BREAK FREE from the DRAMA Triangle and Victim Consciousness
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- Опубліковано 10 бер 2019
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I love this. I displayed victim mentality most of my life and blamed it all on my mum and dad's bad parenting. I have broken free from the drama triangle now and walked into the winners triangle. Instead of victim I'm taking responsibility as being vulnerable, instead of being a persecutor I'm now gently assertive, instead of rescuer, I'm now kind but showing dignity for people to make their own decisions yet being there if they need me. It's changed my whole life for the better
This is so amazing to hear!! I'm inspired and encouraged by your decision to take responsibility for your life. It can be very difficult--especially if we were raised in a challenging environment. I'm proud of you and excited for the new life you're creating in the winners' triangle!! :)
You should also give credit to Dr. Karpman who developed his drama triangle over 40 years ago.
Thanks so much for this info!! I’ve never heard of Dr. Karpman. I was introduced to the drama triangle through the book I mention and credit in the video. This is great additional insight! Thanks so much for sharing!
@pia 100%@@JJPeller it's so important to do your research esp when positioning yourself as an expert on a subject. 😀 The fact that you didn't know Dr. Karpman suggests otherwise to viewers.
@@TiffanySparrow I don’t at all promote myself as an expert on this topic. I simply read a book by two very intelligent people who ARE experts on the topic and shared what I learned directly from them and what they shared. I’m simply a student of great ideas and wisdom who is passionate about sharing whatever I learn in hopes that it helps and blesses other people in some way.
I believe this contributed to the peace I feel today. I no longer has a nagging voice in my head obsessed about rescuing others.
Thanks brother, this has plagued me for years.
Remember, when you die, call out to the one and only true savior: Yeshua, Jesus Christ
Amazing 🙌🏼🙏🏼 I’m so incredibly grateful this message contributed to your peace today. Thank you for letting me know!!! May God Bless you!!!
It's true! I suddenly saw the patterns that were at play, and I realized all my attempts to rescue were futile. It was all roleplay. What a relief! Thank you for responding and have a great day!
@@ByGraceoftheHolySpiritmy pleasure! Thanks so much for your comment! Have a wonderful day!!😄
Persecutor, rescuer, victim; it's all labels you place and judge on yourself and others. In other words, you create the persecutors to blame and rescuers to need because it's all *in your mind* as a victim! Look at the bigger picture you place on yourself and *BREAK FREE!* Great video 🙌
Absolutely! You hit it in the head with, "it's all in your mind". THAT is where "reality" starts. What we tell ourselves about who we are and HOW we are matters BIG TIME! Thanks so much for this great comment and your kind words! i appreciate your encouragement! :)
Most of us know where we fall or are on the drama triangle and that we want to be out of it. There’s not much content for how to move out of it, so thank you for this.
Thank you so much for saying this!!!
This was super informative and really helped me understand how to actually APPLY STEPS to get out of the drama triangle. thanks!
Thanks so much for letting me know, Kelly! I sincerely appreciate your feedback and encouragement!! :)
Thanks for the insights JJ. I'm going to buy that book. I never realized that I get trapped in the Drama Triangle that I create myself. Blessings. Shalom.❤️🇺🇸
Thanks so much for sharing!!! I appreciate your comments here!!! Blessings to you and yours!!😄🙌🏼🙏🏼
Thank you thank you! I’m working on this starting today and this has really helped me. 🙏🏼 I have grown up with a parent who was an addict and so much stems from my childhood.
I am taking back my power and I am going to change my life ❤️
I’m so glad this was helpful for you!! Thank you for letting me know!!😄
@@JJPeller I’ve been implementing recognising the drama triangle and implementing really good boundaries to do the winning triangle!
My life is really changing and it feels so good. Thank you again. 🦋
@@violetflamehealing444 I’m so glad to hear about the positive changes!! Keep going!!
🙏🏼
Thank you. I appreciate this video.
Awesome!!! Thank you so much for taking time to let me know!! And it’s absolutely my pleasure. I love teaching things like this to help people break free and step up to new levels of living!!😄
Great explanation - I help people to transform victim consciousness into self responsibility, and this is a great precise explanation, which I will share with my clients. Thank you!
I'm so glad to hear this!! :) Thank you so much for your encouragement--I sincerely appreciate it!!
Thank you for this video.
My pleasure! Thank you for your appreciation!!
Best explanation so far 🙏
Wow!! Thank you so much!!! I’m so glad to hear this!!☺️😄
Brilliant.
Thanks!!
Amazing, I am going to read the book now. Thank you
Glad you enjoyed this! Thanks for letting me know!! Enjoy the book!!
@@JJPeller I read it and it helped a lot. Thank you for creating this video
@@Xhayl Awesome! thank you so much for letting me know the book was helpful and for your appreciation for the video!! Means the world to me! :)
I appreciate the message - not encouraging victimhood is so important! I discuss how some people get validation & encouragement mixed up particularly when it comes to this topic in the last video on my channel as well, from a parenting perspective. I hope messages like ours empower people to avoid labeling themselves a victim! I just subscribed to your channel too, keep up the content.
Brian Donato thanks so much for your encouraging message!! I sincerely appreciate it!! I’ll take a peek at your video on your channel you’ve mentioned. And thanks so much for subscribing!! Means the world to me!! I’ll get back to creating and publishing new videos soon!😄
@@JJPeller No problem, stay uplifted
Can you explain a bit more about how to ask for exactly what you want? Could you also explain a bit about how we ask for permission before we help someone? I'm going to read the book now - Thank you!
Thank you for the question, Ashley! My opinion on how to approach this: Most of us want something- better communication from someone, more love and attention, better interactions, ANYTHING. But often we don’t ask for what we want because we’re afraid of something-e.g. seeming selfish, greedy, needy… So the HOW is literally to just ask. The more difficult part is usually our MINDSET and BELIEFS around what it means to ask-or how someone will perceive us if we ask for what we want.
And if a friend comes to me and says, “Yeah, I’ve got this problem… let me tell you about it.” And they tell me everything that’s going on, if I immediately say, “What I think you should do is…” People are typically not open to opinions, perspectives, or advice from ANYONE. So in order for someone to be OPEN to receiving this feedback, it’s important to ask something like, “Hey I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I have some thoughts and ideas that might be helpful for you. Would that be OK if I shared those with you?”
Does this help???
what should I do, if I interact with a person with victim mentality, that is trining to make me their persecutor over litetary anything? how do I keep myself safe from the entanglement?
Thanks for asking the question. First, I’m absolutely not an expert at Drama Triangle-this video is simply about sharing what I took from reading the book I mentioned. BUT, if you read the book, the answer to your question according to the authors would be something along the lines of be WILLING to ask directly for what you want and need. And know that you’re always at choice for how to respond and what action to take next. Have you read the book yet?
Its the Karpman triangle
YES!!!😄
You know... best thing to do is not to care about anything. Dont like something, dont like a relationship, just forget that any of it ever happened, dont need that stress, delete them and just move on with your life in whatever direction you want. Works.
That might be an option or choice. Is it the best long-term choice? I can't say I agree with the notion of "not to care about anything." In fact, I care deeply about many things (especially relationships). So to just cast them aside wouldn't be a choice I would make. But everyone has his or her own world view. And my decision might not be the one others might make. How is that working for you as a solution to this point?
In a way this is actually playing the victim stance though because you should still care about yourself and getting your needs met. Not just giving up. What not to do is stop reacting emotionally. Don't play any of these roles. If you notice someone trying to pull you in by playing one of these roles just don't respond. The people that feel powerless after you tell them no or set a boundary will try to play the victim by guilt tripping you or gaslighting to pull you in.
Can a person be all the three like a victim, rescuer and persecutor?
Yes!! Not all at once. But in the course of an interaction. As an example, if a wife comes home from work and expects things to be a certain way, but the husband hasn’t made dinner and the 13-year-ole child is watching TV and not doing homework, she might be persecutor and the husband can be victim while the child tries to rescue the dad. Then, the mom becomes victim because she feels she’s being “attacked” when the child rescues the dad. Then the man might rescue the wife while the child turns from rescuing dad to persecuting mom... THEN, the dad might persecute the child for persecuting the mom, and the child becomes victim. And the mom wants to rescue the child. They’ve gone all the way around... I hope this explains it!! The book is phenomenal and gives even more and better examples!!
The asking for permission is not clear to me though . I was thinking already to buy the book as I am completely trapped in this mechanism 😔🥴🥴
It's important to ask permission before you help someone because without permission, we violate the person's boundaries, and we also rob them of the opportunity to take self-responsibility and move out of the drama triangle, therefore keeping them in the very role they may wish to break free from. The other factor is that we are actually giving the help to feed our own egos if it is without permission, it's a self-serving act, so out of balance.
Thank you so much for this incredible reply and insight!!! I really appreciate it!!!😊
👏
thank you so much!!!! :)
Can't find this book anywhere!
Interesting!!! That’s weird-I can’t find it on Amazon and over on B&N it’s temporarily out of stock!! I’m not sure what happened to it!!!
What if the person you are wirth loves to play the victim and takes no responsibility for their actions.
Thank you for the question. At some point, something has to wake someone up to their choice of being victim. We cannot change other people. We CAN influence and inspire change in others. Most of us think we’re the ones who have it figured out and the OTHER PERSON isn’t changing. We can keep ourselves so focused on what’s NOT changing in someone else that we miss the SMALL THINGS that show SIGNS of change. Without knowing the whole situation and the people involved, I cannot give specific advice. BUT… I can say that if you keep showing up AS IF the other person IS making positive changes (even if they’re TINY MOMENTS of positivity) and CELEBRATE those moments, then over time you’ve got a CHANCE. No promises. But If the current plan isn’t working, this is someone to try…
The Bible is a perfect example of this
Love it! Thank you!!😄👏🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼
Sir , my family members are like helicopters. I suffer with helicopter parenting for the past years. I can't take control over my life. Please help me sir. I feel depressed and sad. Sometimes I think about suicide.
Please contact suicidepreventionlifeline.org/