I could be wrong, but I have a feeling your upfront, honest attitude served as a filter to keep away some of the dirt bags out there. I hope dating continues to be a mostly pleasurable experience for you.
As a 15 year old amputee, I was actually wondering how this goes I keep telling myself "im gonna die alone aren't I?" And I say this because since my leg is gone the kids in my school were disgusted by my leg being gone and i never made any friends The only place I have friends on is a game called "Roblox". Thank you for warning/explaining this.
You got this 💪. High school is a rough time. Don't give up hope, because outside of school you can find some of the coolest and nicest people. I found some of my best friends after I graduated. Those friends on Roblox can be so amazing too. I also have friends from Roblox that I still talk to 8-10 years later :)
I can't speak to your experience as an amputee, but, by and large, people grow after leaving high school, and are generally more accepting of differences.
high school is rough. When I was 15, I assumed that if you had a prostetic limb, then I thought you weren't really disabled, because you could do things more normally like someone who wasn't an amputee. Now, of course I know things are not that simple, but it really shouldn't be an issue for dating, and shouldn't be an issue in friendships. Making lifelong friends in college is easier especially if you join interest based clubs there. Things get better after high school.
I actually had several people look up the long term prognosis for my disease (beyond what I say or they could see - which was very little) and one who we really got along well told me he thought I was awesome BUT he could not deal with my illness & his PTSD. It hurt but I understood. The next one weighed in the pros & cons of it. He had his own issues so I had done the same about his & some I knew because I'd lost 2 siblings from them having what he does. We went on 3 dates & 13 years later, we're still on that date. Both of us have gotten much worse but we take care of each other just fine & love our daily home life as well as each other. Can't ask for better than that!
I'm 26M, autism, poor communication skills, never had a partner, never had a job and I'm angry that I couldn't just be like a normal person and have a nice career and good salary and be part of society. My older brother and sister both managed fine and have great jobs that they like and my parents are proud of them and I'm the only one left at home now still living with my old parents, I hate life and sometimes I just feel like I should end it.
@@Danuxsy comparing your life to other's will always make you feel like you're missing something. Try to be the best version of yourself and the rest will fall into place.
@@Danuxsy As someone on the autistic spectrum, I can tell you that self pity won't do you _any_ good. This sounds blunt and harsh but it's the reality of it. The only way to improve is to work on yourself and what you can do. I fell into a deeper depression asking myself the same things you are and comparing myself to my peers who were far more successful in their careers, relationships, goals, life in general. The only thing that worked was self-assessing, knowing my own limits and advantages & disadvantages and working *with* them instead of trying to change the core of my being and attempting be like others. Now I'm living with my partner of 8 years and have my dream job (I'm self-employed and work online). Still working toward my ultimate goals, but we're slowly getting there. You definitely can succeed in life, ask yourself what you want first and construct a plan with loads of small baby-step goals instead of one huge goal that will seem unachievable and impossible to tackle. You got this fam
@@Danuxsy your life isn't over! People set this wierd false expectation that your whole life has to be in place by the time you're 24 but you've got your whole life ahead of you don't give up on it!
@@Danuxsy All I can say is that you aren't alone in this. It's hard to let go of the hope that somehow you can just force yourself to be "normal" if you try hard enough. The resentment for the hand we are dealt with, and watching our siblings "succeed in life" is very familiar. What helped me was focusing on animals, and dedicating my life into making my dog happy. Animals in general don't need you to be good at communicating. Just patience and time. I made my life mission of learning about and trying to help animals. They seem to appreciate it, it just takes time. For you it might not be animals, but something else that brings you enjoyment, even if it "isn't normal". I used to despise myself in your age, for not enjoying normal things. Don't give up on your life. Give up on the idea of normal instead. It's easy to say, but hard to do. But you do have value. It's just different from what you expected. Try to see if you can get a specialised therapist that you can trust. Ask them to help you to find meaning in life, something that doesn't involve a career. I have noticed that online friends help too, and they can be found in gaming, if you want to try. They are just as valuable "real" and "normal", than the relationships you might or might not have in person. Good luck.
Anyone I dated in the past never had problems when I gave them the bullet points of my disability. The hardest part is trying to put it into dumb terms instead of medical terms, I keep forgetting that not everyone knows what I am talking about. It’s scary to get all the gruesome details out sometimes. The other problem I have is when I get serious with someone their families can be one of 2 sides. One accepting me as who I am as a person or just seeing the disability as a way to hold my significant other back in life
@@jrmejia527really? I wouldn’t call it “the worst.” Some people just aren’t familiar with all the technical terminology and processes behind a disability, and it’s no fault of their own. Some things the general public just isn’t all that knowledgeable about.
This is so true. My Dad straight up told me to break with my fiance, now wife, because of her disability when he found out. They became the best of friends after I married her though. 😂
Dating with a mainly invisible illness has been awful for me, so I am glad to hear some good things about dating! It does give me some hope that I'll find someone who will love me for who I am and not who I was/could be. I use crutches because of a tumor in my thigh and a neuropathy of the sciatic, but if my crutches are on the ground and I'm standing up, you cannot tell that something is actually wrong with me (aside from my weight). I was diagnosed at 15, 10 years ago, and it's taken a toll on my mental health - which is why I am now on a break from dating. Today's co-hosts were lovely!!
Hi. I have multiple invisible disabilities. It has been easier for me (i.e. easy for me to stay single without break-up drama) when I am upfront about it. At this point, the person who wants me will still date me when they hear I have celiac disease, endometriosis, adhd, and autism. If that person nerve shows up, that's fine. 🎶I can buy myself flowers 💐💐💐🎶
In some respects, it's probably a bit easier if it is visible, I went out on a date with a woman with one hand one time, it wasn't any sort of big deal. I'm sure she has workarounds and ways of doing pretty much anything essential to daily living as she still does have a hand, even if some things are more or a pain than they would be. And for non-obvious things, it doesn't take much explanation. OTOH, being autistic, especially without knowing, has been a massive pain when dating, even though I'm definitely well worth it. It's a shame that my soon-to-be ex never really appreciated me and never bothered to actually get to know me ahead of time. If I had known about that, I would have just agreed to one of the many offers of an arranged marriage, as they would at least consider the people involved when arranging things. (At least if the marriage is being arranged by somebody competent and caring, which should be the absolute bare minimum for that)
My wife of 6 years has had invisible disabilities since childhood. What I fell in love with about her had nothing to do with her illnesses, and we just learned to adapt our lives around when she needs rest. There are times it can cause problems but if you communicate and support each other you can work through it. In your case Jo, your bada$$ personality that shines through on your videos, and your sense of humour are beautiful personality traits. Someone will see that in you, and see your disability as something that exists, but does not define you. Just let things happen naturally and if it feels right, you'll know. You deserve happiness and both myself and my wife wish you the best of luck.
Remembered just as I was reading this comment. Zack from the channel JerryRigEverything met his now wife who happens to be paralyzed from the waist down. He went and surprised her with a custom off-roading wheelchair he made from two electric bicycles just for her. Made the whole thing into an affordable, not for profit off-roading bicycles business, NotAWheelchair. They're getting into making normal wheelchairs and making those super affordable. There are way more awesome people out there than there are awful ones. Hard to remember sometimes but it's important to take a moment and remind yourself of that. DFTBA
My hubby has decided that being married to me now is not acceptable due to me having to now use a wheelchair, and I suffer with chronic pain. He’s told me that why should two people be miserable, when it could just be me. I’m fifty years old, and been with my hubby for 34 years. I’ve no idea how to date, or who on earth would want to date me. I’ve lost my confidence and I just don’t know how to start. Whose going to want to go out with me? I’m absolutely terrified.
This is so sad to find out after 34 years of marriage. I'm sending you hugs & love. I'm sure you're in a better place now as I see you sent the comment a year ago 🙌🩷
I've had that exact situation and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that too. Listening to our guts is SO important but a skill not many of us were taught. 💜
I've been a cane/chair user for 5-6 years and have never had a bad reaction. I only date women, and I have a feeling that's why I haven't encountered anybody with a disability fetish (although I think it's also more common with amputees, which I am not), thank goodness. I've always been open on my dating profile that I use a cane and have chronic health issues, and that they're welcome to ask me more detail.
I feel you! I'm ftm and, unfortunately for my sanity though I have no qualms against men, gay. It's *so* common for me to have a guy that I'm interested in share that tiny little phrase similar to "it's the best of both worlds" that instantly makes it stop. Even from somebody who isn't asexual/demi or any variety of that, and is also VERY publicly out because I refuse to live in fear or hide a part of myself to get along with people who wouldn't care about me if they know who I am, it's a *lot* easier to feel somebody out as a friend. Even if they're into you, if they get mad that they're stuck in that "friendzone" then they don't respect you or care for your time beyond romantic or sexual interest. But it gets easier the longer you've been out. It really does. It gets to be a lot less terrifying as you learn to live in your bubble as you feel somebody out and then let them in. Maybe I'm viewed as closed off, but it's far easier to do that than waste both mine and his time
And I also don't let it be my life. If they constantly ask questions, answer them if you want to, but otherwise tell them to piss off. Even in dating, you can wait. You can wait to explain to them everything of all of that while you *also* have stated what makes you as a person
I’m a life long asthmatic, colon cancer survivor with an ostomy and arthritis as a parting gift. In my younger dating days I had more women reject me over being Jewish than for my health issues. I have always found this fascinating. Health challenges can be taxing on your partner, far more than I ever understood until later in my life. At 57 I am acutely aware of how my health effects others and those effects have influenced my choices in care, both long and short. Been married 18 years now, our daughter is 17 and it’s a difficult balancing act. Your story drew me in and I’ve learned quite a lot about myself in the process.
Honestly, while my disabilities are invisible, I definitely feel some of the ableism because my limited mobility means I'm always swiping left on people looking for someone who can keep up with them on the hiking trails or whatever. I don't even like spending time outdoors in the sunlight because I burn so easily and thoroughly.
Eh, hikers are a waste of time. Those are the dudes that would leave you after you get ""fat"" (aka, ever so SLIGHT over 1 pound from being underweight) from being pregnant and then being pretty much a single mom because he's too busy aimlessly walking around outside to care for his kids. Wash your hands of them, not worth the time
As someone who is still not dating 6 years after a 17 year (really bad) relationship ended, I truly applaud you for getting out there! I am still too scared as I have never dated as an adult, let alone as a disabled/out person and the dating landscape has changed profoundly since my high school days 20 years ago. The apps are honestly petrifying! I literally wouldn't even know where to start 😂
Charlie Brown (I don’t know how to do that @thing to attach my comment so I hope you see this) I hope that you can eventually find some hope and try. I was in a ten year abusive marriage and was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease which can and has caused major medical complications. I said that I was happy to be free and have my kids. I was looking for some occasional companionship and adult conversation but no long term relationships. I had written back and forth with someone I felt could be a great friend and ended up suggesting we meet for breakfast because my mom had my kids. We met for breakfast and we will have been married for almost 20 years now. Please don’t give up. Life can be better, just as much as crappy. Obviously I don’t know you or your situation but your comment really spoke to me because I remember feeling exactly like you described and I thought I would be alone forever. Frankly, part of me wanted that so I also understand that impulse to stop trying. I’m not suggesting that I know any magic solution. I just know that my life got better and I wish for you whatever better you want. Have a good day okay?
@@ipacarrollread Thank you for saying this because I feel very similarly. I was in an abusive relationship in my early twenties and it messed me up real good. Five years later I still haven't dated once. Part of me would like to be able to, but mostly I think that I'm better off single. This makes me think that I'll be single forever, and while I don't mind it now, I know that forever is a long time and that chosen 'aloness' can turn into unwanted loneliness... 😔
Im happy to see, that you make long form vids again. You have, for a couple of years now, been my "Internet friend" that has helped me with selfesteem issues, mental struggles and nogged me along to find the strength to seek help. This means im now getting the help that i need to get to a better place, and for that i will allways be gratefull to you, and the commuity. Thank you all, the honesty and openess has help me alot. Stay safe, and be as awesome as you have been
Good advice for your dating app profile is to lead with anything that might be a deal breaker. Political leanings, country music fan, fav sports team etc. That way, anyone who gets to the stage of chatting/texting/dating is already cool with, or indifferent to, what others may call “the worst parts” of getting to know a new person, and all that’s left to discover is how wonderful you are.
My last relationship, three and a half years ended when she left for another school and I couldn’t manage long distance and my illnesses at the same time. I’ve gone on a few dates since, I’m not really looking to date but people will ask me out. I find the hardest part is when someone asks me out and I think they’re cool, but I have to tell them how sick I am and I don’t always have the time to prioritise someone else. I will go on a date, I’ll chat, but I don’t think I can give you what you deserve in a relationship and that’s kind of heart breaking.
Remember that relationships have two sides and it's okay if they have to take care of you sometimes bc you'll take care of them sometimes that's how it works
Sounds like you're selling both yourself and anyone else short. If someone expects you to prioritize them all the time, they are not worth dating. But most people don't expect that. Give the next person a chance to decide how much attention they want to give and how much they need to receive. Make your decision about whether to date them on whether or not because you LIKE them. Make the decision about which dates you go on and when one day at a time. They'll tell you if that amount of time and attention and reliability is acceptable to them or not. And of course, you get to make the same decisions for yourself about them. There are lots of people out there perfectly happy to trade a night out for pizza on the couch. They might even prefer it and just be afraid to defy that dating expectation.
You & I have a lot in common! & My experience is that most guys Don't Believe I'm disabled, they accuse me of Cheating & bail. Even ppl who've Seen me have (a medical spell) Still don't believe me that I'm disabled. I think that's really crazy, & an excuse to not be w/ someone-they just don't want to say it's bc you're disabled; they use something 'more normal' like cheating, as an excuse to not see you anymore. Sometimes that hurts, & sometimes I'm glad when someone wants to bail.
I was disabled with an unusual and extremely painful respiratory condition. Though it’s far from silent it’s definitely an invisible disability. When I first became disabled I volunteered at a disabled peoples organisation, where I later worked and now a trustee/director. There was a stunning young lady there who was hemiparuplegic following a stroke when when she was 28. I never asked her to go on a date not because she was disabled but because I was 15 years older than her. I really valued our friendship and didn’t want to do anything to spoil it…fortunately after 2 years I discovered her one fault, she has lousy taste in men and asked me out. We've been together 10 years and married for 8 and our relationship just gets stronger and stronger. It’s ok dating disabled people, especially if you appreciate strong ladies.
My last and only relationship ended when my boyfriend broke up with me. He was dealing with depression and neither one of us made enough money to move in together. He also lived in the U.S. and I in Canada so that made it difficult, too. But, I think when it really changed was when I developed epithelial basement membrane dystrophy and it was difficult to open my eye in the mornings and I couldn't travel to the U.S. and I don't think he could handle my health issue. Since that relationship ended, I've focused on myself and my art goals. I have had guys ask me out, but they seem to be too interested too soon without really knowing me or they are just looking for a hook-up and that's not my style. It's difficult out there.
People place so much weight on relationships, they often forget that you can be happy by yourself, This is probably the hardest experience I had ever to learn, but the most important I have ever learned for the sake of my love live.
Excellent! I had my right leg amputated in 1983 and it has never stopped me. Personally I am always up front and tell girls. It has always been a talking point! I remember going to meet a new girl who lived about 50 miles away and I went down on one of my classic bikes and when I got I there Suzanne said to me "Nick you told me that you have only one leg! Bollocks I don't believe you!" I then showed it to her! The look of disbelief on her face was priceless! I have a very good lady friend Michelle who lives in South East London and she is incredible You would never realise that she hasn't got a left leg! When you see her in her miniskirt fishnets and 6" heels thigh boots! My present lady is truly 💕
I recently came across your channel. I know you get a lot of messages so you probably won't see this; but, a number of years ago my great nephew had to have his leg amputated after an accident when he was driving a truck. (He lives with my niece and the rest of his family three states away). He went into a shell and basically stays in his room. He didn't even use the prosthetic so I don't even know if it's usable at this point. No one in the family knows how to get him to want to get back into society, make friends, go out, etc. I don't know why I'm going on because even if you see this, there's not really much you can do or say. Maybe it's just me venting because I'm worried about his well being. I hope I didn't make a nuisance of myself. Thanks .
Hey could you do a how to get friends while disabled episode. I find most people don't understand limitations. Don't like being cancelled on because I got sick/hurting/migraine.
I've had horror stories around my disabilities... ADHD and autism. Mostly that I should try harder to not be messy, no one wants a messy wife, or that I'm just too much for anyone to handle. I'm 44, never had a real relationship, and I'm super wary of the dating field.
33, enby, ADHD and autism and also have never been in the dating field. It does gets me down sometimes but 🎶I can buy myself flowers 💐 Write my name in the sand 🎶 ...also very wary of the dating field. So...🎶I can take myself dancin' 🎶 The best part, I'm not singing this song to any ex that ruined my life. I win. 😆
First off I must say that dating is way different that it was in the dark ages when I last dated. My wife of 37 years was born with a deformed left leg and has been an AK amputee her entire life, and she has worn a prosthetic for more than 60 years. I first found out on our first date, at a club, when we were dancing and something didn't feel right. Everything worked out because I'm a leg man, and in my book a ten beats two fives. She would take her leg off and hop around the house carrying our son; little dude learned to hang on like a spider monkey. Anyway, you do you and live your best life. If you want a man you'll find each other.
The last time I was in the dating world I was young, healthy, and (mostly) straight. Trying to jump back in as a disabled queer adult with an actually firm grasp of who I am and what I want is an entirely new experience for sure. It's a lot harder to meet people I'm compatible with for one thing. But everyone I have met so far has mostly been lovely, even though it hasn't worked out with any of them for one reason or another. I'm hopeful the right person will come along but I'm still very cautious. Accepting that I am a burden and that's okay is still a big thing I'm trying to work through and I'm not sure any relationship will work until I make some progress with that if I'm being totally honest. It's hard to jump into a new relationship knowing that my health is only going to get worse from here. There's no up for me. Things may level out at some point, but they'll never get better, and any future partner will inevitably have to take the role of caretaker eventually. It's hard to make peace with that.
I feel you.. I've had dated before but they did end terribly, but now I'm much clear mentally about me but ik my health is detoriating and I'm queer as well. Idk if I should even be dating cause it feels like I'm a deadweight. That one day, as you said would happen plus knowing that and telling that at my age of 18 would I feel basically scare them off. And even though not confirmed, I fear I might die sooner as well. So it does feel like I'll be a dead weight to anyone honestly. My struggle for more independence also gets hindered due to this, but even if I'm alone my whole life; ik I'm whole and well enough for myself and I can still be happy. At the same time, I feel I'm missing out a lil.
A friend feels the same. Trying my best to support them about it as we only have this one life to live. Some of us need more help whether physical or emotional, and that won't change. But we can change our relationship status - or at least try.
This sounds tough and I feel for you, but as an older person I have come to realize that we never know what life will bring and sooner or later we are all disabled if we live long enough. I’m sure you have a lot to offer even if your health isn’t good. And being disabled doesn’t automatically mean that your partner has to be your primary caregiver. Don’t waste your precious time on this earth doubting yourself, just live as fully as you can. The past is over and the future doesn’t exist yet, All any of us really have is now.
I should start by saying I’m not in your dating pool so this question comes from honest curiosity. As a UA-cam creator, would you be more comfortable on a date with someone who knows you from the channel or someone who doesn’t? Someone who knows the channel would allow you to skip over most of the disability questions. However, you’ve shared a lot of very personal things, so they would be far ahead of you in the “getting to know each other” game. Just curious.
Fortunately, I've only had to deal with a couple "devotees" over the years. And yes, they're creepy AF. I can relate a lot about the questioning part though. I don't mind talking about how I became an amputee but it almost always turns into an interrogation immediately upon telling the story. When I tried online dating in the past I would mention being an amputee in my profile but did not go into any real details. I don't remember it ever being an issue.
It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there in the dating world. You should share at least one horror dating story lol. Good for you Jo and stay safe out there. By the way....lover your dogs :)
Try entering the dating world after 43 years. Just got to be honest, and be yourself. I'm open to getting into a new relationship, as long as she's a dog I find at the shelter. LOL 42 years of being married, until she passed away. Has changed everything, most for the worse.
Hey, this is great news after the year you’ve had! You’re totally right it’s so important to hold stuff back from for you. I’ve had it with some women (only a very small number but enough that can suck) that have an issue with dating a guy with a visual impairment and albinism - they don’t want to be the designated driver, they don’t that constantly going on beach holidays / endlessly sunbathing isn’t my thing - don’t get me wrong, when it’s my turn to drive, I’ll pay for the taxi, and I just need to be sensible on a beach holiday, hide under a palm tree, but there are other ways to spend your annual leave too. So I just move on - I’ve made a lot of lovely friends, and dated some super lovely people too. I got invited to the wedding of one person I dated and stayed friends with. I made it to the ceremony and reception and was lovely
I have a question for you... How upset were you when you decided to amputate your foot? The reason I ask, I will be forced in the next few years to make the same decision due to Charcot and ankylosing spondylitis. I have degenerative disease in my foot... Sometimes causing pain, to were I can't walk. Just want to know how you got thru it.
I would proffer that much of the reason that you haven't had problems is because you are upfront. Are there people who won't date an amputee? Absolutely. But they swiped left. You don't know who they are and you didn't feel personally rejected. I think in general it is a good idea to present in your profile every reason why someone might not want to date you. If any characteristic of you is a reason for rejection let them swipe left, rather than swipe right and then reject you in person.
As an amputee and now a full time wheelchair user, my experience is that my disability isn't the problem, so far it has always been the person I am dating that has the problem. It can pull you down and I have been hurt. I am happy being me and I am not going to let others bring me down. Everyone is different but if you have a disability, don't ever let dating bring you down. If that person really loves you, your disability will be invisible in their eyes. If they can see it and are stuck with it - you can do so much better
The amount of similarities between this experience and the experience of dating while being trans is astounding. from the when do you tell question to the chasers to the higher chance of violence.
Thanks for sharing your feelings, thoughts, observations, etc. As a guy with an autoimmune disease that affects my mobility and has greatly affected my posture, how I'm perceived by the opposite sex is a concern for me, especially now coming out of my divorce. I've been on dates since my divorce, most from matching on the dating apps, and I've been upfront about my physical appearance. It's nice to hear that others, like yourself, have taken the same approach. It's so easy to fall into the trap of overthinking it and obsessing about how others might react. Thanks for another great video. Many of your videos have helped me with creating some critical thoughts, & with gaining and keeping perspective on the world. For example, what you said in this video about personal development and improving communication in regards to the dating world. That one hit home with a lot of familiarity.
Maybe this would be the wrong thing to do (my disability is not a visible one), but being active (running, hiking, martial arts) I would place myself in that environment wearing shorts with my two pupper friends for a full screenshot. For my bio, I would not even mention disability, except maybe a very brief statement such as "my leg was amputated ___years ago, due to an accident" I feel many relationships start with he, she, they "look" friendly, "look" happy, "look" confident with the commonality obvious. Yes there are weirdoes out there, something that we all have to consider for the first few meetings.
Thanks for the video! I’m so glad you have had mostly positive experiences. I was thinking your experience would involve a lot more creepy fetishist dudes in your DMs, but I’m glad that doesn’t seem to be the case! 😅
+FootlessJo *Unlike yourself as a neurotypical short a right shank, I've emotional disabilities pathognomonic of Kanner's syndrome, wherewithal I's diagnosed in infancy.* Emotional disabilities are invisible disabilities that affect capacity for social connection. Historically, I've no experience with interpersonal relations of _any_ depth.
So what about cheesy jokes? Dumb jokes about being bipolar is one of my main coping strats or icebreakers, but I can see myself making an ill-timed one-legged joke at the wrong moment.
I was surprised to see my dating experience reflected in how you are talking about dating now. Everyone talks about how it's so miserable, but I went through dating to discover myself and the type of person I want and found it enjoyable. It's refreshing to finally hear that take from someone! I think it is a very healthy way to date!
It's not the prosthetic I have a problem with. It's the dogs. I'm a cat man. Don't get me wrong. I love dogs.... As long as they belong to someone else. My interest would be in the person not the prosthetic. As a handyman I have an interest in mechanical things. My first impulse might be to take the prosthetic apart to see how it was made. The amputation is not who you are. It may affect who you are, but it doesn't define who you are. Thanks for your honesty. It's not easy.
Jo! Since you are on the topic of dating, I thought I’d let you know you still have a picture of your ex-husband on your home page photo collage. I don’t know if that’s intentional, just thought I’d mention since you are putting yourself out there again. Sending you love 💕
me as a man don't mind, I've dated a girl who was in a wheelchair she was pretty and cute, so i wouldn't worry to much about it, a pretty face and intelligence goes quite far
No, I didn't expect horror stories! I am a recent amputee and divorcee and also just entered the dating world again and have found people have generally been wonderful. I am blunt about my amputation on dating apps, I have photos showcasing my wheelchair and the level of amputation I have and therefore the people that do not care are the ones that contact me. Those that have a problem with it just choose not to contact me and I feel better off for it! I'm not interested in someone so shallow anyhow.
M'Lady, I can somehow relate ... Tried to get into dating after a split-up, but I've found that my special needs don't allow for me to be in crowded, loud locations - so to say, any location where dating might take place. So I'm not into dating. But the time I tried I've made it clear as in crystal clear that I am hearing disabled and hearing aid user as well as able to talk in ÖGS (Austrian Sign Language). I find it much better to be up-front and direct about it, so the elephant in the room is out of the way.
I am curious what struggles the amputation causes with shopping, especially clothes shopping. Cause we all know women's clothing sizes are not standard! I k own you've mentioned some about adaptive clothing & I find that concept very intriguing as well.
LOVE your attitude toward dating. I am coming out of a long term relationship, and am feeling similarly about entering the dating pool, prioritizing being super happy single over diving into something serious. Also, I think your lack of terrible experiences could be partly due to your approach. When you feel desperate to make something work or don’t communicate effectively, you can inadvertently ignore bad feelings or signs or be overly interesting to a narcissist looking for his next people pleaser. Being direct about what you’re looking for, and prioritizing your health and gut feelings over getting someone to like you makes a world of difference in dating experiences IMHO
For the safety aspect, it's always good to keep a little saying I heard from a podcast in the front of my mind (excuse the language): Fuck Politeness! Your safety is more important than someone's feelings. Especially if they have bad intentions. There's no need to be polite in those circumstances. A coworker of mine is currently going through a situation with a stalker ex boyfriend and he was in the parking lot one day last week as we were leaving and I stared him down as I was walking directly to the vehicle he was in. If he wouldn't have driven off before I got there, he would have had some words thrown at him. Now though, he's got a warrant out for his arrest because he's broken into her apartment twice. I walk her to her car every day after work to make sure she's safe. And you bet I will fuck all politeness if it means she'll be safe.
As an able bodied person, my biggest fear would be saying something I shouldn’t, just out of reflex. I would probably have to mention that at the start, that way, if I did say something stupid, maybe we could move on a little sooner.
Being upfront is the best way to handle it! Unfortunately, I'm learning this in my old age. Wished I had learned it sooner. You will do well. All the best to you!
I was born with a disability and dating has always been an issue. I married the first person that showed any interest in me and that went badly. It seems there's a stigma to people with birth defects, and more so when they're male. Does anyone else agree or disagree? Is it just me or is there something to it?
Dating, at least as my experience has been, has been a challenge for me. Not only am I a single father, and disabled, but my son has disabilities. I am also very upfront about all of these things, but I rarely get a second date or explanation of why. My disabilities are invisible, PTSD and chronic fatigue being part of the list, and the first is still highly stigmatized in society. At least that was true, I found a great woman who has no issues about my disabilities or my son's and things are working. Jo, when you are least expecting it you will find your right person, but keep doing what you're doing.
One of the really nice things about getting older is that I feel no need, or even a want, to date or be involved in any romantic (or physical) relationship. Turns out I’m much happier just having a few good friends I see once or twice a month, if that, and spending the rest of my time with my pup (who is snoozing in my outstretched legs right now).
My personal experience as a man with an invisible disability I always make sure to tell my dates after the second date about my condition. While I thankfully don't have any horror stories, I also found that women are really averse to dating someone with a disability (at least where I live).
Good luck with your dating life. Stay safe and happy. Just want to say as a man, most men out there would worry at all about anyone's disability. There's a small amount of freaks and ones that wouldn't except it, but screw those sort of people. But as a man that from age 10 till 41, was a stay-at-home career for my disabled mother, who was an amputee and blind last few years of her life. And now, after a few years, I'm a career now for my father, who is on a way to being in a wheelchair. It has affected my mental health, giving me depression and severe social anxiety. I have given up for years, even attempting to have a dating life. It's impossible as a male to get female to except a low paid male with mental disabilities.
I've never dated anyone that has had a physical disability. I have dated people who have mental disabilities or health conditions. For me it's not about the physical but the person. So my first date question is usually on the lines of "hey, do you have any boundaries that need to be taken into account for just day to day stuff? For example I like doing these activities, is there anything that would stop you from doing them? (e.g hikes, museum tours, art activities and fun classes.) At the end of the day, the last thing I'd want to do is cause any physical or mental discomfort because I can be a people pleaser. So even if it wasn't a match or the date sucked I'd feel OK as long as I did no harm. I'd also upfront ask if the person was the type to hide discomfort because at the end of the day we both deserve to have a good time. Not sure if this is necessarily the best thing to do but it's definitely put people at ease who I know have anxiety, PTSD, BPD and epilepsy.
At 9:35 you hit the nail on the head with ALL relationships. Both my wife and I have to have happy contented lives within our selves, in order to bring joy to each other. My wife is not there to make me a whole person, complete me, or make me happy. That is my responsibility. She does make me happy and I feel amazing with her and my life is much richer and rewarding. But to get there I cannot put the responsibility for all that on my wife. Good luck!
I had forgotten until this video that I had gone on a date with a below-knee amputee some years ago. I think he had a picture of his prosthetic in his profile - it was decorated beautifully with fir trees. We didn't click at all, but his leg wasn't a big focus, just a brief topic of conversation.
The few dates I’ve been on since becoming robolegged is be up front. This isn’t a “surprise” situation I want to be in after dating for a while. It ain’t growing back and nothing I can do changes that
I love that you've had such a positive experience, mine has definitely been different. It's been a few years now, but it still feels like I'm dating for the first time as an adult after a long term relationship. As an autistic polyam queer trans man and and ambulatory wheelchair user, it is challenging in a conservative area. At least I can say I don't have many negative experiences either, people just aren't interested, because I'm so up front about those things. When I do click with someone they often live further away and it just fizzles out after a few days of texting. But to be fair, I haven't found many people in my area who I'm interested in, so it wouldn't really matter if they were interested in me or not. I don't really bother much anymore, online dating is a pain in the butt and I don't mind being single(ish).
Personally it wouldn't bother me at all and I think most decent people would be the same. Now if you were in a wheelchair or something I can see how some people might have trouble with that.
I agree, Jo. It's best not to hold back any secrets when online dating. I try to make it clear what I am looking for, although I always wait for them to ask me. Sometimes it takes awhile before the subject comes up, but it always does.
Yeah, I follow your journey since about 1,5year, and I always had this gut feeling, that something was wrong about you... And now I know! YOU'RE AN EXTROVERT!! Nooo just kidding 😅 for real I'm jealous it seems so enjoyable to appreciate human social contact ! And about the subject of the video, I appreciated a lot the way you covered this subject! Obviously the way you handle the communication about your disability is 100% personnal, but I thought it was really "amazing" (sorry the word amazing is probably innapropriate in this context but english isn't my 1rst language so idk how to say what I wanna say...) that you brought up the subject of fetishism and objectivation of disabled body, and also the the inherent vulnerability of being a woman with a disability... I'm a young woman suffering from a chronical illness, with disabling chonical pain, so my issues are invisible (you can find some scars here and there but YKWIM), and I've watched a lot of videos on the subject of dating with a disability, and while everyone's point of view about commucation or how to handle the technical stuff is 100% personal and either way perfectly valid, those subjects were never brought up in these videos. So yeah, amazing video as always, You seem like a great person who is really easy to talk to for hours without being bored for a second!
It's easier dating if you're conventionally attractive. I'm sure you realise that. It's harder growing up Disabled with visible impairments , with society quietly reinforcing "You're not one of Us".
In my experience, if one is not Illuminati, it's really very hard to find a boyfriend or even friends that seem to appreciate, understand you, see the beautiful, inspirational in you.. :(Although, if one is Illuminati, their soul is gone, anyway, so finding genuine friendship will not really matter. Finding a boyfriend is something so difficult in the world full of mysogyny. In my country which is Ukraine, the standards are so high as the sky and beyond. They want a woman with a model look (And Ukraine has a lot of modelesque men and women), they want to see a woman perfectly groomed - it's time, money, dressed in a perfect outfit, like a celebrity, with a toned athlete body. You can see people walking their dogs, going to supermarkets dressed 10/10. People discriminate orphans, the victims of abuse, immigrants, foreigners, regufesess age other categories :(( Agism.. :( People want a wealthy partner. A partner coming from an aristocratic family, Etc.. I am very upset. :(
personally I don't see a disability, I see a confident young woman who is adapting to life. If a man can't accept you for who you are and what you have missing steer clear they are not worth your time
My own take on it is that I would have worried that being upfront about the amputation would attract amputation fetishists -- and I gather it has occasionally done that. But of course it also keeps away the people who would reject or insult you because of your leg, and that is probably worth it. Your puppies are very cute.
So two potentially interesting points of view: As a trans woman, I recognize some of what you're talking about. Mainly learning to spot and avoid fetischists, but also putting a very candid foot forward, because I wouldn't like to go on a date with someone who gets surprised and reacts badly, so being open about what makes me "different" is also imortant to me. Also, as someone who has dated some people with disabilities, I am very aware to be understanding and interested, but also a disability isn't the reason I would or wouldn't date someone, so at least for initial dates, it's not something I bring up too much, except if they want to talk about it, and very importantly, asking if there's anything I should take into account or be aware of: maybe they have an epipen and I should know where it is and how/when to use it, maybe we should avoid long walks, or maybe if they have an attack there's a certain way that should be handled. All of these have been relevant for people in my life, some from dating some from friends or coworkers/classmates.
I'm deaf and tried online dating once. Once. Women matched with me only to tell me I was a cripple and should not date or even just die. Oh I've also being called a dwarf and manlet since I'm "only" 5'8"... Never again.
I'm RBKA since January 2022. I'm divorced since 2018, but I haven't dated at all since my amputation. I can't even think about blind dating, or even going out except with people that I know. Reception was poor while I was in the wheelchair, rude comments and etc. I'm on my leg, and for the most part, life with strangers in public has normalized. But blind dating? That's a hurdle I have not yet jump. How did you get over the anxiety of the First Date as an amputee on prosthesis?
If I was only like 30 years younger. Your bed looks like mine...only I share mine with 2 German Shedders and a Rescue Pittie. That means I am pushed to a very small size of the bed. I enjoy your videos as a daily shot of positivity.
As someone with a bit of a scar fetish, I totally support you not wanting to be with someone with any kind of fetish around your amputation. I've never dated anyone specifically for their scars, because I don't want to be objectifying someone. It should be about the whole person, not one aspect of them that just happens to tickle my fancy!
I have a particular medical condition that has ended 2 relationships, luckily I'm old enough I know longer think about it, my opinion Jo, you'll do just fine, hug your puppers for me.
I find dating with my mental disabilities (adhd/autism) to be hell. Basically a series of uncomfortable encounters where I am expected to socially function in a certain way when I just can't. For instance having a conversation in a busy café is just impossible. So I kind of need to filter out all the neurotypical people before even meeting anyone, just so there can be a conversation, then set up a meeting that accommodates both of our social disabilities, then actually go through with it and somehow make a good impression. I am very lonely.
Always be honest & upfront with someone. Only date in public places. Let friends or family know where you're going & who you'll be with. Day time is probably better then night time at first. Really get to know the person well before meeting in a public place. Lunch, movies, concert? You're still young. Have fun with your life. When the time is right, you will meet someone special. I love your videos. You inspire me. R BKA since Aug 23 @ 63. Planning on getting a prosthetic asap. Leg still healing. Gotta be 100% healed before that. God bless you 😊
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I could be wrong, but I have a feeling your upfront, honest attitude served as a filter to keep away some of the dirt bags out there. I hope dating continues to be a mostly pleasurable experience for you.
Peggy Hall's new video talking about the "transableism" folk on Social Media.
As a 15 year old amputee, I was actually wondering how this goes I keep telling myself "im gonna die alone aren't I?" And I say this because since my leg is gone the kids in my school were disgusted by my leg being gone and i never made any friends The only place I have friends on is a game called "Roblox". Thank you for warning/explaining this.
You got this 💪. High school is a rough time. Don't give up hope, because outside of school you can find some of the coolest and nicest people. I found some of my best friends after I graduated. Those friends on Roblox can be so amazing too. I also have friends from Roblox that I still talk to 8-10 years later :)
I can't speak to your experience as an amputee, but, by and large, people grow after leaving high school, and are generally more accepting of differences.
High school is literally the worst!!! Don’t worry, you will survive this! Life gets so much better as you get older.
high school is rough. When I was 15, I assumed that if you had a prostetic limb, then I thought you weren't really disabled, because you could do things more normally like someone who wasn't an amputee. Now, of course I know things are not that simple, but it really shouldn't be an issue for dating, and shouldn't be an issue in friendships. Making lifelong friends in college is easier especially if you join interest based clubs there. Things get better after high school.
School children can be very cruel and very horrible if they see someone whom they perceive as different. No matter what that may be.
I actually had several people look up the long term prognosis for my disease (beyond what I say or they could see - which was very little) and one who we really got along well told me he thought I was awesome BUT he could not deal with my illness & his PTSD. It hurt but I understood. The next one weighed in the pros & cons of it. He had his own issues so I had done the same about his & some I knew because I'd lost 2 siblings from them having what he does. We went on 3 dates & 13 years later, we're still on that date. Both of us have gotten much worse but we take care of each other just fine & love our daily home life as well as each other. Can't ask for better than that!
I'm 26M, autism, poor communication skills, never had a partner, never had a job and I'm angry that I couldn't just be like a normal person and have a nice career and good salary and be part of society. My older brother and sister both managed fine and have great jobs that they like and my parents are proud of them and I'm the only one left at home now still living with my old parents, I hate life and sometimes I just feel like I should end it.
@@Danuxsy comparing your life to other's will always make you feel like you're missing something. Try to be the best version of yourself and the rest will fall into place.
@@Danuxsy As someone on the autistic spectrum, I can tell you that self pity won't do you _any_ good. This sounds blunt and harsh but it's the reality of it. The only way to improve is to work on yourself and what you can do. I fell into a deeper depression asking myself the same things you are and comparing myself to my peers who were far more successful in their careers, relationships, goals, life in general. The only thing that worked was self-assessing, knowing my own limits and advantages & disadvantages and working *with* them instead of trying to change the core of my being and attempting be like others. Now I'm living with my partner of 8 years and have my dream job (I'm self-employed and work online). Still working toward my ultimate goals, but we're slowly getting there. You definitely can succeed in life, ask yourself what you want first and construct a plan with loads of small baby-step goals instead of one huge goal that will seem unachievable and impossible to tackle. You got this fam
@@Danuxsy your life isn't over! People set this wierd false expectation that your whole life has to be in place by the time you're 24 but you've got your whole life ahead of you don't give up on it!
@@Danuxsy All I can say is that you aren't alone in this. It's hard to let go of the hope that somehow you can just force yourself to be "normal" if you try hard enough. The resentment for the hand we are dealt with, and watching our siblings "succeed in life" is very familiar. What helped me was focusing on animals, and dedicating my life into making my dog happy. Animals in general don't need you to be good at communicating. Just patience and time. I made my life mission of learning about and trying to help animals. They seem to appreciate it, it just takes time.
For you it might not be animals, but something else that brings you enjoyment, even if it "isn't normal". I used to despise myself in your age, for not enjoying normal things. Don't give up on your life. Give up on the idea of normal instead. It's easy to say, but hard to do. But you do have value. It's just different from what you expected.
Try to see if you can get a specialised therapist that you can trust. Ask them to help you to find meaning in life, something that doesn't involve a career.
I have noticed that online friends help too, and they can be found in gaming, if you want to try. They are just as valuable "real" and "normal", than the relationships you might or might not have in person.
Good luck.
Anyone I dated in the past never had problems when I gave them the bullet points of my disability. The hardest part is trying to put it into dumb terms instead of medical terms, I keep forgetting that not everyone knows what I am talking about. It’s scary to get all the gruesome details out sometimes. The other problem I have is when I get serious with someone their families can be one of 2 sides. One accepting me as who I am as a person or just seeing the disability as a way to hold my significant other back in life
That's the worst gotta dumb it down for some folks ...
What is your disability I have cerebral palsy I am crippled in both my legs .
@@jeremycarpenter5550 I was born with spina bifida, i walk with the assistance of a walker
@@jrmejia527really? I wouldn’t call it “the worst.” Some people just aren’t familiar with all the technical terminology and processes behind a disability, and it’s no fault of their own. Some things the general public just isn’t all that knowledgeable about.
This is so true. My Dad straight up told me to break with my fiance, now wife, because of her disability when he found out. They became the best of friends after I married her though. 😂
Dating with a mainly invisible illness has been awful for me, so I am glad to hear some good things about dating! It does give me some hope that I'll find someone who will love me for who I am and not who I was/could be. I use crutches because of a tumor in my thigh and a neuropathy of the sciatic, but if my crutches are on the ground and I'm standing up, you cannot tell that something is actually wrong with me (aside from my weight). I was diagnosed at 15, 10 years ago, and it's taken a toll on my mental health - which is why I am now on a break from dating.
Today's co-hosts were lovely!!
Hi. I have multiple invisible disabilities. It has been easier for me (i.e. easy for me to stay single without break-up drama) when I am upfront about it. At this point, the person who wants me will still date me when they hear I have celiac disease, endometriosis, adhd, and autism. If that person nerve shows up, that's fine. 🎶I can buy myself flowers 💐💐💐🎶
In some respects, it's probably a bit easier if it is visible, I went out on a date with a woman with one hand one time, it wasn't any sort of big deal. I'm sure she has workarounds and ways of doing pretty much anything essential to daily living as she still does have a hand, even if some things are more or a pain than they would be. And for non-obvious things, it doesn't take much explanation.
OTOH, being autistic, especially without knowing, has been a massive pain when dating, even though I'm definitely well worth it. It's a shame that my soon-to-be ex never really appreciated me and never bothered to actually get to know me ahead of time. If I had known about that, I would have just agreed to one of the many offers of an arranged marriage, as they would at least consider the people involved when arranging things. (At least if the marriage is being arranged by somebody competent and caring, which should be the absolute bare minimum for that)
My wife of 6 years has had invisible disabilities since childhood. What I fell in love with about her had nothing to do with her illnesses, and we just learned to adapt our lives around when she needs rest. There are times it can cause problems but if you communicate and support each other you can work through it. In your case Jo, your bada$$ personality that shines through on your videos, and your sense of humour are beautiful personality traits. Someone will see that in you, and see your disability as something that exists, but does not define you. Just let things happen naturally and if it feels right, you'll know. You deserve happiness and both myself and my wife wish you the best of luck.
I was super worried about dating after recently starting to use mobility aids so I'm thankful for this video
Remembered just as I was reading this comment. Zack from the channel JerryRigEverything met his now wife who happens to be paralyzed from the waist down. He went and surprised her with a custom off-roading wheelchair he made from two electric bicycles just for her. Made the whole thing into an affordable, not for profit off-roading bicycles business, NotAWheelchair. They're getting into making normal wheelchairs and making those super affordable. There are way more awesome people out there than there are awful ones. Hard to remember sometimes but it's important to take a moment and remind yourself of that. DFTBA
My hubby has decided that being married to me now is not acceptable due to me having to now use a wheelchair, and I suffer with chronic pain.
He’s told me that why should two people be miserable, when it could just be me.
I’m fifty years old, and been with my hubby for 34 years. I’ve no idea how to date, or who on earth would want to date me.
I’ve lost my confidence and I just don’t know how to start. Whose going to want to go out with me?
I’m absolutely terrified.
🙏
Sending love, care, and support.
🙏❤🙏
One thing one day at a time. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Please try to stay positive & keep looking up. God will help you, just ask Him.
warm hugs, find yourself and shame on him
This is so sad to find out after 34 years of marriage. I'm sending you hugs & love. I'm sure you're in a better place now as I see you sent the comment a year ago 🙌🩷
Listen to your gut - I didn't. I kept thinking "Oh, you're just being paranoid" NOPE! There was a reason I was feeling uncomfortable.
I've had that exact situation and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that too. Listening to our guts is SO important but a skill not many of us were taught. 💜
I've been a cane/chair user for 5-6 years and have never had a bad reaction. I only date women, and I have a feeling that's why I haven't encountered anybody with a disability fetish (although I think it's also more common with amputees, which I am not), thank goodness. I've always been open on my dating profile that I use a cane and have chronic health issues, and that they're welcome to ask me more detail.
Hey, thank you for sharing this
I feel you! I'm ftm and, unfortunately for my sanity though I have no qualms against men, gay. It's *so* common for me to have a guy that I'm interested in share that tiny little phrase similar to "it's the best of both worlds" that instantly makes it stop.
Even from somebody who isn't asexual/demi or any variety of that, and is also VERY publicly out because I refuse to live in fear or hide a part of myself to get along with people who wouldn't care about me if they know who I am, it's a *lot* easier to feel somebody out as a friend.
Even if they're into you, if they get mad that they're stuck in that "friendzone" then they don't respect you or care for your time beyond romantic or sexual interest.
But it gets easier the longer you've been out. It really does. It gets to be a lot less terrifying as you learn to live in your bubble as you feel somebody out and then let them in. Maybe I'm viewed as closed off, but it's far easier to do that than waste both mine and his time
And I also don't let it be my life. If they constantly ask questions, answer them if you want to, but otherwise tell them to piss off. Even in dating, you can wait. You can wait to explain to them everything of all of that while you *also* have stated what makes you as a person
modern transgenderism is a mind control operation
I’m a life long asthmatic, colon cancer survivor with an ostomy and arthritis as a parting gift. In my younger dating days I had more women reject me over being Jewish than for my health issues. I have always found this fascinating. Health challenges can be taxing on your partner, far more than I ever understood until later in my life. At 57 I am acutely aware of how my health effects others and those effects have influenced my choices in care, both long and short. Been married 18 years now, our daughter is 17 and it’s a difficult balancing act. Your story drew me in and I’ve learned quite a lot about myself in the process.
Agree on just the toll it takes. Like honestly, that's the part I've found hard with dating.
Honestly, while my disabilities are invisible, I definitely feel some of the ableism because my limited mobility means I'm always swiping left on people looking for someone who can keep up with them on the hiking trails or whatever. I don't even like spending time outdoors in the sunlight because I burn so easily and thoroughly.
You're not alone.
@@mkennedy150 far from alone 😢
Eh, hikers are a waste of time. Those are the dudes that would leave you after you get ""fat"" (aka, ever so SLIGHT over 1 pound from being underweight) from being pregnant and then being pretty much a single mom because he's too busy aimlessly walking around outside to care for his kids.
Wash your hands of them, not worth the time
love the longform videos, glad to see them back!
As someone who is still not dating 6 years after a 17 year (really bad) relationship ended, I truly applaud you for getting out there! I am still too scared as I have never dated as an adult, let alone as a disabled/out person and the dating landscape has changed profoundly since my high school days 20 years ago. The apps are honestly petrifying! I literally wouldn't even know where to start 😂
Charlie Brown (I don’t know how to do that @thing to attach my comment so I hope you see this)
I hope that you can eventually find some hope and try. I was in a ten year abusive marriage and was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease which can and has caused major medical complications. I said that I was happy to be free and have my kids. I was looking for some occasional companionship and adult conversation but no long term relationships. I had written back and forth with someone I felt could be a great friend and ended up suggesting we meet for breakfast because my mom had my kids. We met for breakfast and we will have been married for almost 20 years now. Please don’t give up. Life can be better, just as much as crappy. Obviously I don’t know you or your situation but your comment really spoke to me because I remember feeling exactly like you described and I thought I would be alone forever. Frankly, part of me wanted that so I also understand that impulse to stop trying. I’m not suggesting that I know any magic solution. I just know that my life got better and I wish for you whatever better you want. Have a good day okay?
@@ipacarrollread Thank you for saying this because I feel very similarly. I was in an abusive relationship in my early twenties and it messed me up real good. Five years later I still haven't dated once. Part of me would like to be able to, but mostly I think that I'm better off single. This makes me think that I'll be single forever, and while I don't mind it now, I know that forever is a long time and that chosen 'aloness' can turn into unwanted loneliness... 😔
Im happy to see, that you make long form vids again. You have, for a couple of years now, been my "Internet friend" that has helped me with selfesteem issues, mental struggles and nogged me along to find the strength to seek help. This means im now getting the help that i need to get to a better place, and for that i will allways be gratefull to you, and the commuity. Thank you all, the honesty and openess has help me alot. Stay safe, and be as awesome as you have been
Good advice for your dating app profile is to lead with anything that might be a deal breaker. Political leanings, country music fan, fav sports team etc. That way, anyone who gets to the stage of chatting/texting/dating is already cool with, or indifferent to, what others may call “the worst parts” of getting to know a new person, and all that’s left to discover is how wonderful you are.
That's actually great advice I think. It filters out the incompatible people immediately.
@@MichiruEll .....I'm going on 3 years with my lady following this advice..
My last relationship, three and a half years ended when she left for another school and I couldn’t manage long distance and my illnesses at the same time. I’ve gone on a few dates since, I’m not really looking to date but people will ask me out. I find the hardest part is when someone asks me out and I think they’re cool, but I have to tell them how sick I am and I don’t always have the time to prioritise someone else. I will go on a date, I’ll chat, but I don’t think I can give you what you deserve in a relationship and that’s kind of heart breaking.
Remember that relationships have two sides and it's okay if they have to take care of you sometimes bc you'll take care of them sometimes that's how it works
Sounds like you're selling both yourself and anyone else short. If someone expects you to prioritize them all the time, they are not worth dating. But most people don't expect that. Give the next person a chance to decide how much attention they want to give and how much they need to receive. Make your decision about whether to date them on whether or not because you LIKE them. Make the decision about which dates you go on and when one day at a time. They'll tell you if that amount of time and attention and reliability is acceptable to them or not. And of course, you get to make the same decisions for yourself about them. There are lots of people out there perfectly happy to trade a night out for pizza on the couch. They might even prefer it and just be afraid to defy that dating expectation.
You & I have a lot in common! & My experience is that most guys Don't Believe I'm disabled, they accuse me of Cheating & bail. Even ppl who've Seen me have (a medical spell) Still don't believe me that I'm disabled. I think that's really crazy, & an excuse to not be w/ someone-they just don't want to say it's bc you're disabled; they use something 'more normal' like cheating, as an excuse to not see you anymore. Sometimes that hurts, & sometimes I'm glad when someone wants to bail.
I was disabled with an unusual and extremely painful respiratory condition. Though it’s far from silent it’s definitely an invisible disability. When I first became disabled I volunteered at a disabled peoples organisation, where I later worked and now a trustee/director. There was a stunning young lady there who was hemiparuplegic following a stroke when when she was 28. I never asked her to go on a date not because she was disabled but because I was 15 years older than her. I really valued our friendship and didn’t want to do anything to spoil it…fortunately after 2 years I discovered her one fault, she has lousy taste in men and asked me out. We've been together 10 years and married for 8 and our relationship just gets stronger and stronger. It’s ok dating disabled people, especially if you appreciate strong ladies.
My last and only relationship ended when my boyfriend broke up with me. He was dealing with depression and neither one of us made enough money to move in together. He also lived in the U.S. and I in Canada so that made it difficult, too. But, I think when it really changed was when I developed epithelial basement membrane dystrophy and it was difficult to open my eye in the mornings and I couldn't travel to the U.S. and I don't think he could handle my health issue. Since that relationship ended, I've focused on myself and my art goals. I have had guys ask me out, but they seem to be too interested too soon without really knowing me or they are just looking for a hook-up and that's not my style. It's difficult out there.
People place so much weight on relationships, they often forget that you can be happy by yourself,
This is probably the hardest experience I had ever to learn, but the most important I have ever learned for the sake of my love live.
Yes!
Excellent! I had my right leg amputated in 1983 and it has never stopped me.
Personally I am always up front and tell girls. It has always been a talking point!
I remember going to meet a new girl who lived about 50 miles away and I went down on one of my classic bikes and when I got I there Suzanne said to me "Nick you told me that you have only one leg! Bollocks I don't believe you!" I then showed it to her! The look of disbelief on her face was priceless!
I have a very good lady friend Michelle who lives in South East London and she is incredible You would never realise that she hasn't got a left leg! When you see her in her miniskirt fishnets and 6" heels thigh boots!
My present lady is truly 💕
I recently came across your channel. I know you get a lot of messages so you probably won't see this; but, a number of years ago my great nephew had to have his leg amputated after an accident when he was driving a truck. (He lives with my niece and the rest of his family three states away). He went into a shell and basically stays in his room. He didn't even use the prosthetic so I don't even know if it's usable at this point. No one in the family knows how to get him to want to get back into society, make friends, go out, etc. I don't know why I'm going on because even if you see this, there's not really much you can do or say. Maybe it's just me venting because I'm worried about his well being. I hope I didn't make a nuisance of myself. Thanks .
Hey could you do a how to get friends while disabled episode. I find most people don't understand limitations. Don't like being cancelled on because I got sick/hurting/migraine.
I've had horror stories around my disabilities... ADHD and autism. Mostly that I should try harder to not be messy, no one wants a messy wife, or that I'm just too much for anyone to handle. I'm 44, never had a real relationship, and I'm super wary of the dating field.
33, enby, ADHD and autism and also have never been in the dating field. It does gets me down sometimes but 🎶I can buy myself flowers 💐 Write my name in the sand 🎶
...also very wary of the dating field. So...🎶I can take myself dancin' 🎶
The best part, I'm not singing this song to any ex that ruined my life. I win. 😆
33. exactly the same, except I no longer let anyone into my current apartment, so that I don't have to hear that stuff from anyone.
Same here, I've just had one LTR and a wife. (Please note that there's a difference between being married and actually having a real relationship)
Just beginning to watch the video and I immediately got an ad that you were in! That Levitate ad showed up on your own video! That's so cool!
First off I must say that dating is way different that it was in the dark ages when I last dated. My wife of 37 years was born with a deformed left leg and has been an AK amputee her entire life, and she has worn a prosthetic for more than 60 years. I first found out on our first date, at a club, when we were dancing and something didn't feel right. Everything worked out because I'm a leg man, and in my book a ten beats two fives. She would take her leg off and hop around the house carrying our son; little dude learned to hang on like a spider monkey. Anyway, you do you and live your best life. If you want a man you'll find each other.
The cute cuddly pups are adorable ❤
So are the socks though 😂😍
@@RiverofDelta ikr I want a pair of breakfast socks lol
The last time I was in the dating world I was young, healthy, and (mostly) straight. Trying to jump back in as a disabled queer adult with an actually firm grasp of who I am and what I want is an entirely new experience for sure. It's a lot harder to meet people I'm compatible with for one thing. But everyone I have met so far has mostly been lovely, even though it hasn't worked out with any of them for one reason or another. I'm hopeful the right person will come along but I'm still very cautious. Accepting that I am a burden and that's okay is still a big thing I'm trying to work through and I'm not sure any relationship will work until I make some progress with that if I'm being totally honest. It's hard to jump into a new relationship knowing that my health is only going to get worse from here. There's no up for me. Things may level out at some point, but they'll never get better, and any future partner will inevitably have to take the role of caretaker eventually. It's hard to make peace with that.
I feel you.. I've had dated before but they did end terribly, but now I'm much clear mentally about me but ik my health is detoriating and I'm queer as well. Idk if I should even be dating cause it feels like I'm a deadweight. That one day, as you said would happen plus knowing that and telling that at my age of 18 would I feel basically scare them off.
And even though not confirmed, I fear I might die sooner as well. So it does feel like I'll be a dead weight to anyone honestly. My struggle for more independence also gets hindered due to this, but even if I'm alone my whole life; ik I'm whole and well enough for myself and I can still be happy. At the same time, I feel I'm missing out a lil.
A friend feels the same. Trying my best to support them about it as we only have this one life to live. Some of us need more help whether physical or emotional, and that won't change. But we can change our relationship status - or at least try.
This sounds tough and I feel for you, but as an older person I have come to realize that we never know what life will bring and sooner or later we are all disabled if we live long enough. I’m sure you have a lot to offer even if your health isn’t good. And being disabled doesn’t automatically mean that your partner has to be your primary caregiver.
Don’t waste your precious time on this earth doubting yourself, just live as fully as you can. The past is over and the future doesn’t exist yet, All any of us really have is now.
I should start by saying I’m not in your dating pool so this question comes from honest curiosity. As a UA-cam creator, would you be more comfortable on a date with someone who knows you from the channel or someone who doesn’t? Someone who knows the channel would allow you to skip over most of the disability questions. However, you’ve shared a lot of very personal things, so they would be far ahead of you in the “getting to know each other” game. Just curious.
Fortunately, I've only had to deal with a couple "devotees" over the years. And yes, they're creepy AF. I can relate a lot about the questioning part though. I don't mind talking about how I became an amputee but it almost always turns into an interrogation immediately upon telling the story. When I tried online dating in the past I would mention being an amputee in my profile but did not go into any real details. I don't remember it ever being an issue.
It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there in the dating world. You should share at least one horror dating story lol. Good for you Jo and stay safe out there. By the way....lover your dogs :)
Try entering the dating world after 43 years. Just got to be honest, and be yourself. I'm open to getting into a new relationship, as long as she's a dog I find at the shelter. LOL 42 years of being married, until she passed away. Has changed everything, most for the worse.
So sorry you lost your wife. 42 years is a long time. And dogs do make a perfect companion. I have a spoiled chocolate lab myself.
Hey, this is great news after the year you’ve had! You’re totally right it’s so important to hold stuff back from for you. I’ve had it with some women (only a very small number but enough that can suck) that have an issue with dating a guy with a visual impairment and albinism - they don’t want to be the designated driver, they don’t that constantly going on beach holidays / endlessly sunbathing isn’t my thing - don’t get me wrong, when it’s my turn to drive, I’ll pay for the taxi, and I just need to be sensible on a beach holiday, hide under a palm tree, but there are other ways to spend your annual leave too. So I just move on - I’ve made a lot of lovely friends, and dated some super lovely people too. I got invited to the wedding of one person I dated and stayed friends with. I made it to the ceremony and reception and was lovely
You come across as a really positive person, I think that's the most important thing.
I have a question for you... How upset were you when you decided to amputate your foot? The reason I ask, I will be forced in the next few years to make the same decision due to Charcot and ankylosing spondylitis. I have degenerative disease in my foot... Sometimes causing pain, to were I can't walk. Just want to know how you got thru it.
I would proffer that much of the reason that you haven't had problems is because you are upfront. Are there people who won't date an amputee? Absolutely. But they swiped left. You don't know who they are and you didn't feel personally rejected. I think in general it is a good idea to present in your profile every reason why someone might not want to date you. If any characteristic of you is a reason for rejection let them swipe left, rather than swipe right and then reject you in person.
As an amputee and now a full time wheelchair user, my experience is that my disability isn't the problem, so far it has always been the person I am dating that has the problem. It can pull you down and I have been hurt. I am happy being me and I am not going to let others bring me down. Everyone is different but if you have a disability, don't ever let dating bring you down. If that person really loves you, your disability will be invisible in their eyes. If they can see it and are stuck with it - you can do so much better
The amount of similarities between this experience and the experience of dating while being trans is astounding. from the when do you tell question to the chasers to the higher chance of violence.
Thanks for sharing your feelings, thoughts, observations, etc. As a guy with an autoimmune disease that affects my mobility and has greatly affected my posture, how I'm perceived by the opposite sex is a concern for me, especially now coming out of my divorce. I've been on dates since my divorce, most from matching on the dating apps, and I've been upfront about my physical appearance. It's nice to hear that others, like yourself, have taken the same approach. It's so easy to fall into the trap of overthinking it and obsessing about how others might react.
Thanks for another great video. Many of your videos have helped me with creating some critical thoughts, & with gaining and keeping perspective on the world. For example, what you said in this video about personal development and improving communication in regards to the dating world. That one hit home with a lot of familiarity.
Maybe this would be the wrong thing to do (my disability is not a visible one), but being active (running, hiking, martial arts) I would place myself in that environment wearing shorts with my two pupper friends for a full screenshot. For my bio, I would not even mention disability, except maybe a very brief statement such as "my leg was amputated ___years ago, due to an accident" I feel many relationships start with he, she, they "look" friendly, "look" happy, "look" confident with the commonality obvious. Yes there are weirdoes out there, something that we all have to consider for the first few meetings.
Thanks for the video! I’m so glad you have had mostly positive experiences. I was thinking your experience would involve a lot more creepy fetishist dudes in your DMs, but I’m glad that doesn’t seem to be the case! 😅
Hello
I don't mind the leg, buuuut... you have dogs there... i'm a cat person, sorry. (light-heartedly joking, before dog-people hunt me down and eat me)
The Flower that blooms in Adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. Sincerely Aaron ⚘️🌹⚘️🌹😘😘🥰🥰😍😍
+FootlessJo *Unlike yourself as a neurotypical short a right shank, I've emotional disabilities pathognomonic of Kanner's syndrome, wherewithal I's diagnosed in infancy.* Emotional disabilities are invisible disabilities that affect capacity for social connection. Historically, I've no experience with interpersonal relations of _any_ depth.
So what about cheesy jokes? Dumb jokes about being bipolar is one of my main coping strats or icebreakers, but I can see myself making an ill-timed one-legged joke at the wrong moment.
I was surprised to see my dating experience reflected in how you are talking about dating now. Everyone talks about how it's so miserable, but I went through dating to discover myself and the type of person I want and found it enjoyable. It's refreshing to finally hear that take from someone! I think it is a very healthy way to date!
It's not the prosthetic I have a problem with. It's the dogs. I'm a cat man. Don't get me wrong. I love dogs.... As long as they belong to someone else.
My interest would be in the person not the prosthetic. As a handyman I have an interest in mechanical things. My first impulse might be to take the prosthetic apart to see how it was made.
The amputation is not who you are. It may affect who you are, but it doesn't define who you are.
Thanks for your honesty. It's not easy.
Yep, single, left below knee amputee since surgery in November. Used dating app. Some of the suggestions from guys very dusturbing.
Well, aren't most of us damaged? The difference between most of us and you is that your "damage" is very obvious.
Jo! Since you are on the topic of dating, I thought I’d let you know you still have a picture of your ex-husband on your home page photo collage. I don’t know if that’s intentional, just thought I’d mention since you are putting yourself out there again. Sending you love 💕
me as a man don't mind, I've dated a girl who was in a wheelchair she was pretty and cute, so i wouldn't worry to much about it, a pretty face and intelligence goes quite far
No, I didn't expect horror stories! I am a recent amputee and divorcee and also just entered the dating world again and have found people have generally been wonderful. I am blunt about my amputation on dating apps, I have photos showcasing my wheelchair and the level of amputation I have and therefore the people that do not care are the ones that contact me. Those that have a problem with it just choose not to contact me and I feel better off for it! I'm not interested in someone so shallow anyhow.
M'Lady, I can somehow relate ... Tried to get into dating after a split-up, but I've found that my special needs don't allow for me to be in crowded, loud locations - so to say, any location where dating might take place. So I'm not into dating. But the time I tried I've made it clear as in crystal clear that I am hearing disabled and hearing aid user as well as able to talk in ÖGS (Austrian Sign Language). I find it much better to be up-front and direct about it, so the elephant in the room is out of the way.
I wish you all the best, Jo. I hope you find the person you are looking for.
I am curious what struggles the amputation causes with shopping, especially clothes shopping. Cause we all know women's clothing sizes are not standard! I k own you've mentioned some about adaptive clothing & I find that concept very intriguing as well.
LOVE your attitude toward dating. I am coming out of a long term relationship, and am feeling similarly about entering the dating pool, prioritizing being super happy single over diving into something serious.
Also, I think your lack of terrible experiences could be partly due to your approach. When you feel desperate to make something work or don’t communicate effectively, you can inadvertently ignore bad feelings or signs or be overly interesting to a narcissist looking for his next people pleaser. Being direct about what you’re looking for, and prioritizing your health and gut feelings over getting someone to like you makes a world of difference in dating experiences IMHO
For the safety aspect, it's always good to keep a little saying I heard from a podcast in the front of my mind (excuse the language):
Fuck Politeness!
Your safety is more important than someone's feelings. Especially if they have bad intentions. There's no need to be polite in those circumstances.
A coworker of mine is currently going through a situation with a stalker ex boyfriend and he was in the parking lot one day last week as we were leaving and I stared him down as I was walking directly to the vehicle he was in. If he wouldn't have driven off before I got there, he would have had some words thrown at him. Now though, he's got a warrant out for his arrest because he's broken into her apartment twice. I walk her to her car every day after work to make sure she's safe. And you bet I will fuck all politeness if it means she'll be safe.
As an able bodied person, my biggest fear would be saying something I shouldn’t, just out of reflex. I would probably have to mention that at the start, that way, if I did say something stupid, maybe we could move on a little sooner.
I’m dating my first able-bodied person and. It’s so. Weird.
Being upfront is the best way to handle it! Unfortunately, I'm learning this in my old age. Wished I had learned it sooner. You will do well. All the best to you!
I was born with a disability and dating has always been an issue. I married the first person that showed any interest in me and that went badly. It seems there's a stigma to people with birth defects, and more so when they're male. Does anyone else agree or disagree? Is it just me or is there something to it?
Dating, at least as my experience has been, has been a challenge for me. Not only am I a single father, and disabled, but my son has disabilities. I am also very upfront about all of these things, but I rarely get a second date or explanation of why. My disabilities are invisible, PTSD and chronic fatigue being part of the list, and the first is still highly stigmatized in society. At least that was true, I found a great woman who has no issues about my disabilities or my son's and things are working. Jo, when you are least expecting it you will find your right person, but keep doing what you're doing.
One of the really nice things about getting older is that I feel no need, or even a want, to date or be involved in any romantic (or physical) relationship. Turns out I’m much happier just having a few good friends I see once or twice a month, if that, and spending the rest of my time with my pup (who is snoozing in my outstretched legs right now).
My personal experience as a man with an invisible disability I always make sure to tell my dates after the second date about my condition. While I thankfully don't have any horror stories, I also found that women are really averse to dating someone with a disability (at least where I live).
Maybe tell them before the date or wait longer?
@@justmejenny7986 If I tell them before the date they disappear. If I wait longer they think I was being dishonest.
Good luck with your dating life. Stay safe and happy. Just want to say as a man, most men out there would worry at all about anyone's disability.
There's a small amount of freaks and ones that wouldn't except it, but screw those sort of people.
But as a man that from age 10 till 41, was a stay-at-home career for my disabled mother, who was an amputee and blind last few years of her life. And now, after a few years, I'm a career now for my father, who is on a way to being in a wheelchair. It has affected my mental health, giving me depression and severe social anxiety.
I have given up for years, even attempting to have a dating life. It's impossible as a male to get female to except a low paid male with mental disabilities.
I've never dated anyone that has had a physical disability. I have dated people who have mental disabilities or health conditions. For me it's not about the physical but the person. So my first date question is usually on the lines of "hey, do you have any boundaries that need to be taken into account for just day to day stuff? For example I like doing these activities, is there anything that would stop you from doing them? (e.g hikes, museum tours, art activities and fun classes.) At the end of the day, the last thing I'd want to do is cause any physical or mental discomfort because I can be a people pleaser. So even if it wasn't a match or the date sucked I'd feel OK as long as I did no harm. I'd also upfront ask if the person was the type to hide discomfort because at the end of the day we both deserve to have a good time.
Not sure if this is necessarily the best thing to do but it's definitely put people at ease who I know have anxiety, PTSD, BPD and epilepsy.
I see those Awesome Socks Club socks and I appreciate it
At 9:35 you hit the nail on the head with ALL relationships. Both my wife and I have to have happy contented lives within our selves, in order to bring joy to each other. My wife is not there to make me a whole person, complete me, or make me happy. That is my responsibility. She does make me happy and I feel amazing with her and my life is much richer and rewarding. But to get there I cannot put the responsibility for all that on my wife. Good luck!
I had forgotten until this video that I had gone on a date with a below-knee amputee some years ago. I think he had a picture of his prosthetic in his profile - it was decorated beautifully with fir trees. We didn't click at all, but his leg wasn't a big focus, just a brief topic of conversation.
The few dates I’ve been on since becoming robolegged is be up front. This isn’t a “surprise” situation I want to be in after dating for a while. It ain’t growing back and nothing I can do changes that
Tattoo arm is looking good! Thanks for sharing your thoughts about a tough topic!
"Suffering does not have to stop you from living a beautiful life."
Is this something that resonates with you?
I love that you've had such a positive experience, mine has definitely been different. It's been a few years now, but it still feels like I'm dating for the first time as an adult after a long term relationship. As an autistic polyam queer trans man and and ambulatory wheelchair user, it is challenging in a conservative area. At least I can say I don't have many negative experiences either, people just aren't interested, because I'm so up front about those things. When I do click with someone they often live further away and it just fizzles out after a few days of texting. But to be fair, I haven't found many people in my area who I'm interested in, so it wouldn't really matter if they were interested in me or not. I don't really bother much anymore, online dating is a pain in the butt and I don't mind being single(ish).
Personally it wouldn't bother me at all and I think most decent people would be the same. Now if you were in a wheelchair or something I can see how some people might have trouble with that.
I'm curious about how you are finding dating as a person with a good amount of personal content on the internet. And also as a childfree woman.
Dating sucks but so do most relationships.
I agree, Jo. It's best not to hold back any secrets when online dating. I try to make it clear what I am looking for, although I always wait for them to ask me. Sometimes it takes awhile before the subject comes up, but it always does.
I literally got an ad with her in it right before this video 😂
Yeah. Me too.
I’m amazed you can hold a mic, be that animated, and not “milk” the mic. Couldn’t tell you were holding it at all.
How to start the conversation.
Let's go dancing. I'm light on my feet.
😆😆😆😆😆
Yeah, I follow your journey since about 1,5year, and I always had this gut feeling, that something was wrong about you... And now I know! YOU'RE AN EXTROVERT!!
Nooo just kidding 😅 for real I'm jealous it seems so enjoyable to appreciate human social contact !
And about the subject of the video, I appreciated a lot the way you covered this subject! Obviously the way you handle the communication about your disability is 100% personnal, but I thought it was really "amazing" (sorry the word amazing is probably innapropriate in this context but english isn't my 1rst language so idk how to say what I wanna say...) that you brought up the subject of fetishism and objectivation of disabled body, and also the the inherent vulnerability of being a woman with a disability...
I'm a young woman suffering from a chronical illness, with disabling chonical pain, so my issues are invisible (you can find some scars here and there but YKWIM), and I've watched a lot of videos on the subject of dating with a disability, and while everyone's point of view about commucation or how to handle the technical stuff is 100% personal and either way perfectly valid, those subjects were never brought up in these videos.
So yeah, amazing video as always, You seem like a great person who is really easy to talk to for hours without being bored for a second!
I was in 13-year long relationship, and after I lost my leg, our relationship died. I'm single for 5 years now and I'm not into it.
Soooo.... you're available then ??
It's easier dating if you're conventionally attractive. I'm sure you realise that. It's harder growing up Disabled with visible impairments , with society quietly reinforcing "You're not one of Us".
In my experience, if one is not Illuminati, it's really very hard to find a boyfriend or even friends that seem to appreciate, understand you, see the beautiful, inspirational in you.. :(Although, if one is Illuminati, their soul is gone, anyway, so finding genuine friendship will not really matter. Finding a boyfriend is something so difficult in the world full of mysogyny. In my country which is Ukraine, the standards are so high as the sky and beyond. They want a woman with a model look (And Ukraine has a lot of modelesque men and women), they want to see a woman perfectly groomed - it's time, money, dressed in a perfect outfit, like a celebrity, with a toned athlete body. You can see people walking their dogs, going to supermarkets dressed 10/10. People discriminate orphans, the victims of abuse, immigrants, foreigners, regufesess age other categories :(( Agism.. :( People want a wealthy partner. A partner coming from an aristocratic family, Etc.. I am very upset. :(
Appreciate the perspective and insight.
Also, tanktop = "sun's out, guns out!"
personally I don't see a disability, I see a confident young woman who is adapting to life. If a man can't accept you for who you are and what you have missing steer clear they are not worth your time
Seems we have very similar vision as that's exactly what I see too.
I assumed she was Lesbian… guess she isn’t then!
My own take on it is that I would have worried that being upfront about the amputation would attract amputation fetishists -- and I gather it has occasionally done that. But of course it also keeps away the people who would reject or insult you because of your leg, and that is probably worth it.
Your puppies are very cute.
So two potentially interesting points of view:
As a trans woman, I recognize some of what you're talking about. Mainly learning to spot and avoid fetischists, but also putting a very candid foot forward, because I wouldn't like to go on a date with someone who gets surprised and reacts badly, so being open about what makes me "different" is also imortant to me.
Also, as someone who has dated some people with disabilities, I am very aware to be understanding and interested, but also a disability isn't the reason I would or wouldn't date someone, so at least for initial dates, it's not something I bring up too much, except if they want to talk about it, and very importantly, asking if there's anything I should take into account or be aware of: maybe they have an epipen and I should know where it is and how/when to use it, maybe we should avoid long walks, or maybe if they have an attack there's a certain way that should be handled. All of these have been relevant for people in my life, some from dating some from friends or coworkers/classmates.
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
I'm deaf and tried online dating once. Once. Women matched with me only to tell me I was a cripple and should not date or even just die. Oh I've also being called a dwarf and manlet since I'm "only" 5'8"... Never again.
04:29 yes they're called devotees. Stay away 😂 they're so nasty
I'm RBKA since January 2022. I'm divorced since 2018, but I haven't dated at all since my amputation. I can't even think about blind dating, or even going out except with people that I know.
Reception was poor while I was in the wheelchair, rude comments and etc. I'm on my leg, and for the most part, life with strangers in public has normalized. But blind dating? That's a hurdle I have not yet jump. How did you get over the anxiety of the First Date as an amputee on prosthesis?
If I was only like 30 years younger. Your bed looks like mine...only I share mine with 2 German Shedders and a Rescue Pittie. That means I am pushed to a very small size of the bed. I enjoy your videos as a daily shot of positivity.
As someone with a bit of a scar fetish, I totally support you not wanting to be with someone with any kind of fetish around your amputation. I've never dated anyone specifically for their scars, because I don't want to be objectifying someone. It should be about the whole person, not one aspect of them that just happens to tickle my fancy!
I have a particular medical condition that has ended 2 relationships, luckily I'm old enough I know longer think about it, my opinion Jo, you'll do just fine, hug your puppers for me.
I find dating with my mental disabilities (adhd/autism) to be hell. Basically a series of uncomfortable encounters where I am expected to socially function in a certain way when I just can't. For instance having a conversation in a busy café is just impossible. So I kind of need to filter out all the neurotypical people before even meeting anyone, just so there can be a conversation, then set up a meeting that accommodates both of our social disabilities, then actually go through with it and somehow make a good impression. I am very lonely.
Always be honest & upfront with someone. Only date in public places. Let friends or family know where you're going & who you'll be with. Day time is probably better then night time at first. Really get to know the person well before meeting in a public place. Lunch, movies, concert? You're still young. Have fun with your life. When the time is right, you will meet someone special.
I love your videos. You inspire me. R BKA since Aug 23 @ 63. Planning on getting a prosthetic asap. Leg still healing. Gotta be 100% healed before that. God bless you 😊