A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Wizard
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- Опубліковано 29 сер 2024
- Joseph makes a dumb Dungeons and Dragons guide for dumb people
Special Guest Zee Bashew:
/ zeebashew
8 bit can-can by bubly:
• Can-Can 8 Bit Remix
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Other music courtesy of Epidemic Sound: player.epidemi...
![A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Character Sheet](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IVAJrYOOtwI/mqdefault.jpg)
![A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Character Sheet](/img/tr.png)
![A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Dungeon Master](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ANdG2DGm0CQ/mqdefault.jpg)
“You’re using fireball too much”
“That’s a brave statement for someone within fireball distance”
I loved that at the beginning
Thats not what he said... But I'm sure many wizards have had that conversation with their party.
What he doesn't know is the wizard was prepared for this situation and is not only immune to fire damage, has a counterspell at the ready for literally ever spell the sorcerer can cast (twice), and has made all of the items inside that school immune to damage caused by spells, but also is best friends with every barkeep in the country and can guarantee you no work for a month because he's a wizard.
So... Am i the only one who recognized that king of the north reference?
That was a great one.
Right up there with a Dragon Magazine comic panel that had a wizard at the front desk of an Inn asking. . .
"What is the rate of a room for a person who can reduce this entire building to a pile of ash without even blinking?" (or something close to that)
@@Getsugaru ways to piss off your DM when playing a spellcaster: "Suddenly, a blast of ice emerges from the fingers of the evil enchantress."
Warlock/Wizard/Sorceror: "Um, I counterspell."
DM: -long sigh- "The Enchantress waves at you menacingly, then stares angrily at her impotent fingers."
Rest of party: "Charge!!!"
"what's your point person within fireball distance?" is probably the best line a wizard can say
I am so pocketing that one. xD
So many people with fireball are going to use this lol
_You’re talking mad shit for someone in fireball distance_
I think you misspelled Sorcerer lol.
"Bold words for someone within Fireball casting range, peasant!"
-Chad Sorcerer Lv.20
An arrow may have your name on it
But a fireball is addressed "To whom it may concern."
Lmao. That's hilarious
Dear Grid Coordinates.
"Occupant"
I. Am. Stealing. This.
Meteor swarm is “dear zip code”
“Pretend you’re someone else’s dad, disguise, mislead, take on their life.”
HAYATO
H A Y A T O
*Leans in* H A Y A T O
H A Y A T O
H A Y A T O
KILLA QUEEN DAISAN NO BAKUDAN BAITSA NO DUSTO
I love this. Because it's awesome but also because I get to enjoy all the fun and none of the work!
As a fan of both this series and yours this really made my day.
Linking to our partys 25year pure wizard now.
The most random team up I didnt know I needed but ho boy am I glad I got
Wooo! Zee got a free fun video.
Guys, I found the sorcerer!
Good to see you recovered from that fireball
I instinctively searched "A crap guide to Fireball" by mistake yet it still gave me exactly what I wanted.
Your brain saw that you were about to search the wrong thing and autocorrected it.
So it's confirmed then: Even the UA-cam Algorithm knows that the correct answer to any problem is Fireball.
well yea fireball is the answer and always is
@@lenorevanalstine1219 I'd argue Transmutaed Fireball is the universal answer
"What are you gonna do, fireball me?"
- Quote from man fireballed
Nice reference.
"What are you gonna do, stab me?"
-Bugbear who couldn't take a stabbing
He died like he lived. On fire
The only time fireball doesn’t work is if they are immune to fire
Then you cast a few hundred magic missiles
That's why my wizard always has Elemental bane prepared.
Immune to fire? Nope, I think you meant VULNERABLE to fire
@@Medaumplay3 thats not how that works. vulnerability makes you take double damage and 2x0 is still 0. immunity overrides it.
Elemental adept. Choose fire. Can now burn fire elemental to death. Profit.
Elemental adapt ignores resistance, not immunity.
@@Medaumplay3not how that works. thats why pyromancer sorcerer are the true fireball casters!
immunity to fire, ignore resistance to fire, treat immunity as resistance!
Me: clicks video
Also me: wait... zee bashew?
Ayyy same
3:11 for reference
Suprise! It was an animated spellbook all along!
@@defensivekobra3873 "Today on the animated spellbook, Dispel mag-"
"Fireball."
You really should complete the whole song, it has me in stitches but it was also super super good.
Evocation: elements to burn or shock or freeze your friends
Necromancy spares the dying, or you could just resurrect them
Abjuration keeps you safe and almost makes your armor fair
Divination helps you sense, detect, commune, and talk to bears
CONJURATION; portals and make stuff for free
TRANSMUTATION; turn things into other things
WITH ENCHANTMENT; buff debuff or in between
AND ILLUSION; visual tricks to prank the brain with fear and silence blur and go invisible pretend you're someone else's dad disguise mislead take on their life
War~ mage is like tank mage getting lots of defense flexing as you cast BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK
YESSSSSSSSSS
What do you mean that was the best conclusion to a musical performance that human eyeballs have ever lounged on
A crap guide to dnd music parodies
Not as good as fighter-man, but definitely funnier.
Was... was that a Terry Crews "Block" sound clip you used at the end there?
You magnificent bastard
Please elaborate for the uninformed.
No.. Never mind. I figured it out.
ua-cam.com/video/sxZSXyCeXL8/v-deo.html
😂😂 Truly most excellent
Glad I wasn’t the only one who caught it
When I was young, my first character in my father's friend's campaign was a wizard who rolled a 17 on Constitution. He said "quote" Hey, you might actually survive!
Brain: yup, its time for a KEKW
You were so close with using the quotation marks correctly 😂
And how many levels did you survive?
"Ok but did you die?"
it's official, I want that song as my new ringtone
"How do you wake up for school" *this song is heard in the distance*
Gimmie gimmie !! Im in love with the song
I mean, I used Smite for the ring tone, so I'd be down
Same!
SAME
"I didn't ask how big the room is, I said CAST FIREBALL!!"
Famous last words
@@ArkCiD_Z3r0 *builds a min/maxed character that can heal with fire damage* "I said CAST FIREBALL!!" *The party is not immune though...*
Nat 20. Your fireball sizzles into existence, and the orcs in the room run. So does your party. You are stuck casting. The fireball engulfs the room, and as the smoke clears, nobody is there. Congrats! TPK!
@@NebulousPenguin i mean... it's a 20ft radius fireball... dodging that is a little difficult 😂😂😂
"I didn't ask where you were in the room, I said roll a dex saving throw"
"whats that person within fireballing distance?" I AM LITERALLY DYING. I JUST INHALED MY DIET COKE.
so is the person in fireball distance.
I can't take either of these 2 comments.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah I had to stop the video to recover my breath.
says the person in crusading distants
your*
That short song summarizing all of the different schools of magic is one of the most memorable and helpful pieces of information from this series.
It helped chose which school to play in baldurs gate 3
"Registered Hex Offender"
If ever end up playing again I am finding a way to use this line.
Use it at the beginning of the game.
@@Greenlog12 by law he has to
The hex offender shuffle
"since we are all introducing ourselves.... *Sigh* I'm a registered hex offender. It was one time I may have accidentally hexed some noble, BUT THEY CAN'T PROVE IT! Anyways, that's why I'm no longer allowed back at my college and have to adventure to put food on the table."
Have you been able to?
Animated spellbook crossover
Doki Doki Literature Club reference
And a musical number
This is the quality content I subscribed for!
lets not forget how his character reminds me of asriel (awkwardness, etc) and actual alphys
Amen
You forgot old spice Terry
Also that lizard (?) girl (?) from Undertale
vsymesrain Alphys my good sir
"What's your point person within fire ball distance."
Definitely going in the memory banks for my next wizard
Can't hear you over everyone who has even a remote clue what they're doing yelling NOOB!
Says the person also in said fireball’s aoe
Counterspell and Anti-Magic Field exist as does the Wish spell. Not to mention whether you can cast it depends on whether you've been targeted by a Baleful Polymorph. Spamming Fireball is something NOOBS routinely do.The whooe point of an aoe is to target multiple opponents. There are much better spells for single targets.
@@MorinehtarTheBlue what? Are you saying erratic hammering could have prevented this mess?
When Joseph's wizard has to fight an Iron Golem.
"I CAST FIREBALL"
*rolls 8 sixes*
DM: "Congrats, you just healed the Iron Golem for 48 health."
I CAST FIREBALL AGAIN
*Laughs in scribe wizard*
@@Aredel Eat my Fireball ? Well, try that with this Ball
( bludgeoning damage from Erupting Earth )
That DDLC reference was legendary.
Almost as legendary as the third level spell "fireball"
What was the reference? My brain ain't working too good at the moment.
@@Berry_Goosey Just Fireball.
Color Spray is the strongest spell you can ever use. Its lagit way beyond op.
6 d10 lvl 1 spell slot + 2 d10 any higher spell slot. Dmg total spread out to one target at a time
Wizards at lvl 14 get this ability called over charge that allows them to make one spell do max possible dmg at lvl six spells or bellow. Lvl 6 color spray = 16 d10 do the math. Do that two times in a row at the cost of 2 d12 narcotic dmg to your self you'll whipe out an entire battlefield buffor your DM can even complain
@@fluffball6142 You know it's not a damaging spell, right? It's a blinding spell and the dice represent the total point pool to determine how many creatures will be blinded.
The mentioned by you ability to maximize dice is "Overchannel" and it's for level 14 EVOCATION Wizards only. It reads:
[...] you can increase the power of
your simpler spells. When you cast a wizard spell of 5th level or lower that deals damage [...]. It needs to deal DAMAGE. Hence, you can not maximize it.
To top it off, it says "Each time you
use this feature AGAIN before finishing a long rest, the necrotic damage per spell level increases by 1d12". This means the cost to cast it twice in a row is 2d12+3d12=5d12 necrotic dmg.
@UC11b8eTbAXbCmHzCLWn9lsw "A dazzling array of flashing, colored light springs from your hand. Roll 6d10; the total is how many hit points of creatures this spell can affect. Creatures in a 15-foot cone originating from you are affected in ascending order of their current hit points (ignoring unconscious creatures and creatures that can't see).
Starting with the creature that has the lowest current hit points, each creature affected by this spell is blinded until the end of your next turn. Subtract each creature's hit points from the total before moving on to the creature with the next lowest hit points. A creature's hit points must be equal to or less than the remaining total for that creature to be affected.
At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, roll an additional 2d10 for each slot level above 1st."
OH M GOD AN ANIMATED SPELLBOOK CROSSOVER this is great
Nemenian aye, it’s good times.
.... he prestidigitated all over on the desk...
MY LITERAL REACTION!!! (Saw yours while typing my own!) ASB is a great series!
Yes perfection
@@abucket14 SAME
I know these videos are sarcastic but they genuinely helped me understand the classes as a new D&D player
Kay Jay same here
I actually chose to be a Wild Sorc between these vids and Dingo's Sips stories.
I chose to be a Ranger
@@0akes why not a fighter with a bow, it's way better?
They're sarcastic, but that doesn't mean they're wrong
"Cast Fireball, just Fireball."
*Me, with my pyromaniac wizard:* Wayyyyyyy ahead of you.
Klaus, my frost mage: Now let me just alter that to instead freeze you.
Did someone say chaos bed vestiges?!
Counterspell.
Ayyyyy same
Fire Bolt > Burning Hands > Scorching Ray > Fireball > Wall of Fire > Flame Strike > Sunbeam (no good fire-based 6th level spells) > Fire Storm > Incendiary Cloud > Meteor Swarm
(The character that had all these spells was named Argus Monty)
((Which is of course an Anagram for Roy Mustang))
JoCat: *JUST USE FIREBALL*
Fire Immunity: I'm about to end this man's whole career.
Well, you're not immune from the roof that fireball just caved in.
@@HyruleSwordsman94
Battle maps with no roofs: I'm also about to end this man's whole career
@@matthewmullinax6026 Use fire ball as an elaborate smoke screen to escape by burning everything around you!
I once used a Wish spell to turn a boss' fire immunity into fire weakness
Come at me
Oh god they do not mention abt the tempest socc/cleric
"Pretend you're someone else's dad. Disguise, mislead, take on their life."
Yoshikage Kira wants to know your location, sir.
Killer Queen has already touched that dislike button
You’ve activated my trap card, BITES ZA DUSTO!
Octodad sent a friend request
Daizan no bakudan, Killer clean wipes the dusto
Remember to get the Burst spell and to loot the hand of your victims!
“I’m gonna do it all in SONG!!!” (2:46)
Best part of the video
But it's missing a subclass. The bladesinger.
We need a 24 hour version of this.
@@Imabirdhaww It's only fair people get to know about it. It's a good subclass.
@@conhunter7024 No one ever speaks about bladesingers, it's a taboo
@@conhunter7024 little bit butthurt about your favourite subclass not being in there?
"wizard are lame and weak"
Jocat: "you're talking mad shit for someone within fireball distance"
Big talk coming from someone with some very solid looking grid coordinates. Lol
“That’s because their brain are like dis while my brain are like dis!” - JoCat, A Crap Guide to Bards
Wizard took notes in class, Sorcerer slept through class, Warlock slept with the teacher.
Nice!
Bard did all the extracurricular shit.
Lol
Warlock's mom is the teacher
BARD slept with the teacher
Bard is warlocks dad wo also slept with the teacher
Wizards: Study to get an A+
Clerics: become a teacher's pet to get an A+
Sorcerers: Doesn't study yet still gets an A+
Warlocks: Bang the teacher to get an A+
Druids: Does extra credits to at least get an A-
Bards: already got an A+ on their own, but bangs the teacher anyway
That is one fucked up teacher.
@@Cloud_Seeker I personally believe that the bards are doing most of the fucking
@@comicstrider4851 Not what I meant. That teacher break so many rules (and some might be on the pedo crime) it is just a matter of time until suspension.
Favoritism
giving good grades because pressure from parents (sorcerer)
Sexual bribery
not giving enough credit for extra work
and sexual exploitation of minors.
That is one fucked up teacher based on how many ethics violations the teacher got.
@@Cloud_Seeker I meant it like the sorcerer was talented already so they don't have to study
Other than that you're right... Except for the bard.. the bard is probably the one exploiting the teacher lol
@@comicstrider4851 Both you and me know that the sorcerer is only what they are because of their parents. It is also much more common.
No. Teachers are not allowed to have sex with student. She/he is using the students to a criminal extent.
“You know, there are other spells than-“
*“PK FIRE!”*
I understood this reference.
dino striker don’t forget pk freeze
@@dinostriker3253 ness not Pikachu
PK gsdsuysudivnd thunder!
*Vietnam smash-backs intensify*
“Impressive, you know. I’ve never had a student fail in...everything before.” Me and my friend quote that everyday...
The Rincewind type of cheese.
I like how in this one the wizard awkwardly flirts with the fighter and then in the character sheet video they're a couple. Cute.
Like how the bard started with stalking the paladin but in the warlock video he's blasting his cantrip at their wedding.
LORE
Very cute and underappreciated
Ooooh, i didn't notice that, thanks ^.^
Timestamp?
Bouncer: How tough are ya?
Wizard: I have 240 health
Bouncer: So?
Wizard: I'm a wizard.
Bouncer: Right this way sir
240 holy crap thats alot for a wizard.
HP=
Hit Dice 20D6= 120
Con 18 = (+4 HP per LV.) 80
Tough Feat= 40 HP
Total= 240
Sure its possible to get more HP but GOD DAMN thats one buff wizard.
@@tylerpendleton7894 he's lived through enough. Poor bastard.
@@tylerpendleton7894
It's 20D6, not 6D20
Wrong, the answer is fireball
@@fl00fydragon Damn! You're clearly right.
"Someone can't both make and ruin your day at the same time"
Intellectuals: 2:27
War magic is like tank mage
getting lots of defense
flexing as your cast
*BLOBLOBLOBLOBLOCK*
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Damn shame he missed Bladesinger from SCAG. The OG 5e wizard tank
@@roderickwalt2969 to bad its only for elfs
@@Lord_Xonaz thats true, But a DM ciuld say nah and let anyone play it
@@roderickwalt2969 if only they where that nice
When the wizard gets a song but not the bard
Bard: _screeching in bardic_
But, Bard got a song, was a short one, but they can paint, prance, draw a pretty dirt picture with a Lance, plenty of ways to further enhance, the battlefield if given the right chance.
@@palmermolstad6840 yaaassss
Well of course the bard inspire
And of course, the main gimmick of the bard is that it's artistically expressive in some way. Most people think that means musician. That's because their brain is like this, while my brain is like this.
Luciano Romero *screeches in lust*
Player: “I cast fireball”
“You’ve run out of spell slots for that”
“I use wish, and cast fireball”
DM: *confused confusion*
You just described Duncan Fisher.
Oooor cast 9th level fireball instead
As a Sorcerer I don't understand how you can "run out of spell slots". lul
Mandy Karevicius Blame Karsus, my dude, Blame Karsus
I cast "Counterspell."
Oops...wrong game
ok. How have I lived this long and not known about JoCat. This is so creative and just frickin great. Sorry about people messing with you and thanks to D&D Shorts for the spotlight. I will now pretend to be sick at work while I consume everything. This is awesome. Seriously.
A DDLC reference quickly followed by an Undertale reference, it’s like you know me.
Sooo...
Dance Dance Level cube?
(Wtf is this joke)
@@flooferjay3245 Some free steam game that got popular a while back. Horror dating sim sort of deal, Doki Doki Literature Club
And then jojo
If I could get that song on an hour loop,
that'd be great.
If I could just get the BLOCK on an hour loop that'd be great
That would be great
Yes please
Would be great
I would love to see an expanded version with a full two verses and a bridge before the final chorus.
Then we could make it into an ACTUAL music video.
“A registered hex offender.”
Honestly, that sounds more like a Warlock thing. Seeing, you know, they cast Hex.
why do you think they can't cast hex?
Rainy Birb Because it’s not on the Wizard spell list?
No, no, see, it's not "hex" it's the "heck's" you hear when they hit their allies with fireball.
I'm sorry, I don't think the Warlock heard you over their Eldritch Blast.
@@zackr.7835 I would think they wouldn't hear me over the sound of being enveloped in a fireball
"Nothing but Fireball!" "Well well, allow us to introduce ourselves: boats, teammates being near the enemy, forests, not as clutch/precise as Lightning Bolt (even though it's the same damage amount), enemies with fire resistance/immunity (cough dragon cough), doesn't deal as much damage as Erupting Earth"
"That was oddly specific.... anyways FIREBALL!"
40 DAMAGE
The wizard in my party did not give one single fuck if a teammate was in the way. He had Fireball, he was using Fireball. Teammate got killed. Everyone got pissed.
Jokes on you, the Rogue and Monk are immune to fireball
I tactically hit a teammate with fireball (as a wildfire Druid. We added it to the list of spells my subclass gives me) since he had absurd dex and was surrounded by skeletons. Killed the skeletons, left my ally on 8 (he was on 23 before) and teammate was not angry
"Erupting Earth" deals 3d12 bludgeoning vs. 8d6 fire damage from "Fireball." The average damage for 1d12 is 7, so x3 = average 21 damage. The average for 2d6 is also 7, so x4 = 28 damage. While "Erupting Earth" has a bigger AOE being a cube, it does not deal more damage.
*does a musical segment for Wizards*
Bard: Am I a joke to you?
OneShogun he did do a musical section for Bard...
Yes, bards are a joke.
@@emc246 🖕
Zachary Frazer It’s been so long I kinda forgot- looked over the Bard video after you commented though and, if there was one, it definitely wasn’t as big as the musical segment in this video.
@@skaionex That seems a little drastic.
3:15 This absolute madlad made a reference to Terry Crews' Old Spice commercials in the year of our Lord 2019.
Makes sense considering not long ago terry crews did do a amazing dnd playthrough vid
A surprise to be certain, but a welcome one.
So no-one told you life was gonna be this waaaay
*BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK*
Awesome.
OLD SPICE BODY WASH BLOCKS ODER FOR 16 HOURS FOR MORE POWERRRRRRR
I want the full song
so no one told you life was gonna be war mage
Commenting this under as many videos as I can in hopes JoCat will see it: Thank you for jumpstarting my love of D&D. Thank you for creating endlessly entertaining content that is easily accessible to all demographics. Thank you for making me laugh. When I have a bad day I often rewatch your videos just so I can smile again. I’m so sad to see you go but I completely understand why. I only hope life offers you peace because we live in an increasingly divided age where empathy and compassion are considered to be weak. Please never forget to be true to yourself because only you can define who you are. Never stop making the charming artwork that only you can create and keep being awesome. If you ever come back I will be your first subscriber. Thank you for everything and best of luck going forward. You will be missed.
I want a full song of that wizard music you had to the end. Its too catchy to end just there.
but... that's it. he listed and described each school of magic. there is nothing else.
It's in the description.
It's an adaptation of the overture to Jacques Offenbach's "Orpheus in the Underworld", better known as "the" can-can.
Im still hoping for a full release of Fighter-man.
The terry crews part killed me brb becoming a wizard.
I really like how JoCat caught Zee's Wizard character's wide range of expression with a couple of still panels. Nicely done.
ua-cam.com/video/e6vrLtNnJDA/v-deo.html
@@user-oi8wc3uh2s did you seriously link your own video?
Helps that the VO is expressive too.
I am waiting for the day he starts doing the types in Pokemon.
"A Crap Guide to Pokemon: *Insert Type*"
Fuck ice
Or even a crap guide to the Pokemon regions
Afraid of the dark? Punch it!
There isn’t really that much to see other than
Types it’s strong against
Types it’s weak against
Types it’s good/bad when paired with
Some ‘mons
@@johndthackray Your ice cream is too cold? Punch it!
After watching this for the hundredth time or so, I just thought of this - there are uses for spells lower level than fireball. Summon an illusion to make the enemy scatter thinking you just cast fireball so they don't move when you're done bluffing about casting fireball; summon a fey or fiend familiar to deliver a fireball as a touch spell (by holding the spell?) around corners - fiends at least might be resistant to the fire and/or deserve the punishment; or prestidigitate yourself a red bead to throw to again bluff about casting fireball.
"This spell allows you to get items for cheap or even free"
"What is Fireball?"
"This spell lets you turn creatures into other creatures."
"Fireball."
type: animated spellbook fireball, into youtube and the Zee bashew will give you the quick run down
Something: *Is immune to fire*
Jocat: I'mma pretend I didn't see that
Lore Mastery Wizard: _laughs in Force Damage Fireball_
@@CollinBuckman *Laughs in UA isn't officially allowed content*
*laughs in elemental adept Wild Magic sorcerer*
LAUGHS IN ELEMENTAL ADEPT
@@fredapel6039 Elemental adept only works on resistance, not immunity...
"The most powerful class, if you just ignore the ones that are stronger."
Why is this too true?
I mean it objectively cannot be false lol
Sorcerer is just so much better. I mean yeah you get access to more spells ut that trade off for the amount of daily casts and the frailness is so not worth it
@@TheWanderingLPer when you can cast fireball and then quick cast a other fireball in the same turn......yes pocket nukes
The Gaming Trucker: How can a sorcerer cast more spells daily? Wizards are capable of getting spells lots on a long rest AND can cast ritual. Near max level they have the ability to cast certain spells for free as well.
Sorcerers are also only verrry slightly less fragile as they have the same hit dice as sorcerers.
Actually once figured out that given the classic min maxing that 5th edition players are famous for, wizards have a slight edge in multiclassing versatility because they're one of the only classes with exactly one stat that matters. This means you can pretty much do whatever you want with the other stats and it literally won't matter. How I applied this was by starting as a 1st level Fighter, get shitloads of proficiencies, and then turn wizard 1 level later. Then suddenly you're a tank with spell slots without having to use war caster.
Love that opening. "Brave statement from someone in fireball distance." Also, I was NOT ready for that song. Jocat's all like "I got bars. Imma drop them."
“Are you trying to get me to talk about the different schools of magic?
Because if you are...
I will gladly do so! In SONG form!”
- JoCat, definitely not Tamatoa
“I’ll cast FIREBALL, like a fire in the lava flowing hell, strut my stuff and make it cast FIREBALL”
“My spell is so SHINY!!!”
Jocat this video:
"You know there are other spells besides exp-"
"EXPLOSION!"
*EKUSPROSIOOOOOOOOOON*
I've just got one question for you: EXPLOSIONS?!
Bakuretsu bakuretsu la la la
@@dakkath414 nice MR TORQUE reference there 😂
Kazuma Kazuma!
thats a sick collab, but there's no way he can top tha-
*music creeps in*
OHHHHHHH!!!!!!
He had me dancing, not gonna lie
Okay, but is no one going to talk about the song at the end. It was totally fire...ball.
Evocation: Elements to burn or shock or freeze your friends
Necromancy spares the dying (or you could just resurrect them)
Abjuration keeps you safe and almost makes your armor fair
Divination helps you sense, detect, commune, and talk to bears
Conjuration: Portals and make stuff for free
Transmutation: Turn things into other things
With enchantment: Buff, debuff, or in between
And illusion: Visual tricks to prank the mind with fear and silence, blur and go invisible, pretend you’re someone else’s dad, disguise, mislead, take on their life
War magic is like tank mage, getting lots of defense, flexing as you cast
(BLOCK)(BLOCK)(BLOCK)(BLOCK)(BLOCK)(BLOCK)(BLOCK)(BLOCK)
You’re welcome.
You absolute saint, thank you
bless you
too bad i had to scroll so much to find it
i almost gave up and did it myself
thanks a lot, in the name of everyone
Tru legend
War Mage: "ITS MEEE! GOODBYE!"
I know the tune from somewhere, but I can't place it...
Zee Banshew: well you got a 0% on the test and answered fireball for all of them.
Me: that implies that fireball is never the solution, which I find hard to believe
Yea you think he would get at least one right
it was a test about social interactions
@@gallalameblook9911 Still feels like Fireball is an answer to at least one social interaction :)
Tests rarely cover allpossibilities, besides, Fireball is such an obvious answer to most problems they probably wanted to test for more intricate solutions.
you dummy, fireball is never the solution.
fireball is the question and the only answer is yes
Wait... can I transmute something into a fire ball?
Yes. Bat guano.
There’s probably a rule against it, but who the fuck read the rules anyway?
You can! And for only the price of one firebomb!
For the price of (1) fireball you can turn something into a mass of fireball. Fireball begets more fireball. Like an STD, it's the gift that keeps on giving.
I’m skeptical that you can but intrigued that you may.
What I can’t stop pondering here about this video is why Zee, as a high level wizard teacher, didn’t have counterspell prepared or didn’t use it when in class to be able to handle any situations that hits the fan. Like that fireball that burned the entire goddamn town down.
Also also when do we get the animated collab of Jocrap and Zee’s wizard duel??!?!!
Simple...Low Initiative, and the caster was out of sight when he cast fireball.
@@mitchellslate1249 Counterspell doesn't care about the initiative order.
Sight does matter, however.
Zee tried. Jo ignored the challenge.
@@sega3607 JoCrap never got the challenge. He was on a different plane and Zee rolled a 1 when he cast Sending.
I would like to point out that Japanese Pac Man is saying
"I wrote this in Google translation as it may be wrong".
Thanks JoCat.
That's beautiful. I didn't bother paying too close attention to it because I knew someone would have translated it lol
The wizard in my party was all like: " I'm going to utility and play clever and stuff"
The light cleric:
*deep breath* "FIREBALL!!!"
It works tho
And if it doesn't work, then you didn't use a high enough spell slot.
Party wizard: "Lets go abjuration, get some utility."
Me, a phoenix sorcerer: "I'm gonna set myself on fire and then fireball the crap out of everything."
as a soon to be fellow light cleric, I can't wait to disappoint my party by not preparing create/destroy water
Damn..... my cleric must be doing something right. She sets everything on fire and the wizard actually left the party.
Synopsis of the magic classes so far:
Wizard: I spent 10 years on this BA of magic!
Cleric: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
Warlock: I sold my soul to the devil!
Sorcerer: My mom made out with Zeus!
Druid: **hits blunt** FLOWER POWER!
Bard: My diss track was so fire the guy literally exploded.
Accurate as fuck
Bard: Doot Doot Magic Flute!
After hearing much of Greek lore, I'm pretty sure mom making out with Zeus was not what she wanted at all. Zeus is gross.
Artificer: I flunked out of the magic program and took auto shop instead.
Ranger?
0:08 "I chose the perfect spell for every situation." Well, you know what else is a third level spell? Counterspell. Good luck getting your Fireball off against an enemy who is actually prepared.
That is when I hit them with my backup plan and throw a molotov cocktail for a bootleg, nonmagical fireball
*Latest Unexpectables Episode*
Monty: "With your detect magic, you notice a glyph of some kind on the floor."
Panic/Distortion Devil: "What kind of school is it?"
Monty: "Divination Magic."
Me: "So that's... Wait... Evocation elements... Necromancy spares the dying... Abjuration keeps you safe... Divination: helps you sense, detect, commune and talk to bears! It's a warning glyph!"
No joke, I actually use the song to remember things.
Same, actually.
My DM had that same situation, but he said Conjuration, so I sang this, and was like, "Hey! It's a summon glyph!"
6x
It's a very useful mnemonic device.
War magic is like tank mage getting lots of defence flexing as you cast
BLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCK
is that... Monty Martin ?... cos I like that guy.
🎶🎶war magic is like tank mage, getting lots of defense, flexing as you cast🎶🎶
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK
🤣🤣🤣
Someone pull an RTGame and replace those BLOCKs those actual gun sounds
DEFENSSSSSSSSEEEEEE!
Lost my mind at this lol
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK
I cried when this came on. It was too perfect
DM: "What are you?"
Player: "I'm a wizard."
DM: "I see that, but what ARE you?"
Player: "A war wizard."
DM: "And that means...?"
Player: "And that means..." *clears throat* "I CAST FIST!!!"
Underrated comment (for now)
Beware the Buff Wizard. He only knows 2 spells: Fist and the godly Beat a Mofo with another Mofo
That one monk who thinks he's casting magic but doesn't realize his fists are infused with Ki: "I want to cast a spell", dm: "What-" monk: "I cast fist" dm: "... ok?"
War Mage is legit. Took on a Paladin, in melee, and won with a Mountain Dwarf War Mage
oh mighty muscle wizard, might you cast us a spell?
I don't get how this wizard can't get any dates, he's literally perfect
Jo: Fireball is the solution to everything!
DM: You know what? You find yourself in the elemental plane of fire...
Use fireball to impress the elemental and begin your conquest of the other elemental planes.
@@MrPikmario DM: *screams*
@@MrPikmario *Elemental Plane of Water:* (Laughs in Kraken)
There's a feat that lets you ignore damage resistance of a particular element type.
SWEET!! NOW I'M A CLERIC AND HEAL FIRE ELEMENTALS!! I wanna make one my friend...
As an illusion wizard with actor feat in game, can confirm, might have pretended to be someone's recently deceased dad.
Nice
Well hello, fellow illusionist! I wish more players would try illusion magic. It can be VERY handy, but I understand some GM’s just can’t deal with it very well.
Quick question using a spell outside Your spell slots take one minute for every level it is right?
@@JimankyGaming not related to illusion magic but it reminded me of a wizard I created who was a disgraced former shop keep, who scammed out of their money and evaded paying his taxes by transmuting all the coins.
Needless to say he is now a fugitive wanted for Tax Evasion to say the least.
EveesCastle so you made Yoshi? Nice
the song lyrics nobody asked for:
Evocation: elements to burn or shock or freeze your friends
Necromancy spares the dying, or you could just resurrect them
Abjuration keeps you safe and almost makes your armor fair
Divination helps you sense, detect, commune, and talk to bears
CON JUR A TION
Portals and make stuff for free
TRANS MU TA TION
turn things into other things
WITH EN CHANT MENT
buff debuff or in-between
AND ILL U SION
visual tricks to prank the brain with fear and silence
blur and go invisible
pretend you're someone else's dad
disguise, mislead
take on their life
war magic is like tank mage
getting lots of defense
flexing as you cast
(BLOCK) x7
("IN SONG!" starts at 2:45 )
and now translated into Japanese then back to english
Arousing: Elements that burn, shock, or freeze friends
Necromancy escapes death, or you can just revive them
Abjuration keeps you safe and makes your armor almost fair
Fortune-telling helps you feel, discover, interact and discuss bears
CON JUR A TION
Make portals and free things
Transition
Turn things into something else
With EN chant
Buff de buff or middle
AND ILL U SION
A visual trick to prank your brain with fear and silence
Blurry
You pretend to be someone else's dad
Disguise and misleading
Take on their life
The magic of war is like a tank magician
Gain a lot of defense
Bend while casting
(Block) x7
great start
Dude, thx!
When someone asks you to explain what each school is, sing this.
Now we just need a full length version of the song...
keaton Jones so the fortune teller school is where they discuss bears is it? How do I sign up?!
"pretend your someone else's dad disguise mislead take on their life" perfect campaign plot
“Disguise yourself as some kids dad take on their life”
Me, a cultured being: hayato
Killer queen has already touched this comment
@@swiftswalow iS tHaT a JoJo ReFrEnCe?
Killer Queen, daisan no bakudan
Hayato.
Don't forget to take a cat as your familiar
"Going door to door telling your neighbors you're a registered hex offender"
That killed me more than any high roll fireball could.
Jocat: hahahah *WRONG*
That's more accurate to warlocks tho
U didn't use enough fireball then
Even if it's flung by a Level 20 Arcane Trickster (Rogue 5, Magus 5, AT 10) with Empower Spell and 8d6 Sneak Attack dice?
That's 15d6+8d6 Fire damage, with a Reflex save for half.
Wizard: Fireball solves everything
Rogue with Evasion: I'm about to end this man's whole career.
Only a rogue can uncanny dodge the end of the world.
@@Pup_Majestic oh don't forget stealing spells!
don't you take half damage when an AoE misses?
@@Xenothios Not with evasion you don't. With evasion you take half damage even if the AoE doesn't miss
@Jamulus and no damage if it does.
every time I write a homebrew spell I come back to this video to remember what each school of magic is because I am dumb and it doesn't take fifteen paragraphs to explain, thanks Jocat!
Zee bashew is starting to become a character in the mildly crazy Gnome wizard.
Also these jokes are too Good.
Repeating "just fireball" with increasing conviction made me laugh.
That reference sold me on this channel
@@matthewmosiermusic YEP. And I still need a Moment after watching that part lol
Just fireball
JoCat making that must have been like: I roll a nat 20 for deception. (Also I’m new to d&d so I’m open to advise on making a character , rules , books , etc.)
I want the full version of the Sub-class song you made.
But it's missing a subclass. The bladesinger.
Becouse elf is g**.
ua-cam.com/video/e6vrLtNnJDA/v-deo.html
I agree
@@user-oi8wc3uh2s what the fuck is that
Wizard: FIREBALL *casts fireball but dies from 1d4 shouting "fireball" damage*
Sorcerer: FIREBALL *casts fireball and survives*
... Sorcerers have the exact same hit die ma dude
@@nikki607 it's a meme based from One Shot Questers. Despite sharing the same hit die as sorcerers. The joke is that wizards are the weakest class
Technically, Prestidigitation doesn’t cost nothing. You can only cast it (does math) 14,400 times in 24 hours
While time is an inescapable limitation factor what he meant by _nothing_ material or somatic component. All it takes to cast it is the conscience thought to do so. And in some ways it can be a more effective Fireball see how you can light a small fire with a thought.
@@FarrTheFox
We bards will provide snacks and a soundtrack if you promise to make the beatdown interesting.
@@FarrTheFox I find myself incapable of reading your comment in anything but a Scottish accent for some reason.
By that logic breathing also costs the same
So you can cast it once every 6 seconds?
Oh my lordy that song at the end was so perfect, and im so happy at bowsette actually making it into the crap guide series. Thank you JoCat
This is my new favorite song. The Wizard Class Can Can
But the song is missing a subclass. The bladesinger.
@@conhunter7024 We don't talk about the Bladesinger. Never.
@@Acqua_Regia Why's that?
@@Acqua_Regia We don't *sing* about the Bladesinger. Never.
@@conhunter7024 Because we don't talk about it.
I ADORE the Alphys cameo
I was looking for someone who actually mentions it, thank you fellow person of culture
So, it´s settled: Crap Guide HAS TO BE the official 5E 2.0 Guide.
No lie. I make newbies to dnd watch these to figure out what type they most like to be. And then give them in depth stuff
Same
First off: great video
Secondly: OOOO I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS CROSSOVER!
Move over infinity war
He had puffin voice a character in the Rouge vid
I wasn't expecting it, but it was perfect!!!
llamalex yeah this is the DnD expanded universe, way better than anything marvel could come up with
“Only use Fireball”
Me, fighting an Iron Golem: *sweating nervously*
It'll melt, eventually.
Just build-jump three blocks up, and you can punch it to death without it reaching you
Doooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiit
...are iron golems still healed by fire in this edition?
@@SupaDanteX yes.
@@darienb1127
Excellent
MrBurns.jpg
What I visualize when a Wizard casts a spell is they create/manifest a magic circle in front or beneath their feet. The circles design depends on the school of magic is being used, with details that are specific to the spell being cast. The circles are basically the equations used to manipulate the weave of magic to do the spell, the higher level the spell the bigger and more complex the design is within the circle. Like a Cantrip is a small circle about the size of the casters hand with fingers spread apart, while a 9th level spell is a three dimensional sphere surrounding the caster.
"what's your point person within fireball distance" that's my new argument for everything
thats a bold statement for someone within fireball distance!
The intro makes me think of Megumin from konosuba. Jocat just constantly yelling “FIREBALL”
*EXPLOSION*
Megumin is more Sorcerer than Wizard.
Sorcerer Metamagic Empowered Fireball.
One use per day tho
@@0akes *EXPUROOOOOOOSHUN!*
@@hectoriiibongconuqui7106 Arguable really. She went to magic school, which supports wizard, but she is of a race that is inherently magical, which supports sorcerer. And she acts like the edgiest of edgy warlocks.
XD that song killed me
Also could you maybe think about possibly making a Crap Guide to Dungeon Master?
He said in a post a month or so ago that he will be sometime in the future
How to be a salt shaker internally
I could see him doing like a Crap guide to Monsters. "Tyrannosaurus stands for Terrible Lizard and Dragon stands for fuckable lizard because what haven't they banged look at all these half dragons and dragonborn"
I could go for a loop of that song
@@jackdavid8518 i second that
"What's your point, person within fireball distance?!"
Basically sums up the oneshot I played today
Details please
@@geoxaga6507 We were playing Level 17 in a steampunk setting. We had a sorcerer able to cast 7th-level spells. Thus every obstacle was dealt with VERY quickly by a fireball. Taunters beware!!!
“Fireball doesn’t work in every situation”
*OH DOES IT NOW?!*
**Fireball proceeds to not work**
**Uses Delayed Blast Fireball to solve the problem**
If Fireball don't work, you are not using enough of it
Try meteor storm. It's like if a fireball became sentient and smart enough to cast fireball.
My favorite part about Delayed Blast Fireball is that since it generates a tangible semi-object there's technically absolutely nothing stopping you from spawning it in the rogue's hands and having them slip it onto some baddie as they slip by, only for them to explode catastrophically exactly one minute later
@@Starfloofle lateral thinking of the next level
Here let me fight fire with fire and make a campaign that's basically about an army of fire elementals invading the material plane.
Still can’t wait to see that Wizard Duel between you and a freshly resurrected Zee Bashew.
He didnt get the message
@@sicroto
He got it, just didn't pay any attention to it. ^.^;
@@Telsun78 no remember he rolled a 1
Light Shadow plus Jocat has negative 1000 intelligence
@@sicroto I mean obviously he plans to use nothing but fireball
I think everyones gunna want a full version of fighter man and the Wizard song XD
Austin Disimoni I mean,I don’t know anything about 5th ed but I guess the song is already full version since he covers all school
Every single Video of JoCat is a masterpiece. Its beyond my imagination how he comes up with all of this.
Never thought that seeing a Kobold Wizard would be so cute.
Except he's a dragonborn
@@HUNKthemerc We all know that dragons are just big dragonborn, and dragonborn are just big kobolds :D
Kobold mage is the sexiest thing ever, change my mind