Ep. 20 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- On this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave Tom Segura surprises Bert Kreischer by having the Stanley Cup brought into the studio and they learn about its history together! The two of them also revisit the idea of becoming dandies. The question "what is the youngest age you would date" is also explored. What's the youngest you would go?
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Thank you!
Thanks dood
Sweet, the ads are liking me! Kind regards Richard U.K
Preesh
BlissBayBay you’re doing the work of jeebus.
Bert seems more happy than usual...probably bc Black History Month is over
HAHAHA wtf is wrong with u lmao
That’s so good
The only history that Bert knows is the one in the label of Scotch
@@davidcanizal5 no, whats wrong with Bert? Why is he so racist?
Oh my gawd! Ya'll are f***ing relentless 😂😂
Bert last week: I want to be a dandy
Bert this week: I CANNOT wear a suit
Nuts to think that when this episode aired and the Stanley Cup guy said "they cancelled the playoffs in the 1919 season because of the Spanish Influenza epidemic", they had no idea that in just a couple short weeks the year 2020 would make history on that cup just the same
My heart :(
I live In Edmonton and was getting ready for work 5 blocks away from the Oilers arena….. it’s now July 29 2021 and Covid has not yet left Ednonton: we are only 2 weeks away from the CFL season beginning and I’m so excited….. but scared…… it’s really scary being in Edmonton still 16 months into this thing
Yeah. Let's compare numbers and tell me which one was an actual pandemic....
@@cajunrando2556 a pandemic is an infectious disease that spreads across the globe. Yes more people died from Spanish flu but both are actual pandemics.
@@cajunrando2556 it doesn’t have to be the deadliest thing in the world, still kills alot of people. Such a dumb argument too, ”let’s compare numbers” 100 years ago was very different, now we have better medicine and technology so obviously it’s going to be easier to prevent and slow down. Numbers don’t lie but they don’t tell the full story either.
That dudes face when Tom said “the thing about baseball “ 😂😂
You know he said, “are you therious”
"I hate suits, and I can't wear a tie."
I don't think Bert understands the Dandy thing.
His wet brain is getting to him.
@@ZeZeBatata69 I don't know what this means, but I laughed.
Can you remind me what he said about being a Dandy?
He barely gets
half of any given conversation.
@@onthewattle he said last podcast that he thinks he'd love to become a dandy. Which just means the fancy dressed guys. Overly fancy.
Bert is every character Chris Farley ever played but unironically
damn, perfect summation. brillant.
he's a mid 2000 homer simpson, hell the panda episode where homer humiliates himself for money before a bear mounts him is from the hurt bert show,
But not as well acted.
ScramJamJohnson 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👏🏾
Those characters were funny though
Bert "I've never worn a suit"
Sure, except for the white one with the hood
That's his sleep attire.
Dink Fam lmao
@Roland Deschain Bart only speaks the "low" speech, gonna chew that devil weed before we know it!
"no one won in 1919 because of the spanish flu" "ill ask in june when someone wins it" my poor hockey fan heart cant take any more pain
No joke, the dude with the Stanley Cup has the job of a lifetime you’ve never heard of...
He also has itchiest nose of a lifetime 😆😂
Yeah! Fuck a family, a good living and a retirement plan! I wanna carry a cup!
I feel like he has to be like NHL commissioner royalty; like someone’s underachieving nephew or son in-law.
Dr. Remulack if you don’t have or need any of that why turn down money free trips and partying? 😂
Roddy Maybe nervous, I scratch my nose a lot when nervous and talking to new groups of people and I’m getting the most attention/questions
Bert seems like the type of guy who would fall for a pyramid scheme
Tom seems like the type of guy to create a pyramid scheme
Or lose money starting one.
The guy had some "spiritual healer" come and cleanse his new home. He's fallen for some schemes already.
I think you mean Burlt seems like the type of guy that has already fallen for a pyramid scheme
I'm sure Bert has already fallen into one of Tom's pyramid schemes
Tom's got that Daddy Thick Wallet energy & Bert looks like his jorts pocket have a Skoal ring.
Underrated comment right here
Jesus Christ 😂😂😂
That description of Bert is entirely too accurate
Bert does look like he would have a dip in his lip.
Bert: Why would I buy a suit when I'll never wear it?
Also Bert: owns a performance bike, spearfishing equipment, and two iPhone Xs
And wants to be a dandy lol
Don’t forget a kayak
@@Fred3209 the kayak came with the house
Logan Hamik touché, I forgot
@@Biggiesmyles The house came with his Kayak
I work at Toronto airport. Your guest is authentic. Have met him many times and the Stanley cup. Thanks for making us proud . His travel stress with the cup is real.
I just found 2B1C a few weeks ago, and I'm watching them in order. This so far is my favorite Episode!
18:42 the NHL guy really believed Tom thought it was a baseball trophy 😂
This episode should be called “2bears1cup”
That's good.
Fuckin brilliant
Missed a golden opportunity right there
You obviously don’t get the reference
Agreed
Bill Burr would have LOST HIS MIND if he was a guest on this episode. Oh my lord (Do people understand its because he is a massive hockey fan)
honestly a shame
He woulda broke his clean
Yes, but also... YES
How so?
Ohhhhhh Jeeeezus!
Bert is such a great dude, I just wish he wasn’t so racist
It’s a lame joke
And transphobic. Bert really needs to learn that trans folks are people too.
RunningBlade2184 honestly I think Brent is the most hateful comic today
RunningBlade2184 he sure isn’t scared of Trans-Fat. “Hey-O”
Hey I'm black & I understand where you coming from,but Bert is Bert. I met him at a show one time & hes a chill guy. Respect.
“Did he look like us?” “He looked worse than you guys”
I love Bert's look of child-like wonderment when the Stanley Cup arrives.
You should be around when a real hockey fan sees it
Shawn Wurtz I’m so fucking jealous I’d do anything to be in the same room as that beautiful trophy.
Geoff Kilian yea... that’s why you didn’t win it.
Tom: “does [the guy that tried to piss in the cup] look like us?”
Cup Keeper: “no he looked worse.”
Tom: “that’s not what I meant but ok. 😂”
Lmaoooo
Hahahahaha only a true comedian would point that moment out like Tom did. NO SHAME
Evan Schulte lol Tom is so underrated. I think he’s the funniest of the whole “joe rogan group”
Tom is like a creeping cat. His humor starts out cute but then he attacks and turns into a beast!
Way worser
@@213byron because his humor can be so dry and and told in an easy going voice?
“He looked worse than you guys”
“Alright, well, not what I meant”
patrick zerilli can’t believe he said that shit! So rude, funny but rude
Jake Rowan the trophy guy who said they look fucked up haha
The cup has been in Afghanistan more times than Tom's been to Australia
Bert’s grandma was the only one who could measure his inseam properly.
Cup guy: Baseball?
Tom: Nevermind
It looks like Tom has lost a good amount of weight, and burnt chrisler found jt.
Jesus triste, son of full trottle
Burp Crystals found...
SHAKA SOUFFLÉ
Tom has the NRE
Edan Schlesinger no no no it’s bert why do people get this wrong so much?
@@nukedpancakes3_863 bart?
Hahahaha The Stanley Cup just SHOWS UP.
“Isn’t it weird when you start treating women like people?”
I died laughing at that🤣😂🤣😂
Hey man... Timestamp, you know the rules.
Idk why I found, "theres gonna be new funerals coming" so funny hahaha
T Bunz is lookin' xtra slim. Brent is still lookin' a lil strokey. Keep featherin' it brothers.
Bert as a Dandy 1800s man is a tribute to his favorite century. The good ole days before the North ruined everything.
If this has 16 ads mixed in with 4 minutes of conversation and 5 breaks for 'I'll tell you off air' I'ma scream
infuriating
The same as berts podcast with burr
All of these guys (bert, tom, bryan, brendan, and even Andrew Schulz) complained about commercials and stupid breaks in content, then all of these fucks literally started doing commercials in the middle of "free" content like some industry bending fucks
@@quinnsack gotta make money now that youtube wont pay you if you say bad words
@@experssion123 if you arent using adblock, you get decimated by ads, then these podcast bombard you with another 15 mins of ads
I'm not a major hockey or sports fan but it was really cool to see and learn about the history of the Stanley Cup
Hockey is an insanely beautiful sport . I didn't expect to see the CUP on the podcast though 😅
38:46 "you're already putting balls in your armpits" We already knew that this man dips in the pool instead of showering and now we learn this 😂
Lol Bert's pure joy when they brought in the cup was awesome. That was super cool of Tom to set that up and the league for making it happen
Lord Stanley, are you kidding me! That was dope!
Had to feather it last week without a 2 bears 1 cave podcast. Couldn't follow proto. But this week is a whole different story, brothers.
As a two bears one cave fan, a Tom and Bert fan, and a hockey fan, this was awesome! I was surprised and pleased all at once
Tom is going to inadvertently end the marriage of the people who took care of broke him lmfao
I'm tired of the manscaped add because I always just feather it brother.
underrated comnment
Rip fed smoker🤍
@@TheAverageSavage1021 rest in proto feather in peace 😢
Just feathering it is following proto!
But ya can't feather it in the shower, brother.
I can’t believe Bert said that about the Natives on the Trail of Tears. Pretty insensitive.
Ha hahaha ha hahah yowyowyowyowyowyow
He's getting really out of control. Taking up cigarettes has somehow made him more hateful.
Nicholas Maher I know! Did you know he tweeted recently “the only thing Injuns are good for is tobacco” like wtf Bert?
He's hilarious
How? 🧘🏽♂️
Brunt Crystals should wear a monocle as part of his dandy gear, maybe use a german accent...
Trim down to a smart, neat little mustache?
Brunt .. I like that, I really like that
His German accent would sound middle Eastern
Yeeee , I wouldn’t encourage him to do any sort of accent
All of his accents sound like a Swedish-Chinese mashup
Bert: "I want a nice linen suit with my face embroidered all over it."
Tom: 😐
Legit the hardest I've ever laughed!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bert's laughs are just random compilations of squeaks, snorts and screeches
Bert: I want to get a suit with my face embroidered all over it"
Tom: "What a cool idea"
Hardest thing Tom has ever had to say
You know for a fact he clinched his asshole so hard
As a life long hockey fan and player, I turned into a telescope when I saw the cup. When the dude goes Best relationship I’ve had in 21 years 😂
“1800’s Doc Hollywood dandy” Jesus Bert stop drinking before podcast
He wants to be Michael J. Fox "Doc Hollywood" ...might be funnier?
@@Zeflesera probably...
you'd need to start shooting at 6am if you want Bart to stop drinking beforehand.
"I'm not racist, sir." 😂
“Hey I got a heart foundation for Pulmonary Culmanisms”
“Tommy buns ur looking slim! What’s up Bert “
I felt my phone get heavy and was like oh shit another 2 bears cast. Hell yeah
I wonder if Bert realizes he said Doc Hollywood (Michael J Fox movie) instead of Doc Holliday? 🤣
Was just thinking the same thing lmao
He's such a tool
He fucking did it last time too
You can't expect big things from burnt crystals. You know like daily showers, brushing his teeth, not being racist, etc.
@@thomaslongoria439 but he takes a bath everyday in the pool 🤣
Tommy Buns is such a good friend. At least when he hides something from Bert, it doesn't involve putting something in his drink
Toms face while Bart Chrysler is reading the ads 😂🤣
No one:
Stanley Cup:
Sup, Bears
Right? I'm so confused
One of my favourite moments in all podcasts
The Cup was damaged at Vinnie Paul's house after the Stars won it in '99. They threw it into his Crown Royal bottle-shaped pool from the 2nd floor balcony. It hit the edge before going in. I'm sure it has been damaged before, but that's one of the times.
I think that was before this Keepers time so that's probably why he didn't bring it up.
@@mrpb6399 that's what I figured.
It was dented while it was with Michael Ryder from the Bruins too after they won in 2011 but it wasn't really his fault the whole table collapsed there's a vid of it somewhere
I know nothing about hockey, but I believe every single thing you said cause I feel like it's Bubbles telling me it happened.
RIP the great Vinnie Paul and DIMEBAG!!!
1800's Dandy really goes along with Bert's personality. Really any time frame that includes slavery is right up his alley.
“What’s so great about baseball is...” 😂😂😂
Dude got so offended when Tom said "the thing about baseball.
To this day it still blows my mind that Bert is smart enough to comprehend another language.
There’s like 6 or 7 apes that have been taught sign language.
when bert talked about buying the presents, i felt that.
also bert does look younger, sorry jeans.
you two talking about what you would give up for charlize theron was 10/10
Daughter gets in my car
Tom: open you mouth imma piss in your toilet..your mouth toilet
Me: turns it down as fast as i could and sits awkwardly in silence
Now the theme song has to be ‘one goes topless, while the other wears a suit’ lol
Bert describing a 30 year old woman like she's 17... "Has no money..." C'mon dude
That's common. Not just in women. A large portion have over 100k in school debt too. Umm.. duh.
Tom: "So i talked to this guy from Nasca..."
Bert: "OH we should get them to give us the track for an hour at an event, stop the race get them to let us to do pitwork. We could do the event like a Two bears one cave announcing the Nascar"
Tom: "or we could do something accessibl.."
Bert: "No it has to be Nascar! have you ever been!"
If someone cut me off this much to say this much stupid shit I'd slip him molly too.
Jon Belley yea can’t stand his stupid shit
Ari should give him acid next time but in a nicer setting
I've noticed this too. Bert interrupts a lot. Really irritates me when Tom's about to tell a story and Bert interrupts, and it leaves me hoping Tom will eventually get back around to telling it.
Fat Munch ari’s probably off doing loads of ayahuasca and trying to smoke enough toad juice to erase his whole Kobe flop.
Honestly, it’s the reason I haven’t listened to the last handful of eps all the way through
This podcast should be titled “Finding My Second Wife”
they should have random guests bring in random cool things and talk about them. I've never seen them so jazzed up.
Tom, Vinnie Paul from Pantera/Damage Plan (also Hellyeah but that's later) said they wrote a theme song for Dallas's team. after the team won back in 99 they partied with the Dallas Stars at Vinnie's place and someone threw the cup from his roof into the pool and it hit the edge of the pool denting the trophy. They had to repair the trophy and made up another reason why. You were asking the right questions but I don't think he wanted to tell.
Bert completely cut Joe out of his life after having Daryl Davis on JRE.
Burnt kkkrysler
Such a fat racist!! Thats why he looks so old.
heard daryl is trying hard with bert. said its his toughest case yet.
Haha this one has layers of Berts racism.
Bert legit thinking he has a chance with Charlize Theron 🤣
4 strokes in and I'm already so sensitive
Tell me about it. I love thick, thick, hot, white bears.
"she can't tolerate a conversation with somebody young." Yet another reason why Christina is not the personality champ.
If it was ever in doubt (it wasnt)
Christina can't even hold a conversation with anybody without tripping over her own points and missing all of yours. She is unbearable and it makes me happy that Tom and Josh are starting to give her shit for it :)
I figured that out after the 10th hour of her ranting about how people who sneeze should be put to death.
She sucks
Tom's just up front about everything because Top Dawg and Charro were loving, present parents. He always loved himself because he was loved and supported even through accidental GHB overdoses.
Christina...did not have that type of childhood and it shows. She's confused that Tom is mentally stable while also retaining a sense of humor.
I find it hilarious that she thinks he needs therapy. He's a successful person with a great family that taught him to pay his bills on time and invest.
Other than aging two decades in 5 years, he's basically a well adjusted catch.
Lmfao the nonchalance of Tom when the Stanley Cup comes out is hilarious 😭
These longer podcasts are making me feel warm and moist on the inside. Thanks papa bears
The next sober October challenge should be that Bert isn’t allowed to talk about himself for the month!
Wow bert went full Adolf this week.
Herd he's a real jerk and Hitler.
Zieg High cholesterol.
@@michaelpipkin9942 Severely under-liked comment 😂😂😂😂
My phone, ipad and laptop fell to the ground simultaneously this afternoon. It was at that time I knew a new Two Bears One Cave got uploaded
12:47 Tom's face like "that's what's up" 😆 I love this show
Best Stanley Cup story is when the Dallas Stars won in 1999 and partied with Vinny Paul and Dime Bag for four days. One player took the cup and threw it from Vinny's home balcony into the pool. It landed short and smashed the bottom of the cup. There's a bunch of clips on UA-cam of Vinny recounting the story.
Tom seems older.
Tom seems like a man, whereas Bert is basically an old Frat Boi from Florida. :P
The fact Bert is odler is kinda confusing.
Nic Stride it’s amazing he’s been able to navigate the business, but he’s great at promotion. Would be interesting to see Bert without the camera when he’s talking with his agent planning tours.
That’s why the show works. Inside every man, there is a Bert and a Tom. Well...not literally though lol they have wives.
@@kurtkugel2365 Amazing response :D
Tim you’re looking good! I’d eat your scrum
RIP Fedsmoker
Stanley cup: * becomes the center of attention*
Bert: *in an extremely racist accent * "oh no you don't"
“It’s not comin out of your pocket so don’t worry about it” something simple just killed me 😂
Bert! Your eyes when Lord Stanley appeared!! Great surprise Tom. I need friends like this in my life.
Tom, "Are you going to do a bowtie?"
Burt, " P-p-pprobably?"
Literally three minutes later
Burt, "I can't wear a tie, it's like I'm being choked"
"I wanna be a dandy!"
"I can NOT wear suits!"
I want to know what Tom’s decoy “what do you do?” plane story is.
"what is the youngest age you would date"
Simple formula. Half your age plus 7.
Im 24 so 12+7=19 sooooo spot on.
Once you hit 30 you don't care as long as it's legal. Not for relationships though, that would be rough.
What about 18-21 year olds? Your formula gets illegal for them, like cigarettes..
@@FifthCornerRecords Just like most formulas, it get REAL complicated at the extremes.
Im 2 and im havin a hard time with the math but it doesnt look good
38:47
Bert during an ad read: "you're already putting BALLS on your armpits,"
“What the fuck is with the grandmother buying you suits”😂
Hes wearing gloves but keeps whipping his nose lmao
dude nice lol
They have the same convo about who their 2nd wives would be every episode
Bert: if only there was such a thing as a suit made from sweatpants material...
Erm.... Like a tracksuit.
Having the Stanley Cup in front of you must have been awesome! Too bad my team won't see it again. It would be nice to be won in Canada again!
1:31:14 Bert repeats "Wait...Your Husband is the machine?" like 7 times. Master storyteller this guy.
OK. I gotta side with Bart Crysis on this one. He does look a bit younger here. He looks 10 years younger. I'd say about 64.
He's a 66 year old dressing like he's 24. His youth is an illusion.
58:36 This is the beginning of a divorce putting in effort means alot Bert you're a great guy. " But I really miss cheating". I feel you after that story dude.
Perfect comment. Those of us who have seen the truth know the signs..
I want a challenge where they both have to wear a gimp suit until Bert freaks out lol
watching in november 2023, miss the old 2 bears man
Please tell me someone isolated Bert's flub during the midroll when he says, "You already put balls in your armpits!" Ha ha