Best Advice For Agreeable People
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- Опубліковано 16 кві 2021
- As an agreeable person, my journey through life has been marked by both unique advantages and distinct challenges.
I felt inspired to create this mini documentary to help other people who are dealing with challenges that come with this personality trait.
You can enjoy the full analysis of this video and learn more about agreeableness in the handy Beyond the Video pack which you an download for free here:
www.evolveyourmind.club/beyon...
You can also check my article that served me as an initial inspiration for this documentary:
www.evolveyourmind.club/blog/...
I hope you find it helpful and if you do If you please consider subscribing💙🙏🏻
#agreeableness #motivation #inspiration
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Footage licensed through :Videoblocks and Artgrid.
Audio Licensed through : Artlist
Video was fully edited by myself, this mini documentary was created In collaboration with Dr Jordan Peterson.
I am super agreeable, and i am super pushed around by everyone and everything to the point where I become resentfull about life. Jordan knows what he’s talking about…
U can easily overcome this situation, just understand why you're doing sth. Is it to gain someone's favor? Or is it just because i love to do it? If there isn't any love in the activity you're doing, then you are an agreeable person. Its hard to train yourself to let go of your fear of being left alone but it is worthwhile. Take care
Question, just out of curiosity, we’re you raised primarily by your mother? That’s not to say that your father wasn’t around, but rather maybe your father was more introverted, so he wasn’t as involved in your psychology.
I only ask because my mother was primarily responsible for my upbringing, because of the introverted-nature of my father. I think this was a contributing factor for my agreeableness.
@@brandongonzales6374 My dad died of cancer when I was four years old, and was raised soley by my mother. I shied away from life at an early age because I didnt want anyone to see that I was sad about my dads passing.
My agreeableness came out of protecting my mother from thinking I was all fine, when in fact I was super sad and devestated over the fact that I had lost my dad early in life.
Have gone to psychotheraphy in my adult life and worked through it though. I feel better about it now, but It really formed my personality from the get go...
I'm sorry. Me too.
And sorry you lost your dad.
People probably told you when you were little, " you've got to be good now. You've got to help your mom. "
Hope you get some boundaries. You deserve them
The way he talks, magnificent
I was born innately with that personality trait and am very glad for that because it enhances my relationships. But through life I realize that people take advantage of that nicety so through experience and guidance from people like Jordan Peterson I've learned to have more of a balance between being agreeable and penetrating the world!
Love this! I understand completely.
It's also the way you are raised
I'm the same. Listening to Jordon Peterson helps me a lot.
Thanks for your comment… I’m struggling with this now and it doesn’t feel like I’m alone. Glad for this video as well.
@@pwhit685 yeah trust me man, we’re all in this together!
I think people who are agreeable have been through lots of trauma. You can’t just tell an agreeable person to stop being so agreeable without healing/ understanding the trauma. They want to be loved so much to the point that they dismiss themselves/ values. It’s usually due to not being shown love at a young age. Or their feelings were never validated at youth.
Scientifically, people who were abused are much more likely to be disagreeable, whereas agreeable people are more likely to have good upbringings
@@MH-hy2ot What is your scientific backing for this? The most prominent workers in this field I've seen (Personal Development School, for example) would contest what you say. It seems that a lot agreeable people are searching for love and acceptance, or simply trying to maintain a peaceful environment. People with more stable upbringings, however, tend to understand their own boundaries and are comfortable enough to assert them without worry or rejection or eruption. If you can point me to your sources, I'll be sure to give them a read
@@definitelynotpalpatine9634 Can't remember where I've read it, but what you describe is assertiveness which is more high extraversion/low neuroticism than high agreeableness
@@MH-hy2ot Ah okay, I've not really thought about that. I'm taking it these are terms from the JP test (I can't remember the name). What makes you say it's high extraversion/assertiveness and not agreeableness? Do they not work in reverse tandem?
Yo this comment is spot on. I know my agreeable nature comes from my own trauma as a child. Smdh
Agreeable people are often resentful because you feel that you do too much for others and others do less for you. If you feel this way, say what you think. Say what you think is nasty and harsh. Agreeable people do not want conflict and like to smooth the water. But high intensity conflict is needed and might be safer in the long term. Lots of times, there are things you have to talk about because they will not go away.
You hit the nail on the head!!! You are completely right! People need to set boundaries and need to speak up...grow some balls😸😹I speak from decade long experience!!!!
Yea you basically just quoted Jordan
@@lydiapetra1211 what if you’re scared? I agree with you, but it’s maddening that the world expects us to love a crappy life unless we have “balls”
It's very tough working at a high performance corporate when you're an agreeable person by nature. But the lessons learnt are very valuable and you learn to stand up for yourself. Coz the real world will eat you up if they get a sniff of your agreeable nature.
My husband is one of the most loyal and kindest person I know. He is also so agreeable to the point that people easily sway, even scare him from taking risks. One time we were going overseas to pursue our careers and his relatives advised againts it because of the risks. I told him, im going so it's either he takes the risk with me or not, im going either way. Two years in, we paid off our debts, have well paying jobs and have a nice house and cars. I am disagreeable so we balance each other out.
Having that said, he has the innate ability to be liked by virtually anyone. Heck even my family said he is more likeable than me and attributes our stable relationship because of his patience.
My problem is when I am disagreeable I tend to be combative and I have the tendency of going from 0 to 100 with no in between. This scares me, so I often avoid being disagreeable
That's currently my problem. But it got better.
That's me, I consciously even tell myself 'don't go there'
WHOA! Same here
It's okay 🫂 I'm in this phase as well. I'm in the end portion of it, I think, because I'm able to say no to others' demands, instead of holding back my truth and becoming resentful behind closed doors. Before standing up for myself, it got to a point where it was impacting my health negatively. I still feel a lot of anxiety when I stand up for myself today, but I'm at least at a point where I can say no graciously and leave others to manage their own feelings. I think the pendulum is swinging for you, and that is a good thing! Eventually, it will settle to the middle, and you will be balanced. Change, even good change, can be scary and unpredictable but is necessary for our growth ❤
It is so fkn hard to not be agreeable when you have spent so many years of your life being that way. I may have to watch this a number of times.
It's for sure a process. Won't happen overnight. But you can take a step here and there. Journaling will help. Finding out what you want will help. Gaining self-awareness of what you feel resentment about will help, and noticing the places where you could or should say no. Notice all the times you say yes to people and then question the decision to say yes, and write out the information.
I follow the Holistic Psychologist (Dr Nicole LePera) on Instagram and she has VERY helpful stuff about healing from childhood trauma and learning how to set boundaries and learning how to have healthier, balanced relationships with people.
I get that man I really really do.
@mztwixed. Long story short, trust me I know. Been referred to as “a beaten puppy” my whole life. I tried self-help books countless times, but to no avail. I came across the book “The Disease To Please” by Harriet B. Braiker , Ph.D. and it really helped me. Check out the description on Amazon It was published in 2001 and you can get used one in really good condition for not a lot of money. And for the record I have zero affiliation with the book or any of its affiliates. I wish you the best, my internet “twin”. Cheers from Toronto 🇨🇦
Try intellect app. It has assertiveness training
You can fix that by training to say no remember brother you become what you practice
This is exactly what I am working on, right now, in my life. Being agreeable, but to not allow myself to be exploited. I've been called nicely nice AND hated for it. I use my manners and I use my etiquette, but please don't push it. I'm not that nice anymore.
It is a huge step to overcome being too nice. I am working on it now but pretty much have achieved a neutral position over being too nice and agreeable. My boss would take advantage of it and while he would call me his friend, he’d do very unfriendly things. I finally stood up to him and took a deep breathe, said everything how I felt and what needs to change, I even got him to admit that he was a dick for the sake of being a Dick and not always having truth or reason behind it (meaning he’d make up stuff to say to me.). It basically was a summary of, “I’m an asset here and I’m going to quit if this continues.” Ever since that day, even though I didn’t agree with everything in that convo he said to defend himself, he has treated me with nothing but respect. Even when he says no to me now, it isn’t a “sharp mean no”, it’s more of a soft “I’m sorry but no.”
What I’m currently working on is family. I had injuries, surgeries and I was out of shape. I have been doing a mostly carnivore diet for the last 3 months. I lost 25 lbs. went from 3 pull-ups to 15 weighted pull-ups with 10 extra lbs added. My sciatica pain from a bulged disk went from a miserable 6 to a slightly annoying 2. I am ripped and actually look muscular but I don’t wear form fitting clothes so everybody things I’m “too skinny”. I either hear A. “Oh you’ll need your cholesterol checked” every time I see them because they have these beliefs in info they can’t back up. Or “you lost too much weight” but this has lowered since I just show them how I look.
Point being. Standing up for what you believe in is hard at first but my god it saves you so much in the long run. The respect I get from my boss now is ten fold and my family is backing off my ass more and more.
Hows that working over a year later?
Then when u blow up on people, you’re the problem apparently
I am both emotionally highly agreeable (I like peace) and I can be intellectually disagreeable, depending (I like truth and expanding my mind). Having disagreeable conversations within an atmosphere of vitality, comedy and mutual respect can be totally fun and educational. But I don’t like engaging with highly antagonistic people. My emotions get all disoriented, and I come out wobbling. Therefore, I keep working on my inner peace. Inner peace is a superpower, I’ve discovered.
Do you think the emotional disorientation you mention comes from childhood?
Ditto
I'm a very antagonistic person, and also empathetic to a fault. I also believe JP routinely spouts off basic self help that is not the least bit profound. Spice up common knowledge with a lot of words, extend what could be said in 30 seconds to 8+ minutes, add spa music and voila! You've got an army of dolts clinging to every word.
@@hurkamur1 nah. He is not resycling pop psychology self help like Tony Robins or whatever. Listen to his actual college lectures. Im sure you wont be bothered.
@@gregkirk1842 This is exactly what he's doing. I've put in countless hours listening to his lectures and live streams. The guy is a transparent charlatan.
I absolutely love Jordan Peterson.
He is a true gem in this broken world! ❤️
My mother always called me a peacemaker as a child until I started standing up for myself then I was chastised subconsciously learning that it was wrong to do so. Peterson articulates so well the difficulty I have had in my life with being assertive.
Yep. When I was a kid I was punished for standing up for myself and it caused me to be too agreeable/timid. Trying to learn how to heal and let myself do stuff I want to do and be successful no matter if it makes someone else angry or offended.
In childhood our survival mechanism s were destroyed have to re learn that it okay to take care of you. Not in a self centered selfish way I guess
Just realized I clicked on this cuz I agreed that i'm agreeable
😄cute
I agree! LOL ( Just kiddn ).
I'm agreeable and capable of disagreement at its insanity which makes me one of those dangerous people.
haha
It’s true that people fear an educated empath
The dislikes are from people who are already successful and don't want other people to know the secrets
SU
Its Self explanatory your reading into it to deep.
Bro that’s clever af
Or either from narcs
Just listening to this sorta sparked up my disagreeable side. He’s right about the part where he said that it’s possible that our agreeable side “is too switched on” and that people who think they’re agreeable have just sheathed their disagreeableness. If you’ve had a lot of trauma and instability in your life this can 100% happen. You DO NOT want to rock the boat when the consequences of disagreeableness turned into conflict results in severe anxiety. If you put truth above all else it should fix the problem, but boy is it hard...
Dr. Peterson speaks profoundly, as always.
What helped me was christian teaching on how kindness can still exist even though you disagree with someone. So knowing that you can be loving and even though you disagree, is huge. When I realised that real love does not always say yes to everything other people want I could then be working more on myself.
Now listening also to this teaching from mister Peterson I see this more clearly that it was my huge problem whole life, and im still working on it.... all Glory to Jesus who is leading me obviously to this teachings since Jesus only wants to help us.....
My Christian upbringing is what made me be a victim to those that take seek out those that are kind and take advantage of them. It ill prepared me for the adult world ahead.
I agree God lead me to this video. And it going to help.
After months of anxiety and mental turmoil I started reading some Jung. I realized I am way too agreeable. I have been repressing my assertive side because I fear causing conflict.
Jung is amazing. Check out Alan Watts 🙂
This is me... to a point. I'm agreeable... but I'm no pushover. The moment I feel anyone is taking advantage... they'll know about it.
Me: "Hey Dork, you eating that? Give it to me. Oh I'm sorry did I interrupt you guys? Oh well, run along and fetch me a beer, ill keep her company for you.
You: : *scurries* *away* *to* *get* *my* *beer*
I completely agree....!!!
@@lydiapetra1211 Hey there Lydia I've seen you commented a lot about agreeable people and iam one of them, i really do wanna change being too nice isnt working all i get back is nothing i put people above my needs and i feel like there's something wrong with me can you please help me with some advices, one more thing my father is a narcissistic he did his part as a father but he never showed love to me it took me 21 years to learn that something wrong with my dad, i remember when i was young i used to cry because my dad was so controlling over my life and he still it and tysm ♡
Today I turned 53. If I had been given this advice when I young, maybe I wouldn't be broken and destroyed now.
LISTEN TO EVERY WORD THIS MAN IS SAYING! Do not be Overly Agreeable!
You are not broken and destroyed, there's time to amend and start anew. Started my life at 60. I don't regret.
@@marykinuthia6067 Thank You for this encouragement 💞💕 I needed this. Blessings to you
Hey! I just want to let you know there's always hope and it's never too late to pick yourself up and heal! You can do this, I trust in you, and all the best.
Me too and i am 54
I am not that good at English. How do i solve agreeableness please
You can maintain a good boundary and by some people you will be despised! Absolutely hated despite being respectful, kind, gentle but firm. But ultimately, by the right people, you will be respected. Worth the transition for agreeable types.
True you are hated because you are a good person makes the others look bad
I’m ENTJ, very assertive about professional opinions. but I’m highly agreeable when it comes to my own interest like promotion, salary negotiation. I always try to make other people happy instead of standing for my own needs. I sense being manipulated by other people when they know that part of me. I’d like to change.
Thank you for this compilation 🙏
I'm highly agreable and compromised myself again and again to please others. I'm learning and starting to put more limits, and learning to say no when I feel deep down I'm people pleasing. A great weight is lifting and my life gets better.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 when u please a soul, u please the Almight 🙄🙄🙄🙄 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂 wrong Education 🤣🤣🤣😂🤗🤗🤗🤗🙏🙏🙏🙏🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳
I completely agree with...been there... you have to learn to actually love yourself and set boundaries!
@@vkm0204 it took me decades to learn to stop being a doormat to Christians....they love taking advantage of others.... some people are just absolute vampires...I needed to love myself more than others!!!!
This is exactly what I'm going through...and it's literally killing me...making me suicidal...I'm actually sick of people just thinking I'm this super nice, quite, warm person and i HATE it, because I get stepped over and taken for granted. what's more hurtful it's when it's my own family, inlaws...and I wear a mask like everything is ok...but it's so far from ok...it's making me suicidal.
I can identify with what his message is. I am too agreeable because I lived with an abusive parent for too long and I was basically bullied into submission by him. You do what I say or...you get beat, or worse. I had no freedom of saying what was on my mind because he'd deny the abuse and threaten me with more. I am not around him anymore but I do have a habit of being used and taken advantage of because of how he's treated me for most of my life. Thanks dad, I'm glad to be away from you. 😔
🙌
TRUE
should have take the beatings bro , bad as it would be , you would be stronger now.
@@joelbento3599 I did take the beatings. One night he decided to choke me and beat my head off a door and he dislocated my cervical spine.
@@jenburkholder6541 😪
@@romanastrasheim5226 If you have kids, treat them well. 😊 Do it for me.
If you can't control the trait agreeableness it turns to resentment
I believe he has NAILED IT!!!!!! SUPER SMART GUY.
I work out like my life depends on it so I can look intimidating, because I know I’m agreeable so I need that façade so people assume my kindness is the facade.
I thank God for giving us people like Jordan Peterson, great thinkers and educators. There’s nothing more noble thing you can do than to educate people. God bless them all.
My mom stressed to always, always be compliant and not to rock the boat and to place others before me. It took years for me to forge ahead through that perspective and personality trait. I do find it interesting that society hails assertive men and refer to them as leaders, but when women display their leadership and assertiveness, they are frequently referred to as bit**es. We're not. We strive to be respected just as men do. Defending your self worth is not selfish, it's self love. 👌 This segment is excellent and hits close to home. We get one chance here, just one. Thank you so much.
Women are ridiculously conditioned from the day we're born to be sweet, easy going, passive, don't rock the boat, never cause a ruckus, don't be a threat, stay open minded, give everyone the benefit of the doubt, don't hurt peoples feelings, don't have too many needs, to be a fixer, a pleaser, take care of everyone's needs to our own detriment ...AND... be Absolutely Agreeable. Usually not so straight forward or in so many words, either. Mostly implied or insinuated. If not engrained that way, a close second is by overbearing, antagonistic, dominating, tyrannical caregiver(s). Unconsciously becoming the opposite of the example that raises you or the environment you've grown up in. By them showing you who or what you don't want to be. Good Girl Syndrome gets you nowhere, fast! Some people see this type of personality as a pushover, a doormat, weak, even pathetic. Some see it as disingenuous, inauthentic or deceptive. Sometimes it is. I see it more as a defense mechanism. The worst part of it is the toxic, nefarious bullies sniff them out like wolves. When you wear rose colored glasses most of your life, there is little awareness that there are very evil people in [your] world. And there are plenty of people who don't have a single drop of good in their entire DNA. We all project to some extent in our life. When at the high end of agreeableness, those good qualities & traits innate in us are projected onto these wolves in sheep clothing. You don't see it coming. The chaos & hell one person can put through can break the human psyche. Some people don't ever come back from it. I'm slowly evolving from a jellyfish & can feel my backbone forming. You get tired of being taken advantage of at some point. Nice gets you nowhere. You can either roll over & play dead OR get back up & use all of that anger & resentment to fuel your evolving Monster. Betrayal & backstabbers kill that part of you.
This is a really good one from Jordan. I am empathetic, and for some reason I seem to attract the most hideous people . Marilyn Monroe once said their not happy until they've taken a piece of you. She just wasn't referring to the studio bosses, she was talking about people in general. After sixty years of this passive crap mindset that my mentally ill mother past on to me, it's time now to own back what is mine. Since I started to grow balls and walk tall, I have succeeded in bringing a Catholic priest to he's knees, I got a store worker sacked for trying to defame me, and I got everyone sacked at a local venue for years of out right abuse toward me, and I took out an A.V.O on pervert taxi driver. Stand Up for yourselves, no one even family have the right to violate you, and no one has the right when your out and about to engage whether it's starting a conversation with you or whatever. Sadly some people don't change and we have lost them through suicide because they have just let people run over them time and time again until they could no longer cope. Get strong and tough everyone by kicking arse. Stay safe everyone.🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Good for you Dianne, keep shining your light. You're an inspiration 🌟
I can't understand why this post doesn't have receive more attention. The connection you did between tolerating abusive behavior and suicide as a way out of the suffering was is wonderful, just spot on. Thank you
My ex husband and two boyfriends treated me horribly in the past, one of them a psycopath, while the others were either a patalogical liar or a narcissist. I could not understand my choice of men as i consider myself a decent, loving and honest human being. Then i stumble across Dr Jordan Petersen and he said "a compassionate heart has got a dark side to it. You will be taken advantage of and people will walk all over you" stop being aggreable and naive". Only then i realised why I keep on attracting these kind of people into my life. I am now looking at life from a different perspective. In have ended my recent relations i was sad but I knew the ending was in my own best interest. Thank you Sir
I used to be agreeable, then i noticed people taking advantage of it. Now i am overcompensating it a bit, trying to find a solid middle ground setting clear boundaries up front.
Agreeable,people also tend to overstate the probability and severity of consequence to disagreeing or asserting themselves. For example, "I know I am being paid less,,and should,have been the one to get that promotion, but ifmimcomplain, people will see me as a bad person and I will,jeopardize what I already have and have worked so,hard for."
You have to value yourself more so you see the slight against you outweighing the value of what you have. So you can see that the consequence is not actually so bad. And you can convince yourself to,take,action.
Agreeable people also tend to let resentment build up to,the point they take the wrong action and go "scorched earth" and make situations worse than they need to be.
I'm an old formerly very agreeable person who is much less agreeable now...but struggles still every day.
You've done a good job of these videos. You're listening through a lot of content to make these exerpts. Well done.
This has been me many times. I have help employers screw me out of good salaries. I have made good money for others and done terrific work for them, only to be let down in the end on promises that had been made and contracts we had engaged in. The worst part is that when I work to enforce the contract or the agreement it leads to a lot of confusion for them and so the deal cannot be completed as it should be.
Work is for you not for other people. Especially your boss and co workers.
The work and monetary gain is for you !
Thank you very much for this ❤️
Very kind people who are agreeable can definitely feel hurt from being taken advantage of. Nobody helps as much in return as a kind, agreeable person does. After years of being "too nice" and "too helpful" it can leave you feeling resentful for how much you did, and how little you got back. Especially when you finally want some help and don't get it. People definitely take advantage of kind people.
People perceive me as highly agreeable. Im known for never getting into arguments with clients or coworkers. Im “nice”. Im highly successful in my career and financially. The way I see it is different. I am smarter than most so I don’t waste my time arguing or being upset about stupid things. I don’t mind saying what you want to hear in order to get my goal accomplished. I think a lot of people get in conflict because of vanity and pride. They are insecure and need approval. One time a client scolded me in front of 3 people. I said to him: I think you are right, im so sorry for my mistake. I knew he was wrong though. I just wanted to save my time and energy. Proving him and the irrelevant people watching I was correct wouldn’t be worth my time. I knew I was going to go home to a beautiful wife and spend the rest of the week working on my hobbies because I work so little. Im agreeable because that is the smart thing the do. Life is not like checkers it’s like chess. I get what I want without fighting.
I can be disagreeable with close friends and people I care about (about 0.1% the people I know). If a friend wants to go to a certain restaurant, next time I will choose. I try never to be unfair though.
A sucker for acceptance, I've agreed way to much in life. I suck it up and do it and justify my actions by thinking I'm doing the right thing.
Then hold resentments which grinds me down to the point of not knowing what I want or would like to do or say, think.,,, Be.
Wish I figured this out when I was in my 20's,. Not my mid 50's.
This rings do true with me, I wish I had someone in my life like him in my early 20's, but I am going to make the change now.
Being 100% percent agreeable at all times will limit your opportunities climbing the career latter.
This is me to a T. I have struggled to know what I want to do with my life.
Because I feel like I’ve always been living for someone else.
I have spent my whole life being a good son, a good student, a good college alum, a good husband. But never lived for myself.
I’m very compassionate but probably to a fault.
And I have been manipulated and even undergone abuse but was too afraid to stand up against it because I didn’t want to rock the boat and risk ruining my almost flawless reputation in the community.
I care too much I think.
I want to change but don’t know where to start.
I want to do assertiveness training
I am agreeable and I hate it ! As a child I was not, was confident - teachers, my mom would make me apologize to antagonizers when I defended myself. Go figure.
So I was socialized this way, boundaries all over the place, get taken advantage of, played, manipulated. The cr*p people expect you to take and not push back is staggering, even family. And when you do say stop, they shut you down twice as hard to keep you in line. Push back and let them go if needed. They don't respect you - your sanity is worth much more.
Yes I do get resentful. Turns out a sister has been moaning to me for years to get the lead out so she could act all nice to her family. I am not the family dumpster so after I discovered her duplicity, I quit, said no more, she went ballistic haha.
You've got to stand up for yourself, it's your job, not someone else's. Be willing to be alone for awhile. They will happily use, manipulate, and deceive you and not care how much it affects you nor the time you wasted listening to their endless problems, trying to help out, be understanding, etc. It will bring you down and they will find another sucker soon enough.
This is facts!
I wanted to my a mighty morphin power ranger as a child
Along the way of learning I thought i wanted to be a dentist.
I end up in part becoming an Exterminator/Entomologist which in turn fits my personality as a warrior/career path.
I am very agreeable and I went through the phase of being taken for granted, pushed around all that when I had little to loose and I was oppoturned to be around all kinds of people, disagreeable people, bossy people, rich people, fake rich, nice and fake nice all that my personality and position made me learn so very much. Now am in a good spot and I know being agreeable got me here. I don't negotiate much for salary, I hear where the pay is better and just move
The fact that we are here..makes me believe that we much learn how to be assertive and stop being too agreeable for the greater good.
when i ever is see this man.
he reminds me of the meaningful things I should aim for in life.
He really knows what he is talking about. I recognise a lot of the things he mentions. I am waay too agreeable. To the point where I have to physically try to avoid situations because I put myself last in them.Always trying to help to the utmost and many times beyond of my abilities but its always me who pays the price in the end. Its almost like a "dirty" feeling for me to put myself first and from that comes a lot of resentment. When I am alone I can be very forward and do what I really want much better but as soon as certain type of people are around me I cannot fight the agreeableness off then I am right back to the feeling of now my purpose is for someone else. The resentment one feels towards oneself for not going after what one wants in life is pretty powerful and definitely not in a good way...
Thank you for each one of your lessons I’ve been listening to you for three years it has helped me a lot in my life my children but they’re gonna adults listen my granddaughter when we’re driving in the car list it does help each and everyone that takes the time I appreciate you continue the great work you’re doing S you and your family love Rose 🥰🙏Sambrano
Brilliant, explains a lot about my own decisions in life and why I have found another way trough life after deciding to change my way of living close to two decades ago, “ if you don’t define what you want from life, then it does not matter what roads you take”
This rang so true. I’m VERY agreeable, to the point I don’t even know what I want. After a lifetime of being “pushed around” and disoriented from my own lack of knowing what I desire, I find myself feeling very resentful. :/
This is what I needed to hear.
thank u it's hard to realize how agreeable a person lives talking about myself at how much you sacrifice of yourself that when you find yourself alone we have no idea who you are thank you so much for your time and effort
Piece by piece all these videos are educating us for when that wonderful day happens.
I'm 100% agreeable growing up i needed to feel like i belong as i got older i started to analyze every thing/everybody before getting involve in issues/drama
Great video!!! Thanks for sharing
I am not as agreeable as you are describing. I have changed a lot over the years. At this point, I do not do anything I do not want to do. Just now, I negotiated with my cable company. I have learned to distrust most people. I do not always know when I am dealing with a narcissist, but am learning. Learning the red flags is easier than recognizing them. I know that people are capable of doing to others what I am not capable of doing. I have not been taken advantage of in decades, but have been stalked for years. This seems to have stopped very recently. I appreciate your advice.
I totally agree!
I can relate to this..
Agreeable people.🙏
I appreciate you so much. I have learnt so much from you. God bless you real good.
Yes, I intensly agreeable and compationate....
Exactly like you said!!!
People behaving sometime horribly, or I did not learn to negotiate enough for me....😪
Thank you so much for words and vibes. This is exactly what I accidently had to do again like I have been doing for a long term. But to be honest meanwhile I am thinking of leaving that circle. It takes me much too much of all my ressources, lifetime, energy, protection and all kind of very exhausting and painful stuff. I experience again and again not be heard, not to bee understood, not to be respected in the way I am and doing things.
Right now I feel very homeless, hopeless and not respected in any way. Seems to be toxic to its highest degree.
Therefore I should better leave. Its very painful on the short run but on the long something else will appear. I have total confidence in that.
Therefore many many thanks for your precious words.
All the best to you and your family and friends.
Best regards
Wow, just wow!
Thanks for putting this compilation together.
Im an agreeable person. During my first few days at job, someone said to me "dont be like bolus , everyone is going to swallow you".
I need to watch as many times as I can. And practice every instructions as much as I can.
Gosh!! God bless Jordan Peterson. Ur honesty has showed me the way forward. Heartfelt prayers!
I've spent alot of my childhood being rejected and in a tumultuous environment. So I've grown into an adult with a huge fear of rejection and a desperate need to be liked and accepted. Which in turn has turned me into an agreeable person that can't handle conflict. Which in turn makes me blow up eventually and cause more damage. I'm not happy being a people pleaser. I want it to change. I just feel so tired with life that I don't want to deal with conflict because I'm so sick of living in conflict from my childhood. I need to work on it. I'm not happy being this way and clearly attract the wrong people.
I am the most agreeable person in office and a really disagreeable investor in the stock market..In office boss is always right ..In investing,Im the Boss.. Trust me..It works😃
Being diplomatically non agreeable is the best way, you win both sides!
You stand for yourself and also don't exclude the other person!
Win-Win
Trying to practice this... not easy.
To put it mildly , mum suggested that the family go in line to prove them insane,one by one. Should I need a diagnosis. So darned true . The reversal would be a blessing back to good living . My legal privilege. TY , JP. Provided that we know our "audience " , it costs nothing to be kind.
thank you for this
To quote the late and "nice" Erma Bombeck, "I'll be more assertive, if it's Okay with you." LOL
Thank you JP
That was me until i asked God for courage to stand up for myself. I feel more confident and I'm happier now since i speak up but in a kind professional way and not afraid to say NO.
Inspiring. Will ask him as well
Good for you 👍.
I've been agreeable my entire life and I would say it's mostly due to my own compassionate nature of wanting to understand everyone but for most of my childhood and adolescence, it was also a defense mechanism I developed to avoid conflict and gain approval from family and society. It didn't help that I was also very different from others, quite rebellious, and always questioning everything so often had controversial views. So you can imagine the toll being agreeable took on me back then by not being able to stand up for my true beliefs and opinions. I just became a weak resentful coward. Only once I left the nest and found self-acceptance through people who truly accept me for who I am, I was finally able to be myself so much more freely and stand up for myself and behind my beliefs more firmly. It took a lot of work but it's possible.
Once I got here - the remaining agreeableness finally became mostly an advantage in helping me become a good mediator and problem solver because it's easier for me to win the trust of people and have them respect my feedback when I can be both genuinely understanding yet still honest and unfiltered.
Damn I need to listen to this as many times as it takes. I have a confrontation I must initiate ...
Am glad i found JP he is changing the way i think
I am agreeable to the core. I definitely need to step up on assertiveness.
I love these videos thank you!! I think if the music was lower it'd be much easier for me to listen to and therefore understand. I have learned so much from this beautiful soul!! He's an example of the good people when feeling they are so hard to find and puts me right back into "gratitude" :-)
When I stand up for my self I stand up !!but usually I am pushed lots of times
This is compelling writing. A comparable book I read had a transformative effect on me. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Brilliant way of describing passive-aggressive pattern of behaviour, I get this often as well when I have been putting with too much behavior from others that I consider abusive or intolerable or simply that disregards my needs (I am the one not standing up for them in the first place) anger builds up until it is hard to handle and it can come out in a destructive way to overcompensate. By that time we have already become victims or see ourselves as such and aggression is needed to restore order. The problem is that tolerating abusive conducts from other is a form of self-hate that undermines your selfesteem and ultimately destroys you. That is why commanding respect in a way that is respectful to the other person it is so key. One way to do this is to EXPRESS HOW YOU FEEL to others and to not attack yourself for feeling the way you feel and to CALL OUT unacceptable behavior whenever that happens. If the person values the relationship, s/he will be willing to change and If she doesnt - which is rare - this is clear indication the person has no place in your life. You can always ask for a mutually enhancing agreement like , instead of 'Don't yell at me' you could say 'hey how about we consider unacceptable to yell at each other and instead we talk to each other with respect' this is impossible to say no to and indeed builds trust and respect because you are setting a higher and more healthier standard for the relationship
Well said, thank you I needed this ❤
I have learnt this the hard way. I’m far less agreeable now. It could be hormonal changes due to being older. I just don’t care what people think now. Life is easier.
Cheers for this video.
Top advice
I agree
Agreeable people may also be afraid of rejection, not because they don’t have something they want
I had a marketing class today in uni and my professor said I am agreeable. So now I am here.
Your advice is dead on!
it took me 20 years to work on this, but I think I'm at the right balance now. I was extremely agreeable, compliant, and really easily manipulated.
Jordan is a king!
I agree... Thanx
Awesome thank you
Thank You
Great video old mate.
Healthy boundaries.
Thank you so much, you have so much wisdom, where were 60 years ago?
I struggle with this so much. I don't think people understand what its like to live my life. I do everything for everyone and do everything everybody else wants to do. I can't stop this behavior as bad as I want to. I resent life and find that life just isn't enjoyable for me. When someone wrongs me I never forget it and I'm never the same.
Hey, it might help if you check out "codependency". Lots of helpful vids here on UA-cam on books on Amazon by qualified therapists on how to heal yourself from codependency and in doing so stop being a people pleaser/pushover. All the best to you!
@@user-kgrt4jw My suggestion is that you never jump to giving advice to a person who might be suicidal. Why? Maybe that person feels that living in a dysfunctional society is an unbearable form of co- dependency. Especially if you don’t have practical solutions (and there’s none for a dysfunctional society). It would only make the person feel worse and end-up killing themselves as the only way to preserve some dignity.
@@claudiamanta1943 My suggestion is that you get lost.
I am so glad I came across this video. Miles to go....
I am the perfect example of what Dr is explaining. While listening to Dr and trying to figure out what I should do,i still don't know what should be my first step and how exactly should I target or what to target in order to get out of this state where I'm crushed under it, right now I am at the point where it can't get worse than it is. I need help as I don't know how to proceed forward.
UR Awesome!