. Then I had a ghosting this past Saturday. I was at a gala and ran into someone I met earlier this year. We talked, waited in line at the buffet, he bought me a drink, sat at the table with me at dinner and talked some more. He left the table to mingle and so did I. We met back up at the table later. Then he got up again mingled I thought he was coming back, he never returned to say goodbye or anything. He was gone after 2 hours.
Teresa, you did not follow protocol. Once someone ghosts you, or you break up with them, you are supposed to IMMEdIATELY block their number from ever calling and texting; block them on all social media accounts; send their EMAIL to your SPAM/DELETE folder. And in the event they call from a different number and you accidentally answer, you immediately hang up when you hear their voice without acknowledging them, and block that number as well. He should not have been able to call you after two years or even 2 minutes. The guy at the party did not ghost you since you two were never in a relationship. Just because you knew him and chatted, doesn't mean anything. he didn't promise you that he was coming back, did he? So your expectation that he come back or say goodbye and all that was unwarranted. He most likely felt like he said goodbye when he got up from the table to go mingle some more. You should have been doing the same rather than sitting there waiting for his tired ass to roam back by.
I believe when you ghost someone, you should forget them and stay away from them. you have said through actions that you don't want that person. Ghosting is one thing, but thinking that person will still want you after you ghosted them is beyond disrespectful.
They don't think you do want them, but they are checking to SEE IF YOU DO OR NOT. If you do, they know you have Zero self esteem and self respect, so they go back for round two of torturing you.
Ummmm... I do the ghosting. When they show negative behavior....no need to explain why. We're all grown, and they know why. I have no time to argue, explain nor debate my feelings. People wind up missing, explaining WHY you don't like them. NOPE. I EXIT BY GHOSTING. You'll stay alive longer.
Usually someone else is in the picture. There are signs it's about to happen. The put in minimum effort just enough to keep you around to see if the other option will work out , this is when doing the slow fade?. It may not be someone else. He doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship. He just wants to enjoy dating other people.. He doesn't want the same thing you want
I remember all that, it was emotionally taxing, it's hard not to develop feelings or start to enjoy someone's company if there's a connection, but you never know where things stand. Single for now, enjoying my time, I don't miss any of that.. At all!
Usually someone ISN'T in the picture - not yet. They just don't want YOU in the picture. I agree though that they want to keep that spot open and available for someone else to slide into that picture frame of their boo thang they have in their mind. They tried you in the frame, and you didn't fit.
Why would the guy who ghosts you keep you on all social media platforms despite ghosting you? Wouldn't they want you gone from their lives in all aspects including social media profiles?
Deborrah Cooper I've ghosted and been ghosted it's just a cycle that people do we've all done it for differen't reasons. I had a guy befote who led me on then ghosted me an he would always come back months later and ignore me again once he realized that I still liked him, same routine. I finally got fed up with it and moved on and fell in love with someone else and got into a relationship, he tried a few more times to play the same shit and I always made it clear that I was done with him. The way I view it now, if you wanna leave that's fine you can leave bc I don't want you to stick around if you're not happy or making me miserable but once you leave don't think I'll let you back in, best to just stay away bc I'll be done. I don't chase people anymore if you can leave so easily then I must have not of been that important to you so why beg for anyone who can't even stay after doing so much for them? Lol nope. Too old for that middle school bullshit.
Guys like to have a plan B and, also love to stalk. You don't want to be his second option incase it doesn't work out with someone else he mite come back to you.
I had to GHOST this guy.... he got a bit obsessed with me and got too emotional way too quickly and i tried to give him hints and trying not to hurt his feelings to back down a bit, but i just had to give him the permanent dial tone... its either i broke his soul or leave him wondering. He was just that type that needed a hard cover novel named "Why I ain't interested in you no more boo boo" as an explanation... i just ain't got the time..... signed Ghost
Eliza Noslen Yeah guys don't take hints very well I've learned. I'm just blunt and idgaf. I've been called mean and bitter LMAO. I'm not bitter, I just don't give a fuck LOL. I really dont.
men think hints from women are a 'yes'. smh and if you're polite in saying no then hell that means please continue in their eyes. This society really messed some of them up. I find they only respond when treated like children, ala discipline them like super nanny, tell them no, and stick to your standards, ignore the tantrums and enjoy the peace and sanity.
To me 👻 ing is a childiest behavior when u aren't acting the way they want a control freak move. They 👻 u like putting away a toy and later coming back like they didn't do anything to play with again until they 👻 u again. They want a reaction from you be it good or bad. They come back to see if you are weak. it's best to go no contact and block this immature unworthy person to be around out of your life. They come back to see how damage u are after ghosting u. They can't confront u about anything so they ghost because they don't want to appear that they care
I love "Fade Out!" I get in the wind baby. I'm not going to struggle trying to make bull shit work. Exactly, nothing else to do. Yesss, I can mingle with no emotions. It's usually them that fucks up with me to make me cut out. I have no more time to waste.
I was with a man for 10 months . I knew him since I was 10 years old. I was going through a divorce and we fell in love . He told me he loved me first. Then he ghosted me right before my divorce was final!!! No sex!!! No contact then 3 months later he texted me happy Birthday! Really werid immature behavior!
If the man talks about forever, and future, and ghosts you he is being a prick, and selfish, immature, no manners, rude, and disgusting, they often do this again to you!
I ghosted a guy before because I was tired of feeling like I was dealing with a 4 year old. I couldn't do it. He thought he was going to do what he wanted to do despite my boundaries, but he was wrong. Talking to him was like talking to the wall, so I just cut all contact.
I've ghosted and been ghosted it's just a cycle that people do we've all done it for differen't reasons. I had a guy before who led me on then ghosted me an he would always come back months later and ignore me again once he realized that I still liked him, same routine. I finally got fed up with it and moved on and fell in love with someone else and got into a relationship, he tried a few more times to play the same shit and I always made it clear that I was done with him. The way I view it now, if you wanna leave that's fine you can leave bc I don't want you to stick around if you're not happy or making me miserable but once you leave don't think I'll let you back in, best to just stay away bc I'll be done. I don't chase people anymore if you can leave so easily then I must have not of been that important to you so why beg for anyone who can't even stay after doing so much for them? Lol nope. Too old for that middle school bullshit.
Same thing happened to me I met this dude from Mexico (Im in Canada) when me and him were in a relationship he was seeing another girl from the uk claiming they were just friends then another girl from the us claiming they were just friends long story short he ghosted me when we were together then ended up claiming in the end girl from the uk was better then me and he ended it so his dumbass flew to the uk she didn’t want him so he chased after the girl in the us doing the same thing she didn’t want him either so who did he come running back to? Me at that time i already met somebody fell in love and told him he was the past and I was done and over him he claimed he was just checking on me and said I was the best ex he ever had and wanted to say more but I had said sorry I’m gonna respect my future husband and block you now so I did and that was that.
All you ladies were confused. You cannot be in a relationship with someone in another country. HAHAHAHA! You were living a fantasy and he woke you up. Stop it. Stop thinking you can date men halfway around the world.
Not long before a guy ghosted he was asking me to meet his parents and I felt was too clingy. When I didn’t match his energy he said he wanted to be friends (broke it off over via text) which I was cool with and looking forward to a friendship with him instead, but he has been unreachable since. Dudes are so flakey and weird. like learn how to communicate how you actual feel and what you want.
I’ve ghosted a few men and DON’T feel bad about it... I can usually tell if I want to pursue anything further after one conversation. The few I have ghosted continued to contact me multiple times after no response. Mind you, I never strung these individuals along or even had a first date with them... this is exactly why I ALWAYS use a google number! Lol
I was ghostet not long ago. So I just switched my phone off and do not care anymore. As I switched it on there were so many messages and calls. After this this person have not done this anymore.
I was ghosted by a man that I believed to be my best friend. We were together for a year and a half and yes we had some issues but to be honest he would do or say something that didn't make since and I thought it was weird as to why he would say something like that. But I was and still am naive and at my age that is really sad. But I had one long term relationship for aprox 24yrs and still gave him 2 more yrs of my life then I finally went on my second first date of my life. Met a guy that I thought could be the one and was with him 3 months and I was wrong. But the 3rd guy is the one that ghosted me and he knew everything about me and my life as I believed he told me about his life and his ex wife. But that is who he went back to is his ex wife and this is after he said that we would meet and talk about things. It honestly about killed me. I truly loved him and could not believe he could do me like that. November will be 3 yrs since we last talked. Although he did call me 10 months later and I debated on answering the phone but I did and I said " I believe you dialed the wrong number ". Then silence, I said hello twice and he kept the line open for 13 mins. I did text him a few days later and let him know that I know he didn't butt dial me because my number wouldn't be in his phone let alone his recent contacts because if his ex wife would find out she wouldn't be very happy. And that was the last time I have heard from him. I do know that him and his ex wife are no longer together and that he is back on the same dating app that he met me on. I'm healing slowly but surely. I will never let a man inside my heart at that level ever again. Ever.... And if I do decide to let that happen this man will treat me like the person I know I should be treated like. I know I am a good person with a good heart. Maybe that is why he took advantage of me because of my good heart. I don't know but I see nothing wrong with someone ghosting someone after a couple of dates hut not after a year and a half. And this man had the nerve to say he waited 6 months to be with me, he didn't wait for nothing, he took. So that pretty much shows what he truly is even though I don't want to believe it. Thank you for your video.
Having been so called Ghosted myself recently aged 46 for the first time. I would never do this to someone else that was annoying me, maybe to someone you hardly know online yes but not someone who had feelings for me. I always tell them. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I don't agree with normalizing this behaviour by giving it trendy names, whatever you call it in my book it's shallowness and cowardice and crule.
Nah. It’s cowardice and crap. People who do that have no integrity. No style and really selfish. Usually abused or felt they were. People who can’t communicate are hardly on a journey lol.
It's not that they can't communicate, it's that they don't want to be bothered with you. Stop trying to flip this into something palatable for you as to why you got rejected. They are just done sir. Deal with it.
Those who ghost and glorify ghosting, understand this. Ghosting is an irresponsible and coward act. It is like stabbing a knife into a someone while they are not watching, simply because you think they have wronged you or you feel like discarding them. Yes, it hurts others. If you feel good, you are probably sick to the core. Unless you learn good and sincere communication skill, which is a better option than ghosting, you can never develop good healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise, coz you are so used to burning bridges instead of repairing them. I was ghosted by a girl who monkey branched away during lockdown, it hurt me to the core. Didn't I want her back if she ever swing back, oh hell ya initially because I was so confused and my heart and ego in ruin. Now that after 1.5 month of no contact, I begin to feel her leaving could be a blessing in disguise.
What your upset analysis fails to acknowledge is that some people DESERVE a knife. It is done when they aren't looking because the person doesn't want to fight with them, they just want to flee. Sometimes you have to ghost because you told someone tha communicated well over and over that you are miserable and they are working your nerves with their antics, but they continue doing it because they ain't trying to hear all that. If they are happy they insist that you should be too. Sometimes the person being ghosted is incapable of a good healthy relationship and you WANT to blow up any bridge that will help them come back into your life! Your perspective is because you are hurt. Shrug. It happens. But nobody is obligated to break up with you the way you want them to. It is done in the way that is best FOR THEM.
Man showed up at my door today out if the blue w flowers! Im like who the f@ck is this? I started crying cause I thought he died! He said he had a health scare & I thought of that too, but Im not getting my panties in a bunch.
Took me 8 minutes to respond to a text invitation to dinner. Get to his house and he is inside and will not open the door, or phone or texts....assumed I had plans because it took me 8 minutes to reply. Now I am ghosted and on silent treatment. WTH. Been with him 2.5 years.
For me, ghosting is a way to take back myself. If the woman I'm seeing has been constantly mistreating me not respecting me, and she's not all to blame because people will do what you let them do... I will ghost that ass. Because if it has gotten that far , then I need to step back and reevaluate myself for letting someone treat me that way. My question is ...does that person ever feel guilty or understand why they got ghosted?
I guy blocked me the day we made plans, ghosted me day of and a week later, called me back. He calmly.explained why he stood me up (clearly some bull) and offered no apology. Then he claimed his phone has a mind of it's own and Didn't block me. Really? For a week he blocked me. All of that was a lot. Being ghosted, blocked, gaslit about being blocked and then him not apologizing. 😠😡
I went through that a year ago I cried and felt disliked then he stopped responding for a while we first met he stopped responding it broke my heart i felt disliked he would ask how are you then I put I’m doing great then he delayed me I don’t get the communication I wish he will come back he said I was a sweet loyal girl
An analogy: 'Beneficial' garbage at least will eventually - compost. It has a natural period at which it will cease to matter. Unfortunately, the same garbage we stumble upon or come across later - appearing in the same form as when it was originally seen - is a problem and a hazard. Even professionals have few to no solutions to rid the earth of this type waste. We must clearly accept that a 'composted' relationship is in a 'beneficial' stage..and be grateful that it did just that. 🤷🏾♀️
I ghosted my girlfriend back in '16. I told her I needed time, we should be separate, & I'll call her after her exams (in a couple weeks) & we'll talk. Basically I dumped her. I didn't call her ever again, I ghosted her. I felt that I'd moved on, & it would be too messy to deal with her. Again even if it were to reconfirm my feelings, Which would be mean spirited (ironic I know). I've always felt so bad about it, that was a scumbag move. I'm not that guy, but in this case I was. It's not something I'm proud of. I say that to say this, this is a great video, & I'm very sincere. P.S I came across her on social media today, &. . . She accepted my invite.
But you make it sound like it's just you they're not into not respecting, when in reality if the dude does this to one person/ they do the samething to everyone
Not true. They shole don't do that to their boss, now do they? They don't go popping off and acting a fool to a gun holding cop, now do they? These idiots do what they do primarily to those younger, smaller, weaker or a different gender than they are because they feel powerful and in charge. They can control how they treat people - they just don't want to.
I came to wacth this video all sad & shit about being ghosted I listened to the whole video and realized I ghosted a lot! of people and now somebody ghosted my ass back.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Soo, my situation here. Im a bit on the younger side, i admitted my feelings to this guy and he hasnt responded for 2 months I believe. He's obsessed with me though, constant staring and social media stalking. I will admit, hes attractive and would be my first (if he decides to get himself together). We dont talk, like at all. Hardly know him besides his name. He has resurfaced and given me an answer confirming his feelings. Idk if this is a sort of (i needed time to prepare) thing, on his part. Would appreciate some advice.
Listening to this made my stomach hurt, ghosting is not okay at all. If you don’t think with your emotions that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean the next person doesn’t. I feel if someone has been good to you and has given their time and body, and they were initially a good person to you, if you are not interested anymore you should tell them. There are some people who can deal with a ghoster, but all people are made differently. I was ghosted because the man I was seeing didn’t want a relationship but I did, and because I had invested so much time and energy into him (4yrs) I wanted to fight for the relationship. One day he decided for me that he wasn’t to be chained (that was 9mths ago), I haven’t heard a word since. It broke me, I was already messed up from other bad situations,but he was someone I felt I knew and it just really broke me. I’ll never be the same and I’ll never trust the same. Ghosting is cruel and damaging and for you to think it’s okay makes you a sick person. Closure helps people move on, so I’d rather deal with the emotion up front than to cause someone irreparable damage for a lifetime. I hope my person finds his happiness, now I need to try and repair his damage.
Listen to this video about closure. You are wrongly thinking that HE is supposed to give YOU closure. This video explains how silly that thinking is and why it is self-destructive. ua-cam.com/video/p6oowtO9EGM/v-deo.html
Plus, if he straight told you that he didn't want a relationship with you, what was this imaginary relationship you were fighting for? That makes it sound like the only way you would leave him the hell alone was for him to ghost you. Because you refused to listen.
Deborrah Cooper you are correct, but when I pulled away from him before he came after me so I assumed he liked me more than just sexually, but there were other signs that he didn’t that I ignored. After viewing this video I understand my part in this taking place and get why he left. Thank you for your response and the Closure video, I’ll watch it now.
For the most part, ghosting is a lack of respect for the other person. I know men who give closure and have the balls to put up with the whining and leave but they give an explanation about why they are leaving. I respect that more than someone who just decides to leave with no explanation. To me that is cowardice. When you break up and end things the way they should be, it shows you have respect for that person. The person deserves an explanation. It may be painful but at least you gave them closure and that's all that matters. It is worse leaving someone asking themselves a million questions about why you left and what they did wrong or could have done better. People with integrity do the right thing, which is to give closure. People with no conscience or integrity don't care about what others feel. They are selfish. They just don't want to be bothered and they hope you will just figure it out all by yourself. This is not ok. I believe in karma so I would rather do things by the book. Would I give the ghost a second chance? It depends. Every circumstance is different. If they left taking me for granted, most likely I won't give them another chance.
#1 Nobody gives you closure, you give it to yourself. #2 doesn't matter what THEY didn't like, as you aren't with them anymore. Who gives a shit? #3 why seek anything from someone who can't stand you? I don't get why so many women come crying about someone ghosting them and deserving closure. From some MF who can't stand you anymore. For real?
,@@Debsterism I get your points but as for me, I would rather live by the golden rule. Yes, they didn't give me closure. But I won't do it to someone else. The golden rule says to treat others as you would want to be treated. Let's say I'm the MF who can't stand them anymore. I will say to their face why I'm leaving. "I can't stand you anymore because of this, this, and this..." Bye...
The golden rule is for women who are suckas. Replace that with Deb's Rule: "treat others exactly how they treat you." This means men and all evil-hearted heffas who act stupid are treated like they are stupid without the least bit of regard. You can and should treat others with courtesy and respect for starters as everyone starts with a clean slate, but the second they go off the rails and do anything or say anything disrespectful, you mirror their energy right back to them. Instantly. I do not and never will advise women to adhere to the Golden Rule, as it is keeping women in line with being a "nice girl" and a "good girl" Being good and nice all the time means you get steamrolled, your boundaries violated, taken advantage of, taken for granted, and abused.. Most men see female kindness as weakness. Be careful who you Golden Rule in life.
@@Debsterism Obviously, after the guy or person has shown their true colors, I won't apply the golden rule. I'm referring to first-timers. Once I know who I am dealing with, that's a different story. If I have to ghost them to get them off my back, they obviously deserve that and more.
I was in a casual relationship with a Woman almost 3 years ago and ended it in a ghosting way and she eventually met up with me and called me out on it. When I met with her to "officially" end it, I just didn't care at the time and took the fall and apologized. I was going through a time when a loved one was days away from dying and I just didn't have it in me to continue the relationship. That being said there was no excuse to what I did and she deserved to hear it from me. At least there would have been some closure there. 3 years later now and I still feel remorse for hurting her like that. Bottom line is I just didn't have the balls to tell her and got bit in the butt by trying to get away with just not talking to her or showing up.
Screw him .. I don't think he's coming back. He already know.. he got mad because I did not bed him!.. the next day at met a guy. ( one night stand ) .. this guy rocked my world. It could have been his if he act right. Oh ..if hes ghosted let him stay gone..
The one who I was actually seeing, I put my foot down with him bec he had acted badly in the past. So I put up parameters. He's a whackadoo, so he ghosted me just before surgery, and just before my birthday. No problem, I had someone in my corner, surgery went well, and as usual I took my damn self out for my birthday. It's always a pleasant date when I go out alone 😁
A guy ghosted me about 6 yrs ago. We would go to movies, nice dinners or just to the park. Although I wasn't attracted to him,I thought we had a good friendship and I liked hanging out with him. One day he told he'd pick me up from work but he refused to answer or text back so I caught a cab home. About two months later he called and asked if I wanted to go to this nice restaurant overlooking the river and I told him yeah,I'd be dressed in an hour or so. Well an hour later he started calling and texting non-stop and I REFUSED to answer just like he did me. After the 9,10th call,he started texting me calling me "immature childish ass bitch,weak ass hoe,I just wanted to fuck anyway"etc. Needless to say my petty ass was on my balcony, drinking Hennessy, cracking the fuck up 😭😭😭🍹🍹😭😭😭🍹🍹🍹🍹
I wasn't insulted that he ghosted me,I was insulted that he thought he could come back.
Hahaha!! #petty #loveit
I’ve gotten to this level of petty/savage & feels 😊 good.
YAYYYYYY!!!! excellent comeback👍👏
They definitely can't take what they dish out!
😂😂😂 I wish I wish mine comes back
When they ghost you and come back, that is a RED EFFIN FLAG run run run, that there is a narcissist who probably stalked you after the ghosting and got pissed that you managed just fine without him. Run Run Run!
ckzckw so true!
ya, WTF?
Hell yeah. Lol!
Yeah they want revenge
It is really frightening that both men and women comment same things. Where is the damn line that keeps sexes separated?
I like men that ghost, they weed themselves out before I have to.
Ghats good one
As long as they don't string you along and it's soon after you meet, but not after a long time of intimacy.
Facts 🙌🏿👏🏿😆☺️🥳🎊🍾🎉🤣🥰😇😂😆
Yup, the trash just throws itself out. No need to do it yourself.
Good point but that also means they wasted my time. Men could get a girl pregnant could suddenly ghost, men could steal and lie from you and then ghost. Not always good but you have a good point! I don’t have to beat his ass or embarrass him 😂
To me it's worse if someone ghosts and wants to come back.
Guys who really like you as a woman will never do that. Ghost me once, goodbye!
jjamerican93 I Sooooooooo Agree with you on that Note Hon!!!!
That is exactly right. Do not ever let folks do the revolving door thing in and out of your life and bed. Once they get up and go that door should be locked to them.
Deborrah Cooper A guy did that to me back in 2013. A guy led me on and hung out a few times, then gets distant and stands me up 3 different times then tells me I need someone better and ignores me for a while but would randomly come back and hit me up acting like he still wanted me and once I responded back he’d ignore me again and I wouldn’t hear from him for another couple of months. I finally said “fuck it, he doesn’t want me? Someone else will.”
I moved on and 2 months later I fall in love and get into a relationship and the “ghost boy” tried like 5 more times to come back and I told him that I wasn’t interested anymore and was with someone else.
He tried again back in October to sleep with me and I told him I wasn’t going back to that shit again and how he was 5 years too late. Plus my heart is with someone else now. They always come back for that satisfaction to see if they could still have you.
@@Poison_Ivy22 sis block him in every way possible
hiawathia 1 Oh I didn’t need to block him. I’m over him lol
It's also called NARCISSISTIC DISCARD. Don't go back!!!
exactly
theviolingeek amen
Nope. Not all are narcissists. Douche-bags? Yes.
correct
@@chizee3945 it actually is
Golden rule to live by. Always go where your presence is celebrated and not tolerated. Unless you're involved in a serious relationship the person don't owe you anything. Just move on and understand every relationship, friendship, has an expiration date.
SAY THAT!!!
Very true
This part. On to the next one!
When someone wants to walk. LET THEM WALK.
Never give them a second chance if they ghost, my biggest mistake
if you don't talk to me I won't talk to you. if you're nice to me I'll be nice to you. I will be the biggest mirror there is. I cook fast. bunch of narcissist.
Aleta Sykes yep! Same here, I'm a good mirror.
Caramel Gazelle I like that 👍🏻👌🏼
Who the hell wants a person like that? Clearly they have arrested development ... A little boy in a mans body!
@@1besieged Lol!
Tell a guy you’re not having sex with him and see how quickly he ghosts you.
Don't give a ghoster another chance.
I agree they've already shown their childish
@@nikolatraynor9883 Maybe they mean it permanently. If ghosting happens after 1 or 2 dates, okay. Byyyy...and have a good life, I 🤔 think. When you marry them it's narcissism for sure. IT'S A HUGE PROBLEM THEN.
Ghost him like he ghost you bottom line. Move on like he did.
Yep
Yep.
nah, you are not better then. why not be better then this person?
Ooh, Aunty Deb... I've been ghosted a few times. Every last one of them tried to contact me again afterwards.
I pretend like I don't know who they are. I ask,"Who is this?" and then start rattling off several men names, any name no where close to their name!
LMAO, whew they get so mad! Some started stuttering. One guy started yelling, I yelled back, "Well I don't know who the fuck this is! Who is this? John? David?Sam? Giovanni? Ren?Leo? Christopher?!!! Who the fuck are you?!" LMAO 🤣🤣😂😂😂
I hung up on him. His name was Paul and he decided that he was going to ghost for about a month and then contact me.... he thought wrong.
Laci Greystone 😂😂😂😂😂😂
LOL!!!
Thats not ghosting hun.thats called being a man..lol
i laugheddd soo hard at this
Pretending you don’t know who they are is just as if not more silly. Typically I don’t save numbers in my phone so for the most part I really have to try to remember. But pretending is kinda petty which is why y’all are drawn together in the first place.
I once told a guy " I don't drink sour milk" when he asked to come back...then I walked away.... giggling. once milk has gone bad...it will stay bad.he tried to come back and got a taste of how that felt. maybe he'll be better in the future with someone else ....but I was done the first time.
And when they come back I treat them like casper. Im gone see right thru you
men ghost women because its one of the easiest ways to hurt us. It's a retaliation response a guy typically uses if they feel as though the woman they are ghosting did some type of wrong to them. I really don't understand this method but it's what guys do....
It's not retaliation. They just don't want to be bothered like I said, dealing with your emotions about their choice to leave you.
Yes,you are right on point. He ghosted me because I told him that I was not the woman for him. I don't play little boy games. I'M a grown woman. He stopped calling. Who's mad,NOT ME! Life moves on. The river is full. Catch another mature man and enjoy life.
It's not necessarily a retaliation response to something you've done, it's an inability to think of anything but their own emotional discomfort at looking like a bad person. It's a selfish and cowardly way out of a difficult conversation that they'd rather not have, it's sticking their heads in the sand to avoid the hassle of knowing they've done something wrong and hurt someone.
@@brendagray7357 If you TOLD HIM that you were not the woman for him, that was a breakup, not a ghosting. You're confused.
@@valeriemcknight5608 It is not an "inability" to do any such thing. They thiought about you, laughed, and went on their merry way. They don't care how you view them. They give no fucks about you. There is no point in having a difficult conversation or any other kind because they just don't care. There will be no further energy expended in your direction. It's a choice, not a hide the head. You feel entitled to their time and attention and a good-bye in the way YOU WANT IT otherwise you call the person names. You are demanding that someone who is sick of you to give a shit about your feelings. In both cases, you need to get over yourself and put your big girl pants on. Nobody owes you a damn thing in this world.
I ghosted one guy that I can remember and I honestly felt bad about it. We met online on a dating website. His pictures were nice and the conversation through email was great. But when we spoke for the first (and only) time on the phone his voice did not match what I had imagined. He smacked his lips and kept saying “Girrrl” like he was my best friend about to tell me some juicy secret. I could just imagine him flipping his hair and talking with his hands. I knew instantly that he was either gay, down low, or simply too feminine for my taste. The attraction was immediately lost! We finished a pleasant conversation and I never answered his calls or texts again. I wanted to give the poor guy a reason, but I couldn’t find a tactful way to say “Are you gay???” Lol
Gay as all hell.
yeah you better feel bad lol... that wasnt nice at all.
That was a fruit
He definitely sounds gay! Lol
Don’t feel bad.. I’ve recently ghosted a couple of guys (after one phone conversation) and I really don’t feel I owe an explanation (these individuals texted me multiple times without a response). It’s not like we went on multiple dates and strung them along. Usually a person can or should be able to tell if they want to pursue anything further after one conversation... and I ALWAYS use my google phone number lol, thanks to @deborrah cooper
I've ghosted and I've been ghosted. I used to feel some type of way but now I don't. It's a part of dating. Doesn't really matter why they do it. I detach emotionally. Next!!!
Finally, a sensible person with a rational point of view on the subject. Thank you very much K!!!
I was ghosted by a guy. He would call me every day, and indirectly trying to get me to go to his place. After I delayed and asked him what for? He just 👻 disappeared. It took me for surprise as it had never happened to me before, (ego was bruised). I never contacted him, I deleted his number and left with my dignity.
He ghosted you because you didn't do it to him first. He was being a perv creep all along, but you kept entertaining his foolishness and low count booty hound behavior. You were supposed to block him as soon as he came at you like that, not be asking him questions and having conversations about it! See, this is why I say women see the signs but ignore them and wanna get all irate about a guy ghosting them. He showed you who he was at the outset!
Heartless people do this cheap behavior ghosting
Heartless posers.
Agreed
B O O H O O
I've ghosted friends, family, lovers. It's a great feeling to cut off toxic people. Nobody has time to be telling grown people what they're doing wrong.
Honey BAE Why you calling them “friends ,family,lovers”if they are toxic like wtf that makes no sense plus you should always give an explanation if something is bothering you unless they been jerks then okay i guess but out of the blue just no
...when you really did not care - from the onset 🤨.
@@themonsternextyoyourbed8713 agreed. If you're distancing yourself ok but to ghost is childish and shows poor communication.
@@SR77736 That is your opinion. You keep missing the part about the ghoster person NOT GIVING A FUCK!!!!! So whether you think it is childish or wonderful they don't GIVE A FUCK! Why waste energy trying to communicate with someone YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT???? Your comment indicates your lack of understanding.
@@Debsterism ... im confused about where you stand. In the video you almost demonize the people who ghosts but in the comments, you also support the action of ghosting as well? lol so confused.
I know I’m a guy so please don’t attack me lol but I just wanna say there are still a small handful of men like myself who don’t condone ghosting and doesn’t do it himself. Especially for relationship purposes, communication can solve a lot of issues and setbacks
That was a sane and sensible comment. Thank you. We don't mind guys here that know how to conduct themselves.
A grown up male, how refreshing. Nice.
Wow, I was already feeling this video but when I got to the part about the dude coming back around talking about oh he was just "scared" I damn near cried. Heard that shit before for sure! When I was in my early 20s ok, that sort of made a little sense, but I just turned 26 and I have one dude in particular still sniffing around talking this exact same bullshit.
We'd talk on the phone for hours, he'd take me on nice dates, introduced me to new places but of course in between all that, there were periods of just flat out ghosting. He wasn't even pushing for SEX (which was the craziest part to me). He knew how much I liked him and he just kept ghosting. I started wondering if maybe he was married, or gay or...SOMETHING. Now, it was my stupid ass fault for letting him back into my life every time but his behavior was so perplexing I was almost compelled to get to the bottom of this shit. Even when I blocked him everywhere and set his number to auto-reject, he'd call from private/blocked or foreign numbers.
He called me last week talking the same bullshit as per usual, only with a twist. He's "really ready" now. He was just "tripping back then" and oh, he just "got freaked out" because we had such an "amazing connection". Thank you so much Ms. Cooper for making this video and stopping me from falling into this bullshit trap *once* *again* after FOUR YEARS.
Contrefaire - a similar thing happened to me with a guy except we only met up 3 times and NO SEX bc I was a virgin and he never even initiated it and he then would ghost me and come back weeks or months later telling me how much he really likes me and misses me and is scared some other guy will take me from him but is just scared and going through alot.. My dumbass believed him everytime and everytime I showed him that i still really liked him he would then ignore me again for another couple of months. 5 months of allowing his shit and I had enough and moved on and fell in love and got into a relationship about a month and a half later after being done with that prick and the prick tried a few more times again with the same bullshit but I always made it clear that I was done with his shit. He finally got the message and hasn't bothered me for over 3 years. ☺
Ghosting someone you been seeing for months, or even years, and there's obviously been a lot of time invested towards one another, and a lot of emotional investment, is totally unacceptable. And the people who do this are very selfish and probably have bpd or npd. You shouldn't hope to traumatized a person you cared for in such degree that will impact there future. You just gotta remember it says more about them then you. There fear of conflict, fear of confrontation, and there disregard for other people's feelings
There are circumstances where even after that much time with someone, ghosting them is warranted and probably the best decision to make for your own mental and physical health/safety. In general you are correct, but even then, like I said, there is no absolute RIGHT way to do it that will please everyone. Some folks are just gonna get ghosted and that's the way it is.
@@Debsterism you right, some people will get ghosted, and if the relationship was toxic then I can some what agree ghosting is warranted. But if you put it the way you said it, where your doing it for your own feelings and disregard the other person, again a selfish move. You can do it over text at the very least so that person knows what's going on and not blind sided. ANYTHING would be better than just ghosting
What does bpd or npd mean could someone answer this. Thank you
@@kaythomson5671borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder
I used to see this in old movies, and in Bollywood type movies, where the husband would disappear for years and suddenly return. In these movies, the women eventually took the man back, because he "changed" and she loved and forgave him. His reasoning was always, "I made a mistake". MEN push this! This is how they want women to be, i.e. let men have their fun, and return when they want to (or after the children are grown). At least that's what I concluded. I never agreed with that, but can see how it would work the way you use it.
I can also see how your method works with anybody. NOT JUST WITH MEN. Deciding to part abruptly with certain people, can bring a large amount of peace and tranquility to one's life.
Yes, I had a friend who said her father would tell his family he was going to the corner store for a newspaper and come back two years later, sit down and read a newspaper like it literally was fifteen minutes later. He did this several times in her childhood. Now, image how this messed her up.
Says more about the person who would stoop to do the ghosting than it does about the person that got ghosted. Ghosting is a selfish, cowardly thing to do. Grow up and face the necessary confrontation to end a relationship like a proper adult.
That's your position, but if the other person doesn't hold it, or doesn't care what you think about them, they are going to do what works for THEM. My role here is not to demand that people stop ghosting because that would be a waste of my time. The purpose of this video is to explain to women why men do it, and why they should not get in their feelings over it or feel that it means something is wrong with THEM. It's just a style, just like breaking up by letter, with a fake fight, by text, over the phone, etc. People are always and forever gonna do what works for THEM without regard for what you think or feel about it, especially when they are done with you. They owe you nothing, not even the opinion that they "end a relationship like a proper adult" according to your standards.
Deborrah Cooper Ghosting is not a “style” of breakup. It’s called avoidance by not facing an issue head on. It’s cowardly and selfish. I’m not talking about ghosting someone you dated for a week. I’m talking about the lasting psychological damage you can actually do to the other party when significant time has been mutually invested in one another. What is sad in this day in age is people who take zero responsibility for the pain they could potentially inflict or may cause others long term by doing this. I suppose it’s easier to ghost for people like you than to actually resolve/end a situation, yes, like an adult. Avoidance is easier because it takes the burden off you and shifts the weight to the other person who is left to heal from the abandonment with absolutely no closure. A simple statement or goodbye could save the other person a severe emotional trauma. Perhaps you should look into psychology and have a little bit more compassion toward your fellow human being. ✌🏽
What does "significant time mutually invested' mean tho? See, a lot of women read into things that aren't there. Just cause a dude is coming around fucking you doesn't mean you have a relationship of any weight. And therein lies the confusion. Booty calls, FWBs, casual dating even for months on end do not mean anything and ghosting is often what happens. The only way one should not ghost? If you are engaged or married. Anything else is just spending time. You don't need closure from the other person anyway, that is a fallacy that women have been telling each other. You give yourself closure.
DATING TIPS #16 - STOP LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO GIVE YOU CLOSURE
ua-cam.com/video/p6oowtO9EGM/v-deo.html
Of course it's a style of breaking up. Are you still with the person after they ghost you??? No.
@@Debsterism I feel like you haven't met many healthy people in your life. You can and do deserve respect and yes there are some assholes, but some people care. And actually according to psychology promoting healthy behaviour and unpromising unhealthy behaviour (ghosting) does help in general so......
I was ghosted remember what goes around comes around sooner or later the person called me back wanted me to call I didn't return the call I said bye have a nice life
Excellent way to handle him. Good job.
Deb, are you sure men and women are really meant to have relationships? LOL...It seems like we don't speak the same language, aren't on the same page and are always playing cat and mouse games with each other. This ish is exhausting!
+Amaunet It's only exhausting when you put your feelings into every exchange you have with men...when you get your hopes up...dream of happily ever after and all that fairy tale shit. When you accept that dealing with niggas is exactly the same as dealing with racist corporate employees at the job, your mind will be right and you'll feel empowered vs defeated. Life is a game in all aspects. I've been trying my best to show you ladies how to win.
Got it
Deborrah Cooper somebody send her the Anita Baker fairytale song. that'll get her right REAL quick. Disney got us fooled out here. Ain't no fairytales with these Niggas!
Yeah. I stopped putting my feelings into dating a few years back, so much that I just stopped dating all together. I don't know when I'm gonna try and meet guys again, but this peace and quiet feels really good.
Deborrah Cooper My brother recently told me that these men that im dating aint shit until they are. Meaning, when i go on these dates and i have a good time, let that moment be that moment and dont never get your hopes high with these dudes. That way when and if they do dissapoint you are protecting yourself.
I have to admit that I recently got ghosted. Met him online, went on 3 dates, talked on the phone for hours then poof! lol He sent a text after 2 days of no contact saying "Call me when u can"..Then after not responding to him he sent a video msg "Oh..you must be busy at work...I looked at that msg like 😒😒😒 #BoyBye I never responded..so back at ya! fuckboy 😂😂😂 Two can play that game 🎲
+Mina Jau you did well Mina! Thats how you handle fools like that. He was checking your thirst level.
Deborrah Cooper Yes! He most definitely was. Silly rabbit, I stay hydrated 💦 lol Thanks to you Deb, I'm finally getting the hang of this dating shit 😉
Good Job. These assholes are something else. Busy playing games and I'm busy moving on to something better...I hope....
You're the bomb! That will teach him.
This the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. The guy might have been busy with work, friends or family. 2 days is not ghosting. Every man has had a woman blow him off for over pursuing. He probably was just giving you some space and not having you feel smothered. Sounds like you blew off a good guy
I don't think "ghosting" is wrong, i don't owe an explanation to someone I barely know. Now... if there has been sex had and months have gone by it's a bit cruel to do this to someone. Deb you are so right if women pay attention they'll know why the guy went ghost, pay attention to what he says when you meet and talk, if you're not what he truly wants (it could be just sex, wife material, certain manners) he'll go ghost, don't be angry, be glad he's showing you upfront who he is. This is why it's important to NOT have sex too soon.
+All FHAB Sheittttt, even if we fucked, still don't owe any explanation. I never promised anything besides a good time and a nutt.
Deborrah Cooper 😂
sugarBaby 😂 ate his mamas corn bread
Why are you blaming woman, feel guilty if you want and dont love yourself a it but dont tell other women is their fault
God is doing you a favor. Let that little boy be on his way to the little grown girls that like playing hide and seek. He can go to HELL. And if he put gasoline boxers on his ASS will get there FASTER!!! Oh,put a lock on the Cookie Jar!!! GHOST THAT!!!!
Thats why a man invest in me. He can go ghost if he wants to but I'll still have my stuff and the memories of those delicious dinners he bought.
Hahahahaha yasssss. That’s why I make a guy wait for the cookie for 3 months. If he’s ghosts during that time frame I know his true intentions! Boi bye!
Hahaha yass that's how I think if it too! Guy just ghosted me the other night. Oh well..thanks for that bomb ass mexican food and that delicious chocolate cake!!! Next!
silkyslim2111 Girl that jumbo grilled shrimp over kale salad w figs and pine nuts was friggen awesome sauce!
Same yall,same! I'm still thinking about those bomb ass baos we had and the memories of the past dates. Cookie still in tact, still in the plastic.
A man buying you food is not investing in you
Infantile behavior from a lot of men of the current age. Great video.
There are levels to "ghosting." Its one thing if you're not in a serious relationship or courtship. If you've only been out a few times, its usually pretty clear when the chemistry isn't there and the fade out is a possibility. But I've seen friends who've been in real relationships and had that happen to them. That shit is just unacceptable. One of my friends dated a guy for two years, went on vacations, met one another's friends and family, the whole thing -- and he ghosted her. I've done the fade out on a few that I've just casually dated. I'll stop answering their calls or responding to their texts. But if they reach out to me and ask me what's up, I have no problem letting them know its just not going to work out. Now once I do that, if he wants to keep calling that's on him. But I'm not going to let a man keep reaching out to me and not give him a very basic explanation if he asks.
It obviously IS acceptable because you have no choice but to accept it. lololol. I'm sorry, but unless you are married, you are still single and ghosting can happen to you at any time for any reason. Women need to remember that and stop putting so much faith in "meeting families" and "going on trips" and other shit you can do with platonic friends. It means ZILCH, ZERO, NADA unless you have said "I DO!"
It's nice you offer closure for those who want it. I don't believe in getting closure from outside myself, so I don't expect any and I don't give any. Except in very rare occasions where I wish to continue some sort of relationship with the fella cause he is hella cool.
I think you should at the least tell a person its over when in a serious relationship, married or not. Example, a friend's sister was living with her child's father. She came home one day and all his stuff gone -- he had been living with her to save up to buy a house, and closed on the house and moved out without telling her anything. Also there are plenty of married folks who have basically been ghosted in some form or another. So, marriage doesn't necessarily carry anymore weight when it comes to that. I just try to give out what I want to get back. It doesn't always work out that way, but I can only control me.
+hoya girl living with her is single. She has no business investing money into anything under such circumstances.
No, marriage wont prevent ghosting, but what it DOES do is give you rights to half of everything. Whether they talk to you or a judge, they gonna be speaking up at some point. There is a big difference.
I understand the difference. I still think that grown people in serious relationships should communicate and verbally end things. Especially if you're living with and/or have a child with that person. Which if you have a child with a person, you still might end up in front of a judge over child support. You don't have to give a long drawn-out explanation on the reason why, but at the very least just simply say its over. But that's just my opinion and how I like to handle my relationships. Thankfully I've never had to experience that in a serious situation, because I'm certainly not the one for it, lolol.
hoya girl that's nice. But Deb was trying to give you the real. It really doesn't matter what you prefer. Ghosting is a way of life so don't be surprised if/when it happens to you.
But I notice when I have told men that I feel we don't have any thing in common after one date they continue to stalk for years. The men I have encountered seem to be possessive.
You need to start cussing them out. Ta;k about your gun collection.
I've never ghosted because I wouldn't want to lead someone on or for there to be any misunderstandings.
Huh?!? If you ghost someone you feel as if they would not get the hint? I am confused.
Ghosting is the inmature way of ending a relationship.
So says the person who got ghosted...
It's a narcissist behavior...run!
Hell . . . I am really bad! I ghost 👻By blocking. When they try to pop up somewhere else, I block again without any response!! 👻👻
Thank you for always putting us on to game Queen.
I am 63, been with my partner 5 years all good. Was ghosted for 2 weeks the other month because I upset him with something I said over him not taking his dog to the vet. I was distraught and tried to make contact, he just kept ignoring me. We got over that and carried on with the relationship then 5 weeks later he snapped at me literally over nothing and said "I've got the hump now" and walked out (we have our own homes) that was 10 days ago and no contact from me this time and he hasn't bothered. I am hurt, upset, confused and tearful but his stuff is now in the shed....whatever his problem or reason I am NOT going there again. As far as I am concerned you don't do that to someone you supposedly love so he is gone.I will survive......
Has he tried to contact you?
@@Fet820 Hiya, no he hasn't, neither have i. Its now going into 6 weeks so it's definitely over. He came to my house after 3 weeks to get his stuff whilst I was at work (the nerve of him!) luckily I had changed the locks and he got his stuff from the shed. I saw him once over the park walking his dog, he ran and hid lol. I think he wanted out and used the silliest of Tiff's to walk away. He is now drinking a lot in the local, he can get on with it! How immature and childlike! Thank you for asking..
I ghosted a dude I was dating for 7 months just recently.. He deserved it and Idgaf about his lame ass.. I saved myself from his BS in the future
wow
I have never been ghosted but I cant imagine anyone taking somebody back when and if they come back. Why on earth would you be bothered with them? Unless you have a child with him but even then, I would be extremely cautious.
I have taken someone back, but that was due to inexperience and I was totally unaware of the level of narcissistic abuse I was under from them. 5 years wasted I think what Deb needs to do is cover the different levels of ghosting, because ghosting from someone you barely know is quite different to ghosting from a narc who's been with you for years and ghosted you on say moving into a new house, and they get all their friends and family to help them hide (group narcissistic action). There are levels to it so taking a person back is very much possible, especially when it was long term.
Had to force my sister to allow my niece start holding hands early so she can get the experience she needs, because we went through hell being overly sheltered - but then narc females enjoy doing that to girls. Husbands ghost too so really it needs categorising per level.
+ckzckw There is no difference at all. I'm a bottom line person. In the end you are left behind exactly the same. The length of time you were involved is irrelevant. The behavior is exactly the same as well.
Well I will agree to disagree with you there. Because the motivation and meaning is very, very different. Sociopaths use ghosting to trauma bond their targets, but healthy people like you or I might use it to terminate a relationship that is incompatible and usually it's a result of the other person not respecting our boundaries or simply growing apart and the other person not respecting your change in lifestyle.
The difference in motivation is huge, between someone you're dating and someone you're married to or engaged with, and for narcs the opportunity to repeat ghost is motivated by their need to control you for as long as possible. Sure they all don't want to deal with you but their motivations/reasoning is very different.
Although since my experience I have taken people back just to study if they'll try it again, men can be hilarious. i think women in general are graceful ghosts and do walk into the light, but it seems men like to come back to haunt. I swear they need to go hiking or get some kind of real hobby.
ckzckw Same here. I took a lot of shit from boys in the past thinking that was normal behavior or that it was my fault why they were being ignorant to me due to being inexperienced and very sheltered and unaware of the abuse I was actually getting.
We girls take them back thinking “oh, he’s changed” or “he really does care or he wouldn’t be saying this”.. 6 years of experience now hahah NOPE. He’s just milking it for all it’s worth. If the guy wants you, he will make you his before another guy can, that simple.. if he doesn’t then you are just somebody he only comes to when he’s bored.
But in the end you are still thrown away. That is "the same" that I was talking about.
The cowardly Ghost
tell em Deb!
Yes This Ghosting I'd shallow cowardly behaviour. I respect other people's feelings and tell them straight, so they can stop wasting time on someone who isn't matched.
Amen sista! People that are meant to be in your life will stay.
Come on people we all have ghosted atleast 1 person in our lives whether it was a friend or a lover bc it didn't work out. Not saying it's the best way to handle it but it's better then trying to convince the person whos in denial why you're walking out.
I use to hate when people went ghost on me, until I realized I've done it too so who am I to act any better. I do agree though once someone ghosts you that they better keep it that way. If you wanna leave you can but don't think you can come back and I'll accept you with open arms. They left for a reason for the 1st time so no need to waste eachothers time anymore. If it's toxic then walk away and move on.
Maybe, "I AM" GOD, when it comes to dealing with MALE-GENDERS and MEN in this respect. It has NEVER crossed my HEART and BRAIN that I should ever reconsider being with a male or man if they "GHOST" me. I am not that kind of girl who ask a male-gender, "Why did you do this or why did you do that? ( some women gets away with that question with me) NOT a male or man. If that question is even in my sub-conscious, right away I know there is DANGER up ahead! So, if a male-gender or a man (there is a difference between these two) as left me or not speak to me (out of the blue corn moon), I could NEVER allow that ONE to be back in my life even with PARDON, EXCUSES and REASONS. I cannot imagine retuning to eat a vomit .... that as already left a bitter taste in my mouth! ....Once again , Deborah, you are BEYOND REPROACH in knowing how to HANDLE our MALE counterparts!
Iam a New Subcriber and I absolutely love this video! This is Me to a "T"!!!!!!!!! ..I just figured it just part of me! I swear to goodness I do this with no absolute remorse!. Period! Thank you for this Vid!!!
+Ara Roxx hey newbie, welcome!
This is happening to me right now and it really hurts....I'm older haven't dated in ten years - back in the day men didn't go to this extreme - we just broke up - no games or manipulation - seems they need to entertain themselves more these days than act like a man
I'm angry but mainly heartbroken
Awww. I'm so sorry to hear that you're upset. You're in the right place though. Listening to my videos on how to deal with these modern men and control your emotions will be helpful since you've been out of the scene for awhile.
Damn...the vomit analogy tho 🙃☺😷 Truth!!!
Yeah .....its a vomit
shoutout to my deadbeat dads.
Abstract Focus LMAOOOOO
A lot of these men aren’t confrontational either; they communicate like either brick walls or a 3 year old
Hi Deb, I had someone who ghosted me almost 2 years ago. He called and left a voicemail mail at noon this past Saturday. I have not returned the call. Not sure if he's worth my time and space to return the call. Then I had a ghosting this past Saturday. I was at a gala and ran into someone I met earlier this year. We talked, waited in line at the buffet, he bought me a drink, sat at the table with me at dinner and talked some more. He left the table to mingle and so did I. We met back up at the table later. Then he got up again mingled I thought he was coming back, he never returned to say goodbye or anything. He was gone after 2 hours.
Teresa, you did not follow protocol. Once someone ghosts you, or you break up with them, you are supposed to IMMEdIATELY block their number from ever calling and texting; block them on all social media accounts; send their EMAIL to your SPAM/DELETE folder. And in the event they call from a different number and you accidentally answer, you immediately hang up when you hear their voice without acknowledging them, and block that number as well.
He should not have been able to call you after two years or even 2 minutes.
The guy at the party did not ghost you since you two were never in a relationship. Just because you knew him and chatted, doesn't mean anything. he didn't promise you that he was coming back, did he? So your expectation that he come back or say goodbye and all that was unwarranted. He most likely felt like he said goodbye when he got up from the table to go mingle some more. You should have been doing the same rather than sitting there waiting for his tired ass to roam back by.
I believe when you ghost someone, you should forget them and stay away from them. you have said through actions that you don't want that person. Ghosting is one thing, but thinking that person will still want you after you ghosted them is beyond disrespectful.
They don't think you do want them, but they are checking to SEE IF YOU DO OR NOT. If you do, they know you have Zero self esteem and self respect, so they go back for round two of torturing you.
Ummmm...
I do the ghosting. When they show negative behavior....no need to explain why. We're all grown, and they know why. I have no time to argue, explain nor debate my feelings.
People wind up missing, explaining WHY you don't like them. NOPE. I EXIT BY GHOSTING. You'll stay alive longer.
Usually someone else is in the picture. There are signs it's about to happen. The put in minimum effort just enough to keep you around to see if the other option will work out , this is when doing the slow fade?. It may not be someone else. He doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship. He just wants to enjoy dating other people.. He doesn't want the same thing you want
I remember all that, it was emotionally taxing, it's hard not to develop feelings or start to enjoy someone's company if there's a connection, but you never know where things stand. Single for now, enjoying my time, I don't miss any of that.. At all!
Usually someone ISN'T in the picture - not yet. They just don't want YOU in the picture. I agree though that they want to keep that spot open and available for someone else to slide into that picture frame of their boo thang they have in their mind. They tried you in the frame, and you didn't fit.
Don't return to your vomit...or his! He spit you back for a reason. Move on.
Why would the guy who ghosts you keep you on all social media platforms despite ghosting you? Wouldn't they want you gone from their lives in all aspects including social media profiles?
The real question is why would YOU keep a man who ghosted you on your social media platforms when he disrespected you totally by ghosting you?
Angelina Smith good question
I dont understand how you say you ghost people and then you say is so unrespectful and we should not forgive it.
Deborrah Cooper I've ghosted and been ghosted it's just a cycle that people do we've all done it for differen't reasons. I had a guy befote who led me on then ghosted me an he would always come back months later and ignore me again once he realized that I still liked him, same routine.
I finally got fed up with it and moved on and fell in love with someone else and got into a relationship, he tried a few more times to play the same shit and I always made it clear that I was done with him.
The way I view it now, if you wanna leave that's fine you can leave bc I don't want you to stick around if you're not happy or making me miserable but once you leave don't think I'll let you back in, best to just stay away bc I'll be done. I don't chase people anymore if you can leave so easily then I must have not of been that important to you so why beg for anyone who can't even stay after doing so much for them? Lol nope. Too old for that middle school bullshit.
Guys like to have a plan B and, also love to stalk. You don't want to be his second option incase it doesn't work out with someone else he mite come back to you.
I had to GHOST this guy.... he got a bit obsessed with me and got too emotional way too quickly and i tried to give him hints and trying not to hurt his feelings to back down a bit, but i just had to give him the permanent dial tone... its either i broke his soul or leave him wondering.
He was just that type that needed a hard cover novel named "Why I ain't interested in you no more boo boo" as an explanation... i just ain't got the time..... signed Ghost
+Eliza Noslen ROFL!
Eliza Noslen Yeah guys don't take hints very well I've learned. I'm just blunt and idgaf. I've been called mean and bitter LMAO. I'm not bitter, I just don't give a fuck LOL. I really dont.
men think hints from women are a 'yes'. smh and if you're polite in saying no then hell that means please continue in their eyes. This society really messed some of them up. I find they only respond when treated like children, ala discipline them like super nanny, tell them no, and stick to your standards, ignore the tantrums and enjoy the peace and sanity.
this is different, of course with obssesed guys that do not hear our words the only way is to block them
To me 👻 ing is a childiest behavior when u aren't acting the way they want a control freak move. They 👻 u like putting away a toy and later coming back like they didn't do anything to play with again until they 👻 u again. They want a reaction from you be it good or bad. They come back to see if you are weak. it's best to go no contact and block this immature unworthy person to be around out of your life. They come back to see how damage u are after ghosting u. They can't confront u about anything so they ghost because they don't want to appear that they care
A TRUE ghoster never comes back. The ones who do are just playing a control game as you said.
Trying to ghost or being upfront just doesn't work when a person is possessive.
I love "Fade Out!" I get in the wind baby. I'm not going to struggle trying to make bull shit work. Exactly, nothing else to do. Yesss, I can mingle with no emotions. It's usually them that fucks up with me to make me cut out. I have no more time to waste.
I was with a man for 10 months . I knew him since I was 10 years old. I was going through a divorce and we fell in love . He told me he loved me first. Then he ghosted me right before my divorce was final!!! No sex!!! No contact then 3 months later he texted me happy Birthday! Really werid immature behavior!
Honestly you dodged a bullet. He knew you since you were ten years old?!
be thankful to the ghost so you can move on with your own imagination. FREEDOM!
If the man talks about forever, and future, and ghosts you he is being a prick, and selfish, immature, no manners, rude, and disgusting, they often do this again to you!
Love the music along with the message!
I ghosted a guy before because I was tired of feeling like I was dealing with a 4 year old. I couldn't do it. He thought he was going to do what he wanted to do despite my boundaries, but he was wrong. Talking to him was like talking to the wall, so I just cut all contact.
you may not be the person want to hear but you are the person women need to hear
Really? Interesting perspective. Hmmm...
I have gone ghost on plenty a nigga. I admit it's not a very mature thing to do, but sometimes it definitely is warranted.
Who says it's not mature? Why do people think you have to satisfy THEM to be considered "mature?"
I've ghosted and been ghosted it's just a cycle that people do we've all done it for differen't reasons. I had a guy before who led me on then ghosted me an he would always come back months later and ignore me again once he realized that I still liked him, same routine.
I finally got fed up with it and moved on and fell in love with someone else and got into a relationship, he tried a few more times to play the same shit and I always made it clear that I was done with him.
The way I view it now, if you wanna leave that's fine you can leave bc I don't want you to stick around if you're not happy or making me miserable but once you leave don't think I'll let you back in, best to just stay away bc I'll be done. I don't chase people anymore if you can leave so easily then I must have not of been that important to you so why beg for anyone who can't even stay after doing so much for them? Lol nope. Too old for that middle school bullshit.
Same thing happened to me I met this dude from Mexico (Im in Canada) when me and him were in a relationship he was seeing another girl from the uk claiming they were just friends then another girl from the us claiming they were just friends long story short he ghosted me when we were together then ended up claiming in the end girl from the uk was better then me and he ended it so his dumbass flew to the uk she didn’t want him so he chased after the girl in the us doing the same thing she didn’t want him either so who did he come running back to? Me at that time i already met somebody fell in love and told him he was the past and I was done and over him he claimed he was just checking on me and said I was the best ex he ever had and wanted to say more but I had said sorry I’m gonna respect my future husband and block you now so I did and that was that.
All you ladies were confused. You cannot be in a relationship with someone in another country. HAHAHAHA! You were living a fantasy and he woke you up. Stop it. Stop thinking you can date men halfway around the world.
Not long before a guy ghosted he was asking me to meet his parents and I felt was too clingy. When I didn’t match his energy he said he wanted to be friends (broke it off over via text) which I was cool with and looking forward to a friendship with him instead, but he has been unreachable since. Dudes are so flakey and weird. like learn how to communicate how you actual feel and what you want.
I agree with what you are saying but that don't give an excuse to be heartless but I still see what you are saying
I’ve ghosted a few men and DON’T feel bad about it... I can usually tell if I want to pursue anything further after one conversation. The few I have ghosted continued to contact me multiple times after no response. Mind you, I never strung these individuals along or even had a first date with them... this is exactly why I ALWAYS use a google number! Lol
When you aren't in an official relationship they ought to get a damn clue. SMH.
What's a google number?
Google it
I was ghostet not long ago. So I just switched my phone off and do not care anymore. As I switched it on there were so many messages and calls.
After this this person have not done this anymore.
I was ghosted by a man that I believed to be my best friend. We were together for a year and a half and yes we had some issues but to be honest he would do or say something that didn't make since and I thought it was weird as to why he would say something like that. But I was and still am naive and at my age that is really sad. But I had one long term relationship for aprox 24yrs and still gave him 2 more yrs of my life then I finally went on my second first date of my life. Met a guy that I thought could be the one and was with him 3 months and I was wrong. But the 3rd guy is the one that ghosted me and he knew everything about me and my life as I believed he told me about his life and his ex wife. But that is who he went back to is his ex wife and this is after he said that we would meet and talk about things. It honestly about killed me. I truly loved him and could not believe he could do me like that. November will be 3 yrs since we last talked. Although he did call me 10 months later and I debated on answering the phone but I did and I said " I believe you dialed the wrong number ". Then silence, I said hello twice and he kept the line open for 13 mins. I did text him a few days later and let him know that I know he didn't butt dial me because my number wouldn't be in his phone let alone his recent contacts because if his ex wife would find out she wouldn't be very happy. And that was the last time I have heard from him. I do know that him and his ex wife are no longer together and that he is back on the same dating app that he met me on. I'm healing slowly but surely. I will never let a man inside my heart at that level ever again. Ever.... And if I do decide to let that happen this man will treat me like the person I know I should be treated like. I know I am a good person with a good heart. Maybe that is why he took advantage of me because of my good heart. I don't know but I see nothing wrong with someone ghosting someone after a couple of dates hut not after a year and a half. And this man had the nerve to say he waited 6 months to be with me, he didn't wait for nothing, he took. So that pretty much shows what he truly is even though I don't want to believe it. Thank you for your video.
Having been so called Ghosted myself recently aged 46 for the first time. I would never do this to someone else that was annoying me, maybe to someone you hardly know online yes but not someone who had feelings for me. I always tell them. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I don't agree with normalizing this behaviour by giving it trendy names, whatever you call it in my book it's shallowness and cowardice and crule.
Nah. It’s cowardice and crap.
People who do that have no integrity. No style and really selfish. Usually abused or felt they were. People who can’t communicate are hardly on a journey lol.
Yes it is immature. Nothing is wrong with communication. As a married woman now I would say know there are more mature people out there.
It's not that they can't communicate, it's that they don't want to be bothered with you. Stop trying to flip this into something palatable for you as to why you got rejected. They are just done sir. Deal with it.
Those who ghost and glorify ghosting, understand this. Ghosting is an irresponsible and coward act. It is like stabbing a knife into a someone while they are not watching, simply because you think they have wronged you or you feel like discarding them. Yes, it hurts others. If you feel good, you are probably sick to the core. Unless you learn good and sincere communication skill, which is a better option than ghosting, you can never develop good healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise, coz you are so used to burning bridges instead of repairing them.
I was ghosted by a girl who monkey branched away during lockdown, it hurt me to the core. Didn't I want her back if she ever swing back, oh hell ya initially because I was so confused and my heart and ego in ruin. Now that after 1.5 month of no contact, I begin to feel her leaving could be a blessing in disguise.
What your upset analysis fails to acknowledge is that some people DESERVE a knife. It is done when they aren't looking because the person doesn't want to fight with them, they just want to flee. Sometimes you have to ghost because you told someone tha communicated well over and over that you are miserable and they are working your nerves with their antics, but they continue doing it because they ain't trying to hear all that. If they are happy they insist that you should be too. Sometimes the person being ghosted is incapable of a good healthy relationship and you WANT to blow up any bridge that will help them come back into your life!
Your perspective is because you are hurt. Shrug. It happens. But nobody is obligated to break up with you the way you want them to. It is done in the way that is best FOR THEM.
Man showed up at my door today out if the blue w flowers! Im like who the f@ck is this? I started crying cause I thought he died! He said he had a health scare & I thought of that too, but Im not getting my panties in a bunch.
Took me 8 minutes to respond to a text invitation to dinner. Get to his house and he is inside and will not open the door, or phone or texts....assumed I had plans because it took me 8 minutes to reply. Now I am ghosted and on silent treatment. WTH. Been with him 2.5 years.
Damn. HE is crazy. With that kind it is better that they reject you than you reject them
For me, ghosting is a way to take back myself. If the woman I'm seeing has been constantly mistreating me not respecting me, and she's not all to blame because people will do what you let them do... I will ghost that ass. Because if it has gotten that far , then I need to step back and reevaluate myself for letting someone treat me that way. My question is ...does that person ever feel guilty or understand why they got ghosted?
Nope, they just see you as a coward.
I guy blocked me the day we made plans, ghosted me day of and a week later, called me back. He calmly.explained why he stood me up (clearly some bull) and offered no apology. Then he claimed his phone has a mind of it's own and Didn't block me. Really? For a week he blocked me. All of that was a lot. Being ghosted, blocked, gaslit about being blocked and then him not apologizing. 😠😡
I went through that a year ago I cried and felt disliked then he stopped responding for a while we first met he stopped responding it broke my heart i felt disliked he would ask how are you then I put I’m doing great then he delayed me I don’t get the communication I wish he will come back he said I was a sweet loyal girl
An analogy: 'Beneficial' garbage at least will eventually - compost. It has a natural period at which it will cease to matter. Unfortunately, the same garbage we stumble upon or come across later - appearing in the same form as when it was originally seen - is a problem and a hazard. Even professionals have few to no solutions to rid the earth of this type waste. We must clearly accept that a 'composted' relationship is in a 'beneficial' stage..and be grateful that it did just that. 🤷🏾♀️
I ghosted my girlfriend back in '16.
I told her I needed time, we should be separate, & I'll call her after her exams (in a couple weeks) & we'll talk.
Basically I dumped her.
I didn't call her ever again, I ghosted her. I felt that I'd moved on, & it would be too messy to deal with her.
Again even if it were to reconfirm my feelings,
Which would be mean spirited (ironic I know).
I've always felt so bad about it, that was a scumbag move. I'm not that guy, but in this case I was. It's not something I'm proud of.
I say that to say this, this is a great video,
& I'm very sincere.
P.S I came across her on social media today, &. . . She accepted my invite.
Awww I am glad you grew up. Time to apologize to her. It will be healing for both of you. Thank you for sharing your story. 😍
You came back for a ego boost and her validation... nahh she will prob delete you later on... She will get sick of stroking your big ego.
Thank you Deborah for this is so on point.
That’s how I do and I stopped answering the phone and texts I don’t know the number 🤷🏾♀️
Every relationship has an expiration date
But you make it sound like it's just you they're not into not respecting, when in reality if the dude does this to one person/ they do the samething to everyone
Not true. They shole don't do that to their boss, now do they? They don't go popping off and acting a fool to a gun holding cop, now do they? These idiots do what they do primarily to those younger, smaller, weaker or a different gender than they are because they feel powerful and in charge. They can control how they treat people - they just don't want to.
I came to wacth this video all sad & shit about being ghosted I listened to the whole video and realized I ghosted a lot! of people and now somebody ghosted my ass back.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Pull that lip in girl! Fix ya face!
Deborrah Cooper LOL I am
Soo, my situation here. Im a bit on the younger side, i admitted my feelings to this guy and he hasnt responded for 2 months I believe. He's obsessed with me though, constant staring and social media stalking. I will admit, hes attractive and would be my first (if he decides to get himself together). We dont talk, like at all. Hardly know him besides his name. He has resurfaced and given me an answer confirming his feelings. Idk if this is a sort of (i needed time to prepare) thing, on his part. Would appreciate some advice.
We do not answer questions on the wall. Click the GET ADVICE link at the top right corner of the channel. Fill out the form and send it in.n
Move on. I know you wont listen.
Vomit wow that's a good one yesszz love it.
Listening to this made my stomach hurt, ghosting is not okay at all. If you don’t think with your emotions that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean the next person doesn’t. I feel if someone has been good to you and has given their time and body, and they were initially a good person to you, if you are not interested anymore you should tell them.
There are some people who can deal with a ghoster, but all people are made differently. I was ghosted because the man I was seeing didn’t want a relationship but I did, and because I had invested so much time and energy into him (4yrs) I wanted to fight for the relationship.
One day he decided for me that he wasn’t to be chained (that was 9mths ago), I haven’t heard a word since.
It broke me, I was already messed up from other bad situations,but he was someone I felt I knew and it just really broke me.
I’ll never be the same and I’ll never trust the same. Ghosting is cruel and damaging and for you to think it’s okay makes you a sick person.
Closure helps people move on, so I’d rather deal with the emotion up front than to cause someone irreparable damage for a lifetime.
I hope my person finds his happiness, now I need to try and repair his damage.
Listen to this video about closure. You are wrongly thinking that HE is supposed to give YOU closure. This video explains how silly that thinking is and why it is self-destructive.
ua-cam.com/video/p6oowtO9EGM/v-deo.html
Plus, if he straight told you that he didn't want a relationship with you, what was this imaginary relationship you were fighting for? That makes it sound like the only way you would leave him the hell alone was for him to ghost you. Because you refused to listen.
Deborrah Cooper you are correct, but when I pulled away from him before he came after me so I assumed he liked me more than just sexually, but there were other signs that he didn’t that I ignored.
After viewing this video I understand my part in this taking place and get why he left.
Thank you for your response and the Closure video, I’ll watch it now.
For the most part, ghosting is a lack of respect for the other person. I know men who give closure and have the balls to put up with the whining and leave but they give an explanation about why they are leaving. I respect that more than someone who just decides to leave with no explanation. To me that is cowardice. When you break up and end things the way they should be, it shows you have respect for that person. The person deserves an explanation. It may be painful but at least you gave them closure and that's all that matters. It is worse leaving someone asking themselves a million questions about why you left and what they did wrong or could have done better. People with integrity do the right thing, which is to give closure. People with no conscience or integrity don't care about what others feel. They are selfish. They just don't want to be bothered and they hope you will just figure it out all by yourself. This is not ok. I believe in karma so I would rather do things by the book. Would I give the ghost a second chance? It depends. Every circumstance is different. If they left taking me for granted, most likely I won't give them another chance.
#1 Nobody gives you closure, you give it to yourself.
#2 doesn't matter what THEY didn't like, as you aren't with them anymore. Who gives a shit?
#3 why seek anything from someone who can't stand you? I don't get why so many women come crying about someone ghosting them and deserving closure. From some MF who can't stand you anymore. For real?
,@@Debsterism I get your points but as for me, I would rather live by the golden rule. Yes, they didn't give me closure. But I won't do it to someone else. The golden rule says to treat others as you would want to be treated. Let's say I'm the MF who can't stand them anymore. I will say to their face why I'm leaving. "I can't stand you anymore because of this, this, and this..." Bye...
The golden rule is for women who are suckas. Replace that with Deb's Rule: "treat others exactly how they treat you." This means men and all evil-hearted heffas who act stupid are treated like they are stupid without the least bit of regard. You can and should treat others with courtesy and respect for starters as everyone starts with a clean slate, but the second they go off the rails and do anything or say anything disrespectful, you mirror their energy right back to them. Instantly.
I do not and never will advise women to adhere to the Golden Rule, as it is keeping women in line with being a "nice girl" and a "good girl" Being good and nice all the time means you get steamrolled, your boundaries violated, taken advantage of, taken for granted, and abused.. Most men see female kindness as weakness. Be careful who you Golden Rule in life.
@@Debsterism Obviously, after the guy or person has shown their true colors, I won't apply the golden rule. I'm referring to first-timers. Once I know who I am dealing with, that's a different story. If I have to ghost them to get them off my back, they obviously deserve that and more.
Very good explanation,,,,,, weather they like you or not it’s their loss
Nope. It is their PLEASURE to be away from you!!! They haven't lost anything but a headache.
Thank you for a great video. I have another question.. what is the music you have on background? Thank you!❤️
No name. Custom tracks
I was in a casual relationship with a Woman almost 3 years ago and ended it in a ghosting way and she eventually met up with me and called me out on it. When I met with her to "officially" end it, I just didn't care at the time and took the fall and apologized. I was going through a time when a loved one was days away from dying and I just didn't have it in me to continue the relationship. That being said there was no excuse to what I did and she deserved to hear it from me. At least there would have been some closure there. 3 years later now and I still feel remorse for hurting her like that. Bottom line is I just didn't have the balls to tell her and got bit in the butt by trying to get away with just not talking to her or showing up.
Screw him .. I don't think he's coming back. He already know.. he got mad because I did not bed him!.. the next day at met a guy. ( one night stand ) .. this guy rocked my world. It could have been his if he act right. Oh ..if hes ghosted let him stay gone..
I blv he was a narciccist though, trying to manipulate you with his absence, it sucks but, in the long run you dodged a bullet!
ghosting is such a shitty behaviour. we become less and less social and empathic
People who ghost are the most selfish-immature people on Earth. And if being ghosted turns you on then take them back so they can do it again.
They don't care what you think. They just want to get away from you.
The one who I was actually seeing, I put my foot down with him bec he had acted badly in the past. So I put up parameters. He's a whackadoo, so he ghosted me just before surgery, and just before my birthday.
No problem, I had someone in my corner, surgery went well, and as usual I took my damn self out for my birthday.
It's always a pleasant date when I go out alone 😁