I’m creating red flags that aren’t there. I am so traumatized from my past that I don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship so I just bring the toxicity from my past with me. I hate this. Thank you for this video
Things we do to self-sabotage the relationship: 1. Over-thinking 2. Imagining fear-based scenarios 3. Failing to differentiate between fear and intuition 4. Failing to resolve unhealed wounds 5. Unessecarily picking fights 6. Nitpicking 7. Picking at your partner's flaws 8. Withdrawing from your partner/relationship 9. Not knowing what you want
@@naiko6700 you only lost him if you let yourself lose him. Reach out to him, show him what you've been doing to improve. Maybe he needs help too. The relationship didn't fall apart because of just 1 person. He may have traumas that cause him to act out, just like you do. If you love each other, you have to brave the dark times together. Otherwise, if neither of you learn from this, you're bound to repeat the same behaviors that led you here with another person. Reach out to him. Keep watching this channel. Journal your thoughts. You can become better. For yourself and for him. And he has to do the same for himself and you.
Agreed. Part of the reason why mine fell apart. Dishonesty due to fear of abandonment/ losing my kids with ex husband or losing my bf. I tried to juggle both and dropped both. Fear is a monster. So is overthinking. I should have been able to just set rules for myself, and not overthink the what ifs. What if I stop talking to ex husband and it goes bad and at court he fights to keep kids from me (like from my childhood, my parents fought) etc. I'm working on it. Holy, it's hard.
How do y’all do it it’s hard. I find myself beating myself down a lot when I feel like I over texted or said something wrong. I just want to stop doing it but it’s like I don’t realize it until after it’s done.
I feel like this is a turning point in my life. I've done this in EVERY relationship ive ever had and could never explain it. I finally found "the one" for me and i still do it, but now I know what's going on and I am going to get rid of it... once and for all.
I am in the best relationship of my life with an incredibly loving man. The attraction, the banter, everything is there, but I still find myself nitpicking and letting fear take hold. This video helps so much! Thank you!
I am such a huge overthinker and I think it comes from emotional neglect. I was often left alone to sort my own feelings out so I coped by exploring as many scenarios as I could. I don't know how to not overthink, so it helps for me to tell a trusted friend and ask them to point out when I'm overthinking. I've been diving deep into attachment theory this year and it feels like every wound is finally coming up to the surface to be healed. I really hope that one day soon, I'll finally feel more secure and open to an emotionally available partner.
This is incredibly insightful and eloquently put. Exactly how I've been feeling and thinking but so much better phrased than I could manage at the moment. Thank you for expressing it. Good luck to you my friend in your journey to be more secure and in finding a suitable partner, I hope I get to have the same too some day soon. :)
I was emotionally neglected my parents both drank 247 when I was young till I was old and they both died young I'll lived them and I have trouble with my relationships I can't get close to anybody who'll be available for anybody I really don't want to be and I should be and I need help man
I am literally crying in my office. This described so much of me that I never realized existed. Thank you because now that I know the issue I can work to fix it
i needed this. it’s hard to let yourself be happy with things that have proven themselves to be good things, when you’ve been hurt in the past, etc. it’s a process. thank you for this.
This definitely describes whats been going on with me. I'll get the girl, she falls head over heels, and then I find a way to push her away. In my last relationship, I created an environment where she didn't feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me because I displayed behavior that didn't allow her to feel safe expressing her inner most thoughts and she would shut down. Although I loved her, I didn't put those feelings on full display the way that I should've. I was afraid of getting real close and over time it pushed her out the door
Yes I have associated relationships with pain. I nitpick and pick fights a lot. I notice I do it when the relationship progresses, and the relationship falls apart.
I'm in tears. I see my fears and overthinking. Your videos helped me leave a narcissist. Now I've met someone who I feel so good with...but I'm scared and overthinking. I don't want to push away a good thing. You are helping me so much. You're helping me see how I sabotage. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're changing the world ♥️
You just cleared up the difference between fear and intuition so perfectly for me. I used to have such clear intuition, and then all of the pain I've experienced got jumbled up in it, and it's been heartbreaking and confusing and lonely not knowing which is which. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.
I fell into this trap and ended up pushing my partner away. I’ve recognized these issues and am actively working to live a life of trust and grace which has helped my anxiety a lot. I just hope we can have another chance to really let our relationship play out without these barriers.
*People come and go, even families are often toxic. Everyone disappoints everyone on some level, in a point. There's always me and my spirit that gets myself back on track. I can't say I'm happy but I know I can survive no matter who hurts my emotions. And that is SOMETHING!*
It's absolutely insane that you're talking about this this week! ... Thank you a million times. I fall into the fearful avoidant attachment and I just met an amazing man but im terrify and he kinda notice how I was trying to sabotage everything, and I don't know how to stop panicking when he is not around bc im afraid that any second he will break up with me.
I’m literally in tears I’ve been doing this for the past year! I want to get better so we decided to put things on pause to become more secure with ourselves. I can’t imagine my life without him but I’m so scared of committing out of fear of something going wrong. This really helped me identify a lot of my behaviors that I couldn’t quite explain
I got married and ( was in the safest stable relationship in my life) and did this the first 3 years of our marriage. This is incredibly real. I love how you differentiated fear based thoughts vs intuition.
So grateful I found your channel. I was married to Narcissist for 5 years separated for 3 years before the divorce was final 8 years total. This channel is amazing and totally inspires me to want to help others see what is going on in their relationships too. Thank you so much for your time.
Oh my goodness. I feel like you just summed up in 15 mins what I've tried to understand about myself over decades. I feel like I owe you a lifetime of gratitude for this information! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Absolutely went through this with someone I truly unconditionally loved. From what felt like nowhere, she would self sabotage and overthink and rely on incorrect intuition in what was a beautiful relationship. She would fear scenarios which would not happen, which would lead to her stonewalling me which then actually lead to me to become distressed and desperate for an ounce of affection or emotion in return. Ended in a pathetic row. Broke my heart :(
So sad. So many of us have been hurt, we can get triggered by certain behaviors and relate them to the behaviors of a person that hurt us in the past. It sucks.
This sounds like how my ex would speak about me.. I'm so sad I was late to seek out help 😢 he and I had such a beautiful thing together but I was struggling so much within myself and didn't know how to reach out for help
I am the same as your ex. I promise you she loves you more than you know; many of us have been deeply abused and traumatized and it affects us so much yet we still desire to experience true love. My last partner spoiled me and took care of me and I miss it! I just had horrible trauma and pain :( your ex most likely has nothing but love and she’s just scared and traumatized
Damn, i really needed this. I‘ve been feeling lots of these things in my current relationship and I was wondering what the hell was going on inside of me, because there wasn‘t any „reason“. Especially the part about the relationship evolving and the withdrawing. wow
I am succhhhhhhh an overthinker and I find that I do it a lot at work and in reference to my new relationship. I was in a really toxic relationship for over 11 years and now that I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, my mind really tries to pick it apart, which in turn leads to doubts that have no warrant. My Mom suggested I focus on something that's "easy" to think about instead. For instance, she will visualize going to a familiar place (a store in her town she knows every isle to) and it helps her. For me, I picked the first time I hung out with my significant other after not seeing him for years. It was just an easy, fun filled day. We fished, laughed and bonded and this technique REALLY helps me. Hope it helps some of you guys too!
You called me out within the first few minutes. So true. I’ve literally been like “maybe I should break up with him” simply over things I’ve thought about from anxious overthinking. My brain is my worst enemy
I do all of this and more; know I do it, and continue to, while hating myself for it afterwards. I wish you would do a video on how to heal one's inner wounds.
I am shaking while watching this. From start to finish you are NAILING me! I am so thankful I stumbled across this today. I am desperately trying to heal myself so I stop self sabotaging. Thank you! 💗
Very nice explanation about fear versus intuition. I always had doubt whether I was feeling intuition or fear and I was mostly confused about my next action to that situation. When I stand near to a Toxic person I feel all my energy drained out and something inside warns me to take a step back. That's my intuition speaking and I always obey that. And Fear is a natural thing which comes from our own over thinking which stunts our growth. So Intuition is a knowing deep inside and Fear is a result of a thinking. Now my doubts got cleared by you. Thanks alot Stephanie🌷
WOW! This is exactly what I am dealing with. I thank you so much for this video! Just wish I came across your video before I let my self sabotaging destroy a good relationship
Thank you for this video. I'm starting to feel happy in my first healthy relationship, and I had processing dreams all night last night. I needed this reminder against self-sabotage. So, thank you!
Woooow!! I am an empath...I can't begin to explain how much good I feel when I listen to you....you are a breath of fresh air....thank you... I am also an over thinker,I can't tell how many times I have sabotaged myself...but I have learned so much from you.i will play all your videos...I know I will learnt alot
I've always had a rough relationship with food and my body. The thing that really helped me was Forwago. Now I workout three times a week, and I started to eat much healthier. And the best thing about it is that I don't hate doing it but actually enjoy it.
Love this and so true. In my 50s now and my sister and I both did this with relationships in younger years. I see my daughter doing it now and ao I shared with her. 🤞🏼Hoping she really listens and takes action for self healing before she totally pushes her wonderful bf away.
how are you so good in every topic you talk about! you are truly gifted! I watch your videos over and over again and I always get so much out of it. when ever im going through something I go back to certain videos that help me to cope with that specific thing im dealing with. I even recommended your videos to my therapist and told her how amazing you are! lots of love
Yes this was me after i finally got bk with this man after 4 plus apart ..all kind of fears pop up ..picking fights ..or i haven't heard from everyday ..my brain wonders negatively ..i needed this message thank u
Oh my gosh! You have no idea how much these videos have been helping me! My girlfriend introduced me to your vids and I swear they are the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I was all of these things, and I never seen it! I was an emotional abuser! But now that I see what I was and still am I am working hard now to make changes based on the knowledge from your videos! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge this way, I would’ve never known and I definitely would’ve sabotaged my relationship! Once again thank you so much!!
Probably the most accurate and helpful video I've seen in helping me with my relationship issues. I'm learning so much about myself, Thank you Stephanie. I'm enjoying all your videos.
Thank you so so so much for this video! My fear of abandonment and anxiety/overthinking has taken control over my thoughts and emotions for too long!! It is time to fight back!
Thank you so much Stephanie for this video, it was really what I needed. It's been so great to read other people's comments and realize I am not alone in self-sabotaging. After years of being in emotionally abusive relationships and with a fear of abandonment I have finally met an amazing guy and I have realised that I am starting to do the exact behaviour you explained due to fear of abandonment. I don't want to lose him, so it has made me realise the work I need to do on myself. Thanks again x
Thank you so much for your insight. Listening to everything you've explained, while also reflecting on the feelings and behaviors I've had lately, I can really start to understand what's been going on with me. I've been in a relationship for three years with a very special woman, but its been a struggle. I realize now it's been more than just anxiety and insecurities. It's been many fears that I've been battling for a long time that have caused my constant overthinking and scenario planning. I want to have a healthy relationship and I know it starts with me. Its time to choose inner peace and remain decisive!
Thank you for this! I have been struggling with self love and it’s ruined a lot of relationships in my life. Self love, honesty and respect is something I need to be working on daily. Your videos make me realize so much about myself and where I am wrong!
Very good. I forgot all about how much overthinking can affect my stress level and skew my perception. Very good. Thank you for reminding me of that ugly monster that clogs my reason. Really good presentation
I love this ..Im actually in a relationship and I think I am sabotaging it...excatly what you said..and I think I know what I want ..however fear is taking over..my partner keeps telling me not to over think..Im tginking he hasn't gone thru what I went thru so ..he doesn't really understand what I'm feeling...I love him so much just the thought of loosing him kills me
I’m so glad I found this. Just today I had a moment where I couldn’t distinguish fear and intuition about my new relationship. To the point where I start to play out images in my head. This is something I’ve always done and this video helped affirm that. A good step in the right direction for me. Thank you 🙏🏽
I met the loveliest woman this year... she's more than I could ever have imagined in a partner and I want to be a partner that she deserves. I've watched a lot of videos on this topic and this is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you sincerely 🙏🏽❤
This helps put things into perspective. I’ve ALWAYS found a way to self sabotage due to overwhelming anxiety. But I can’t this time. Me and this woman felt something when we were kids for each other but neither had the confidence or esteem to pursue it. We did things so it was clear we felt strong about each other. 20 plus years later, we decide to “catch up” on New Year’s Eve and she decides she’s ready to see me again later that night. We go to the beach the next day (new year’s day) and she stops the personal life talk and just goes for it and pours her heart out (our second chance). I’m hesitant because I know about my relationship anxiety annnnnnd I’m about to start nursing school in a couple of weeks (at that point 😓). But there is no doubt that I still feel the same way about her I did all those years ago so I know I can’t ignore this. Turns out the anxiety is still a major issue, but this time I CAN’T run because I love this woman more than I want to escape the anxiety and our compatibility is so on point is scary to me. It’s like we were tailor made for each other! (That once in a life time type of thing). But through it all I also have to somehow stay focused to get through nursing school successfully! 😓. So I find myself watching these videos to get an understanding of what’s going on and they are helping A LOT! Guess a littler perspective and understanding of what’s going on to allow give me self awareness goes a long way. 🙌🏽
This is my life right now. I recognize multiple issues that me and my ex had. We broke up but are talking again. I wish I would've watched this 3 weeks ago. Better late than never. I had a little more understanding now.
Wow…..I’m dating someone right now and because of my childhood trauma and yes I’m seeking therapy, it scares me. He told me he wants too see me happy and he always says he’s not going anywhere from me. Just to listen to this, now I see what I’m doing and I can turn my relationship into positive energy. I was adopted at birth so my biological parents didn’t raise me. I was raised in foster care all my life. I definitely have abandonment issues. I definitely have to do something different. I know I can change and I believe I will feel much better once I do it. Thanks for this video.
Hey Stephanie, I just wanted to say that after watching your videos - whilst some things I agree and disagree with, overall you make me feel good, reassured and it helps to reinforce strengths that I don't recognise or acknowledge enough, such as my moral compass and my drive to help others in need (and, in time, hopefully including my own self). Thank you so much - in my opinion, I'd appreciate having more people and personalities like you in this world!
I am 55 years old hand have had a habit of often overthinking and procrastinating. When I first get going into something I am just fine, but I am fearful of choosing the wrong alternative. When I have started I am very dedicated and do not give up easily. I have lost a year or two, here and there, or lost an opportunity now and then. Thank you for explaining why we overthink and how it works.
You’re sooo good for my thoughts and feelings. Simple and straightforward without all the theory, just instruction for getting things DONE!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💕
I came across this video just when I needed it. I was betrayed in my marriage very badly and have since divorced. I met a man 6 months ago and we developed a friendship that tuned into a serious relationship that I love. But I keep doing these things you talked about. I overthink everything. I think of scenarios that aren’t even happening etc etc. I trust this man very much which is hard to do because of the kind of betrayal I experienced in my previous marriage. I work very hard to recognize when I am triggered and try not to project what my ex husband did to me onto my boyfriend.. thinking he is doing or going to do the same. It’s a struggle for me. I almost immediately get a sickening feeling if I hear a female co worker is working on something with him. That is pure fear ! Thanks for the great message and self help steps.
I wish I had this insight 27 years ago...I threw away the person I loved the most because I had convinced myself that one day he would abandon me, and the pain of enduring that was too much to bear. So I left him, thinking if he didn't have the opportunity to hurt me, I wouldn't get hurt. What I didn't understand was that you can't outrun pain like that if you love someone, and that my actions guaranteed the outcome that I was terrified of. This understanding has hit my heart like a mack truck out of nowhere. All these years he thought I didn't love him, and now he's with someone else and will never love me again. And it's all my fault.
Wow I needed this video so much. Im aware of my abandonment issues but until today I thought they always manifested in my fear being left by my boyfriend, but Realizing that the doubts that I have these days, when everything is going amazing with him, also comes from this fear mind-blowing. I never would've thought that these were connected. I will not let it sabotage this incredible relationship that I have. Thank you so much for this video I know now what to do Everytime this unpleasant feeling comes back.
Love and appreciate your channel!! There were many red flags but I do see MY part in the relationship where my wounds sabotaged as well. I think that's why it's hard for me to let my ex go, I've experienced so much amazing inner healing thriugh you and others I wanted him to do so also. I don't know if the narc things he did/does are unconscious or conscious but his level of DENIAL is OFF the Hook!! His wounds run deeper I guess. I don't know this man I was married to for 23 yrs. I barely remember the me I was pre him but I know I was damaged. I know I was much different, kinder, gentler, more accepting of people. He took so much from me, health, wealth, friends, career, just wrecked me. And yet I want him to know the freedom I now know, I AM a believer and I believe that we each can find what we need IF only we seek it. We have to WANT to get off the Merry go round of craziness or remain in the dizziness. I'm off, and with your help I'm NEVER getting back on!! Thank you!!
After talking to 2 therapists and searching answers about my feelongs and behaviour, I couldn't get what was wrong with me. But this video was 100% reflection of how I think and feel... Thank you so much!
I have abandonment issues. Realizing it is amazing, going through the process of healing is terrible but that’s the withdrawal. I know I’ll be okay, I know god has a big message for me and I’m ready for whatever is to come ♥️
Definitely working on this. I now realized Ive self sabotaged potential relationships with some great guys after my first “real heartbreak.” Learning to let myself be loved 🥰
Hi Stephanie, loving your videos. They are helping me a lot on understanding why I am this empath, and codependent. I had one relationship of 13 years with a narcissist, single for 2 years, and I started dating another narcissist. I just don’t know why I keep attracting guys like this. I am independent, great career, but I don’t know how to pick better partners. I think everyone is good as I am, and honest, humble. So hard to understand all that.
That was very helpful! Exactly what I I am doing to myself right now! And I don’t know how anyone can give you a thumbs down when you’re doing an amazing job by helping others. Keep up the good work I enjoy listening to you
Great video!! It's interesting that your childhood ultimately molds your view of yourself. What I get confused with, is using logic to overcome the "fear thoughts." I partially believe that I can't overcome the fear, but I'm glad to know that that's not true! 🙌
(I am a man) I have heard about a weird trick to be content with anything - imagine if it were constantly much worse. For example, think of what it would be like if you both had to live and go to work in a gulag. I play this little game, so I'm super nice to her (thankfully we are fine!) and I get much love back. This could help you get pass bad times. Obviously some people think you can attract the thing you think of, but I don't believe in this and this trick has served me well thus far. Not the best technique, but it can toughen you up.
Wow Steph .......you explain life’s journey so well, clearly and in such a way that enables All those that resonate in a way that allows them to accept and have the understanding they need to be able and want to address any confusion and issues in their lives which is such a skill as you penetrate shut off which is such a rare skill, quality content as per usual thank you , let your subscriptions grow tenfold to match your well delivered subject matter 🙏 and I know it will, well done you 😇 your helping a ton of people 🙏
Just broke up with my boyfriend because of fear *sigh* I think I ruined it with him....I caused him so much pain and headache and all I feel is regret but the only thing I can do is be better for myself and hopefully for the next relationship....
@@pinkymonsterhigh Yes I am better now thank you. I also realized that this person wasn’t emotional mature or available and I didn’t realize that I was never going to get what I knew I deserved from him. I was anxious because I could see that he didn’t have the capacity to be a supportive boyfriend, so I’m glad I left.
I’m creating red flags that aren’t there. I am so traumatized from my past that I don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship so I just bring the toxicity from my past with me. I hate this. Thank you for this video
Girl same
I’m determined to do things differently.
Same. How are you guys now?
YESS
Same I hate it I really hate it it needs to stop
Proud of everyone here trying to heal and learn more about themselves!
Lisa asil I appreciate this comment so much 😢❤️
@@liyahnicole6366 de risa de ropa de r
@@liyahnicole6366 de r
Aw thanks. It's so scary looking inside oneself this way, isn't it. But it must be done.
Thank you 😔
Things we do to self-sabotage the relationship:
1. Over-thinking
2. Imagining fear-based scenarios
3. Failing to differentiate between fear and intuition
4. Failing to resolve unhealed wounds
5. Unessecarily picking fights
6. Nitpicking
7. Picking at your partner's flaws
8. Withdrawing from your partner/relationship
9. Not knowing what you want
I have been forced to look at myself and its scary but defo necessary
Wow thank you so much
I wasn't able to find this video or seek out help and now I've lost him 😢
Covers me!
@@naiko6700 you only lost him if you let yourself lose him. Reach out to him, show him what you've been doing to improve. Maybe he needs help too. The relationship didn't fall apart because of just 1 person. He may have traumas that cause him to act out, just like you do. If you love each other, you have to brave the dark times together. Otherwise, if neither of you learn from this, you're bound to repeat the same behaviors that led you here with another person. Reach out to him. Keep watching this channel. Journal your thoughts. You can become better. For yourself and for him. And he has to do the same for himself and you.
Yes over thinking is the death of relationships
Agreed. Part of the reason why mine fell apart. Dishonesty due to fear of abandonment/ losing my kids with ex husband or losing my bf. I tried to juggle both and dropped both. Fear is a monster. So is overthinking. I should have been able to just set rules for myself, and not overthink the what ifs. What if I stop talking to ex husband and it goes bad and at court he fights to keep kids from me (like from my childhood, my parents fought) etc. I'm working on it. Holy, it's hard.
Definitely needed this!!! I've been over thinking and over analyzing EVERYTHING lately. I'm learning to trust again and it's been hard.
Practice, practice practice and eventually your heart will catch up with your head 😉
I’m going through the same thing and it’s a process. Take things one day at a time.
Agree
How do y’all do it it’s hard. I find myself beating myself down a lot when I feel like I over texted or said something wrong. I just want to stop doing it but it’s like I don’t realize it until after it’s done.
Ooh my! I thought I was alone out here..
I feel like this is a turning point in my life. I've done this in EVERY relationship ive ever had and could never explain it. I finally found "the one" for me and i still do it, but now I know what's going on and I am going to get rid of it... once and for all.
I found the man for me and am doing it too
Me too.
I am in the best relationship of my life with an incredibly loving man. The attraction, the banter, everything is there, but I still find myself nitpicking and letting fear take hold. This video helps so much! Thank you!
Same!
Same
I am such a huge overthinker and I think it comes from emotional neglect. I was often left alone to sort my own feelings out so I coped by exploring as many scenarios as I could. I don't know how to not overthink, so it helps for me to tell a trusted friend and ask them to point out when I'm overthinking. I've been diving deep into attachment theory this year and it feels like every wound is finally coming up to the surface to be healed. I really hope that one day soon, I'll finally feel more secure and open to an emotionally available partner.
This is incredibly insightful and eloquently put. Exactly how I've been feeling and thinking but so much better phrased than I could manage at the moment. Thank you for expressing it. Good luck to you my friend in your journey to be more secure and in finding a suitable partner, I hope I get to have the same too some day soon. :)
Wow this is so me and I agree with this so much ! Thank you for just writing this out because I am working on myself as well.
I was emotionally neglected my parents both drank 247 when I was young till I was old and they both died young I'll lived them and I have trouble with my relationships I can't get close to anybody who'll be available for anybody I really don't want to be and I should be and I need help man
Great topic! This is a struggle for many people today. As an empath I tend to overthink a lot.
نلمنجيمثحعتننتمي
عنيته تعغغغععه
Yes I am an empath too and very highly sensitive so I just overthink all the time. Bad habit.
I am literally crying in my office. This described so much of me that I never realized existed. Thank you because now that I know the issue I can work to fix it
I don't believe my overthinking sabotages me I think it actually protects me. I feel joy happiness and peace by myself✌️ 💛😁‼️
"is this someone I can learn about love with?" and "what is this thought, or what are these thoughts protecting me from feeling?"
i needed this. it’s hard to let yourself be happy with things that have proven themselves to be good things, when you’ve been hurt in the past, etc. it’s a process. thank you for this.
This definitely describes whats been going on with me. I'll get the girl, she falls head over heels, and then I find a way to push her away. In my last relationship, I created an environment where she didn't feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me because I displayed behavior that didn't allow her to feel safe expressing her inner most thoughts and she would shut down. Although I loved her, I didn't put those feelings on full display the way that I should've. I was afraid of getting real close and over time it pushed her out the door
Yes I have associated relationships with pain. I nitpick and pick fights a lot. I notice I do it when the relationship progresses, and the relationship falls apart.
Me too
If something doesnt make sense, I will overthink it UNTIL it makes sense.
And usually it will put the pieces together.
I'm in tears. I see my fears and overthinking. Your videos helped me leave a narcissist. Now I've met someone who I feel so good with...but I'm scared and overthinking. I don't want to push away a good thing. You are helping me so much. You're helping me see how I sabotage. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're changing the world ♥️
You literally saved my relationship and saved me thank you so much
I hope this for myself! I needed this channel
You just cleared up the difference between fear and intuition so perfectly for me. I used to have such clear intuition, and then all of the pain I've experienced got jumbled up in it, and it's been heartbreaking and confusing and lonely not knowing which is which. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.
That is where I am
I fell into this trap and ended up pushing my partner away. I’ve recognized these issues and am actively working to live a life of trust and grace which has helped my anxiety a lot. I just hope we can have another chance to really let our relationship play out without these barriers.
*People come and go, even families are often toxic. Everyone disappoints everyone on some level, in a point. There's always me and my spirit that gets myself back on track. I can't say I'm happy but I know I can survive no matter who hurts my emotions. And that is SOMETHING!*
This sounds like exactly what I am doing right now in my current relationship. Sometimes I feel so out of control.
Awesome that you recognize it, you're half way there to fixing the problem when you see it and admit it.
It's absolutely insane that you're talking about this this week! ... Thank you a million times.
I fall into the fearful avoidant attachment and I just met an amazing man but im terrify and he kinda notice how I was trying to sabotage everything, and I don't know how to stop panicking when he is not around bc im afraid that any second he will break up with me.
Alessandra Thiele OMG this is horrible and I completely can relate. I hope it got better and you were able to relax 💕
Alessandra Thiele how did it work out ?
Me too. Mine notices and we talked about it. Its been helpful that he can talk me thru it.
I’m literally in tears I’ve been doing this for the past year! I want to get better so we decided to put things on pause to become more secure with ourselves. I can’t imagine my life without him but I’m so scared of committing out of fear of something going wrong. This really helped me identify a lot of my behaviors that I couldn’t quite explain
I got married and ( was in the safest stable relationship in my life) and did this the first 3 years of our marriage. This is incredibly real.
I love how you differentiated fear based thoughts vs intuition.
So grateful I found your channel. I was married to Narcissist for 5 years separated for 3 years before the divorce was final 8 years total. This channel is amazing and totally inspires me to want to help others see what is going on in their relationships too. Thank you so much for your time.
Personal experience is the best teacher!
So right
Whittney Barker, you deserve better
Self love is important and ingore him back
Yep, self love is the foundation for every other love!
I keep watching this video to remind myself to stop sabotaging relationships and i realized that this video was posted on my birthday, wow God sent
Oh my goodness. I feel like you just summed up in 15 mins what I've tried to understand about myself over decades. I feel like I owe you a lifetime of gratitude for this information!
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Codependency and needing approval was on the nail for me. Thank you
Absolutely went through this with someone I truly unconditionally loved. From what felt like nowhere, she would self sabotage and overthink and rely on incorrect intuition in what was a beautiful relationship. She would fear scenarios which would not happen, which would lead to her stonewalling me which then actually lead to me to become distressed and desperate for an ounce of affection or emotion in return. Ended in a pathetic row. Broke my heart :(
I'm sorry :,(
Sounds just like my story
So sad. So many of us have been hurt, we can get triggered by certain behaviors and relate them to the behaviors of a person that hurt us in the past. It sucks.
This sounds like how my ex would speak about me.. I'm so sad I was late to seek out help 😢 he and I had such a beautiful thing together but I was struggling so much within myself and didn't know how to reach out for help
I am the same as your ex. I promise you she loves you more than you know; many of us have been deeply abused and traumatized and it affects us so much yet we still desire to experience true love. My last partner spoiled me and took care of me and I miss it! I just had horrible trauma and pain :( your ex most likely has nothing but love and she’s just scared and traumatized
Damn, i really needed this. I‘ve been feeling lots of these things in my current relationship and I was wondering what the hell was going on inside of me, because there wasn‘t any „reason“. Especially the part about the relationship evolving and the withdrawing. wow
It's always amazing when we get to find out more about our won behavior. Now you get to work on that. 🙏
I am succhhhhhhh an overthinker and I find that I do it a lot at work and in reference to my new relationship. I was in a really toxic relationship for over 11 years and now that I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, my mind really tries to pick it apart, which in turn leads to doubts that have no warrant.
My Mom suggested I focus on something that's "easy" to think about instead. For instance, she will visualize going to a familiar place (a store in her town she knows every isle to) and it helps her. For me, I picked the first time I hung out with my significant other after not seeing him for years. It was just an easy, fun filled day. We fished, laughed and bonded and this technique REALLY helps me. Hope it helps some of you guys too!
You called me out within the first few minutes. So true. I’ve literally been like “maybe I should break up with him” simply over things I’ve thought about from anxious overthinking. My brain is my worst enemy
I am an overthinker. Your knowledge and ability to identify my vulnerability amazes me.
I do all of this and more; know I do it, and continue to, while hating myself for it afterwards. I wish you would do a video on how to heal one's inner wounds.
Yes!!!!
samw
I am shaking while watching this. From start to finish you are NAILING me! I am so thankful I stumbled across this today. I am desperately trying to heal myself so I stop self sabotaging. Thank you! 💗
Very nice explanation about fear versus intuition. I always had doubt whether I was feeling intuition or fear and I was mostly confused about my next action to that situation. When I stand near to a Toxic person I feel all my energy drained out and something inside warns me to take a step back. That's my intuition speaking and I always obey that. And Fear is a natural thing which comes from our own over thinking which stunts our growth. So Intuition is a knowing deep inside and Fear is a result of a thinking. Now my doubts got cleared by you. Thanks alot Stephanie🌷
Thank you for spending your time helping thousands of pplz you are truly a blessing.
So positive! Such a necessary message for people who want to move beyond the belief that all relationships and marriages are toxic or bad!!
WOW! This is exactly what I am dealing with. I thank you so much for this video!
Just wish I came across your video before I let my self sabotaging destroy a good relationship
Thank you for this video. I'm starting to feel happy in my first healthy relationship, and I had processing dreams all night last night. I needed this reminder against self-sabotage. So, thank you!
Woooow!! I am an empath...I can't begin to explain how much good I feel when I listen to you....you are a breath of fresh air....thank you...
I am also an over thinker,I can't tell how many times I have sabotaged myself...but I have learned so much from you.i will play all your videos...I know I will learnt alot
I've always had a rough relationship with food and my body. The thing that really helped me was Forwago. Now I workout three times a week, and I started to eat much healthier. And the best thing about it is that I don't hate doing it but actually enjoy it.
Love this and so true. In my 50s now and my sister and I both did this with relationships in younger years. I see my daughter doing it now and ao I shared with her. 🤞🏼Hoping she really listens and takes action for self healing before she totally pushes her wonderful bf away.
how are you so good in every topic you talk about! you are truly gifted! I watch your videos over and over again and I always get so much out of it. when ever im going through something I go back to certain videos that help me to cope with that specific thing im dealing with. I even recommended your videos to my therapist and told her how amazing you are! lots of love
Yes this was me after i finally got bk with this man after 4 plus apart ..all kind of fears pop up ..picking fights ..or i haven't heard from everyday ..my brain wonders negatively ..i needed this message thank u
It's so sad but recently it happened to me. I was so afraid, and I'm regretting it
Helpful for me!!!!
Oh my gosh! You have no idea how much these videos have been helping me! My girlfriend introduced me to your vids and I swear they are the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I was all of these things, and I never seen it! I was an emotional abuser! But now that I see what I was and still am I am working hard now to make changes based on the knowledge from your videos! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge this way, I would’ve never known and I definitely would’ve sabotaged my relationship! Once again thank you so much!!
Probably the most accurate and helpful video I've seen in helping me with my relationship issues. I'm learning so much about myself, Thank you Stephanie. I'm enjoying all your videos.
Thank you so so so much for this video! My fear of abandonment and anxiety/overthinking has taken control over my thoughts and emotions for too long!! It is time to fight back!
I’ve honestly never found such a video that I’ve related to. Thank you so much for making me understand myself and what I’m going through.
Thank you so much Stephanie for this video, it was really what I needed. It's been so great to read other people's comments and realize I am not alone in self-sabotaging. After years of being in emotionally abusive relationships and with a fear of abandonment I have finally met an amazing guy and I have realised that I am starting to do the exact behaviour you explained due to fear of abandonment. I don't want to lose him, so it has made me realise the work I need to do on myself. Thanks again x
This is really helpful. The separation of fear and intuition is important.
Thank you so much for your insight. Listening to everything you've explained, while also reflecting on the feelings and behaviors I've had lately, I can really start to understand what's been going on with me. I've been in a relationship for three years with a very special woman, but its been a struggle. I realize now it's been more than just anxiety and insecurities. It's been many fears that I've been battling for a long time that have caused my constant overthinking and scenario planning. I want to have a healthy relationship and I know it starts with me. Its time to choose inner peace and remain decisive!
I can’t even begin to explain how much this resonated with me. I NEEDED to hear this! Thank you for that!
Thank you for this! I have been struggling with self love and it’s ruined a lot of relationships in my life. Self love, honesty and respect is something I need to be working on daily. Your videos make me realize so much about myself and where I am wrong!
I watch this video every few weeks. I’ll get into a rut and watch this and be reminded to just make my brain chill lol. Super thankful.
As a therapist, I must say you are spitting nothing but facts. Love this
Very good. I forgot all about how much overthinking can affect my stress level and skew my perception. Very good. Thank you for reminding me of that ugly monster that clogs my reason. Really good presentation
I love this ..Im actually in a relationship and I think I am sabotaging it...excatly what you said..and I think I know what I want ..however fear is taking over..my partner keeps telling me not to over think..Im tginking he hasn't gone thru what I went thru so ..he doesn't really understand what I'm feeling...I love him so much just the thought of loosing him kills me
I’m so glad I found this. Just today I had a moment where I couldn’t distinguish fear and intuition about my new relationship. To the point where I start to play out images in my head. This is something I’ve always done and this video helped affirm that. A good step in the right direction for me. Thank you 🙏🏽
Whoa Whoa Whoa. This video is beyond spot on. Recently ruined my relationship due to this. Praying one day it will all work our as I feel so bad ❤️
Your makeup is ALWAYS so fresh and perfect!
I met the loveliest woman this year... she's more than I could ever have imagined in a partner and I want to be a partner that she deserves. I've watched a lot of videos on this topic and this is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you sincerely 🙏🏽❤
This helps put things into perspective. I’ve ALWAYS found a way to self sabotage due to overwhelming anxiety. But I can’t this time. Me and this woman felt something when we were kids for each other but neither had the confidence or esteem to pursue it. We did things so it was clear we felt strong about each other. 20 plus years later, we decide to “catch up” on New Year’s Eve and she decides she’s ready to see me again later that night. We go to the beach the next day (new year’s day) and she stops the personal life talk and just goes for it and pours her heart out (our second chance).
I’m hesitant because I know about my relationship anxiety annnnnnd I’m about to start nursing school in a couple of weeks (at that point 😓). But there is no doubt that I still feel the same way about her I did all those years ago so I know I can’t ignore this.
Turns out the anxiety is still a major issue, but this time I CAN’T run because I love this woman more than I want to escape the anxiety and our compatibility is so on point is scary to me. It’s like we were tailor made for each other! (That once in a life time type of thing). But through it all I also have to somehow stay focused to get through nursing school successfully! 😓. So I find myself watching these videos to get an understanding of what’s going on and they are helping A LOT! Guess a littler perspective and understanding of what’s going on to allow give me self awareness goes a long way. 🙌🏽
This was nice. I hope yall found a way to make it work!!!
Your videos have saved my relationships and life! Thank you so much, i wish i could tell you this in person and hug you. Thank you thank you Stephanie
I didn't know I needed this until her Dad called to give me some tips on insecurities.. I cant thank you enough for this.
Two wounds fighting each other. Amazing metaphor! I'm loving your channel. Thank you so much!
Thank you!!! This is such an informative video--the overthinking self-sabatoge rings true for me!
Right! Thank God now you know what to avoid
This is my life right now. I recognize multiple issues that me and my ex had. We broke up but are talking again. I wish I would've watched this 3 weeks ago. Better late than never. I had a little more understanding now.
Wow…..I’m dating someone right now and because of my childhood trauma and yes I’m seeking therapy, it scares me. He told me he wants too see me happy and he always says he’s not going anywhere from me. Just to listen to this, now I see what I’m doing and I can turn my relationship into positive energy. I was adopted at birth so my biological parents didn’t raise me. I was raised in foster care all my life. I definitely have abandonment issues. I definitely have to do something different. I know I can change and I believe I will feel much better once I do it. Thanks for this video.
Hey Stephanie, I just wanted to say that after watching your videos - whilst some things I agree and disagree with, overall you make me feel good, reassured and it helps to reinforce strengths that I don't recognise or acknowledge enough, such as my moral compass and my drive to help others in need (and, in time, hopefully including my own self). Thank you so much - in my opinion, I'd appreciate having more people and personalities like you in this world!
7:28 - 7:3 So in this scenario with the story playing in the background that keeps you from fully committing, an example of intuition or fear.
O to the M to the G...It is so true, I sabotage my present happiness from my freaking overthinking! Man betrayal trauma really sucks.
I am 55 years old hand have had a habit of often overthinking and procrastinating. When I first get going into something I am just fine, but I am fearful of choosing the wrong alternative. When I have started I am very dedicated and do not give up easily. I have lost a year or two, here and there, or lost an opportunity now and then. Thank you for explaining why we overthink and how it works.
This was the most helpful video I have ever watched.
You’re sooo good for my thoughts and feelings. Simple and straightforward without all the theory, just instruction for getting things DONE!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💕
Literally me. Over thinker, almost ruined a relationship of mine.... but I won’t. I’m learning and healing.
I came across this video just when I needed it. I was betrayed in my marriage very badly and have since divorced. I met a man 6 months ago and we developed a friendship that tuned into a serious relationship that I love. But I keep doing these things you talked about. I overthink everything. I think of scenarios that aren’t even happening etc etc. I trust this man very much which is hard to do because of the kind of betrayal I experienced in my previous marriage. I work very hard to recognize when I am triggered and try not to project what my ex husband did to me onto my boyfriend.. thinking he is doing or going to do the same. It’s a struggle for me. I almost immediately get a sickening feeling if I hear a female co worker is working on something with him. That is pure fear ! Thanks for the great message and self help steps.
This was such a great video and I amazed just how quickly you've grown. It definitely speaks to the value of the content you put out. Amazing!!!
Thank you!
I wish I had this insight 27 years ago...I threw away the person I loved the most because I had convinced myself that one day he would abandon me, and the pain of enduring that was too much to bear. So I left him, thinking if he didn't have the opportunity to hurt me, I wouldn't get hurt. What I didn't understand was that you can't outrun pain like that if you love someone, and that my actions guaranteed the outcome that I was terrified of. This understanding has hit my heart like a mack truck out of nowhere. All these years he thought I didn't love him, and now he's with someone else and will never love me again. And it's all my fault.
Aww Shannon I can really relate to this alot! I hope you find some peace ❤️❤️❤️
Wow I needed this video so much. Im aware of my abandonment issues but until today I thought they always manifested in my fear being left by my boyfriend, but Realizing that the doubts that I have these days, when everything is going amazing with him, also comes from this fear mind-blowing. I never would've thought that these were connected. I will not let it sabotage this incredible relationship that I have. Thank you so much for this video I know now what to do Everytime this unpleasant feeling comes back.
Thank you, Ms Lyn to share all with us!
Love and appreciate your channel!! There were many red flags but I do see MY part in the relationship where my wounds sabotaged as well. I think that's why it's hard for me to let my ex go, I've experienced so much amazing inner healing thriugh you and others I wanted him to do so also. I don't know if the narc things he did/does are unconscious or conscious but his level of DENIAL is OFF the Hook!! His wounds run deeper I guess. I don't know this man I was married to for 23 yrs. I barely remember the me I was pre him but I know I was damaged. I know I was much different, kinder, gentler, more accepting of people. He took so much from me, health, wealth, friends, career, just wrecked me. And yet I want him to know the freedom I now know, I AM a believer and I believe that we each can find what we need IF only we seek it. We have to WANT to get off the Merry go round of craziness or remain in the dizziness. I'm off, and with your help I'm NEVER getting back on!! Thank you!!
After talking to 2 therapists and searching answers about my feelongs and behaviour, I couldn't get what was wrong with me. But this video was 100% reflection of how I think and feel... Thank you so much!
I’m watching this because my relationship isn’t the best right now because I keep assuming stuff and breaking my own heart but you are so gorgeous omg
I have abandonment issues. Realizing it is amazing, going through the process of healing is terrible but that’s the withdrawal. I know I’ll be okay, I know god has a big message for me and I’m ready for whatever is to come ♥️
Very helpful and insightful. I find myself sabotaging every relationship I get in and now I understand why. Thank you!❤️
Today is a day to stay healthy!!
Definitely working on this. I now realized Ive self sabotaged potential relationships with some great guys after my first “real heartbreak.” Learning to let myself be loved 🥰
LOVE THE HAPPY 😊
Hi Stephanie, loving your videos. They are helping me a lot on understanding why I am this empath, and codependent. I had one relationship of 13 years with a narcissist, single for 2 years, and I started dating another narcissist. I just don’t know why I keep attracting guys like this. I am independent, great career, but I don’t know how to pick better partners. I think everyone is good as I am, and honest, humble. So hard to understand all that.
Mah Martins this is me 😞😢
This was so relevant. I’m crying so much. Thank you for this. I’m trying so hard to stop.
That was very helpful! Exactly what I I am doing to myself right now! And I don’t know how anyone can give you a thumbs down when you’re doing an amazing job by helping others. Keep up the good work I enjoy listening to you
Great video!!
It's interesting that your childhood ultimately molds your view of yourself.
What I get confused with, is using logic to overcome the "fear thoughts." I partially believe that I can't overcome the fear, but I'm glad to know that that's not true! 🙌
I overthink but it leads to what is really going on. And that way I protect myself
(I am a man)
I have heard about a weird trick to be content with anything - imagine if it were constantly much worse. For example, think of what it would be like if you both had to live and go to work in a gulag. I play this little game, so I'm super nice to her (thankfully we are fine!) and I get much love back. This could help you get pass bad times. Obviously some people think you can attract the thing you think of, but I don't believe in this and this trick has served me well thus far. Not the best technique, but it can toughen you up.
Wow Steph .......you explain life’s journey so well, clearly and in such a way that enables All those that resonate in a way that allows them to accept and have the understanding they need to be able and want to address any confusion and issues in their lives which is such a skill as you penetrate shut off which is such a rare skill, quality content as per usual thank you , let your subscriptions grow tenfold to match your well delivered subject matter 🙏 and I know it will, well done you 😇 your helping a ton of people 🙏
Just broke up with my boyfriend because of fear *sigh* I think I ruined it with him....I caused him so much pain and headache and all I feel is regret but the only thing I can do is be better for myself and hopefully for the next relationship....
Hope you're doing good now! Self love is the best love :)
@@pinkymonsterhigh Yes I am better now thank you. I also realized that this person wasn’t emotional mature or available and I didn’t realize that I was never going to get what I knew I deserved from him. I was anxious because I could see that he didn’t have the capacity to be a supportive boyfriend, so I’m glad I left.