My ex wife was DA. I would get upset and it felt like she would look at me with dead eyes. It would make me feel even more alone, and in turn, I became more distant. I never felt more alone than when I was with her. I will never be involved with a DA ever again.
I 100% agree! Now.that I have met and experienced an avoidant in the past I know what one is I know the signs, it is beyond difficult and VERY one sided, I will NEVER deal with one again, I Love and value myself to much for that toxic chaos. I choose my Peace and well being 💗❤🩷 1
@@Nola5427 I agree with you 100 percent. I guess I’m pretty lucky though. I’m 55 and have only gone through heartbreak one time. That is definitely enough! Keep up the positive attitude.
I've been off and on for 4 and 1/2 years with one of these actually I broke up in July and I recently tried to give them another chance it seemed that he was trying but it's still the same thing the simple request like to send me a good morning text when he got to work before he started his day and that was too difficult for him so it shows me a couple seconds of your time I'm not worth it it's bad enough he's got full-time jobs that I don't believe he needs the second one so he doesn't spend a lot of time with me and I'm done I'm tired of him saying let's be friends NO I'm not being downgraded I'm done!!
My ex is a Avoidant. I used to love him so dearly. Gave him many chances and he didn't change his toxic ways even cheated on me. Never thought I would leave him until I released that I didn't want to be in a toxic relationship. I left him and never going back. I already know what he does not have to offer. Good ritins.
They're victims of past emotional traumas where they suffered and were neglected. These emotions are bottled up and show out through being dismissive and avoidant.
Alexis I have learned so much from you over the past 6 months. Your insight into the emotional mindset of the avoidant is so spot on that it is creepy. The hardest part now for me and i am a very secure person is that the relationship for me is never going to work. When we get close the avoidant patterns start again, when I step back she wants me to get closer again. It really doesn't seem to matter what I do it only seems s little progress is made. I have given up.
Yep, it's the slowest relationship on earth. If you can stand to take a step back, and remain indefinitely at a slight distance, (which incidentally isn't really a good role for anyone in the masculine space), then they do tend to keep showing up like a 3 ton truck rolling up a steep hill. 🥲
He’s not wrong. By watching this, we are by definition. Secure people don’t get involved with avoidants and definitely don’t get themselves stuck in overthinking loops watching videos like this hoping to find comfort or answers
Well of course, it has to be your fault, they need an excuse to discard, and they can't self-reflect because it meants shining a light on all the other horrible stuff in their life. Glad you escaped their darkness and find your own light :)
@@OnjelieMariethere’s a difference between being insecure about yourself and being insecure about your relationship. This is about insecure attachment, not the lack of self esteem (or at least not directly)
Thank you for making this video. I watch your channel a lot now. I'm FA with heavy anxious leanings for my female DA partner of 4 years. I appreciate how open and honest you are about people with avoidant styles. You are very down to earth and reasonable. You are very kind, yet also you are kind enough to not sugar coat things you talk about. The signs that we look for for attachment styles in people, you don't just explain what they are, but you also give humanity to them. All the attachment styles. You are very kind, and I hope you feel appreciated by us whom you are helping everyday. I hope I can say this and not make you uncomfortable, but as an anxious person myself, I see you have a good heart for people, and I appreciate you. Thank you, Alexis.
Question, when you dated your da girlfriend, did she ever cheat on you or did you suspect she was cheating on you? If she did. Did she swear she would never cheat on you and was totally believable?
Exactly they do not know how to reciprocate LOVE. They see more the negative than the positive in a relationship. 😅 But , maybe they can attach with someone like them so they do not make other people suffer with their avoidance and arrogance.
They know how love works, they are just too much for themselves and refuse to do any effort. In my case, he was perfect in the beginning, months after his mood declined and started showing signs. All contradictory. He asked me to move in with him, we were looking at houses, and soon after he broke up with me saying he suddenly lost feelings. I will never be able to explain this, all I know is that his selfishness was bigger than anything and he deliberately chose to hurt me. So yes, they are capable, they just choose to hurt instead of act right. 🤷🏻♀️
@@ralucamera6574 then they shouldn't get into a relationship. After one year and a half he dropped me with the coldest heart I've ever encountered. If they can't do relationships, they should never enter one, and then hurt people. 🤷🏻♀️ But they selfish purpose is bigger, so they don't care. They just want to take what you give, and when it's your turn to have your needs met, they run away saying it's too much closeness and they make it about themselves always. ALWAYS ABOUT THEMSELVES. they have no regards for the other person whatsoever. Never again, avoid them like plague, or your needs will never matter
Thank you for the recap on avoidant partners' behaviour, their attachment style, and how to best deal with all the obstacles. What I appreciate is the fact that you placed self-awareness, learning, and healthy boundaries as a priority. I want things to work out but not at all costs. Currently, I'm giving a space for both of us to reflect, learn, and hopefully meet each other in a loving, re-connecting journey.Many thanks for an informative video 🙏🏻
@aisyahfadillah16 It is my partner who is DA, currently going cold after achieving close emotional bond. It seems like he fear of something and runs away. He states that I'm important and he cares about me but feels under pressure. He itensely pulled away when I suggested to have more than 1 phone call and quality time each week instead of texting a lot (distant relationship between two different countries).
Good for you!! This is a refreshing comment! You sound like you actually have a lot of emotional intelligence! Good stuff. Good luck on your journey as well!
She’s avoidant, but has claimed she’s aware, and doesn’t want to explore the issues because she doesn’t think her brain can handle it. But there were times where it was inevitable to face the emotions there, and I helped her work through it, and she expressed such gratitude and showed vulnerability, saying she never had someone talk with her like that. She said she’s done ‘some’ therapy after her last relationship, which I believe she is still dealing with the trauma from. Is she a lost cause? We broke up, she chose more work over me, but has recently reached out, only to shy away again. I’m more in love with her than any partner I’ve had, and I’ve had relationships that were much much longer. Over the time we spent together I witnessed her healing and opening up more, though she refused to admit, it was obvious. I would do anything to make things work between us, and I’m praying she comes back to me. I consciously chose her. I don’t want to turn my back on that. I had already decided.
It's tough, but sometimes moving on is the best choice for growth. I went through a similar situation with my DA ex; lack of communication can be really challenging. I cared deeply, but finding a more secure, stable relationship helped me immensely.
If they feel criticized and bossed around, they will try to avoid the partner who is bossing them or constantly judging everything. So they become avoidant or try to find a partner with a kind approach, who says opinions politely, without trying to be superior, because they feel trust in a nice person who makes them smile. Maybe you are not the person who tries to be superior or the smartest man in the room, but you elevate the power in other people and help them discover their own power. Avoidant also may mean I want to avoid conflict so the person leaves the relationship without explanation because he or she doesn't want to be criticized for some unimportant things.
I understand completely why he responds and interacts with me. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, he told me that at first it was just me but when feelings got serious he started seeing other women… I want to work it out but I don’t know how to introduce him to therapy? I am very nurturing and understanding.. we have never had an argument. We make each other very happy when we are together.. as soon as deep feelings come up, he vanishes.. I need equal give and take.. I can’t run the relationship alone.. I am hurt by his actions and disregard for me.
Amen sista. I can't take it anymore either..I had no idea what a DA was until now. Six years. The loneliest and most down on myself I ever felt in my life. He's taken me out once..once in six years. Six years of serving his needs if you know what I mean. Never a gift, no card, no visits when I broke my arm or had surgery. Meanwhile he's spending all day liking instabimbos on social media. I'd win a half marathon and post a picture, he'd never even look at it. But oh he "loved me." I no contacted him. He's squirming. I know it..
I left another comment yesterday or the day before saying I didn't understand my ex-SA. He was cold-hearted when he left me, but he keeps sending me reels and some messages on IG, and the only time we talked in this month and a half, he was very warm and affectionate with me. This weekend, I discovered he didn't say anything about us to our common friends after 13 years of relationship. When he left me, I asked him why I had worked on my emotional problems at the beginning of our relationship and why he couldn't do it now. No answer. I understand him a little more, and it's sad. I want to hug him. Anyway, I assume he must work on his feelings. Thank you very, very much for these videos. I really appreciate them. Edit to finish the "book" with a decent appreciation.
They're extremely secretive. Unfortunately, that harms the people around them who have pure intent. It's an extremely confusing situation to be a part of.
This was a great video. Unfortunately, my ex FA chose to monkey branch to another woman. He was partly pressured by her family as he is a people pleaser who cannot say no. He didn't exactly break up with me. He wanted to keep me as a "friend" and continue as usual. In other words, I would be the side chick while he dated the new love to " see where it goes".( who knows nothing about me). I had no choice but to walk away forever from a one-time good relationship/situationship of four years. I have no doubt that he loves me. He said so. We had some beautiful times together, and had a history. I guess his fears of intimacy and commitment proved to be too much. So sad.
Extremely sad process to go through, but I personally find it validating to find others who have gone through a similar situation. Mine was more of a short-term situation, but by accounts, it leaves you feeling the same/similar. It's been hard to process how one can make such affirmations and leave basically the next day. How can one reel you in, and monkey branch to the next person. All in the name of trauma. I can just imagine a little version of them sitting inside (their own body) begging for this chance. But trauma (the puppet master for example) declining these opportunities. Leaving the little one sad as the one they want walks away...
I am watching this video again. The dynamics are interesting. My ex was nervous, but happy and almost cavalier when telling me the details of his new dating life. He probably thought I would cry, but I said "ok", and " I told you long ago I will never be just your friend ". He even tried to minimize our relationship, but I called him on it. We talked, hugged, and said our goodbyes. I later texted him to please return my possessions from his home and noticed the somber, almost sad tone of his text. I don't think I will hear from him again since we both said all we needed to say. I have since healed from the heartbreak and grief. I still have sad moments, but I focus on improving myself and my life. I know he's not doing necessary work. I wish him well.
My goodness you are very very good!! Describing DA's.. And helping others to understand and evaluate where they need to be and what they need to do! Amazing... and I've watched quite a few different people, who work on this.. or put videos out on these conversations about DA's
My DA left me 4 months ago. I've not heard from her since. She felt more comfortable having sex with strangers night after night, then being intimate with me. She seems to have moved on. I know she will think of me time to time but I think my disapproval of her male friendship which were inappropriate will stop her from coming back.
Yep. They're so free to swing left to right, monkey branching from one to another. Sad, really. Maybe one day, maybe... Their past reveals itself and they can at least grow from this repeat pattern of 💩
@OnjelieMarie yeah it's so sad. I just want her happy, married, kids. Her ex that treated her like crap, holds a special place in her heart she can't get over. As I slowly heal, I do hope she finds final happiness.
And as soon as that new relationship gets out of the dating phase they will start fantasizing about their phantom ex, because they never get over exes, they just distract themselves from the pain
Man, that shit is hard to take. Coming fresh out a short lived relationship with an avoidant, left without words, found a new one three weeks later, blamed me for all that went wrong, which was a single incident. Their toxic shit is hard to take. I can I have a lot of compassion (in her case it was childhood abuse by her mother), but even for secure attached people that shit musst be unbearable. The best thing you can do is run!
I've shown in every possible way that I'm willing to try to make this work because I love him, and he's aware of that. He's been clear about not wanting anything because he doesn't feel anything, yet he gives me constant reminders of him being there by liking ig stories and such. It's honestly exhausting, especially knowing that he's probably out there preferring casual hookups
@@museoflove8255 when he reached out to tell me he started therapy he admitted what we had was more than friendship but he wasn’t able to let himself go. Regardless of what we had I’m glad he’s working on himself to feel better but he’s being selfish not taking into account how his behavior affects me. Most of the times it just feels like he doesn’t care..
Yup. I get little bits of money to help me out.. or "hi there! Can I help you with your job applications"... hard to believe I'm married to this guy... he just disappeared about 6 months ago... unbelievable.
I love how thoughtful and balanced your content is Alexis, I think your videos are lovely. Thank you! Recovering from the news that my ex of 5.5 years who blindsided me with a break up even though we were trying for a family, has met someone else really quickly. I've been grieving properly and keeping my focus on myself but this news is like another layer, and it's helping me to reassure myself that I was not unimportant to him because his behaviour makes me feel that 🙏
That's totally me but finally I'm doing the work. I did read "Attached" and it was a game changer for me. I was into the anxious-avoidant trap for 5 years and I wasn't aware of it. We loved eachother strongly. Therapy is helping a lot, i never faced any breakup the way I'm doing today. I miss her and love her so much but gosh anxious-preoccupied people are not a walk in the park. We're both insecure and she's not aware of her attachment style. Now she's rebounding as she rebounded with me and I wasn't aware of that at the time. I'm doing the work now and she's not. I feel like we have very bad press as avoidants but we're not bad people. We are all the result of our childhood traumas. I'm choosing the healing path and I'm grateful for it. And maybe the universe will work its magic and make out paths cross again. Thank you Alexis for the work you're doing and I will book a session with you again soon. Big changes require big triggers. This breakup might be the best thing that ever happened to me.
Alexis, I can’t find any videos on a combination of dismissive avoidant and midlife crisis/depression, my DA has both. I needed advice on how to handle this combination. Thank you.
Keep doing what you are doing , I find you're videos help take away my anxiety . Been just over 10 months NC , she's an avoidant and a cop. Can't see her ever reaching out , super stubborn.
No. 10 months NC? Heal and move on. Would you want this to be your life? Mother of your children? I know it hurts, but the 2nd time around would be even worse. That's almost a year of NC. Longest time frame for my experience was 3 months. And we have been doing this dance for 7 years. Please don't do this to yourself. I know that this was the last time for me & and I'm pretty sure he knew this as well. I wish him well and wellness
I'm almost 3 weeks NC with my exgf DA and I'm going through a lot of emotions in this process. The breakup was completely out of the blue but watching this video and another by Alexis I learned that I triggered my exDA to get cornered. She reacted in a very DA fashion, or at least what I've learned about DAs so far, and dumped me in a cold way. Earlier that day a couple of different conversations which ended with "love you honey talk to you later." She had recently started drinking again with a group of coworkers-all guys- and I got really jealous. I understand that I didn't communicate that I wanted some boundaries set that wouldn't trigger my jealous feelings. Basically a lot of boundaries were never set up which would probably avoided a bunch of these triggers on my part and eventually on her part. The time apart from her-I miss her and love her, but I'm finding that love isn't as a power connection in a relationship as I previously thought. Love is and always will be important but other things like respect and honesty have a bigger impact on keeping a relationship together. Alexis F. thank you for your videos and I'm going to (hopefully) keep learning on how to deal with my exgf.
As the anxious partner it looks here as if it was your trigger that sparked hers. I've been through this myself, jealousy is a vile thing and we feel it hard if our self esteems aren't up to scratch. The first half of my relationship with my avoidant ex there was no anxiety, a very low simmering jealousy but never acted on or dwelt on - because I was confident and I trusted her. The second half and I lost a chunk of self esteem, I was jealous and needy and it was all unreasonable, she pushed away and now shes gone. I knew I was wrong even when I felt those insecure feelings, your partner drinking with some work colleagues shouldn't justify jealousy, it would have been totally fine. Us anxious types have to also own our part in these breakups.
Now.that I have met and experienced an avoidant in the past I know what one is I know the signs, it is beyond difficult and VERY one sided, I will NEVER deal with one again, I Love and value myself to much for that toxic chaos. I choose my Peace and well being 💗❤🩷
Thanks for an interesting video. I was wishing to hear something about how it seems from the avoidant point of view. When I in the end felt I did wrong and that I as an anxious person should change, is it good to hear something like this. Your videos are helping!
With the anxious avoidant "trap" both people need to face their insecurities to move closer together. The place to start is with oneself, that allows oneself to set criteria and standards for what one wants, and allows the other person to meet you there, if they can, it's patience and steady behaviour. Both people can end up better than before if they do the work.
@@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721 If there is a problem let it be known. If you need an apology seek it. If the person is not able to give it, make up your mind to accept or leave. If the apology is given undefensively then forgive, and don't bring up the past. Ideally relationships don't need a lot of talking, especially about problems, there is also non verbal communication, eye contact physical cues.
I think for me, I haven't left because of physical attraction and dreaming of the first two months which were amazing and thinking it could be like that again.
Your video is THE ONLY ONE that truly opened up my eyes about how avoidants ACTUALLY FEEL & THINK. The person I chose to give MY ALL was a D.A. She dumped me as if I was garbage-through sms of course! Although she didn't have the decency & the morality to announce her decision face to face,I've already forgiven her. I honestly have no bad feelings for her & I truly wish her the best in every aspect of her life
She moved on very quickly after telling me she wasn't ready for a relationship and needed time and space to find out who she is as a person. She also said "I always seem to get with the first guy I meet after a break up and never have time and space to find out who I am as a person", then she got with someone else a few weeks after we last spoke 10 days after breaking up. She looks very happy in her life without me.
Thanks for such an insightful video. Ive just been broken up with by an avoidant. We were very close and so happy when we were together, he told me i was different and he really cared about me (but every now and then he'd say something hurtful to push me away (not anything really bad, maybe just in a conversation he'd say hed never commit or get married again etc). Then he ended it after 3 months 😢 i was so disappointed and sad. He aaid he really cared and had genuine feelings for me but didn't want thr relationship to develop any further because he was not able to give me what i want, which is love and commitment. After 6 weeks of thr break up he wants to be friends, spending quality time with me. I just don't know if i should because i really care about him and dont want to fall for him any more than i have done. I don't know of he'd ever change and commit to me..😢😢
Please don’t accept “friendship “ if you want a relationship. You will be stuck in the friend zone. Plus, how will you feel if he starts dating someone else? I told my ex “no” when he suggested friendship. I am slowly healing, but I AM healing from the breakup.
@@Flufero23 thanks, I have just seen him again, it was all good and friendly but I still like him. I think next time I'll have to have a talk with him about it and tell him how I'm feeling and that I don't think I can be friends. It's too difficult...like you say I'd be really upset if he started dating someone else. 😔😔
I agree, do not accept the friendship. Or at least wait until you're not into him any more. Otherwise you'll be suffering... I know that, been there...
Do not accept his friendship as the consolation prize if you want a relationship. You show him what you deserve by walking away. Do not compromise. #secureattachmentstyle
I gave her the second chance one year ago, i took her back and that was my mistake. She didn't do any work to fix herself and she discarded me brutally like trash. They never do any work. They are extremely egoistic and fucked up people. Don't take them back. You will save yourself a lot of pain and wasted time. Treat the breakup like blessing. They are not worth your love and effort
My ex is a DA. I feel bad. She broke up with me because I went up in my feelings. She broke up with me in one of her most vulnerable moments. I feel horrible, I wish I could be there to help her still.
Most definitely. For as much as I suffered in this relationship, I truly care for her still, I've made a mistake and apologised for it. She broke up, and I decided to go no contact. I believe she will not return, so all is left for me is move on and hope it gets better. But thank you for the videos. They help 🙏
BS. Mine husband left his first wife for the woman he left me for. Now I'm left hanging. No idea where he is. He has just disappeared into thin air.
3 місяці тому+1
I fell in love with my new next door neighbor. She came from a horrible sexually abused childhood, but I was smitten with this Asian beauty. I was too happy to see the warning signs, but I am not a needy guy. So I told her she never let's down her guard. as a result, i dont feel like i know you, even after 15 months. Then a year and a half into this magical relationship, she just went cold. Without any warning, she let a day laborer move in and was having sex with him day one. 2 months later, I am still dumbfounded. It's shocking how fast I was out and he was in, and I've been ghosted from day one. Zero sight or word from her 5 weeks in. Soooo frustrating.this experience has been by far the most difficult relationship I have ever been a part of. One day all was good, the next day I'm ghosted and he's having sex with her. Ouch
Alexis. How long can the Avoidant's healing from the relationship be delayed? My ex is still hovering on my social media two years after the breakup. She was reaching out up till the end of June.
The hurt is indescribable. After a 6 year relationship he dumped me by Shazam ‘end of the road’. Threw my things in the bin. I had wanted to get married and have children with this person, he wouldn’t even call me his girlfriend. I was his ‘travel partner’. Despite meeting his friends, parents, work colleagues. Any time I asked for any commitment or just to discuss things he told me to stop trying to to go there. As he didn’t have plans for his life. When I finally had enough, he met someone new and they were married within one year. The sad thing is he made sure I knew about it by putting it on my WhatsApp. Even the dress she was wearing was a design he had once sent me a photo of telling me how beautiful I would look in it. I can’t believe that this person is even human. The beginning was wonderful but the end just left me as a hollow version of myself. I’m left wondering if this was all in my head. Why I stayed with someone so heartless. It hurts more as deep down I still hope he is happy, I loved him completely and I just feel unloveable, of no value and worthless. 💔
This No Contact period and the Reflecting an Avoidant does after a break up (from a very good close loving relationship), if the Avoidant was doing all the bs they are famous for doing (moved super fast, first to love, wanted a forever future etc and then all came to a quick over night pull back; still there but trying to figure out what minimum they can get by you with), and you are the one to break up with them, do they still go through the same thought pattern and reflection period, since they were not the one to come out and do the break up?
Should I reach out to my xgirlfriend who is a DA after no contact? I never even know how she ever feltt about me, I think she loved me...maybe she feels alone and needs me to listen. When should I reach out? Or should I even reach put? Merci ❤
Do fearful avoidants come back after multiple break ups over a 4+ yr relationship? Or does it just weaken the relationship over time and they just move on?
Same question I have but mine wasn’t up to 4years just 7months and some back and forth until he finally left but he still reaches out but no want to get back together
She and I had dated around 2010 for a short time and then got married to her bf before me! 10yrs she had been married and she caught him cheating! I love her and want this to work out, but I have taken her multiple times that she has more than likely lost respect because I did not set boundaries! @@chisomoffor6877
They cant come back because they were never there. They always move quick to another if they were not allready cheating. They dont give a f*ck about another then themselfs. Dont fall for breadcrums.
@rp3741 watch some other videos from the others that specialise in avoidants. They call it the phantom ex. They long them from a far after because they forget the bad and remember the good. When they are with the new and are flaw finding, they compare to the ex. But funny enough most times are more comfortable just remembering and never reuniting with them.
@dianaisabela7816 In a way, it can be an eye-opening experience. Imagine you're a DA and you're dating another avoidant. You're unaware of your patterns and your partner deactivates and leaves you in the cold. This could potentially open up the can of worms within yourself and realise what you've been doing... Off the back of another avoidant.
My ex wife was DA. I would get upset and it felt like she would look at me with dead eyes. It would make me feel even more alone, and in turn, I became more distant. I never felt more alone than when I was with her. I will never be involved with a DA ever again.
I 100% agree!
Now.that I have met and experienced an avoidant in the past I know what one is I know the signs, it is beyond difficult and VERY one sided, I will NEVER deal with one again, I Love and value myself to much for that toxic chaos. I choose my Peace and well being 💗❤🩷
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@@Nola5427 I agree with you 100 percent. I guess I’m pretty lucky though. I’m 55 and have only gone through heartbreak one time. That is definitely enough! Keep up the positive attitude.
@@dustinquintonThat is pretty good for 55! I am 47 and only had real heartbreak twice so I guess i' m lucky to!
@@Nola5427 I wish for you that it never happened. I guess that’s how life goes sometimes.
@@dustinquinton Awe Thank You but at least you learn lessons, grow and get stronger.
The foundation of every single human is to feel valued. That's it.
Gave him chance after chance. He never changed/ made adjustments. I was finally able to leave after becoming secure
He got lucky. I was avoidant, cured my traumas and became secure, worked a lot on myself and never got even a single second chance 😢
@@xtcp don’t worry there is someone out there for you ❤️
@@xtcp
Every day you wake up is a second chance.
@@biancadelarosa7986are u looking for victims offering black magic?
Stop now!
I've been off and on for 4 and 1/2 years with one of these actually I broke up in July and I recently tried to give them another chance it seemed that he was trying but it's still the same thing the simple request like to send me a good morning text when he got to work before he started his day and that was too difficult for him so it shows me a couple seconds of your time I'm not worth it it's bad enough he's got full-time jobs that I don't believe he needs the second one so he doesn't spend a lot of time with me and I'm done I'm tired of him saying let's be friends NO I'm not being downgraded I'm done!!
My ex is a Avoidant. I used to love him so dearly. Gave him many chances and he didn't change his toxic ways even cheated on me. Never thought I would leave him until I released that I didn't want to be in a toxic relationship. I left him and never going back. I already know what he does not have to offer. Good ritins.
RIDDANCE
Did he swear up and down that he isn’t a cheater and would never cheat on you?
@@ChristopherSmith-cn9uo Are you saying these people do cheat while telling you they don't???
@@marcelacasas2187 she said I'm loyal as fuck
I never knew these people existed until after I walked out on one. I never understood the space and bare texting. Just learning now and never again.
I didn't either. I just assumed the person wasn't interested in you. It's a serious mental illness.
It’s very weird😂
My avoidant husband held onto grudges from 20 years ago. It's the nature of not addressing things and working through
They're victims of past emotional traumas where they suffered and were neglected. These emotions are bottled up and show out through being dismissive and avoidant.
I never considered the difficulty of the connection for my DA partner as not with me personally, but with the relationship itself. BIG TAKEAWAY! 🙏🏻❤️
Avoiding things seems quite convenient and easy, but it’s really not. Good analysis.
Alexis I have learned so much from you over the past 6 months. Your insight into the emotional mindset of the avoidant is so spot on that it is creepy. The hardest part now for me and i am a very secure person is that the relationship for me is never going to work. When we get close the avoidant patterns start again, when I step back she wants me to get closer again. It really doesn't seem to matter what I do it only seems s little progress is made. I have given up.
Yep, it's the slowest relationship on earth. If you can stand to take a step back, and remain indefinitely at a slight distance, (which incidentally isn't really a good role for anyone in the masculine space), then they do tend to keep showing up like a 3 ton truck rolling up a steep hill. 🥲
My avoidant super insecure ex had the audacity to call me insecure 😂
He’s not wrong. By watching this, we are by definition. Secure people don’t get involved with avoidants and definitely don’t get themselves stuck in overthinking loops watching videos like this hoping to find comfort or answers
Well of course, it has to be your fault, they need an excuse to discard, and they can't self-reflect because it meants shining a light on all the other horrible stuff in their life.
Glad you escaped their darkness and find your own light :)
@@UnexpectedAmy thanks! Yeah he’s constantly say in arguments that I was deflecting but I would bring up an issue and he would deflect . Hypocritical
@@gilhol he had insecurities about how he looked and his body. I don’t.
@@OnjelieMariethere’s a difference between being insecure about yourself and being insecure about your relationship. This is about insecure attachment, not the lack of self esteem (or at least not directly)
Thank you for making this video. I watch your channel a lot now. I'm FA with heavy anxious leanings for my female DA partner of 4 years. I appreciate how open and honest you are about people with avoidant styles. You are very down to earth and reasonable. You are very kind, yet also you are kind enough to not sugar coat things you talk about. The signs that we look for for attachment styles in people, you don't just explain what they are, but you also give humanity to them. All the attachment styles. You are very kind, and I hope you feel appreciated by us whom you are helping everyday. I hope I can say this and not make you uncomfortable, but as an anxious person myself, I see you have a good heart for people, and I appreciate you. Thank you, Alexis.
Question, when you dated your da girlfriend, did she ever cheat on you or did you suspect she was cheating on you? If she did. Did she swear she would never cheat on you and was totally believable?
Exactly they do not know how to reciprocate LOVE. They see more the negative than the positive in a relationship. 😅 But , maybe they can attach with someone like them so they do not make other people suffer with their avoidance and arrogance.
They know how love works, they are just too much for themselves and refuse to do any effort. In my case, he was perfect in the beginning, months after his mood declined and started showing signs. All contradictory. He asked me to move in with him, we were looking at houses, and soon after he broke up with me saying he suddenly lost feelings. I will never be able to explain this, all I know is that his selfishness was bigger than anything and he deliberately chose to hurt me. So yes, they are capable, they just choose to hurt instead of act right. 🤷🏻♀️
@@md.md16 they are scared of losing their independence, because this is what they value.
@@ralucamera6574 then they shouldn't get into a relationship. After one year and a half he dropped me with the coldest heart I've ever encountered. If they can't do relationships, they should never enter one, and then hurt people. 🤷🏻♀️ But they selfish purpose is bigger, so they don't care. They just want to take what you give, and when it's your turn to have your needs met, they run away saying it's too much closeness and they make it about themselves always. ALWAYS ABOUT THEMSELVES. they have no regards for the other person whatsoever. Never again, avoid them like plague, or your needs will never matter
@@md.md16 "They just CHOOSE to hurt, instead of ACT RIGHT!!!" Amen, that's it, exactly!!!!!!!!!!
@@md.md16 FACTS!!!! EXACTLY!!!!
Thank you for the recap on avoidant partners' behaviour, their attachment style, and how to best deal with all the obstacles. What I appreciate is the fact that you placed self-awareness, learning, and healthy boundaries as a priority. I want things to work out but not at all costs. Currently, I'm giving a space for both of us to reflect, learn, and hopefully meet each other in a loving, re-connecting journey.Many thanks for an informative video 🙏🏻
are you the DA or the partner?
@aisyahfadillah16 It is my partner who is DA, currently going cold after achieving close emotional bond. It seems like he fear of something and runs away. He states that I'm important and he cares about me but feels under pressure. He itensely pulled away when I suggested to have more than 1 phone call and quality time each week instead of texting a lot (distant relationship between two different countries).
Any update?
Good for you!! This is a refreshing comment! You sound like you actually have a lot of emotional intelligence! Good stuff. Good luck on your journey as well!
@@YvetteInnerGrowthany update ? Is there any progress ?
She’s avoidant, but has claimed she’s aware, and doesn’t want to explore the issues because she doesn’t think her brain can handle it. But there were times where it was inevitable to face the emotions there, and I helped her work through it, and she expressed such gratitude and showed vulnerability, saying she never had someone talk with her like that. She said she’s done ‘some’ therapy after her last relationship, which I believe she is still dealing with the trauma from.
Is she a lost cause? We broke up, she chose more work over me, but has recently reached out, only to shy away again. I’m more in love with her than any partner I’ve had, and I’ve had relationships that were much much longer. Over the time we spent together I witnessed her healing and opening up more, though she refused to admit, it was obvious. I would do anything to make things work between us, and I’m praying she comes back to me. I consciously chose her. I don’t want to turn my back on that. I had already decided.
As if i am reading my own comment. I also pray a lot on it. Let me know how is it going for you
It's tough, but sometimes moving on is the best choice for growth. I went through a similar situation with my DA ex; lack of communication can be really challenging. I cared deeply, but finding a more secure, stable relationship helped me immensely.
@@trollhunter3944 yep, it's a month later and I've moved on 😅
@@monikap8777 Good, good!!!
If they feel criticized and bossed around, they will try to avoid the partner who is bossing them or constantly judging everything.
So they become avoidant or try to find a partner with a kind approach, who says opinions politely, without trying to be superior, because they feel trust in a nice person who makes them smile.
Maybe you are not the person who tries to be superior or the smartest man in the room, but you elevate the power in other people and help them discover their own power.
Avoidant also may mean I want to avoid conflict so the person leaves the relationship without explanation because he or she doesn't want to be criticized for some unimportant things.
I understand completely why he responds and interacts with me. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, he told me that at first it was just me but when feelings got serious he started seeing other women… I want to work it out but I don’t know how to introduce him to therapy? I am very nurturing and understanding.. we have never had an argument. We make each other very happy when we are together.. as soon as deep feelings come up, he vanishes.. I need equal give and take.. I can’t run the relationship alone.. I am hurt by his actions and disregard for me.
Amen sista. I can't take it anymore either..I had no idea what a DA was until now. Six years. The loneliest and most down on myself I ever felt in my life. He's taken me out once..once in six years. Six years of serving his needs if you know what I mean. Never a gift, no card, no visits when I broke my arm or had surgery. Meanwhile he's spending all day liking instabimbos on social media. I'd win a half marathon and post a picture, he'd never even look at it. But oh he "loved me." I no contacted him. He's squirming. I know it..
Avoidant persons have deep emotions, but they open up very slowly and only if the feel secure. This are tiny little moments 😊
bullshit
Hell yes 🙌
I left another comment yesterday or the day before saying I didn't understand my ex-SA. He was cold-hearted when he left me, but he keeps sending me reels and some messages on IG, and the only time we talked in this month and a half, he was very warm and affectionate with me.
This weekend, I discovered he didn't say anything about us to our common friends after 13 years of relationship.
When he left me, I asked him why I had worked on my emotional problems at the beginning of our relationship and why he couldn't do it now. No answer.
I understand him a little more, and it's sad. I want to hug him. Anyway, I assume he must work on his feelings.
Thank you very, very much for these videos. I really appreciate them.
Edit to finish the "book" with a decent appreciation.
They're extremely secretive. Unfortunately, that harms the people around them who have pure intent.
It's an extremely confusing situation to be a part of.
This was a great video. Unfortunately, my ex FA chose to monkey branch to another woman. He was partly pressured by her family as he is a people pleaser who cannot say no. He didn't exactly break up with me. He wanted to keep me as a "friend" and continue as usual. In other words, I would be the side chick while he dated the new love to " see where it goes".( who knows nothing about me). I had no choice but to walk away forever from a one-time good relationship/situationship of four years. I have no doubt that he loves me. He said so. We had some beautiful times together, and had a history. I guess his fears of intimacy and commitment proved to be too much. So sad.
Very similar im afraid to mine..😢.
Extremely sad process to go through, but I personally find it validating to find others who have gone through a similar situation.
Mine was more of a short-term situation, but by accounts, it leaves you feeling the same/similar.
It's been hard to process how one can make such affirmations and leave basically the next day.
How can one reel you in, and monkey branch to the next person.
All in the name of trauma.
I can just imagine a little version of them sitting inside (their own body) begging for this chance. But trauma (the puppet master for example) declining these opportunities.
Leaving the little one sad as the one they want walks away...
When words and actions do not match, the actions are the truth and words are just words/lies.
He is very much like a narcissist.
I am watching this video again. The dynamics are interesting. My ex was nervous, but happy and almost cavalier when telling me the details of his new dating life. He probably thought I would cry, but I said "ok", and " I told you long ago I will never be just your friend ". He even tried to minimize our relationship, but I called him on it. We talked, hugged, and said our goodbyes. I later texted him to please return my possessions from his home and noticed the somber, almost sad tone of his text. I don't think I will hear from him again since we both said all we needed to say. I have since healed from the heartbreak and grief. I still have sad moments, but I focus on improving myself and my life. I know he's not doing necessary work. I wish him well.
😊😊
My goodness you are very very good!! Describing DA's..
And helping others to understand and evaluate where they need to be and what they need to do! Amazing... and I've watched quite a few different people, who work on this.. or put videos out on these conversations about DA's
My DA left me 4 months ago. I've not heard from her since. She felt more comfortable having sex with strangers night after night, then being intimate with me. She seems to have moved on. I know she will think of me time to time but I think my disapproval of her male friendship which were inappropriate will stop her from coming back.
Yep. They're so free to swing left to right, monkey branching from one to another.
Sad, really.
Maybe one day, maybe... Their past reveals itself and they can at least grow from this repeat pattern of 💩
Damn she has major problems
@OnjelieMarie yeah it's so sad. I just want her happy, married, kids. Her ex that treated her like crap, holds a special place in her heart she can't get over. As I slowly heal, I do hope she finds final happiness.
This is more than simply an insecure attachment.
Wrong. They move on in about a month. They use the new relationship to avoid feeling anything about the last one
And basically you just proved his point. If they get into another relationship without doing the healing, they haven’t really moved on.
So they move along, unhealed, more than moving on.
And as soon as that new relationship gets out of the dating phase they will start fantasizing about their phantom ex, because they never get over exes, they just distract themselves from the pain
Man, that shit is hard to take. Coming fresh out a short lived relationship with an avoidant, left without words, found a new one three weeks later, blamed me for all that went wrong, which was a single incident. Their toxic shit is hard to take. I can I have a lot of compassion (in her case it was childhood abuse by her mother), but even for secure attached people that shit musst be unbearable. The best thing you can do is run!
Women...
I've shown in every possible way that I'm willing to try to make this work because I love him, and he's aware of that. He's been clear about not wanting anything because he doesn't feel anything, yet he gives me constant reminders of him being there by liking ig stories and such. It's honestly exhausting, especially knowing that he's probably out there preferring casual hookups
He is afraid
@@museoflove8255 when he reached out to tell me he started therapy he admitted what we had was more than friendship but he wasn’t able to let himself go. Regardless of what we had I’m glad he’s working on himself to feel better but he’s being selfish not taking into account how his behavior affects me. Most of the times it just feels like he doesn’t care..
Yup. I get little bits of money to help me out.. or "hi there! Can I help you with your job applications"... hard to believe I'm married to this guy... he just disappeared about 6 months ago... unbelievable.
It makes me so sad. Whatever has hurt them so much they avoid getting close
I am from Germany. I just found you again. And your content ist Great!
Thank you!
I love how thoughtful and balanced your content is Alexis, I think your videos are lovely. Thank you! Recovering from the news that my ex of 5.5 years who blindsided me with a break up even though we were trying for a family, has met someone else really quickly. I've been grieving properly and keeping my focus on myself but this news is like another layer, and it's helping me to reassure myself that I was not unimportant to him because his behaviour makes me feel that 🙏
No one explains it like Alexis
That's totally me but finally I'm doing the work. I did read "Attached" and it was a game changer for me. I was into the anxious-avoidant trap for 5 years and I wasn't aware of it. We loved eachother strongly. Therapy is helping a lot, i never faced any breakup the way I'm doing today. I miss her and love her so much but gosh anxious-preoccupied people are not a walk in the park. We're both insecure and she's not aware of her attachment style. Now she's rebounding as she rebounded with me and I wasn't aware of that at the time. I'm doing the work now and she's not. I feel like we have very bad press as avoidants but we're not bad people. We are all the result of our childhood traumas. I'm choosing the healing path and I'm grateful for it. And maybe the universe will work its magic and make out paths cross again. Thank you Alexis for the work you're doing and I will book a session with you again soon. Big changes require big triggers. This breakup might be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I'm glad to hear that you're walking the right path.
Alexis, I can’t find any videos on a combination of dismissive avoidant and midlife crisis/depression, my DA has both. I needed advice on how to handle this combination. Thank you.
Keep doing what you are doing , I find you're videos help take away my anxiety . Been just over 10 months NC , she's an avoidant and a cop. Can't see her ever reaching out , super stubborn.
My avoidant was also a cop 🤕
So should I reach out? If they are having a problem should I initiate
Which is the Avoidant?
No. 10 months NC? Heal and move on. Would you want this to be your life? Mother of your children? I know it hurts, but the 2nd time around would be even worse. That's almost a year of NC. Longest time frame for my experience was 3 months. And we have been doing this dance for 7 years. Please don't do this to yourself. I know that this was the last time for me & and I'm pretty sure he knew this as well. I wish him well and wellness
I'm almost 3 weeks NC with my exgf DA and I'm going through a lot of emotions in this process. The breakup was completely out of the blue but watching this video and another by Alexis I learned that I triggered my exDA to get cornered. She reacted in a very DA fashion, or at least what I've learned about DAs so far, and dumped me in a cold way. Earlier that day a couple of different conversations which ended with "love you honey talk to you later." She had recently started drinking again with a group of coworkers-all guys- and I got really jealous. I understand that I didn't communicate that I wanted some boundaries set that wouldn't trigger my jealous feelings. Basically a lot of boundaries were never set up which would probably avoided a bunch of these triggers on my part and eventually on her part. The time apart from her-I miss her and love her, but I'm finding that love isn't as a power connection in a relationship as I previously thought. Love is and always will be important but other things like respect and honesty have a bigger impact on keeping a relationship together. Alexis F. thank you for your videos and I'm going to (hopefully) keep learning on how to deal with my exgf.
As the anxious partner it looks here as if it was your trigger that sparked hers. I've been through this myself, jealousy is a vile thing and we feel it hard if our self esteems aren't up to scratch. The first half of my relationship with my avoidant ex there was no anxiety, a very low simmering jealousy but never acted on or dwelt on - because I was confident and I trusted her. The second half and I lost a chunk of self esteem, I was jealous and needy and it was all unreasonable, she pushed away and now shes gone. I knew I was wrong even when I felt those insecure feelings, your partner drinking with some work colleagues shouldn't justify jealousy, it would have been totally fine. Us anxious types have to also own our part in these breakups.
Now.that I have met and experienced an avoidant in the past I know what one is I know the signs, it is beyond difficult and VERY one sided, I will NEVER deal with one again, I Love and value myself to much for that toxic chaos. I choose my Peace and well being 💗❤🩷
Thanks for an interesting video. I was wishing to hear something about how it seems from the avoidant point of view. When I in the end felt I did wrong and that I as an anxious person should change, is it good to hear something like this. Your videos are helping!
With the anxious avoidant "trap" both people need to face their insecurities to move closer together. The place to start is with oneself, that allows oneself to set criteria and standards for what one wants, and allows the other person to meet you there, if they can, it's patience and steady behaviour. Both people can end up better than before if they do the work.
I do I want to discuss everything.. he says stop living in the past! Stop being negative.
Do they recognize they have a problem like everyone else?
He also is a masculine that is not scared of his feminine energy around certain people.
@@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721 If there is a problem let it be known. If you need an apology seek it. If the person is not able to give it, make up your mind to accept or leave. If the apology is given undefensively then forgive, and don't bring up the past.
Ideally relationships don't need a lot of talking, especially about problems, there is also non verbal communication, eye contact physical cues.
I think for me, I haven't left because of physical attraction and dreaming of the first two months which were amazing and thinking it could be like that again.
The trouble is -- it only gets worse and worse!!!
Your video is THE ONLY ONE that truly opened up my eyes about how avoidants ACTUALLY FEEL & THINK.
The person I chose to give MY ALL was a D.A.
She dumped me as if I was garbage-through sms of course!
Although she didn't have the decency & the morality to announce her decision face to face,I've already forgiven her.
I honestly have no bad feelings for her & I truly wish her the best in every aspect of her life
A thorough video. Comprehensive as well. Thank you
Yes , helpful! I like that you don’t say everything will work out, but you offer a lot of helpful insight. Thank you.
so what i understand from this video is an avoidant mostly comes back after you've moved on?
Thanks a lot without you i could never reached out with my ex partner
What happened?
She moved on very quickly after telling me she wasn't ready for a relationship and needed time and space to find out who she is as a person. She also said "I always seem to get with the first guy I meet after a break up and never have time and space to find out who I am as a person", then she got with someone else a few weeks after we last spoke 10 days after breaking up. She looks very happy in her life without me.
That women usually do
Thanks for such an insightful video. Ive just been broken up with by an avoidant. We were very close and so happy when we were together, he told me i was different and he really cared about me (but every now and then he'd say something hurtful to push me away (not anything really bad, maybe just in a conversation he'd say hed never commit or get married again etc). Then he ended it after 3 months 😢 i was so disappointed and sad. He aaid he really cared and had genuine feelings for me but didn't want thr relationship to develop any further because he was not able to give me what i want, which is love and commitment. After 6 weeks of thr break up he wants to be friends, spending quality time with me. I just don't know if i should because i really care about him and dont want to fall for him any more than i have done. I don't know of he'd ever change and commit to me..😢😢
Please don’t accept “friendship “ if you want a relationship. You will be stuck in the friend zone. Plus, how will you feel if he starts dating someone else? I told my ex “no” when he suggested friendship. I am slowly healing, but I AM healing from the breakup.
@@Flufero23 thanks, I have just seen him again, it was all good and friendly but I still like him. I think next time I'll have to have a talk with him about it and tell him how I'm feeling and that I don't think I can be friends. It's too difficult...like you say I'd be really upset if he started dating someone else. 😔😔
I agree, do not accept the friendship. Or at least wait until you're not into him any more. Otherwise you'll be suffering... I know that, been there...
Do not accept his friendship as the consolation prize if you want a relationship. You show him what you deserve by walking away. Do not compromise.
#secureattachmentstyle
Any update?
THANK YOU!!🙏😩❤️🩹❤️
Thank you. This answered a lot of questions I didn’t know I needed an answer for.
Thank you sir 🙏🏻
Very insightful
❤
I gave her the second chance one year ago, i took her back and that was my mistake. She didn't do any work to fix herself and she discarded me brutally like trash. They never do any work. They are extremely egoistic and fucked up people. Don't take them back. You will save yourself a lot of pain and wasted time. Treat the breakup like blessing. They are not worth your love and effort
She had such a hard time moving on, it took her a full 4 days between telling me she didn’t wanna talk anymore and sleeping with her new guy
People use that to numb their pain... Until they realize it doesn't work, 😕 but that could take years
My ex is a DA. I feel bad. She broke up with me because I went up in my feelings. She broke up with me in one of her most vulnerable moments. I feel horrible, I wish I could be there to help her still.
Don't feel horrible. Just let her take her moment. Leaving her alone for now will help her.
Most definitely. For as much as I suffered in this relationship, I truly care for her still, I've made a mistake and apologised for it. She broke up, and I decided to go no contact. I believe she will not return, so all is left for me is move on and hope it gets better.
But thank you for the videos. They help 🙏
What do I want? I want to reconnect emotionally with my ex, regardless of the relationship outcome.
Thank you for this helpful content as always.
Super helpful, it really helps. Are you french or Belgian?
why
BS. Mine husband left his first wife for the woman he left me for. Now I'm left hanging. No idea where he is. He has just disappeared into thin air.
I fell in love with my new next door neighbor. She came from a horrible sexually abused childhood, but I was smitten with this Asian beauty. I was too happy to see the warning signs, but I am not a needy guy. So I told her she never let's down her guard. as a result, i dont feel like i know you, even after 15 months. Then a year and a half into this magical relationship, she just went cold.
Without any warning, she let a day laborer move in and was having sex with him day one. 2 months later, I am still dumbfounded. It's shocking how fast I was out and he was in, and I've been ghosted from day one. Zero sight or word from her 5 weeks in. Soooo frustrating.this experience has been by far the most difficult relationship I have ever been a part of. One day all was good, the next day I'm ghosted and he's having sex with her. Ouch
Alexis. How long can the Avoidant's healing from the relationship be delayed? My ex is still hovering on my social media two years after the breakup. She was reaching out up till the end of June.
I’m not sure I understand the purpose of your question.
She has been trying to talk to you? What is it you want from her?
@@kellyseager8163 She did this l, but refused to meet on several occasions.
6:58 who wrote the book 'Attached', please? Trying to look it up to order it!
Amir levine
Great video btw!!!! Thank you!
The hurt is indescribable. After a 6 year relationship he dumped me by Shazam ‘end of the road’. Threw my things in the bin. I had wanted to get married and have children with this person, he wouldn’t even call me his girlfriend. I was his ‘travel partner’. Despite meeting his friends, parents, work colleagues.
Any time I asked for any commitment or just to discuss things he told me to stop trying to to go there. As he didn’t have plans for his life. When I finally had enough, he met someone new and they were married within one year.
The sad thing is he made sure I knew about it by putting it on my WhatsApp. Even the dress she was wearing was a design he had once sent me a photo of telling me how beautiful I would look in it.
I can’t believe that this person is even human. The beginning was wonderful but the end just left me as a hollow version of myself. I’m left wondering if this was all in my head. Why I stayed with someone so heartless.
It hurts more as deep down I still hope he is happy, I loved him completely and I just feel unloveable, of no value and worthless. 💔
That sounds like a narcissist. I am so sorry. Do the work to heal and you will find the one!
@@abbasgirl8153 thanks. I am realising I had a lucky escape I can’t imagine being tied to someone like that. Good luck to her!
Super awesome x yup, helpful 🎉
8:44 “they are fantasizing on you” - 🥴 - I sure am
This No Contact period and the Reflecting an Avoidant does after a break up (from a very good close loving relationship), if the Avoidant was doing all the bs they are famous for doing (moved super fast, first to love, wanted a forever future etc and then all came to a quick over night pull back; still there but trying to figure out what minimum they can get by you with), and you are the one to break up with them, do they still go through the same thought pattern and reflection period, since they were not the one to come out and do the break up?
What does this and all replies with numbers have to do with my question? 🤦♀️
Are they human? More like dating a robot
Wow that’s exactly what I say too!!!
@@suzy7773 AMEN!!!! Extremely "robotic"! NEVER AGAIN!!!
Mine are easy in the past because I was not emotionally invested I don’t think it’s a one size fits all giving false hope
This was very informative and you presented it in a way that was easy for me to understand. Thank you !
Should I reach out to my xgirlfriend who is a DA after no contact?
I never even know how she ever feltt about me, I think she loved me...maybe she feels alone and needs me to listen. When should I reach out? Or should I even reach put?
Merci ❤
its in the video... minimum of no contact are 4 weeks. Then you can make a test question. If she is still angry, return to no contact.
Thank you so much!
I’ve noticed very small subtle changes. I know he is trying very hard
Do they still feel and go through this if they rebounded quickly after?
This is what I wanna know
It would help a lot if you can put subtitles for your videos it is not clear for your words
Idk my intuition says he is. Thats me writing on that wall.
My ex girlfriend is an avoidant and she monkey branch me
Do fearful avoidants come back after multiple break ups over a 4+ yr relationship? Or does it just weaken the relationship over time and they just move on?
Same question I have but mine wasn’t up to 4years just 7months and some back and forth until he finally left but he still reaches out but no want to get back together
She and I had dated around 2010 for a short time and then got married to her bf before me! 10yrs she had been married and she caught him cheating! I love her and want this to work out, but I have taken her multiple times that she has more than likely lost respect because I did not set boundaries! @@chisomoffor6877
No disrespect, but bro YOU should move on after " multiple" breakups in 4 years. Who wants to keep going through that? Have some self-respect.
My DA...waited 21 years...and same pattern cannot commit.... disappears....a child really..and a manipulative pain in the butt...go no contact
They cant come back because they were never there.
They always move quick to another if they were not allready cheating.
They dont give a f*ck about another then themselfs.
Dont fall for breadcrums.
What if i break up and regeret
I'll toast to that
Est ce que vous pouvez faire les vidéo en français ?
and what if they DO?
What if they rebounded with their ex after one month of the BU lol
Yeah they always fantasise about their ex. Love to hear how that works out.
@@droflivelifewhy do they always fantasize about their ex?
@rp3741 watch some other videos from the others that specialise in avoidants. They call it the phantom ex. They long them from a far after because they forget the bad and remember the good. When they are with the new and are flaw finding, they compare to the ex. But funny enough most times are more comfortable just remembering and never reuniting with them.
@@droflivelife oh yeah, I think I've watched those. Feels like I've watched 1 million videos on this crap. Probably easier to just forget it.
@rp3741 I'm the same, thousands of hours for someone who has ignored me since leaving me 4 months ago. Yet somehow she still has a hold on me.
How does monkey branching come into play?
Is that also the case for dumpers? or only if the dumpee is avoidant?
this is for both, avoidant doesnt change whether dumped or being the dumper so access you not wasting your time
@@auralionasol2205That's not entirely true. I've noticed DAs act different whether they ended things vs if the rug was pulled from beneath them.
@@lmart16and what’s the difference?.. I’m interested in this , especially if the DA is the dumpee 😅
@dianaisabela7816 In a way, it can be an eye-opening experience. Imagine you're a DA and you're dating another avoidant. You're unaware of your patterns and your partner deactivates and leaves you in the cold.
This could potentially open up the can of worms within yourself and realise what you've been doing... Off the back of another avoidant.
Avoidant can definitely dump you. It happened to me
DA women move on very fast
O? Really? That is weird?
These are the characters of pisces women
😂😂😂😂 no way.
@@ladytrizzy Are you a pisces? lol
You say they want to date other people bc ??? Non commital? Get bored?
Jesus you’re good looking.
I think you're reaching a bit with the Beatles and the Ronettes
Wow.
Wow
You are handsome but couldn't understand your accent.
Put captions on
I am from switzerland and I understand every word
You are gorgeous