Alone No More: How to Fill the Emptiness in Your Heart
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- Feeling alone in the world is incredibly painful. Though this is not an easy problem to solve, there is a way forward - a way to connect with others. To learn more about this, check out my article: Alone No More: How to Fill the Emptiness in Your Heart at bit.ly/2TOmclv and my article: Loneliness Epidemic: How to Heal and Reconnect at bit.ly/3yg9eT5
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Making change through compassionate self-awareness
I wish there was a way for everyone that commented to come together physically so we could all be alone together ❤️
That is a beautiful thought ❤ While it’s not the same, I hope that people’s comments here are comforting, that they give a sense that you are not alone.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD very much so, thank you 🩷
@@RogelioRodriguez-x8n You're welcome!
@USER. that is such a beautiful sentiment.. sadly though.. even in real life, after the novelty wears off.. the loneliness returns.. ☕
thank you
You're welcome :)
Truth Tellers get the worst of it EVERY time.
I do spend basically my life alone I only have a cousin nearby that I see every now and then I talk to every couple weeks otherwise the rest of my family do not live in my state I have no friends and even when I do take myself out or go walking through the park nobody even barely says hello when I say good afternoon or whatever or take myself out for lunch people are otherwise engaged if they're with other people otherwise they're on their telephones and can't be bothered to talk to somebody maybe you sitting close by I try but nobody seems to be interested but I'm not going to give up I live in New Jersey where it's been extremely hot and muggy this is going on week number 3 this week is cool down a little bit but I don't do the HOT weather so I'm hoping another couple weeks will pass where I can actually get myself out more than just back and forth to the car
I can clearly hear that you are struggling. But you also say that you plan to try getting out more as the weather cools a bit-- which is good to hear. It may also help to find some group or activity to be a part of -- such as a religious group, charity, or cause that touches your heart. If you continue to struggle, you might also consider seeing a therapist to help support you so that you don't feel so alone and to also help you find a way to connect. There are also warm lines you can call if you need someone to talk with (hotlines are for when people are in crisis, but warm lines are for those who need support even without being in crisis). You can look them up on the internet, but NAMI is a good one: www.nami.org/NAMI/media/NAMI-Media/Helpline/NAMI-National-HelpLine-WarmLine-Directory.pdf
Also, as I hope you noticed from previous comments, you are not alone with this struggle.
Thank you for your response and I do work with the therapist weekly I have been seeing him for at least 5 years and he is a great help for me and I do believe soon I'll be finding my way very soon
@@Sherri-w9b That is wonderful to hear. Thank you for sharing that -- maybe it will give others hope, too. Keep up the good work!
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you I appreciate it
@@Sherri-w9b You're welcome :)
Good points still no resolution ? I guess your explanation is keeping hope alive finding things to work on and change in ourselves eh
My explanation is meant as a way to offer some understanding that can offer hope, but also some guidance and the encouragement to pursue potential ways of improving the situation.
Right now I'm searching
Ok....I give it a try.
I hope you find the guidance in this video helps. Also, you might find some helpful information (including article and video links) on the Compassionate Self-Awareness page of my website: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/
I wish you well in your efforts to attain healing and growth.
Until recently being alone was easy.....now it is torture.
While I don't know what has changed for you, I am saddened to hear that you are struggling so. I believe that feeling alone can be one of the most painful experiences. I hope you continue to search for you way through your current struggles and to reach out to people for connection and help. If you need more help than family or friends can provide, please reach out to a therapist or a helpline, such as SAMSHA: www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you so much for replying....it is too easy these days to feel lonely and anonymous...I guess lots of people feel this way lately.
@@kelseymathias3881 That's true. You are far from alone in this. I'm glad that you shared here, and I hope it helps even just a little to connect.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you Leslie...it does help...have a good Easter. I've subscribed to your channel.
@@kelseymathias3881 You're welcome. I'm glad it helps. I hope you have a good Easter, too.
NOT HAVING #FRIENDS😢😢
I’m sorry to hear that you have no friends. Hard as that is, there are things you can do to change that. Upon reflection, you might realize you do have friends, though not close ones. In this case, you might consider how to strengthen those relationships. Many times when people don’t have friends, it is because they have inner struggles that lead them to push others away. If this describes you or you don’t know why you don’t have friends, then your first step may be to figure out the problem. You might find it helpful to talk with a therapist. These are just a couple of things to think about, but I hope they help. Please remember that you do not need to be alone, or to figure this out alone. Resources exist to help people. Finally, if you or anyone reading this feels highly distressed or suicidal, please reach out to the national alliance on mental health (hotline: 800-273-TALK) www.nami.org/Advocacy/Policy-Priorities/Responding-to-Crises/National-Hotline-for-Mental-Health-Crises-and-Suicide-Prevention
@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD
I have difficulty time speaking about about my emotions &
feelings...... I struggle with words to communicate with
people.. so, I can't bring myself to see a therapist 😢😢😮😮
I find it difficult to be vocal
about my depression and
loneliness.... idk why I am
the way I am 🤔😮😢😢😢😢
@@Cheng-jq6fc That does make it more difficult but NOT impossible. It would take courage, but maybe you can send an email to a therapist, explaining your situation, just as you are explaining it to me. Then, maybe you could set up an appointment to meet with the therapist (assuming you find someone who you believe shows understanding and you can connect with ) and work slowly toward sharing. Note how much you have already shared here! It is a wonderful start.
Opportunities are out of picture for now, living is postponed indefinitely
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
Did you grant your God something, as well?
Or are you just asking him for favors?
I have forgotten what hope feels like and definitely feel like an outsider in the world. No family relationships and aside from a couple of very nice people at work, I do not have anyone to tell good or bad thngs too. My heart feels like it weighs 1000 lbs. I do not know how I will get out of this mess at 61 yrs yrs old. Peoe have their kids, grandkids, husband, wives, jobs etc I just do not feel like people have time nowadays for new friendships and I get it. Being single and wirking full time + does not leave a whole lot of time. Usually trying to recharge. Do not know how much longer I can do this.
Same here. After retiring, I have no spouse, no children, no family and no friends. So, I get out of the house at least 5 days per week. I go to church functions, YMCA, hike, bike, etc. It feels better just to be around others even if nothing deeper results. We cannot isolate ourselves and we can't just lay around depressed. As she says, we must make effort. Also, I don't go to social events with the expectation or hope of meeting someone. I just go to the activity to be around others. False hopes can compound the loneliness with a let down. Also, hobbies are required. Read a book rather than stare at social media. Anyway, you have the right and duty to survive and thrive. You have the right and duty to care for your mental and physical fitness. You have some meaning, value and purpose even if you don't recognize it yet. Best wishes.
I am glad that @gybx4094 responded to you. I encourage you to give serious thought to their response... just one of so many people who can relate to your experience. It's a difficult situation, but not an impossible one. Finding meaning and connection in this world sometimes takes more time and effort than other times. Yet, it is possible. If you need some extra support, I encourge you to reach out to a warm line (where you can speak with a trained, supportive person). You can find one through www.warmline.org. I wish you well on your journey for connection.
In all seriousness, I mean, I don't want to knock this doctor. She's trying. But if only social isolation could be fixed by something as simple as not looking down at your shoes when people are around. No. It's called being physically ugly, unattractive, undesirable, awkward, and people look at you and see a monster they need to run the other way from before you even open your mouth to say word one or before they even know anything about you. Physical looks are a lottery. Lot of winners. Lot of losers. Thinking an unattractive person can just pop on a fresh coat of paint and people will love them is like thinking you can pop a fresh coat of paint on a dilapidated trailer and trick buyers into thinking it is a mansion. People just want the mansion.
To stop feeling alone open your heart. People will begin to notice you more and you have have spontaneous reactions to you
Cringe
I agree, it's worked for me.
@@andybreadley429 If you're cringing at this kind of positive advice, it's likely that an unhealed part of you is being triggered.
@@HermeticWorlds My whole existence is unhealed, bro
@@andybreadley429 Honestly I'm sorry to hear that. I used to be really messed up, now after years of therapy, I'm just a bit messed up. I'm getting there, it's all good.
I have nobody to talk to. So whatever I am doing or not doing, I have no one to ask 😑
I am sorry that you are struggling. As I said in the video, feeling alone is incredibly painful. I know nothing about your personal struggles, but I can share this: As hard as it may be, it is often very important for people to seek out interactions and connections. Sometimes this means developing relationships from shared interests (e.g. joining a book club, hiking club). It can also help if you build on acquaintances. But keep in mind that building relationships and a sense of connection takes time. If that is too hard or it does not lead to feeling connected, it may help to seek out help, such as with self-help groups or entering therapy. I wish you well.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Your advice is really good, thanks for sharing the wisdom / practical first-step-taking tips. 🙂
@@_munkykok_ You're welcome. I'm gratified to know that the advice is helpful to you :)
I have felt that way my entire life and only feel better now that I realize I am awesome and everyone else is a total asshole.
Finally someone sees us for who we really are. 💜
I guarantee this will happen to you if you have suffered from Narcissistic Abuse! It will happen Every Time.
are you married now
You are such an insightful person. This is really immensely important. Many things can do that. My case is very unique, and is virtually a lost cause. I am trying to accept this. It is the biggest tragedy I have ever endured. MAJOR TRAUMA.
It sounds like you have suffered a lot, and I wish for you that you find a way out of your aloneness. You say that your case "is virtually a lost cause." In my mind, the word "virtually" offers hope and the possibility of finding a path out -- even though it sounds like your path is a difficult one.
I don't know your story, but I believe you. When someone tells me that they're hurting, I always believe it. Never give up. That's the one true choice you really have. Once it's over, it's really over.
I don't feel empty, but I do feel miserable a lot. I was taken to my supervisor's office with her and a high-ranking chef. They (or mostly the chef) told me that I've been touching my coworkers too much. Not THAT type of touch, of course not! Just casual ones, like on arms or shoulders. I was always very outgoing at work. When I asked her if anyone reported a complaint, she said it didn't matter. She told me that we need the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment, and that I pretty much shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school (I work at a university's catering service). She told me I shouldn't tell my stories because they may be inappropriate to my coworkers. Now yeah, I pretty much don't have a filter, and sometimes I guess I do say "inappropriate" stuff at work, but not horribly nor intentionally. I like to joke around and have fun with my coworkers (and I know they like to have fun with each other too), but I guess it isn't like that after all (more or less). I really didn't get specific information from the chef about what and who. She understands and likes that I'm outgoing, but she made it sound risky and in need of limits, for good behavior and my coworkers' sake. And again, that I shouldn't touch my coworkers (shoulders or arms) without their consent. But seriously, I'm not a creep! I don't randomly hug people or anything like that. I didn't mean to be so "handsy" (I say loosely). I'm so embarrassed about the office lecture. I am not like Biden at all. I'm really not. Have I really gone that far at work? It shouldn't have gotten to that point. And I expressed this story in Dan Schneider videos, and a few people have either beaten me up or lectured me. That's why I'm starting to wonder if the office thing really does make me a bad person.
I'm sorry that you are struggling so much with this. It sounds like your supervisor and her chief were trying to get across to you that the problem is with needing more boundaries than you realized, not that you are a bad person (it's not about ill-intent). When you said that you feel miserable a lot, I wonder if that is because of what you described at work, or if that existed before and this just made it worse, at least for the moment. If you don't fully understand what you were doing that was inappropriate or doubt that you were really doing something inappropriate, you may want to talk with a therapist. They can help you sort this out in a hopefully safe environment. (I'd say you could ask for my feedback at work, but I suspect that this would not be comfortable or feel safe.) Good luck with this.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD What do you mean by "or if that existed before and this just made it worse, at least for the moment"? This is the first time the conversation about touching and filter ever occurred
@@johnrainsman6650 I was referencing when you said, "...I do feel miserable a lot." I did not know whether this misery was something you felt before this incident or if you were only referring to how you've felt after it."
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD oh it’s newer; absolutely because of the incident
@@johnrainsman6650 That's good to know.
Thanks Doctor
This emptiness I have I need something to fill this emptiness
Did you try putting a nickel to some cause, every time you feel like this?
It's no wonder you feel bad if you can't purposefully invest a nickel
Good advice
I’m glad you found it helpful.
All these videos are about negative things that need to be fixed. Deptessibg.
I feel alone because the guy who I thought I’d marry ruined my body image with his disrespectful comments. Now I can’t marry him. Problem is he chased me hard and I can’t be with someone that is not chasing me hard from the start and no one else is chasing me hard. I don’t like how my body is shaped and it’s not curvy enough. Nothing will change that except plastic surgery. Even plastic surgery won’t give huge results. I can’t find anyone who’s crazy about my body the way it is. That’s the problem.
It is terrible that you feel so awful and so stuck! If you see no hope for your current situation and how you are approaching it, you might consider therapy. It helps many people to change their relationship with themselves and with others, and maybe it can help you. Even if you are far from convinced that it will help, maybe it is worth a try? Whether you want to give it a try or not, I do hope you find your way to feeling better about you and to enjoying relationships with others who can truly appreciate you, too.
Nice sentiment and all, but some people just have something objectively wrong with them. I respect your work though.
I'm not sure what you mean by people having something "objectively wrong with them." We are all flawed, so you could say that we all have something "objectively wrong" with us. But we are united by this, too, and so we are not alone in our flaws, weaknesses, or imperfections (all of which are only parts of who we are).
The title is misleading imo.
I felt empty sometimes but it’s less about the external relationships with people. But rather something else.
I am sorry that this video did not fit for you and that you found the title misleading. I see that you think your emptiness (which I assume is related to feeling alone) is about something other than external relationships with people. I believe that this is often the case for people, so you are not alone. Part of what I was trying to communicate -- which I'm sorry was not clear for you -- is that feeling alone is very often about what happens within you, about how you think about and relate to yourself and to others. When you see the ways in which your perspective about yourself and your relationships lead you to feel alone, you can begin to work to change the experience. Not an easy process, but the opportunity to fill your heart is there. Also, when you say that your emptiness is about something else, I'm not sure whether you know what that something else is. If you are not clear about that, one thing you might find helpful is to journal your thoughts and feelings about it. I hope you find insights and guidance in this clarification and elsewhere to help you to fill your heart.