MORE Things NEVER TO SAY to People with CPTSD
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- Опубліковано 12 сер 2020
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Last week I listed four MINIMIZING things people say that are unhelpful and just plain WRONG! This week I'm covering four MORE things people say to people with CPTSD and this week it's all around telling you what you "must" do to heal. Ew!!!
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Thank you for saying these things. It's very difficult feeling like everyone just wants to minimize or brush of incidents. It's almost impossible for me to explain to people why their "goodwill" is harmful to me. That's when things like "overly sensitive" start being said...and it's down the rabbit hole all over again.
Have you noticed how everyone seems to always know what you need to do, as if we're some sort of imbeciles who need to be enlightened?!
I got tired of therapists telling me to forgive my abusers. I have helped myself more than any so called therapists.
Thank you for your common sense.
Thank you.
My last appointment with my therapist after I told her about one incident of abuse, her response was, "There's a special place in Hell for people like that." I cannot tell you how wonderful that made me feel☺☺☺
Misguided. The forgiveness required is to forgive out earlier, younger selves for believing, accepting the abuse. Forgiveness is only about me. The hell with them.
I was taught Forgiveness requires repentance.
Many people seem to confuse forgiveness with "not being angry anymore" or "letting go". Those are very different things. You don't need to forgive people to stop being occupied with them or to let them stop hurting you.
I have been up ALL NIGHT watching your videos. And then my husband woke up and he was like “HELLO, THIS IS YOU!” 🤯🤯🤯 Everything you described (especially the “clumsiness “) really hit the nail on the head for me. I have been on and off medication since college, and it all just seems like a stupid game where you never really win, you just maintain your same shitty position, never really gaining any ground. This is the first time I have actually been able to connect the dots. Wow.
We are now going to make a playlist and watch ALL of the CPTSD videos together tonight. I am surprised at how quickly my husband recognized everything you talked about.
DAMMIT! Where have you been my ENTIRE LIFE!!?!? You are clearly a godsend, and I am so grateful to have found your channel. Thank you.
Healing doesn't mean a transformation to a non or pre traumatized state. If you had your leg cut off you wouldn't grow a new one. The wound would simply close. The fact that you have scar tissue and nerve damage as well as a missing leg is just reality.
:(
Yes @Yeezy, what @Allie's World said. Many of us are here to tell you much healing is possible and makes a HUGE difference. CPTSD is an injury. It's not a lobotomy.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Perhaps an amputation was a bad analogy. A significant burn might be a better one. I stand solidly by what I said. Healing is possible. Returning to a pre or non traumatized state is not. With much respect, I've been working on healing for 50 years. Now that I am old and fighting serious health issues, the ptsd is worse, not better. Everything you espouse I have been doing for decades. Plus. I have worked on this forever. The tools that worked the best for me are no longer available ie hard exercise. My point is: I don't want some younger person to feel that they've "failed" because they haven't received that perfect healing. Reality is things go in cycles. Sometimes when you think you have something nailed down, half a century later you might be revisiting them again. I like your videos. They are very helpful. But there really are no magic bullets. If there were I promise you I would have found them. I've been doggedly searching my entire life.
@@Jennasworld1876 I have read the books. I have followed people like Bessel Van Der Kolk. I've followed how trauma affects neurologically for years. Here is what is happening to me now. I am in incredible physical pain now from the effects of RA & scoliosis. Doctors, hospitals, etc. are triggers with a capital T. I have used every therapy that I have found useful for decades. Gardening. Journaling. Volunteering. Excercising. Writing. Art therapy. BUT, right now the things that I worked the best for me in the past I just can't do now and I'm really, really struggling. I used to be able to ride a bike until I puked. Literally. But IT WORKED. Hard exercise has always been the very best thing for me. I used to be able to commit to a schedule and volunteer. And that was big. Really big. Now I'm in this chronic state that is throwing me into internal chaos regularly. Please, anyone that is reading this that has any suggestions, I am open to anything. I am miserable. P.S. I take CBD.
@@gardener5857 maybe this will help you, ua-cam.com/video/ppr9h1t3-Tg/v-deo.html
i hope you get the heal healing you need!!
Video idea: things religious people should never say to someone with CPTSD- like you just need to trust god; you don’t have enough faith...
Especially if they are recovering from fundamentalist bs. The last thing I need is mythology in my life.
True. You can do this to people around any issue.
"You just have to pray harder....." *sigh*
Or "I'll pray for you" as a way they think they are giving support. When its the only thing you say or do for the person needing actual tangible support. Fun times in the Bible belt!
I ask “where was your god when I was being abused?”
Then all of a sudden god doesn’t work that way.
You are able to put my “feelings” into words. I always feel so enlightened when I watch your videos.
Thank you!
Me too.
Thank you. I have listened to so many people telling me what to do. Often the main person i have to listen to is the little hurt boy inside me. As an adult I can sometimes understand my traumas i have moved on and proved doctors, teachers and my mother wrong. I know that. What they did, what they said was so wrong about who i have become. But taking that precious, so much hurt little boy along with me is the hardest thing.
Ive had the worst experiences with therapists. Some clearly “crazier” than me, asking if they have trauma experience & they say “yes, everyone had trauma!” And then shaming me ( for smoking, which id just given into again, while on TELETHERAPY in my own house! One always taking my mom’s side if i expressed my feelings about her never protecting us from our narcissist, abusive dad... well yea i feel bad for her, but she also made sure to direct him to get angry at us to protect herself! And my whole childhood was spent being invalidated, emotionally neglected. Dont need to be paying for that in my middle age too... ive had controling therapists who decide not to work with me, assuming i wont be cooperative (let them control the session) because i want to talk too, or i object to their misinterpretation of something, who charge me for their hour while spending it talking about themselves and their policies, which was all on forms they already sent, and billing ins. for a diagnosis session. Ones who say something that i try to correct or object to, then adamantly deny having said it, repeatedly. One was nice but on the verge of tears often, over empathizing, occasionally interupting to ask inane questions about irrelevant details, and after 3 months of weekly sessions, admitting that she just did that to try to stay awake and she doesnt actually care about the story, its not her tx style. Like she couldnt have cleared that up 2-½ months earlier?
Forgiveness as a by-product of healing makes a lot of sense, and you are right that some therapists may not be trauma-informed.
:)
My counselor tells me to forgive my father and told me my health problems are do to my unforgivness. My father mentally and physically abuse me from
2 years old to 19 years old. I suffer from night terrors and sometimes I can't sleep cause my dad would hit me in my sleep
I am so angry at my counselor for saying this
i’m so sorry :( you don’t have to forgive him just bc he’s your father. i suffer from nightmares bc if my dad too. i hope you can heal from this 🖤
Your reason for your trouble with noisy upper neighbours (and being unable to sleep) is that you are just too sensitive. Not. No your needs count!!
You need to just spend more time with people, so you 'll become more normal. No. Follow your heart into nature.
Can you do one on “gush and crush” responses one may have to folks who are kind to you and how to keep this reactions healthy and productive?
Good idea. I'll put some thought into that. Could be part of the "fawn" response (fight, flight, freeze, fawn).
Good idea.
Is there such a thing as healing from cptsd, or is it just learning how to deal with it? Off topic, but I've noticed that the older I get, the more isolate I have become. As much as I'd like to find trustworthy friends and/or possibly a wife someday, I just can't trust myself to get close to anyone, anymore.
I have noticed this in myself too. For me, the cylce of both yearning for closeness but fearing it as well is the cycle I am trying to end. Very best of luck to you.
Daniel C thats how i feel, & am way past having a family of my own now, and lost my brith family...hang in there!
@@Rain9Quinn lost my birth family too and past having one also. Older people can still love though, very best of luck to us all.
I think it's complicated, because learning to deal with it can be very healing. I doubt I'll ever get to a point where I'll never have trauma symptoms, but noticing them early, understanding things I need to do for self care and to set myself up for strength and calm, and having strategies around coping can feel very healed. I think that in some ways, I'm grateful for all the work I've done around coping and strategies, because it's made me a better communicator, helped me become more self aware, and work towards becoming a better person.
I think that personal improvement is a lifelong goal, with or without trauma, and that helps me feel less bitter and angry about it. Sure, I have to do these things because of the trauma, but also, these are good things to be doing, and I think more people should be taking time to heal from their past, whether or not they have trauma or cptsd.
So I think some of it, I guess, is around reframing what healing from cptsd looks like for you in the short and long term. Maybe healing in the short term looks like being able to reach out to someone and start a conversation without ruminating about it, or opening up to someone about something you wouldn't usually. It's not an all-or-nothing thing, and redefining success can help motivate us forward.
All the best
You are not alone. I’m in the same boat. I think many of us do
My husband told me last night that I'm paranoid for wanting a gun as protection against my father who used to nail me in a coffin as a child.
Oh My Goodness. That's a terrible thing to have to deal with. I have no advice or insight. I'm so sorry you had to live through that. ✨😊✨ ♡🌹♡
I’d have a full body armor suit and 3 guns. Nope. Not paranoid. Paranoia would be if you felt Ronald McDonald was going to do this to you and he never did. He may have spoken out of ignorance
@@keepmoving1185 I'm hoping it's his weird way of dispelling my fears.
That's horrible (the coffin). I am not surprised your husband can't imagine a dangerous father. I know what it is to fear relatives.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thankyou, and you're right. He had a good Step Dad and Biological Father. My Dad absolutely will kill me if I try to unmask him. I'm just not positive he won't get paranoid and try to kill me anyway.
"Some people just like drama/attention", "some people just feel sorry for themselves" etc.
Yes, those are classics aren't they :(
-Cara@TeamFairy
A really annoying thing some people say when you talk about childhood trauma is they skip over right to making excuses for the parents who neglected, abandoned and abused you and then say you have to forgive them as a requirement to be able to heal. These people don’t know what they’re saying.
Thank you, Anna, for speaking the truth, that healing comes first in your own way and time. And that forgiveness is often a by-product of that healing, which usually takes work....💜
So well said...thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
"you need to accept what happened"
Ok, that happened. I'm still traumatised.
Exactly.
Yep! First one bad! Egotistical people tell u what to do/how to fix it vs LISTENING 😕. Exactly...I have a 33 yr gov't career & am a kind person who helps, so we are great people. I just need more compassion for myself now 🎁💋💜Thanks Anna for this😊❤
You got this!
Hi Anna. Knowing a little of how and when these triggers start at a personal level, its so easy to see how they can become a major collective problem. A lot of people who march the streets for freedom are desperate to be free of their past CPTSS. Sometimes it gives relief shouting things like "free free Palestine" not realising that the terrorists who are putting Palestinians in harms way are actually suffering from CPTSS themselves. Many Jews are too, from centuries of persecution. It goes from personal to political and from hurt to rage. But allow me please to say having a spiritual faith in God leads to personal healing, and having an inspired survivor like yourself is a blessing. ❤🙂🙏
Between ages 11-14 I spent years, almost every school day, getting violently bullied/assaulted. I always had injuries to hide like bruises, missing skin, cuts, bleeding from privates. The worst part is that my mother suffered an aneurysm around this time, she nearly died, and I was too worried for her health to say anything. Around this time became more and more introverted, I developed major stuttering problems, and I shortly after that I was diagnosed with autism. I'm 30 now and I haven't told this story to anyone from my family. My mother has passed away unfortunately and my family fell out. I think my mother always knew something was up in the form of signs and and clues I must've given her, and she always said I'm strong.
1. What you need to do is (insert other person's idea here). Forcing solutions on other.
2. Explanations for your ptsd.
3. You need to ... so that you can heal.
4. You need therapy.
I have to admit that I myself have said such things to others and was always confused or felt offended when my advice was rejected.
I also experienced it the other was around. People with similar problems stepping over my boundaries and knowing better what to do and how to feel, although they themselves haven't figured out their own stuff.
You give me hope that healing is possible and not just a dream. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
What a lovely comment. THANK YOU!
The content of your videos are reasonable, compassionate and bring me both the relief of understanding and self-acceptance.
I'm so glad to hear that!
Greetings Anna!
I have been trying to explain to my therapist that I do not feel comfortable discussing with them, certain things that I have recently recalled from my childhood that had been locked away in my mind for years. There were several times during sessions that I had tried to communicate to them about the things I had remembered, but they steered the conversation elsewhere, and now there is no way that I can see sharing with them about the repressed memories, and I cannot help feeling like I am a kid again when I meet with them now, and I find it is frustrating me to no end. I feel as if I am only meeting with my therapist now as a “cash cow”, and not to be treated or helped. Isn’t therapy supposed to be for my benefit, and if it is, why can’t they be more understanding?
Thank you for posting this video! Please have an excellent and awesome day!
Please have a Merry Christmas! 🎄 ✨🙂
Once again, i love you ❤️
Thanks for all your advice and support
Aw...You're so welcome!
My therapist told me what I needed to do more, like getting out and realize myself because In am "very talented and intelligente".
I know I have talent that never had flourished, but her remarks stresses me and actually made me depressed.
That's a tough predicament, getting dysregulated from encouragement. Sounds like doing some of the techniques alone could strengthen you a little better to receive support from others?
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Dont know what to do. I told her today I needed a break from therapy, I also told her what her remarks did to me and I feel more calm now.
Thank You my darling! Excellent videos on the subject! I have learned to quietly ignore these types of comments, so thank you for speaking up about it and most of all for UNDERSTANDING that the "almighty therapist" (NOT) is not always the answer! I do so get tired of people trying to "fix" me.
Glad it was helpful!
"You need to forgive your mother" is something I heard regularly in rehab. I don't need to forgive anyone. I'm so tired of hearing people say that to me. She abused me. I owe her nothing - particularly forgiveness.
1. What you need to do is....... don’t make demands. It will make things worse
2. Oh! This is why you act this way or it’s because if this and here are the
3. You need to do this so you can heal, you need to forgive, you need to accept, you need to move on.
4. You need therapy
Good summary!
Thank you, it's so important.
You are welcome!
Thanks again for your hard work healing others. Trying not to gush and crush. I appreciate you. Over and out.
Encouragement always welcome!
¡Hola, @Keep Moving! Could you please explain the meaning of "gush and crush"? I'm not a native English speaker so have no idea what this means
How about the pull yourself up by your bootstraps talk when you are in pain right now?
Crazy thing is, I'm 6'6 (201cm) have a background in boxing, but I feel tiny and weak everywhere.
It's that childhood stuff. I went to a Montessori-school with older kids in the same class room, and I'd always compare myself to the ones who were as much as 3 years older than I was. It was that they were my height. Sure, I was gifted too, but it was so easy to get confused. That's what i felt all the way from age 6 through 25: confusion. I'd get so nervous and anxious trying to hold up, and I never did. The other kids were pretty mean. Teach didn't like me-- I was too tall, and the others took this as a license to screw with me, steal my stuff, call me names all day. I was jealous, angry and often aggressive. I'd get called a Nazi's bastard (dad was a WWII veteran, Finland, and spoke a bunch of languages, including German) and a failed abortion, I'd flip. Mom would say I'm not allowed to even punch back. One kid wanted to use my school bag as a sled, and when I refused he kicked me with his winter boots so that I needed stitches on my shin.
Mom was insanely angry with me. She was convinced I picked that 'fight', and told me if that happens again she's going to kill me. Christian fundamentalists: turn the other cheek, or else. I despise her even now to the point of destroying any mementos of her. The only sane person in my life seemed to be a school councilor who'd give me speech therapy, and noticed once I had a tuft of hair missing after some kids had been pulling it, calling my hairdo stupid. "I'm alright." I'd say. She'd give me empathy, which I interpreted as pity, and lashed out. I pushed her away and never went see her again.
So yeah, when I'm in town I'm walking on eggshells. You people look at me wrong, and I give a death-stare and visualize you bleeding. I keep this to the ring, and even there people say i'm *vicious.* I interpret every and last single thing said or told to me as insult. No kidding. I'd translate the Latin word 'matrona' as hostess, and the classroom laughed at me á la "Ancient Roman Twinkies!" I pushed the auditorium table until the wood snapped. Told some mates I don't like being mocked. "But why do you take it so hard?" No answer, I'd just stick to the silent corner in the canteen with a book in one hand, and a Gripmaster in the other.
And I'd get therapists tell me I take things too personal. That there's nothing between me and that childhood 'trauma.' One shrink broke down crying when I said I tried to make cross for my dad's grave aged 8, and failed. Some of them just tell me to keep doing stuff, and eventually, what? "Just go out there, make friends...!" How? I don't know. Where do I even go? That ship sailed. I've gotten so used to being the angry one, there's nothing else. It's either sheer jealousy or anger, often hatred, or sorrow and grief. I wasn't allowed to grieve when my dad died. "I'm alright." you'll fake it, so that the other kids don't try to provoke you via saying you killed him. I've lived in a haze for lord knows how long. Pain brings out some clarity, if i bust a hand I at least feel some connection to my body.
Issue is I'm too tall. Got body/gender dysphoria piled on top of childhood trauma. One community can figure me out, or the other, but not both. I've gotten used to only trusting myself, and that only I can help myself. It's a bleak realization, but a vital one.
Sorry all this happened.
I am a tall lady. My mommy dearest held me back from 1st grade because she felt like it and I was already taller than everyone my age so I was even taller because I am a year older. I felt so awkward and ashamed. I know of know how you feel. My mommy dearest then made me change schools in 10th grade to a big town where I didn't know one soul and I was too shy to make friends. She wanted me to fail and I did. I quit school and got pregnant trying desperately to find someone that loved me back. I am sorry that happened to you and wish you well. We cannot give our haters the satisfaction of giving up.
@@goldheartminer7069 Shame is a tough bag. Not looking like other kids is a pathway to that '--swampland of the soul.' as IIRC Karl Jung put it. Especially for girls and women.
I wish you well also. At times the best we can do is to just do stuff and improve to spite 'them', right? Even if it is not clear who 'they' are.
I guess it'd be best to wear our sore points like a skin on top of skin.
I like the Game of Thrones quote from Tyrion, the Midget "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you."
Where there is a will, there is a way. Believe in yourself guys! And Thank you so much, Crappy Childhood Fairy! Your work helps so many, me included. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖
grateful for these UA-cam's
lol...thank you wanna!
much love
Glad you like them!
You are so sweet. Thank you.
7:00 is such a good message. Thank you 🙏
There are ways to communicate these things where the other person does not feel obliged to follow or cornered. If you know something that may help, you should tell them as it MIGHT help them, but you have to do so in a way where they are free to decide if it works for them or not and that you don't judge them for not taking your advice. I usually say "I may be missing the mark, and this may not be the right solution for you, but may I tell you what worked for me in a similar situation". If they say yes, I tell them, then end with "but it may be different for you". Basically, never assume you know for sure what is best for someone else.
I always listen to every broadcast. Please talk about the oil painting behind you.
Ah! It's a painting by my mother's first husband's uncle, 1953, in Norway. His name was Heppe. My mom's first husband was not my dad but was one of my guardian angels. He left me the painting, and I treasure it! PS: This angel paid for ALL my teeth to be fixed when I was 9 or so -- a total mess as is often the case with neglected kids. He also recorded me reading every year, starting when I was six (til I was about 9) and when I turned 21 he gave me the tape. At the time, I thought it was nice, but he was such an awkward guy. He got cancer it fell to me to care for him. I got to know him better, and realized what a special person he was, and all he had done for me over the years. It always makes me sad that I didn't see it while he lived, and took him for granted.
You are so way toooooo kind. ”This unhelpful remark“...might spin my head right off my body is the way I would finish it. Just me?
I love what you do! I love you! And it's not trauma talking :)
You basically validated my push of a loved one to seek therapy. Every three months he begins to threaten violent things onto himself & I'm too far away to be of any physical help. But the fact he does this in a way to call for help it's all I can do
🌺Thank you Anna. Even I have said, "Counseling will help you." I have CPTSD and spent an adult lifetime reading self-help books but although I managed to function really well in life my partner relationships were like episodes of Twilight Zone and always failed. Only trauma informed counselling helped me to see and understand why. It was amazing how blind I was to it all of it but the survival (limbic, reptilian, subconcious) brain was running the relationship show. Even if I read a book on that I doubt it would have helped me. Now I know that what helped me can be shared with others but not as me recommending they need to get Counseling also to get better.
The wrong therapist or counselor can do more harm than good. It's important to know when to cut your losses and leave the therapeutic relationship.
@Diana, you are right on target.
I’ve never journaled bc I didn’t know what to write and simply writing my thoughts wasn’t helpful bc my thoughts were often so racy.
Since doing your journaling practice it’s been very helpful and is a good reminder of my good and bad days
Anna, Can you do an episode about how to disolve triggers?
Most therapists are completely useless and ignorant, anyway. I was advised - pressurised, in fact - to stay with a narcissist and it ruined my life. I always find it particularly ridiculous when a very young person becomes a professional therapist and tries to "help" someone decades older than them. That's just NOT going to work!!
Crazy, my whole outlook on life has been very bleak for a long time because of those statistics.
Easy way to get stuck, glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you
You're welcome
Forgiveness isn't forgiveness as such, it's letting go. I heard someone say somewhere that holding on to hate of a person doesn't hurt that person, it only hurts YOU. The person you spend days and years hating and anger towards is happy as larry, living their lives as normal with no regard for you or how they made you feel. Even if you confront them, they will still continue to be happy about what they did to you and live their life the same, it won't change THEM. So forgiveness, is letting go. Same goes for stuff in the past, stuff we couldn''t control, stuff we got wrong. You have to let it go and move on the the future or you will be stuck holding on to the past and all the pain associated with it.
Yes, we do need to move forward and let go of resentment. This channel is all about how we do that because it's an overwhelming task for so many of us :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
when I say you I mean the generic you as in 'one'. I know you statements are not assertive communication style. This is what I learned personally, it's what helped me forgive, to let go of the hate and the pain and let go of the past and move into the future. I could never have healed anything without first doing that.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Yes it's probably the hardest thing to do. I think those techniques you mentioned can be the only way in some people's cases. When the memory brings up feelings as if a person is re living it, then the feelings need to be switched off. I heard they do that treatment in Switzerland, maybe other countries do it now. I think it would help me too if I could do that, just lessen the feelings attached to the memories, rather than forcing the memory out of my head. I say to myeself, when these memories pop up occasionally,, that's in the past, I can't fix that, move on
What do you do when your partner with C-PTSD is the one asking for a divorce because they triggered against you unintentionally and say so. They say they don't love you anymore but the trauma being triggered due to stress from several stressful situations is what caused these feelings and these feelings that she no longer loves me. She is in EMDR therapy and controlling her triggers from her child sexual abuse is getting better. But they haven't gotten to controlling me as trigger. She has said she doesn't know if she wants to purposely risk her health living with a trigger. I've refused to sign divorce papers till she is at least done with EMDR therapy. She loved me before she was triggered and we promised before we got married this was our final marriage and that the only thing we couldn't work through was infidelity.
That's a lot on your plate. Try this free course to keep a clear head (doesn't matter that you aren't the one with c-PTSD, it's a good technique to stay calm) bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you! Definitely a lot on my plate. I'm trying to keep the promises we made before we got married and pray to God daily once she is done with EMDR she will be ready to save our marriage as well. We promised the only thing we couldn't work through was infidelity. I pray it's just the trauma response that makes her feel as she doesn't love me anymore. Before she triggered last year she told me several times daily she loved me and would text me out of the blue in the middle of the day she loved me. Praying God heals her and produces a miracle and saves our marriage.
When I’m writing stuff down what if it’s the stuff every single day? Does that matter? Ike everyday is the same fears the same resentments it gets boring writing the same stuff down
Was fine till I entered therapy. Therapy created a circle the drain effect leaving me stuck in a fog of guilt shame blaming anger hatred and a slew of other feelings that I could not break from. Thank god I did not take the meds they were trying to push on me. Its taken 2 decades and lost friends family job etc since to begin to beal from the damage therapy did. I was gaslighted shamed and blamed for my csa abuse. As I am coming back into me, there is an anger at those who leterally kicked me while I was down and tried to crush me to hide their own garbage. I must warn also.There are therapists practising nlp without patient knowledge or consent. This is wrong! I cannot stress more that if therapy doesn't feel right. If you feel worse than when you went in. If you feel stuck or if you are staying just because you think your therapist knows more than you. Those are reasons to leave not stay.
This is the experience many of us have had, thanks for being here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you.
Welcome!
I'm tired of people treating me like I'm stupid because I have childhood tramua people keep telling it's your fault your like this it sucks Im not stupid I had no room to grow
Glad you're here :)
Just went through a breakup with someone who seemed very understanding and supportive from the start. I was open about my traumas and diagnoses etc… and whenever I was sensing disregulation and my trauma symptoms flaring up, I would ask them to please approach me in a xyz way… I know now that the symptoms are my responsibility to regulate and it should never be even partly on anyone else ☹️ But the response I would be met with was “No I don’t get it, you’re irrational. I don’t understand why you think that and I do not believe that me doing as you suggest would help anything.”
It was so incredibly hurtful to hear and made me feel like a monster, holding onto my last bits of sanity in those moments, asking for help just to get dismissed like that.
After the breakup and a while of no contact, I wanted to reach out, as they wanted to stay in touch. First message was very warm, even though even in that one they stated that I can feel free to throw a tantrum. The second message coming after basically stated how they were fed up with my bullshit I was causing and their own defense mechanisms caused them to be nicer to me than they should have and authentically wanted to and they dislike me.
As I wrote earlier - I know now that I should never really expect co-regulation or such, and handling my trauma responses is my own task. Nobody has to deal with it. It was just…. Quite painful to be basically labeled a needy bossy brat throwing a tantrum, while it was my decades of trauma playing out.
Oh yeah the forgiveness cure, like flipping a switch right, what could be simpler? That advice from Christians is nothing but a sure sign the person has utterly no understanding of the issue.
We know it's not simple :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I get family that shut me down!!
:)
Can you make a list of things to say to people with CPTSD to help them? It's all good to tell us what not to say but what can we say because so often words seem cheap to the person.
A good one is...."I'm here to listen" and actually just really listen without offering opinions. Showing empathy and concern for what they've endured lets them feel heard and seen.
Hi Anna! I like you and your philosophies. Now, would it be helpful for me to suggest my dear friend with CPTDS watch your videos. I think it would remove the fear of the unknown. Your thoughts? Thanks .. I think your videos are very informative to me as a caring friend.
Good content. I can't find the first video; please you you provide a link? Thanks
I have been told sime of these.. it is frustrating. Also, Do you have a course for lack of sleep during Covid/ elections stress? I am looking for one. I am sleeping 3 to 4 hours and then up. I think it may play a part.
Cheryl ~ I know quite a lot of people who benefit from marijuana at night. A friend of mine has a time-lock safe from Saturn Safe (so he doesn't end up abusing it) and sets it for 7:30PM every night, smokes a little, and proceeds to have a pleasant night's sleep. I don't know if this would be a solution for you but I sure know a lot of people it has worked for. Good luck!
@@endorphinrider1633 I would love to but my job does not allow it. We can still be fired for it as we deal with Federally funded programs, As well as state. It makes it tricker to use edibles if they spring tests on us.
@@cherylgoodrich4240 ~ Bummer...
@Cheryl, if you have not taken my Daily Practice course yet, it's all about calming your mind. The writing technique is what I use before sleep to stop the hamster wheel. The course is free and takes less than an hour. You'll find its t courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Do your classes address people with narcissistic abuse? Emotional neglect & invalidation?
My classes teach you to stop focusing on the past, other people, and diagnosis, and instead focus on your current symptoms and healing them so you can recover and build a happy life!
god bless you
No substitute for an alcoholic to quit drinking either.
Truth.
I believe my loved one would benefit from watching your videos but I don’t want to hurt more than help. Would it be okay to suggest your channel to someone I love with CPTSD or is it better to not?
People recommend my videos all the time!
I been told that many times with forgivness from Christians.
I had someone try and push therapy on me. Didn't go down so well
I have been in this situation, he wants me to change because he might not handle my condition if we ever get married... I just don't know what to think!?
If your CPTSD behaviors are negatively impacting your relationship, YES, you should do all the changing you can!!!!
I don't think he sounds like the right one. So he thinks you are okay while single but, "he" might not handle you if married? Maybe you don't what to think because that makes no sense. True love should not be conditional but unconditional.
I missed the first one...what 4 sayings were on there ?
I may accept what happened to me, doubt I’ll ever be able to forgive. At least not fully. The treatment I endured was conscious decisions made by adults. Adults who had no qualms with blaming me for every thing regardless of me even being involved much less actually at fault.
Forgiveness not required to heal :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
demands, yes
not helpful....
yes only healing to keep me
not happening...
yes, please dont Express problems causing..past
PTSD..isn't a simple fix
:)
right
he says you just had to......
or
you need to forgive.......
oh please, I have!!!!... lol
no substitute at all
healing, is my every day....lol
yes!!!!!!
:)
painting, it..yes
my spouse WONTsee this painting either
its sooo sicking..to..me
I HATE these facilities!!!!!
:)
I suggested to my older brother can he should listen to your videos. He wouldn't do it.
I've never succeeded in getting my family or anyone interested in healing -- not when my motive was because I thought they needed it (and believe me, I've met a LOT of people who I think needed it). Notice that everyone who comes to this channel found it on their own.
5:45 most profound
Another video idea: (recently named) Racial trauma.
Situation that happened last night
Friend barged into the room I was in...i jumped..and squealed ..
He said in horrid tone..you need to stop doing that..
I cant take it anymore
Women's Mental Health is not a language for Men....? Is that called denial? and how long is too long to not take "action?" On a Personal Level?.