Day 347: 11th December 2022 | I was so proud of how well I was handling everything today ...

Until emotional dysregulation got to me, and won in the end. Once again, I looked like a complete and utter loser 😒
I can definitely now see why I have basically no friends.
Thankfully, with how everything went today and what happened, I feel disgusted with myself to the point where any part of me that thought maybe, just maybe, I might make a friend or two, in between meeting everyone and when I can actually join. Now, I am too embarrassed to ever message any of them again.
I have spent years trying to stop this was happening, but it still does. I'm sitting on my bed I'm tears writing this, because I'm so ashamed of who I am.
I don't ever want to hurt anyone. It goes against everything I believe in, but I just couldn't hold it together, I wasn't able to stay calm.
And so now I cry for all the possible friendships that could have been before I destroyed any chance of that. The people at the picnic were lovely, but I don't see my mind allowing myself to forgive myself any time soon. Plus, I no longer feel comfortable contacting Victor again.
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[@abelzorin4170]

Hi Liv , you can be really proud . You are not alone . I am thinking of you .
You are learning the whole time , and you observe life situations , you maybe dont see it but you are getting stronger , wiser.
You perservered today despite all that happened , and you clearly saw that .
I wish you a great week .
And when it is Monday ,you have new energiy , drinking your Coffe ,eating a steady breakfast, meditate,what you can do that day , set one smaller goal and go for that goal .
I havent seen lovly Boss , he is so funny ,that is a nice dog you have .
Do what you can, and feel happy on the journey also to what you like to do .
If i could i would give what you need , energy, motivation, power so you can feel that you are satisfied , content .
Do you know any good book,that you really like .
Greetings from Helsingborg Sweden