Setting boundaries can be seen as selfish but it's selfish for people to expect you to deplete yourself to save everyone's feelings above your own. This is a selfish expectation that is very common and if that expectation isn't met the person is seen as selfish. We all need balance and self care before we can help others. Great video!
I always set healthy boundaries, but this is something that so many people struggle with. It's true some people feel they are being mean, but that's not the case. Thank you for sharing!
"Enforce boundaries when they are broken". Good thought of thinking about when boundaries are broken as I think we assume they won't be broken. Glad you mentioned that
Such a timely video as there are so many people transitioning back to work. Great advise and reminders on how to check in on your boundaries as you head back to the office. Thanks for sharing, cheers!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 📚 Introduction to setting healthy boundaries at work as a crucial soft skill for career clarity, with a call to subscribe for more related content. 00:26 🚧 Definition of boundaries as a means of self-care, emphasizing the importance of recognizing one's personal limits in various aspects. 00:52 ✍️ First way to set boundaries: Identifying personal limits by noting down instances that cause discomfort or stress. 01:19 💡 Emphasis on acknowledging and owning emotions when limits are pushed, preparing for clear communication without triggering defensive reactions. 01:48 🗣️ Second way: Tuning into feelings and giving oneself permission to articulate specific issues without blaming others. 02:18 🛑 Advocating for oneself and setting boundaries, differentiating between self-care and being selfish. 02:44 🌱 Discussing the importance of establishing boundaries for self-care and the unintentional boundary trespass by others due to lack of awareness. 03:13 🌟 Defining eudaimonic well-being and its relation to setting boundaries for personal happiness and respect. 03:40 🎭 Highlighting the consequences of not respecting one's boundaries, leading to internal resentment. 04:08 🗨️ Third way: Being direct and simple in communication to teach others how to treat you, avoiding passive behavior. 04:37 📢 Discussing the need to be vocal about boundaries before issues escalate, to prevent unexpected reactions from others. 05:04 💬 Encouragement to be straightforward in communication, avoiding excuses or justifications. 05:34 🏗️ Fourth way: Creating structure to manage interactions with others, especially in a work environment. 06:03 🕒 Suggesting structured check-ins as a solution to intrusive interactions, with a focus on efficiency and respecting personal work rhythms. 06:32 📅 Proposing scheduled, agenda-driven meetings to replace random check-ins, with communication via email for non-urgent matters. 07:00 🛑 Fifth way: Enforcing boundaries consistently and being prepared for boundary violations, emphasizing the importance of saying no. 07:28 💪 Discussing the need to strengthen the ability to say no and handle pushback while reinforcing boundaries. 07:58 🚫 Emphasizing the necessity of boundary enforcement and the inevitability of repeated violations, urging consistent reminders. 08:23 🤔 Exploring the distinction between personal traits and workplace environment in relation to boundary issues. 08:51 🔄 Suggesting career reassessment when boundaries consistently clash with workplace culture, promoting career clarity resources. 09:17 🧭 Offering additional resources for career change and personality assessment, with an invitation to join a Facebook group for further learning. 09:46 📢 Conclusion with a teaser for the next video on guilt-free ways to say no at work, and encouragement to subscribe and share. Made with HARPA AI
I work for myself so it took me a while to set healthy boundaries in my business. I can say that with them in place, I have much more structure and enjoy my free time more. Great advice!
I ensure people know when I'm in and when I'm out of the office -- they know I'm hyperproductive so that means they can get me when I'm in. Otherwise, they can wait. Rarely if ever do you need to go outside normal working hours to get something done (especially non-urgent things). After a while, others start adapting their requests of you to fit your hours.
Totally agree Dr. Tam! Not only do we need to understand where our personal boundaries are, but if we fail to communicate that to our co-workers then the boundary becomes ineffective. It can sometimes be stressful to do this, but I think following through can be truly freeing. Thanks for all the tips!
oh that is crucial to be able to build a healthy working relationships and to setup the boundaries for building a safe environment. thank you for these valuable tips!
Excellent! I really appreciate that you pointed out the varying types of boundaries - physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. Also your suggestion to write it down is so helpful!! When we're overwhelmed, we don't tend to communicate well so it would help so much to write things down and reflect on it and prepare for talking about it.
Feeling misaligned with my work which involved solving problems for women who have problems because of their poor boundaries and facing boundary challenges on account of those in charge wanting "stats" over quality. I liked your video because you bought up original aspects of this problem; you have a phD and have other videos on this topic ~ thanks
The say no w/o feeling guilty video sounds very relevant. Someone can undermine themselves bc they subconsciously feel guilty for even having boundaries at work (insecure that this makes you a bad employee or not dedicated enough)? Second guessing whether you should be setting boundaries at all can undermine your attempt at setting one.
in early stages you just gotta say yes to everything to open all the doors. but as you gain more experience and take on more responsibility, your mind shift changes to either HELL YES to some things and no to everything else. learning how to say no isn't easy
HAHA so necessary. Great video. As an entrepreneur, we have to learn even more of how to have healthy boundaries with prospects and clients. Thank you!
Great question. I believe some people are not meant for "work". However, all people seek to work towards something that's meaningful and are the fruits of their labor. Some people derive meaning from things like spending time with family or volunteering most of their time to help an important cause. The question is can you make ends meet doing that?
I face attacks of all kinds, jealousy, hatred, envy, they stab me in the back, they twist my words, they take the worst possible interpretation of anything I say, they speak for me, the bullying, the belittling, the disrespect, they judge me for the most petty things, they misjudge me, they tell me to do the wrong thing and accept no responsibility for their mistakes. I can't succeed in life because others go out of their way to hurt me. I have done nothing to any of these people to deserve that. If I set a boundary, it is seen as offensive or confrontational. They will attack me for it.
Lol~ As a person who's worked at home with 3 kids for almost 8 years now I still struggle with that; so I totally hear you. I actually got a video made and coming up on that in a few weeks time. But this one is mostly to prevent coworkers from walking all over you 😉 To start though, my partner helps take care of the kids while I do work, and I schedule my time out of my office to be present. By enforcing the office boundaries consistently, the kids eventually get it (though BBC dad scenarios can still happen...)😂
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Are you able to set healthy boundaries at work? Let me know!
Setting boundaries can be seen as selfish but it's selfish for people to expect you to deplete yourself to save everyone's feelings above your own. This is a selfish expectation that is very common and if that expectation isn't met the person is seen as selfish. We all need balance and self care before we can help others. Great video!
Totally agree!
It's so important to set healthy boundaries at work. Owning your "no" is essential.
Absolutely!
I am not a millennial, but I just subscribed. This was helpful. I have been a people pleaser most of my life.
I always set healthy boundaries, but this is something that so many people struggle with. It's true some people feel they are being mean, but that's not the case. Thank you for sharing!
My pleasure 👍
This is so essential! I remember overworking at my corporate job a few years back and it wans't beneficial at all!
Yes, that's a real struggle for people in the workforce
"Enforce boundaries when they are broken". Good thought of thinking about when boundaries are broken as I think we assume they won't be broken. Glad you mentioned that
Totally. Thanks for stopping by Shawn!
"Build that no muscle." I love it!
💪💪💪
Know when to say 'No'. This is a message we all need as we set new priorities post COVID. Thanks Jon!
Absolutely!
I love that you showed us the different types of boundaries! This is definitely necessary to keep on going in the business
Absolutely!!
Practicing self care - an important skill.
Yes it is 👍
Such a timely video as there are so many people transitioning back to work. Great advise and reminders on how to check in on your boundaries as you head back to the office. Thanks for sharing, cheers!
Glad it was helpful!
Definitely getting A LOT better at saying "No," and making boundaries. Good video!
Thanks!
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 📚 Introduction to setting healthy boundaries at work as a crucial soft skill for career clarity, with a call to subscribe for more related content.
00:26 🚧 Definition of boundaries as a means of self-care, emphasizing the importance of recognizing one's personal limits in various aspects.
00:52 ✍️ First way to set boundaries: Identifying personal limits by noting down instances that cause discomfort or stress.
01:19 💡 Emphasis on acknowledging and owning emotions when limits are pushed, preparing for clear communication without triggering defensive reactions.
01:48 🗣️ Second way: Tuning into feelings and giving oneself permission to articulate specific issues without blaming others.
02:18 🛑 Advocating for oneself and setting boundaries, differentiating between self-care and being selfish.
02:44 🌱 Discussing the importance of establishing boundaries for self-care and the unintentional boundary trespass by others due to lack of awareness.
03:13 🌟 Defining eudaimonic well-being and its relation to setting boundaries for personal happiness and respect.
03:40 🎭 Highlighting the consequences of not respecting one's boundaries, leading to internal resentment.
04:08 🗨️ Third way: Being direct and simple in communication to teach others how to treat you, avoiding passive behavior.
04:37 📢 Discussing the need to be vocal about boundaries before issues escalate, to prevent unexpected reactions from others.
05:04 💬 Encouragement to be straightforward in communication, avoiding excuses or justifications.
05:34 🏗️ Fourth way: Creating structure to manage interactions with others, especially in a work environment.
06:03 🕒 Suggesting structured check-ins as a solution to intrusive interactions, with a focus on efficiency and respecting personal work rhythms.
06:32 📅 Proposing scheduled, agenda-driven meetings to replace random check-ins, with communication via email for non-urgent matters.
07:00 🛑 Fifth way: Enforcing boundaries consistently and being prepared for boundary violations, emphasizing the importance of saying no.
07:28 💪 Discussing the need to strengthen the ability to say no and handle pushback while reinforcing boundaries.
07:58 🚫 Emphasizing the necessity of boundary enforcement and the inevitability of repeated violations, urging consistent reminders.
08:23 🤔 Exploring the distinction between personal traits and workplace environment in relation to boundary issues.
08:51 🔄 Suggesting career reassessment when boundaries consistently clash with workplace culture, promoting career clarity resources.
09:17 🧭 Offering additional resources for career change and personality assessment, with an invitation to join a Facebook group for further learning.
09:46 📢 Conclusion with a teaser for the next video on guilt-free ways to say no at work, and encouragement to subscribe and share.
Made with HARPA AI
I work for myself so it took me a while to set healthy boundaries in my business. I can say that with them in place, I have much more structure and enjoy my free time more. Great advice!
Thanks!
Me for the past 2 months to be honest. I feel like work place integration has made it very difficult to see where work ends and life starts.
It'll all pay off bro 👍 Keep the faith
I ensure people know when I'm in and when I'm out of the office -- they know I'm hyperproductive so that means they can get me when I'm in. Otherwise, they can wait. Rarely if ever do you need to go outside normal working hours to get something done (especially non-urgent things). After a while, others start adapting their requests of you to fit your hours.
Totally. Having that clear communication on what are the boundaries is the best way forward.
Totally agree Dr. Tam! Not only do we need to understand where our personal boundaries are, but if we fail to communicate that to our co-workers then the boundary becomes ineffective. It can sometimes be stressful to do this, but I think following through can be truly freeing. Thanks for all the tips!
You're totally right. My pleasure!
Well said Doc! Healthy boundaries are super important, especially in a toxic workplace.
Totally. One of the best indicators of a toxic workplaces is the lack of boundaries.
oh that is crucial to be able to build a healthy working relationships and to setup the boundaries for building a safe environment. thank you for these valuable tips!
My pleasure!
Excellent! I really appreciate that you pointed out the varying types of boundaries - physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. Also your suggestion to write it down is so helpful!! When we're overwhelmed, we don't tend to communicate well so it would help so much to write things down and reflect on it and prepare for talking about it.
Yeah, it's so important to sort through our own emotions first before projecting them onto someone else
Boundaries at work are essential feeling comfortable at work.
Absolutely!
so important to review our boundaries and set healthy boundaries. Thanks!
Yep 👍
You’re my favourite workplace boundaries coach!!
Thanks! 😊
This is so important! Great video Jon!
Glad you think so!
Totally agree! Holy smokes Doc I needed this. I have been working the last 2 months from 6am to 10pm (granted i'm the owner of the company)!
I've been hearing that's the case for a lot of business owners
I've learned boundaries are for yourself, not others! Great reminders!!
Yes they are!
Thank you for this video! It was very insightful🙌🏾
You're so welcome!
Love this series of videos. So useful and necessary!!
Your videos are lifesavers! Thanks for sharing 😊
Thanks!
What you say no is to is just as important as what you say yes to!
truth bomb right there bro 💣
I always say yes, I need to learn how to say no. Great video! Thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome!
Thanks for sharing the video .
You bet!
It is so hard for me to say no...thanks for the tips.
Yeah... it's a common problem a lot of us have. Setting boundaries saves us the energy in the long run so we don't have to keep saying "no"
Setting boundaries is so important and harder to do than it seems some times!
Totally~ common pain point of people at work
Feeling misaligned with my work which involved solving problems for women who have problems because of their poor boundaries and facing boundary challenges on account of those in charge wanting "stats" over quality. I liked your video because you bought up original aspects of this problem; you have a phD and have other videos on this topic ~ thanks
Did you make this video for me?! I'm terrible at setting boundaries. Classic overachiever. But that gets out of hand fast.
Lol~ Hope this video was able to help 😃
The say no w/o feeling guilty video sounds very relevant. Someone can undermine themselves bc they subconsciously feel guilty for even having boundaries at work (insecure that this makes you a bad employee or not dedicated enough)? Second guessing whether you should be setting boundaries at all can undermine your attempt at setting one.
Esp in helping professions (teaching, nursing etc). There can be guilt at setting boundaries when it's a good cause.
Yep, the worst cases I’ve seen is when your managers throw you under the bus and say things like “the client is always right”
Never thought that there are different boundaries.
👍👍👍
in early stages you just gotta say yes to everything to open all the doors. but as you gain more experience and take on more responsibility, your mind shift changes to either HELL YES to some things and no to everything else. learning how to say no isn't easy
Totally agree that you gotta be willing to learn when you first get started 👍
HAHA so necessary. Great video. As an entrepreneur, we have to learn even more of how to have healthy boundaries with prospects and clients. Thank you!
You're welcome! 😃
I really like the suggestion to say "I know I never brought this up before, but..."
Yep, but always gotta remember to reinforce those boundaries
If you don't let others know what is and is not okay, how will they know? Great video!
Thanks!
Very useful video! What video editing software do you use?
Thanks! I'm pretty much an all mac guy so I use Final Cut Pro
I am terrible at setting boundaries. I am way too nice!
You're not alone 👍
What happens if you’re just not made for work?
Great question. I believe some people are not meant for "work". However, all people seek to work towards something that's meaningful and are the fruits of their labor. Some people derive meaning from things like spending time with family or volunteering most of their time to help an important cause. The question is can you make ends meet doing that?
I face attacks of all kinds, jealousy, hatred, envy, they stab me in the back, they twist my words, they take the worst possible interpretation of anything I say, they speak for me, the bullying, the belittling, the disrespect, they judge me for the most petty things, they misjudge me, they tell me to do the wrong thing and accept no responsibility for their mistakes. I can't succeed in life because others go out of their way to hurt me. I have done nothing to any of these people to deserve that. If I set a boundary, it is seen as offensive or confrontational. They will attack me for it.
If you’ve already escalated to management about it and nothing has been done; get out
@@DrJonTam management says they dont like drama, and they blame me for it, and I get fired, I can't keep a job
@@Nathan-jx6lg sorry to hear that. Don’t give up though - I’m sure there’s a better fit out there for you!
What if I work at home? How do I keep these boundaries with my kids! lol
Lol~ As a person who's worked at home with 3 kids for almost 8 years now I still struggle with that; so I totally hear you. I actually got a video made and coming up on that in a few weeks time. But this one is mostly to prevent coworkers from walking all over you 😉 To start though, my partner helps take care of the kids while I do work, and I schedule my time out of my office to be present. By enforcing the office boundaries consistently, the kids eventually get it (though BBC dad scenarios can still happen...)😂
This info was 💯 on point. Thank you for sharing Dr🥰😇
You are so welcome