Drama Triangle and Breaking Away
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- Опубліковано 25 кві 2023
- Recognising the cycle of abuse and coercion in toxic relationships is an important step in taking control and being able to move forward.
Following recent requests on the subject in this livestream I'm going to look at the Drama Triangle, as first described by Stephen Karpman, and also the antidote, how to break free from it. Hope to see you then.
#narcissisticabuserecovery #dramatriangle #narcissisticrelationships
Thank you for joining me and please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future livestreams
How about a topic of how to choose and vet a partner if you have a history of choosing poorly?
Your voice is very soothing.
About ‘the rescuer’… I know someone who has a friend group and she is the ‘mother figure’ in it. She loves that role. The feeling of being needed. I found her very annoying because she was constantly implying she knew ‘what was best’. Found it quite grandiose and felt it to be a superiority complex masked as ‘do-gooder’!
Yup. These types also tend to be covert narcissists. Best believe their help comes with strings attached.
As I’m becoming aware of this Drama triangle dynamic, and trying to step out - I’ve noticed that our 14-yr old son, who is rather unkind/disrespectful to the rest of the house (typically the Persecutor) has become quite resistant lately, refusing to take responsibility for just about anything. It’s hard to be around, but I’m trying to stick with staying neutral; trying to trust that things are indeed (🙏🏼) shifting for the better.
Thank you Darren for tackling this topic! My experience of the drama triangle is two fold: on the long term, the narcissist in my life would be the persecutor to me, the rescuer to those who witnessed the abuse and the victim to everyone else. But during a full blown narcissistic rage, he would go around all three roles at dizzying speed. What I observed is that if you want out of this dance, you need to be precisely that: an observer radically accepting that all three roles are toxic. Stop fixing, stop resenting and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Then you are free to focus your energy, time and love on goals and people worthwhile.
Thank you for commenting! Reading what you said gave me the epiphany that the narcissistic people I’ve known have also tended to cycle through all three of these roles very rapidly when they’re enraged or otherwise dyregulated. I wouldn’t have realized without you pointing that out. I really appreciate that you did. Next time someone gets enraged at me, I’m going to try to remember to watch for that rapid cycling. I feel like it could help me stay arms-length from what they’re saying and focus on their behaviour. When I can manage to do that, I’m usually better at staying regulated and not getting drawn in.
Thanks again! 😊
@@poison_plays it’s an awesome feeling when you can take that backseat and watch them be them. I name the behaviors in my head, visualize the ticking of boxes. You’re right, it’s an escape and also it helps you hold on to your reality. Thank you for your comment, let me know if it works for you!
Some time ago I started looking at responsibility as “the ability to respond “.
I can CHOOSE my response.
It means taking a deep breath stepping into third position and observing what’s going on and taking responsibility to choose a role, and better if assertive, questioning and possibly just leaving
Great approach!!
I like it too! Respond-ability :)
I was entrenched in the victim role for many years and am still finding my way out. My narcissistic mother wanted me in victim mode so she could feign caring for me. But this "caring" was really a way for her to manipulate and control me. It's interesting because recently I have struggled (and not always succeeded) to avoid being a victim with someone whom I have sensed is a caretaker.
(The topic in this video is hard for me to understand, but it seems helpful, after all!)
32:37 yes. They ARE the persecutors, AND play the altruistic victim, AND push me into the victim role, the poor me that ‘needs help’ because I am so worthless, AND I have to RESCUE them, because THEY are innocent ‘helpers’. It’s so insidious, so toxic, and good luck with explaining it to anyone.
This exact scenario was playing out for me in my life! Just managed to get out of the radar of menacing person! Sheesh!!
Narcissist-their Borderline partner-Codependent 3rd wheel. I've been there many times thanks to the example set by my family system. Its important to know the "Victim" is a self-victim who chooses the "Persecutor" who is just an abusive, oblivious victim of themselves - who needs the others to wrong them so they can justify their narcissism and narcissistic abuse. The Borderline moves from role to role because of their fractured Self and the Codependent will assume whatever role the Boderline wants to their own detriment .
I like your style of presenting information. It's practical and neutral and not a bunch of gimmicks to endure longsuffering.
I was happy to see you making videos with Jay Reid because his presentation style gets to the source, or beginning of the abuse dilemma and helps to resolve things that for many has never been put into words.
Maybe how triangulation causes insecurity, envy and isolation in trying to please and comply in an abusive toxic relationship. Ty
Thanks Darren, I could really relate to this topic. My family and partner seem to always look to me to be their rescuer, growing up as a scapegoat and people pleaser I've learned it's a role I probably easily fall into. I can see how I tend to move around that triangle. Looking forward to learning more about narc siblings. ❤🖖
Narc siblings. Definitely.
Good night sir.i always see ur channel it's so much knowledgeable.
Great video, thank you!
Wow! Family AND Work! 😳 Thank you, very, very informative. 👍🍀
I can't stand the rescuer I know. He's not rescuing me, but he's definitely doing the negative things to someone else you mentioned. I think he's having a mid life crisis or something and doesn't want to be alone.
We can hear you!
Thanks a lot, I have been a rescuer all my life, now I know better thank you!
Yes I can hear you
I can hear you!
Yes
How do you stop going the unconscious thing then I don’t even know when I’m doing something
Man who even is moving around it makes a lot so noise on the mic
You've got the mic right next to your papers, and it almost blows my ears out when you shuffle with them, I use headphones. It's really annoying. I did like the video, but please, put the mic somewhere else, or at least listen back to your video, and fix the volume. You can do that with a Video editing software.