The Secret To Getting Along is Easier Than You Think | Gabrielle Hartley | TEDxOakParkWomen
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- Опубліковано 6 чер 2024
- In this TEDx Talk, Gabrielle Hartley, Esq. shares how to prioritize peace to resolve conflict without the drama. Learn how to start getting along better and it's easier than you think.
Gabrielle Hartley, Esq., is a leading online mediator and family law attorney known for resolving 99% of her cases. She’s the author of Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate, which received glowing recommendations from Gwyneth Paltrow and People Magazine. As a sought-after media divorce expert, Gabrielle has been featured in The New York Times, Real Simple, Vice, The New York Post, Psychology Today, NBC Mass Appeal and on dozens of podcasts. She is a co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee, maintains a private mediation practice and is of counsel to a top NYC litigation firm. Her forthcoming book, How to Get Along is due out in 2023.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
“Prioritizing peace over being right”
Key takeaway 🔑
"Roll over and take it"
Translated
@@MrSamulai not necessarily. There is an art between making sure both sides win and “rolling over and taking it.”
@@GirthConfirmed That's not my opinion, I just wanted to see if you prioritize peace over being right.
@girth marino nailed it. But do not allow yourself to be abused. Remember this too. :)
Who else is obsessed with Ted-Talks 🙏👁
This is such a great talk!
Thank you!
Good rule to live by...........Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slower to anger.
Well said
More easily said than done. And yes…your comment is in the Bible which makes it easier for some to believe.
When people do things, really bad things, that ruin your life, they don't deserve to be talked to ever again.
You must turn and walk away fast. So agree!
You are right, I concede that- this lady did say that she does not advise staying in a toxic relationship but she kinda want us to sacrifice our perspective just for peace. I do not agree with her because if you keep backing down a narcissist will walk all over you so STAND YOUR GROUND. Some abusers killed their partner, it is good to get out of a toxic relationship ASAP regardless of love. Love is not everything.
@@patrickorobor84 I'm all for healthy communication. I understand what she's trying to say. Some people don't deserve my time. Not because I think I'm right but the fact that they can actually ruin my life and not feel bad about it. That's not the type of individual I'm wanting to "break bread" with for any reason. Just not worth the problems.
Exactly! There are dangerous thieves out there! My garnished wages for child support is equal to my mortgage and I'll never see my kid again. Cruel people exist, and prenups should exist in every marriage, and eloping should be illegal. No such thing as a happy spin on it. There are a lot of people who just want to marry, divorce and take half the other persons wealth. Keeps lawyers employed. I hate lawyers.
@@w.d.g. Just don't get married. It's not up to the government to fight your own stupidity. That's your responsibility. The government is there to protect your marriage rights and obligations.
A lot of great advice!!
I am glad you found it helpful! Thanks for the note.
Prioritize peace. I agree. Most times it is better to be quiet than it is to be right. The criticism in some of these comments miss the point and only are true if you expand it to everyone and every situation. Listen to this again, especially the part about shelving. Narrow your focus and put this message where it is aimed: to those who are important to you.
_You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do._
I totally agree. It’s often a day by day process to be able to do this. Thank you for your insight
This is such an important stuff! I had a moment of emotion and told my best friend I couldn't be friends with her anymore, but I didn't mean it in my heart. She died suddenly last year and I think about that moment all the time, beating myself up for what I did. If only I'd stopped and paused for a while, I could have told her I love her and had more time with her.
💔❤️
This comment is so EXACTLY why this is important. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
@@gabriellehartleyesq Thank you for the very kind comment. Yes, your TED talk is definitely something everyone should hear & learn about. ☮💜☮
Such an important conversation. Learning how to navigate conflict is the key to genuine, long-lasting connection with others and yet seems to be dying in our current culture. I love how Gabriel points to "emotion as blinding us" in our conflicts with others. "Peace over being right," is such a beautiful term from her upbringing and one that we should all be leaning into in our relationships with others.
Great message!
I LOVE TED TALKS!! IF YOU WANT to ENDURE TED TALKS IS THE KEY!!
Informative, engaging Ted Talk from an accomplished female attorney, author and mother of three! Gabrielle Hartley gives us three easy steps to keep in mind to resolve conflict with colleagues, friends and family. Awesome and helpful Ted Talk!
Conflict is inevitable but as humans we usually want to be right and happy. At times that isn’t possible; wake up smell the coffee. The world isn’t about you.
word. YES YES and YES! You are right!!!
Excellent work! I love this.
Amazing advice from a brilliant attorney! Thank you!!
😊 thank you. I hope it helps.
amazinng talk! brilliant, simples, memorable and very important! thank you madam!
I am glad it spoke to you.
Such a fabulous resource and really well presented. The information is truly invaluable.
Thank you!!!
Unbelievably helpful and wish I knew this decades ago for every aspect of my life! Great job. Do another one!
I am so glad that the talk resonated with you. What is your favorite part of the YES method?
We can all live in peace together if we really try. Resources are limited but if we limit the greed that's within us there will be plenty for all. We can do this 🙏
Completely Agree with.
Its all about greed vs Resources although I believe in earth contain unlimited resources for all of us but the persons in charge are selfish
There is enough for everyone.
@@kellybennett8011 100% True
That's kinda like saying "nothing would be stolen if nobody was stealing ".
It also begs questions about who this "we" is that is supposed to be doing the limiting. Of course we need to put limits on things. But as Madison said in Federalist 10, we must limit the effects of people who we do not agree with because limiting them directly is a violation of freedom.
This really didn't tell us anything that we did not already know. They said the self evident that being positive as much as possible is the best strategy overall. Absolutely nothing about the only relevant question: How?
It's not _Only_ about fighting over 'stuff' and 'things'; the most intense conflicts are grounded in values, morals, and beliefs.
Do your research on grandiose and covert narcissists.
Your eye's will open to those whose life is spent creating discord, conflict and drama for their own joy of seeing someone (typically the peace-lover) respond to what is morally and ethically defined as abuse - and I'm not talking the cuts and bruises that heal in a week or two!
The video title is misleading. While her main point is right, that prioritizing peace over being right is an important part in getting along, it's not easy. On the contrary, people have an innate drive to be right. It's so ingrained in our psychology that prioritizing anything above being right is probably one of the single hardest things we can possibly do, but when you develop that skill it may serve you well.
It is not easy but it is doable, most of the time. Conflict is the gift that keeps on giving and with lots of mindful practice we can actually make many of our relationships easier. Thank you for your insights.
Good presentation 👏
The key to peace within the self is to understand the dynamic of the human condition. The demands of the mind and body are absolute for everyone. Mastering weakness in oneself allows for appropriate judgement..first for self, then for others.
Very Insperational
An important message during this time! ❤️❤️❤️
Yes and for always! 💕💕💕
Very good!!
thank you!
Great Ted talk ✨💫
That's an amazing message ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you
Beautiful message ❤️
Thanks for sharing this reminder.
Many greetings,
'Make Progress Matthias' 👋
Excellent talk
Very good presentation
I appreciate Gabrielle's perspective on prioritizing peace with others- the ones we love and those we are letting go of through divorce. I like that self-awareness is baked in to the YES method- and the reminder to shelve heated topics that tend to harm rather than help anything. So curious about what the next steps are - after the heated moments have passed and the relationship is ready to evolve. I forward to her book!
❤️
YES and more YES!
These are words to live by. And what a presentation! Encouraging, uplifting and funny! A 5-star twelve minutes, in my opinion!!!
Thank you so much. I’m so glad you liked it
I did enjoy it and was able to come away with a really positive outlook on conflict and confrontation-taking the negative out in order to figure things out!
@@ElenaCiampaMusic 💖💖YES is not always easy. Just remember that. I am all about SHELVING when I slow down enough!
One of my favorite authors reccommended that in a disagreement that if you end up being right- apolgize immediately! ;-)
agreed!
This is gold! I appreciate the focus your parents had on committing to consistent action. Its amazing but understandable how that translates into the work you do today.
Thank you so much. I realize how lucky I was. I didn’t truly get it until I worked in divorce court for a judge in NYC where I saw how out of hand arguments get. Total perspective shift.
So how does she unload the dishwasher in the end - according to him or her? 🙃😁
👍👍
Mostly according to him and mostly he does it. 😊
Wow molto ben detto ed argomentato … grazie …
We all need a little more YES method in our lives ! Thanks for giving us the steps !
YES! I am glad you found them helpful. Which was your favorite?
Been an avid listener/watcher of TED. Leaving after TED refused to publish Mikhaila Peterson's talk.
great ted talk kim jung un should watch this
Yeah it's easy to get along as long as you agree others have rights to their own opinion. Unfortunately people think it is better to shut down speech they don't like. People need to learn to disagree without shutting opinions they don't want to hear.
10:47 The narcissists in one's life should indeed be shelved indefinitely. They refuse accountability and feel entitled to run double-standards when, where and with whomever they wish. Not to mention shallow apologies where behaviour never changes.
They are a toxic biohazard in any relationship ☣️ - yet they'll make sure they show up like they're your best friend.... until you make boundaries and call them out on something that matters to _you_.
Strait up!
deep and wise, take a moment to process and integrate after watching. if you are in a codependent relationship, take extra time.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, it does take time and loads of patience with YOURSELF as well as with those around you.
Be kind rather than right.... Wayne Dyer☮️🕊✝️🤗♥️
The world is a little darker without him.
Wow. Toxic positivity avalanche impending.....
Bro, not every one of our relationships can be salvaged. Most of them can't if they are so broken that they need personality adjustment of that magnitude. She assumes alot about the other person and their intentions up until lightly mentioned at the end. Like coming into contact with that level toxicity isn't the way things are for almost all of us.
Fighting out of ego is one thing, but sometimes, as an old movie once said, there is a peace only to be found on the other side of war.
You are right, some people even when you agree with their wrong views and lick their shoes they will still keep attacking you. Others will lie on you compulsively. This video started off good RE: Her parents 'divorced' in peace but it ended up with leaning towards a need to tolerate bad relationships because of love, NO love is not everything; there are abusers who killed their wives, don't tolerate, get out before it is too late
She is talking mostly about parents divorcing. She’s trying to make it about more, but I don’t think the strategies are applicable universally.
In the context of coparenting after divorce, the ability to just walk away and say the relationship is over, also means walking away from your child or doing serious damage to them long term.
I made it about 3 minutes in before I decided I don't care to get along.
@@robertnobles8189 It is a two way street she said both her parents decided to shelve trouble/arguments for the betterment of the child (her). One person can play the matured role but it is better if both do, I know men whose wife's never let them see their child after divorce btw all this talk should be simple common sense.
Hey everyone I'm not good friends with anyone my flaw is I don't talk in conversation I just ask questions and give one or 2 worded answers , I know that I have to tell them my stories and things that had happened to me before . If anyone has been there and overcome this problem please give me some advice . Thank you
Hey lovely soul, you can talk more just by listening people love to be heard. Just be your self because that's what the world needs, your sheer presence . You don't "have" to tell anything. & a conversation is all about colliding experiences and seeing both point of views. We are all unique in our expressions Be Yourself.♡
I'm not scared of conflict. I'm scared of what poverty is doing to me now that I'm disowned
Who’s actually in conflict like this often?
Divorce attorney counseling people on how to get along. Okuuuuurrrrr. 🤣
Haha wow good point
But it does confirm her wisdom in relationships 🙏
I did not understand how to donso other than slow down when conv get heated
Captions are needed in many languages . Start with english auto generated at least. Then add arabic and spanish ! Please. Have a nice day :)
Captions were requested from TED. As of now it appears that translations are available in the transcript in English, Spanish, French and Arabic. THANK you for this comment.
"Be good, not bad"- TEDTALK
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As I turn 50 and look back at all the fighting I've done... so much anger and hurt. I've learned that in loving myself and giving a friendly bird to anyone who'd bother criticizing me... I've found it so dang nice to take my power back. Blaming doesn't EVEN FEEL GOOD! Doesn't solve anything. Waste of energy. Use it for something that grows your happiness and others. Life looks SO different from here. Do very much more fun. smiles laughs and feel good. Nothing to defend...no buttons to be pushed... love it. I wish the shift for EVERYONE!🙏😎💞
This woman right here, wasn’t married to a manipulative narcissist with kids lol. Narcissism is on the rise that’s why people aren’t getting along. Can’t get along with a narcissist.
i hate when people say they have seen it all..... what do you hope to achieve by saying that?
TED | Maybe you're right!.
and yes, maybe you're right!.
--
'Kofi Annan'
himself said: When he was the -- Secretary-General -- of the
UN | الاُمَـــــمُ المـتّـحــــــــدَة
:
‟If someone wants to confirm peace; He must shake hands even with Satan.‟
--
كان كوفي أنان نفسه قد قال عندما كان أمين العام للأمم المتحدة؛
‟ إذا أراد المرء أن يعقد صلحا فعليه أن يصافح حتى الشيطان .‟
Thank you.
And may God's peace 🌍🌏🌎 be upon you all!.
GOOD HEALTH ALWAYS EVERYONE !!!.
Save our people!.
Save Our Planet !!!.
God bless us everyone !!!.
# I thank you.
###
.
Well hopefully the other would be willing to own stuff, and engage in some level of reflection. Or you are also not being heard, but possibly building resentments. Fine to let go on issues that are trivial, but less so of high hanging emotional fruits.
In insurance they call it skimming the cream. In other circumstances it is called cherry picking. I would want to know a lot more about the socioeconomic classes and mental health of her clients before I would give her success story much credence.
Well, I don’t think the angriest couples would select a divorce attorney that settles 99% of her cases. Those couples would go for the sharks in a suit instead.
TEDx |
'Kofi Annan'
himself said: When he was the -- Secretary-General -- of the
UN | الاُمَـــــمُ المـتّـحــــــــدَة
:
‟If someone wants to confirm peace; He must shake hands even with Satan.‟
--
كان كوفي أنان نفسه قد قال عندما كان أمين العام للأمم المتحدة؛
‟ إذا أراد المرء أن يعقد صلحا فعليه أن يصافح حتى الشيطان .‟
Thank you.
And may God's peace 🌍🌏🌎 be upon you all!.
GOOD HEALTH ALWAYS EVERYONE !!!.
Save our people!.
Save Our Planet !!!.
God bless us everyone !!!.
# I thank you.
###
.
Hi
What's the secret to agree to disagree and leave others the F alone?
كنت أضن أنني أول من يعلق ولكن للأسف لم أكن الأولى 😁
Text in description above states: "resolving 99% of her cases". I call B.S.
I wonder if that just means she didn’t go to court in 99% of her cases. That alone would be big because many divorce lawyers push people to go to court so they can maximize their pay day.
putin should watch this
If you want to get along "tedx" then speech should not be censored. Whoever curates your content should take the third grade advice given in this video.
There are dangerous thieves out there! My garnished wages for child support is equal to my mortgage and I'll never see my kid again after my ex tossed me into crippling bankruptcy. Cruel people exist, and prenups should exist in every marriage, and eloping should be illegal. No such thing as happy to it. There are a lot of people who just want to marry, divorce and take half the other persons wealth (more than half in my case). This keeps lawyers employed. I hate lawyers.
Ialam is just tge solution, of course because it's from Allah who created us and knows all about human being nothing compared to ourselves do
2nd
;)
🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈FURRY FANDOM OwO🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
A samwich and a Bj will go a looong way.
No it's not! 😡😤😠
I REFUSE TO AGREE WITH YOU 👹
@@deadfr0g oh the irony!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😄🙄😉🙏 Namaste and silent ribbit!!!😎💚
Don't even need to watch this. How about put aside narcassistic tendancies and try some f maturity and common sense.
Please leave a comment if you find Gabi attractive and/or feminine... anyone?
Milqeutoast
Glenn ocean you get 0 bitches
I wish there was "TED men" edition. I can already hear feminists whining...
Thats a nice white privileged outlook to have - "Peaceful conflicts"... and not to focus on a "winner" - yet objectively speaking, one person always gets the better deal in a transaction - of goods or emotions, where somethings [like priorities/princiles/morals] can't be comprimised. I feel that your general lack of focus on empathy here is undoing to your quite self indulgent talk on resolving conflict [whilst being a nice advert for your business as a divorce lawyer]. You could get better advice from watching the movie "yes man" with Jim Carrey - as at least you wont be bored.
Too bad Brad Pitt didn't see this before suing his ex-wife.
🤣