Ep. 17 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- Опубліковано 19 січ 2020
- In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss things they learned from their fathers, their feelings about over emotional people, and their new weight loss challenge. Tom also shares a cool story about about a guy who was not nice to his mom. What did YOU learn from your dad? Who do YOU think will win this weight loss challenge? Let us know in the comment section down below!
yourmomshousepodcast.com/
www.merchmethod.com/tomsegura/
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"I went in to hot spin class with no water... I know what that feels like." American War Hero Brett Krenshaw.
SBeckerDTD ❤️🤣
KKKrenshaw
J. Jonah Jameson it’s true. He’s racist. Trust me... if anybody would know......
I didn't know the Germans trained their soldiers with Spin Bikes
" There is no greater feeling than killing the enemy " - Top Dogg
😂😂😂😂😂
Better than sex
Tom's Dad is on the block it's yo DNT let him find out
Exactly and burnt crystals had no idea about the military thing what a dope
@@sheadc13 listen again... he knew his dad was in nam and was surprised about his military service hahahaa burnt is brain damaged
Tom: *says funny thing*
Bert: *dolphin noises*
Nick Miller also Bert: eee eeee eeeeee *drinks Tito’s*
Tom says funny things.
Bert interrupts him to make it all about himself.
@@seankeating5005 BIG FACTS one thing i dont like about Brett
It's adorable that Bert thinks Leanne will die first because he's younger. He's living on borrowed time as it is
Maxx Fisher So true🤣😅😂
Nah he’s gonna live forever
@@sorry8481 bert still being alive is proof that god has a sense of humor.
He will be telling his machine story in 200 years as a machine
PLEASE TOM WE NEED TO GET YOUR DAD ON to tell 'Nam stories, i need to hear the hill 63 story and more! We are losing Vietnam veterans every day these stories are important to chronicle and you are in a unique position to be able to document it and make it available for everyone.
Yes! Check out "Tilt" Meyer on the Jocko podcast.
I’m completely behind this, even if he posts it to his main channel to preserve YMH for strictly comedy. I’m planning on interviewing my own father when I get my iPhone 11, just to have his story, his POV told from his 3 tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. I regret not doing the same for my grandfather, who know has Alzheimer’s.
David A Christian has some good stories as well
@Solid Tank As a conscientious objector to war that was forced to sit through hours and hours of Vietnam horror stories from members on both sides of my family, I can honestly say I hope that doesn't happen. This is a comedy podcast, not a history lesson. However, I would like to see Top Dog come on the podcast. :)
dude almost nothing happened in Vietnam
"Im getting depressed because Im getting older -- well... not because I'm getting older, but because LeeAnn's getting older" - Bert "Im-never-gonna-cheat-on-my-wife" Kreischer
Shes his first wife remember lol.
Id smash if he do lol
Hence the coma fantasy
@@BurnoutBushido I'd smash if he didnt lol
"Hey did somebody threaten to kill someone in Florida?"
Hey man I'm kinda busy right now
Bruh Tom’s story about threatening to kill that guy had me dyingggg
Alex what made it so funny to me was that I totally believe him and could almost imagine him doing it. Just that monotone voice telling you you’re gonna die with no emotion 😂😂
Was it in Cali or Florida? Cuz he says Cali and then Bert immediately says Florida
Abdul-Hakeem Burns I think he said his mom was in Florida while Tom called him from CA
@41:17
timestamp?
We need a 4 bears 1 cave episode with the dads. that would be great
We need Top Dawg.
Top dog, burts dad and Joey Diaz feeding them edibles
Don Cornholio Or just get Ari to dose em
BananaPie I second this
No
“Your dad was in Vietnam I knew that”
“Ohhhh so your dads military I never knew that”
Legit like 10 seconds apart. Is he ok?
Small strokes every night after blacking out leads to a memory recall that works like a lotto ball machine.
Roxx The '96er if it’s not about him he doesn’t retain info.
Yo we NEEED to get Tom to have Top Dog on to tell war stories, please guys we need this. Fucking hill 63?!?!?! Cmon this is legit of historical importance. Plus it will be fucking bonkers and hilarious. Help me get this done.
@@Ironman829 very creative.
I think what he means by that is how Top Dog acts and carries himself. It can be one thing to be a vet and another to be military. The difference between a simple participant and follower versus a true exemplifier and leader.
“I want you to know that you’re going to die today” has inspired me to handle my situations in an entirely different way. Truly inspired. Never laughed so hard and related to something more
Marlo Stanfield p
Bert: "I knew your dad was in Vietnam"
Also Bert (exactly 3 seconds later): "Oh so you're dad is military"
Being drafted for a war and having a job in the army are very different things.
@John Michael Harley Etheredge someone that goes drafter to war and spends 1 year in the army has nothing to do with professional soldiers that have a military career
@@tryitout-701 someone drafted is still in the military.
Bert: (says literally anything)
Bert: This is gonna be clipped out and put all over the internet *high pitched self congratulatory pig squeal*
Tom's laugh gives me the same amount of joy that I imagine he would receive from killing the starbucks employee.
Bert even interrupts his daughters dream story with his own lol
Narcississtic parenting 101: When your child wants to tell you about a dream they had, make sure *you* tell them about *your* disturbing dream first
Christopher 😂😂😂
And they give up in frustration. Jeez
That's Bert, he is more important than his kids or wife. He likes to use their flaws or embarrassing moments as comedy material, the relationship and trust isn't important to him.
But his dream is a good concept for a horror flick
Bet money Bert's was more interesting.
THE BEST PART IS THE BACKGROUND GUYS CACKLING LAUGHING AT YOUR JOKES
That's my favourite thing about this podcast! And Toms one with Christina
@@Lee-nv2ed it's almost like beating a dead horse at this point... Funny though nonetheless
All caps was a nice touch
#metoo bud
Lol, my least favorite part. Just cuz at times it sounds fake and projected to make sure it's picked up by the mics
Berts creative writing teacher was Pat MacEnulty. He’s quoted in The Rolling Stones article
Michael Morales Then he is a she?
johnstewjr38 he is she but she is they
_ Ralph Damn. My jeans were not so high and tight today so I wasn’t thinking.
johnstewjr38 my jeans were high and tight still gottim maybe they weren’t tight enough man
Pat can be short for Patrick can’t it??
Who ever that is laughing so hard in the back ground is responsible for 22% of the pee in my shorts. Thanks!!
What caused the other 78% though? And why am I the first person to ask this?
@@jackzwahlen764 Adult incontinence is a real problem
I hope jewToy gets his cut. I wouldnt watch without after being conditioned to that wonderful laugh
An hour and a half of Tom trying to say something and Bert immediately cutting him off.
I love Tom's sigh every single time it happens
Lmfao. So true
Tom: I can't be around overly emotional people. Yet does a pod cast and is best friends with Burnt the oldest, hariest 14 year old girl I've seen.
😂
He's also someone that just loves seeing other people's reactions and doing crazy things to get them. Bert just fits so perfectly as that so he overrides that. He's also such a sweetie.
1/4 of the podcast is talking about things that they can't talk about.
for real.
Agreed
The rest is ad reads
Take it easy guy anyone can talk about anything
Andrew Reynolds then why do they constantly say I can’t say that?
RIP Topp Dogg. Your stories and love will never be forgotten. Sending love out to Jeans and the family.
Is he dead?
@@mpriolo13 no, they are planning a dad's trip
“I one time went into hot spin without water” 😂😂😂
One time I flew coach 🤣
My best friend recently passed away, thank you for the hour plus of distraction
All my empathy and sympathy to you, hope the most racist comedian eases your pain.
Hang in there Chris. Praying for you all
He'll be waiting for you in the bear cave in the clouds
Didnt expect solace from UA-cam comments. Thank you guys.
Christopher Cruz sorry for your loss man.
I love hearing the laughter in the background everybody is having such a good time
ME: I know a guy that makes every story about himself.
Bert: I know a guy that does that even worse...
Why come on here, watch a show with only two people and rip on them? Wild life you lead my mam
@@thewerd1982 Is there an emoji for putting my palm over my face and shaking it back and forth while sighing in dissapointment? ...because that's what I'm doing.
@@alanparris8823 only here for Tom also, if Bart didn’t interrupt all the time or screech he wouldn’t be too bad
Dude I I don’t think I’ve ever laughed this hard at anything Tom said as I did when he told that threatening to kill that guy story.
“When your feathering it brother.”
That's comedy gold 💯
Kyler Ashby *you’re
BobV97 Yer*
Hey there chomo
You broke proto, you're done.
“I knew your dad was in Vietnam, wait your dad was military?” 😂😂😂
cameron Telford Bert thought he was just vacationing in Vietnam around the time of the war 😂
Saw my old man cry once in my life it was great grandmas funeral he turned to my mother and with tears in his eyes said "she made the best relish"
It makes me massively happy to hear you two exchange "I love you" at the end of the show. What makes this show truly great is seeing the genuine love and rock solid friendship between two of the greatest comics of my generation. I'm a teamster, I drive a box truck and stock stores with various food products. Basically a dude's job. I get so excited when I get the alert that there's a new episode out, you guys make my work day immeasurably better!! You guys are the best, even if one of you is fat and racist.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
IM HAVING CHEST PAIN!!
Wonder what berts least favorite bear is.??
Properly the black bear
I doubt he has one
Viking Mma he only likes all white polar bears
Bears... beets... Battlestar Galactica
I'm pretty sure you meant 'probably ' but 'properly ' fits and makes it so much funnier lmao
He lets his wife hibernate with the black bears
Bert is so good at stories he actually made a dream story interesting
This is the first podcast I could genuinely sit down and watch start to finish any episode I have adhd and depression and this show always give me something to follow and laugh out loud at thank you guys for being such great people 💙
This podcast is like getting paid on a Monday!💰
Christina worried cause shes ACTUALLY gonna have to help hide a body someday.
I’d say one of the best moments in this episode was Bert saying a novel was probably a thousand words and Tom had his look of confusion
Bert, Toms reaction to your dreams should tell you everything. These are GOLD. Super interesting, to say the least. MORE!
He makes them up, he's a, "comedian"
Tom saying that Bert had never told him his tooth story until Joe’s podcast... I have heard Bert tell the same story to Tom at least 3 times...
Yeah like the last episode of this. Making me confused about the timelines of recordings.
They record these waaaay before they release them. He told Tom the gyst of the story on here. The whole story was on JRE, it was just recorded later and released earlier.. Confusing myelself.
he mentioned "the extent of the story", it had more detail to it that made it more sad and not fun.
Tom kinda looked like he was ready for when someone messes with his child
CletusPodunk A hundred percent
Biggest hype this year was these guys BOTH releasing new specials! Watched them both as soon as they came out and they were amazing.
I cant believe Bert compared going to hot spin class without water to Tom's dad being left without water in a Vietnam fire fight lmfaoo
Zach Wendt that was the point
It's called comedic releif
Cash Price no shit
I feel bad for Bert... His abusive dad is the reason why he is an alcoholic. Love you, Bert. Keep your head up.
that or he was the party king in college
@@jakesweet1000 And why do you think he became the party king
Guys a bit of a maraschino
Tom took his whoop off and put it back on when they started paying him.
Baller move
100% on a side note, how many ad breaks did they throw up on here?
@@LetsGoMakeMistakes Tom needs to learn from Bill and Norm on adding more flavor and also mocking them a bit. It weeds out the sponsors with no sense of humor but it also makes it entertaining enough for those listening to not skip forward.
Bags
to be fair i've never seen anyone wear one that isn't getting paid
42:10... saving so i can listen to this tale over and over again
The anger when someone fuks with your kids is CRAZY! It’s a compassion-Free zone! I have been unstoppable......
Killing is in Tom's blood haha
Bert can literally make anything about himself
Yes, it can get extremely old with the constant stories, interrupting, and making anything anyone says somehow about him.
@@danielgilliland8891 100%
Tom talk about his dads experience in Vietnam *
Bert: " That reminds of the business when..."
I'm a fan of the guy but jesus christ.
@@tommywatching3512 same but one bear is taking up 85% of the podcast
No one forced you to watch
Bert tks I really appreciate your commdy it keeps me balance when I ever wanna go crazy
This UA-cam Channel makes my job all the bearable. Thank you guys so much and keep up the good work. PS seeing as you guys are traveling PLEASE COME TO SOUTH AFRICA 🇿🇦❤️
15 years later and Bert is still publicly scorching Stacey Dash every couple of months for when she cried in spin class. The grudge be CAKED with disdain.
Joe Rogan: "Why are you 2 already fat again?"
Tom&Bert: "Talk about eating too much food for 1/3 of the podcast."
Watched this one on my way to work. People on the bus thought I was crazy when I was laughing hysterically!
15 min and its already my favorite episode. Thanks for the ride boys.
Please use the clip of Bert Klansman saying “a short essay” about hating Mexicans.
I like how when bert interrupts tom to talk about his dreams he tells a story of him interrupting and one-upping his daughter with a boring dream story
And then Tom interrupts him to do a shitty ad read. It's all completely jarring. Haha
I love this podcast! I cant wait for every new episode. TRY IT OUT
Seen every episode so far and plan to keep it that way. Please keep up the good work guys. Thank you!
Distracting me from my depression one episode at a time
I've lately wondered about podcasts and what parts of life its replacing.
I'm with ya
Look up Bobby Lee s Podcast tigerbelly, perfect to carry you through depression
@@wejsmith5446 the boring parts
Wej Smith conversations you are missing out on because you are on your phone
The fact that Bert didn’t know who’s special was out first proves there is no way that they planned a “trifecta” joke before they shot the specials.
That breaking your weakness moment, for me, happened in football. From making me play through the pain to making me run further than I thought I could. Best thing to happen to a stubborn, fatherless kid I'd say
11:16 is the truest shit ever... I think of every single one of my Marines who have died. Even more so the ones who died from suicide... you feel like you failed them and think of them every day...
2 Cool Guys 1 Stroke
We literally had a Form PU-55Y "Hurt Feelings Report" that we would fill out when I was in the air force
LMFAO what do you expect from the "air force"...
Easily the best podcast of the week. My face lights up every time
Bert. You wouldn't hide in a room to avoid the fight. You'd be surprised how easy it can be to step out into a firefight. We don't do it to kill people. Imagine knowing Tom was out there, you would be right there with him protecting eachother.
We do it for our brothers. Semper Fi
Brunt “Leeann has straight pubic hair” Krystals
I heard Brent was mad that y’all put Black Bears in the opening instead of regular brown bears only
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I heard he wanted only Polar Bears...
This is the best podcast in existence. I wish there was a new episode every day. My pants are so high and tight!
THANK YOU FOR ENCOURAGING KEEPING YOUR JUNK TRIMMED AND CLEAN!
I love how every time we hear Tom's dad, he sounds like the nicest person on the planet, but then when tom portrays him hes like a pure alpha savage. I just wanna know the real Top Dogg lol.
“What type of bear is best?”
Dwight Shrute: well there’s basically two schools of thought
Brent Chrysler: every kind is best ...except the black bear
Bears beats Battlestar Galactica
Dude nice pull, fucking outstanding work sir
@@TheMatthew427 😂😂😂😂
I'm 31. Yes Those dads still exist. My dad is a Vietnam vet. Always saying wild shit like that. So funny. Such great material for comedy most times.
I forgot my water to spin class 🤣🤣🤣 Bert I love you man.
Bert keeps talking about his “book” but I’m not convinced he can read
the poor boy never learned
“When this podcast comes out we’ll either be in war or not be in war “ very astute observation Bert
Well I've now watched at least 17 hours of 2 Bears One Cave in the last 5 days.
Best Episode Ever! Tom Breaking down The Machine Story!, Was the Funniest thing I've Seen This Year! An then They Brought Their Dads Back Into It!!
Jesus Christ that story of Tom threatening that dude was crazy
Didn’t know that about Tom Segura like him more for sharing the stories of his dad
Hands down best episode yet.
I love how the show so often starts with tearing laughter from the back as Todd and Brad both look as if they were just saying something they shouldnt have.
The first laugh you hear from each episode is a sample at the end of the intro song
prediction: Tom will become 100% like his dad when he gets old
I mean he IS pushing 50 and definitely feels over halfway there already lmao
Matty B he just turned 40
Holy shit I've never seen so many ads in a podcast. Still worth it tho
41:48 best part of the episode
So fucking happy you guys started doing this podcast. I think this was the best one yet, so fucking funny
Hearing about Toms Dads experiences a lot of things start to make sense 😂
I hope Burts not hung up on he thought "when this comes out we could be in war or not be in war".
Yeah man that’s every day.
Tom egging burt on almost gives me an aneurysm from laughter every time😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 do it! Do it! Do it!
"Ya one time I went to hot spin without water" 😂😂
Tom to Bert- "its not like youre in trouble" ... dr Drew "hold my fatty liver"
THE BEST PODCAST PERIOD.
My flow's so heavy this month ugggh
I like hearing toms’ dads war stories !
I’ve only seen my dad cry once. My parents were about to get divorced and my mom had shattered his heart, it had been crazy for about a year. He got wasted and cried to me about it. Borderline traumatizing, but probably important. I also heard that he cried when his father in law died, which actually kind of influenced all the chaos later on with the marriage.
Roland Deschain lol yeah idk just sharing, it is usually a pretty unique memory for most people.
I live a miserable existence. This helps.
Ditto
You don't live. You zombie hippie
It’s our safe haven, it’s okey man, life is what it is
Ghost Hippie you are with us buddy. Enjoy the podcast, let it inspire you in other aspects of your life. Amplify the good and let the bad slide away.
Grow up.
I live just outside tampa in Pinellas. Yeah "sheriff's department is on the way" is definitely a tampa thing to say.
Thank you guys!
Hands down the best podcast out there