The problem is not being a housewife, it's about being the housekeeper, therapist, chauffeur, nurse, WET nurse & cook, with barely even a thank you or any acknowledgement of the skills and preparation it takes to stay at home and look after the family 24/7. The problem is leaning on women's backs to do the majority of that work, diminishing the importance of that work, then gaslighting women to take that role seriously again when they don't want it anymore. The problem we have is that femininity is supposed to be about joy, but instead of women actually BEING joyful, they are meant to EMBODY it to be the masculine energy's peace. That's a problem. When people are truly happy, all these politics go out of the window, and the reason they exist is because men in power keep deluding themselves about that. So women get caught up in a petty argument that eventually misses the entire point of women's rights. It's not to not be a housewife - it's to do what makes a woman feel JOYFUL. And that's even more the case if she has to bring children into the world.
@@mariamshalvashvili8108 Shoe fits, honey. Stop whining and make your husband a sandwich. He will love and appreciate it, believe me. I appreciate my wife for all she does.
We always teased my mom for being a housewife. My siblings and I mostly did it because we saw our dad do it, but I think he was hoping for more financial help from my mom so he wouldn't feel 100% of the pressure to work. Now that I work and take care of my own home, I understand my success was only possible through my mother's domestic skills and emotional availability. Work, in any form, is valuable.
I do wonder why he didn't just straight up and tell her how it would be easier if if she got a salaried job and took account how much her duties save money in the household.
Let's think about this : we can pay maids to take care of our house and nannies to take care of our child. Those are some of the jobs of housewives, which means, there are values of what they do.
Strange that you failed to point out that both Alison and Lois have jobs. They are lower middle class, and can't afford to rely entirely on their husbands' salary. Seemed like it would be the perfect opportunity to talk about the "double shift", how even working women are still expected to do the majority of the housekeeping and childrearing, and how that often necessitates women to take part time jobs, with less opportunities for career advancement.
There is little class focus in the video. They don't mention that Betty in Mad Men actually doesn't do much housework or childcare- she has a maid, Carla, to do that.
yes! would have been nice to hear more about Lois. She had a job - not a particularly high paying one - because she had to work It's clear the family needed her income. But she still did pretty much all the housework because, as fun and nice as he was, it seems Hal was pretty useless. So we see her doing the best she can while obviously deciding that she cannot be everything - the house is often messy, some of the stuff half done, and it's clear that she just can't do it all and doesn't try. - while the four men that she lives with don't seem to do a whole lot of take care of themselves. It's no wonder she was on the edge most of the time.
As a young housewife, thank you for this. I’m disabled and can’t work and I’m sick of my peers looking down on me for not having work outside the home. But if someone can be paid for what I do at home (housekeeping, for example), then I dont see myself as “not working”. Besides, human value isn’t based on what we can and cannot do.
It's hard as a disabled person in the workforce (especially because people so damn eugenic). I say as an Aspie who worked someplace where they were allowed to pay some employees under minimum wage.
I'm probably old enough to be your mother and my friends are now envious that I have the opportunity to be home when they all HAVE to work just to pay the bills... Things change with time and age
Housework is work. Just because you don’t draw a paycheck doesn’t mean your labor is worthless. I’ve seen some SAH people refute pity by turning it around and pitting their friends with “it’s so sad you have to pay taxes for the privilege of working. I’m my own boss _and_ employer.”
@@nicolehall694 but you have to be prepared that when your children grow up they won't have time for you. Your husband most likely will cheat and 50/50 chance will leave you for something younger. You have to be ok to start over at 50.
It's interesting that many women I know have expressed how ridiculous it is that we are now expected to do everything. Have college degree(s), be a full-time employee, share the bills, care for our children, husband, and the household all at the same time. We have to do it all. And any man who is involved in this is just "helping us out."
@ALEJANDRA SOTO - DEL TORO Be frugal and financially smart. Sacrifice and save, invest the savings to get passive income. I stay at home and combined we don’t earn six figures. I cook homemade, save money, only buy on sale, and he invests our savings.
Here's the rub, many women didn't go to college, didn't have careers, devoted themselves to family and when their husband wanted to move on to a newer model, they, and the kids were screwed.
I know someone who wants to be a housewife. She also wants to go to college but her real dream is having a big family because she grew up on one and loves her siblings a lot. People can be very cruel sometimes, that's the real reason I'm a bit scared of motherhood, not because children and pregnancy are "gross". It's because we live on a hypocrite society that claims to love mothers, but it fails them everyday.
As a mother myself, I can't stand when people say society loves moms. It doesn't. Just because America makes a big deal out of mother's day doesn't mean anything.
But then, in the book and in LM Alcott's real life, the reality was much more difficult. LM (Jo) ended up having to support her sister's children as the husband genuinely was poor and sickly. Even in the book, Meg's life is a slog, she pushes herself to be the sensible one and can't seem to have fun without being 'bad' in some way, she doesn't allow herself other interests and talents outside domesticity.
The problem with being a housewife in the modern age is that after your kids are grown, a housewife’s role becomes shaky. Especially when going into the workforce or doing other things does not come easy after a two decade break. Back in the days when most people had big families a housewife was indispensable but it’s just not the same anymore. That can be a positive for women who want to make non-traditional choices but not so much for those who want to focus on family because that often means that they will be sacrificing their options later in life.
I would have thought that once the kids finally leave (reports say they stick around longer than their parents would like these days) the husband just slips into retirement and do all those things old people like join a book club or seat around in McDonald's long drinking coffee for two hours (they get free refills) with their friends or hitting movie theater in the afternoon to avoid the crowd.
The value of the unpaid labor hospices perform is not lost when their child care duties age out. The problem is that their other, less visible and culturally acceptable, contributions are not valued. Everyone loses some amount of their hourly productivity as they age but in housewives, no one really cares about the knowledge and experience they’ve earned, since “anyone” can do housekeeping and family management.
I would have liked to see you focus more on the increasingly large chunk of women who are stay at home moms because they can't afford childcare and lack support from their families, not because of any sort of affluence or privledge.
I hate that being a stay at home mom is always associated with being upper or upper middle class in western media when it's talked about, because a lot of poor (or middle class) families, both in the west and especially in other parts of the world, you can still see stay at home moms. That's what people don't consider. Having people take care of your kids for you, eating out, and having someone else clean your house for you is expensive. Some families would rather save by just having the mom stay at home and clean, cook, and raise the kids on her own rather than pay to have it done for her, while she also doesn't get to see her kids as often. Plus some women aren't physically or mentally capable to work outside of home, or they live in an area where they can't find a job. Plus some women may want/feel the need to get a job, but can't because their husband or society doesn't want them to (if they live in that kind of culture). You could also let your family members look after the kids, but not everyone has that family support (some don't have family, and some do, but they're struggling themselves, live far away, or are untrustworthy). Kids can pitch in and help out, even take care of/look after themselves and each other if they're old enough, however, kids have school, work, social life, and a sleep schedule, meaning they can only do so much. You'd have to balance kids helping out while also letting them have a safe and healthy childhood, one where they can have time to do their school work and enjoy being a kid. Plus, some children aren't old enough to pick up their weight. Babies can't microwave their own food after getting dropped from the bus or do the laundry. I think people, even those who supposedly "support" housewives, are still bitter about them. Saying, "Yeah, you can be a housewife, if you're RICH." Or, "If a woman can PAMPER herself (in other words, 'If she wants to be lazy and her privileged lifestyle let's her.'), then why not?" 🙄 Being a stay at home mom is not a luxurious thing that rich people can gatekeep.
@@melodyclark1944 That's a good point. The first show that comes to mind is "Roseanne", but then i rememembered that the character has a series of menial jobs. I don't think they explain her childcare situation, but it's established that she has a good friend/family support system. Also, that show is too dated to relate to today because it depics two working class people as being able to afford to own a home. MAybe there isn't a market for realistic representations of today's middle class, it would likley be a bit too bleak.
@@mynameisreallycool1 Absolutely agree. I did all of the emotional and physical labor that went with parenting and running a household, but as someone that often worked two jobs before having a child, I still had massive stay at home mom guilt for not being able to also work to contribute financially to our home- something that was impossible due to lack of affordable childcare.
THANK YOU ! MY SON HAS AUTISM I REALLY HAD NO CHOICE ! LIKE I HAVE TO BE AVAILABLE WHEN SCHOOL AND PARA PROFESSIONALS CALL DEPENDING ON HIS MOOD THAT DAY O HAVE TO PICK HIM UP! HIS GRANDMA STILL WORKS AND IS NOT RETIRED AND SO DOES HIS GRANDFATHER. HIS DAD IS AT WORK SO YEAH UNLESS I CAN HAVE JOBS BE VERY FLEXIBLE AND SOME PART TIME VERY UNDERSTANDING JOBS THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE.
My grandmama raised five kids and kept house for ages. Then she went to study to be a teacher at the same time as her oldest daughter! She is a goddamn superhero that's what she is!
I’m the oldest of five kids and my mom did the same thing. She was mostly home, although she did work a couple of part time jobs. At one point she also operated her own seamstress shop out of our house. When the youngest child went to kindergarten she went to school to be a teacher.
My mom raised us all alone. (We are 4) She built a house for us and she never took days off. When my youngest sister turned 18, my mom went to pursue her biggest dream, to be a doctor. She finished the medical college age 53. ☺️ If she could do it, there's nothing holding me back. ❤❤❤
Karen Wheeler from "Stranger Things" is an interesting depiction of an 80's suburban, middle class housewife, who is unhappy with being married to her apathetic husband Ted, and it's all but stated that she tried to pursue a career, but was knocked back by the sexism of the era, and urges Nancy not to give up like she did.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 Karen won't leave her marriage that much is certain. I really wouldn't have judged her too harshly if she did have that affair, but she decided she wouldn't so kudos to her.
In the 90s it was normal for moms to work (I was born in the late 80s but my parents were married 10 years before having me so both worked and continued to work) most of my friends had working or stay at home moms it was a mix. I didn’t know 80s moms all were expected to stay home. I guess that’s when it shifted. The power suits and all
@@oooh19 Keep in mind when Karen had Nancy (the late 60s) and where they live (rural conservative Indiana). Karen probably was barely 20 when she got married.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 good point. but i see on mad men which takes place during the 60s women like joan and peggy working but it was Manhattan. so it's location as well as time
I just wanted to pop in and mention that having your wife be a housewife has ALWAYS been a status symbol of having enough money to survive on one income. Even back in Roman times and specifically it was very common in the 17 and 1800s women and wives from poor families did have to go to work. They just worked in what we're considered women's jobs such as maids and cooks ect and in the early 1900s they worked in factories. Back then if your wife had to work it reflected badly on you as a family and on the husband. Because he wasn't successful enough to support his family and his wife had to go to work. And people who were successful enough where only the husband had to work didn't want their children to marry children from families who did have to work. One more way of keeping all the wealth in the wealthy's pockets.
My mother worked and my grandmother's both worked and my great-grandmother's all worked. On my mother's side they could afford to be housewives, they chose to work. On my father's working class side, it wasn't a choice. Mum = housewife/student, accountant Her Mum = hair dresser Her grandmother = book shop manager Her great-grandmother = school teacher Dad's single parent mother = petrol station employee, cleaner (offices) Dad's grandmother = domestic servant in fashionable part of London from 13 years old, fish 'n chip shop employee Dad's single great-grandmother = barmaid, workhouse pauper Those two of my great-grandmother's were around when I was a kid and they weren't embarrassed that they worked outside the home. Dad's grandmother fought tooth and nail to keep her kids and grandkids from slipping into poverty and having authorities take them away and she was proud of her hard work. She and her brother's were taken away from their mother and she didn't want the same to happen to her own kids and grandkids. My Mum's mother was never embarrassed about working. They didn't need her income but she loved doing hair! I remember every time we visited her she was doing something with my hair. I don't know if society looked down on her for it but she's always been very social and likes to listen to people.
@@scottslotterbeck3796 I didn't mean to come off that way at all. The poor can achieve a lot and become wealthy today. I firmly believe that. But back in the 18 and 1900s and before for most of human history there was basically no class mobility at all. It was very rare for someone with money to marry someone without money. And oftentimes fathers wouldn't allow their daughters to get married at all if there was no man they considered good enough for them. So their daughters would live at home with their mother and father their whole lives. So the wealthy guarded their wealth religiously back then. They would rather their wealth go to cousins or uncles upon their death then allow their children to marry a poor person and have the poor person gain any money.
@@WhitneyDahlin ignore them, they've been posting sexist and outdated comments all over the video, what you said was very well thought out and made perfect sense.
Or women worked in the husband/ father's business, like farming or shopkeeping. The children of similar backgrounds tended to marry each other as they knew more about the nature of the work. Marriage was just much more of a business agreement in the past.
I cant imagine how hard it is for single mom’s and dad’s. Having to wear all the hats and depending on their family, friends they might not have any support. How does their story fit into this?
I appreciate how hard housewives and househusbands work in the home, but it has to be a CHOICE, no matter if it's because of necessity or personal preference. All those unhappy housewives in the past were unhappy because their personalities didn't fit the role they felt compelled by society to take. To say that ALL women should become housewives and that would be a better, more natural way of life is painfully naive and short-sighted.
But working outside the home isn’t a choice for the most people either and many employees are unhappy and treated terribly: working in unsafe environment, schedule issues, not enough help, dealing with Karens etc
Let's think about this : we can pay maids to take care of our house and nannies to take care of our child. Those are some of the parts of housewives, which means, there are values of what they do.
Problem is, housewives aren't payed for that, nor does it count as working experience. Plus, specialization comes with increased efficiency, so having one woman do it all is worse than having different people for all of that. Even worse, economically speaking, if a skilled woman does this work, as all the years educating her are futile. Thus, every woman becoming housewife makes a good case to refuse education from women and girls because the investment is not worth it if they don't work. And that hurts ALL women and girls.
@@red_calla_lily Actually, I want to point out that there are values in domestic works, regardless of husband or wife or anyone who do the domestic works. It's not just about the price and result.
Pay maid have their own status and power(little but they have) tbh they are not controlled by any one if you treat them bad then they can totally leave you and find somewhere else to work
There is value because the maids and nannies are doing a service. You don’t get paid for something if those who benefit are you and your family. Also, who would pay for the service? There is no point in the husband doing that as it is essentially an allowance and there wouldn’t be any more money entering the household.
Thank you for doing this. I feel seen. I'm an unpublished novelist with kids, which means I'm a housewife. I hate every time I have to fill out a form that makes me identify as "unemployed" when I work very full days. I care for my kids and I manage the household and a few evenings a week I go write (Starbucks is my room of my own). The Housewife only became a category in 1820 because of the industrial revolution. Before then, it was just work. Most people worked inside the home in some capacity. Farms were near or part of houses. Craftspeople (both men and women) had workshops attached to or inside their homes. It's only when this work left the home that it became a separate entity. That's what is missing from the conversation. Capitalism didn't invent the housewife. It just redefined and devalued it.
When you check unemployed it doesn’t mean you do not work, it means you do not work outside of the home. Many people I’ve worked with show up to the office and make work for others. Many people I know work in the home and make life easier for most everyone. You have the most important job of raising children and having a family, what others think does not matter.
Women have been second class in most cultures since men began writing. And regardless of whatever capitalism did, the church told them they were the heads of the family.
Please cover the House Husband Trope, which is the Male Counterpart, and how males might be judged for performing traditionally "Female" roles, or the Working Mum, who is often the breadwinner of the family.
19:22 should’ve included a segment about the cookie baker on Tik tok who went viral for pointing out the hypocrisy in her husband taking their young son out while running her baking errands for one morning and being applauded and complimented for something she herself does literally every single day. It would’ve been a very satisfying addition to the video to not only include her story and how relatable that is for modern women, but also to highlight the insane backlash she’s received from men calling her sexist as it’s an important indicator of just how remarkably far we still have left to go in order to fully achieve something remotely resembling equality.
I was a housewife for few years and after I got a job, and a good one, my husband expected me to do also all the house work and child caring. I was always tired but he never helped with anything. Things got so ugly that I ended up geting a divorce. At least I only have one child to take care of.
@@jordannewsom3606 You're kidding yourself if you don't think this is an issue in many marriages, women being overly burdened with housework/childcare while working at a job just as many hours as their husbands do. Too many husbands still see housework and childcare as women's work.
This makes me think of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray gets in trouble for saying to his wife that their money is actually all his. But in other episodes of the series, we see that Ray doesn’t actually want his wife to work because that would mean he’d have help out around the house more, tacitly admitting that what she does is hard work. And I think that was kind of the point. Also, could Modern Family get a full video sometime?
Desperate Housewives was my jam. Had as good a first season as any show I've ever watched. Then they started getting hit by airplanes and tornadoes and stuff...
It would be nice to see an old ladies trope, especially from Miyazaki Hayao's animations. His old woman characters are just as good as his young girl protagonists.
I think i read somewhere that some of the Scandinavian countries actually pay "housewives" for their contributions to society. They're housekeepers, cooks, nannies, amateur accountants, chauffeurs, tutors, nurses, amateur sleuths, and (on occasions) seamstresses. Apparently, certain countries have finally seen their worth and they're now being compensated for all the toil
My mom was a stay at home mom/housewife until I was about 15. She actually left a very lucrative job with the department of defense (she was a GS-13 or 14 when she left). She left her job (voluntarily) to go all in raising me and my siblings... but nobody can say she left work. Raising 3 kids, maintaining a house, and helping my dad run his private practice was WORK, thats for damn sure.
We really need to talk about housewives who aren't upper middle class cisgender white women. Also I am not sympathizing with Phyllis Schlafly's ilk: those women talk about how they staying home and performing the domestic arts, with help of at least one maid, talk about how they "make life worth living" when other women (and even children) pick the cotton, fruits, wheat, veggies for the fabric, flour, and jams they will make into embroidered pillows and anti ERA pies. I know this because both my parents and my ants and uncles and my grandparents all worked on the fields and were active in the protests of the 60s and 70s. Is my dad recalled having to get on a bus with other farm workers his age this age to urge consumers to boycott grapes in suburban Los Angeles. So no Karen, making life worth living wasn't all your labor 100%.
Once again The Take whilst mildly interesting is talking about the shallowest take. The housewife troup is very common but they only mention middle class and rich housewives. As you said there are many layers. Why did they choose to ignore this? Bias? Laziness? Lack of knowledge?
The “Tradwife” thing seems like upper class cosplay to me. At least here in the States. I literally do not know anyone who can who can afford to live off a single income. Even single people with no kids I know (including myself) require multiple income streams to just pay for shelter. And it’s only getting worse.
True. Solutiin? Deport the 32 million illegals, starting with the 2 million illegal Europeans. Do that, and housing prices will fall, rents will decrease. . There's your answer. Uncontrolled growth leads to uncontrolled inflation
Great example of housewives labor being undervalued is people being surprised at how much life insurance you should have on the stay at home parent. Most people are quite ignorant of how much the "non-working" spouse's passing effects the family's finances. 🙁
The stay-at-home parent has to do a ton of stuff that for those who spend the day outside, always appear done and therefore easy to do. But if you remove that person... Laundry. It's not just turning on the washing machine. You can lose half a day or even the entire weekend. Food. Shopping, organizing, cooking, doing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen. Every single day, several times a day. House. Dust doesn't remove itself. Clutter. Everybody just leaving things everywhere. Kids. Take to school and activities. Bring back. Educate. Supervise. Love. On and on...
My Mama has two post doctoral degrees, was the higher-earner, and still did more of the childcare and housework. It wasn't that Adda wasn't supportive or hands on, they fell into patterns where she did more and he did less and neither of them realized it. One of the reasons I'm weary of having children is because I've assumed I'll have to carry that same disproportion of work. But being a teacher challenged me to find ways my students could educate and regulate themselves. Working with fellow staff has given me more of the communication and self-advocacy skills I'll need to share work equitably with my partner. Now I have hope that I won't feel put upon, disrespected, or taken advantage of. I believe I can turn being a family into a team effort. I want my children to look to their parents and feel hopeful about the roles they may choose in their future.
I lost my job during the pandemic and I been enjoying my new life as a house wife. Weird for me as I been working since I was 14 years old. Cooking, cleaning and taking care of everything in the house is a lot of work, also very rewarding as all of us are very healthy and saving even more money, cause I cook everything we eat. However I really miss making my own money and looking for something that I can do few days a week and keeping my house wife duties.
My sister has a toddler and a 6-month old and works full time. The amount of work she does all day taking care of them and providing for them-on her own-she deserves a gold medal!
She deserves a freaking trophy! I don't work full time, but I work 4 days the week, my husband works 1-2 days. So there is always someone with our daughter. But even so, it so much work and not easy. But to work full time and to take care of 2 babies alone? Man! She is a hero!
Not so long ago Bill O'Reilly said single mothers were destructive to society. Forgetting that it takes 2 to make a child. Republicans cheered. They all forgot that 43% of child support is never paid, and most men are not wealthy, so child support is no windfall. I agree about your sister, mine were close together, and my ex put us all through hell. Hardest years of my life, just not cracking up should get a mother a gold medal, doing a good job on top? I don't know, a really nice car?
Have you ever done a video about the "four women" trope? I've been watching Harlem, a new show on Prime that centers around four women best friends. That got me thinking about all the shows about female friendships that always center around four main characters: Sex & the City, Girls, Living Single, Golden Girls, Insecure, Girlfriends, Desperate Housewives, Devious Maids. Even Pretty Little Liars centered around the four main girls until Allison came back. I think it's an interesting trope and want to know the reason why it's so prevalent on t.v.
I recently moved out of my parents' house. They work out of town so it was up to me to take care of the house. I was holding up a 9 to 5 job at the same time. My two younger brothers still live at home. They are not domestically inclined, especially the youngest who is just straightup lazy. That experience was so stressful it almost drove me to a depression relapse. Imagine coming home from work after a 2 hr commute both ways and finding lazy slobs waiting for you to cook. I had to flip out to get them to cook. Of course the youngest had to be told to do it every time. I was called a nag for not wanting a mess in the kitchen attracting rats and cockroaches. Fuck the domestic life. I love living on my own and taking care of myself. All messes are mine but I like keeping a clean house.
@@hzlin3005 it’s a religious practice & it’s often seen as evil. Although, I’ve heard that hoodoo isn’t a religion, but a magickal practice so my information on what exactly it is might be wrong
In the UK the modern housewife is almost invisible on screen. It hasn't been a common role since pre-war, but it's always been less common on screen. We know there are rich women who are housewives but I think old money here tend to have to appear humble and not really put things like that on screen. Even though many of the women on screen on shows about designing gardens or buying second homes probably are housewives it's rarely mentioned. A housewife will likely introduce herself by her hobby or charity work or whatever else rather than identify as a housewife. I think that's because our society massively undervalues parenthood and feminism in the UK was almost entirely built on their inclusion into capitalism. Even though its almost unattainable, its not seen as goals because its invisible. Most women who become mothers are off for a couple years, maybe in part time job, helping out at school or something like that, but largely expected to be doing some form of paid work by the time their kid is in secondary school. With the exception of some British South Asian or African etc households who make a specific effort to support in career toward being able to support a housewife for at least the duration that a child is living at home (or to afford a nanny if both in full time careers) it's very hard to "afford". In fact the social stereotype of homemakers is "scroungers" particularly if its a working class household or a single mother. Because the main way to afford to stay at home in the UK is to have another kid, as the child benefit increases for a small child. Working class families who want to stay home and raise kids feel pressured to have another, and there's awful stereotypes about these people all being lazy because their lifestyle requires state money, but actually there's a level of jealousy that it's not attainable for a working household to live on a single wage as well as the heavily entrenched class system and how classism ties into view of working class procreation and motherhood. Any group which isn't rich but has someone staying at home, especially to raise more than 3 kids (common in generationally poor households and also Muslim households, which can tie into islamophobia and anti immigrant sentiment too) is treated more or less like a disease that sucks the system dry, totally dehumanised. I think you guys have some similar crossover with the "welfare Queen" stereotype used particularly on black women. The housewives we see on screen other than these tend to fit a "gold digger" stereotype. But it's different to yours, because with old money this kind of thing is seen as classless new money behaviour. There's a difference between the girls of "made in Chelsea" and "the only way is Essex". The latter group have money in an economic boom which led to many manual laborers having substantial wages compared to service staff. Some of these women are on paper housewives and some of them work. Many aspire to be rich. But housewives is never used because they aspire to be somewhat like a kardashian. They want to be famous. They want to work still in a way. They want to open a nail salon and create a branded fashion line. They just want the security of a partners money to do it all without taking the risks that a working woman usually would. The desire there is not to raise kids. Similarly with those in Chelsea, they may not aspire to work but they aspire to afford a nanny to do the childcare. The only people called housewives on screen are set in the past. Mostly pre war past and when it's a period drama this is rich women as poor women here have always worked and middle class in a period drama means rich. In more modern shows, a "normal" housewife is generally set between the 50s-80s, with the earlier end being a nagging figure, the backseat driver, where you sympathise with the "poor husband". She is a battle axe, not a beauty queen. (see keeping up appearances) and/or she is the wife of a laborer, especially a coal miner, often based up north. For jobs which took a lot of physical manual labour and pains and dangers, it was common to have housewives working from home to make sure he was well nourished and to raise the kids for the long hours away. These communities mostly fell post-thatcher. But if you watch films like "Billy elliot" or "this is England" or "pride" you'll see real British housewives. It is mostly the only place. In that media they often are treated with respect as the backbone of the family, however because the working class and northerners are so derided, it doesn't translate as them being well respected societally, Esp compared to the women who took up work post war. Modern media often ignores the way this was fought against by many men even up to more modern times. "made in Dagenham" is a good example of the way working men and working women were set against each other by the government and capitalist classes. Anyway it would be interesting to compare
Would have been very interesting to see how the SAHM trope looks and is interpreted differently for WOC and women in poverty (or not middle class/wealthy) like how there looked at as “welfare queens” or bad moms bc they have their kids at a caretakers all the time
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife. And discouraging women for making that their goal is inherently hypocritical and sexist. Women should be able to work outside the home without any judgment and women should be able to focus on working in the home without any judgment as well. Just because someone's a housewife doesn't mean they are dissatisfied or tricked into pursuing that lifestyle. I'm a housewife and I'm happy and content. I've always been a major introvert and a writer. I am fortunate my husband goes out and works so I'm able to pursue knowledge for its own sake and a degree for its own sake and spend my days on keeping the house and gaming and educating myself. The dissatisfied housewife is trope is so old that is no longer accurate since the only women who are housewives now are women who chose to be housewives. It's a very outdated trope. Of course if every single woman is supposed to be a housewife a lot of women are going to be dissatisfied because they would rather pursue something else. But now only women who want to be one are housewives for the most part so most of them aren't dissatisfied.
Oh, absolutely. Feminism means every woman is free to make stupid decisions and fuck up her life. But there's nothing wrong with calling it a stupid decision, either. I would call a man who did this stupid, so I call women who want to be housewives stupid.
I'm not a woman, but I'd love to be a... househusband? Housespouse? That both rhymes and is gender neutral, so I prefer that XD It's funny how people are simultaneously like: "Oh, but don't you have any ambitions? I wouldn't be able to just stay at home, I'd go crazy!" and "Oh sure, you just want your partner to do all the hard work earning the money. They're suffering every day at a shitty job, just so you can sit at home and enjoy your life!" Which one is it? Is working a job something that's fulfilling and you couldn't live without it, or is it torture and anyone who stays at home just wants to leech off a partner who works their ass off? Or maybe, just maybe, some people enjoy pursuing a career and others enjoy cooking and cleaning and raising children, because people find different things fulfilling? Sorry for the little rant :) I also enjoy writing, but my job (which I hate because I'm an introvert who would love nothing more than to stay at home) leaves me next to no time for that. I hope I'll find a partner one day who gives me the opportunity to be a housespouse. The only other option I see is writing every free minute and in circa ten years, if I'm not burned out by then, I'll have written a book that'll be rejected by publishers and utterly fail when I self-publish it and I'll be back at square one. Or I can keep wasting my time writing youtube comments that are waaay too long XD I hope the sarcasm was clear, I'm not as depressed as I sound. Not yet.
@@ichbinben. Omg I swear we're twins! I spend way too much time writing Long UA-cam comments as well! And I am also working on a novel I am fully expecting to get rejected by every publisher xD I totally agree with everything you said. I actually worked as an in-home geriatric nurse for a lot of our relationship but since he was making more money I worked part-time and took care of everything at home and when we got married. He insisted I can quit. He benefits from having a housewife since everything is taken care of for him. He never has to worry about anything or pick up after himself. I do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, I schedule his appointments, remind him of family birthdays clean out his car ect. He doesn't have to lift a finger at home he literally just has to go to work and that's it. And I enjoy and find fulfillment in keeping a clean home and not having to interact with people so much. We both have so much more energy to pursue our hobbies and hang out. It works out perfectly for us and I know one day you will find your perfect partner as well ❤️
It is a risky to relying on one partner who could possibly lose interest in you or leave you without a backup plan is a little unwise, and if someone plans to be a housewife well I hope they have some sort of education and does well on it at least I don’t mind if I happen to be one in the future I just don’t know what to do in general 💀
@@NoName-dx1no yeah having something to fall back on is definitely a must. Especially if you don't have a degree or work experience. I think that's very important. And if you don't know what to do I recommend trying a lot of different things! Like volunteering or shadowing different jobs. Like volunteering for hospice, shadowing a lawyer, or focusing on improving whatever artistic talent you have (musical, drawing/art, writing ect). Call around to businesses in the area you think you might be interested in and ask to shadow someone. Most businesses will allow you to shadow someone to get a feel for the industry
I would love to be a housewife, staying home taking care of my daughter. However in reality, my baby daddy was not reliable person and had a Peter Pan syndrome, left my daughter and I. I’m a single mother who works shitty jobs to support my daughter and also getting married to someone is a fear of mine. Because I don’t want someone to see my daughter as a baggage. I would wait until she grows up. I do love someone but my daughter comes first. From the independent woman perspective who pays all of the bills, being housewife who stays home with her kids and husband is a privilege.
I sense a lot of insecurity among the guys who tell the housewife to "leave the thinking to me." They don´t want to know a housewife is a better thinker than them. Torvald Helmer from A Doll´s House seemed to embody this insecurity.
I think nothing else like the pandemic times we are living in made me reevaluate my opinion towards working housewives. I always respected women, who wanted to be just housewives, but when one has to be with ones family in a enclosed space ....who have to do their job while handling housework, children, husbands hysterics about the whole situation.... women are superheroes. Period. All women.
I have literally never even heard of the idea of paying housewives a salary, and now its so depressing because it would be such an important and valuable idea. Having stay at home mothers be dependent on another person for money is so villainous and sinister but it's so accepted in our society that I never even thought of it as a societal decision with an alternative
There was a "Wages For Housework" campaign in 70s UK but it never really took off, unfortunately. Interestingly enough the initials "WFH", now refer to "Working From Home".
I’m at an interesting intersection; I work and have always wanted a career but the pandemic/lockdown/economy has made me want to shift a lot of my priorities. I don’t want kids but am engaged and have always wanted to be married. I work entirely from home while my fiancé works at a hospital. I like having my own money but find that I like being at home. I like cooking and decorating the house but I like the economic freedom of having a job (my fiancé contributes to the house work as well-we divide the cleaning but I cook because I’m a much better cook and I genuinely enjoy it, it relaxes me, haha!). So I kind of live like a housewife (being at home all day, making the house beautiful, cooking, etc.) but work full time.
Same feeling, I love the home, I like doing chores, keeping my house pristine but I love having my own money and financial independence, it feels stimulating
My favorite song depicting the housewife being treated as a trophy and machine is "He Thinks He'll Keep Her" by Mary Chapin Carpenter. I liked Alice Macray and Beth Ann Stanton for their empowerment being how they help other housewives through domestic abuse and confront a culture that looks the other way when husbands cheat and beat their wives while women are given more emotional labor to "improve his attitude" I have created a few housewife characters one of them being contemporary and a few others in their retro past. One of the retro housewives goes through the repressed feminine mistake until her sexuality gets ignited in the fifties and she starts exploring her own interests and opening her own mouth and speaking her mind long before she gets a job in the 70s. Another housewife deals with repression when she was a teenage girl who was pressured by her Catholic Sacramento family to hide for 9 months to give birth to her baby but as a housewife she keeps up with her old library profession as a influential and hard-working volunteer and has a happy homelife with her husband and daughter as she works to build an open environment and look for the baby she was coerced into putting in adoption.
Please do a video about She-Devil! I just watched it twice this week for the first time and I love how it deconstructs the Vile Mistress- Cheating Husband- Frumpy Wife dynamic. Both women outgrow sexist, cheating, gaslighting Bob and take control of their lives. He's the problem, not them!
My mother tried to be a housewife whe she should have been out and working and making her own money. Now both she and my father (who was always bad with money) are now broke. She has no education and no skills and miserable.
Along with COVID the rising cost of day care as well as the lack of day care workers has made finding day care impossible. I know one woman who became a stay at home mom because the cost of child care in her area was taking all her paycheck. I know another because she can’t find childcare in her area that isn’t completely booked or can’t find extra help for extra children.
I feel for women who have kids with a plan of going back to work and then the plan falls through. That is rough. On one hand you want to go back to work, on the other hand the child is no one else’s responsibility besides the parents. I know a lot of families who expect more help than they actually will receive and those expectations can be damaging. When I have a baby, I’ll keep in mind that it’s no one else’s job or responsibility to raise my kid, so I need to plan on that duty being mine and mine alone.
I think the insane child care laws in the US are also at fault. Most of my peers and I stayed home alone from 7 yo after school until my parents came back and no one died, but I bet if one of these women did something like that they'd get arrested.
I’d love to see a movie where they show those women who actually love being housewives, mothers and such. Women that truly love being archetype do exist, I’ve met and interviewed many of them and, alarmingly, many of them said that they’ve had other women, almost all of them childless, come up to them and have conversations about their oppression. Which is not only bizarre but insane. Being a mother isn’t always easy but for those that have chosen that path, let them live in peace with their choice. They’re not all oppressed or forced into it. 😅
My husband says he'd like to see a video about the incompetent husband. He's usually a grown up frat guy who can't cook and isn't good with children. I agree because it sends messages to women that they should settle.
It’s a weird place to exist: on one hand all labor is valuable and domestic labor is vastly overlooked. On the other hand, women’s access to work does not come from just wanting to fulfill their potential but as a way to protect themselves from abusive marriages where they are financially bound to their husbands
This issue is so different for women who are married to narcissistic and antagonistic men vs women who are married to a loving partner. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years, starting from when my husband earned minimum wages, up and through to when his wages were higher than a doctor. I worked 16-18 hours every day and did not get a single paycheque or vacation. I once went two years without an afternoon away from my children. Because of his role of earning money and my role of taking care of the home I renovated 3 houses by myself (that includes plumbing, electrical work, and installing flooring all with youtube knowledge) I took care of additional children from home, I did all of the grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning. I eventually left because he was abusive, unappreciative, and cheating with men. Now that I am on my own he does not pay one cent in child or spousal support because he would rather pay a lawyer than give me anything. Even though I fixed plumbing I cannot get a job as a plumber. Even though I fixed electrical issues I can't get a job as an electrician. Even though I did carpentry work I cannot get a job as a carpenter, with any companies that claim no experience is necessary!! All that's available is childcare and housekeeping and I loath housekeeping at this point so both those options are ones that I am no longer tolerant of. I'd rather be homeless than clean toilets at this point. Even though I am financially struggling I am still expected to watch friends' kids for free while they are gone for the hour that turns to three hours. I will tell you that being a single mother who works and takes care of her kids by herself is far more easy and joyful than being the housewife to the wrong man. I used to cook not one, but two dinners for him and I felt weary with a stepford wife smile. I would cut beef into steaks and pound chicken late into the night after 200 mile trips to costco. I would massage his hands and his head as he fell asleep every night. I shaved his back hair. I supplied his positive energy and his confidence for him. I made his doctor's appointments like a secretary. I was yelled at if I wanted to buy clothing for myself or our kids while the closet was overflowing with his brand name items. I carefully shopped the best grocery items at the flyers' lowest prices but was still yelled at for spending $300 on food no matter how much money I had actually saved us. I was yelled at and belittled if I wanted to read a book. I was not allowed to see a dentist and had to cut and drain my own dental abscess from home with a craft knife while he bought a 70" TV. We put money into RRSP's and not surprisingly, he took all of mine and left me with nothing but debt in my name. He did this after I was our bookkeeper and did our business accounting for several years. All of the money that people spend on services was saved by having me do the work. Yes it is criminal. Yes it is a struggle to start over in my 30's without a high school education. Yes I feel betrayed by a government who turns a blind eye while their lawyers get paid. But the amount of money that I save by having learned to do everything on my own is invaluable. I was proud of being a stay at home mom because I thought people realized the sacrifices I made. I was a husband bolster-er. To me it was like telling them I was a soldier, one who never had the privilege of a warm cup of coffee or bathroom privacy like the women who work office jobs. I always viewed the women who worked outside of the home as the ones who were at leisure. I always thought the ones who said the words "don't work" in relation to my unpaid work were delusional. You are not your own when you are a stay at home mom. Everyone seems to act like they own you and they need you to do something for them RIGHT NOW please. It is beyond exhausting and the moments of socialization are no reprieve when one of your kids is interrupting the conversation every 2 minutes. I have studied law, finance, psychology, journalism, and I've done what feels like a million jobs outside of parenting but if I had kids again I would stay home to raise them all over again because I can see how much my children have benefited from it and I would have it no other way but 2 things are certain. 1) My husband would have to appreciate my value and contribute to the efforts at home and 2) I would need to be able to spend my own money and hire a cleaning lady. It makes my blood boil when everyone tells me I should do the cleaning myself. People act as if stay at home moms are uneducated but we educate ourselves on what is relevant to our family's needs. I was a volunteer teachers aid, volunteered at soup kitchens, and bought and wrapped all the gifts for my husband's family's Christmas' and birthdays. I learned an immense amount about nutrition because of my husband's gut problems. The issue isn't so much with our sacrifice of development, but rather, how daunting it is to re-enter a workforce that equates university with competence more than real-life experience and how hard it is to overcome other people's perceptions that we chose to "do nothing". I hoped perceptions would change as a result of the lockdowns so that women could see how difficult it is to blog, to shop, to read, to socialize when your kids are with you 24/7. It is different in every family but this is what it looks like for women who have no support. My advice to all housewives is to evaluate whether or not you feel isolated, exploited, and manipulated by your husband and if so, just know that it's tough to get out but man it is wayyyyyyy happier without a bad husband! As a single mom who makes $16k a year I am much more better taken care of than I was with a husband who made $220k a year. Narcissistic abuse plays into this issue so hugely because it is often narcissistic men who take advantage and relish from the power/control it gives them. Someone cannot control you and love you at the same time.
I had a baby at the height of the pandemic and after I ran out my maternity leave did not go back to work. Not only was childcare super limited in the rural community we lived in, but the childcare that was available was incredibly expensive. We couldn’t justify having me work to pay someone else to care for my baby, especially when I was nursing and I was the best person to be taking care of him (especially during a pandemic). I was fortunate to start a part time notary business which allowed me to make some extra cash. I was able to do that work for a couple of hours in the evenings after my husband came home from work. Unfortunately we moved states and I don’t have my notary stamp here. The COVID numbers are also way worse here and I no longer feel comfortable going into strangers’ homes to notarize mortgage documents.
I’m definitely one of those women who wants to stay home. But I also demand that my partner gives me control of all the money, mainly because I’m good at budgeting. I also have no kids. Housework, gardening, and starting a permablitz group is enough work, thanks. Also, a livable UBI would do wonders in giving people financial freedom if they decide to focus their labor on the home.
I highly recommend reading "The Origins of the Family, Private Property and the State" by Engels to fully understand the material factors leading to the tying of women to the domestic sphere. It's not the lightest reading material but it's still painfully relevant to this day.
I agree with most of this, except the statement over halfway: the narrative of choosing to be a housewife as 'being your truest self' is just as harmful. The object is the full range of choice, whatever your true self truly wants it to be.
As a happy stay at home mum and wife I have never seen myself portrayed accurately in media. My husband is very supportive and values what I bring to the table. He also does chores in the house and is an active participant in parenting. I have one degree and am working towards another. My marriage is a team. I am not oppressed. I am, however, very hated by media it seems.
I have been a housewife since the birth of our first baby in 1989. I was not miserable, unhappy, repressed, forced to stay home, bored, nor like any of these tropes. We have four kids, now grown, and my husband was an electrician so it wasn't exactly a middle class existence. It was a struggle but we made it work because it was my choice and my husband supported my choice. Housewives are the only women you are not only allowed to stereotype, but are encouraged to. What happened to freedom of choice?
This video should be titled 'The White American Housewife Onscreen' - and acknowledge the reasons why Afro-American women were deliberately denied access to the same lifestyles euro-american woman were allowed to have by the eurocentric patriarchy. For instance, the book referenced at the beginning of the video 'The cult of womanhood 1820 - 1860' is about european (white) women specifically, as at that time Afro-descendents were still enslaved by the land bandit european people. It would be cool if The Take acknowledged the lack of representation of Afro-americans and perhaps consider adding a Afro-American to their team so that these blindspots can be avoiding in the future.
I'm surprised you didn't cover some of the Sitcom Housewives from the 50s and 60s. -June Cleaver became the symbol of the stereotypical American housewife in pearls and high heels (and was heavily criticized for being an unrealistic expectation), even though those design choices were done for the sake of easier film production. -Lucille Ball was constantly trying to make a name for herself outside the home, but ended subverting everything Ricky did onscreen with wild schemes because he refused her every move. -Alice Kramden was stuck in (what we'd consider today) an emotionally abusive relationship with her husband, but managed to maintain some level of sanity by poking fun at Jackie Gleason every chance she got. -Samantha Stephens willingly submits to Darren, despite being an all powerful witch; and the show went out of it's way to explore the ins and outs of that dynamic every chance it got. Honestly, that could be a whole other episode in itself.
Lucy cowered in fear of Ricky when she should have kicked his ass to the curb. Samantha should have also stood up to Darren. I loved Alice for doing just that with Ralph. This submission bullshit needs to go.
@@sophieruby9135 Lucy IRL really *did* kick her husband to the curb, and was all around a badass in Hollywood during her time, So there definitely is a consolation for her.
@@gooderambles Yes, and Desi Arnaz deserved it. I just wish Ricky Recardo had gotten the same treatment. But I guess the entertainment industry allowed wife characters to be bullied by the husbands.
The most liberating feminist statement I’ve ever heard said was by my male middle school teacher who said that you told our class you can be whatever you want… then said look at one girl can grow up to be a mom then looked at another and said she could grow up to be a doctor. He then told us all, boys & girls, not to let anyone tell we can’t be something. He put all aspirations on the same level; it’s a sad comment on society that he was such a radical concept.
@@lilyarios1026 “much more easier” then learning grammar too. Yeah that dishwasher can be a real bitch, you know there are buttons and you need to put soap in it, what will they come up with next, modern science is amazing.
I just was reminded of that line in My Big Fat Grek Wedding where Nia's mom (I think that was her name) told her that the man may be the head of the family but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head in any direction she chooses! Ha, so funny!
This video is problematic in that it puts down working women to glorify housewives. Womens Libbers(the feminists of the second wave in the 1960’s and1970’s) talked about the perils of housewivery because those were the only choices a women had and it did screw with their individual autonomy. Those perils for women were a stark reality which is why the housewife has been portrayed as submissive and having no agency. That’s why those media portrayals happens the way they did
This resonates with me deeply. Having a job if your a man is enough. But having a small job. Taking care of a kid in school and out of school and expected to do the clubs, homework, parties all while cooking cleaning and not getting so out of shape and losing hair. But I always feel. As my husband works long long hours and is making our money. If I don't juggle all these things there literally is nobody else there to catch it? If I forget the homework the only one who suffers is my son and myself. 😩 The feeling of never being enough. Whether u work or not is deep
I was a housewife for 28 years and finally was back in the workforce until the pandemic hit but since I didn't make as much money as my husband of course I had to quit my job to stay home with the kids and now I'm back home being a housewife again because the kids are almost never in school anymore and somebody has to be here for them and of course it's me because my labor was never valued and I literally have no work experience and no resume skills.
You think housewives have it bad? House husband's have it even worse. People, including kids, constantly made derogatory comments about my husband being SAHD for our son from 10 months until 6.5 years old. "Why doesn't your dad work?" "Is your husband having trouble finding job?" "I bet your son misses having his mom rather than his dad." It was so annoying. I thought we were fortunate to be able to afford to have a stay at home parent, but our society constantly chastised us for having the wrong gender stay at home. My husband finally went back to work PART-TIME when our son entered public school. He is still the primary caregiver.
I don't know if it was just a bad take or on purpose, but I really felt like you were emotional when you said 'focus on domesticity' and I really felt that. I just hate being told to do domestic things for others. I clean up after myself, and others should to. Of course if we agree to other things, but I'm not the default maid just because I'm the woman
In sailor moon Makoto aka sailor Jupiter is one of the most physically strongest sailor guardian and also one of the most tomboyish but she is also the girliest sailor guardian and her dream is either to be a homemaker or a cute store owner! Also one of my favorite quotes from family guy when Lois says she’s a feminist but also knows that feminism is a choice and she choose to be a housewife
We have have had many generations of First Ladies being house wives acting pretty and getting gussied up for their president husbands. So when Hillary Clinton comes along and breaks the mold by being a career woman, explaining she chose not to do simple domestic things expected of a woman, The Take vilifies it, that tells me all I need to know about what the women in the take think of women who dare to shatter glass ceilings. We live in a world where women get to dream of being whatever they want to be and that is because of the second wave feminism started by Betty Friedan.
Oh you mean the woman who was a lawyer, and slandered a child rape victim in court because Hilary chose to defend the rapist?? Personally I don’t aspire to be anything like her.
I was a housewife when she made that condescending remark, and I've hated her ever since. And you know what? That bitch wouldn't have had her political career had her hands not been gripped tightly to her husband's coattails. As a feminist, I'm offended by her.
If I am being honest, I think there is an answer worth noting . For people born in the 70s, or in my case the 80s, a lot of us had mothers who worked full time. I did not know any housewives, we were latchkey kids with mothers working full-time jobs. So, on one hand they seem almost fictional to us, something from a far away land. On the other, we feel a reflective need to defend our working mothers. They were mothers and held a job, so if a housewife is X than that in out mind means they are saying our mother is the opposite. So if you say they are the backbone of the family, then in our minds... unconscious...it means out mothers were lesser. If I am honest, even as you list in the video about the value of childcare, a part of me does feel like you are saying my working mother was not there for me, even though I know that is not true. Partially because our mothers... especially we with mothers who actively considered themselves feminists... told us about people who when they were starting their careers tho0ught they should stay home. An important history lesson, but it can also lead to you feeling like your family needs to be defended. It is not that those born in the 70s or 80s think that the work is meaningless, it is that these mindsets caused us to just, not think about housewives at all. For good or ill. I am not saying any of this right, or the proper way to think about things. That there is not a prejudicial view to this way of thinking. I will even say it it wrong, but if I am honest, yeah, I think that has influenced my mind at times.
You bring up a good point, I just posted a few things at the top of this thread about this topic. The Take has put down working women to glorify housewivery, they put out a narrative that housewives were merely stereotyped as having no autonomy or options in life when that actually was the reality before 1970’s feminism
What about feminism and the views towards tomboys and girly girls? Girly is seen as less than even in 2021! Tomboys were often protagonists and bullied and belittling girly rivals but they were never called out on it so sadly it was seen as normal but that’s something that should change
But why are we focusing on Victorianism as the source of the housewife? Whether it's ancient Egyptian times or ancient others, women stayed home and took care of the kids. This sort of division of labor didn't start with the Victorians.
Well not really, that's actually a common misbelief. Working class women had to work on the fields and then on the factories for centuries, apart from doing their tasks on domestic work. The ones who could afford to stay at home and focus on the housework were the women from the humblest bourgeois families that were affluent enough to not needing one of the spouses to work. The Victorian era experienced the proliferation of this "middle class", so the associations on women as purely domestic beings were more common in those times, and this showed in the literature and popular culture.
They’re focusing on Victorianism because it’s the current fad to demonize the past. Men and women have and will always have a labor divide. Our biology is proof that men are built for one thing and woman another, that has nothing to do with the British empire, and everything to do with the fact that men had more physically challenging labor (hunting, building, navigating) than women (gathering, cooking, child rearing). Men and women are different, it’s sad how many people find the need to get upset at this fact.
@@msi8311 The Victorians were quite sexist, so there's plenty there to criticize. As for division of labor, the more technology advances, the less division there will be. Robots will end up doing all the menial labor and heavy lifting.
One way of getting a "raise" or higher return on skills of being a housewife is simply by having more children. More (well raised) children = higher returns. When there's a big family, everyone assumes the mom is this super matriarch. Society respects moms with lots of kids. Another advantage of being a mom is having a closer relationship with the children than dad. (Mom also passes on more genetics to sons than dad does). In media, dads are usually the primary characters for some reason, even though in a family movie/show, the mom should technically be the primary character. I guess when conflict arises in stories, the situations involved generally make sense for dad to be involved.
Can we please put together a video that discusses the economies/structures that would disappear if there were no housewives today? I know of a housewife who helps evaluate finalists for scholarships for women. That foundation and that scholarship program could not if those housewives did not assist.
Giving housewives money sounds good, but it doesn't actually change much. A decent husband would be a financial partner and on the other side there are husbands that are controlling with money the wife earns.
Who is giving housewives money? Certainly not the govt I pay taxes to. If someone wants to have a kid, that’s their choice, it would be wrong to force me to pay for childcare. If someone has to stay home with their kid because they can’t afford childcare, I shouldn’t have to pay for that childcare via paying the person staying home. No. I’m saving for my family, so I can stay home and raise our kids. My family is no one else’s responsibility, and no one else’s family is my responsibility.
You should do a video on addiction. Men vs women. Both in reality and in fiction it's different. And yes. The sponsorship inspireted me. I'm 30, male, alcoholic and a survivor of SA. You should not advertise alcohol.
I think another reason making women stay home is the amount of abuse happening in daycares. I put my foot down and told my husband I was staying with our kids until they could talk. I'm saving money every paycheck to make it through the lean years. Until my child can tell me about their day, I won't trust them to anyone else. People are awful. My friend's child got broken ribs at six months old from daycare. Not my babies.
Michael Moore said in his documentary Capitalism, A Love Story that his mother worked when she wanted to but back then the family could make it on her husband's salary. Can we talk about Union jobs and the effect on that of housewives?
I can see this. I think the decrease of housewives has a lot to do with men not being able to provide on 1 income. So many women work because the cost of living is too high. Men can't do it themselves anymore.
This video doesn't take into account the lives of black American women. We have been forced to work outside the home since being brought to this country against our will. We were already the caretakers, washerwomen, maids etc. for a long time before white women got themselves the right to vote. We'd been doing it for centuries when ya'll had ya'lls revolution, and we're still doing it now. Rarely have we been allowed to be affluent enough to only have one breadwinner in the home. The video also doesn't take into account that the majority of childcare workers who we frequently devalue in this country has always been black and brown women.
I actively choose to be a housewife and stay at home mother and it's ridiculously fulfilling. It's my choice and my son needs his mother more than he needs a daycare. At the same time, it is exhausting. Me time is usually just showers or when my baby is down for a nap. If I get sick I can't take a day off. I'm so tired sometimes that even though my parents will keep him for a night I wish for once it could be two. My husband doesn't understand me sometimes because no matter how much I tell him how stressful keeping a clean home, happy and healthy child all while trying to maintain my identity as I continue to deal with postpartum hormones is, he isn't feeling it so he can't fully understand. Still, I feel I MUST stress that I'm not trapped. I have the choice to work or stay home and that, to me, is feminism. I have no time for those that look down on housewives while they hold up signs and scream. We're not slaves, we have value and we know it.
If a woman finds happiness and freedom as a housewife, that's a good thing. Stop confusing success and laziness. Success has different forms. If a woman can afford to have time to pamper herself, so what? She is successful in her own way.
I think one of the biggest reasons so many housewives are undervalued nor are respected is because their hardships are seen as a "choice" that they brought on themselves. Back in the past, when women didn't have as many options, it wasn't much of a choice. In some countries, it might still be this way. But in the USA, women don't necessarily have to get married anymore, and child-rearing doesn't have to come into the picture at all. Back in the past, Women had to get married in order to survive. Now that women have more options, women's complaints, pleas for help, and need for rest and relaxation are becoming even more overlooked because it's being seen as that woman's "choice" to get married and have children. Basically, "If you can't handle the job, why did you get married and have children?" I think few people evaluate the real reason so many women are still getting married and having children, trying to continue their family line, while also sacrificing so much of their time, energy, and personal resources by providing free labor and services. It's equivalent to looking down on someone who joins the Army so they can sacrifice their lives for their country, knowing they made the choice, but it still not being any less of a difficult and thankless job.
The absolute best depiction of a housewife is Josh Brolin's John O'Mara's wife in "Gangster Squad." He constantly checks in with her on his decisions with his job, from hunting notorious mob boss Mickey Cohen, to helping him pick his team. "You know, I hand picked all of you. Except the Mexican kid, I don't know where John picked him up." It's even addressed, by other characters, that she's pregnant and her husband is stupid for going after Cohen. They are relationship goals, communication and respect, the foundation of any relationship! Love all their scenes!
The problem is not being a housewife, it's about being the housekeeper, therapist, chauffeur, nurse, WET nurse & cook, with barely even a thank you or any acknowledgement of the skills and preparation it takes to stay at home and look after the family 24/7. The problem is leaning on women's backs to do the majority of that work, diminishing the importance of that work, then gaslighting women to take that role seriously again when they don't want it anymore. The problem we have is that femininity is supposed to be about joy, but instead of women actually BEING joyful, they are meant to EMBODY it to be the masculine energy's peace. That's a problem. When people are truly happy, all these politics go out of the window, and the reason they exist is because men in power keep deluding themselves about that. So women get caught up in a petty argument that eventually misses the entire point of women's rights. It's not to not be a housewife - it's to do what makes a woman feel JOYFUL. And that's even more the case if she has to bring children into the world.
Our queen said it all. Look no further.
Ms. Whine-a-Lot
@@scottslotterbeck3796 seems like the only person whining here is you, bud
@@mariamshalvashvili8108 Shoe fits, honey. Stop whining and make your husband a sandwich. He will love and appreciate it, believe me. I appreciate my wife for all she does.
@@scottslotterbeck3796 I dont think you even read the comment because the whole point of it was NOT being appreciated for the work housewives put in…
We always teased my mom for being a housewife. My siblings and I mostly did it because we saw our dad do it, but I think he was hoping for more financial help from my mom so he wouldn't feel 100% of the pressure to work.
Now that I work and take care of my own home, I understand my success was only possible through my mother's domestic skills and emotional availability. Work, in any form, is valuable.
I do wonder why he didn't just straight up and tell her how it would be easier if if she got a salaried job and took account how much her duties save money in the household.
Let's think about this : we can pay maids to take care of our house and nannies to take care of our child.
Those are some of the jobs of housewives, which means, there are values of what they do.
Men provide, women raise children.
@@scottslotterbeck3796 we are in 2021, short appendage.
@@scottslotterbeck3796 Women do what makes them happy and brings them fulfilment in life, men support the choices of the women.
Strange that you failed to point out that both Alison and Lois have jobs. They are lower middle class, and can't afford to rely entirely on their husbands' salary. Seemed like it would be the perfect opportunity to talk about the "double shift", how even working women are still expected to do the majority of the housekeeping and childrearing, and how that often necessitates women to take part time jobs, with less opportunities for career advancement.
So true in today’s climate as well. Women get to work, contribute but still are expected to run everything at home so it’s never truly 50/50.
There is little class focus in the video. They don't mention that Betty in Mad Men actually doesn't do much housework or childcare- she has a maid, Carla, to do that.
yes! would have been nice to hear more about Lois. She had a job - not a particularly high paying one - because she had to work It's clear the family needed her income. But she still did pretty much all the housework because, as fun and nice as he was, it seems Hal was pretty useless. So we see her doing the best she can while obviously deciding that she cannot be everything - the house is often messy, some of the stuff half done, and it's clear that she just can't do it all and doesn't try. - while the four men that she lives with don't seem to do a whole lot of take care of themselves. It's no wonder she was on the edge most of the time.
So much for equality!
Amen.
As a young housewife, thank you for this. I’m disabled and can’t work and I’m sick of my peers looking down on me for not having work outside the home. But if someone can be paid for what I do at home (housekeeping, for example), then I dont see myself as “not working”. Besides, human value isn’t based on what we can and cannot do.
It's hard as a disabled person in the workforce (especially because people so damn eugenic). I say as an Aspie who worked someplace where they were allowed to pay some employees under minimum wage.
I'm probably old enough to be your mother and my friends are now envious that I have the opportunity to be home when they all HAVE to work just to pay the bills... Things change with time and age
Raising children is the highest calling
Housework is work. Just because you don’t draw a paycheck doesn’t mean your labor is worthless. I’ve seen some SAH people refute pity by turning it around and pitting their friends with “it’s so sad you have to pay taxes for the privilege of working. I’m my own boss _and_ employer.”
@@nicolehall694 but you have to be prepared that when your children grow up they won't have time for you. Your husband most likely will cheat and 50/50 chance will leave you for something younger. You have to be ok to start over at 50.
It's interesting that many women I know have expressed how ridiculous it is that we are now expected to do everything. Have college degree(s), be a full-time employee, share the bills, care for our children, husband, and the household all at the same time. We have to do it all. And any man who is involved in this is just "helping us out."
i just want to be a housewife but there aen't many "affluent" men in my area! Help!
@ALEJANDRA SOTO - DEL TORO Be frugal and financially smart. Sacrifice and save, invest the savings to get passive income. I stay at home and combined we don’t earn six figures. I cook homemade, save money, only buy on sale, and he invests our savings.
That needs to change, men need to take more responsibility for childcare and housework if their wives are working outside the home.
Here's the rub, many women didn't go to college, didn't have careers, devoted themselves to family and when their husband wanted to move on to a newer model, they, and the kids were screwed.
@@TheKim369
Yep. This is why women need to acquire marketable skills before having a family.
I know someone who wants to be a housewife. She also wants to go to college but her real dream is having a big family because she grew up on one and loves her siblings a lot. People can be very cruel sometimes, that's the real reason I'm a bit scared of motherhood, not because children and pregnancy are "gross". It's because we live on a hypocrite society that claims to love mothers, but it fails them everyday.
That's a really sweeping statement. There are plenty of men who want families and partners to raise them.
@@scottslotterbeck3796 Where did you read that somebody said there are no men who want families and partners to help raise them?
@@scottslotterbeck3796 Where?
As a mother myself, I can't stand when people say society loves moms. It doesn't. Just because America makes a big deal out of mother's day doesn't mean anything.
My fiancee keeps saying that she wants me to make a lot of money so she can stay home, but that's more because she hates people.
Meg March saying "Just because my dreams are different than yours doesn't mean they're unimportant" hits me so hard every time
But then, in the book and in LM Alcott's real life, the reality was much more difficult. LM (Jo) ended up having to support her sister's children as the husband genuinely was poor and sickly. Even in the book, Meg's life is a slog, she pushes herself to be the sensible one and can't seem to have fun without being 'bad' in some way, she doesn't allow herself other interests and talents outside domesticity.
that's right
"It's not babysitting if they're your kids"
Must be framed
I agree. My dad would say something like this. And he's a stay at home dad.
The problem with being a housewife in the modern age is that after your kids are grown, a housewife’s role becomes shaky. Especially when going into the workforce or doing other things does not come easy after a two decade break. Back in the days when most people had big families a housewife was indispensable but it’s just not the same anymore. That can be a positive for women who want to make non-traditional choices but not so much for those who want to focus on family because that often means that they will be sacrificing their options later in life.
Well I'm a working women and I'm impressed with y'all patience and love capacity . My suggestion is work a part time job after kids, go to college
Like you got time,
I would have thought that once the kids finally leave (reports say they stick around longer than their parents would like these days) the husband just slips into retirement and do all those things old people like join a book club or seat around in McDonald's long drinking coffee for two hours (they get free refills) with their friends or hitting movie theater in the afternoon to avoid the crowd.
After children are grown up, how long do you get before you have elder care responsibilities? More important, but unpaid labour.
The value of the unpaid labor hospices perform is not lost when their child care duties age out. The problem is that their other, less visible and culturally acceptable, contributions are not valued. Everyone loses some amount of their hourly productivity as they age but in housewives, no one really cares about the knowledge and experience they’ve earned, since “anyone” can do housekeeping and family management.
I would have liked to see you focus more on the increasingly large chunk of women who are stay at home moms because they can't afford childcare and lack support from their families, not because of any sort of affluence or privledge.
That's definitely a thing, but I can't think of any fictional examples
I hate that being a stay at home mom is always associated with being upper or upper middle class in western media when it's talked about, because a lot of poor (or middle class) families, both in the west and especially in other parts of the world, you can still see stay at home moms. That's what people don't consider. Having people take care of your kids for you, eating out, and having someone else clean your house for you is expensive. Some families would rather save by just having the mom stay at home and clean, cook, and raise the kids on her own rather than pay to have it done for her, while she also doesn't get to see her kids as often. Plus some women aren't physically or mentally capable to work outside of home, or they live in an area where they can't find a job. Plus some women may want/feel the need to get a job, but can't because their husband or society doesn't want them to (if they live in that kind of culture). You could also let your family members look after the kids, but not everyone has that family support (some don't have family, and some do, but they're struggling themselves, live far away, or are untrustworthy). Kids can pitch in and help out, even take care of/look after themselves and each other if they're old enough, however, kids have school, work, social life, and a sleep schedule, meaning they can only do so much. You'd have to balance kids helping out while also letting them have a safe and healthy childhood, one where they can have time to do their school work and enjoy being a kid. Plus, some children aren't old enough to pick up their weight. Babies can't microwave their own food after getting dropped from the bus or do the laundry.
I think people, even those who supposedly "support" housewives, are still bitter about them. Saying, "Yeah, you can be a housewife, if you're RICH." Or, "If a woman can PAMPER herself (in other words, 'If she wants to be lazy and her privileged lifestyle let's her.'), then why not?" 🙄 Being a stay at home mom is not a luxurious thing that rich people can gatekeep.
@@melodyclark1944 That's a good point. The first show that comes to mind is "Roseanne", but then i rememembered that the character has a series of menial jobs. I don't think they explain her childcare situation, but it's established that she has a good friend/family support system. Also, that show is too dated to relate to today because it depics two working class people as being able to afford to own a home. MAybe there isn't a market for realistic representations of today's middle class, it would likley be a bit too bleak.
@@mynameisreallycool1 Absolutely agree. I did all of the emotional and physical labor that went with parenting and running a household, but as someone that often worked two jobs before having a child, I still had massive stay at home mom guilt for not being able to also work to contribute financially to our home- something that was impossible due to lack of affordable childcare.
THANK YOU ! MY SON HAS AUTISM I REALLY HAD NO CHOICE ! LIKE I HAVE TO BE AVAILABLE WHEN SCHOOL AND PARA PROFESSIONALS CALL DEPENDING ON HIS MOOD THAT DAY O HAVE TO PICK HIM UP! HIS GRANDMA STILL WORKS AND IS NOT RETIRED AND SO DOES HIS GRANDFATHER. HIS DAD IS AT WORK SO YEAH UNLESS I CAN HAVE JOBS BE VERY FLEXIBLE AND SOME PART TIME VERY UNDERSTANDING JOBS THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE.
My grandmama raised five kids and kept house for ages. Then she went to study to be a teacher at the same time as her oldest daughter! She is a goddamn superhero that's what she is!
Yup. My Mom always worked and we were raised by strangers. Not good.
I’m the oldest of five kids and my mom did the same thing. She was mostly home, although she did work a couple of part time jobs. At one point she also operated her own seamstress shop out of our house. When the youngest child went to kindergarten she went to school to be a teacher.
@@StevieDecks You have one helluva mum! ❤
My mom raised us all alone. (We are 4) She built a house for us and she never took days off. When my youngest sister turned 18, my mom went to pursue her biggest dream, to be a doctor. She finished the medical college age 53. ☺️ If she could do it, there's nothing holding me back. ❤❤❤
Karen Wheeler from "Stranger Things" is an interesting depiction of an 80's suburban, middle class housewife, who is unhappy with being married to her apathetic husband Ted, and it's all but stated that she tried to pursue a career, but was knocked back by the sexism of the era, and urges Nancy not to give up like she did.
And the sad thing is that I bet Karen can't easily leave her marriage
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 Karen won't leave her marriage that much is certain. I really wouldn't have judged her too harshly if she did have that affair, but she decided she wouldn't so kudos to her.
In the 90s it was normal for moms to work (I was born in the late 80s but my parents were married 10 years before having me so both worked and continued to work) most of my friends had working or stay at home moms it was a mix. I didn’t know 80s moms all were expected to stay home. I guess that’s when it shifted. The power suits and all
@@oooh19 Keep in mind when Karen had Nancy (the late 60s) and where they live (rural conservative Indiana). Karen probably was barely 20 when she got married.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 good point. but i see on mad men which takes place during the 60s women like joan and peggy working but it was Manhattan. so it's location as well as time
I just wanted to pop in and mention that having your wife be a housewife has ALWAYS been a status symbol of having enough money to survive on one income. Even back in Roman times and specifically it was very common in the 17 and 1800s women and wives from poor families did have to go to work. They just worked in what we're considered women's jobs such as maids and cooks ect and in the early 1900s they worked in factories. Back then if your wife had to work it reflected badly on you as a family and on the husband. Because he wasn't successful enough to support his family and his wife had to go to work. And people who were successful enough where only the husband had to work didn't want their children to marry children from families who did have to work. One more way of keeping all the wealth in the wealthy's pockets.
My mother worked and my grandmother's both worked and my great-grandmother's all worked. On my mother's side they could afford to be housewives, they chose to work. On my father's working class side, it wasn't a choice.
Mum = housewife/student, accountant
Her Mum = hair dresser
Her grandmother = book shop manager
Her great-grandmother = school teacher
Dad's single parent mother = petrol station employee, cleaner (offices)
Dad's grandmother = domestic servant in fashionable part of London from 13 years old, fish 'n chip shop employee
Dad's single great-grandmother = barmaid, workhouse pauper
Those two of my great-grandmother's were around when I was a kid and they weren't embarrassed that they worked outside the home.
Dad's grandmother fought tooth and nail to keep her kids and grandkids from slipping into poverty and having authorities take them away and she was proud of her hard work. She and her brother's were taken away from their mother and she didn't want the same to happen to her own kids and grandkids.
My Mum's mother was never embarrassed about working. They didn't need her income but she loved doing hair! I remember every time we visited her she was doing something with my hair. I don't know if society looked down on her for it but she's always been very social and likes to listen to people.
Well said. Except that the poor cannot achieve. Next you'll say no non-White can succeed.
@@scottslotterbeck3796 I didn't mean to come off that way at all. The poor can achieve a lot and become wealthy today. I firmly believe that. But back in the 18 and 1900s and before for most of human history there was basically no class mobility at all. It was very rare for someone with money to marry someone without money. And oftentimes fathers wouldn't allow their daughters to get married at all if there was no man they considered good enough for them. So their daughters would live at home with their mother and father their whole lives. So the wealthy guarded their wealth religiously back then. They would rather their wealth go to cousins or uncles upon their death then allow their children to marry a poor person and have the poor person gain any money.
@@WhitneyDahlin ignore them, they've been posting sexist and outdated comments all over the video, what you said was very well thought out and made perfect sense.
Or women worked in the husband/ father's business, like farming or shopkeeping. The children of similar backgrounds tended to marry each other as they knew more about the nature of the work. Marriage was just much more of a business agreement in the past.
I cant imagine how hard it is for single mom’s and dad’s. Having to wear all the hats and depending on their family, friends they might not have any support. How does their story fit into this?
Sorry I thought the video was about housewives, not every possible home life dynamic on the spectrum of probabilities.
I appreciate how hard housewives and househusbands work in the home, but it has to be a CHOICE, no matter if it's because of necessity or personal preference. All those unhappy housewives in the past were unhappy because their personalities didn't fit the role they felt compelled by society to take. To say that ALL women should become housewives and that would be a better, more natural way of life is painfully naive and short-sighted.
But working outside the home isn’t a choice for the most people either and many employees are unhappy and treated terribly: working in unsafe environment, schedule issues, not enough help, dealing with Karens etc
@Galaroxriel yea theres a lot of crappy jobs sadly
Except...no children, no future.
Let's think about this : we can pay maids to take care of our house and nannies to take care of our child.
Those are some of the parts of housewives, which means, there are values of what they do.
Problem is, housewives aren't payed for that, nor does it count as working experience. Plus, specialization comes with increased efficiency, so having one woman do it all is worse than having different people for all of that. Even worse, economically speaking, if a skilled woman does this work, as all the years educating her are futile. Thus, every woman becoming housewife makes a good case to refuse education from women and girls because the investment is not worth it if they don't work. And that hurts ALL women and girls.
@@red_calla_lily Actually, I want to point out that there are values in domestic works, regardless of husband or wife or anyone who do the domestic works.
It's not just about the price and result.
And?
Pay maid have their own status and power(little but they have) tbh they are not controlled by any one if you treat them bad then they can totally leave you and find somewhere else to work
There is value because the maids and nannies are doing a service. You don’t get paid for something if those who benefit are you and your family. Also, who would pay for the service? There is no point in the husband doing that as it is essentially an allowance and there wouldn’t be any more money entering the household.
Thank you for doing this. I feel seen. I'm an unpublished novelist with kids, which means I'm a housewife. I hate every time I have to fill out a form that makes me identify as "unemployed" when I work very full days. I care for my kids and I manage the household and a few evenings a week I go write (Starbucks is my room of my own).
The Housewife only became a category in 1820 because of the industrial revolution. Before then, it was just work. Most people worked inside the home in some capacity. Farms were near or part of houses. Craftspeople (both men and women) had workshops attached to or inside their homes. It's only when this work left the home that it became a separate entity. That's what is missing from the conversation. Capitalism didn't invent the housewife. It just redefined and devalued it.
When you check unemployed it doesn’t mean you do not work, it means you do not work outside of the home. Many people I’ve worked with show up to the office and make work for others. Many people I know work in the home and make life easier for most everyone. You have the most important job of raising children and having a family, what others think does not matter.
Women have been second class in most cultures since men began writing. And regardless of whatever capitalism did, the church told them they were the heads of the family.
Thank you for saying this. Most people have no idea that these concepts are very new.
Please cover the House Husband Trope, which is the Male Counterpart, and how males might be judged for performing traditionally "Female" roles, or the Working Mum, who is often the breadwinner of the family.
Breadwinner is so problematic. How about we talk about the Bread Maker.
Yes! The show “Working Moms” on Netflix is hilarious!
Is there enough media depicting house husbands for this to be a trope?
There is a show in Australia literally called 'House Husbands'
19:22 should’ve included a segment about the cookie baker on Tik tok who went viral for pointing out the hypocrisy in her husband taking their young son out while running her baking errands for one morning and being applauded and complimented for something she herself does literally every single day. It would’ve been a very satisfying addition to the video to not only include her story and how relatable that is for modern women, but also to highlight the insane backlash she’s received from men calling her sexist as it’s an important indicator of just how remarkably far we still have left to go in order to fully achieve something remotely resembling equality.
I was a housewife for few years and after I got a job, and a good one, my husband expected me to do also all the house work and child caring. I was always tired but he never helped with anything. Things got so ugly that I ended up geting a divorce. At least I only have one child to take care of.
I think men not pulling their own weight is responsible for a lot of divorces.
@@sophieruby9135 Do you really know?
@@jordannewsom3606
You're kidding yourself if you don't think this is an issue in many marriages, women being overly burdened with housework/childcare while working at a job just as many hours as their husbands do. Too many husbands still see housework and childcare as women's work.
Most of divorce happen bcz of men but they always blame woman
It is very easy to say men always put every household thing for a women when in reality, that is not the leading cause of divorces.
This makes me think of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray gets in trouble for saying to his wife that their money is actually all his. But in other episodes of the series, we see that Ray doesn’t actually want his wife to work because that would mean he’d have help out around the house more, tacitly admitting that what she does is hard work. And I think that was kind of the point.
Also, could Modern Family get a full video sometime?
Ray and Debras' marriage looks more and more toxic as time goes on
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 I feel like they could’ve got divorced after the series ended lol
@@JohnReviews The cast and the writers saw it as "how marriage is", the epitome of "Boomer Humor"
Desperate Housewives was my jam. Had as good a first season as any show I've ever watched. Then they started getting hit by airplanes and tornadoes and stuff...
It was very good until season 4.
Jumped the shark
@@mermaidmoon2254 Exactly! Seasons 1-3 was peak Desperate Housewives.
The writer's strike in 2006 ruined many good shows
It would be nice to see an old ladies trope, especially from Miyazaki Hayao's animations. His old woman characters are just as good as his young girl protagonists.
I think i read somewhere that some of the Scandinavian countries actually pay "housewives" for their contributions to society. They're housekeepers, cooks, nannies, amateur accountants, chauffeurs, tutors, nurses, amateur sleuths, and (on occasions) seamstresses. Apparently, certain countries have finally seen their worth and they're now being compensated for all the toil
My mom was a stay at home mom/housewife until I was about 15. She actually left a very lucrative job with the department of defense (she was a GS-13 or 14 when she left). She left her job (voluntarily) to go all in raising me and my siblings... but nobody can say she left work. Raising 3 kids, maintaining a house, and helping my dad run his private practice was WORK, thats for damn sure.
We really need to talk about housewives who aren't upper middle class cisgender white women.
Also I am not sympathizing with Phyllis Schlafly's ilk: those women talk about how they staying home and performing the domestic arts, with help of at least one maid, talk about how they "make life worth living" when other women (and even children) pick the cotton, fruits, wheat, veggies for the fabric, flour, and jams they will make into embroidered pillows and anti ERA pies. I know this because both my parents and my ants and uncles and my grandparents all worked on the fields and were active in the protests of the 60s and 70s. Is my dad recalled having to get on a bus with other farm workers his age this age to urge consumers to boycott grapes in suburban Los Angeles. So no Karen, making life worth living wasn't all your labor 100%.
Precisely, there's different types of Housewives besides the normal depiction, and they need to have their stories told too.
@@trinaq Like I know stay at home moms as activists and my mom is retired, is she a housewife
Yep! In the intro they said housewives are from wealthier families.
WRONG!
ANYONE can do it if you change your priorities
LOL. Yes, equality in North Korea is just what you seek
Once again The Take whilst mildly interesting is talking about the shallowest take. The housewife troup is very common but they only mention middle class and rich housewives. As you said there are many layers. Why did they choose to ignore this? Bias? Laziness? Lack of knowledge?
The “Tradwife” thing seems like upper class cosplay to me. At least here in the States. I literally do not know anyone who can who can afford to live off a single income. Even single people with no kids I know (including myself) require multiple income streams to just pay for shelter. And it’s only getting worse.
True. Solutiin? Deport the 32 million illegals, starting with the 2 million illegal Europeans. Do that, and housing prices will fall, rents will decrease. .
There's your answer. Uncontrolled growth leads to uncontrolled inflation
Also the Tradwife movement is not so welcoming to WOC, non-binary and trans folks, and same-sex couples
The trad wife is white supremacist idealogy
@@scottslotterbeck3796 you're joking right?
@@witchplease9695 LOL. I know blacks don't have wives. How racist you are.
Great example of housewives labor being undervalued is people being surprised at how much life insurance you should have on the stay at home parent. Most people are quite ignorant of how much the "non-working" spouse's passing effects the family's finances. 🙁
The stay-at-home parent has to do a ton of stuff that for those who spend the day outside, always appear done and therefore easy to do. But if you remove that person...
Laundry. It's not just turning on the washing machine. You can lose half a day or even the entire weekend.
Food. Shopping, organizing, cooking, doing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen. Every single day, several times a day.
House. Dust doesn't remove itself. Clutter. Everybody just leaving things everywhere.
Kids. Take to school and activities. Bring back. Educate. Supervise. Love.
On and on...
My Mama has two post doctoral degrees, was the higher-earner, and still did more of the childcare and housework.
It wasn't that Adda wasn't supportive or hands on, they fell into patterns where she did more and he did less and neither of them realized it.
One of the reasons I'm weary of having children is because I've assumed I'll have to carry that same disproportion of work.
But being a teacher challenged me to find ways my students could educate and regulate themselves. Working with fellow staff has given me more of the communication and self-advocacy skills I'll need to share work equitably with my partner.
Now I have hope that I won't feel put upon, disrespected, or taken advantage of. I believe I can turn being a family into a team effort.
I want my children to look to their parents and feel hopeful about the roles they may choose in their future.
That’s beautiful. Well done
I lost my job during the pandemic and I been enjoying my new life as a house wife. Weird for me as I been working since I was 14 years old. Cooking, cleaning and taking care of everything in the house is a lot of work, also very rewarding as all of us are very healthy and saving even more money, cause I cook everything we eat. However I really miss making my own money and looking for something that I can do few days a week and keeping my house wife duties.
There's a lot of ways to make money from home
To help make ends meet my boyfriend & I will be selling produce from our gardens because I’ll be staying at home. Maybe something like that can help
My sister has a toddler and a 6-month old and works full time. The amount of work she does all day taking care of them and providing for them-on her own-she deserves a gold medal!
She deserves a freaking trophy!
I don't work full time, but I work 4 days the week, my husband works 1-2 days. So there is always someone with our daughter. But even so, it so much work and not easy. But to work full time and to take care of 2 babies alone? Man! She is a hero!
So strong!!! I could notttt imagine!!!
Not so long ago Bill O'Reilly said single mothers were destructive to society. Forgetting that it takes 2 to make a child. Republicans cheered. They all forgot that 43% of child support is never paid, and most men are not wealthy, so child support is no windfall. I agree about your sister, mine were close together, and my ex put us all through hell. Hardest years of my life, just not cracking up should get a mother a gold medal, doing a good job on top? I don't know, a really nice car?
Where is the father? Marry before carry.
@@Nimbereth It's possible that the father passed away.
Have you ever done a video about the "four women" trope? I've been watching Harlem, a new show on Prime that centers around four women best friends. That got me thinking about all the shows about female friendships that always center around four main characters: Sex & the City, Girls, Living Single, Golden Girls, Insecure, Girlfriends, Desperate Housewives, Devious Maids. Even Pretty Little Liars centered around the four main girls until Allison came back. I think it's an interesting trope and want to know the reason why it's so prevalent on t.v.
I believe they did, It's about The main character from Sex and the City and how the other three friends are all actually parts of herself.
I recently moved out of my parents' house. They work out of town so it was up to me to take care of the house. I was holding up a 9 to 5 job at the same time. My two younger brothers still live at home. They are not domestically inclined, especially the youngest who is just straightup lazy. That experience was so stressful it almost drove me to a depression relapse. Imagine coming home from work after a 2 hr commute both ways and finding lazy slobs waiting for you to cook. I had to flip out to get them to cook. Of course the youngest had to be told to do it every time. I was called a nag for not wanting a mess in the kitchen attracting rats and cockroaches.
Fuck the domestic life. I love living on my own and taking care of myself. All messes are mine but I like keeping a clean house.
Sometimes, we don’t know Mia Wasikowska appeared in so many Period Pieces. She’s very underrated.
I literally made a meme about her being in two movies with Tom Hiddleston!
Please do the voodoo/hoodoo trope and how it's often demonized, misused, and misunderstood
hey, if you don't mind, can you tell me what the voodoo/hoodoo trope means? I've never really heard of the phrase before
@@hzlin3005 it’s a religious practice & it’s often seen as evil. Although, I’ve heard that hoodoo isn’t a religion, but a magickal practice so my information on what exactly it is might be wrong
In the UK the modern housewife is almost invisible on screen. It hasn't been a common role since pre-war, but it's always been less common on screen. We know there are rich women who are housewives but I think old money here tend to have to appear humble and not really put things like that on screen. Even though many of the women on screen on shows about designing gardens or buying second homes probably are housewives it's rarely mentioned. A housewife will likely introduce herself by her hobby or charity work or whatever else rather than identify as a housewife.
I think that's because our society massively undervalues parenthood and feminism in the UK was almost entirely built on their inclusion into capitalism. Even though its almost unattainable, its not seen as goals because its invisible.
Most women who become mothers are off for a couple years, maybe in part time job, helping out at school or something like that, but largely expected to be doing some form of paid work by the time their kid is in secondary school. With the exception of some British South Asian or African etc households who make a specific effort to support in career toward being able to support a housewife for at least the duration that a child is living at home (or to afford a nanny if both in full time careers) it's very hard to "afford".
In fact the social stereotype of homemakers is "scroungers" particularly if its a working class household or a single mother. Because the main way to afford to stay at home in the UK is to have another kid, as the child benefit increases for a small child. Working class families who want to stay home and raise kids feel pressured to have another, and there's awful stereotypes about these people all being lazy because their lifestyle requires state money, but actually there's a level of jealousy that it's not attainable for a working household to live on a single wage as well as the heavily entrenched class system and how classism ties into view of working class procreation and motherhood.
Any group which isn't rich but has someone staying at home, especially to raise more than 3 kids (common in generationally poor households and also Muslim households, which can tie into islamophobia and anti immigrant sentiment too) is treated more or less like a disease that sucks the system dry, totally dehumanised. I think you guys have some similar crossover with the "welfare Queen" stereotype used particularly on black women.
The housewives we see on screen other than these tend to fit a "gold digger" stereotype. But it's different to yours, because with old money this kind of thing is seen as classless new money behaviour. There's a difference between the girls of "made in Chelsea" and "the only way is Essex". The latter group have money in an economic boom which led to many manual laborers having substantial wages compared to service staff. Some of these women are on paper housewives and some of them work. Many aspire to be rich. But housewives is never used because they aspire to be somewhat like a kardashian. They want to be famous. They want to work still in a way. They want to open a nail salon and create a branded fashion line. They just want the security of a partners money to do it all without taking the risks that a working woman usually would. The desire there is not to raise kids. Similarly with those in Chelsea, they may not aspire to work but they aspire to afford a nanny to do the childcare.
The only people called housewives on screen are set in the past. Mostly pre war past and when it's a period drama this is rich women as poor women here have always worked and middle class in a period drama means rich. In more modern shows, a "normal" housewife is generally set between the 50s-80s, with the earlier end being a nagging figure, the backseat driver, where you sympathise with the "poor husband". She is a battle axe, not a beauty queen. (see keeping up appearances) and/or she is the wife of a laborer, especially a coal miner, often based up north. For jobs which took a lot of physical manual labour and pains and dangers, it was common to have housewives working from home to make sure he was well nourished and to raise the kids for the long hours away. These communities mostly fell post-thatcher. But if you watch films like "Billy elliot" or "this is England" or "pride" you'll see real British housewives. It is mostly the only place. In that media they often are treated with respect as the backbone of the family, however because the working class and northerners are so derided, it doesn't translate as them being well respected societally, Esp compared to the women who took up work post war. Modern media often ignores the way this was fought against by many men even up to more modern times. "made in Dagenham" is a good example of the way working men and working women were set against each other by the government and capitalist classes.
Anyway it would be interesting to compare
Would have been very interesting to see how the SAHM trope looks and is interpreted differently for WOC and women in poverty (or not middle class/wealthy) like how there looked at as “welfare queens” or bad moms bc they have their kids at a caretakers all the time
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife. And discouraging women for making that their goal is inherently hypocritical and sexist. Women should be able to work outside the home without any judgment and women should be able to focus on working in the home without any judgment as well. Just because someone's a housewife doesn't mean they are dissatisfied or tricked into pursuing that lifestyle. I'm a housewife and I'm happy and content. I've always been a major introvert and a writer. I am fortunate my husband goes out and works so I'm able to pursue knowledge for its own sake and a degree for its own sake and spend my days on keeping the house and gaming and educating myself. The dissatisfied housewife is trope is so old that is no longer accurate since the only women who are housewives now are women who chose to be housewives. It's a very outdated trope. Of course if every single woman is supposed to be a housewife a lot of women are going to be dissatisfied because they would rather pursue something else. But now only women who want to be one are housewives for the most part so most of them aren't dissatisfied.
Oh, absolutely. Feminism means every woman is free to make stupid decisions and fuck up her life. But there's nothing wrong with calling it a stupid decision, either. I would call a man who did this stupid, so I call women who want to be housewives stupid.
I'm not a woman, but I'd love to be a... househusband? Housespouse? That both rhymes and is gender neutral, so I prefer that XD It's funny how people are simultaneously like: "Oh, but don't you have any ambitions? I wouldn't be able to just stay at home, I'd go crazy!" and "Oh sure, you just want your partner to do all the hard work earning the money. They're suffering every day at a shitty job, just so you can sit at home and enjoy your life!" Which one is it? Is working a job something that's fulfilling and you couldn't live without it, or is it torture and anyone who stays at home just wants to leech off a partner who works their ass off? Or maybe, just maybe, some people enjoy pursuing a career and others enjoy cooking and cleaning and raising children, because people find different things fulfilling? Sorry for the little rant :) I also enjoy writing, but my job (which I hate because I'm an introvert who would love nothing more than to stay at home) leaves me next to no time for that. I hope I'll find a partner one day who gives me the opportunity to be a housespouse. The only other option I see is writing every free minute and in circa ten years, if I'm not burned out by then, I'll have written a book that'll be rejected by publishers and utterly fail when I self-publish it and I'll be back at square one. Or I can keep wasting my time writing youtube comments that are waaay too long XD I hope the sarcasm was clear, I'm not as depressed as I sound. Not yet.
@@ichbinben. Omg I swear we're twins! I spend way too much time writing Long UA-cam comments as well! And I am also working on a novel I am fully expecting to get rejected by every publisher xD I totally agree with everything you said. I actually worked as an in-home geriatric nurse for a lot of our relationship but since he was making more money I worked part-time and took care of everything at home and when we got married. He insisted I can quit. He benefits from having a housewife since everything is taken care of for him. He never has to worry about anything or pick up after himself. I do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, I schedule his appointments, remind him of family birthdays clean out his car ect. He doesn't have to lift a finger at home he literally just has to go to work and that's it. And I enjoy and find fulfillment in keeping a clean home and not having to interact with people so much. We both have so much more energy to pursue our hobbies and hang out. It works out perfectly for us and I know one day you will find your perfect partner as well ❤️
It is a risky to relying on one partner who could possibly lose interest in you or leave you without a backup plan is a little unwise, and if someone plans to be a housewife well I hope they have some sort of education and does well on it at least I don’t mind if I happen to be one in the future I just don’t know what to do in general 💀
@@NoName-dx1no yeah having something to fall back on is definitely a must. Especially if you don't have a degree or work experience. I think that's very important. And if you don't know what to do I recommend trying a lot of different things! Like volunteering or shadowing different jobs. Like volunteering for hospice, shadowing a lawyer, or focusing on improving whatever artistic talent you have (musical, drawing/art, writing ect). Call around to businesses in the area you think you might be interested in and ask to shadow someone. Most businesses will allow you to shadow someone to get a feel for the industry
I would love to be a housewife, staying home taking care of my daughter. However in reality, my baby daddy was not reliable person and had a Peter Pan syndrome, left my daughter and I. I’m a single mother who works shitty jobs to support my daughter and also getting married to someone is a fear of mine. Because I don’t want someone to see my daughter as a baggage. I would wait until she grows up. I do love someone but my daughter comes first. From the independent woman perspective who pays all of the bills, being housewife who stays home with her kids and husband is a privilege.
I sense a lot of insecurity among the guys who tell the housewife to "leave the thinking to me." They don´t want to know a housewife is a better thinker than them. Torvald Helmer from A Doll´s House seemed to embody this insecurity.
Men trying to control women is about their own insecurity.
Ooh, I love A Doll’s House!!
Say it with me: UNPAID👏 LABOR👏 IS 👏STILL👏 LABOR👏
I think nothing else like the pandemic times we are living in made me reevaluate my opinion towards working housewives. I always respected women, who wanted to be just housewives, but when one has to be with ones family in a enclosed space ....who have to do their job while handling housework, children, husbands hysterics about the whole situation.... women are superheroes. Period. All women.
I have literally never even heard of the idea of paying housewives a salary, and now its so depressing because it would be such an important and valuable idea. Having stay at home mothers be dependent on another person for money is so villainous and sinister but it's so accepted in our society that I never even thought of it as a societal decision with an alternative
There was a "Wages For Housework" campaign in 70s UK but it never really took off, unfortunately.
Interestingly enough the initials "WFH", now refer to "Working From Home".
I’m at an interesting intersection; I work and have always wanted a career but the pandemic/lockdown/economy has made me want to shift a lot of my priorities. I don’t want kids but am engaged and have always wanted to be married. I work entirely from home while my fiancé works at a hospital. I like having my own money but find that I like being at home. I like cooking and decorating the house but I like the economic freedom of having a job (my fiancé contributes to the house work as well-we divide the cleaning but I cook because I’m a much better cook and I genuinely enjoy it, it relaxes me, haha!). So I kind of live like a housewife (being at home all day, making the house beautiful, cooking, etc.) but work full time.
Same feeling, I love the home, I like doing chores, keeping my house pristine but I love having my own money and financial independence, it feels stimulating
me too! i'm a teacher work part time from 8am to 12 pm and hace all day for myself in the house :3lov e baking and cleaning :)
My favorite song depicting the housewife being treated as a trophy and machine is "He Thinks He'll Keep Her" by Mary Chapin Carpenter.
I liked Alice Macray and Beth Ann Stanton for their empowerment being how they help other housewives through domestic abuse and confront a culture that looks the other way when husbands cheat and beat their wives while women are given more emotional labor to "improve his attitude"
I have created a few housewife characters one of them being contemporary and a few others in their retro past. One of the retro housewives goes through the repressed feminine mistake until her sexuality gets ignited in the fifties and she starts exploring her own interests and opening her own mouth and speaking her mind long before she gets a job in the 70s. Another housewife deals with repression when she was a teenage girl who was pressured by her Catholic Sacramento family to hide for 9 months to give birth to her baby but as a housewife she keeps up with her old library profession as a influential and hard-working volunteer and has a happy homelife with her husband and daughter as she works to build an open environment and look for the baby she was coerced into putting in adoption.
I think that we need more stay at home fathers 2 make the role as stay at home mum seen as something that actually has value.
Why because it’s a man doing it now? I think that’ll only make it worse.
I agree that it should be acceptable for a man to stay at home, but that is because everyone should live their best lives
Please do a video about She-Devil! I just watched it twice this week for the first time and I love how it deconstructs the Vile Mistress- Cheating Husband- Frumpy Wife dynamic. Both women outgrow sexist, cheating, gaslighting Bob and take control of their lives. He's the problem, not them!
I love that movie! And yes they bof take control of their lives in the end and that was awesome!!
My mother tried to be a housewife whe she should have been out and working and making her own money. Now both she and my father (who was always bad with money) are now broke. She has no education and no skills and miserable.
If she has been a housewife for x amount of years, she has skills. She just has to figure out how to utilize them
Along with COVID the rising cost of day care as well as the lack of day care workers has made finding day care impossible. I know one woman who became a stay at home mom because the cost of child care in her area was taking all her paycheck. I know another because she can’t find childcare in her area that isn’t completely booked or can’t find extra help for extra children.
I feel for women who have kids with a plan of going back to work and then the plan falls through. That is rough. On one hand you want to go back to work, on the other hand the child is no one else’s responsibility besides the parents. I know a lot of families who expect more help than they actually will receive and those expectations can be damaging. When I have a baby, I’ll keep in mind that it’s no one else’s job or responsibility to raise my kid, so I need to plan on that duty being mine and mine alone.
I think the insane child care laws in the US are also at fault. Most of my peers and I stayed home alone from 7 yo after school until my parents came back and no one died, but I bet if one of these women did something like that they'd get arrested.
I’d love to see a movie where they show those women who actually love being housewives, mothers and such. Women that truly love being archetype do exist, I’ve met and interviewed many of them and, alarmingly, many of them said that they’ve had other women, almost all of them childless, come up to them and have conversations about their oppression. Which is not only bizarre but insane. Being a mother isn’t always easy but for those that have chosen that path, let them live in peace with their choice. They’re not all oppressed or forced into it. 😅
My husband says he'd like to see a video about the incompetent husband. He's usually a grown up frat guy who can't cook and isn't good with children. I agree because it sends messages to women that they should settle.
A lot of people would agree with your husband. Myself included. Only problem is it'll trigger a lot of sexist people.
It’s a weird place to exist: on one hand all labor is valuable and domestic labor is vastly overlooked. On the other hand, women’s access to work does not come from just wanting to fulfill their potential but as a way to protect themselves from abusive marriages where they are financially bound to their husbands
This issue is so different for women who are married to narcissistic and antagonistic men vs women who are married to a loving partner. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years, starting from when my husband earned minimum wages, up and through to when his wages were higher than a doctor. I worked 16-18 hours every day and did not get a single paycheque or vacation. I once went two years without an afternoon away from my children.
Because of his role of earning money and my role of taking care of the home I renovated 3 houses by myself (that includes plumbing, electrical work, and installing flooring all with youtube knowledge) I took care of additional children from home, I did all of the grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning. I eventually left because he was abusive, unappreciative, and cheating with men. Now that I am on my own he does not pay one cent in child or spousal support because he would rather pay a lawyer than give me anything. Even though I fixed plumbing I cannot get a job as a plumber. Even though I fixed electrical issues I can't get a job as an electrician. Even though I did carpentry work I cannot get a job as a carpenter, with any companies that claim no experience is necessary!! All that's available is childcare and housekeeping and I loath housekeeping at this point so both those options are ones that I am no longer tolerant of. I'd rather be homeless than clean toilets at this point.
Even though I am financially struggling I am still expected to watch friends' kids for free while they are gone for the hour that turns to three hours. I will tell you that being a single mother who works and takes care of her kids by herself is far more easy and joyful than being the housewife to the wrong man. I used to cook not one, but two dinners for him and I felt weary with a stepford wife smile. I would cut beef into steaks and pound chicken late into the night after 200 mile trips to costco. I would massage his hands and his head as he fell asleep every night. I shaved his back hair. I supplied his positive energy and his confidence for him. I made his doctor's appointments like a secretary. I was yelled at if I wanted to buy clothing for myself or our kids while the closet was overflowing with his brand name items. I carefully shopped the best grocery items at the flyers' lowest prices but was still yelled at for spending $300 on food no matter how much money I had actually saved us. I was yelled at and belittled if I wanted to read a book. I was not allowed to see a dentist and had to cut and drain my own dental abscess from home with a craft knife while he bought a 70" TV. We put money into RRSP's and not surprisingly, he took all of mine and left me with nothing but debt in my name. He did this after I was our bookkeeper and did our business accounting for several years. All of the money that people spend on services was saved by having me do the work. Yes it is criminal. Yes it is a struggle to start over in my 30's without a high school education. Yes I feel betrayed by a government who turns a blind eye while their lawyers get paid. But the amount of money that I save by having learned to do everything on my own is invaluable.
I was proud of being a stay at home mom because I thought people realized the sacrifices I made. I was a husband bolster-er. To me it was like telling them I was a soldier, one who never had the privilege of a warm cup of coffee or bathroom privacy like the women who work office jobs. I always viewed the women who worked outside of the home as the ones who were at leisure. I always thought the ones who said the words "don't work" in relation to my unpaid work were delusional. You are not your own when you are a stay at home mom. Everyone seems to act like they own you and they need you to do something for them RIGHT NOW please. It is beyond exhausting and the moments of socialization are no reprieve when one of your kids is interrupting the conversation every 2 minutes.
I have studied law, finance, psychology, journalism, and I've done what feels like a million jobs outside of parenting but if I had kids again I would stay home to raise them all over again because I can see how much my children have benefited from it and I would have it no other way but 2 things are certain. 1) My husband would have to appreciate my value and contribute to the efforts at home and 2) I would need to be able to spend my own money and hire a cleaning lady. It makes my blood boil when everyone tells me I should do the cleaning myself. People act as if stay at home moms are uneducated but we educate ourselves on what is relevant to our family's needs. I was a volunteer teachers aid, volunteered at soup kitchens, and bought and wrapped all the gifts for my husband's family's Christmas' and birthdays. I learned an immense amount about nutrition because of my husband's gut problems. The issue isn't so much with our sacrifice of development, but rather, how daunting it is to re-enter a workforce that equates university with competence more than real-life experience and how hard it is to overcome other people's perceptions that we chose to "do nothing". I hoped perceptions would change as a result of the lockdowns so that women could see how difficult it is to blog, to shop, to read, to socialize when your kids are with you 24/7. It is different in every family but this is what it looks like for women who have no support. My advice to all housewives is to evaluate whether or not you feel isolated, exploited, and manipulated by your husband and if so, just know that it's tough to get out but man it is wayyyyyyy happier without a bad husband! As a single mom who makes $16k a year I am much more better taken care of than I was with a husband who made $220k a year. Narcissistic abuse plays into this issue so hugely because it is often narcissistic men who take advantage and relish from the power/control it gives them. Someone cannot control you and love you at the same time.
Your story is one of many reasons I am not the f!ck interested in a domestic life with these unappreciative, abusive men. I love my single life.💙
I had a baby at the height of the pandemic and after I ran out my maternity leave did not go back to work. Not only was childcare super limited in the rural community we lived in, but the childcare that was available was incredibly expensive. We couldn’t justify having me work to pay someone else to care for my baby, especially when I was nursing and I was the best person to be taking care of him (especially during a pandemic). I was fortunate to start a part time notary business which allowed me to make some extra cash. I was able to do that work for a couple of hours in the evenings after my husband came home from work. Unfortunately we moved states and I don’t have my notary stamp here. The COVID numbers are also way worse here and I no longer feel comfortable going into strangers’ homes to notarize mortgage documents.
I’m definitely one of those women who wants to stay home. But I also demand that my partner gives me control of all the money, mainly because I’m good at budgeting. I also have no kids. Housework, gardening, and starting a permablitz group is enough work, thanks.
Also, a livable UBI would do wonders in giving people financial freedom if they decide to focus their labor on the home.
I highly recommend reading "The Origins of the Family, Private Property and the State" by Engels to fully understand the material factors leading to the tying of women to the domestic sphere. It's not the lightest reading material but it's still painfully relevant to this day.
I agree with most of this, except the statement over halfway: the narrative of choosing to be a housewife as 'being your truest self' is just as harmful. The object is the full range of choice, whatever your true self truly wants it to be.
I've been a stay-at-home mom for 14 years now and it's only other women who give me shit.
Other women are often way meaner than men!
They’re jealous of you
As a happy stay at home mum and wife I have never seen myself portrayed accurately in media. My husband is very supportive and values what I bring to the table. He also does chores in the house and is an active participant in parenting. I have one degree and am working towards another. My marriage is a team. I am not oppressed. I am, however, very hated by media it seems.
Sounds good to me.
Here here! They want us to believe we are oppressed. And to be angry that we have the chance to be wives and moms and resent it. Not falling for it.
I have been a housewife since the birth of our first baby in 1989. I was not miserable, unhappy, repressed, forced to stay home, bored, nor like any of these tropes. We have four kids, now grown, and my husband was an electrician so it wasn't exactly a middle class existence. It was a struggle but we made it work because it was my choice and my husband supported my choice.
Housewives are the only women you are not only allowed to stereotype, but are encouraged to. What happened to freedom of choice?
This video should be titled 'The White American Housewife Onscreen' - and acknowledge the reasons why Afro-American women were deliberately denied access to the same lifestyles euro-american woman were allowed to have by the eurocentric patriarchy. For instance, the book referenced at the beginning of the video 'The cult of womanhood 1820 - 1860' is about european (white) women specifically, as at that time Afro-descendents were still enslaved by the land bandit european people. It would be cool if The Take acknowledged the lack of representation of Afro-americans and perhaps consider adding a Afro-American to their team so that these blindspots can be avoiding in the future.
I'm surprised you didn't cover some of the Sitcom Housewives from the 50s and 60s.
-June Cleaver became the symbol of the stereotypical American housewife in pearls and high heels (and was heavily criticized for being an unrealistic expectation), even though those design choices were done for the sake of easier film production.
-Lucille Ball was constantly trying to make a name for herself outside the home, but ended subverting everything Ricky did onscreen with wild schemes because he refused her every move.
-Alice Kramden was stuck in (what we'd consider today) an emotionally abusive relationship with her husband, but managed to maintain some level of sanity by poking fun at Jackie Gleason every chance she got.
-Samantha Stephens willingly submits to Darren, despite being an all powerful witch; and the show went out of it's way to explore the ins and outs of that dynamic every chance it got.
Honestly, that could be a whole other episode in itself.
Lucy cowered in fear of Ricky when she should have kicked his ass to the curb. Samantha should have also stood up to Darren. I loved Alice for doing just that with Ralph. This submission bullshit needs to go.
@@sophieruby9135 Lucy IRL really *did* kick her husband to the curb, and was all around a badass in Hollywood during her time,
So there definitely is a consolation for her.
@@gooderambles
Yes, and Desi Arnaz deserved it. I just wish Ricky Recardo had gotten the same treatment. But I guess the entertainment industry allowed wife characters to be bullied by the husbands.
The most liberating feminist statement I’ve ever heard said was by my male middle school teacher who said that you told our class you can be whatever you want… then said look at one girl can grow up to be a mom then looked at another and said she could grow up to be a doctor. He then told us all, boys & girls, not to let anyone tell we can’t be something. He put all aspirations on the same level; it’s a sad comment on society that he was such a radical concept.
I don't think so. I think your middle school teacher is a very wise man. People could learn a lot from him. 😊
I’m so happy you included scenes from Nbc Good Girls, perhaps in the future you would like to make a video about the show?
There’s obviously going to be a power imbalance when one person is providing everything.
Working is much more easier than being a housewife.
@@lilyarios1026 “much more easier” then learning grammar too. Yeah that dishwasher can be a real bitch, you know there are buttons and you need to put soap in it, what will they come up with next, modern science is amazing.
@@petermello55 You kind of just proved my point, but okay...
@@lilyarios1026 lol k bud
@@lilyarios1026 it’s like being someone who works without the working part haha you’re good
I love how Madame Bovary is the OG Desperate Housewife.
This is why I never wanted to be a housewife. Or even get married unless it's marriage with pets alone and we both work and keep finances separate
If you want to keep finances separate, why marry?
@@msi8311 because there are benefits when you're legally married?
I just was reminded of that line in My Big Fat Grek Wedding where Nia's mom (I think that was her name) told her that the man may be the head of the family but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head in any direction she chooses! Ha, so funny!
I love Domestic Dramas. After all, it’s a microcosm of the bigger society.
This video is problematic in that it puts down working women to glorify housewives. Womens Libbers(the feminists of the second wave in the 1960’s and1970’s) talked about the perils of housewivery because those were the only choices a women had and it did screw with their individual autonomy. Those perils for women were a stark reality which is why the housewife has been portrayed as submissive and having no agency. That’s why those media portrayals happens the way they did
This video does not put down working women.
Thank you!!!
This resonates with me deeply. Having a job if your a man is enough. But having a small job. Taking care of a kid in school and out of school and expected to do the clubs, homework, parties all while cooking cleaning and not getting so out of shape and losing hair. But I always feel. As my husband works long long hours and is making our money. If I don't juggle all these things there literally is nobody else there to catch it? If I forget the homework the only one who suffers is my son and myself. 😩 The feeling of never being enough. Whether u work or not is deep
I was a housewife for 28 years and finally was back in the workforce until the pandemic hit but since I didn't make as much money as my husband of course I had to quit my job to stay home with the kids and now I'm back home being a housewife again because the kids are almost never in school anymore and somebody has to be here for them and of course it's me because my labor was never valued and I literally have no work experience and no resume skills.
I hope your husband values you. And society values you. Thank you.
I appriciate women like you, hope your husband does too
I loved ‘Desperate Housewives’. Pulpy and fabulous.
I love that you included A Woman Under The Influence! Such a great film.
My brother was a stay at home dad for 6 years. He had trouble re-entering the workforce because he stayed home instead of his wife.
Can you please do a video on the childfree woman?
You think housewives have it bad? House husband's have it even worse. People, including kids, constantly made derogatory comments about my husband being SAHD for our son from 10 months until 6.5 years old.
"Why doesn't your dad work?"
"Is your husband having trouble finding job?"
"I bet your son misses having his mom rather than his dad."
It was so annoying.
I thought we were fortunate to be able to afford to have a stay at home parent, but our society constantly chastised us for having the wrong gender stay at home.
My husband finally went back to work PART-TIME when our son entered public school. He is still the primary caregiver.
I don't know if it was just a bad take or on purpose, but I really felt like you were emotional when you said 'focus on domesticity' and I really felt that. I just hate being told to do domestic things for others. I clean up after myself, and others should to. Of course if we agree to other things, but I'm not the default maid just because I'm the woman
Where in the video was that?
In sailor moon Makoto aka sailor Jupiter is one of the most physically strongest sailor guardian and also one of the most tomboyish but she is also the girliest sailor guardian and her dream is either to be a homemaker or a cute store owner! Also one of my favorite quotes from family guy when Lois says she’s a feminist but also knows that feminism is a choice and she choose to be a housewife
If conservatives want more housewives, then they need to make the minimum wage a living wage for a single earner.
As a Housewife, I greatly appreciate this video! We do not have children yet and it is still an extremely difficult job. Thank you, again.
I'm not sure that was the point of this video...
We have have had many generations of First Ladies being house wives acting pretty and getting gussied up for their president husbands. So when Hillary Clinton comes along and breaks the mold by being a career woman, explaining she chose not to do simple domestic things expected of a woman, The Take vilifies it, that tells me all I need to know about what the women in the take think of women who dare to shatter glass ceilings. We live in a world where women get to dream of being whatever they want to be and that is because of the second wave feminism started by Betty Friedan.
Oh you mean the woman who was a lawyer, and slandered a child rape victim in court because Hilary chose to defend the rapist?? Personally I don’t aspire to be anything like her.
I was a housewife when she made that condescending remark, and I've hated her ever since. And you know what? That bitch wouldn't have had her political career had her hands not been gripped tightly to her husband's coattails. As a feminist, I'm offended by her.
If I am being honest, I think there is an answer worth noting .
For people born in the 70s, or in my case the 80s, a lot of us had mothers who worked full time. I did not know any housewives, we were latchkey kids with mothers working full-time jobs.
So, on one hand they seem almost fictional to us, something from a far away land. On the other, we feel a reflective need to defend our working mothers. They were mothers and held a job, so if a housewife is X than that in out mind means they are saying our mother is the opposite. So if you say they are the backbone of the family, then in our minds... unconscious...it means out mothers were lesser.
If I am honest, even as you list in the video about the value of childcare, a part of me does feel like you are saying my working mother was not there for me, even though I know that is not true.
Partially because our mothers... especially we with mothers who actively considered themselves feminists... told us about people who when they were starting their careers tho0ught they should stay home. An important history lesson, but it can also lead to you feeling like your family needs to be defended.
It is not that those born in the 70s or 80s think that the work is meaningless, it is that these mindsets caused us to just, not think about housewives at all. For good or ill.
I am not saying any of this right, or the proper way to think about things. That there is not a prejudicial view to this way of thinking. I will even say it it wrong, but if I am honest, yeah, I think that has influenced my mind at times.
You bring up a good point, I just posted a few things at the top of this thread about this topic. The Take has put down working women to glorify housewivery, they put out a narrative that housewives were merely stereotyped as having no autonomy or options in life when that actually was the reality before 1970’s feminism
What about feminism and the views towards tomboys and girly girls? Girly is seen as less than even in 2021! Tomboys were often protagonists and bullied and belittling girly rivals but they were never called out on it so sadly it was seen as normal but that’s something that should change
Could you guys do a video on The Grinch and Martha May’s relationship? I think it’ll be a cool Christmas video and there’s a bit to unpack with it :)
But why are we focusing on Victorianism as the source of the housewife? Whether it's ancient Egyptian times or ancient others, women stayed home and took care of the kids. This sort of division of labor didn't start with the Victorians.
Well not really, that's actually a common misbelief. Working class women had to work on the fields and then on the factories for centuries, apart from doing their tasks on domestic work. The ones who could afford to stay at home and focus on the housework were the women from the humblest bourgeois families that were affluent enough to not needing one of the spouses to work. The Victorian era experienced the proliferation of this "middle class", so the associations on women as purely domestic beings were more common in those times, and this showed in the literature and popular culture.
They’re focusing on Victorianism because it’s the current fad to demonize the past. Men and women have and will always have a labor divide. Our biology is proof that men are built for one thing and woman another, that has nothing to do with the British empire, and everything to do with the fact that men had more physically challenging labor (hunting, building, navigating) than women (gathering, cooking, child rearing). Men and women are different, it’s sad how many people find the need to get upset at this fact.
@@msi8311
The Victorians were quite sexist, so there's plenty there to criticize.
As for division of labor, the more technology advances, the less division there will be. Robots will end up doing all the menial labor and heavy lifting.
One way of getting a "raise" or higher return on skills of being a housewife is simply by having more children.
More (well raised) children = higher returns. When there's a big family, everyone assumes the mom is this super matriarch. Society respects moms with lots of kids.
Another advantage of being a mom is having a closer relationship with the children than dad. (Mom also passes on more genetics to sons than dad does).
In media, dads are usually the primary characters for some reason, even though in a family movie/show, the mom should technically be the primary character.
I guess when conflict arises in stories, the situations involved generally make sense for dad to be involved.
Can we please put together a video that discusses the economies/structures that would disappear if there were no housewives today? I know of a housewife who helps evaluate finalists for scholarships for women. That foundation and that scholarship program could not if those housewives did not assist.
Actually, modern family has no housewives. In the last season Gloria becomes a real estate agent.
Giving housewives money sounds good, but it doesn't actually change much. A decent husband would be a financial partner and on the other side there are husbands that are controlling with money the wife earns.
Who is giving housewives money? Certainly not the govt I pay taxes to. If someone wants to have a kid, that’s their choice, it would be wrong to force me to pay for childcare. If someone has to stay home with their kid because they can’t afford childcare, I shouldn’t have to pay for that childcare via paying the person staying home. No. I’m saving for my family, so I can stay home and raise our kids. My family is no one else’s responsibility, and no one else’s family is my responsibility.
@@msi8311 that's such a stupid view of life, it could come from only one country
You should do a video on addiction. Men vs women. Both in reality and in fiction it's different.
And yes. The sponsorship inspireted me.
I'm 30, male, alcoholic and a survivor of SA. You should not advertise alcohol.
I think another reason making women stay home is the amount of abuse happening in daycares. I put my foot down and told my husband I was staying with our kids until they could talk. I'm saving money every paycheck to make it through the lean years. Until my child can tell me about their day, I won't trust them to anyone else. People are awful. My friend's child got broken ribs at six months old from daycare. Not my babies.
Michael Moore said in his documentary Capitalism, A Love Story that his mother worked when she wanted to but back then the family could make it on her husband's salary. Can we talk about Union jobs and the effect on that of housewives?
100% globalism. That ruined America.
I can see this. I think the decrease of housewives has a lot to do with men not being able to provide on 1 income. So many women work because the cost of living is too high. Men can't do it themselves anymore.
This video doesn't take into account the lives of black American women. We have been forced to work outside the home since being brought to this country against our will. We were already the caretakers, washerwomen, maids etc. for a long time before white women got themselves the right to vote. We'd been doing it for centuries when ya'll had ya'lls revolution, and we're still doing it now. Rarely have we been allowed to be affluent enough to only have one breadwinner in the home. The video also doesn't take into account that the majority of childcare workers who we frequently devalue in this country has always been black and brown women.
I actively choose to be a housewife and stay at home mother and it's ridiculously fulfilling. It's my choice and my son needs his mother more than he needs a daycare. At the same time, it is exhausting. Me time is usually just showers or when my baby is down for a nap. If I get sick I can't take a day off. I'm so tired sometimes that even though my parents will keep him for a night I wish for once it could be two. My husband doesn't understand me sometimes because no matter how much I tell him how stressful keeping a clean home, happy and healthy child all while trying to maintain my identity as I continue to deal with postpartum hormones is, he isn't feeling it so he can't fully understand. Still, I feel I MUST stress that I'm not trapped. I have the choice to work or stay home and that, to me, is feminism. I have no time for those that look down on housewives while they hold up signs and scream. We're not slaves, we have value and we know it.
How old is your baby
Women can do whatever the hell they want, being a housewife is just one of those things
Most women in the housewives franchise are not really housewives.
If a woman finds happiness and freedom as a housewife, that's a good thing. Stop confusing success and laziness. Success has different forms. If a woman can afford to have time to pamper herself, so what? She is successful in her own way.
Which part of the video are you talking about? I didn't see any complaining about pampering.
@@melodyclark1944 I mean it as in the housewife who doesn't have to work and can stay home and buy things and take care of herself.
This sounds incredibly condescending towards the housewife
I think one of the biggest reasons so many housewives are undervalued nor are respected is because their hardships are seen as a "choice" that they brought on themselves. Back in the past, when women didn't have as many options, it wasn't much of a choice. In some countries, it might still be this way. But in the USA, women don't necessarily have to get married anymore, and child-rearing doesn't have to come into the picture at all. Back in the past, Women had to get married in order to survive. Now that women have more options, women's complaints, pleas for help, and need for rest and relaxation are becoming even more overlooked because it's being seen as that woman's "choice" to get married and have children. Basically, "If you can't handle the job, why did you get married and have children?" I think few people evaluate the real reason so many women are still getting married and having children, trying to continue their family line, while also sacrificing so much of their time, energy, and personal resources by providing free labor and services. It's equivalent to looking down on someone who joins the Army so they can sacrifice their lives for their country, knowing they made the choice, but it still not being any less of a difficult and thankless job.
The absolute best depiction of a housewife is Josh Brolin's John O'Mara's wife in "Gangster Squad." He constantly checks in with her on his decisions with his job, from hunting notorious mob boss Mickey Cohen, to helping him pick his team. "You know, I hand picked all of you. Except the Mexican kid, I don't know where John picked him up." It's even addressed, by other characters, that she's pregnant and her husband is stupid for going after Cohen. They are relationship goals, communication and respect, the foundation of any relationship! Love all their scenes!
I am not sure if you already did the older or senior woman in your tropes since often these women are absent or sterotyped in films