Yes when someone says something to me like “you’ll find someone who can see past your disability” I get pissed. I don’t want someone who can “see past” it. I want someone who will love me for me, disability and all
@sharon brown It’s a wonderful thing to treat him like the normal person he is! Just make sure (and this is just my opinion, he may think differently... so take this with a grain of salt) that you don’t pretend like his wheelchair doesn’t exist all together. It does exist, it just shouldn’t matter :)
@@kzcreationzmore I was actually talking to a woman in a wheelchair for a while and she said she feels sorry for people that are disabled but have invisible disabilities, that it's actually easier for her to live life stuck in one because no one will argue that there's nothing wrong with her and that she's just not trying hard enough.
KzCreationz & More I wanted add a comment about how you don’t like when someone says they "see past your disability". If someone says that to you, they're trying to say that they don't want to be a bigot towards you. It's human nature to stare at things that are different, we know this. I think your distaste towards that phrase comes from a spur of the moment victimization. There’s no etymological evidence or ill-intent which makes that phrase legitimately offensive. It just rubs you the wrong way but no one can control that. True wisdom can see past the micro aggressions and accept the real intent behind someone who says that they will see past your disability. Remember, disability is -by definition- a debilitating condition or hindrance. Like acne or blindness or legs crippled from the battlefield, you don’t have to love disability incarnation. You have to love yourself and only then will you be able to accept the pain in the ass stuff that MIGHT or might not come from being disabled. Of course, not all disabilities are the same but I hope you know what I mean. I wanted to put this out there because I don’t want good-intentioned people to get the idea that it's wrong for them to say that they will "see past disability" because it’s not. We shouldn’t create an equally damaging system that tells society to walk on egg shells because even the most good intentioned responses might be taken wrong, at least when there’s no empirical evidence to suggest the phrase really is offensive or not.
Same, I am not in a weelchair but I am (lightly) physically disabled and it pisses me off when someone says that to me. It isn’t something you can look past it, you can’t because it is part of your life🤷🏼♀️ “I don’t want someone who sees the good in me, I want someone who sees the “bad”... disability, and still love me. I’m not saying a disability is bad.. that was just the original quote😉
I hate the term “fighting cancer” or “battling cancer” and then if a person dies they say they lost the fight with cancer. We can’t control what the cancer does and it shouldn’t be seen as a defeat like the person could have fought harder but didn’t.
My Aunts were talking about another Aunt of mine who passed from cancer. Wow! She was really looking good there, lost a lot of weight and everything. And I'm thinking she lost weight because she had cancer,dah! The thing is one of them should have known why she lost weight since she was going through the same thing. By the way, she's like 90, or close to it. She's had cancer at least five times now.
I disagree because if i ever get cancer I would not do chemo or any treatment. So I think it is a fight to choose to try and "fight" it with horrible treatment that causes a lot of pain and suffering.
My mum died of cancer when I was a young child. I always say she did all she could to get help and help herself but sadly nothing worked for her and she died. I have never used the term fight cancer or she lost her battle with it. Treatment (whichever type you choose either natural or medical) either works or sadly doesn't, attitude really doesn't come into it that much apart from by being strong and happy regardless means you'll enjoy the life you have more if either short or a long one I think it is very dependant on the level of pain you're going through and how high your pain threshold is, neither is something you have much control over.
My late husband was in a wheelchair and I am too. People would always comment, "are you racing?" We both hated it. I felt dehumanized by the comment. I am not a car. You don't go up to able-bodied couples and say, "are you racing?" Thanks for validating my feelings.
Banjyus Tucson Any time 2 or more wheelchair users are together, some able bodied person will say that like its the first time we have ever heard that. Lol
Dating Dave Hey sorry if my comment made you uncomfortable, I just thought the way Shane delivered that line was super funny but everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect yours 👍🏻
@@datingdave1310 it's funny because he's making fun of sayings like "the only disability in life is not trying" or "not living life to the fullest" or other platitudes... He's saying "the only disability in life is... Bloody being disabled for gods sake!" Disability is disability - and it exists and it's normal. There are millions of people living with their disabilities and their lives are normal. I love his dry humour. Hope this clears it up a bit. If you r ever come across those expressions.
This is so interesting bc it doesn’t bother me at all. It doesn’t make me feel any kind of way actually but, I don’t get irritated n it’s interesting to see all the comments n learning so much of others’ feelings.
Hi! I know you both read the comments, so I hope you take the time to read this one! It's worth it! I am the legal guardian to a deaf and proud young lady. Due to her upbringing and language deprivation as a child, she struggles in a lot of areas such as language, vocabulary, reading, patterns, directions, etc. Ever since we met, I've always tried to instill in her that she is not "less" or "broken" or "differently abled". Now, she loves being deaf and is proud of who she is. We are a signing only household. A few days ago, she came downstairs as I was watching some of your recent videos. She looked at the tv and then just stopped and stared. "Who are they??? Are they your friends?" I then paused the video to describe your relationship and how I've been following your videos for a while. When I was done, her mouth was open. I'm not kidding, she was shocked. Then she said something that shocked me. "Wow, that gives me hope. That gives me hope that one day I can find a boyfriend who actually loves me and doesn't have to just 'put up with' or 'accept' me as deaf. He could accept me no matter what and not feel like he's giving something up by dating me. That's so awesome!" I've been in her life for 12 years, and I never knew that this was a concern for her. Thank you for sharing your stories and giving her and other young people a chance to see that, yes, they can have a "normal" life. (Also, thanks for captioning your videos! Making them equal access is so helpful! Thanks!!)
In my experience, the term “special needs” has resulted in many individuals without disabilities or other disorders feeling that accommodations are a privilege rather than essential!
Agreed! I think it also contributes to the burden complex that so many of us have, because it makes it seem like we are asking for more or demanding more than a "normal" person, as society sees it.
In the “olden days,” people used mongoloid and imbecile as medical terms to describe people with learning disabilities, but obviously now that’s shocking. I think in the future “special needs” will be the same, and some people will be shocked we used that word.
Yup!! My sister is dyslexic, ADD, ODD and has anxiety. People have called her special needs when she’s straight up disabled. When we point out she’s disabled that’s always when people snap out of it and give her the help she needs. Calling her special needs oddly enough means her needs don’t get met.
Your vlogs make me happy yet sad. Happy because both of your parents raised open-minded people that are compatible, funny, etc. Sad because my older brother was born in the wrong generation. He was a black man born in 1944 with a disability but my parents sent him to a nursing home when he became an adult. You guys have open eyes to never stop learning to be a better person.
This really opened my mind. I am the parent of a disabled child and this really helped me. I want to teach him how to utilize his words to advocate for himself and stand in his truth. I’d love more videos like this!
I think people side step around saying disabled because some disabled people say “I’m not disabled, I’m very able”. So I don’t think it should be about the words. Everyone is exceptant of different words.
@@sharynallan1512 Like when you know your friend is insecure about something, if you mention it they will get defensive about it. Even if it is just a fact free of judgment.
So very true. I have a developmental disability i was born with. All the kids with disabilities went to "special eduacation" classes. I was called the r word often. In my generation you were taught to hide your disability and blend in with the others. As i grew older i learned to ignore peoples ignorance. I stood up for myself and others when necessary. I married in my 20s and had a son. Who is now grown. My husband is a wonderful man who is very patient with me. He does not see me as disabled. We will be married 31 years this month.
@@ladydragonfly5172 as someone who is autistic, isn't it ableist for someone "not to see you as disabled", because it "erases" your disability. When you can't really "separate" someone from their disability... I am also pretty sure that many disabled people wouldn't want to be separated from their disability either
Now I just realized I made another mistake. I said my daughter “has Autism “ so I just asked her what she prefers and she said just call me “CJ” mom. She’s the boss. ❤️
How old is she? I'm autistic and obviously I wouldn't want to be introduced as being autistic to other people. But once she gets older she might recognize more how autism impacts her, and want to tell others herself. Also don't be afraid of using identity first language for autism. Like saying that she's an autistic person is in some ways better than person with autism. (Edit: I see that Shane and hanna actually addressed that) There's a lot of really good UA-cam channels by autistic youtubers. I'm just beginning my own, but my favorite autistic UA-camr is Yo Samdy Sam. Sorry for rambling haha.
I saw something recently that really stood out to me. There’s a Netflix show called “sex education” that’s very inclusive of genders, sexualities, and disabilities. One character was disabled and in a wheelchair. And get this, he was kinda a bad person.. like a total asshole. It was just sort of refreshing to see a disabled person in a show that wasn’t type-casted as the typical “just grateful to be alive, a total angel/inspiration” trope. His disability was talked about very little in the show, it wasn’t made to be a huge deal. The only time it really came up was when there was an accessibility issue in the plot (and ofc, it’s very important to build awareness for that kind of thing). Hopefully we see more media representation of characters with disabilities that don’t build upon harmful stereotypes! (i.e. all disabled people are inspirational just for living their lives normally, all disabled people are angels and can do no wrong, etc.)
Yes love the character he plays. Also loved Silent Witness and Clarissa who has now left the show. 😭 More and more disabled people get decent roles but it still really rare.
I used to use this, and it was instrumental in the early stages of me accepting my disability. It's another that if someone uses it to describe themselves, I leave it be. But if someone uses it to describe others, I start a conversation (provided I have the spoons).
I have a walking disability and I find it very offensive when strangers come up to me and randomly compare me to someone they know and assume they know why I walk like that. For instance people will come up to me and say "Hey do you have MS, because you remind me of my sister"? I say "no, and it's none of your business what I have"! ....Just thought I would share this with everyone, but I have a Facebook group called "For, or just to support disabled parents" I decided to open up about myself, and everyone is welcomed to join!
I wrote my entire law school admissions essay based on the idea that “overcoming obstacles” is a stupid metric of success, because some obstacles are never overcome, but merely lived with. People can’t “overcome” racism against them, ableism, hatred, etc., they just live with it.
Adversity, in and of itself, isn’t a bad thing. Adversity does help us develop into better people. However, as you stated, some adversities can’t be overcome or a person is dealing with too much adversity. TLDR adversity is a healthy part of everyone’s lives… until it’s not and it starts becoming detrimental (I guess like pretty much everything else in life).
I loved the part about a disability doesn’t mean suffering. Society is the one suffering by lack of education lack of resources and lack of empathy and kindness 🙌🙌🙌🙌
Quite a few of these phrases really just boil my blood as a disabled person, however the whole "bad attitude" thing makes me feral. It is so so dangerous for people with invisible disabilities and propagates the idea that if you can't visibly see what's "wrong" with someone it means they are faking or lying. I struggle on a daily basis having an invisible disability and actually getting the help I need to not harm myself. The pure, painful ableism that comes from that phrase is straight out dangerous. I love this video so much! You two truly are so incredible in how you educate 💜 Also, the term "handicapable" makes me want to run over peoples toes💜
I’m so glad you mentioned the «person with disabilities» thing! I learned to say that when I went to work at Disney World in 2012, and I thought it was an amazing way to talk about people. Clearly it’s better to ask everyone how they want you to adress them😊 I don’t know very many disabled people so it’s really helpful to hear you talk about this! Thank you!
Thank you for this info. I told my grandson, whenever someone says (referring to his power chair driving), “wow you can sure drive that thing”, he should say,” wow you can sure walk good!” Lol! He just laughed. I don’t think he’s done it yet but I’d love to see the look on their face if and when he does!
This one is tough. I have used a couple of these "offensive" terms with the sincere attempt to be kind. If you're not around people who live with certain disabilities to know what is offensive and what is not this whole topic is extremely difficult. I try very hard to not be offensive. I think it takes a lot of grace on both parts.
JasJules i think it’s hard though, because different people with disabilities will say different things. It’s kinda hard to know what’s right/most socially accepted to say. While there are many obvious phrases and words to not use, some can be a bit tricky to work around. I’m an ally to the disability community (siblings and parent with disability), and I say a few of these words/phrases because sometimes, they are what fits/works best. Anyways, just be mindful and always listen to multiple opinions in order to get a more mindful diction
@@makennaphillips1027 that's precisely why I think following disabled people will help. We're not going to give you the answer to not being offensive. But sharing our lived experiences gives perspectives you may not have considered before, just as Shane and Hannah have shown here.
I take into account people’s intentions when they are speaking to me. Most people are not trying to be mean or cruel. As a disabled person, I do not find most of the phrases or terms in this video offensive. I know trying to be “PC” can be really tricky and sometimes down right frustrating.
Will Roger's said, "Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects. Thanks for attempting to educate those of us who are ignorant on this particular subject. I had a traumatic brain injury that nearly killed me in 2017, so unfortunately I won't be able to remember this proper etiquette. Wish I could but my particular disability makes it impossible for me to do so. As Always, May God Bless you and yours!
I just saw a video on "Chronic Mom'" YT channel questioning whether you're a real couple. I left her the response below. I wish you would have thought twice about posting this video. This video is an insult to anyone who has a partner that lives with a disability as if someone couldn't love someone with a disability. I think they are hilarious and just like any social media, you get to see . Besides who goes around questioning someone else's relationship. Just let people live. End of rant!
Or, "God only gives as much as you can handle," yea no. People commit suicide or murder or both, get PTSD, get physical ailments, become addicted, because of trauma and/or stress..
Some parents of disabled children murder their disabled children. Those able bodied murdering parents aren’t special. Disability happens as a natural part of life. It has nothing to do with how good or bad or special the parents are.
Every time somebody says I’m inspirational I want to vomit in my mouth Because I have cerebral palsy and I live my life normally like that’s not inspirational that’s just me trying to live the best life I can
Jake, I am sorry. We don't know much better and we are trying to improve our lives. I hope you have nice weather where you live-- chicago has been cool lately.
Feathered Friends. Good example! If a thinner person was to post the same photo, nobody would mention confidence (not that much anyways) more juts how beautiful they look.
"The only disability is a bad attitude." is really a damaging sentence for people who actually live with deficits (physical, cognitive, sensory, etc.). I'm autistic and it's not fair to say that if I try really hard and have a good attitude I'll be able to do everything. There are certain things I can't do or tolerate. There are certain things that I can manage to do but are so energy consuming, time consuming or sensory overwhelming that they are just not worth doing. Most days, I absolutely can't cross the street safely without using the pedestrian lights, sometimes I can't talk at all, etc, etc, etc No amount of "good attitude" is going to change that.
I think what you are meaning to say Issabelle is: "You, Issabelle, are not deliberately having a bad attitude when you are experiencing sensory overload; that is "autism"." The person who tells you that you are having a bad attitude when you are feeling acutely overwhelmed by sensory input, clearly does not understand autism. Perhaps they know a bit about autism, knowledgewise, but at that particular time, or maybe often, are not able to tolerate long lengths of time with an autistic person. Having a heart condition, or any chronic condition can reduce a persons intolerance. Indeed the person who told you that you were having a bad attitude may be mildly autistic themselves, or were brought up by mildly autistic parent who was never diagnosed and given speech therapy.
@@LindaPerry_337 figure skater Scott Hamilton originated this quote in 1997 when he developed testicular cancer. It was to motivate himself, and others, while he was undergoing treatment and recovering from cancer. The quote has since been repeated infinitely, printed on posters and parroted to the disabled community as though it's always a positive truth and any disabled person who doesn't follow the mantra obviously must have a "bad attitude". It's truly sad how it is used to bully a marginalized and misunderstand community. I became disabled in my mid 20's due to chronic illness. I have a condition where if and when I push myself too hard my conditions gets worse, much, much worse. It took me over a decade to figure out how detrimental it was to push myself. As someone with OCD, a strong work ethic and who is used to always doing something, never resting, it was very difficult to dial myself back enough to what my body and mind needed. Unfortunately, when I finally got it right, I couldn't control how much I was pushed past my limits by others including the medical community, the government, my vindictive ex-husband, etc. So, my condition has become so poor that I'm confined to bed with barely enough energy to be awake for 4 cumulative hours a day and cannot do most of the things that most people take for granted without wiping myself out such as eating, brushing my teeth, talking and even reading and writing is very draining. Smiling and/or being positive isn't going to give me back my mobility. AND, I have every right to feel however I want. I don't have to be all sunshine and rainbows just because other people expect and prefer it. I happen to choose to be positive because that's my natural demeanor. But I definitely don't expect that from anyone else. I wouldn't want for any of my friends who battle mental illness to feel bad about themselves and hide their thoughts and feelings from me or the world just because of some messed up views from other people. I've also learned so much about other people's disabilities and have much empathy for others. People who have mental health issues, as well as the disabled and the able-bodied population too, should all be able to feel any and all of the feelings which come to them as natural responses to their lives, experiences and conditions. Telling someone that they have a bad attitude is very ableist and damaging. I can see that you recognize this, I'm saying it for the benefit of anyone else who is reading. Keep caring and sharing! The fact that there are people like you and Isabelle, who are able to help see and share more sides of an issue are so valued and appreciated.
I find “special needs” insulting for me. Yeah, I need you to not yell, have bright lights, or touch me but I’m not “special,” I just need people to be understanding.
@@Randompersononline Yes, I think all people would appreciate others not yelling at or around them. Bright lights can annoy anyone who has or is recovering from any illness or surgery or migraine. And nobody should touch someone without their permision. And that goes both ways! Nothing special about that. These are things young cildren should learn from the parents/carers before the age of 5 years or Year 1 primary school. And it is meant to be reinforced at school. Some parents seem to think that schools are responsible for teaching their kids manners first, which is not the case. Like my local regional shopping centre, many public places are now being designed with not so bright lighting, to accommodate people who have light sensitivity because of whatever cause. Flooring surfaces are being changed (or in the case of new buildings - originally installed) with matte finishes and not shiny tiles. The want of retailers to have their merchandise look bright and sparkly to trick consumers into buying is being put second place for once. Before the renovations started at my local shopping centre, the developers and owners of the centre held public opinion open days for the members of the public to put forward their needs and choices for types of furnishings, layout and what shops sold what. I made sure I put forward my recommendations in writing and also spoke directly to the staff members involved in this process. All members of the public are welcome at such events to put forward their recommendations. Some people just complain about it on internet forums, but never speak directly to those who make the decisions. Like my myself, all parents of young children with differing needs have a duty to stand up for their child and respectfully and cordially put forward their opinions to the relevant bodies. Otherwise those with money and big business win again in their want to make even more money to the disadvantage of others.
I love that you talked about your journey with internalized ableism and moving away from person first language to identity first language. I didn't know this, thank you!
Shane and Hannah, it is really interesting to hear you both talking through the connotations of particular terms applied within the context of interacting with disabled persons. I am employed at an educational non-profit organization that has an anti-racist mission, and there is a surprising degree of parallels between the harmful consequences of common racial terminology and common terminology around disability. It strikes me that, as a society, our language places an undue emphasis on "normal" - conformance to expected, typical characteristics. The heavy consequence of that emphasis is a society that struggles to accept any form of differentness and thus diminishes the identities of "different" people. It is my great hope that one outcome of these uniquely trying times in American discourse is our adoption of language that acknowledges the identity of every person, each a peer in our shared human condition. Thank you both for helping to teach us all a little more.
i'm a disabled person and i've always been ambivalent about person-first language versus identity-first language. you both present a compelling argument for identity-first language and have given me a lot to think about.
I am so glad someone shared this video! It's a glorious paradigm shift for me! I am high spectrum autistic and have Nonverbal Learning Disorder and this video is a tipping point for me! I will be continuing to keep in touch with you folks! God speed!
When I told my grandmom that I had gotten chronically I'll and couldn't walk much anymore her response was "But it's not like your a cripple!" When I found out she meant that I used a wheelchair I just kind of paused with my mouth agape... I don't understand why people get so upset by my chair. It lets me do what I want... Why is that such a bad thing? Thanks for making these videos. I found you guys recently and I have really enjoyed your content. Thank you again for making this video. Things like this need to be said.
The person first language thing is incredibly interesting. I work as a caregiver in the developmental disability field and in my training every single year I learn person first. I am going to bring this video to my trainers and start a discussion.
From what I've seen, academia and people who work with disabled people prefer person-first language, disabled people prefer identity first. Of course, that's a massive generalization, but it's what I've experienced. The worst is when I say I'm a disabled person and someone corrects me. That tells me a lot about how much they don't respect me and need to be reminded of my humanity (which seems to be the aim of person-first language)
I would reach out to a few other disability advocates with various disabilities and ask them as well what they prefer. It would be a good idea to have more than one perspective so they don't say it's just one disabled person saying this. I know in the autism community, almost all actually autistic advocates use identity first language. It's for the same reason Shane said- because their disability is part of who they are and cannot be separated from them.
Lisa TheCatDude the class I take is taught from an able bodied person, however we do get a lot of education and input from disabled people as well! I definitely plan on bringing this up with them as I think it should be considered that while some disabled folks might prefer person first language, it’s clear that not all do.
@@MsMorganThorne This has been my experience, too, as a disabled person. I've had able-bodied physicians try to argue with me over my preference for identity-first language and one told me I had low self-esteem simply because I refer to myself as disabled instead of "person with multiple disabilities". I find person-first language off-putting at best and highly offensive if it is said deliberately after a respectful correction and explanation.
It's such a great movie. I was in tears watching, just seeing all the disabled people in one spot, having so much fun. Very validating, representation is so important! I just wish we had something similar in Canada, but we are working on it (it takes so long to change things though)
I didn’t see being called inspirational bad until you explained it. People call me that all the time for being a 2x brain cancer survivor & paraplegic when I’m just living the life I was dealt.
I swear, it is so hard to break the person first “habit.” It’s Something academia has ingrained so deep into my brain. But in speaking with and interacting with disabled people, I’ve learned (through their emotional labor) how ableist this language is. As someone who constantly wants to do better, I’m definitely working to change the way I speak about people and never want to speak over them. I found your channel by chance, and your content (specifically Shane’s jokes) is bringing a lot of joy to my evenings. Thanks for what you do.
On the "that looks like fun" wheelchair comment, I wonder what people will do if you replied something along the lines of "So does walking"? I love your videos! They're the perfect mix of funny and educational.
Damon Thomas, I’m so sorry to hear about your father. I had an 11 month old and a 2 year old when I had my spinal cord injury, so I had an immense amount of motivation to keep going and raise my kids. But I have certainly had my dark moments, so I understand how some people decide that living this life is not for them.
ikr it makes them sound like they’re talking to a child it’s so patronizing like they’re less or something bc they have a disability?? people need to educate themselves on their behavior 🙄
I'm disabled and just found your channel through Molly's interview, and I've been having so much fun binge watching all of the videos, but on this particular one I wanted to thank you for making me think about internalized ableism I have from here most of these my entire life and they just became "normal" to be... It's sad, but I feel like we also need to deconstruct what we have been told so many times... So I always appreciate different points of view. Thanks!
I find I am sometimes too worried about saying the wrong thing that I just avoid the interaction... I was visiting the US last year in April/May 2019 (from Australia), and I actually saw you, Shane, at a lego store (I think it was in Dallas?). I was too nervous to say hi to you Shane because I didn't want to slip up and say they wrong thing! Sounds stupid when I say that because all I had to say was "hi and I love your show!".... I so regret not saying hi. Thank you for this video!
I agree. The PC terms change so often that many people are worried about being offensive so they don’t engage with people who differ from themselves, I think that’s sad. 😢
i loooove that you touched on the “toxic positivity”. I am a building designer, and I am very passionate about making buildings as accessible as possible. Id like to make a thesis about accessible building and how much it really “costs for a business to not be accessible
I can imagine it’s a lot cheaper to have something built it does not have accessibility features because accessibility features are very expensive and it’s designed to be expensive
Would love to see that research done! In NZ, it is in the council bylaws for all buildings and car parks to have accessible access, and adequate parking (and am sure even more could be done).
@@danyelPitmon it is cheaper to make not accessible! Even simple thing like steps Vs a ramp, is more cubic meters of concrete and more wood for forming the slab. A ramp Takes a little longer to cure too
@@forrestcollective9184 that sounds great! I'd love to see NZ. Depending on the code by state in the US it sometimes asks for accessibilty, but even then is easy to "fulfill" the law while making the installation hostile for ramp users, like placing ramps or elevators at awkward locations
I’ve been really struggling to come to terms with my disability lately or even that I had one but this video really helped me and I really appreciate it you guys 🥺❤️
She is so truly blessed to have found him. He has a most inspirational personality. They are one of the best matched couples I have ever seen.When they have children the kids will be so lucky to have them for parents. Kudos guys.
We got the, "I'm sorry", a lot with our son and when he had his first two girlfriends, it was, "oh good for him" and "aren't you glad she sees past all that?" All what? His wonderful sense of humor, kindness, handsome looks, morals, values, decency? You mean those things or the crutches, leg braces, odd walk and scar on his head? Thanks for posting. It's definitely a conversation starter.
When Hannah mentioned the grocery store it reminded me of something that happened to me recently. I was in my local store about 6 weeks ago and I picked up a some Kale from a top shelf. An older woman came running up to me saying 'I'll get that' not even asking if I need help even though I already had it in my hand. When I said no thank you i have it I got this horrible disgusting look off her. In fact I thought for a second or two that she might even assualt me. It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced as a wheelchair user doing my own shopping.
As a disabled man myself. I’m so happy to see you talking about these different types of stigma. Maybe the people of the world will have a bit of a better understanding .
Karen Bourque oh I know! I became an incomplete paraplegic at age 28, and a year and a half later I got into nursing school. I did all the same tasks and exams and whatnot that my friends did with no accommodations (bc I didn’t want any) and graduated with my class and passed the licensing exam on the first try... and somehow that was “inspirational” . I get what they mean, I do but I hate that! I just did what the others did. Yeah, I walk with a cane and a full length brace on one leg and that makes it harder for me to get through tasks. BUT I’m just doing what every other nurse is doing!
@@mariekedufresne53 I'm sure at this point, you dont want to hear it, but good for you, and I totally get, your message .. However, you deserve the best... and clearly life can suck!!
@@mariekedufresne53, thank you for sharing, and thank you to all of you nurses who are working your butts off nowadays with the covid going around. I pray no nurses or doctors fall ill. Be safe! Nurses 100% ROCK! You are all amazing! THANK YOU TO YOU!🌷💜
I've been having a lot of these discussions lately. Special needs are a way of minimizing our civil rights - if the things we need are special, they're over and above what other people need and no one deserves special treatment, etc. A ramp is not a special thing, it's basic access. A sign language interpreter is not a special thing, it's basic access. By defining our needs as special, it becomes easier to take them away. Differently-abled has been pissing me off something fierce lately. This abled woman in a community I participate in insists on using it, despite a lot of us (disabled people) telling her its offensive AF. The bad part is that she's using it to advertise how "accessible" her events are (they aren't but I rarely find ableds who understand what makes a space accessible and how different disabilities need different things, etc). She just won't listen. I hate wheelchair-bound. I said it about 30 min ago - I'm not tied to my chair! It gives me freedom and independence and I love it. My abled partner gets the "you're so good to date her" BS all the time. When I got hurt, his father told him to leave me, which was a shame because it really damaged their relationship (his dad died 2 years later). Anyway, love your channel and I'm going to share this video with a few people who really need it. Who am I kidding, I'm going to share it all over the place because you guys are awesome and this is such an important video :)
God I hate this one too. It's the middle of summer and everyone has a chance to go outside and soak up some sun, warmth, and get a tan. ...and here I am out of remission like, "Sure, where is the magic pill that allows me to trade with you?" 😂
“You’re so lucky, you never have to stand in line” is one I get all the time to which I’d love to respond “no I just have to spend the time with my head at ass level”
In college as part of our training our class assignment was to go shopping in a wheelchair with another classmate. I remember a person talking like I was a child and telling me how brave I was to go to college. It is amazing how annoying well intentioned people can be. It really slows you down to take the time to listen to their efforts to put their foot in their mouth. I think more people should spend a day in a wheelchair and see how inappropriate their comments are. The best thing is always treat people as we would want to be treated. As a kid I hated it when people talked to me with the high pitched baby talk and I've never understood why these people can't seem to talk normal to all age groups. A five year old won't be offended if they are spoken to in an adult way. Once as a kid I was telling someone what I wanted to be when I grew up and I was told I would "grow out of that idea".
My little girl got her wheel chair when she was 2 and strangers would say “ awww poor thing” but I was the poor thing because she got into things and went places like her older sister. One time she went into the bathroom (it was small) and got behind the door and couldn’t get out! What a time I had getting her out of there! She sure had her adventures like her older sisters. But like you Shane she’d be on the floor if it wasn’t for her wheelchair so I was very grateful for it. ❤️🤗❤️ 💜💙💚
Donna Woodman I am a manual chair user and I tried my friend’s powerchair at camp once and got stuck in the bathroom lol. I can relate to that. I was 12 or 13 at the time though.
Donna Woodman My situation was hilarious. Counselors had to pick me up to get me out of the bathroom and put me in my wheelchair and then figure out how to get the powerchair out of the bathroom. Oops. Lol
I've been a social worker, camp director and service coordinator for people with disabilities for the past 40 years, and we are ever evolving and changing in the words we use to make sure people are comfortable. I had never heard a person with a disability (see? I'm so used to "person first language") say they didn't appreciate "person first" language. So it has given me a lot to think about! Thank you, Shane and Hannah for your informative blogs, along with all the other fun videos you share with us!
Thank you, this conversation was long in the coming!! So glad you discussed it! Really love what you guys do!!! Thank you for sharing your life and all you do!! Your both amazing!!!!
Just by chance I stumbled upon your videos this week. I follow a lot of blogs on UA-cam and you guys are my favorite. I'm addicted to each and every one of your videos. Your love for one another shines through each and every video.
This was very informative! I am guilty of entirely inadvertently doing/saying a few of these things not realizing they were offensive. I think y’all are relationship goals! Thanks for another great video!
Wow, guys this was so helpful! This taught me a lot of things I didn’t know, and I’ve realized that I’ve been a perpetrator of some of these phrases, so thanks for teaching me to be better. I don’t really know a lot of disabled people, but I hope that when I do eventually meet someone, I can know now how to empathize with them better and be a more respectful friend. Love you guys!💕
thank you for this it really showed me how used to hearing things like "despite their disability" I am and how I don't even think about how damaging it is and that I need to look out for it more. I love your channel
this is why i totally clam up bc im afraid of saying the wrong thing. sooo please give us some slack. we are not mind readers so we dont know how each person wants to be addressed, i dont think majority of people are trying to be mean or disrespectful at least not me.i once transported people with disabilities and i was talking to a person that was mentally challenged,, just as i would anyone else and their family member says to me they dont understand you( i knew that)... i was just trying to give them the dignity they deserve. that really hurt me. so now im scared i will offend someone so i just keep my mouth shut..... now on a better note. yall are just adorable. yall have a connection and intimacy that other couples only dream of. dont let the haters bring you down. im sooooooooooo happy for yall. love the videos yall are hilarious. can you tell im from the south with all the yalls.... lol.
Hi Shane and Hanna, I am thankful to have discovered your channel only a few weeks ago. Thank you for providing an environment that fosters an exchange of ideas resulting in positive change. When I hear someone use an inappropriate term, I have to remind myself that I have been given an opportunity to educate rather than express my frustration that the wrong term was used. I keep reminding myself that confronting the person with my discontent will result in the exact opposite of what I am trying to accomplish. I have found that a polite conversation suggesting a healthy alternative word or phrase has been more effective than having a confrontation. Thanks Again, Destry LeBrun
"Differently-Abled" makes me cringe. And "The only disability in life is a bad attitude" is extremely ablest. I think besides making disability into a bad thing, some of these also imply that the disabled person is at fault for being disabled or for the problems they have because of it. I use person-first for myself though. My disability doesn't define me. I think the reason we don't use it for other things, is because we inherently know that those qualities are just one aspect of a person, but disability isn't there yet. especially when it's visible.
I think my disability does define me. If it weren't for my disability, I would be a different person. I wouldn't have had the (good and bad) experiences I've had, met the (nice and not-so-nice) persons I've met. I'm not defined by the things I can't do, but I am defined by the way not being able to do certain things has shaped my life.
It's shaped me, 100%, but I don't want my disability to be the first or only thing someone thinks of when they think of me, "Oh, yeah, she's the disabled one." and I don't want to constantly think about it, or have my entire life revolve around it. I am so much more than what is different about me.
I recently started watching The Office and I am currently on the episode with disability and they portray very well a lot of aspects you mention. I can totally see why you like it so much , Hannah. Thank you for recommending it
Hannah, your explanation of special needs is EXACTLY what I keep telling all the abled people who argue with me, a disabled woman, about how it isn’t offensive. I’m so tired, I swear.
I can recall once when my boyfriend was walking to class on campus and a guy on a bike came up behind him and said “oh watch out there, little guy”. My boyfriend is able bodied, and of average stature... We still talk about how that was such a bizarre thing for that guy to say. Can’t imagine hearing those sorts of comments on the daily
I have just recently found you on UA-cam. I want to thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your life with us. Your openness is so helpful to answer questions that I have wondered about but didn't want to be disrespectful or hurtful to ask. May the lord continue to bless you both!
Thank you so much for this video! As a mom of a 3 year old with SMA I have been corrected by many people when I say I have a disabled son. They keep telling me to use special needs and differently abled. I have always felt it more offensive and I feel like it teaches him to be ashamed of being disabled.
Laura Brown You are doing it right! Listen to actually disabled people, not the able bodied folk who don’t know what they are talking about, and for whom the words don’t even effect.
When I was younger, I worked for a lawnmower repair shop and found myself in an awkward situation with a customer. As part of my usual vocabulary, it was normal for me to tell a customer "lets roll on back and check it out"... You can see where this is going... I had a younger guy come in with a part for a small engine he was trying to get running. This gentleman just so happened to be in a wheelchair and before my brain could stop it, my mouth let out the phrase "lets roll on back and see if we can get it fixed". Half way back to the shop area, I realized what I said. I started to apologize and he started laughing. Turns out he wasn't at all offended because he had been in the shop several times before and heard me say the exact same thing to several other people. It just goes to show how words have the power to be offensive even when there is no intent of being such. I did have to laugh when you mentioned the "hey big guy" thing. As a guy who's not exactly a small man, people have always found the need to address to me as "big guy". I've learned to let it go but there are those who say it with a certain condescending tone that just hits me a certain way... Sometimes it's hard to not reply with pure profanity! lol
Thank you so much for this video! I'm a nonfiction editor, and this really helps me understand what language is best and what to keep an eye out for. The last part about person-first language vs. identity-first language especially. It feels cool to live in this time where awareness is growing and we have a chance to challenge ableism on a grander scale. Thank you for educating me!
This video is helpful, because being someone who does need a wheelchair on and off there are phrases and words, I didn’t even know were bad. I would say wheelchair bound, and special needs to myself and about myself. I am thankful you are willing to share these and what they mean or say without saying. I apologize if I have offended you or others by my own ignorance.
I was going in my chair to college and a Jehovah’s Witness came towards me and patted me on the arm and said your suffering will be over soon. I was thinking WHAT, I’m not the one suffering and I lived with my disability and have no plans on dying anytime soon. Made me so angry 😠
JW have been soooooo condescending to me, just minding my own business, and I appear ablebodied. I loathe christians on a mission to 'heal everyone' because they invade your privacy and forcibly pray for you, even if you refuse. I had a couple (no clue their denomination) corner me on campus a few years ago, when I was in the middle of a pain and fatigue flare, and try to convince me I needed their god. It just angers me more because I grew up going to church and know the scriptures better than they do, and I never would presume to harass strangers just to convert them to my hypothetical religion, especially not if they seemed like they were in distress.
Wow, what a rude person. Sometimes religious (and conservative) people are so ignorant, they only see the world through their perspective and are even scared of venturing out to broaden their horizon. They are to be pitied really, what a boring, sad existence if all you gotta look forward to in life is your reward after death because you were so adherent to the old teachings. Hope their suffering will be over soon.
I really appreciate you two so much. I have been binge-watching your content and want to thank you for your vulnerability on this platform and for throwing open the doors of your lives. You have made a HUGE difference in how view disabled people, but that's not why I watch. I truly enjoy your personalities, your relationship dynamic and how you express yourselves. In so many ways, you two remind me of my wife and I - we have a similar banter and sense of humor and I just thoroughly enjoy watching another couple with that kind of playful vibe. Learning about disability is just an added bonus! Thank you!
I recently came across your postings and love listening to your stories. My niece had SMA and she too lived her life to the max. What I learnt from her is that life is for living and there's no-one out there that has come up with the perfect formula for it. She never denied her disability and we learnt to understand that the limitations we perceived were those that we placed on her ourselves. She would know what she could and couldn't do or more to the point would or wouldn't do!!! So keep doing what you are doing. You have a wonderful sense of humour and a lifetime of experiences and adventures to share that are really interesting and amusing. All the best for a wonderful future together.
I’ve been special education teacher for almost 20 years, and I just want to thank you. You were both so articulate and descriptive in all of your points in this video. I am a huge advocate for equality and equal access to all aspects of learning for all of the students that cross my path. The way that you two were able to compile and describe all of these points was so incredibly helpful for me and, with your blessing, would love to share this at a staff meeting this year. I sincerely appreciate all that you both do and thoroughly enjoy watching your videos! Thank you so much!
@@aeward1982 Dear Alicew, thanks for replying. Yes, no doubt the title was given by employer. She doesn't question it, though. She doesn't comment on it. She doesn't say, as an ally would, that the term is demeaning and offensive. I worked with children with disabilities. Ever time a member of staff said that they had special needs or that I worked as a 'special needs' support Iwould have a discussion with them about my problem with that term. After a while most of the staff stopped using the term. DISABLED CHILDREN DESERVE OUR SUPPORT. On a personal note, as a child the day I was told I was special was a devasting day for me. It takes a village.
“Happy-capped” I dated a girl who’s family used this term all the time. I suffered severe injuries as a result of a vehicular accident and spent over a year in a wheelchair/walker and to this day use a cane. It opened my eyes to the disabled community and it’s something I’m passionate about. I definitely broke up with that woman but still think about that term.
I have a younger brother with neurological and physical disabilities who has helped me to become the activist I am today for the disability community and I had no idea that some of these things that I have said have a negative impact on the community. Thank you for educating!!
Weirdest thing ive ever had was a taxi driver get out and pray for me in the road (im blind) abd after his prayer finished i said "well thanks but im still blind how much was the journey? "
Thank you for addressing person first vs identity first language! This past semester I wrote a research paper and used phrases such as “disabled person” and my professor, who is in the healthcare field, had me go back and change it to “person with disability”. I understand that people use person first language to try to be considerate to disabled people, but I can also see how it have negative connotations. I am applying to Occupational Therapy grad school (in the twin cities!) so I will definitely be more conscientious about using identify first language in my application essays and in my future career because you’re right, there’s nothing bad about being a disabled person or an autistic person or a black person or tall person etc. Thank you for brining this to everyone’s attention, I’m sure it left a lot of people reflecting!
I'm from Mn. & you two make me homesick.I absolutely love the honesty & directness of all your videos.Its exactly what this world needs! I used a wheelchair for 2 years & the pity looks, fake smiles, terminology & lack of access was a nightmare! Ty for opening people's eyes. P.s Hannah, that lipstick shade works perfectly for you.😁
I almost bypassed this video thinking, “I’m very aware, I took college classes on working with children with disabilities!” but then thought that maybe I’d learn something and decided to watch. I’m so glad I did! I’ve definitely used the term “special needs” thinking that’s the PC way to say it. Thank you for sharing this video, I’m sure it was uncomfortable to re-hash all these terms you really don’t like hearing, but it’s definitely important knowledge to spread.
Bet the people who say “ I dont see you as disabled” Are the same folks who say “ But I dont see color” I love your videos, they are very informative and non judgmental of anyone who may have made these mistakes in the past. I didnt know handicap derived from beggars?!?!?! My mouth dropped when you said that. Thanks for teaching us all the things ☺️
Maybe the people who don’t see color or disabilities are telling the truth. Maybe all they see is another human being. Maybe they have eyes to see beyond other people’s grievances.
I just wanted to say that I love watching you guys... i literally spent my whole Monday scrolling through your old videos and learning about you. You are so funny and hilarious, I enjoy not only your amazing personalities but actually learning that disabled people are normal. I mean, being honest with you, before knowing you, I had the common misconception of disabled people, of course always trying to be respectful but for the wrong reasons. Seriously, thank you for your blog and being open about your relationship. Love you guys 😁
It is not that people don't see color or disability, it's the fact that they don't think about it or treat you differently. It means that I don't judge based on what I see, but based on what I find out after knowing you. It doesn't mean that one ignores color or disability, that it's just not there.
My husband calls our 3yr old son “buddy” and “big guy” all the time 😂 definitely not how one should address an adult man who is a total stranger to them
People aren’t paying attention. They’re too busy coming up with their humorous way of saying hello. It hard to understand why people don’t just say hello. It works for any age.
I used to date a guy who had a barely visible form of cerebral palsy and random strangers called him "buddy" all the time. It always made me want to cringe so hard!
It makes me so irritated when someone refers to me as someone “with autism”. I’m Autistic. Saying “with autism” insinuates that autism is separate from me, implying that it’s a bad thing. It is not. Autism isn’t something I carry around like a handbag; it makes up my entire being. I’m Autistic. Person first language is so ingrained in people that they defend it even when actual disabled people point out that it’s problematic and they’d prefer they use identity-first language. It’s amazing to me how many non-disabled people think they know what’s best for us and try to talk over us without listening to what we have to say. Thanks for this video, Shane and Hannah. I hope it reaches many.
And I’ve heard other people say that they don’t like it when someone says they are autistic. I’ve heard them say things like “I am more than autism“ so they prefer to be called someone with autism. We can’t please everybody I guess even though many of us try to be as polite and kind as we can and say the right things. Sometimes we making mistakes. Sometimes people prefer different things as well.
I became disabled at the age of 40 and I was so chocked about how differently I was treated all of a sudden just because I used a wheelchair. Now 10 years later I have gotten used to it, but I can't forget the chock of suddenly being someone that strangers apparently felt like they had to say hi to and this awkward politeness that I felt people had just because of the wheelchair. I can come into a store and everywhere there was someone who asked if I needed any help....I can ask for help if I need it! Just as everybody else!
LOVE this video! I’m majoring in special ed and one of my favorite topics to learn about and discuss is ableism and normalizing disability. I’ve been waiting for a video like this to help educate more of the world, so thank you guys!
Despite being in a wheelchair, Shane has overcome the urge to run over stupid people with it, and that is truly inspirational 😅💕
😆
Oh man that's hilarious!! 😂😂😂
LMAO
that's offensive LMAO
Now that is inspirational.
Yes when someone says something to me like “you’ll find someone who can see past your disability” I get pissed. I don’t want someone who can “see past” it. I want someone who will love me for me, disability and all
@sharon brown It’s a wonderful thing to treat him like the normal person he is! Just make sure (and this is just my opinion, he may think differently... so take this with a grain of salt) that you don’t pretend like his wheelchair doesn’t exist all together. It does exist, it just shouldn’t matter :)
@sharon brown exactly!
@@kzcreationzmore I was actually talking to a woman in a wheelchair for a while and she said she feels sorry for people that are disabled but have invisible disabilities, that it's actually easier for her to live life stuck in one because no one will argue that there's nothing wrong with her and that she's just not trying hard enough.
KzCreationz & More
I wanted add a comment about how you don’t like when someone says they "see past your disability". If someone says that to you, they're trying to say that they don't want to be a bigot towards you. It's human nature to stare at things that are different, we know this. I think your distaste towards that phrase comes from a spur of the moment victimization. There’s no etymological evidence or ill-intent which makes that phrase legitimately offensive. It just rubs you the wrong way but no one can control that. True wisdom can see past the micro aggressions and accept the real intent behind someone who says that they will see past your disability. Remember, disability is -by definition- a debilitating condition or hindrance. Like acne or blindness or legs crippled from the battlefield, you don’t have to love disability incarnation. You have to love yourself and only then will you be able to accept the pain in the ass stuff that MIGHT or might not come from being disabled. Of course, not all disabilities are the same but I hope you know what I mean. I wanted to put this out there because I don’t want good-intentioned people to get the idea that it's wrong for them to say that they will "see past disability" because it’s not. We shouldn’t create an equally damaging system that tells society to walk on egg shells because even the most good intentioned responses might be taken wrong, at least when there’s no empirical evidence to suggest the phrase really is offensive or not.
Same, I am not in a weelchair but I am (lightly) physically disabled and it pisses me off when someone says that to me. It isn’t something you can look past it, you can’t because it is part of your life🤷🏼♀️
“I don’t want someone who sees the good in me, I want someone who sees the “bad”... disability, and still love me.
I’m not saying a disability is bad.. that was just the original quote😉
I hate the term “fighting cancer” or “battling cancer” and then if a person dies they say they lost the fight with cancer. We can’t control what the cancer does and it shouldn’t be seen as a defeat like the person could have fought harder but didn’t.
Ashley W I hate that too. Cancer does horrible things to a person’s body, against anything the person can do about it.
My Aunts were talking about another Aunt of mine who passed from cancer. Wow! She was really looking good there, lost a lot of weight and everything. And I'm thinking she lost weight because she had cancer,dah! The thing is one of them should have known why she lost weight since she was going through the same thing. By the way, she's like 90, or close to it. She's had cancer at least five times now.
I disagree because if i ever get cancer I would not do chemo or any treatment. So I think it is a fight to choose to try and "fight" it with horrible treatment that causes a lot of pain and suffering.
People are stupid
My mum died of cancer when I was a young child. I always say she did all she could to get help and help herself but sadly nothing worked for her and she died. I have never used the term fight cancer or she lost her battle with it. Treatment (whichever type you choose either natural or medical) either works or sadly doesn't, attitude really doesn't come into it that much apart from by being strong and happy regardless means you'll enjoy the life you have more if either short or a long one I think it is very dependant on the level of pain you're going through and how high your pain threshold is, neither is something you have much control over.
My late husband was in a wheelchair and I am too. People would always comment, "are you racing?" We both hated it. I felt dehumanized by the comment. I am not a car. You don't go up to able-bodied couples and say, "are you racing?" Thanks for validating my feelings.
Banjyus Tucson Any time 2 or more wheelchair users are together, some able bodied person will say that like its the first time we have ever heard that. Lol
Hello Tucson how are you doing hope you’re having a great time with your family may God bless you and your family
"The only disability in life is.... a variety of disabilities that you can be born with or acquire." well played Shane, well played 😂
Dating Dave Hey sorry if my comment made you uncomfortable, I just thought the way Shane delivered that line was super funny but everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect yours 👍🏻
@@datingdave1310 Shane was being humorous. 👍
@@datingdave1310 it's funny because he's making fun of sayings like "the only disability in life is not trying" or "not living life to the fullest" or other platitudes... He's saying "the only disability in life is... Bloody being disabled for gods sake!" Disability is disability - and it exists and it's normal. There are millions of people living with their disabilities and their lives are normal. I love his dry humour. Hope this clears it up a bit. If you r ever come across those expressions.
It’s not funny image being disabled
I can't stand when people call me an inspiration...im just living my life the best to my ability.
Same, drives me up the wall
I get told how I cope so well when they wouldn't....like there's another choice other than to cope?!
@@victoriadunnett4745 exactly! We have no choice
This is so interesting bc it doesn’t bother me at all. It doesn’t make me feel any kind of way actually but, I don’t get irritated n it’s interesting to see all the comments n learning so much of others’ feelings.
‘’When you know better, you do better.” --Maya Angelou (Thank u Shane & Hannah for all the info & knowledge & advice 🤗)
Hi! I know you both read the comments, so I hope you take the time to read this one! It's worth it! I am the legal guardian to a deaf and proud young lady. Due to her upbringing and language deprivation as a child, she struggles in a lot of areas such as language, vocabulary, reading, patterns, directions, etc. Ever since we met, I've always tried to instill in her that she is not "less" or "broken" or "differently abled". Now, she loves being deaf and is proud of who she is. We are a signing only household. A few days ago, she came downstairs as I was watching some of your recent videos. She looked at the tv and then just stopped and stared. "Who are they??? Are they your friends?" I then paused the video to describe your relationship and how I've been following your videos for a while. When I was done, her mouth was open. I'm not kidding, she was shocked. Then she said something that shocked me. "Wow, that gives me hope. That gives me hope that one day I can find a boyfriend who actually loves me and doesn't have to just 'put up with' or 'accept' me as deaf. He could accept me no matter what and not feel like he's giving something up by dating me. That's so awesome!" I've been in her life for 12 years, and I never knew that this was a concern for her. Thank you for sharing your stories and giving her and other young people a chance to see that, yes, they can have a "normal" life.
(Also, thanks for captioning your videos! Making them equal access is so helpful! Thanks!!)
What a great outtake! Best wishes to her. There is some'one for everyone. Love knows no boundaries. She will find her knight in Shaning armour. 💝.
"a smile isn't going to get someone up a flight of stairs." gonna make a shirt out of that one.
YES
Stella Young will forever be a queen!
I need that shirt.
In my experience, the term “special needs” has resulted in many individuals without disabilities or other disorders feeling that accommodations are a privilege rather than essential!
Agreed! I think it also contributes to the burden complex that so many of us have, because it makes it seem like we are asking for more or demanding more than a "normal" person, as society sees it.
In the “olden days,” people used mongoloid and imbecile as medical terms to describe people with learning disabilities, but obviously now that’s shocking. I think in the future “special needs” will be the same, and some people will be shocked we used that word.
Yup!! My sister is dyslexic, ADD, ODD and has anxiety. People have called her special needs when she’s straight up disabled. When we point out she’s disabled that’s always when people snap out of it and give her the help she needs. Calling her special needs oddly enough means her needs don’t get met.
Your vlogs make me happy yet sad. Happy because both of your parents raised open-minded people that are compatible, funny, etc. Sad because my older brother was born in the wrong generation.
He was a black man born in 1944 with a disability but my parents sent him to a nursing home when he became an adult. You guys have open eyes to never stop learning to be a better person.
This really opened my mind. I am the parent of a disabled child and this really helped me. I want to teach him how to utilize his words to advocate for himself and stand in his truth. I’d love more videos like this!
I think people side step around saying disabled because some disabled people say “I’m not disabled, I’m very able”. So I don’t think it should be about the words. Everyone is exceptant of different words.
@@sharynallan1512 Like when you know your friend is insecure about something, if you mention it they will get defensive about it. Even if it is just a fact free of judgment.
So very true. I have a developmental disability i was born with. All the kids with disabilities went to "special eduacation" classes. I was called the r word often. In my generation you were taught to hide your disability and blend in with the others. As i grew older i learned to ignore peoples ignorance. I stood up for myself and others when necessary. I married in my 20s and had a son. Who is now grown. My husband is a wonderful man who is very patient with me. He does not see me as disabled. We will be married 31 years this month.
Happy Anniversary!🌷🎂 You are very blessed..💖 Every woman deserves their Prince Charming and you have yours!💜🎉
@@cindylou6084 Thank you.
I am happy that you got a good life, despite your childhood.
@@ladydragonfly5172 as someone who is autistic, isn't it ableist for someone "not to see you as disabled", because it "erases" your disability. When you can't really "separate" someone from their disability... I am also pretty sure that many disabled people wouldn't want to be separated from their disability either
Can we all please take a moment to appreciate the dedicated Chloe corner in the background?? :)
So cute
I just noticed that too...is it new?! I love it and must do this for my two dogs now!
I absolutely ADORE it!!
I know I love it :)
Yep. I must do this for my fur baby now
The only thing “motivational” here is the love you two have for each other. I love to see healthy relationships on UA-cam.
Now I just realized I made another mistake. I said my daughter “has Autism “ so I just asked her what she prefers and she said just call me “CJ” mom. She’s the boss. ❤️
How old is she? I'm autistic and obviously I wouldn't want to be introduced as being autistic to other people. But once she gets older she might recognize more how autism impacts her, and want to tell others herself.
Also don't be afraid of using identity first language for autism. Like saying that she's an autistic person is in some ways better than person with autism. (Edit: I see that Shane and hanna actually addressed that)
There's a lot of really good UA-cam channels by autistic youtubers. I'm just beginning my own, but my favorite autistic UA-camr is Yo Samdy Sam.
Sorry for rambling haha.
I saw something recently that really stood out to me. There’s a Netflix show called “sex education” that’s very inclusive of genders, sexualities, and disabilities. One character was disabled and in a wheelchair. And get this, he was kinda a bad person.. like a total asshole. It was just sort of refreshing to see a disabled person in a show that wasn’t type-casted as the typical “just grateful to be alive, a total angel/inspiration” trope. His disability was talked about very little in the show, it wasn’t made to be a huge deal. The only time it really came up was when there was an accessibility issue in the plot (and ofc, it’s very important to build awareness for that kind of thing). Hopefully we see more media representation of characters with disabilities that don’t build upon harmful stereotypes! (i.e. all disabled people are inspirational just for living their lives normally, all disabled people are angels and can do no wrong, etc.)
Yes love the character he plays. Also loved Silent Witness and Clarissa who has now left the show. 😭 More and more disabled people get decent roles but it still really rare.
Yesss same i was so so happy ti see him being a dick in the show
I'm guilty of using differently abled, now I see how it's rooted in ableist thought. Thanks friends! Wonderful conversation on identity.
Yeah I've used some of these thinking I'm being careful or playful so yeah my bad the line isn't always straight.
Thanks to you (both) for listening and learning ❤
I used to use this, and it was instrumental in the early stages of me accepting my disability. It's another that if someone uses it to describe themselves, I leave it be. But if someone uses it to describe others, I start a conversation (provided I have the spoons).
I have a walking disability and I find it very offensive when strangers come up to me and randomly compare me to someone they know and assume they know why I walk like that. For instance people will come up to me and say "Hey do you have MS, because you remind me of my sister"? I say "no, and it's none of your business what I have"! ....Just thought I would share this with everyone, but I have a Facebook group called "For, or just to support disabled parents" I decided to open up about myself, and everyone is welcomed to join!
I wrote my entire law school admissions essay based on the idea that “overcoming obstacles” is a stupid metric of success, because some obstacles are never overcome, but merely lived with. People can’t “overcome” racism against them, ableism, hatred, etc., they just live with it.
Good point! Hopefully in the future we can “overcome” these societal issues, but there’s no point trying to mention it now. 👍
Adversity, in and of itself, isn’t a bad thing. Adversity does help us develop into better people. However, as you stated, some adversities can’t be overcome or a person is dealing with too much adversity. TLDR adversity is a healthy part of everyone’s lives… until it’s not and it starts becoming detrimental (I guess like pretty much everything else in life).
I loved the part about a disability doesn’t mean suffering. Society is the one suffering by lack of education lack of resources and lack of empathy and kindness 🙌🙌🙌🙌
I live for Hannah’s “nope” 😂😂😂
Quite a few of these phrases really just boil my blood as a disabled person, however the whole "bad attitude" thing makes me feral. It is so so dangerous for people with invisible disabilities and propagates the idea that if you can't visibly see what's "wrong" with someone it means they are faking or lying. I struggle on a daily basis having an invisible disability and actually getting the help I need to not harm myself. The pure, painful ableism that comes from that phrase is straight out dangerous. I love this video so much! You two truly are so incredible in how you educate 💜 Also, the term "handicapable" makes me want to run over peoples toes💜
I’m so glad you mentioned the «person with disabilities» thing! I learned to say that when I went to work at Disney World in 2012, and I thought it was an amazing way to talk about people. Clearly it’s better to ask everyone how they want you to adress them😊 I don’t know very many disabled people so it’s really helpful to hear you talk about this! Thank you!
Thank you for this info. I told my grandson, whenever someone says (referring to his power chair driving), “wow you can sure drive that thing”, he should say,” wow you can sure walk good!” Lol! He just laughed. I don’t think he’s done it yet but I’d love to see the look on their face if and when he does!
What a wonderful ally/friend you are to your Grandson. He is blessed!!!
That’s really funny!
This one is tough. I have used a couple of these "offensive" terms with the sincere attempt to be kind. If you're not around people who live with certain disabilities to know what is offensive and what is not this whole topic is extremely difficult. I try very hard to not be offensive. I think it takes a lot of grace on both parts.
I completely agree. Most people don't know what to say, most out of nervousness.
Follow more disabled community if you'd like more insight. We talk about stuff like this often.
JasJules i think it’s hard though, because different people with disabilities will say different things. It’s kinda hard to know what’s right/most socially accepted to say. While there are many obvious phrases and words to not use, some can be a bit tricky to work around. I’m an ally to the disability community (siblings and parent with disability), and I say a few of these words/phrases because sometimes, they are what fits/works best. Anyways, just be mindful and always listen to multiple opinions in order to get a more mindful diction
@@makennaphillips1027 that's precisely why I think following disabled people will help. We're not going to give you the answer to not being offensive. But sharing our lived experiences gives perspectives you may not have considered before, just as Shane and Hannah have shown here.
I take into account people’s intentions when they are speaking to me. Most people are not trying to be mean or cruel. As a disabled person, I do not find most of the phrases or terms in this video offensive. I know trying to be “PC” can be really tricky and sometimes down right frustrating.
Will Roger's said, "Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects. Thanks for attempting to educate those of us who are ignorant on this particular subject. I had a traumatic brain injury that nearly killed me in 2017, so unfortunately I won't be able to remember this proper etiquette. Wish I could but my particular disability makes it impossible for me to do so. As Always, May God Bless you and yours!
I just saw a video on "Chronic Mom'" YT channel questioning whether you're a real couple. I left her the response below.
I wish you would have thought twice about posting this video. This video is an insult to anyone who has a partner that lives with a disability as if someone couldn't love someone with a disability. I think they are hilarious and just like any social media, you get to see . Besides who goes around questioning someone else's relationship. Just let people live.
End of rant!
Omg.. Can we add “God only gives special children to special parents...”
Becky; Yes. Anytime people use God to condescend Heaven cringes.
That is definitely not true. I know my parents would not been able to cope with it.
Or, "God only gives as much as you can handle," yea no. People commit suicide or murder or both, get PTSD, get physical ailments, become addicted, because of trauma and/or stress..
Yuck 🤮
Some parents of disabled children murder their disabled children. Those able bodied murdering parents aren’t special. Disability happens as a natural part of life. It has nothing to do with how good or bad or special the parents are.
Every time somebody says I’m inspirational I want to vomit in my mouth Because I have cerebral palsy and I live my life normally like that’s not inspirational that’s just me trying to live the best life I can
Jake, I am sorry. We don't know much better and we are trying to improve our lives. I hope you have nice weather where you live-- chicago has been cool lately.
Feathered Friends. Good example! If a thinner person was to post the same photo, nobody would mention confidence (not that much anyways) more juts how beautiful they look.
"The only disability is a bad attitude." is really a damaging sentence for people who actually live with deficits (physical, cognitive, sensory, etc.). I'm autistic and it's not fair to say that if I try really hard and have a good attitude I'll be able to do everything. There are certain things I can't do or tolerate. There are certain things that I can manage to do but are so energy consuming, time consuming or sensory overwhelming that they are just not worth doing. Most days, I absolutely can't cross the street safely without using the pedestrian lights, sometimes I can't talk at all, etc, etc, etc No amount of "good attitude" is going to change that.
This.
I think what you are meaning to say Issabelle is:
"You, Issabelle, are not deliberately having a bad attitude when you are experiencing sensory overload; that is "autism"."
The person who tells you that you are having a bad attitude when you are feeling acutely overwhelmed by sensory input, clearly does not understand autism.
Perhaps they know a bit about autism, knowledgewise, but at that particular time, or maybe often, are not able to tolerate long lengths of time with an autistic person. Having a heart condition, or any chronic condition can reduce a persons intolerance. Indeed the person who told you that you were having a bad attitude may be mildly autistic themselves, or were brought up by mildly autistic parent who was never diagnosed and given speech therapy.
@@LindaPerry_337 figure skater Scott Hamilton originated this quote in 1997 when he developed testicular cancer. It was to motivate himself, and others, while he was undergoing treatment and recovering from cancer. The quote has since been repeated infinitely, printed on posters and parroted to the disabled community as though it's always a positive truth and any disabled person who doesn't follow the mantra obviously must have a "bad attitude". It's truly sad how it is used to bully a marginalized and misunderstand community.
I became disabled in my mid 20's due to chronic illness. I have a condition where if and when I push myself too hard my conditions gets worse, much, much worse. It took me over a decade to figure out how detrimental it was to push myself. As someone with OCD, a strong work ethic and who is used to always doing something, never resting, it was very difficult to dial myself back enough to what my body and mind needed. Unfortunately, when I finally got it right, I couldn't control how much I was pushed past my limits by others including the medical community, the government, my vindictive ex-husband, etc. So, my condition has become so poor that I'm confined to bed with barely enough energy to be awake for 4 cumulative hours a day and cannot do most of the things that most people take for granted without wiping myself out such as eating, brushing my teeth, talking and even reading and writing is very draining.
Smiling and/or being positive isn't going to give me back my mobility. AND, I have every right to feel however I want. I don't have to be all sunshine and rainbows just because other people expect and prefer it. I happen to choose to be positive because that's my natural demeanor. But I definitely don't expect that from anyone else. I wouldn't want for any of my friends who battle mental illness to feel bad about themselves and hide their thoughts and feelings from me or the world just because of some messed up views from other people.
I've also learned so much about other people's disabilities and have much empathy for others. People who have mental health issues, as well as the disabled and the able-bodied population too, should all be able to feel any and all of the feelings which come to them as natural responses to their lives, experiences and conditions. Telling someone that they have a bad attitude is very ableist and damaging. I can see that you recognize this, I'm saying it for the benefit of anyone else who is reading. Keep caring and sharing! The fact that there are people like you and Isabelle, who are able to help see and share more sides of an issue are so valued and appreciated.
I find “special needs” insulting for me. Yeah, I need you to not yell, have bright lights, or touch me but I’m not “special,” I just need people to be understanding.
@@Randompersononline Yes, I think all people would appreciate others not yelling at or around them. Bright lights can annoy anyone who has or is recovering from any illness or surgery or migraine. And nobody should touch someone without their permision. And that goes both ways! Nothing special about that. These are things young cildren should learn from the parents/carers before the age of 5 years or Year 1 primary school. And it is meant to be reinforced at school. Some parents seem to think that schools are responsible for teaching their kids manners first, which is not the case.
Like my local regional shopping centre, many public places are now being designed with not so bright lighting, to accommodate people who have light sensitivity because of whatever cause. Flooring surfaces are being changed (or in the case of new buildings - originally installed) with matte finishes and not shiny tiles. The want of retailers to have their merchandise look bright and sparkly to trick consumers into buying is being put second place for once. Before the renovations started at my local shopping centre, the developers and owners of the centre held public opinion open days for the members of the public to put forward their needs and choices for types of furnishings, layout and what shops sold what. I made sure I put forward my recommendations in writing and also spoke directly to the staff members involved in this process. All members of the public are welcome at such events to put forward their recommendations. Some people just complain about it on internet forums, but never speak directly to those who make the decisions. Like my myself, all parents of young children with differing needs have a duty to stand up for their child and respectfully and cordially put forward their opinions to the relevant bodies. Otherwise those with money and big business win again in their want to make even more money to the disadvantage of others.
I love that you talked about your journey with internalized ableism and moving away from person first language to identity first language. I didn't know this, thank you!
Shane and Hannah, it is really interesting to hear you both talking through the connotations of particular terms applied within the context of interacting with disabled persons. I am employed at an educational non-profit organization that has an anti-racist mission, and there is a surprising degree of parallels between the harmful consequences of common racial terminology and common terminology around disability. It strikes me that, as a society, our language places an undue emphasis on "normal" - conformance to expected, typical characteristics. The heavy consequence of that emphasis is a society that struggles to accept any form of differentness and thus diminishes the identities of "different" people.
It is my great hope that one outcome of these uniquely trying times in American discourse is our adoption of language that acknowledges the identity of every person, each a peer in our shared human condition. Thank you both for helping to teach us all a little more.
Very well written. Intelligent and easy to read.☺
i'm a disabled person and i've always been ambivalent about person-first language versus identity-first language. you both present a compelling argument for identity-first language and have given me a lot to think about.
I am so glad someone shared this video! It's a glorious paradigm shift for me! I am high spectrum autistic and have Nonverbal Learning Disorder and this video is a tipping point for me! I will be continuing to keep in touch with you folks! God speed!
When I told my grandmom that I had gotten chronically I'll and couldn't walk much anymore her response was "But it's not like your a cripple!" When I found out she meant that I used a wheelchair I just kind of paused with my mouth agape...
I don't understand why people get so upset by my chair. It lets me do what I want... Why is that such a bad thing?
Thanks for making these videos. I found you guys recently and I have really enjoyed your content. Thank you again for making this video. Things like this need to be said.
The person first language thing is incredibly interesting. I work as a caregiver in the developmental disability field and in my training every single year I learn person first. I am going to bring this video to my trainers and start a discussion.
From what I've seen, academia and people who work with disabled people prefer person-first language, disabled people prefer identity first. Of course, that's a massive generalization, but it's what I've experienced. The worst is when I say I'm a disabled person and someone corrects me. That tells me a lot about how much they don't respect me and need to be reminded of my humanity (which seems to be the aim of person-first language)
I would reach out to a few other disability advocates with various disabilities and ask them as well what they prefer. It would be a good idea to have more than one perspective so they don't say it's just one disabled person saying this. I know in the autism community, almost all actually autistic advocates use identity first language. It's for the same reason Shane said- because their disability is part of who they are and cannot be separated from them.
I bet you learned that from able bodied people who didn’t really ask disabled people?
Lisa TheCatDude the class I take is taught from an able bodied person, however we do get a lot of education and input from disabled people as well! I definitely plan on bringing this up with them as I think it should be considered that while some disabled folks might prefer person first language, it’s clear that not all do.
@@MsMorganThorne This has been my experience, too, as a disabled person. I've had able-bodied physicians try to argue with me over my preference for identity-first language and one told me I had low self-esteem simply because I refer to myself as disabled instead of "person with multiple disabilities". I find person-first language off-putting at best and highly offensive if it is said deliberately after a respectful correction and explanation.
Everyone should watch "Crip Camp" on Netflix. It is the history of the beginning of the ADA.
Really? I hadn’t heard of it thank you for talking about this so I can watch it. :-)
Pinupgirl I wanted to watch it, I think it’s so funny that they called it “crip camp” tho, I thought it was about the gang 🤣
I just watched it about 3 months ago and I’ll watch it again!! That’s b how good it was a right ❤️
It's such a great movie. I was in tears watching, just seeing all the disabled people in one spot, having so much fun. Very validating, representation is so important! I just wish we had something similar in Canada, but we are working on it (it takes so long to change things though)
One of the best documentaries I have seen in a long time. Truly amazing. I learned so very much.
I didn’t see being called inspirational bad until you explained it. People call me that all the time for being a 2x brain cancer survivor & paraplegic when I’m just living the life I was dealt.
I swear, it is so hard to break the person first “habit.” It’s Something academia has ingrained so deep into my brain. But in speaking with and interacting with disabled people, I’ve learned (through their emotional labor) how ableist this language is. As someone who constantly wants to do better, I’m definitely working to change the way I speak about people and never want to speak over them. I found your channel by chance, and your content (specifically Shane’s jokes) is bringing a lot of joy to my evenings. Thanks for what you do.
On the "that looks like fun" wheelchair comment, I wonder what people will do if you replied something along the lines of "So does walking"?
I love your videos! They're the perfect mix of funny and educational.
Omg my god I'm crying. This is gold 😂😂😂
@@damonthomas8955 what? why?
XD
I’m quadriplegic and usually respond, “Not as fun as walking, or running, or jumping, or skipping . . . “ But I am extremely fluent in smartass.
Damon Thomas, I’m so sorry to hear about your father. I had an 11 month old and a 2 year old when I had my spinal cord injury, so I had an immense amount of motivation to keep going and raise my kids. But I have certainly had my dark moments, so I understand how some people decide that living this life is not for them.
When someone refers to an adult such as Shane, "Big Guy" it's so Condescending.
I thought it sounded demeaning as well.
ikr it makes them sound like they’re talking to a child it’s so patronizing like they’re less or something bc they have a disability?? people need to educate themselves on their behavior 🙄
It's kind of creepy too
they mistake him for a child
Yeah that's something you say to a six year old boy to make him feel more grown up.
I'm disabled and just found your channel through Molly's interview, and I've been having so much fun binge watching all of the videos, but on this particular one I wanted to thank you for making me think about internalized ableism I have from here most of these my entire life and they just became "normal" to be... It's sad, but I feel like we also need to deconstruct what we have been told so many times... So I always appreciate different points of view. Thanks!
I find I am sometimes too worried about saying the wrong thing that I just avoid the interaction... I was visiting the US last year in April/May 2019 (from Australia), and I actually saw you, Shane, at a lego store (I think it was in Dallas?). I was too nervous to say hi to you Shane because I didn't want to slip up and say they wrong thing! Sounds stupid when I say that because all I had to say was "hi and I love your show!".... I so regret not saying hi. Thank you for this video!
Yeah that would suck. I hope you get the opportunity again.
I agree. The PC terms change so often that many people are worried about being offensive so they don’t engage with people who differ from themselves, I think that’s sad. 😢
"Disability is not bad." That made me think deeply about my attitude towards disability. Thank you for that...
i loooove that you touched on the “toxic positivity”. I am a building designer, and I am very passionate about making buildings as accessible as possible. Id like to make a thesis about accessible building and how much it really “costs for a business to not be accessible
Amen! It makes me angry that my doctors' offices are not accessible!
I can imagine it’s a lot cheaper to have something built it does not have accessibility features because accessibility features are very expensive and it’s designed to be expensive
Would love to see that research done!
In NZ, it is in the council bylaws for all buildings and car parks to have accessible access, and adequate parking (and am sure even more could be done).
@@danyelPitmon it is cheaper to make not accessible! Even simple thing like steps Vs a ramp, is more cubic meters of concrete and more wood for forming the slab. A ramp Takes a little longer to cure too
@@forrestcollective9184 that sounds great! I'd love to see NZ. Depending on the code by state in the US it sometimes asks for accessibilty, but even then is easy to "fulfill" the law while making the installation hostile for ramp users, like placing ramps or elevators at awkward locations
I’ve been really struggling to come to terms with my disability lately or even that I had one but this video really helped me and I really appreciate it you guys 🥺❤️
She is so truly blessed to have found him. He has a most inspirational personality. They are one of the best matched couples I have ever seen.When they have children the kids will be so lucky to have them for parents. Kudos guys.
Kind of like the notion of being “color blind”, being “disability blind” means you’re not acknowledging the accommodations that person may need.
We got the, "I'm sorry", a lot with our son and when he had his first two girlfriends, it was, "oh good for him" and "aren't you glad she sees past all that?" All what? His wonderful sense of humor, kindness, handsome looks, morals, values, decency? You mean those things or the crutches, leg braces, odd walk and scar on his head? Thanks for posting. It's definitely a conversation starter.
When Hannah mentioned the grocery store it reminded me of something that happened to me recently. I was in my local store about 6 weeks ago and I picked up a some Kale from a top shelf. An older woman came running up to me saying 'I'll get that' not even asking if I need help even though I already had it in my hand. When I said no thank you i have it I got this horrible disgusting look off her. In fact I thought for a second or two that she might even assualt me. It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced as a wheelchair user doing my own shopping.
As a disabled man myself. I’m so happy to see you talking about these different types of stigma. Maybe the people of the world will have a bit of a better understanding .
Ugh, I f-ing hate the “inspirational” thing. I know people mean well but it makes me cringe every time people say that to me
Same!!!
@@mariekedufresne53 sorry but it's reality...it sucks..... But I 100% get where you are coming from...
Karen Bourque oh I know! I became an incomplete paraplegic at age 28, and a year and a half later I got into nursing school. I did all the same tasks and exams and whatnot that my friends did with no accommodations (bc I didn’t want any) and graduated with my class and passed the licensing exam on the first try... and somehow that was “inspirational” . I get what they mean, I do but I hate that! I just did what the others did. Yeah, I walk with a cane and a full length brace on one leg and that makes it harder for me to get through tasks. BUT I’m just doing what every other nurse is doing!
@@mariekedufresne53 I'm sure at this point, you dont want to hear it, but good for you, and I totally get, your message .. However, you deserve the best... and clearly life can suck!!
@@mariekedufresne53, thank you for sharing, and thank you to all of you nurses who are working your butts off nowadays with the covid going around. I pray no nurses or doctors fall ill. Be safe!
Nurses 100% ROCK! You are all amazing! THANK YOU TO YOU!🌷💜
I've been having a lot of these discussions lately.
Special needs are a way of minimizing our civil rights - if the things we need are special, they're over and above what other people need and no one deserves special treatment, etc. A ramp is not a special thing, it's basic access. A sign language interpreter is not a special thing, it's basic access. By defining our needs as special, it becomes easier to take them away.
Differently-abled has been pissing me off something fierce lately. This abled woman in a community I participate in insists on using it, despite a lot of us (disabled people) telling her its offensive AF. The bad part is that she's using it to advertise how "accessible" her events are (they aren't but I rarely find ableds who understand what makes a space accessible and how different disabilities need different things, etc). She just won't listen.
I hate wheelchair-bound. I said it about 30 min ago - I'm not tied to my chair! It gives me freedom and independence and I love it.
My abled partner gets the "you're so good to date her" BS all the time. When I got hurt, his father told him to leave me, which was a shame because it really damaged their relationship (his dad died 2 years later).
Anyway, love your channel and I'm going to share this video with a few people who really need it. Who am I kidding, I'm going to share it all over the place because you guys are awesome and this is such an important video :)
“I wish I could be in bed all day too!!” NOO it’s not fun to be in bed all day 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
"I wish I could stay home all day." Most hurtful thing I hear. 💔
God I hate this one too.
It's the middle of summer and everyone has a chance to go outside and soak up some sun, warmth, and get a tan.
...and here I am out of remission like, "Sure, where is the magic pill that allows me to trade with you?" 😂
“You’re so lucky, you never have to stand in line” is one I get all the time to which I’d love to respond “no I just have to spend the time with my head at ass level”
@@kahn04 LMAO
@@treefrog1018 people just don’t think before they speak
In college as part of our training our class assignment was to go shopping in a wheelchair with another classmate. I remember a person talking like I was a child and telling me how brave I was to go to college. It is amazing how annoying well intentioned people can be. It really slows you down to take the time to listen to their efforts to put their foot in their mouth. I think more people should spend a day in a wheelchair and see how inappropriate their comments are.
The best thing is always treat people as we would want to be treated.
As a kid I hated it when people talked to me with the high pitched baby talk and I've never understood why these people can't seem to talk normal to all age groups. A five year old won't be offended if they are spoken to in an adult way. Once as a kid I was telling someone what I wanted to be when I grew up and I was told I would "grow out of that idea".
My little girl got her wheel chair when she was 2 and strangers would say “ awww poor thing” but I was the poor thing because she got into things and went places like her older sister. One time she went into the bathroom (it was small) and got behind the door and couldn’t get out! What a time I had getting her out of there! She sure had her adventures like her older sisters. But like you Shane she’d be on the floor if it wasn’t for her wheelchair so I was very grateful for it. ❤️🤗❤️ 💜💙💚
Donna Woodman I am a manual chair user and I tried my friend’s powerchair at camp once and got stuck in the bathroom lol. I can relate to that. I was 12 or 13 at the time though.
Lisa TheCatDude Not that I’m happy about it but it is funny 😆 glad to know my little girl was normal 👍❤️
Donna Woodman My situation was hilarious. Counselors had to pick me up to get me out of the bathroom and put me in my wheelchair and then figure out how to get the powerchair out of the bathroom. Oops. Lol
This little talk has been needed for a long time! I wish EVERYONE could see it ! You two explained things wonderfully !
I've been a social worker, camp director and service coordinator for people with disabilities for the past 40 years, and we are ever evolving and changing in the words we use to make sure people are comfortable. I had never heard a person with a disability (see? I'm so used to "person first language") say they didn't appreciate "person first" language. So it has given me a lot to think about! Thank you, Shane and Hannah for your informative blogs, along with all the other fun videos you share with us!
@@joycedominguez8997 If you would like to ask a more specific question, I'd be happy to explain!
Thank you, this conversation was long in the coming!! So glad you discussed it! Really love what you guys do!!! Thank you for sharing your life and all you do!! Your both amazing!!!!
"A smile isn't going to get someone up a flight of stairs." Nailed it.
“A smile isn’t going to get someone up a flight of stairs” yes girl yes
Just by chance I stumbled upon your videos this week. I follow a lot of blogs on UA-cam and you guys are my favorite. I'm addicted to each and every one of your videos. Your love for one another shines through each and every video.
This was very informative! I am guilty of entirely inadvertently doing/saying a few of these things not realizing they were offensive. I think y’all are relationship goals! Thanks for another great video!
Wow, guys this was so helpful! This taught me a lot of things I didn’t know, and I’ve realized that I’ve been a perpetrator of some of these phrases, so thanks for teaching me to be better. I don’t really know a lot of disabled people, but I hope that when I do eventually meet someone, I can know now how to empathize with them better and be a more respectful friend. Love you guys!💕
thank you for this it really showed me how used to hearing things like "despite their disability" I am and how I don't even think about how damaging it is and that I need to look out for it more. I love your channel
I’ve heard “pretty for an autistic person” and “that was good for a girl.” It’s shocking!
this is why i totally clam up bc im afraid of saying the wrong thing. sooo please give us some slack. we are not mind readers so we dont know how each person wants to be addressed, i dont think majority of people are trying to be mean or disrespectful at least not me.i once transported people with disabilities and i was talking to a person that was mentally challenged,, just as i would anyone else and their family member says to me they dont understand you( i knew that)... i was just trying to give them the dignity they deserve. that really hurt me. so now im scared i will offend someone so i just keep my mouth shut..... now on a better note. yall are just adorable. yall have a connection and intimacy that other couples only dream of. dont let the haters bring you down. im sooooooooooo happy for yall. love the videos yall are hilarious. can you tell im from the south with all the yalls.... lol.
Hi Shane and Hanna, I am thankful to have discovered your channel only a few weeks ago. Thank you for providing an environment that fosters an exchange of ideas resulting in positive change.
When I hear someone use an inappropriate term, I have to remind myself that I have been given an opportunity to educate rather than express my frustration that the wrong term was used. I keep reminding myself that confronting the person with my discontent will result in the exact opposite of what I am trying to accomplish. I have found that a polite conversation suggesting a healthy alternative word or phrase has been more effective than having a confrontation.
Thanks Again,
Destry LeBrun
sending so much light and love to you two! love to see these discussions in the community!
"Differently-Abled" makes me cringe. And "The only disability in life is a bad attitude" is extremely ablest. I think besides making disability into a bad thing, some of these also imply that the disabled person is at fault for being disabled or for the problems they have because of it. I use person-first for myself though. My disability doesn't define me. I think the reason we don't use it for other things, is because we inherently know that those qualities are just one aspect of a person, but disability isn't there yet. especially when it's visible.
I think my disability does define me. If it weren't for my disability, I would be a different person. I wouldn't have had the (good and bad) experiences I've had, met the (nice and not-so-nice) persons I've met. I'm not defined by the things I can't do, but I am defined by the way not being able to do certain things has shaped my life.
Thats where i frel i have internalized ableism
Myrthe Liselotte Yes! 👍🏽
I'm Autistic and that is inherent to who I am. So IFL is appropriate for me.
It's shaped me, 100%, but I don't want my disability to be the first or only thing someone thinks of when they think of me, "Oh, yeah, she's the disabled one." and I don't want to constantly think about it, or have my entire life revolve around it. I am so much more than what is different about me.
I recently started watching The Office and I am currently on the episode with disability and they portray very well a lot of aspects you mention. I can totally see why you like it so much , Hannah. Thank you for recommending it
Hannah, your explanation of special needs is EXACTLY what I keep telling all the abled people who argue with me, a disabled woman, about how it isn’t offensive. I’m so tired, I swear.
Bayleigh Chappel ME TOO!! 🤣😴
I can recall once when my boyfriend was walking to class on campus and a guy on a bike came up behind him and said “oh watch out there, little guy”. My boyfriend is able bodied, and of average stature... We still talk about how that was such a bizarre thing for that guy to say. Can’t imagine hearing those sorts of comments on the daily
I am an arabic follower and l disabled so for sure l interested in your content , l hope to put an arabic translation🙏🏾😊.
I have just recently found you on UA-cam. I want to thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your life with us. Your openness is so helpful to answer questions that I have wondered about but didn't want to be disrespectful or hurtful to ask. May the lord continue to bless you both!
Thank you so much for this video! As a mom of a 3 year old with SMA I have been corrected by many people when I say I have a disabled son. They keep telling me to use special needs and differently abled. I have always felt it more offensive and I feel like it teaches him to be ashamed of being disabled.
Laura Brown You are doing it right! Listen to actually disabled people, not the able bodied folk who don’t know what they are talking about, and for whom the words don’t even effect.
Differently abled was always generally considered offensive
When I was younger, I worked for a lawnmower repair shop and found myself in an awkward situation with a customer. As part of my usual vocabulary, it was normal for me to tell a customer "lets roll on back and check it out"... You can see where this is going... I had a younger guy come in with a part for a small engine he was trying to get running. This gentleman just so happened to be in a wheelchair and before my brain could stop it, my mouth let out the phrase "lets roll on back and see if we can get it fixed". Half way back to the shop area, I realized what I said. I started to apologize and he started laughing. Turns out he wasn't at all offended because he had been in the shop several times before and heard me say the exact same thing to several other people. It just goes to show how words have the power to be offensive even when there is no intent of being such.
I did have to laugh when you mentioned the "hey big guy" thing. As a guy who's not exactly a small man, people have always found the need to address to me as "big guy". I've learned to let it go but there are those who say it with a certain condescending tone that just hits me a certain way... Sometimes it's hard to not reply with pure profanity! lol
So glad you mentioned the term "handicapped" - I learned about that one a couple years ago at a symposium at my university!
Thank you so much for this video! I'm a nonfiction editor, and this really helps me understand what language is best and what to keep an eye out for. The last part about person-first language vs. identity-first language especially. It feels cool to live in this time where awareness is growing and we have a chance to challenge ableism on a grander scale. Thank you for educating me!
This video is helpful, because being someone who does need a wheelchair on and off there are phrases and words, I didn’t even know were bad. I would say wheelchair bound, and special needs to myself and about myself. I am thankful you are willing to share these and what they mean or say without saying. I apologize if I have offended you or others by my own ignorance.
I was going in my chair to college and a Jehovah’s Witness came towards me and patted me on the arm and said your suffering will be over soon. I was thinking WHAT, I’m not the one suffering and I lived with my disability and have no plans on dying anytime soon. Made me so angry 😠
JW have been soooooo condescending to me, just minding my own business, and I appear ablebodied. I loathe christians on a mission to 'heal everyone' because they invade your privacy and forcibly pray for you, even if you refuse. I had a couple (no clue their denomination) corner me on campus a few years ago, when I was in the middle of a pain and fatigue flare, and try to convince me I needed their god. It just angers me more because I grew up going to church and know the scriptures better than they do, and I never would presume to harass strangers just to convert them to my hypothetical religion, especially not if they seemed like they were in distress.
That is so awkward.
Wow, what a rude person. Sometimes religious (and conservative) people are so ignorant, they only see the world through their perspective and are even scared of venturing out to broaden their horizon. They are to be pitied really, what a boring, sad existence if all you gotta look forward to in life is your reward after death because you were so adherent to the old teachings. Hope their suffering will be over soon.
HOLY SHIT, that is so bad. 😬
bro that was a threat
Differently-abled is my least favourite. 'No, I can't run but you should see me levitate..!' 🙄
That just almost made me pee. LOL
Amennnnn lol
I really appreciate you two so much. I have been binge-watching your content and want to thank you for your vulnerability on this platform and for throwing open the doors of your lives. You have made a HUGE difference in how view disabled people, but that's not why I watch. I truly enjoy your personalities, your relationship dynamic and how you express yourselves. In so many ways, you two remind me of my wife and I - we have a similar banter and sense of humor and I just thoroughly enjoy watching another couple with that kind of playful vibe. Learning about disability is just an added bonus! Thank you!
Hello Lisa how are you doing hope you’re having a great time with your family may God bless you and your family
I recently came across your postings and love listening to your stories. My niece had SMA and she too lived her life to the max. What I learnt from her is that life is for living and there's no-one out there that has come up with the perfect formula for it. She never denied her disability and we learnt to understand that the limitations we perceived were those that we placed on her ourselves. She would know what she could and couldn't do or more to the point would or wouldn't do!!! So keep doing what you are doing. You have a wonderful sense of humour and a lifetime of experiences and adventures to share that are really interesting and amusing. All the best for a wonderful future together.
"What she said!" Lol
I’ve been special education teacher for almost 20 years, and I just want to thank you. You were both so articulate and descriptive in all of your points in this video. I am a huge advocate for equality and equal access to all aspects of learning for all of the students that cross my path. The way that you two were able to compile and describe all of these points was so incredibly helpful for me and, with your blessing, would love to share this at a staff meeting this year. I sincerely appreciate all that you both do and thoroughly enjoy watching your videos! Thank you so much!
But you're not allowed to call yourself a "special" education teacher.. So.. Better change your job title so not to be considered offensive! 🤦♀️
The fact that you refer to yourself as a SPECIAL education teacher demonstrates that you are NOT a huge ADVOCATE.
@@alisonbarker3862 I suspect it's her given job title by her employer! 🤦♀️ Ffs everyone is so ridiculous.. It's bloody ridiculous
@@aeward1982 Dear Alicew, thanks for replying. Yes, no doubt the title was given by employer. She doesn't question it, though. She doesn't comment on it. She doesn't say, as an ally would, that the term is demeaning and offensive. I worked with children with disabilities. Ever time a member of staff said that they had special needs or that I worked as a 'special needs' support Iwould have a discussion with them about my problem with that term. After a while most of the staff stopped using the term. DISABLED CHILDREN DESERVE OUR SUPPORT. On a personal note, as a child the day I was told I was special was a devasting day for me. It takes a village.
@@aeward1982 Would you mind telling me what ff means. Just curious. Thanks.
“Happy-capped” I dated a girl who’s family used this term all the time. I suffered severe injuries as a result of a vehicular accident and spent over a year in a wheelchair/walker and to this day use a cane. It opened my eyes to the disabled community and it’s something I’m passionate about. I definitely broke up with that woman but still think about that term.
nice
I have a younger brother with neurological and physical disabilities who has helped me to become the activist I am today for the disability community and I had no idea that some of these things that I have said have a negative impact on the community. Thank you for educating!!
Yay, I love you guys! I get so excited when there is a new video!
Weirdest thing ive ever had was a taxi driver get out and pray for me in the road (im blind) abd after his prayer finished i said "well thanks but im still blind how much was the journey? "
That’s happened to me too! I’m Christian, but when random strangers try and pray for me is SO uncomfortable.
@@emilysurges6610 yeah wee bit odd
THE PRAYERS! esp if you're having a seizure in public, someone is inevitably going to try to exorcise the spirit of the devil outta you
Matthew -
em.... technology?
@@Farquad76.547 there's this thing where when you click on the words it speaks to you.
Thank you for addressing person first vs identity first language! This past semester I wrote a research paper and used phrases such as “disabled person” and my professor, who is in the healthcare field, had me go back and change it to “person with disability”. I understand that people use person first language to try to be considerate to disabled people, but I can also see how it have negative connotations. I am applying to Occupational Therapy grad school (in the twin cities!) so I will definitely be more conscientious about using identify first language in my application essays and in my future career because you’re right, there’s nothing bad about being a disabled person or an autistic person or a black person or tall person etc. Thank you for brining this to everyone’s attention, I’m sure it left a lot of people reflecting!
I'm from Mn. & you two make me homesick.I absolutely love the honesty & directness of all your videos.Its exactly what this world needs! I used a wheelchair for 2 years & the pity looks, fake smiles, terminology & lack of access was a nightmare! Ty for opening people's eyes. P.s Hannah, that lipstick shade works perfectly for you.😁
I almost bypassed this video thinking, “I’m very aware, I took college classes on working with children with disabilities!” but then thought that maybe I’d learn something and decided to watch. I’m so glad I did! I’ve definitely used the term “special needs” thinking that’s the PC way to say it. Thank you for sharing this video, I’m sure it was uncomfortable to re-hash all these terms you really don’t like hearing, but it’s definitely important knowledge to spread.
Bet the people who say “ I dont see you as disabled”
Are the same folks who say “ But I dont see color”
I love your videos, they are very informative and non judgmental of anyone who may have made these mistakes in the past. I didnt know handicap derived from beggars?!?!?! My mouth dropped when you said that. Thanks for teaching us all the things ☺️
Maybe the people who don’t see color or disabilities are telling the truth. Maybe all they see is another human being. Maybe they have eyes to see beyond other people’s grievances.
I just wanted to say that I love watching you guys... i literally spent my whole Monday scrolling through your old videos and learning about you. You are so funny and hilarious, I enjoy not only your amazing personalities but actually learning that disabled people are normal. I mean, being honest with you, before knowing you, I had the common misconception of disabled people, of course always trying to be respectful but for the wrong reasons. Seriously, thank you for your blog and being open about your relationship. Love you guys 😁
“I see past your disability. I don’t even see it!” is exactly as saying to a black person “I don’t see color”.
Right. I was thinking the same thing.
It is not that people don't see color or disability, it's the fact that they don't think about it or treat you differently. It means that I don't judge based on what I see, but based on what I find out after knowing you. It doesn't mean that one ignores color or disability, that it's just not there.
Imagine thinking race exists.
Because you’re most of the time ignoring the privilege you have.
Hydrogen Atom bc it does-
My husband calls our 3yr old son “buddy” and “big guy” all the time 😂 definitely not how one should address an adult man who is a total stranger to them
Agreed! Lol. I'd feel weird saying that to any stranger
I know! Can you imagine getting on an elevator and saying to a man on the elevator, “ Hey there big guy!” 😂
People aren’t paying attention. They’re too busy coming up with their humorous way of saying hello. It hard to understand why people don’t just say hello. It works for any age.
I used to date a guy who had a barely visible form of cerebral palsy and random strangers called him "buddy" all the time. It always made me want to cringe so hard!
Dude is an acceptable term for everyone 🤣
It makes me so irritated when someone refers to me as someone “with autism”. I’m Autistic. Saying “with autism” insinuates that autism is separate from me, implying that it’s a bad thing. It is not. Autism isn’t something I carry around like a handbag; it makes up my entire being. I’m Autistic.
Person first language is so ingrained in people that they defend it even when actual disabled people point out that it’s problematic and they’d prefer they use identity-first language. It’s amazing to me how many non-disabled people think they know what’s best for us and try to talk over us without listening to what we have to say. Thanks for this video, Shane and Hannah. I hope it reaches many.
Avery Brown I totally agree
And I’ve heard other people say that they don’t like it when someone says they are autistic. I’ve heard them say things like “I am more than autism“ so they prefer to be called someone with autism. We can’t please everybody I guess even though many of us try to be as polite and kind as we can and say the right things. Sometimes we making mistakes. Sometimes people prefer different things as well.
I became disabled at the age of 40 and I was so chocked about how differently I was treated all of a sudden just because I used a wheelchair. Now 10 years later I have gotten used to it, but I can't forget the chock of suddenly being someone that strangers apparently felt like they had to say hi to and this awkward politeness that I felt people had just because of the wheelchair. I can come into a store and everywhere there was someone who asked if I needed any help....I can ask for help if I need it! Just as everybody else!
Being unable to spell shock is not a disability requiring a wheelchair though. >_>
@@bashkillszombies 😆 not really! But I'm Swedish 🇸🇪
@@monicadahlin hello Monica how are you doing hope you’re having a great time with your family may God bless you and your family
Wow, how rude. Just because people notice it might be helpful to assist you and make an offer doesn’t mean anything other than kindness being shown.
LOVE this video! I’m majoring in special ed and one of my favorite topics to learn about and discuss is ableism and normalizing disability. I’ve been waiting for a video like this to help educate more of the world, so thank you guys!