Recently I have finally confirmed I received none of the healthy attachment benefits as my main role model my father died when I was 11 and my mother was incapable as I received no guidance from her to secure me as an adult. I was 37 when I told my mother " I love you mom " because she never said those words to me as a child and she mumbled as she struggled to return the sentiment. I do see clearly why so many relationships of mine failed for my attempts at love and validation. I'm making adjustments now to love myself although it can be tough because it's hard work each day learning to love oneself and staying away from those who do not have my interests at heart. I won't give up. Thank you Stephanie for your professional insights and your channel. It's truly making a difference for me. ❤
I was lucky enough to find your videos while I was going through my divorce a few years ago. It became a daily listen. Always helped to calm me down when the emotions took over. Learned so much and still apply your tips to this day. Thank you.
I am 70, and being raised by alcoholic parents in a violent household of 8, prompted me to have a vasectomy as a young man. A decision I have never regretted.
I'm have a secure attachment style which I model with my son. He's 15 and independent, not having to 'fit in' to feel good about himself which I greatly appreciate about him. He's always been OK with not being exactly like everyone else and I think it was influenced by his food allergies, diagnosed at 22 months. I always made it about being able to participate with friends, even if how it looked was a little different than the other kids. This was essential when he was growing up as he had to bring his own dessert to birthday parties. We never made it about the food but about the experience.
It would be very nice if more people would be able to tell themselves "I am an adult and have to learn how to have a secure attachment style". From my experience, almost nobody has this kind of capability. It is almost always somebody else fault that first, second, or any sixteenth intimate relationship failed. One of my friends was using during the argument the ""stonewalling" approach for example and you can bet that he did not learn his lesson after many more failed relationships.
Thank you this is so great. I’m in my 40’s and have two dysfunctional parents who still affect me. Just today my mum telling me I shouldn’t do something that I’m excited about that’s coming up for me soon, because it’s not interesting to her. I’ve been invalidated my entire life, constant put downs for being me. From my hair to my hobbies. It’s a real struggle that is hard to escape. I don’t think I could ever totally heal … but you are definitely giving me strength and help.
I do wish people would be able to confront when offense has been taken rather than just leaving the relationship. In my experience, no one can read minds. I have valued connections and been very vocal about honesty, wanting to know if/what lines were crossed to know better and not repeat. No one just automatically knows another's boundaries with nothing being said about it and people make mistakes even if they were said; no one has a perfect memory. I ended up w passive aggressive comments and critical judgment which were the last things I ever expected. I didn't recognize as it was taking place bc I was too forgiving and loved without judgment, which I realized later was another mistake of mine. What are healthy expectations of friends these days? I had thought friends were people you know and care about through good and bad times, celebrate successes, share ideas, thoughts, perspectives and provide support if/when needed. I'd gone all in and did my best to be what I thought a good friend was, yet when I hit a rough time I was judged as too needy & sad despite years of providing emotional support & encouragement without judgment. Is it unfair to expect mutual care & encouragement from a friend? It seems apparently it must be for many.
I like what you’re saying. What I’m realizing is that there are many people I considered my ‘friend’ but they were colleagues or associates. There’s really very very few people who can really be the kind of friend you’re describing. Frankly, there’s very few people that I can be that kind of friend to. I’m getting more clear on what role people are really playing and what role I need/want them to play. So, I’m letting others and myself off the hook for being closer than they/I can be. Now, I’ll feeling less anger and guilt.
Thank you for this video! I really felt like it’s just kept getting more informative and then “see ya next week”. I had a lot of “ah-ha moments that I can’t wait to find out more and how to self improve.
Hi Stephanie, i appreciate this video. I've been looking for more green flag, life after healing from trauma, what healthy relationships look like videos, etc.....I find that these videos virtually do not exist. If anyone knows where to find information on this, please share.
That's so true! I can speak for myself when I say the holding steady to the solution helps me best throughout issues I face. That definitely goes double when I can't find a solid "why" to my issues at that time.
@@Alllovehaven831 its very important to address and understand that a child who was nurtured and loved becomes a narcissist due to nothing a parent did. Nature vs Nurture !
Recently I have finally confirmed I received none of the healthy attachment benefits as my main role model my father died when I was 11 and my mother was incapable as I received no guidance from her to secure me as an adult. I was 37 when I told my mother " I love you mom " because she never said those words to me as a child and she mumbled as she struggled to return the sentiment. I do see clearly why so many relationships of mine failed for my attempts at love and validation. I'm making adjustments now to love myself although it can be tough because it's hard work each day learning to love oneself and staying away from those who do not have my interests at heart. I won't give up. Thank you Stephanie for your professional insights and your channel. It's truly making a difference for me. ❤
My mom never & still doesn't tell me she loves me. I just learned to tell my kids & they're 11. Say ily & hugs weren't given in my family
I was lucky enough to find your videos while I was going through my divorce a few years ago. It became a daily listen. Always helped to calm me down when the emotions took over. Learned so much and still apply your tips to this day. Thank you.
I am 70, and being raised by alcoholic parents in a violent household of 8, prompted me to have a vasectomy as a young man. A decision I have never regretted.
I'm have a secure attachment style which I model with my son. He's 15 and independent, not having to 'fit in' to feel good about himself which I greatly appreciate about him. He's always been OK with not being exactly like everyone else and I think it was influenced by his food allergies, diagnosed at 22 months. I always made it about being able to participate with friends, even if how it looked was a little different than the other kids. This was essential when he was growing up as he had to bring his own dessert to birthday parties. We never made it about the food but about the experience.
It would be very nice if more people would be able to tell themselves "I am an adult and have to learn how to have a secure attachment style". From my experience, almost nobody has this kind of capability. It is almost always somebody else fault that first, second, or any sixteenth intimate relationship failed. One of my friends was using during the argument the ""stonewalling" approach for example and you can bet that he did not learn his lesson after many more failed relationships.
Stonewalling is so childish lol- My brother’s ex-wife threw a house slipper @ his head for stonewalling🤣
Sadly the truth. 75% of people you met in your life aren’t like that
What if he threw a slipper at her head? Wldn’t that be family violence?
Could you talk about what you can do when you didn't receive those foundations and have developed an anxious attachment style instead?
Thank you this is so great. I’m in my 40’s and have two dysfunctional parents who still affect me. Just today my mum telling me I shouldn’t do something that I’m excited about that’s coming up for me soon, because it’s not interesting to her. I’ve been invalidated my entire life, constant put downs for being me. From my hair to my hobbies. It’s a real struggle that is hard to escape. I don’t think I could ever totally heal … but you are definitely giving me strength and help.
I do wish people would be able to confront when offense has been taken rather than just leaving the relationship. In my experience, no one can read minds. I have valued connections and been very vocal about honesty, wanting to know if/what lines were crossed to know better and not repeat. No one just automatically knows another's boundaries with nothing being said about it and people make mistakes even if they were said; no one has a perfect memory. I ended up w passive aggressive comments and critical judgment which were the last things I ever expected. I didn't recognize as it was taking place bc I was too forgiving and loved without judgment, which I realized later was another mistake of mine. What are healthy expectations of friends these days? I had thought friends were people you know and care about through good and bad times, celebrate successes, share ideas, thoughts, perspectives and provide support if/when needed. I'd gone all in and did my best to be what I thought a good friend was, yet when I hit a rough time I was judged as too needy & sad despite years of providing emotional support & encouragement without judgment. Is it unfair to expect mutual care & encouragement from a friend? It seems apparently it must be for many.
I like what you’re saying. What I’m realizing is that there are many people I considered my ‘friend’ but they were colleagues or associates. There’s really very very few people who can really be the kind of friend you’re describing. Frankly, there’s very few people that I can be that kind of friend to. I’m getting more clear on what role people are really playing and what role I need/want them to play. So, I’m letting others and myself off the hook for being closer than they/I can be. Now, I’ll feeling less anger and guilt.
Thank you so much . This video is full of fantastic observations and great advice.
Thank u Stephanie! This is a very positive video, very edifying & confirming.🍻
Thank you for this video! I really felt like it’s just kept getting more informative and then “see ya next week”. I had a lot of “ah-ha moments that I can’t wait to find out more and how to self improve.
A really great video thank you Stephanie!
Thank you for all your dedication!
This is so good, I need to watch it again and take notes!
Hi Stephanie, i appreciate this video. I've been looking for more green flag, life after healing from trauma, what healthy relationships look like videos, etc.....I find that these videos virtually do not exist. If anyone knows where to find information on this, please share.
That's so true! I can speak for myself when I say the holding steady to the solution helps me best throughout issues I face. That definitely goes double when I can't find a solid "why" to my issues at that time.
Thank you for great advice!
Please make video about anxious preoccupied. My therapist said I have that. I'm struggling. Please make a video on that 🙏🙏🙏
Could you talk about how to recover from an anxious attachment style in an upcoming video? Thanks
Thank you 🙏❤
Loving your videos 🙏🙏🙏
THANK YOU!
This was insightful 😍
I would like to reach out and talk to you about my experience I just started watching your videos and I'm so glad I've came across these videos.
Yes!!!
Que preciosura!!!
Yep👏👏👏👏👏
What about a child that can't seem to bond with the parent who does nurture them?
I’ve heard of RAD reactive attachment disorder that often times a child cannot bond with the nurturing parent.
@@Alllovehaven831 its very important to address and understand that a child who was nurtured and loved becomes a narcissist due to nothing a parent did.
Nature vs Nurture !
I completely agree on that!
Writing is fun until you become super busy… good thing I can send a letter by just sending a text through my iphone… guess what app I used :)