how to be confident and unbothered when you are insane

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  • Опубліковано 11 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 206

  • @ohwell1698
    @ohwell1698 12 днів тому +117

    ( 2:11 ) *1. you are bored*
    ( 3:30 ) 1.1 get a life
    ( 4:22 ) 1.2 find purpose
    ( 6:50 ) 1.3 80/20 rule
    ( 7:36 ) 1.4 exercise your free will
    ( 9:32 ) 1.5 get a hobby
    ( 12:56 ) 1.6 enjoy your life
    ( 16:05 ) *2. you are a hater*
    ( 16:32 ) 2.1 judging others and yourself
    ( 20:07 ) 2.2 growth mindset/work with what you got
    ( 23:40 ) 2.3 managing your emotions and insecurity
    ( 25:40 ) 2.3.1 positive affirmations and journaling
    ( 26:58 ) 2.3.2 personal jokes
    ( 28:34 ) 2.3.3 #bereal
    ( 29:27 ) 2.4 encourage others
    ( 30:47 ) 2.5 redefine success
    ( 35:04 ) 2.6 limit exposure to negativity
    37:25 bonus: people pleasing
    39:32 finale: we’re all gonna die

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  11 днів тому +6

      tysm for this bb!!! xxxx

    • @psychedlicsouljam1995
      @psychedlicsouljam1995 3 дні тому +1

      ​Thank you for this video seriously.Your attitude is just so uplifting and honestly a lot of us need to hear this​@amberakilla

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  3 дні тому

      @psychedlicsouljam1995

  • @likethelittlemermaid
    @likethelittlemermaid 11 днів тому +344

    “Consumption is not a hobby” ugh I needed that reminder.

  • @christinelan3
    @christinelan3 20 днів тому +401

    Something that helped me be more unbothered in life was the idea that "the character others cast me as in their story says more about them than it does about me" if that helps anyone reading here

    • @literallycherryjam
      @literallycherryjam 15 днів тому +6

      wait i literally love this, i always say that if someone is judging me especially without knowing me well they are weird because personally i never judge anyone especially if i don’t know them well!!

    • @bTbarniugh
      @bTbarniugh 7 днів тому +2

      But try being more compassionate in your approach. Showing care and grace and communicating with the other person may be returned in kind! Remember not everyone’s love language is the same. Before acting, perhaps review and always act with love in mind!

  • @roseclouds5838
    @roseclouds5838 6 днів тому +45

    the internet has mastered turning you into a hater over things you don't even want its actually crazy, the other day I was envious of law students

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  6 днів тому +12

      babes i graduated from law school - nothing envious about that experience, let me tell YOUUUUU xxxx

  • @Kathy-n7x
    @Kathy-n7x 21 день тому +475

    I am so delusional. I bought an iPhone with one terabyte and ignore my coworkers and think about being a millionaire from my digital products to get through the day. After work I record Asmr content

    • @aycaatak
      @aycaatak 21 день тому +26

      Go girl🙌🙌🙌

    • @Lotuaoki
      @Lotuaoki 18 днів тому +6

      I love this so much for you 💞

    • @almonddgames
      @almonddgames 18 днів тому +13

      the way i literally just recorded my first ASMR video last night pleaseeee i love this energy and I love you

    • @Kathy-n7x
      @Kathy-n7x 18 днів тому +1

      @@almonddgames aww thank you! I can’t wait to start and I’ll check yours out too!

    • @jellybeansss9
      @jellybeansss9 18 днів тому +3

      Okay, no lie, I am going to use this as my 2025 wallpaper as a constant reminder! Thank you!

  • @serene3175
    @serene3175 20 днів тому +169

    i don’t think a title has ever spoken to me more

  • @Sydiee
    @Sydiee 17 днів тому +148

    My life theme/motto is: make beautiful things, see beautiful things, and be a beautiful thing ✨ (inside and out)

    • @giselleswan4559
      @giselleswan4559 17 днів тому +1

      Thats a lovely motto. Thanks for sharing!

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  17 днів тому +1

      love this!!! xx

    • @liapaulageduspan256
      @liapaulageduspan256 5 днів тому

      Can I respectfully also adopt this? 😭♥️ that is so wonderful!

    • @Sydiee
      @Sydiee 5 днів тому

      @@liapaulageduspan256 of courseee 💖

  • @TheOneTheyCallTim
    @TheOneTheyCallTim 8 днів тому +26

    "There is no 'should'". That is huge when you let it sink in. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

  • @hsm1908
    @hsm1908 17 днів тому +56

    I've found that a healthy detachment from people who aren't important to me really helps, along with a solid foundation for confidence being knowing who I am as a person, regardless of other people's opinions and points of view.
    An example of this is me minding my business and seeing neigbbors as just neighbors, and coworkers as just coworkers. I know who my friends are, and who my good friends are, so I'm good!
    Happy Holidays, everyone!

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  17 днів тому +6

      yes agreed! having mental boundaries on how much you emotionally invest into different relationships is important and that doesn't mean you stop being kind just because you aren't 'close'. other people, including people you might consider close friends will always experience you from their own POV and i think its so interesting how many different versions of you (and each person) exist in other people's minds, but also not something to fixate on >_<
      happy holidays!! xx

  • @CrazedFlameReDex
    @CrazedFlameReDex 21 день тому +108

    I’m so glad you stated that confidence isn’t just self-serving, we should always bring others up with us.

  • @rayannagraves8284
    @rayannagraves8284 17 днів тому +23

    Was hesitant to click at first because I don’t want to resonate with insane…. But stepping out of my comfort zone and so glad I did, you are so wise and funny!!! Thank you for being you beautiful SOUL ✨🌹✨🌹✨🌹❤️

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  17 днів тому +6

      hehehe its just me offering a different/language perspective to self-growth (satire and irony)! imo the pursuit of a better and more authentic self is one of the most sane things you can do in a world that wants to keep you small and easy to manipulate mwa xx

  • @desiloui
    @desiloui 20 днів тому +62

    This title really spoke to me 🤣

  • @joyceful1901
    @joyceful1901 26 днів тому +66

    Dear Amber, please never stop this! Your work is important for so many of us! I genuinely thank you for your contribution🎉

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  26 днів тому +3

      :') thank u so much for this lovely commmennttt

  • @jesuiseternele
    @jesuiseternele 22 дні тому +16

    you’re like a breathe of fresh air. thank you for being here

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  21 день тому

      thank you for joining babe!!! xx

  • @burntcookieswithlove
    @burntcookieswithlove 10 днів тому +5

    I am going to be really honest with you here. This is the first video I have seen from you and I usually cannot sit through podcasts or such videos, but this is the first time that everything that you have said has made sense to me, and I have actually sat and watched the entire thing. safe to say I’m gonna be tuning in more now!

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  7 днів тому +1

      tysm for tuning in bb!! Love to see a Tomie stan too hehehe xxx

  • @maggiemclamb
    @maggiemclamb 9 днів тому +4

    you are literally changing my life with these videos

  • @beedroiij8459
    @beedroiij8459 20 днів тому +9

    I love the internet because it introduces me to so many truly beautiful people who manage to consitently say exactly what I need to hear. :-)

  • @jinyuzhou4148
    @jinyuzhou4148 21 день тому +28

    listening to this crocheting 🧶

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  20 днів тому +7

      we love a HOBBYY and SKILL !!! xx

    • @Amberaq
      @Amberaq 17 днів тому

      omg same!!

  • @fayephos
    @fayephos 9 днів тому +2

    love love love this video! the way you talk about discipline is so healthy while also firm. finding that balance in self-improvement content is rare to find. i'm genuinely inspired so thank you 💋

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  8 днів тому

      yayy sending love and slay your way xx

  • @biimberly
    @biimberly День тому

    the universe is extremely funny because i decided to delete social media and focus on my mental health. i was spiraling into a place i was incapable of getting myself out of and i was not sure what to do outside of just deleting social media.
    this video was extremely helpful and provided a comfort to myself that i’ve been needing for some time. thank you for sharing this with the world

  • @hiwaga7399
    @hiwaga7399 18 днів тому +5

    this intro was such a vibe like yass gurl that's what we're all about

  • @jasssehh3369
    @jasssehh3369 10 днів тому +1

    20 minutes into the video and I’m already loving you girl

  • @Az4liz
    @Az4liz 17 днів тому +1

    i’ve been searching youtube high and low for a video like this for months!!! thank you my queen

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  17 днів тому

      YOU'VE ARRIVEDDD!!! yay!! sending love and slay your way xxx

  • @saraijohnson1029
    @saraijohnson1029 26 днів тому +9

    watching this at 2:30am. really needed to hear this ❤ watching your content inspires me so much to have the courage to do the best i can for me

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  26 днів тому +2

      bless u bb!!! u deserve the hottest and funnest life!!! don’t forget thatttt 💖💖💖💖

  • @ontologicalornithology
    @ontologicalornithology 8 днів тому +1

    Love this. You're so fun and insightful. I resonate with all this, but I'm struggling with part 1, because I've recently become disabled by worsening flare-ups of my chronic illness. I went from having a full and fulfilling life (great part time job, friends, hobbies, lots of good time alone introspecting) to being mostly housebound for the last 2 months. It sucks so much to lose my job and hobbies and coping mechanisms (like exercise) and social energy and capacity for even things like art or writing. I'm dealing with a lot of resentment and jealousy qnd grief. I desperately want to feel good about myself and my life again but it's so, so hard wothout the capacity to rebuild my life into what feels meaningful again.

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  6 днів тому

      i'm so sorry to hear you are going through this ~ i don't know if this is going to help because i can acknowledge the impersonal nature of written comments about serious issues - sometimes its about accepting the circumstances and feelings while looking for new perspectives - its awful to feel powerless but there is opportunity for you to start from a blank canvas and work with new limitations. it doesn't mean this has to 'feel' good though. your feelings are valid and rather than shaming yourself for them, expanding your awareness to the space and potential to feel good again - find practices that allow you to zero in on the present moment to a place of neutrality and brick by brick you can and will re-build and re-define your life. start small! you don't always need to know what the next version of you will look like, but you can experiment and explore the space and journey. small joys will present themselves along the way. its not going to be easy and your anxiety is valid - your willingness and determination to navigate and overcome this is what carries you through. sending love and slay your way xxxxxx

    • @ontologicalornithology
      @ontologicalornithology 6 днів тому

      @amberakilla I really appreciate the kindness and thoughtfulness of your reply. It's comforting to know you were sitting in your own corner of the world, thinking through my comment, and taking the time to write out your thoughts. I've read through it a few times and have been focusing on some statements that sparked a glimmer of resonance and hope: The opportunity to work from a blank canvas. Not expecting things to feel good (this is a huge relief / reframe). Finding neutrality. These feel like important touchstones. Your reply also helped me confront the fact that I've been fighting against accepting my current state *while* condemning myself to my suffering, which is a silly paradox. Finding new perspectives seems like one of the keys to being able to solve this struggle, so I can accept my current state without getting stuck in it, and make the space for a path forward. I'm going to have to think about this more and know it'll be a struggle to integrate, but at the very least I feel some comfort from your insights. Thank you 🖤

  • @tinypavilion
    @tinypavilion 25 днів тому +5

    listened to this yesterday and today while working on my art hobby and it’s helped me so much already! thank you for sharing these honest thoughts and advice with us 💝 let’s continue staying hot and having fun~

  • @LoadedPickle-ij2hd
    @LoadedPickle-ij2hd 16 днів тому +2

    i am glad this isn’t me, i love myself, feel confident in my skin, who i am, and dont feel the need to compare or measure up to anyone else but myself

  • @leeloo3419
    @leeloo3419 18 днів тому +4

    Girl, thanks for the video! I felt like you were talking to me personally, like a friend... keep up with the videos, you’re amazing and so motivating! I’m oscillating between several ideas to create my own content some day and you’ve given me a sincere sense of hope 😌(P.S.: If you’re reading this, I believe in you. We’ll make it

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  17 днів тому

      thank you so much for tuning in!!! excited for you to create!! xxx

  • @emanresu3683
    @emanresu3683 14 днів тому +1

    Ohhhh the title got me. Spoke directly to me and told me I need to watch this.

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  14 днів тому

      hehe thank you for tuning in xx

  • @egretkiloza
    @egretkiloza 12 днів тому +1

    wow. .. this is perfect. exactly what I needed. thank you Amber

  • @alexa-sorta
    @alexa-sorta 4 дні тому

    this video articulates something that's missing in other videos about the same topic; I'm not sure what it is but this advice feels more applicable and relatable. subscribed!

  • @RobynTheHuman
    @RobynTheHuman 10 днів тому

    obsessed this is the video I needed today!! I am determined to grow as a person this year

  • @drella1775
    @drella1775 6 днів тому

    You got me at you’re bored and a hater. I’m locked in. We dealing with things this year

  • @yoshi-gy7sw
    @yoshi-gy7sw 8 днів тому +1

    oh you you ate me up... a lot of inner work is needed

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  7 днів тому

      self-awareness is the first step bb xxx

  • @mimyglow
    @mimyglow 19 днів тому +1

    amber you have no idea how much i adore your videos you give interesting tips i was offline these days and saved many of your videos to watch i'm always inspired after i listen to your podcast keep being inspiring and you deserve 100 k

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  19 днів тому

      omg tysm for supporting and leaving this lovely comment!! sending love and slay your way mimy!!!!! :') wishing you a happy holidays and slay new year!! xxx

  • @PoopHobbit
    @PoopHobbit 5 днів тому +1

    Wow my ADHD has me setting up new videos to watch, but I'm so engaged I keep not leaving 😮

  • @lucytheloser
    @lucytheloser 13 днів тому

    i needed to hear this and you are so real and intelligent and wise and funny i’m so glad this came up during my doom scrolling

  • @vanivampiress
    @vanivampiress 6 днів тому +1

    the title got me, i am inssane

  • @latteloover
    @latteloover 23 дні тому +3

    Thank you soooo much for this video girl!!
    I needed something like this to help me clear my mind 💕

  • @lanipohl2910
    @lanipohl2910 9 годин тому

    immediately wishing we could be best friends

  • @iamabelian
    @iamabelian 7 днів тому

    your voice is so beautiful 😭

  • @filmgirl11
    @filmgirl11 26 днів тому +2

    amazing video ; haven’t resonated with the majority of what someone is saying in forever lol! subscribed! x

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  26 днів тому +1

      yayy thank you so much for supportinggg!!

  • @soph4realll
    @soph4realll 8 днів тому

    my algorithm did me a solid by showing putting ur vids on my homepage 😭 'get a life' obsessed needed that

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  6 днів тому

      your life can and will be so fun !!!! xx

  • @ataquedelirante
    @ataquedelirante 9 днів тому +1

    I feel more confident when I'm with friends, I carry one with me always haha😂❤ I gotta change it

  • @Yesihaveideas
    @Yesihaveideas 5 днів тому

    so needed this video, thanks diva ✨❈

  • @naril9562
    @naril9562 12 днів тому

    Thank you for sharing this!! Love your advices🤍

  • @WeRNthisToGetHer
    @WeRNthisToGetHer 6 днів тому

    We're all mad here! 🤗 Spill the tea, girl! I hear you! ❤️‍🔥🫖👂

  • @doublebee_
    @doublebee_ 13 днів тому

    I loved this podcast so much. It was amazing. Thank you so much ! You have a new subscriber!

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  13 днів тому

      thank you so much for your support bbbb!! xxxx

  • @almondrocaloca
    @almondrocaloca 26 днів тому +1

    You’re my new favorite UA-camr ❤ keep up the amazing uploads

  • @jordanthomas6520
    @jordanthomas6520 9 днів тому

    First video, subscribed immediately!! Needed to hear this today 🙏

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  8 днів тому +1

      thank you so much bb happy new year!! xx

  • @raimeyrae1278
    @raimeyrae1278 18 днів тому

    I saved this video so I could come back to it and IM SO GLAD that I did.

  • @bubbasparks5465
    @bubbasparks5465 8 днів тому

    The title 😂 I love you already

  • @dawnbreaks0619
    @dawnbreaks0619 4 дні тому

    wait i love this sm

  • @chiyonadetejas
    @chiyonadetejas 8 днів тому

    The title drew me in, thank u

  • @havinhaha
    @havinhaha 19 днів тому +1

    i love your voice so much it tickles my brain in the right way LMAO

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  19 днів тому +1

      heheh tysm - i get very mixed reviews hahahaha xxx

  • @ellie-zh6iw
    @ellie-zh6iw 4 дні тому

    I loved hearing this- thank you for helping me to break some of those bad brain habits:-)

  • @indiemusicis
    @indiemusicis 8 днів тому

    This video is everything to me

  • @Alex-px7lv
    @Alex-px7lv 17 днів тому

    This is my first time seeing your videos and omg I love your energy ✨

  • @Suepergurl
    @Suepergurl 25 днів тому

    i am a huge fan of your lives, your podcast and now of your UA-cam videos ahh🌹 you have helped me so much in feeling better and finding peace being myself.

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  24 дні тому

      omgg tysm for supporting :') sending love and slay your wayy !!!! xxx

  • @dallyquin
    @dallyquin 21 день тому

    I needed this girl! You have a new follower 🎉

  • @oo-mf9ng
    @oo-mf9ng 2 дні тому

    when people say that consumption isn't a hobby does that include reading books because that's one of my only hobbies

  • @jadajaetalks
    @jadajaetalks 9 днів тому

    What an honest video, thanks for this!

  • @cybrnova
    @cybrnova 3 дні тому

    Needed this

  • @auroram296
    @auroram296 4 дні тому

    I love this

  • @shali_studio
    @shali_studio 17 днів тому

    Bruh 4 minutes in and my life has changed

  • @PurpleCoral
    @PurpleCoral 19 днів тому +2

    The title made me click on it, because gurll I'm fugging insaneeee😭🌸🎀💅✨️

  • @Emmasoehren
    @Emmasoehren 4 дні тому +1

    Can’t let the opps see me watching this 😈

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  3 дні тому +1

      they probably wouldn't get it anyway ;-) heheheh

  • @alishahumphrey4870
    @alishahumphrey4870 26 днів тому +1

    love u thanks for always reminding me to be hot and have fun

  • @laurenreise
    @laurenreise 24 дні тому

    LOVVVEEE YOUUU

  • @RobynTheHuman
    @RobynTheHuman 10 днів тому

    I need a life motto/theme so bad!!

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  6 днів тому

      being hot and having fun is mine!!!

  • @rosamorarosette1470
    @rosamorarosette1470 23 дні тому

    This vid just earned you a subscriber

  • @emilychen4785
    @emilychen4785 3 дні тому

    New sub here and this is my first video, found u on Spotify too. U feel like a big sis, giving me the advice I need rn. Thank u😘😘. Ur also so smart it’s so hot.

  • @peachykeenu8137
    @peachykeenu8137 26 днів тому

    this is such an uplifting, real, careful, free and intelligent video; thank you for this 💖

  • @brettboles1528
    @brettboles1528 4 дні тому

    ur perfect x

  • @brennandouglas4003
    @brennandouglas4003 21 день тому

    you better GO OFF

  • @cupid5265
    @cupid5265 9 днів тому

    unrelated but i love ur voice

  • @Aisha_k4281
    @Aisha_k4281 19 днів тому

    You remind me so much of manifestelle. I could fully believe that you both are sisters ❤

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  19 днів тому

      love her work and i think she included one of my tiktoks in her videos!! xx

  • @faithiriase3642
    @faithiriase3642 4 дні тому

    this title spoke to me on a psychological level

  • @SellyAlicia
    @SellyAlicia 24 дні тому +1

    Luv it

  • @reign3162
    @reign3162 13 днів тому

    Love you

  • @angelamorales1332
    @angelamorales1332 22 дні тому

    i luv this!!!! i wish u were my sister

  • @blondebaby420
    @blondebaby420 24 дні тому

    I love this video so much🩷

  • @dziyaa5272
    @dziyaa5272 8 днів тому

    Do you have an apple podcast?

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  6 днів тому

      its on spotify and should be on apple (have had people mention issues w region availability), there is also a playlist on my channel that has audio also! xxx

  • @baconkaryn
    @baconkaryn 19 днів тому

    FO REEAL!!!

  • @samihakhondoker2456
    @samihakhondoker2456 13 днів тому

    the thing is i get bored easily

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  13 днів тому +1

      to me that means you're not working hard enough to stay entertained/engaged and/or the things you use to entertain yourself are too surface level and not enough of a challenge. you've underestimated yourself and you're smarter than you think/have more mental capacity than you give yourself credit for. xx

    • @samihakhondoker2456
      @samihakhondoker2456 13 днів тому

      @@amberakilla i know some people in life they work really hard and they still dont get anything out of it due to favourism or just having better luck/good fate. Offcourse i guess it doesn't hurt to try or put effort into things especially if one is living through survival mode

  • @Crowsmoke
    @Crowsmoke 9 днів тому +1

    K, I adore you.

  • @TheFryedIScream
    @TheFryedIScream 25 днів тому +1

    are you from Queensland? Like Miami area? i ask bc i’m i’m the US and the only time i’ve heard an australian accent like yours (i don’t listen to many lol) was Amanda Ware for cycle 6 of australias next top model and that’s where she grew up

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  24 дні тому +4

      😂😂😂 I grew up in Perth and learnt English from an elderly Australian nanny. Now I live in Shanghai, China … I think bc ppl in China couldn’t understand my Australian accent I ended up modifying it to be more American😅😅

    • @TheFryedIScream
      @TheFryedIScream 24 дні тому

      @ omg me guessing queensland and u being on the opposite coast 😭😭😭

  • @Krikario
    @Krikario 20 днів тому

    Ok so, I got the insane part down. Now onto the second part 💅

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  20 днів тому +1

      I always believe it’s important to be clear about the starting point so you can map the journey accordingly 😌😆💅🏼💖

  • @Eddiescities
    @Eddiescities 3 дні тому

    I have to remember I'm not perfect😮

  • @kaitlynng7214
    @kaitlynng7214 8 днів тому

    Where is your mic from? Hearing that you make vídeos for enjoyment and breaking out of the framework of capitalism is so inspiring to me :) hoping to do the same in 2025

  • @forgiue
    @forgiue 7 днів тому

    god ii love you

  • @psychedlicsouljam1995
    @psychedlicsouljam1995 3 дні тому

    Bored + a hater = narcissist . They thrive in chaos. Theyre comfortable when everyone is uncomfortable. Sorry just my 2 cents.

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  3 дні тому +1

      not everything requires a diagnosis tbh, you don't have to be a narcissist to not be happy with where you're at in life. its part of the human experience and having compassion for yourself and others makes it easier to navigate imo

  • @eatir_cake
    @eatir_cake 9 днів тому +2

    ho is you reading my mind

  • @brittanydollss
    @brittanydollss 19 днів тому

    you remind me of that boujee girl on hannah montana ❤️ xo

  • @ASTARZ1
    @ASTARZ1 23 дні тому +1

    but like what is this pink hair clip/crown!??!?!?

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  22 дні тому +2

      its supposed to lift your roots but idk if it did anything/if i even used it correctly hahahah

  • @lorifest8976
    @lorifest8976 19 днів тому

    ❤❤❤

  • @lifechangingaura3059
    @lifechangingaura3059 17 днів тому

    ❤️

  • @zombiegir
    @zombiegir 6 днів тому +2

    You’re my Andrew Tate

  • @wvchel
    @wvchel 4 дні тому

    This came up on my feed and immediately sucked me. Instant follow!!

  • @joalina
    @joalina 8 днів тому

    great video!! i've been really in my element these last couple of months but this advice is excellent. +1 sub from me

    • @amberakilla
      @amberakilla  6 днів тому

      yayy so glad to hear!! thank you for subscribinggg xx